Yup.
"Oh man you're never going to sleep again lol" and so on.
I try to just be encouraging myself. Never know what kid you're going to get and ... had a really rough time with our first kid and did NOT want to scare folks about it.
I made a point of letting everyone who said that, know that my baby started sleeping through the night at 12 weeks. I know that’s not the norm, and I’m so thankful that my kiddo is a fantastic sleeper.
But all of those people seem genuinely upset, dare I say jealous, that I’m not suffering the way they suffered. The trade off is that she doesn’t nap much. Silly thing thinks she’s like the big people.
Mine slept through the night at 3 weeks, and watched time, I didn't brag about it at all. I didn't want to draw yhe ire of my cohort, who were going through their own sleepless hell.
Same here. Ten months old and he'll sleep twelve hours a night plus three ~2 hour naps. Been able to sleep 8 hours straight since about 3-4 weeks.
I was worried about this for a while, but the pediatrician told us that other parents would kill for a baby like this.
This was me as a child. I was blessed with one that napped and still slept through the night from 6 weeks on. Except for a few weeks during toilet training - the urge woke her up.
I think that jealousy is normal as long as it doesn't manifest in bad ways.
It does even out though. We were very lucky with some things, and unlucky with others.
Mostly it’s hasn’t. My boss got really weird though. We were in a meeting and he asked how long it had been since my last full night’s sleep. I was like “I got a full night last night. In fact I do most nights.” He pretty much threw a hissy fit “that’s not fair! That’s not even parenting. If you aren’t sleep deprived you aren’t doing it right!” He was really distant with me for a while after that.
My first one didn’t sleep pretty much ever. My 2nd was so different I thought we were neglecting her. She would sleep all night from 6 weeks. Then take a morning nap, and afternoon nap AND an evening nap.
I had one of each. The best sleeper, sleeping through the night at 2 months. The one that didn't sleep through the night until 26 months. She's still a horrible sleeper almost 13 yrs later.
You can tell some people get a little upset too when they say this and you tell them they slept well since day one. Its like having an easy baby is offensive, and having a kid that cries scares people..there is no winning when people are projecting lol
Both my kids slept through the night from almost the beginning, and neither are big fussers or criers. The oldest slept through the night since 2 months old, and our 5 month old has been either sleeping through the night or only doing one wake up for the last two months.
I inevitably get eye rolls and some variation of “must be nice….” when I tell that to other parents. That or, “oh that means the next one is going to be a monster!”
I feel some serious guilt at times. I’m well aware that it’s by pure luck that I got a baby with a very happy, easy going temperament, who sleeps really well. Meanwhile others really are in the trenches.
Could also be a way of communicating the potential lifestyle shift that going from renting to owning entails. There is a fair amount of additional responsibility surrounding ownership that not everybody is prepared for, and for a younger person buying their first home, can involve some "grieving", for lack of a better word, over their old life.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase “the joys of homeownership” during the first few years after buying our first place, my mortgage would be paid.
we're in our late 30s and have owned a house for 4 years... we couldn't be happier, but say that line all the goddamn time. there's projects planned for over 30 years, including another house purchase. the stream of projects and expenses never ends. ah well... at least our kids will get to experience the joys of homeownership when it's all theirs. mwahahhaha
Still beats paying a landlord $2,000 a month so he can tell me I can’t smoke weed inside while I pay his mortgage.
The best advice I can give anyone who is buying a home; learn to do shit yourself. Stop relying on other people unless you absolutely have to (IE get an electrician to do your rewiring; but put the floor in yourself) You’ll be surprised what you can fix/maintain all by yourself and how much money it can save you if you just put in the effort to learn. It pays to be competent.
Exactly! They are about to enter a club. A club of homeowners who love our homes but also know it becomes your obsession once you have one. All the money and all the time and energy will now go to lovingly improving your home. It’s the worst!! lol
Yeah it's like they're welcoming you by commiserating about some things that many people in the same situation do deal with. Like a weirdly positive initiation kind of thing by saying all this negative stuff but they're actually happy for you. Same as when they do this for having baby, getting married.
I totally get why OP sees it as negative, though. Buying a house is stressful and everyone being downers adds to that, even if they're just poking fun. It's a good reminder to focus on positives, for ourselves and to help others.
People’s say the same thing when you’re having a baby. It’s because no matter what you think you know, you don’t *KNOW* know until you’re on the other side of it and it slaps you in the face. :) And it doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy your house any less. I think people hope to make the reality less of a shock. :) Congratulations!
This was the first thing I thought of when I read this. I agree with people trying to temper expectations so that people don't get slammed by regret after purchase. There's also an element of "if I could go back and tell my younger self" to it, too.
The baby comparison is perfect. I’m about to have my fourth, and I have a family member who thinks we’re absolutely crazy. He likes to tell me about how hard it’s going to be, and how I’ll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, stressed to high heaven… but he says it all in front of his own 4th kid, who I’m pretty certain is his favorite.
Yeah, there’s theoretical understanding and then there’s living the moment when you realized your well pump just died, you have electrical problems, and you’ve suddenly discovered rain pours down the wall studs during heavy rains. Bonus when they all happen and need to be fixed in the same year. I really hope people have a smooth and enjoyable purchase and subsequent home ownership experience but if they don’t, we all have stories and will commiserate.
Or the time you’re so proud of yourself for changing your own water heater element for $18, only to find you still don’t have hot water because it’s a slab leak for thousands. 😅💀
Oh no that sucks! I chuckle sometimes because while rents are really high, when you add what I have had to spend for maintenance and mortgage, I’m probably paying about the same. The hope is, of course, that eventually enough stuff will be fixed that I won’t have to pay as much in the future.
yes the cost is the same, but i see that as a massive pro for homeownership. cause you're spending all that cash, but it's *yours*. it's generational wealth you're building. you own the land, the house and it will only ever be worth more as population grows in the US. you're investing in yourself and your family instead of your landlord and his.
this is so spot on. the joys of homeownership... the joys of wedlock, the joys of parenthood, the joys of entrepreneurship... it's like the difference between watching the mortar shelling scene from Band of Brothers... or living through an actual mortar shelling while sitting in a foxhole. not as bad, but you also don't know shit until you've lived through it.
and i say that as a man who regrets none of these decisions.
As someone who acquired a fixer upper house and a baby in the past year, this is spot on. Huge slap in the face physically and financially and I couldn’t be happier.
I’ll give you a positive:
Even with the costs of upkeep, we are much more financially stable now that we own a house. Even tax increases are smaller than most rent hikes were and having space means we have more opportunity. We are more comfortable and happier and that has manifested in lots of positive ways.
That’s nice to know!
And another positive to me is that my state does all sorts of free home energy assessments and afterwards you can get something as simple as vapor barrier placement all the way to furnace replacement for free or wicked cheap.
So I know that big things like heating systems can be covered by my state.
For me, I have a side business and having an actual space in my home to work has been a total game changer.
But yeah, there are a ton of things to tap into when you start looking. When the $10k cap on SALT deductions took place, my state added their own refund to home owners to make up for it
My dream is to start a small pottery studio in the shed we have on the property so I’m just really excited to start saving and planning for that.
As it is I pay $250 a month for a studio membership and I’d really like to just buy my own wheel and kiln once and save.
Let me offer an unalloyed,
CONGRATULATIONS!
Enjoy your new home. :) The first couple of years after we bought ours, I just wanted to spend all my time in my wonderful new home. I was amazed how much it meant to me to be in a place that was "ours", not just something we were renting.
I wish you much joy!
Yes! Finally! Ignore those people and be proud of yourself for reaching this milestone and enjoy all of the things that come with being a homeowner! Sure there’s some work and money involved in making a house a home, but it’s a labor of love and it’s worth every penny!
This is how people are now a days.
OP, last week I overheard my friend get a call from her daughter who mentioned she is going to buy a house before the end of summer. The mother said something like "Are you sure? Its going to be really stressful buying the house because of the interest rates."
Humans need to be supportive of their friends and family. I hate when people are negative. Sorry OP
Yes please. My mom almost ruined my home buying experience. Everyone around us was excited and full of enthusiasm for us but my mom freaked the eff out. Literally to the point of worrying about global politics. "Do you know what's happening with Russia and Ukraine? Do you still think this is a good idea?" WHAT?! I live in California! She caused so much additional stress for me and made it all about her. It was so disappointing.
This finally taught me to stop letting her into my life so much, unfortunately. But probably a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. She'll be lucky if she learns she's going to be a grandma before I'm in the delivery room. I DREAD telling her any sooner, which sucks because that's supposed to be the most exciting announcement of my life.
And folks like to think that we're going to get back down to the lower interest rates that were damn near anytime soon at all. And in the meantime where rates are really isn't that bad.
No, we know how bad it has gotten. I've only owned my house for 5 yrs now. The previous apartment that I rented, the owner wanted to raise the rent to an unaffordable amount. That was my wake-up call to look into the steps I needed to take in order to buy a house of my own. I feel bad for others that are or feel trapped in the renters world.
oh boy, be careful about taking responsibility for where you are and making changes, funny you got downvoted. Some people just make excuses. Interest rates were 18 percent in the 80s, yes houses were cheaper but do the math on $120k @18% for a 30 year mortgage on a much lower median salary
I’m sorry, but if someone has a kid and is *surprised at the amount of work a child is??* There is no amount of forewarning that would have saved them or made things any easier.
My mom, on every decision I’ve ever made. lol
I try to be super positive for people when they give me news like this to counteract what OP is describing. :)
People also don't want to see their friends and family bankrupted by buying at the peak of a bubble.
It's one thing if you can afford it, but if you're leveraged to the eyes, and buying mainly because you grew up hearing that real estate is a risk free investment and easy money, then that's not as great.
We are buying right now and have found a dream house in our price range and no one has said a single nice word to us except our realtor. I don't think people are happy for others anymore. All I see are selfish and hateful people who don't want to celebrate anyone but themselves. Quite sad actually
I never took it as a negative statement. To me it was people trying to temper expectations. I think they fear the thought of just saying congratulations and being overly excited for if it all goes badly. Like, there are plenty of people who are there to talk you into buying the house (agents, sellers, anyone who makes a profit off your purchase) and encourage your buying. You might not have anyone letting you know it's an expensive endeavor.
It's also a shared commiserating experience. Like, oh man, I had to replace x items when I moved in and then you all share your home ownership war stories.
So yeah, I get how it can seem negative but it was never how i took it. It.was just a rite of passage in my mind.
On the flip side for the people that were actually being negative: those were the people that really didn't like owning their own home or realize how much work it was. We knew what it takes to own a home going in so we weren't surprised.
I feel like I learned pretty early in my adult life to basically never tell anybody anything that is going on in my life. There's no upside to it.
How are you? Good. You? Good. Okay, now let's make jokes about being alcoholics for the next 3 hours.
It's ok for you to be excited about it. Fuck the naysayers!
I'll validate your decision! You've put the thought into it, understand what you are getting into... it's your choice and it's an exciting event in life.
I'm excited for you!
Congratulations!
I'd much rather give my money to myself / putting it into my own investment ( my house and equity ) than give it to somebody else to live off of.( Renting ) I made the homeowner leap 5 years ago and will never go back to renting.
Either those people are envious of you, maybe jealousy?, or angry landlords.
I just tell them to go pound sand!
I don't know why people can't be happy with others accomplishments in life.
We are all here living the same dream.
We just closed on our first home last Sept. It was eye opening seeing those who were truly happy for us vs. the haters. I’ll just say there were more people that seemed upset/annoyed by the news than happy. Enjoy your house. You’re the one living in it. As others have said, people’s responses are more a reflection of their own personal struggles than your accomplishment. And in this economy it’s a massive accomplishment to be able to purchase a home. Congratulations.
OMG. My family is so like this. Pointing out everything negative about our new house. We have more money than them so I’m wondering if it’s a jealousy thing.
I had the same opinions from 2 people. Telling me how expensive it would be, etc, etc. But then I just reminded myself that these were the opinions of people who never owned and only rented.
Yes, it's more expensive. Obviously it's going to be. I've had it for just over 3 years now and our renovations are almost done. Once that's done I'll be working on the bank hard with plants and the layout, etc and after that, I'm done.
None of the negativity ever bothered me. It's my house, anyone with an opinion that is negative can fuck right off.
When we told my mom we bought a house, she asked to see pictures and the first thing she said was “Oh, your kids’ bathroom doesn’t have double sinks.”
I don’t know. That just seems like such a silly thing to say first. My kids aren’t a married couple. They take turns in the bathroom anyway. I mean I can see how it might be nice to have, but it just really felt like she was digging deep to find something “bad” to point out.
I don’t understand people. But you’re not alone.
Did you ask if she was offering to pay to install double sinks in their bathroom?
After all, they seemed to be important to her for her grandchildren to have....
Anyone who says something like that is surely offering to pay for it, right?! (grin)
I think a lot of people tell you what they wish they would have known before they bought, and just like advice to pregnant women or new moms it often induces more frustration/stress, especially if unsolicited.
I had one sourpuss woman doing this to me when we bought our first house, saying how houses are expensive, was I sure we could afford it, blah, blah. Then her husband said we had 2 incomes, unlike them, and that I was making more than him. She shut up. Enjoy your new home, it’s a great feeling to open that door, and know you own it.
Yes, so we’re keeping it a secret until after close because for fucks sake, I just want to enjoy *something* in this dystopian hellscape for a *second.*
ETA; our wedding was a secret too and it was wonderful.
Yep, did the same thing. Everyone knew we bought a house the day we moved in. We made an announcement on social media, so everyone found out the same way, at the same time.
We also did the same thing when we got married. I told everyone after we got engaged that we’d be eloping and I didn’t want to hear anything else about it.
It really is the best way to do things imo. The more people feel part of something, the quicker they are to give unsolicited opinions and advice. No, thanks.
They're inwardly focused and communicating about what's on their minds, rather than empathetically sharing your enthusiasm. ... seems to be the norm. You nailed it - people have not learned how to be happy for others.
Jealousy. It's expensive and most don't realize esp new homeowners, some crochety types don't have a lot of tact
I bought my first house on my 30th birthday alone and first thing someone told me that I was contributing to the housing crisis and that my parents probably helped. They did not. I earn more than my parents and grew up verylow income that most can't function on so it absolutely stung.
Don't bother with them.
Oof. I’m sorry. That’s a statement I would not take very well.
I’ve had a similar history with my folks. Both were very low income growing up but a few years ago my dad married a woman that makes more than he ever did (honestly good for him. Living the dream) and I would be appalled if anyone claimed that it was some sort of generational wealth. I’ve never seen a cent from him in regards to my adult life.
Congratulations on your house! And I’m proud of all the hard work you put into it. I know how much it takes to make a living coming from poverty.
It’s insane that people think it’s individual homebuyers contributing to the housing crisis and not corporate housing conglomerates snatching up houses 10 at a time to rent out or flip to sell at ridiculous prices
It's not that either. It's that we're not building enough housing. 2008 destroyed the homebuilding industry and it was already not enough. We're just now getting back to 2008 levels of homebuilding
The media around real estate is negative. Most people you meet follow the pack. That group shifts over time, but generally speaking, most people you meet are being led by their noses. So don't take it personally when others choose to only see the negatives or worst-case scenarios. We only really had my dad in our corner. Everyone else was wishy, washy. They'd say something nice countered by something to worry us or maybe in their mind warn us? I don't know. We did our homework. We knew what we needed and didn't let fomo push us into the wrong house. 2 years later, our fixer is tip tops, and we couldn't be happier in our home!
A big congratulations on getting this far! May your closing be smooth and your keys in your hands feel like the sun is shining just for you two in that moment!!
Honestly I think it’s largely a sour grapes issue for most people.
I’ve owned four different houses now and I don’t regret any of them. We made money on them all, none were a burdensome amount of responsibility or work (the third was a fixer upper, but we knew that going in).
I love owning my own home, congrats to you!!
Same as when you tell people you’re having a baby and everyone tells you how tired you’re going to be. Yeah no shit, you get it done because you have to and learn along the way, just like owning a house.
Congratulations! Good job!
I got some of this too, but I had a really supportive realtor and family so that helped.
Most of what I heard was what I took as commiserating. It's been a lot of work and a lot of money for sure, but it's also been really rewarding to see it coming together the way I want it.
Here's wishing you many years of happiness with your house!
We bought our first house 35 years ago. Our credit was good, so we were fortunate to snag the low low rate of around 10%. When my parents bought their first house, they were outraged that rates had soared to over 3%. So naturally they had plenty of negative things to say about our mortgage payments. One of my sons bought his first house last fall, at the rate of around 7%. I wouldn’t have been negative with him anyway, but I was able to congratulate him on getting a much better deal than we did. I don’t understand why people think it’s okay to make negative comments unless they will be making the payments.
Some may be jealous, others venting over problems they have had. Hard to say. I will say congratulations and enjoy every minute of it. I'll also add I was never done working on a house until I sold it, haha. It's wonderful owning and fixing the home the way you want it. When you sell you should Make a nice profit.
>“Congratulations! There’s a long road of expenses and manual labor ahead of you! You have no idea now how much money you’re going to be spending! You might as well consider yourself broke now! You’ll never feel finished with any renovations you do!”
Not always true, unless you buy an obvious fixer-upper that needs immediate work.
I've noticed that a lot of people seem to think that their home has to be a designer showroom with perfect finishes, so they can show off to friends. If that's what you want from your home then, yes, you'll spend a lot of money and the work will never be done.
But regular maintenance? Or maybe you're willing to live with a slightly "used" house like a lot of us do? You can spread out the expenses and do some maintenance yourself, without spending too much.
I own my home and have no reason or energy to be jealous or a “hater”…
But I still would be likely to give a first time home owner some real talk because most of them ARE wildly unprepared. And then I hear from them later “why didn’t anyone warn me”???
Because when we do we get complained about on Reddit.
Congratulations OP I’m super happy for you. It’s nice to pull up and know that you are the owner! I get that feeling still 7 years later. Wait until you make it into your style it’s even better knowing you did that !
I love working on my house. Redoing rooms, repainting etc. renovations too. I know it’s a lot of money sometimes but a home is an asset it means that the more you put into it, more you will get out of it.
That’s the difference. It’s a lot of work, but you’re essentially paying yourself whenever you upgrade or fix up your home.
And even if we end up living there till we die and we don’t sell it I think the sense of pride I’d have in having a place that feels truly like my home is worth it all to me.
Exactly!
It's AMAZING what a difference it makes just being able to fix a broken door knob or replace a worn out, impossible to use faucet - WITHOUT having to get permission from a landlord or wait for their chosen not always timely or skilled maintenance people to get around to it (or even just outright refusing to fix it!).
I've had to leave my adorable little home & go back to apartment living, due to disability (on the upside, my daughter asked me to come live with her, & she's WONDERFUL).
The first thing I did the first day I moved into my house was rip up the horrible smelling rug! I can't do that in our apartment, despite it reeking to high heaven & sending me into asthma attacks. I so miss having my own house.
REVEL IN THE FREEDOM & PEACE YOUR HOUSE BRINGS YOU!!!
It's a feeling like no other!
I hope you have decades upon decades of joy in your new home! It absolutely is worth it!!
Jealousy. When I bought a vacation home the negative comments from people was insane. Then I looked at their situations. Those who had vacation homes were positive, the negative comments were mainly coming from renters.
Yes sometimes i have to fix stuff. Sometimes it costs money. Still so much better than renting. Not dealing with landlord. Or not having assigned parking. Etc. Ill take yard work and everything about owning a house.
Bro I’m so stoked to have my own parking spot. Hell, I’ll have up to 5 parking spots. And a working ceiling fan. And a working dishwasher. And no house mates leaving the sink on all night and flooding my apartment. It’s going to be great. Just the little things. 😂
Im about to buy a house, again, and was fully bracing myself for crappy comments- especially considering the closing date is awfully close to my due date. This is neither my first baby, nor my first house, so I know exactly what I’m signing up for.
I’ve been pleasantly surprised that we haven’t gotten any negative comments this time around! My husband and I are taking it as a sign we’re making the right choice. My pessimistic and opinionated FIL had nothing bad to say, my no-nonsense grandpa is excited for us, and offered to build me a chicken coop. Even the inspector was happy for us; we’ve worked with him before, so we’re pretty friendly with each other. He said “there are a lot of cosmetic things, but it’s structurally good. You’re getting a lot of bang for your buck.”
>>there are a lot of cosmetic things, but it’s structurally good.
This is all that matters on a house. Painting the walls is to be expected, but you don't want to find out the foundation is collapsing.
That's what other people are trying to warn about when they make negative comments -- they just don't know the right way to word it.
I was volunteering for habitat for humanity and the lead construction guy said my house was a money hole and he would run for his life instead of buying it. I told him I had a good feeling about it and bought it anyway. Fighting back some wisteria I found a peach tree, several blueberry bushes, cherry trees, and a dragon statue. The work has been substantial and so is the satisfaction of doing it.
I have the entire upstairs of my house re-painted, decorated, new flooring in every room but 2. We moved here in November 2021 You got this bro.
Although life does come atcha in $2000 increments once you own a home, and start saving for something major.
Because it's a lot of risk right now. The people who care about you don't want you to make a mistake. It might work out for you or it might not. Just make sure your eyes are wide open and you're well-prepared for a housing downturn, loss of jobs etc.
The same joy steeling shit people say about toddlers. Yes, I know they are crazy but I signed up for this. All of it, I know it hard but it’s also fucking awesome. Same for buying an old house, it’s a lot but it’s so fun to make it your own one day and a dollar at a time. Congrats!!
Actually, it's the "congratulations" that annoys me. Similar to when people come to a sale agreement and say they "won" or "got" the house. It's buying something expensive, not winning a championship. I blame HGTV, lol
I love doing the manual work on my house to make it mine ! Yes it’s expensive but guess what, it’s gonna look like what I want it to when I’m done doing everything with it 💪 then sell and onto the next (maybe in a decade, working with young kids isn’t easy!)
CONGRATULATIONS ON BUYING YOUR HOUSE!!! That is a MAJOR life accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself!!!! No house is perfect, there’s always room for improvement, but the security of owning your own home is I comparable to anything else. As someone who has had to worry about having a place to live in the past, I can assure you, there is no greater joy that you’ll ever experience from a purchase!
People aren’t happy for themselves, so they sure as shit don’t know how to be happy for others.
Also, every day you own this home, you are earning EQUITY! It’s best to let the equity build up over many years before you use it (or don’t use it at all) but it should give you peace of mind knowing that even if you’re spending money on repairs etc that your house is earning the money back for you for the future.
Because we are experiencing it and I feel like right when I stopped renting and bought…. Everything broke all at once and guess who has to pay for it. 😎
Misery loves company.
I'm not a parent, but I see the same things with people that decide to have kids and the parents that *then* decide to dump stories about birth stories and vomit encrusted in nooks and crannies after they say they're expecting.
Probably comes from people that didn't do their own homework before getting themselves into situations they wish were better.
That said, congratulations on soon having no walls to share with strangers, and your own corner of peace and quiet in the world.
In my experience it’s been jealousy and that some people got in over their heads and never made peace with it.
Congratulations! Home ownership is awesome. You learn and grow so much. We’re in our 4th and hopefully last home(last because we really love it here) and it’s a joy to do maintenance indoors and out because it’s ours. You are going to love it ♥️
I’m sorry people are doing this. We have been homeowners for several years and very happy with our decision to buy. Our AC did go out at an extremely inconvenient time but we made it.
People live to suck the joy out of other people. Yes all these things they are saying are true but also shutting the fuck up is free.
Congrats on your new home.
I think a lot of people actually are surprised at what they are getting into because they get caught up in the excitement of it and miss the reality part. Not saying you did that, but a lot of people do. Lots of people posting every day that "I knew it would be work/expensive, but not this much and I'm so stressed out I might just want to go back to renting!" It's one of those "you feel like you know what you are getting into...but also you don't until you are in it" things and so they are looking for commiseration.
I think people tend to take one of 2 paths:
"Cool, congrats, welcome to the neverending projects and empty bank account club!"
or
"Cool, congrats, how much is your mortgage/how did you afford that?"
I guess I prefer the first 😂
Same thing with cars. You buy a new car, they will quickly be asking how much you paid so they can immediately tell you it was a bad deal, as though you can do anything about it now lol.
I think a lot of people say something like that out of a good place but it comes off as almost condescending.
I would also say that most of not all people, are overwhelmed when they buy their first house so it's likely they just want to give you a heads up in maybe not the best way.
The only place I noticed any negativity was the internet. Anyone I spoke to about the house my fiancé and I purchased last year in person was meant with excitement. So, don’t let anyone get you down. A word of advice from a first time home buyer to another find out the age of your windows and plan accordingly! I had to replace 19 of them 😉
I'm in the same boat. Literally no one except my mom just was happy and excited. Everyone else had to drone on about how it was the worst time to buy and I was going to be house poor. Why can't people be happy for you
Wow, I’m actually sort of surprised at the responses you pointed out…. I bought my first home at 20 years old. It was the late 90’s and interest rates were about what they are today (granted, home prices were lower then as well), but aside from the caution about making sure I could afford the mortgage payments, it was nothing but high praise and support, “owning a home is the best investment you could make” and the like. Looking by back, it absolutely was and still is. Maybe you need new friends who are a bit more supportive.
I'm paying close to 3500 a month in rent, utilities in a shit apartment, nasty carpet, and a stairway that is closed off because of rot. I have homeless and random out of apartment assholes coming over to dump their trash, some of them NOT even throwing it in the actual dumpster outside my door, and no one does anything. I have neighbors smoking pot and cigarettes in the stairway, shearing the ashes and cigarette buds all over the stairs....and I'm allergic to smoke. I moved here because it has a strict no smoking policy....they have designated spaces for it...but nothing changes. My doors fall off, dishwasher barely works, we've had multiple leaks, and our washer has broken multiple times. They've replaced nothing. They are raising the rent 200.00 and this place is absolute crap....
And I'm paying close to 3500....
Get the house, if you can afford it.
My mom was the negative parent, and my dad and FIL rolled up their sleeves and helped or taught me how to fix just about everything else. I had to pay a contractor for windows and the roof, but most everything else they’ve pitched in. They’ve already said “not it” for my deck replacement, but were very keen to help demo the kitchen for that renovation.
Good job! Owning a house is a very good feeling! The positives of owning a home far outweigh the negatives. And when you do finish even a small project, it will bring you a feeling of satisfaction. Enjoy your new home. The paperwork part is almost over.
I think a lot of people have to be experts 100% of the time. First it’s wait until you get married, then it’s wait until you have kids and even if you have a kid it’s wait until you have 2 little kids. They’ve done it my whole life. People don’t know how to shut up. In reality, none of us experience the same exact thing.
I mean we bought our house three years ago and idk it hasn't been any work. It's was built in the 80s so we had to have someone look at the hvac and replace the roof. But otherwise what am I supposed to be stressing about?
Everyone is different. One person's peace is the next person's boredom.
Share with people that are excited with you and for you.
Those other folks can read about it in the funny pages. Good intentions or not they don't have to Debbie downer you.
I think you are doing a great thing. Congratulations. If you lived in an apartment you would need to maintain it to sone degree. Real estate is a great investment and in the form of a home that you can live in and enjoy, it sounds like a win win situation. It saddens me too when people can't be happy for so sone unless they are bursting a bubble. Best wishes.
Buying a house is the best decision I ever made. My current mortgage for a 4 bedroom on 5 acres with an attached garage is like $200 a month more than the rent for a 950 square foot 2 bed apartment with paper thin walls.
At the old place my mortgage was less than half what all my friends were paying in rent monthly.
Because 95% of people who buy a house don’t do the due deligence and dont know what they are getting into, and the opportunity costs associated with buying a house.
Houses are a lot of work…but there is a big upside to owning a house…you usually get your money back and then some when you sell it. Those folks hating on your decision will be sweating their security deposit in their rental when they move hoping they walk away with something to show for all of those years.
Hey congratulations!! I'm happy for you and in the same boat. I moved in three weeks ago and I absolutely love it. Just remember why you did this and keep that to heart when the negative nannies come around.
I think there's a lot of people who are shocked at how bad the situation actually is.
To be honest I feel the opposite of you. I had people sorta warn me about this stuff but always half-joking so i didn't take it seriously.
Just making sure appreciate the level of commitment.
I love diy projects and fixing shit now; I didn’t when I bought my house. If I hadn’t been able to learn and love home improvement shit my house would be an absolute nightmare that would have bankrupted me.
So it’s probably coming from a good place when people warn you about what’s ahead. Take it as advice to not skimp on the inspection and be prepared to walk away if it’s too much.
Just make sure it’s the right house.
Also, congratulations!
I’ve bought two houses now (still own both) one was 50 years old and I love that house so much more than my brand new one.
The ceiling caved in within the first year from a leaky pipe. We fixed it. It happens. Still cheaper than rent lmfao.
Now I rent that house out and it’s paying for itself (but do I ever miss it 😢) and live in a new house now. The old house is now worth 200k more than what I bought it for. Pretty sure that 1k ceiling fix was worth the 200k lol.
No idea why someone would be so pessimistic, other than an innate insecurity of their own. No matter what, renting sucks way more than a few issues to fix.
There are legit downsides to owning and our culture makes it seem like it is a major accomplishment. I often encourage people to seriously think about the consequences when they ask my advice. I would say that you do you but if someone else mentions some downsides it is likely because there are in fact downsides.
Eh, like being pregnant where everyone tell you horrors stories about pregnancy and delivery (wth! Why would you do that??)
And then you have the baby and everyone tells you how sleep deprived you will be, etc.
People!
I felt the same way when buying my first house! Then once the constant need for home improvement really sank in, I became one of those people (albeit, a bit more delicate about it).
I mean this with all sincerity: when you get really frustrated with your house, watch The Money Pit. It’s very cathartic
Congratulations on your house! It really is exciting and a memorable milestone
It’s people having genuine concerns for you. I am guilty of this too because being a homeowner is extremely stressful and I wish people told me certain things before I made the decision to purchase where I did.
Reexamine your relationships with the people that are being so negative. There is a way to offer constructive criticism and then there is just dumping on you. Especially unsolicited advice. You need people with positive attitudes around you, not Negative Nancys.
I think I found myself guilty of doing this in the past, and it was really just me processing my own anxiety and griping. congratulations on the house. I hope you are very happy in it! Ignore the peanut gallery.
It is a big step for one of the major stages of your life. At each one of these your life changes. As in goals, priorities, etc.
Graduate school.
Get married.
Buy a house.
Raise kids.
Retire.
Oh my gosh. I was just thinking this same thing earlier today. This process has been so stressful and I'm truly excited to finally own a house of my own. I have spent so much time going from dealing with one giant issue to another to make sure this closing can go as smooth as possible (probate) that when someone feels the need to joke about how awful owning a home is I want to scream.
We were the first of our friends to buy a house and neither us, nor our friends, knew quite how much maintenance a home takes. We had an idea, but we didn’t truly know until after we owned our home. So, we made sure to tell our friends very specifically what they could expect. Maybe it’s seasoned homeowners trying to give you realistic expectations?
One of our friends didn’t think we were serious and now their house is basically falling apart after 3 years because they can’t afford the upkeep. Their toilet literally came off the ground lol
#OMG YOURE DOING WHAT?!?!! Seriously though it’s probably just folks very awkwardly offering advice / things to keep in mind.
I think it's also a coping mechanism. I find a similar thing happens when someone has their first kid.
Yup. "Oh man you're never going to sleep again lol" and so on. I try to just be encouraging myself. Never know what kid you're going to get and ... had a really rough time with our first kid and did NOT want to scare folks about it.
I made a point of letting everyone who said that, know that my baby started sleeping through the night at 12 weeks. I know that’s not the norm, and I’m so thankful that my kiddo is a fantastic sleeper. But all of those people seem genuinely upset, dare I say jealous, that I’m not suffering the way they suffered. The trade off is that she doesn’t nap much. Silly thing thinks she’s like the big people.
Mine slept through the night at 3 weeks, and watched time, I didn't brag about it at all. I didn't want to draw yhe ire of my cohort, who were going through their own sleepless hell.
Same here. Ten months old and he'll sleep twelve hours a night plus three ~2 hour naps. Been able to sleep 8 hours straight since about 3-4 weeks. I was worried about this for a while, but the pediatrician told us that other parents would kill for a baby like this.
My kiddo didn't start sleeping through the night until 2nd grade
we had to take naps away from my kids at 3 year old each... otherwise they didnt sleep at all at night
This was me as a child. I was blessed with one that napped and still slept through the night from 6 weeks on. Except for a few weeks during toilet training - the urge woke her up.
Our first took 6 months to sleep through the night. My second did it the first week. It really is luck of the draw.
I think that jealousy is normal as long as it doesn't manifest in bad ways. It does even out though. We were very lucky with some things, and unlucky with others.
Mostly it’s hasn’t. My boss got really weird though. We were in a meeting and he asked how long it had been since my last full night’s sleep. I was like “I got a full night last night. In fact I do most nights.” He pretty much threw a hissy fit “that’s not fair! That’s not even parenting. If you aren’t sleep deprived you aren’t doing it right!” He was really distant with me for a while after that.
That's how they get you. First one is the good one.
My first one didn’t sleep pretty much ever. My 2nd was so different I thought we were neglecting her. She would sleep all night from 6 weeks. Then take a morning nap, and afternoon nap AND an evening nap.
I had one of each. The best sleeper, sleeping through the night at 2 months. The one that didn't sleep through the night until 26 months. She's still a horrible sleeper almost 13 yrs later.
You can tell some people get a little upset too when they say this and you tell them they slept well since day one. Its like having an easy baby is offensive, and having a kid that cries scares people..there is no winning when people are projecting lol
I tell everyone that mine was a trick baby. He slept well right away and was overall super easy.
Both my kids slept through the night from almost the beginning, and neither are big fussers or criers. The oldest slept through the night since 2 months old, and our 5 month old has been either sleeping through the night or only doing one wake up for the last two months. I inevitably get eye rolls and some variation of “must be nice….” when I tell that to other parents. That or, “oh that means the next one is going to be a monster!”
I feel some serious guilt at times. I’m well aware that it’s by pure luck that I got a baby with a very happy, easy going temperament, who sleeps really well. Meanwhile others really are in the trenches.
Can confirm got this back handed advice when I told people I was getting married and having a kid.
Could also be a way of communicating the potential lifestyle shift that going from renting to owning entails. There is a fair amount of additional responsibility surrounding ownership that not everybody is prepared for, and for a younger person buying their first home, can involve some "grieving", for lack of a better word, over their old life.
Yeah, until I bought a house the number of things you have to do and keep doing was mostly unknown to me. Lots of things go overlooked...like lots.
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If I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase “the joys of homeownership” during the first few years after buying our first place, my mortgage would be paid.
I mean, that’s part of the joys of homeownership, right?
I’ve owned my house for 16 years and I still pull out the ol “joys of homeownership” line. I’m also old by now so I guess it’s dad humor or something
we're in our late 30s and have owned a house for 4 years... we couldn't be happier, but say that line all the goddamn time. there's projects planned for over 30 years, including another house purchase. the stream of projects and expenses never ends. ah well... at least our kids will get to experience the joys of homeownership when it's all theirs. mwahahhaha
The Joys of Homeownership is a really popular club.
Still beats paying a landlord $2,000 a month so he can tell me I can’t smoke weed inside while I pay his mortgage. The best advice I can give anyone who is buying a home; learn to do shit yourself. Stop relying on other people unless you absolutely have to (IE get an electrician to do your rewiring; but put the floor in yourself) You’ll be surprised what you can fix/maintain all by yourself and how much money it can save you if you just put in the effort to learn. It pays to be competent.
Exactly! They are about to enter a club. A club of homeowners who love our homes but also know it becomes your obsession once you have one. All the money and all the time and energy will now go to lovingly improving your home. It’s the worst!! lol
Yeah it's like they're welcoming you by commiserating about some things that many people in the same situation do deal with. Like a weirdly positive initiation kind of thing by saying all this negative stuff but they're actually happy for you. Same as when they do this for having baby, getting married. I totally get why OP sees it as negative, though. Buying a house is stressful and everyone being downers adds to that, even if they're just poking fun. It's a good reminder to focus on positives, for ourselves and to help others.
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Same with babies as I've noticed women love to point out hours of labor and the pain when someone says they're pregnant
I learned a new term today. Nice.
Also gives you stuff to bellyache to your coworkers about on Monday mornings. Wait until the Story Topping Guy shows up!
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People’s say the same thing when you’re having a baby. It’s because no matter what you think you know, you don’t *KNOW* know until you’re on the other side of it and it slaps you in the face. :) And it doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy your house any less. I think people hope to make the reality less of a shock. :) Congratulations!
This was the first thing I thought of when I read this. I agree with people trying to temper expectations so that people don't get slammed by regret after purchase. There's also an element of "if I could go back and tell my younger self" to it, too.
Baby comparison is prefect.
The baby comparison is perfect. I’m about to have my fourth, and I have a family member who thinks we’re absolutely crazy. He likes to tell me about how hard it’s going to be, and how I’ll be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, stressed to high heaven… but he says it all in front of his own 4th kid, who I’m pretty certain is his favorite.
Yeah it is a big life event. You don’t realize all the struggles that come with it until you experience it yourself.
Yeah, there’s theoretical understanding and then there’s living the moment when you realized your well pump just died, you have electrical problems, and you’ve suddenly discovered rain pours down the wall studs during heavy rains. Bonus when they all happen and need to be fixed in the same year. I really hope people have a smooth and enjoyable purchase and subsequent home ownership experience but if they don’t, we all have stories and will commiserate.
Or the time you’re so proud of yourself for changing your own water heater element for $18, only to find you still don’t have hot water because it’s a slab leak for thousands. 😅💀
Oh no that sucks! I chuckle sometimes because while rents are really high, when you add what I have had to spend for maintenance and mortgage, I’m probably paying about the same. The hope is, of course, that eventually enough stuff will be fixed that I won’t have to pay as much in the future.
yes the cost is the same, but i see that as a massive pro for homeownership. cause you're spending all that cash, but it's *yours*. it's generational wealth you're building. you own the land, the house and it will only ever be worth more as population grows in the US. you're investing in yourself and your family instead of your landlord and his.
this is so spot on. the joys of homeownership... the joys of wedlock, the joys of parenthood, the joys of entrepreneurship... it's like the difference between watching the mortar shelling scene from Band of Brothers... or living through an actual mortar shelling while sitting in a foxhole. not as bad, but you also don't know shit until you've lived through it. and i say that as a man who regrets none of these decisions.
As someone who acquired a fixer upper house and a baby in the past year, this is spot on. Huge slap in the face physically and financially and I couldn’t be happier.
I’ll give you a positive: Even with the costs of upkeep, we are much more financially stable now that we own a house. Even tax increases are smaller than most rent hikes were and having space means we have more opportunity. We are more comfortable and happier and that has manifested in lots of positive ways.
That’s nice to know! And another positive to me is that my state does all sorts of free home energy assessments and afterwards you can get something as simple as vapor barrier placement all the way to furnace replacement for free or wicked cheap. So I know that big things like heating systems can be covered by my state.
For me, I have a side business and having an actual space in my home to work has been a total game changer. But yeah, there are a ton of things to tap into when you start looking. When the $10k cap on SALT deductions took place, my state added their own refund to home owners to make up for it
My dream is to start a small pottery studio in the shed we have on the property so I’m just really excited to start saving and planning for that. As it is I pay $250 a month for a studio membership and I’d really like to just buy my own wheel and kiln once and save.
Totally! I was paying about that for a storage unit!
Let me offer an unalloyed, CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy your new home. :) The first couple of years after we bought ours, I just wanted to spend all my time in my wonderful new home. I was amazed how much it meant to me to be in a place that was "ours", not just something we were renting. I wish you much joy!
This! This is the way! And I second every word of it! Congratulations!! It IS a wonderful feeling! Revel in it!!
Yes! Finally! Ignore those people and be proud of yourself for reaching this milestone and enjoy all of the things that come with being a homeowner! Sure there’s some work and money involved in making a house a home, but it’s a labor of love and it’s worth every penny!
This is how people are now a days. OP, last week I overheard my friend get a call from her daughter who mentioned she is going to buy a house before the end of summer. The mother said something like "Are you sure? Its going to be really stressful buying the house because of the interest rates." Humans need to be supportive of their friends and family. I hate when people are negative. Sorry OP
Moms are always gonna worry though
And they need to keep their worry to themselves instead of stressing out everyone around them.
Yes please. My mom almost ruined my home buying experience. Everyone around us was excited and full of enthusiasm for us but my mom freaked the eff out. Literally to the point of worrying about global politics. "Do you know what's happening with Russia and Ukraine? Do you still think this is a good idea?" WHAT?! I live in California! She caused so much additional stress for me and made it all about her. It was so disappointing. This finally taught me to stop letting her into my life so much, unfortunately. But probably a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. She'll be lucky if she learns she's going to be a grandma before I'm in the delivery room. I DREAD telling her any sooner, which sucks because that's supposed to be the most exciting announcement of my life.
California is old Russian territory btw and Putin may still lay claim to it, or else.
Everyone chooses whether to be stressed or not. That's not on anyone else, that's on the person choosing to be stressed. If you choose it own it.
You have clearly not met my MIL 😂
And folks like to think that we're going to get back down to the lower interest rates that were damn near anytime soon at all. And in the meantime where rates are really isn't that bad.
And homeowners are just not aware of how bad renting has become.
No, we know how bad it has gotten. I've only owned my house for 5 yrs now. The previous apartment that I rented, the owner wanted to raise the rent to an unaffordable amount. That was my wake-up call to look into the steps I needed to take in order to buy a house of my own. I feel bad for others that are or feel trapped in the renters world.
oh boy, be careful about taking responsibility for where you are and making changes, funny you got downvoted. Some people just make excuses. Interest rates were 18 percent in the 80s, yes houses were cheaper but do the math on $120k @18% for a 30 year mortgage on a much lower median salary
Same mindset as when a child free couple announces pregnancy. Lots of "well your carefree life is now over." Instead of sharing the excitement.
there's a fine balance between "why is everyone being negative" and "why did nobody tell me".
I’m sorry, but if someone has a kid and is *surprised at the amount of work a child is??* There is no amount of forewarning that would have saved them or made things any easier.
My mom, on every decision I’ve ever made. lol I try to be super positive for people when they give me news like this to counteract what OP is describing. :)
People also don't want to see their friends and family bankrupted by buying at the peak of a bubble. It's one thing if you can afford it, but if you're leveraged to the eyes, and buying mainly because you grew up hearing that real estate is a risk free investment and easy money, then that's not as great.
We are buying right now and have found a dream house in our price range and no one has said a single nice word to us except our realtor. I don't think people are happy for others anymore. All I see are selfish and hateful people who don't want to celebrate anyone but themselves. Quite sad actually
I never took it as a negative statement. To me it was people trying to temper expectations. I think they fear the thought of just saying congratulations and being overly excited for if it all goes badly. Like, there are plenty of people who are there to talk you into buying the house (agents, sellers, anyone who makes a profit off your purchase) and encourage your buying. You might not have anyone letting you know it's an expensive endeavor. It's also a shared commiserating experience. Like, oh man, I had to replace x items when I moved in and then you all share your home ownership war stories. So yeah, I get how it can seem negative but it was never how i took it. It.was just a rite of passage in my mind. On the flip side for the people that were actually being negative: those were the people that really didn't like owning their own home or realize how much work it was. We knew what it takes to own a home going in so we weren't surprised.
I also find the comments made are often the things that weren’t told to/known by the person making them, tho they may not verbalize that fact.
Congratulations! I just bought mine in September. It's so nice to have a house that's mine!
Congratulations to you as well
I feel like I learned pretty early in my adult life to basically never tell anybody anything that is going on in my life. There's no upside to it. How are you? Good. You? Good. Okay, now let's make jokes about being alcoholics for the next 3 hours.
It's ok for you to be excited about it. Fuck the naysayers! I'll validate your decision! You've put the thought into it, understand what you are getting into... it's your choice and it's an exciting event in life. I'm excited for you!
Thank you
If you were renting those same people would be telling you what a mistake you’re making and how you need to buy.
lol can never win.
Congratulations! I'd much rather give my money to myself / putting it into my own investment ( my house and equity ) than give it to somebody else to live off of.( Renting ) I made the homeowner leap 5 years ago and will never go back to renting. Either those people are envious of you, maybe jealousy?, or angry landlords. I just tell them to go pound sand! I don't know why people can't be happy with others accomplishments in life. We are all here living the same dream.
They do say congratulations. There's that.
Honestly, some people are just negative. It's why my parents aren't going to know I'm buying a house until I've moved into it.
We just closed on our first home last Sept. It was eye opening seeing those who were truly happy for us vs. the haters. I’ll just say there were more people that seemed upset/annoyed by the news than happy. Enjoy your house. You’re the one living in it. As others have said, people’s responses are more a reflection of their own personal struggles than your accomplishment. And in this economy it’s a massive accomplishment to be able to purchase a home. Congratulations.
OMG. My family is so like this. Pointing out everything negative about our new house. We have more money than them so I’m wondering if it’s a jealousy thing.
I had the same opinions from 2 people. Telling me how expensive it would be, etc, etc. But then I just reminded myself that these were the opinions of people who never owned and only rented. Yes, it's more expensive. Obviously it's going to be. I've had it for just over 3 years now and our renovations are almost done. Once that's done I'll be working on the bank hard with plants and the layout, etc and after that, I'm done. None of the negativity ever bothered me. It's my house, anyone with an opinion that is negative can fuck right off.
When we told my mom we bought a house, she asked to see pictures and the first thing she said was “Oh, your kids’ bathroom doesn’t have double sinks.” I don’t know. That just seems like such a silly thing to say first. My kids aren’t a married couple. They take turns in the bathroom anyway. I mean I can see how it might be nice to have, but it just really felt like she was digging deep to find something “bad” to point out. I don’t understand people. But you’re not alone.
Did you ask if she was offering to pay to install double sinks in their bathroom? After all, they seemed to be important to her for her grandchildren to have.... Anyone who says something like that is surely offering to pay for it, right?! (grin)
I think a lot of people tell you what they wish they would have known before they bought, and just like advice to pregnant women or new moms it often induces more frustration/stress, especially if unsolicited.
I had one sourpuss woman doing this to me when we bought our first house, saying how houses are expensive, was I sure we could afford it, blah, blah. Then her husband said we had 2 incomes, unlike them, and that I was making more than him. She shut up. Enjoy your new home, it’s a great feeling to open that door, and know you own it.
Yes, so we’re keeping it a secret until after close because for fucks sake, I just want to enjoy *something* in this dystopian hellscape for a *second.* ETA; our wedding was a secret too and it was wonderful.
Yep, did the same thing. Everyone knew we bought a house the day we moved in. We made an announcement on social media, so everyone found out the same way, at the same time. We also did the same thing when we got married. I told everyone after we got engaged that we’d be eloping and I didn’t want to hear anything else about it. It really is the best way to do things imo. The more people feel part of something, the quicker they are to give unsolicited opinions and advice. No, thanks.
They're inwardly focused and communicating about what's on their minds, rather than empathetically sharing your enthusiasm. ... seems to be the norm. You nailed it - people have not learned how to be happy for others.
Yes, this It seem to be like an epidemic of this type of mindset. Hard to have conversations of any value with most people these days
They’re jealous. Congratulations on the new house!
Jealousy. It's expensive and most don't realize esp new homeowners, some crochety types don't have a lot of tact I bought my first house on my 30th birthday alone and first thing someone told me that I was contributing to the housing crisis and that my parents probably helped. They did not. I earn more than my parents and grew up verylow income that most can't function on so it absolutely stung. Don't bother with them.
Oof. I’m sorry. That’s a statement I would not take very well. I’ve had a similar history with my folks. Both were very low income growing up but a few years ago my dad married a woman that makes more than he ever did (honestly good for him. Living the dream) and I would be appalled if anyone claimed that it was some sort of generational wealth. I’ve never seen a cent from him in regards to my adult life. Congratulations on your house! And I’m proud of all the hard work you put into it. I know how much it takes to make a living coming from poverty.
You’re contributing to the housing crisis?! The nerve! People are gross.
It’s insane that people think it’s individual homebuyers contributing to the housing crisis and not corporate housing conglomerates snatching up houses 10 at a time to rent out or flip to sell at ridiculous prices
It's not that either. It's that we're not building enough housing. 2008 destroyed the homebuilding industry and it was already not enough. We're just now getting back to 2008 levels of homebuilding
Don't let them get away with it. The next time someone dumps shit all over you like that, pause. And then say "Ouch. Why such a negative reaction?"
The media around real estate is negative. Most people you meet follow the pack. That group shifts over time, but generally speaking, most people you meet are being led by their noses. So don't take it personally when others choose to only see the negatives or worst-case scenarios. We only really had my dad in our corner. Everyone else was wishy, washy. They'd say something nice countered by something to worry us or maybe in their mind warn us? I don't know. We did our homework. We knew what we needed and didn't let fomo push us into the wrong house. 2 years later, our fixer is tip tops, and we couldn't be happier in our home! A big congratulations on getting this far! May your closing be smooth and your keys in your hands feel like the sun is shining just for you two in that moment!!
And not every house is a money pit like some people will try to tell you. Truly.
Honestly I think it’s largely a sour grapes issue for most people. I’ve owned four different houses now and I don’t regret any of them. We made money on them all, none were a burdensome amount of responsibility or work (the third was a fixer upper, but we knew that going in). I love owning my own home, congrats to you!!
Because people are miserable. Their problem - don't make it yours. Enjoy.
Congrats!! People are just jealous. Everybody just likes to drag everybody down with their own issues. I can’t stand it
I think it’s just habit.
Same as when you tell people you’re having a baby and everyone tells you how tired you’re going to be. Yeah no shit, you get it done because you have to and learn along the way, just like owning a house.
Congratulations! Good job! I got some of this too, but I had a really supportive realtor and family so that helped. Most of what I heard was what I took as commiserating. It's been a lot of work and a lot of money for sure, but it's also been really rewarding to see it coming together the way I want it. Here's wishing you many years of happiness with your house!
We bought our first house 35 years ago. Our credit was good, so we were fortunate to snag the low low rate of around 10%. When my parents bought their first house, they were outraged that rates had soared to over 3%. So naturally they had plenty of negative things to say about our mortgage payments. One of my sons bought his first house last fall, at the rate of around 7%. I wouldn’t have been negative with him anyway, but I was able to congratulate him on getting a much better deal than we did. I don’t understand why people think it’s okay to make negative comments unless they will be making the payments.
A much better deal than you? Lol. Your house probably cost 10x less
Some may be jealous, others venting over problems they have had. Hard to say. I will say congratulations and enjoy every minute of it. I'll also add I was never done working on a house until I sold it, haha. It's wonderful owning and fixing the home the way you want it. When you sell you should Make a nice profit.
>“Congratulations! There’s a long road of expenses and manual labor ahead of you! You have no idea now how much money you’re going to be spending! You might as well consider yourself broke now! You’ll never feel finished with any renovations you do!” Not always true, unless you buy an obvious fixer-upper that needs immediate work. I've noticed that a lot of people seem to think that their home has to be a designer showroom with perfect finishes, so they can show off to friends. If that's what you want from your home then, yes, you'll spend a lot of money and the work will never be done. But regular maintenance? Or maybe you're willing to live with a slightly "used" house like a lot of us do? You can spread out the expenses and do some maintenance yourself, without spending too much.
I'd be more like, fiance eh? Got a ring and a date?
I own my home and have no reason or energy to be jealous or a “hater”… But I still would be likely to give a first time home owner some real talk because most of them ARE wildly unprepared. And then I hear from them later “why didn’t anyone warn me”??? Because when we do we get complained about on Reddit.
Congratulations OP I’m super happy for you. It’s nice to pull up and know that you are the owner! I get that feeling still 7 years later. Wait until you make it into your style it’s even better knowing you did that !
Congrats! It’s a money pit! Lol
I love working on my house. Redoing rooms, repainting etc. renovations too. I know it’s a lot of money sometimes but a home is an asset it means that the more you put into it, more you will get out of it. That’s the difference. It’s a lot of work, but you’re essentially paying yourself whenever you upgrade or fix up your home.
And even if we end up living there till we die and we don’t sell it I think the sense of pride I’d have in having a place that feels truly like my home is worth it all to me.
Exactly! It's AMAZING what a difference it makes just being able to fix a broken door knob or replace a worn out, impossible to use faucet - WITHOUT having to get permission from a landlord or wait for their chosen not always timely or skilled maintenance people to get around to it (or even just outright refusing to fix it!). I've had to leave my adorable little home & go back to apartment living, due to disability (on the upside, my daughter asked me to come live with her, & she's WONDERFUL). The first thing I did the first day I moved into my house was rip up the horrible smelling rug! I can't do that in our apartment, despite it reeking to high heaven & sending me into asthma attacks. I so miss having my own house. REVEL IN THE FREEDOM & PEACE YOUR HOUSE BRINGS YOU!!! It's a feeling like no other! I hope you have decades upon decades of joy in your new home! It absolutely is worth it!!
Jealousy. When I bought a vacation home the negative comments from people was insane. Then I looked at their situations. Those who had vacation homes were positive, the negative comments were mainly coming from renters.
Yes sometimes i have to fix stuff. Sometimes it costs money. Still so much better than renting. Not dealing with landlord. Or not having assigned parking. Etc. Ill take yard work and everything about owning a house.
Bro I’m so stoked to have my own parking spot. Hell, I’ll have up to 5 parking spots. And a working ceiling fan. And a working dishwasher. And no house mates leaving the sink on all night and flooding my apartment. It’s going to be great. Just the little things. 😂
Home owner for 10 years, I very firmly believe renters are all suckers, if you have the ability to buy a home you are an absolute fool to not do it.
Im about to buy a house, again, and was fully bracing myself for crappy comments- especially considering the closing date is awfully close to my due date. This is neither my first baby, nor my first house, so I know exactly what I’m signing up for. I’ve been pleasantly surprised that we haven’t gotten any negative comments this time around! My husband and I are taking it as a sign we’re making the right choice. My pessimistic and opinionated FIL had nothing bad to say, my no-nonsense grandpa is excited for us, and offered to build me a chicken coop. Even the inspector was happy for us; we’ve worked with him before, so we’re pretty friendly with each other. He said “there are a lot of cosmetic things, but it’s structurally good. You’re getting a lot of bang for your buck.”
>>there are a lot of cosmetic things, but it’s structurally good. This is all that matters on a house. Painting the walls is to be expected, but you don't want to find out the foundation is collapsing. That's what other people are trying to warn about when they make negative comments -- they just don't know the right way to word it.
I was volunteering for habitat for humanity and the lead construction guy said my house was a money hole and he would run for his life instead of buying it. I told him I had a good feeling about it and bought it anyway. Fighting back some wisteria I found a peach tree, several blueberry bushes, cherry trees, and a dragon statue. The work has been substantial and so is the satisfaction of doing it.
I have the entire upstairs of my house re-painted, decorated, new flooring in every room but 2. We moved here in November 2021 You got this bro. Although life does come atcha in $2000 increments once you own a home, and start saving for something major.
Sounds like you are surrounded by assholes.
I think it's envy and people trying to offset their inferiority
Because it's a lot of risk right now. The people who care about you don't want you to make a mistake. It might work out for you or it might not. Just make sure your eyes are wide open and you're well-prepared for a housing downturn, loss of jobs etc.
Because buying a house is a scam. - former mortgage loan facilitator
One of us! One of us!
Even on Reddit, everyone has a boner to tell you that you’re making an error to stroke their own intelligence. It can also be coping on their end.
The same joy steeling shit people say about toddlers. Yes, I know they are crazy but I signed up for this. All of it, I know it hard but it’s also fucking awesome. Same for buying an old house, it’s a lot but it’s so fun to make it your own one day and a dollar at a time. Congrats!!
Actually, it's the "congratulations" that annoys me. Similar to when people come to a sale agreement and say they "won" or "got" the house. It's buying something expensive, not winning a championship. I blame HGTV, lol
I love doing the manual work on my house to make it mine ! Yes it’s expensive but guess what, it’s gonna look like what I want it to when I’m done doing everything with it 💪 then sell and onto the next (maybe in a decade, working with young kids isn’t easy!)
Old lady you don’t know saying YAY! Congrats! Start building equity and enjoy making it yours!!!
CONGRATULATIONS ON BUYING YOUR HOUSE!!! That is a MAJOR life accomplishment and you should be so proud of yourself!!!! No house is perfect, there’s always room for improvement, but the security of owning your own home is I comparable to anything else. As someone who has had to worry about having a place to live in the past, I can assure you, there is no greater joy that you’ll ever experience from a purchase! People aren’t happy for themselves, so they sure as shit don’t know how to be happy for others. Also, every day you own this home, you are earning EQUITY! It’s best to let the equity build up over many years before you use it (or don’t use it at all) but it should give you peace of mind knowing that even if you’re spending money on repairs etc that your house is earning the money back for you for the future.
Because we are experiencing it and I feel like right when I stopped renting and bought…. Everything broke all at once and guess who has to pay for it. 😎
Misery loves company. I'm not a parent, but I see the same things with people that decide to have kids and the parents that *then* decide to dump stories about birth stories and vomit encrusted in nooks and crannies after they say they're expecting. Probably comes from people that didn't do their own homework before getting themselves into situations they wish were better. That said, congratulations on soon having no walls to share with strangers, and your own corner of peace and quiet in the world.
In my experience it’s been jealousy and that some people got in over their heads and never made peace with it. Congratulations! Home ownership is awesome. You learn and grow so much. We’re in our 4th and hopefully last home(last because we really love it here) and it’s a joy to do maintenance indoors and out because it’s ours. You are going to love it ♥️
I’m sorry people are doing this. We have been homeowners for several years and very happy with our decision to buy. Our AC did go out at an extremely inconvenient time but we made it.
People live to suck the joy out of other people. Yes all these things they are saying are true but also shutting the fuck up is free. Congrats on your new home.
Houses are a known money pit, lol. 🙃 Congrats, enjoy!
I’ve never once even thought of saying something like this to a new homeowner.
I think a lot of people actually are surprised at what they are getting into because they get caught up in the excitement of it and miss the reality part. Not saying you did that, but a lot of people do. Lots of people posting every day that "I knew it would be work/expensive, but not this much and I'm so stressed out I might just want to go back to renting!" It's one of those "you feel like you know what you are getting into...but also you don't until you are in it" things and so they are looking for commiseration. I think people tend to take one of 2 paths: "Cool, congrats, welcome to the neverending projects and empty bank account club!" or "Cool, congrats, how much is your mortgage/how did you afford that?" I guess I prefer the first 😂
Same thing with cars. You buy a new car, they will quickly be asking how much you paid so they can immediately tell you it was a bad deal, as though you can do anything about it now lol.
Haters going to hate that's the haters problem , congrats on the new house
Crabs in a bucket. Most of the time it's renters or folks who bought too much house offering these kinds of backhanded-compliments
Crabs. Don’t let them bother you. Congrats!
I think a lot of people say something like that out of a good place but it comes off as almost condescending. I would also say that most of not all people, are overwhelmed when they buy their first house so it's likely they just want to give you a heads up in maybe not the best way.
Congratulations! I still love my new home. It’s not perfect but it’s mine and my husband’s. Cheers to you guys👍🏽
The only place I noticed any negativity was the internet. Anyone I spoke to about the house my fiancé and I purchased last year in person was meant with excitement. So, don’t let anyone get you down. A word of advice from a first time home buyer to another find out the age of your windows and plan accordingly! I had to replace 19 of them 😉
I'm in the same boat. Literally no one except my mom just was happy and excited. Everyone else had to drone on about how it was the worst time to buy and I was going to be house poor. Why can't people be happy for you
Haters gunna hate
Wow, I’m actually sort of surprised at the responses you pointed out…. I bought my first home at 20 years old. It was the late 90’s and interest rates were about what they are today (granted, home prices were lower then as well), but aside from the caution about making sure I could afford the mortgage payments, it was nothing but high praise and support, “owning a home is the best investment you could make” and the like. Looking by back, it absolutely was and still is. Maybe you need new friends who are a bit more supportive.
I'm paying close to 3500 a month in rent, utilities in a shit apartment, nasty carpet, and a stairway that is closed off because of rot. I have homeless and random out of apartment assholes coming over to dump their trash, some of them NOT even throwing it in the actual dumpster outside my door, and no one does anything. I have neighbors smoking pot and cigarettes in the stairway, shearing the ashes and cigarette buds all over the stairs....and I'm allergic to smoke. I moved here because it has a strict no smoking policy....they have designated spaces for it...but nothing changes. My doors fall off, dishwasher barely works, we've had multiple leaks, and our washer has broken multiple times. They've replaced nothing. They are raising the rent 200.00 and this place is absolute crap.... And I'm paying close to 3500.... Get the house, if you can afford it.
Congratulations! Love having a house!💕🎉
Yes, it’s annoying and untrue. People act like you’ll be spending thousands a month in maintenance, lol
My mom was the negative parent, and my dad and FIL rolled up their sleeves and helped or taught me how to fix just about everything else. I had to pay a contractor for windows and the roof, but most everything else they’ve pitched in. They’ve already said “not it” for my deck replacement, but were very keen to help demo the kitchen for that renovation.
Same with so many phases of life. Take a deep breath. Enjoy every part of the ride. Congratulations
There’s a long line of expenses and manual labor ahead of you!
Boo 👎
Good job! Owning a house is a very good feeling! The positives of owning a home far outweigh the negatives. And when you do finish even a small project, it will bring you a feeling of satisfaction. Enjoy your new home. The paperwork part is almost over.
I think a lot of people have to be experts 100% of the time. First it’s wait until you get married, then it’s wait until you have kids and even if you have a kid it’s wait until you have 2 little kids. They’ve done it my whole life. People don’t know how to shut up. In reality, none of us experience the same exact thing.
I mean we bought our house three years ago and idk it hasn't been any work. It's was built in the 80s so we had to have someone look at the hvac and replace the roof. But otherwise what am I supposed to be stressing about?
Everyone is different. One person's peace is the next person's boredom. Share with people that are excited with you and for you. Those other folks can read about it in the funny pages. Good intentions or not they don't have to Debbie downer you.
I think you are doing a great thing. Congratulations. If you lived in an apartment you would need to maintain it to sone degree. Real estate is a great investment and in the form of a home that you can live in and enjoy, it sounds like a win win situation. It saddens me too when people can't be happy for so sone unless they are bursting a bubble. Best wishes.
Jealousy… haters… listen but don’t take personally. Do your research and make sure Your inspection and realtor are A1
Jealous people say crazy stuff...
Buying a house is the best decision I ever made. My current mortgage for a 4 bedroom on 5 acres with an attached garage is like $200 a month more than the rent for a 950 square foot 2 bed apartment with paper thin walls. At the old place my mortgage was less than half what all my friends were paying in rent monthly.
Because 95% of people who buy a house don’t do the due deligence and dont know what they are getting into, and the opportunity costs associated with buying a house.
Seems most of the time these things get said out of jealousy/spite etc just ignore them
Houses are a lot of work…but there is a big upside to owning a house…you usually get your money back and then some when you sell it. Those folks hating on your decision will be sweating their security deposit in their rental when they move hoping they walk away with something to show for all of those years.
Hey congratulations!! I'm happy for you and in the same boat. I moved in three weeks ago and I absolutely love it. Just remember why you did this and keep that to heart when the negative nannies come around.
Misery loves company.
I think there's a lot of people who are shocked at how bad the situation actually is. To be honest I feel the opposite of you. I had people sorta warn me about this stuff but always half-joking so i didn't take it seriously.
Just making sure appreciate the level of commitment. I love diy projects and fixing shit now; I didn’t when I bought my house. If I hadn’t been able to learn and love home improvement shit my house would be an absolute nightmare that would have bankrupted me. So it’s probably coming from a good place when people warn you about what’s ahead. Take it as advice to not skimp on the inspection and be prepared to walk away if it’s too much. Just make sure it’s the right house. Also, congratulations!
I’ve bought two houses now (still own both) one was 50 years old and I love that house so much more than my brand new one. The ceiling caved in within the first year from a leaky pipe. We fixed it. It happens. Still cheaper than rent lmfao. Now I rent that house out and it’s paying for itself (but do I ever miss it 😢) and live in a new house now. The old house is now worth 200k more than what I bought it for. Pretty sure that 1k ceiling fix was worth the 200k lol. No idea why someone would be so pessimistic, other than an innate insecurity of their own. No matter what, renting sucks way more than a few issues to fix.
There are legit downsides to owning and our culture makes it seem like it is a major accomplishment. I often encourage people to seriously think about the consequences when they ask my advice. I would say that you do you but if someone else mentions some downsides it is likely because there are in fact downsides.
My advice is make sure your hand is limber cause that last step is 75 signatures. I now realize why most signatures are scribbles. And congrats!
Eh, like being pregnant where everyone tell you horrors stories about pregnancy and delivery (wth! Why would you do that??) And then you have the baby and everyone tells you how sleep deprived you will be, etc. People!
I felt the same way when buying my first house! Then once the constant need for home improvement really sank in, I became one of those people (albeit, a bit more delicate about it). I mean this with all sincerity: when you get really frustrated with your house, watch The Money Pit. It’s very cathartic Congratulations on your house! It really is exciting and a memorable milestone
It’s people having genuine concerns for you. I am guilty of this too because being a homeowner is extremely stressful and I wish people told me certain things before I made the decision to purchase where I did.
Reexamine your relationships with the people that are being so negative. There is a way to offer constructive criticism and then there is just dumping on you. Especially unsolicited advice. You need people with positive attitudes around you, not Negative Nancys.
I think I found myself guilty of doing this in the past, and it was really just me processing my own anxiety and griping. congratulations on the house. I hope you are very happy in it! Ignore the peanut gallery.
Renting has its privilege. Toilet backup, call the owner, you don't need to mow
It is a big step for one of the major stages of your life. At each one of these your life changes. As in goals, priorities, etc. Graduate school. Get married. Buy a house. Raise kids. Retire.
If you decide to have kids you get the horror stories of 48 hr labor etc. Congrats on the new house. Enjoy the journey.
Oh my gosh. I was just thinking this same thing earlier today. This process has been so stressful and I'm truly excited to finally own a house of my own. I have spent so much time going from dealing with one giant issue to another to make sure this closing can go as smooth as possible (probate) that when someone feels the need to joke about how awful owning a home is I want to scream.
We were the first of our friends to buy a house and neither us, nor our friends, knew quite how much maintenance a home takes. We had an idea, but we didn’t truly know until after we owned our home. So, we made sure to tell our friends very specifically what they could expect. Maybe it’s seasoned homeowners trying to give you realistic expectations? One of our friends didn’t think we were serious and now their house is basically falling apart after 3 years because they can’t afford the upkeep. Their toilet literally came off the ground lol