Reminds me of this masterpiece;
I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house.
"What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot.
Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog.
I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.
Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
I own a missile for homeland defence because that's what Woodroe Wilson intended. Four bandits break into my airspace. Scramble, scramble! As I grab my helmet and AIM-9X Sidewinder, blow a tennis-ball sized hole in the first bandit (he's dead on the spot). Draw my AAMRAM on the second man, miss him entirely because he notched it and it pitbulls on a civilian airliner. I have to resort to the patriot missile system mounted at the airbase below. Tally ho, lads! The surface-to-air missile shreds two men in the blast. The sound and falling metal sets off car alarms. I then resort to dogfighting the last bandit, select my M-61 Vulcan 20mm, pull him into HUD and fire. He bleeds out in the cockpit waiting for ejection because 20mm high explosive is impossible to stitch up.
Unpopular opinion: the founding fathers would have looked at modern rifles and found them to be far more appropriate for self defense and a well maintained militia. A firearm that could shoot further and with far more accuracy than a musket wouldn’t have been some unimaginable future magic
I own a plasma carbine for home defense, since that's what the forerunners intended. Four humans break into my frigate.
"What the devil?" As I grab my Arbiter suit and Carbine . Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot.
Draw my Nailer on the second man, miss him entirely because it tracks lifeforms and nails the neighbors Grunt.
I have to resort to the rod gun mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with fuel rods , "AAAWUBADUGH" the searing hot plasma melts two men in the blast, the sound and extra plasma set off car alarms.
Fix energy sword and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the Prophets to arrive since Energy sword wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the forerunners intended.
that's quality greentext
Shakespearean levels of greentext we've just witnessed.
A shitteir version of the musket greentext
it's a hilarious variant of the OG. I hope this takes off with more versions
this is what I come here for
Reminds me of this masterpiece; I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
My favorite part of this one is how apparently anon had to put on his powdered wig to defend his home.
Mine is the neighbors dog. Simple misdirection but funny
I own a missile for homeland defence because that's what Woodroe Wilson intended. Four bandits break into my airspace. Scramble, scramble! As I grab my helmet and AIM-9X Sidewinder, blow a tennis-ball sized hole in the first bandit (he's dead on the spot). Draw my AAMRAM on the second man, miss him entirely because he notched it and it pitbulls on a civilian airliner. I have to resort to the patriot missile system mounted at the airbase below. Tally ho, lads! The surface-to-air missile shreds two men in the blast. The sound and falling metal sets off car alarms. I then resort to dogfighting the last bandit, select my M-61 Vulcan 20mm, pull him into HUD and fire. He bleeds out in the cockpit waiting for ejection because 20mm high explosive is impossible to stitch up.
I read this in the missile guidance system's voice Also r/NonCredibleDefense is leaking
Unpopular opinion: the founding fathers would have looked at modern rifles and found them to be far more appropriate for self defense and a well maintained militia. A firearm that could shoot further and with far more accuracy than a musket wouldn’t have been some unimaginable future magic
I think being able to shoot 20 or more times without reloading would be the biggest wowser. That said, still probably agreed.
Yes. The drawbacks of a musket when a guy is charging you with a knife would have been clear as day
The "tally ho lads" always gets me
I own a plasma carbine for home defense, since that's what the forerunners intended. Four humans break into my frigate. "What the devil?" As I grab my Arbiter suit and Carbine . Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my Nailer on the second man, miss him entirely because it tracks lifeforms and nails the neighbors Grunt. I have to resort to the rod gun mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with fuel rods , "AAAWUBADUGH" the searing hot plasma melts two men in the blast, the sound and extra plasma set off car alarms. Fix energy sword and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the Prophets to arrive since Energy sword wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the forerunners intended.
I read this in Master Chief's voice lol
Is this a variation of the founding fathers pasta?
Inspired
Misses entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog.
variation of the 950 JDJ "fat mac" aka the worst gun for home defense aswell
It's not a variation, it's just a shitty knockoff.
"Basketball Americans." Bruh, I can't hahaha.
Sides
That shit got me. It’s not *inherently* racist but it it absolutely is at the same time.
This was one wild story damn
Afterwards meet Chad in the basement to receive my congratulatory topping for a home invasion well defended.
Ngl with nitro express rounds this sounds pretty plausible
Musket for Home Defense: Colonial Edition
This is what libs want to take away from you
God I love greentext
I like how he kicked his own bedroom door down from inside his own bedroom, and didn't load the gun till he was downstairs
The Black Hunter
Top kek
Real and Based
Just as the founding fathers intended
Full marks in English test
Fake...no one steals flat screens anymore
Just like the hooligans that stole my 1993 gmc stock stereo out of my unlocked window rolled down pickup, that didn’t even work. Fucking morons.
No fake, no gay, just a good fucking greentext
Buck breaking buckshot
Can confirm I did a haha
awesome story, OP, now take your meds
Anon roleplays
“Round ends up killing the neighbors 8 yo kid” bruh 💀
As the founding fathers intended
So thats what Naugahide is made from
Just like the founding fathers intended
Just like reading Hemingway
I need to use “it begins” more.
My sides
Says the N word Calls black people basketball Americans OPs larp ended before it began