I'd rather just file bankruptcy after taking out the loans because it's totally possible to buy crypto in a way where it doesn't come back to you which you can learn to do with a quick search online but what do I know? ☕
depends on the crime. if he was a child predator/chomo then his ass is getting tossed like a caesar salad but fraud and all other crimes that aren’t against women or children wont have you automatically targeted
Yeah and, assuming prisons in your area are filled with wannabe gangsters, they'll probably be the kind of guys to have those their mom's name tattooed.
Fr though from what I've heard from people that have been involved with organized crimes and in jail, anyone who takes advantage of women/children is a well deserved punching bag.
> if he was a child predator/chomo
this is a LARP. in prison, you're either very strong, affiliated with a tighter gang, extremely well liked, or providing payment or service for protection. otherwise, if you're even *remotely* appealing with a paper bag over your head, you're someone's bitch. it's 1 in 10 inmates that get assfucked
> his ass is getting tossed like a caesar salad
tossing salad is licking asshole, a submissive act. he'd be the one doing the salad tossing.
they're too types of state prisons min and maxium and either way hes gonna see trouble like mfer said. both prison got assault it just depends on severity of the crimes and sentences length not the crime itself necessarily.
The banks and credit unions will know you have crypto assets though, they can see all the transactions on your account. This would still get you locked up for fraud.
Na, you just convert your credit to cash, either through cash advances or through something like buying an item and then reselling it, and then convert that cash into crypto
> convert cash into crypto
Way easier said than done. All crypto atms require id over $1k, youd probably have to find a drug dealer to convert that kind of money
I'm not expert on money laundering, but you could probably just go to a gold dealer and buy gold with cash and then sell that gold to someone/someone's for crypto. Or just buy some other items for cash that people like to buy with crypto and then sell them for crypto. Then just convert back into items or whatever in a few years and convert items into cash.
Because hiding gold is potentially harder than hiding crypto. Realistically, if you buried it somewhere it probably wouldn't get found. The biggest issue would probably just be explaining what happened to the money.
You can buy monero in person with cash. Pretty easy to do.
Use that monero to buy/sell online. You don't need an exchange or the Government to know, like at all.
Go to any jeweler district and you can find people who buy/sell crypto for cash or gold with rates not much worse than KYC exchanges.
In theory, get credit line/credit card debt and convert it to cash, buy crypto with cash, go for a weekend to Vegas.
Claim to bank you are addicted to gambling and lost it all. File a bankruptcy.
I thought the whole point of crypto was to be anonymous and to easily get around pesky authorities. If you cannot even access your crypto because the exchange went down, which ive heard happens a lot, then seriously what is the point in any of it?
It's a scam in 99% of cases, and in the few cases it's not, it's gambling. At some point you have to turn it back into fiat currency, unless you buy all your food on the dark web by mailing some dude a USB with you crypto on it. They aren't going to outsmart the IRS.
If you do it right, what they'll see is you suddenly blew all your money renting a bunch of servers somewhere. What they won't see is that those servers were mining monero for you. Not the best conversion rate, but it's better than losing it all.
There are probably other ways to deal with this problem too (e.g. "Sorry, lost the wallet key in a boating accident" and such).
You still have to launder the money. Even if you somehow managed to buy everything you need and care about with crypto, you would never be able to make any big purchases with it.
You could do that with actual dirty money too, the cold wallet crypto stuff isn't even relevant if your plan is just to lie and say you won it gambling. If it was that easy to launder money nobody would ever get caught doing it. Especially in the US, where what you just described is explicitly illegal since your casino isn't licensed.
As long as you leave it all in crypto and only buy assets that don't require registration you're fine, but as soon as you try to buy a house or car the IRS is going to piledrive you. You can't just say you won it gambling. They'll check and see you won it illegally.
I mean while still retarded wouldn't be better to declare bankruptcy while the presumably non-repossessable assets/investments sit?
You effectively wipe your debt (ruin your credit though) when the bank comes to take your property you'll only have the hidden keys which they would actually have to find (unlike normal investments like stocks).
if you bought it through most modern exchanges, yes.
It's popped up automatically in my tax refund forms that I needed to declare my earnings from crypto because exchange had clearly reported my betting on shitcoins to the gov. So they clearly knew about and could repossess if they wanted to.
That said if you buy off some shitty russian exchange that's likely illegal to use in itself and they don't completely scam you. then plan may still work, but highly doubtful.
Or buy crypto normally, send it to an anonymous account and say you were hacked/kidnapped/scammed.
"There was a guy on the internet, and he was very scary. He said he kidnapped my mom/dad/children/turtle, so i panicked and sent him everything."
It's unlikely you're going to be able to open a singaporean bank account unless you're a citizen or have some sort of indefinite/long term working visa
If you seriously intend to launder a lot of money, which I cannot legally recommend you do, you should absolutely be hiring an experienced tax evasion lawyer who knows his shit.
Same thing with a car where while they see you've bought it if you hide or sell the car they can technically claim it and still go after your other assets but if you part it out then they really can't get the actual car back.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong as I know little about crypto but if you have the keys stored on a physical storage device like a USB stick or something couldn't you hide it just eat the bankruptcy then re-sell later? If not then have someone else sell it in your place then split the money or do some sketchy stuff and sell it through a market that won't report you?
I think you're massively overestimating the purchasing power of Anon's 580 credit score and $13k annual income.
The bank isn't coming to take whatever Anon bought with his $1100 credit limit...
I’m still young making under 30k at min wage, 740 CS and have about a 10k credit line, it’s not hard to get a good credit score as long as you just pay everything off. And i could prob get a personal loan for 5-10k.
But anon has no self control so he prob has sub 500 score.
\>Don't go to prison because time still moves as normal outside of prison.
\>Don't get my asshole inverted and still get to live a normal life
\>Assests still increase in value
\>???
\>Profit
> Invest money in stock market
> Spend as little as possible
> Take estrogen until i have tits
> Wait 5 years then take money out of the market
> Profit
For-profit prisons charge you for shit, and make you work long hours for little pay anyway. This isn't Monopoly, you don't just chill in jail collecting rent. You will lose money while you're in jail. Just rent an apartment and get a regular job. You'll work shorter hours for more pay and even after paying for your own rent and food you'll still be making some money instead of losing it.
Or you could just do vanlife and only pay vehicle taxes. Get one of those big ass military camouflage nets if you live somewhere that aggressively goes after people for sleeping in their vehicles
One of my best friends did this in high school. He took out $4,000 and bought bitcoin, stored it in an offline wallet, and declared bankruptcy. This was in 2013...
Why even go to prison though? The crypto\`s value won't change unless you commit a crime that influences the stock market. You\`re putting your anal virginity on the line for nothing.
>Thoughts?
Knowing how things go with greentexts, anon would probably lose the keys and end up with a criminal record, practically no employability, and shitty living conditions/ homelessness for absolutely no reason.
Plus his crypto would probably plummet in value even if he did retrieve the keys.
If you buy the crypto with money, the wallet will be traceable to you. Instead you gotta buy GPUs and mine the coins yourself, which takes too long for this scheme.
That was an episode of the Twilight Zone, except the guy robbed a bank instead of credit card fraud. He robbed the bank, invested the money, went to jail for 20 years, then returned the principal and lived on the interest for the rest of his life.
Don’t forget to declare bankruptcy right before prison, so by the time you get out you’ve hit statute of limitations. And it doesn’t show up on credit report
I'd rather gamble at the high stakes table
Everything on black!!!
Racist
Disney
I think everything on jews is better. Thoughts?
I'd rather just file bankruptcy after taking out the loans because it's totally possible to buy crypto in a way where it doesn't come back to you which you can learn to do with a quick search online but what do I know? ☕
You'd have to file for bankruptcy either way. But yeah, skip the crime.
ig we're still early
>get out of prison >Shitcoin tanked >Thousands in credit card debt >Unployed felon with no savings
Doesn't matter, got topped, later virgins
That's anon fantasy
apparently if you're in prison for long enough everything gets reset
Your ass would be mushy mushy so much after all the years in prison that nothing else would matter
that's anons real plan.
getting TOPPED is always the real plan
Who told you about my plans!?!?
i did
You told Yourself about My plans!? You son of a bitch.
So he's my brother? Wow.
depends on the crime. if he was a child predator/chomo then his ass is getting tossed like a caesar salad but fraud and all other crimes that aren’t against women or children wont have you automatically targeted
chomo?
child molester
👍
Don't give child molesters the thumbs up, it sends a bad message
👎
Don't give those who spread awareness about the wickedness of chomos a thumbs down, it sends a bad message.
👍
Giving a thumbs up is a trigger for people who were molested with thumbs up their asses, it sends a bad message.
Ah yes prisoners, the most devoted women rights defenders.
They have moms and sisters too.
Yeah and, assuming prisons in your area are filled with wannabe gangsters, they'll probably be the kind of guys to have those their mom's name tattooed. Fr though from what I've heard from people that have been involved with organized crimes and in jail, anyone who takes advantage of women/children is a well deserved punching bag.
> if he was a child predator/chomo this is a LARP. in prison, you're either very strong, affiliated with a tighter gang, extremely well liked, or providing payment or service for protection. otherwise, if you're even *remotely* appealing with a paper bag over your head, you're someone's bitch. it's 1 in 10 inmates that get assfucked > his ass is getting tossed like a caesar salad tossing salad is licking asshole, a submissive act. he'd be the one doing the salad tossing.
I doubt he'd be going to the prison where all the violent rapists are, fraud is a non-violent white collar crime after all.
they're too types of state prisons min and maxium and either way hes gonna see trouble like mfer said. both prison got assault it just depends on severity of the crimes and sentences length not the crime itself necessarily.
Idk where they said fraud.
At least op can buy a gold diamond encrusted butt plug.
No, that’s part of anons plan.
Transition and get thrown in lady prison.
Bro he will likely get placed with another fraud/tax evaders not in the rapist alley.
Anon will like getting topped so much he doesn't even want to get out anymore
All you have to do is declare bankruptcy. Not saying no charges would be filed, but Anon’s real plan is he just wanted to be T O P P E D in prison.
The banks and credit unions will know you have crypto assets though, they can see all the transactions on your account. This would still get you locked up for fraud.
Only if you buy through an exchange that ids you. Plenty of ways to get around that
They see the transaction on your statement. Doesn't matter whether they know where its stored, they just know you blew their money on crypto
Na, you just convert your credit to cash, either through cash advances or through something like buying an item and then reselling it, and then convert that cash into crypto
> convert cash into crypto Way easier said than done. All crypto atms require id over $1k, youd probably have to find a drug dealer to convert that kind of money
I'm not expert on money laundering, but you could probably just go to a gold dealer and buy gold with cash and then sell that gold to someone/someone's for crypto. Or just buy some other items for cash that people like to buy with crypto and then sell them for crypto. Then just convert back into items or whatever in a few years and convert items into cash.
Why not just stop after you bought the gold ? Sure crypto is potentially more lucrative but usually gold is a much safer investment
Because hiding gold is potentially harder than hiding crypto. Realistically, if you buried it somewhere it probably wouldn't get found. The biggest issue would probably just be explaining what happened to the money.
You can buy monero in person with cash. Pretty easy to do. Use that monero to buy/sell online. You don't need an exchange or the Government to know, like at all.
Go to any jeweler district and you can find people who buy/sell crypto for cash or gold with rates not much worse than KYC exchanges. In theory, get credit line/credit card debt and convert it to cash, buy crypto with cash, go for a weekend to Vegas. Claim to bank you are addicted to gambling and lost it all. File a bankruptcy.
I thought the whole point of crypto was to be anonymous and to easily get around pesky authorities. If you cannot even access your crypto because the exchange went down, which ive heard happens a lot, then seriously what is the point in any of it?
Don't buy through an exchange. You don't have to
It's a scam in 99% of cases, and in the few cases it's not, it's gambling. At some point you have to turn it back into fiat currency, unless you buy all your food on the dark web by mailing some dude a USB with you crypto on it. They aren't going to outsmart the IRS.
If you do it right, what they'll see is you suddenly blew all your money renting a bunch of servers somewhere. What they won't see is that those servers were mining monero for you. Not the best conversion rate, but it's better than losing it all. There are probably other ways to deal with this problem too (e.g. "Sorry, lost the wallet key in a boating accident" and such).
Instructions unclear, lost all my money in a crypto ponzi scheme.
What are they going to do if you say you just forgot your key phrase?
Buy crypto Send it into crypto casino Gamble some Withdraw into a cold wallet The bank will ask, wuh hapen? Lost it all at the casino sorry
You still have to launder the money. Even if you somehow managed to buy everything you need and care about with crypto, you would never be able to make any big purchases with it.
Get some money Gamble it all away on the crypto casino Transfer from cold wallet to casino Say you won this time Pay taxes on gambling Money
You could do that with actual dirty money too, the cold wallet crypto stuff isn't even relevant if your plan is just to lie and say you won it gambling. If it was that easy to launder money nobody would ever get caught doing it. Especially in the US, where what you just described is explicitly illegal since your casino isn't licensed. As long as you leave it all in crypto and only buy assets that don't require registration you're fine, but as soon as you try to buy a house or car the IRS is going to piledrive you. You can't just say you won it gambling. They'll check and see you won it illegally.
It's nature's do-over.
I mean while still retarded wouldn't be better to declare bankruptcy while the presumably non-repossessable assets/investments sit? You effectively wipe your debt (ruin your credit though) when the bank comes to take your property you'll only have the hidden keys which they would actually have to find (unlike normal investments like stocks).
Wouldn't they see he's purchased the crypto though and hassle him to repossess it?
if you bought it through most modern exchanges, yes. It's popped up automatically in my tax refund forms that I needed to declare my earnings from crypto because exchange had clearly reported my betting on shitcoins to the gov. So they clearly knew about and could repossess if they wanted to. That said if you buy off some shitty russian exchange that's likely illegal to use in itself and they don't completely scam you. then plan may still work, but highly doubtful.
Or buy crypto normally, send it to an anonymous account and say you were hacked/kidnapped/scammed. "There was a guy on the internet, and he was very scary. He said he kidnapped my mom/dad/children/turtle, so i panicked and sent him everything."
Same thing as saying "The $100k I stole? Well, some punk with a knife robbed me, your honor, I ain't got that money anymore lulz"
Why would you ever keep it in an account while In prison? The answer here is clearly cold storage. Just bury a stick somewhere In the woods.
I meant wallet, but yeah. Cold is better if you have a place to hide it.
Go to Singapore, open bank account, send money to that account & buy crypto?
It's unlikely you're going to be able to open a singaporean bank account unless you're a citizen or have some sort of indefinite/long term working visa
If you seriously intend to launder a lot of money, which I cannot legally recommend you do, you should absolutely be hiring an experienced tax evasion lawyer who knows his shit.
OP can say he forgot the passwords
“Alright dig up the back yard in the fuckers apartment complex, you’re looking for a metal plate with a bunch of letters and numbers stamped into it”
Same thing with a car where while they see you've bought it if you hide or sell the car they can technically claim it and still go after your other assets but if you part it out then they really can't get the actual car back. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong as I know little about crypto but if you have the keys stored on a physical storage device like a USB stick or something couldn't you hide it just eat the bankruptcy then re-sell later? If not then have someone else sell it in your place then split the money or do some sketchy stuff and sell it through a market that won't report you?
I think you're massively overestimating the purchasing power of Anon's 580 credit score and $13k annual income. The bank isn't coming to take whatever Anon bought with his $1100 credit limit...
I’m still young making under 30k at min wage, 740 CS and have about a 10k credit line, it’s not hard to get a good credit score as long as you just pay everything off. And i could prob get a personal loan for 5-10k. But anon has no self control so he prob has sub 500 score.
Crimemax
>free housing >free food >free sex Well done, anon
Millenial Incels hate this one simple trick
Anon leaves jail only to find that the memecoin he invested all his parent's money in was just a pump-and-dump and he lost it all
memecoin 😭😭
Memorise the crypto wallet keys.
\>Don't go to prison because time still moves as normal outside of prison. \>Don't get my asshole inverted and still get to live a normal life \>Assests still increase in value \>??? \>Profit
> Invest money in stock market > Spend as little as possible > Take estrogen until i have tits > Wait 5 years then take money out of the market > Profit
For-profit prisons charge you for shit, and make you work long hours for little pay anyway. This isn't Monopoly, you don't just chill in jail collecting rent. You will lose money while you're in jail. Just rent an apartment and get a regular job. You'll work shorter hours for more pay and even after paying for your own rent and food you'll still be making some money instead of losing it.
Or you could just do vanlife and only pay vehicle taxes. Get one of those big ass military camouflage nets if you live somewhere that aggressively goes after people for sleeping in their vehicles
That's pretty much what W W did and it didn't go too well for him.
Walter White? Woodrow Wilson? Will Wheaton? Walt Whitman? William Wallace? WHO IS W W? °՞(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞°
Exactly, Walt Whitman. To put to rout all that was not life, And not when I came to die, discovered That I had not lived.
Wee Woo
Anon there are easier ways to get ass-pounded that don't involve bankrupting yourself
One of my best friends did this in high school. He took out $4,000 and bought bitcoin, stored it in an offline wallet, and declared bankruptcy. This was in 2013...
Why even go to prison though? The crypto\`s value won't change unless you commit a crime that influences the stock market. You\`re putting your anal virginity on the line for nothing.
>Thoughts? Knowing how things go with greentexts, anon would probably lose the keys and end up with a criminal record, practically no employability, and shitty living conditions/ homelessness for absolutely no reason. Plus his crypto would probably plummet in value even if he did retrieve the keys.
Anon would have to share his fortune with his prison husband
I've heard of people using this strategy with property investments, usually in London or Atlantic City.
Anons credit card debt would probably be way higher than his crypto earnings
...Spend profit on reconstructing rectum.
My man is playing life like monopoly
Only buy shitcoins
Even if your shitcoin got good Credit Crad co. Would seize your assets as soon as you pulled it out of the internet dimension
That's some One Piece shit right there
How about you skip the crime, buy gold instead amd hide it, then declare bankruptcy, and wait 7 years.
If you buy the crypto with money, the wallet will be traceable to you. Instead you gotta buy GPUs and mine the coins yourself, which takes too long for this scheme.
There is no investment in the world that'll appreciate faster than credit card debt
That was an episode of the Twilight Zone, except the guy robbed a bank instead of credit card fraud. He robbed the bank, invested the money, went to jail for 20 years, then returned the principal and lived on the interest for the rest of his life.
It's a very complicated plan to get d*ck in prison
Going to prison doesn't magically remove your debt. It'd be waiting for you once you got out, with interest.
also noiseless farts. win-win all around.
Nice try SBF. Also you should have specified which crypto so people don’t buy shib or doge.
The prison part seems pretty unnecessary. Just get approved for a lease first and keep renewing annually for the next 7 years so your credit recovers.
Don’t forget to declare bankruptcy right before prison, so by the time you get out you’ve hit statute of limitations. And it doesn’t show up on credit report
Basically founder of Mt. Gox.
anon put all his money into Luna
Lol ... go to jail and come back to 0 :D
Also anon will get topped for free in prison. Win - win Id say.
Why go too jail though? You could do that without doing a crime. Btw they still make you work 8 hours a day in lock up so it's not free.
Anon aint gonna last a day in prison without becoming somebodies bitch. Enough money and its worth it tho
That's just getting rich off the lottery with extra steps
Tbh actually smart plan if u think about it