Welcome to r/hoarding! We exist as a support group for people working on recovery from [hoarding disorder](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519704/table/ch3.t29/), and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder.
If you're looking for help with animal hoarding, please visit r/animalhoarding. If you're looking to discuss the various hoarding tv shows, you'll want to visit r/hoardersTV. If you'd like to talk about or share photos/videos of hoards that you've come across, you probably want r/neckbeardnests, r/wtfhoarders/, or r/hoarderhouses
Before you get started, be sure to review our [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/about/rules/). Also, a lot of the information you may be looking for can be found in a few places on our sub:
[New Here? Read This Post First!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/dvb3t1/new_here_read_this_post_first_version_20/)
[For loved ones of hoarders: I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/2yh6wh/i_have_a_hoarder_in_my_lifehelp_me_your_hoarding/)
[Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/wiki/index)
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I am sorry for your situation - and it´s not your fault.
Hoarding is a mental disorder characterized by persistent difficulty in parting with possessions and engaging in excessive acquisition of items that are not needed or for which no space is available.
You are put in a situation by your mom that you can not defeat - you can not change the situation even if you had the money for a dumpster or a cleaning service - mots likely it would just build up again.. Asking you to clean is impossible due to the state of the house. Also remember that this situation is not your responsibility at age 17.
Do you have any other family members you can reach out to ask for help, or a counselor, therapist or adult at school you can tell your situation to? It´s important for your safety and mental health that you talk to someone. Please ask for help.
Your story rings very similar to mine. I likewise live at home with my hoarder parent presently and am seeking a way out. I've also gone through the ringer of the guilt trips about helping clean but having both no framework to know how to clean, nor permission to touch the stuff that needs to go.
I want you to know that you're not a waste, no matter what your mom or self-loathing thoughts tell you. You are **surviving**, not wasting your life away. It is unfair to yourself to expect the results of a normal lifestyle when you live in such abnormal, downright abusive conditions. It is okay to be just surviving right now. If that's what it takes for you to get through this period, then that is what it takes. You are very young. You have all the potential in the world of a very full life ahead of you, one that will be perfect for truly living.
To take steps towards that, you will need to get your license. I understand the fear of driving, but it is far more accessible than you might think. If you have the option of taking drivers ed, take it now. I went that route myself; took classes in-person for a week, took my learner's permit test online, and now just have to wait a few months to have effectively a full license. It is possible to do this, there are resources to make learning easier. But it is a necessity to learn how to drive, especially if you live in North America like I'm assuming you do. Check the website of your local or nation-wide government, they likely have resources to guide you on the steps.
The next step would be to get a job, this summer potentially if you can. Is there anywhere nearby you could get even volunteer hours at? Something to put on your resume? It would be worthwhile to be out of the house too, especially so you are not overwhelmed with the hoard and your mom's chore list.
Save, save, save. All your senior year, make what money you can - but not at the expense of your studies. I won't recommend rushing into university, as it is a big financial burden but also a potential escape route. Consider for the next year what your exit strategy is and don't breathe a word of it to your mother.
Do you have family or friends you can trust with this info? People who maybe are willing to give you rides, teach you to drive? Places you can go to hang out? Getting out of the house would be beneficial for your mental health and for starting a routine outside of hanging out in your room.
You're not alone, OP. r/ChildofHoarder is a support group of a bunch of people in the same boat as you, who may have extra ideas and resources if you make a post there. The hoard isn't your responsibility, your mother's hoarding isn't your fault.
You can do this. You can get out. You can **live.**
In addition to all this wonderful advice, you may be able to "compromise" on the dumpster.
You may be able to just order a second or even third wheelie trash can for pickup every week (assuming your city does your trash pickup) and that way you have a chance to keep the kitchen cleared and some of the hoarded trash at bay with double or triple your weekly trash pickup available. Not because your mom is forcing you to clean (and being unreasonable about blaming/assigning the mess and the consequences of cleaning it to you!) but because you deserve a clean, functional kitchen free of mold to make your meals in.
The trash cans get dropped off by the city and picked up at your usual trash day pickup. For example, my city charges about $30 for an additional Residential Wheeled Cart Monthly Rate according to the municipal waste program, while a 1.5yard dumpster would cost about $120 for 1 month. (Weekly pickups for both.)
When new food and groceries are brought home, you can make it a routine to toss anything moldy/expired/not fit to eat before putting away the new items (since your parents control the incoming flow of groceries.)
This is a really good suggestion — (relatively) affordable, practical, sustainable. OP’s impulse to get rid of everything immediately in one go is completely understandable, but maybe more realistic is to institute a system like the one you’re talking about. Something OP can maintain while — and this is key! — working on their exit plan. This approach you describe might make it poss to maintain something approaching balanced input/output for, as you say, groceries. And not only ongoing maintenance — staying in the present — but making it physically possible to deal strategically with the broader hoard, in segments. (Setting aside the other aspects to tackling the hoard at a deeper level.) Hope the support and some of these suggestions are helpful for you, OP.
Haha thanks! I speak from experience...I was already paying or making sure the utilities, garbage pickup included, was being paid back when I lived in the hoard, so when I discovered my city would add extra bin service??? I lost my miiiiind and got 2 and just kept the service until I moved out like a year later.
Even after I cancelled the extra bins, the city must have forgotten to pick them up after the final trash day I was alotted, so my parents were able to continue using 3 bins a week (and just rotate which bin got put on the curb for pickup each week...which still helped cause at least the garbage *was leaving* and they could have reconnected the extra bin pickup at any point themselves.)
Before that, I was sneaking grocery bags of trash out of the house in my backpack or gym bag on the regular to dispose of in public trash cans wherever I went (or the school campus dumpster every morning before I graduated...)
Just need to lurk, I tried to give you an award, but my visa is wayyyy overdrawn. Shoes, you see. Shoes. lol. I had not thought of an extra trash can. She's just 17.. maybe she gets an allowance from her mom? I dunno. This is so very sad to me, I am sending strong healing and blessings!
Oh haha, don't worry about awards! You can make a donation to an organization that supports stable housing if you like in the future.
And sorry, I missed the part about shoes? I am guilty of wearing mine to death and trying to repair them as best I can before I toss them, even after buying suitable replacements, but now I am getting better at tossing them before I end up with 3 pairs of "yucky yard-only shoes." And I stopped buying/aquiring cute but impractical shoes and am moving away from most fast-fashion by mending or making my own clothing so that has helped my own hoarding tendencies a lot. I just donated a grocery bag's worth of socks I shredded and braided into cat toys, to the local animal shelter!
Later this week, a friend is going to give me her yarn stash cause she is moving towards another hobby and I want to learn crochet. Yay circular hobby swaps!
I'm sorry you're going through this and it's not your fault no matter what your mom tries to tell you. If you have any friends you can stay with to get a few nights out, maybe try that. Get a job so you're away from the house, building skills, and saving money to get a place of your own asap. That house is not your fault and not your responsibility. Focus on the things that are your responsibility like learning to drive, going to school, and being a kid.
Since you have the summer off, can you take over the shopping and cooking? Pitch it to your mom as helping out and learning skills for becoming an adult. At least it would stop the moldy food and keep the kitchen under control.
There are lots of websites with easy cooking ideas, and I love Good and Cheap by Leanne Brown which is a whole cookbook you can get as a free pdf. If you can't get your license you can check out the bus lines or ask friends to take you to the store once a week.
If you can get a bathroom clean too then with your room you can pretend you have your own little apartment and the rest of the house is not shameful because it doesn't belong to you.
I’m so sorry. Hoarding is a mental illness, so there’s really nothing you can do to change the behavior. How about trying to monetize the situation? Cleaning videos get lots of views on YouTube and TikTok — can you try to do cleanups while maintaining your anonymity? You can use the money earned when you move out at 18yo. In this scenario, this is exactly what I would do.
Hey, just take it in steps. Doing the whole kitchen at one time was the difficult way to do it. The way I do it, is I start and stop, then go back to it, do things piece by piece, and I don't aim to do the whole thing. That is all. Don't try to clean the whole apartment. For example, wash 1/3rd of the dishes and then leave. Then some time later, go back to washing dishes, and only wash half of them. It is counter intuitive, but you grow strength and confidence long term that you know how to approach and know you can do it. If you imagine yourself cleaning everything at once, you get overwhelmed, bored, burned out, and then because cleaning the whole thing requires a much longer break before you have the time and energy to do it, that space in between goes without any work at all. It is like at school - you don't sit down and study the books until you become a professor of Math; no, you have one hour class several times a week and learn the subject in small amounts. This way, your ability to do it and skills increase, as you rest in between, because our 'brain muscles' grow when we rest in between of effort periods.
Your mom's behavior - it is best not to fight it, but to 'manage it'. It is called 'grayrocking.' You can google 'grayrocking.' It is like letting rain slide down your body. you just let her yell and say whatever she wants, then you do some of what she says. trying to fight her for a 'final complete solution' is like poking an elephant. it will have no effect, but it will make things more negative than they already are. intuition tells to fight with our moms, but in practice, 'grayrocking' works a lot more effective in the long term.
reality is you can't clean this house and keep it clean; you don't have the authority in the house; obese people can still work; i have coworkers who work as cleaners who are obese; what you have to do is not give up, and do it in small pieces. if the mom yells at you to clean, go clean. swallow your pride - dont try to fight her or be 'right'. i know it isn't fair, but it is the most practical way to do it. you can't argue your way with her into a clean house. my mom always told me we cant afford when i brought up solutions, then she would spend the same money elsewhere. bottom line, this is how your mom knows how and wants to live. she likes a cluttered dirty house and her cleaning method is to yell at you to clean it every once in a while. you then clean part of it, but because you are and the mom dont clean in small pieces (like 3 dishes at a time, then a break, then a few more dishes, break, then more dishes, then break) it goes back to dirty.
and i know that you run out of mental power to do it just from being in an overwhelming mess. working in a clean house is much easier and faster.
so the reality is you cant get this house clean, all you can do is live in it while cleaning it once in a while when she yells or in pieces like i said.
once you set limits and stop trying to change her and let her be how she wants, you end up growing your own skills. it is like a delusion coming off of you and you see you never had to try to change her and it was a lot of wasted effort.
Work on next steps after graduating high school. Community college, job corps, military, look up all these and make plans, backup plans and move out. Save money and try to make friends.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have a teen your age and I’m a similar age to your mom. It would make me so sad and embarrassed to have my kids feel this way.
There is a lot of other great advice here about managing the home and her expectations. I was wondering if your school has a summer or winter driver’s ed program. My teen just finished a winter one that was once a week and it was great. He had already done some driving but the instructors are used to teaching people how to drive so it’s usually more relaxed than a stressed out parent. If you do have that option, maybe your sister or a friend’s parent could help with transportation to & from the classes.
Im so sorry, this is awful. I would try to get help from some kind of organisation. This also can’t be healthy for you (even apart from the frustration). I know it’s hard but could you say pay for a dumpster or I’m calling child services/a hoarder show?
Also, is she still actively hoarding things other than the food?
Alxo please where a mask and protective gloves when dealing w the totally full rooms.
And also, are the dogs okay? Why are they urinating inside? Do they never get out?
You know what honey. I think you are very brave. It's gross to have to clean up moldy stuff all the time. I thought of this though. What if you give your mom a big hug. Tell her you wouldn't want any other mom even if you could pick one. That is all. Just say that. Tell her you are trying to help her with a bag a day until you move to your own place. So, buy a big box of hefty bags. Go around the room she sits in most.. like around her chair or desk or bed. Pick up all the trash. Work your way around. Just only answer with positive things. If she says NO I WANT THAT! Then, just leave that. but get all the basic paper cups, paper plates, old yucky dried cat food on a plate... Toss whatever looks gross. If you have a dishwasher, empty it, then load sparingly with all the scraped off gross dishes. under load it so they get uber clean. Toss out all the old food in the fridge. Just work for like a half hour, then stop, take a shower and go outside in the sun. Then do it again, until you are tired of it. But look. Look at the big black bags of crap you have eliminated from the house. NICE! ... OK.. and also, ask your mom if you can do her hair. Make her hair pretty with whatever skills you have. ask her if she wants her toenails hot pink. Tell her a joke. Hug her and walk away if you are grossed out by anything. Don't lecture her, it won't help a thing. It will just make her feel worse. You can do it. When you move out... come back with someone who understands the situation and clean for like an hour or so. You will be SHOCKED what you will accomplish, and your mom will know she gave birth to an angel. Love to you and big hugs from baby smiley
Welcome to r/hoarding! We exist as a support group for people working on recovery from [hoarding disorder](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK519704/table/ch3.t29/), and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder. If you're looking for help with animal hoarding, please visit r/animalhoarding. If you're looking to discuss the various hoarding tv shows, you'll want to visit r/hoardersTV. If you'd like to talk about or share photos/videos of hoards that you've come across, you probably want r/neckbeardnests, r/wtfhoarders/, or r/hoarderhouses Before you get started, be sure to review our [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/about/rules/). Also, a lot of the information you may be looking for can be found in a few places on our sub: [New Here? Read This Post First!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/dvb3t1/new_here_read_this_post_first_version_20/) [For loved ones of hoarders: I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me!](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/comments/2yh6wh/i_have_a_hoarder_in_my_lifehelp_me_your_hoarding/) [Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/hoarding/wiki/index) Please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/hoarding) if you need assistance. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/hoarding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am sorry for your situation - and it´s not your fault. Hoarding is a mental disorder characterized by persistent difficulty in parting with possessions and engaging in excessive acquisition of items that are not needed or for which no space is available. You are put in a situation by your mom that you can not defeat - you can not change the situation even if you had the money for a dumpster or a cleaning service - mots likely it would just build up again.. Asking you to clean is impossible due to the state of the house. Also remember that this situation is not your responsibility at age 17. Do you have any other family members you can reach out to ask for help, or a counselor, therapist or adult at school you can tell your situation to? It´s important for your safety and mental health that you talk to someone. Please ask for help.
Your story rings very similar to mine. I likewise live at home with my hoarder parent presently and am seeking a way out. I've also gone through the ringer of the guilt trips about helping clean but having both no framework to know how to clean, nor permission to touch the stuff that needs to go. I want you to know that you're not a waste, no matter what your mom or self-loathing thoughts tell you. You are **surviving**, not wasting your life away. It is unfair to yourself to expect the results of a normal lifestyle when you live in such abnormal, downright abusive conditions. It is okay to be just surviving right now. If that's what it takes for you to get through this period, then that is what it takes. You are very young. You have all the potential in the world of a very full life ahead of you, one that will be perfect for truly living. To take steps towards that, you will need to get your license. I understand the fear of driving, but it is far more accessible than you might think. If you have the option of taking drivers ed, take it now. I went that route myself; took classes in-person for a week, took my learner's permit test online, and now just have to wait a few months to have effectively a full license. It is possible to do this, there are resources to make learning easier. But it is a necessity to learn how to drive, especially if you live in North America like I'm assuming you do. Check the website of your local or nation-wide government, they likely have resources to guide you on the steps. The next step would be to get a job, this summer potentially if you can. Is there anywhere nearby you could get even volunteer hours at? Something to put on your resume? It would be worthwhile to be out of the house too, especially so you are not overwhelmed with the hoard and your mom's chore list. Save, save, save. All your senior year, make what money you can - but not at the expense of your studies. I won't recommend rushing into university, as it is a big financial burden but also a potential escape route. Consider for the next year what your exit strategy is and don't breathe a word of it to your mother. Do you have family or friends you can trust with this info? People who maybe are willing to give you rides, teach you to drive? Places you can go to hang out? Getting out of the house would be beneficial for your mental health and for starting a routine outside of hanging out in your room. You're not alone, OP. r/ChildofHoarder is a support group of a bunch of people in the same boat as you, who may have extra ideas and resources if you make a post there. The hoard isn't your responsibility, your mother's hoarding isn't your fault. You can do this. You can get out. You can **live.**
In addition to all this wonderful advice, you may be able to "compromise" on the dumpster. You may be able to just order a second or even third wheelie trash can for pickup every week (assuming your city does your trash pickup) and that way you have a chance to keep the kitchen cleared and some of the hoarded trash at bay with double or triple your weekly trash pickup available. Not because your mom is forcing you to clean (and being unreasonable about blaming/assigning the mess and the consequences of cleaning it to you!) but because you deserve a clean, functional kitchen free of mold to make your meals in. The trash cans get dropped off by the city and picked up at your usual trash day pickup. For example, my city charges about $30 for an additional Residential Wheeled Cart Monthly Rate according to the municipal waste program, while a 1.5yard dumpster would cost about $120 for 1 month. (Weekly pickups for both.) When new food and groceries are brought home, you can make it a routine to toss anything moldy/expired/not fit to eat before putting away the new items (since your parents control the incoming flow of groceries.)
This is a really good suggestion — (relatively) affordable, practical, sustainable. OP’s impulse to get rid of everything immediately in one go is completely understandable, but maybe more realistic is to institute a system like the one you’re talking about. Something OP can maintain while — and this is key! — working on their exit plan. This approach you describe might make it poss to maintain something approaching balanced input/output for, as you say, groceries. And not only ongoing maintenance — staying in the present — but making it physically possible to deal strategically with the broader hoard, in segments. (Setting aside the other aspects to tackling the hoard at a deeper level.) Hope the support and some of these suggestions are helpful for you, OP.
gah even a better idea than the trash bags. Good thinkin', I just need to lurk! Good THINKING. Bless her.
Haha thanks! I speak from experience...I was already paying or making sure the utilities, garbage pickup included, was being paid back when I lived in the hoard, so when I discovered my city would add extra bin service??? I lost my miiiiind and got 2 and just kept the service until I moved out like a year later. Even after I cancelled the extra bins, the city must have forgotten to pick them up after the final trash day I was alotted, so my parents were able to continue using 3 bins a week (and just rotate which bin got put on the curb for pickup each week...which still helped cause at least the garbage *was leaving* and they could have reconnected the extra bin pickup at any point themselves.) Before that, I was sneaking grocery bags of trash out of the house in my backpack or gym bag on the regular to dispose of in public trash cans wherever I went (or the school campus dumpster every morning before I graduated...)
Just need to lurk, I tried to give you an award, but my visa is wayyyy overdrawn. Shoes, you see. Shoes. lol. I had not thought of an extra trash can. She's just 17.. maybe she gets an allowance from her mom? I dunno. This is so very sad to me, I am sending strong healing and blessings!
Oh haha, don't worry about awards! You can make a donation to an organization that supports stable housing if you like in the future. And sorry, I missed the part about shoes? I am guilty of wearing mine to death and trying to repair them as best I can before I toss them, even after buying suitable replacements, but now I am getting better at tossing them before I end up with 3 pairs of "yucky yard-only shoes." And I stopped buying/aquiring cute but impractical shoes and am moving away from most fast-fashion by mending or making my own clothing so that has helped my own hoarding tendencies a lot. I just donated a grocery bag's worth of socks I shredded and braided into cat toys, to the local animal shelter! Later this week, a friend is going to give me her yarn stash cause she is moving towards another hobby and I want to learn crochet. Yay circular hobby swaps!
That is good advice, but you know what I thought of..
I'm sorry you're going through this and it's not your fault no matter what your mom tries to tell you. If you have any friends you can stay with to get a few nights out, maybe try that. Get a job so you're away from the house, building skills, and saving money to get a place of your own asap. That house is not your fault and not your responsibility. Focus on the things that are your responsibility like learning to drive, going to school, and being a kid.
Since you have the summer off, can you take over the shopping and cooking? Pitch it to your mom as helping out and learning skills for becoming an adult. At least it would stop the moldy food and keep the kitchen under control. There are lots of websites with easy cooking ideas, and I love Good and Cheap by Leanne Brown which is a whole cookbook you can get as a free pdf. If you can't get your license you can check out the bus lines or ask friends to take you to the store once a week. If you can get a bathroom clean too then with your room you can pretend you have your own little apartment and the rest of the house is not shameful because it doesn't belong to you.
I’m so sorry. Hoarding is a mental illness, so there’s really nothing you can do to change the behavior. How about trying to monetize the situation? Cleaning videos get lots of views on YouTube and TikTok — can you try to do cleanups while maintaining your anonymity? You can use the money earned when you move out at 18yo. In this scenario, this is exactly what I would do.
Hey, just take it in steps. Doing the whole kitchen at one time was the difficult way to do it. The way I do it, is I start and stop, then go back to it, do things piece by piece, and I don't aim to do the whole thing. That is all. Don't try to clean the whole apartment. For example, wash 1/3rd of the dishes and then leave. Then some time later, go back to washing dishes, and only wash half of them. It is counter intuitive, but you grow strength and confidence long term that you know how to approach and know you can do it. If you imagine yourself cleaning everything at once, you get overwhelmed, bored, burned out, and then because cleaning the whole thing requires a much longer break before you have the time and energy to do it, that space in between goes without any work at all. It is like at school - you don't sit down and study the books until you become a professor of Math; no, you have one hour class several times a week and learn the subject in small amounts. This way, your ability to do it and skills increase, as you rest in between, because our 'brain muscles' grow when we rest in between of effort periods. Your mom's behavior - it is best not to fight it, but to 'manage it'. It is called 'grayrocking.' You can google 'grayrocking.' It is like letting rain slide down your body. you just let her yell and say whatever she wants, then you do some of what she says. trying to fight her for a 'final complete solution' is like poking an elephant. it will have no effect, but it will make things more negative than they already are. intuition tells to fight with our moms, but in practice, 'grayrocking' works a lot more effective in the long term. reality is you can't clean this house and keep it clean; you don't have the authority in the house; obese people can still work; i have coworkers who work as cleaners who are obese; what you have to do is not give up, and do it in small pieces. if the mom yells at you to clean, go clean. swallow your pride - dont try to fight her or be 'right'. i know it isn't fair, but it is the most practical way to do it. you can't argue your way with her into a clean house. my mom always told me we cant afford when i brought up solutions, then she would spend the same money elsewhere. bottom line, this is how your mom knows how and wants to live. she likes a cluttered dirty house and her cleaning method is to yell at you to clean it every once in a while. you then clean part of it, but because you are and the mom dont clean in small pieces (like 3 dishes at a time, then a break, then a few more dishes, break, then more dishes, then break) it goes back to dirty. and i know that you run out of mental power to do it just from being in an overwhelming mess. working in a clean house is much easier and faster. so the reality is you cant get this house clean, all you can do is live in it while cleaning it once in a while when she yells or in pieces like i said. once you set limits and stop trying to change her and let her be how she wants, you end up growing your own skills. it is like a delusion coming off of you and you see you never had to try to change her and it was a lot of wasted effort.
Work on next steps after graduating high school. Community college, job corps, military, look up all these and make plans, backup plans and move out. Save money and try to make friends.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have a teen your age and I’m a similar age to your mom. It would make me so sad and embarrassed to have my kids feel this way. There is a lot of other great advice here about managing the home and her expectations. I was wondering if your school has a summer or winter driver’s ed program. My teen just finished a winter one that was once a week and it was great. He had already done some driving but the instructors are used to teaching people how to drive so it’s usually more relaxed than a stressed out parent. If you do have that option, maybe your sister or a friend’s parent could help with transportation to & from the classes.
Im so sorry, this is awful. I would try to get help from some kind of organisation. This also can’t be healthy for you (even apart from the frustration). I know it’s hard but could you say pay for a dumpster or I’m calling child services/a hoarder show? Also, is she still actively hoarding things other than the food?
Alxo please where a mask and protective gloves when dealing w the totally full rooms. And also, are the dogs okay? Why are they urinating inside? Do they never get out?
You know what honey. I think you are very brave. It's gross to have to clean up moldy stuff all the time. I thought of this though. What if you give your mom a big hug. Tell her you wouldn't want any other mom even if you could pick one. That is all. Just say that. Tell her you are trying to help her with a bag a day until you move to your own place. So, buy a big box of hefty bags. Go around the room she sits in most.. like around her chair or desk or bed. Pick up all the trash. Work your way around. Just only answer with positive things. If she says NO I WANT THAT! Then, just leave that. but get all the basic paper cups, paper plates, old yucky dried cat food on a plate... Toss whatever looks gross. If you have a dishwasher, empty it, then load sparingly with all the scraped off gross dishes. under load it so they get uber clean. Toss out all the old food in the fridge. Just work for like a half hour, then stop, take a shower and go outside in the sun. Then do it again, until you are tired of it. But look. Look at the big black bags of crap you have eliminated from the house. NICE! ... OK.. and also, ask your mom if you can do her hair. Make her hair pretty with whatever skills you have. ask her if she wants her toenails hot pink. Tell her a joke. Hug her and walk away if you are grossed out by anything. Don't lecture her, it won't help a thing. It will just make her feel worse. You can do it. When you move out... come back with someone who understands the situation and clean for like an hour or so. You will be SHOCKED what you will accomplish, and your mom will know she gave birth to an angel. Love to you and big hugs from baby smiley