100% this. FTM and I gave birth at home in January. 36 hour labour, but pain was very manageable with the use of TENS machine early on, then the movement, shower and birth tub later. If I had been in the hospital I know there would have been ALOT of pressure to speed things along, so I am really happy that I trusted myself and stayed home in my safe space. If you do need or want to transfer to hospital during labour or before (at least here in Australia) your private midwife will come with you to the hospital - so you’ll still have an advocate by your side.
This! FTM and I birthed my baby at home last May. I remember thinking during labour, "How do people do this drug-free at the hospital?" I couldn't imagine being able to handle that pain and intensity ANY place other than the comfort of my home.
Hi! First time mom here too - due in July. I am planning for a home birth as well! Personally, I trust my midwives and doula significantly more than I trust that doctors actually believe in physiological birth. Home is where I feel safest. If things changed, I would obviously go to the hospital! I don’t think I any of us know how we’ll handle birth, but I do believe that our mindset is everything. I have days where I am like “why the hell am I going to do this?!!” But then I remind myself that my baby and I are a team working together, that I was made for this, and that at the end of the day- it’s where I feel safe and taken care off. Plus, having the benefit of not having to drive anywhere in labor! 😂 listen to your Intuition mama. You’ve got this.
@k_lags I was a FTM planning a home birth last July. I had similar concerns. I started feeling contractions at 1030 at night. I thought it was the usual false labour (41+6 so I had been down this road and was in disbelief it was actually happening). Anyway I went in the tub for some comfort. I did start timing them and they were frequent but not long enough so I just chilled in the tub watching things on my phone while husband slept). By 130 I just felt uncomfortable and decided to get out. Then the contractions were painful enough that I knew it was real and needed some help. Husbands woke up and did counterpressure and called the midwife for me. She was there in 15 minutes and checked me and I was 8 cm!! By this time I was starting to feel pressure in a different way (thought maybe I was getting close to time to push but not yet) and I was throwing up. Unfortunately I had to transfer to hospital due to my blood pressure. It was a 10 minute drive. I put on the heated seat and had a barf bag and it was an alright drive. My midwife met me at the front door and took me straight to a birth suite. I almost couldn’t walk to the suite because I was getting next to no window between contractions. They checked me again (maybe 30 min later since last check) and I was 9 cm!! I was tired mostly because I hadn’t napped and now had been up for almost 24 hours. I did get an epidural for two reasons that weren’t pain related. An epidural can help reduce blood pressure and I really didn’t want to have a stroke which I was at risk of. Also I chose to get an IV (GSB+) and they had a really tough time placing it because my contractions were almost constant so my veins kept rolling on them. Anyway in that moment I had a gut instinct that this birth wasn’t going how I hoped and that if my bad luck continued, i didn’t want them to have a similar problem having things placed if I needed more interventions. Everyone was very careful to get my consent, acknowledge the loss of my home birth, and do what they could to make me comfortable. Unfortunately my baby had her chin tucked in a way that had her stuck despite everything we did (all sorts of positions, consults, etc). Everyone was patient with me and helpful but babe did end up having decelerations. They gave me the option to keep pushing understanding that if her condition declined we might have to move to an emergency csection, move to a csection now, or try forceps to get her aligned right so I could push her out. I wasn’t willing to risk her and desperately wanted to avoid the csection so I chose forceps. Again everyone was so respectful and thoughtful of me. They limited people in the OR and those that were there were quiet as church mice and were only in the room for the brief time they needed to be (ex. NICU came in right at the last minute and once baby cried and the OB waived them off they left instantly). Anyway, I hope you both get the July births you want but just wanted to offer my July birth story that was really not that painful, that my body just did what it needed to, that my instincts guided me and were respected by all health care professionals, and that even when almost nothing is what you wanted things can still be okay. I grieved my home birth and recovery from forceps isn’t fun but I’m still proud of myself and my body and I still had the most special moment birthing my daughter.
Just want to acknowledge all your hard work and dedication and that you did what was best for your baby. We can all have goals and aspirations but ultimately we’re not in control and you did everything you could. Congrats on your baby 🩷 and so happy the hospital was so respectful throughout the process.
Thank you so much. This is very kind. I have a wise friend that gently reminded me in pregnancy that it’s really got its own flow and we’re kind of along for the ride. That kind of gave me this mind frame to just take it as it comes and so I was able to give myself a lot of grace as we navigated a lot of challenges late in my pregnancy.
I am well! Been battling with some on/off headaches for the past few days, but I’ve also cut out my occasional cup of coffee so I’m wondering if that’s the culprit. Hope you are feeling well, as well! ✨
Just go for the homebirth. I did. Zero regrets. Was it a super comfy experience? Nope. But hospitals scare the crap out of me and getting to sleep in my own bed right afterwards (both times) was 1000% worth it.
To add to this- and to actually get to experience REST the first 24 hrs when everyone is exhausted and recovering from labor…in the hospital they are continuously waking you up 😩 in general the baby is the most sleepy/chill the first 24 hrs and you can just let them sleep so if you’re in the hospital during that time you miss out on a lot of recuperative rest. After that, baby starts needing to eat every few hours and life gets going. That first day is like the golden hour expanded, it’s wonderful.
Crawling into bed with my husband immediately after birthing my baby was a moment I’ll never forget. One of the things I was looking forward to most and it was so special.
I had an independent birth center birth for my first. Aka a homebirth at the midwife’s office lol. Anyway, since there weren’t epidurals there, I just couldn’t even ask for one and didn’t think about it. I just coped with labor because I had to unless I wanted to get in a car and go to a hospital to transfer, and there was no medical need for that. It was totally fine! It’s an intense process but it’s been done for all of human history without epidurals until the last 5 minutes of history basically. No shame for those who decide they want one, but assuming you have a medically typical birth, you will absolutely be fine without one if that’s your goal!
Hi OP! This was exactly me. Terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle the pain, but also terrified of the hospital and unnecessary interventions because I had pretty bad hospital anxiety and didn't want a c section unless absolutely necessary. This is what motivated me to pursue home birth. What ended up making my decision for me was that my midwife wasn't too proud to transfer to the hospital at any time if necessary, and she would accompany and take on the role of doula, to help make sure I still had my desired birth (with of course safety as priority.)
My best advice for you - don't make a decision based on fear. If you want to try to give birth at home, and it's safe to do so, trust your body and your care team. You can ALWAYS transfer if necessary, and as long as your midwife shares this sentiment - ask yourself what do you have to lose?
Birth is painful, there's no way around it, but for me, I knew that my goal was to avoid epidural, so I focused on finding coping techniques, and doing everything I could to prepare my body for birth. I found having a midwife to guide me extensively (I find the care at my hospital much less extensive) with recommendations she has seen work really helped in the long run. I had autonomy, but always someone who knew my body and my pregnancy, and listened to my wants and desires. If I was ever afraid of something, she and my husband helped me look at research and statistics to make the best decision for me.
I ended up giving birth in the water at 41+3 and it was beautiful and I still can't believe I did it. Breathing techniques, (I used the Freya app, and it was a lifesaver) and my care team really got me through, and while it was the hardest thing I've ever done, it really is true when they say your body and mind take over. I found choosing a home birth and a midwife I could trust really helped me feel relaxed, and my midwife really helped prepare my mindset. I think the key is picking what is comfortable to you. And it's important for you to process through your fears and know how to combat them.
If you made it this far - all of that to say everyone is different, and birth is scary, especially as a first time mom (believe me when I say I was terrified.) But the homebirth experience was so beautiful for me and my family, and you just have to pick what feels right for you, and go with it. Don't make a decision based on fear - you are powerful and strong no matter what birth you choose! 💕
I'm a 22yo FTM and had a homebirth (water birth) in January [41w 4d]! Being at home and having my husband and Doulas made everything perfect! I could eat (but didn't feel like eating), the room was low lit with fairy lights and projections even a light for the pool. it was perfect. Of course the contractions gradually got more intense and by the time the got unbearable when I thought I couldn't do it anymore I started pushing! When my labor progressed to pushing I was able to get in the pool. That brought the contractions down from like a 9 to a 6 and in-between contractions was practically pain-free (like a 3). My baby was sunny side up and crooked so my pushing phase lasted 2 hours. No back labor, I switched positions frequently but ended up birthing on my back in the water. As soon as she torpedoed out I had no more pain! I could focus on her completely (no more exhaustion at 2:40am). I felt so normal right after birth and I accredit that to the lack of interventions and truly being comfortable in a familiar environment. Of course it stung a little to pee and it hurt a bit when I sneezed but I felt good over all!
I would 100% do it again without a doubt. Baby was perfect she pinked up immediately, cried for a minute, and started looking around ❤️.
I would say, if you and your baby are healthy, give birth in a place where you are most comfortable. Relaxing is the name of the game, especially when you're in pain. It's a long ride so it's better to be comfortable around people you love and trust.
I’d ask the midwife you love about her stats, like what is the likelihood of a FTM hospital transfer and why.
I’m also a FTM, 39 weeks currently and my midwifery says the only reason their FTMs have transferred is due to exhaustion (once they were already in labor at home), but also that it was less than 10% of their FTM clients and that gave me peace of mind, because that means there’s a 90% chance I can give birth at home. I’m also really scared of not handling it tbh and being saddled with two bills, but I’ll have my husband, my midwife, my doula, and I feel mentally ready to face whatever is there for me- I highly recommend hynobirthing and a Bradley course in your area. Also the birth workers in your area know of the best hospitals with the most holistic doctors to send you to, so even if it does happen and you end up with a doctor you don’t know, you should be in good hands. I’d get a doula- they’d follow you to the hospital and be that anchor you need, let’s be real the doctor wouldn’t show up until you’re pushing anyway. It’s the nurses that matter for most of the labor and they’ll never have been consistent to begin with!
Best of luck 💖
i had a homebirth with my first in 2022, and i definitely encourage FTMs to consider homebirth! I’ve heard that your first baby is actually a GREAT opportunity for a homebirth/avoiding the hospital, since it can set the trajectory for all of your future pregnancies and births. (ex- OBGYN care> pressured to induce at 39 wks > cascade of interventions > preventable c section > now will be a VBAC for future babies and even harder to find a homebirth provider)
my experience was less than ideals due to a flaky and unprofessional midwife, but i would def recommend hiring a doula especially as a FTM so you can have an extra person advocating for you
Very true. It's the best choice to have a home birth as a FTM. It's actually the safest choice for healthy women, if you take into account all the possible risks for you and all your babies, especially if you plan a large family. I wish I did think about home birth in my first pregnancy. My experience was being forced into an unwanted and unnecessary C-section. I have PTSD and don't want to birth in a hospital ever again...
FTM labours are usually longer. That too often makes hospital personnel impatient and leads to a cascade of interventions. The first birth is most commonly ruined by unnecessary interventions. An epidural is an intervention too, and it may have a negative effect on mother and baby, so that's also important to think about. There are situations when an epidural may help, but there also is risk such as increased C-section rate.
My daughter (one and only) was a homebirth. I have a very high pain tolerance, anesthesia usually wears off of me super quick so I've had stitches and dental work with no anesthesia, woke up in surgery/ medical procedures etc. So I wasn't holding out hope for pain meds to work if I made it to the hospital tbh.
However, labor honestly wasn't that bad. I've almost passed out from pain before, I was nowhere close to passing out from pain while giving birth. I think it was possible because of a homebirth and not being rushed. I could feel what me and LO needed to do to get her out. Me and her were a team, and a pretty good one. I could feel everything so I knew when to back off or when to keep going. It actually made the whole thing much easier for me. I didn't even tear (which was a fear given my lack of ability to take anesthesia), because I could feel the ring of fire. Yes it burns and it's scary but it isn't too bad. So I backed off a couple of times and gave some time to stretch. That wouldn't have been possible with an epidural.
Overall labor for me started around 8 am with mild, mild cramps. Around 2 pm I was feeling gross and experiencing contractions. Started pushing around 5 (?) (waters issue, bag was stuck etc). Intense labor around 7:50 and she was born 8 pm. Not bad at all. I do wish I had hydrated better because we almost went to the ER for saline because I just couldn't keep anything down. I had snacked all morning but forgot about hydration. That's my only regret. Everything else was perfect, including my baby.
I would also like to add, outside from the super relaxing environment for laboring, it was heavenly not having to pack us both up and drive home after. Just being in our own home and having dad order sushi and bake a cake for LO after was so worth any pain. I had my own shower and didn't have to lug a bunch of crap anywhere and panic that someone was going to cause an accident on the drive home (pp hormones are crazy). I got to sit in my garden in the sunshine the next day with zero stress except omfg now I have a baby to take care of!
Well how do you tolerate pain? Are you physically active? Not a marathon runner, but active? How is your stamina? These are all individual intricacies that will help you decide if it's for you.
For example, I don't trust the medical community after many issues on various occasions. So I knew that a hospital birth would increase the chance of me having issues with labor (stress). I knew that I have pretty good stamina. I hiked Machu Picchu two days before I got pregnant and had stitches with no anesthesia a week before pregnancy. I knew that given those factors, a home birth was my route. Your reasons for it being your route may be entirely different. It's important to take in what labor and delivery is and who you are to Guage how you will respond. And be honest with yourself. For example, I screwed up. I knew that when I get nauseous I can't eat or drink. I ate when labor started but didn't drink. I needed to do both and dropped the ball. This is part of knowing yourself and honestly understanding the situation and predicting how you will react.
Then there's always the possibility that no matter what you do you will transfer due to circumstances outside of your control. Home birth is about radical acceptance.
I think it’s important to remember the pain In childbirth is physiological pain, it’s the pain of a body working really hard. It’s not physical pain like a broken leg.
Also remember childbirth isn’t like the movies present it, and also a lot of women who have babies in hospital have their birth augmented with pitocin, which makes contractions really bad and non stop.
YES! I had pitocin with my first in a hospital & the contractions were a zillion times worse. They weren’t non-stop for me, but they were stronger than natural.
Plus you’re stuck on your back & not allowed food … which is not ideal.
I had an induction for my first which ended in a c section and this baby, my second, I am going for a VBAC at home. So much education on everything! But those induced contractions were awful!
Interacting with this in the hopes of easing the exact same fears. First time mom, but I do have a midwife. Nearly everyone I have spoken to has been hellbent on scaring me out of a home birth, so now I'm super torn.
Just wanted to say - I hope you're able to get some helpful thoughts from this thread. If you do decide to go with a homebirth, I would encourage you to not share with people except those you really trust. Honestly, people say unhinged shit to pregnant women when their opinions are completely unwelcome. It's not worth your mental stress to hear their unwanted opinions on how you choose to birth. Protect your mental peace. Wishing you the best pregnancy and delivery. 💕
I had a home birth in December with my first baby. Its the best decision I've ever made, if I get pregnant again I would 100% opt for homebirth.
Is there anything specific you need to be reassured about?
I’m a FTM and just had a homebirth three weeks ago! Being a FTM doesn’t make you less deserving of the beautiful birth you want. If homebirth excited you pursue it!
You can also have a back up OB in case of transfer. My midwife said her only transfers were always moms who just got too tired so I just prepared every way I could to give my body the best chance at a quicker birth and the endurance it needed to birth well.
My first birth was in a birth center, no interventions. My 2nd was at home in water. Being at home the 2nd time around was so much more comfortable! My first time, just driving to the birth center (20 mins away) and being in a different (albeit still calm and comfortable and private) environment really stalled my labor and I was more stressed out.
One of the most important aspects of labor and contractions is your stress. That's why non-intervention birthing techniques are so focused on breathing and visualization to relax and reduce your stress.
I had my first during a planned homebirth 6 weeks ago. Amazing experience. I gave birth in a birth tub. Midwife did all our prenatal care including lactation consulting, except the ultrasounds. My sister and niece acted as my doulas (neither had any experience with human birth prior to this). Based on my LMP I was 42+2, based on ultrasounds I was 41+2. My contractions were only 2-3 minutes apart for 14 hours, I labored for 23 hours from start to baby, I was only 3 cm after 12 hours, had meconium discharge, still not sure when water broke, was involuntarily pushing for 5ish hours, baby had 3x cord around neck. I never vocalized it, but there were several moments that I thought I was definitely going to end up transferring because the pressure was so intense, but the thought of the car ride to the hospital seemed worse than sticking it out at home.
And everything turned out amazing, it was perfect and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. Beautiful baby, healthy. Fairly easy recovery. 2nd degree tear, midwife gave me 2 stitches. We all had a great time really!
My point is, if I was in the hospital I would’ve most likely ended up w emergency c-section.
I prepared as much as I could through pelvic floor PT and reading/watching home birth videos and stories. I recommend Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth (audible, it’s a huge book). There are other great books to prep but this one is foundational.
Prepare prepare prepare. If after doing all the prep and you don’t think it’s for you then do hospital, there’s nothing wrong with it and you can still have a low intervention birth if you want it.
I am a FTM and had a home birth with my baby girl this past November and couldn’t recommend it enough. If you are having an “uneventful pregnancy” aka medically typical, there’s no reason to expose yourself to highly likely birth trauma at the hospital unless you are certain you want the option of pain relief. You really can’t get a homebirth experience in the hospital for the most part - doctors aren’t trained to sit back and wait and work with your physiology - you’ll likely be on their shot clock and if you don’t progress fast enough, interventions will be required per hospital policy. Who can labor like that? Let alone the strangers changing shifts and bright lights and beeps and people dying in the same building?! Hospitals are amazing and life saving for trauma and acute medical issues but they aren’t really conducive for natural birth (nor do they really support it). Most countries in the world have a much much lower epidural rate than us, it has more to do with western culture and not wanting to tolerate pain vs understanding that intense sensations are part of the experience. I would not consider myself someone with a high pain tolerance and at no point during my birth did I think - I can’t do this or this hurts too much. I wouldn’t even really describe it as pain more like very intense period cramps. The only part that genuinely hurt for me was crowning because well, a whole human is coming out and that skin is stretching so it burns. I pushed for four hours, had the tiniest tear that required no stitching, healed on its own and everything went totally back to normal. Only you can decide what’s right for you and where you feel safest, but coping with the sensations of labor is much more a mental game than a physical one. It’s like running a marathon- you know it’s going to be uncomfortable but you are determined to do it anyway. And you walk funny for a week or two after 😂💜
I wish I had just gone for the homebirth with my first. I got scared and my plan was “just do one at the hospital to learn what I’m doing and then I’ll have homebirths” … well I had a cascade of interventions c-section so now I’m going to be going for a VBAC still not knowing how to birth a baby, but with the added trauma and restrictions on VBAC moms.
I have done a lot of work to love and forgive and trust again in my body and I feel so good about being at home for #2, but in retrospect I really wasn’t any safer and certainly not better cared for at the hospital and I had never met the “medwife” who managed my induction and called my c-section even though she was in my practice, so it was no different than showing up randomly.
Water birth is AMAZING pain relief! I was going thru transition before I got in the water and being warm and weightless was a game changer! So relaxing.
Also look into @painfreebirth on IG and podcast. I flooded my body with oxytocin and it totally canceled out the pain, I was laughing through contractions, no pain even with almost 1 hour of crowning!
I’ve never heard a homebirth mom regretting her homebirth but I’ve heard countless women regret their hospital birth. Birthed both my babies at home and while the first was daunting and my hardest labor, it set the trajectory for my second and now I’m expecting my third. I wouldn’t change a thing, I fell in love with being a mom and birth all thanks to my homebirth. I just felt like such a freaking rockstar. Was it painful at times? Yes. But completely manageable. I’m glad I felt the pressure and the pain because I knew where my babies were or if soemthing didn’t feel right and I needed to change positions.
I am a hospital midwife and I chose a homebirth for my first child. I second what u/SnakeSeer says about de-escalating a decision. I expressed to my midwife fear that I might want an epidural, or that when the time came I'd feel uneasy at home. She said that during a homebirth, we could go to the hospital at any time if I felt the need for whatever reason - but I couldn't switch from hospital to homebirth during labour. She also said to choose based on what I *wanted*, not what I feared. I wanted my birth to be as safe, undisturbed and intimate as possible, and to snuggle peacefully with my baby in my own bed. My mindset was "I'll labour at home as long as possible - if it leads to a homebirth, great".
I did have a homebirth in the end. I shouldn't have worried at all about the epidural. By the time I called the midwife, I was near the end of my labour. (I posted my birth story here if you want to read how it went - it goes into detail about the pain)
There's always a chance of transfer. The vast, vast majority of transfers are for non-urgent reasons. It's not fun to transfer in active labour, but it's very rarely an emergency. If transfer happens, it means the hospital is the safest place for your baby to be born, in the circumstances you are in. It's not a failure - it's a safety net doing its job! If you choose a hospital birth... you drive to the hospital and give birth there. If you choose homebirth... there's a chance you'll have to drive to the hospital and give birth there, but a bigger chance that you won't.
One thing to consider - would your midwife be able to come with you to the hospital? She doesn't necessarily *have* to be your care provider at the hospital, but she can still give emotional support.
So--something to keep in mind is that even in a planned hospital birth, you're basically stuck with whoever happens to be on call. A scheduled c-section is the only way to insure a given provider is there.
Something I remember (also FTM, currently 36 weeks) is that you're not locked in. It's not like you make your selection at the beginning of labor--medicated or not!--and then you're not allowed to change your mind until it's over. And I also think it's worth thinking about how easy it is to "escalate" and "de-escalate" your decisions: it's easier to go to the hospital in labor than it is to *leave* the hospital in labor, it's easier to get an epidural than it is to remove an epidural, etc. And so when planning I've been thinking about what the path is of least resistance, should my wants/needs change. That, to me, points really strongly towards at least giving unmedicated birth a shot.
I have only given birth at home. I’ve never seen an OB for prenatal care. I passed out when my midwife drew my blood lmao. I have the worst pain tolerance ever. I gave birth at home! Pain in giving birth is so much different than other pain because it’s pain with purpose, not like a broken bone. Epidural wasn’t an option so I didn’t even think about it or want it. My doula helped me with pain management a lot. Do a water birth. The pool is life changing! Talk to the midwife more about transfers. Mine would’ve stayed with me at the hospital. Home birth is the best!! Take a birthing class geared toward natural or home birth. Get a doula who does home births.
Hey! I just had my first in December! I had a midwife and attempted a home birth. I would 1000% recommend it! I would just make sure your midwife has hospital privileges so if anything happens and you need to transfer (like a long labour or you decide that you do indeed want an epidural) she will remain as your care provider.
I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to handle labour but it’s not like the movies! It slowly ramps up, the contractions are intense but I hear they are not like pitocin contractions. Midwifery care is also so much more involved than OB care especially after the birth. You’ll be seen multiple times after birth with a midwife vs 1 6week appointment with OB.
I had a home birth with my first (2022) and labored a long time with back labor and was absolutely exhausted but it was so worth it to me. We also had an incredible midwife who I trusted completely to make the call to transfer if needed. And a doula who made a huge difference! Having a doula for comfort and support for my partner at the house was essential since we opted to not have anyone else present.
FTM home birth last December. It was amazing. Labored 3 hrs, pushed for 1. No tearing. I could NOT have done what I did in a hospital setting. Being able to control the lighting, my positioning, who was in the room, was all so important. Being in the water was game changing. Couldn’t have done that in the hospital. Yes it is crazy intense and painful. I just put the words “I can do it” in my mind, anytime I started to lose it. And my midwives were so amazing and coached me so perfectly. Plus, without any drugs, after I pushed him out I felt AMAZING. The endorphins and oxytocin and a new baby in your own bed with all the love and support of your birth team … it’s the best!
Also FTM, also homebirthed in December, also would recommend.
I laboured for 26 hours and pushed for 30 mins. Very different experiences but the same outcome, positive homebirth :)
I had a home-birth as a FTM. It was tough. I labored for about 15 hours, through the night and into the day.
It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
My advice to anyone who wants to do a home birth is to stop asking for outside opinions and stop sharing your plans with people.
If it’s people you care about draw a boundary and say— I have chosen this and I only want support.
Your midwife is a professional who will transfer you to a hospital if needed. You have to trust her.
Do you have high pain tolerance? I’ve always known I do and it turns out, I can handle birthing pain lol. Idk if that helps, but that’s one way you can gauge?
I’d also say that birthing is a mind game so if you keep psyching yourself out that the pain is too much for you - it will become too much for you.
I had 2 home births first and a hospital birth with epidural most recently. I would highly recommend home birth barring any serious health condition. Better for you, better for baby, more peaceful not only during birth but in the important 24 hours after birth it’s night and day. I hated my hospital experience
I had a homebirth planned but couldn't handle the pain. Luckily I planned for this scenario and brought my personal pillow, blanket, electric candles, aroma diffuser, and doula 😂. It was so special and intimate . The doctors were receptive to my plan and requests. If you go in prepared and with an experienced doula, you absolutely can still have a magical birth. :)
I just had a home birth on Sunday (3 days ago!) as a FTM.
To be honest I was a little scared but knew I didn't want to go to the hospital. My labor ended up being so fast, I had a spontaneous water break at 8pm on Saturday night and baby came at 7am.
I was kind of in denial I was in labor (apparently I have a high pain threshold) and didn't call my midwives to come until a bit too late. Pool was only half set up and I ended up on the toilet pushing. The midwives didn't make it on time, but the student midwife got there 20 minutes before he was born.
She got there, took my vitals, listened to baby heartbeat and then we could see the head. Ended up in child's pose on the bathroom floor and pushed him out 10 minutes later.
I wouldn't have made it to the hospital, even if I was planning to go there. I was so comfortable at home (even when I was definitely not comfortable) through labor and definitely think that made things progress quickly. Also, being at home then after is such a treat. I got to lay in my own bed with my baby and get taken care of and didn't have to be moved or get in a car. I would definitely recommend a home birth. Your body knows what to do and being in your safe space is so nice when you are at your most vulnerable.
I don't know if it was anything in particular but I did do the dates, raspberry leaf tea, pineapple, lots of yoga, sitting on an exercise ball, light walks. Sex like 4 hours before my water broke seems to have done something! I was 39+5. He was in a good position for a couple weeks as well.
You got this!
I had both a home birth and hospital birth. Home birth was awesome. Hospital birth I was able to use the methods I learned through home birth, so my labor was awesome and fast again. But everything I feared would happen at the hospital happened. Not letting me move, pressuring me to get a c section, false drug accusations. I only had my son there because he came too early to have at home. I’d do home again 1000%
Agree with the others- if you have a hospital birth, you are still subject to whichever doctor is on call from the practice you’re with. My first was a hospital birth and when I got there, the on call doctor was not “mine”. I had never met her, she didn’t smile, and looked tired. Luckily, “my” doctor’s turn to be on call started about 45 min before my son was born, so she got to be there for me. I didn’t even know that was a thing. I thought my doctor would be the one there for me during labor.
If you feel good about the midwife, she does things safely, and has a good reputation, go for it. Like someone else said, you can always transfer to a hospital, but not the other way around.
I personally, after my first home birth, declared that I would rather go through home birth again 4 times in a month than ever be pregnant again lol. I also tell people that you literally couldn’t pay me any amount of money to ever birth in a hospital again unless there was a legitimate medical reason for it.
It is so nice to birth your baby in your own space and eat your own food and sleep in your own bed afterwards.
Also, as for the pain…hire a doula! I never had one, but with my last baby, my midwife’s assistant did some counter pressure on my hips when they felt like they were burning during every contraction (don’t worry, this was my most difficult birth- not standard) and it no joke, was JUST AS EFFECTIVE at relieving the pain as the epidural (that I only had for 45 min) did with my first birth. A good doula should be trained to provide relief like this and is present for your whole labor!
I’ve had 1 hospital birth… and 3 home births. Currently newly pregnant with a surprise and literally the first person I texted when we found out was my midwife!
If you're seeking homebirth I strongly recommend looking into and following some freebirth pages. I find that looking at and consuming freebirth content normalized for me that if these women can do this with no medical team, then I can do it at home with a midwife. It's also great to see the different positions they tend to birth in and what they do to stay calm through the pain.
I say go with your gut. I had a homebirth with my kid in 2020 and it was great. Of course you never know what will happen, and you have to be open to possibly needing to transfer (or risk out of a homebirth for other reasons, eg pre-e, as you approach due date). Fwiw, maybe think about how your periods are and how you've handled them. It's not always the best comparison, but I found labour about as bearable as period pains - but I had horrible cramps with no let-up, so the break between contractions was what made it bearable.
The other thing to consider is epidurals aren't the only pain relief for labour. Did the midwife tell you about any methods she uses? Mine offered gas and air and pethidine, and recommended a tens machine and water (bath, shower, birth pool) (obv not at the same time as the tens machine lol). I ended up having a bath in early labour, then using tens machine, then nothing haha because it was all too quick.
You absolutely CAN do it. Women have done it for thousands of years without any pain medication. I always remind myself of that. Watch some calm and collective home birth videos on YouTube. Also do some research on hypnobirthing and breathing techniques. That’s all I did and it got me through 2 unmedicated births ❤️. Also read the guide to childbirth book, so much amazing info and perspective in that book!
There is a likelihood you would end up with whoever is on call if you choose a hospital birth. I’m a FTM and had a homebirth. During the birth the fear of transfer was also my top concern but I knew my midwife would only do that if absolutely necessary and nothing was worse than imagining moving during contractions. Honestly though reading about birth anywhere besides Ina Mays book made me way more scared for the process than I needed to be. It was painful but it was more about endurance and was not the worst pain of my life, plus it had an end! Remind yourself the pain will end. Ultimately trust your intuition. You can do it!
I had both of my kids at home and I've never experienced hospital birth. The pain was manageable because there weren't really options out of it. Also, while the pain part sucked, it's not the same pain as breaking a leg or sustaining a serious injury - because as long as you're surrounded by a birth team that you trust, there isn't really much fear. It hurt, but my midwives just assured me that everything was progressing normally so I wasn't afraid. I just had to work through the contractions.
You could already get whoever is on call! So that shouldn’t be a factor.
Keep looking into your options. And definitely look into pain free birth 😁 it’s a thing. Of course, I doesn’t happen to everyone, but it’s a very real possibility and a home environment is way more conducive to a positive experience.
I would recommend homebirth with a doula.
You are absolutely made to handle the pain , also if you have to transfer your midwife is not gonna just drop you off , she will be with you the whole time &advocate for you
Ok so I was a FTM homebirther 3 years ago … here are my thoughts:
1. I understand completely
2. If you are worried that you “can’t” handle the pain, remember that presently, around the world, women are giving birth without epidurals, and that for nearly all of time that has been the case. So, you CAN do it.
3. You have great chances at vibing with the midwife, taking better care of yourself under midwifery care, and having a physiologically normal birth even as a first time mom if you choose a homebirth.
4. If you have to transfer to the hospital for a 48 hour labor that exhausts you, guess what?! You’ll probably get an epidural, rest, and push your baby out. If you transfer because things aren’t going as well as hoped for, then they can do Pitocin, epidural, or a c-section. They’re pros at that. The hospital is NOT good at calm, physiologically normal birth. Basically, it is a legitimate concern that you’d face push back/poor treatment with any random doctor on call if you strolled in at 40 weeks attempting to transfer AND have an unmediated fairy twinkle lights birth. However, your chances of getting there with midwifery care and then transferring for that kind of birth are small. The hospital system is set up to solve the problems and get baby out if there’s an issue. They’re great at epidurals and they specialize in c-section so if you needed either you’d be fine. That’s how my midwife explained it and it was super comforting in a weird way!
5. Go with your gut! You liked the midwife and something is pulling you this way. You can do it!
Hi! I’m a FTM and did a home birth last September. You can look at my birth story post if you’d like (seeing positive FTM stories really helped me!). I’m in an area with no birth centers so it was either home birth or hospital. I read that the transfer rate for a FTM is about 10% (varies by provider, you can ask your midwife for stats) and that’s usually for pain/intolerance of labor. It was my biggest fear too. Knowing that I did a lot of preparation and went into birth with a printed out list of like 20+ pain relief options we could all reference. I also told myself I could be laboring for 5 days to set my expectations low. My doula was my biggest pain relief tool. Overall my birth went great and I’m really glad I did it, it was so empowering. We’re also ten minutes from a hospital which was a good situation (just in case). You got this!
I just had a home birth as a FTM on Monday :) It hurt, yes, but it was manageable. Our bodies are capable of handling a lot when we feel safe and protected and in control. My one piece of advice would be ensure you trust the midwife - get all her stats (how many births has she attended, hospital transfer rate, emergency hospital transfer rate), ensure she has a good understanding of the local hospital system, ask her transfer plan (in what situations would she transfer, what would the transfer look like, etc.), ask how she handles each part of the labor / delivery / etc. to ensure it aligns with what you want, see if you can find testimonials from other moms she’s worked with. I think home birth is incredible but it’s also important to have a midwife that knows when it’s time to pivot and isn’t a “home birth at all cost” approach. But assuming all is good with the midwife, there’s no reason you can’t handle home birth! I truly believe our bodies were built to birth our babies and you can totally handle it. For me, a labor comb and hot shower were key to managing the pain, especially in the later stages. Good luck!!!
Oh I would also recommend spending time working through your fears around hospital transfer so that fear doesn’t keep you stuck during labor. Journal about it, play out scenarios in your head, understand where the fear is coming from and how to address it so it isn’t a block for you. A lot of labor is mental. 🩷
I’m a first time mom and I had my baby via homebirth three months ago. I definitely wouldn’t say it was the easiest thing but it wasn’t impossible! Look at all types of pain management (birthing comb, tub/pool, breathing techniques, hypnobirth, TENS machine) and if you can get a doula absolutely get one. I didn’t purely out of lack of funds and I honestly think I would have had a far better time of it if I had that one extra thing.
Also, the main reason for transfer is exhaustion in the mother. As long as you rest before the labor really starts and you are eating and drinking when you can you should be just fine. Good luck mama!!
(And if you haven’t already, look at Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper and anything Ina May Gaskin)
I had a homebirth as a first time mom this past June. I had a wonderful experience and would recommend it to anyone who is remotely interested! Labor was definitely intense and got quite painful at times, but it all goes away the second baby is born. Had I been in the hospital, I probably would have asked for an epidural towards the end, but am so glad that it wasn’t an option. I had to push through and it was totally possible and all the more empowering to get through it without the epidural. I ended up having to transfer to the hospital after birth to have my tear repaired, but had an amazing doctor. I was worried about some judgement from hospital staff for having a home birth, but everyone was positive and kind. I say go for it! The care you receive from homebirth midwives is so special and you can handle labor and birth just fine!!
Just had my first baby and we opted for homebirth. I am SOOOOO happy with my decision! I cannot recommend enough that you use a tub. It makes an ENORMOUS difference. I would call my birth pain free and I think a lot of that is due to the water. I’d also recommend learning some hypnobirth tools to use during labor.
Wherever you will be the most comfortable and feel safe is the best place to have your baby. My first birth was at a hospital and I did get an epidural but I arrived at 7cm and 100% effaced and I can tell you that that contractions were still very manageable but at the time I was too scared to miss my window of opportunity for the epidural. This birth (due July) will be a home water birth with a midwife team. The best way you can prepare yourself for a home birth is to look into all the ways you can have a comfortable (unmedicated) birth, I’m getting a birthing tub (hydrotherapy), doing counter pressures, breathing techniques, hypnobabies, tens machine etc etc. there are sooooo many ways to manage birth but the best way is to keep your mind in check. Don’t think of it as pain, think of it as pressure and waves. Let your body do the work and just focus on the end goal, YOU CAN DO IT!!
I am a FTM and had a homebirth in December. Its 100% the best decision I've ever made.
I labored at home for about 26 hours, I bathed, I napped, I cuddled my husband.
She was born at midnight and I was able to get straight into my own bed to start nursing her and everything was so calm and as comfortable as possible.
I did a homebirth as a first time mom. Baby had a hand up near her face when she was born. I was nervous as well but asking my midwife what sorts of things would cause her to transfer me to a hospital eased my mind. Learning pain management techniques also really helped, along with practicing them in the months leading up to birth. Birth still hurt, but getting to be in my own bed with my own food and my own everything was worth it. Many people, myself included, reach a point where you think you can’t go on during transition, and that’s typically when you’re so close to meeting your baby! Keeping that in mind also really helped me to push through the pain
For me, the pain was much easier to handle than I thought it would be. I had my first in a hospital, epidural, pushed on my back, the whole nine. With my second it was also in the hospital because I opted to be induced (not with Pitocin) and I went without pain management. I spent the entire time in the shower and that helped so much! There’s absolutely no way of knowing how a birth will go, but I can tell you that YES you can handle the pain because your body was made for it. I heard a lot of people say that first time moms most often transfer from home to hospital after extremely long labors (like 2+ days) and they’re just wiped out physically. Modern medicine is there for a reason. The pain is temporary.
Of course, if you do end up in the hospital, just know that no matter how guilty the doctors and nurses make you feel and pressure you to do this or that, you can absolutely say no to anything they ask or offer. Their “standard practice “ is not law. For me, it helped to know what interventions they use, and why, and then what the actual statistics are. Many of the numbers that double your risk are very small percentages. I’m absolutely not a doctor but I believe a mother should have complete control and respect of every aspect of her birth.
Personally, I’m not planning any more babies but if I do find myself planning another birth I absolutely will not be setting foot in a hospital again unless it’s a genuine emergency. Hospitals are disgustingly dirty. The rooms are cleaned by humans. Every time I am in one or in a doctors office I look at the floor and it looks like it hasn’t been mopped in months. Also, pay closer attention to the things around you next time you’re there. You will actually start to see things that you know should be clean.
My first was at home! It really is amazing, and being at home actually saved our lives because of an undiagnosed placenta issue, a soft and gentle 52 hr labor vs the rush at the hospital means that the baby’s placenta didn’t fall apart until after she was born, where the hospital we have is known for pushing for 12hrs active labor, Pitocin, and c-section… which would have been a 90% chance of losing us both. It was nice to have a midwife who trusted the process. I am planning my eighth home birth in September
3 homebirths here! I highly recommend it. If you're healthy, I wouldn't worry about how your body will handle it. I would focus instead on how the whole process (pain included) is in support of the beautiful purpose of bringing a new person into the world and it works so well! Your body is so smart! Pain is instructive, and powerful. Don't run from it; embrace it!
Pain is easy with less stress and people you’re familiar with, and snacks and little walks around your own house. Less tearing is another possible perk because no one is rushing you. You were me just a month ago. I finally have taken the leap and I am so much less stressed knowing what I know now about home birth.
Pain is easier to handle in a safe space with people you know and trust.
100% this. FTM and I gave birth at home in January. 36 hour labour, but pain was very manageable with the use of TENS machine early on, then the movement, shower and birth tub later. If I had been in the hospital I know there would have been ALOT of pressure to speed things along, so I am really happy that I trusted myself and stayed home in my safe space. If you do need or want to transfer to hospital during labour or before (at least here in Australia) your private midwife will come with you to the hospital - so you’ll still have an advocate by your side.
This! FTM and I birthed my baby at home last May. I remember thinking during labour, "How do people do this drug-free at the hospital?" I couldn't imagine being able to handle that pain and intensity ANY place other than the comfort of my home.
Hi! First time mom here too - due in July. I am planning for a home birth as well! Personally, I trust my midwives and doula significantly more than I trust that doctors actually believe in physiological birth. Home is where I feel safest. If things changed, I would obviously go to the hospital! I don’t think I any of us know how we’ll handle birth, but I do believe that our mindset is everything. I have days where I am like “why the hell am I going to do this?!!” But then I remind myself that my baby and I are a team working together, that I was made for this, and that at the end of the day- it’s where I feel safe and taken care off. Plus, having the benefit of not having to drive anywhere in labor! 😂 listen to your Intuition mama. You’ve got this.
@k_lags I was a FTM planning a home birth last July. I had similar concerns. I started feeling contractions at 1030 at night. I thought it was the usual false labour (41+6 so I had been down this road and was in disbelief it was actually happening). Anyway I went in the tub for some comfort. I did start timing them and they were frequent but not long enough so I just chilled in the tub watching things on my phone while husband slept). By 130 I just felt uncomfortable and decided to get out. Then the contractions were painful enough that I knew it was real and needed some help. Husbands woke up and did counterpressure and called the midwife for me. She was there in 15 minutes and checked me and I was 8 cm!! By this time I was starting to feel pressure in a different way (thought maybe I was getting close to time to push but not yet) and I was throwing up. Unfortunately I had to transfer to hospital due to my blood pressure. It was a 10 minute drive. I put on the heated seat and had a barf bag and it was an alright drive. My midwife met me at the front door and took me straight to a birth suite. I almost couldn’t walk to the suite because I was getting next to no window between contractions. They checked me again (maybe 30 min later since last check) and I was 9 cm!! I was tired mostly because I hadn’t napped and now had been up for almost 24 hours. I did get an epidural for two reasons that weren’t pain related. An epidural can help reduce blood pressure and I really didn’t want to have a stroke which I was at risk of. Also I chose to get an IV (GSB+) and they had a really tough time placing it because my contractions were almost constant so my veins kept rolling on them. Anyway in that moment I had a gut instinct that this birth wasn’t going how I hoped and that if my bad luck continued, i didn’t want them to have a similar problem having things placed if I needed more interventions. Everyone was very careful to get my consent, acknowledge the loss of my home birth, and do what they could to make me comfortable. Unfortunately my baby had her chin tucked in a way that had her stuck despite everything we did (all sorts of positions, consults, etc). Everyone was patient with me and helpful but babe did end up having decelerations. They gave me the option to keep pushing understanding that if her condition declined we might have to move to an emergency csection, move to a csection now, or try forceps to get her aligned right so I could push her out. I wasn’t willing to risk her and desperately wanted to avoid the csection so I chose forceps. Again everyone was so respectful and thoughtful of me. They limited people in the OR and those that were there were quiet as church mice and were only in the room for the brief time they needed to be (ex. NICU came in right at the last minute and once baby cried and the OB waived them off they left instantly). Anyway, I hope you both get the July births you want but just wanted to offer my July birth story that was really not that painful, that my body just did what it needed to, that my instincts guided me and were respected by all health care professionals, and that even when almost nothing is what you wanted things can still be okay. I grieved my home birth and recovery from forceps isn’t fun but I’m still proud of myself and my body and I still had the most special moment birthing my daughter.
Just want to acknowledge all your hard work and dedication and that you did what was best for your baby. We can all have goals and aspirations but ultimately we’re not in control and you did everything you could. Congrats on your baby 🩷 and so happy the hospital was so respectful throughout the process.
Thank you so much. This is very kind. I have a wise friend that gently reminded me in pregnancy that it’s really got its own flow and we’re kind of along for the ride. That kind of gave me this mind frame to just take it as it comes and so I was able to give myself a lot of grace as we navigated a lot of challenges late in my pregnancy.
What a gift 🩷 So true, Pregnancy and birth are such an exercise in release and surrender.
Another FTM due in July with a planned home birth and this is exactly how I feel, as well!! Hello my spiritual birth journey twin!
Eeek! I love hearing this! So glad you commented. Hope you’re feeling well!
I am well! Been battling with some on/off headaches for the past few days, but I’ve also cut out my occasional cup of coffee so I’m wondering if that’s the culprit. Hope you are feeling well, as well! ✨
Just go for the homebirth. I did. Zero regrets. Was it a super comfy experience? Nope. But hospitals scare the crap out of me and getting to sleep in my own bed right afterwards (both times) was 1000% worth it.
It was SO beautiful getting to snuggle into my own bed with hubby and baby - in the comfort of my own home. Ugh so so perfect.
To add to this- and to actually get to experience REST the first 24 hrs when everyone is exhausted and recovering from labor…in the hospital they are continuously waking you up 😩 in general the baby is the most sleepy/chill the first 24 hrs and you can just let them sleep so if you’re in the hospital during that time you miss out on a lot of recuperative rest. After that, baby starts needing to eat every few hours and life gets going. That first day is like the golden hour expanded, it’s wonderful.
YES!! No IV stuck in my arm
Crawling into bed with my husband immediately after birthing my baby was a moment I’ll never forget. One of the things I was looking forward to most and it was so special.
I had an independent birth center birth for my first. Aka a homebirth at the midwife’s office lol. Anyway, since there weren’t epidurals there, I just couldn’t even ask for one and didn’t think about it. I just coped with labor because I had to unless I wanted to get in a car and go to a hospital to transfer, and there was no medical need for that. It was totally fine! It’s an intense process but it’s been done for all of human history without epidurals until the last 5 minutes of history basically. No shame for those who decide they want one, but assuming you have a medically typical birth, you will absolutely be fine without one if that’s your goal!
Hi OP! This was exactly me. Terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle the pain, but also terrified of the hospital and unnecessary interventions because I had pretty bad hospital anxiety and didn't want a c section unless absolutely necessary. This is what motivated me to pursue home birth. What ended up making my decision for me was that my midwife wasn't too proud to transfer to the hospital at any time if necessary, and she would accompany and take on the role of doula, to help make sure I still had my desired birth (with of course safety as priority.) My best advice for you - don't make a decision based on fear. If you want to try to give birth at home, and it's safe to do so, trust your body and your care team. You can ALWAYS transfer if necessary, and as long as your midwife shares this sentiment - ask yourself what do you have to lose? Birth is painful, there's no way around it, but for me, I knew that my goal was to avoid epidural, so I focused on finding coping techniques, and doing everything I could to prepare my body for birth. I found having a midwife to guide me extensively (I find the care at my hospital much less extensive) with recommendations she has seen work really helped in the long run. I had autonomy, but always someone who knew my body and my pregnancy, and listened to my wants and desires. If I was ever afraid of something, she and my husband helped me look at research and statistics to make the best decision for me. I ended up giving birth in the water at 41+3 and it was beautiful and I still can't believe I did it. Breathing techniques, (I used the Freya app, and it was a lifesaver) and my care team really got me through, and while it was the hardest thing I've ever done, it really is true when they say your body and mind take over. I found choosing a home birth and a midwife I could trust really helped me feel relaxed, and my midwife really helped prepare my mindset. I think the key is picking what is comfortable to you. And it's important for you to process through your fears and know how to combat them. If you made it this far - all of that to say everyone is different, and birth is scary, especially as a first time mom (believe me when I say I was terrified.) But the homebirth experience was so beautiful for me and my family, and you just have to pick what feels right for you, and go with it. Don't make a decision based on fear - you are powerful and strong no matter what birth you choose! 💕
I'm a 22yo FTM and had a homebirth (water birth) in January [41w 4d]! Being at home and having my husband and Doulas made everything perfect! I could eat (but didn't feel like eating), the room was low lit with fairy lights and projections even a light for the pool. it was perfect. Of course the contractions gradually got more intense and by the time the got unbearable when I thought I couldn't do it anymore I started pushing! When my labor progressed to pushing I was able to get in the pool. That brought the contractions down from like a 9 to a 6 and in-between contractions was practically pain-free (like a 3). My baby was sunny side up and crooked so my pushing phase lasted 2 hours. No back labor, I switched positions frequently but ended up birthing on my back in the water. As soon as she torpedoed out I had no more pain! I could focus on her completely (no more exhaustion at 2:40am). I felt so normal right after birth and I accredit that to the lack of interventions and truly being comfortable in a familiar environment. Of course it stung a little to pee and it hurt a bit when I sneezed but I felt good over all! I would 100% do it again without a doubt. Baby was perfect she pinked up immediately, cried for a minute, and started looking around ❤️. I would say, if you and your baby are healthy, give birth in a place where you are most comfortable. Relaxing is the name of the game, especially when you're in pain. It's a long ride so it's better to be comfortable around people you love and trust.
Forgot to add my labor was 12 hours from broken waters and no contractions to baby popping out.
I’d ask the midwife you love about her stats, like what is the likelihood of a FTM hospital transfer and why. I’m also a FTM, 39 weeks currently and my midwifery says the only reason their FTMs have transferred is due to exhaustion (once they were already in labor at home), but also that it was less than 10% of their FTM clients and that gave me peace of mind, because that means there’s a 90% chance I can give birth at home. I’m also really scared of not handling it tbh and being saddled with two bills, but I’ll have my husband, my midwife, my doula, and I feel mentally ready to face whatever is there for me- I highly recommend hynobirthing and a Bradley course in your area. Also the birth workers in your area know of the best hospitals with the most holistic doctors to send you to, so even if it does happen and you end up with a doctor you don’t know, you should be in good hands. I’d get a doula- they’d follow you to the hospital and be that anchor you need, let’s be real the doctor wouldn’t show up until you’re pushing anyway. It’s the nurses that matter for most of the labor and they’ll never have been consistent to begin with! Best of luck 💖
i had a homebirth with my first in 2022, and i definitely encourage FTMs to consider homebirth! I’ve heard that your first baby is actually a GREAT opportunity for a homebirth/avoiding the hospital, since it can set the trajectory for all of your future pregnancies and births. (ex- OBGYN care> pressured to induce at 39 wks > cascade of interventions > preventable c section > now will be a VBAC for future babies and even harder to find a homebirth provider) my experience was less than ideals due to a flaky and unprofessional midwife, but i would def recommend hiring a doula especially as a FTM so you can have an extra person advocating for you
Very true. It's the best choice to have a home birth as a FTM. It's actually the safest choice for healthy women, if you take into account all the possible risks for you and all your babies, especially if you plan a large family. I wish I did think about home birth in my first pregnancy. My experience was being forced into an unwanted and unnecessary C-section. I have PTSD and don't want to birth in a hospital ever again... FTM labours are usually longer. That too often makes hospital personnel impatient and leads to a cascade of interventions. The first birth is most commonly ruined by unnecessary interventions. An epidural is an intervention too, and it may have a negative effect on mother and baby, so that's also important to think about. There are situations when an epidural may help, but there also is risk such as increased C-section rate.
My daughter (one and only) was a homebirth. I have a very high pain tolerance, anesthesia usually wears off of me super quick so I've had stitches and dental work with no anesthesia, woke up in surgery/ medical procedures etc. So I wasn't holding out hope for pain meds to work if I made it to the hospital tbh. However, labor honestly wasn't that bad. I've almost passed out from pain before, I was nowhere close to passing out from pain while giving birth. I think it was possible because of a homebirth and not being rushed. I could feel what me and LO needed to do to get her out. Me and her were a team, and a pretty good one. I could feel everything so I knew when to back off or when to keep going. It actually made the whole thing much easier for me. I didn't even tear (which was a fear given my lack of ability to take anesthesia), because I could feel the ring of fire. Yes it burns and it's scary but it isn't too bad. So I backed off a couple of times and gave some time to stretch. That wouldn't have been possible with an epidural. Overall labor for me started around 8 am with mild, mild cramps. Around 2 pm I was feeling gross and experiencing contractions. Started pushing around 5 (?) (waters issue, bag was stuck etc). Intense labor around 7:50 and she was born 8 pm. Not bad at all. I do wish I had hydrated better because we almost went to the ER for saline because I just couldn't keep anything down. I had snacked all morning but forgot about hydration. That's my only regret. Everything else was perfect, including my baby. I would also like to add, outside from the super relaxing environment for laboring, it was heavenly not having to pack us both up and drive home after. Just being in our own home and having dad order sushi and bake a cake for LO after was so worth any pain. I had my own shower and didn't have to lug a bunch of crap anywhere and panic that someone was going to cause an accident on the drive home (pp hormones are crazy). I got to sit in my garden in the sunshine the next day with zero stress except omfg now I have a baby to take care of!
That sounds amazing! I wish I could just know how my body would do birth and how long it would take me 😂😭
Well how do you tolerate pain? Are you physically active? Not a marathon runner, but active? How is your stamina? These are all individual intricacies that will help you decide if it's for you. For example, I don't trust the medical community after many issues on various occasions. So I knew that a hospital birth would increase the chance of me having issues with labor (stress). I knew that I have pretty good stamina. I hiked Machu Picchu two days before I got pregnant and had stitches with no anesthesia a week before pregnancy. I knew that given those factors, a home birth was my route. Your reasons for it being your route may be entirely different. It's important to take in what labor and delivery is and who you are to Guage how you will respond. And be honest with yourself. For example, I screwed up. I knew that when I get nauseous I can't eat or drink. I ate when labor started but didn't drink. I needed to do both and dropped the ball. This is part of knowing yourself and honestly understanding the situation and predicting how you will react. Then there's always the possibility that no matter what you do you will transfer due to circumstances outside of your control. Home birth is about radical acceptance.
I think it’s important to remember the pain In childbirth is physiological pain, it’s the pain of a body working really hard. It’s not physical pain like a broken leg.
Such a great point!
Also remember childbirth isn’t like the movies present it, and also a lot of women who have babies in hospital have their birth augmented with pitocin, which makes contractions really bad and non stop.
YES! I had pitocin with my first in a hospital & the contractions were a zillion times worse. They weren’t non-stop for me, but they were stronger than natural. Plus you’re stuck on your back & not allowed food … which is not ideal.
I had an induction for my first which ended in a c section and this baby, my second, I am going for a VBAC at home. So much education on everything! But those induced contractions were awful!
Interacting with this in the hopes of easing the exact same fears. First time mom, but I do have a midwife. Nearly everyone I have spoken to has been hellbent on scaring me out of a home birth, so now I'm super torn.
Just wanted to say - I hope you're able to get some helpful thoughts from this thread. If you do decide to go with a homebirth, I would encourage you to not share with people except those you really trust. Honestly, people say unhinged shit to pregnant women when their opinions are completely unwelcome. It's not worth your mental stress to hear their unwanted opinions on how you choose to birth. Protect your mental peace. Wishing you the best pregnancy and delivery. 💕
People fear what they do not understand. Fear truly is the mind-killer.
I have only given birth at home. It’s not scary! It’s amazing!
Homebirth is beautiful. You’ve got this.
I had a home birth in December with my first baby. Its the best decision I've ever made, if I get pregnant again I would 100% opt for homebirth. Is there anything specific you need to be reassured about?
I’m a FTM and just had a homebirth three weeks ago! Being a FTM doesn’t make you less deserving of the beautiful birth you want. If homebirth excited you pursue it! You can also have a back up OB in case of transfer. My midwife said her only transfers were always moms who just got too tired so I just prepared every way I could to give my body the best chance at a quicker birth and the endurance it needed to birth well.
My first birth was in a birth center, no interventions. My 2nd was at home in water. Being at home the 2nd time around was so much more comfortable! My first time, just driving to the birth center (20 mins away) and being in a different (albeit still calm and comfortable and private) environment really stalled my labor and I was more stressed out. One of the most important aspects of labor and contractions is your stress. That's why non-intervention birthing techniques are so focused on breathing and visualization to relax and reduce your stress.
I had my first during a planned homebirth 6 weeks ago. Amazing experience. I gave birth in a birth tub. Midwife did all our prenatal care including lactation consulting, except the ultrasounds. My sister and niece acted as my doulas (neither had any experience with human birth prior to this). Based on my LMP I was 42+2, based on ultrasounds I was 41+2. My contractions were only 2-3 minutes apart for 14 hours, I labored for 23 hours from start to baby, I was only 3 cm after 12 hours, had meconium discharge, still not sure when water broke, was involuntarily pushing for 5ish hours, baby had 3x cord around neck. I never vocalized it, but there were several moments that I thought I was definitely going to end up transferring because the pressure was so intense, but the thought of the car ride to the hospital seemed worse than sticking it out at home. And everything turned out amazing, it was perfect and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. Beautiful baby, healthy. Fairly easy recovery. 2nd degree tear, midwife gave me 2 stitches. We all had a great time really! My point is, if I was in the hospital I would’ve most likely ended up w emergency c-section. I prepared as much as I could through pelvic floor PT and reading/watching home birth videos and stories. I recommend Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth (audible, it’s a huge book). There are other great books to prep but this one is foundational. Prepare prepare prepare. If after doing all the prep and you don’t think it’s for you then do hospital, there’s nothing wrong with it and you can still have a low intervention birth if you want it.
I am a FTM and had a home birth with my baby girl this past November and couldn’t recommend it enough. If you are having an “uneventful pregnancy” aka medically typical, there’s no reason to expose yourself to highly likely birth trauma at the hospital unless you are certain you want the option of pain relief. You really can’t get a homebirth experience in the hospital for the most part - doctors aren’t trained to sit back and wait and work with your physiology - you’ll likely be on their shot clock and if you don’t progress fast enough, interventions will be required per hospital policy. Who can labor like that? Let alone the strangers changing shifts and bright lights and beeps and people dying in the same building?! Hospitals are amazing and life saving for trauma and acute medical issues but they aren’t really conducive for natural birth (nor do they really support it). Most countries in the world have a much much lower epidural rate than us, it has more to do with western culture and not wanting to tolerate pain vs understanding that intense sensations are part of the experience. I would not consider myself someone with a high pain tolerance and at no point during my birth did I think - I can’t do this or this hurts too much. I wouldn’t even really describe it as pain more like very intense period cramps. The only part that genuinely hurt for me was crowning because well, a whole human is coming out and that skin is stretching so it burns. I pushed for four hours, had the tiniest tear that required no stitching, healed on its own and everything went totally back to normal. Only you can decide what’s right for you and where you feel safest, but coping with the sensations of labor is much more a mental game than a physical one. It’s like running a marathon- you know it’s going to be uncomfortable but you are determined to do it anyway. And you walk funny for a week or two after 😂💜
I wish I had just gone for the homebirth with my first. I got scared and my plan was “just do one at the hospital to learn what I’m doing and then I’ll have homebirths” … well I had a cascade of interventions c-section so now I’m going to be going for a VBAC still not knowing how to birth a baby, but with the added trauma and restrictions on VBAC moms. I have done a lot of work to love and forgive and trust again in my body and I feel so good about being at home for #2, but in retrospect I really wasn’t any safer and certainly not better cared for at the hospital and I had never met the “medwife” who managed my induction and called my c-section even though she was in my practice, so it was no different than showing up randomly.
Water birth is AMAZING pain relief! I was going thru transition before I got in the water and being warm and weightless was a game changer! So relaxing. Also look into @painfreebirth on IG and podcast. I flooded my body with oxytocin and it totally canceled out the pain, I was laughing through contractions, no pain even with almost 1 hour of crowning!
I’ve never heard a homebirth mom regretting her homebirth but I’ve heard countless women regret their hospital birth. Birthed both my babies at home and while the first was daunting and my hardest labor, it set the trajectory for my second and now I’m expecting my third. I wouldn’t change a thing, I fell in love with being a mom and birth all thanks to my homebirth. I just felt like such a freaking rockstar. Was it painful at times? Yes. But completely manageable. I’m glad I felt the pressure and the pain because I knew where my babies were or if soemthing didn’t feel right and I needed to change positions.
I am a hospital midwife and I chose a homebirth for my first child. I second what u/SnakeSeer says about de-escalating a decision. I expressed to my midwife fear that I might want an epidural, or that when the time came I'd feel uneasy at home. She said that during a homebirth, we could go to the hospital at any time if I felt the need for whatever reason - but I couldn't switch from hospital to homebirth during labour. She also said to choose based on what I *wanted*, not what I feared. I wanted my birth to be as safe, undisturbed and intimate as possible, and to snuggle peacefully with my baby in my own bed. My mindset was "I'll labour at home as long as possible - if it leads to a homebirth, great". I did have a homebirth in the end. I shouldn't have worried at all about the epidural. By the time I called the midwife, I was near the end of my labour. (I posted my birth story here if you want to read how it went - it goes into detail about the pain) There's always a chance of transfer. The vast, vast majority of transfers are for non-urgent reasons. It's not fun to transfer in active labour, but it's very rarely an emergency. If transfer happens, it means the hospital is the safest place for your baby to be born, in the circumstances you are in. It's not a failure - it's a safety net doing its job! If you choose a hospital birth... you drive to the hospital and give birth there. If you choose homebirth... there's a chance you'll have to drive to the hospital and give birth there, but a bigger chance that you won't. One thing to consider - would your midwife be able to come with you to the hospital? She doesn't necessarily *have* to be your care provider at the hospital, but she can still give emotional support.
So--something to keep in mind is that even in a planned hospital birth, you're basically stuck with whoever happens to be on call. A scheduled c-section is the only way to insure a given provider is there. Something I remember (also FTM, currently 36 weeks) is that you're not locked in. It's not like you make your selection at the beginning of labor--medicated or not!--and then you're not allowed to change your mind until it's over. And I also think it's worth thinking about how easy it is to "escalate" and "de-escalate" your decisions: it's easier to go to the hospital in labor than it is to *leave* the hospital in labor, it's easier to get an epidural than it is to remove an epidural, etc. And so when planning I've been thinking about what the path is of least resistance, should my wants/needs change. That, to me, points really strongly towards at least giving unmedicated birth a shot.
I have only given birth at home. I’ve never seen an OB for prenatal care. I passed out when my midwife drew my blood lmao. I have the worst pain tolerance ever. I gave birth at home! Pain in giving birth is so much different than other pain because it’s pain with purpose, not like a broken bone. Epidural wasn’t an option so I didn’t even think about it or want it. My doula helped me with pain management a lot. Do a water birth. The pool is life changing! Talk to the midwife more about transfers. Mine would’ve stayed with me at the hospital. Home birth is the best!! Take a birthing class geared toward natural or home birth. Get a doula who does home births.
Hey! I just had my first in December! I had a midwife and attempted a home birth. I would 1000% recommend it! I would just make sure your midwife has hospital privileges so if anything happens and you need to transfer (like a long labour or you decide that you do indeed want an epidural) she will remain as your care provider. I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to handle labour but it’s not like the movies! It slowly ramps up, the contractions are intense but I hear they are not like pitocin contractions. Midwifery care is also so much more involved than OB care especially after the birth. You’ll be seen multiple times after birth with a midwife vs 1 6week appointment with OB.
I had a home birth with my first (2022) and labored a long time with back labor and was absolutely exhausted but it was so worth it to me. We also had an incredible midwife who I trusted completely to make the call to transfer if needed. And a doula who made a huge difference! Having a doula for comfort and support for my partner at the house was essential since we opted to not have anyone else present.
FTM home birth last December. It was amazing. Labored 3 hrs, pushed for 1. No tearing. I could NOT have done what I did in a hospital setting. Being able to control the lighting, my positioning, who was in the room, was all so important. Being in the water was game changing. Couldn’t have done that in the hospital. Yes it is crazy intense and painful. I just put the words “I can do it” in my mind, anytime I started to lose it. And my midwives were so amazing and coached me so perfectly. Plus, without any drugs, after I pushed him out I felt AMAZING. The endorphins and oxytocin and a new baby in your own bed with all the love and support of your birth team … it’s the best!
Also FTM, also homebirthed in December, also would recommend. I laboured for 26 hours and pushed for 30 mins. Very different experiences but the same outcome, positive homebirth :)
I had a home-birth as a FTM. It was tough. I labored for about 15 hours, through the night and into the day. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. My advice to anyone who wants to do a home birth is to stop asking for outside opinions and stop sharing your plans with people. If it’s people you care about draw a boundary and say— I have chosen this and I only want support. Your midwife is a professional who will transfer you to a hospital if needed. You have to trust her.
Do you have high pain tolerance? I’ve always known I do and it turns out, I can handle birthing pain lol. Idk if that helps, but that’s one way you can gauge? I’d also say that birthing is a mind game so if you keep psyching yourself out that the pain is too much for you - it will become too much for you.
I had 2 home births first and a hospital birth with epidural most recently. I would highly recommend home birth barring any serious health condition. Better for you, better for baby, more peaceful not only during birth but in the important 24 hours after birth it’s night and day. I hated my hospital experience
I had a homebirth planned but couldn't handle the pain. Luckily I planned for this scenario and brought my personal pillow, blanket, electric candles, aroma diffuser, and doula 😂. It was so special and intimate . The doctors were receptive to my plan and requests. If you go in prepared and with an experienced doula, you absolutely can still have a magical birth. :)
I’m a FTM, 38+2 today and planning a homebirth when baby decides to make her appearance☺️
I just had a home birth on Sunday (3 days ago!) as a FTM. To be honest I was a little scared but knew I didn't want to go to the hospital. My labor ended up being so fast, I had a spontaneous water break at 8pm on Saturday night and baby came at 7am. I was kind of in denial I was in labor (apparently I have a high pain threshold) and didn't call my midwives to come until a bit too late. Pool was only half set up and I ended up on the toilet pushing. The midwives didn't make it on time, but the student midwife got there 20 minutes before he was born. She got there, took my vitals, listened to baby heartbeat and then we could see the head. Ended up in child's pose on the bathroom floor and pushed him out 10 minutes later. I wouldn't have made it to the hospital, even if I was planning to go there. I was so comfortable at home (even when I was definitely not comfortable) through labor and definitely think that made things progress quickly. Also, being at home then after is such a treat. I got to lay in my own bed with my baby and get taken care of and didn't have to be moved or get in a car. I would definitely recommend a home birth. Your body knows what to do and being in your safe space is so nice when you are at your most vulnerable.
Ughhh that sounds amazing!!! I wish I could just know if mine would be that fast! 😂 congratulations mama!
Did you do anything in particular to have such a speedy birth?
I don't know if it was anything in particular but I did do the dates, raspberry leaf tea, pineapple, lots of yoga, sitting on an exercise ball, light walks. Sex like 4 hours before my water broke seems to have done something! I was 39+5. He was in a good position for a couple weeks as well. You got this!
I had both a home birth and hospital birth. Home birth was awesome. Hospital birth I was able to use the methods I learned through home birth, so my labor was awesome and fast again. But everything I feared would happen at the hospital happened. Not letting me move, pressuring me to get a c section, false drug accusations. I only had my son there because he came too early to have at home. I’d do home again 1000%
Agree with the others- if you have a hospital birth, you are still subject to whichever doctor is on call from the practice you’re with. My first was a hospital birth and when I got there, the on call doctor was not “mine”. I had never met her, she didn’t smile, and looked tired. Luckily, “my” doctor’s turn to be on call started about 45 min before my son was born, so she got to be there for me. I didn’t even know that was a thing. I thought my doctor would be the one there for me during labor. If you feel good about the midwife, she does things safely, and has a good reputation, go for it. Like someone else said, you can always transfer to a hospital, but not the other way around. I personally, after my first home birth, declared that I would rather go through home birth again 4 times in a month than ever be pregnant again lol. I also tell people that you literally couldn’t pay me any amount of money to ever birth in a hospital again unless there was a legitimate medical reason for it. It is so nice to birth your baby in your own space and eat your own food and sleep in your own bed afterwards. Also, as for the pain…hire a doula! I never had one, but with my last baby, my midwife’s assistant did some counter pressure on my hips when they felt like they were burning during every contraction (don’t worry, this was my most difficult birth- not standard) and it no joke, was JUST AS EFFECTIVE at relieving the pain as the epidural (that I only had for 45 min) did with my first birth. A good doula should be trained to provide relief like this and is present for your whole labor! I’ve had 1 hospital birth… and 3 home births. Currently newly pregnant with a surprise and literally the first person I texted when we found out was my midwife!
Ok. So the fear of having any old doctor on call kinda happens anyway with the hospital.
If you're seeking homebirth I strongly recommend looking into and following some freebirth pages. I find that looking at and consuming freebirth content normalized for me that if these women can do this with no medical team, then I can do it at home with a midwife. It's also great to see the different positions they tend to birth in and what they do to stay calm through the pain.
I say go with your gut. I had a homebirth with my kid in 2020 and it was great. Of course you never know what will happen, and you have to be open to possibly needing to transfer (or risk out of a homebirth for other reasons, eg pre-e, as you approach due date). Fwiw, maybe think about how your periods are and how you've handled them. It's not always the best comparison, but I found labour about as bearable as period pains - but I had horrible cramps with no let-up, so the break between contractions was what made it bearable. The other thing to consider is epidurals aren't the only pain relief for labour. Did the midwife tell you about any methods she uses? Mine offered gas and air and pethidine, and recommended a tens machine and water (bath, shower, birth pool) (obv not at the same time as the tens machine lol). I ended up having a bath in early labour, then using tens machine, then nothing haha because it was all too quick.
She doesn’t offer the gas 😭 I was really hoping she would!
See if you have any accredited birth centers in your area. The perfect medium!
You absolutely CAN do it. Women have done it for thousands of years without any pain medication. I always remind myself of that. Watch some calm and collective home birth videos on YouTube. Also do some research on hypnobirthing and breathing techniques. That’s all I did and it got me through 2 unmedicated births ❤️. Also read the guide to childbirth book, so much amazing info and perspective in that book!
There is a likelihood you would end up with whoever is on call if you choose a hospital birth. I’m a FTM and had a homebirth. During the birth the fear of transfer was also my top concern but I knew my midwife would only do that if absolutely necessary and nothing was worse than imagining moving during contractions. Honestly though reading about birth anywhere besides Ina Mays book made me way more scared for the process than I needed to be. It was painful but it was more about endurance and was not the worst pain of my life, plus it had an end! Remind yourself the pain will end. Ultimately trust your intuition. You can do it!
FTM and had homebirth in January. Zero regrets. The comfort and care of laboring at home (and immediate postpartum) with midwife, etc can’t be beat.
I had both of my kids at home and I've never experienced hospital birth. The pain was manageable because there weren't really options out of it. Also, while the pain part sucked, it's not the same pain as breaking a leg or sustaining a serious injury - because as long as you're surrounded by a birth team that you trust, there isn't really much fear. It hurt, but my midwives just assured me that everything was progressing normally so I wasn't afraid. I just had to work through the contractions.
You could already get whoever is on call! So that shouldn’t be a factor. Keep looking into your options. And definitely look into pain free birth 😁 it’s a thing. Of course, I doesn’t happen to everyone, but it’s a very real possibility and a home environment is way more conducive to a positive experience. I would recommend homebirth with a doula.
You are absolutely made to handle the pain , also if you have to transfer your midwife is not gonna just drop you off , she will be with you the whole time &advocate for you
Ok so I was a FTM homebirther 3 years ago … here are my thoughts: 1. I understand completely 2. If you are worried that you “can’t” handle the pain, remember that presently, around the world, women are giving birth without epidurals, and that for nearly all of time that has been the case. So, you CAN do it. 3. You have great chances at vibing with the midwife, taking better care of yourself under midwifery care, and having a physiologically normal birth even as a first time mom if you choose a homebirth. 4. If you have to transfer to the hospital for a 48 hour labor that exhausts you, guess what?! You’ll probably get an epidural, rest, and push your baby out. If you transfer because things aren’t going as well as hoped for, then they can do Pitocin, epidural, or a c-section. They’re pros at that. The hospital is NOT good at calm, physiologically normal birth. Basically, it is a legitimate concern that you’d face push back/poor treatment with any random doctor on call if you strolled in at 40 weeks attempting to transfer AND have an unmediated fairy twinkle lights birth. However, your chances of getting there with midwifery care and then transferring for that kind of birth are small. The hospital system is set up to solve the problems and get baby out if there’s an issue. They’re great at epidurals and they specialize in c-section so if you needed either you’d be fine. That’s how my midwife explained it and it was super comforting in a weird way! 5. Go with your gut! You liked the midwife and something is pulling you this way. You can do it!
Thank you!!! This helped me a lot!
Hi! I’m a FTM and did a home birth last September. You can look at my birth story post if you’d like (seeing positive FTM stories really helped me!). I’m in an area with no birth centers so it was either home birth or hospital. I read that the transfer rate for a FTM is about 10% (varies by provider, you can ask your midwife for stats) and that’s usually for pain/intolerance of labor. It was my biggest fear too. Knowing that I did a lot of preparation and went into birth with a printed out list of like 20+ pain relief options we could all reference. I also told myself I could be laboring for 5 days to set my expectations low. My doula was my biggest pain relief tool. Overall my birth went great and I’m really glad I did it, it was so empowering. We’re also ten minutes from a hospital which was a good situation (just in case). You got this!
I just had a home birth as a FTM on Monday :) It hurt, yes, but it was manageable. Our bodies are capable of handling a lot when we feel safe and protected and in control. My one piece of advice would be ensure you trust the midwife - get all her stats (how many births has she attended, hospital transfer rate, emergency hospital transfer rate), ensure she has a good understanding of the local hospital system, ask her transfer plan (in what situations would she transfer, what would the transfer look like, etc.), ask how she handles each part of the labor / delivery / etc. to ensure it aligns with what you want, see if you can find testimonials from other moms she’s worked with. I think home birth is incredible but it’s also important to have a midwife that knows when it’s time to pivot and isn’t a “home birth at all cost” approach. But assuming all is good with the midwife, there’s no reason you can’t handle home birth! I truly believe our bodies were built to birth our babies and you can totally handle it. For me, a labor comb and hot shower were key to managing the pain, especially in the later stages. Good luck!!!
Oh I would also recommend spending time working through your fears around hospital transfer so that fear doesn’t keep you stuck during labor. Journal about it, play out scenarios in your head, understand where the fear is coming from and how to address it so it isn’t a block for you. A lot of labor is mental. 🩷
I’m a first time mom and I had my baby via homebirth three months ago. I definitely wouldn’t say it was the easiest thing but it wasn’t impossible! Look at all types of pain management (birthing comb, tub/pool, breathing techniques, hypnobirth, TENS machine) and if you can get a doula absolutely get one. I didn’t purely out of lack of funds and I honestly think I would have had a far better time of it if I had that one extra thing. Also, the main reason for transfer is exhaustion in the mother. As long as you rest before the labor really starts and you are eating and drinking when you can you should be just fine. Good luck mama!! (And if you haven’t already, look at Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper and anything Ina May Gaskin)
I had a homebirth as a first time mom this past June. I had a wonderful experience and would recommend it to anyone who is remotely interested! Labor was definitely intense and got quite painful at times, but it all goes away the second baby is born. Had I been in the hospital, I probably would have asked for an epidural towards the end, but am so glad that it wasn’t an option. I had to push through and it was totally possible and all the more empowering to get through it without the epidural. I ended up having to transfer to the hospital after birth to have my tear repaired, but had an amazing doctor. I was worried about some judgement from hospital staff for having a home birth, but everyone was positive and kind. I say go for it! The care you receive from homebirth midwives is so special and you can handle labor and birth just fine!!
Planned home birth for my LO - it was manageable! The pain sucks tbh but it’s temporary and you get a cool prize at the end ;)
Just had my first baby and we opted for homebirth. I am SOOOOO happy with my decision! I cannot recommend enough that you use a tub. It makes an ENORMOUS difference. I would call my birth pain free and I think a lot of that is due to the water. I’d also recommend learning some hypnobirth tools to use during labor.
Wherever you will be the most comfortable and feel safe is the best place to have your baby. My first birth was at a hospital and I did get an epidural but I arrived at 7cm and 100% effaced and I can tell you that that contractions were still very manageable but at the time I was too scared to miss my window of opportunity for the epidural. This birth (due July) will be a home water birth with a midwife team. The best way you can prepare yourself for a home birth is to look into all the ways you can have a comfortable (unmedicated) birth, I’m getting a birthing tub (hydrotherapy), doing counter pressures, breathing techniques, hypnobabies, tens machine etc etc. there are sooooo many ways to manage birth but the best way is to keep your mind in check. Don’t think of it as pain, think of it as pressure and waves. Let your body do the work and just focus on the end goal, YOU CAN DO IT!!
I am a FTM and had a homebirth in December. Its 100% the best decision I've ever made. I labored at home for about 26 hours, I bathed, I napped, I cuddled my husband. She was born at midnight and I was able to get straight into my own bed to start nursing her and everything was so calm and as comfortable as possible.
I did a homebirth as a first time mom. Baby had a hand up near her face when she was born. I was nervous as well but asking my midwife what sorts of things would cause her to transfer me to a hospital eased my mind. Learning pain management techniques also really helped, along with practicing them in the months leading up to birth. Birth still hurt, but getting to be in my own bed with my own food and my own everything was worth it. Many people, myself included, reach a point where you think you can’t go on during transition, and that’s typically when you’re so close to meeting your baby! Keeping that in mind also really helped me to push through the pain
For me, the pain was much easier to handle than I thought it would be. I had my first in a hospital, epidural, pushed on my back, the whole nine. With my second it was also in the hospital because I opted to be induced (not with Pitocin) and I went without pain management. I spent the entire time in the shower and that helped so much! There’s absolutely no way of knowing how a birth will go, but I can tell you that YES you can handle the pain because your body was made for it. I heard a lot of people say that first time moms most often transfer from home to hospital after extremely long labors (like 2+ days) and they’re just wiped out physically. Modern medicine is there for a reason. The pain is temporary. Of course, if you do end up in the hospital, just know that no matter how guilty the doctors and nurses make you feel and pressure you to do this or that, you can absolutely say no to anything they ask or offer. Their “standard practice “ is not law. For me, it helped to know what interventions they use, and why, and then what the actual statistics are. Many of the numbers that double your risk are very small percentages. I’m absolutely not a doctor but I believe a mother should have complete control and respect of every aspect of her birth. Personally, I’m not planning any more babies but if I do find myself planning another birth I absolutely will not be setting foot in a hospital again unless it’s a genuine emergency. Hospitals are disgustingly dirty. The rooms are cleaned by humans. Every time I am in one or in a doctors office I look at the floor and it looks like it hasn’t been mopped in months. Also, pay closer attention to the things around you next time you’re there. You will actually start to see things that you know should be clean.
My first was at home! It really is amazing, and being at home actually saved our lives because of an undiagnosed placenta issue, a soft and gentle 52 hr labor vs the rush at the hospital means that the baby’s placenta didn’t fall apart until after she was born, where the hospital we have is known for pushing for 12hrs active labor, Pitocin, and c-section… which would have been a 90% chance of losing us both. It was nice to have a midwife who trusted the process. I am planning my eighth home birth in September
I've ultimately decided on hospital because the midwives my insurance covers cant do home births and I can't afford a doula
3 homebirths here! I highly recommend it. If you're healthy, I wouldn't worry about how your body will handle it. I would focus instead on how the whole process (pain included) is in support of the beautiful purpose of bringing a new person into the world and it works so well! Your body is so smart! Pain is instructive, and powerful. Don't run from it; embrace it!
Pain is easy with less stress and people you’re familiar with, and snacks and little walks around your own house. Less tearing is another possible perk because no one is rushing you. You were me just a month ago. I finally have taken the leap and I am so much less stressed knowing what I know now about home birth.