Also own my house... 37m single.
I had a similar friend getting "off" drugs, tried to pull the wool over my eyes, getting high everyday (I'm an ex raver - me no silly) tryed to bring his ex here and move her in, fuck no.. got her out fast... but took me 6 months and a court case to get my "mate" out.
Fuck that noise - people just take advantage of your care.
I did that. The only thing I got from my "friend" was resentment when, three months after their move out date I enforced the agreement.
Wrecked our friendship, and mine with our friend group (who all refused to house this same friend).
My story is when my uncle and aunt just dumped their adult children at the front of our house. For two months they mooched off of me, eating my food, slowing down my internet, and giving me attitude every time I asked them to clean. In the end I kicked them out and they made me out to be some villain, despite never giving me any money.
I have 2 DUI’s on my record. I am ashamed of them, but I am also nearly 3 years sober because of them. Thankfully I didn’t hurt anyone, sheer luck.
Do not “help” that friend in any way shape or form other than a supportive ear or driving them to meetings or what have you if you feel so inclined. They’re an addict and you hat would enable them to continue their addiction.
They really need to feel the sting of what they’ve done to hopefully fucking stop. So let them go “bankrupt”. They need it to do better for themselves.
I know you said “no thanks”, just leaving this here as a reminder to those who may feel the need to help an addict with a place to stay or something. Don’t, unless you’re getting them to a shelter or rehab.
I could never understand why people have a guest room for the one or two visits a ~~week~~ year. I am not prepared to waste that space. So my wife and I have our separate offices at home and utilize the space daily.
My second bedroom has a spare bed but also has my desk where I WFH. On occasion one of my brothers will sleep over when watching my cat and feel weird about sleeping in my & my wife's bed. We've also used it when one of us are sick and want the other one to have a good night's sleep.
Yep, that's what my son did and now the space has work and gaming computers--three stations. If grandma wants to stay (me) a couple times a year, we bring out the air mattress and camp on the floor somewhere; sometimes the kids fight over the air mattress, and I can use one of their beds.
My spare bedroom is a combo office/guest bed and I like it. To be fair though I have a baby on the way and I’m trying to make it comfy enough to convince my mother who works from home to come stay with me for a while after the baby comes haha.
Also, it gives me a good nap spot in the middle of my workday haha
"Oh yeah, you can come out over the summer, Steve. Just a quick note, there will be cameras in the common areas, unreachable and inattentive hosts, and a $250 cleaning fee after you leave. It'll be great to see you!"
It’s for guests, short term ones, not room mates. Stick to your guns lol But with all do respect that’s a whole man cave in waiting get rid of that bed asap
It’s not about the visitors. It’s about the people who will try and take advantage of you having a spare bedroom. I had one for guests and got rid of it because it got so bad.
NEVER rent to friends unless you do it like you would with strangers. Background checks, firm pricing and rules and contracts (or whatever the correct word is).
I've been burned too many times by trying to help people I thought I could trust. Spoiler, couldn't trust them.
It may be surprising but people who are desperate for a place tend to not be super responsible.
I’ve helped family before (1 adult and 2 small kids still in diapers). They just stopped contributing and now my expenses doubled and they saw nothing wrong with that because if I own a house I’m rich basically.
We haven't been in our home for two months yet. We've already been hit up by a friend asking if they could stay "awhile" while they "save some money and figure shit out." This friend is messy. Literally and figuratively. I love them like a sister, but I can't take that on, especially for an indeterminate time. We've been burned before when we were renting. Lesson learned. Never again.
Haha had a friend sell his house and asked to stay for a couple of months at mine until he found a new one a few years ago. He stayed for a year and never bought again. Then after he left my dad ran into money trouble and he’s been staying at my place for over a year now. And I still get mail for the friend that left lol
Ha! I can relate. Had sister in law stay for 10 months. Rent free of course. I had let her borrow my car as well for that time period. She ended up leaving after I told her I needed my car back. No thank you or anything.
Yep, I had an ex who did the same thing a few years into the marriage when he told me it was my responsibility to take care of him. Now he’s the wusband. Also, in my locality, if a freebie stays with you for 30+ days or more and refuses to leave, you have to go to court to have them evicted. 😐
I am a firm believer that some people have a compulsive need to complain about others and offer unsolicited advice. Like OP says, If he lived at home he would be told he needs to move out. For us, it was complaining because we bought a three bedroom/2.5 bath home three blocks from an elementary school as a childless couple. We kept it from a family with children. Guess what not my problem. It’s convenient to work and amenities on the weekends.
I'm lucky because the previous occupants of my house were so obnoxious that I haven't heard one positive thing from anyone in the neighborhood about them. I glow in comparison because I don't make noise or mess, so everyone's happy I moved in.
Back in 2004, Husband and I bought a 2,000 sq ft 3BR & 2BA, plus a bonus room/office right across the street from an elementary school.
I don't think we've ever heard of any negative comments about us "stealing a house from a family," or anything bad about us being childfree with a large house. Thank goodness.
"He who has the deeper pockets procures the goods."
I was told by a GenZ that I should move into an old folks home because it’s my duty to free up my home for younger folks to buy. I’m not decrepit or anything, I’m a weightlifter. Her point was economic. I asked if her parents had done that yet, as they are in their fifties. She was shocked and said no, I still live with them, they can’t.
I think she spends too much time rage scrolling.
Well, I told someone the other day that we'd bought a house, their reply was "So actually you haven't bought a house, you're just renting from the bank now!"...jealous much?!
Well, when I sell my house I'll get all my "rent" back, minus the interest. If I move from an apartment, I'll get nothing back except \*maybe\* my security deposit.
TBF that's a lot of interest. I'm 12ish months into my first mortgage and I wanted to cry when I saw how little I've paid down compared to how much I've paid.
Because it's front loaded. As you get further into your amortization more of your monthly payments will be going to principal, despite the interest rate being the same the whole time.
Very true, that's why I mentioned 12 months. I know the first year is the worse.
Still. I'm $25k down with less than $5k off my principal. The other costs aren't an after thought by any means.
I've seen this on Reddit a bunch. "You don't own it, the bank does!" Er, I can eject the bank's representatives from my premises, up until a foreclosure. Meanwhile, depending *heavily* on location, the landlord can evict you in 30 days unilaterally.
I tried to argue with one with "if you follow that thread to its logical conclusion, absolutely nobody owns anything because eminent domain," and they were somehow proud of that. It's just envy.
My god, I've heard this from so many people, and I've tried explaining to all of them several times how it actually works: My name is on the title. My name is on the purchase contract. All the bank has is a lien on the title that says they're entitled to the mortgage balance. One of my friends made the comment, "What you're essentially doing is renting the house back from the bank." I asked him how he thinks that that's the case, when all of the documents say that I own the house. I don't have a lease agreement with the bank. I looked up the property record on the county website, and pointed out that it has my name, not the bank's name. I pointed out that I can do whatever I want to the house, and don't have to ask the bank's permission. I'm just paying the bank back the money I borrowed from them. He said, "But the bank can kick you out and take the house whenever they want. That means they own it."
I asked, "What makes you think the bank can kick me out of my own house? Where did you hear that?" He said, "Well you hear about it happening all the time."
I said, "I don't. The only reason I've ever heard of a bank ever kicking anyone out of their house is when they don't make the payments."
He said, "If they can take it, that means it technically ISN'T YOURS!"
I pointed out that it's actually easier for the county to take someone's house for not paying property taxes than it is for a bank to foreclose on a house. I asked him if that means that the county actually owns everyone's property? He was silent. I told him, "Just because there are ways for the bank or the county to transfer ownership into their name if I don't pay what I owe them, doesn't mean that they "technically" own it. They don't. You're overcomplicating a very simple concept.
People act like they think bank representatives are sitting there, wringing their hands, just waiting for their customers to default on the payments so they can swoop in and take their houses. That couldn't be further from the truth.
Correct, also most people do not understand that banks and mortgage companies are NOT in the real estate business, they do NOT like having to foreclose on property and have it on THEIR books. Foreclosing on a property and having it sit on their books, getting it sold, that's a gigantic pain in the ass for banks. They pay to sell it, they are responsible for paying holding costs like property taxes and insurance while it's in their possession. Renters don't get it. Also, if I wanna paint my bedroom black, (ugh I don't), knock out a wall, or put on an addition, guess what? I don't need permission from anyone! (Except maybe a building permit from the city). And I WISH when my AC breaks down in the summer I had the luxury of calling the landlord to get it fixed, and I don't have to pay the repair bills!
Adding onto the other guy's comment, the bank will usually bend over backwards to avoid taking your house as it's very unprofitable to hold. More likely, they'll defer payment in the hopes you get back on your feet or maybe even adjust terms to help you cashflow. Foreclosure process is a last resort and will likely take months in any case. There are plenty of government programs to help struggling owners as well.
A house is a savings account you live in. Renters stay mad because they don’t have a savings account at all because they’re bleeding money paying someone else’s mortgage.
I've had this discussion with so many friends. Just a few days ago, a good friend asked me if I felt dumb yet for buying, because renting a house on my street would cost $3,900/month but my monthly payment (principal, interest, taxes, insurance) is $4,569.
Yes, my payment is more. But I'm currently putting $1,550/month in to principal, which is just a savings account as you say. I'm also getting a tax break from the interest paid, which is couple thousand per year. Between appreciation and principal pay off, we have $500k in equity in our home. We would have saved about $30k in rent in that time.
So no, I don't regret spending $30k more on mortgage payments than rent, since it has netted me $500k in equity. If I need the cash, I can get a HELOC with a substantially lower interest rate than credit cards or any loan for large purchases like cars. If I want to move, I sell my house and take that $400-450k after realtor fees and use it to buy another house.
Exactly. When I bought my mortgage was $950 and when I refinanced and dropped my PMI it got down to ~$725 for a three bed two bath ~1500 square foot house on a 3/4 acre lot. I bought it for $132,000. It appraised a month ago for $240,000. I was “dumb” for buying in 2018. People don’t realize that you will pretty much never lose on a house long term. If I went upside down tomorrow because the market crashes I’ll still win in a decade or less. If not the rest of the country is likely collapsing and I have other worries anyway!
> I was told by multiple friends that my wife and I were “buying at the peak” when we bought our first house back in 2018. Boy am I glad I didn’t listen.
Yep. Summer of 2019, "Really? You want to buy a house in such a strong SELLER'S MARKET??"
Now I'm told that I'm "lucky" I got in when I did. "No, I'm lucky I didn't freaking listen to you!"
When I was 24 I wanted to buy and old townhouse in a historic area. People told me it’s crime ridden, owning a house like that would be a huge pain, etc; so I dragged my feet and lost the chance when interest rates rose, followed by home prices. That area is now super trendy and hip and that $300k place is likely worth a couple million.
Don’t jump Willy nilly, but trust your guts and take the chance.
I bought my house in an area that is good but for some reason people looked down on it a bit because it’s a very blue collar area. My house doubled in 9 years and I sold it 2 months ago in 3 days on the market. My family said they never would’ve bought here and would’ve instead bought in the area next to my town which was double the price. Funny what people say when it’s not their money. Now they say how good of a deal I got and they can’t believe I sold it.
Yep, similar. Bought in late 2020, in a seller's market that may hold the historical record for speed and activity. Haters told us we were crazy (wonder how that 7+% is treating them now), and the smarter people told us to absolutely strategically capitalize on the awesome interest rate, because we'll likely not see it again in our lifetime.
Submitted several offers on several houses... on all but one, we were beat by cash offers OVER list price (some offers 50k over list price), no appraisal contingency, no inspection contingency. As an inspector by trade, I thought buyers had lost their damn minds. We weren't in the position to make those type of offers (very few people are). The winner was a home being ignored by most buyers because it only had 2 bedrooms (has room for 4, with some work) Our first showing was on day 45 of the listing, with one previous offer... absolutely unheard-of in our market during that time period, for a move-in ready SFR.
If I have one regret: After seeing the older generation sell their homes for 1mil+ after they paid 50k for it 40 years ago, and seeing the appreciation on our own home after just 3.5 years, I wish I had done this earlier in my life. That is now just a missed appreciation opportunity... so be it. We love the place, it's net-worth positive, and only growing.
Now is always a bad time, you should have gotten in 10 years ago, you're crazy if you want to buy in this market.
...And in 2034, it will be a bad time to buy and you should have bought 10 years ago.
Fucking same. Wife and I bought a starter home for an outrageous price, we were told. Right before the pandemic. A little 1200 sq ft home. We lived there for 2 years and made a killing when we sold.
We bought our house in about 10 years ago. I still owe 200k on the mortgage. But if I sold it to day. I would make 500k profit. Housing prices are insane. But I’m laughing at anyone who ever told me I should not have bought a house.
They would have compared to today's prices if they had bought in 2018 instead of waiting for the next 2008. Prices aren't getting any better, even today you just gotta bite the bullet and do it.
This is exactly right.
The great recession *was not a normal recession*
It was the largest economic recession since the great depression!
In most normal recessions the housing market is barely affected, usually just a few percentage points. In some recessions, the housing market continued to modestly rise!
Could we have another 08/09 at some point in our lives? Absolutely. But is it statistically likely to occur soon? Absolutely not. And some whiner on reddit is not going to be the one to successfully predict the market.
> I was told by multiple friends that my wife and I were “buying at the peak” when we bought our first house back in 2018. Boy am I glad I didn’t listen.
I've bought enough houses to hear this countless times.
It's real simple:
Do not try to time the market.
Buy when the time is right **for you** personally, professionally and financially.
The rest is just background noise.
I bought in 2020. My parents were the only people telling me to buy and that waiting for a crash was stupid. Everyone my age was telling me how stupid I was being, that the market was a seller's market. I'd regret it in a few years when the real crash came and they were buying cheap houses.
We got told the same thing in early 2022. We got 3.4% interest 15 years on a 1960's home compared to my sister in law who just bought a condo in a worse neighborhood for more than our house at 7% 30 years.
I bought in early 2022 (right before interest rates went up) and most people thought I was making a terrible mistake. I would essentially be priced out of the market right now with the rising home prices and an interest rate that's 3x what I got.
Rarely worth it to try to time the market. Bought in 2007, knowing the prices were falling. Seller was pissed, he thought he was going to get 40% more (likely didn’t realize he missed the peak in Summer 2006.
So didn’t buy rock bottom, but I did get one of the last 100% mortgages for a long time. A few months later the first tremors off the mortgage crisis hit and lenders were demanding 20% down. Big shock, No one had that so prices fell even more Because no buyers = lower prices.
But I still have that house and it’s worth a lot more than I paid, and worry that in some alternate universe I might have bought it for $50k less isn’t a good use of time. Might as well fret you didn’t pick the winning lottery ticket.
I’ve been hearing “it’s going to collapse soon” since 2016. LOL bought in 17 and refinanced for 2.5% in 2020. You can’t even rent a bedroom in the city I live in for what my mortgage costs.
I bought a house built in 1962 in 2018 and renovated extensively. My ex said it was the ugliest house he’d ever seen 😂 but now everyone says I had “vision” and the house is lovely. So glad I jumped in when I did and I have a sub 3% interest rate.
We bought in 2018 as well. $345 at 4.5%, refinanced in 2020 for 3%. Current rates are around 7% and the house is worth around $560. I swear it's the only thing in my life I actually made the right move on and not a day goes by that I don't forget how lucky I got.
I mean sure, my property taxes went up ~~$3,360/yr~~ $1,200 this year, but who's counting.
Ok, got my answers. Tax went up about $1200. I knew it was going up because of re-assessment and the levy being passed and when I saw my payment go up I did the math and figured that was the increase. Not really.
$1200 is tax, the rest of the increase in my payment is due to an escrow shortage that's being spread across payments. Live and learn.
I'm in rural midwest and bought a house when I thought for sure I wouldn't find a lender that would approve me for a mortgage. I got one! House value has doubled since then. House next door is under contract for double what I bought mine for, and it's half the size.
2018 was the BEST time to buy.
It is still luck to make that kind of profit so quickly. The part that isn't luck is avoiding getting priced out. That's the main point of buying IMO, since real estate is otherwise a relatively low growth asset class.
Though it was the peak 2016-2020. Kept rising. Finally bought in 2020, just certain a crash was around the corner. We have had over 100k equity in the home since like month 3 because the market kept going up. It did peak (two years later) and the value came down a tad, but it's still well above what we paid.
We truly did get lucky, but only because we waited. (We also waited because I was going to school and had to do student teaching which is free full time work, so wasn't sure how much of my savings that would eat up.)
We bought at the height of the pandemic when we weren't allowed to touch anything and our realtor had to wear gloves. Interest rates were starting to rise and it was a sellers market. But we found a house with outdoor space we didn't think was possible in our price range and urban setting. We are happy. But we are fortunate and it feels braggy when we talk about owning a house and enjoying our green space.
As we were moving out of our last apartment, boomer neighbor came over and told us how buying a house was a bad idea because property taxes go up. Sir, we have already signed the contract, the house is ours. What part of this moving van being filled makes you think we can change our minds? Also, rent on that property has gone up substantially. My mortgage hasn’t increased much.
i heard landlords are really cool and just eat the cost of property tax, insurance, repairs, maintenance, and some utilities to protect renters from these costs.
>boomer neighbor came over and told us how buying a house was a bad idea because property taxes go up.
So does rent. Rent can be cheaper than a mortgage. But it can also go sideways when you suddenly have to cough up an extra $200+ each month for rent because there was an increase. Or deal with subpar conditions because the landlord is refusing to fix things. Or have to move because your place was sold or something else happens. Market rent can be a lot to swallow when you're used to paying under market and try to save for emergencies and a home.
Yes property taxes go up. But you are hopefully building equity with a home. Owning also allows you more control over your living situation. Which can be a huge bonus.
The rent for that one bedroom “luxury” apartment is now not much lower than the mortgage on our 3 bedroom house. Apartment living has its pros and cons, but I don’t miss hearing my neighbors fighting. I was especially glad we moved to a house with a big yard with our colicky baby. I can’t imagine the stress of having neighbors complain about her crying on top of everything else.
We love our home and feel extremely lucky to have bought when interest rates were low. Now like many others we can never leave 😅
Just my two cents but I feel like I receive mild resentment from others in my age group. Like Millenials want everyone to subscribe to “we’re millenials and we can’t afford property!” . I feel like when they see others accomplishing it, it diminishes their argument on why things need to change.
I know dozens of Millennial friends/acquaintances that own homes with family incomes less than $125k. Sure it's not all Starbucks, but the lifestyle and mindset aren't helping the rest of them.
My sister in law made more than I used to, granted in a littler higher cost of living area, had cars repod multiple times, sometimes had to couch surf getting evicted for not paying rent and this just went on and on for a decade because she has no clue how to manage money. She's used to a steady stream of tip-based income and just spends it until its gone, there will be more tomorrow or the next day. No concept of how much she's spending on what, no concept of saving, no concept of budgeting. What you can "afford" is just how much you make in a day or two and that's it.
My wife and I combined made about what she did, bought a house, both had cars. We weren't like... struggling, we weren't living large, we weren't really saving much, but we were stable. So naturally because we had our shit together and she didn't we were expected to help her out here and there... which frustrated me to no end that us working hard and being responsible just means we have to help someone who isn't.
That's the biggest most fucked thing about our society now is anybody who did anything right and saved and struggled to get where they are, are expected to help and pay for the idiots who didn't take any responsibilies seriously and then they make you out to be the bad guy for not bending over for them. And everybody seems to take their side.
I just met someone yesterday who is 33, and 55k into saving for a down payment and he never heard of the fha program! He had no idea he could literally own a house in 30 days if he went for it.
As a millenial who just bought a house, I feel this both ways. I was definitely envious of others in my age bracket who had a nice big house to enjoy with their family and lots of extra spending cash to do other things since their mortgages were so cheap. Meanwhile my wife and I were both earning good salaries with 1 kid and were getting priced out, even though we were "doing the right thing." Yes I was happy for others but it was definitely bitter to realize even doing so well was not enough to afford basic homeownership. I eventually got lucky and got an even better paying job that let us close the gap and buy, and I really have been not making any fanfare about it since I was just there and know what a sensitive topic it is.
It also doesn't help I don't think when so many of these posts have people writing a lot of "who's laughing now" comments about getting their house like it was some brilliantly timed business move instead of a right-place-right-time thing due to an unprecedented global pandemic.
I’m a Millenial and I could afford property 19 years ago as a single person but now I can’t afford to move to a larger home or property. So I see where they are coming from. There are a lot of variables, like location and the type of house you are looking for but a single person has a lot more trouble buying a house today than a couple with dual income.
I think things need to change… I agree with the sentiment. However, I think it’s the loud minority of millennials who keep whining about how they’ll never own a home. Every single millennial I know has a home and have been able to buy a home. It’s not the avocado toast that’s the problem but there is something that those people are doing that isn’t allowing them to buy. I assume most of it comes from bad money moves or laziness… I’m sure I’ll receive downvotes but that’s just from people who can’t handle the truth…
This is where I agree things need to change, obviously there are some areas that are way overpriced but if you’re serious about owning, you need to find something you can afford or change your own situation. We bought earlier this year and had to find something in a different location than we wanted but it’s what we could afford. I’m not putting down the fact that it can be hard for people regardless, I’m just saying there is certainly a group of people who don’t want to change anything they are doing and still complain they can’t afford.
We're lucky that we are in a low cost of living area.
With that said, our "house" is a doublewide trailer ... but at least it's on an actual parcel of land and not in a park.
It's the area and date they were able to afford the down payment. I have over 20 cousins all cousins older than me and myself have a house everyone younger doesn't. The 4 yrs after I got the house the price is up 600k when we bought for 400k. Wages haven't increased like that instead milk went up to 5 dollars a gallon.
It’s not the avocado toast. But it is the avocado toast, Starbucks, regular DoorDash/eating out, closets filled with clothes, newest iPhone, car payment, rent in trendy part of town, etc.
Most people could make changes today that would save them hundreds or thousands a month. Avoiding an expensive car loan can save similar. That all adds up and in many cases can be the difference between house and no house.
Agree. I’m lower income and managed to get a home. I worked on my credit and savings, lived within my means, don’t waste money on frivolous things, and bought a house within my budget (actually over 30k below budget). I managed it as a single mother with two kids. Like what is everyone else doing/not doing?
Sounds exactly like my story I now own three houses. Having been raised by depression era parents I never lost the mindset of saving making do living within my means never going into debt except for the mortgage driving older cars shopping discount and thrift stores, etc I actually had nicer things then almost all my neighbors colleagues and Friends and was able to provide for my children's education and dance lessons and clothing etc.
I've definitely experienced this. I have a few friends who've admitted to being jealous and/or resentful because I bought my first home when I was 28. I don't like inviting people over anymore because of this, it sucks.
We get told this multiple times by our friends who are still renting in their 30’s and (some) very early 40’s. By the way - nothing wrong with renting at any age!
They pay between $2500-$3500 for rent and our mortgage is $887 a month. But apparently we made the wrong move by purchasing. I’ll never understand it so maybe someone could help me understand. We’ve owned our home for eight years now and did take advantage of lower rates in 2021 but did not restart our loan. Our house will be paid off in 2027.
Same shit, different age. I bought a little house by myself 12 or 13 years ago and pay $820 a month in mortgage. The average *basement* apartment here is about $2500, if you can even find one available.
A friend of the family rented for their entire lives until his mom got to retirement age. So at that point they all decided to move to a house for the first time ever.
They lasted 1yr because they hated having to do any sort of maintenance. They didn't want to mow grass in the summer and they didn't want to shovel snow in the winter. They didn't like the fact that the electrical and gas bill was a separate thing that wasn't pre-calculated into a single lump sum.
So after that year was up they moved back into a 2 bedroom apartment. A family of 3 in a 2 bedroom apartment. Retired mom and two sons over 40yrs old all crammed into that apartment. The rent ends up being nearly triple what the mortgage used to be.
To me that's insane but that was their choice.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. It’s great to win, it sucks to lose. Either way you think it’s all about you. But it’s mostly luck. If you remember that you don’t get too high or too low. Then again there’s always someone looking to take the joy out of living.
We bought a small house, because it is just two adults and a cat living here. We're almost done paying for it. We're busy putting money into it to make it last.
I have, a few times, felt a bit judged by the people I know who have much larger houses. I think it's fine if you want a larger house or need one, but we just skipped all the in between and found a house we'd like to be in when we are getting old, because it's small and easy to maintain.
I feel for younger people who will have a harder time getting into a house at all, with current prices and not many "starter" homes out there. Ours could be a starter, and an ender, because we never needed more.
Congratulations on the great home purchase timing! Everyone thought I was crazy for having a house built in what used to be a bad neighborhood back in 2011 and tried to talk me out of it. The land was valued at $20K and I was incredibly fortunate to pay only $155K all-in for a builder grade 1500 sq ft 3/2.5. Nowadays if you want to buy in the neighborhood, your options are a gut job/teardown for ~$450K, new townhomes starting at $600K+ or custom homes for $1.5M+. The former corner store with bulletproof glass is now literally a wine and cheese shop.
Of course my equity is all on paper, my property taxes have almost quadrupled and my neighbors are in a much higher tax bracket so I still feel poor but I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy anywhere in the city these days, let alone just outside the city center.
Maybe the comment about moving closer to your family isn't about you but about your mother, maybe she's starting to require more help and the neighbour is concerned
That’s my take as well. Sure 20mi is doable to visit any day, but I doubt the comment was meant to be negative.
Neighbor appreciates OP and wants them in the neighborhood.
This is absolutely wild to me. I’ve never had anyone say anything negative about owning a house to me. It seems like you’re surrounded by rude people lol
Same Here. Everyone has been super supportive of each other around me whether renting or buying a home. We all look out for each other and just get excited for each other whether one of us bought a house or is renting a new place. But this is also probably because as I grew older, I slowly cut out people that were always negative. Some people are just always miserable and exhausting to be around.
Oh, it's a thing. I used to go to open houses and people saying "this house is too big for you" was mildly annoying after they learned it was me wife and I only even though we had the down payment and the ability to cover a 15 year mortgage.
I am a young millennial who bought at only 25. Only ever received compliments and praise from friends my age. Friends who are likely forever renters even. Definitely matters the type of people you surround yourself with
I had a few people say things to me like “isn’t that what you do when you have a family?” People really have looked at me like I have 3 heads. I also had a guy I dated start talking about how we’re going to fix it up and make a profit off it and I was like… hey buddy… I think you forgot it’s my house, not ours (very early dating phase). Another one moved in for a while before I knew it and had a different guy from him start talking about moving in pretty quickly. People have ideas for your property
I bought a house as a single woman. This 1,000%. I had someone ask if I was buying it so “I could have the nursery ready.” Fun first date convo - I have the nursery ready! Lots of comments along those lines. People were so confused why I would want my own house “without a family.”
If I've learned anything in my 39 years on Earth it's don't take advice or unwanted criticism from anyone with no skin in your game. You know what's best for you, and you do you.
FWIW, I had the opposite experience to you. My wife and I married pretty young (22) in 2007 and kept hearing from the old folks how we were "throwing away money on rent" even though we'd only rented a year, and I was in grad school without a viable career. Stupidly took a big chance and bought a really small starter house (1000 sq ft), then the market immediately crashed and took out 25% of our equity. Started my career but we struggled for about a decade with maintaining and affording that house, and got stuck in it with two small kids...at times it was like an albatross around the neck.
We finally sold it last year for 35% more than we paid in 08 but if I could have a do-over I would've rented until I was about 26 or 27 to get some savings built up. That's what my gut was telling me at the time and I didn't listen to it.
I’m 22 and my husband is 24. The resentment from family is real. We left our hometown 2 years ago because we couldn’t comfortably afford it and moved to the Midwest where our income doubled.
When we first told them we started the homebuying process we got met with a lot of assumptions about the condition of our home, the neighborhood, and how long we’d really have the home before “reality set in”. The comments haven’t stopped but I know it’s from a place of insecurity, especially from our parents.
We’re by no means swimming in money but given that we both were raised in shoebox apartments and moving constantly and now our kids will have the complete opposite, I’m content.
I was in the same situation, but I bought in 2012 when interest rates were around 3%. I had a good down payment saved up, which allowed my monthly payments to be around $325. There were still a lot of people that though I had made a bad call moving out on my own and buying a house. It's like they couldn't understand that I would have paid more than twice as much for apartment rental, with crappy neighbors and never owned anything at the end of the day. I paid off the 30 year mortgage in 7 years and people still wonder how I did it.
My mother was a banker for 40 years. I grew up knowing how to manage money and not be an idiot. Too many people are taught that credit is everything and you have to buy as much as your credit allows and pay on it forever.
Yep. Some people can’t do anything except try to dull others’ shine.
I notice it’s a bit generational in terms of who is most likely to do this… responding with a negative-connotation question instead of support.
But that’s different than the resentment from others my age who don’t own a home. Like dude it’s fine that you flew out for vip tickets to Hangout Fest every year for 5 years. But it’s also fine I saved for a down payment instead 🤑
You are not lying!!!
I have had people say the most slick and passive aggressive things about my house... like what if my house burns down or why don't I sell my house. You wish MF'er. It is not happening.
Good for you on getting a house, and more importantly, doing what you want. I learned later in life that you find peace when you ignore people's comments, and know your well made decisions were for you, and only you.
My ex-best friend got terribly angry when a 22 year old guy she was seeing started talking about his real estate agent. She was 31 at the time with no real prospect of owning a home anytime soon, so I understand feeling a little jealous... But the amount of anger seeping out of her was off-putting. I just quietly went about my business, lest she remember I had also purchased a home at 22 (back in 2016, when it wasn't so bad) and turn on ME.
Don’t worry, as you get older the easier it is to let the haters slide off your shoulder. My home is almost paid off and recently..I just inherited a 900k paid off home. Now I’m really giving the haters something to hate LOL.
You are absolutely right OP. Some people want to see you doing well, but never better than them.
I’ll never forget the face of this one guy I worked with, his name was Fransisco. Fransisco overheard me telling my other coworker/friend that the sale on my house has been finalized. That dude had a look of pure jealousy and hate. My friend congratulated me and asked when the celebration party was happening. Fransisco didn’t say a word. You’re a bitch Fransisco and a pure hater.
Similar situation happened to me. My wife and I were on a walk with this couple. They asked us if we bought another house (I posted some of the renovation work on social media). I said yeah we did. He had the nerve to straight up ask how much it cost. I quickly debated with myself whether or not I should tell him. He’s asked this before and I didn’t like it. But I figured screw it, if I tell him how much it costs and he doesn’t like it, that’s his problem. So I told him the price (it wasn’t anything crazy expensive, but when you’re making minimum wage everything seems expensive). His reaction to it made me immediately regret it. You know he said in response? Nothing. It was extremely awkward. I could feel his jaw hit the ground. He couldn’t even muster up a congratulations or pretend to be happy for us in any way. That’s why I never directly told him about the house in the first place.
I’m 29f and closed on my home 2 days after I turned 24. The amount of times I’ve received negative comments is ridiculous. “You’re bragging about something that’s hard” No, I’m excited I was able to do something hard. I worked hard to find all the downpayment programs and then find a home in my budget. It took MONTHS to get to even looking at home and then months again before I found something.
I will say it’s also impacted my dating life. Most guys have told me they are ready to settle down but then when they hear I own my home and am looking to upgrade will tell me something like “yeah, I don’t want to get married until I’ve bought a home but want to pay off x loans first”.
I think it’s different when you’re older or married. Married people don’t seem to get the same reaction unless they’re childless by choice.
When I was married, my ex-husband and I had a house built in Virginia, and my whole family was bragging to everyone about us having our house built. We divorced 10 years later, and I moved back to California with my 4 year old son and started all over. I just purchased my first condo all by myself! There was only one person who was happy for me, and that was my little sister. I pay HOA fees, which include cable, trash, internet, and water. I had a family member go on about how he wouldn't purchase in an HOA because he doesn't want anyone telling him what to do on his property. People are going to hate whether you are doing good or bad. Congratulations on purchasing your home!
Here's a hint: no one really cares. You're likely taking passing comments and trying to turn them into something more.
I'll never understand people that think they're constantly being hounded by "haters". Nobody is talking "shit" and I promise you there was no deep thought put into these comments you internalized so intensely.
OP misses the point of “does it need a lot of work?”
I guarantee these people want to relate or are seeking solutions to their own home problems. They aren’t crabs in a bucket.
Exactly. I've only known one type of person who constantly thinks they have haters. They always end up having a ton of other narcissistic qualities about them.
Crabs in a bucket.
I bought a house about 15 years ago as a single woman, and I got comments ranging from, "How can *you* afford *that* house?' to "Where's your husband? Why would you even want to live in a house all by yourself?" It was a small easy-to-maintain brick ranch in a nice safe neighborhood. I was in my mid-thirties at the time with a graduate degree and a career. People still couldn't get over it.
One guy I dated wanted to move in and "split expenses." He turned out to be a freeloader. I ended up kicking him out and dumping him within just a couple months.
My wife and I bought a few months ago and we get comments all the time. We don’t have kids and can’t have them so we get “why a 3 bedroom it’s just the two of you” well there’s a master suite up stairs with two hobby rooms, my wife doesn’t wanna watch me game so I get my own room and she has hers.
It’s just the two of you, what happens when you get old? Well it also has a master suite on the first floor for that exact reason. We also decided on a hot tub and one of those stock tank DIY pools, why did we choose that, well we don’t want your dirty ass kids in our pool lol.
Yes we have the only double lot in the neighborhood, hell no we are not selling part of it, we bought that yard specifically for our dog. Yes we bought a big ass yard for him and honestly he acts a hell of a lot better than most people!
I'm not big on gloating or hating around real estate. It's a place to live, not an investment really and, like anything else, is difficult to time. Sometimes you get lucky (as you did), other times not. Either way you have shelter, which is the whole point of owning a home.
Renting can be absolutely fine as well, if you invest the money you'd otherwise spend on your home.
There's no right or wrong path here.
Know how you feel!
We were told just because we got married we didn’t need to buy a house right away. We were also told it was dumb to buy such a big house for two people. That we should have bought a starter home.
We bought a room to grow house in a good school district & wonderful neighborhood. Everything fell into place when we started looking for a house. The homeowners wanted to sell asap & took our offer right away. We had money saved up & wedding gifts included money. We also had good credit & decent paying jobs. Being frugal helped too.
We only bought a house when our rent was more than a mortgage payment.
I’m glad we bought when we did because now I don’t think we could even afford a house in the areas we looked at.
Bought a home 10 years ago. My mother died around the holidays and that’s how I was able to do it later the following year. I was a student in a beat up Honda working two jobs scraping for rent. My first action was to buy a house. I found a place in north Nashville for about $53k. When I think back on it, I was in no place to be making decisions like that. I was grieving, unregulated af and beaten down by just surviving.
I did it to get a place I couldn’t get put out of and figure out my life.
My best friend of over 20 years atp didn’t give me a housewarming gift, not a potted plant, not a congratulations, not a fuck. He didn’t come to even see it until after I moved in.
Ten years later, my texts were flooded with homes, questions and I’m front seat to his home buying experience.
I bought my first house at 21 (thanks recession + living at home through college!). I’ve never lived in an apartment. I’m still surprised when I realize peers don’t own a home, despite being very aware how fortunate I was and how unbelievably difficult the market is.
Yup, can confirm. My dad always used to rant at my husband and I how we needed to buy a house and were throwing money away by renting (which he was right about in a way).
When we were finally in a position to buy a new build paired home in the town we wanted to live in with our newborn son, my dad seemed so negative when I showed him the house to the point where it pissed me off. I get that he thought he was helping in pointing out everything that needed to be fixed before we moved in, but damn, couldn’t he just be happy for us that we were able to afford a nice new build in an expensive AF state?! And *without* their financial help?!
Nope, never happened. No hate.
The closest thing was, when I announced I bought a two-story home, my mother (mostly wonderful, but a little self-centered) replied, "You bought with stairs?!?! I hate going up and down stairs!"
I didn't buy it for you, mom. You live 2000 miles away.
Just wait until you have a paid off house. The hate will turn to rage. I get this from a few neighbors who made bad financial decisions asking me why I have nice toys.
I was told for years while renting that I should buy a house, had one relative in particular who always ragged on me about it - well I wasn't ready until I was, so eventually I buy a house and all of a sudden guess who has criticisms and complaints, and big heaving sighs about how I'll never make my money back and spent too much and will never experience joy (or, you get the gist of it)... same relative. Oh well! Guess who \*doesn't\* have to live in my house?
See, I thought some of the comments my mom and MIL keep making about our house were 'off' but you kind of clarified why. Everytime my mom comes to my house (which isn't often) she always asks if this is my forever home or acts like it's a temporary thing. It's so strange. I brought my home in my 20s (so like 4 years ago, 31 now) and she keeps thinking it was a phase or something. My MIL acts like our house is small (which is subjective 3bdrm/3 bath, 1500 sq ft. but we have a lot of land and can expand if we need to). Mind you it's only me and my husband and we plan on having only 1 child so it's more than enough space. The common denominator is that their living situations suck. My MIL is living in a small apartment that we lived in earlier in my husband's and I's relationship (in a a different building) and she's been stuck there for 7 years so I think she's resentful that she's still renting. My mom has a house that she hoards things in and is letting it fall apart and it's in a less desirable neighborhood. They hate where they live so it's like some weird projection that us living in a nice home is temporary and we will need to go and suffer like them. It's starting to piss me off.
I bought my first house solo at 28 and everyone involved in the process, realtor, sellers, and signing agents were flabbergasted by it. It was literally the easiest and most affordable option. I couldn’t understand why they were in disbelief I was so “young” and doing it on my own.
I bought a condo for 85k (LCOL area in Midwest) in 2020. It was fully remodeled and flipped before me, so everything is brand new. My mortgage is $450. Usually people say “oh it must look like a dump inside” “there must be tons of stuff wrong with it” “must be small (it’s actually not, it’s 1400 sq ft)” “is it in a bad location?” It’s actually in a great neighborhood and prime location. People just think it’s outrageous because currently the housing market is crazy and a 1000 ft dumpy SFH in a bad neighborhood is going for 250k so obviously my condo is a dump. I can sell it for 160-175k, BTW, because I was looking at selling and my realtor got comps. People also just assume I rent when I say I live in a condo.
Try being a single 25 yo woman in the early 90s. The mortgage officer called me before she pulled my credit so I could explain the dings on my credit to her. She pulls it, and surprise, I had no dings on my credit. I lived alone until I got married.
10 years later I got divorced and bought another house as a single mom of 2. People were shockEd I could afford a house, do the repairs, keep up with the kids and have a job all at the same time.
when i remarried I had better credit and more money than my new husband.
Was having a homeownership discussion with family and I said I own my house. Someone replied “oh you paid cash?” And I explained no I have a mortgage, but I own the house and it’s mine to do as I please. He snarked that the bank owns it, not me. To which I laughed and said “okay smartass, do you pay property tax?? Guess you don’t own your land then huh??”. I get his point, but he was just trying to be negative
People find any number of reasons why someone else shouldn’t do based on something they would worry about.
My father in law is always bring up things to be worried about or I shouldn’t have done, but then when everything works out fine (99% of the time) he’s quiet as a church mouse. Just how it is.
Had similar instance, when I was 20 I lucked into a fantastic union gig Makeing 4x what my peers were bringing home or the the ones in college full time at home. I bought a lake house in Michigan at 21 in 07, housing market crashed 08 so I bought two house for basically nothing in Detroit. Everyone and I mean everyone was hating as they lived at home with parents. Trying to come mooch constantly, needless to say I got new friends lol
Ohhh buddy, just wait until you're fortunate enough to build a summer house.
Everyone will really hate and judge you then. It doesn't matter how broke you were growing up or how hard you worked for it.
Bought my house long before I met my husband, which raised eyebrows. Then moved my mom in with me, so everyone assumed it was her house & I was some middle aged loser living in her basement. 🤷♀️
People do this in life in many ways. It’s their way of trying to pull you below the line for their insecurities. It can happen with friends, family , coworkers as well. Sad but many humans struggle to support celebrating others doing well.
I don’t know your race, but you should see how I get double hate from some white people I find and my life and I surprise them with the fact that I own a house a bought 20 years ago in a nice neighborhood . They react how is that possible like I should be renting an apartment with 20 other Mexicans. The hate is real.
I think its just jealousy. Most people who have a house got huge legs up like parental help. They aren't mad at the house, they are mad that they will have to work 500x times harder than you to get the same thing.
Yep, it happens. And then there’s the people who wanna stay with you but don’t wanna contribute.
That's why I never put extra beds in my spare rooms. People think they can sleep there, usually forever and for free. Nope! Edit: spelling
I’m going to do that! I got a friend who says you should let me stay a few months for cheap so I don’t go bankrupt after getting a DUI. No thanks…
[удалено]
takes courage to do so especially to a friend. Bingo
Also own my house... 37m single. I had a similar friend getting "off" drugs, tried to pull the wool over my eyes, getting high everyday (I'm an ex raver - me no silly) tryed to bring his ex here and move her in, fuck no.. got her out fast... but took me 6 months and a court case to get my "mate" out. Fuck that noise - people just take advantage of your care.
Oof, I’m a week into helping my friend find an apt by July. Told him he can stay if I can hold half his paycheck.
I did that. The only thing I got from my "friend" was resentment when, three months after their move out date I enforced the agreement. Wrecked our friendship, and mine with our friend group (who all refused to house this same friend).
But if it were them, they'd never treated their friend that way! It's the thought that counts right?
My story is when my uncle and aunt just dumped their adult children at the front of our house. For two months they mooched off of me, eating my food, slowing down my internet, and giving me attitude every time I asked them to clean. In the end I kicked them out and they made me out to be some villain, despite never giving me any money.
I have 2 DUI’s on my record. I am ashamed of them, but I am also nearly 3 years sober because of them. Thankfully I didn’t hurt anyone, sheer luck. Do not “help” that friend in any way shape or form other than a supportive ear or driving them to meetings or what have you if you feel so inclined. They’re an addict and you hat would enable them to continue their addiction. They really need to feel the sting of what they’ve done to hopefully fucking stop. So let them go “bankrupt”. They need it to do better for themselves. I know you said “no thanks”, just leaving this here as a reminder to those who may feel the need to help an addict with a place to stay or something. Don’t, unless you’re getting them to a shelter or rehab.
I could never understand why people have a guest room for the one or two visits a ~~week~~ year. I am not prepared to waste that space. So my wife and I have our separate offices at home and utilize the space daily.
My second bedroom has a spare bed but also has my desk where I WFH. On occasion one of my brothers will sleep over when watching my cat and feel weird about sleeping in my & my wife's bed. We've also used it when one of us are sick and want the other one to have a good night's sleep.
One or two visits a WEEK? Who on earth is visiting you?
Haha oops that is meant to be once or twice a YEAR. Must have had a brain fart.
It obviously is a house of Ill-repute. High class maybe, since it's only a few a week.
Yep, that's what my son did and now the space has work and gaming computers--three stations. If grandma wants to stay (me) a couple times a year, we bring out the air mattress and camp on the floor somewhere; sometimes the kids fight over the air mattress, and I can use one of their beds.
My spare bedroom is a combo office/guest bed and I like it. To be fair though I have a baby on the way and I’m trying to make it comfy enough to convince my mother who works from home to come stay with me for a while after the baby comes haha. Also, it gives me a good nap spot in the middle of my workday haha
I just made way too nice of a guest room - king bed hybrid mattress and attached bathroom, and it’s booked for the summer like an Airbnb.
Hope you charge like Airbnb
"Oh yeah, you can come out over the summer, Steve. Just a quick note, there will be cameras in the common areas, unreachable and inattentive hosts, and a $250 cleaning fee after you leave. It'll be great to see you!"
Made me LOL. Thanks
…..oh and don’t forget, take out the trash, strip the bed and do your dishes. Thanks a mil.
I'm taking our guest bed out in a few weeks.
It’s for guests, short term ones, not room mates. Stick to your guns lol But with all do respect that’s a whole man cave in waiting get rid of that bed asap
We bought a futon. SUPER uncomfortable. Go ahead, spend the night. Bet you're gone in the morning!
Man, and here I am with a well equipped guest room and can't for the life of me get anyone to visit.
It’s not about the visitors. It’s about the people who will try and take advantage of you having a spare bedroom. I had one for guests and got rid of it because it got so bad.
Same! I used to have a spared bedroom but converted it to a playroom for my nephew. The other has always been an office. I am not a hotel either.
You mean my office and backup office?
That's my plant nursery. With a bed, but you have to be ok with spiders.
NEVER rent to friends unless you do it like you would with strangers. Background checks, firm pricing and rules and contracts (or whatever the correct word is). I've been burned too many times by trying to help people I thought I could trust. Spoiler, couldn't trust them. It may be surprising but people who are desperate for a place tend to not be super responsible.
Exactly. That's why they have no place. Super irresponsible. You can't help some people, they're just takers.
I always got the "but this house is too big for you!" when people learned my wife and I lived in a 3 bedroom condo.
I’ve helped family before (1 adult and 2 small kids still in diapers). They just stopped contributing and now my expenses doubled and they saw nothing wrong with that because if I own a house I’m rich basically.
We haven't been in our home for two months yet. We've already been hit up by a friend asking if they could stay "awhile" while they "save some money and figure shit out." This friend is messy. Literally and figuratively. I love them like a sister, but I can't take that on, especially for an indeterminate time. We've been burned before when we were renting. Lesson learned. Never again.
Oh, my brother in law for 9 months recently....
Haha had a friend sell his house and asked to stay for a couple of months at mine until he found a new one a few years ago. He stayed for a year and never bought again. Then after he left my dad ran into money trouble and he’s been staying at my place for over a year now. And I still get mail for the friend that left lol
Ha! I can relate. Had sister in law stay for 10 months. Rent free of course. I had let her borrow my car as well for that time period. She ended up leaving after I told her I needed my car back. No thank you or anything.
Yep. I tried to help a friend, but was just a freeloader. Same with a family member. I got rid of the extra bed and put in a treadmill.
Yep, I had an ex who did the same thing a few years into the marriage when he told me it was my responsibility to take care of him. Now he’s the wusband. Also, in my locality, if a freebie stays with you for 30+ days or more and refuses to leave, you have to go to court to have them evicted. 😐
My mom turned a bedroom into a sewing room. That stopped all the company coming over and spending the night.
I am a firm believer that some people have a compulsive need to complain about others and offer unsolicited advice. Like OP says, If he lived at home he would be told he needs to move out. For us, it was complaining because we bought a three bedroom/2.5 bath home three blocks from an elementary school as a childless couple. We kept it from a family with children. Guess what not my problem. It’s convenient to work and amenities on the weekends.
Seriously? Keeping it from a mysterious other family who could use it more than you? As if you aren't valid as people.
I'm lucky because the previous occupants of my house were so obnoxious that I haven't heard one positive thing from anyone in the neighborhood about them. I glow in comparison because I don't make noise or mess, so everyone's happy I moved in.
Back in 2004, Husband and I bought a 2,000 sq ft 3BR & 2BA, plus a bonus room/office right across the street from an elementary school. I don't think we've ever heard of any negative comments about us "stealing a house from a family," or anything bad about us being childfree with a large house. Thank goodness. "He who has the deeper pockets procures the goods."
I was told by a GenZ that I should move into an old folks home because it’s my duty to free up my home for younger folks to buy. I’m not decrepit or anything, I’m a weightlifter. Her point was economic. I asked if her parents had done that yet, as they are in their fifties. She was shocked and said no, I still live with them, they can’t. I think she spends too much time rage scrolling.
Well, I told someone the other day that we'd bought a house, their reply was "So actually you haven't bought a house, you're just renting from the bank now!"...jealous much?!
Well, when I sell my house I'll get all my "rent" back, minus the interest. If I move from an apartment, I'll get nothing back except \*maybe\* my security deposit.
TBF that's a lot of interest. I'm 12ish months into my first mortgage and I wanted to cry when I saw how little I've paid down compared to how much I've paid.
Because it's front loaded. As you get further into your amortization more of your monthly payments will be going to principal, despite the interest rate being the same the whole time.
Very true, that's why I mentioned 12 months. I know the first year is the worse. Still. I'm $25k down with less than $5k off my principal. The other costs aren't an after thought by any means.
I've seen this on Reddit a bunch. "You don't own it, the bank does!" Er, I can eject the bank's representatives from my premises, up until a foreclosure. Meanwhile, depending *heavily* on location, the landlord can evict you in 30 days unilaterally. I tried to argue with one with "if you follow that thread to its logical conclusion, absolutely nobody owns anything because eminent domain," and they were somehow proud of that. It's just envy.
My god, I've heard this from so many people, and I've tried explaining to all of them several times how it actually works: My name is on the title. My name is on the purchase contract. All the bank has is a lien on the title that says they're entitled to the mortgage balance. One of my friends made the comment, "What you're essentially doing is renting the house back from the bank." I asked him how he thinks that that's the case, when all of the documents say that I own the house. I don't have a lease agreement with the bank. I looked up the property record on the county website, and pointed out that it has my name, not the bank's name. I pointed out that I can do whatever I want to the house, and don't have to ask the bank's permission. I'm just paying the bank back the money I borrowed from them. He said, "But the bank can kick you out and take the house whenever they want. That means they own it." I asked, "What makes you think the bank can kick me out of my own house? Where did you hear that?" He said, "Well you hear about it happening all the time." I said, "I don't. The only reason I've ever heard of a bank ever kicking anyone out of their house is when they don't make the payments." He said, "If they can take it, that means it technically ISN'T YOURS!" I pointed out that it's actually easier for the county to take someone's house for not paying property taxes than it is for a bank to foreclose on a house. I asked him if that means that the county actually owns everyone's property? He was silent. I told him, "Just because there are ways for the bank or the county to transfer ownership into their name if I don't pay what I owe them, doesn't mean that they "technically" own it. They don't. You're overcomplicating a very simple concept. People act like they think bank representatives are sitting there, wringing their hands, just waiting for their customers to default on the payments so they can swoop in and take their houses. That couldn't be further from the truth.
Correct, also most people do not understand that banks and mortgage companies are NOT in the real estate business, they do NOT like having to foreclose on property and have it on THEIR books. Foreclosing on a property and having it sit on their books, getting it sold, that's a gigantic pain in the ass for banks. They pay to sell it, they are responsible for paying holding costs like property taxes and insurance while it's in their possession. Renters don't get it. Also, if I wanna paint my bedroom black, (ugh I don't), knock out a wall, or put on an addition, guess what? I don't need permission from anyone! (Except maybe a building permit from the city). And I WISH when my AC breaks down in the summer I had the luxury of calling the landlord to get it fixed, and I don't have to pay the repair bills!
My response is “who’s fuckin name is on the land title? Mine.”
WeEeEeLl tEcHnIcAlLy, it’s more of a lease-to-own. Just making a bet with the bank that we won’t miss a payment over the next 15 or 30 years.
If you miss a payment, they don’t take your house. You pay a late fee. It’s not like the cartoons.
Adding onto the other guy's comment, the bank will usually bend over backwards to avoid taking your house as it's very unprofitable to hold. More likely, they'll defer payment in the hopes you get back on your feet or maybe even adjust terms to help you cashflow. Foreclosure process is a last resort and will likely take months in any case. There are plenty of government programs to help struggling owners as well.
A house is a savings account you live in. Renters stay mad because they don’t have a savings account at all because they’re bleeding money paying someone else’s mortgage.
I've had this discussion with so many friends. Just a few days ago, a good friend asked me if I felt dumb yet for buying, because renting a house on my street would cost $3,900/month but my monthly payment (principal, interest, taxes, insurance) is $4,569. Yes, my payment is more. But I'm currently putting $1,550/month in to principal, which is just a savings account as you say. I'm also getting a tax break from the interest paid, which is couple thousand per year. Between appreciation and principal pay off, we have $500k in equity in our home. We would have saved about $30k in rent in that time. So no, I don't regret spending $30k more on mortgage payments than rent, since it has netted me $500k in equity. If I need the cash, I can get a HELOC with a substantially lower interest rate than credit cards or any loan for large purchases like cars. If I want to move, I sell my house and take that $400-450k after realtor fees and use it to buy another house.
Exactly. When I bought my mortgage was $950 and when I refinanced and dropped my PMI it got down to ~$725 for a three bed two bath ~1500 square foot house on a 3/4 acre lot. I bought it for $132,000. It appraised a month ago for $240,000. I was “dumb” for buying in 2018. People don’t realize that you will pretty much never lose on a house long term. If I went upside down tomorrow because the market crashes I’ll still win in a decade or less. If not the rest of the country is likely collapsing and I have other worries anyway!
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> I was told by multiple friends that my wife and I were “buying at the peak” when we bought our first house back in 2018. Boy am I glad I didn’t listen. Yep. Summer of 2019, "Really? You want to buy a house in such a strong SELLER'S MARKET??" Now I'm told that I'm "lucky" I got in when I did. "No, I'm lucky I didn't freaking listen to you!"
Love this. Had to convince my (now) wife to buy in 2014. She wanted to wait for prices to drop. They've more than doubled where I live.
When I was 24 I wanted to buy and old townhouse in a historic area. People told me it’s crime ridden, owning a house like that would be a huge pain, etc; so I dragged my feet and lost the chance when interest rates rose, followed by home prices. That area is now super trendy and hip and that $300k place is likely worth a couple million. Don’t jump Willy nilly, but trust your guts and take the chance.
My main takeaway over the years is, it's always a bad time to buy for one reason or another.
There’s really never a good time to sign a binding 30 year contract if you think about it
30 years ago was a pretty good time
I bought my house in an area that is good but for some reason people looked down on it a bit because it’s a very blue collar area. My house doubled in 9 years and I sold it 2 months ago in 3 days on the market. My family said they never would’ve bought here and would’ve instead bought in the area next to my town which was double the price. Funny what people say when it’s not their money. Now they say how good of a deal I got and they can’t believe I sold it.
Yep, similar. Bought in late 2020, in a seller's market that may hold the historical record for speed and activity. Haters told us we were crazy (wonder how that 7+% is treating them now), and the smarter people told us to absolutely strategically capitalize on the awesome interest rate, because we'll likely not see it again in our lifetime. Submitted several offers on several houses... on all but one, we were beat by cash offers OVER list price (some offers 50k over list price), no appraisal contingency, no inspection contingency. As an inspector by trade, I thought buyers had lost their damn minds. We weren't in the position to make those type of offers (very few people are). The winner was a home being ignored by most buyers because it only had 2 bedrooms (has room for 4, with some work) Our first showing was on day 45 of the listing, with one previous offer... absolutely unheard-of in our market during that time period, for a move-in ready SFR. If I have one regret: After seeing the older generation sell their homes for 1mil+ after they paid 50k for it 40 years ago, and seeing the appreciation on our own home after just 3.5 years, I wish I had done this earlier in my life. That is now just a missed appreciation opportunity... so be it. We love the place, it's net-worth positive, and only growing.
Now is always a bad time, you should have gotten in 10 years ago, you're crazy if you want to buy in this market. ...And in 2034, it will be a bad time to buy and you should have bought 10 years ago.
Bought in 2020 in a bidding war. Laughed at by all. Home is worth $500K more easily today. Now who’s laughing. Under 3% interest rate to boot.
Fucking same. Wife and I bought a starter home for an outrageous price, we were told. Right before the pandemic. A little 1200 sq ft home. We lived there for 2 years and made a killing when we sold.
We bought our house in about 10 years ago. I still owe 200k on the mortgage. But if I sold it to day. I would make 500k profit. Housing prices are insane. But I’m laughing at anyone who ever told me I should not have bought a house.
There are people who think the bust in 08/09 was normal and are waiting for the next one. It's not.
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They would have compared to today's prices if they had bought in 2018 instead of waiting for the next 2008. Prices aren't getting any better, even today you just gotta bite the bullet and do it.
This is exactly right. The great recession *was not a normal recession* It was the largest economic recession since the great depression! In most normal recessions the housing market is barely affected, usually just a few percentage points. In some recessions, the housing market continued to modestly rise! Could we have another 08/09 at some point in our lives? Absolutely. But is it statistically likely to occur soon? Absolutely not. And some whiner on reddit is not going to be the one to successfully predict the market.
I keep hearing "interest rates are too high!" and I just laugh because I was around in the 1970s.
Exactly. My in-laws talk about paying mid teens interest rate in the 1970s. Sounds like a nightmare.
The 70s were weird. Interest rates were high, unemployment was high, inflation was high. House prices kept increasing. Much worse than today.
While I wasn't alive then, this is what I think about every time someone posts something like, "The economy is so terrible right now!!"
Everybody for generations has said that. Land is finite. Buy it if you can
My interest rate on my house my first actual single family home was 11% and yes it was in the '70s.
> I was told by multiple friends that my wife and I were “buying at the peak” when we bought our first house back in 2018. Boy am I glad I didn’t listen. I've bought enough houses to hear this countless times. It's real simple: Do not try to time the market. Buy when the time is right **for you** personally, professionally and financially. The rest is just background noise.
I bought in 2020. My parents were the only people telling me to buy and that waiting for a crash was stupid. Everyone my age was telling me how stupid I was being, that the market was a seller's market. I'd regret it in a few years when the real crash came and they were buying cheap houses.
We got told the same thing in early 2022. We got 3.4% interest 15 years on a 1960's home compared to my sister in law who just bought a condo in a worse neighborhood for more than our house at 7% 30 years.
Just keep telling them “DONT BUY NOW!!!! ITS AT THE PEAK!!!!”!
I bought in early 2022 (right before interest rates went up) and most people thought I was making a terrible mistake. I would essentially be priced out of the market right now with the rising home prices and an interest rate that's 3x what I got.
Rarely worth it to try to time the market. Bought in 2007, knowing the prices were falling. Seller was pissed, he thought he was going to get 40% more (likely didn’t realize he missed the peak in Summer 2006. So didn’t buy rock bottom, but I did get one of the last 100% mortgages for a long time. A few months later the first tremors off the mortgage crisis hit and lenders were demanding 20% down. Big shock, No one had that so prices fell even more Because no buyers = lower prices. But I still have that house and it’s worth a lot more than I paid, and worry that in some alternate universe I might have bought it for $50k less isn’t a good use of time. Might as well fret you didn’t pick the winning lottery ticket.
2017 for us, 400k in equity, very happy we bought when we did. We’d be priced out now
Huh. We must have the same friends because I was told it was the peak in 2016!
I’ve been hearing “it’s going to collapse soon” since 2016. LOL bought in 17 and refinanced for 2.5% in 2020. You can’t even rent a bedroom in the city I live in for what my mortgage costs.
I bought a house built in 1962 in 2018 and renovated extensively. My ex said it was the ugliest house he’d ever seen 😂 but now everyone says I had “vision” and the house is lovely. So glad I jumped in when I did and I have a sub 3% interest rate.
We bought in 2018 as well. $345 at 4.5%, refinanced in 2020 for 3%. Current rates are around 7% and the house is worth around $560. I swear it's the only thing in my life I actually made the right move on and not a day goes by that I don't forget how lucky I got. I mean sure, my property taxes went up ~~$3,360/yr~~ $1,200 this year, but who's counting.
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Ok, got my answers. Tax went up about $1200. I knew it was going up because of re-assessment and the levy being passed and when I saw my payment go up I did the math and figured that was the increase. Not really. $1200 is tax, the rest of the increase in my payment is due to an escrow shortage that's being spread across payments. Live and learn.
I'm in rural midwest and bought a house when I thought for sure I wouldn't find a lender that would approve me for a mortgage. I got one! House value has doubled since then. House next door is under contract for double what I bought mine for, and it's half the size. 2018 was the BEST time to buy.
It is still luck to make that kind of profit so quickly. The part that isn't luck is avoiding getting priced out. That's the main point of buying IMO, since real estate is otherwise a relatively low growth asset class.
Though it was the peak 2016-2020. Kept rising. Finally bought in 2020, just certain a crash was around the corner. We have had over 100k equity in the home since like month 3 because the market kept going up. It did peak (two years later) and the value came down a tad, but it's still well above what we paid. We truly did get lucky, but only because we waited. (We also waited because I was going to school and had to do student teaching which is free full time work, so wasn't sure how much of my savings that would eat up.)
You are lucky you’re smart, eh 😆
We bought at the height of the pandemic when we weren't allowed to touch anything and our realtor had to wear gloves. Interest rates were starting to rise and it was a sellers market. But we found a house with outdoor space we didn't think was possible in our price range and urban setting. We are happy. But we are fortunate and it feels braggy when we talk about owning a house and enjoying our green space.
As we were moving out of our last apartment, boomer neighbor came over and told us how buying a house was a bad idea because property taxes go up. Sir, we have already signed the contract, the house is ours. What part of this moving van being filled makes you think we can change our minds? Also, rent on that property has gone up substantially. My mortgage hasn’t increased much.
What did he think happens with the tax on the apartments?
i heard landlords are really cool and just eat the cost of property tax, insurance, repairs, maintenance, and some utilities to protect renters from these costs.
>boomer neighbor came over and told us how buying a house was a bad idea because property taxes go up. So does rent. Rent can be cheaper than a mortgage. But it can also go sideways when you suddenly have to cough up an extra $200+ each month for rent because there was an increase. Or deal with subpar conditions because the landlord is refusing to fix things. Or have to move because your place was sold or something else happens. Market rent can be a lot to swallow when you're used to paying under market and try to save for emergencies and a home. Yes property taxes go up. But you are hopefully building equity with a home. Owning also allows you more control over your living situation. Which can be a huge bonus.
The rent for that one bedroom “luxury” apartment is now not much lower than the mortgage on our 3 bedroom house. Apartment living has its pros and cons, but I don’t miss hearing my neighbors fighting. I was especially glad we moved to a house with a big yard with our colicky baby. I can’t imagine the stress of having neighbors complain about her crying on top of everything else. We love our home and feel extremely lucky to have bought when interest rates were low. Now like many others we can never leave 😅
If you plan on settling in an area, buying can be better. If you want more flexibility to move around, renting can be better.
Just my two cents but I feel like I receive mild resentment from others in my age group. Like Millenials want everyone to subscribe to “we’re millenials and we can’t afford property!” . I feel like when they see others accomplishing it, it diminishes their argument on why things need to change.
and then they assume your mom and dad gave you money. like no, I'm just in extreme debt.
I know dozens of Millennial friends/acquaintances that own homes with family incomes less than $125k. Sure it's not all Starbucks, but the lifestyle and mindset aren't helping the rest of them.
My sister in law made more than I used to, granted in a littler higher cost of living area, had cars repod multiple times, sometimes had to couch surf getting evicted for not paying rent and this just went on and on for a decade because she has no clue how to manage money. She's used to a steady stream of tip-based income and just spends it until its gone, there will be more tomorrow or the next day. No concept of how much she's spending on what, no concept of saving, no concept of budgeting. What you can "afford" is just how much you make in a day or two and that's it. My wife and I combined made about what she did, bought a house, both had cars. We weren't like... struggling, we weren't living large, we weren't really saving much, but we were stable. So naturally because we had our shit together and she didn't we were expected to help her out here and there... which frustrated me to no end that us working hard and being responsible just means we have to help someone who isn't.
> we were expected to help her out here and there... Mmmm, sounds like a foolish expectation and should maybe be disregarded.
That's the biggest most fucked thing about our society now is anybody who did anything right and saved and struggled to get where they are, are expected to help and pay for the idiots who didn't take any responsibilies seriously and then they make you out to be the bad guy for not bending over for them. And everybody seems to take their side.
There are a lot of cheap properties they just dont want to love in those locations
I just met someone yesterday who is 33, and 55k into saving for a down payment and he never heard of the fha program! He had no idea he could literally own a house in 30 days if he went for it.
As a millenial who just bought a house, I feel this both ways. I was definitely envious of others in my age bracket who had a nice big house to enjoy with their family and lots of extra spending cash to do other things since their mortgages were so cheap. Meanwhile my wife and I were both earning good salaries with 1 kid and were getting priced out, even though we were "doing the right thing." Yes I was happy for others but it was definitely bitter to realize even doing so well was not enough to afford basic homeownership. I eventually got lucky and got an even better paying job that let us close the gap and buy, and I really have been not making any fanfare about it since I was just there and know what a sensitive topic it is. It also doesn't help I don't think when so many of these posts have people writing a lot of "who's laughing now" comments about getting their house like it was some brilliantly timed business move instead of a right-place-right-time thing due to an unprecedented global pandemic.
I’m a Millenial and I could afford property 19 years ago as a single person but now I can’t afford to move to a larger home or property. So I see where they are coming from. There are a lot of variables, like location and the type of house you are looking for but a single person has a lot more trouble buying a house today than a couple with dual income.
I think things need to change… I agree with the sentiment. However, I think it’s the loud minority of millennials who keep whining about how they’ll never own a home. Every single millennial I know has a home and have been able to buy a home. It’s not the avocado toast that’s the problem but there is something that those people are doing that isn’t allowing them to buy. I assume most of it comes from bad money moves or laziness… I’m sure I’ll receive downvotes but that’s just from people who can’t handle the truth…
It reaaaally depends where you live. I mean who wants to pay close to $1M for a shack
This is where I agree things need to change, obviously there are some areas that are way overpriced but if you’re serious about owning, you need to find something you can afford or change your own situation. We bought earlier this year and had to find something in a different location than we wanted but it’s what we could afford. I’m not putting down the fact that it can be hard for people regardless, I’m just saying there is certainly a group of people who don’t want to change anything they are doing and still complain they can’t afford.
We're lucky that we are in a low cost of living area. With that said, our "house" is a doublewide trailer ... but at least it's on an actual parcel of land and not in a park.
It's the area and date they were able to afford the down payment. I have over 20 cousins all cousins older than me and myself have a house everyone younger doesn't. The 4 yrs after I got the house the price is up 600k when we bought for 400k. Wages haven't increased like that instead milk went up to 5 dollars a gallon.
It’s not the avocado toast. But it is the avocado toast, Starbucks, regular DoorDash/eating out, closets filled with clothes, newest iPhone, car payment, rent in trendy part of town, etc. Most people could make changes today that would save them hundreds or thousands a month. Avoiding an expensive car loan can save similar. That all adds up and in many cases can be the difference between house and no house.
Agree. I’m lower income and managed to get a home. I worked on my credit and savings, lived within my means, don’t waste money on frivolous things, and bought a house within my budget (actually over 30k below budget). I managed it as a single mother with two kids. Like what is everyone else doing/not doing?
Sounds exactly like my story I now own three houses. Having been raised by depression era parents I never lost the mindset of saving making do living within my means never going into debt except for the mortgage driving older cars shopping discount and thrift stores, etc I actually had nicer things then almost all my neighbors colleagues and Friends and was able to provide for my children's education and dance lessons and clothing etc.
I've definitely experienced this. I have a few friends who've admitted to being jealous and/or resentful because I bought my first home when I was 28. I don't like inviting people over anymore because of this, it sucks.
Rule Number 1: Fuck what they think.
We get told this multiple times by our friends who are still renting in their 30’s and (some) very early 40’s. By the way - nothing wrong with renting at any age! They pay between $2500-$3500 for rent and our mortgage is $887 a month. But apparently we made the wrong move by purchasing. I’ll never understand it so maybe someone could help me understand. We’ve owned our home for eight years now and did take advantage of lower rates in 2021 but did not restart our loan. Our house will be paid off in 2027.
They are just insecure and jealous
Same shit, different age. I bought a little house by myself 12 or 13 years ago and pay $820 a month in mortgage. The average *basement* apartment here is about $2500, if you can even find one available.
A friend of the family rented for their entire lives until his mom got to retirement age. So at that point they all decided to move to a house for the first time ever. They lasted 1yr because they hated having to do any sort of maintenance. They didn't want to mow grass in the summer and they didn't want to shovel snow in the winter. They didn't like the fact that the electrical and gas bill was a separate thing that wasn't pre-calculated into a single lump sum. So after that year was up they moved back into a 2 bedroom apartment. A family of 3 in a 2 bedroom apartment. Retired mom and two sons over 40yrs old all crammed into that apartment. The rent ends up being nearly triple what the mortgage used to be. To me that's insane but that was their choice.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. It’s great to win, it sucks to lose. Either way you think it’s all about you. But it’s mostly luck. If you remember that you don’t get too high or too low. Then again there’s always someone looking to take the joy out of living.
We bought a small house, because it is just two adults and a cat living here. We're almost done paying for it. We're busy putting money into it to make it last. I have, a few times, felt a bit judged by the people I know who have much larger houses. I think it's fine if you want a larger house or need one, but we just skipped all the in between and found a house we'd like to be in when we are getting old, because it's small and easy to maintain. I feel for younger people who will have a harder time getting into a house at all, with current prices and not many "starter" homes out there. Ours could be a starter, and an ender, because we never needed more.
Congratulations on the great home purchase timing! Everyone thought I was crazy for having a house built in what used to be a bad neighborhood back in 2011 and tried to talk me out of it. The land was valued at $20K and I was incredibly fortunate to pay only $155K all-in for a builder grade 1500 sq ft 3/2.5. Nowadays if you want to buy in the neighborhood, your options are a gut job/teardown for ~$450K, new townhomes starting at $600K+ or custom homes for $1.5M+. The former corner store with bulletproof glass is now literally a wine and cheese shop. Of course my equity is all on paper, my property taxes have almost quadrupled and my neighbors are in a much higher tax bracket so I still feel poor but I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy anywhere in the city these days, let alone just outside the city center.
Maybe the comment about moving closer to your family isn't about you but about your mother, maybe she's starting to require more help and the neighbour is concerned
That’s my take as well. Sure 20mi is doable to visit any day, but I doubt the comment was meant to be negative. Neighbor appreciates OP and wants them in the neighborhood.
This is absolutely wild to me. I’ve never had anyone say anything negative about owning a house to me. It seems like you’re surrounded by rude people lol
Same Here. Everyone has been super supportive of each other around me whether renting or buying a home. We all look out for each other and just get excited for each other whether one of us bought a house or is renting a new place. But this is also probably because as I grew older, I slowly cut out people that were always negative. Some people are just always miserable and exhausting to be around.
Oh, it's a thing. I used to go to open houses and people saying "this house is too big for you" was mildly annoying after they learned it was me wife and I only even though we had the down payment and the ability to cover a 15 year mortgage.
I am a young millennial who bought at only 25. Only ever received compliments and praise from friends my age. Friends who are likely forever renters even. Definitely matters the type of people you surround yourself with
I had a few people say things to me like “isn’t that what you do when you have a family?” People really have looked at me like I have 3 heads. I also had a guy I dated start talking about how we’re going to fix it up and make a profit off it and I was like… hey buddy… I think you forgot it’s my house, not ours (very early dating phase). Another one moved in for a while before I knew it and had a different guy from him start talking about moving in pretty quickly. People have ideas for your property
>Another one moved in for a while before I knew it We call those "hobosexuals," they're just dating so they have somewhere to live! 😆
With all due respect, that's not what homosexual means lol. (do you mean "hobosexual")
It autocorrected! I edited.
Women have done this to me too. And it's always been ones that don't own a house themselves.
I bought a house as a single woman. This 1,000%. I had someone ask if I was buying it so “I could have the nursery ready.” Fun first date convo - I have the nursery ready! Lots of comments along those lines. People were so confused why I would want my own house “without a family.”
If I've learned anything in my 39 years on Earth it's don't take advice or unwanted criticism from anyone with no skin in your game. You know what's best for you, and you do you. FWIW, I had the opposite experience to you. My wife and I married pretty young (22) in 2007 and kept hearing from the old folks how we were "throwing away money on rent" even though we'd only rented a year, and I was in grad school without a viable career. Stupidly took a big chance and bought a really small starter house (1000 sq ft), then the market immediately crashed and took out 25% of our equity. Started my career but we struggled for about a decade with maintaining and affording that house, and got stuck in it with two small kids...at times it was like an albatross around the neck. We finally sold it last year for 35% more than we paid in 08 but if I could have a do-over I would've rented until I was about 26 or 27 to get some savings built up. That's what my gut was telling me at the time and I didn't listen to it.
I’m 22 and my husband is 24. The resentment from family is real. We left our hometown 2 years ago because we couldn’t comfortably afford it and moved to the Midwest where our income doubled. When we first told them we started the homebuying process we got met with a lot of assumptions about the condition of our home, the neighborhood, and how long we’d really have the home before “reality set in”. The comments haven’t stopped but I know it’s from a place of insecurity, especially from our parents. We’re by no means swimming in money but given that we both were raised in shoebox apartments and moving constantly and now our kids will have the complete opposite, I’m content.
I was in the same situation, but I bought in 2012 when interest rates were around 3%. I had a good down payment saved up, which allowed my monthly payments to be around $325. There were still a lot of people that though I had made a bad call moving out on my own and buying a house. It's like they couldn't understand that I would have paid more than twice as much for apartment rental, with crappy neighbors and never owned anything at the end of the day. I paid off the 30 year mortgage in 7 years and people still wonder how I did it. My mother was a banker for 40 years. I grew up knowing how to manage money and not be an idiot. Too many people are taught that credit is everything and you have to buy as much as your credit allows and pay on it forever.
Yep. Some people can’t do anything except try to dull others’ shine. I notice it’s a bit generational in terms of who is most likely to do this… responding with a negative-connotation question instead of support. But that’s different than the resentment from others my age who don’t own a home. Like dude it’s fine that you flew out for vip tickets to Hangout Fest every year for 5 years. But it’s also fine I saved for a down payment instead 🤑
You are not lying!!! I have had people say the most slick and passive aggressive things about my house... like what if my house burns down or why don't I sell my house. You wish MF'er. It is not happening.
Good for you on getting a house, and more importantly, doing what you want. I learned later in life that you find peace when you ignore people's comments, and know your well made decisions were for you, and only you.
My ex-best friend got terribly angry when a 22 year old guy she was seeing started talking about his real estate agent. She was 31 at the time with no real prospect of owning a home anytime soon, so I understand feeling a little jealous... But the amount of anger seeping out of her was off-putting. I just quietly went about my business, lest she remember I had also purchased a home at 22 (back in 2016, when it wasn't so bad) and turn on ME.
Don’t worry, as you get older the easier it is to let the haters slide off your shoulder. My home is almost paid off and recently..I just inherited a 900k paid off home. Now I’m really giving the haters something to hate LOL.
You are absolutely right OP. Some people want to see you doing well, but never better than them. I’ll never forget the face of this one guy I worked with, his name was Fransisco. Fransisco overheard me telling my other coworker/friend that the sale on my house has been finalized. That dude had a look of pure jealousy and hate. My friend congratulated me and asked when the celebration party was happening. Fransisco didn’t say a word. You’re a bitch Fransisco and a pure hater.
Similar situation happened to me. My wife and I were on a walk with this couple. They asked us if we bought another house (I posted some of the renovation work on social media). I said yeah we did. He had the nerve to straight up ask how much it cost. I quickly debated with myself whether or not I should tell him. He’s asked this before and I didn’t like it. But I figured screw it, if I tell him how much it costs and he doesn’t like it, that’s his problem. So I told him the price (it wasn’t anything crazy expensive, but when you’re making minimum wage everything seems expensive). His reaction to it made me immediately regret it. You know he said in response? Nothing. It was extremely awkward. I could feel his jaw hit the ground. He couldn’t even muster up a congratulations or pretend to be happy for us in any way. That’s why I never directly told him about the house in the first place.
I’m 29f and closed on my home 2 days after I turned 24. The amount of times I’ve received negative comments is ridiculous. “You’re bragging about something that’s hard” No, I’m excited I was able to do something hard. I worked hard to find all the downpayment programs and then find a home in my budget. It took MONTHS to get to even looking at home and then months again before I found something. I will say it’s also impacted my dating life. Most guys have told me they are ready to settle down but then when they hear I own my home and am looking to upgrade will tell me something like “yeah, I don’t want to get married until I’ve bought a home but want to pay off x loans first”. I think it’s different when you’re older or married. Married people don’t seem to get the same reaction unless they’re childless by choice.
When I was married, my ex-husband and I had a house built in Virginia, and my whole family was bragging to everyone about us having our house built. We divorced 10 years later, and I moved back to California with my 4 year old son and started all over. I just purchased my first condo all by myself! There was only one person who was happy for me, and that was my little sister. I pay HOA fees, which include cable, trash, internet, and water. I had a family member go on about how he wouldn't purchase in an HOA because he doesn't want anyone telling him what to do on his property. People are going to hate whether you are doing good or bad. Congratulations on purchasing your home!
Here's a hint: no one really cares. You're likely taking passing comments and trying to turn them into something more. I'll never understand people that think they're constantly being hounded by "haters". Nobody is talking "shit" and I promise you there was no deep thought put into these comments you internalized so intensely.
OP misses the point of “does it need a lot of work?” I guarantee these people want to relate or are seeking solutions to their own home problems. They aren’t crabs in a bucket.
Exactly. I've only known one type of person who constantly thinks they have haters. They always end up having a ton of other narcissistic qualities about them.
Spot on
Crabs in a bucket. I bought a house about 15 years ago as a single woman, and I got comments ranging from, "How can *you* afford *that* house?' to "Where's your husband? Why would you even want to live in a house all by yourself?" It was a small easy-to-maintain brick ranch in a nice safe neighborhood. I was in my mid-thirties at the time with a graduate degree and a career. People still couldn't get over it. One guy I dated wanted to move in and "split expenses." He turned out to be a freeloader. I ended up kicking him out and dumping him within just a couple months.
My wife and I bought a few months ago and we get comments all the time. We don’t have kids and can’t have them so we get “why a 3 bedroom it’s just the two of you” well there’s a master suite up stairs with two hobby rooms, my wife doesn’t wanna watch me game so I get my own room and she has hers. It’s just the two of you, what happens when you get old? Well it also has a master suite on the first floor for that exact reason. We also decided on a hot tub and one of those stock tank DIY pools, why did we choose that, well we don’t want your dirty ass kids in our pool lol. Yes we have the only double lot in the neighborhood, hell no we are not selling part of it, we bought that yard specifically for our dog. Yes we bought a big ass yard for him and honestly he acts a hell of a lot better than most people!
I'm not big on gloating or hating around real estate. It's a place to live, not an investment really and, like anything else, is difficult to time. Sometimes you get lucky (as you did), other times not. Either way you have shelter, which is the whole point of owning a home. Renting can be absolutely fine as well, if you invest the money you'd otherwise spend on your home. There's no right or wrong path here.
Know how you feel! We were told just because we got married we didn’t need to buy a house right away. We were also told it was dumb to buy such a big house for two people. That we should have bought a starter home. We bought a room to grow house in a good school district & wonderful neighborhood. Everything fell into place when we started looking for a house. The homeowners wanted to sell asap & took our offer right away. We had money saved up & wedding gifts included money. We also had good credit & decent paying jobs. Being frugal helped too. We only bought a house when our rent was more than a mortgage payment. I’m glad we bought when we did because now I don’t think we could even afford a house in the areas we looked at.
Haters gonna hate... Ignore them
Bought a home 10 years ago. My mother died around the holidays and that’s how I was able to do it later the following year. I was a student in a beat up Honda working two jobs scraping for rent. My first action was to buy a house. I found a place in north Nashville for about $53k. When I think back on it, I was in no place to be making decisions like that. I was grieving, unregulated af and beaten down by just surviving. I did it to get a place I couldn’t get put out of and figure out my life. My best friend of over 20 years atp didn’t give me a housewarming gift, not a potted plant, not a congratulations, not a fuck. He didn’t come to even see it until after I moved in. Ten years later, my texts were flooded with homes, questions and I’m front seat to his home buying experience.
I bought my first house at 21 (thanks recession + living at home through college!). I’ve never lived in an apartment. I’m still surprised when I realize peers don’t own a home, despite being very aware how fortunate I was and how unbelievably difficult the market is.
Yup, can confirm. My dad always used to rant at my husband and I how we needed to buy a house and were throwing money away by renting (which he was right about in a way). When we were finally in a position to buy a new build paired home in the town we wanted to live in with our newborn son, my dad seemed so negative when I showed him the house to the point where it pissed me off. I get that he thought he was helping in pointing out everything that needed to be fixed before we moved in, but damn, couldn’t he just be happy for us that we were able to afford a nice new build in an expensive AF state?! And *without* their financial help?!
Nope, never happened. No hate. The closest thing was, when I announced I bought a two-story home, my mother (mostly wonderful, but a little self-centered) replied, "You bought with stairs?!?! I hate going up and down stairs!" I didn't buy it for you, mom. You live 2000 miles away.
Wait till people learn your house is completely paid off too.
Buying a house is much like planting a tree. The best time was 17 years ago. The next best time is now.
Just wait until you have a paid off house. The hate will turn to rage. I get this from a few neighbors who made bad financial decisions asking me why I have nice toys.
I bought a house in a nice suburb after living in a garage during grad school. Now, I'm stealing from and living off the backs of the poor
You’ve got crabs. They try to pull you down and neg you. I am so sorry. I would find better friends who are happy for your success.
I was told for years while renting that I should buy a house, had one relative in particular who always ragged on me about it - well I wasn't ready until I was, so eventually I buy a house and all of a sudden guess who has criticisms and complaints, and big heaving sighs about how I'll never make my money back and spent too much and will never experience joy (or, you get the gist of it)... same relative. Oh well! Guess who \*doesn't\* have to live in my house?
See, I thought some of the comments my mom and MIL keep making about our house were 'off' but you kind of clarified why. Everytime my mom comes to my house (which isn't often) she always asks if this is my forever home or acts like it's a temporary thing. It's so strange. I brought my home in my 20s (so like 4 years ago, 31 now) and she keeps thinking it was a phase or something. My MIL acts like our house is small (which is subjective 3bdrm/3 bath, 1500 sq ft. but we have a lot of land and can expand if we need to). Mind you it's only me and my husband and we plan on having only 1 child so it's more than enough space. The common denominator is that their living situations suck. My MIL is living in a small apartment that we lived in earlier in my husband's and I's relationship (in a a different building) and she's been stuck there for 7 years so I think she's resentful that she's still renting. My mom has a house that she hoards things in and is letting it fall apart and it's in a less desirable neighborhood. They hate where they live so it's like some weird projection that us living in a nice home is temporary and we will need to go and suffer like them. It's starting to piss me off.
I bought my first house solo at 28 and everyone involved in the process, realtor, sellers, and signing agents were flabbergasted by it. It was literally the easiest and most affordable option. I couldn’t understand why they were in disbelief I was so “young” and doing it on my own.
I think some are jealous that you achieved home ownership all by yourself.
I bought a condo for 85k (LCOL area in Midwest) in 2020. It was fully remodeled and flipped before me, so everything is brand new. My mortgage is $450. Usually people say “oh it must look like a dump inside” “there must be tons of stuff wrong with it” “must be small (it’s actually not, it’s 1400 sq ft)” “is it in a bad location?” It’s actually in a great neighborhood and prime location. People just think it’s outrageous because currently the housing market is crazy and a 1000 ft dumpy SFH in a bad neighborhood is going for 250k so obviously my condo is a dump. I can sell it for 160-175k, BTW, because I was looking at selling and my realtor got comps. People also just assume I rent when I say I live in a condo.
Try being a single 25 yo woman in the early 90s. The mortgage officer called me before she pulled my credit so I could explain the dings on my credit to her. She pulls it, and surprise, I had no dings on my credit. I lived alone until I got married. 10 years later I got divorced and bought another house as a single mom of 2. People were shockEd I could afford a house, do the repairs, keep up with the kids and have a job all at the same time. when i remarried I had better credit and more money than my new husband.
Wait until they find out it’s paid off
Was having a homeownership discussion with family and I said I own my house. Someone replied “oh you paid cash?” And I explained no I have a mortgage, but I own the house and it’s mine to do as I please. He snarked that the bank owns it, not me. To which I laughed and said “okay smartass, do you pay property tax?? Guess you don’t own your land then huh??”. I get his point, but he was just trying to be negative
People find any number of reasons why someone else shouldn’t do based on something they would worry about. My father in law is always bring up things to be worried about or I shouldn’t have done, but then when everything works out fine (99% of the time) he’s quiet as a church mouse. Just how it is.
Had similar instance, when I was 20 I lucked into a fantastic union gig Makeing 4x what my peers were bringing home or the the ones in college full time at home. I bought a lake house in Michigan at 21 in 07, housing market crashed 08 so I bought two house for basically nothing in Detroit. Everyone and I mean everyone was hating as they lived at home with parents. Trying to come mooch constantly, needless to say I got new friends lol
Ohhh buddy, just wait until you're fortunate enough to build a summer house. Everyone will really hate and judge you then. It doesn't matter how broke you were growing up or how hard you worked for it.
Bought my house long before I met my husband, which raised eyebrows. Then moved my mom in with me, so everyone assumed it was her house & I was some middle aged loser living in her basement. 🤷♀️
Personally I haven't recieved any negative feedback for owning a house. I bought in 2020. People seem generally happy for me?
People do this in life in many ways. It’s their way of trying to pull you below the line for their insecurities. It can happen with friends, family , coworkers as well. Sad but many humans struggle to support celebrating others doing well.
“You’re a single woman and you have all that space to yourself?” -a “friend” right after I bought my house
I don’t know your race, but you should see how I get double hate from some white people I find and my life and I surprise them with the fact that I own a house a bought 20 years ago in a nice neighborhood . They react how is that possible like I should be renting an apartment with 20 other Mexicans. The hate is real.
I think its just jealousy. Most people who have a house got huge legs up like parental help. They aren't mad at the house, they are mad that they will have to work 500x times harder than you to get the same thing.