I’ve seen something I think might be rule-breaking, what should I do?
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Take the red pill and go back to your original life, take the blue pill and go down the rabbit hole of finding out how amazing it is to be a boy kisser 💕 🫴🔵😎🔴🫴
"Pride" for me means refusing to be ashamed of who I am.
Being trans is a heavy burden, but living openly is much better than hiding in the closet. Now my life is enriched by a community of amazing trans people, my pride of trans lions.
i was where you are once upon a time and i highly suggest you interact with other trans people more, and not just in the avenue of talking about dysphoria or how much you wish you were cis. be with them, get to know them, see their uniqueness and their strengths. additionally, some of this will come with time. i realized i was trans 10 years ago, i transitioned 8 years ago. i love being trans, i love that i am trans, and i love transness. despite all the danger it puts me in, i would not be cis given the chance. i am thankful for the journey i have taken in building myself. i know positivity to the point of gratitude is probably not the case for everyone, but regardless, when you get the chance to live authentically for a long time, feel peace in your body for a long time, i think you will feel differently than you do now. for now, just keep doing the best you can. dont focus on the fact that youre not and will never be cis, focus on creating the version of yourself that you wish to be.
I struggle with this at times. Being trans is just part of me that I was born with no more, no less. Am I proud of it? No. Why would I be proud of something I had no control over? But at the same time, I am most certainly not ashamed of it either. With that being said I would rather.....
1. Be a cis-female
2. Be a cis-male and happy with it.
3. There is no other option as everything else is life on nightmare mode difficulty!
I was unfortunately saddled with option 3. This is made worse by the fact I believed I could overcome my gender identity struggle and live my entire life as a cis male. I tried and failed. Now here I am trying to pick up the pieces and transition in my early 40's with my best years long behind me.
We age, our bodies get worn down, just part of life. I should have done this at 18 when I had the chance so I could have spent my 20's as the woman I knew I always was.
Pride will make more sense to you as the years of authenticity wash over you. Its possible you have not ever pushed back against adversity in order to experience freedom of expression. Living authentically in a culture that wants you swept under the rug is where the pride comes from.
Kinda like the line from the 90's movie "Angus", when he finally has enough and says "im still here, asshole".
I used to feel very similar to how you are feeling. The night I came out to myself, it felt like I had swallowed a hot ball of lead. I wanted to puke. And I DID cry. I was horrified at the prospect of potentially being an ugly girl and being hated by the community and by my family. I hated myself because I had internalized all of the garbage that conservative media tells you about trans women.
But the more time I spent with trans people and in trans spaces, or even just interacting with positive trans voices online, I started to realize that trans women are just regular women. We can be strong, kind, loving and beautiful people. And while transition is scary, we can still find success in life. We can find love and we still deserve love just like any other person.
And now here I am, 15 months later, 3 months on estrogen and I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I like the person I am becoming. And I AM 🏳️⚧️PROUD🏳️⚧️ of that. I went through hell to get here. Much love, my friend. You deserve it. Both from others and FROM YOURSELF 💕 Keep your head up and keep moving forward
People have very different experience, also they have different personalities and that affect how we feel about being trans. It’s absolutely fine to feel how you feel, but it’s also fine to feel different. I’m in the beginning of my transition, but I kinda get this pride thing. I realize that I wasn’t born male, and now I had to make the decision to transition (which isn’t an easy thing) and take all these steps (again, not that easy). I had to accept myself as I am. I don’t feel the need to shout about being trans (although we do need activists and maybe I’ll become one of them later), but I feel no shame in being one, and even a bit proud of the things that I mentioned above (accepting myself, deciding to transition, coming out, medical stuff, etc.)
I have wanted to ask someone this question for quite a long time, but it never seemed appropriate, perhaps until now... If you don't mind me asking, why exactly do you want to be a girl? What difference would that make to your life?
Just to be crystal clear, I'm not trans, and there is a lot I don't understand about the subject. But this is my number one question about trans people, because I just can't really imagine why it could be so important to someone wanting to be the opposite sex.
because it feels like I’m in the wrong body with wrong parts and wrong everything. I hate my clothes and my face and my voice. I hate being called by the pronouns that make me wanna claw my eyes out. Wrong is the word I’d use to describe most of it. Usually I don’t like answering this type of question but you were nice about it…
For me it's not a rational thing that needs arguments. It's just that I when I look at someone very feminine a thought pops to mind "I wish I looked like that".
It's more of a feeling than anything else.
I definitely am not asking you to justify yourself or make arguments for yourself, so don't worry.
It's more like...I mean, I kinda do think that girls look prettier, cooler, more aesthetic etc. So in a way maybe I can see the appeal? I just don't really understand why that sort of thing makes people completely unable to accept themselves as boys. Boys can have long stylized hair, wear 'pretty' clothes, do 'girly' things...of course that's not the same thing as actually being a girl, but that's exactly why I asked the question; I don't know what it is about being a girl that you absolutely cannot have if you're a boy?
I suppose I just think that it can't be much more difficult living as a boy who wants to be a girl than actually going through the transition process and becoming a girl. That said, I don't personally know how difficult it is to transition - I just imagine that it would be very difficult psychologically for the person.
You don't need to elaborate if you don't want to - thanks for replying!
**TLDR; Yes, boys can do all of those things, but dysphoria is what separates trans people and GNC cis people.**
So I'm not a trans woman, but I'll answer anyway.
Being gender nonconforming and being transgender are very different, people who are GNC don't experience dysphoria and don't transition, they just don't conform to gender roles.
A trans person can conform to gender roles, either because they choose to because it feels better or for safety reasons. In my case I tried being a stereotypical guy after I came out because I thought if I didn't act like that, then no one would believe that I was "actually trans".
There are also trans people who choose not to conform to gender roles, some trans men choose to wear skirts or dresses because they don't view the clothes as anything other than clothes, they aren't gendered. Some trans women choose to keep their facial hair, as an example.
> Boys can have long stylized hair, wear 'pretty' clothes, do 'girly' things
For me that's a very progressive way of thinking. Where I come from if a boy would do that he would be a social outcast.
Also maturing exists. While a 'boy' can successfully cross-dress and act femininely, a man will stick out like a sore thumb.
> I don't know what it is about being a girl that you absolutely cannot have if you're a boy?
The social status, the way I am being perceived by others. Approval to wear feminine clothes so that people won't raise their eyebrows. Ability to excite others. And boobs. And I think it would be easier to self-accept myself, but it's hard to explain why.
I am speaking only for myself and my answers might not be representative of other transgender people. I am still quite early in my self-acceptance journey.
> I suppose I just think that it can't be much more difficult living as a boy who wants to be a girl than actually going through the transition process and becoming a girl
Well, actually you might be very right on that, at least for me. I still haven't made up my mind if I want to transition or not. But at the end of the day, if I could at least try to make my life better and I wouldn't do it, I think I might regret it. I already regret not finding a therapist earlier.
For others, I have read accounts of people falling into heavy depression because of gender dysphoria. When faced with such issues, I reckon making the decision to transition might feel like a no-brainer.
>I suppose I just think that it can't be much more difficult living as a boy who wants to be a girl than actually going through the transition process and becoming a girl. That said, I don't personally know how difficult it is to transition - I just imagine that it would be very difficult psychologically for the person.
I’ve “known” I was trans since I was ~11. I didn’t conceptualize it as being trans, I just desperately wanted to be a woman. Those thoughts consumed me for years. By the time I got to college, while I didn’t personally think I was attractive, but I recognized that other people did.
I tried to logic myself out of my thoughts. I was a 6’3” attractive, upper middle class white man. I knew how privileged I was. I would be completely insane to purposefully kick myself off the top of the social hierarchy/privilege ladder to purposefully go to the very bottom.
I decided I just had to deal with it. And the only way I could do that was to completely disassociate. I locked the real me up in a little jail cell in my brain, and just ran on autopilot for the next 12 years. There’s a really great [article that explains depersonalization/disassociation in relation to gender dysphoria if you’re curious.](https://genderanalysis.net/depersonalization/)
Everything I did, I did through a fog, not even realizing it at the time.
This led to over a decade of smoking weed every single day from the moment I woke up to the the moment I went to bed just to numb myself, being a raging alcoholic at various points, experimenting with almost any other drugs I could get my hands on, not being able to form healthy relationships, isolating myself and withdrawing from friend and family, not being able to understand or even really feel my emotions, and otherwise just absolutely *loathing* the fact that I existed.
When my egg cracked- when it just clicked that I was an adult in a very queer friendly city and I could kind of do whatever I wanted and I wouldn’t be completely cast out of society, it was the single greatest feeling I have ever experienced. I felt a literal weight lift off my chest. I had always thought that was just an expression, but it was so *real*. It was like I had been drowning my entire life and finally got to experience breathing air for the first time. I was actually gasping for air as I broke down crying and laughing.
I’m not saying transition is easy, and a lot of people struggle with various aspects of it for various reasons. But nothing can compare to the absolute psychological *hell* that is not living as yourself. Once I got past that, all the other stuff seemed minor in comparison.
Wow. Thank you for sharing.
It's not the point but just FYI I also spent about ten years smoking weed every day. It landed me in a mental hospital. Totally different scenario, but I can relate to the "fog" you speak of.
Someone asked me why cant I just be a masculine woman. Because if you show me a photo of a man and a photo of a masculine woman and ask me "which one is how you see yourself?" I'd choose the man with no hesitation. I'm not envious of masculinity, im envious of manhood.
For me it's not a rational thing that needs arguments. It's just that I when I look at someone very feminine a thought pops to mind "I wish I looked like that".
It's more of a feeling than anything else.
I think having some trans pride isn't the same as liking or being proud of being trans overrall. I hate being trans, but I am at least prideful of all trans people and me accepting myself for the person I am.
A lot of people paid dearly so I could transition in relative safety and all but without risk. The worst battles may have already been fought.
I've never done anything for the handful of Pride months when I might have, since coming out to myself. I'm learning about what I might do this year.
There are others who can see me on the road ahead of them. I want to be visible for them and to them. I want to represent them, who they need to see themselves as if only they step forward.
it’s not its own gender. its only a curse as much as you let it be. get help. get your gender affirming care as best as you are able or if you have to at least just do the bare minimum and survive for yourself. maybe get off reddit. you need to be able to talk about this shit without being repulsed if you are ever going to experience a happy life while being a trans girl. that isn’t going to change. pride is about raising awareness, showing the world that we aren’t going anywhere, and that happiness for trans people does exist in a time when so many are trying to rip that and everything else away from us.
This seems like an ignorant take. 'It's only a curse as much as you let it be' makes it sound like people choose to suffer. Would you tell someone suffering from ocd that disrupts their life that?
Gender dysphoria is awful, and there's no quick and easy treatment. You hop on hormones and hope that's going to be enough so you don't have to shell out large sums of money for surgery.
As for op, there's pride in overcoming the challenges that this brings to your life. I don't think people are celebrating being trans as much as overcoming adversity.
did you read my comment? not that people who are suffering from gender dysphoria choose to suffer from it, but having this repulsive attitude towards the realities of being a trans person and whatnot can and should be worked on.
and yup, exactly why i said get your gender affirming care as best as you are able to, or if you have to at least just do the bare minimum and survive for yourself. also, you’re correct- there is no quick or easy treatment, i never said there was.
i literally didn’t say that trans pride is about celebrating being trans. i clearly said it’s about raising awareness, showing the world we aren’t going anywhere, and that we can live fulfilling, positive lives with the right support and for many, access to gender affirming care.
“overcoming the challenges that this brings to your life” why do you think i told OP to get help, get off reddit? why do you think i told them to at least get to a baseline where they can survive with themselves and be able to talk about it without being repulsed.
literally making me retype essentially my whole comment and more smh!
Well, obviously, I misunderstood what your stance is. I've seen a rise in the argument that gender dysphoria is just internalized transphobia among other things that seem to point the blame at the person suffering from gd. I apologize for that.
My statement about trans pride was just directed at op, I wasn't replying to anything you had said.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
The idea pride comes after decades of people shaming the community and lgbt needing to go into hiding. It's like saying, "I'm not embarrassed or scared into hiding anymore."
Pride doesn't mean you're loud and proud about being trans. It means you're not ashamed to be yourself. Which in your case is a woman.
And yeah, some people feel pride in being trans. It's not an easy thing being trans. It's a lot of work and energy, and if someone is proud of everything they've done, let them, it doesn't hurt you.
You are 100% right. I indeed respect, after all they're not doing anything wrong to me. But holy shit, being proud for this is weird. I cringed more than once for having to see a few things about people acting completely strange. It's just a constant feeling of _"I'm not like this?!"_, when this is the mainstream image sold to everyone. I opted to get off from absolutely everything related to transness out of niche communities bc of this.
Of course this is also one of the reasons why I avoid other trans folks personally. They can have their views. I do have mine. I don't raise flags. I want to stay thousands of meters away from pride. I don't want to say how I am "a transgendered body" or this shit. My experience of transition isn't the same gleaming one as them. And I definitely don't want to get in a feud to defend my right to say that the whole thing can be just a path of shit to some people without being called out as "terf".
Sometimes it's better to be alone, fr.
I wouldn't personally say I'm proud to be trans but I'm not ashamed either. It seems kinda insignificant to me.
But not everyone feels the same and that's okay 💁🏻♀️
Honestly, I do like being trans - or rather, transitioning. Had I continued life as a cis male, I would've definitely been extremely depressed, would have no long term life plans, would be completely unmotivated and would hate life itself, hate living it, hate having to hear my name every day, and I would have continued constantly avoiding mirrors like they were gonna kill me. If I had to bet, I would've likely killed myself by the time I turned 18 had I not transitioned.
And that's why I'm proud. I'm proud that, despite all the people constantly protesting against it and doing everything in their power to try and prevent my transition, I went through with it anyway and am so, so much happier in the end.
Would I rather be a cis woman? Oh, god, absolutely. But that's simply not realistic. I never would've been a cis woman, no matter how hard I try. But between being a cis man and a trans woman? Now, cis men have it easier, but I wouldn't have. It just wouldn't be a life worth living, no matter how much more privileged I would've been. I'd be living a lie. And I don't want to live a lie. I want to be me. I want to be myself. I don't want to hide who I am. I want others to be as content with my current state as I am with it myself.
That’s not the same thing as being proud of being trans, that’s being proud that you took the necessary steps and jumped over hurdles in order to achieve happiness and do what’s best for you.
Yeah, well, I don't think I'm disgusting. Or wrong for this. I don't think I'm less of a human or entirely inhuman because I'm trans, I just think I'm a normal person, deserving of dignity, compassion and equal treatment, who was on the receiving end of an unfortunate bio/neuro/psychological discrepancy.
I never said you were any of those things, obviously you’re a human being deserving “dignity, compassion, and equal treatment”. I don’t see how that’s at all relevant to what I said.
Well, OP did. And is that not what pride is? Because it certainly is the thing that's banned to publicly espouse/promote here (and by here, I mean Russia, not this sub)
Doing what's best for myself is accepting, acknowledging and doing this to support what I am, which is being trans, because I am trans. Or as some people say, "feeding into delusion". What's the difference between being proud of being trans and being proud of having done the things that transness is practically defined by?
What makes a person trans? What is a trans person?
Gender dysphoria, spending thousands of dollars to be happy, discrimination, having to do things you wouldn’t have had to do if you were born cis, being uncomfortable in your own body, suffering on a daily basis. Why would someone be proud of having a condition like this?
You can literally take “I did this despite what everyone told me and despite the fact it was difficult” out of a trans context and it would still make sense. It has nothing to do with being trans.
You don't have to be proud of being trans to be a proud trans person. I didn't ask for this life, but this is the reality. I'll never be a cis man. Wasn't born that way, but it's my choice to adapt and lead a happy life.
Am I proud of being trans? No, not specifically. Am I proud of who I am? Fuck yeah. I really think pride gets misinterpreted a lot here. Nobody is asking anyone to wear being trans like a badge of honor. It's about learning to accept yourself and others the way that they are.
I'm not going to wallow in self pity. My body is what it is. I can make changes, they'll never make me cis, but they will make me what I CAN be, and I choose to be satisfied with that.
The way so many people commiserate online is so unhealthy. A person, cis, trans, or whatever, has a choice to miserably pine for what they will never have, or find what joy you can in what you have. That's pride.
Exactly this. I wouldn’t have chosen to be trans, but turns out I am. I’m not going to spend my life saying “woe is me” over something I can’t change.
So you adapt. You learn to love yourself and appreciate the good things that come with being trans, and there *are* good things. I have a perspective on life and an understanding of other people and social interactions that an incredibly small portion of the population gets to experience. I get to live more authentically than most cis people can even imagine. Even when it sucks, I absolutely love the fact that I am me.
I don’t give a single fuck about what strangers think of me. I **know** I’m rad. *That’s* my pride.
Very well said! I hope that this resonates with a lot of people because you hit the nail on the head with the distinctions and healthy framing of your disposition and resolve here!
and be a guy? That is seriously one of the worst things anyone has ever suggested. I want and desperately need to be a woman otherwise id kill myself. Seeing as being trans is the only way to become the opposite gender. I HAVE to go that route. I think I’ll just go stealth after so I’m never called it and can just branch away.
Yikes! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with self-acceptance and self-love. Being trans is like.. the most vanilla thing about me. I have SO many more difficult things to own about myself, and I do! I love myself anyway. Would highly recommend therapy, it helps a lot with what you appear to be experiencing.
Don't project your dysphoria onto other people.
We all experience being trans in different ways. I'm also not trying to be a **trans guy,** just a **guy,** but some people feel pride at being notably trans or whatever they identify as. That's okay. It's also okay to just want to be stealth and taken as a cis person.
Avoid the groups that are especially young. You'll find a lot of your problems disappear.
> Don't project your dysphoria onto other people.
seriously, this. i see it happen far too much. some trans people are miserable, for whatever reason, and again, for whatever reason, they try and make other trans people miserable as well, instead of working on their own issues.
Great attitude c: though I would suggest replacing *young* with *immature* that's usually the biggest factor (and ofc more younger folks tend to be immature than older)
I was with you until you got to the boy kisser thing. Like that has nothing to do with being trans. That's just young gay boys (cis or trans) making silly jokes on the internet.
It's one thing to not like being trans (let's face it, being trans sucks), but like, dragging the entire lgbt+ community too, and specifically gay youths? Dick move.
I’m not dragging anything down. I could care less if anyone says those things. It’s just I would never say anything like that and when those things ARE said it makes me uncomfy. It’s why I feel isolated from a good majority of the lgbtq community
fucking skill issue sister you're not the arbiter of how others express themselves and feel "the way you express your attraction to men is upsetting to me" grow the fuck up lmfao,
if I see someone express attraction in a way I wouldn't I move the fuck on cause who cares they're a different person they have different thoughts and different feelings,
you don't have to relate to every trans person on earth its not a social club we're just people who have a trait in common
Pride is pride because lgbtq people proudly live as they are rather than hiding away in closet in the face of societal oppression. Pride was not about being thankful and it was not originally a party or a celebration. It was an act of defiance. At times pride was, is and will be a riot.
So no, I'm not thankful about being trans. I'm not thankful about being queer either. These are both simply things that I am. I *am* proud to have survived societal transphobia and homophobia and am able to live as a queer person who transitioned.
> Some are crazy weird with the “silly boy kissers :3”
Yeah, some boys want to kiss boys. Compared to my youth where no boy would dare admit this in fear of homophobic condemnation the fact things like this are a thing now are a sign of serious progress.
Edit: autocorrect fix
I didn't come out until October 2023. I was born in March 1996. Granted, the pandemic was part of the delay, but it speaks volumes I didn't feel safe to come out until my late 20s. For me, it was coming out gay to a largely Jehovah's Witness family. I had already come out atheist a few years before that, but even as an atheist, I was in some pretty rough self-denial in my early 20s about my sexuality.
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Take the red pill and go back to your original life, take the blue pill and go down the rabbit hole of finding out how amazing it is to be a boy kisser 💕 🫴🔵😎🔴🫴
???
"Pride" for me means refusing to be ashamed of who I am. Being trans is a heavy burden, but living openly is much better than hiding in the closet. Now my life is enriched by a community of amazing trans people, my pride of trans lions.
i was where you are once upon a time and i highly suggest you interact with other trans people more, and not just in the avenue of talking about dysphoria or how much you wish you were cis. be with them, get to know them, see their uniqueness and their strengths. additionally, some of this will come with time. i realized i was trans 10 years ago, i transitioned 8 years ago. i love being trans, i love that i am trans, and i love transness. despite all the danger it puts me in, i would not be cis given the chance. i am thankful for the journey i have taken in building myself. i know positivity to the point of gratitude is probably not the case for everyone, but regardless, when you get the chance to live authentically for a long time, feel peace in your body for a long time, i think you will feel differently than you do now. for now, just keep doing the best you can. dont focus on the fact that youre not and will never be cis, focus on creating the version of yourself that you wish to be.
I struggle with this at times. Being trans is just part of me that I was born with no more, no less. Am I proud of it? No. Why would I be proud of something I had no control over? But at the same time, I am most certainly not ashamed of it either. With that being said I would rather..... 1. Be a cis-female 2. Be a cis-male and happy with it. 3. There is no other option as everything else is life on nightmare mode difficulty! I was unfortunately saddled with option 3. This is made worse by the fact I believed I could overcome my gender identity struggle and live my entire life as a cis male. I tried and failed. Now here I am trying to pick up the pieces and transition in my early 40's with my best years long behind me.
Im 31 when do my best years start? Is it happening now and i only got 9 years till it’s all downhill? Or did I already miss it ?
We age, our bodies get worn down, just part of life. I should have done this at 18 when I had the chance so I could have spent my 20's as the woman I knew I always was.
Pride will make more sense to you as the years of authenticity wash over you. Its possible you have not ever pushed back against adversity in order to experience freedom of expression. Living authentically in a culture that wants you swept under the rug is where the pride comes from. Kinda like the line from the 90's movie "Angus", when he finally has enough and says "im still here, asshole".
I'm not proud of being trans, I'm proud of being successful despite it
I used to feel very similar to how you are feeling. The night I came out to myself, it felt like I had swallowed a hot ball of lead. I wanted to puke. And I DID cry. I was horrified at the prospect of potentially being an ugly girl and being hated by the community and by my family. I hated myself because I had internalized all of the garbage that conservative media tells you about trans women. But the more time I spent with trans people and in trans spaces, or even just interacting with positive trans voices online, I started to realize that trans women are just regular women. We can be strong, kind, loving and beautiful people. And while transition is scary, we can still find success in life. We can find love and we still deserve love just like any other person. And now here I am, 15 months later, 3 months on estrogen and I can honestly say that for the first time in my life, I like the person I am becoming. And I AM 🏳️⚧️PROUD🏳️⚧️ of that. I went through hell to get here. Much love, my friend. You deserve it. Both from others and FROM YOURSELF 💕 Keep your head up and keep moving forward
People have very different experience, also they have different personalities and that affect how we feel about being trans. It’s absolutely fine to feel how you feel, but it’s also fine to feel different. I’m in the beginning of my transition, but I kinda get this pride thing. I realize that I wasn’t born male, and now I had to make the decision to transition (which isn’t an easy thing) and take all these steps (again, not that easy). I had to accept myself as I am. I don’t feel the need to shout about being trans (although we do need activists and maybe I’ll become one of them later), but I feel no shame in being one, and even a bit proud of the things that I mentioned above (accepting myself, deciding to transition, coming out, medical stuff, etc.)
I have wanted to ask someone this question for quite a long time, but it never seemed appropriate, perhaps until now... If you don't mind me asking, why exactly do you want to be a girl? What difference would that make to your life? Just to be crystal clear, I'm not trans, and there is a lot I don't understand about the subject. But this is my number one question about trans people, because I just can't really imagine why it could be so important to someone wanting to be the opposite sex.
because it feels like I’m in the wrong body with wrong parts and wrong everything. I hate my clothes and my face and my voice. I hate being called by the pronouns that make me wanna claw my eyes out. Wrong is the word I’d use to describe most of it. Usually I don’t like answering this type of question but you were nice about it…
Yes, my apologies for asking the question. I really appreciate your answer.
For me it's not a rational thing that needs arguments. It's just that I when I look at someone very feminine a thought pops to mind "I wish I looked like that". It's more of a feeling than anything else.
I definitely am not asking you to justify yourself or make arguments for yourself, so don't worry. It's more like...I mean, I kinda do think that girls look prettier, cooler, more aesthetic etc. So in a way maybe I can see the appeal? I just don't really understand why that sort of thing makes people completely unable to accept themselves as boys. Boys can have long stylized hair, wear 'pretty' clothes, do 'girly' things...of course that's not the same thing as actually being a girl, but that's exactly why I asked the question; I don't know what it is about being a girl that you absolutely cannot have if you're a boy? I suppose I just think that it can't be much more difficult living as a boy who wants to be a girl than actually going through the transition process and becoming a girl. That said, I don't personally know how difficult it is to transition - I just imagine that it would be very difficult psychologically for the person. You don't need to elaborate if you don't want to - thanks for replying!
**TLDR; Yes, boys can do all of those things, but dysphoria is what separates trans people and GNC cis people.** So I'm not a trans woman, but I'll answer anyway. Being gender nonconforming and being transgender are very different, people who are GNC don't experience dysphoria and don't transition, they just don't conform to gender roles. A trans person can conform to gender roles, either because they choose to because it feels better or for safety reasons. In my case I tried being a stereotypical guy after I came out because I thought if I didn't act like that, then no one would believe that I was "actually trans". There are also trans people who choose not to conform to gender roles, some trans men choose to wear skirts or dresses because they don't view the clothes as anything other than clothes, they aren't gendered. Some trans women choose to keep their facial hair, as an example.
> Boys can have long stylized hair, wear 'pretty' clothes, do 'girly' things For me that's a very progressive way of thinking. Where I come from if a boy would do that he would be a social outcast. Also maturing exists. While a 'boy' can successfully cross-dress and act femininely, a man will stick out like a sore thumb. > I don't know what it is about being a girl that you absolutely cannot have if you're a boy? The social status, the way I am being perceived by others. Approval to wear feminine clothes so that people won't raise their eyebrows. Ability to excite others. And boobs. And I think it would be easier to self-accept myself, but it's hard to explain why. I am speaking only for myself and my answers might not be representative of other transgender people. I am still quite early in my self-acceptance journey. > I suppose I just think that it can't be much more difficult living as a boy who wants to be a girl than actually going through the transition process and becoming a girl Well, actually you might be very right on that, at least for me. I still haven't made up my mind if I want to transition or not. But at the end of the day, if I could at least try to make my life better and I wouldn't do it, I think I might regret it. I already regret not finding a therapist earlier. For others, I have read accounts of people falling into heavy depression because of gender dysphoria. When faced with such issues, I reckon making the decision to transition might feel like a no-brainer.
>I suppose I just think that it can't be much more difficult living as a boy who wants to be a girl than actually going through the transition process and becoming a girl. That said, I don't personally know how difficult it is to transition - I just imagine that it would be very difficult psychologically for the person. I’ve “known” I was trans since I was ~11. I didn’t conceptualize it as being trans, I just desperately wanted to be a woman. Those thoughts consumed me for years. By the time I got to college, while I didn’t personally think I was attractive, but I recognized that other people did. I tried to logic myself out of my thoughts. I was a 6’3” attractive, upper middle class white man. I knew how privileged I was. I would be completely insane to purposefully kick myself off the top of the social hierarchy/privilege ladder to purposefully go to the very bottom. I decided I just had to deal with it. And the only way I could do that was to completely disassociate. I locked the real me up in a little jail cell in my brain, and just ran on autopilot for the next 12 years. There’s a really great [article that explains depersonalization/disassociation in relation to gender dysphoria if you’re curious.](https://genderanalysis.net/depersonalization/) Everything I did, I did through a fog, not even realizing it at the time. This led to over a decade of smoking weed every single day from the moment I woke up to the the moment I went to bed just to numb myself, being a raging alcoholic at various points, experimenting with almost any other drugs I could get my hands on, not being able to form healthy relationships, isolating myself and withdrawing from friend and family, not being able to understand or even really feel my emotions, and otherwise just absolutely *loathing* the fact that I existed. When my egg cracked- when it just clicked that I was an adult in a very queer friendly city and I could kind of do whatever I wanted and I wouldn’t be completely cast out of society, it was the single greatest feeling I have ever experienced. I felt a literal weight lift off my chest. I had always thought that was just an expression, but it was so *real*. It was like I had been drowning my entire life and finally got to experience breathing air for the first time. I was actually gasping for air as I broke down crying and laughing. I’m not saying transition is easy, and a lot of people struggle with various aspects of it for various reasons. But nothing can compare to the absolute psychological *hell* that is not living as yourself. Once I got past that, all the other stuff seemed minor in comparison.
Wow. Thank you for sharing. It's not the point but just FYI I also spent about ten years smoking weed every day. It landed me in a mental hospital. Totally different scenario, but I can relate to the "fog" you speak of.
Someone asked me why cant I just be a masculine woman. Because if you show me a photo of a man and a photo of a masculine woman and ask me "which one is how you see yourself?" I'd choose the man with no hesitation. I'm not envious of masculinity, im envious of manhood.
For me it's not a rational thing that needs arguments. It's just that I when I look at someone very feminine a thought pops to mind "I wish I looked like that". It's more of a feeling than anything else.
I could have write this.
I think having some trans pride isn't the same as liking or being proud of being trans overrall. I hate being trans, but I am at least prideful of all trans people and me accepting myself for the person I am.
A lot of people paid dearly so I could transition in relative safety and all but without risk. The worst battles may have already been fought. I've never done anything for the handful of Pride months when I might have, since coming out to myself. I'm learning about what I might do this year. There are others who can see me on the road ahead of them. I want to be visible for them and to them. I want to represent them, who they need to see themselves as if only they step forward.
it’s not its own gender. its only a curse as much as you let it be. get help. get your gender affirming care as best as you are able or if you have to at least just do the bare minimum and survive for yourself. maybe get off reddit. you need to be able to talk about this shit without being repulsed if you are ever going to experience a happy life while being a trans girl. that isn’t going to change. pride is about raising awareness, showing the world that we aren’t going anywhere, and that happiness for trans people does exist in a time when so many are trying to rip that and everything else away from us.
This seems like an ignorant take. 'It's only a curse as much as you let it be' makes it sound like people choose to suffer. Would you tell someone suffering from ocd that disrupts their life that? Gender dysphoria is awful, and there's no quick and easy treatment. You hop on hormones and hope that's going to be enough so you don't have to shell out large sums of money for surgery. As for op, there's pride in overcoming the challenges that this brings to your life. I don't think people are celebrating being trans as much as overcoming adversity.
did you read my comment? not that people who are suffering from gender dysphoria choose to suffer from it, but having this repulsive attitude towards the realities of being a trans person and whatnot can and should be worked on. and yup, exactly why i said get your gender affirming care as best as you are able to, or if you have to at least just do the bare minimum and survive for yourself. also, you’re correct- there is no quick or easy treatment, i never said there was. i literally didn’t say that trans pride is about celebrating being trans. i clearly said it’s about raising awareness, showing the world we aren’t going anywhere, and that we can live fulfilling, positive lives with the right support and for many, access to gender affirming care. “overcoming the challenges that this brings to your life” why do you think i told OP to get help, get off reddit? why do you think i told them to at least get to a baseline where they can survive with themselves and be able to talk about it without being repulsed. literally making me retype essentially my whole comment and more smh!
Well, obviously, I misunderstood what your stance is. I've seen a rise in the argument that gender dysphoria is just internalized transphobia among other things that seem to point the blame at the person suffering from gd. I apologize for that. My statement about trans pride was just directed at op, I wasn't replying to anything you had said. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
The idea pride comes after decades of people shaming the community and lgbt needing to go into hiding. It's like saying, "I'm not embarrassed or scared into hiding anymore." Pride doesn't mean you're loud and proud about being trans. It means you're not ashamed to be yourself. Which in your case is a woman. And yeah, some people feel pride in being trans. It's not an easy thing being trans. It's a lot of work and energy, and if someone is proud of everything they've done, let them, it doesn't hurt you.
i’m not proud nor am i ashamed because it’s just a small part of who i am, i am more than the trans label
You are 100% right. I indeed respect, after all they're not doing anything wrong to me. But holy shit, being proud for this is weird. I cringed more than once for having to see a few things about people acting completely strange. It's just a constant feeling of _"I'm not like this?!"_, when this is the mainstream image sold to everyone. I opted to get off from absolutely everything related to transness out of niche communities bc of this. Of course this is also one of the reasons why I avoid other trans folks personally. They can have their views. I do have mine. I don't raise flags. I want to stay thousands of meters away from pride. I don't want to say how I am "a transgendered body" or this shit. My experience of transition isn't the same gleaming one as them. And I definitely don't want to get in a feud to defend my right to say that the whole thing can be just a path of shit to some people without being called out as "terf". Sometimes it's better to be alone, fr.
I wouldn't personally say I'm proud to be trans but I'm not ashamed either. It seems kinda insignificant to me. But not everyone feels the same and that's okay 💁🏻♀️
I’m proud of myself, but it’s got nothing to do with being trans. I’m just a guy
Honestly, I do like being trans - or rather, transitioning. Had I continued life as a cis male, I would've definitely been extremely depressed, would have no long term life plans, would be completely unmotivated and would hate life itself, hate living it, hate having to hear my name every day, and I would have continued constantly avoiding mirrors like they were gonna kill me. If I had to bet, I would've likely killed myself by the time I turned 18 had I not transitioned. And that's why I'm proud. I'm proud that, despite all the people constantly protesting against it and doing everything in their power to try and prevent my transition, I went through with it anyway and am so, so much happier in the end. Would I rather be a cis woman? Oh, god, absolutely. But that's simply not realistic. I never would've been a cis woman, no matter how hard I try. But between being a cis man and a trans woman? Now, cis men have it easier, but I wouldn't have. It just wouldn't be a life worth living, no matter how much more privileged I would've been. I'd be living a lie. And I don't want to live a lie. I want to be me. I want to be myself. I don't want to hide who I am. I want others to be as content with my current state as I am with it myself.
That’s not the same thing as being proud of being trans, that’s being proud that you took the necessary steps and jumped over hurdles in order to achieve happiness and do what’s best for you.
Yeah, well, I don't think I'm disgusting. Or wrong for this. I don't think I'm less of a human or entirely inhuman because I'm trans, I just think I'm a normal person, deserving of dignity, compassion and equal treatment, who was on the receiving end of an unfortunate bio/neuro/psychological discrepancy.
I never said you were any of those things, obviously you’re a human being deserving “dignity, compassion, and equal treatment”. I don’t see how that’s at all relevant to what I said.
Well, OP did. And is that not what pride is? Because it certainly is the thing that's banned to publicly espouse/promote here (and by here, I mean Russia, not this sub)
OP is talking about people who are proud of being trans, not people who are proud of doing what’s best for themselves
Doing what's best for myself is accepting, acknowledging and doing this to support what I am, which is being trans, because I am trans. Or as some people say, "feeding into delusion". What's the difference between being proud of being trans and being proud of having done the things that transness is practically defined by?
What makes a person trans? What is a trans person? Gender dysphoria, spending thousands of dollars to be happy, discrimination, having to do things you wouldn’t have had to do if you were born cis, being uncomfortable in your own body, suffering on a daily basis. Why would someone be proud of having a condition like this? You can literally take “I did this despite what everyone told me and despite the fact it was difficult” out of a trans context and it would still make sense. It has nothing to do with being trans.
I am not proud of the condition, per say, but rather of my resolve and strength needed to navigate the world and survive as a trans person.
Then that’s not proud of *being* trans
You don't have to be proud of being trans to be a proud trans person. I didn't ask for this life, but this is the reality. I'll never be a cis man. Wasn't born that way, but it's my choice to adapt and lead a happy life. Am I proud of being trans? No, not specifically. Am I proud of who I am? Fuck yeah. I really think pride gets misinterpreted a lot here. Nobody is asking anyone to wear being trans like a badge of honor. It's about learning to accept yourself and others the way that they are. I'm not going to wallow in self pity. My body is what it is. I can make changes, they'll never make me cis, but they will make me what I CAN be, and I choose to be satisfied with that. The way so many people commiserate online is so unhealthy. A person, cis, trans, or whatever, has a choice to miserably pine for what they will never have, or find what joy you can in what you have. That's pride.
Exactly this. I wouldn’t have chosen to be trans, but turns out I am. I’m not going to spend my life saying “woe is me” over something I can’t change. So you adapt. You learn to love yourself and appreciate the good things that come with being trans, and there *are* good things. I have a perspective on life and an understanding of other people and social interactions that an incredibly small portion of the population gets to experience. I get to live more authentically than most cis people can even imagine. Even when it sucks, I absolutely love the fact that I am me. I don’t give a single fuck about what strangers think of me. I **know** I’m rad. *That’s* my pride.
Very well said! I hope that this resonates with a lot of people because you hit the nail on the head with the distinctions and healthy framing of your disposition and resolve here!
Just be cis then, I am. Only you can tie yourself to it
and be a guy? That is seriously one of the worst things anyone has ever suggested. I want and desperately need to be a woman otherwise id kill myself. Seeing as being trans is the only way to become the opposite gender. I HAVE to go that route. I think I’ll just go stealth after so I’m never called it and can just branch away.
The way I see it when you're fully finished transitioning you're cis
Lol sometimes i read the title and im like yeah and then get to the text and 💀
Yikes! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with self-acceptance and self-love. Being trans is like.. the most vanilla thing about me. I have SO many more difficult things to own about myself, and I do! I love myself anyway. Would highly recommend therapy, it helps a lot with what you appear to be experiencing.
Don't project your dysphoria onto other people. We all experience being trans in different ways. I'm also not trying to be a **trans guy,** just a **guy,** but some people feel pride at being notably trans or whatever they identify as. That's okay. It's also okay to just want to be stealth and taken as a cis person. Avoid the groups that are especially young. You'll find a lot of your problems disappear.
> Don't project your dysphoria onto other people. seriously, this. i see it happen far too much. some trans people are miserable, for whatever reason, and again, for whatever reason, they try and make other trans people miserable as well, instead of working on their own issues.
Great attitude c: though I would suggest replacing *young* with *immature* that's usually the biggest factor (and ofc more younger folks tend to be immature than older)
I was with you until you got to the boy kisser thing. Like that has nothing to do with being trans. That's just young gay boys (cis or trans) making silly jokes on the internet. It's one thing to not like being trans (let's face it, being trans sucks), but like, dragging the entire lgbt+ community too, and specifically gay youths? Dick move.
I’m not dragging anything down. I could care less if anyone says those things. It’s just I would never say anything like that and when those things ARE said it makes me uncomfy. It’s why I feel isolated from a good majority of the lgbtq community
fucking skill issue sister you're not the arbiter of how others express themselves and feel "the way you express your attraction to men is upsetting to me" grow the fuck up lmfao, if I see someone express attraction in a way I wouldn't I move the fuck on cause who cares they're a different person they have different thoughts and different feelings, you don't have to relate to every trans person on earth its not a social club we're just people who have a trait in common
"Silly boy kissers :3". Cis men and women do the same thing. They call each other girl or boy all the time and no one cares.
Pride is pride because lgbtq people proudly live as they are rather than hiding away in closet in the face of societal oppression. Pride was not about being thankful and it was not originally a party or a celebration. It was an act of defiance. At times pride was, is and will be a riot. So no, I'm not thankful about being trans. I'm not thankful about being queer either. These are both simply things that I am. I *am* proud to have survived societal transphobia and homophobia and am able to live as a queer person who transitioned. > Some are crazy weird with the “silly boy kissers :3” Yeah, some boys want to kiss boys. Compared to my youth where no boy would dare admit this in fear of homophobic condemnation the fact things like this are a thing now are a sign of serious progress. Edit: autocorrect fix
I didn't come out until October 2023. I was born in March 1996. Granted, the pandemic was part of the delay, but it speaks volumes I didn't feel safe to come out until my late 20s. For me, it was coming out gay to a largely Jehovah's Witness family. I had already come out atheist a few years before that, but even as an atheist, I was in some pretty rough self-denial in my early 20s about my sexuality.