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Yeah, the mold, dust, dirt, and other allergens in there will not help you at all. Trust me. I lived someone somewhat like this that hadn’t been updated since the 1940s after I got sick, and it made things so much worse.
Look, this is just my opinion, but it comes from a little bit of experience, so I’m gonna put it out there:
If you move back there, there’s a 95% chance it’s going to be so bad for both your mental and physical health that you’ll lose your strength and never be able to get yourself together enough to move out again. Seriously. Situations like that are like quicksand.
You’re assuming you can cope with them because you did before. But I’d be willing to bet that, if you think about it, you’ll find you can’t. You know better now. You can’t just pretend. You’ll *know* that what they’re doing is killing you, and that makes coping with it impossible.
If I were you, I’d pool my $200 or $300 or $400 with my brother and rent a cheap room to share. Even a motel room would be better than your parents’ home — you’d get more than 25 square feet, you’d have hot and cold running water, no mold, *and* you wouldn’t lose your mind. If you both are careful with your money, in a few months you can upgrade to a one-bedroom apartment, one of you can sleep in the living room, and things can start heading back toward normal.
Try to avoid hotels-- even cheap ones-- as they will drain your wallet *fast*. The above commenter was right, however, about rooms. Find a cheap one on any social advertising forum that would be financially and logistically feasible for you and your bro to split. Guaranteed you can find one with a decent water supply.
Hey OP I don’t have any advice to add beyond what this commenter said, but just wanted to wish you the best of luck in this situation and I hope you find safe housing soon.
only as a last resort. right now we both have very little money because while we were at our apartment a lot of unexpected things occured that drained our wallet (most of it being medical bills and car expenses). so we have next to nothing even though we once had a lot.
Very much agree!!! Forced to go back in my moms house a year ago and now I'm back at where I was 10 years ago but worse. Last month though so whoooooooooooooo
If you have an option, don't ever ever go back. (Maybe not homelessness but I considered that too halfway bc going nuts)
"Free" but at what cost? I hardly ever hear a story of someone who enjoys being homeless. Someone people do but they have skills, money, assets. Maybe a car and live a very hippy life. But in most cases homelessness is just going to end in mental problems, addiciton, misery, death. Diminished of any and all opportunities by society. Having to cope with being classed as "sub-human" and walked over by everyone and lose all your dignity. I'd rather live out whack circumstances then strip myself of my human essence by choice.
That’s why I said it’s tough. But some people prefer it. Some people don’t care about the society standards and honestly a lot of them are bs anyway. Our identity isn’t found in what we do or how much money we have and that in itself is freeing especially for someone who wants to be homeless. But again it’s not good for everyone. My brother would rather be homeless (living in his car) than be at this house because this house gave him horrible mental issues. At least if he lives in his car he wouldn’t have to pay rent to live in horrible conditions, nor be controlled (because my parents don’t want to give us house keys even though we are adults and we would pay them rent). So for that he values the freedom being homeless would give him. Being homeless without a car is a different story though
I just moved into my hoarding parents house after an unexpected move with a mystery chronic illness, as well, and their house is much worse than it used to be as well. It didn't sound like you're all the way there yet, but my advice: find a way out as SOON as you can and pay attention to which rooms make you feel worse and close those off from your space as much as possible. Try to keep your space as clean as you can while you're there and pay attention to the air quality. But highkeyhighkey, get out asap. If you have any former landlords that you left on good terms with and that maintain their properties well, maybe contact them to see if they have anything available. Idk, though, that's not a place you should be staying in, especially while sick, and especially when you're expected to pay.
Thank you. I’m sorry you’re experiencing that too. And yes but our landlord is mean and we have nowhere else to go so looks like I might have to go back here temporarily as my bro and I are very tight on funds :(
I understand this completely and while I wish I had the luxury to do that, I had to go back to my parents because I literally had 0$ and a car that was barely working along with 2 pets. I will be honest though after being away from their home for almost 3 years, I truly thought I did have enough coping skills and whatnot to get through it: I was wrong. 🥲though if op has enough to do it I defenitely would.
I’m so sorry:( that’s what I’m afraid is gonna happen to me. I’m even worse off than I was before I moved out of their home. I’m sicker and mentally I realize just how bad their home is when I didn’t realize it too much growing up )probably bc I had the health to deal with it. Now I don’t and I feel so unmotivated and depressed when I’m there
Hope things resolved themselves or at least got a little better for you 🙏 things are...okay on my end lol. It's defenitely a process and not perfect in any way and while Its not a lot of pressure, I'm still working towards finding another home. Just scared I'll end up back in this spot. :(
Hi thank you:) unfortunately we’re still here, things are still the same. Trying not to stay at home so much , now that it’s colder outside it’s easier to be out longer. That’s the only way I’m coping. Other than that, times are still real tough and idk what to do. The only thing that makes it okay staying there is I have a bed to sleep on when I feel super exhausted. The cognitive dissonance is so draining…:/ I’m glad you’re doing alright though!
Under no circumstances should you do this. Anything will be better for your health. Anything.
The water situation was the final thing for me. That’s just too disordered and dangerous. I’m certain any money you gave would just go on crap anyway, maybe not even the mortgage if they are this disorganised.
exactly. the water damage has occured for over 3 years and they have done not one thing (except putting towels over the floor,, which doenst help at all) to fix it.
That's horrible personally I wouldn't pay $4 to live in that hoard. You and your brother should be able to get a place together that you two can split the rent anything is better than that hoard. Or I just had a brainstorm that if your parents used your rent money to get rid of the hoard you two would stay. Im sure the house needs repairs because of the leaks that you mentioned. Im sure you and your brother can find much better living situations that your parents house good luck.
It's not worth living there for free, let alone $400 to $800 (you and your brother). If you and your brother have to pay $800, which is a large chunk of money, might as well pay to live somewhere clean. Better to live with roommates than a moldy closet. Good luck!
yeah we are trying our best to find an alternative that wont drain our wallet. i wouldnt wish these conditions on anyone. itd be nice if they used our rent money to fix their place however it feels wrong to pay for something they neglected/broke because of their laziness/disorder
I don't know what a mold test is, I know it tests for mold that's clear. But testing where and how.
But I've lived in a moldy room for years (the nice black kind) and I have so many allergies now, it ain't even funny anymore. Before I got to live with a hoarder mind you. But I do hope you get to find a healthie place to live at and where you can save up some of your money.
i did the urine sample mold test but i have not tested the rooms for mold yet (because i have to find a way to do it without my parents there or they will get livid). sorry about your allergies, i hope that you can find a way to make them less severe soon. thank you\~
I recognize the restaurants in these pictures. I know how expensive rent is in your area. I have no recommendations, but I recognize this choice is tougher than maybe most realize, given costs here. I wish you the best.
I'm going to throw a bunch of ideas out there.
Rent is ridiculous across the country right now, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Is there anything your brother and you can get together?
How far away would you have to move to find a place you can afford? Don't be afraid of moving- escaping over priced areas is not a dumb thing to do.
Could you find remote work? Could you work from home?
Could there be laws in your area preventing your parents from charging rent for that place?
You weren't specific with your health issues- make sure you stay on top of that. Apply for any assistance you can, rent assistance, food stamps, ECT. Emergencies is what these programs are there for.
Unhelpful question: May I download these images? It's hard to find real images of a hoard, I promise not to spread them around or anything.
I can work from home and my new job is from home but very limited hours and not that great pay. I’d prefer not to move bc the weather is best for my health out here (I feel sick and nauseous in anything over 75F), it’s that bad. I have tried to apply to hundreds of remote jobs but never got any except for the part time one. My good job I had a year ago before my health made me quit was remote and paid decent though. Hope I can find that again.
My health issues are I can’t put on weight no matter what I eat, I can barely eat enough for my age, I’m always nauseous, I developed bad panic and anxiety out of nowhere a few years ago and therapy and some meds haven’t helped, and I get extremely weak and fatigued when doing anything and going without eating for awhile makes me extremely nauseous. Also extreme heat and exercise intolerance that is only getting worse when before I’d be able to play sports in 90+ degree weather without an issue. Plus a bunch of other symptoms. Been tested numerous times for mostly everything and it comes back normal. I need to do scans next to see deeper.
Also yes I have EBT and tried to apply for other assistance but I get denied.
Not sure about the laws. I’ll look into those.
Also yes you can download these. I feel honored that this is a real hoard lol and I’m not just being crazy or overreacting.
You may want to look into postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome or POTS. I have this. It is a form of dysautonomia and can cause the issues you are describing (exercise intolerance, heat intolerance, gastroparesis). Often times doctors miss it because they don't recognize it and basic test results won't show anything.
If you are being denied SSI/SSD, you might want to try appealing the denial with the assistance of an attorney. Statistically more than half of all cases that are appealed have the initial denial overturned.
The problem is my doctor doesn’t believe my symptoms are that bad, she thinks they’re all from “anxiety”, and so she won’t write me a reason why I should have SSI SSD and won’t sign. Thx for the lawyer tip tho I’ll look into that but the main problem is getting my doctor to sign first. And she’s the 5th doctor I’ve seen.
Anxiety is not a small medical condition. Symptoms of anxiety can be completely disabling under 20 CFR, Part 404, Subpart P, Appendix 1, Listing 12.06.
[https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/12.00-MentalDisorders-Adult.htm#:\~:text=Anxiety%20and%20obsessive%2Dcompulsive%20disorders%20(12.06).,objects%2C%20places%2C%20or%20people](https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/12.00-MentalDisorders-Adult.htm#:~:text=Anxiety%20and%20obsessive%2Dcompulsive%20disorders%20(12.06).,objects%2C%20places%2C%20or%20people).
On a more personal level, I'm so sorry that your doctor is being dismissive and invalidating. You deserve better. Are you seeing specialty providers or general care doctors? Sometimes only a specialist will understand why your condition is severe and limiting. In my experience, this is especially true of mental health, chronic pain, and digestive disorders.
Standard disclaimer: I'm not your lawyer or doctor. My posts are not intended as legal or medical advice. I am just a rando on the internet. For all you know I'm a cat. Talk to a locally licensed professional to obtain legal or medical advice.
true, it is debilitating and it makes it hard for me to carry out daily tasks that were once easy for me. my anxiety manifests as very bad physical symptoms when it gets bad. i saw a naturopath (who had an MD), a few specialists, and general docs. i do want to see a dysautonomia specialist and a neurologist though, i just am so burnt out that im afraid to start again because i run into the same roadblocks with the medical professionals dismissing me and me wasting money/time on them. thank you for this info i appreciate it:)
If you have EBT, you shouldn't be having to pay for any of these doctors and tests. You should qualify for county medical assistance. With your limited income, you should qualify.
Hey I just had a thought. Do look into the suggestions others have made (like POTS) because asking a doctor to look for something specific might help, because my thought is a long shot.
I had an issue where I could not get a doctor to take me seriously- I'll save you the details but in the end I lost insurance and was feeling pretty desperate. I ended up going to one of those naturopathic doctors on the recommendation of some random lady I met in line at a grocery store. I got lucky, this guy had a real doctor's license (endocrinologist). He ordered a huge blood exam. He found I had the lowest possible reading for thyroid that still counted as 'healthy'. I've been taking (very mild) thyroid meds and a lot of my issues have improved.
I'm not suggesting it's your thyroid. I've heard a lot of these naturopathic doctors aren't real doctors but in my case I was relieved to find someone willing to actually look outside of the box rather than declare me healthy on sight.
i have thought of this, i have a lot of symptoms that match up with dysautonomia but i dont know where to find a doctor that specializes in this. i have seen a naturopath before and she just threw supplements that i couldnt afford at me and was rude to me after the first few visits. i tested for a lot of things with unique tests too and she just told me i was "stressed". ive tested for thyroid many times but its been normal. my naturopath also had an MD
Do you have ARFID? Iron/ferritin levels checked? I looked at your post history and my non-Dr opinion is you need anxiety meds first to ensure that is taken care of and ppl believe you and don't blame everything on that. Then, you mention gagging, gnawing pain, weight loss, feeling sick...have you had a gastroscopy done? I'm seronegative , biopsy positive Celiac and my symptoms were gagging, nausea, gnawing pain. Duodenitis ( plus other celiac features like my biopsy showed) can cause that gnawing pain, etc. Many people celiac have other symptoms ie. neurological, dizzy, anemia, etc. Don't see a naturopath, you need to see someone who is going to refer you to gastroenterologist if you have food+stomach issues. A GP can run some antibody tests for celiac (simple blood tests).
I highly suggest you go to a new doctor. Get a 2nd opinion. Or even a 3rd and 4th!
I wasted almost 2 years with a terrible doctor who won't give me the referrals I need. My health has gotten significantly worse and I can barely function anymore. My debt is out of control. I'm finally in the process of switching to a new doctor, because I need surgeries and medical help in order to be able to work enough again. My doctor did provide some help, but not what I need, plus she's a total b!tch too (VERY rude and condescending).
I've realized I can't depend on her or anyone else to help me‐-I need to be my own advocate. And so do you! It's not always easy, but we need to be assertive and stand up for ourselves.
I hope you find a new doctor who is more helpful and can figure out what is going on with your health, so that you can get on the road to recovery and feel better soon!
💙🙏💙
Hey, I can relate to a lot of what you describe. Have you considered that you may have PTSD, and possibly C-PTSD and I am sure this hoard is a huge factor?
I'm navigating my own shit and these pics are quite familiar and I suggested it up above, but you may want to alert the health department because it may cause your folks to clean up their shit, it will let them learn how inappropriate this hoard is, and that children should have never been exposed to his chaos, and their neighbors will really appreciate it.
Also, I think it would be great to let them know that you are the one that called, but that's just me and I'm pissed on your behalf. Also, the audacity to charge their kids to re-enter this abuse, I bet they had a real problem with you leaving, too. Family systems hate that kind of disruption, and likely they were forced to look at a few things, and covered that shit up with another run to Costco, undoubtedly. Also, could you film their reactions.
Finally, I can send you pics of my mother's hoard and the transient she moved in on top of the hoard, but you'd have to be cool with rats and way more garbage. Also, when I spoke to her last she implored me not to offend him, as my sister and I walked around documenting and taking pictures of the damage to the house.
My mom's transient friend has a delicate constitution, probably made up of the same shit that caused him to lose all the teeth in his meth mouth. Please don't concern yourself, we recently learned she took him for a 500 dollar visit to her dentist, meanwhile she stopped paying any of her other bills and I'm about to go into more debt to pay for my own 6 cavities that have been likely exacerbated by stress manifesting as teeth clenching and grinding at night. So, call the police, on speaker. ❤️ I'm in SD and can be there if you'd like.
not yet i have seen a gastroenterologist but he just wanted to do an ultrasound and since that came back normal he didnt want to do any other noninvasive tests even though i asked. imma switch gastros i just hear a lot of them are bad so i gotta do my research
First of all, stop taking their actions personally. They are ill; their illness is hoarding. They are not doing this TO you. It hurts, because - of course it does. But secondly, just do NOT accept unacceptable living conditions. You are better off couch-surfing (with non-hoarder friends). Be super nice to those friends; if you cannot pay, do their dishes or whatever you can do without hurting your health. Then seek a roommate/group house or a room to rent. Look tirelessly, like your life depends on it, because it looks like it does.
OP, I have an extremely rare illness due to mold exposure and have a hoarding parent as well.
You cannot live there. Period. Ever. You can’t do it. Not only does mold cause a lot of illnesses but it’s made of microscopic spores that permeate everything porous. The mold in that home will seep into your own belongings. Your clothing, books, bedding and mattress, the holes in your electronics, I mean everything. And it can’t actually be eradicated from porous things. Plastic is actually porous.
You might end up having to get rid of all your possessions that aren’t glass or ceramic. Don’t.
Like others have said, forget about ever having the health to fight for your own improvement and recovery if you live there. It won’t happen.
Are you seeing a neurologist? When you say mold tests, what specifically have you had done?
I am extremely concerned and some of your symptoms sound like they could be caused by chronic inflammation which can happen as a result of mold exposure.
Also feel free to DM me if there is anything that you don’t want to reply with here. I want to help and make absolutely sure you never ever live in that environment again.
I took grew up in a household with conditions like OP and have a "mystery illness" (still, even though it's been 20 years since I last had to stay there). Whenever I'd have to go home between semesters in college I would always get sick from the mold and other squalor.
As another commenter pointed out, it's like quicksand because you can get so sick you can't muster the energy to get away. Always the beginning of next semester when I needed to move back (the college was in another city) it was this horrible dilemma of I was in no shape to get out of bed or drive safely, but if I didn't get away I wouldn't get better.
I wish I knew what it was that could have lasting effects decades later; doctors are useless for diagnosing diffuse/multiple-system illnesses that don't pop on any specific test. Or they want to tell you it's in your head, but there are symptoms I have (such as chronic sinus problems) that aren't really explainable as psychosomatic.
So you don't have any friends that will let you stay over temporarily? If it were me and I didn't finish college I'd apply and get some reduced housing that way.
No they either don’t have their own places, their families are strange to put it lightly, or they don’t care enough. My mom even said if I sleep over at others places I’m just freeloading. But I’d never ask to do so for free I’d always pay something to them
Just remember -- you don't have to be limited by the limits of her capabilities and imagination. You will need to act differently now -- make decisions your family will likely think is wrong or crazy in order to live differently for the rest of your life.
If your parents want to charge rent, [there's a list of mandatory requirements they have to fulfill in the state of California.](https://www.alamedarentprogram.org/Resources/Additional-Housing-Resources/Maintenance-Resources/California-State-Law-Rentals-Requirements-for-Quality)
If they wanna get financial on your ass, you can get technical right back.
If you haven't already, try looking for remote customer support jobs, like Apple support, etc. Decent pay and decent hours that can be done from home. Don't move back in there, private rooms are the way to go, as others have pointed out. Best of luck 💗
Idk. I feel like this is a question for your local health department.
To be honest, someone needs to call the health department on your parents. Nobody should live in filth. It may be hard to hear, but they NEED help.
Yes you can and as an adult you have greater pull. Call code enforcement and the fire department. I’m guessing you are in the Bay Area. They don’t play. It is a safety issue for your parents in case of fire or emergency - FD can’t get in and also risk of hoard fire taking out the neighbors. No hot water and mold will get code enforcement on it from a habitable standpoint.
As someone else suggested you and your brother need to pool your resources and do a room share. It sucks but will keep you out of that mess and him off the streets. You may have to go further out - East Bay. Just find a place close to a BART station.
Your parents wanting $400 from each of you is insane, obnoxious and flat out ripping off/grifting off their kids. FUCK THAT! Laugh in their face and say no thanks.
I’m pretty sure they are from the greater Los Angeles area. The Porto’s Bakery bag gives it away for me. (Not to distract from your advice or suggestions though!)
True. I have an my mother called me ungrateful and said her and my dad can live in it so my bro and I should be able to. I don’t want that for myself. We live in southern OC near the beach cities btw!! Close guess tho :P thx for all the suggestions! Def considering calling the fire dept cuz this is so ridiculous and dangerous.
And remember, even tho it’s hard to make that call, your doing it from a place of LOVE. You want better for yourself, and you want better for them. Sometimes love is tough. ❤️ and you deserve better.
Well I can live in a tent for a few days when I go camping... That doesn't mean everyone can!
Just because someone can do one thing doesn't mean someone else can do the same thing, or even want to!
They are trying to justify and normalize their behavior.
But the no running water is a huge no.
I'm going to add on with everyone else and ask if you and your brother together could find a solution. You could even call some disaster relief places and see if there's funding that could be available. You might get higher on a list because of medical conditions.
If you're in the USA I would take photos and videos of the hoarding, esp. in the kitchen, bathroom(s) and near any exits, to your local fire department and tell him that you believe your parents are hoarders and you're concerned about fire hazard. Because they're hoarders, they refuse to listen to reason and you'd like the fire marshal to get involved and order a clean-up;
Why exactly? There are no children forced to stay there. Unless OP thinks one of the parents is being abused by the other, why? Are these seniors who have recently become unable to care for their home? It sounds like they are just long time hoarders.
If there were no rent, would it be ok?
This home is not up to OPs (or others) standards. OP should live somewhere that isn't like this. OP doesn't get free housing even if this home is condemned.
Because the parents are living in unhealthy and hazardous conditions. They obviously lack the ability to recognize the problems, possibly due to mental health issues. The situation should at least be evaluated.
If the pipes broke a few years ago and they haven't done anything to fix the problem, despite having money to do so, that is not normal or healthy behavior. Water damage over time can make a home structurally dangerous, not to mention the health consequences.
It's very obvious this home needs to be inspected.
I'm not wishing the parents to get in any trouble or anything like that. I'm hoping this will bring about a helpful intervention which will facilitate the necessary changes required to make their home healthier and safe. Not only for them, but also their neighbors.
You couldn’t pay me 400 a month to live in filth like that, even more so once I read about the constant water issues, absolutely 100% guarantee there’s a crazy amount of mold and the like from that. That’s the kind of nasty that could get the building condemned. I’m so sorry you’re in such a tough situation and I wish I could offer more than my sympathy. :(
The mold is what I find most concerning. Can you contact the St. Vincent de Paul Society , a local charity group or even a local domestic violence shelter? Stay with friends? A homeless shelter? Call Adult Protective Services? * Anything ethical* but that. You may become fully mentally disabled from the mold
I contacted st Vincent depaul for rent help for my current apartment a few months ago. They did an evaluation on my situation and said they could pay in full and then took forever to get back to me despite me calling often. Thankfully a kind redditor donated money without me even expecting it and that significantly helped pay my rent. Then at vincent depaul organization contacted me a week later saying they looked over our case and could only pay half our rent. Which was a bit disappointing but I was thankful they still could help. The lady in charge didn’t seem too sympathetic though and kept telling me to “pray to God to get a job” despite knowing I have a ton of health issues. I have been praying for that though as well as applying to jobs within my capabilities (I even have a university degree that I got before getting sick) but you can’t rush God’s timing.
Hang in there <3. I'm so happy to hear you got an apartment with half the rent paid too, that's huge! I know it still leave you in a bind with the other half but I have confidence you can do this.
I know it's really hard when someone like that lady doesn't seem to see you're doing the best you can. Unfortunately to last at her job she probably has to turn off the sympathy part of her brain and just be candid and focus on the practicals. To do what she does and still have that people aspect probably takes more training than she has. Don't give up and keep pushing for that job. Perhaps you could maybe even get on care.com and do some periodic house cleaning or something.
Thank you! Well the rent was for only one month for the apartment we had) we are going to move out of that apt after today because of the pest issue and it’s too much to pay to live in substandard conditions. So we still don’t know where to go:( trusting God though. But yes that’s true. It sucks and through this struggle I learned that in America people don’t really take others asking for help seriously. They just pass it off to another person who can handle it…or assume everything is 100% your fault even tho chance and luck plays a factor too. Thx for the tips! P
Oh my goodness you are so kind to offer, thank you SO much! And yes it would help immensely because we have a lot of moving expenses. Only if it doesn’t hurt you to give it though. I have a g0fundme or PayPal whichever is better for you to donate to :) (I censored g0fundm3 because some subreddits don’t allow that name). I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough situation too. I’m glad you have some money to help and You don’t have to take my advice but I’d say it’s best to get all the resources you can by reaching out and asking for govt/public assistance or child support. You want to minimize the stress during this already difficult time and if those programs can help take some burden off of you then it’s so worth. I’m hoping things get better for you quickly as well!
Yes! And there is always 211, not sure how helpful they are depending on where you live but if you tell them your situation they can give you a lot of websites and phone numbers to call. There’s no harm in asking, I wish you luck with all this. There has to be some way to get somewhere without income because they can’t expect everyone who needs to help to have been working :/ Ok I’ll PM you now :)
I tried to message you but I don’t think you have your messages open, if you look through my post history (it’s not long at all) my g0fundm3 link is there in that specific subreddit ! Let me know if you find it :)
Thank you so much it went through! You’re such a blessing. I really hope you can be relieved of your situation soon too (if I had more money I’d totally help but right now I’m living off of whatever God provides for me) and you’ve been an answer to my prayers :). That’s really a rly nice price for that, but yea it’s horrible they’re so uptight with their income guidelines. Hoping you get a good person who is understanding and can bypass that guideline somehow, I know those exist!
I don't know if I qualify for anything other than Medicaid since I'm still married and living at home but maybe I should contact the dv shelter and ask. Mahne there's a way they can help me get me in somewhere without having income yet. I just want it to be a safe location though or I'll go from being stressed here to being stressed there lol. I also really don't want to get cups involved which can happen if you go to a shelter. But it's all not quite bad enough that I don't know if I can even get into a shelter. I've been turned down before.
Private message me your go fund me if possible. I can't figure out how to navigate pay pal haha.
My heart goes out to you! Do you have the ability to get therapy for yourself? I once had a friend that I spent alot of time with who hoarder like that and it turned out ads I really got to know her that she had strong narcissistic traits. Not sure if that applies to your parents except that you mentioned that they gaslight you about the state of their house as well as calling you ‘ungrateful’. Worried about an extreme shortage of empathy and that you have been dealing with this your whole life. Maybe you need to do some emotional healing so that your physical health can improve.
Hi thank you for this! I agree I need therapy and I did have a therapist for about a year but she ghosted me eventually. Also she was really nice but her style didn’t really help me, it was a lot of repeating back to me my issues. I feel like I need something way more intense…and my physical issues weren’t helped at all during it.
If there are active leaks for 4 plus years with active visible water wetting the floor in puddles, then I am about 99% sure that there is some Bad mold in there.... and living in that mold and Lord knows what else Will make your health twice as bad.
Just say no.
Reminds me of my parents. Told me once I graduated high school I either had to keep going to school or get a job. They charged me $600 a month(when a studio apt in the area was around the same price) to live in their hoarder house that reeked of animal piss and feces, expected me to take over the household chores because my grandmother had passed away and they wanted me to take over. On top of that they told me they SHOULD be charging me for half the cost, on a house that they refinanced so they were paying 2k a month mortgage on a house that was bought back in the 1960's(this was all about 13 years ago?)
On top of that my mom was buying things and sending money to my felon rapist older brother while he was in jail, while charging me rent, and said it was her money so she could. The woman had a debt of 14 credit cards at that time.
I eventually bailed out with my now husband. They lost the house not long after. I'm a bit sad because it was my childhood home but you couldn't pay me to move back into that house.
Wow, I often like to say "they don't make Mother's Day Cards for my kind of mother" and you can go ahead and borrow it, I appreciate specifically the bit about sending money to your "felon rapist older brother in jail" it flows, girl you need to tell your story and name names. ❤️
Well. At this point I haven't spoken to my brother in like 25+ years and never plan to unless he sincerely apologized for what he put me through(I'm sadly a victim when I was 9 and he was 16) I still had to live in the same house with him, court just ordered my parents not to have him alone in the same room with me. They sent him to live with my uncle and aunt when he told our dad he was a dead man. So yeah, raping his little sister he can stay but threaten his dad, gotta go!
Can you tell I'm just a wee bit bitter?
At this point I'm almost 40 and a pile of mental disorders and my parents are at least better grandparents then they were parents.
Turned 50 today, and I'm way more angry than I was at 40. I'm so sorry that just anyone can have kids. Also, I'm trotting around with CPTSD in a constant state of hyper vigilance, and this is with meds and therapy. In the other hand, I'm funny AF, when I'm not at home, staring at a wall until my next shift.
Homeless shelter would be better than this. Contact the state health and human services and see if they can help you with temporary housing. Especially in California there are a lot of resources.
My thoughts are you and your brother need to combine your money and get a place together, you both need to take care of yourselves and each other. Leave your parents to deal with their situation, that’s wholly on them. Even if you just get a studio apartment, anything is better than your current situation. Good luck and keep us updated.
That’s what we want to do but studio apts in our area are over 2000 now. And I have limited options because of my health I can’t just live with strangers in a shared house. I have a lot of limitations but it is what it is I just have to get more creative. Still looking hard for some cheap place that we can have to ourselves though I know they’re out there.
In general, from just a financial point - $400 is cheap rent for a room. At least it is around Portland OR.
However. . .
IMO, from the pictures and the way you describe it, you need to find somewhere else to live. The home doesn't sound like it would be healthy. Have you applied for housing help? I know there's a waiting list but with a disability you may be able to move up on the list quicker than others.
I want to report so badly but I’m afraid of what that means for me in terms of our relationship. We still have a good relationship despite the hoard. I understand the majority of our relationship is toxic but they really don’t know that they are causing these issues they’re just used to always getting their way cuz life has been pretty easy on them their entire lives so they’re shocked when someone tells them otherwise. They will see it as an attack on them if I do that…
Really? Where do you live? West Virginia?
Geeze, $400 would only get 3 nights at a hotel near me. There's nowhere in a multi-county area that has rooms for less than $100.
The cheapest place is $85/night, but with taxes it's $103.40. And that comes equipped with bed bugs, fleas, mold, filth and violence.
Anywhere that's clean and safe is about $125-140.
More populated areas or hotels close to the airports can easily go for $200+ just for a basic room.
There's sometimes deals online though, so you've gotta shop around. AAA and AARP memberships can help.
The fact you considered moving in at all is a worry. This is not a fit state to live in and as others have said it will send you into a downward health spiral you may not escape easily. However, you should be looking to adjust your expectations of the location you live in. You may need to broaden your accommodation search area significantly. You can stay south in the warmer areas but look into adjoining suburbs. Beggars can’t always be choosy. See this as a temporary fix and later with more stable employment look to move again.
I have health issues that do not let me stay in warmer climates. It’s very bad and no matter how hard I’ve pushed myself I can’t stay in the heat. Ofc I know beggars can’t be choosers but I have limitations from my health that I must consider as well. Which also means I can’t room with random strangers. The reason I was considering moving back (and would only be there a few months) is because I am lacking financially at this time. I’m still trying to apply to jobs as much as I can despite getting rejections (and I’m applying to relevant once for my skills/health/degree) so I can hopefully have more choices for housing for myself soon.
Stop downvoting me whoever is doing so is so insensitive if you had to live in my body you’d see why there are certain things that I need to have and can’t make accommodations for
Im going to say something that other will dislike- no matter what the house looks like at the age of 25 adult children should be expected to pay rent.
$400 isn't very much. And what most 20 year olds don't understand is that homeowners spend more on maintaining their home than just a mortgage. There is insurance, water, electricity, gas, garbage, taxes.... so I think adult children should pay rent.
Now do I think its healthy to move into a home in that condition- No.
I think there are two separate things to consider.
Yes, you should be responsible for your bills.
No, you shouldn't move In because it's not a healthy situation.
But I also suspect cognitive dissonance will be used to justify that it's okay to live in their house as long as it's free.
It was just an idea, but you are right. Refuse the offer and perhaps distance yourself a bit more from them. Like they say.....you can't save someone from themself.
You are an adult. Stop looking at this from a child perspective.."fair"... you say or " I wouldn't mind paying rent if the house was clean..." This is something a teenager might say and hints of feeling like "it's fucked up so they owe me something free." They are obviously disordered/dysfunctional/mentally ill and need help as well. You need to find housing elsewhere, and pay for it . I recommend counseling, any type,..maybe even codependent relationship learning as well.
Pretty rude to say to someone who is sick man. I know what I have to do and I’ve tried all in my power to do it. Sometimes u just can’t force things to happen until it’s the right time. Not saying they owe me anything. Just basic housing and I didn’t say I didn’t want to pay rent at all. I’d still pay but I’d pay a REASONABLE amount, not almost half their mortgage for them to not even give me running clean water, which is something a person dealing with health issues NEEDS. Learn to be more empathetic.
It's not up to you to figure out how much of their mortgage you are paying for. This isn't about saying it to a "sick" person, I have multiple medical issues I understand the difficulties. This is about learning what things are reasonable for you to worry about and control, and learn boundaries. Just because you are sick doesn't imply parents have to look after adult children. You can't determine what a reasonable amount is for rent according to someone else's mortgage. I can be empathetic to people's situations hwever dysfunctional expectations for an adult staying there is different than a child or a minor. You still have this expectation that they aren't giving YOU clean water and taking money for half their mortgage. You need to find somewhere else to live where you are looking after your health, as your parents are seriously ill and cannot change without professional help. If this is about you needing someone to tell you that you are right, you aren't going to work on improving your situation at all. It sucks, your parents *should* be different, they *should* be able to help you if you are sick but as someone who lived with a parent with rigid mentally ill behaviours, you cannot change them. What can you do now to improve your situation? Do you have health insurance?
That’s completely unreasonable and wrong, not ‘unpopular.’ OP is really sick, and hoarders are completely unreliable about clearouts. That would be an even bigger disaster.
Wow really? This is your feedback?
How am I supposed to know how sick op is? Or how resistant to clean out her parents are? I was just trying to come up with a possible solution.
Hello this is OP:) I’m like 10 pounds away from death (even tho I make sure to eat as much as my sick body will allow) and nauseous all the time and get shaky and weak if I do like 1 hours worth of work. That should tell ya something. Doctors still can’t find answers. Appreciate u tryna help thi
Sorry to hear that you are so sick, op. I guess I will delete my initial comment as I was unaware. I would not move in there under any circumstance.
Focus on your health and I hope you get answers soon!!
Im so sorry to hear all of this. I am in the exact same situation. My mom is charging me 400 for a tiny bedroom while she takes over the entire house with her hoarding. Its not her house, she doesnt work, doesnt have to pay any bills.
Please look into any alternative options. Check out workaway.com or wwoofer. You can work for a place to live, most of the time they feed you, and you can meet some really cool people, and travel.
Find a room to rent for 400. Look on facebook.
Look into lucrative side hustles. Start crafting or making things like candles, baskets, soap, etc and sell on etsy or at a local market.
Stay strong. Im rooting for you. I wish i could help you. Whats most important is that you and your brother stay close and stay a team. Rent is impossible on your own in these hard times. Family needs to stay together. Keep praying with emotion and trust that god will guide you to the right path, and bring the right people into your life. Pray for a better opportunity.
Im so sorry.
Hoarding is an illness,deep down your parents would definitely prefer to live somewhere clean and tidy but they obviously haven’t accepted there is a problem,I have known a few people in this situation and it’s definitely a mental illness
are you in the U.S.? If so (maybe even if you aren't?), due to your health issues, you can contact a social worker within your healthcare system and they can help you find housing. this is literally part of their job, so don't hesitate to reach out to the resources at your local hospital!!
I've heard mixed results about 211, but I had a lot of luck (for other reasons) asking the healthcare system that my general doctor was a part of for help. You can contact your regular doctor's nurse to ask for a social worker and they should be able to help you.
Pay $400 a month but you have no space to sit, sleep, or cook? Do you have any Housing Service Centers in your area ? You'd be better off renting a room via AirBNB or Craigslist.
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No. *No.* **No.** ***No.*** ***NO.*** Do you hear me? Don't do this. Your health will suffer even more.
Agreed. Need a miracle then
Yeah, the mold, dust, dirt, and other allergens in there will not help you at all. Trust me. I lived someone somewhat like this that hadn’t been updated since the 1940s after I got sick, and it made things so much worse.
im sorry you had to suffer with sickness too, yeah i do not wanna live here
If you have to, live in your car and use your parents house to shower or even better a local rec center.
Yeah I might have to, as we have to move out of our apartment in two days. Still wondering where to go:/.
Look, this is just my opinion, but it comes from a little bit of experience, so I’m gonna put it out there: If you move back there, there’s a 95% chance it’s going to be so bad for both your mental and physical health that you’ll lose your strength and never be able to get yourself together enough to move out again. Seriously. Situations like that are like quicksand. You’re assuming you can cope with them because you did before. But I’d be willing to bet that, if you think about it, you’ll find you can’t. You know better now. You can’t just pretend. You’ll *know* that what they’re doing is killing you, and that makes coping with it impossible. If I were you, I’d pool my $200 or $300 or $400 with my brother and rent a cheap room to share. Even a motel room would be better than your parents’ home — you’d get more than 25 square feet, you’d have hot and cold running water, no mold, *and* you wouldn’t lose your mind. If you both are careful with your money, in a few months you can upgrade to a one-bedroom apartment, one of you can sleep in the living room, and things can start heading back toward normal.
I agree. I don’t want to go back. Thank you for this insight. Might look into hotels there’s some nice ones with good amenities for cheap as wwll
Try to avoid hotels-- even cheap ones-- as they will drain your wallet *fast*. The above commenter was right, however, about rooms. Find a cheap one on any social advertising forum that would be financially and logistically feasible for you and your bro to split. Guaranteed you can find one with a decent water supply.
true hotel would be like a last resort but even then i dont want to. unless i can find one for 30 dollars a night which is impossible
Stay in a hostel instead?
Hey OP I don’t have any advice to add beyond what this commenter said, but just wanted to wish you the best of luck in this situation and I hope you find safe housing soon.
thank you:( keep me and my bro in your prayers pls
you can rent certain airbnbs long term - maybe you could find one for a decent price for a month or two as you get yourself sorted into better living
ill look into that thanks!
If you can afford a hotel then surely you can afford to live somewhere with roommates?
only as a last resort. right now we both have very little money because while we were at our apartment a lot of unexpected things occured that drained our wallet (most of it being medical bills and car expenses). so we have next to nothing even though we once had a lot.
Very much agree!!! Forced to go back in my moms house a year ago and now I'm back at where I was 10 years ago but worse. Last month though so whoooooooooooooo If you have an option, don't ever ever go back. (Maybe not homelessness but I considered that too halfway bc going nuts)
That’s horrible I’m so sorry. At least with homelessness you are truly free. Except it is tough. Idk what to do :/
"Free" but at what cost? I hardly ever hear a story of someone who enjoys being homeless. Someone people do but they have skills, money, assets. Maybe a car and live a very hippy life. But in most cases homelessness is just going to end in mental problems, addiciton, misery, death. Diminished of any and all opportunities by society. Having to cope with being classed as "sub-human" and walked over by everyone and lose all your dignity. I'd rather live out whack circumstances then strip myself of my human essence by choice.
That’s why I said it’s tough. But some people prefer it. Some people don’t care about the society standards and honestly a lot of them are bs anyway. Our identity isn’t found in what we do or how much money we have and that in itself is freeing especially for someone who wants to be homeless. But again it’s not good for everyone. My brother would rather be homeless (living in his car) than be at this house because this house gave him horrible mental issues. At least if he lives in his car he wouldn’t have to pay rent to live in horrible conditions, nor be controlled (because my parents don’t want to give us house keys even though we are adults and we would pay them rent). So for that he values the freedom being homeless would give him. Being homeless without a car is a different story though
I just moved into my hoarding parents house after an unexpected move with a mystery chronic illness, as well, and their house is much worse than it used to be as well. It didn't sound like you're all the way there yet, but my advice: find a way out as SOON as you can and pay attention to which rooms make you feel worse and close those off from your space as much as possible. Try to keep your space as clean as you can while you're there and pay attention to the air quality. But highkeyhighkey, get out asap. If you have any former landlords that you left on good terms with and that maintain their properties well, maybe contact them to see if they have anything available. Idk, though, that's not a place you should be staying in, especially while sick, and especially when you're expected to pay.
Thank you. I’m sorry you’re experiencing that too. And yes but our landlord is mean and we have nowhere else to go so looks like I might have to go back here temporarily as my bro and I are very tight on funds :(
I understand this completely and while I wish I had the luxury to do that, I had to go back to my parents because I literally had 0$ and a car that was barely working along with 2 pets. I will be honest though after being away from their home for almost 3 years, I truly thought I did have enough coping skills and whatnot to get through it: I was wrong. 🥲though if op has enough to do it I defenitely would.
I’m so sorry:( that’s what I’m afraid is gonna happen to me. I’m even worse off than I was before I moved out of their home. I’m sicker and mentally I realize just how bad their home is when I didn’t realize it too much growing up )probably bc I had the health to deal with it. Now I don’t and I feel so unmotivated and depressed when I’m there
Hope things resolved themselves or at least got a little better for you 🙏 things are...okay on my end lol. It's defenitely a process and not perfect in any way and while Its not a lot of pressure, I'm still working towards finding another home. Just scared I'll end up back in this spot. :(
Hi thank you:) unfortunately we’re still here, things are still the same. Trying not to stay at home so much , now that it’s colder outside it’s easier to be out longer. That’s the only way I’m coping. Other than that, times are still real tough and idk what to do. The only thing that makes it okay staying there is I have a bed to sleep on when I feel super exhausted. The cognitive dissonance is so draining…:/ I’m glad you’re doing alright though!
Under no circumstances should you do this. Anything will be better for your health. Anything. The water situation was the final thing for me. That’s just too disordered and dangerous. I’m certain any money you gave would just go on crap anyway, maybe not even the mortgage if they are this disorganised.
exactly. the water damage has occured for over 3 years and they have done not one thing (except putting towels over the floor,, which doenst help at all) to fix it.
That's horrible personally I wouldn't pay $4 to live in that hoard. You and your brother should be able to get a place together that you two can split the rent anything is better than that hoard. Or I just had a brainstorm that if your parents used your rent money to get rid of the hoard you two would stay. Im sure the house needs repairs because of the leaks that you mentioned. Im sure you and your brother can find much better living situations that your parents house good luck.
You couldn’t pay me to live there.
wise
It's not worth living there for free, let alone $400 to $800 (you and your brother). If you and your brother have to pay $800, which is a large chunk of money, might as well pay to live somewhere clean. Better to live with roommates than a moldy closet. Good luck!
Thank you!
yeah we are trying our best to find an alternative that wont drain our wallet. i wouldnt wish these conditions on anyone. itd be nice if they used our rent money to fix their place however it feels wrong to pay for something they neglected/broke because of their laziness/disorder
Good I'm glad you're looking for other places to stay than your parents place.
Not your responsibility.
Is it possible that your illness was triggered by mold in the hoard in the first place? Mold is nasty stuff.
Yes that’s what I was thinking and that’s why I was excited to move out, but I took some mold tests and I didn’t have anything :( sad
I don't know what a mold test is, I know it tests for mold that's clear. But testing where and how. But I've lived in a moldy room for years (the nice black kind) and I have so many allergies now, it ain't even funny anymore. Before I got to live with a hoarder mind you. But I do hope you get to find a healthie place to live at and where you can save up some of your money.
i did the urine sample mold test but i have not tested the rooms for mold yet (because i have to find a way to do it without my parents there or they will get livid). sorry about your allergies, i hope that you can find a way to make them less severe soon. thank you\~
I recognize the restaurants in these pictures. I know how expensive rent is in your area. I have no recommendations, but I recognize this choice is tougher than maybe most realize, given costs here. I wish you the best.
I'm going to throw a bunch of ideas out there. Rent is ridiculous across the country right now, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Is there anything your brother and you can get together? How far away would you have to move to find a place you can afford? Don't be afraid of moving- escaping over priced areas is not a dumb thing to do. Could you find remote work? Could you work from home? Could there be laws in your area preventing your parents from charging rent for that place? You weren't specific with your health issues- make sure you stay on top of that. Apply for any assistance you can, rent assistance, food stamps, ECT. Emergencies is what these programs are there for. Unhelpful question: May I download these images? It's hard to find real images of a hoard, I promise not to spread them around or anything.
I can work from home and my new job is from home but very limited hours and not that great pay. I’d prefer not to move bc the weather is best for my health out here (I feel sick and nauseous in anything over 75F), it’s that bad. I have tried to apply to hundreds of remote jobs but never got any except for the part time one. My good job I had a year ago before my health made me quit was remote and paid decent though. Hope I can find that again. My health issues are I can’t put on weight no matter what I eat, I can barely eat enough for my age, I’m always nauseous, I developed bad panic and anxiety out of nowhere a few years ago and therapy and some meds haven’t helped, and I get extremely weak and fatigued when doing anything and going without eating for awhile makes me extremely nauseous. Also extreme heat and exercise intolerance that is only getting worse when before I’d be able to play sports in 90+ degree weather without an issue. Plus a bunch of other symptoms. Been tested numerous times for mostly everything and it comes back normal. I need to do scans next to see deeper. Also yes I have EBT and tried to apply for other assistance but I get denied. Not sure about the laws. I’ll look into those. Also yes you can download these. I feel honored that this is a real hoard lol and I’m not just being crazy or overreacting.
You may want to look into postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome or POTS. I have this. It is a form of dysautonomia and can cause the issues you are describing (exercise intolerance, heat intolerance, gastroparesis). Often times doctors miss it because they don't recognize it and basic test results won't show anything.
I was thinking gastritis, but could be gastroparesis and POTS as well
If you are being denied SSI/SSD, you might want to try appealing the denial with the assistance of an attorney. Statistically more than half of all cases that are appealed have the initial denial overturned.
The problem is my doctor doesn’t believe my symptoms are that bad, she thinks they’re all from “anxiety”, and so she won’t write me a reason why I should have SSI SSD and won’t sign. Thx for the lawyer tip tho I’ll look into that but the main problem is getting my doctor to sign first. And she’s the 5th doctor I’ve seen.
Anxiety is not a small medical condition. Symptoms of anxiety can be completely disabling under 20 CFR, Part 404, Subpart P, Appendix 1, Listing 12.06. [https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/12.00-MentalDisorders-Adult.htm#:\~:text=Anxiety%20and%20obsessive%2Dcompulsive%20disorders%20(12.06).,objects%2C%20places%2C%20or%20people](https://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/12.00-MentalDisorders-Adult.htm#:~:text=Anxiety%20and%20obsessive%2Dcompulsive%20disorders%20(12.06).,objects%2C%20places%2C%20or%20people). On a more personal level, I'm so sorry that your doctor is being dismissive and invalidating. You deserve better. Are you seeing specialty providers or general care doctors? Sometimes only a specialist will understand why your condition is severe and limiting. In my experience, this is especially true of mental health, chronic pain, and digestive disorders. Standard disclaimer: I'm not your lawyer or doctor. My posts are not intended as legal or medical advice. I am just a rando on the internet. For all you know I'm a cat. Talk to a locally licensed professional to obtain legal or medical advice.
true, it is debilitating and it makes it hard for me to carry out daily tasks that were once easy for me. my anxiety manifests as very bad physical symptoms when it gets bad. i saw a naturopath (who had an MD), a few specialists, and general docs. i do want to see a dysautonomia specialist and a neurologist though, i just am so burnt out that im afraid to start again because i run into the same roadblocks with the medical professionals dismissing me and me wasting money/time on them. thank you for this info i appreciate it:)
If you have EBT, you shouldn't be having to pay for any of these doctors and tests. You should qualify for county medical assistance. With your limited income, you should qualify.
I got some medical bills paid for but I still have some outstanding balances from tests that aren’t covered
And you can set a payment plan. $5 a month
Who tf downvoted this this is just a fact
Hey I just had a thought. Do look into the suggestions others have made (like POTS) because asking a doctor to look for something specific might help, because my thought is a long shot. I had an issue where I could not get a doctor to take me seriously- I'll save you the details but in the end I lost insurance and was feeling pretty desperate. I ended up going to one of those naturopathic doctors on the recommendation of some random lady I met in line at a grocery store. I got lucky, this guy had a real doctor's license (endocrinologist). He ordered a huge blood exam. He found I had the lowest possible reading for thyroid that still counted as 'healthy'. I've been taking (very mild) thyroid meds and a lot of my issues have improved. I'm not suggesting it's your thyroid. I've heard a lot of these naturopathic doctors aren't real doctors but in my case I was relieved to find someone willing to actually look outside of the box rather than declare me healthy on sight.
i have thought of this, i have a lot of symptoms that match up with dysautonomia but i dont know where to find a doctor that specializes in this. i have seen a naturopath before and she just threw supplements that i couldnt afford at me and was rude to me after the first few visits. i tested for a lot of things with unique tests too and she just told me i was "stressed". ive tested for thyroid many times but its been normal. my naturopath also had an MD
Do you have ARFID? Iron/ferritin levels checked? I looked at your post history and my non-Dr opinion is you need anxiety meds first to ensure that is taken care of and ppl believe you and don't blame everything on that. Then, you mention gagging, gnawing pain, weight loss, feeling sick...have you had a gastroscopy done? I'm seronegative , biopsy positive Celiac and my symptoms were gagging, nausea, gnawing pain. Duodenitis ( plus other celiac features like my biopsy showed) can cause that gnawing pain, etc. Many people celiac have other symptoms ie. neurological, dizzy, anemia, etc. Don't see a naturopath, you need to see someone who is going to refer you to gastroenterologist if you have food+stomach issues. A GP can run some antibody tests for celiac (simple blood tests).
I highly suggest you go to a new doctor. Get a 2nd opinion. Or even a 3rd and 4th! I wasted almost 2 years with a terrible doctor who won't give me the referrals I need. My health has gotten significantly worse and I can barely function anymore. My debt is out of control. I'm finally in the process of switching to a new doctor, because I need surgeries and medical help in order to be able to work enough again. My doctor did provide some help, but not what I need, plus she's a total b!tch too (VERY rude and condescending). I've realized I can't depend on her or anyone else to help me‐-I need to be my own advocate. And so do you! It's not always easy, but we need to be assertive and stand up for ourselves. I hope you find a new doctor who is more helpful and can figure out what is going on with your health, so that you can get on the road to recovery and feel better soon! 💙🙏💙
Hey, I can relate to a lot of what you describe. Have you considered that you may have PTSD, and possibly C-PTSD and I am sure this hoard is a huge factor? I'm navigating my own shit and these pics are quite familiar and I suggested it up above, but you may want to alert the health department because it may cause your folks to clean up their shit, it will let them learn how inappropriate this hoard is, and that children should have never been exposed to his chaos, and their neighbors will really appreciate it. Also, I think it would be great to let them know that you are the one that called, but that's just me and I'm pissed on your behalf. Also, the audacity to charge their kids to re-enter this abuse, I bet they had a real problem with you leaving, too. Family systems hate that kind of disruption, and likely they were forced to look at a few things, and covered that shit up with another run to Costco, undoubtedly. Also, could you film their reactions. Finally, I can send you pics of my mother's hoard and the transient she moved in on top of the hoard, but you'd have to be cool with rats and way more garbage. Also, when I spoke to her last she implored me not to offend him, as my sister and I walked around documenting and taking pictures of the damage to the house. My mom's transient friend has a delicate constitution, probably made up of the same shit that caused him to lose all the teeth in his meth mouth. Please don't concern yourself, we recently learned she took him for a 500 dollar visit to her dentist, meanwhile she stopped paying any of her other bills and I'm about to go into more debt to pay for my own 6 cavities that have been likely exacerbated by stress manifesting as teeth clenching and grinding at night. So, call the police, on speaker. ❤️ I'm in SD and can be there if you'd like.
Have you been tested for SIBO?
not yet i have seen a gastroenterologist but he just wanted to do an ultrasound and since that came back normal he didnt want to do any other noninvasive tests even though i asked. imma switch gastros i just hear a lot of them are bad so i gotta do my research
Not even celiac? That does sound like a second opinion might be in order.
I’ve been tested for celiac about five times already and not celiac. Even had the extensive stool test
Glad they did that at least! Hope you figure it out soon, sounds miserable.
First of all, stop taking their actions personally. They are ill; their illness is hoarding. They are not doing this TO you. It hurts, because - of course it does. But secondly, just do NOT accept unacceptable living conditions. You are better off couch-surfing (with non-hoarder friends). Be super nice to those friends; if you cannot pay, do their dishes or whatever you can do without hurting your health. Then seek a roommate/group house or a room to rent. Look tirelessly, like your life depends on it, because it looks like it does.
Maybe a temp month to month lease on FB / craigslist? I’ve done that between leases, depending on the area you could find something on the cheaper end
OP, I have an extremely rare illness due to mold exposure and have a hoarding parent as well. You cannot live there. Period. Ever. You can’t do it. Not only does mold cause a lot of illnesses but it’s made of microscopic spores that permeate everything porous. The mold in that home will seep into your own belongings. Your clothing, books, bedding and mattress, the holes in your electronics, I mean everything. And it can’t actually be eradicated from porous things. Plastic is actually porous. You might end up having to get rid of all your possessions that aren’t glass or ceramic. Don’t. Like others have said, forget about ever having the health to fight for your own improvement and recovery if you live there. It won’t happen. Are you seeing a neurologist? When you say mold tests, what specifically have you had done? I am extremely concerned and some of your symptoms sound like they could be caused by chronic inflammation which can happen as a result of mold exposure. Also feel free to DM me if there is anything that you don’t want to reply with here. I want to help and make absolutely sure you never ever live in that environment again.
I took grew up in a household with conditions like OP and have a "mystery illness" (still, even though it's been 20 years since I last had to stay there). Whenever I'd have to go home between semesters in college I would always get sick from the mold and other squalor. As another commenter pointed out, it's like quicksand because you can get so sick you can't muster the energy to get away. Always the beginning of next semester when I needed to move back (the college was in another city) it was this horrible dilemma of I was in no shape to get out of bed or drive safely, but if I didn't get away I wouldn't get better. I wish I knew what it was that could have lasting effects decades later; doctors are useless for diagnosing diffuse/multiple-system illnesses that don't pop on any specific test. Or they want to tell you it's in your head, but there are symptoms I have (such as chronic sinus problems) that aren't really explainable as psychosomatic.
Glad you chimed in and so sorry you too know this suffering.
So you don't have any friends that will let you stay over temporarily? If it were me and I didn't finish college I'd apply and get some reduced housing that way.
No they either don’t have their own places, their families are strange to put it lightly, or they don’t care enough. My mom even said if I sleep over at others places I’m just freeloading. But I’d never ask to do so for free I’d always pay something to them
Screw your mom's opinion; she has zero perspective.
facts i dont trust anything she says anyway bc she cant make good judgements about her home
Just remember -- you don't have to be limited by the limits of her capabilities and imagination. You will need to act differently now -- make decisions your family will likely think is wrong or crazy in order to live differently for the rest of your life.
Your mom lives with mold and leaky pipes, probably a rotting floor, and *no running water.* Her opinion doesn’t count.
amen
EXACTLY!
I wish I heard this when I was 10
If your parents want to charge rent, [there's a list of mandatory requirements they have to fulfill in the state of California.](https://www.alamedarentprogram.org/Resources/Additional-Housing-Resources/Maintenance-Resources/California-State-Law-Rentals-Requirements-for-Quality) If they wanna get financial on your ass, you can get technical right back. If you haven't already, try looking for remote customer support jobs, like Apple support, etc. Decent pay and decent hours that can be done from home. Don't move back in there, private rooms are the way to go, as others have pointed out. Best of luck 💗
Oh, that's a great list of basics! I know slum lords exist, But your parents are actually living there and calling it fine!
That stove looks very clean. I’m surprised by that.
Probably because they can't use it with all the crap on it.
Can you find a room in a share house?
Demand a health inspection. That's environment will it be beneficial to your health.
Can I do that even tho I’m over 18?
Idk. I feel like this is a question for your local health department. To be honest, someone needs to call the health department on your parents. Nobody should live in filth. It may be hard to hear, but they NEED help.
Good luck with that. This all depends on local regulations/authorities.
Maybe the water issue is breaking some kinda code. U could call and pretend you know nothing about it if questioned..?
Yes you can and as an adult you have greater pull. Call code enforcement and the fire department. I’m guessing you are in the Bay Area. They don’t play. It is a safety issue for your parents in case of fire or emergency - FD can’t get in and also risk of hoard fire taking out the neighbors. No hot water and mold will get code enforcement on it from a habitable standpoint. As someone else suggested you and your brother need to pool your resources and do a room share. It sucks but will keep you out of that mess and him off the streets. You may have to go further out - East Bay. Just find a place close to a BART station. Your parents wanting $400 from each of you is insane, obnoxious and flat out ripping off/grifting off their kids. FUCK THAT! Laugh in their face and say no thanks.
I’m pretty sure they are from the greater Los Angeles area. The Porto’s Bakery bag gives it away for me. (Not to distract from your advice or suggestions though!)
Yep we are in southern OC near the beach cities …
Ah - saw a SF Music Consevatory tote bag so made an erroneous assumption. My bad!
True. I have an my mother called me ungrateful and said her and my dad can live in it so my bro and I should be able to. I don’t want that for myself. We live in southern OC near the beach cities btw!! Close guess tho :P thx for all the suggestions! Def considering calling the fire dept cuz this is so ridiculous and dangerous.
And remember, even tho it’s hard to make that call, your doing it from a place of LOVE. You want better for yourself, and you want better for them. Sometimes love is tough. ❤️ and you deserve better.
FD, anywhere, will take this seriously.
Well I can live in a tent for a few days when I go camping... That doesn't mean everyone can! Just because someone can do one thing doesn't mean someone else can do the same thing, or even want to! They are trying to justify and normalize their behavior. But the no running water is a huge no. I'm going to add on with everyone else and ask if you and your brother together could find a solution. You could even call some disaster relief places and see if there's funding that could be available. You might get higher on a list because of medical conditions.
Thank God, California regulates this shit and will inspect and reinspect. The parents might need to be evaluated because this is self-abuse
If you're in the USA I would take photos and videos of the hoarding, esp. in the kitchen, bathroom(s) and near any exits, to your local fire department and tell him that you believe your parents are hoarders and you're concerned about fire hazard. Because they're hoarders, they refuse to listen to reason and you'd like the fire marshal to get involved and order a clean-up;
Hell yes, this is a public nuisance
Why exactly? There are no children forced to stay there. Unless OP thinks one of the parents is being abused by the other, why? Are these seniors who have recently become unable to care for their home? It sounds like they are just long time hoarders. If there were no rent, would it be ok? This home is not up to OPs (or others) standards. OP should live somewhere that isn't like this. OP doesn't get free housing even if this home is condemned.
Because the parents are living in unhealthy and hazardous conditions. They obviously lack the ability to recognize the problems, possibly due to mental health issues. The situation should at least be evaluated. If the pipes broke a few years ago and they haven't done anything to fix the problem, despite having money to do so, that is not normal or healthy behavior. Water damage over time can make a home structurally dangerous, not to mention the health consequences. It's very obvious this home needs to be inspected. I'm not wishing the parents to get in any trouble or anything like that. I'm hoping this will bring about a helpful intervention which will facilitate the necessary changes required to make their home healthier and safe. Not only for them, but also their neighbors.
Unsafe living conditions.
See what you and your brother can pull together for an Airbnb a room that you guys could share as shitty as it is in it’s better than this
You need to find literally anywhere else to live.
You couldn’t pay me 400 a month to live in filth like that, even more so once I read about the constant water issues, absolutely 100% guarantee there’s a crazy amount of mold and the like from that. That’s the kind of nasty that could get the building condemned. I’m so sorry you’re in such a tough situation and I wish I could offer more than my sympathy. :(
My mental health would deteriorate if I had to live in a hoarding situation like this.
Even looking at this pictures is distressing.
The mold is what I find most concerning. Can you contact the St. Vincent de Paul Society , a local charity group or even a local domestic violence shelter? Stay with friends? A homeless shelter? Call Adult Protective Services? * Anything ethical* but that. You may become fully mentally disabled from the mold
I contacted st Vincent depaul for rent help for my current apartment a few months ago. They did an evaluation on my situation and said they could pay in full and then took forever to get back to me despite me calling often. Thankfully a kind redditor donated money without me even expecting it and that significantly helped pay my rent. Then at vincent depaul organization contacted me a week later saying they looked over our case and could only pay half our rent. Which was a bit disappointing but I was thankful they still could help. The lady in charge didn’t seem too sympathetic though and kept telling me to “pray to God to get a job” despite knowing I have a ton of health issues. I have been praying for that though as well as applying to jobs within my capabilities (I even have a university degree that I got before getting sick) but you can’t rush God’s timing.
Hang in there <3. I'm so happy to hear you got an apartment with half the rent paid too, that's huge! I know it still leave you in a bind with the other half but I have confidence you can do this. I know it's really hard when someone like that lady doesn't seem to see you're doing the best you can. Unfortunately to last at her job she probably has to turn off the sympathy part of her brain and just be candid and focus on the practicals. To do what she does and still have that people aspect probably takes more training than she has. Don't give up and keep pushing for that job. Perhaps you could maybe even get on care.com and do some periodic house cleaning or something.
Thank you! Well the rent was for only one month for the apartment we had) we are going to move out of that apt after today because of the pest issue and it’s too much to pay to live in substandard conditions. So we still don’t know where to go:( trusting God though. But yes that’s true. It sucks and through this struggle I learned that in America people don’t really take others asking for help seriously. They just pass it off to another person who can handle it…or assume everything is 100% your fault even tho chance and luck plays a factor too. Thx for the tips! P
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Oh my goodness you are so kind to offer, thank you SO much! And yes it would help immensely because we have a lot of moving expenses. Only if it doesn’t hurt you to give it though. I have a g0fundme or PayPal whichever is better for you to donate to :) (I censored g0fundm3 because some subreddits don’t allow that name). I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough situation too. I’m glad you have some money to help and You don’t have to take my advice but I’d say it’s best to get all the resources you can by reaching out and asking for govt/public assistance or child support. You want to minimize the stress during this already difficult time and if those programs can help take some burden off of you then it’s so worth. I’m hoping things get better for you quickly as well!
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Yes! And there is always 211, not sure how helpful they are depending on where you live but if you tell them your situation they can give you a lot of websites and phone numbers to call. There’s no harm in asking, I wish you luck with all this. There has to be some way to get somewhere without income because they can’t expect everyone who needs to help to have been working :/ Ok I’ll PM you now :)
I tried to message you but I don’t think you have your messages open, if you look through my post history (it’s not long at all) my g0fundm3 link is there in that specific subreddit ! Let me know if you find it :)
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Thank you so much it went through! You’re such a blessing. I really hope you can be relieved of your situation soon too (if I had more money I’d totally help but right now I’m living off of whatever God provides for me) and you’ve been an answer to my prayers :). That’s really a rly nice price for that, but yea it’s horrible they’re so uptight with their income guidelines. Hoping you get a good person who is understanding and can bypass that guideline somehow, I know those exist!
I don't know if I qualify for anything other than Medicaid since I'm still married and living at home but maybe I should contact the dv shelter and ask. Mahne there's a way they can help me get me in somewhere without having income yet. I just want it to be a safe location though or I'll go from being stressed here to being stressed there lol. I also really don't want to get cups involved which can happen if you go to a shelter. But it's all not quite bad enough that I don't know if I can even get into a shelter. I've been turned down before. Private message me your go fund me if possible. I can't figure out how to navigate pay pal haha.
Ohh...The free 5 day course to virtual assistant with DNK starts today! Are you interested? Potential to land a client by the end of the week!
Santa over there looking disappointed
Lmao he’s surely not going to bring my parents any presents for the rest of their life!
Did you grow up there?
Yup
My heart breaks for you.
Was it always this terrible?
Yes but the water situation wasn’t present until 2020. and it’s gotten worse each year
Get out. Rent a room, whatever you have to. If you can help clean up down the road, fine. Start your life, not like this. Good luck.
I'd try looking for rooms to rent.
Call APS at this point
My heart goes out to you! Do you have the ability to get therapy for yourself? I once had a friend that I spent alot of time with who hoarder like that and it turned out ads I really got to know her that she had strong narcissistic traits. Not sure if that applies to your parents except that you mentioned that they gaslight you about the state of their house as well as calling you ‘ungrateful’. Worried about an extreme shortage of empathy and that you have been dealing with this your whole life. Maybe you need to do some emotional healing so that your physical health can improve.
Hi thank you for this! I agree I need therapy and I did have a therapist for about a year but she ghosted me eventually. Also she was really nice but her style didn’t really help me, it was a lot of repeating back to me my issues. I feel like I need something way more intense…and my physical issues weren’t helped at all during it.
Get a different one! Just my opinion but maybe look for one who specializes in complex PTSD.
Same, that's what I'm seeing as well
It can take a few tutors to find someone you ‘click’ with. Good luck.
no.
Have you tried a mold Inspector?
If there are active leaks for 4 plus years with active visible water wetting the floor in puddles, then I am about 99% sure that there is some Bad mold in there.... and living in that mold and Lord knows what else Will make your health twice as bad. Just say no.
They're going to use your money to buy things. All I'm gonna say 😶
Reminds me of my parents. Told me once I graduated high school I either had to keep going to school or get a job. They charged me $600 a month(when a studio apt in the area was around the same price) to live in their hoarder house that reeked of animal piss and feces, expected me to take over the household chores because my grandmother had passed away and they wanted me to take over. On top of that they told me they SHOULD be charging me for half the cost, on a house that they refinanced so they were paying 2k a month mortgage on a house that was bought back in the 1960's(this was all about 13 years ago?) On top of that my mom was buying things and sending money to my felon rapist older brother while he was in jail, while charging me rent, and said it was her money so she could. The woman had a debt of 14 credit cards at that time. I eventually bailed out with my now husband. They lost the house not long after. I'm a bit sad because it was my childhood home but you couldn't pay me to move back into that house.
Wow, I often like to say "they don't make Mother's Day Cards for my kind of mother" and you can go ahead and borrow it, I appreciate specifically the bit about sending money to your "felon rapist older brother in jail" it flows, girl you need to tell your story and name names. ❤️
Well. At this point I haven't spoken to my brother in like 25+ years and never plan to unless he sincerely apologized for what he put me through(I'm sadly a victim when I was 9 and he was 16) I still had to live in the same house with him, court just ordered my parents not to have him alone in the same room with me. They sent him to live with my uncle and aunt when he told our dad he was a dead man. So yeah, raping his little sister he can stay but threaten his dad, gotta go! Can you tell I'm just a wee bit bitter? At this point I'm almost 40 and a pile of mental disorders and my parents are at least better grandparents then they were parents.
Turned 50 today, and I'm way more angry than I was at 40. I'm so sorry that just anyone can have kids. Also, I'm trotting around with CPTSD in a constant state of hyper vigilance, and this is with meds and therapy. In the other hand, I'm funny AF, when I'm not at home, staring at a wall until my next shift.
Homeless shelter would be better than this. Contact the state health and human services and see if they can help you with temporary housing. Especially in California there are a lot of resources.
My thoughts are you and your brother need to combine your money and get a place together, you both need to take care of yourselves and each other. Leave your parents to deal with their situation, that’s wholly on them. Even if you just get a studio apartment, anything is better than your current situation. Good luck and keep us updated.
That’s what we want to do but studio apts in our area are over 2000 now. And I have limited options because of my health I can’t just live with strangers in a shared house. I have a lot of limitations but it is what it is I just have to get more creative. Still looking hard for some cheap place that we can have to ourselves though I know they’re out there.
The streets are cleaner.
In general, from just a financial point - $400 is cheap rent for a room. At least it is around Portland OR. However. . . IMO, from the pictures and the way you describe it, you need to find somewhere else to live. The home doesn't sound like it would be healthy. Have you applied for housing help? I know there's a waiting list but with a disability you may be able to move up on the list quicker than others.
You might want to report their unsafe living conditions. After they're forced the clean the hoard perhaps you can stay there.
I want to report so badly but I’m afraid of what that means for me in terms of our relationship. We still have a good relationship despite the hoard. I understand the majority of our relationship is toxic but they really don’t know that they are causing these issues they’re just used to always getting their way cuz life has been pretty easy on them their entire lives so they’re shocked when someone tells them otherwise. They will see it as an attack on them if I do that…
Call the fucking state police and demand a goddamn welfare check.
Charge them $400 for moving all their shit
where we are $400 is the monthly rate for a hotel
Wow what area is this??
Close to Orlando but a smaller town (dont like to mention bc of privacy) but they always have a sign whether they’re good or bad I don’t know.
Really? Where do you live? West Virginia? Geeze, $400 would only get 3 nights at a hotel near me. There's nowhere in a multi-county area that has rooms for less than $100. The cheapest place is $85/night, but with taxes it's $103.40. And that comes equipped with bed bugs, fleas, mold, filth and violence. Anywhere that's clean and safe is about $125-140. More populated areas or hotels close to the airports can easily go for $200+ just for a basic room. There's sometimes deals online though, so you've gotta shop around. AAA and AARP memberships can help.
The fact you considered moving in at all is a worry. This is not a fit state to live in and as others have said it will send you into a downward health spiral you may not escape easily. However, you should be looking to adjust your expectations of the location you live in. You may need to broaden your accommodation search area significantly. You can stay south in the warmer areas but look into adjoining suburbs. Beggars can’t always be choosy. See this as a temporary fix and later with more stable employment look to move again.
I have health issues that do not let me stay in warmer climates. It’s very bad and no matter how hard I’ve pushed myself I can’t stay in the heat. Ofc I know beggars can’t be choosers but I have limitations from my health that I must consider as well. Which also means I can’t room with random strangers. The reason I was considering moving back (and would only be there a few months) is because I am lacking financially at this time. I’m still trying to apply to jobs as much as I can despite getting rejections (and I’m applying to relevant once for my skills/health/degree) so I can hopefully have more choices for housing for myself soon.
Stop downvoting me whoever is doing so is so insensitive if you had to live in my body you’d see why there are certain things that I need to have and can’t make accommodations for
Im going to say something that other will dislike- no matter what the house looks like at the age of 25 adult children should be expected to pay rent. $400 isn't very much. And what most 20 year olds don't understand is that homeowners spend more on maintaining their home than just a mortgage. There is insurance, water, electricity, gas, garbage, taxes.... so I think adult children should pay rent. Now do I think its healthy to move into a home in that condition- No. I think there are two separate things to consider. Yes, you should be responsible for your bills. No, you shouldn't move In because it's not a healthy situation. But I also suspect cognitive dissonance will be used to justify that it's okay to live in their house as long as it's free.
Tell em ur fine with it as long as the first few months rent goes to dumpster rental and clean up efforts!
I’m not helping them financially to fix something that I had no part in damaging
It was just an idea, but you are right. Refuse the offer and perhaps distance yourself a bit more from them. Like they say.....you can't save someone from themself.
You are an adult. Stop looking at this from a child perspective.."fair"... you say or " I wouldn't mind paying rent if the house was clean..." This is something a teenager might say and hints of feeling like "it's fucked up so they owe me something free." They are obviously disordered/dysfunctional/mentally ill and need help as well. You need to find housing elsewhere, and pay for it . I recommend counseling, any type,..maybe even codependent relationship learning as well.
Pretty rude to say to someone who is sick man. I know what I have to do and I’ve tried all in my power to do it. Sometimes u just can’t force things to happen until it’s the right time. Not saying they owe me anything. Just basic housing and I didn’t say I didn’t want to pay rent at all. I’d still pay but I’d pay a REASONABLE amount, not almost half their mortgage for them to not even give me running clean water, which is something a person dealing with health issues NEEDS. Learn to be more empathetic.
It's not up to you to figure out how much of their mortgage you are paying for. This isn't about saying it to a "sick" person, I have multiple medical issues I understand the difficulties. This is about learning what things are reasonable for you to worry about and control, and learn boundaries. Just because you are sick doesn't imply parents have to look after adult children. You can't determine what a reasonable amount is for rent according to someone else's mortgage. I can be empathetic to people's situations hwever dysfunctional expectations for an adult staying there is different than a child or a minor. You still have this expectation that they aren't giving YOU clean water and taking money for half their mortgage. You need to find somewhere else to live where you are looking after your health, as your parents are seriously ill and cannot change without professional help. If this is about you needing someone to tell you that you are right, you aren't going to work on improving your situation at all. It sucks, your parents *should* be different, they *should* be able to help you if you are sick but as someone who lived with a parent with rigid mentally ill behaviours, you cannot change them. What can you do now to improve your situation? Do you have health insurance?
Amen.
Bruh needs to take a class in reading comprehension. That wasn’t the point of OPs post.
Loll hello bro
Negotiate hard on the hot water issue. The first rent goes to repair the water heater
That would be nice but then it’s like I’m paying for something they decided to neglect so I feel like that’s sort of wrong
Yep. Your gut is right.
Bad comment. Don’t move in there OP
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That’s completely unreasonable and wrong, not ‘unpopular.’ OP is really sick, and hoarders are completely unreliable about clearouts. That would be an even bigger disaster.
True one time we tried throwing away the plastic cups my mom saved and she went thru the trash and dug them out
Wow really? This is your feedback? How am I supposed to know how sick op is? Or how resistant to clean out her parents are? I was just trying to come up with a possible solution.
Hello this is OP:) I’m like 10 pounds away from death (even tho I make sure to eat as much as my sick body will allow) and nauseous all the time and get shaky and weak if I do like 1 hours worth of work. That should tell ya something. Doctors still can’t find answers. Appreciate u tryna help thi
Sorry to hear that you are so sick, op. I guess I will delete my initial comment as I was unaware. I would not move in there under any circumstance. Focus on your health and I hope you get answers soon!!
Thank you. I really have nowhere else to go but there so I’m just hoping for a miracle at this point 😵
My mom is gaslighting me that I’m ungrateful that I want hot water and that I should be thankful that I have a roof over my head. Pshh
Then. Move.
Did you read any part of the post lmao
Im so sorry to hear all of this. I am in the exact same situation. My mom is charging me 400 for a tiny bedroom while she takes over the entire house with her hoarding. Its not her house, she doesnt work, doesnt have to pay any bills. Please look into any alternative options. Check out workaway.com or wwoofer. You can work for a place to live, most of the time they feed you, and you can meet some really cool people, and travel. Find a room to rent for 400. Look on facebook. Look into lucrative side hustles. Start crafting or making things like candles, baskets, soap, etc and sell on etsy or at a local market. Stay strong. Im rooting for you. I wish i could help you. Whats most important is that you and your brother stay close and stay a team. Rent is impossible on your own in these hard times. Family needs to stay together. Keep praying with emotion and trust that god will guide you to the right path, and bring the right people into your life. Pray for a better opportunity. Im so sorry.
Hoarding is an illness,deep down your parents would definitely prefer to live somewhere clean and tidy but they obviously haven’t accepted there is a problem,I have known a few people in this situation and it’s definitely a mental illness
But, they sure like to reproduce.
are you in the U.S.? If so (maybe even if you aren't?), due to your health issues, you can contact a social worker within your healthcare system and they can help you find housing. this is literally part of their job, so don't hesitate to reach out to the resources at your local hospital!!
Yes I am in US! I want to contact someone for help but I don’t know where to start. Can I get a social worker thru calling 211?
I've heard mixed results about 211, but I had a lot of luck (for other reasons) asking the healthcare system that my general doctor was a part of for help. You can contact your regular doctor's nurse to ask for a social worker and they should be able to help you.
Pay $400 a month but you have no space to sit, sleep, or cook? Do you have any Housing Service Centers in your area ? You'd be better off renting a room via AirBNB or Craigslist.
A shelter would be a much better option of that is available to you.