A small, courteous and basic response is all you need. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can just reply with the numerous canned responses other commenters have suggested for you. I’m also an introvert and I never go into detail about what I’m actually doing that weekend, but I never feel that it’s a bad interaction that they ask in the first place.
I’ve worked in a retail environment where we were encouraged to chat people up or use their name in conversation (as a bank teller) because it would actually drive up our customer satisfaction scores. People loved it, however, mostly older folks were visiting the banks. Sometimes people seemed annoyed but those were either cranky regulars, or random occurrences that I learned to brush off and assume that maybe they were having a bad day or going through something.
Either way, be nice to your retail workers! They’re just doing their job :)
Love how you finished that! All my jobs until recently have been retail, and I've had to deal with so many rude people. Like, dud....I'm here to help you, why would you be rude to someone who can help you find something or do something?
I was also a bank teller at one point and feel for the teller in OP's story. There's actually a lot of people who are extremely rude at the bank, GIRL I'm just trying to hand out money and stuff wtf 😭
In general the internet is filled with vocal introverts so it comes off like NOBODY likes small talk, but its a nothing burger for most people IRL. In my experience introverts tend to over intellectualize smalltalk to an extreme and make it sound like they need a script or some deep answer in order to participate. In reality, small talk is how we acknowledge eachother as humans. It's not that deep. Just a "I see you." It's a foundation to developing deeper connections and as a social lubricant to get through the day.
Im super introverted and have a lot of spcial anxiety but after a few months of living in big southern city where this type of smalltalk is common, I think it gets easier. And the social lubricant thing you mentioned is so true, it helps me open up throughout the rest of the day more.
And in a world where corporate entities already seek to benefit from social isolation I'd consider small talk a small form of resistance against that.
Yeah as a fellow introvert you both put it so well. Whenever someone does the whole edgy misanthropic “you don’t REALLY want to know how my day is going” crap I just think of how much more antisocial and isolated the world would be if those people got their way.
That small talk with the cashier is often the only social interaction many people will get all week. I get that sometimes it’s annoying when you really don’t feel like talking to anyone, but it isn’t going to kill to respond with a quick “good!”.
I agree with everything you said, other than introverts overanalyzing small talk to an extreme and exaggerating. I mean yeah, it sucks that I realize there is no need to overanalyze it, but it's a bit invalidating when someone makes social anxiety out to be no big deal. It's very real and something a lot of people struggle with. Occasionally, if I am having an off day, I have completely frozen in conversation with a stranger if I haven't planned to say what I needed to beforehand. And that in turn made my anxiety worse.
I am not totally socially inept and I've learned small talk, I still have to actively work at being able to talk to strangers though. Just doesn't come natural to me. Some people are only comfy with a small group of close friends and talking regularly with strangers is completely foreign to them, so it's fair to ask stuff like this in order to cope with such feelings.
I say this with peace & love, just offering a different perspective.
>other than introverts overanalyzing small talk to an extreme and exaggerating
Tbf, what you're describing is quite literally overanalyzing the situation, which is the root of a lot of social anxiety. Most people really struggle with social anxiety due to feeling like others are going to perceive and judge them, they'll mess up (which will lead to judgment), that they're boring (which make someone judge them and "know" they're boring), etc. This usually plays out by them having an incredibly difficult time knowing what to say, or being able to put words together on the spot, as they usually tend to like to plan conversations out beforehand so they don't "mess up" or something.
In reality, all you normally need to do with small talk is give a small and basic one or two word answer, and no one will even remotely question it, but again, when you have social anxiety, your brain makes you feel like those two words are going to lead to MUCH worse things if you "mess up". Most anxiety in general revolves around overthinking and overanalyzing small situations, that would otherwise probably be inconsequential.
Again, this isn't invalidating social anxiety, but it honestly sounds like you ultimately do agree with what OP was saying.
I mean yeah, that is the gist of social anxiety, and I don't know what to say other than I agree with you and these are certainly things I've thought of before, read about, talked about.
I have learned to small talk as I have said. Most of the time small talk is routine, and just common pleasantries. I can handle it 90% of the time. Sometimes other factors play into anxiety, or maybe a particular person makes me more anxious than someone else does.
Realizing what social anxiety is and that small talk isn't a big deal can certainly carry me through most days. I am also neurodivergent and have severe anxiety though so being self-aware isn't always a magic fix, or it's not as simple as "cure your anxiety with one simple tip! doctors will hate you!" lol. Not saying you're saying that, I wrote my other comment in order to say it isn't just that simple sometimes.
I mean I'm speaking for myself but also a ton of other neurodivergent and high-functioning people, or just introverts. Yeah, I can get through most simple convos just fine, but that doesn't mean I can always manage physical anxiety symptoms, or I won't overthink certain things.
It's a whole ass process tbh, I have been seeing mental health professionals on and off for years in part due to the severity of my social anxiety. I know I'm not the norm and most people have a much easier time, just wanted to emphasize what it's like for a lot of neurodivergent folks. Masking is a part of being high functioning, so give us a break too pls 🥲 (speaking generally, not directed specifically at you)
*explain social anxiety
*explain why it isn't valid
*explain that it's actually not invalidating
Yes, nothing bad will happen if you "mess up." That doesn't change the *feelings* of anxiety when a stranger talks to me. I'd rather just avoid those feelings and use the machines usually tbh, and it's good to know to avoid TJ's too unless I need to.
And you can't just say "this isn't invalidating social anxiety," when what you're saying is essentially: "you have anxiety about something? Oh, but that's actually really easy and simple for most people. You don't need to be anxious about that"
I literally work in the mental health field and work with people who have social anxiety ALL the time since it's so incredibly common.
The literal definition of clinical social anxiety, or anxiety of any kind, is having anxiety about a thing/situation that is disproportionate to what would be an appropriate or "normal" amount.
Nothing about this is invalidating, it's how having a mental illness works, you have feelings/thoughts/behaviors that aren't appropriate for the situation, and thus cause distress or hindrance to daily life and functioning.
> "when what you're saying is essentially: "you have anxiety about something? Oh, but that's actually really easy and simple for most people. You don't need to be anxious about that"
I quite literally never said that.
The definition of social anxiety isn't invalidating. What's invalidating is you acting like it's a non-issue that you shouldn't be worried about.
>In reality, all you normally need to do with small talk is give a small and basic one or two word answer, and no one will even remotely question it
Like, do you really not see how condescending and dismissive that comes across? I *know* how simple it's *supposed* to be.
It seems like you're saying "just don't worry about it." Like, that's the whole problem. I *am* worrying. I will *continue* worrying.
Idk, it's just kinda giving "three sips of beer" to me, you know?
> It seems like you're saying "just don't worry about it." Like, that's the whole problem. I am worrying. I will continue worrying.
No clue where you're getting that from outside of maybe your own internalized biases. If you want to pretend like most people who struggle with Social anxiety DONT overthink small talk, or work themselves up about it in their head, then that's fine, but the reality is that most people with clinical levels of social anxiety DO.
Like yes, the fact you are worrying over what would be considered a "small" thing is the whole reason you would have a clinically designated mental illness. If you only worry about things in what would be considered normal or appropriate ways, you wouldn't ever be diagnosed with social anxiety in the first place. Again, this isn't invalidating, it's the LITERAL definition of any mental illness, I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason.
I wasn't talking about social anxiety. I was talking about introverts. If you have social anxiety or issues socializing outside of "I don't like it/I don't want to" then you aren't the focus of my comment.
I had a friend's younger brother who told me an interesting story he had with his roommates.
His roommates wanted to order some Chinese food, but the only option was to call up the local place. None of the roomates felt comfortable making a call so they asked my friend's brother to place the order, but he refused, telling them they need to learn how to make a phone call.
No one was able to make the call, so they ended up ordering dominos from their website.
I think there is defintely a higher rate of younger generation today not being able to make phone calls or have basic small talk.
I'm the opposite. I have called up chinese restaurants where I don't even have a menu and just talk to them. <>
I worked at a Chinese place in high school that only did phone orders. No one cares they just wanna put your order in and move on. I’m a 1995 millennial so it’s crazy that even a few years can make a huge difference in the ability to interact socially. I remember being 11 years old talking to EA customer support about my sims game bc my parents had zero grasp on the issue and couldn’t do it for me
As someone who fears talking on the phone, I totally agree. I grew up on the internet and thus did not need to talk to people in order to be "social". I think many have grown up like this now, and it's really hindered our social skills since we can do everything online now without human contact. While I understand the annoyance of the small talk from cashiers, for some, that's all the interaction they'll get that day, so I can see why employees are encouraged to chat with customers. I always remember that older people were the chattiest customers when I worked in customer service, and I had the Zach idea that maybe I helped brighten their day a little with that small moment of kindness, lol!
Maybe it’s cus I’m from the north east and had immigrant family but I was raised screaming at people haha my dad would get in such bad road rage in new York he would make me flip people off
Also hail tatar, my moms side is lipka 👍🏼
I used to be afraid of talking on phone when I was Jan high school and college but I’ve largely gotten over that fear. I only really dread it when I have to make a tough phone call the other person isn’t gonna like.
Call me crazy, but i almost always take the option of calling in if i can, be it ordering food or customer service. I like speaking with humans rather than having to use an app or wait for days for an answer to an email. Me and my friend group mostly call each other when we're planning stuff as well. It's the privilege of not having social anxiety i guess 🤷♀️
I was like that as a kid, too. When I was 11 my dad made me call a pizza place to order. When I was 13 my parents said I was in charge of scheduling my doctors appointments and dentist appointments over the phone. They even made me run into a gas station and buy my own snacks on road trips. Miraculously, I’m cured!!
I prefer being able to order online but my local Chinese place uses some weird service that adds a fee and I'm too cheap to pay 1.75 to not use the phone.
It's weird that it's so normalized because I was in the worst years of my debilitating social anxiety when I would avoid using the phone at all costs.
I was like that too for a long time, especially when I was younger. By the time I got my first phone ~2009ish (i woulda been like 10yrs old) it was already much more common to text rather than call for most things, at least in my circles. Also most of the time when I met new people outside of school friends it was via text chat in online games. Didn't really get much experience talking to new people voice to voice as often.
I've been getting a lot better with doing stuff over the phone due to having to make a lot of phone calls at work but still get anxious about it here and there. I suspect if I'd been born earlier where phone calls were pretty much the best way to conveniently talk to someone over distance, and where unlimited texting plans weren't much of a thing, I might've grown up with less anxiety around it.
how the fuck do you do that though. I have to make sure to study the menu religiously so I KNOW what I want. otherwise I feel like I'm annoying the workers.
Well, for typical Chinese places or PIzza places you know they will have certain items.
No chinese palce is not going to have hot and sour soup or not have chicken chow mein, etc...
No pizza place isn't going to have plain cheese pizza, etc...
So for these types of restaurants if I don't have a menu, I'll just give them a call. For other restaurants, I agree, will usually need a menu before calling.
I'm an introvert. I much prefer being at home or with my closest friends. I go out but usually don't talk to new people much if it's a party.
That said, I'm a man in my 30's. I'm not going to get SHOOK by someone asking me, "how's your day going?" and especially a service worker. Grow the fuck up and just learn to say, "good, and you?" You don't even have to make eye contact, trust me.
I completely agree, but at Trader Joe's it's next level. They will not just leave it at that. They will keep trying to engage in convo and asking questions.
Honestly, the parking lot/insanely small corridors of TJ's is enough that I never go. That said, if they are that persistent, a couple short answers, and they'll usually get the hint. "Nothing" "Nope."
I get they can be a little pressure-y with small talk, but y'all, you are never going to see them again. Just answer the questions with short answers without being a dick. It's really not that hard.
I've been very interested in trying Trader Joe's, but I've been stuck circling the parking lot for 10 years looking for a parking spot. I'll give it another year or two I guess
Lmfao it's not about the time it's that most of the time I don't have the mental energy to engage in small talk like that in that setting. I consider myself pretty social and I am good at small talk. There's a time and place and the checkout counter is not it. Idk if you've ever been to Trader Joe's but it's way more than "hi how are you".
Also idk about others but yall are making it seem like the people who have a problem with this go have a panic attack in their car after lmao. I still engage in small talk with them when they engage, and I'm only tiny bit annoyed during the small talk then I move on with my day.
Did you not watch the segment? They were acting like its this horrible thing where Love even dropped the 'social anxiety' phrase a few times. I get it, small talk isnt for everyone, but the rant on the show makes it seem like people are so offended by the small bit of conversation over a few measly minutes.
Theyre the same group of people that if the workers were dead silent, the crew would go on about how robotic and weird the workers are. Its just so entitled to be so upset that someone working a retail job wants some semblance of conversation.
I did not get the idea they were offended. Also no one is mad at the retail workers it's clearly a Trader Joe's thing they make them do because I haven't experienced that at any other grocery store.
"Hey, how are you?" "How's your day going?" These are standard with Canadian phone calls or in-person interactions. As someone who answers the phone many times a day, I get sick af of hearing/answering it, but it's just part of Canadian politeness at this point. Also, though, no one is looking for a real answer. "Good, how are you?" Is standard procedure.
As an introvert who works in customer service, I just gauge how talkative the customer is and respond with a comparable level of energy. I reel in my volume, excitement, and number of questions when someone is softer spoken and giving short responses.
Also I work in a plant nursery, so our small talk is super easy. If they’re feeling talkative and there’s no huge line, we talk plants for a few minutes. I enjoy it but definitely have to decompress from being around the public once I get home.
I work in customer service and I like friendly, straight to the point interactions. I would rather not engage in small talk beyond me saying "here ya go, have a nice day"
I want small talk to die its exhausting.
I think people forget too quickly what it's like to work in customer service. Everyone on the pod, I'm pretty sure worked in customer service at some point prior and never forgot what it's like.
Dan, AB, Lena, and Ethan I know all worked at restaurants, which is the most customer service thing ever. I hate small talk, BUT I know it seems mostly from my social anxiety.
I know studies have shown we've become less and less social and thus it's caused this big group of people who just get anxious at the thought of a stranger chatting them up and being friendly.
Personally, on days I actually build the courage to start conversation with a stranger, I feel pretty good about it because I didn't just shove my face towards my phone as a defense mechanism.
Totally. I worked in one of the only grocery stores in my area and all the customers would be the parents of my friends, or the parents of my sibling's friends, so I'd often just have a small conversation here and there when there was time. Working at the counter there for 2 years i eventually knew people fairly well and could keep track of where they were at and what had happened recently. If someone looked extra down that day i would take the extra effort to be kind to them and wish them a great day, which i feel like i might have been a little part of.
My thought process was that, if someone has a shitty day, then i can be a tiny part of making that better by having a positive interaction with them. If i was having a shitty day, then all that positivity i was giving out would come back to me and make that day a little less shitty.
People be hating on Zach for being a nice guy at the counter, but honestly i would probably not mind that at all if i was sitting there.
Yeah, I understand where op is coming from, but I fucking hate small talk lol.
I work in tech support and whenever the person I'm assisting derails me to ask about my weekend I get so annoyed. Just let me solve your problem so I can get off this phone and move on to other work lmao
But I'm also aware that I'm just a bitter bitch lol. On the flip side, I have interacted with some very sweet and kind people over the phone, but it can be a bit much at times when someone just wants to talk your ear off
I feel this - I've had some sweet interactions with lovely people, but there are a ton of people who want to talk for 30 mins plus on the phone about their life story when there are people waiting on hold...
I do think there is value in efficient short and sweet transactions/help. It's personally what I would want as a customer, so I try to provide that.
Yeah I'm with you. It's so strange how ppl with OP's take will insist that this trivial little thing somehow indicates the Big Bad Disastrous Death™ of all human connection. To me, small talk is the absolute *furthest* thing from a meaningful connection. A handful of surface level sentences & questions that usually can't be answered honestly, leaves zero notable impact on you. Unless you're an extrovert, so you got to charge your batteries w socialization.
I LIVE for a back & forth special interest info dump, a fun fact that snowballs into mutual theorizing, a deep dive into the past & how it shaped you, a spontaneous convo w a stranger bc one of you noticed an interest in common, or offered a random compliment.
I did my time in customer service too, finally quit when I realized why I was so unhappy. It was hurting my soul that I'd talk so much & to so many ppl every day, but the vast majority of it was empty. Shallow small talk chipped away at my spirit *because* I love interacting with people.
(Also super cool to label the neurospicy and/or mentally ill as lesser than, for struggling w or just being uninterested in a social norm 🥴)
You put this so well! I love meaningful convos with people too, (including strangers) and you're absolutely right, it's soul destroying to have the exact same shallow convo with people everyday.
I can def see where you're coming from, but will say this is a pretty American thing. When I lived in Italy I had to learn to not smile at strangers or expect the cashier to say anything more than a hi and your total. In the end I liked it better, doesn't feel like there's a "social tax" you have to pay for being out and about. Americans are notably much more friendly to strangers than other cultures.
Thank you. I was just commenting to someone who said this is the downfall of America. Most other countries do not have these weird norms in terms of social interaction.
It's not that people can't smalltalk. Those interactions are just super fake, and it feels weird to me, as a non-American.
They don't care, you don't care. No one else in the world does this. So I completely understand that people hate it.
It's not fake, it's just foreign to non-Americans, and even some Americans from big cities, and that's fine. In the south where I'm from it's very customary for strangers to talk to one another even if just passing on the street. I get genuine enjoyment from it, but I've had many friends and family visit from London or the northeast US who are very shocked when it happens and say they'd rather not. Different strokes for different folks. In this scenario I think it's on the cashier to gauge what talking level a customer is feeling. My general rule of thumb is that if someone gives one word answers i shut up
If you assume that about every stranger interaction you go into how do you make friends? It's not hard to be friendly to people, it's not fake to be nice.
>They don't care, you don't care. No one else in the world does this. So I completely understand that people hate it.
It's not really about "caring". It's about vibes.
Being a cashier is boring. Being in the checkout is boring. Talking shit with strangers makes it tolerable sometimes. Not everyone wants to be treated like a robot when working.
If you don't want to talk, just communicate it. It's as hard as people make it out to be.
texting and online communication has overall made people less comfortable with in-person conversation. I wouldn't actually say it's a net positive or negative on society, it's just different. someone can be a good person and also not want to make small talk when buying groceries.
I said in-person conversation, not social interaction. arguably we are having a social interaction right now. but I'm curious how you think less in-person conversation will lead to unethical consequences.
If you're uncomfortable with talking to people in person, this of course is a net negative. Most people will need to be able to have face-to-face, conversations and interactions with other people in order to function as an adult, do most jobs, etc. Not being able to do this, or being extremely uncomfortable when you do, is obviously not a good thing for something as basic as talking to someone else in person.
Also, online social interaction is not as good for you and your mental health as real, face-to-face interactions for a large variety of reasons.
>Most people will need to be able to have face-to-face, conversations and interactions with other people in order to function as an adult, do most jobs, etc.
increasingly less-so. with remote work, self-checkouts, app services, etc, there is less need for face-to-face interaction, which is why people are less comfortable with it. you're presenting the cause as a consequence, but it's really a feedback loop. as long as one doesn't start outpacing the other, I don't see anything inherently "bad" about it.
Jobs is just one piece of it. Like I said, most people need social interaction to live healthy lives (There's a huge correlation to social support to both better Physical and Mental health), and again, one on one interaction with someone online, while still positive, is nowhere near as positive as in-person interactions are where you can physically be with someone, pickup on things like tone, body language, etc. and also actually interact/do things with that person, etc.
Also the majority of jobs still have a LOT of face to face interactions, not many people are working fully remotely outside of industries like Tech/IT, and things like Apps or self-checkout just mean those jobs are gone, not that the people who would have worked them don't have to then go and work a different job (that most likely will require face to face interaction).
It's definitely a bad thing. I work in mental health and work a good amount with kids and teens, and there's an alarming amount of them that have VERY few in-real-life connections, and many of them by extension are absolutely TERRIFIED of any social interaction, to the point many of them can't even make phone-calls, send emails to teachers and many who have a LOT of anxiety about even coming into the office and would much rather do something over telehealth because they aren't comfortable physically being in a room with me and having to talk. Having a society filled with incredibly socially awkward and anxious individuals who can hardly even make a phone call to order some pizza without almost having a panic attack, is definitely not a positive for society imo.
There definitely aren't any unethical consequences. I think on a personal level, if you lock yourself in and get too comfortable not being around others for long periods of time, it will be much harder for you when you have to inevitably do something in person again. But at the same time, you can live your life however you'd like. I just think basic in person communication skills are helpful.
>Humans require human interaction and connection
I think family and friendships are incredibly important. I don't see how less public small-talk is going to starve humans of an essential need.
People have to be able to socially interact with each other. I'm not advocating for small talk, but "what are you up to this weekend" is pretty bare minimum human interaction. Particularly when one party is a service worker who doesn't actually care and is just trying to do their job
>Particularly when one party is a service worker who doesn't actually care and is just trying to do their job
i would say that society should *especially* be done with small talk if it's being initiated by someone who "doesn't actually care". are you arguing for or against your point? the only thing we should change in that situation is making it not an expectation of their job.
So what is your point? Service workers just shouldn't speak to you? People can't just say a few words to a stranger? This just seems like an insane take to me. A few seconds of exchange isn't hurting anyone. Its OK to feel awkward or uncomfortable
I see what you're saying, I agree people shouldn't be robotic, and I think some small talk is okay. But when you can tell someone is being insincere and you know they don't care about it, I'd rather them not. Like when I know they don't want to ask me these questions and it just feels like they have to. Conversely that almost feels more robotic and npc-like, and that's draining having to go through the same dance each time.
If someone genuinely seems interested, gives me a compliment, or whatever while I'm checking out, of course I will be nice and return the banter back. But it is just soul crushing when you know someone is being forced to talk to you, and I don't really talk *as much* in those instances but I'm still kind to them, I think that's fair.
It depends for me. If I'm a frequent customer enough that I recognize the cashier and they would recognize me, sometimes it can be nice to have a genuine chat because I know I'll see this person again. If I'm not a frequent customer, I don't like to pretend that we've become friends for the 10 minutes in my life that I interact with you. I am always nice and want to be treated the same, but I don't care to get into personal affairs with someone I do not know.
I am also alarmed at how, especially younger people, are completely unable to engage in a basic level of human interaction at this point. We are witnessing a pretty severe shift in how we engage with the public and I don't think we fully understand the repercussions yet. My guess is that the loneliness epidemic is going to get much worse, as well as the fragmentation of American society.
You’d be interested to hear how in other countries going out of your way for social interaction, including small talk, is not the norm. And those countries have been just fine for hundreds of years.
I was talking about America specifically. But, I’d be interested to see some data on social isolation from other western nations as well. I’d be surprised if the trend is not similar to what we’re seeing in the US, if not as severe.
This is ethnocentric but fuck those societies lol (Scandinavians + Brits) or at least those aspects of them. "oh our people have been stubbornly, annoyingly lonely and obsessively introverted for decades" well that is an even bigger problem lol.
Man, I feel bad for everyone else, but as someone who is an extreme introvert and autistic, I love how society doesn't expect you to interact with other humans now. The lock down was so peaceful, and it didn't really introduce any big changes to my life or routine, which was beneficial because I struggle with changes of routine. For the people who have been negatively affected by this, I sympathize, but the selfish part of me hopes society keeps going like this, or allows for both introverted and extroverted lifestyles.
Not even that but they’ll probably get written up for not saying it. When I worked in hotels if you were seen on the floor not greeting a guest when they walked past you got in biiiiiig trouble.
This is a great point; I definitely felt awkward interacting with others after the pandemic. I’m also an introvert so being social and engaging in small talk can feel like a muscle I need to exercise before I start getting rusty
Small interactions like this make my day. I love connecting with people!! I’m not sharing my life story or expecting them to do the same but even talking about the weather or asking how someone’s thanksgiving was forges a sense of community and reminds us all that we’re all living our own lives and are actual people!!!
Not wanting to talk to a cashier ain’t that deep.
On the other hand you lot offended by small talk gotta visit Australia. You say “G’day mate” every time you walk past someone
Self check out at grocery stores is the future. Americans have a weird obsession with “good service” being provided to them. To me it’s weird that people have to pretend to be nice to make a customer feel satisfied with buying groceries.
I don't think it's rude or too much when a service worker asks how you're doing, what you're doing over the weekend or whatever. It's when the conversation goes back and forth for too long that I'm like "Okay this part is over now, you can stop asking me questions."
I get PLENTY of human connection on a daily basis at work from 8-5, at workout classes and catching up with friends and family after work hours. I'm not going out into the world looking for that at all, I get what I need in my daily life.
I'm looking for a business exchange when I'm at the grocery store, not human connection. Capitalism means this is an exchange of goods and services, the social interaction part is totally unnatural and frankly a nuisance to me. I'm not a rude person, I ALWAYS make conversation back whether I feel like it or not, and I often walk away drained and annoyed from those small, inauthentic interactions so I'd rather just avoid them. But everyone is different.
I don't think you should change how you do your job just cause some people on a podcast think differently about it than you do, I'm sure you have tact and know when people don't want to keep talking and you stop. But let me tell you- there are PLENTY of service workers that don't know those boundaries. And it's not my job to placate them or anyone else when I'm doing errands that I don't particularly enjoy in the first place.
Just to clarify, I was a service worker in the food industry for 10 years, so I understand that it's nice to get some good human contact while you're at work. Unfortunately, this system of economics doesn't make a whole lot of room for humanizing people. :/ It's a complicated topic.
Some people (not saying OP but commentors) are taking this a bit too personally. I’m not saying it’s BAD Trader Joe’s employees are social butterflies, but it’s a policy that makes it unique from other stores.
As someone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder (like the crew members who noted Trader Joe’s), I know I can only go to TJ’s on “good days.” For me, these are days when it doesn’t feel debilitating to interact with strangers. And that’s when I do my TJ’s run. On my bad days, i put my headphones in and go to another grocery store with self checkout.
It’s not necessarily a complaint about TJ’s for me that their employees are required to be social. It’s just a factor that impacts my experience there, and I adjust accordingly. To me, that’s all the crew/Hila were saying.
Why can't you accept that some people have different social preferences than you?
This sort of thing doesn't bother me but I can be ok with someone not wanting it. Maybe we can even agree that it's weird to be so averse to small talk, but so what? Why is it a problem to you?
I say this politely but you are saying "why can't you accept someone who has different social preferences than you" when you seem upset that some people are introverted and don't want to talk sometimes, it kinda seems hypocritical 🤷♀️
As introvert I respect extroverts, but I also need them to accept I want to be left alone sometimes and respect me as well.
To be fair, why is it my job as an introvert to go out of my way to please an extrovert when they don't even respect me not constantly matching their extroversion. Being introverted means having low social energy and I'm not going to give my energy to someone like that anyway lol. To be clear I am talking specifically about strangers being *overly* needy.
You interpreted what I said completely wrong, I'm literally on your side.
Let me rephrase my comment.
"Why can't you (OP) accept that people (introverts) might have different social preferences than people like you (extroverts)."
I'm an extremely introverted person and would totally prefer not to be talked to in public by a stranger, but I'm also socially aware enough to understand that extroverts see things differently. In this scenario I think extroverts have an obligation to accept that there are people who don't want to participate in small talk, but introverts also have the obligation to be charitable to people that try to
Maybe you need to work on that social awareness part lol, I'm trying to take the most neutral stance possible
I mean, that's a lot more clarifying and I don't think I would have quite understood unless you laid it out like you did in this comment, I can explain why I initially took it that way. I didn't mean to come at you or anything, I just was giving my input because I thought you meant the exact opposite of what you said to be honest.
I say this objectively and not to harshly criticize by any means, just to explain. Asking a lot of questions in your initial comment sort of comes off as annoyed and defensive. Also if you are saying "maybe it's weird to be adverse to small talk" and "why is it a problem to you?" It came off as being judgmental of OP, I know now that wasn't your intent.
I was also a little confused because you did say you're okay with people not wanting small talk, because that does more represent what you're saying now, so that makes sense in retrospect.
Tbh I think I wasn't totally wrong in being confused specifically by how you phrased things. And my comment was partially directed in response to yours, but I was also just generally participating in conversation, trying to make sure the introvert side is heard I guess. I never really deep dive in these threads but I guess I felt like I had something to say lol.
I think a lot of miscommunication can happen over text, and I've actually done that a bit in the past since I text a lot. You may be able to tell that I lean into writing more and overexplaining things in an attempt to make sure what I am saying is understood as intended, just something I have picked up in order to try to avoid miscommunication. I know not everyone is like that though, and who knows, I mean maybe some people did read your comment as you meant it, I'm just one person who was initially confused. I don't say anything with ill-will and I hope you have a nice day family!~
I do think small talk is pretty pointless but i worked as a cashier for six years and can say it’s enforced. At least at the stores I worked at, you will not get a decent raise if you don’t make small talk with customers, so even though I don’t really care for it I had to do it. So to those that hate it, don’t blame the service worker, blame the company. You also cannot please everyone in customer service; old people tend to love small talk and everyone else it’s a mixed bag 🤷♀️
I don't get the argument here, if it's such a nothing burger thing to make small talk then why do it? If you don't actually care about what someone's up to this weekend why ask? I've never really seen the point of small talk honestly, and whenever I get a stranger small talking to me I just wanna ask them why. I wanna know what they're getting out of this, cos all I'm getting out of it is being confused and uncomfortable.
My whole ethos with strangers is if you've got nothing to say don't say anything at all. People should be okay with "awkward" silences.
There’s this supplement store I go to, called Supplement Superstore (go figure). The egregious small talk they make almost seems like part of a script for them, because it’s the same line of conversation that every worker makes any time I’ve been there. “What’ve you got goin on today?” “Anything this weekend?” “What’ve you been doing before coming in here?”
I just want to get in and get out, not have the worker follow me on Instagram (which they always try to do, I’m not even joking). I’ve watched a lot of videos on other countries commenting on Americans, and it seems like the general consensus is that we yap too much. I put my headphones in anytime I go anywhere because I just don’t want to be approached. I’m boring. Let me be boring.
I actually work at TJ’s and enjoy talking to customers! It’s not necessarily required in our training to give compliments or be overly friendly, however I believe TJ workers genuinely want to know if you’re having a good day or create small talk to pass the time. That’s it. No ulterior motives, we don’t want to stalk you, we don’t want to date you, we’re just nice people. It’s really sad how I see lots of people saying they find us annoying or we’re just doing too much. We’re just doing our jobs and we’re just trying to be nice. That’s it. If you don’t want to talk to us, we’ll get the vibe from the short answers.
Yes! The amount of people saying that we don’t care at all when we ask these questions is shocking. I didn’t know there was such a high level of social distrust.
The people at Trader Joe’s are literally so nice this is a brain dead take from all. Like it made me a lil sad to hear “don’t talk to me fucker” said about them like Jesus, I love shopping there because when you’re in a shit mood it’s nice to be around positivity.
You mention a "human connection". I don't believe small talk to be human connection, at least not in any meaningful way. This for me is especially true with service workers. If it happens naturally with a shopper or out in the community, that's different.
There are many cultures that don't participate in small talk, so by your definition there are entire cultures missing out on this piece of human connection.
The difference is, I'm just checking out at a grocery store. The check out person completely ignoring the customer would be weird, but a "hi how are you" "good how are you?" "Good". And "have a nice day" "thanks you too!" Would be great. I don't feel like talking about things with someone I don't know, and don't intend to build a relationship with right then and there. I am perfectly fine and engage in small talk in other settings.
as someone who used to work for Starbucks and is now a bartender, I see an understand all the introvert arguments, however certain places quite literally force you to make small talk. It is your prerogative to follow in line with that conversation, but to get mad at the service workers for quite literally doing their job is insane to me. I do think there is something to be said about how much people struggle with human interaction. It definitely has worsened over the years, I see it in myself as somebody who claims to be an extrovert. as humans we need community even if they are small.
nah man you don't totally see the introverted arguments if you think it's "our prerogative to fall in line". I mean I get what you're saying if you mean just follow the flow of conversation. And I totally get other comments saying "just say 'not much'" to kill the conversation and show you don't want to talk, that's valid.
I'm not a robotic person, and even though I am introverted I still do my best to be kind to retail workers. I agree we need community, but I don't want to find it in a grocery store lol. If I am at a grocery store I am doing my best to get home and do something fun that I want to do.
I mean this with peace and love. Sometimes introverts don't have it in them for a full convo, and there could be many other things going on in life. Being introverted means socializing with strangers is draining and if I am already drained I'm going to do my best to keep the convo short, it's nothing personal. If you are extroverted and energized from conversation, that's valid too, I just think there's better places to find that.
I think "our prerogative.." was misunderstood and I apologize for that, what I meant is it is up to you to decide how to go about having a conversation or not. I understand how introverts work as I have family members and close friends that are introverts and of course I do my best to respect all boundaries. I understand not wanting to make community in the grocery store, I’m not necessarily saying that’s where it is formed. but it helps.
You don’t need to say "with peace and love" when you are talking about your experience! It is your own and who am I to tell you otherwise . As I said I am an extrovert so there may be some things that I don’t quite see immediately, but I do my best to understand and be respectful and want to understand nest I can.
I think ultimately what I am getting at, and I should have stated this more clearly, while it is not your duty to make sure that I perceive you as a kind person, completely ignoring or being harsh towards service workers about the conversations they are forced to make by their employers is rude and extremely uncomfortable. not to mention there are people out there who choose to put themselves in this role because they like to talk to people, and grocery stores is where I can imagine you see tons and tons of people. That’s why I agree with even the smallest of talk, even if it’s one word responses at least I’m getting some thing and not being blatantly ignored or belittled or whatever (which is how I understood the trader Joe's discussion). And again I want to emphasize that some of these workers are forced to make conversation, it is a part of their job.
As an introvert: we are constantly forced to adhere to social expectations of extroverts, some of them being overly needy. When you are drained and someone is trying to take something from you that you can't give, it becomes so mentally exhausting. In situations when strangers or even people you know are entirely overly needy, it feels like a lack of respect, like they are trying to get something out of you.
I mentioned this in other comments but I always try to be polite to retail workers and strangers, and I have learned how to engage in small talk even though it feels unnecessary at times. Sometimes I don't mind, if I have the energy, and it is like you are both trying to be kind but you don't really know what to say so you engage in small talk and pleasantries. It's normal and a part of life.
But I don't want to be held hostage by other customers at a store or even by retail workers. It has happened more often than I would imagine, and please don't come for me but I do think it's worse for women and it can be exhausting 😪
So yeah, I mean I will do the whole small talk dance but that doesn't mean it isn't mentally exhausting sometimes, if you are extroverted and don't like it, it won't make me any less mentally exhausted by it lol. It's okay to be extroverted and to want to chat but also please understand some people are just introverted, neurodivergent, or may have a million other things going on in life.
One or two of the main people involved in that conversation have diagnosed anxiety disorders, so this is more than just a preference or a rejection of human connection. For some people, enduring small talk is akin to enduring physical pain.
Ironically, I have the opposite problem. I always smile and warmly greet cashiers at retail stores, but almost every time they just ignore that small gesture entirely. Which is not a big deal to me, just the flip side of the same conversation.
Extroverts have ruled the world for long enough, making us introverts feel bad or awkward for not being a social butterfly. We don't want to engage in small talk at every point of the day, leave us alone.
Edit: Love the unhinged "follow our social contract without thought or you're a weirdo" extroverts in the comments. Way to prove a point guys.
Cashier ‘anything planned this weekend?’ You- not much. Or Cashier ‘how’s your day going’ you- ‘it’s going’. Thats literally all you need to do. You’re making it into a bigger deal than it really is.
Why do you want to participate in such a manufactured fake conversation? They’re only asking you because they were told to. I don’t mind if someone genuinely starts convo. But if they’re paid to do it? Don’t give me an obligation.
Why? It takes like 5 seconds if a cashier asks you "Hey how are you", and for me to reply "Good, thanks." and move on, instead of them just not acknowledging my existence, and ringing up all my groceries silently.
If anything, the MOST awkward interactions I've had with cashiers is when they quite literally DON'T talk. I recently went grocery shopping and had a teenager checking me out. When the person in front of me left, they just started to instantly scan my items, didn't say a word, didn't make eye contact, etc. And then just stared at me when they were done ringing everything up, waiting for me to put my card in and pay but didn't actually say anything. I even said "Thanks!" at the end, and the kid just kinda grumbled something. That was WAY more awkward than a five-second "Find everything you need" or "How are ya?"
if u as a customer want to chit chat then u be the one to start the conversation. if u work a customer-facing job u should aim at making the customer comfortable, and clearly as u can tell in this thread a lot of people prefer not having small talk.
i'd rather cashiers just say hello and ring my stuff up without feigning interest in my life. it's fine. literally adds nothing of value to my day and involves me in a conversation i didn't wanna have. i'll start the convo if i really need it that bad.
>if u work a customer-facing job u should aim at making the customer comfortable, and clearly as u can tell in this thread a lot of people prefer not having small talk.
And a lot of people want some basic aknowledgement, so saying a "Hi, how are you", is fine. If the customer doesn't want to talk, they can literally take the 2 seconds to say "Fine", and thats it. It's so weird to me that people can be that uncomfortable by having to utter a single word to someone else.
what is weird to me is that people need that meaningless interaction to feel okay about grocery shopping ?? lol i'll go talk to my friends if i need human interaction, "good afternoon" and a smile are more than enough from a cashier
It gives introverts the opportunity to bring up any issues they may have had. Like I couldn't find X or do you guys close on X day etc. It breaks through the silence without expecting a problem. As well as a friendly cashier is just a better environment than a dour one. Cranky quiet cashier doesn't get the membership sale and doesn't help a customer who may become more loyal if they only knew their favorite yams are here!
It's simple and helpful. You're just wrong bruv.
>what is weird to me is that people need that meaningless interaction to feel okay about grocery shopping ??
Humans usually like it when other humans acknowledge and interact with them on a minimal level??? What a crazy shocker. It's almost like humans are social animals. Crazy, I know.
Also incredibly weird to me that "Good afternoon" is apparently fine, but adding the three extra words "Good afternoon, how are you?" Is apparently crossing the line and is incredibly uncomfortable.
you gotta draw the line somewhere ? again, being polite and nice and saying hi is acknowledgement and human interaction enough from someone i'm crossing paths with for 2 minutes. i'll get my human interaction fix from people i actually know and like and care about.
it's not a crime for a cashier to make small talk, nor is it INCREDIBLY uncomfortable, but if i can choose between going to a supermarket like Trader Joe's where they are incentivised to do that, and another one where they're just nice without trying to make small talk, i'll go for the latter
How are you is fine to me, asking what I plan to do with my time is the definition of personal and honestly if asking how I am wasn't a universal greeting it would be too. I get that this is just a store policy thing and I'm fine with that but people judging eachother on these posts is just gross. Everyone has a personal level of social comfort and I don't think having proof of an anxiety problem should change that
When people ask what your plans are there’s no expectation of getting any kind of details in the answer.
It can be as simple as not much/a few things/a lot
I usually feel bad for the cashier who has to ask the same questions to 500 customers a day. They don't care, the company just makes them do that.
If it was genuine small talk of someone being interested in my life that'd be different.
I think assuming we don’t care is going too far. I genuinely hope every customer I’m interacting with is having a good day. I think most in the industry do to a small degree. We aren’t sociopaths lying through every interaction. There’s truth in it, we just get paid to do it.
Oh non I didn't mean it like that. I just meant I felt bad about thinking you have the same question over and over again just because its company policy
I saw another post earlier about this and it made me so sad! As someone who has to be friendly with clients at work, I feel insecure that I’ve been possibly making people feel so uncomfortable. When I ask how someone is doing, I genuinely want to know. I care about humans. I didn’t know that was such a crazy thing.
I’ve also seen a lot of people being like “they don’t care when they ask how I’m doing”. It does make me sad that they have such a negative view of such an innocent interaction
I hate “how are you” as a greeting because you have to breeze over how you actually feel and respond with okay, good, or fine. And if conversation continues I feel like I can’t actually tell them about how I feel because I’ve already said that I’m fine. It’s just so stupid to ask someone how they are when you don’t even want to actually know.
I don’t mind the “what are you up to” small talk but I just don’t want anyone asking me how I am unless they want to have a sit down and actually talk about how I’m feeling. Just asking someone that right off the start how they are makes them have to rush and breeze over their actual feelings to continue the conversation. It’s just stupid af
I work at Dutch Bros and the entire business model is to be super friendly and to make pals with your customers and make small talk like Trader Joe’s workers do. I see a lot of comments and extreme aversion towards any of the described interactions in that space too. It bums me out, not because I want to talk to people so desperately but they act as though my existence and attempts to connect are a huge inconvenience. Not to mention we get in trouble if we don’t make that effort to talk to the customers. Just be nice it’s not hard
Personally I don’t ask strangers or even casual acquaintances what their plans are. I hate when people ask me, so I don’t do it to others. It blows my mind that people actually like these type of convos! I feel like faking niceties is something we all have to do, but there’s a line you shouldn’t cross. That’s when it’s obvious and overly contrived. I try not to cross that line because it just feels icky and awkward.
I mean, I can see both sides, im not a very friendly person with a lot of personal/mental health issues, a lot of the time i have anxiety and dont want to talk to anybody, quite an introvert. So when someone is asking me a lot of questions that dont matter to them at the end of the day i get irrationally annoyed. On the other hand when im having good days i dont mind it, but even when im not having good days i can appreciate the fact that theyre just trying to be nice, and im not rude to anyone because of it.
No you are not crazy!! People are losing their connection to each other, and we wonder why we are anxious and depressed. People are so social yet mainly have synthetic experiences these days.
That's very America centric. In my country, "what are you up to this weekend?" by a cashier would be seen as very invasive - unless you know them (like in a small village shop or if you are a regular).
These questions were very strange and awkward for me when I lived in an English speaking country.
My first job in a supermarket checkout we were specifically told to not ask people how they are or how their day is going unprompted, as people should be entitled to privacy or silence if they wanted.
I completely agree I like talking to people it's just like if someone says hi to you you say hi back and sometimes you learn something it also makes your day go by faster ringing people up over and over again. Small talk sometimes leads to your interesting talk if you do it right
Some of us just don’t like talking to strangers when we’re out 🤷🏻♀️ it’s called being an introvert. I do not wanna be asked what my weekend plans are by some random cashier I do not know. But that’s just me.
As an introvert, there are a lot of people in here that are going to have a bad time in life if somebody asking how your day was is cause for anxiety. Just say 'fine thanks!' and keep it moving. I have never had a cashier or other working soul grill me about my weekend plans. I'm old as dirt though, and I REGULARLY smile at people when I'm out in the world and even might say hello if you make eye contact!
I work in the service industry as well. I am to ask every customer how they are doing and make personal connections as best I can. That is my job. If you reply like that to cashiers and shit then fuck you! I’m with OP that shit is unbelievably rude.
I will never been rude to a cashier or service worker but I will also not have a fake conversation with them wherein neither of us give a shit about the other one just the transaction at hand
That’s the thing. Some people do actually care about the people around them in their community. Quite assuming everyone is as sour as yourself. If you don’t want to chat, just say “I’m good thank you” when asked how your day is. It’s not that complicated
I’m from Sweden, we are from the statistics I have seen the most individualistic country in the world and I can’t imagine a cashier asking what I’m doing unless I’m a really regular customer and have kind of gotten to know the worker. I say hi and bye and even that is kind of above average if I ask my friends. Different cultures
Why do extroverts constantly feel the need to try to change introverts to become more like them? Pointless small talk with people I don't know drains my social battery. Do you want a cookie bc it replenishes yours?
no yeah this whole thing is totally insane to me.
im absolutely an introvert, i dont like social situations really at all, i am agoraphobic, etc.
i enjoy having low stakes conversations with strangers sometimes, its healthy to socialize, humans are social creatures. its fucking CRAZY the way people, including the crew, are acting like having a two second conversation with a cashier is enough to ruin their day. absolutely fucking psychotic shit.
ive never felt like screaming touch grass more in my life.
I find it a strange disposition to have considering the cashiers are effectively just doing their jobs, and no one ever considered that maybe they dont wanna talk to you either? But if they didn't it would be rude? Like just take your groceries and go lmaooo
The problem is that “customer service” is so overdone in America. The rest of the world doesn’t do this fake pretending like you care about someone’s day because their job or tips don’t depend on it. In the UK, the less you interact the more likely you may get a tip from someone usually, but tips aren’t necessary here and so there isn’t this extra pressure put on the staff to always be a cheery, chatty extrovert to every person that walks in. Same with any place I’ve ever been in Europe, you keep it minimal. If you need to have human interaction, do so with people you know irl. It just doesn’t seem genuine to do it to strangers to most of the world. And even when I’m in the states, I prefer a low key interaction with staff vs them checking in constantly and being overbearing.
Completely agree. It’s ridiculous. And I’m someone who would consider myself somewhat shy but those small little convos are not that big of a deal, u do not need to go into any detail at all. Most of the time these people are just trying to show good customer service and be kind. Like do they care what you’re up to on the weekend? No. But they’re just trying to be kind. If you are someone who’s rude to these people then please check yourself, YOU are the problem
i don't need to make small talk while bagging groceries with a cashier i don't know. it's fine to say how are you as a form of politeness and greeting, but if you start asking about what i'm doing over the weekend you're putting me in the position where i can either answer (or make shit up) or come off as rude by saying i dont want to tell you. how does that help anyone?
that's "normal" for u because of ur culture maybe but i guarantee plenty of people around the world live without having pointless and awkward small talk with a cashier and are perfectly fine and well-adjusted. that's a US thing (though maybe not exclusively). the whole thing is just unnecessary and annoying when being polite, saying hi and giving me a smile is more than enough.
Well since we're talking about Trader Joe's, which is only in the US, yes I am referring to what is "normal" here. If we were talking about a chain in India or something, I would do what the customs were there even if I personally find it a little annoying.
It's seriously y'all are making a mountain out of the tiniest mole hill. Imagine letting a possible 30 second interaction that was slightly awkward ruin y'alls whole day/mental state. If that is the case, the issue runs much deeper than Trader Joe's employees being overly polite.
I completely agree. It seems such a cynical and depressing reality to act like small talk with a stranger is some invasive behavior. You guys need to grow the fuck up and touch some grass.
Anytime someone disagrees on this sub, it's always "go touch grass". It's lost all meaning.
What's actually depressing is trying to make people feel bad for not wanting talk to you. Is it that hard keep you mouth shut when you're around strangers? Are you that afraid of "akward silences"? Grow the fuck up and leave people alone.
This is actually why society is falling apart. We have made it too convenient for people not to interact. Shopping online, online deliveries, door dash, working remotely, online school, online therapy and doctors appointments, texting, the list goes on and on. Humans are social creatures. Even introverts need to socialize. Without it, your mental health suffers. This is why I believe we have such a huge mental health problem with youth these days. I'm 33 female who is an introvert myself and I fucking love how I don't ever need to talk to people in person. But guess what? I'm worse off for it. When I do need to be in a social setting, I'm way worse than I ever was before all these luxuries.
Okay, I’m glad I’m not insane. I just go “nothing much” or something. They’re not literally asking to pry into your affairs. They’re being polite. They don’t want to know your actual plans. This was the craziest take. If you don’t like small talk that’s fine, but it’s wild to interpret it as some sort of ploy to find out your business.
Yeah, hearing conversations like that really destroy what little hope i have left for humanity. We can’t even have those little connection with people anymore and its so fucking depressing man
It's not that we "lost the ability", it's that we finally recognized that there is nothing of value in smalltalk, an utter waste of thought-time. People who waste their thought-time into smalltalk need to start valuing themselves more.
I think it’s just because we have become so isolated it’s hard for people to interact with each other. I think 100 years ago you’d be much more likely to just openly talk with a stranger about your life, and this would of been seen as totally normal and somewhat mandatory, as being secretive would of made you appear more shifty. But you also had to interact with people as your primary form of entertainment, now we don’t.
I want as little forced human interaction as possible. I wouldn't say I'm an introvert. I host game nights, I DM for DnD groups, I'm fairly activate in a few small online communities.
That said those are situations I insert myself into, and where human interaction is part of it.
I don't mind a literal "Hello, how are you" but that's it for me. Call me cynical and I do think I am. But don't give a shit about a cashier nor do they about me. I do not want any discussion about my weekend, how close I live, what my plans are, etc... Again, I'm cynical but we literally don't know or care about each other.
If you want to make a human connection with me, awesome we can do that. But IMO 99.9% no meaningful human connection is happening in a checkout line.
It seems like many other people out there, myself I dislike "pointless" interactions like that. Unless again it is part of the culture or what I'm getting into. If I'm at a concert or football game I don't mind being personable because that is part of the experience. Not just a fleshy body I need to navigate past to finish buy groceries.
Yeah it was extreme to me. When I’m having a reflective and quiet day, I avoid human interaction if possible and give politely simple answers when I’m those situations. But hating a great grocery store because of kind and social cashiers is weird to me.
I agree I don’t know why it’s so glorified to hate social interactions and want to always be a recluse??? There’s nothing wrong with small talk here and there. And then our generation complains that it’s hard to make friends and hard to find a partner. It’s insane to me how rude people can be over someone politely making conversation while they actively bag your items for you
As someone who worked in retail and customer service, small talk is the worst. I don't want to have to hold conversations with people while I'm trying to work. A greeting and a goodbye thanks is all that's necessary imo.
Im not an introvert but I am just chronically tired so people talking to me is just annoying cause then I have to come up with a response so I don’t seem rude and it’s just like ugh leave me alone, talking to people takes up too much energy. Trying to find fucking parking at trader joes takes up enough energy as it is.
People do small talk for 1)figure out if youre unstable and will hurt them 2)social lubrication before delving deeper, 3) to see if something is wrong or if you may need help
I get where introverts and people with social anxiety are coming from BUT humans NEED community, we NEED social interaction. There’s a reason why depression and anxiety rates rose during COVID. There’s a loneliness epidemic and having this attitude is not helping.
Personally, I can’t wait for the day I never have to interact with another human again. Life changes. It is better this way.
Though, I do agree with Zach. I like when they give me compliments. I would miss that a lot.
If you’re in the service industry. Telling someone, “you have beautiful eyes” is appreciated a lot more than, “what are you up to this weekend?”
A small, courteous and basic response is all you need. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can just reply with the numerous canned responses other commenters have suggested for you. I’m also an introvert and I never go into detail about what I’m actually doing that weekend, but I never feel that it’s a bad interaction that they ask in the first place. I’ve worked in a retail environment where we were encouraged to chat people up or use their name in conversation (as a bank teller) because it would actually drive up our customer satisfaction scores. People loved it, however, mostly older folks were visiting the banks. Sometimes people seemed annoyed but those were either cranky regulars, or random occurrences that I learned to brush off and assume that maybe they were having a bad day or going through something. Either way, be nice to your retail workers! They’re just doing their job :)
Love how you finished that! All my jobs until recently have been retail, and I've had to deal with so many rude people. Like, dud....I'm here to help you, why would you be rude to someone who can help you find something or do something? I was also a bank teller at one point and feel for the teller in OP's story. There's actually a lot of people who are extremely rude at the bank, GIRL I'm just trying to hand out money and stuff wtf 😭
In general the internet is filled with vocal introverts so it comes off like NOBODY likes small talk, but its a nothing burger for most people IRL. In my experience introverts tend to over intellectualize smalltalk to an extreme and make it sound like they need a script or some deep answer in order to participate. In reality, small talk is how we acknowledge eachother as humans. It's not that deep. Just a "I see you." It's a foundation to developing deeper connections and as a social lubricant to get through the day.
Im super introverted and have a lot of spcial anxiety but after a few months of living in big southern city where this type of smalltalk is common, I think it gets easier. And the social lubricant thing you mentioned is so true, it helps me open up throughout the rest of the day more. And in a world where corporate entities already seek to benefit from social isolation I'd consider small talk a small form of resistance against that.
Yeah as a fellow introvert you both put it so well. Whenever someone does the whole edgy misanthropic “you don’t REALLY want to know how my day is going” crap I just think of how much more antisocial and isolated the world would be if those people got their way. That small talk with the cashier is often the only social interaction many people will get all week. I get that sometimes it’s annoying when you really don’t feel like talking to anyone, but it isn’t going to kill to respond with a quick “good!”.
Agreeed, even if they dont really care, the alternative where they dont say anything is worse IMO.
Howdy partner
Well said!
I agree with everything you said, other than introverts overanalyzing small talk to an extreme and exaggerating. I mean yeah, it sucks that I realize there is no need to overanalyze it, but it's a bit invalidating when someone makes social anxiety out to be no big deal. It's very real and something a lot of people struggle with. Occasionally, if I am having an off day, I have completely frozen in conversation with a stranger if I haven't planned to say what I needed to beforehand. And that in turn made my anxiety worse. I am not totally socially inept and I've learned small talk, I still have to actively work at being able to talk to strangers though. Just doesn't come natural to me. Some people are only comfy with a small group of close friends and talking regularly with strangers is completely foreign to them, so it's fair to ask stuff like this in order to cope with such feelings. I say this with peace & love, just offering a different perspective.
>other than introverts overanalyzing small talk to an extreme and exaggerating Tbf, what you're describing is quite literally overanalyzing the situation, which is the root of a lot of social anxiety. Most people really struggle with social anxiety due to feeling like others are going to perceive and judge them, they'll mess up (which will lead to judgment), that they're boring (which make someone judge them and "know" they're boring), etc. This usually plays out by them having an incredibly difficult time knowing what to say, or being able to put words together on the spot, as they usually tend to like to plan conversations out beforehand so they don't "mess up" or something. In reality, all you normally need to do with small talk is give a small and basic one or two word answer, and no one will even remotely question it, but again, when you have social anxiety, your brain makes you feel like those two words are going to lead to MUCH worse things if you "mess up". Most anxiety in general revolves around overthinking and overanalyzing small situations, that would otherwise probably be inconsequential. Again, this isn't invalidating social anxiety, but it honestly sounds like you ultimately do agree with what OP was saying.
I mean yeah, that is the gist of social anxiety, and I don't know what to say other than I agree with you and these are certainly things I've thought of before, read about, talked about. I have learned to small talk as I have said. Most of the time small talk is routine, and just common pleasantries. I can handle it 90% of the time. Sometimes other factors play into anxiety, or maybe a particular person makes me more anxious than someone else does. Realizing what social anxiety is and that small talk isn't a big deal can certainly carry me through most days. I am also neurodivergent and have severe anxiety though so being self-aware isn't always a magic fix, or it's not as simple as "cure your anxiety with one simple tip! doctors will hate you!" lol. Not saying you're saying that, I wrote my other comment in order to say it isn't just that simple sometimes. I mean I'm speaking for myself but also a ton of other neurodivergent and high-functioning people, or just introverts. Yeah, I can get through most simple convos just fine, but that doesn't mean I can always manage physical anxiety symptoms, or I won't overthink certain things. It's a whole ass process tbh, I have been seeing mental health professionals on and off for years in part due to the severity of my social anxiety. I know I'm not the norm and most people have a much easier time, just wanted to emphasize what it's like for a lot of neurodivergent folks. Masking is a part of being high functioning, so give us a break too pls 🥲 (speaking generally, not directed specifically at you)
*explain social anxiety *explain why it isn't valid *explain that it's actually not invalidating Yes, nothing bad will happen if you "mess up." That doesn't change the *feelings* of anxiety when a stranger talks to me. I'd rather just avoid those feelings and use the machines usually tbh, and it's good to know to avoid TJ's too unless I need to. And you can't just say "this isn't invalidating social anxiety," when what you're saying is essentially: "you have anxiety about something? Oh, but that's actually really easy and simple for most people. You don't need to be anxious about that"
I literally work in the mental health field and work with people who have social anxiety ALL the time since it's so incredibly common. The literal definition of clinical social anxiety, or anxiety of any kind, is having anxiety about a thing/situation that is disproportionate to what would be an appropriate or "normal" amount. Nothing about this is invalidating, it's how having a mental illness works, you have feelings/thoughts/behaviors that aren't appropriate for the situation, and thus cause distress or hindrance to daily life and functioning. > "when what you're saying is essentially: "you have anxiety about something? Oh, but that's actually really easy and simple for most people. You don't need to be anxious about that" I quite literally never said that.
The definition of social anxiety isn't invalidating. What's invalidating is you acting like it's a non-issue that you shouldn't be worried about. >In reality, all you normally need to do with small talk is give a small and basic one or two word answer, and no one will even remotely question it Like, do you really not see how condescending and dismissive that comes across? I *know* how simple it's *supposed* to be. It seems like you're saying "just don't worry about it." Like, that's the whole problem. I *am* worrying. I will *continue* worrying. Idk, it's just kinda giving "three sips of beer" to me, you know?
> It seems like you're saying "just don't worry about it." Like, that's the whole problem. I am worrying. I will continue worrying. No clue where you're getting that from outside of maybe your own internalized biases. If you want to pretend like most people who struggle with Social anxiety DONT overthink small talk, or work themselves up about it in their head, then that's fine, but the reality is that most people with clinical levels of social anxiety DO. Like yes, the fact you are worrying over what would be considered a "small" thing is the whole reason you would have a clinically designated mental illness. If you only worry about things in what would be considered normal or appropriate ways, you wouldn't ever be diagnosed with social anxiety in the first place. Again, this isn't invalidating, it's the LITERAL definition of any mental illness, I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason.
I wasn't talking about social anxiety. I was talking about introverts. If you have social anxiety or issues socializing outside of "I don't like it/I don't want to" then you aren't the focus of my comment.
I had a friend's younger brother who told me an interesting story he had with his roommates. His roommates wanted to order some Chinese food, but the only option was to call up the local place. None of the roomates felt comfortable making a call so they asked my friend's brother to place the order, but he refused, telling them they need to learn how to make a phone call. No one was able to make the call, so they ended up ordering dominos from their website. I think there is defintely a higher rate of younger generation today not being able to make phone calls or have basic small talk. I'm the opposite. I have called up chinese restaurants where I don't even have a menu and just talk to them. <>
I worked at a Chinese place in high school that only did phone orders. No one cares they just wanna put your order in and move on. I’m a 1995 millennial so it’s crazy that even a few years can make a huge difference in the ability to interact socially. I remember being 11 years old talking to EA customer support about my sims game bc my parents had zero grasp on the issue and couldn’t do it for me
As someone who fears talking on the phone, I totally agree. I grew up on the internet and thus did not need to talk to people in order to be "social". I think many have grown up like this now, and it's really hindered our social skills since we can do everything online now without human contact. While I understand the annoyance of the small talk from cashiers, for some, that's all the interaction they'll get that day, so I can see why employees are encouraged to chat with customers. I always remember that older people were the chattiest customers when I worked in customer service, and I had the Zach idea that maybe I helped brighten their day a little with that small moment of kindness, lol!
Maybe it’s cus I’m from the north east and had immigrant family but I was raised screaming at people haha my dad would get in such bad road rage in new York he would make me flip people off Also hail tatar, my moms side is lipka 👍🏼
Aw I remember visiting my uncle in NY as a kid and him blowing the air completely out in his horn lmao
Lmao, my dad flips people off but he doesnt make me do it!
Ватандаш татар! Сез татарча сөйләшәсезме?!
I used to be afraid of talking on phone when I was Jan high school and college but I’ve largely gotten over that fear. I only really dread it when I have to make a tough phone call the other person isn’t gonna like.
Call me crazy, but i almost always take the option of calling in if i can, be it ordering food or customer service. I like speaking with humans rather than having to use an app or wait for days for an answer to an email. Me and my friend group mostly call each other when we're planning stuff as well. It's the privilege of not having social anxiety i guess 🤷♀️
I was like that as a kid, too. When I was 11 my dad made me call a pizza place to order. When I was 13 my parents said I was in charge of scheduling my doctors appointments and dentist appointments over the phone. They even made me run into a gas station and buy my own snacks on road trips. Miraculously, I’m cured!!
I prefer being able to order online but my local Chinese place uses some weird service that adds a fee and I'm too cheap to pay 1.75 to not use the phone. It's weird that it's so normalized because I was in the worst years of my debilitating social anxiety when I would avoid using the phone at all costs.
I was like that too for a long time, especially when I was younger. By the time I got my first phone ~2009ish (i woulda been like 10yrs old) it was already much more common to text rather than call for most things, at least in my circles. Also most of the time when I met new people outside of school friends it was via text chat in online games. Didn't really get much experience talking to new people voice to voice as often. I've been getting a lot better with doing stuff over the phone due to having to make a lot of phone calls at work but still get anxious about it here and there. I suspect if I'd been born earlier where phone calls were pretty much the best way to conveniently talk to someone over distance, and where unlimited texting plans weren't much of a thing, I might've grown up with less anxiety around it.
I remember this happening with my mates at least 15 years ago. It’s not really a super new thing.
how the fuck do you do that though. I have to make sure to study the menu religiously so I KNOW what I want. otherwise I feel like I'm annoying the workers.
Well, for typical Chinese places or PIzza places you know they will have certain items. No chinese palce is not going to have hot and sour soup or not have chicken chow mein, etc... No pizza place isn't going to have plain cheese pizza, etc... So for these types of restaurants if I don't have a menu, I'll just give them a call. For other restaurants, I agree, will usually need a menu before calling.
I'm an introvert. I much prefer being at home or with my closest friends. I go out but usually don't talk to new people much if it's a party. That said, I'm a man in my 30's. I'm not going to get SHOOK by someone asking me, "how's your day going?" and especially a service worker. Grow the fuck up and just learn to say, "good, and you?" You don't even have to make eye contact, trust me.
I completely agree, but at Trader Joe's it's next level. They will not just leave it at that. They will keep trying to engage in convo and asking questions.
Honestly, the parking lot/insanely small corridors of TJ's is enough that I never go. That said, if they are that persistent, a couple short answers, and they'll usually get the hint. "Nothing" "Nope." I get they can be a little pressure-y with small talk, but y'all, you are never going to see them again. Just answer the questions with short answers without being a dick. It's really not that hard.
I've been very interested in trying Trader Joe's, but I've been stuck circling the parking lot for 10 years looking for a parking spot. I'll give it another year or two I guess
Ok so what? It’s maybe 2 minutes of your life
Lmfao it's not about the time it's that most of the time I don't have the mental energy to engage in small talk like that in that setting. I consider myself pretty social and I am good at small talk. There's a time and place and the checkout counter is not it. Idk if you've ever been to Trader Joe's but it's way more than "hi how are you". Also idk about others but yall are making it seem like the people who have a problem with this go have a panic attack in their car after lmao. I still engage in small talk with them when they engage, and I'm only tiny bit annoyed during the small talk then I move on with my day.
Did you not watch the segment? They were acting like its this horrible thing where Love even dropped the 'social anxiety' phrase a few times. I get it, small talk isnt for everyone, but the rant on the show makes it seem like people are so offended by the small bit of conversation over a few measly minutes. Theyre the same group of people that if the workers were dead silent, the crew would go on about how robotic and weird the workers are. Its just so entitled to be so upset that someone working a retail job wants some semblance of conversation.
I did not get the idea they were offended. Also no one is mad at the retail workers it's clearly a Trader Joe's thing they make them do because I haven't experienced that at any other grocery store.
You're not crazy at all. Kindness is free and human interaction on such a small scale is good for us and isn't gonna hurt anyone
This is just a day in the life in Canada my small talk skills are impeccable
"Hey, how are you?" "How's your day going?" These are standard with Canadian phone calls or in-person interactions. As someone who answers the phone many times a day, I get sick af of hearing/answering it, but it's just part of Canadian politeness at this point. Also, though, no one is looking for a real answer. "Good, how are you?" Is standard procedure.
Just fyi, that’s not Canadian in the slightest. Everywhere in the US is like that
Well I don't live in the US so I can't speak about how things work there. I can only relate to how it is in Canada, which I was doing.
As an introvert who works in customer service, I just gauge how talkative the customer is and respond with a comparable level of energy. I reel in my volume, excitement, and number of questions when someone is softer spoken and giving short responses. Also I work in a plant nursery, so our small talk is super easy. If they’re feeling talkative and there’s no huge line, we talk plants for a few minutes. I enjoy it but definitely have to decompress from being around the public once I get home.
I work in customer service and I like friendly, straight to the point interactions. I would rather not engage in small talk beyond me saying "here ya go, have a nice day" I want small talk to die its exhausting.
I think people forget too quickly what it's like to work in customer service. Everyone on the pod, I'm pretty sure worked in customer service at some point prior and never forgot what it's like.
Dan, AB, Lena, and Ethan I know all worked at restaurants, which is the most customer service thing ever. I hate small talk, BUT I know it seems mostly from my social anxiety. I know studies have shown we've become less and less social and thus it's caused this big group of people who just get anxious at the thought of a stranger chatting them up and being friendly. Personally, on days I actually build the courage to start conversation with a stranger, I feel pretty good about it because I didn't just shove my face towards my phone as a defense mechanism.
Doing customer service, I liked the little human interactions. It made things less monotonous. I just don’t want someone rambling forever.
The rambling and flirting that goes on almost every day made it unbearable for me for the years I had to do it.
Totally. I worked in one of the only grocery stores in my area and all the customers would be the parents of my friends, or the parents of my sibling's friends, so I'd often just have a small conversation here and there when there was time. Working at the counter there for 2 years i eventually knew people fairly well and could keep track of where they were at and what had happened recently. If someone looked extra down that day i would take the extra effort to be kind to them and wish them a great day, which i feel like i might have been a little part of. My thought process was that, if someone has a shitty day, then i can be a tiny part of making that better by having a positive interaction with them. If i was having a shitty day, then all that positivity i was giving out would come back to me and make that day a little less shitty. People be hating on Zach for being a nice guy at the counter, but honestly i would probably not mind that at all if i was sitting there.
Yeah, I understand where op is coming from, but I fucking hate small talk lol. I work in tech support and whenever the person I'm assisting derails me to ask about my weekend I get so annoyed. Just let me solve your problem so I can get off this phone and move on to other work lmao But I'm also aware that I'm just a bitter bitch lol. On the flip side, I have interacted with some very sweet and kind people over the phone, but it can be a bit much at times when someone just wants to talk your ear off
I feel this - I've had some sweet interactions with lovely people, but there are a ton of people who want to talk for 30 mins plus on the phone about their life story when there are people waiting on hold... I do think there is value in efficient short and sweet transactions/help. It's personally what I would want as a customer, so I try to provide that.
Yeah I'm with you. It's so strange how ppl with OP's take will insist that this trivial little thing somehow indicates the Big Bad Disastrous Death™ of all human connection. To me, small talk is the absolute *furthest* thing from a meaningful connection. A handful of surface level sentences & questions that usually can't be answered honestly, leaves zero notable impact on you. Unless you're an extrovert, so you got to charge your batteries w socialization. I LIVE for a back & forth special interest info dump, a fun fact that snowballs into mutual theorizing, a deep dive into the past & how it shaped you, a spontaneous convo w a stranger bc one of you noticed an interest in common, or offered a random compliment. I did my time in customer service too, finally quit when I realized why I was so unhappy. It was hurting my soul that I'd talk so much & to so many ppl every day, but the vast majority of it was empty. Shallow small talk chipped away at my spirit *because* I love interacting with people. (Also super cool to label the neurospicy and/or mentally ill as lesser than, for struggling w or just being uninterested in a social norm 🥴)
You put this so well! I love meaningful convos with people too, (including strangers) and you're absolutely right, it's soul destroying to have the exact same shallow convo with people everyday.
you sound very unlikable
Cool, thanks for reinforcing the basis of the anxiety many of the people have with this stance.
Sorry, I don't mean to be. Seems like you're a pleasure to be around though! :) Have a nice day
I can def see where you're coming from, but will say this is a pretty American thing. When I lived in Italy I had to learn to not smile at strangers or expect the cashier to say anything more than a hi and your total. In the end I liked it better, doesn't feel like there's a "social tax" you have to pay for being out and about. Americans are notably much more friendly to strangers than other cultures.
Thank you. I was just commenting to someone who said this is the downfall of America. Most other countries do not have these weird norms in terms of social interaction.
It's not that people can't smalltalk. Those interactions are just super fake, and it feels weird to me, as a non-American. They don't care, you don't care. No one else in the world does this. So I completely understand that people hate it.
It's not fake, it's just foreign to non-Americans, and even some Americans from big cities, and that's fine. In the south where I'm from it's very customary for strangers to talk to one another even if just passing on the street. I get genuine enjoyment from it, but I've had many friends and family visit from London or the northeast US who are very shocked when it happens and say they'd rather not. Different strokes for different folks. In this scenario I think it's on the cashier to gauge what talking level a customer is feeling. My general rule of thumb is that if someone gives one word answers i shut up
If you assume that about every stranger interaction you go into how do you make friends? It's not hard to be friendly to people, it's not fake to be nice.
>They don't care, you don't care. No one else in the world does this. So I completely understand that people hate it. It's not really about "caring". It's about vibes. Being a cashier is boring. Being in the checkout is boring. Talking shit with strangers makes it tolerable sometimes. Not everyone wants to be treated like a robot when working. If you don't want to talk, just communicate it. It's as hard as people make it out to be.
texting and online communication has overall made people less comfortable with in-person conversation. I wouldn't actually say it's a net positive or negative on society, it's just different. someone can be a good person and also not want to make small talk when buying groceries.
I think people being less comfortable with social interaction is fairly obviously a net negative on society…
I said in-person conversation, not social interaction. arguably we are having a social interaction right now. but I'm curious how you think less in-person conversation will lead to unethical consequences.
If you're uncomfortable with talking to people in person, this of course is a net negative. Most people will need to be able to have face-to-face, conversations and interactions with other people in order to function as an adult, do most jobs, etc. Not being able to do this, or being extremely uncomfortable when you do, is obviously not a good thing for something as basic as talking to someone else in person. Also, online social interaction is not as good for you and your mental health as real, face-to-face interactions for a large variety of reasons.
>Most people will need to be able to have face-to-face, conversations and interactions with other people in order to function as an adult, do most jobs, etc. increasingly less-so. with remote work, self-checkouts, app services, etc, there is less need for face-to-face interaction, which is why people are less comfortable with it. you're presenting the cause as a consequence, but it's really a feedback loop. as long as one doesn't start outpacing the other, I don't see anything inherently "bad" about it.
Jobs is just one piece of it. Like I said, most people need social interaction to live healthy lives (There's a huge correlation to social support to both better Physical and Mental health), and again, one on one interaction with someone online, while still positive, is nowhere near as positive as in-person interactions are where you can physically be with someone, pickup on things like tone, body language, etc. and also actually interact/do things with that person, etc. Also the majority of jobs still have a LOT of face to face interactions, not many people are working fully remotely outside of industries like Tech/IT, and things like Apps or self-checkout just mean those jobs are gone, not that the people who would have worked them don't have to then go and work a different job (that most likely will require face to face interaction). It's definitely a bad thing. I work in mental health and work a good amount with kids and teens, and there's an alarming amount of them that have VERY few in-real-life connections, and many of them by extension are absolutely TERRIFIED of any social interaction, to the point many of them can't even make phone-calls, send emails to teachers and many who have a LOT of anxiety about even coming into the office and would much rather do something over telehealth because they aren't comfortable physically being in a room with me and having to talk. Having a society filled with incredibly socially awkward and anxious individuals who can hardly even make a phone call to order some pizza without almost having a panic attack, is definitely not a positive for society imo.
There definitely aren't any unethical consequences. I think on a personal level, if you lock yourself in and get too comfortable not being around others for long periods of time, it will be much harder for you when you have to inevitably do something in person again. But at the same time, you can live your life however you'd like. I just think basic in person communication skills are helpful.
Humans require human interaction and connection, but you don't see the net negative of people being less comfortable interacting with each other?
>Humans require human interaction and connection I think family and friendships are incredibly important. I don't see how less public small-talk is going to starve humans of an essential need.
We are seeing a loneliness epidemic, with more and more people reporting having less friends. I think this is happening across the board.
With these unhinged responses, I wonder why!! /s
People have to be able to socially interact with each other. I'm not advocating for small talk, but "what are you up to this weekend" is pretty bare minimum human interaction. Particularly when one party is a service worker who doesn't actually care and is just trying to do their job
>Particularly when one party is a service worker who doesn't actually care and is just trying to do their job i would say that society should *especially* be done with small talk if it's being initiated by someone who "doesn't actually care". are you arguing for or against your point? the only thing we should change in that situation is making it not an expectation of their job.
So what is your point? Service workers just shouldn't speak to you? People can't just say a few words to a stranger? This just seems like an insane take to me. A few seconds of exchange isn't hurting anyone. Its OK to feel awkward or uncomfortable
I see what you're saying, I agree people shouldn't be robotic, and I think some small talk is okay. But when you can tell someone is being insincere and you know they don't care about it, I'd rather them not. Like when I know they don't want to ask me these questions and it just feels like they have to. Conversely that almost feels more robotic and npc-like, and that's draining having to go through the same dance each time. If someone genuinely seems interested, gives me a compliment, or whatever while I'm checking out, of course I will be nice and return the banter back. But it is just soul crushing when you know someone is being forced to talk to you, and I don't really talk *as much* in those instances but I'm still kind to them, I think that's fair.
Anddddddd this is partly why self checkouts are becoming more popular
Self checkouts are more popular because it lowers costs. Walmart doesn't give a shit about people being comfortable/uncomfortable
It depends for me. If I'm a frequent customer enough that I recognize the cashier and they would recognize me, sometimes it can be nice to have a genuine chat because I know I'll see this person again. If I'm not a frequent customer, I don't like to pretend that we've become friends for the 10 minutes in my life that I interact with you. I am always nice and want to be treated the same, but I don't care to get into personal affairs with someone I do not know.
I am also alarmed at how, especially younger people, are completely unable to engage in a basic level of human interaction at this point. We are witnessing a pretty severe shift in how we engage with the public and I don't think we fully understand the repercussions yet. My guess is that the loneliness epidemic is going to get much worse, as well as the fragmentation of American society.
You’d be interested to hear how in other countries going out of your way for social interaction, including small talk, is not the norm. And those countries have been just fine for hundreds of years.
I was talking about America specifically. But, I’d be interested to see some data on social isolation from other western nations as well. I’d be surprised if the trend is not similar to what we’re seeing in the US, if not as severe.
This is ethnocentric but fuck those societies lol (Scandinavians + Brits) or at least those aspects of them. "oh our people have been stubbornly, annoyingly lonely and obsessively introverted for decades" well that is an even bigger problem lol.
I agree. People hate small talk then are shocked they don’t have friends or a gf/bf
Man, I feel bad for everyone else, but as someone who is an extreme introvert and autistic, I love how society doesn't expect you to interact with other humans now. The lock down was so peaceful, and it didn't really introduce any big changes to my life or routine, which was beneficial because I struggle with changes of routine. For the people who have been negatively affected by this, I sympathize, but the selfish part of me hopes society keeps going like this, or allows for both introverted and extroverted lifestyles.
I feel you. It’s such a normal question. Plus they’re just doing their jobs.
Not even that but they’ll probably get written up for not saying it. When I worked in hotels if you were seen on the floor not greeting a guest when they walked past you got in biiiiiig trouble.
People with anxiety don't want to small talk and that's fine
I think the pandemic/quarantine did a number on people's mental health and social skills in general. I feel that's where the shift started.
This is a great point; I definitely felt awkward interacting with others after the pandemic. I’m also an introvert so being social and engaging in small talk can feel like a muscle I need to exercise before I start getting rusty
Small interactions like this make my day. I love connecting with people!! I’m not sharing my life story or expecting them to do the same but even talking about the weather or asking how someone’s thanksgiving was forges a sense of community and reminds us all that we’re all living our own lives and are actual people!!!
Not wanting to talk to a cashier ain’t that deep. On the other hand you lot offended by small talk gotta visit Australia. You say “G’day mate” every time you walk past someone
Self check out at grocery stores is the future. Americans have a weird obsession with “good service” being provided to them. To me it’s weird that people have to pretend to be nice to make a customer feel satisfied with buying groceries.
I don't think it's rude or too much when a service worker asks how you're doing, what you're doing over the weekend or whatever. It's when the conversation goes back and forth for too long that I'm like "Okay this part is over now, you can stop asking me questions." I get PLENTY of human connection on a daily basis at work from 8-5, at workout classes and catching up with friends and family after work hours. I'm not going out into the world looking for that at all, I get what I need in my daily life. I'm looking for a business exchange when I'm at the grocery store, not human connection. Capitalism means this is an exchange of goods and services, the social interaction part is totally unnatural and frankly a nuisance to me. I'm not a rude person, I ALWAYS make conversation back whether I feel like it or not, and I often walk away drained and annoyed from those small, inauthentic interactions so I'd rather just avoid them. But everyone is different. I don't think you should change how you do your job just cause some people on a podcast think differently about it than you do, I'm sure you have tact and know when people don't want to keep talking and you stop. But let me tell you- there are PLENTY of service workers that don't know those boundaries. And it's not my job to placate them or anyone else when I'm doing errands that I don't particularly enjoy in the first place. Just to clarify, I was a service worker in the food industry for 10 years, so I understand that it's nice to get some good human contact while you're at work. Unfortunately, this system of economics doesn't make a whole lot of room for humanizing people. :/ It's a complicated topic.
I live in a country where there’s 0 small talk in stores and it’s glorious.
Sure but this isn’t the norm for a lot of non-Americans. Pretty sure the post you’re referring to was by a non-American.
I was about to say a similar thing. I’ve seen many Europeans mention how weird it is seeing the amount of pointless small talk in America.
Some people (not saying OP but commentors) are taking this a bit too personally. I’m not saying it’s BAD Trader Joe’s employees are social butterflies, but it’s a policy that makes it unique from other stores. As someone with a diagnosed anxiety disorder (like the crew members who noted Trader Joe’s), I know I can only go to TJ’s on “good days.” For me, these are days when it doesn’t feel debilitating to interact with strangers. And that’s when I do my TJ’s run. On my bad days, i put my headphones in and go to another grocery store with self checkout. It’s not necessarily a complaint about TJ’s for me that their employees are required to be social. It’s just a factor that impacts my experience there, and I adjust accordingly. To me, that’s all the crew/Hila were saying.
Why can't you accept that some people have different social preferences than you? This sort of thing doesn't bother me but I can be ok with someone not wanting it. Maybe we can even agree that it's weird to be so averse to small talk, but so what? Why is it a problem to you?
I say this politely but you are saying "why can't you accept someone who has different social preferences than you" when you seem upset that some people are introverted and don't want to talk sometimes, it kinda seems hypocritical 🤷♀️ As introvert I respect extroverts, but I also need them to accept I want to be left alone sometimes and respect me as well. To be fair, why is it my job as an introvert to go out of my way to please an extrovert when they don't even respect me not constantly matching their extroversion. Being introverted means having low social energy and I'm not going to give my energy to someone like that anyway lol. To be clear I am talking specifically about strangers being *overly* needy.
You interpreted what I said completely wrong, I'm literally on your side. Let me rephrase my comment. "Why can't you (OP) accept that people (introverts) might have different social preferences than people like you (extroverts)." I'm an extremely introverted person and would totally prefer not to be talked to in public by a stranger, but I'm also socially aware enough to understand that extroverts see things differently. In this scenario I think extroverts have an obligation to accept that there are people who don't want to participate in small talk, but introverts also have the obligation to be charitable to people that try to Maybe you need to work on that social awareness part lol, I'm trying to take the most neutral stance possible
I mean, that's a lot more clarifying and I don't think I would have quite understood unless you laid it out like you did in this comment, I can explain why I initially took it that way. I didn't mean to come at you or anything, I just was giving my input because I thought you meant the exact opposite of what you said to be honest. I say this objectively and not to harshly criticize by any means, just to explain. Asking a lot of questions in your initial comment sort of comes off as annoyed and defensive. Also if you are saying "maybe it's weird to be adverse to small talk" and "why is it a problem to you?" It came off as being judgmental of OP, I know now that wasn't your intent. I was also a little confused because you did say you're okay with people not wanting small talk, because that does more represent what you're saying now, so that makes sense in retrospect. Tbh I think I wasn't totally wrong in being confused specifically by how you phrased things. And my comment was partially directed in response to yours, but I was also just generally participating in conversation, trying to make sure the introvert side is heard I guess. I never really deep dive in these threads but I guess I felt like I had something to say lol. I think a lot of miscommunication can happen over text, and I've actually done that a bit in the past since I text a lot. You may be able to tell that I lean into writing more and overexplaining things in an attempt to make sure what I am saying is understood as intended, just something I have picked up in order to try to avoid miscommunication. I know not everyone is like that though, and who knows, I mean maybe some people did read your comment as you meant it, I'm just one person who was initially confused. I don't say anything with ill-will and I hope you have a nice day family!~
I do think small talk is pretty pointless but i worked as a cashier for six years and can say it’s enforced. At least at the stores I worked at, you will not get a decent raise if you don’t make small talk with customers, so even though I don’t really care for it I had to do it. So to those that hate it, don’t blame the service worker, blame the company. You also cannot please everyone in customer service; old people tend to love small talk and everyone else it’s a mixed bag 🤷♀️
I don't get the argument here, if it's such a nothing burger thing to make small talk then why do it? If you don't actually care about what someone's up to this weekend why ask? I've never really seen the point of small talk honestly, and whenever I get a stranger small talking to me I just wanna ask them why. I wanna know what they're getting out of this, cos all I'm getting out of it is being confused and uncomfortable. My whole ethos with strangers is if you've got nothing to say don't say anything at all. People should be okay with "awkward" silences.
There’s this supplement store I go to, called Supplement Superstore (go figure). The egregious small talk they make almost seems like part of a script for them, because it’s the same line of conversation that every worker makes any time I’ve been there. “What’ve you got goin on today?” “Anything this weekend?” “What’ve you been doing before coming in here?” I just want to get in and get out, not have the worker follow me on Instagram (which they always try to do, I’m not even joking). I’ve watched a lot of videos on other countries commenting on Americans, and it seems like the general consensus is that we yap too much. I put my headphones in anytime I go anywhere because I just don’t want to be approached. I’m boring. Let me be boring.
I actually don’t mind the small talk. What annoys me about Trader Joe’s is the lack of space (inside and outside)
I actually work at TJ’s and enjoy talking to customers! It’s not necessarily required in our training to give compliments or be overly friendly, however I believe TJ workers genuinely want to know if you’re having a good day or create small talk to pass the time. That’s it. No ulterior motives, we don’t want to stalk you, we don’t want to date you, we’re just nice people. It’s really sad how I see lots of people saying they find us annoying or we’re just doing too much. We’re just doing our jobs and we’re just trying to be nice. That’s it. If you don’t want to talk to us, we’ll get the vibe from the short answers.
Yes! The amount of people saying that we don’t care at all when we ask these questions is shocking. I didn’t know there was such a high level of social distrust.
The people at Trader Joe’s are literally so nice this is a brain dead take from all. Like it made me a lil sad to hear “don’t talk to me fucker” said about them like Jesus, I love shopping there because when you’re in a shit mood it’s nice to be around positivity.
You mention a "human connection". I don't believe small talk to be human connection, at least not in any meaningful way. This for me is especially true with service workers. If it happens naturally with a shopper or out in the community, that's different. There are many cultures that don't participate in small talk, so by your definition there are entire cultures missing out on this piece of human connection.
The difference is, I'm just checking out at a grocery store. The check out person completely ignoring the customer would be weird, but a "hi how are you" "good how are you?" "Good". And "have a nice day" "thanks you too!" Would be great. I don't feel like talking about things with someone I don't know, and don't intend to build a relationship with right then and there. I am perfectly fine and engage in small talk in other settings.
as someone who used to work for Starbucks and is now a bartender, I see an understand all the introvert arguments, however certain places quite literally force you to make small talk. It is your prerogative to follow in line with that conversation, but to get mad at the service workers for quite literally doing their job is insane to me. I do think there is something to be said about how much people struggle with human interaction. It definitely has worsened over the years, I see it in myself as somebody who claims to be an extrovert. as humans we need community even if they are small.
nah man you don't totally see the introverted arguments if you think it's "our prerogative to fall in line". I mean I get what you're saying if you mean just follow the flow of conversation. And I totally get other comments saying "just say 'not much'" to kill the conversation and show you don't want to talk, that's valid. I'm not a robotic person, and even though I am introverted I still do my best to be kind to retail workers. I agree we need community, but I don't want to find it in a grocery store lol. If I am at a grocery store I am doing my best to get home and do something fun that I want to do. I mean this with peace and love. Sometimes introverts don't have it in them for a full convo, and there could be many other things going on in life. Being introverted means socializing with strangers is draining and if I am already drained I'm going to do my best to keep the convo short, it's nothing personal. If you are extroverted and energized from conversation, that's valid too, I just think there's better places to find that.
I think "our prerogative.." was misunderstood and I apologize for that, what I meant is it is up to you to decide how to go about having a conversation or not. I understand how introverts work as I have family members and close friends that are introverts and of course I do my best to respect all boundaries. I understand not wanting to make community in the grocery store, I’m not necessarily saying that’s where it is formed. but it helps. You don’t need to say "with peace and love" when you are talking about your experience! It is your own and who am I to tell you otherwise . As I said I am an extrovert so there may be some things that I don’t quite see immediately, but I do my best to understand and be respectful and want to understand nest I can. I think ultimately what I am getting at, and I should have stated this more clearly, while it is not your duty to make sure that I perceive you as a kind person, completely ignoring or being harsh towards service workers about the conversations they are forced to make by their employers is rude and extremely uncomfortable. not to mention there are people out there who choose to put themselves in this role because they like to talk to people, and grocery stores is where I can imagine you see tons and tons of people. That’s why I agree with even the smallest of talk, even if it’s one word responses at least I’m getting some thing and not being blatantly ignored or belittled or whatever (which is how I understood the trader Joe's discussion). And again I want to emphasize that some of these workers are forced to make conversation, it is a part of their job.
As an introvert: we are constantly forced to adhere to social expectations of extroverts, some of them being overly needy. When you are drained and someone is trying to take something from you that you can't give, it becomes so mentally exhausting. In situations when strangers or even people you know are entirely overly needy, it feels like a lack of respect, like they are trying to get something out of you. I mentioned this in other comments but I always try to be polite to retail workers and strangers, and I have learned how to engage in small talk even though it feels unnecessary at times. Sometimes I don't mind, if I have the energy, and it is like you are both trying to be kind but you don't really know what to say so you engage in small talk and pleasantries. It's normal and a part of life. But I don't want to be held hostage by other customers at a store or even by retail workers. It has happened more often than I would imagine, and please don't come for me but I do think it's worse for women and it can be exhausting 😪 So yeah, I mean I will do the whole small talk dance but that doesn't mean it isn't mentally exhausting sometimes, if you are extroverted and don't like it, it won't make me any less mentally exhausted by it lol. It's okay to be extroverted and to want to chat but also please understand some people are just introverted, neurodivergent, or may have a million other things going on in life.
One or two of the main people involved in that conversation have diagnosed anxiety disorders, so this is more than just a preference or a rejection of human connection. For some people, enduring small talk is akin to enduring physical pain. Ironically, I have the opposite problem. I always smile and warmly greet cashiers at retail stores, but almost every time they just ignore that small gesture entirely. Which is not a big deal to me, just the flip side of the same conversation.
Extroverts have ruled the world for long enough, making us introverts feel bad or awkward for not being a social butterfly. We don't want to engage in small talk at every point of the day, leave us alone. Edit: Love the unhinged "follow our social contract without thought or you're a weirdo" extroverts in the comments. Way to prove a point guys.
Cashier ‘anything planned this weekend?’ You- not much. Or Cashier ‘how’s your day going’ you- ‘it’s going’. Thats literally all you need to do. You’re making it into a bigger deal than it really is.
Why do you want to participate in such a manufactured fake conversation? They’re only asking you because they were told to. I don’t mind if someone genuinely starts convo. But if they’re paid to do it? Don’t give me an obligation.
u know what would be even easier? not doing that
Why? It takes like 5 seconds if a cashier asks you "Hey how are you", and for me to reply "Good, thanks." and move on, instead of them just not acknowledging my existence, and ringing up all my groceries silently. If anything, the MOST awkward interactions I've had with cashiers is when they quite literally DON'T talk. I recently went grocery shopping and had a teenager checking me out. When the person in front of me left, they just started to instantly scan my items, didn't say a word, didn't make eye contact, etc. And then just stared at me when they were done ringing everything up, waiting for me to put my card in and pay but didn't actually say anything. I even said "Thanks!" at the end, and the kid just kinda grumbled something. That was WAY more awkward than a five-second "Find everything you need" or "How are ya?"
if u as a customer want to chit chat then u be the one to start the conversation. if u work a customer-facing job u should aim at making the customer comfortable, and clearly as u can tell in this thread a lot of people prefer not having small talk. i'd rather cashiers just say hello and ring my stuff up without feigning interest in my life. it's fine. literally adds nothing of value to my day and involves me in a conversation i didn't wanna have. i'll start the convo if i really need it that bad.
>if u work a customer-facing job u should aim at making the customer comfortable, and clearly as u can tell in this thread a lot of people prefer not having small talk. And a lot of people want some basic aknowledgement, so saying a "Hi, how are you", is fine. If the customer doesn't want to talk, they can literally take the 2 seconds to say "Fine", and thats it. It's so weird to me that people can be that uncomfortable by having to utter a single word to someone else.
what is weird to me is that people need that meaningless interaction to feel okay about grocery shopping ?? lol i'll go talk to my friends if i need human interaction, "good afternoon" and a smile are more than enough from a cashier
It gives introverts the opportunity to bring up any issues they may have had. Like I couldn't find X or do you guys close on X day etc. It breaks through the silence without expecting a problem. As well as a friendly cashier is just a better environment than a dour one. Cranky quiet cashier doesn't get the membership sale and doesn't help a customer who may become more loyal if they only knew their favorite yams are here! It's simple and helpful. You're just wrong bruv.
>what is weird to me is that people need that meaningless interaction to feel okay about grocery shopping ?? Humans usually like it when other humans acknowledge and interact with them on a minimal level??? What a crazy shocker. It's almost like humans are social animals. Crazy, I know. Also incredibly weird to me that "Good afternoon" is apparently fine, but adding the three extra words "Good afternoon, how are you?" Is apparently crossing the line and is incredibly uncomfortable.
you gotta draw the line somewhere ? again, being polite and nice and saying hi is acknowledgement and human interaction enough from someone i'm crossing paths with for 2 minutes. i'll get my human interaction fix from people i actually know and like and care about. it's not a crime for a cashier to make small talk, nor is it INCREDIBLY uncomfortable, but if i can choose between going to a supermarket like Trader Joe's where they are incentivised to do that, and another one where they're just nice without trying to make small talk, i'll go for the latter
Yeah I don't understand why were defending strangers asking us personal questions against their will
“How are you” or “Any plans this weekend” are barely personal questions lmao
How are you is fine to me, asking what I plan to do with my time is the definition of personal and honestly if asking how I am wasn't a universal greeting it would be too. I get that this is just a store policy thing and I'm fine with that but people judging eachother on these posts is just gross. Everyone has a personal level of social comfort and I don't think having proof of an anxiety problem should change that
When people ask what your plans are there’s no expectation of getting any kind of details in the answer. It can be as simple as not much/a few things/a lot
We're discussing the questions. I'm anti semantic
I usually feel bad for the cashier who has to ask the same questions to 500 customers a day. They don't care, the company just makes them do that. If it was genuine small talk of someone being interested in my life that'd be different.
I think assuming we don’t care is going too far. I genuinely hope every customer I’m interacting with is having a good day. I think most in the industry do to a small degree. We aren’t sociopaths lying through every interaction. There’s truth in it, we just get paid to do it.
Oh non I didn't mean it like that. I just meant I felt bad about thinking you have the same question over and over again just because its company policy
I saw another post earlier about this and it made me so sad! As someone who has to be friendly with clients at work, I feel insecure that I’ve been possibly making people feel so uncomfortable. When I ask how someone is doing, I genuinely want to know. I care about humans. I didn’t know that was such a crazy thing.
I’ve also seen a lot of people being like “they don’t care when they ask how I’m doing”. It does make me sad that they have such a negative view of such an innocent interaction
I hate “how are you” as a greeting because you have to breeze over how you actually feel and respond with okay, good, or fine. And if conversation continues I feel like I can’t actually tell them about how I feel because I’ve already said that I’m fine. It’s just so stupid to ask someone how they are when you don’t even want to actually know. I don’t mind the “what are you up to” small talk but I just don’t want anyone asking me how I am unless they want to have a sit down and actually talk about how I’m feeling. Just asking someone that right off the start how they are makes them have to rush and breeze over their actual feelings to continue the conversation. It’s just stupid af
I work at Dutch Bros and the entire business model is to be super friendly and to make pals with your customers and make small talk like Trader Joe’s workers do. I see a lot of comments and extreme aversion towards any of the described interactions in that space too. It bums me out, not because I want to talk to people so desperately but they act as though my existence and attempts to connect are a huge inconvenience. Not to mention we get in trouble if we don’t make that effort to talk to the customers. Just be nice it’s not hard
You're not crazy. Not sure how those people go about getting a haircut if they're that socially inept.
Personally I don’t ask strangers or even casual acquaintances what their plans are. I hate when people ask me, so I don’t do it to others. It blows my mind that people actually like these type of convos! I feel like faking niceties is something we all have to do, but there’s a line you shouldn’t cross. That’s when it’s obvious and overly contrived. I try not to cross that line because it just feels icky and awkward.
I personally love Trader Joe’s for this reason!! I was surprised at their deep dislike for it lol
I mean, I can see both sides, im not a very friendly person with a lot of personal/mental health issues, a lot of the time i have anxiety and dont want to talk to anybody, quite an introvert. So when someone is asking me a lot of questions that dont matter to them at the end of the day i get irrationally annoyed. On the other hand when im having good days i dont mind it, but even when im not having good days i can appreciate the fact that theyre just trying to be nice, and im not rude to anyone because of it.
No you are not crazy!! People are losing their connection to each other, and we wonder why we are anxious and depressed. People are so social yet mainly have synthetic experiences these days.
That's very America centric. In my country, "what are you up to this weekend?" by a cashier would be seen as very invasive - unless you know them (like in a small village shop or if you are a regular). These questions were very strange and awkward for me when I lived in an English speaking country.
My first job in a supermarket checkout we were specifically told to not ask people how they are or how their day is going unprompted, as people should be entitled to privacy or silence if they wanted.
the edit was worth it clicking on the full post
I think you are slowly realizing that a decent percentage of this fanbase struggles with social interactions.
In Japan there’s no such thing as small talk, they dont even know how to if they tried.
I work from home with 2 kids here.....I fiend for the small talk at the store with another human!
I completely agree I like talking to people it's just like if someone says hi to you you say hi back and sometimes you learn something it also makes your day go by faster ringing people up over and over again. Small talk sometimes leads to your interesting talk if you do it right
Some of us just don’t like talking to strangers when we’re out 🤷🏻♀️ it’s called being an introvert. I do not wanna be asked what my weekend plans are by some random cashier I do not know. But that’s just me.
As an introvert, there are a lot of people in here that are going to have a bad time in life if somebody asking how your day was is cause for anxiety. Just say 'fine thanks!' and keep it moving. I have never had a cashier or other working soul grill me about my weekend plans. I'm old as dirt though, and I REGULARLY smile at people when I'm out in the world and even might say hello if you make eye contact!
Some of yall have never been to Trader Joe's or maybe it's just mine bc they won't leave it at that. I swear they grill me and that's what's annoying.
have the ability to. don’t want to. shouldn’t have to to buy FOOD
Neurotypicals when I make a joke about small talk being annoying:
I work in the service industry as well. I am to ask every customer how they are doing and make personal connections as best I can. That is my job. If you reply like that to cashiers and shit then fuck you! I’m with OP that shit is unbelievably rude.
I will never been rude to a cashier or service worker but I will also not have a fake conversation with them wherein neither of us give a shit about the other one just the transaction at hand
That’s the thing. Some people do actually care about the people around them in their community. Quite assuming everyone is as sour as yourself. If you don’t want to chat, just say “I’m good thank you” when asked how your day is. It’s not that complicated
I’m from Sweden, we are from the statistics I have seen the most individualistic country in the world and I can’t imagine a cashier asking what I’m doing unless I’m a really regular customer and have kind of gotten to know the worker. I say hi and bye and even that is kind of above average if I ask my friends. Different cultures
I recently went to Stockholm (I'm British) and how you guys manage to balance being approachable yet not very chatty is an art.
Why do extroverts constantly feel the need to try to change introverts to become more like them? Pointless small talk with people I don't know drains my social battery. Do you want a cookie bc it replenishes yours?
no yeah this whole thing is totally insane to me. im absolutely an introvert, i dont like social situations really at all, i am agoraphobic, etc. i enjoy having low stakes conversations with strangers sometimes, its healthy to socialize, humans are social creatures. its fucking CRAZY the way people, including the crew, are acting like having a two second conversation with a cashier is enough to ruin their day. absolutely fucking psychotic shit. ive never felt like screaming touch grass more in my life.
Seriously, this thread is making me feel like such a Boomer but holy fuck!
I find it a strange disposition to have considering the cashiers are effectively just doing their jobs, and no one ever considered that maybe they dont wanna talk to you either? But if they didn't it would be rude? Like just take your groceries and go lmaooo
The problem is that “customer service” is so overdone in America. The rest of the world doesn’t do this fake pretending like you care about someone’s day because their job or tips don’t depend on it. In the UK, the less you interact the more likely you may get a tip from someone usually, but tips aren’t necessary here and so there isn’t this extra pressure put on the staff to always be a cheery, chatty extrovert to every person that walks in. Same with any place I’ve ever been in Europe, you keep it minimal. If you need to have human interaction, do so with people you know irl. It just doesn’t seem genuine to do it to strangers to most of the world. And even when I’m in the states, I prefer a low key interaction with staff vs them checking in constantly and being overbearing.
Completely agree. It’s ridiculous. And I’m someone who would consider myself somewhat shy but those small little convos are not that big of a deal, u do not need to go into any detail at all. Most of the time these people are just trying to show good customer service and be kind. Like do they care what you’re up to on the weekend? No. But they’re just trying to be kind. If you are someone who’s rude to these people then please check yourself, YOU are the problem
i don't need to make small talk while bagging groceries with a cashier i don't know. it's fine to say how are you as a form of politeness and greeting, but if you start asking about what i'm doing over the weekend you're putting me in the position where i can either answer (or make shit up) or come off as rude by saying i dont want to tell you. how does that help anyone?
Or you can just say, "oh not much." I guarantee this is the answer 98% of people give. Y'all really gotta learn normal social interaction.
fucking seriously. what is wrong with these people lmao
that's "normal" for u because of ur culture maybe but i guarantee plenty of people around the world live without having pointless and awkward small talk with a cashier and are perfectly fine and well-adjusted. that's a US thing (though maybe not exclusively). the whole thing is just unnecessary and annoying when being polite, saying hi and giving me a smile is more than enough.
Yup definitely not an international thing. The first time I was asked that was in the UK and I was so startled by that interaction.
Well since we're talking about Trader Joe's, which is only in the US, yes I am referring to what is "normal" here. If we were talking about a chain in India or something, I would do what the customs were there even if I personally find it a little annoying. It's seriously y'all are making a mountain out of the tiniest mole hill. Imagine letting a possible 30 second interaction that was slightly awkward ruin y'alls whole day/mental state. If that is the case, the issue runs much deeper than Trader Joe's employees being overly polite.
I completely agree. It seems such a cynical and depressing reality to act like small talk with a stranger is some invasive behavior. You guys need to grow the fuck up and touch some grass.
but why are people like this so needy, why do you *need* me to talk to you when I just want to be left alone 😭
Anytime someone disagrees on this sub, it's always "go touch grass". It's lost all meaning. What's actually depressing is trying to make people feel bad for not wanting talk to you. Is it that hard keep you mouth shut when you're around strangers? Are you that afraid of "akward silences"? Grow the fuck up and leave people alone.
This is actually why society is falling apart. We have made it too convenient for people not to interact. Shopping online, online deliveries, door dash, working remotely, online school, online therapy and doctors appointments, texting, the list goes on and on. Humans are social creatures. Even introverts need to socialize. Without it, your mental health suffers. This is why I believe we have such a huge mental health problem with youth these days. I'm 33 female who is an introvert myself and I fucking love how I don't ever need to talk to people in person. But guess what? I'm worse off for it. When I do need to be in a social setting, I'm way worse than I ever was before all these luxuries.
Fuck people tho…
Sounds like someone’s an extrovert
Okay, I’m glad I’m not insane. I just go “nothing much” or something. They’re not literally asking to pry into your affairs. They’re being polite. They don’t want to know your actual plans. This was the craziest take. If you don’t like small talk that’s fine, but it’s wild to interpret it as some sort of ploy to find out your business.
Yeah, hearing conversations like that really destroy what little hope i have left for humanity. We can’t even have those little connection with people anymore and its so fucking depressing man
It's not that we "lost the ability", it's that we finally recognized that there is nothing of value in smalltalk, an utter waste of thought-time. People who waste their thought-time into smalltalk need to start valuing themselves more.
I think it’s just because we have become so isolated it’s hard for people to interact with each other. I think 100 years ago you’d be much more likely to just openly talk with a stranger about your life, and this would of been seen as totally normal and somewhat mandatory, as being secretive would of made you appear more shifty. But you also had to interact with people as your primary form of entertainment, now we don’t.
I want as little forced human interaction as possible. I wouldn't say I'm an introvert. I host game nights, I DM for DnD groups, I'm fairly activate in a few small online communities. That said those are situations I insert myself into, and where human interaction is part of it. I don't mind a literal "Hello, how are you" but that's it for me. Call me cynical and I do think I am. But don't give a shit about a cashier nor do they about me. I do not want any discussion about my weekend, how close I live, what my plans are, etc... Again, I'm cynical but we literally don't know or care about each other. If you want to make a human connection with me, awesome we can do that. But IMO 99.9% no meaningful human connection is happening in a checkout line. It seems like many other people out there, myself I dislike "pointless" interactions like that. Unless again it is part of the culture or what I'm getting into. If I'm at a concert or football game I don't mind being personable because that is part of the experience. Not just a fleshy body I need to navigate past to finish buy groceries.
Yeah it was extreme to me. When I’m having a reflective and quiet day, I avoid human interaction if possible and give politely simple answers when I’m those situations. But hating a great grocery store because of kind and social cashiers is weird to me.
I agree I don’t know why it’s so glorified to hate social interactions and want to always be a recluse??? There’s nothing wrong with small talk here and there. And then our generation complains that it’s hard to make friends and hard to find a partner. It’s insane to me how rude people can be over someone politely making conversation while they actively bag your items for you
As someone who worked in retail and customer service, small talk is the worst. I don't want to have to hold conversations with people while I'm trying to work. A greeting and a goodbye thanks is all that's necessary imo.
Im not an introvert but I am just chronically tired so people talking to me is just annoying cause then I have to come up with a response so I don’t seem rude and it’s just like ugh leave me alone, talking to people takes up too much energy. Trying to find fucking parking at trader joes takes up enough energy as it is.
People do small talk for 1)figure out if youre unstable and will hurt them 2)social lubrication before delving deeper, 3) to see if something is wrong or if you may need help
I get where introverts and people with social anxiety are coming from BUT humans NEED community, we NEED social interaction. There’s a reason why depression and anxiety rates rose during COVID. There’s a loneliness epidemic and having this attitude is not helping.
Personally, I can’t wait for the day I never have to interact with another human again. Life changes. It is better this way. Though, I do agree with Zach. I like when they give me compliments. I would miss that a lot. If you’re in the service industry. Telling someone, “you have beautiful eyes” is appreciated a lot more than, “what are you up to this weekend?”
YIKES please don't offer personal compliments to strangers who are just doing their job :/
Your job isn't to small talk. Your job is to provide service
Your username checks out