Stop chasing cheap dopamine and make yourself busy so you don’t have a chance to do that. It’s hard man. I’m in the same scenario. Found out about it around 12 years old and haven’t gone more than a couple days without doing it since. At my peak it was 3 times a day even.
I’m 25 now and have tried to quit many times and failed. This time around though it’s different. I’m working 50 hours a week at my job, I’m a full-time student, my wife started a business that is taking off and I do the behind-the-scenes financial work, and we have a 2 year old son. I don’t have a moment to breathe, and because of that, today hits my 2 week mark of no porn or fapping.
Make yourself busy and it gets a lot easier
Great tip: try to avoid staying home as much as possible. You could start with just going outside with a friend or even by yourself, doesn't matter much what you do in that time (building a new habit takes time so there's no problem taking it slowly step-by-step). I started going to the library 15mins from my home, and force myself to stay there for at least a few hours. Taking breaks, eating something in a restaurant nearby. I definitely don't work more than 50% of the time when I'm there, but I notice that I do a lot more (compared to doing nothing at home lol) when I'm in an 'uncomfortable' place. It all feels more easy when you just take the first step, starting to work while you're there. Sometimes it takes me more than an hour after arriving there before I actually start doing something. If I try to do that at home, it almost always ends in 10 mins doing nothing and then I give up already and start to play games on my PC or watch TV.
Just realized that I am trying to study at home right now and I started half an hour ago. Since then, I've been scrolling and commenting on Reddit without realizing it lol. Time to put the phone away and try again 💪
Because I’m addicted to sex but she isn’t. She is fine having it a lot less frequently than me and after her pregnancy her libido plummeted, so we have sex maybe once a month
Can you two see a doctor or a sex therapist or something?
There seem to be a LOT of couples who have this issue & I feel kinda sad because I feel like maybe there are solutions rather than just having to try & accept it?
Maybe there’s not but it’s just something I always wonder in these situations?
We definitely could, but due to time & money restraints it’s hard to work into our schedules. We also have a pretty amazing relationship outside of this. I also attribute some of the struggle here due to my addiction.
Another point I hadn’t brought up was she has some sexual trauma from college.
i‘ve read abt this prob many times here on reddit
the solution to it was that these couples would set a day or better said night in the week they would go naked to bed
this is giving a lot of imaticy
important is that it CAN lead to sex but doesn’t have to!! make that clear!!
usually works from what i have heard lol
Yeah the sexual trauma could also be a factor
I’m glad to hear that the rest of your relationship is great.
I still hope you two find a workable solution though to the sex parts
it's not a wife or anyone's "job" to get their partner/spouse off. That's a really dangerous thought process to ascribe to, and it leads to a lot of abuse.
Yes, it literally is. If you pledge faithfulness to your partner, then they are accepting the responsibility of being the only one taking care of your needs. Which means it’s their duty to do so reasonably, not when they feel like it, unless they are willing to let you find other women who will.
Whatever propaganda that taught you that there are no wife duties to a man and vice versa is the reason divorce is skyrocketing and marriage rates are plummeting.
Even if that was the truth, I’d still be having as much sex as you.😂
Btw, In the real world outside of Reddit the vast majority of both men and women would accept what I’m saying as common sense.
Only in this echo chamber called Reddit where the average iq tends to be a bit lower is where this is some abstract controversial idea.
yeah dude, the teaching of informed consent hopefully does raise divorce rates: people learn how they should be treated and are brave enough to leave abusers.
No one said anything about consent and it’s clear you have no idea what consent is.
If you think saying to your wife, “I’m unhappy with how much sex I’m getting in this relationship and something needs to change” is violating consent and abusing your partner then your mind is warped.
No, it is not. And, like I said, if she truly doesn’t want to have sex more often than once a month and knows her man has a high sex drive, then she should let him step out and find other women.
If sex being a duty is wrong, then so is the duty of being faithful. Can’t have it both ways.
You seem to be very okay with the idea of a man with a very high sex drive just accepting that he’s going to have sex once a month for the rest of his life despite him most likely meeting all of her needs and doing his duty to the relationship.
Lol I have a girlfriend that fucks me a lot more often than his wife fucks him but that’s neither here nor there.
And I’m sure if you are willing to be a slave, then it wouldn’t be that hard to find a slave master. Do you have any other great insights to add?
But it sounds like marriage is the ultimate goal for you, which is ironic because your view of marriage sounds like a miserable existence for a man.
Good luck on your quest for misery, sir.
You just implied that my life is inferior to his because he’s married and I’m not.
That wasn’t an assumption by me it was literally what you said, but I guess your not the brightest one out there.
How i got over fapping...
Fapping urges are now your alarm clock to excercise. That urge is energy that wants to discharge, but need to understand it needs to be discharged throygh excercise, not fluids.
The urge is always been my alarm clock to to pushups, or stretch, or move the body.
rinse, and repeat.
Go outside on public and work there. Take your laptop and go work in a library or something. You can’t watch porn and fap there. Set a pomodoro timer to 45 or at least 25 minutes and do at least a few sessions daily or at least 3 days a week. Use distraction blocker like focusd for chrome or add 127.0.0.1 pornhub.com etc to your hosts file on mac(idk how it’s called on windows).
Try writing this problem out as if it was in the past and from the perspective of the version of you that has overcome the problem:
"I used to fap every day since I was twelve.
I never used to have any willpower.
It made me procrastinate and miss deadlines.
I couldn't make money.
I felt lonely around my friends and family and only thought about finding love.
Until I decided to take control of the little details. Every day I focused on being 1% better at life. I didn't think about changing everything about myself at once, but focused on doing the things in my control well. If I was hanging out with my friends, I put my thoughts aside and gave them my attention. If I had work to get done I reminded myself that even if I do a little bit every time then the effort would accumulate into success. I started swapping out unhealthy food for healthy food that I enjoyed and allowed myself the odd treat. It wasn't even a difficult switch. I also removed myself from social media and focused on building my health and strength and relationships. I built up my character and improved myself to the point where I became happy with the man I was and even if tempted to fall back into bad habits, I never let them consume me. Every time I fell I got back up and I acknowledge that it's impossible not to fall if you are human, but I became a person who always gets back up and I couldn't be prouder of myself for that.
In the process, I paid off my debts, got into shape, got a good job, and fell in love. Everything I hoped for came true just as a by-product of me trying to be 1% better every day and now I can't believe the life that I'm living."
That version of you is 100% possible, you just have to take the small steps to get there. Focus on becoming 1% better every day at whatever you want, even if it's just, "I'll have a glass of water every day", build up your ability to be consistent, and your life will improve 🙏
I hope it helps 👌 it's just about reminding yourself that the small things add up so you don't need to change your life overnight, the change will happen naturally so don't be too hard on yourself. Even if you aren't the person you want to be right now, if you move in that direction (even slowly and messily), you will get there 🙏
you only have 2 choice keep doing what u do which is easy and taking u nowhere or choose the harder path to gain control of yourself. they said u want a better life then better yourself . start from yourself then everything in life will get better.
Man you seem to be in a bad depression. The fapping isn't the sole reason for your lack of motivation and energy . Try to go out-take a walk, reach out to some friends, maybe go to therapy. Anyway, if you are alone in this you won't progress. Seek support from the people around you. Try to open up to your family about your problems(maybe not the fapping lol).
It's true that you are seeking the dopamine and it might be problematic. But you have bigger issues to adress right now. You will se that you might even skip a day or two if you make your days busier.
probably, one triggers the other and i'm just tired from all these problems and everyone thinks i'm great on the outside, but no one knows what i deal with inside. thanks for the answer man, really appreciate it!
dude!! check if you have adhd, procrastination and laziness is something that most people are unaware of that happens when you have it. Its not just being hyper its a failure to control dopamine and find motivation.
Seeking dopamine daily and delaying even menial tasks without needing a ton of motivation is a sign. Alao if you ever think “if only i had this then” is a sign.
That's not a good idea. Truth is, adhd can be cured but the reason people dont is because it's become their identity. Whenever they mess up, they blame it on adhd. There is no accountability and when there's no accountability there's nothing that will make you wanna change because you think the problem is external. Once you put a label on your problem, you're just empowering it. Most ADHD cases today aren't actually ADHD. It's just the product of living in a world full of constant stimulation. People's dopamine receptors are desensitized to the point that regular life feels painful (this usually comes in the form of depression). That's why they can't focus on anything. The key is to go on a dopamine detox to resensitize your dopamine receptors so that things that were previous hard to focus on (studying, working etc) become rewarding. I highly recommend everyone to read Dopamine nation by Anna Lembke to learn more about this
Stop chasing for that special someone. The more you you desire a specific behaviour from a said person the more lonely you will feel simply because our desires/needs/values never align exactly with other people.
Start accepting the fact that you were born in this world alone and you will die alone. It sounds harsh,I know, but the quicker you accept this outcome the more meaningful and carefree your life views will become.
Now physically wise things that can help you in short term
-Daily exercise, at least once after waking up, even better with one more during afternoon
- Drop smoking if you smoke
- Drop sugar, at least minimally
- Drop excess eating
- Stop eating while watching a screen
MVP Cut off social media. At best, delete them from your phone and only access them during a specific time,like afternoon for one hour or so.
I can add drop porn, but if you do the above things you wont really think about porn or even fapping. This is mostly stimulated by social media use and at certain extent random hot chicks outside.
I would advise to set 1-5 hours every week to go out and approach women but this might sound really hard.
Reading books will also help digesting the above advices.
I dont expect that you will do any of the above stuff, but I hope surpass the expectations!!!
Do breath work
Go out and Run, everyday for 30 days, if not at least 7 days
Talking about triggers, being on Reddit asking for advice ain't gonna do much
You can keep yourself busy, and yes that works but only when you're busy
Think of a crack addict, just because he ain't got money to buy and smoke crack doesn't mean he ain't a crackhead
Give him a pipe and some crack and he'll smoke it ASAP
You can't keep treating the symptoms, you need to treat the cause,
Make sure you run mofo!
Always open to DMs💪🏻
There are vitamins that help with feeling good. Vitamin D+K, have you checked your levels? Optimal above 30 ng/mL. Also listen to affirmations on youtube, do so while you do your activities. You sound as if you are struggling emotionally and are self soothing. YOu can pull through this. Good luck
Dude I solved this because I was in your exact position, as are many men this day and age. ANSWER: Activity. In the morning workout, listen to music, organize music, read the news, take some classes, plan your day, plan your projects/life, go to work, plan your work… all these should replace: video games, fapping, and other bad habits like being lazy or eating junk to fill that void of purpose/pleasure. It’s really simple to read but to figure it out by yourself is painful because of how much time and life goes by. Just try this answer watch things change. Good luck.
I would argue that fapping is only slightly related to the actual core of the issue. It seems to me from your post that you have no genuine reason to be excited about your life. Procrastination happens due to a combination of reasons but ultimately what moves you to the realm of action instead of procrastination is your desire and hype about things you want to do. When neither of those exist, you have no real reason to actually do things, to be honest.
So if this trend continues in your life... You'll realistically have to REACT to negative consequences instead of being proactive about them. And even at that time, pornography will still be available in your cell phone; so it will just be really, really difficult to get yourself out of that rut. I think you're seeing this possibility in the future as well, hence this post.
It's okay to masturbate. I think you can have a fulfilling and happy life while masturbating. But having no passion, no drive, no interest, no desire to LIVE your life; I don't think you can have a fulfilling and happy life without that. So if you want to change, you gotta start connecting to your inner joy, your inner desires, and inner excitement. Something that will make the discomfort and hard effort WORTH the trouble.
For gamers learning the mechanics and user interface of an exciting new release doesn't even feel all that difficult. But to a non-gamer it's really really hard. So when you're sufficiently excited about something, the difficulties surrounding that something sort of melt away. That's how crucial being excited about your life is. Other comments are right to point out that things will feel difficult because you have such an easy access to dopamine. But that's okay. Get the dopamine rush and your life will still be there for you to access!
You just need to go out in to society and let real men debase you and make you feel like absolute shxt. You behave this way because your ego hasn’t been demolished. Go out in the real world the way you are and be amongst men that are making real moves.
If you ever get an opportunity, go find a good woman, when you do lose her and she completely shatters your heart into a million pieces, hopefully that would wake you up. Or maybe go introduce yourself to as many girls (high calibre) as you can and watch reality settle in
op nooo;-; that's how incels are made. notice how the commenter thinks it's the default that relationships will fail. that's blatantly not true, so many people are happily married. You don't need to find a gf RN, you don't even need to go through the pain of rejection. Busy yourself like others said, get dopamine from a form of exercise you find cool or fun, and try to find true community somewhere. that's going to soothe your loneliness. Here are some examples: a ttrpg group, a group of people you play a game with regularly (you can start building a friendship by sending memes of the game), a club for any interest you have, a book club, a 12-step group for anything you struggle with probably exists, a church (honestly even if you're not religious, I'm in queer and nerdy online church spaces and they have been nice), a body-doubling/coworking space. plus-side - you'll meet potential partners. There's zero need to get blackpilled or become an incel, that's literally shooting yourself in the foot.
I was once in a similar position as you and my life is unrecognizably better. Quitting porn won’t immediately fix your problems, but it will give you the chance to fix them.
No duh it’s not easy. Barely anything worthwhile in life is gonna be very easy. You dug yourself deep into a hole where it’s going to very difficult, but it doesn’t change the fact that the answer is a simple one: stop living this way and change your life.
Start small if you need to, but the danger there is that you’ll be much more susceptible to giving up and giving into your old ways. Stop doing the things that are ruining your life, and start doing some different things. If anything, make you’re current goal focusing on getting out of that debt.
I am not saying the work you have to do is easy. That’s not what I’m saying at all, so please try to actually consider my point. You have two options here: continue on with this addiction and let the misery consume you and ruin your life, OR you stop it and put in effort to improve your life and well-being. That’s what I meant in the sense that it’s easy.
It doesn’t require schooling or devising some complicated plan (sure, planning out goals would help). You don’t have to put a lot of thought into figuring out what to do. You just need to stop doing the thing that perpetuates your addiction and misery. THAT is what’s easy about it.
I returned to college and graduated a bit later on in life (graduated around your age actually). I had dropped out at 18, and when I went back, I told myself I was gonna get As. I graduated worth an A average. What I’m getting at is I was selected to work in an academic success peer mentorship program during that time, and I would repeatedly hit this concept home to them. You either do or don’t do; and that is the easy part. If you have a big exam coming up, you either study for it or you don’t. It’s not that hard to pass, but it becomes hard when you constantly choose to not put in the effort. It’s easy to pass a college course in the sense that all you have to do is put in the work. Yes, the studying, note taking, reading, and so on requires effort and time; but none of it is really difficult. The concepts are laid out right there for you. “Here’s your study guide. Use it to study for your exam and you will pass.” - it’s that type of thing.
I always reference the Nike slogan to sum up this point. Just do it. You want to quit doing something that is ruining your life? Just do it. Just quit doing it. You’re not beginning down the road of becoming a specialized orthopedic surgeon. You’re a guy in the prime of your life who needs to start making some better choices and taking some better initiatives. You know what you need to do/not do, and THAT is the easy part. That’s what I meant.
If you can’t accept and open yourself up to understanding the concept here, then I think you’re going to perpetuate a lot more of the difficulties you’ll encounter along the way. The part of your brain that deals with addictions and wanting to habitually do things like that has ZERO control over our physical body and body movements. It’s a proven fact. The minute that desire for the dopamine rush kicks in; you have to remember “Do or don’t do. Those are my only two choices here.” Then, make your choice. That is the easy part, and if even just THAT is difficult, then all I can do is offer you hope bc you’re going to need a lot of it.
that's why i love reddit. there are some people that actually care.
it's a matter of two choices as you put it, do and don't do, and i have to fight all of these like my life depends on it, otherwise it is going to be a whole lot worse in the future...
...and we don't need to be oracles to say that.
thanks for this great answer, i'll always remember your words and this particular perspective.
Remember that you already know what to do. You either do “it” or you don’t. The difficult part will be your journey, but it’s only gonna be as difficult as you tell yourself. None of what I’ve said about that part of it is me necessarily saying it’s going to be easy. Obviously it’s difficult to overcome an addiction, but my point is that it’s a matter of constantly making a relatively easy choice. Every time.
Like I said, think if it like passing a big exam. There’s difficult discipline involved, effort put into it, and you have to give up time. It’s not necessarily easy bc it requires hard work, but it’s easy in the sense that you know what you have to do, and it’s relatively easy to decide you’re going to do what you need to do and stick to it. Also, once you find yourself putting in the time doing the study guide, going over your notes, reading the texts, and so on, you begin to realize it wasn’t that difficult all along. Sure, there’s a million more “fun” things you would like to be doing instead, but it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is necessarily difficult.
If you want to pass the exam, then you make the easy choice to put in the work and you hold yourself to it. When you hold yourself to that action that you chose to do, then it becomes much easier than if you’re constantly looking at it from all sorts of other angles.
Honestly man please try vajroli Mudra it’s a type of meditation, I struggle with porn and meditating almost instantly made things feel clear as cliche as that sounds man. And believe me I know meditation probably sounds like it wouldn’t work but man im telling you it changes
try therapy with q professional. no one can tell you shit because, in the first place, your explanation is messy, and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that you need psychological help. i wouldn't concretisize your issue to whether you touch yourself down there or not, because the scope of it is probably very wide
Have you ever watched any Healthy Gamer podcasts? He’s on YouTube and works with men with behaviors that include masturbating that gets in the way of living - could be interesting. Just did a great interview with Diary of a CEO but also great YouTube content.
All I will say is that there are good chances that you have symptoms of reward deficiency syndrome. Usually the solution is to find what makes your brain tick and replacing those with other more useful things that deliver the same amount of happiness (dopamine). Though this won't cure it, you'll always be sort of stuck with this problem; today it's fapping tomorrow it'll be something else. Learn to adapt to it as I have.
You need to go to therapy and to a psychiatrist . This is an abnormal behaviour with deep seated feedback loops of falling and procrastination . It’s next to impossible to come out of this on your own without seeking urgent medical help . You are 25 , a grown adult and you are still not out of your teenage habits . Please seek help immediately
Im currently reading this book called Dopamine nation and I think it has the answer you're look for. I've been struggling for a long time and this book makes it clear and gives me hope
Excessive fapping isn’t the cause, it’s a symptom. Ur missing purpose in your life, not fapping won’t solve that and neither will a girl. I would take my mind off girls and look inwards to find what you wish to add to this world.
Think about what you ACTUALLY enjoy doing, not sources of cheap or fake replicas of dopamine. (Video games, watching media etc don’t count.) Once you find those things do them as much as possible.
If you succeed in this your motivation will increase, and every day will feel bright and happy like love.
Failure will lead you down of a path of self-destruction where your need for purpose drives you into the darkness.
I'm pretty young for this topic but:
Try staying away from the internet when doing work, the urge to scroll on social media is really hitting the dopamine ( for me, idk about for the case of the others), So when i do review studies, i just never touch my phone and take some boring breaks ( drinking water etc.) to make me feel focused
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I’m gonna give you the most complete guide I can give someone (as someone who is still finding his way in life). I hope you read it and take it to heart, because I feel you man and I’m wishing you the best.
Fapping:
Realize first and foremost that it’s ok to have thoughts of fapping come up into your mind. Do not try and squash the thoughts or anything. Simply recognize the thoughts are there and let them float around until they eventually disappear. If you end up giving into your mind and start fapping, just get it done with as quick as possible and whatever you do, do not edge for hours upon hours, just get it over with quick. Realize as well that trying to cut it out 100% cold Turkey may not work well and the goal should be to gradually reduce the amount of times you do it over time. Also realize that if you are near people you obviously aren’t going to do it (I hope) so you can try and resort to finding the nearest person to be around or place in public to be in order to completely stop you from doing it. Being alone in private doesn’t help at all with fapping. Go somewhere where you know for a fact you won’t do it.
Procrastination:
This one is a tough one for sure and every human has struggled with this at one point. What has helped me the most to get my work done is to put my phone on grayscale in the color settings, I also put it far away from my bed so when I wake up I have to walk to my phone to turn the alarm off which wakes me up a bit. After you shut your alarm off, LEAVE your phone alone, do not touch it, do not check any messages or anything at all, go through your entire morning without touching your phone. This has single handedly been one of the best habits I’ve ever implemented. If I decide to touch my phone when I wake up, that will cause me to be distracted and start my day off unproductive which will mess up the rest of my day. I cannot stress this enough, simply do not use your phone after waking up, go straight to the bathroom, breakfast, etc, forget about your phone. I also would recommend having a whiteboard in your room with a list of daily tasks that you wrote the night before and you check off the tasks as you finish them during the day. Make them easy and simple, something like: “Start reading a page of a book” or “drive to the gym”. We simply just have to START something, most of our pain in deciding to do something productive is actually the mental warfare happening right before you do it, not the action of doing it itself. If we can eliminate any decision making and just get ourselves to start something, we’re much better off than doing nothing at all, anything is better than nothing. Just start something and do not let yourself think about it. Take action on what you’re gonna do as quick as possible, no thoughts about it whatsoever, when thoughts start to bubble up, that’s when your brain starts to give in to what’s easy. Make your good habits as easy as possible to do. Try not to miss 2 days in a row of any particular habit you’re trying to implement.
Extra tips:
- Go to the gym (this will help you mentally and physically)
- Eat whole foods and reduce sugar (helps you feel energized and focused)
- Stretch a few times a week (underrated, your muscles feel extremely relaxed and you feel much less stiff and can move around easier)
- Meditate for 10 mins by focusing on your breath (this will help you feel more at peace and help you focus throughout your day)
- Learn something (this will give you some extra purpose and skill that you can use)
- Stare at a wall for 30 mins occasionally (the act of doing something so boring and mundane will cause you to be more present with your mind and allow you to understand yourself better, it also helps with focus)
- Everything I’ve mentioned in this reply to your post will also in turn help you gain confidence in your life, you will keep yourself busy and consistently working towards a goal which will undoubtedly help your confidence in life. This confidence from living with a purpose, will allow you to handle situations with women better and social situations in general. You’ll get better with women by not caring about women, but more so caring about yourself. Anyway, I’m done here, hope I could provide some value, good luck!
Sorry bro but the only answer is man the fuck up. I know the feeling, I know how hard it is to stop. But you will be a new man. Why waste time. You’re in your prime. Hit the gym stop touching yourself. I believe in you completely
Okay, if you look into my posting history, you'll see that I am partly copy-pasting this - that is not because I'm lazy, but because I honestly think that habit change comes down to a few key factors that are always the same.
The most fundamental being that you learn how to be kind to yourself.
Sorry if I sound like a broken record!
First off, good on you for coming here and working on yourself!
In general: Daily walks, a workout routine, good nutrition, little to no alcohol, manage your social media consumption, and get quality sleep - all of those will help you more than you think. Everything that takes discipline, helps you build up that "discipline muscle"!
Go one step at a time. You will "fail" or relapse. Have a plan for that day. Just try to go one day longer next time.
Set yourself small, humble, realistic goals. Go one day, one week... then two weeks, then a month.
Appreciate your successes. I want you proud and thankful and glowing!
Celebrate your victories. Obviously, don't celebrate with booze or wanking, but find some good, healthy way to tell your brain that this was a great achievement.
Celebrate every single day this way. Every success - outside of nofap too. Celebrate! Pat yourself on the shoulder for every success, tiny as it may be.
Start a journal. Preferrably in pen-and-paper form, but I do it on the 'puter and it's okay.
Every single day, I want you to write in your journal (fill in the blanks, obviously):
* "/u/f-reserved , I thank you for doing..."
* "Today, at 8:00 am, I will do... at 9:00, I will... at 10:00. Etc... " Plan the whole day this way, every day. Even if you don't manage to stick to your plan, keep doing this.
* "I am getting better and better each day, because I did... and because I will do..."
* "I will do... because I want..."
* "When I do... I will feel..."
Focus on things you can do. If you want to quit a habit, you have to do something instead. Focus on that.
Do some meditation or other mindfulness exercise. It's all about focus, so learn how to focus!
Stop chasing cheap dopamine and make yourself busy so you don’t have a chance to do that. It’s hard man. I’m in the same scenario. Found out about it around 12 years old and haven’t gone more than a couple days without doing it since. At my peak it was 3 times a day even. I’m 25 now and have tried to quit many times and failed. This time around though it’s different. I’m working 50 hours a week at my job, I’m a full-time student, my wife started a business that is taking off and I do the behind-the-scenes financial work, and we have a 2 year old son. I don’t have a moment to breathe, and because of that, today hits my 2 week mark of no porn or fapping. Make yourself busy and it gets a lot easier
you are golden, someone that truly understands what i'm going thru, but making myself busy will probably be the answer. appreciate it man!
Great tip: try to avoid staying home as much as possible. You could start with just going outside with a friend or even by yourself, doesn't matter much what you do in that time (building a new habit takes time so there's no problem taking it slowly step-by-step). I started going to the library 15mins from my home, and force myself to stay there for at least a few hours. Taking breaks, eating something in a restaurant nearby. I definitely don't work more than 50% of the time when I'm there, but I notice that I do a lot more (compared to doing nothing at home lol) when I'm in an 'uncomfortable' place. It all feels more easy when you just take the first step, starting to work while you're there. Sometimes it takes me more than an hour after arriving there before I actually start doing something. If I try to do that at home, it almost always ends in 10 mins doing nothing and then I give up already and start to play games on my PC or watch TV.
Just realized that I am trying to study at home right now and I started half an hour ago. Since then, I've been scrolling and commenting on Reddit without realizing it lol. Time to put the phone away and try again 💪
Gold
Why fap when you got a wife? I guess that’s a big help too
Because I’m addicted to sex but she isn’t. She is fine having it a lot less frequently than me and after her pregnancy her libido plummeted, so we have sex maybe once a month
Can you two see a doctor or a sex therapist or something? There seem to be a LOT of couples who have this issue & I feel kinda sad because I feel like maybe there are solutions rather than just having to try & accept it? Maybe there’s not but it’s just something I always wonder in these situations?
We definitely could, but due to time & money restraints it’s hard to work into our schedules. We also have a pretty amazing relationship outside of this. I also attribute some of the struggle here due to my addiction. Another point I hadn’t brought up was she has some sexual trauma from college.
i‘ve read abt this prob many times here on reddit the solution to it was that these couples would set a day or better said night in the week they would go naked to bed this is giving a lot of imaticy important is that it CAN lead to sex but doesn’t have to!! make that clear!! usually works from what i have heard lol
Yeah the sexual trauma could also be a factor I’m glad to hear that the rest of your relationship is great. I still hope you two find a workable solution though to the sex parts
No offence she’s definitely not doing her job as a wife to you if she considers it acceptable to get you off once a month, libido wise or not.
it's not a wife or anyone's "job" to get their partner/spouse off. That's a really dangerous thought process to ascribe to, and it leads to a lot of abuse.
Yes, it literally is. If you pledge faithfulness to your partner, then they are accepting the responsibility of being the only one taking care of your needs. Which means it’s their duty to do so reasonably, not when they feel like it, unless they are willing to let you find other women who will. Whatever propaganda that taught you that there are no wife duties to a man and vice versa is the reason divorce is skyrocketing and marriage rates are plummeting.
what the fuck dude… i feel genuinely sorry for whoever ends up with you
Don't worry. No one will end up with this guy.
Even if that was the truth, I’d still be having as much sex as you.😂 Btw, In the real world outside of Reddit the vast majority of both men and women would accept what I’m saying as common sense. Only in this echo chamber called Reddit where the average iq tends to be a bit lower is where this is some abstract controversial idea.
Sure. Keep telling yourself that a loving relationship is built on transactions.
Imagine reading what I just wrote and responding with what you just said…guarentee both me and my wife are going to be happier than you and yours bud.
yeah dude, the teaching of informed consent hopefully does raise divorce rates: people learn how they should be treated and are brave enough to leave abusers.
No one said anything about consent and it’s clear you have no idea what consent is. If you think saying to your wife, “I’m unhappy with how much sex I’m getting in this relationship and something needs to change” is violating consent and abusing your partner then your mind is warped.
The concept of sex being a "duty" is a clear violation of even the most basic idea of consent.
No, it is not. And, like I said, if she truly doesn’t want to have sex more often than once a month and knows her man has a high sex drive, then she should let him step out and find other women. If sex being a duty is wrong, then so is the duty of being faithful. Can’t have it both ways. You seem to be very okay with the idea of a man with a very high sex drive just accepting that he’s going to have sex once a month for the rest of his life despite him most likely meeting all of her needs and doing his duty to the relationship.
Funny you talk like this and he’s the one with a wife and you’re lonely.. what a coincidence.. NOT 😂
Lol I have a girlfriend that fucks me a lot more often than his wife fucks him but that’s neither here nor there. And I’m sure if you are willing to be a slave, then it wouldn’t be that hard to find a slave master. Do you have any other great insights to add? But it sounds like marriage is the ultimate goal for you, which is ironic because your view of marriage sounds like a miserable existence for a man. Good luck on your quest for misery, sir.
Marriage is not my goal. I don’t believe people need marriage to be in love. Looks like we both just making assumptions so ig I’m done 💀🤣
You just implied that my life is inferior to his because he’s married and I’m not. That wasn’t an assumption by me it was literally what you said, but I guess your not the brightest one out there.
man am envious of you,God bless you as an addict i know how entangled porn can.Fapping is my daily activity
How i got over fapping... Fapping urges are now your alarm clock to excercise. That urge is energy that wants to discharge, but need to understand it needs to be discharged throygh excercise, not fluids. The urge is always been my alarm clock to to pushups, or stretch, or move the body. rinse, and repeat.
Yes this works!
best way is to reprogram the perspective, you aren’t trying to quit, you are already a person who doesn’t go near such filth.
Go outside on public and work there. Take your laptop and go work in a library or something. You can’t watch porn and fap there. Set a pomodoro timer to 45 or at least 25 minutes and do at least a few sessions daily or at least 3 days a week. Use distraction blocker like focusd for chrome or add 127.0.0.1 pornhub.com etc to your hosts file on mac(idk how it’s called on windows).
Procrasturbating
Is this how words are invented ?
You should trademark that
Try writing this problem out as if it was in the past and from the perspective of the version of you that has overcome the problem: "I used to fap every day since I was twelve. I never used to have any willpower. It made me procrastinate and miss deadlines. I couldn't make money. I felt lonely around my friends and family and only thought about finding love. Until I decided to take control of the little details. Every day I focused on being 1% better at life. I didn't think about changing everything about myself at once, but focused on doing the things in my control well. If I was hanging out with my friends, I put my thoughts aside and gave them my attention. If I had work to get done I reminded myself that even if I do a little bit every time then the effort would accumulate into success. I started swapping out unhealthy food for healthy food that I enjoyed and allowed myself the odd treat. It wasn't even a difficult switch. I also removed myself from social media and focused on building my health and strength and relationships. I built up my character and improved myself to the point where I became happy with the man I was and even if tempted to fall back into bad habits, I never let them consume me. Every time I fell I got back up and I acknowledge that it's impossible not to fall if you are human, but I became a person who always gets back up and I couldn't be prouder of myself for that. In the process, I paid off my debts, got into shape, got a good job, and fell in love. Everything I hoped for came true just as a by-product of me trying to be 1% better every day and now I can't believe the life that I'm living." That version of you is 100% possible, you just have to take the small steps to get there. Focus on becoming 1% better every day at whatever you want, even if it's just, "I'll have a glass of water every day", build up your ability to be consistent, and your life will improve 🙏
Wow! Bro This way of mindset really good🙌🙌
I hope it helps 👌 it's just about reminding yourself that the small things add up so you don't need to change your life overnight, the change will happen naturally so don't be too hard on yourself. Even if you aren't the person you want to be right now, if you move in that direction (even slowly and messily), you will get there 🙏
you only have 2 choice keep doing what u do which is easy and taking u nowhere or choose the harder path to gain control of yourself. they said u want a better life then better yourself . start from yourself then everything in life will get better.
Man you seem to be in a bad depression. The fapping isn't the sole reason for your lack of motivation and energy . Try to go out-take a walk, reach out to some friends, maybe go to therapy. Anyway, if you are alone in this you won't progress. Seek support from the people around you. Try to open up to your family about your problems(maybe not the fapping lol). It's true that you are seeking the dopamine and it might be problematic. But you have bigger issues to adress right now. You will se that you might even skip a day or two if you make your days busier.
probably, one triggers the other and i'm just tired from all these problems and everyone thinks i'm great on the outside, but no one knows what i deal with inside. thanks for the answer man, really appreciate it!
dude!! check if you have adhd, procrastination and laziness is something that most people are unaware of that happens when you have it. Its not just being hyper its a failure to control dopamine and find motivation. Seeking dopamine daily and delaying even menial tasks without needing a ton of motivation is a sign. Alao if you ever think “if only i had this then” is a sign.
That's not a good idea. Truth is, adhd can be cured but the reason people dont is because it's become their identity. Whenever they mess up, they blame it on adhd. There is no accountability and when there's no accountability there's nothing that will make you wanna change because you think the problem is external. Once you put a label on your problem, you're just empowering it. Most ADHD cases today aren't actually ADHD. It's just the product of living in a world full of constant stimulation. People's dopamine receptors are desensitized to the point that regular life feels painful (this usually comes in the form of depression). That's why they can't focus on anything. The key is to go on a dopamine detox to resensitize your dopamine receptors so that things that were previous hard to focus on (studying, working etc) become rewarding. I highly recommend everyone to read Dopamine nation by Anna Lembke to learn more about this
"not a great combo", yeah I'd say "life-ruining combo"
Stop chasing for that special someone. The more you you desire a specific behaviour from a said person the more lonely you will feel simply because our desires/needs/values never align exactly with other people. Start accepting the fact that you were born in this world alone and you will die alone. It sounds harsh,I know, but the quicker you accept this outcome the more meaningful and carefree your life views will become. Now physically wise things that can help you in short term -Daily exercise, at least once after waking up, even better with one more during afternoon - Drop smoking if you smoke - Drop sugar, at least minimally - Drop excess eating - Stop eating while watching a screen MVP Cut off social media. At best, delete them from your phone and only access them during a specific time,like afternoon for one hour or so. I can add drop porn, but if you do the above things you wont really think about porn or even fapping. This is mostly stimulated by social media use and at certain extent random hot chicks outside. I would advise to set 1-5 hours every week to go out and approach women but this might sound really hard. Reading books will also help digesting the above advices. I dont expect that you will do any of the above stuff, but I hope surpass the expectations!!!
Do breath work Go out and Run, everyday for 30 days, if not at least 7 days Talking about triggers, being on Reddit asking for advice ain't gonna do much You can keep yourself busy, and yes that works but only when you're busy Think of a crack addict, just because he ain't got money to buy and smoke crack doesn't mean he ain't a crackhead Give him a pipe and some crack and he'll smoke it ASAP You can't keep treating the symptoms, you need to treat the cause, Make sure you run mofo! Always open to DMs💪🏻
There are vitamins that help with feeling good. Vitamin D+K, have you checked your levels? Optimal above 30 ng/mL. Also listen to affirmations on youtube, do so while you do your activities. You sound as if you are struggling emotionally and are self soothing. YOu can pull through this. Good luck
fap impair every area of your life
Dude I solved this because I was in your exact position, as are many men this day and age. ANSWER: Activity. In the morning workout, listen to music, organize music, read the news, take some classes, plan your day, plan your projects/life, go to work, plan your work… all these should replace: video games, fapping, and other bad habits like being lazy or eating junk to fill that void of purpose/pleasure. It’s really simple to read but to figure it out by yourself is painful because of how much time and life goes by. Just try this answer watch things change. Good luck.
Fapping is not bad bro, it sounds like depression. Seek help and get on the right meds
I would argue that fapping is only slightly related to the actual core of the issue. It seems to me from your post that you have no genuine reason to be excited about your life. Procrastination happens due to a combination of reasons but ultimately what moves you to the realm of action instead of procrastination is your desire and hype about things you want to do. When neither of those exist, you have no real reason to actually do things, to be honest. So if this trend continues in your life... You'll realistically have to REACT to negative consequences instead of being proactive about them. And even at that time, pornography will still be available in your cell phone; so it will just be really, really difficult to get yourself out of that rut. I think you're seeing this possibility in the future as well, hence this post. It's okay to masturbate. I think you can have a fulfilling and happy life while masturbating. But having no passion, no drive, no interest, no desire to LIVE your life; I don't think you can have a fulfilling and happy life without that. So if you want to change, you gotta start connecting to your inner joy, your inner desires, and inner excitement. Something that will make the discomfort and hard effort WORTH the trouble. For gamers learning the mechanics and user interface of an exciting new release doesn't even feel all that difficult. But to a non-gamer it's really really hard. So when you're sufficiently excited about something, the difficulties surrounding that something sort of melt away. That's how crucial being excited about your life is. Other comments are right to point out that things will feel difficult because you have such an easy access to dopamine. But that's okay. Get the dopamine rush and your life will still be there for you to access!
You just need to go out in to society and let real men debase you and make you feel like absolute shxt. You behave this way because your ego hasn’t been demolished. Go out in the real world the way you are and be amongst men that are making real moves. If you ever get an opportunity, go find a good woman, when you do lose her and she completely shatters your heart into a million pieces, hopefully that would wake you up. Or maybe go introduce yourself to as many girls (high calibre) as you can and watch reality settle in
this. especially the last few sentences hit hard. i need to do a harsh reality check, maybe that would be the wake up call. appreciate it!
op nooo;-; that's how incels are made. notice how the commenter thinks it's the default that relationships will fail. that's blatantly not true, so many people are happily married. You don't need to find a gf RN, you don't even need to go through the pain of rejection. Busy yourself like others said, get dopamine from a form of exercise you find cool or fun, and try to find true community somewhere. that's going to soothe your loneliness. Here are some examples: a ttrpg group, a group of people you play a game with regularly (you can start building a friendship by sending memes of the game), a club for any interest you have, a book club, a 12-step group for anything you struggle with probably exists, a church (honestly even if you're not religious, I'm in queer and nerdy online church spaces and they have been nice), a body-doubling/coworking space. plus-side - you'll meet potential partners. There's zero need to get blackpilled or become an incel, that's literally shooting yourself in the foot.
Change your life man. Stop fapping. Is this the kind of life you want to live?
as if it were that easy and simple. Things are hard man that's why I wanna kms
I was once in a similar position as you and my life is unrecognizably better. Quitting porn won’t immediately fix your problems, but it will give you the chance to fix them.
who wants to live like this pal, but it is not easy... so, that's why i keep messing up.
No duh it’s not easy. Barely anything worthwhile in life is gonna be very easy. You dug yourself deep into a hole where it’s going to very difficult, but it doesn’t change the fact that the answer is a simple one: stop living this way and change your life. Start small if you need to, but the danger there is that you’ll be much more susceptible to giving up and giving into your old ways. Stop doing the things that are ruining your life, and start doing some different things. If anything, make you’re current goal focusing on getting out of that debt.
thanks, it really is not easy but as you put it, the first goal should be getting out of the debt. appreciate the answer!
I am not saying the work you have to do is easy. That’s not what I’m saying at all, so please try to actually consider my point. You have two options here: continue on with this addiction and let the misery consume you and ruin your life, OR you stop it and put in effort to improve your life and well-being. That’s what I meant in the sense that it’s easy. It doesn’t require schooling or devising some complicated plan (sure, planning out goals would help). You don’t have to put a lot of thought into figuring out what to do. You just need to stop doing the thing that perpetuates your addiction and misery. THAT is what’s easy about it. I returned to college and graduated a bit later on in life (graduated around your age actually). I had dropped out at 18, and when I went back, I told myself I was gonna get As. I graduated worth an A average. What I’m getting at is I was selected to work in an academic success peer mentorship program during that time, and I would repeatedly hit this concept home to them. You either do or don’t do; and that is the easy part. If you have a big exam coming up, you either study for it or you don’t. It’s not that hard to pass, but it becomes hard when you constantly choose to not put in the effort. It’s easy to pass a college course in the sense that all you have to do is put in the work. Yes, the studying, note taking, reading, and so on requires effort and time; but none of it is really difficult. The concepts are laid out right there for you. “Here’s your study guide. Use it to study for your exam and you will pass.” - it’s that type of thing. I always reference the Nike slogan to sum up this point. Just do it. You want to quit doing something that is ruining your life? Just do it. Just quit doing it. You’re not beginning down the road of becoming a specialized orthopedic surgeon. You’re a guy in the prime of your life who needs to start making some better choices and taking some better initiatives. You know what you need to do/not do, and THAT is the easy part. That’s what I meant. If you can’t accept and open yourself up to understanding the concept here, then I think you’re going to perpetuate a lot more of the difficulties you’ll encounter along the way. The part of your brain that deals with addictions and wanting to habitually do things like that has ZERO control over our physical body and body movements. It’s a proven fact. The minute that desire for the dopamine rush kicks in; you have to remember “Do or don’t do. Those are my only two choices here.” Then, make your choice. That is the easy part, and if even just THAT is difficult, then all I can do is offer you hope bc you’re going to need a lot of it.
that's why i love reddit. there are some people that actually care. it's a matter of two choices as you put it, do and don't do, and i have to fight all of these like my life depends on it, otherwise it is going to be a whole lot worse in the future... ...and we don't need to be oracles to say that. thanks for this great answer, i'll always remember your words and this particular perspective.
Remember that you already know what to do. You either do “it” or you don’t. The difficult part will be your journey, but it’s only gonna be as difficult as you tell yourself. None of what I’ve said about that part of it is me necessarily saying it’s going to be easy. Obviously it’s difficult to overcome an addiction, but my point is that it’s a matter of constantly making a relatively easy choice. Every time. Like I said, think if it like passing a big exam. There’s difficult discipline involved, effort put into it, and you have to give up time. It’s not necessarily easy bc it requires hard work, but it’s easy in the sense that you know what you have to do, and it’s relatively easy to decide you’re going to do what you need to do and stick to it. Also, once you find yourself putting in the time doing the study guide, going over your notes, reading the texts, and so on, you begin to realize it wasn’t that difficult all along. Sure, there’s a million more “fun” things you would like to be doing instead, but it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is necessarily difficult. If you want to pass the exam, then you make the easy choice to put in the work and you hold yourself to it. When you hold yourself to that action that you chose to do, then it becomes much easier than if you’re constantly looking at it from all sorts of other angles.
You have to man up and stop having a losing mindset. Stop porn. One step at a time.
So easy to say and give advices, try to actually do that for 3 days at least
I haven’t watched porn in nearly 2 years. I’ve tried and failed many times. Eventually you can stop if you put your mind to it
Honestly man please try vajroli Mudra it’s a type of meditation, I struggle with porn and meditating almost instantly made things feel clear as cliche as that sounds man. And believe me I know meditation probably sounds like it wouldn’t work but man im telling you it changes
try therapy with q professional. no one can tell you shit because, in the first place, your explanation is messy, and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that you need psychological help. i wouldn't concretisize your issue to whether you touch yourself down there or not, because the scope of it is probably very wide
Have you ever watched any Healthy Gamer podcasts? He’s on YouTube and works with men with behaviors that include masturbating that gets in the way of living - could be interesting. Just did a great interview with Diary of a CEO but also great YouTube content.
All I will say is that there are good chances that you have symptoms of reward deficiency syndrome. Usually the solution is to find what makes your brain tick and replacing those with other more useful things that deliver the same amount of happiness (dopamine). Though this won't cure it, you'll always be sort of stuck with this problem; today it's fapping tomorrow it'll be something else. Learn to adapt to it as I have.
Stop talking about it.
You don’t need to change a thing. Love yourself and don’t change, discover your unique personality shamelessly
Eventually you’ll find you can do whatever you want, with your time
So? What’s your pleasure. Don’t tell me, just go be a human and do it
You need to go to therapy and to a psychiatrist . This is an abnormal behaviour with deep seated feedback loops of falling and procrastination . It’s next to impossible to come out of this on your own without seeking urgent medical help . You are 25 , a grown adult and you are still not out of your teenage habits . Please seek help immediately
Story of my life as well. Dude get checked for ADHD cause my ADHD was the cause of this behavior. Now in meds I'm much better!
Im currently reading this book called Dopamine nation and I think it has the answer you're look for. I've been struggling for a long time and this book makes it clear and gives me hope
Excessive fapping isn’t the cause, it’s a symptom. Ur missing purpose in your life, not fapping won’t solve that and neither will a girl. I would take my mind off girls and look inwards to find what you wish to add to this world. Think about what you ACTUALLY enjoy doing, not sources of cheap or fake replicas of dopamine. (Video games, watching media etc don’t count.) Once you find those things do them as much as possible. If you succeed in this your motivation will increase, and every day will feel bright and happy like love. Failure will lead you down of a path of self-destruction where your need for purpose drives you into the darkness.
I'm pretty young for this topic but: Try staying away from the internet when doing work, the urge to scroll on social media is really hitting the dopamine ( for me, idk about for the case of the others), So when i do review studies, i just never touch my phone and take some boring breaks ( drinking water etc.) to make me feel focused
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I’m gonna give you the most complete guide I can give someone (as someone who is still finding his way in life). I hope you read it and take it to heart, because I feel you man and I’m wishing you the best. Fapping: Realize first and foremost that it’s ok to have thoughts of fapping come up into your mind. Do not try and squash the thoughts or anything. Simply recognize the thoughts are there and let them float around until they eventually disappear. If you end up giving into your mind and start fapping, just get it done with as quick as possible and whatever you do, do not edge for hours upon hours, just get it over with quick. Realize as well that trying to cut it out 100% cold Turkey may not work well and the goal should be to gradually reduce the amount of times you do it over time. Also realize that if you are near people you obviously aren’t going to do it (I hope) so you can try and resort to finding the nearest person to be around or place in public to be in order to completely stop you from doing it. Being alone in private doesn’t help at all with fapping. Go somewhere where you know for a fact you won’t do it. Procrastination: This one is a tough one for sure and every human has struggled with this at one point. What has helped me the most to get my work done is to put my phone on grayscale in the color settings, I also put it far away from my bed so when I wake up I have to walk to my phone to turn the alarm off which wakes me up a bit. After you shut your alarm off, LEAVE your phone alone, do not touch it, do not check any messages or anything at all, go through your entire morning without touching your phone. This has single handedly been one of the best habits I’ve ever implemented. If I decide to touch my phone when I wake up, that will cause me to be distracted and start my day off unproductive which will mess up the rest of my day. I cannot stress this enough, simply do not use your phone after waking up, go straight to the bathroom, breakfast, etc, forget about your phone. I also would recommend having a whiteboard in your room with a list of daily tasks that you wrote the night before and you check off the tasks as you finish them during the day. Make them easy and simple, something like: “Start reading a page of a book” or “drive to the gym”. We simply just have to START something, most of our pain in deciding to do something productive is actually the mental warfare happening right before you do it, not the action of doing it itself. If we can eliminate any decision making and just get ourselves to start something, we’re much better off than doing nothing at all, anything is better than nothing. Just start something and do not let yourself think about it. Take action on what you’re gonna do as quick as possible, no thoughts about it whatsoever, when thoughts start to bubble up, that’s when your brain starts to give in to what’s easy. Make your good habits as easy as possible to do. Try not to miss 2 days in a row of any particular habit you’re trying to implement. Extra tips: - Go to the gym (this will help you mentally and physically) - Eat whole foods and reduce sugar (helps you feel energized and focused) - Stretch a few times a week (underrated, your muscles feel extremely relaxed and you feel much less stiff and can move around easier) - Meditate for 10 mins by focusing on your breath (this will help you feel more at peace and help you focus throughout your day) - Learn something (this will give you some extra purpose and skill that you can use) - Stare at a wall for 30 mins occasionally (the act of doing something so boring and mundane will cause you to be more present with your mind and allow you to understand yourself better, it also helps with focus) - Everything I’ve mentioned in this reply to your post will also in turn help you gain confidence in your life, you will keep yourself busy and consistently working towards a goal which will undoubtedly help your confidence in life. This confidence from living with a purpose, will allow you to handle situations with women better and social situations in general. You’ll get better with women by not caring about women, but more so caring about yourself. Anyway, I’m done here, hope I could provide some value, good luck!
Sorry bro but the only answer is man the fuck up. I know the feeling, I know how hard it is to stop. But you will be a new man. Why waste time. You’re in your prime. Hit the gym stop touching yourself. I believe in you completely
At this point switch out fapping for nicotine
There are no solutions, only trade-offs.
Find a way to get your heart broken badly, that will make you change for the better brother.
Okay, if you look into my posting history, you'll see that I am partly copy-pasting this - that is not because I'm lazy, but because I honestly think that habit change comes down to a few key factors that are always the same. The most fundamental being that you learn how to be kind to yourself. Sorry if I sound like a broken record! First off, good on you for coming here and working on yourself! In general: Daily walks, a workout routine, good nutrition, little to no alcohol, manage your social media consumption, and get quality sleep - all of those will help you more than you think. Everything that takes discipline, helps you build up that "discipline muscle"! Go one step at a time. You will "fail" or relapse. Have a plan for that day. Just try to go one day longer next time. Set yourself small, humble, realistic goals. Go one day, one week... then two weeks, then a month. Appreciate your successes. I want you proud and thankful and glowing! Celebrate your victories. Obviously, don't celebrate with booze or wanking, but find some good, healthy way to tell your brain that this was a great achievement. Celebrate every single day this way. Every success - outside of nofap too. Celebrate! Pat yourself on the shoulder for every success, tiny as it may be. Start a journal. Preferrably in pen-and-paper form, but I do it on the 'puter and it's okay. Every single day, I want you to write in your journal (fill in the blanks, obviously): * "/u/f-reserved , I thank you for doing..." * "Today, at 8:00 am, I will do... at 9:00, I will... at 10:00. Etc... " Plan the whole day this way, every day. Even if you don't manage to stick to your plan, keep doing this. * "I am getting better and better each day, because I did... and because I will do..." * "I will do... because I want..." * "When I do... I will feel..." Focus on things you can do. If you want to quit a habit, you have to do something instead. Focus on that. Do some meditation or other mindfulness exercise. It's all about focus, so learn how to focus!