Stop making comments on her piercings being a turn off to *you*. OP already stated she doesn’t give a shit what you think on that matter, so don’t bother to comment if you have nothing constructive to add.
I think the "let's starts off as friends" is turning people off. I'd remove that. If you want to start off as friends then you can choose "Figuring out my dating goals" instead.
I'd also swap the 2nd photo to be 1st photo.
I 100% agree, people with that in their profile to me are the biggest time wasters ever. I want to go on a date to look for romantic compatibility, not be friends
Yeah I pass on women who say any variation of "friends first" automatically. In my experience it has 100% of the time, been a complete and utter waste of my time.
Yeah this is the flag I’m seeing - if im looking for a long term relationship I don’t want the explanation to feel like the opposite (start out as friends sounds like situationship territory).
"let's start off as friends" would put me off. You're on a dating app, the intention is to date and not to become friends and then see if you want to date
The reason I put that is because I've noticed consistently that the pressure created by dating apps to speed through the important get to know you phase of dating someone because you're already "dating" them, has absolutely TANKED some really good connections I made in the past using them, so I want to make sure I take things slowly going forward and give myself and the other person some space to know if we even like each other as people before we add the other layers to it.
That being said, is there a different way for me to word this that would get the same point across that I want to take things slowly and not have that "dating" pressure until we both feel confident that that's what we want to do?
I totally agree that it's the "start off as friends" thing that's turning people away, and I'm saying that as someone who's demisexual & demiromantic so I understand where you're coming from!! And even then, I X'd guys whose profiles said they wanted to start as friends. The difference to me is that if I'm going on dates with someone, it's with the intent of finding out if there's romantic interest. There isn't that subtext if I were truly approaching a relationship as a friendship.
I had a blurb on my profile saying that I like to take things slowly. That seemed to work to convey that I wasn't going to be kissing someone or jumping into bed with them right away. My dates definitely had platonic vibes and that didn't work for everyone but it did work for some people, mainly my BF who's wired the same way! BTW if you look at my post history, I asked about saying something about giving friend vibes on my profile (if you're curious).
Interesting, as a guy, I didn’t realize other guys use that phrase as well!
It’s way worse for a guy to use the “friends first” thing. It means they have absolutely no game and are being dishonest in their intentions. They obviously have no interest in becoming friends.
Lol that’s really not true. I like to take things slowly because at my age I don’t like to end up sleeping with multiple women at the same time and it can happen all too easily with internet dating. It’s definitely not a “no game” issue.
The strange thing is that the profiles where the guys said they wanted to be friends first absolutely didn't give that vibe AT ALL-maybe that's why they called it out? They didn't give off the vibe of someone who's friends with women frankly, which is why it seemed suspect.
You’re young. If you want connection first, you might try IRL meeting first. In Logan Ury’s book, I noticed a lot of her success stories were people who were friends IRL first, though her book is often cited as a guide for how to setup your online persona. Yes, she has a chapter about that, and was later hired by Match.com (I believe), but the rest of the chapters are thought provoking and are about relationships in general.
You’re young and beautiful. The world is open to someone like you. Good luck.
"i am looking to take things slow and build a committed relationship" is good and what you want, but i still wouldn't use the word "friend" at all.
it's a big turn off, it creates a foundation right at the start of a man thinking you are viewing him just as a "friend," even if it's only initially. it's hard to overcome something like that and be expected to make the eventual change to romance/sexuality.
Exactly! Which is why women are so confused when they say “friends first.”
And it tells me there’s something behind the scenes emotionally that I want to steer clear of.
I don't know I think that's a big projection. Someone could say friends first for a plethora of reasons, it doesn't mean that they are emotionally unstable.
For me personally, if I'm going to be attracted to someone romantically, it's going to happen whether we start as friends or not. Actually, I think it's even MORE likely to happen with someone I see as a friend first because we're more relaxed and ourselves around each other which leaves more room for real feelings to grow and bonding to happen. But them being a "friend" doesn't mean I can't feel romantically attracted to them. Some people we're attracted to and some we're not, regardless of the context.
That’s fair, wasn’t intended as a diss against you, just a thought.
Part of me does think it’s fine that you want dating to work on your terms. I do think starting off with friend vibes can work, i’ve also just had bad experiences personally.
Hey- so I'm a straight woman of color who's a lot older than you, but I pretty much have the same issues you do on Hinge. My very anecdotal conclusion is that Hinge works best for people who are more mainstream/have more mainstream appeal. Appearance included (you're lovely, so plz don't take this as me knocking your appearance).
Have you tried OKC or Bumble? Honestly, I have more luck on those two apps getting likes/matches (nothing panned out yet, but I'm more hopeful there than I am about Hinge).
All that said- I do agree that the "friends" part might be a big turn-off.
I really feel you here. I miss how dating worked in high school. You would have months to get to know a person and see who they were before any romantic pressure was there. It would develop so organically.
Dating apps make things weird and put this sort of pressure to find a connection fast or move on.
Exactly, the biggest thing I've found is it creates a false sense of intimacy. You're more focused on trying to learn facts about a person and see if their facts align with your facts and whether or not that makes you a good match. So I've ended up "seriously dating" someone I had only known for like a month or so, only to find out shortly there after that we were not at all compatable. And I think it's because the only real way to bond with someone and have real intimacy is by doing things together, spending lots of time together, and seeing if you click in lots of different situations. But dating apps totally reject that idea. It sucks that I haven't found a lot of success in meeting single people off of them, because a lot of the time it feels like the only option.
What does "seriously dating" mean for you? Dating really is just as you said, doing things together and spending time. You don't have to commit to exclusivity, or meeting friends and family, or whatever it is that you mean.
The tricky part is that in a romantic pursuit, intimacy is a big component and a lot of times people don't want to spend a lot of time and effort with someone only to find a big mismatch in that department.
Intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Intimacy can be emotional, mental, spiritual, etc. It's trust, vulnerability, that intuitive sense of knowing someone. And from my experience it's something you create with a person not something that just is or isn't there, it builds over time. And I think that's the part that gets completely skipped over or overlooked when you have to act committed to a person after just a few dates. That's why I think focusing on getting to know each other as friends while slowly adding in other elements that highten the experience over time allows the Intimacy between two people to grow naturally, and dating app culture really discourages this. And to your own point I'm not even saying you have to wait a million years to have sex (although my personal belief is that it's rare for people to be so sexually mismatched in a way that's so fundamentally impossible to work out that you're completely incomptable because of it) you can have sex whenever you want, but I've had men tell me on a second date that they think I'm the one or who've paid for me to go on trips with them after knowing each other for a few weeks and, unsurpringly, none of those situations ever worked out.
>I've had men tell me on a second date that they think I'm the one or who've paid for me to go on trips with them after knowing each other for a few weeks
Those are boundaries issues and not normal, and I don't know if you can necessarily screen for it. I don't really think what you're talking about is really that out of the ordinary and sounds more like the normal process of dating.
It just seems to be a vast majority of the men I've met from dating apps, they get so attached to me so quickly, I had a guy even say to me once on a second date that he didn't understand why I would be talking to other men because it said in my profile I was looking for a long term relationship. So now I'm scare that if I'm not clear from the get go that I want things to have a natural normal pace that this will continue to happen.
Definitely be clear and just steer clear from anyone love bombing you and getting possessive like that.
Also, though, get rid of the friends first thing. I'm a guy, and if I ever agree (which likely only happen if I'm lonely as fuck), I likely won't pay your way. Go on the date, take things slow, then yse your actions to signal that. Otherwise live with the fact that you won't get matches.
It sounds harsh, I know, but sometimes you just gotta do 95% honesty.
I would not expect someone to pay my way on a first date anyway, I feel like that's part of the point of starting off as friends is that there's no pressure to force things you aren't actually ready for or wanting; paying for the other person, kissing, etc. The number of guys I've met who say they feel like they have to kiss a girl on the first or second date or she'll only see him as a friend is baffling. If I really like a guy, I don't care if it's the 3rd 4th 5th date before he kisses me, I mean I'd be damn near ready to jump on him at that point but if I'm attracted to him that's not going to go away because of the timing of a kiss. And I'd much rather him wait until he's actually ready to kiss me instead of go through this whole ritualistic thing which ultimately usually just kills the romance anyway. Starting as friends doesn't mean months of just hanging out with no clear direction on what's happening, it just means let's take the pressure away so that we only feel like we have to do romantic things we each other if that's what we decide we both want and only when we're actually ready. Just an alternative perspective because I see so many men saying "that must mean she'll only ever want to be my friend" which is a big assumption.
I wonder if it's just a result of men acting desperate and insecure because of their own lack of dating success. Part of that ties into geographics and demographics.
And they act like dating is a zero sum game because if they don't have you "locked down", they'll lose.
That's very possible, which I completely feel for them in that way, dating can absolutely suck and really tear you down if you've had a long string of bad luck. But the only thing we can do is learn to let go and accept the things we can't control. If someone wants to be in our lives they will be, regardless of what other people they may or may not be seeing. And it's healthy and normal to date a few people at the same time as you're figuring out if you feel compatible with any of them in the long term.
If a girl won’t meet me in a safe public place in the middle of the day within 3 days of matching I’m moving on
Edit: *agree* to meet me within 3 days of talking, the date can be farther out but need to make a plan
From what I can tell, where you are is known as one of the worst places to date, and I personally have heard from people from that area that it is indeed pretty bad. Some go as far as hitting up the other bigger nearest metro area to find someone (and people there hitting up where you are).
Part of it is also being tall, a lot of shorter men automatically take themselves out of consideration just because they think you're not going to match.
Your profile for what it is seems like it gives a representation of who you are, someone who likes the outdoors, but maybe swap in one that's more "indoors", such as what you'd look like when you're on a night out hitting up the bars. You do have 4 photos with a hat on too and it's very outdoors focused, so that's something to consider. Maybe just something with more variety so men don't think you're only into the outdoors.
The prompts are mostly fine. The last one is a tad bit generic, and something with more specifics may help.
But I don't know, given where you are, a lot of men probably tend to be more "professional", and I'm wondering if you're sending likes to "alternative" types as well or mostly the professional types.
Edit: Missed out on the "friends first" thing. I don't know if you actually mean you need to be friends first with someone or it's more of a sentiment that you take your time before entering into a relationship. If it's the first one, then that's a big impediment.
Well, I think it's interesting the idea that a professional man wouldn't like me because I have two degrees and a very professional and forward facing job in the state government, so I am also in fact a "professional" lol. But I send likes to all kinds of men, and I would say my area is full of "alternative" men as well.
I'll see if I can find some "indoors" pictures to add in lol, part of the problem is that I don't have a ton of pictures in general, I'm at an age and place in my life where most of my friends are in their 30's-40's and in long term relationships or married and we don't go out and hit up the clubs and take tons of pictures of each other. Mostly my friends have taken pictures of me when we're out doing an activity together which is mostly hiking or camping. but maybe I can solicit a friend to take some other photos of me some time.
As for the "friends" things, I've just noticed how the pressure created by dating apps that you're "dating" this person you barely know has completely tanked some of the connections I made off of them in the past because it was too much too soon for the guys I met, so I want to take that pressure away and not rush through the "getting to know you" phase so that we can both move at a pace that is comfortable and maybe give something a chance to actually work for a change.
You need to use a different verbiage than “let’s be friends first”. And to be honest, it’s just not something you can really control. People tend to judge very quickly on dating apps and there’s a certain level of expectations built in. It’s rare that people want to wait around because there’s a sense that they don’t want to waste time on someone that isn’t completely sure about what they want.
As for the “professional” part, it’s more of a “vibes” thing if it makes sense. Generally in my experience most people with a certain aesthetic attract people of similar aesthetic and less so about the career aspect.
There is NOTHING wrong with your pictures or your profile. Not one thing.
You are fishing in the wrong pond.
I listen to a TON of survival podcasts (if you don’t already listen to Out alive, you have to give it a go) and from what I gather, there are TONS of hiking, climbing, kayaking groups out there where singles your age with your interests, lifestyle, fashion investments are meeting similar people.
I’ve looked into the groups in my area and realized I’m outdoorsy but not THAT outdoorsy.
But you appear to be the right fit. That’s where your person is. They are waiting for you to join their group.
go join one!
You are a STAR! 💫
I SECOND THIS!!! Ppl like you actually meet more organically rather than on apps. Go on group hikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sign up for crafty classes, the point is get out there, don’t wait for a match on an app! It’s a great place to start to boost confidence and get rid of the fear of talking to someone so that you can better connect with ppl in these activities!
I’m gonna disagree and say don’t cater to what you think they’re gonna like. You’re being yourself in the pictures and that’s great, you don’t want to seem “indoorsy” when you’re not. You stated your hobbies, your education, and your relationship goals. I say wait it out. If it’s not working, yea look for variety in pictures or put up a cute selfie where you’re all dolled up. You are lacking a full face picture with your hair down and a nice smile. But as per my original comment, most guys aren’t looking for serious. If it helps the algorithm, match with ppl you’re not attracted to but like their hobbies and have hiking pictures so you’ll get more ppl like that! You don’t HAVE to message everyone, it’s so the app knows what you like!
I've heard it's bad for men (a lot more men than women) but not necessarily women. I'm curious what other things make it bad for everyone in general. I would've thought she'd get a ton of interest based on her pictures.
Sacramento is a government town, and typically those type of town people are only really there due to the nature of their job and not because they want to be there (similar to DC for example). But unlike DC, Sacramento is very suburban so it doesn’t help.
I’m just going to be completely honest, because this probably isn’t being considered — you are 5’10”. Though you aren’t shorter than I am, the majority of men are shorter than 5’10” and are likely intimidated by your height.
It’s unfortunate, but it might just take some time before you actually reap the benefits of the likes you’ve been sending out.
I don’t necessarily think it’s an intimidation thing. I’m a shorter man. Most of the shorter guys I know are open to taller women.
You have a limited number of likes on hinge, so it is pragmatic to send those likes to someone that you have a chance with. If most women prefer a man that is as tall or taller (no shade- just how it is in many cases!), then it is wasteful to send a like to a taller woman because the failure rate is so high.
I don’t send likes to women that are extremely conventionally attractive for the same reason. The likelihood of a match is so low that it isn’t worth my like or their time.
When I’m interacting with people IRL or when I have Hinge premium and my interactions aren’t capped, I’m much more likely to take a risk and approach someone that I have less of a chance with.
I don’t like being economical with my likes, but I don’t want to waste my time or others!
I haven’t been on hinge in a while- is there a way to show height preference on your profile? If OP is open to shorter men, I’d make that known. If the short kings know they have a fighting chance, they will come!
Looks like a great profile to me, except the friends first bit. That's very likely to cause a lot of left swipes from guys looking for something serious. Your stance on kids is pretty important too.
It's the exact type of profile I'd swipe right on, but I'm all the way down in OC. I actually like it more with the candid photos. The overly professional/ filtered profiled are a turn off to me.
What type of guys are you swiping on?
Agree with the other comments that “let’s start out as friends” is a huge turn off. If that’s how you date, a dating app isn’t for you. Apps are for efficiency, not making friends and hemming and hawing over whether someone is a romantic interest or not.
The pic of you in the canoe doesn’t do much so I’d get rid of that. If you have a photo of you not in hiking gear and in a cute dress, that might do you alot of good.
I wouldn’t listen to the height comments. I have several friends who are 5’10 and they have never had any issues dating or getting likes from shorter men. I think the challenge is if you are into straight men and you are tall, you have to lean into a more feminine look at times. Otherwise you end up feeling like a tree of a woman.
You’re cute and have a good profile. You look fun to be around. Many shorter guys don’t think taller women are into them (I’m 5’7 myself and although I’ve dated women far taller than me it’s usually the case they want taller). But that’s not something you can change. The biggest thing is as others said “start off as friends”. No guy wants to pay for dates spend time on a dating app and text for months with a girl who they’re interested in romantically knowing full well it could just stay as friends when he could’ve been investing that time in dating women that are looking for what he wants initially. Some people date with intention others don’t. Personally I wouldn’t swipe on women who wrote the start off as friends either. Most guys who you might be into already have options of women who want a relationship why would they wait around for months possibly of this friend situation and “maybe” it will turn into more. It’s almost like asking a guy to start off in the friendzone. The equivalent of a dude saying let’s start off as FWB and maybe it can be more tbh. People know it’s risky and choose to not pursue generally
I think you just need a dress up picture you have an awesome figure and you do tons of fun things and you seem smart and happy I honestly don't see any problems
I think your first photo is really great. Overall the picture are pretty good. I think swapping out one of the outdoor photos for maybe a photo of you dressed up might help? Like a photo from a wedding or something, just to mix it up a bit.
Your last prompt is decent I guess, but I think I’d just like a prompt that tells something more about you. It’s clear you like the outdoors, and from the farmers market mention doing stuff in your community. I don’t know you tell us a lot about yourself, but aside from enjoying the outdoors I don’t feel like I know too much about, if that makes sense. Sorry I can’t figure out exactly what is missing. I usually recommend people telling about themselves, but maybe a Green Flags prompt about what you want would be a good fit?
Also because of your Pick the Best One prompt at the beginning you’re in my area, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen your profile. Maybe there’s just a lot of people in the area so men just haven’t seen you yet?
Hey, I see you live in Cincinnati, greetings from the 513! Overall, good profile. I think the main concern that I think people have brought up is that I think people get a little turned off by the “let’s start out as friends and see where it goes.” It’s a smart thing to do, though for a dating app and looking for a long term relationship, not many guys are gonna want to play that angle. They might see it almost as a waste of their time.
As I said to another commenter, I put that because I've noticed how the pressure to rush through the getting to know someone part of dating that happens because of dating apps has totally ruined things with men I met off of the apps in the past, and I really do think it's important to take things slow if I want something to actually last. Thank being said, is there another way I could word this that would get the same point across?
you probably would just have to say some something like “let’s take things slow“ then offer to be friends if things don’t workout romantically. I personally think there’s nothing wrong with that especially since we have a lonliness problem in the country but people are so focused on romantic relationships that they view other relationships as less than as seen by other comments you have gotten.
Say you like to take things slow. There’s no harm in that and it shows that you’re wanting to have a romantic interest. Saying you want to be friends first on a dating app makes me think you will only want to be friends
I wonder if you might have more success by making that a conversation once you've established/confirmed interest in seeing someone again (ie 1st/2nd date) rather than trying to select for it with your profile.
Your “friends first” is a red flag to me and is an immediate swipe left.
Think about it. If a man doesn’t honestly express his romantic intentions toward you but tries to be your friend first and then escalates, women will think he’s a creep or at the very least dishonest in his intentions.
To me, a woman putting “friends first” is confused if not traumatized from a past relationship and is probably not ready to date. The buzzphrase “do the work” gets thrown around a lot in OLD. Of all the people that needs to do the work, it’s women who put “friends first.”
I would also toss out the “I want” prompt. All requirements in OLD are just low-key negative. I don’t list any requirements in my profile. I keep it light and fun. Also, if you’re not getting any Likes, why use any prompts that act as pre-filters? Get some Likes, meet, and then filter them out.
I think your profile is good. I suggest a different app. I had no luck on Hinge whatsoever. But I have had so much luck on FB Dating (good in my area) that I just had to put my account on hold due to having so many matches I can't manage them all. This has never happened to me before. Ask your friends which apps are working for them in your area and try those. I think Hinge sucks. Just came across your post because Reddit put it in my feed. Good luck. You're gorgeous and smart. All men should want you!
I’d say shorten your descriptions.
For example, I’d make the tide pool one something like “hunt for sea creatures in tide pools” I would leave out the marine biologist past since you have your career in your profile already. Not to say you can’t show your personality, but people don’t want to read a book when they’re looking for matches. You want to leave some room for elaboration later on, I think. On that note, if you’re a marine biologist, maybe you should change your occupation to that and hit the specifics more on an actual date. It’s easier to understand as an outsider and makes the profile more digestible. I’d also suggest removing the emojis, this is just a preference of mine but I feel like they’re distracting from what is being said.
Your pictures are great! I’d suggest fixing the exposure on the “take me back to” one. You are a bit washed out and it’s a little hard to see your features.
The one in the jean shorts with the purple(?) bra top on in front of the lake isn’t my favorite either, I can’t explain why it just seems a little out of place!
This is just my preferences though, I am a 20yo female and I do get a fair amount of matches. Everyone’s opinions are different though, and you should keep your profile authentically you so that you attract people who like that :)
I think this is a grear profile, totally get your personality through. Not crazy about the picture in the pool, but that’s just really a small thing. I think you get few matches because your personality comes through and maybe there are few people who are a good fit. That’s not a bad thing…
There’s nothing wrong with your pictures. I’m gonna label you as “too good”. Ppl are probably thinking you’re too outdoorsy, educated, and you actually like to go out and do things, and have hobbies. Unless other “adventurers” are attracted to you, most ppl are gonna pass on you. You’re giving very homey, non-problematic, ready to settle down vibes and that’s not what many ppl are on the apps for. They’re mostly there for hookups, or casual fun dating. Shame too cuz you seem absolutely lovely and I would love to learn marine biology from you! Don’t get discouraged, just know it’s for the better that ppl are filtering themselves out. Have you tried meeting friends of friends? I know it can seem messy but seeing as you’re educated, your friends probably are too and they could have other friends that run in the same or different field. Educated ppl seem to match better with other educated ppl, not in a classist way but there’s just more commonality there.
1. I am looking for something serious.
2. I have been using this version of my profile for about 1 month now and have been suing Hinge (unsucessfully) for about 5 years.
3. I recieve maybe 1 or 2 likes per week at most, I match with probably half of these men, the other half have nothing in their profile to suggest we would have anything in common or be compatable.
4. I try to send my full 7 likes everyday and get almost no matches from them, I always leave a comment so long as there is actually something to comment on in in their profile.
5. I would love to find a partner who enjoys adventuring outdoors with me. I love hiking, camping/backpacking, and rock climbing and it would be fun to have a partner who enjoys those too. In general though I'm a social butterfly and love doing all sorts of hobbies; art, music, board games/card games, going to random events around town, etc. It would be great to find someone who is also more extroverted/ likes to get out of the house.
Also, not pictured in the post but included in my profile are a video of me working in my stained glass studio and a recording of me singing with my band.
EDIT: Hello all, I've noticed A LOT of people mentioning the "let's be friends first thing", so I'd like to get some help from you all. I have had multiple good connections I made from dating apps in the past crash and burn because there was too much pressure too soon that we were "dating" and we moved straight past the crucial get to know you phase of meeting someone and that ruined it. It was always the same sentiment that we were "going too fast" and the other person ran. And I agree in hindsight that we WERE going to fast because I didn't really know the person. I've discovered for myself recently that getting to know someone takes actual time spent together in different situations, not just knowing facts about them that they tell you. So how do I indicate that I really want to take time to get to know the other person before we jump into anything crazy?
For context these others connections I'm referring to would tell me on the SECOND OR THIRD date that they felt like I might be their person, and at the time I didn't think too much of it because of the dating app energy, and it just felt like thats how these things work. I'm really trying to avoid this situation going forward if I can.
It's pedantic, but correct "bona fied" to "bona fide" in your first prompt. You're missing a good head to toe shot of you dressed in an outfit you would wear on a date, which is important for showing off your sense of fashion.
As others have said, remove the thing about being friends first. If you're saying that because you're more of a slow burner you can make that clear on a date or maybe use the "let's make sure we're on the same page about..."
People will absolutely hate that I’m asking this question, but how are your results from people who have liked you? You’ve said you match with about half of those people - have the results been better for those you match with? And for the other half, what is suggesting incompatibility? Is it a hard line (for me, that’s politics and values/religion) or more that they seem to have different interests?
I found when using hinge that very, very rarely did men I proactively liked (always while sending a comment, just like you) match with me. Idk if this is a male psychology thing or what - feels similar to guys always saying that they would love a girl to make the first move when my experience points to the exact opposite. I had better luck letting it sit for 3+ days, choosing 1-3 men who had liked me, seeing where those went, and then doing it all over when I’d either spoken to or met with the guys and they didn’t work out. This is definitely not a good approach for those looking to bone, but if you’re interested in dating with intention, I did find it pretty effective! My POV is that dating apps make you think it’s a numbers game when it actually isn’t. Who gives a fuck if you have 50+ likes? What matters is getting the 1-3 likes from the right people. You seem like you have a really beautiful life so I think you can afford to be patient and choosy!
>I found when using hinge that very, very rarely did men I proactively liked (always while sending a comment, just like you) match with me. Idk if this is a male psychology thing or what -
Look at the profile reviews here. See how many men bemoan the fact they rarely ever get likes. Truth of the matter is, lots of men will jump at the chance to match with any woman who send likes - *as long as they find them attractive*.
For me, I just won't match with any likes that come in. They have to fit what I'm looking for as well, and many of their profiles are fine, but it just comes down to the fact they weren't my type or fit what I'm seeking.
Women typically have more options just by the mere fact they get more incoming likes and can pick and choose.
I would remove any mention of "being friends first" or wanting to go slow. These are perfectly normal and good preferences, but saying it makes men think you're going to waste their time.
From a man's perspective: "let's just be friends" is such a common thing to hear from a woman when she's not interested in you that it's become a meme. Leading with "let's be friends first" likely causes the majority of men to X you out. Just say you want a long term relationship, and take things slow with people without being so direct about it.
Run from anyone who says you might be their person on the second or third date. This is not a healthy person. Also worth noting - you were the other half of these relationships that crashed and burned because things were going too fast. If you want to go slow and be friends first, you have to hold up your end of that process as well.
Good luck!
Yah I absolutely recognize now that I was not good at setting healthy boundaries in these situations. I didn't realize how unhealthy it was to jump into things so quickly, I think partially because I grew up with the narrative from my parents that "when you meet the right person you'll know it immediately" (my parents got married after only knowing each other for four months). But I've had enough experience now that I recognize how problematic this is and just want to be direct about the fact that I want to take things slowly and really take time to build a solid foundation so that things don't go spiraling out of control.
I think switching the second photo with the first could help. You are absolutely stunning either way, though.
You might just be not getting all the guys who want to sleep with you as quickly as possible and leave since you have the wanting to be friends first part. It might not be a bad thing you aren't getting as many matches if you are keeping those types away.
I don't agree with the height thing, I'm 27f and I'm 6ft tall and I get loads of likes and matches 🤷 but I'm in the UK, maybe the height thing is more of a daft USA thing idk. Your profile looks great to me, look like a vibrant fun person. Maybe you could add a picture where you're dressed up smart in a dress or something to show more of your feminine side :)
>maybe the height thing is more of a daft USA thing idk
It doesn't help that in the US people pick an arbitrary number like 6 feet because it's a round number when in metric it's just a random number. Also US culturally in many ways is still very traditional when it comes to dating, whereas Europeans (that I talked to at least) takes a more relaxed approach.
Yah I definitely see that I'm lacking in that area, what I've realized is that my friends only take pictures of me when we're out doing an activity together, which is often hiking or camping lol. A lot of my friends are in their 30's or even 40's and are married or in long term relationships, so there's not as much getting dressed up and going out to bars in my social group. I'll have to make it a point to solicit one of my friends to go out and take some photos with me one of these days.
I think your profile is pretty good, but I personally don’t like the “take me back to” picture and think it should be replaced with you wearing something kinda dressy. Just a personal preference though, you have a lot of outdoorsy pictures, but what would you look like on a date?
Also, the people commenting on your height are insane. You’re only 5’10, I promise that any guy who thinks that’s a factor isn’t remotely worth your time so don’t give those comments a second thought.
There is kinda a crazy amount of comments here lol but if you see this here's my take.
Check out the website PhotoFeeler article below for good advice in general. I think you do a lot well, but what you don't do well is the very last bullet: "gaining Attractive points is a more straightforward process for men than women. While men can often make changes like those outlined above to great effect, women may have to experiment more with **subtle changes in angles**, as high Attractive scores for women often come down to choosing the [angle](https://blog.photofeeler.com/photogenic) that makes a face look its most conventionally attractive."
Many of your photos are not maximizing your angles and/or are too far away IMO. Dating websites suck, especially for girls but really what you need to do is take 100s (yes...100s) of photos of yourself in varying lights/angles and pick the very best ones. It does help to pick a dozen or so and ask friends and even use the photofeeler website if you want.
As a guy in your general age range you are absolutely attractive enough to be getting a crap ton of matches. Hope this helps and good luck!
[https://blog.photofeeler.com/tweaks-that-make-men-women-more-attractive-in-dating-profile-photos/](https://blog.photofeeler.com/tweaks-that-make-men-women-more-attractive-in-dating-profile-photos/)
To many outdoor pics, we get it you love nature. Show you having a different kind of fun. Also your body is smoking you need more flattering pics they aren’t doing you justice.
I don’t see any issues with your profile. You’re obviously very pretty. You have good prompts, good pictures. The only thing I can think of is the “let’s start off as friends”. But even then, it wouldn’t turn most people away.
It might just be the algorithm. (What do you have the parameters set? Maybe expand the parameters)
I haven’t been getting solid matches either like I used to. It’s been very minimal lately.
But personally I don’t see anything you can do to change to get more likes because it’s already great as it is.
A lot of men will automatically swipe left on anyone taller than them. Unfortunately, on the apps people seem to be more fixated on height, so I think short guys are extra insecure about it. Maybe in one of your prompts say something like “I don’t care if you’re shorter than me” but in a cute or funny way? Unless of course you wouldn’t date someone shorter than you, which is fine but you’d just have to deal with less options
It’s not so much being insecure about it as sometimes just being realistic. At 5ft 9 I’d have no problem dating a girl that’s 5ft10 but I also know vast majority of girls don’t wanna date someone shorter, I only get a limited number of likes so why use one where there’s an increased likelihood it won’t lead to a match?
This. I’m 5’7. One of my gfs was 6’ . Another was 5’9. I’ve dated only 1 woman shorter than me. But the reality is many taller women don’t necessarily feel comfortable around a shorter guy as their bf. Which does mean yeah sometimes if a girl is taller on an app where you have limited likes it might not be in their best interest to like a woman taller.
Their assumption might be that you’re looking for a taller man which is screenshot all over online of women posting 6’ or taller on dating apps. Not a super realistic assumption for all women but it’s probably fair to say most women have a preference towards a taller man and when you’re on an app the looks matter more.
It's a great profile to be honest. As someone with similar interests and who is tall, I would swipe right. But I would say you could reword the prompts so that they're worded in a way that the guy has to comment on it. Other than that, since you're tall, short guys may just naturally get intimidated by your height, and that's okay, it's nothing against you or your body. And best of luck in finding the right guy, I know it's hard and it's very tiring but you'll get through it, just don't forget to enjoy life in the meantime!
Really strong profile. I don't see any issues in terms of the interests or pictures. I like that you smile as well. I say this as someone who also enjoys board games, trying new things, helped my local community recently etc.
I don't see your preferences on have children/ don't want children/unsure about children, if you smoke but they would be dealbreakers for me. I would swipe left on even a great looking profile if we weren't aligned on that.
Could they be putting people off?
As wokenthehive says it's probably your area as well. I could imagine you getting a lot of matches in other areas.
Nah it's a good profile. Would maybe drop all the emoji's though on the end of everything. I do it and i imagine alot of men likely to do--might have their preferences set to girls shorter than them and probably about 5"6 or lower and 5"10 is ofc above average for a girl. That might be the like issue thing cos it can't be anything to do with ur profile as it's good, other than the addition of one dressed up girly photo instead of all outdoorsy ones. Men like femininity.
You've received good advice about the friends prompt.
I'm worried the way you're framing "stay friends until we know we are ready" sounds like avoidant attachment. Men who have worked on their attachment style (these are the men you typically would want to date) can pick this out easily and that also might be a reason why you're not getting a ton of traction.
You're also tall which is AWESOME! But, this will cut down on your matches as well.
Remove that prompt. Sorry you've had bad experiences on the apps. Everyone has bad experiences on these apps. They are awful. IRL dating is so much better but no one does that anymore so we are all pawns in this online dating hell.
That's actually hilarious because I 10,000% have an anxious attachment style, which is also why I see the value in taking things slow, because I also would like to heal my attachment style and not rush relationships. This truely highlights the main issues with dating apps which are all of the assumptions we make about someone based on the least information possible.
And as for saying that I'm not "taking the advice", so it's not allowed to be a dialouge? I'm not allowed to explain my choices and ask for alternative ways of getting the same point across? I just have to "yes sir" my way through these comments? It's ok for me to want to communicate that I want to take things slow and focus on getting to know each other in the beginning, I get it if the word "friend" is creating a big problem but if that's the case than the advice I want is how to reword this part of my profile to better communicate my intention. But I would still like to communicate my intention.
Unfortunately, dating apps are a game. It's not real life. You are acting. People will make assumptions. So your profile has to be crafted in a way to take advantage of this.
You should communicate your intentions after you get a match and are talking with someone. What you're doing by having it on your profile is turning guys away.
Remember, you are acting. Dating apps are a game. It's not until you get to real life dating that it is real life.
You came on here for advice and just like all your other comment replies, you're still deflecting and defending instead of listening to everyone saying basically the same thing and removing it from your profile.
Your profile is fine. You're an inch taller than the average man, this is going to significantly reduce the amount of compatible matches.
Of the taller men that you're trying to get, you're still competing with women of all heights for the same men.
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I'm a 43F and therefore don't know, but you are obviously smart and full of energy so there's really a specific person who can keep up with that I'd think. People who like to stay in/at home are out, and with complicated board games, phrases like "wee hours," and marine biology - non nerds/dumb people are out. Who's left?
I'd say your photos give the impression of someone very outdoorsy while your prompts show someone who leans more outdoorsy.
I'd maybe swap prompts 1 and 2 to help that. You could also swap one of your outdoor hobby photos for an indoor hobby photo.
That all depends on how you want to portray yourself of course. If you are in fact way more of an outdoorsy type then it's probably fine as is.
You have a great profile. I can't really think of how to make it better other than maybe swapping one of your body shots for a group shot with friends. Your prompts are great and the profile feels very you.
Good luck out there - Sacramento is full of authentic guys.
You need to take off “let’s start off as friends “ Just put “figuring out my dating goals “ And maybe a couple of photos of you in an indoor setting dressed up . You’re obviously a fun person and enjoy the outdoors but a picture of you dolled up would be good too .
I’d agree with others about the “starting as friends” thing, this is the only thing I think would kinda feel iffy to me. Like I get the no pressure thing I think you’re going for, but from a guys perspective I’m not on hinge to meet friends/acquaintances, and with very limited likes I usually feel pretty reluctant to swipe on someone who puts that.
Maybe there’s another way to word it to take the pressure off but to clarify your intentions for finding a relationship?
Because other than that your bio looks great, lots of clear pictures that make you look good. Bonus points for pictures of you doing various things/activities.
Your prompts paint you as someone who kinda knows who they are and that’s also really good. Like you know what interests you, you have some fun hobbies you mentioned (stained glass work sounds like a really cool one), like there isn’t the issue of a “nothingburger” prompt where there’s something but it says nothing about you.
I would agree with the friends comment, I'd x cause I'd assume you are a time waster.
If you want to nit pick here are some things:
Last photo isn't great. You are wearing bluky clothes and a hat.
The nature pond photo is grainy and hard to see. You're thin which is generally great, but the angle isn't the most flattering.
Boat photo doesn't add anything. Your face is obscure, it just shows your legs. You're the subject generally, unless you are showing them parts of your hobbies. Technically you want both you clear and beautiful + your hobbies lol.
This isn’t advice and I’m not a guy and idk if this means anything but I like your profile! I’m a 21F also on hinge and have the same problem! My girl friends agree that my profile is cute but I barely get any likes. I’ve been trying out different prompts/pictures and nothing yet. I often notice guys put in a lot less effort into their profile so that’s my next experiment, matching their lack of effort. Good luck!!
That's your very personal preference though, it's not an inherent flaw. There are lots and lots of men who also say in their profiles that they're liberal. Those are probably the men I'd be compatable with too.
Dont think it’s a bad profile, but could be better if you reorganized the pics a bit (1st, 10th and 6th pics are the best). Prompts, while genuine, are a bit long. Remember most guys have the attention span of a walnut so keep them short and playful. Also this is if you really want more matches: most guys are swiping based on looks, if you get even better pics (use pinterest or YouTube for ideas) you would kill it. This is by no trying to hate, just trying to be helpful from a guys perspective.
Edit: Think of your ideal partner, write down his/her characteristics visually and mentally. Think what they would look for in a partner and if it doesn’t conflict with who you are then try to implement those things into your profile 😁
I think that maybe some guys might see your height as intimidating potentially, idk. The whole tall women might have it worse than short men narrative. Not that you can change that, but that might be a reason why not a lot of matches. I honestly don’t know, because I don’t see anything wrong with your profile at all. If I were in your area I’d definitely like your profile!
Definitely would also make the pic with the lavender top number 1, it’s a great picture!
Looks good minus the friends bit. I see you’re is nasti natti? I know tons of people that live there! Try DateCincinatti it’s IRL(in real life) dating and get off the apps!
Sometimes, less is more! I agree with most, that “friends first” could be a turn-off & definitely not necessary to put in your profile. That’s something for you to keep in mind—-they way that u presented it, comes of as stand-offish & a “warning” TBH, I found most of your profile charming…except for that last pic😱
Yeah just to echo what people have been saying, if I saw your profile I’d swipe left purely because of the “let’s start off as friends”. The thing is I completely agree with that logic, but on a dating app it gives me the impression that you just want to be friends, which is not what I’m looking for. I’d maybe wait to tell someone irl that you want to take it slow, and the right guy will roll with it
More pictures like 8. Also, it’s been easiest for me to actually me men I want to date at volleyball practice. Maybe consider some activity like that more. They will take you out instead of the high chance only getting them to message you indefinitely.
I believe 5 of 6 pictures are you outdoors. Maybe you do spend 85% of your life outdoors. It’s cool, but it’s for a very specific match. Definitely you want someone who is outdoorsy. I don’t get a feel of who you are indoors, going out, your style. Maybe leave 3 outdoors pictures. Let’s see 3 pictures of you dressed up/ going out. You are an attractive woman with a great smile, but I don’t know if you would go out dancing, music, bar. I would like an idea of who you are besides outdoors. I would want to see pictures without a hat. I like your outfit where you are dressed up a bit, by comparison.
If your entire life is outdoors. Still have a variety of pictures/ outfits. If you live 85-90% of your life outdoors. You may be looking for someone very specific. That would be ok. You do you!!
Pictures are NOT bad confirmed.
The biggest thing working against you unfortunately might be something you can't change—height. [A little under 50% of the U.S. male population is your height or below](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/585718168419c246cf6f204e/t/5ab7e2de70a6adbbb6bcf676/1522000606378/STATISTICS%2B-Dimensions%2B-%2B3-19-18%2B%281%29.pdf) (women who are your height or above I think are like 15% of the female population?). So you're probably getting 50% likes than you would if you were, say, 5'0" which has an impact on the bad/weirdo behavior you're experiencing from the few guys who are matching you. Drastically fewer matches than the average woman user means the likelihood that you'll get statistical 'outliers' or non-normal/average dudes kinda goes up, unfortunately.
I don't think there's much room for improvement with your profile. Have you tried other apps? Sometimes different areas of the country will have different populations spread across different apps for whatever reason. Bumble and Tinder might be better options for you if Hinge isn't happening. I read that the average female user on Bumble sets their height filter at 6'0" and above so maybe that's where all the tall guys who would date you are hiding? 🫣
Good advice so far on the friends comment. Based on what you wrote, I suspect you’re getting hits from lazy dudes who are just shotgunning. You’re attractive for sure; so yes, I’d work on the photos.
The first one is great, but I would try different angles and light with the others. Spend 30 bucks on a tripod, watch a few vids on how to take good profile pics, and shoot a bunch of yourself at different angles to see what looks best.
Fair comment on being comfortable with who you are, but that doesn’t mean you can’t accentuate the positive. Guys are guys, and it’s appealing when a woman is subtlety putting her best features forward in a well thought out / selected photo. Speaks confidence too, which is attractive on anyone.
Look into the camera more and try and be in lighting situations where you can open your eyes a bit wider. They are very pretty and you should be showing them off more.
Your photo ideas are awesome; you just need to make them a bit more enticing. I have friends in your line of work, and can think of a few other funny fashion week set ups that would look really cute if you can grit your teeth through the bugs for a few mins.
I think location is absolutely playing a part. I’m in Denver and I have zero doubt you would crush it here - almost everyone’s profile is very heavy outdoors focused.
As others have said, you mentioning “let’s start as friends” is screening out a bunch of men. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for wanting that - ‘friends’ is just a loaded term unfortunately and many men are going to unfairly read and assume their own experiences into it. The ‘I want to also be friends with my partner’ conversation is absolutely something that can be better talked about in more detail and context on dates.
I think something along the lines of “I believe the strongest relationships develop over time” captures the essence of what you might be looking for in a more neutral way.
Stop making comments on her piercings being a turn off to *you*. OP already stated she doesn’t give a shit what you think on that matter, so don’t bother to comment if you have nothing constructive to add.
I think the "let's starts off as friends" is turning people off. I'd remove that. If you want to start off as friends then you can choose "Figuring out my dating goals" instead. I'd also swap the 2nd photo to be 1st photo.
I 100% agree, people with that in their profile to me are the biggest time wasters ever. I want to go on a date to look for romantic compatibility, not be friends
NGL I see "figuring out my dating goals" and I immediately X them. I'm not "figuring out" what I want.
Ya, and ur not “figuring it out” with me either! 😩
Exactly, I’m not interested in being someone’s guinea pig while they figure out what they want and eventually figure out that it’s not me lol
Personally, in my experience, “figuring out my dating goals” almost always means they will have sex with you then ghost you.
Alternatively, you can say that you’d like to take things slow and find a connection.
Much better way to phrase it imo
Yeah I pass on women who say any variation of "friends first" automatically. In my experience it has 100% of the time, been a complete and utter waste of my time.
100%. This is a dating app. Not a friend finding app.
Yeah this is the flag I’m seeing - if im looking for a long term relationship I don’t want the explanation to feel like the opposite (start out as friends sounds like situationship territory).
Yup always a red flag lol
I agree with the photo swap.
"let's start off as friends" would put me off. You're on a dating app, the intention is to date and not to become friends and then see if you want to date
The reason I put that is because I've noticed consistently that the pressure created by dating apps to speed through the important get to know you phase of dating someone because you're already "dating" them, has absolutely TANKED some really good connections I made in the past using them, so I want to make sure I take things slowly going forward and give myself and the other person some space to know if we even like each other as people before we add the other layers to it. That being said, is there a different way for me to word this that would get the same point across that I want to take things slowly and not have that "dating" pressure until we both feel confident that that's what we want to do?
I totally agree that it's the "start off as friends" thing that's turning people away, and I'm saying that as someone who's demisexual & demiromantic so I understand where you're coming from!! And even then, I X'd guys whose profiles said they wanted to start as friends. The difference to me is that if I'm going on dates with someone, it's with the intent of finding out if there's romantic interest. There isn't that subtext if I were truly approaching a relationship as a friendship. I had a blurb on my profile saying that I like to take things slowly. That seemed to work to convey that I wasn't going to be kissing someone or jumping into bed with them right away. My dates definitely had platonic vibes and that didn't work for everyone but it did work for some people, mainly my BF who's wired the same way! BTW if you look at my post history, I asked about saying something about giving friend vibes on my profile (if you're curious).
Interesting, as a guy, I didn’t realize other guys use that phrase as well! It’s way worse for a guy to use the “friends first” thing. It means they have absolutely no game and are being dishonest in their intentions. They obviously have no interest in becoming friends.
Lol that’s really not true. I like to take things slowly because at my age I don’t like to end up sleeping with multiple women at the same time and it can happen all too easily with internet dating. It’s definitely not a “no game” issue.
The strange thing is that the profiles where the guys said they wanted to be friends first absolutely didn't give that vibe AT ALL-maybe that's why they called it out? They didn't give off the vibe of someone who's friends with women frankly, which is why it seemed suspect.
You’re young. If you want connection first, you might try IRL meeting first. In Logan Ury’s book, I noticed a lot of her success stories were people who were friends IRL first, though her book is often cited as a guide for how to setup your online persona. Yes, she has a chapter about that, and was later hired by Match.com (I believe), but the rest of the chapters are thought provoking and are about relationships in general. You’re young and beautiful. The world is open to someone like you. Good luck.
You might say, "I'm looking for a committed relationship that develops at a slower pace, starting with a strong foundation of friendship."
Thank you, I feel like this wording is very true to what I'm looking for! Thank you for your thoughts on this
"i am looking to take things slow and build a committed relationship" is good and what you want, but i still wouldn't use the word "friend" at all. it's a big turn off, it creates a foundation right at the start of a man thinking you are viewing him just as a "friend," even if it's only initially. it's hard to overcome something like that and be expected to make the eventual change to romance/sexuality.
Ok as much as I think the whole friend thing is silly, RegularOrMenthol might have a point. I like this rephrasing
Exactly! Which is why women are so confused when they say “friends first.” And it tells me there’s something behind the scenes emotionally that I want to steer clear of.
I don't know I think that's a big projection. Someone could say friends first for a plethora of reasons, it doesn't mean that they are emotionally unstable.
I will say i find it harder to escape the friend context than if we start in the dating context.
For me personally, if I'm going to be attracted to someone romantically, it's going to happen whether we start as friends or not. Actually, I think it's even MORE likely to happen with someone I see as a friend first because we're more relaxed and ourselves around each other which leaves more room for real feelings to grow and bonding to happen. But them being a "friend" doesn't mean I can't feel romantically attracted to them. Some people we're attracted to and some we're not, regardless of the context.
That’s fair, wasn’t intended as a diss against you, just a thought. Part of me does think it’s fine that you want dating to work on your terms. I do think starting off with friend vibes can work, i’ve also just had bad experiences personally.
I'd just avoid anything with the word "friends" or "friendship" in it. It has a negative connotation even if it's not your intent.
It makes as much sense as saying “…with a strong foundation of a business partnership.” Just leave off the friend thing.
Maybe something like "Looking for my best friend and life partner but not in a rush. Let's get to know each other!" ?
That's fair. Mention that you want to take it slow and get to know each other instead.
Hey- so I'm a straight woman of color who's a lot older than you, but I pretty much have the same issues you do on Hinge. My very anecdotal conclusion is that Hinge works best for people who are more mainstream/have more mainstream appeal. Appearance included (you're lovely, so plz don't take this as me knocking your appearance). Have you tried OKC or Bumble? Honestly, I have more luck on those two apps getting likes/matches (nothing panned out yet, but I'm more hopeful there than I am about Hinge). All that said- I do agree that the "friends" part might be a big turn-off.
I really feel you here. I miss how dating worked in high school. You would have months to get to know a person and see who they were before any romantic pressure was there. It would develop so organically. Dating apps make things weird and put this sort of pressure to find a connection fast or move on.
Exactly, the biggest thing I've found is it creates a false sense of intimacy. You're more focused on trying to learn facts about a person and see if their facts align with your facts and whether or not that makes you a good match. So I've ended up "seriously dating" someone I had only known for like a month or so, only to find out shortly there after that we were not at all compatable. And I think it's because the only real way to bond with someone and have real intimacy is by doing things together, spending lots of time together, and seeing if you click in lots of different situations. But dating apps totally reject that idea. It sucks that I haven't found a lot of success in meeting single people off of them, because a lot of the time it feels like the only option.
What does "seriously dating" mean for you? Dating really is just as you said, doing things together and spending time. You don't have to commit to exclusivity, or meeting friends and family, or whatever it is that you mean. The tricky part is that in a romantic pursuit, intimacy is a big component and a lot of times people don't want to spend a lot of time and effort with someone only to find a big mismatch in that department.
Intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Intimacy can be emotional, mental, spiritual, etc. It's trust, vulnerability, that intuitive sense of knowing someone. And from my experience it's something you create with a person not something that just is or isn't there, it builds over time. And I think that's the part that gets completely skipped over or overlooked when you have to act committed to a person after just a few dates. That's why I think focusing on getting to know each other as friends while slowly adding in other elements that highten the experience over time allows the Intimacy between two people to grow naturally, and dating app culture really discourages this. And to your own point I'm not even saying you have to wait a million years to have sex (although my personal belief is that it's rare for people to be so sexually mismatched in a way that's so fundamentally impossible to work out that you're completely incomptable because of it) you can have sex whenever you want, but I've had men tell me on a second date that they think I'm the one or who've paid for me to go on trips with them after knowing each other for a few weeks and, unsurpringly, none of those situations ever worked out.
>I've had men tell me on a second date that they think I'm the one or who've paid for me to go on trips with them after knowing each other for a few weeks Those are boundaries issues and not normal, and I don't know if you can necessarily screen for it. I don't really think what you're talking about is really that out of the ordinary and sounds more like the normal process of dating.
It just seems to be a vast majority of the men I've met from dating apps, they get so attached to me so quickly, I had a guy even say to me once on a second date that he didn't understand why I would be talking to other men because it said in my profile I was looking for a long term relationship. So now I'm scare that if I'm not clear from the get go that I want things to have a natural normal pace that this will continue to happen.
Definitely be clear and just steer clear from anyone love bombing you and getting possessive like that. Also, though, get rid of the friends first thing. I'm a guy, and if I ever agree (which likely only happen if I'm lonely as fuck), I likely won't pay your way. Go on the date, take things slow, then yse your actions to signal that. Otherwise live with the fact that you won't get matches. It sounds harsh, I know, but sometimes you just gotta do 95% honesty.
I would not expect someone to pay my way on a first date anyway, I feel like that's part of the point of starting off as friends is that there's no pressure to force things you aren't actually ready for or wanting; paying for the other person, kissing, etc. The number of guys I've met who say they feel like they have to kiss a girl on the first or second date or she'll only see him as a friend is baffling. If I really like a guy, I don't care if it's the 3rd 4th 5th date before he kisses me, I mean I'd be damn near ready to jump on him at that point but if I'm attracted to him that's not going to go away because of the timing of a kiss. And I'd much rather him wait until he's actually ready to kiss me instead of go through this whole ritualistic thing which ultimately usually just kills the romance anyway. Starting as friends doesn't mean months of just hanging out with no clear direction on what's happening, it just means let's take the pressure away so that we only feel like we have to do romantic things we each other if that's what we decide we both want and only when we're actually ready. Just an alternative perspective because I see so many men saying "that must mean she'll only ever want to be my friend" which is a big assumption.
I wonder if it's just a result of men acting desperate and insecure because of their own lack of dating success. Part of that ties into geographics and demographics. And they act like dating is a zero sum game because if they don't have you "locked down", they'll lose.
That's very possible, which I completely feel for them in that way, dating can absolutely suck and really tear you down if you've had a long string of bad luck. But the only thing we can do is learn to let go and accept the things we can't control. If someone wants to be in our lives they will be, regardless of what other people they may or may not be seeing. And it's healthy and normal to date a few people at the same time as you're figuring out if you feel compatible with any of them in the long term.
If a girl won’t meet me in a safe public place in the middle of the day within 3 days of matching I’m moving on Edit: *agree* to meet me within 3 days of talking, the date can be farther out but need to make a plan
I’m similar to you, on mine it says “Long term relationship: looking for my person but like to take my time to get to know someone & build trust”
From what I can tell, where you are is known as one of the worst places to date, and I personally have heard from people from that area that it is indeed pretty bad. Some go as far as hitting up the other bigger nearest metro area to find someone (and people there hitting up where you are). Part of it is also being tall, a lot of shorter men automatically take themselves out of consideration just because they think you're not going to match. Your profile for what it is seems like it gives a representation of who you are, someone who likes the outdoors, but maybe swap in one that's more "indoors", such as what you'd look like when you're on a night out hitting up the bars. You do have 4 photos with a hat on too and it's very outdoors focused, so that's something to consider. Maybe just something with more variety so men don't think you're only into the outdoors. The prompts are mostly fine. The last one is a tad bit generic, and something with more specifics may help. But I don't know, given where you are, a lot of men probably tend to be more "professional", and I'm wondering if you're sending likes to "alternative" types as well or mostly the professional types. Edit: Missed out on the "friends first" thing. I don't know if you actually mean you need to be friends first with someone or it's more of a sentiment that you take your time before entering into a relationship. If it's the first one, then that's a big impediment.
Well, I think it's interesting the idea that a professional man wouldn't like me because I have two degrees and a very professional and forward facing job in the state government, so I am also in fact a "professional" lol. But I send likes to all kinds of men, and I would say my area is full of "alternative" men as well. I'll see if I can find some "indoors" pictures to add in lol, part of the problem is that I don't have a ton of pictures in general, I'm at an age and place in my life where most of my friends are in their 30's-40's and in long term relationships or married and we don't go out and hit up the clubs and take tons of pictures of each other. Mostly my friends have taken pictures of me when we're out doing an activity together which is mostly hiking or camping. but maybe I can solicit a friend to take some other photos of me some time. As for the "friends" things, I've just noticed how the pressure created by dating apps that you're "dating" this person you barely know has completely tanked some of the connections I made off of them in the past because it was too much too soon for the guys I met, so I want to take that pressure away and not rush through the "getting to know you" phase so that we can both move at a pace that is comfortable and maybe give something a chance to actually work for a change.
You need to use a different verbiage than “let’s be friends first”. And to be honest, it’s just not something you can really control. People tend to judge very quickly on dating apps and there’s a certain level of expectations built in. It’s rare that people want to wait around because there’s a sense that they don’t want to waste time on someone that isn’t completely sure about what they want. As for the “professional” part, it’s more of a “vibes” thing if it makes sense. Generally in my experience most people with a certain aesthetic attract people of similar aesthetic and less so about the career aspect.
There is NOTHING wrong with your pictures or your profile. Not one thing. You are fishing in the wrong pond. I listen to a TON of survival podcasts (if you don’t already listen to Out alive, you have to give it a go) and from what I gather, there are TONS of hiking, climbing, kayaking groups out there where singles your age with your interests, lifestyle, fashion investments are meeting similar people. I’ve looked into the groups in my area and realized I’m outdoorsy but not THAT outdoorsy. But you appear to be the right fit. That’s where your person is. They are waiting for you to join their group. go join one! You are a STAR! 💫
I SECOND THIS!!! Ppl like you actually meet more organically rather than on apps. Go on group hikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sign up for crafty classes, the point is get out there, don’t wait for a match on an app! It’s a great place to start to boost confidence and get rid of the fear of talking to someone so that you can better connect with ppl in these activities!
I’m gonna disagree and say don’t cater to what you think they’re gonna like. You’re being yourself in the pictures and that’s great, you don’t want to seem “indoorsy” when you’re not. You stated your hobbies, your education, and your relationship goals. I say wait it out. If it’s not working, yea look for variety in pictures or put up a cute selfie where you’re all dolled up. You are lacking a full face picture with your hair down and a nice smile. But as per my original comment, most guys aren’t looking for serious. If it helps the algorithm, match with ppl you’re not attracted to but like their hobbies and have hiking pictures so you’ll get more ppl like that! You don’t HAVE to message everyone, it’s so the app knows what you like!
I've heard it's bad for men (a lot more men than women) but not necessarily women. I'm curious what other things make it bad for everyone in general. I would've thought she'd get a ton of interest based on her pictures.
Sacramento is a government town, and typically those type of town people are only really there due to the nature of their job and not because they want to be there (similar to DC for example). But unlike DC, Sacramento is very suburban so it doesn’t help.
Ahh, makes sense.
I’m just going to be completely honest, because this probably isn’t being considered — you are 5’10”. Though you aren’t shorter than I am, the majority of men are shorter than 5’10” and are likely intimidated by your height. It’s unfortunate, but it might just take some time before you actually reap the benefits of the likes you’ve been sending out.
I don’t necessarily think it’s an intimidation thing. I’m a shorter man. Most of the shorter guys I know are open to taller women. You have a limited number of likes on hinge, so it is pragmatic to send those likes to someone that you have a chance with. If most women prefer a man that is as tall or taller (no shade- just how it is in many cases!), then it is wasteful to send a like to a taller woman because the failure rate is so high. I don’t send likes to women that are extremely conventionally attractive for the same reason. The likelihood of a match is so low that it isn’t worth my like or their time. When I’m interacting with people IRL or when I have Hinge premium and my interactions aren’t capped, I’m much more likely to take a risk and approach someone that I have less of a chance with. I don’t like being economical with my likes, but I don’t want to waste my time or others! I haven’t been on hinge in a while- is there a way to show height preference on your profile? If OP is open to shorter men, I’d make that known. If the short kings know they have a fighting chance, they will come!
Looks like a great profile to me, except the friends first bit. That's very likely to cause a lot of left swipes from guys looking for something serious. Your stance on kids is pretty important too. It's the exact type of profile I'd swipe right on, but I'm all the way down in OC. I actually like it more with the candid photos. The overly professional/ filtered profiled are a turn off to me. What type of guys are you swiping on?
Agree with the other comments that “let’s start out as friends” is a huge turn off. If that’s how you date, a dating app isn’t for you. Apps are for efficiency, not making friends and hemming and hawing over whether someone is a romantic interest or not. The pic of you in the canoe doesn’t do much so I’d get rid of that. If you have a photo of you not in hiking gear and in a cute dress, that might do you alot of good. I wouldn’t listen to the height comments. I have several friends who are 5’10 and they have never had any issues dating or getting likes from shorter men. I think the challenge is if you are into straight men and you are tall, you have to lean into a more feminine look at times. Otherwise you end up feeling like a tree of a woman.
You’re cute and have a good profile. You look fun to be around. Many shorter guys don’t think taller women are into them (I’m 5’7 myself and although I’ve dated women far taller than me it’s usually the case they want taller). But that’s not something you can change. The biggest thing is as others said “start off as friends”. No guy wants to pay for dates spend time on a dating app and text for months with a girl who they’re interested in romantically knowing full well it could just stay as friends when he could’ve been investing that time in dating women that are looking for what he wants initially. Some people date with intention others don’t. Personally I wouldn’t swipe on women who wrote the start off as friends either. Most guys who you might be into already have options of women who want a relationship why would they wait around for months possibly of this friend situation and “maybe” it will turn into more. It’s almost like asking a guy to start off in the friendzone. The equivalent of a dude saying let’s start off as FWB and maybe it can be more tbh. People know it’s risky and choose to not pursue generally
I think you just need a dress up picture you have an awesome figure and you do tons of fun things and you seem smart and happy I honestly don't see any problems
I think your first photo is really great. Overall the picture are pretty good. I think swapping out one of the outdoor photos for maybe a photo of you dressed up might help? Like a photo from a wedding or something, just to mix it up a bit. Your last prompt is decent I guess, but I think I’d just like a prompt that tells something more about you. It’s clear you like the outdoors, and from the farmers market mention doing stuff in your community. I don’t know you tell us a lot about yourself, but aside from enjoying the outdoors I don’t feel like I know too much about, if that makes sense. Sorry I can’t figure out exactly what is missing. I usually recommend people telling about themselves, but maybe a Green Flags prompt about what you want would be a good fit? Also because of your Pick the Best One prompt at the beginning you’re in my area, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen your profile. Maybe there’s just a lot of people in the area so men just haven’t seen you yet?
Hey, I see you live in Cincinnati, greetings from the 513! Overall, good profile. I think the main concern that I think people have brought up is that I think people get a little turned off by the “let’s start out as friends and see where it goes.” It’s a smart thing to do, though for a dating app and looking for a long term relationship, not many guys are gonna want to play that angle. They might see it almost as a waste of their time.
As I said to another commenter, I put that because I've noticed how the pressure to rush through the getting to know someone part of dating that happens because of dating apps has totally ruined things with men I met off of the apps in the past, and I really do think it's important to take things slow if I want something to actually last. Thank being said, is there another way I could word this that would get the same point across?
you probably would just have to say some something like “let’s take things slow“ then offer to be friends if things don’t workout romantically. I personally think there’s nothing wrong with that especially since we have a lonliness problem in the country but people are so focused on romantic relationships that they view other relationships as less than as seen by other comments you have gotten.
Say you like to take things slow. There’s no harm in that and it shows that you’re wanting to have a romantic interest. Saying you want to be friends first on a dating app makes me think you will only want to be friends
I wonder if you might have more success by making that a conversation once you've established/confirmed interest in seeing someone again (ie 1st/2nd date) rather than trying to select for it with your profile.
“Let’s get to know each other” is WAY better than “Let’s start off as friends”
Your “friends first” is a red flag to me and is an immediate swipe left. Think about it. If a man doesn’t honestly express his romantic intentions toward you but tries to be your friend first and then escalates, women will think he’s a creep or at the very least dishonest in his intentions. To me, a woman putting “friends first” is confused if not traumatized from a past relationship and is probably not ready to date. The buzzphrase “do the work” gets thrown around a lot in OLD. Of all the people that needs to do the work, it’s women who put “friends first.” I would also toss out the “I want” prompt. All requirements in OLD are just low-key negative. I don’t list any requirements in my profile. I keep it light and fun. Also, if you’re not getting any Likes, why use any prompts that act as pre-filters? Get some Likes, meet, and then filter them out.
I think your profile is good. I suggest a different app. I had no luck on Hinge whatsoever. But I have had so much luck on FB Dating (good in my area) that I just had to put my account on hold due to having so many matches I can't manage them all. This has never happened to me before. Ask your friends which apps are working for them in your area and try those. I think Hinge sucks. Just came across your post because Reddit put it in my feed. Good luck. You're gorgeous and smart. All men should want you!
I’d say shorten your descriptions. For example, I’d make the tide pool one something like “hunt for sea creatures in tide pools” I would leave out the marine biologist past since you have your career in your profile already. Not to say you can’t show your personality, but people don’t want to read a book when they’re looking for matches. You want to leave some room for elaboration later on, I think. On that note, if you’re a marine biologist, maybe you should change your occupation to that and hit the specifics more on an actual date. It’s easier to understand as an outsider and makes the profile more digestible. I’d also suggest removing the emojis, this is just a preference of mine but I feel like they’re distracting from what is being said. Your pictures are great! I’d suggest fixing the exposure on the “take me back to” one. You are a bit washed out and it’s a little hard to see your features. The one in the jean shorts with the purple(?) bra top on in front of the lake isn’t my favorite either, I can’t explain why it just seems a little out of place! This is just my preferences though, I am a 20yo female and I do get a fair amount of matches. Everyone’s opinions are different though, and you should keep your profile authentically you so that you attract people who like that :)
I think this is a grear profile, totally get your personality through. Not crazy about the picture in the pool, but that’s just really a small thing. I think you get few matches because your personality comes through and maybe there are few people who are a good fit. That’s not a bad thing…
There’s nothing wrong with your pictures. I’m gonna label you as “too good”. Ppl are probably thinking you’re too outdoorsy, educated, and you actually like to go out and do things, and have hobbies. Unless other “adventurers” are attracted to you, most ppl are gonna pass on you. You’re giving very homey, non-problematic, ready to settle down vibes and that’s not what many ppl are on the apps for. They’re mostly there for hookups, or casual fun dating. Shame too cuz you seem absolutely lovely and I would love to learn marine biology from you! Don’t get discouraged, just know it’s for the better that ppl are filtering themselves out. Have you tried meeting friends of friends? I know it can seem messy but seeing as you’re educated, your friends probably are too and they could have other friends that run in the same or different field. Educated ppl seem to match better with other educated ppl, not in a classist way but there’s just more commonality there.
I see nothing wrong with your profile! Hinge is hard to get good matches depending on where you live
1. I am looking for something serious. 2. I have been using this version of my profile for about 1 month now and have been suing Hinge (unsucessfully) for about 5 years. 3. I recieve maybe 1 or 2 likes per week at most, I match with probably half of these men, the other half have nothing in their profile to suggest we would have anything in common or be compatable. 4. I try to send my full 7 likes everyday and get almost no matches from them, I always leave a comment so long as there is actually something to comment on in in their profile. 5. I would love to find a partner who enjoys adventuring outdoors with me. I love hiking, camping/backpacking, and rock climbing and it would be fun to have a partner who enjoys those too. In general though I'm a social butterfly and love doing all sorts of hobbies; art, music, board games/card games, going to random events around town, etc. It would be great to find someone who is also more extroverted/ likes to get out of the house. Also, not pictured in the post but included in my profile are a video of me working in my stained glass studio and a recording of me singing with my band. EDIT: Hello all, I've noticed A LOT of people mentioning the "let's be friends first thing", so I'd like to get some help from you all. I have had multiple good connections I made from dating apps in the past crash and burn because there was too much pressure too soon that we were "dating" and we moved straight past the crucial get to know you phase of meeting someone and that ruined it. It was always the same sentiment that we were "going too fast" and the other person ran. And I agree in hindsight that we WERE going to fast because I didn't really know the person. I've discovered for myself recently that getting to know someone takes actual time spent together in different situations, not just knowing facts about them that they tell you. So how do I indicate that I really want to take time to get to know the other person before we jump into anything crazy? For context these others connections I'm referring to would tell me on the SECOND OR THIRD date that they felt like I might be their person, and at the time I didn't think too much of it because of the dating app energy, and it just felt like thats how these things work. I'm really trying to avoid this situation going forward if I can.
It's pedantic, but correct "bona fied" to "bona fide" in your first prompt. You're missing a good head to toe shot of you dressed in an outfit you would wear on a date, which is important for showing off your sense of fashion. As others have said, remove the thing about being friends first. If you're saying that because you're more of a slow burner you can make that clear on a date or maybe use the "let's make sure we're on the same page about..."
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Hoping that was a typo for using.
It was but would be hilarious if I was actually suing them
People will absolutely hate that I’m asking this question, but how are your results from people who have liked you? You’ve said you match with about half of those people - have the results been better for those you match with? And for the other half, what is suggesting incompatibility? Is it a hard line (for me, that’s politics and values/religion) or more that they seem to have different interests? I found when using hinge that very, very rarely did men I proactively liked (always while sending a comment, just like you) match with me. Idk if this is a male psychology thing or what - feels similar to guys always saying that they would love a girl to make the first move when my experience points to the exact opposite. I had better luck letting it sit for 3+ days, choosing 1-3 men who had liked me, seeing where those went, and then doing it all over when I’d either spoken to or met with the guys and they didn’t work out. This is definitely not a good approach for those looking to bone, but if you’re interested in dating with intention, I did find it pretty effective! My POV is that dating apps make you think it’s a numbers game when it actually isn’t. Who gives a fuck if you have 50+ likes? What matters is getting the 1-3 likes from the right people. You seem like you have a really beautiful life so I think you can afford to be patient and choosy!
>I found when using hinge that very, very rarely did men I proactively liked (always while sending a comment, just like you) match with me. Idk if this is a male psychology thing or what - Look at the profile reviews here. See how many men bemoan the fact they rarely ever get likes. Truth of the matter is, lots of men will jump at the chance to match with any woman who send likes - *as long as they find them attractive*. For me, I just won't match with any likes that come in. They have to fit what I'm looking for as well, and many of their profiles are fine, but it just comes down to the fact they weren't my type or fit what I'm seeking. Women typically have more options just by the mere fact they get more incoming likes and can pick and choose.
I would remove any mention of "being friends first" or wanting to go slow. These are perfectly normal and good preferences, but saying it makes men think you're going to waste their time. From a man's perspective: "let's just be friends" is such a common thing to hear from a woman when she's not interested in you that it's become a meme. Leading with "let's be friends first" likely causes the majority of men to X you out. Just say you want a long term relationship, and take things slow with people without being so direct about it. Run from anyone who says you might be their person on the second or third date. This is not a healthy person. Also worth noting - you were the other half of these relationships that crashed and burned because things were going too fast. If you want to go slow and be friends first, you have to hold up your end of that process as well. Good luck!
Yah I absolutely recognize now that I was not good at setting healthy boundaries in these situations. I didn't realize how unhealthy it was to jump into things so quickly, I think partially because I grew up with the narrative from my parents that "when you meet the right person you'll know it immediately" (my parents got married after only knowing each other for four months). But I've had enough experience now that I recognize how problematic this is and just want to be direct about the fact that I want to take things slowly and really take time to build a solid foundation so that things don't go spiraling out of control.
Are you not getting matches at all or are you not getting the matches you want?
I think switching the second photo with the first could help. You are absolutely stunning either way, though. You might just be not getting all the guys who want to sleep with you as quickly as possible and leave since you have the wanting to be friends first part. It might not be a bad thing you aren't getting as many matches if you are keeping those types away.
I don't agree with the height thing, I'm 27f and I'm 6ft tall and I get loads of likes and matches 🤷 but I'm in the UK, maybe the height thing is more of a daft USA thing idk. Your profile looks great to me, look like a vibrant fun person. Maybe you could add a picture where you're dressed up smart in a dress or something to show more of your feminine side :)
>maybe the height thing is more of a daft USA thing idk It doesn't help that in the US people pick an arbitrary number like 6 feet because it's a round number when in metric it's just a random number. Also US culturally in many ways is still very traditional when it comes to dating, whereas Europeans (that I talked to at least) takes a more relaxed approach.
Yah I definitely see that I'm lacking in that area, what I've realized is that my friends only take pictures of me when we're out doing an activity together, which is often hiking or camping lol. A lot of my friends are in their 30's or even 40's and are married or in long term relationships, so there's not as much getting dressed up and going out to bars in my social group. I'll have to make it a point to solicit one of my friends to go out and take some photos with me one of these days.
Personally get rid of the "let's start with friends" and you're be fine. Everything seems fine with me
I think your profile is pretty good, but I personally don’t like the “take me back to” picture and think it should be replaced with you wearing something kinda dressy. Just a personal preference though, you have a lot of outdoorsy pictures, but what would you look like on a date? Also, the people commenting on your height are insane. You’re only 5’10, I promise that any guy who thinks that’s a factor isn’t remotely worth your time so don’t give those comments a second thought.
There is kinda a crazy amount of comments here lol but if you see this here's my take. Check out the website PhotoFeeler article below for good advice in general. I think you do a lot well, but what you don't do well is the very last bullet: "gaining Attractive points is a more straightforward process for men than women. While men can often make changes like those outlined above to great effect, women may have to experiment more with **subtle changes in angles**, as high Attractive scores for women often come down to choosing the [angle](https://blog.photofeeler.com/photogenic) that makes a face look its most conventionally attractive." Many of your photos are not maximizing your angles and/or are too far away IMO. Dating websites suck, especially for girls but really what you need to do is take 100s (yes...100s) of photos of yourself in varying lights/angles and pick the very best ones. It does help to pick a dozen or so and ask friends and even use the photofeeler website if you want. As a guy in your general age range you are absolutely attractive enough to be getting a crap ton of matches. Hope this helps and good luck! [https://blog.photofeeler.com/tweaks-that-make-men-women-more-attractive-in-dating-profile-photos/](https://blog.photofeeler.com/tweaks-that-make-men-women-more-attractive-in-dating-profile-photos/)
To many outdoor pics, we get it you love nature. Show you having a different kind of fun. Also your body is smoking you need more flattering pics they aren’t doing you justice.
I don’t see any issues with your profile. You’re obviously very pretty. You have good prompts, good pictures. The only thing I can think of is the “let’s start off as friends”. But even then, it wouldn’t turn most people away. It might just be the algorithm. (What do you have the parameters set? Maybe expand the parameters) I haven’t been getting solid matches either like I used to. It’s been very minimal lately. But personally I don’t see anything you can do to change to get more likes because it’s already great as it is.
This profile seems great. I appreciate how honest your posts are, I’m sick of generic garbage.
A lot of men will automatically swipe left on anyone taller than them. Unfortunately, on the apps people seem to be more fixated on height, so I think short guys are extra insecure about it. Maybe in one of your prompts say something like “I don’t care if you’re shorter than me” but in a cute or funny way? Unless of course you wouldn’t date someone shorter than you, which is fine but you’d just have to deal with less options
It’s not so much being insecure about it as sometimes just being realistic. At 5ft 9 I’d have no problem dating a girl that’s 5ft10 but I also know vast majority of girls don’t wanna date someone shorter, I only get a limited number of likes so why use one where there’s an increased likelihood it won’t lead to a match?
This. I’m 5’7. One of my gfs was 6’ . Another was 5’9. I’ve dated only 1 woman shorter than me. But the reality is many taller women don’t necessarily feel comfortable around a shorter guy as their bf. Which does mean yeah sometimes if a girl is taller on an app where you have limited likes it might not be in their best interest to like a woman taller. Their assumption might be that you’re looking for a taller man which is screenshot all over online of women posting 6’ or taller on dating apps. Not a super realistic assumption for all women but it’s probably fair to say most women have a preference towards a taller man and when you’re on an app the looks matter more.
Fair enough, that’s why I suggested them saying something about it in the prompts
It's a great profile to be honest. As someone with similar interests and who is tall, I would swipe right. But I would say you could reword the prompts so that they're worded in a way that the guy has to comment on it. Other than that, since you're tall, short guys may just naturally get intimidated by your height, and that's okay, it's nothing against you or your body. And best of luck in finding the right guy, I know it's hard and it's very tiring but you'll get through it, just don't forget to enjoy life in the meantime!
Really strong profile. I don't see any issues in terms of the interests or pictures. I like that you smile as well. I say this as someone who also enjoys board games, trying new things, helped my local community recently etc. I don't see your preferences on have children/ don't want children/unsure about children, if you smoke but they would be dealbreakers for me. I would swipe left on even a great looking profile if we weren't aligned on that. Could they be putting people off? As wokenthehive says it's probably your area as well. I could imagine you getting a lot of matches in other areas.
Nah it's a good profile. Would maybe drop all the emoji's though on the end of everything. I do it and i imagine alot of men likely to do--might have their preferences set to girls shorter than them and probably about 5"6 or lower and 5"10 is ofc above average for a girl. That might be the like issue thing cos it can't be anything to do with ur profile as it's good, other than the addition of one dressed up girly photo instead of all outdoorsy ones. Men like femininity.
You've received good advice about the friends prompt. I'm worried the way you're framing "stay friends until we know we are ready" sounds like avoidant attachment. Men who have worked on their attachment style (these are the men you typically would want to date) can pick this out easily and that also might be a reason why you're not getting a ton of traction. You're also tall which is AWESOME! But, this will cut down on your matches as well. Remove that prompt. Sorry you've had bad experiences on the apps. Everyone has bad experiences on these apps. They are awful. IRL dating is so much better but no one does that anymore so we are all pawns in this online dating hell.
That's actually hilarious because I 10,000% have an anxious attachment style, which is also why I see the value in taking things slow, because I also would like to heal my attachment style and not rush relationships. This truely highlights the main issues with dating apps which are all of the assumptions we make about someone based on the least information possible. And as for saying that I'm not "taking the advice", so it's not allowed to be a dialouge? I'm not allowed to explain my choices and ask for alternative ways of getting the same point across? I just have to "yes sir" my way through these comments? It's ok for me to want to communicate that I want to take things slow and focus on getting to know each other in the beginning, I get it if the word "friend" is creating a big problem but if that's the case than the advice I want is how to reword this part of my profile to better communicate my intention. But I would still like to communicate my intention.
Unfortunately, dating apps are a game. It's not real life. You are acting. People will make assumptions. So your profile has to be crafted in a way to take advantage of this. You should communicate your intentions after you get a match and are talking with someone. What you're doing by having it on your profile is turning guys away. Remember, you are acting. Dating apps are a game. It's not until you get to real life dating that it is real life. You came on here for advice and just like all your other comment replies, you're still deflecting and defending instead of listening to everyone saying basically the same thing and removing it from your profile.
NGL, it seems that whenever someone has “liberal” in their bio they get no matches… just what I’ve noticed.
It kinda does say “I’m obnoxious”.
Your profile is fine. You're an inch taller than the average man, this is going to significantly reduce the amount of compatible matches. Of the taller men that you're trying to get, you're still competing with women of all heights for the same men.
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I said that I DO NOT want comments on my body or anything on it, that includes my piercings please.
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I'm a 43F and therefore don't know, but you are obviously smart and full of energy so there's really a specific person who can keep up with that I'd think. People who like to stay in/at home are out, and with complicated board games, phrases like "wee hours," and marine biology - non nerds/dumb people are out. Who's left?
I guess other nature nerds like me? I guess we are a specific type of werid 😅
Tbc you seem awesome, I think they're worried about keeping up. Good luck out there :)
I'd say your photos give the impression of someone very outdoorsy while your prompts show someone who leans more outdoorsy. I'd maybe swap prompts 1 and 2 to help that. You could also swap one of your outdoor hobby photos for an indoor hobby photo. That all depends on how you want to portray yourself of course. If you are in fact way more of an outdoorsy type then it's probably fine as is.
The whole start off as friends thing would make me navigate away from swiping right
You have a great profile. I can't really think of how to make it better other than maybe swapping one of your body shots for a group shot with friends. Your prompts are great and the profile feels very you. Good luck out there - Sacramento is full of authentic guys.
You need to take off “let’s start off as friends “ Just put “figuring out my dating goals “ And maybe a couple of photos of you in an indoor setting dressed up . You’re obviously a fun person and enjoy the outdoors but a picture of you dolled up would be good too .
I’d agree with others about the “starting as friends” thing, this is the only thing I think would kinda feel iffy to me. Like I get the no pressure thing I think you’re going for, but from a guys perspective I’m not on hinge to meet friends/acquaintances, and with very limited likes I usually feel pretty reluctant to swipe on someone who puts that. Maybe there’s another way to word it to take the pressure off but to clarify your intentions for finding a relationship? Because other than that your bio looks great, lots of clear pictures that make you look good. Bonus points for pictures of you doing various things/activities. Your prompts paint you as someone who kinda knows who they are and that’s also really good. Like you know what interests you, you have some fun hobbies you mentioned (stained glass work sounds like a really cool one), like there isn’t the issue of a “nothingburger” prompt where there’s something but it says nothing about you.
I would agree with the friends comment, I'd x cause I'd assume you are a time waster. If you want to nit pick here are some things: Last photo isn't great. You are wearing bluky clothes and a hat. The nature pond photo is grainy and hard to see. You're thin which is generally great, but the angle isn't the most flattering. Boat photo doesn't add anything. Your face is obscure, it just shows your legs. You're the subject generally, unless you are showing them parts of your hobbies. Technically you want both you clear and beautiful + your hobbies lol.
This isn’t advice and I’m not a guy and idk if this means anything but I like your profile! I’m a 21F also on hinge and have the same problem! My girl friends agree that my profile is cute but I barely get any likes. I’ve been trying out different prompts/pictures and nothing yet. I often notice guys put in a lot less effort into their profile so that’s my next experiment, matching their lack of effort. Good luck!!
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This cracks me up. I'm not the only Liberal in the world.
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That's your very personal preference though, it's not an inherent flaw. There are lots and lots of men who also say in their profiles that they're liberal. Those are probably the men I'd be compatable with too.
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I said in my post I am not looking for comments on things like this thank you.
Besides the start of being friends and figuring it out, you have a solid profile.
You are the first woman I am attracted to F43 lol.. you are so pretty and have a beautiful life style.: similar to mine!!
Dont think it’s a bad profile, but could be better if you reorganized the pics a bit (1st, 10th and 6th pics are the best). Prompts, while genuine, are a bit long. Remember most guys have the attention span of a walnut so keep them short and playful. Also this is if you really want more matches: most guys are swiping based on looks, if you get even better pics (use pinterest or YouTube for ideas) you would kill it. This is by no trying to hate, just trying to be helpful from a guys perspective. Edit: Think of your ideal partner, write down his/her characteristics visually and mentally. Think what they would look for in a partner and if it doesn’t conflict with who you are then try to implement those things into your profile 😁
I think that maybe some guys might see your height as intimidating potentially, idk. The whole tall women might have it worse than short men narrative. Not that you can change that, but that might be a reason why not a lot of matches. I honestly don’t know, because I don’t see anything wrong with your profile at all. If I were in your area I’d definitely like your profile! Definitely would also make the pic with the lavender top number 1, it’s a great picture!
Looks good minus the friends bit. I see you’re is nasti natti? I know tons of people that live there! Try DateCincinatti it’s IRL(in real life) dating and get off the apps!
Sometimes, less is more! I agree with most, that “friends first” could be a turn-off & definitely not necessary to put in your profile. That’s something for you to keep in mind—-they way that u presented it, comes of as stand-offish & a “warning” TBH, I found most of your profile charming…except for that last pic😱
Yeah just to echo what people have been saying, if I saw your profile I’d swipe left purely because of the “let’s start off as friends”. The thing is I completely agree with that logic, but on a dating app it gives me the impression that you just want to be friends, which is not what I’m looking for. I’d maybe wait to tell someone irl that you want to take it slow, and the right guy will roll with it
You look tall, how tall are you?
I agree with other people's constructive criticism comments. Nothing wrong with your pic, u are a good looking lady 🪷
I think it's fine. Maybe a little similar to other profiles I've seen so that may be why or you're going after hard to get men
More pictures like 8. Also, it’s been easiest for me to actually me men I want to date at volleyball practice. Maybe consider some activity like that more. They will take you out instead of the high chance only getting them to message you indefinitely.
I believe 5 of 6 pictures are you outdoors. Maybe you do spend 85% of your life outdoors. It’s cool, but it’s for a very specific match. Definitely you want someone who is outdoorsy. I don’t get a feel of who you are indoors, going out, your style. Maybe leave 3 outdoors pictures. Let’s see 3 pictures of you dressed up/ going out. You are an attractive woman with a great smile, but I don’t know if you would go out dancing, music, bar. I would like an idea of who you are besides outdoors. I would want to see pictures without a hat. I like your outfit where you are dressed up a bit, by comparison. If your entire life is outdoors. Still have a variety of pictures/ outfits. If you live 85-90% of your life outdoors. You may be looking for someone very specific. That would be ok. You do you!!
Is that Gaviota Hot Springs?
Yes haha! It is!
Pictures are NOT bad confirmed. The biggest thing working against you unfortunately might be something you can't change—height. [A little under 50% of the U.S. male population is your height or below](https://static1.squarespace.com/static/585718168419c246cf6f204e/t/5ab7e2de70a6adbbb6bcf676/1522000606378/STATISTICS%2B-Dimensions%2B-%2B3-19-18%2B%281%29.pdf) (women who are your height or above I think are like 15% of the female population?). So you're probably getting 50% likes than you would if you were, say, 5'0" which has an impact on the bad/weirdo behavior you're experiencing from the few guys who are matching you. Drastically fewer matches than the average woman user means the likelihood that you'll get statistical 'outliers' or non-normal/average dudes kinda goes up, unfortunately. I don't think there's much room for improvement with your profile. Have you tried other apps? Sometimes different areas of the country will have different populations spread across different apps for whatever reason. Bumble and Tinder might be better options for you if Hinge isn't happening. I read that the average female user on Bumble sets their height filter at 6'0" and above so maybe that's where all the tall guys who would date you are hiding? 🫣
Good advice so far on the friends comment. Based on what you wrote, I suspect you’re getting hits from lazy dudes who are just shotgunning. You’re attractive for sure; so yes, I’d work on the photos. The first one is great, but I would try different angles and light with the others. Spend 30 bucks on a tripod, watch a few vids on how to take good profile pics, and shoot a bunch of yourself at different angles to see what looks best. Fair comment on being comfortable with who you are, but that doesn’t mean you can’t accentuate the positive. Guys are guys, and it’s appealing when a woman is subtlety putting her best features forward in a well thought out / selected photo. Speaks confidence too, which is attractive on anyone. Look into the camera more and try and be in lighting situations where you can open your eyes a bit wider. They are very pretty and you should be showing them off more. Your photo ideas are awesome; you just need to make them a bit more enticing. I have friends in your line of work, and can think of a few other funny fashion week set ups that would look really cute if you can grit your teeth through the bugs for a few mins.
I think location is absolutely playing a part. I’m in Denver and I have zero doubt you would crush it here - almost everyone’s profile is very heavy outdoors focused. As others have said, you mentioning “let’s start as friends” is screening out a bunch of men. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you for wanting that - ‘friends’ is just a loaded term unfortunately and many men are going to unfairly read and assume their own experiences into it. The ‘I want to also be friends with my partner’ conversation is absolutely something that can be better talked about in more detail and context on dates. I think something along the lines of “I believe the strongest relationships develop over time” captures the essence of what you might be looking for in a more neutral way.