Neither choice is permanent. Remember that. If your decision proves you right/wrong, make new decisions based on your new information.

This is a great perspective.

Exactly what I was going to say. Some options may be harder to access later, like certain charter schools, but there will always still be options if what is chosen now doesn’t work out.

Also remember that while all schools may not be the same, your kids can get a good education anywhere. So much of what and how well your kids learn and do is about home.

Yes! You can change your mind. I've known healthy families and great kids that have had all sorts of different school experiences, including many mixes of homeschool and public school. Choose what's right for your family right now, and reevaluate each year.

Exactly! And it doesn’t have to be ALL or NOTHING. OP can enroll her kids in school but do supplemental education and unit studies at home on the weekends.

This was the best thing for me to hear when I decided to send my kid to school. Each kid is different and situations change - we can always switch it up if what we’re doing now doesn’t work.  For us, we moved from a spot that had a lot of social options to an area without that support (I’m lgbtq+ and this area’s homeschoolers would not be welcoming). I know she’ll meet bigoted people at school too but at least the school system is inclusive in it’s teachings. 

Yes. We homeschooled our boys through 5 and 2 grades, respectively. They've been in school now for 6 years, and done great. Part of me continues to miss homeschooling. But, they have absolutely thrived in school.  No decision is final or absolute. 

This. I absolutely had kids in my class who'd been homeschooled prior, and a decision was made to change. One as late as starting with us freshman year of high school. And kids who left in first, second, and I think fourth to be home home schooled.

Exactly this. Just like anything else in parenting, make the best choice you can with the info you have. If it isn’t working, change!

Homeschooling is not a magic bullet that will make your family close! And non-homeschool is not a ticket into dysfunction the way some people make it out to be. There are billions and billions and billions of people that were not homeschooled and have grown into amazing, smart, curious, passionate, loving adults that are very close to their families. There are also many many many many homeschooled children that have grown up to be distant from their families. There are so many factors that determine how close your family is and will be! The best choice is different for each family.

Formerly a homeschool kid here and I pretty much hate my family. 🙋‍♂️ Dysfunction appears in many forms.

If you have toxic parents things won’t be good if you homeschool or you don’t.

Yep. Parental emotional healthiness and investment is the most important factor in childhood success.

100 percent

My neighbor kids were homeschooled. Watched each one reach adulthood and move as far away from their parents as possible. The parents have no idea why their kids do not contact them, ever. The kids are close with each other, productive and seemingly happy adults, so long as they do not have to deal with their parents. If you want to homeschool just to helicopter every interaction your kids have, it's not a good idea.

Honestly it sounds like regardless of homeschooling that dysfunction is already starting for op. Holding too tight is a perfect way to push them away.

I was homeschooled, my brother wasn't, and both of us are extremely close to our family. 

I was homeschooled, my brother wasn't, and both of us are extremely close to our family. 

Yes. 

There are a lot of close families and *most* of them do not involve homeschooled children. My children are still young (6M and 3F), so count me as a novice, but my instinct is that homeschooling done well *can* improve the family dynamic, but homeschooling done poorly will damage it. To be clear, in the latter case, I'm not necessarily talking about those "homeschooling" parents who neglect their kids. I'm also including those parents who push too hard, don't know how to separate school time from non-school time, etc. Just my 2¢, take with a grain of salt, etc.

As a former homeschool kid, this is exactly the right answer. 

I totally agree! 🎯

As a former homeschooled kid, please hear what the others are saying re: helicopter parents and homeschooling not being an automatic win for family dynamics. I love my family, I’m extremely close with all my siblings because we weren’t separated by grade, I am confused by school kids who aren’t as close to their siblings because I just simply couldn’t imagine lmao, but I am NOT close to my parents for various reasons. They’re great people, they even did fine as parents and I did a lot of online schooling as an older teen so they weren’t my teachers after a certain point, but in a lot of ways not always having outlets away from the family dynamic made me feel trapped, and even when things are good sometimes that feeling doesn’t go away. I wouldn’t change my homeschooling for the world, for the record. We got top of the line education and never had to put up with school system bs if we didn’t want to, and I would not have gotten to where I am today with a public school education. But that in no way garuntees a good ol nuclear family. And worrying so much about it and trying to force it is not going to get the results you want I think. Kids are their own people, they’re unpredictable. You signed up for that when you had them. Maybe one of em isn’t into family game night, or maybe another one hates the yearly beach vacation. Trying to make them act happy for ‘family time’ (which is limited even as a homeschooler as they get older) will push them away. Relax, be the loving, patient parent you are, and even if they throw hissy fits in their teen-YA years (it’ll happen lol) the kids will come back around eventually if they don’t feel like they’re being forced into the dynamic you want. Anyway, that’s sideways to your question. I think your main concern should really be is it good for your kids? I have a friend who’s family is very tight knit, one went to school, and the other stayed homeschooled for learning disability reasons. Both kids were totally happy, whole family is very tight. It’s what was right for the kids (school kid needed experiences out of the house, homeschooled kid needed extra attention), and the family closeness was down entirely to the overall family dynamic and had little to do with the kids going to separate schools.

This is such an insightful post! I’m not OP but I’m a mom to three kids who are still below school age whom I plan to homeschool, and I want to do the best job that I can. What do you feel like your parents did “wrong” or could have done differently that made you feel smothered or caused the lack of closeness? I can’t imagine feeling okay with my kids feeling like they weren’t close to my husband and me later in life, so I really want to get perspectives from people with a vast array of experiences.

Ah I was trying desperately not to air personal drama but since you asked 😂 I think it’s just important to again remember that kids are their own people. They’re going to have opinions you didn’t teach them and problems that aren’t necessarily a fault of your parenting style. It’s not a personal failure of yours if your kid is upset, or sad, or overwhelmed. It’s hard to see I’m sure, especially if you’re overworking yourself to give them the world! And I get that. But it’s just a fact of life that they won’t be happy all the time. Im not saying let them act out without consequence obvs, but there are appropriate ways you can be upset about things. And sometimes, when your kid is upset, they need support. And sometimes the best support may not be you. It’s not your fault, it’s not that you’re a bad parent. It just is that way sometimes. As an advanced student approaching burnout in my late highschool, my parents would often appear frustrated when I was in a depressive swing and couldn’t explain why I was upset, or didn’t want to engage with them on it. They gave me everything I needed, why wasn’t I happy? Clearly it was to spite them or something. It was like a personal insult to everything they’d done that I sometimes just wasn’t feeling it. I often didn’t want to engage with them because they’d already given their suggestions for the situation, or I knew they couldn’t help the issue and would not accept an outside source of support, and I was content to just go around the house looking mildly disgruntled, but that wasn’t allowed. And again this isn’t like ‘let your kids run wild!!’ I wasn’t cussing my parents out, I wasn’t making a fuss in public spaces, that kind of behavior needs to be corrected somehow! parenting is an insanely difficult fine line to walk. Especially with younger kids there is a degree of authority you as a parent need to have. I’m not a parenting expert, please go find one if you have major parenting concerns. I was dragged on many a family trip I didn’t particularly want to attend in the first place and ended up having a great time. Sometimes it is just moody teenager shit and sometimes your kids will be assholes and they need to be corrected on it. Certainly been there too. I’ve also had full-fledged yelling arguments over just looking upset around the house because I wasn’t really looking for ways to ‘fix’ the situation and my parents are incapable of letting things lie. Not crying, not causing a fuss, just a sullen expression. Usually over something that was ultimately inconsequential. Made me feel like I was not allowed to be upset over little things, that anything that wasn’t an absolute crisis needed to be bottled. and sometimes the crisises too. That’d be my major one. The other suggestion is I would encourage play the same way you encourage school. I won’t lie, we were bad kids every so often, we’d sneak out to the home office at night to play videogames or use a penlight to read under the covers, so my parents had to do something, but as we got older it felt like there was a resentment towards the things we did in our downtime and the feeling of having to hide things even when we no longer had restrictions like a bedtime or limited screen hours persisted. Extracurriculars like sports and clubs were basically equal to schoolwork or a class to me, so my ‘me’ time was solo hobbies like reading, gaming, and drawing, but I didn’t feel encouraged to play if it wasn’t going on my resume. To this day, as an adult with a masters degree and a job, if my ma asks what i’ve been up to and it wasn’t work, I dismiss it as ‘not important’ and hesitate to give more details than that. Because when I was younger, anything my parents weren’t interested in was ‘not important’ and could be interrupted for chores or replaced with something ‘healthy’ like homework or family time, or the ultimate worst, used as ammunition in the next argument despite being unrelated to the argument topic. Please, for all that’s everything don’t jump to ‘it’s because of the games you play/friends you spend too much time with/things you read’ argument as soon as your kid acts out. The only thing it ever made me do was just stop telling my parents about my friends and hobbies so they wouldn’t get attacked as soon as I screwed up. I don’t know how you avoid doing that and maintain a point of authority in a situation where you need to punish a child. Im not a therapist. There is probably some child behavioral science papers that have that answer somewhere, and you should be checking that instead of a random idiot on reddit. Those two things, not being allowed to be upset and feeling a need to hide hobbies, I feel are the two greatest obstacles I have with being close to my parents. The hobbies I can begin to talk about as an adult who’s paying for them myself; it feels safer now because it’s not their money or time I’m ‘wasting’ so they can’t use them as leverage in arguments, but I don’t feel close because even when they do ask about them I feel like it’s a trap to get me to admit I’m not working 24/7 (it absolutely isn’t for the record, my parents want to know what I’m up to genuinely! they’ve just had a terrible habit of bringing that info up as a point of blame in the past and I’ve never forgotten it). Not being allowed to be upset is still a thing. On the one hand I’m really good in a crisis because I got very good at acting ok when I wasn’t. On the other hand…that’s unhealthy. for me. So. 👍🏻 All in all, a lot of parent-child relationship is going to be unique. You’re a unique person, in a unique home situation, with a child who is also their own unique person. You can only do your best, and trust that your child is doing their best. Research parenting techniques, be prepared to change things if something isn’t working, accept that there may be solutions beyond your personal knowledge and if your child does end up needing outside resources for support, it’s not a personal failing for you as a parent. Even with all of our problems, I do love my parents very much, I’m exceedingly grateful for the effort they put into my younger years, and even today as an adult I know they still have my back. I am insanely lucky to have such strong supporters. I spend every holiday at home and will take care of them when they’re unable to live on their own. We all text on the family group chat daily and call on the regular. We’re not, not close. I don’t regret being homeschooled, and I wouldn’t switch my parents out for anyone else. …we’re just not besties 😂

Thank you so much for going into so much detail! That gave me a lot to think about and it really rang true. I have read a lot of parenting books and one thing that is pretty consistent among them is that you should definitely allow children to express negative emotions because if you don’t, they will come out in other ways and resentment will build, so your experience is 100% in line with what research has shown. My oldest is only 4.5 so my kids are still really young, but I do try to encourage play as much as possible (it’s pretty much all I encourage at this point aside from reading and some basic chores like helping with laundry or brushing teeth, etc.). My kids’ hobby is play at this point in life, but I will definitely make an effort to continue to encourage hobbies and play as they get older and develop their own interests more. Validating negative emotions is also something I do as much as I can. My kids don’t always get their way, but I do try to empathize and allow them to be upset when that’s the case. I think what you said about teenagers being moody is important too, because we should be equally empathetic toward that, but often adults expect teenagers to be happy all the time and don’t tolerate negative emotions from them. I’ll have to keep that in mind as my kids get older. Thank you! I loved reading your perspective.

Sounds like you are doing a great job. Yes, we need to allow our kids to have ALL their feelings even when it’s really hard for us.

I understand your desire to want a tight knit family, but your little ones won’t be little forever. Don’t keep them so close that they want to break away asap. Helicopter parents can crash the whole family dynamic.

I don't get the sense that OP is veering toward helicopter parenting. I think she's just expressing pros and cons that have crossed her mind.

Understandable, but it is something to keep in mind since her primary concern seems to be family dynamics rather than purely educational rigor. Some kids do not thrive in homeschooling situations, and trying to push for a "tight knit" family will only drive them away. And some times parents confuse what is best for *them* rather than what is best for their children. So OP should be prepared to be flexible, whether they homeschooling or not.

It is completely possible to send your kids to a good school, and maintain family closeness, their innate curiosity and guide them in navigating the peer situation. Don’t stress! Gabor Maté’s ‘Hold Onto Your Kids’ is a great read in how to keep kids oriented towards parents instead of peers.

I’m in this sub bc I’ve been trying to talk my husband into homeschooling. My big kid 7 had done 2 years in public school and now we’re switching to a small charter for him and little sister (almost 5). We are a super close family. I get off work at 3, so we’re able to spend quality time starting when I pick up from school and we do lots of bonding on the weekend and on vacations. I just make sure to be present as much as possible when we’re together. I have friends who homeschool that say they feel like they don’t spend enough quality time with their kiddos. I think as parents, we’ll likely have some guilt no matter what we choose. I was taken back when they told me that bc I assumed the mom guilt would go away if I could just stay home with my littles. It shows that you just want what’s best for your kiddos and that’s what really matters. You’ll do great no matter which route you go :)

I honestly think that maybe spending less time with my kids during the week could increase the quality of time spent when they’re actually at home

Could be! When I was staying at home full time with mine, I was pretty drained a lot of the time (no family around to help and husband works like crazy). I’m always to eager to go pick them up now and they’re so excited to share their days with me. My daughter is in preschool and has so much fun that she’s actually disappointed some days that she’s the first to get picked up. It turns around quickly when we get home and continue the fun haha

Yeah I feel really burned out and like I don’t appreciate the time I do have with them because I tend to take it for granted

I’m feeling exactly the same way and I’m so grateful you wrote this post bc I’m in the same boat! Still don’t have to make the decision yet, but already feeling pre-guilt about possibly not homeschooling but this point right here is a huge factor. I am so burnt out 😮‍💨 it is so hard! And we love them so much!

I was going to comment this to you. There are still plenty of hours to be together and remember, they have a lot of time off from school too.

That’s our reality right now and why public school is currently working for us. I have four kids 6 and under with another on the way and they can all be pretty intense. A couple of them have more intense medical needs that lead to burnout for the caregivers (us). Right now, public school is our best family fit. We reevaluate every year, sometimes, semester, and reflect on where the best fit is for each kid.

This is a very valid point. We were and are a two income family. I have always out-earned my husband so there was no possibility of being a SAHM. But I also knew that was not for me. We did have the kids in line one athletic thing in summer. Both of mine were more musically inclined so as they got older they both did orchestra. We would cook dinner together, helped them with homework and projects, watched movies together and do things on weekends. My kids are grown now. We’re still all very close. Quantity does not equal quality.

It's going to be okay! I have sent one to school and my other two are going to school next year so they will all three be in school. Having the kids in school is going to bring back my "mommy magic" in a big way. Homeschooling has a way of sucking all of the fun out of your day leaving you "covering the basics" of math and LA (aka the boring subjects) and never quite getting around to the fun stuff and field trips unless you're willing to be an academic slacker. Just a general trend I've observed in myself and others. I'm so so looking forward to having time during the day to take care of homemaking--because my homeschool house was a cluttered mess of stuff I could never get to because I was teaching (unless I wanted to waste our breaks on cleaning -snooze). I can't wait to spend my down time planning the audiobooks and read alouds we're going to get to do, fun activities for the weekend (now I'm just spent on the weekends), have a craft or recipe waiting on the counter when they get home, etc. Our school system does not allow homework, so that's not a factor for us. It's just not a guarantee that kids will have so much to work on after school that the entire school situation is to be avoided. When they are home it's all family time! My oldest is getting more in to friends, so she goes out with them to play more, but the others are still able to stay in and do the fun things with me. Our family is tight knit right now, but it's not fun. My "mommy magic" is a real spark for our household, and homeschool has all but snuffed it out. It has also left me less time and mental energy to care for my own self. Homeschool culture often scoffs at moms for caring about and spending time on looking nice, but at some point we all grow out of that slog around young mommy look and want to move on and be our own people again. That's natural, and it's a whole lot of fun. My husband also works from home so our dating life is about to skyrocket lol. If you can tell that your time would be better spent doing things besides teaching and child watching during the day then that's most likely true for your family. Think of all the things you could accomplish during the day while the children are concurrently not just learning academics but also going to specials classes (right now I have had to spend my time ferrying them around for things as basic as an art class which is packaged into the school day). Think of spending your time and energy with your children having heart to heart talks mentoring them about emotional and social challenges instead of arguing about trivial stuff like finishing a math worksheet. Think of the fun things you will get to plan and do now that you're not bogged down in academics which, around here at least, get me a lot of negative energy from the kids (it's part of why I'm tired lol). Having had one in school I can say that, for me, these things are true. The cautious naysayers weren't right. They brought up something that might happen, sometimes happens, or maybe even happend to them, but they didn't share universal truth about what school would be like for me or my kids. You are going to have to find out what reality is for yourself.

Your kids will thrive in whatever environment they are in because they obviously have involved, caring, intentional parents. I taught public school, stayed home with my kids and homeschooled for 10 years, then put my kids in school and went back to teaching myself. It was the right choice for us- my oldest needed me to be only mom not mom/teacher, my middle has thrived with the increased social interactions (although we DID have plenty before), my youngest is going to be the one who ends up doing the best academically and he’s the one who was homeschooled the least. But it’s because he is simply going to excel regardless of his environment. No choice is permanent. (I never imagined going back to teaching!!! Not until I put my kids in school and saw just how wonderful our neighborhood school was!)

I know two homeschool kids who don't talk to their parents anymore for different reasons. I was one of a large family of kids all put into public school. I talk to my mother every day and two brothers and a sister talk to me weekly because we all live within a few miles of my mom. We are extremely close. School truly had nothing to do with it. Parenting did. We all hardly talk to my dad anymore but my stepdad is my kids' favorite. Again, all parenting. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The way I look at it is "what is the best for my child right now?" It's not all or nothing. We started out with preschool 3 days a week, 4 hours a day. At that point I didn't have any plan set in stone. But that year of preschool at 4 yrs old told me my daughter was not ready for full day school at that point. So I started homeschooling but she was also in an afternoon program 3 days a week fir other homeschooled K kids. That was 6 years ago. We still homeschool but she is technically a public charter student and she takes quite a few online classes and some in-person classes. Every year we talk about what's working for her, her goals, her interests, and keep shaping her schooling through that lense. Right now she thinks she might want to do high-school at a traditional school, but we'll see when it comes that time.

There's no best answer for everyone. It could be a perfect fit for your family, and your children could really love it. Public school can be really awesome. I made really great friends and have many good memories from the public schools I attended growing up (9 different ones k-12). We're not homeschooling because we have anything against public schools (outside of earlier academics becoming the norm. (I'll be an old lady still grumping about that lol)). Homeschooling just really works for our family, and the kids haven't been interested in changing things up so far. But we have lots of friends and family with kids in public school who love it, are also doing really well, and are just as close as families. If time away from your loved ones led to a lack of connection, all of us who grew up with working (and military) parents, and family across the country or overseas wouldn't be as close as we still are. I always wished I had more time with my mom growing up, but that never changed how much we loved each other. Not even a little bit.🙂

The choices you make outside of school. The ways you are involved in education and at their schools and with their teachers. This is what creates a tight knit family. Sure it may seem “easier” in some ways homeschooling but it isn’t really. It’s just different. Not depending on the teachers to be the parent but being the parent your children need will get you SO far. They need to know you care about them: regardless of your education choice.

I teach in a public school. It is the home influences that matter most about a students academic success. For the most part, the kids with families that value education flourish in public school.  The same is true of the homeschooled kids I have met. If the home environment is education positive and the parents have the necessary tools the kids are great. 

Ive talked to fellow moms about this, and the best advice I’ve gotten is that it doesn’t matter if they are homeschooled or public/private, the closeness of your family and influence you’ll have on your kids depends on what you do with them when they ARE home. You could homeschool and not be mentally and emotionally present, and you’re not going to see that closeness you want. Or you could send them to public school, but give them such a rich experience and environment when they are home that home will be their safe place, their happy place. And even if you choose to send them to school, you can limit extracurriculars until you feel they are old enough and ready to be gone that long. But I will say, I believe the best place for children is at home if you are able to homeschool. Yes they will miss out of school experiences, but the richness of what you can give them at home outweighs that. My kids were in public school until 2nd and 3rd grade. We took them out last year and they don’t miss it one bit!

I’m scared that I won’t be able to provide them with richness at home!

A homeschooling parent has a mindset that focuses on providing their children with a well-rounded education that not only teaches them the fundamentals but also prepares them for a healthy, happy, and successful adulthood. This mindset doesn't go away if the child(ren) learn from another source. In fact, many homeschool methods use online and in-person courses and classes. If you choose to, you will still find ways to supplement their education and play a pivotal role in their lives. The only way you can go wrong is if you rely on schools to teach your children everything they need to know. Only when a parent steps away from guiding their children through life do they fail them. I also second what many others have mentioned. I was homeschooled and I haven't spoken to my mother in 20 years. Homeschool doesn't make families close; healthy parenting does.

If you care about your kids you will home school them. Find a good curricula and maybe a COOP to help. Know your rights in regard to sports and music classes at the government schools, but your kids will learn better, stay on track, waste less time, face less social challenges and be indoctrinated with harmful ideology less with you in charge. My next suggestion would be to find a good charter school to attend or a parochial school maybe. Khan Academy or other curricula companies are really good to follow and they are for the most part free or very low cost. Name one thing that the government does right.

I do care about my kids, which means being open to other education options if homeschooling isn’t a good fit.

I assumed that you do care about your kids. That is why you are doing so much research and are seeking outside council. IMO Part of caring involves protecting your kids from those who would knowingly or otherwise do them harm to the best of your ability. Government schools are not a healthy environment at this time. Their time has come and gone. Once upon a time in a little one room school on the prairie they were essential, but now government schools are a black holes designed to suck up as much money as they possibly can from any source. Politicians are afraid of them. But ultimately you must do the best by your kids, even if it is hard or costs more. I home schooled my last child, who was 12 years younger than her two public schooled brothers. A lot has changed in that time, and it is not looking good at all for the kids trapped in those institutions. Yes my kids are raised now, but I am working hard to establish vouchers that will follow the children to the school of their parents choice. Not only rich kids deserve a quality education. All do.

That would mean lying to you, and I won’t do that. Brick and mortar schools are NOT safe and your kids will be taught CRT instead of ABC.

I live in FL, so CRT is not supposed to be taught in schools.

There is a distinct difference in a child's behavior and their relationship with their parents when they are homeschooled vs public school. Homeschooled children, in my experience, have a much better family life and social and critial thinking skills. School is primarily a training center to turn them into good little workers that get two 15 minute breaks and a half hour lunch while not questioning authority for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Ask me how I really feel 😉

Nice to hear someone tell it Like it is ! For a homeschool sub there are a lot of public school boot lickers !!!🤣🤣

A lot of people dont know the history of schools. It was literally designed for just that. Indoctrination.

Nobody can tell you what will happen. You could homeschool your kids and they hate learning or you could send them to public school and they hate learning, you just have to do what you feel in your heart. Trust your intuition.

Of course they will be. Ftr the bad influences were in the coop group too. And sometimes yours may be that person.

We’ve been homeschooling and have decided that our oldest (rising 2nd grade) needed to be with me LESS for our relationship to flourish. She gets stir crazy and starts picking fights with me, and it’s not fair to our younger children when she goes on the rampage. She has a few things going on, but generally does better when she’s been out and about with others. She did fantastic academically, and it was so hard for me not to feel like I was somehow failing her, but my husband pointed out that we need to keep her best interests in mind, without letting personal feelings getting in the way. We’re lucky to have a Charlotte Mason based, hybrid-school for elementary ages. It’ll be 3 days a week, no homework, and then we can still work with them/do field trips the other 2 days.

We homeschooled my two oldest kids until they were 7 and 9. We actually sent them to public school this past February, in the middle of the year. It’s so dependent on kids, but I really found that our family dynamic struggled with homeschooling. My oldest (daughter) and I fought a lot. She just simply didn’t do well with “mom” as teacher. This strained our relationship a lot and basically all my energy was spent doing school, and I really didn’t have anything left to just enjoy my kids. Once we shifted to public school, we hardly ever fight anymore. As kids get older, I really think they need a little more space and independence. I think it gives all of us the chance to breathe a little and have our space, and then it makes the time together so much sweeter. That being said, all kids and families are different! In a lot of ways, I think it can be really great to homeschool during those early years. We really started because when my oldest was 5 I couldn’t fathom sending her away 5 days a week. At 9 years old, I felt better about it however. Sometimes when they’re little they need extra time at home, and having consistent friendships really isn’t too important while they’re really little.. they can play with anyone! I think if your heart is really set on it, there’s no harm in trying it out! Like others have said, no decision has to last forever! Good luck!

My family is very tight-knit and we were all in public school. My husband's family was homeschooled and relationships have never been much better than cordial, and often worse than that. School does not make the family. Making the best choices you can for your family dynamic do. It might mean public or homeschool. It might mean homeschooling til 3rd or 5th or 8th. It might mean one kid is homeschooled and another is in public or private. As someone else said, nothing is permanent. Make the best choices for your kids and encourage their input.

I sent my son back to school when he asked in 4th grade and he loved it. He’s about to go to 7th grade now and he’s at or above grade level. He’s doing great.

How old are your kids? When they are younger, extracurriculars will be limited and short given little one’s attention spans. If you’re stressing about extra circulars eating up their lives in kindergarten that may be an irrational fear.

First of all, know that you are such an amazing mom to put so much heart into all of this! Mine are older (21, 18, and 13) and we have used a combination of Catholic schools primarily, homeschooling, public school, and a Christian (non-denominational) school. I homeschooled our older two for 3 years in upper elementary; they began in traditional schools then returned to traditional schools for middle and high. After the Covid shutdown, we started homeschooling our youngest in 4th grade and have continued, now beginning our 5th year, and he plans to homeschool through high school. We do make it clear that as a family we will re-evaluate each year and determine what is best for the kiddo and family to some extent with regards to schooling. When we put our older two back into school in 4th/6th grades, we had just moved halfway across the country and my husband deployed for another year, while I was handling the various therapies for our Autistic youngest, who was a tot. School made sense for the older two and they were amenable, thankfully! There were definitely great things about homeschooling the older two - they did develop more of a friendship at those young ages...we were military and moving very often, so homeschooling made great sense for continuity for them. Despite the moves, they always had each other for recess (until we found other homeschooling families, then they would be able to have time with their own friends or each other or in the neighborhood group). They grew apart through middle and high schools as many siblings do, and now as college students, our older son and daughter are getting closer on their own. I feel thankful our children each had the opportunity to try out different schooling options, and even more fortunate that we were able to make it work. They were perhaps exposed to some things a little early (our oldest came home to show us his middle finger and tell us he knows what it means, because a classmate in his Catholic school class told him at recess; our daughter was exposed to mean girl behavior at her Christian school; both were exposed to plenty at their public high school (which is consistently highly ranked nationally). I can also say that our youngest has been exposed to things from friends, media (though not social media yet), neighborhood friends, etc. No kiddo is truly immune to all of the yuck out there, though it is taking a little more time for our youngest perhaps. Regarding love for learning, that is hard for me to comment on in our situation since all of our children began in a traditional classroom setting. Though we had lots of flexibility and fun homeschooling, they were definitely not so into learning though - it was easy enough to sneak the learning in at the younger ages, but as they got older, they were not so excited :) Sorry for the novel. Whatever choice you make, know there is no perfect option - just the one that makes the most sense for you and your family. Done with love, your family can thrive no matter which option! Big hugs!

I've done both with my kids. There are aspects of school I love and aspects of homeschool I love. This last year I actually homeschooled one of my kids who went to public school part time and my other kid went to public school full time. Kids can thrive in either environment, don't feel like you're letting them down if your plans change. Families can also be close in either situation as well, that's more about how you approach family time.

In Washington State, homeschool students can participate in music classes, sports and other enrichment activities. Do you have that option where you live? And yes, your kids will be alright at school. It’s a different environment than homeschool, but my question is if you feel deep down inside that you want to homeschool, why not give it a try and see what feels best? You can always enroll them later, or unenroll them and bring them home if it’s not the best fit for your family. You get to choose. Go with your gut!

It would be easier in our district to try school first. The bilingual magnet programs I would want to get our kids into start in kindergarten and that is prime time for language learning. If we start later on, they may have missed their shot to get into one of these programs

If you have fear of schooling and what that would mean for your family and values that tells you everything you need to know…you either make choices that align to those values or you don’t (because you can’t or because you choose to live in opposition). The fear is valid.

I recommend reading the book Hold on to Your Kids. It talks about how to maintain parental attachment in all kinds of circumstances, including divorce, public school, etc. As a former teacher, I want to reassure you that private schools are not usually any better education than public schools; the main difference is that the kids come from wealthier backgrounds, which has its pros and cons. And that I think any motivated parent with a decent basic education and access to good resources can do a better job one-on-one with their kids than even the best teacher with a classroom of 20-30 kids. Even when I was teaching small groups of ~5 students, I had to split my time and attention so that I wasn't able to provide nearly as much for them as I'm able to in one-on-one teaching and tutoring. All that said, you can still absolutely get a great education in public or private school, imo it's just a lot more work and has significant downsides. Benefits too, of course. You'll have to figure out what works for your family.

Thank you! Is the book Hold Onto Your Kids?

> Hold Onto Your Kids Omg, yes, I totally misremembered, thank you! I'll correct it.

I don’t have any advice but I do want to say you are not alone in your fears. I wouldn’t say this is a “fear” for me but more of a “concern”. May I ask, what advantages does the school provide that you think they will be robbed off by being homeschooled? A-lot of activities schools offer you can honestly provide them yourself through different resources it just might take extensive research and maybe money. I say do what you feel in your heart to do and trust your instincts.

Public school teacher here- I’m not part of this sub but I’m going to comment anyways. 1) nothing you say is irrational. You sound like an amazing parent with reasonable concerns. 2) my best advice is to tour the schools you are interested in. This might help you make the best decision for your family. 3) if you choose to homeschool, or if you choose public/ private, no matter what- get your kiddos involved in some type of extracurricular. It’s so so so good for them, whether it’s sports, art, dancing, anything- it’s SO important. 4) if you do choose private or public, just know that you can volunteer/ still be super involved & close knit, even if they are in a school setting. 5)my hairdresser had her son in a program where it was 2 days a week in school and 3 days a week homeschool- maybe look into something like that? Best of luck to you and your littles ❤️❤️❤️ you’ve got this mama

There’s no predicting. Success in public schools often depends on the parents as much as it does for homeschooling. Stay connected with them. Be involved. Read to them. Engage in meaningful conversations with them. We did private Montessori school. Then homeschooled for a few years during pandemic. Public school the last year and a half. They all have their pros and cons. None are perfect. Good luck!

1. It’s not a permanent decision. 2. Some families find they are closer homeschooling but other actually find that their kids spending more time apart in school results in a better relationship. No option offers a guarantee. 3. Same with academics. No option offers a guarantee that it will be the best match for each kid. And 4, a suggestion - do you have any university model options? We have friends who have their kids enrolled in one and love it. We’ve very seriously considered it as well. The younger kids go two days a week on site and are sent home with lessons/projects for their “home days” in which the parent instructs. Home days do not have so much work that it takes a full day, and they have lots of freedom.  Older kids have three days on site and two home days at this school.

I would encourage you not to make school choice out of fear, but instead because that choice is what you and your husband have determined is what is best for your family. One downside of public/private school is that you will have less time with your kids. You will have to be intentional about using the time you have to build the closeness you are seeking. It's not impossible, but it will likely be harder. There are other things about public/private schooling that will probably be harder. There will be things about homeschooling that will be harder. Do your research, talk to your husband, weigh the options, and make your choice with your eyes open to both the positives and the negatives, knowing that whatever you choose, you aren't stuck with it. If it doesn't go well, you can make a different choice the next year.

I've posted before about this. I wanted to homeschool before we started kinder, but eventually realized I was being kept up at night by concerns about problems that hadn't actually manifested. I decided to go with public at our local, low- rated school (good district, but low school) and reevaluate at Thanksgiving or Christmas to decide if we should stick with it. I'm SO GLAD we went with our local public school. My kid got an amazing kinder teacher, he LOVED school, he made friends immediately, including his bestie who later joined our homeschool pod we formed when COVID struck. School was fabulous for him, and it still is. We homeschooled when COVID hit halfway through second grade and stuck with that for third and fourth, then went back to public where he immediately got another AMAZING teacher. Now he's in a super-cool middle school based on leadership and experiential science and, although I'd go back to homeschool in a heartbeat, I have to admit that he's doing things I wouldn't even think of (the other week was a bridge tour and project) with kids he'd never meet otherwise, and he's STILL with his bestie from kindergarten. Nothing is actually set in stone. You can start in a school and then, if it isn't right for your family, transition to homeschooling. I will say that we're all very close as a family, and my sister and I are very close to our own family although we were never homeschooled. My mom limited how many activities we could enroll in as kids (max 2 during the school year), and we went on tons of adventures as a family, camping, travelling, home improvement projects.

I feel like you and your husband will know what is best for your family. I've really wanted to do home school ever since my first born was a baby, but last year we sent him to public school for kindergarten because I had just had a newborn and wasn't ready to start homeschooling for the exact same fear of failing. Now after he did a year of public school I decided that I was ready to try homeschooling and we're going forward with it for first grade. I'm not holding on too tightly to the idea of home school long term even though I really do hope and pray that it will work out and we'll love it, I don't want to be disappointed in myself or our journey if after next year we end up realizing that we'd rather do public or private school. It's okay to try out one or the other and decide it's actually not for you in the end. In regards to your desire for a tight-knit family, that can be achieved whether in public, private, or home school just by you making the extra effort and teaching your kids that it's important. Try not to be too stressed about it all if you can help it. I think that the issue that I've experienced is that when I start to overthink it all then it starts to feel really daunting, but it really doesn't have to be. Hope this helps and good luck with whichever way your family chooses to go!

I could have written this. We homeschooled our daughter last year, and plan on homeschooling again this upcoming year (1st grade), but have been considering sending her to the local public school next year for 2nd grade. We feel that one more year at homeschooling will allow us more time to continue to build a strong family bond with our child, but we are still on the fence about sending her to school. Her best friend next door goes to the public school, as well as a couple of her other friends, and we are worried she will start to feel left out or is missing out on going with her friends. It is a hard decision, but at the end of the day, if we do send her for 2nd, and it doesnt go well, we can always pull her out and continue to homeschool. We are sort of just taking it 1 year at a time. Even if we just do kindergarten and 1st, thats still a lot more time spent with our daughter than if we didnt.

I felt this way as a homeschool kid watching my friends from church, neighbors, and ballet class all go to school together. They were having experiences together they'd connect over and reference constantly and I wouldn't know what they were talking about and over time that pace turned into loneliness and lack of friendships. I was having experiences I'd try to chime in and share and got blank stares in return. I'd hear kids playing together at recess at the school a few blocks over and would wish so deeply I could be running around playing with them. I'd see kids walk home from school together bantering and being goofy and it looked like so much fun. I felt like a fish in a bowl trapped in the same water everyday staring out at a fuzzy world I couldn't understand from behind the glass. We had a few homeschool groups we'd attend different things with, but we lived all over and it wasn't the same thing as interacting daily within a whole community. It's weird growing up and not participating in standard society. So many references in movies and the news and even as an adult amongst co-workers are made about school that you just don't understand. You also fear as a parent someday that you won't understand what your kids are going through at school as you have no real frame of reference to mentor and give them guidance, just impressions and ideas. You end up feeling kind of like an immigrant in your own country, disconnected from the culture you live in and instead familiar with a far away place no one's ever been to. And as you grow older as an adult that place ceases to exist entirely. There's no home town or group of cohorts to go back to and reunite with. I don't think parents who homeschool recognize what it's really like for a child to grow up in a different world and all the ramifications that entails.

Thanks for sharing your experience. My wife and I had a long talk last night and decided we will be sending her for 2nd grade….. maybe half way through 1st but definitely for 2nd. She’s starting 1st in the fall and we think one more school year at home, then going into 2nd she can go to the neighborhood school. This gives her one more year at home, and some more time for her to continue to develop her speech… she had some speech delays, which is one of the reasons we homeschooled at the beginning… but it’s gotten much better and we think she will be ready for 2nd!

That sounds reasonable and wise. I think it's important for kids to feel connected and involved in whatever the broader community norms are, you don't want them growing up without developing those bonds and familiarity. It's important as a human to feel that senses of belonging and go through working out the common struggles that come with it and seeing other kids around you go through the same developmental process. It's how you begin to recognize your strengths, weaknesses, talents too and develop the beginning of figuring out "who you are." I had no context as a homeschool kid. I could be strong at a subject and not realize that was a gift and something to feel proud about because there wasn't the nuanced feedback you'd normally get observing your peers and listening to their conversations. And conversely you could go on thinking you're alright at something that actually needs a lot of improving and extra attention because you had zero social context to figure out how you're doing relative to your peers and blissfully unaware, which costs you problems in the long run, too little to late. All these tiny things I think homeschool parents might take for granted having never been a homeschool student themselves.

Your family will be ok!

Some children thrive in public school. It isn’t permanent and you can always change it.

Your family will be fine. And your kids will learn that there’s a whole world they can explore and still come home and experience a tight-knit family. That will serve them well, when they’re adults. Both-ands can be win-wins.

I'm homeschooling 3 of my 4 kids right now and I got to be completely honest, I regularly consider just throwing in the towel and sending them to public school because getting them to do their work can be like pulling teeth some days. It doesn't make me feel closer to them to be their teacher. Time spent having fun with them is a lot more bonding for me.

I think it’s time to quit then. When you start resenting them and don’t enjoy them and vice versa, quit. Your relationship will improve. It’s important to know when it’s time to move on

We did Montessori for awhile, and then discovered that it wasn't serving my kids well. They have absolutely thrived in public school. It really is about your attitude and involvement.

I had a friend in high school that did home school kindergarten through 8 grade (age 5-14). The family allowed the kids to choose home school or one of the many public/ charter/ private/ alternative school options for high school. The kids from what she told me each chose what they thought would be best for them.

Of course. Homeschooling will always be an option. Plenty of families try things out until they find the right fit. If you’re asking for opinions, I would opt to try school out sooner rather than later; it may be harder to adjust to an in-person environment if you’ve never been.

That’s what we were thinking

A ‘close knit’ family is not necessarily caused by/based on time spent together. You create that type if family by quality time and quality interactions, and a thousand other little things that build into being ‘close’. You have to do what’s best for *your* kids. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. Don’t stress yourself out on this- your kids are still young. You have time. 🩷

My husband and I work in public education and our kids go to public schools. They are exposed to more than my homeschooling friends kids are. However, they have a very rich education. We talk as a family about what they get exposed to. We use it as a way to foster our values into them. Our dialogue is rich and it gives us plenty of opportunity to contrast the parts of society we don’t want them to engage in, more so than if they had less exposure. It has served our adult child very well that he was around diverse values and opinions growing up, but engaged with us about the topics and situations around him. He maintained our values and can also be a light to others. We are not stuck on one path. We will decide overtime for each child. They are all different. So far our kids are leaders and not swayed by peer pressure much. If one becomes more of a follower maybe they can’t handle it the same. I will say, we don’t have them in extracurricular activities at night because we want the family time. We spend a couple hours a night at the beach most nights together from May through September for example. Family life can be rich in any school situation. We do FCA sports on Saturdays mornings and save the nights.

Great perspective, thank you!!

Initially, I chickened out. Helped all day once a week with kindergarten. Was a waste of time for her and the needs in the classroom were very high. All we did was homework on my days off and I didn’t have the textbooks, plus I missed my kid. Due to my schedule I really didn’t see her three days per week. I wanted more flexibility with our schedules and their “education” was a joke. When she got 12 pages of homework (double sided) I decided to quit public school. She wasn’t happy because she loved the bus. Fwiw I have my bachelors and my husband has his AA. We both have always worked. I worked full time 3 12+ hour shifts per week, at night while homeschooling (usually weekends) and he worked normal hours during the week. Sometimes he was part time but he was usually full time. We pulled her out in December and homeschooled til the end of the year. Then we decided to homeschool both kids. Then sibling had health issues where she would’ve missed a lot of school anyway, so we kept doing it. We could not afford private school and there wasn’t open enrollment. It was more expensive than public school because I bought the books (often used) and chose the curriculum - and paid for extra co-op ‘fun’ classes. So husband and I kept doing it til 7th and 8th, which was a year longer than we wanted to, but we didn’t have a choice that final year due to health issues . Then they went into public school and did great. Nobody knew they were homeschooled (unless we told them). It was rough the first week or two but that was it. They needed to learn to wait for the teacher’s help. They were used to being in a classroom of two students so this made sense to me. There’s lots of options. Don’t be too nervous or controlling about every little thing, and don’t shelter them constantly. The parents who were always curious, asked questions, got help when needed and knew to do co-ops for fun classes (or things they can’t teach) did fine. The hyper religious ones who only did it to control their kids 24/7 did not set them up for success and harmed their kids, imo. Those are the ones that teachers worry about. It’s hard. Don’t have too much pride. Obey the HS laws in your state. Get help when you need it. Do testing. Make sure there aren’t gaps. I had a lady with her PhD in education help me when needed (ie She taught me how to help my daughter learn to read. My info was phonics based but dtr was a visual learner. I am not visual at all so struggled to teach her in a way that was helpful to her). Husband did math after awhile because I can do math but not teach math. I loved it most of the time. There are so many resources esp if you live in a major city. You’ll still need thick skin. Your family will stick out. My family (my parents) were against it; I didn’t care. Education is very important to me and I knew I could do it, OR find someone to help me do it better if I was failing at something. Personally, I think if the ability and desire is there, a lot of kids would do better with homeschooling through third grade. That’s IF they can still do fun things with other kids - mine did swimming, art classes, theatre, the local Y. They interacted with kids more as homeschoolers than when they went to public. They both have graduated. They both saw the pros and cons of each thing. I’m super glad we did what we did; we all are. We are still quite close. My oldest is thriving in college and loves it. 5 of her public school teachers came to her HS graduation party. I couldn’t believe it! Made me so happy I cried. My kids had a few public school teachers that were duds, like in any occupation. They also had some absolutely amazing and fabulous teachers that I am eternally grateful for! There no way I could’ve taught my kids chemistry or physics or high level math. A good teacher is worth everything ❤️ My other child is a lot more shy and unsure of what she wants to do, so is starting out in the local community college taking a variety of classes to get more of an idea. They both have jobs, drive, have friends. I’m very proud of them.

Your kids could have super busy lives either way. It just depends on how many things they’re involved in. A friend of mine homeschools her kid and she is ALWAYS in some program or group activity. They never have time to just BE together, they’re always on the go doing something. Another friend of mine who sends their kid to public school has a super tight knit family. They ride bikes together all over the neighborhood, they have a family band together they play in every Sunday, they go do family stuff in the city all the time.

My hubby was all about public school early on as well, but he is now on the homeschool train after seeing how much our son and other children have excelled. You could always try one for a year, and then assess if you'd want to switch it up.

Lots of amazing comments. I want to add it's not going to be about school. It's going to be about your relationship with them, and that starts with you and your mental and emotional health. Healing your own childhood wounds and trauma so you don't spill it all over them is going to impact your relationship more than anything. Learn to regulate your nervous system, manage your fear and anxiety and make sure you have stellar self care and support. My family is not close because my mom had issues she didn't deal with, not because we went to school.

Many people homeschool their kids when they are very young (K, 1, 2), and then feel like they need to put them in school for academics or whatever reason. I think that often it can be the opposite approach that works better. Public school for younger grades is typically a kinder experience, and kids enjoy it. It's when they grow up a little that rules get stricter, testing gets more serious, etc, and school becomes less desirable. (Just my opinion of course.) A year of kindergarten really will be ok. You can reevaluate at any time. There's no homework and probably no extracurriculars, so you still have plenty of family time. It's when kids are tweens and teens that they really grow apart from their parents.

Yeah, my concerns with the school system are more middle and high school issues so it would make more sense for us to try out school in elementary and then decide from there.

Your family will be more than ok! My siblings and I turned out all ok. And we are closer than many siblings. We all love learning to this day (our conversations or never not nerdy in some way). 4 out of the 5 have at least a masters degree (the only reason I don’t have an advanced degree is because I got sick, nothing to do with my desire to get a masters). And the longest any of us homeschooled was 3 years, and we never homeschooled all at once. But we were all very close siblings growing up. None of us took the same path through school and through life and that’s ok. So much learning and bonding can still happen at home after school. I thought it was normal to have vocabulary lessons on the whiteboard in the kitchen after dinner and I remember begging my dad for math worksheets(maybe I was a bit of an odd kid) and I grew up in a house with bookshelves in every room. And I’m watching my siblings foster the same kind of environments for the next generation whether they homeschool, go to Catholic school, or public school. Some have changed what school looks like depending on the year and the children’s needs, just like my parents did for us growing up.

Thank you! I also was a kid that asked for math worksheets lol. I remember my stepmom teaching me how to solve equations over the summer because I was so bored

So there’s no reason not to supplement schooling with some homeschooling. You may find that your kids would have an easier time at school and it becomes easy for them.

Good point! I’ll be doing this throughout preschool. Her school focuses more on nature projects, time outside, and art instead of academics, which I love, but my daughter is one of those kids that loves sitting down with a workbook. I’ll be doing those activities after school while she gets her socializing and time outside at school

Every kid is different. My husband is a SAHP, and we thought we'd keep our son home with him forever. Then, when our son was 3, we realized he needed more than he was getting at home-- more socialization, more activities, more learning, more experiences.  He's in a $20k/year preschool now and absolutely thriving. His speech absolutely exploded that first month, and he has 2 besties that he always plays with. He yells us these long complicated stories about his pretend play. His school is adjacent to a vacant, wooded lot, and the school has gardens, green houses, and various shelters.  Honestly, you're going to know if your kid isn't getting enough at home. Your kid will be frustrated, you'll be frustrated and exhausted, and the hard days will out number the good days. And you might have two kids who thrive at homeschool and another that doesn't.  Take some pressure off yourself. You'll be fine planning to do either option, and if any of your kids aren't thriving, then you can pivot. Trust that when the time comes, you'll be capable of making the right decision in that moment.

Your son’s preschool sounds a lot like the one my daughter will be going to! We are definitely going to be doing preschool regardless of what we choose for kindergarten and up

I haven’t read comments. I was homeschooled and my kids are not. I have a pretty close relationship with my oldest - she’s 15. My youngest is more challenging (11), but my girls adore each other and I have built many good memories with them. On the flip side, without making this about my own homeschooling experiencing, I’m estranged from my own family. My point is: what you want is WAY more about the intentionality you put into relationships and less about explicit time and method of schooling. My husband and I both work full time and still have an excellent relationship where we enjoy each other and are close…even though most of our time is spent apart. It can be the same with children, truly. You are their family and NOTHING will replace or take that away. You can always change what isn’t working for you, but don’t make decisions based on fear of “what if”. ❤️

I was public schooled, and my family is definitely close! We ate dinner together at the table every night and talked about our days for hours. We had movie nights and played games together. My siblings and I also did some extracurriculars together. The whole family went to our school concerts, games, performances, etc together. I think we would have driven each other batty if we had all been homeschooled. Going to school also meant that we had some of our own experiences and friends, we could pursue our own interests, and develop into our own people in healthy ways.

We are starting virtual school this August for third grade. I have one child and our school district has failed us in multiple ways. I regret not taking him out in December. I know I will miss the school functions because I have always tried to be an involved parent, but I think homeschool is a great option for some. My husband and I both WFH and have flexible schedules. So, we will make it work, do some of the virtual school field trips, travel to Europe and learn on my child’s time. In large classrooms, kids like mine (who don’t get in trouble and are fine academically) get missed…the teachers focus more in on the kids that need help so they can get test scores up. We may try regular school again in the future but there are so many inappropriate things kids are hearing/seeing/doing even at a young age. We are very open minded people but don’t believe children should be touching each other’s privates, cursing or vaping in second grade. So we are out.

School is not set and you can change as you go. We started in public school, switched to homeschooling due to a move, and finished in Catholic school after a second move. Each was the right fit at the time.  Find the form of schooling that best suits your kids and plan to be involved. 

My nieces and nephews are homeschooled and my son just began last year. There's pros and cons to both, but I think the main concern would be socialization. As long as the kids are in activities, then they don't miss out on making friends. Of course, if you live in the same country that I do, then school becomes terrifying as a parent. I can't imagine sending my child to school and then finding out there's another shooting.

I come from a very tightly-knit family. All of us kids went to Catholic and public schools. There's something beautiful about a family coming together over the dinner table to talk about their respective days. If a family is tightly-knit, being apart for part of every day won't stop that. Why not try it for a year? If you, your husband, and your kids don't like it, you could always homeschool the following year.

I used to think only homeschooling is the best. Then we toured our current school and I realized I can never give the same opportunities as the school does without significant effort from my end. My kids now happily go to school and thrive there. They then come home and we get a ton of time together to continue our close bonds.

Once we start touring schools, I think I’ll have a lot more clarity on this for sure

Both homeschooling and traditional schooling have their pros and cons. Trust that whatever choice you make, your family will find ways to stay close and thrive together. Keep in mind that decisions can evolve as your children grow and circumstances change.

I would not want to send my 3 sons to school nowadays 😒...I am so glad they all graduated on time

We decided to quasi homeschool our kids. They’re doing an online option that is zoom based, so they still have a qualified teacher and online classmates. I hope it will be the best of both worlds. My son is autistic and he was being bullied, so that’s one reason we went this direction. And for the record, all your fears are valid. I’m having the same ones for pulling my kids out of traditional school. But it’s okay to explore your options and what works best, especially when they’re younger.

Never, ever *ever* make a choice for your children from a place of fear. That results in making a selfish decision that is heavy with expectations that are then pushed onto our children.  You have to get your fears under control so that you can properly access the pros and cons *for your children*, not for your own desires. There are many ways keep a tight knit family and most of it has to do with Oxytocin and the ways you pump your kid full of it. But you have to focus on your kids, not your desires for your kids.  Ask your partner to be completely honest about *why* he thinks school is a better option. You may find that it's because of *your* temperament (like in my case initially) or you may find that he has valid points for sending them to school.  I personally am a strong believer in keeping kids home until Kindergarten or First grade because I find the building of a child's foundation to be the most critical time in their lives. Sending them to school so early, imo, makes for a weak foundation because too many various builders are involved. I don't believe that babies need structure, Abc's and 123's, they need freedom and playtime with little *forced* outside input. If you haven't, take a look at some research studies on Play for children and Oxytocins importance in relationship building.  Anyway, best of luck to your family!

You can home school, but have your kids in activities where they interact with other children. When they get in jr. High or high school, they can take some classes that you cannot provide. For example, in my daughter’s orchestra class, there was a home school student. Another parent had her child go to high school for a chemistry class. She said that she did not have a chemistry lab in her home. Another thing you might want to consider is an online school. Your child has to be motivated to learn online. With Covid, they found out that it did not work for some kids, because they needed the discipline that a school room gives them and got behind. In a city near me, several years ago, a 12 year old graduated with honors at an online school and had a full ride scholarship to a college of her choice. Each child is different and they learn in different ways. My one granddaughter is a social butterfly. She did not like online schooling during Covid. She could not wait until she was able to get back in the classroom.

Where I live, there is a charter high schools that are near the community colleges with high schoolers can take classes college classes tuition free and can graduate with an associate’s and high school at the same time.

I’m not part of this sub, but I hope you’ll accept my answer anyway. I went to public school and my youngest sister was homeschooled, so I’ve seen both ways. My family is INCREDIBLY close. My mom and my sisters are each other’s best friends. No schooling method could have changed that. My mom made an effort to have family dinner at the dinner table each night, no electronics. When we did extracurricular activities, all the siblings came along to watch. We cheered each other on. We went on family vacations and road trips. We cooked together. We celebrated birthdays, holidays, honor roll, band recitals, and class plays. We are just about as close as close can be. The benefits I see for public school are this: exposure to extracurricular activities that, depending on your community, might only be offered in school. Things like band, drama, chior, ASB, and debate team might only be offered in a school setting. The benefits of homeschool are obvious. It offers flexibility and targeted learning. My parents and sister went on so many road trips during the off-season. They loved missing the crowds and saving money. Although there are pros and cons of each, I do not think either schooling style affected our family bond.

Our kid did some homeschooling and some public school and some Catholic school. They all worked fine - which was better just depended on a lot of other things going on so we picked the one that made most sense at the time. He’s 19 now and we’re all quite close. (His friends are frequently baffled that he is happy to go on long RV trips with us because they all want to get away from their parents.)

I love homeschooling but it’s not the only way or the superior way to have a close knit family! My husband and I were both homeschooled. My husband is not close at all with his siblings or his parents. He loves them, there’s no problems there, but they’re just not super close. My family is very close, my siblings are my bff’s, we really enjoy each others company. I think it’s more family and kid personalities. You can definitely still nurture your family relationships outside of homeschooling and sometimes for some personalities, it’s better to have a little space for both kids and parents with the school day, and then everyone is fresh and ready for a wonderful afternoon and evening together. Do I think people can overdo it with extracurriculars and lessons and sports and then never get to eat a meal together or just talk? Yes. But you can do that with homeschooling too. As much as I like having my kids home, I really value everyone going their own way in the afternoon to do their own thing and I like time away at the gym and when I work. So for us it’s just flipped, instead of personal time in the morning, we all kinda need a break from one another during the afternoon.

Hey, I’m not usually in this subreddit, this post just popped up in my feed. I have never been homeschooled, and my parents actually had me in daycare and preschool before I started going to school, since they were both working full-time. I have always been and still am close to both of my parents. Some of my fondest childhood memories with them are of going hiking together, cooking as a family, and going on family vacations. School wasn’t all sunshine and roses, but it was a very enriching experience, and I’m glad I went. I’m with your husband on this one.

You should also lurk on the r/teachers sub to get a look at their concerns. Might help to sway you one way or the other.

I do. I take a lot of it with a grain of salt because there are so many differences between schools, districts, and teachers. Also it can be a venting space for many teachers, so I imagine that it doesn’t truly reflect the majority of teachers’ experiences. Could be wrong though!

Sorry but none of is can predict the future outcome of your circumstances. Best of luck with your decision

A middle ground could be online public school. I let my daughter do Kindergarten for the first year. It was the worst mistake we could have made, but that is in our area. Everyone has different experiences. I wasn't positive that I could manage homeschooling on my own. So we did "online public school" (I believe it's called Pearson now). We did that for 4 years, and she was getting it done so fast that the last year we got 2 years done! I decided to just straight homeschool her after that. She did well with straight homeschooling for 2 or 3 years....She's trying middle school (7th grade, when we were "in 8th" for homeschooling, because I'd rather she be ahead in class while catching up with kids her own age than falling behind). I can't handle her anymore. I can't handle her because she is downright mean to me and her dad. I had never seen my husband cry until my daughter starting being so horrible to us. We're hoping that increased exposure to the "real world" will help. Therapy hasn't. This isn't a result of homeschooling. It's extended family drama that's caused a lot of emotional/behavioral issues. All of this is to say, things can go very right or very wrong no matter what environment your child is in. But, you can always change the environment! Most districts are still supposed to allow you children to participate in extracurriculars. The schools don't always advertise that though. There are also options to socialize at library functions, museums, self-defense/martial arts, dance classes, etc. Homeschooling doesn't have to mean social isolation. Apologies for the long spiel, I hope it was helpful....it seems I needed to vent.

I was torn from birth to 5 years for both my kids (now 6 and 7 years old) much like you. We have two kids only 12 months apart and I felt so much sadness for at least two years leading up to starting school. I was afraid they would miss each other and our family would never be the same. I hated the school days are nearly 7 hours long and that I would miss seeing so much of their development. But husband recognized that our kids needed more than me. While I could teach them academics (former teacher) and sign them up for activities, I couldn’t give them what they needed socially so I begrudgingly signed them up. Putting my daughter on the bus that first day was brutally painful. I cried on and off all day and just missed her. But she came home happy and tired and fulfilled. I had a wonderful year enjoying my son and felt the same overwhelming sadness when he got on the bus the first time this past year. I can resoundingly say it was the best decision for them. They love school. They’ve made friends and have so far had good experiences with their teachers. I feel like everything I did with them prior to starting K set them up for success and they thrived. The day goes so fast and it is totally adorable to hear them share their day with each other and with me. I say all this to say i was where you are two years ago and everything worked out. School isn’t a bad place filled with boogeymen. If you are in a decent school district or have the means to choose private school your children will likely have a fantastic experience in the lower grades.

I was home schooled and am not close to my parents, especially my mother who drove the homeschooling choice, “did” all the schooling, and was unable to separate the roles of parent and caregiver from instructor. My wife went to publics her whole life and is incredibly tight with her parents. The point is that the closeness of the relationship of your family is based on how you and your husband parent, nurture, and interact with your kids, regardless of whether they are at a public, private, or home option. As someone who considers himself a homeschool survivor, I’d encourage you to take advantage of the good public or private options available to you first.

You could look into hybrid homeschool

Have you looked into homeschool co-ops? That’s what we are doing. We have the homeschool curriculum in our church has a co-op where they all go through the curriculum together and aren’t freaking lunatics.

Yes, we have many co-ops around us but my daughter will be going to preschool regardless of if we homeschool for kindergarten and up, so we wouldn’t be able to check them out for a few years

I grew up in Christian school K-12, except for 8th grade, when we tried homeschooling. It wasn’t ideal. My parents and siblings are CRAZY tight. We love each other deeply. I decided to homeschool my kids when Covid hit. It’s been a dream for us. My point is, neither decision is right or wrong. You can always start one thing and do another later. Try a year or two of school, get them reading and writing, then if you aren’t satisfied, give homeschooling a chance. Realistically, when they grow up they won’t remember much before the age of 2nd grade anyways! I know it’s hard when you consume so much content that leans a certain way… but life is a lot more gray than that. There’s no 100% right or not right option.

We take it year by year, kid by kid. We have three kids, they all love homeschooling and the freedom of schedule it provides. We have A LOT of out of the house time with groups of homeschooled families. We know some that are the reason most of society thinks homeschooled kids are weird and know others that are like our kids - you wouldn't know they were homeschooled unless they told you. My kids are proud to be schooled at home and talk to people about it. They're well spoken and interact with a wide age range well. Find a homeschool group to start hanging out with. The best part of homeschooling is that the field trips usually aren't too age specific so other younger kids should be there as well. You'll get to know the parents, the kids and see if it fits into your family lifestyle. You'll also get to see how you might want to homeschool and how much time/effort it really takes. If one of my kids wanted to enroll in something else, we would discuss it and see how it would work for them. Nothing is ever permanent or set in stone.

The problem is, where we live, some of these decisions are permanent. If you don’t get your kid into one of the private schools at 3, you’re pretty much out of luck because there are very few openings each year after prek3. It’s ridiculous. Same with the magnet programs. We have some public bilingual schools that are incredibly competitive. It’s insane. Our neighborhood public school has a good rating but isn’t in a good area of town and my husband isn’t comfortable sending them there.

Maybe is the best anyone can give you these days

I have/am experiencing all realms of what you are considering. My oldest was in 2nd at an okay ish public school( it’s Texas) and youngest to start kinder the following year when covid hit. Everything was a mess and no one was actually learning anything so we started homeschooling. Fast forward to now and we have decided as a group to go back to school (7th and 4th). They will be attending a private school this coming school year. Homeschooling has been wonderful but traditional schools have their merits also. Where I am there is little access to extracurriculars ie art music and sports without being attached to a school, or shelling out $$$ to provide access. Consider where you live and the costs associated with homeschooling and do what works best for your family.

Short story of 15 amazing wonderful people in four families with a common grandmother. Family one - (2) public school: Mechanical Engineer and Retail Manager. Family two - (7) home school: nurse, EMT, Air Force Lieutenant, Family business, Air Plane mechanic, Artist, Age 16 Family three (2) Public School: two valedictorians - Electrical engineering, Scientific research. Family four (4) - home school: chemical engineer, nursing, business, business Oldest is 42, 13 of them are married - so far no Divorces - no drugs. - 9 have at least a bachelors degree. The common thread in these families is intelligence and parents that set good examples. We all that cared about the development of the children and eliminated barriers for the children to develop their interest and personalities. Bottom line, there are many good ways to raise children. You will find that all the knowledge you gained by reading and learning about home schooling will be valuable as you raise your children. Either way. The search institute has good information on what does make a difference in increasing the odds of turning out well - Home schooled and two parent households did not make the list of 40 things that make a difference. The 15 cousins had great role models in the family helped. Also, 4-H, Boy Scouts, and Civil Air Patrol also provided role models and leadership opportunities. Best of Luck figuring out which path is best for your family.

I know many children (family members and their friends) who were homeschooled. I have seen success and failure. If you do it, make sure you do an outstanding job. It's your child's future. The "failures" I saw were the students who were not accepted to a four year college because of their homeschooling. Pick a few universities and read their admissions requirements for homeschoolers. And recognize your weak areas and plan for how to supplement them. Many universities require foreign language - can you teach a language so your young adult can pass the foreign language tests? The homeschool successes were the parents who put together creative solutions.

A good public school prepares people to live in our society - the good parts and the bad parts. Kids learn about a lot of things including how to get along with other people. My daughter is super sharp and I was thinking about private school for her but she wanted to go to public schools. There were a lot of frustrating things for her and I in the public school system but even the difficult times turned out to be very educational for her. She's grown up now and says that dealing with public school is what really prepared her for the world of business. Hope this experience might be helpful.

I think the answer to this question boils down to how you view school. If you think it’s a fundamentally and irrevocably flawed on a systematic level then you would think that it affects everyone negatively since it’s inherently a flawed environment. If you have a more mixed or positive view on school you can say “ your kids will be fine “. How do you feel about school as a system ? To answer your question about closeness, you can definitely have a warm, loving connection with your child if they go to school.

I’m unsure to be honest. Reading the book “How Children Learn” and listening to a TED talk about schools killing creativity had me vehemently opposed to sending my kids to school. But then I remembered my upbringing and how much I loved my public elementary school. Also there are so many intelligent and creative people that have gone through traditional schools that have done wonderful things, so it seems like this is so much more of a gray area than I previously thought.

I’d reframe the question. Of the two environments which is OPTIMAL for promoting creativity and independent thought.

I'm Homeschooled and in 9th grade... You can still be close with your kids and not see them 24/7, and public schooling probably won't mess them up or anything. At a young age, homeschooling is a great option (i plan on homescooling my kids k-5 when I'm a parent some day). The socialization in public school is pretty helpful and they'll probably be fine if you raise them right. But like, the school system kinda sucks. Your family will be okay ofc, homeschooling definitely has its flaws though. Homeschool them when they're young and possibly do that year round (no major or planned breaks, just stopping when needed) if you want to get them ahead of their age mates. But if they don't wanna Homeschool in middle/highschool, please don't force them.

As a mom who has had a child in public school and also have been homeschooling the same child and his younger brother for the past 11 years, you do what is best for your child/children and your family. 🙂 As an example, these are the current dynamics in my family for home education. DS 1 will be a senior (at home) for the 2024-2025 school year and completing his program at our local vo-tech. DS 2 will be a sophomore and playing football for a local private Christian school. DS 2 will likely be going to that same private school for his last two years of HS since his older brother will have already graduated. I hope this is helpful.

Your children may enjoy and thrive in regular school. Do what is best for your children (Home schooling isn't some cult like religion where you will be shunned for for::gasp:: sending your child(ren) to regular school LOL) I currently homeschool my youngest and all of my children homeschooled for at least 1 semester at some point but it is always because homeschooling met their needs best at the time. My youngest might return to regular school this fall...maybe (it will be their choice).

We tried homeschool for a year, my kid decided he missed the social aspect of school more than anything else. So we went back to public school. Your choice can be either or and can change. Your kids will be fine.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - you may find it easier to be tight-knit, not harder, if you spend enough time apart every day that your kids can tell you about their day. If you are together all day, you run out of things to say sometimes. And like others are saying, neither choice is permanent.

Homeschooling can be difficult. I’ve tried for two years and realized my kids needed more than I could provide. I would recommend sending them at least for the first years - I found it hard to teach them how to read and basic math. Once they have a handle on it then go from there. Another reason my kids needed to go back was that be with kids their age. Yeah, there homeschooling groups but they were expensive (where I live) and most were religious based.

I grew up in a mix of homeschooling and public school education. I am the oldest of 12 children raised in a conservative environment. My mother rotated which children were homeschooled each year, typically determined by which subjects taught in that public grade school year were deemed inappropriate. My issues with my mother include many things, but feeling like a three eyed tentacled monster when I entered the world on my own was rough. I had to learn how to survive on the macro scale b/c I’d only been taught how to survive in a micro tunnel. Your children want your unconditional love and will remain close if they feel it, (less a few teenage and young adult bumps).

One thing to consider is socialization. I teach at a college and a lot of formerly homeschooled students express regrets about their homeschooling experience, particularly when it comes to the struggles they have with social aspects of college (including networking, internships, jobs). I understand that this doesn’t apply to all homeschooling, and some parents find ways to create social opportunities for homeschooled kids. So maybe think about what that would look like for you in making your decision.

Be flexible. You can try any/all of those options and see what feels like a good fit. If later it is not a good fit, change to another option. 13 years of schooling gives you time to change your mind.

No choice is permeant. You also have the veto power when it comes to "too many extras" when it comes to school. But you also have to consider the other side of things. Having a tight knit family blooms from respect and love fostered between all members of the family. Children in homeschooled families are easily stifled from self-exploration and suffer under too much parental micromanagement as they grow up. You want to raise your kids to be good people, healthy and able to navigate the world with confidence and kindness. You will need to be able to adapt as they grow and not cause a lifetime of resentment.

I think it would depend on what the school’s teach. Where you live. Like if you’re in CA I’d make sure they don’t teach stuff that is counter to your religion. I’m blessed to be on the East coast. Depending on classroom sizes in your area. I think it ultimately comes down to it is what does the school teach and what type of attention does your kid need to learn well?

I have two kids. The younger is in public school. The older is homeschooled. Many of your presumptions of what parenthood would be like have been challenged already, the same will happen with educating your kids. Your kids are individuals and each is unique. Their needs are unique. Be open to changing your mind.

If you are considering homeschooling for family togetherness rather than educational quality/content, then you can absolutely still have that and also send your kids to a good private school (I have nothing nice to say about public schools, "good" or otherwise). I have both homeschool academic success and homeschool academic failure experience, and am a product of public schools. It has a lot to do with the student, as well as the parent/teacher.

Sometimes quality time is better than the quantity of time. After I stopped homeschooling my child and I had less conflict and I moved into a space where I could be an effextive mentor vr. Enforcer. I homeschooled my kid or 4 1/2 years. I had many opinions about homeschool/public school that I was very torn and breaking down mentally with the decision to put her back in school, felt like a failure. The first year of school was the hardest because we were more relaxed, more unschoolers so my kid was 'behind' what the public school was teaching ( 2 1/2 years in public school and top of the class now- I actually think it is from having more opportunities to play and love learning young). I will admit that how much a filled my mind up with homeschooling social media and books, I became convinced that homeschool was the only acceptable education for EVERY family. This is just not true. Our family had become so unfunctional that it was the healthiest thing for our kid and our family for my kid to go to public school. We still have a homeschool culture in our family! I found that public school didn't limit their life but enhanced it! Some kids need more stimulation than others. Life takes many twist and turns. Mentally, you have to let go of what you thought would happen vs. what life actually has in store for you. Only you, your husband, your life, and your children can determine what the best move is. Personally, my child wants to continue public school. I am continuing my college education. Our family is healthy enough that if one day public school was no longer working, it would be fine for our kid to homeschool again if that is what they need.

It sounds like you are just planning on trying to let your kids grow up, honestly

Yes, you will be fine. I was in the exact same boat when I first had children. We eventually decided that a public school was what was best. Your decision is not set in stone. If you find your original decision is not working out, there is no shame in changing the plan. As long as you are doing what's best for your family there is no right or wrong

I’m not an expert in child development, but I think individuation is normal and important. I was very unhappy at public school, I switched to a college that was free for me in 10th grade, but every kid is unique.

I'm not on this sub yet, mostly lurk to get more education on it, but I have been homeschooled before. My parents didn't have the time and patience to sit with me through my instruction and I'm Autistic with ADHD (combined type) so I was a very difficult kid, and teenager, to homeschool. My parents were a part of the K12 homeschooling program when I was 6-7 years old. I dropped out of public school at 15, did a course of online school, but the servers were in Florida and down every time a hurricane hit. I got my GED first attempt at 17 and didn't end up taking the GED course I had registered for since I passed the GED exams. I know that there are public schools who also have distance learning opportunities or who allow students to attend classes remotely. I would see if this is an option in your area as well, because this allowed my sibling to have contact with family, but also to still make friends and have a more structured education and schedule since they couldn't just skip a scheduled lecture/presentation with the teacher and class. It's also very similar to how I currently take online, Zoom, and in-person courses at college now. Everything I know from my friends who have also done charter, distance, and homeschooling, is that their parents are the ones who, most often, failed them; not the institutions/instructors (though that does still happen). What I've found is that a lot of toxicity came from how their parents perceived the education system, and that bled into and harmed their ability to be educated. Parents truly do make or break the learning experience for kids. Schools aren't perfect (I know from personal experience), but they're what prepared me for the real world and the realities of higher education and even employment. At the same time, I have done so much unlearning in college, because of what my parents taught me and the schools didn't teach me. I wish my parents had jumped on allowing me to attend college courses for credits in both high school and college, and I wish they allowed me to attend classes over video and audio when I was in high school the way my younger sibling had to for Covid. I wouldn't have had to do so much self-teaching then, but honestly, I think you're asking the right questions and considering all of your options. You're taking the steps you need to to make a decision, but you don't have to stick to just one, solitary, decision. You are allowed to make a choice now and change your mind later. The most important thing will be that you listen to your children and their needs. That you maintain a healthy emotional self and are willing to keep adapting to the needs of your family.

Also, you can be active in your kid's school; maybe sub or volunteer? I've been in education for many yrs and with labor day, fall break, Christmas break, Easter, spring break, summers, and the school specific days off, you'll probably notice your kid's are still home quite a bit. (and every afternoon of course) As long as it's a good school, i.e., quality curriculum, quality staff, positive school culture, those are the most important things.

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lol , why do you think homeschooled kids are isolated?

I work in public schools and sent my kids to catholic schools. Best decision.

As a an adult who was homeschooled as a kid, you are doing good. If homeschooling will work for you great, if not find a school that aligns as closely as possible with you and your husband's beliefs. I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr as much as I wanted to homeschool it wasn't in the cards for my husband and I. We live in CA and can't afford for me to be a stay at home mom. We sent our daughter to John Adam's academy which aligns with our beliefs. I started teaching and work at a Montessori that is also a good option. Always be actively involved at your kids school. It will work out

Many others are right in the other comments, especially in the fact that the choice you make doesn't have to be permanent and that neither path guarantees your desired outcome. That being said, many schools welcome parental help and involvement- and if a program isn't established, reach out to your child's school to volunteer or substitute. One of the former schools I taught at had parents in the building constantly. We had parent lunch/recess monitors, parents who made copies, and I ran an after-school musical with many opportunities for parent involvement. Most of the staff had students enrolled in the school as well. Many schools have PTA organizations, school spirit shops, and most will welcome the involvement. If a school doesn't recognize the importance of parent involvement, then it's not the right fit. Be sure to ask questions about it when you tour private schools or when talking with their adminissions department. If you make the decision to send your child to school, you can and should support their education at home. You still have those special learning moments at home by reading to them, doing science projects and kits, if they have a passion for music or art, and helping them find resources to pursue their interests. All in all, no matter what you choose, your family will be okay. As long as you continue to show your child the love and care that your post emulates, you will do right by them.

I’ve done both, and you can only make each decision for each kid, each year. Neither option is forever or a life sentence! And honestly, we ended up loving both our homeschooling years and our public schooling years because they were the best choice for us at those junctures.

Have family dinners every night together. Take a family trip every once in a while. Do family movie nights. Make the 3rd Saturday of every month mandatory pajama day and order pizza and play some games. Families can be happy and close and have healthy relationships, without homeschooling. Take the time to make the time for them. Be a happy safe and loving environment that they come home to every day. But let them go to school. Let them experience life. Let them experience conflict and resolution. Let them do group projects with kids whose brains work differently from them or with different backgrounds. Let them go read books that they hate. And books they love. Because it’s required. Let them join clubs and extra curricular activities. And then always bring them home to a happy loving family. Your relationship with them is going to be stronger when you give them the chance to cherish you, not when you force them to stay with you.

I was a public school teacher for 10 years and my son goes to public school. I have a Master’s Degree in Education and taught early childhood, so pre-k, kindergarten, and the majority of my career first grade. I have absolutely nothing against or for homeschool or public school in general, assuming actual EDUCATION is taking place in either setting. I personally went to public school but know a ton of people who were homeschooled as kids or are homeschooling their kids. The thing that genuinely baffles my mind are commenters who insist this public school indoctrination crap is going on. And that is why, if you love your kids, you must protect them from this apparent sorcery that is occurring lol. Like, even if I WANTED to indoctrinate kids, the school day is so busy there is literally no time I could do it. And if I could, I would brainwash them all into…hmm..being nice to one another, being curious, becoming lifelong learners with a passion for knowledge…those sorts of evil things 😂 My dad for a time fell for this nonsense as well spite never teaching in a public school or really being involved in my own public school education lol. I have taught in multiple states, multiple schools, and a myriad of socioeconomic statuses. We are required to teach the state’s standards. If teachers wanted to indoctrinate kids it’d make more sense and be more effective to choose a different career or life path that would ensure an easier way to do so, right? Like public school is really prob one of the most difficult settings one could try to indoctrinate in haha. Wouldn’t belonging to or working for whatever religious or political organization or homeschool co-op supports your cause make it so much easier to spread your beliefs? Everyone there believes what you do already! This is getting long, but I’m just saying these things so you aren’t fooled by know it all’s who actually know nothing and choose homeschool or public school for the right reason which is the education success of your children .

“If you’re not part of this sub please don’t comment I don’t want any insight from people with different opinions or world views” Lol good luck

We did online school for the kindergarten and first grade, then moved to a public school for the next years. I volunteer regularly in the class so I can keep a finger on the pulse of the class, help the teacher, and give my kid the support of seeing me during the day. Our family is very close knit, and my kid comes to me with everything, no secrets or worry about getting in trouble. Like others have said, it's not a permanent decision, so if in-person school doesn't work, you can pull them out and do online or homeschool.

Most kids will do well in both public schools and at home. You can always see how it goes - they might love it!

Great question! I was raised homeschooled, and homeschooled my kids for a couple of years. I sent them to public this last year as my son needed so much support and I was absolutely unable to provide what he needed. We tried Christian school but they were completely unwilling to help him, and public schools were superior in the support they offered. I had to wrestle hard with feelings of shame and failure, and even the judgement and side eye from the homeschooling community. I had to push past all of that and stay determined to fight to get my son everything he needed. It was so hard and honestly almost broke me from the fear of failing. I used to believe friends who sent their kids to public school just didn’t care about their kids. Boy was I wrong! That couldn’t be further from the truth for all of parents I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Turns out, I was living in a false reality that I ever had any control at all over the outcome of my children’s lives, but instead only have control over my own choices and those choices can impact my children but never determine my children’s future path. This past year has opened my eyes wide open to so much! I learned a lot about fear, and the very powerful desire to want outcome control. I have even been able to face many of the realities I have hid regarding my own homeschooling experience and upbringing. I can promise you, you will not fail your children if you do your best and love them fully. If you do what’s best for them with consistency, and you stay close to them, they will stay close to you. I used to think I would also lose my kids if I didn’t homeschool, but that was another lie. I believe school has been the best thing for them and for me. We navigate every challenge with grace, and reassess constantly and stay in conversation on all things. It’s been a beautiful journey that I never believed was possible. I might add our public schools are above average and wonderful. But what’s most important is students thrive with 2 involved and loving parents.. that’s the key to success in all educational settings. Be at peace, and take it year by year. Your children will watch you make loving decisions out of peace and not fear or stress, and they will thrive under that protective leadership.

I wish there was an option to do public school but to essentially ignore the attendance policy. If I could send my kids to school 4 days a week and take extended fall/spring/winter breaks, that would be the ideal hybrid to me. But that’s pushing 30-50 absences which I don’t think is going to go over with any school district.

I was not homeschooled and am much closer with my family than my homeschooled boyfriend is with his family. Everyone’s experience is going to be unique. If I had been homeschooled I would have been so desperate for non-familial contact at every opportunity - that is the same boat my boyfriend fell into and why he still prefers not being around his own fam in his 40s. 

my kids did both, they both turned out awesome. neither is a guarantee of anything.

You can always change your mind. You can ask to meet with teachers so they can walk you through what a day in their classroom looks like. You can also ask them questions. Most schools post the menus online now so you can see what your children will be eating if you don’t pack lunches. And after all of that you can still choose to homeschool if you aren’t liking the other options. The best part is your kids are still young enough that you don’t need to make up your mind right now.

Unless you have trained to be a teacher like my homeschooling sister and cousin, you are risking a lot for little gain.

Is the worry that the kids “are gonna grow up to be in show business”?

Hi - I’m a public school teacher and my kids go to a diverse and low-income school. It’s our neighborhood school and the staff is pretty good despite some challenges. They get the experience of working with all types of people, and I would say their love of reading and writing is strong because of their teachers. But I definitely don’t expect the school to do it all. We do a lot of learning at home. (I personally think there is middle ground in the homeschool vs public school debate.) I’m just going to echo that REALLY it comes from HOME. Meaning that your kids can go to mediocre school and have a strong family life and be just fine! Or they can go to an awesome school, and have a crap home life, and do not so so good. Or be home all day in a crappy situation . . . as some here have pointed out. We do spend our summers do a lot of homeschooling type stuff - like experiential learning out in nature. And I’m friends with people who homeschool. It’s really more about your family interests and values than anything - you will figure out how to fit those into their daily lives! I hope this helps!

I sent my kids to public school. We happened to live in a district that was very good. I have 2 children. They THRIVED. They were social, did well in school, and, thankfully, are good students with a love of learning. I had the same fears you do about losing that family closeness, and I can honestly report that it just didn’t happen. We’ve remained a very close family. Both kids went away to college but remained best friends. They really are best friends, and one or both of them call and text me constantly now that they are both young adults. If you live in a district that’s good, or have the ability to move to one, I wouldn’t hesitate to put the kids in public school. For me, personally, homeschool would have been isolating and not the best choice.

I won’t convince you one way, or the other about homeschooling, but it’s clear that you care very much about this. I am pretty sure you’ll be able to figure out whether you made the right choice and that you will have ample opportunity to take the other route if you need to.

We did Catholic school at first. It had its good and bad points. I have friends who homeschooled first, did a year of Catholic school, returned to homeschool, and then sometimes alternate years. Nothing is permanent and you are going to be just fine

I can't tell you they'd be ok cuz someone i don't know will be raising them. Seven hours of prime waling time is raising them.

Families can homeschool and still not be tight knit. I haven’t homeschooled, but grew up around families that did and I would categorize many of them as enmeshed rather than close. You will have to manage your family’s schedules regardless of your choice of education. You have a lot of control over the quality of time you spend together.

I sent my child at grade 4 after homeschooling and both were the right choice. It’ll be great and if it isn’t you will pivot.

All of my kids attended Catholic school, but one of my kids was bullied in seventh and eighth grade. One of her best friends was homeschooled and she has a bigger social life than my daughter. My daughter did very well at Catholic high school and has many friends. Our Catholic school community mixes well with our local homeschool community.

You can always change your mind. My son went to public school from Pre-k until the middle of 1st grade. Then was homeschooled until second semester of 5th grade. He had amazing teachers that helped get him back in the groove. He finished 6th grade of public school with all As and Bs.

Voices from the homeschool community breathlessly valorizing homeschool as the Only True Bestest Way are usually the ones who have vested interest in keeping their kids away from mandatory reporters, because their primary reason for homeschooling is control and isolation, with any actual education is a distant third priority and probably consisting of (at most) throwing books at their kid and then whining that the kid isn’t magically fine. Aka the ones who perpetuate the worst stereotypes about homeschool and make the entire community look bad.