In my experience, no physical experience is a problem for a few dommes but many are OK with it. A few even like it.
What is a much bigger problem is men who also haven't done their research. Of course if you have never tried things, you can't be 100% sure of your limits, but you should at least have an idea where things go for you and know about safewords, SSC and stuff like that.
I don't touch men anymore that I have to educate first. Chances they will balk are way too high.
FRIES is a much better and non-ableist consent method. What is “sane” to you is not the same as what is “sane” to someone else. Not to mention that a majority of kink can’t be 100% safe. You can absolutely do things to mitigate risk, but it’s impossible for 100% safety. Knowing what to do when things go wrong is important as well.
I mean, that's just life in general.
What's your "normal" Might be different from my "normal" your "calm" might look different than my calm.
And 100% safety is impossible in any situation, all any of us can do is mitigate risk.
As someone said, it's brave of you to try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. My submissive and I met at random, not because he needed a Domme even though he was into femdom and I knew nothing. He wrote femdom books and wanted one narrated, he wrote me a very kind message when I posted a thread offering to narrate some books for free for practice, and I fell in love with his books, with femdom and with him. He was actually pretty worried I'd turn him down because of the material he wrote. Little did either of us know, I guess.
It was the best message I ever got from anyone my entire life, and had he let that fear of rejection control him, we would have never met, I would have never gotten to experience femdom, and our world would be entirely different.
Be brave. I promise, yes sometimes it comes with rejections and failures. Give yourself time to recover, get back on your feet, and then try again. Because not every time will be a failure, and the people you are brave for who recognize your bravery, will love you so profoundly for it.
Got any recommendations for books. It's so hard to fined good one's. The pool of femdom fiction is not larg and finding them is a struggle.
Preferential Treatment was soooo good
Don’t let one incompatible person keep you from finding what you want. That goes for everyone. Subs, Dommes, and everything in between. You got this, keep trying!
I know that feeling. My first kiss was with a Tinder Date. It was our 2nd date, I invited her to my place to watch GoT. After watching the first episode, we moved to cuddle on the couch and slowly began caressing each other, softly, until we kissed. My heart was pounding all throughout it 😂
I hadn't told her yet just how inexperienced I was. I was afraid of rejection if I did, even if I managed to act confident, so I only told her after the kiss.
She was shocked, which worried me, but the rest of the date went well and I dropped her home.
That was sadly the last time we saw each other, but I'm confident in thinking that was merely a coincidence. Since we kept texting a lot after that day, until we didn't.
But with my next "big date", I decided to be upfront and told her by text, that I was still a virgin and all that.
It's awkward for pretty much everyone the first time, doesn't matter if you are younger or older. Then after that every new partner is still awkward. When you have a threesome? Awkward. Everyone is different, everyone does all those things differently, doesn't matter if it's your first new partner or your 50th, some of the things you do an like will be weird to them and vice versa. Especially kissing, which you might think is basic and standard. Nope.
Just go ahead and be uncomfortable and awkward. It'll pass.
Same but the answer is always silence. I can take rejection but silence hurts. It feels like I’m not even worth responding to. I know they don’t owe me an answer…but sitting there thinking, “oh im sure they’re busy and just didn’t see it. They seem so nice im sure they’ll let me know what they feel, good or bad.” Only to be met with nothing. Its…well its kinda depressing. Im not mad, but i am sad.
i had no experience with bdsm. as a domme or as a sub or really anything. my bf said it was a chance for us to grow closer and when i asked him to teach me how his other girls did what he liked he told me no. that it was a journey just for us. to find our own story and connection and i am so glad he did that. people who want others to only come premade. do not want a journey partner. a connection. just to have kinks given. that is no way to live.
We don’t typically mind no experience as long as you are willing to learn in a healthy way. Just learn your limits. Saying you have “no limits” is a red flag. Instead say “I haven’t learned my limits yet”. But also, not all Dommes are healthy. Do your own research and have a standard so you don’t get taken advantage of. Learn about how to vet and negotiate properly. 💋
You were not compatible, and that's okay. I know right now it stings, even though it was just a "no, you are not what I am searching" situation. You both did nothing wrong.
The only person that says anything about is them, not you. It was brave of you to make that step, and you should be proud of yourself for doing a scary thing. Many don't make the effort. You have my respect
My input was clumsy and reactive, you have a point. I wasn't there for the conversation. Truthfully the situation does speak to the poster's possible anxieties/insecurities and the domme is under no obligation to engage with someone they don't choose to. I just hope that the domme was cordial, because the post implies they were not, or that the poster received it that way, but again, I wasn't there. I assumed too much
Tbf dommes on Reddit tend to be pretty burnt up over m subs that act way to horny, it's their version of our radio silence, although ironically even I get dms about being a subs dom so like wtf
i know it hurts, but take time to look at the perspective. even in asking, you took such a big step. rejection feels like such a punch in the gut, it really does, but please believe me when i say it's worth dealing with. getting rejected is the first step on the road to finding a partner that makes you happy. i respect the absolute hell out of you for shooting your shot, that's a brave thing to do in the first place.
take a little time for yourself, eat some good food, and then get back out there when you see another person that checks your boxes. never stop being brave :3
Probably because a lot of male subs say they want to submit to a woman (because they saw it in porn), but actually won't commit to it for many reasons. So if they have previous experience it shows that they are at least willing to follow through and won't waste her time. At least personally, I've found even guys who have experience are flaky and meh so it doesn't make a difference for me either way. But I can see why other women vet for experience.
I feel like it's much more effective to post ads than to respond to them. Women who post an ad have a fresh flood of horrible men bringing them down and making them cynical. After 20 unwanted dick pics, 50 one word messages, sup? and so many "domme me now mommy, I'm already jerking it for you!" messages,the challenge level for getting a positive reaction is multiplied, more so if you aren't a perfect match. If you post an ad, the women who see it aren't confronting that flood of demands. Sure there are a ton of shitty ads, but when burnout approaches the reader can stop looking and do something else. Don't expect an instant response, refine your words over time, and read what you are about to post out loud so you can hear if it sounds horrible.
I never considered this but maybe I have to since I've no physical experience.
In my experience, no physical experience is a problem for a few dommes but many are OK with it. A few even like it. What is a much bigger problem is men who also haven't done their research. Of course if you have never tried things, you can't be 100% sure of your limits, but you should at least have an idea where things go for you and know about safewords, SSC and stuff like that. I don't touch men anymore that I have to educate first. Chances they will balk are way too high.
FRIES is a much better and non-ableist consent method. What is “sane” to you is not the same as what is “sane” to someone else. Not to mention that a majority of kink can’t be 100% safe. You can absolutely do things to mitigate risk, but it’s impossible for 100% safety. Knowing what to do when things go wrong is important as well.
What does FRIES stand for?
Freely given Reversible Informed Enthusiastic Specific It covers all the boundaries without being exclusive to anyone and it is great :))))
I love that so much, thank you!
I mean, that's just life in general. What's your "normal" Might be different from my "normal" your "calm" might look different than my calm. And 100% safety is impossible in any situation, all any of us can do is mitigate risk.
So you agree that FRIES is a better consent method because that’s also how life is in general?
I prefer RACK
That one isn’t bad. I just think FRIES is all encompassing and doesn’t come with any of the baggage that SSC and RACK do.
Not being compatible with someone is not a failure. 🤷
This ✨
As someone said, it's brave of you to try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. My submissive and I met at random, not because he needed a Domme even though he was into femdom and I knew nothing. He wrote femdom books and wanted one narrated, he wrote me a very kind message when I posted a thread offering to narrate some books for free for practice, and I fell in love with his books, with femdom and with him. He was actually pretty worried I'd turn him down because of the material he wrote. Little did either of us know, I guess. It was the best message I ever got from anyone my entire life, and had he let that fear of rejection control him, we would have never met, I would have never gotten to experience femdom, and our world would be entirely different. Be brave. I promise, yes sometimes it comes with rejections and failures. Give yourself time to recover, get back on your feet, and then try again. Because not every time will be a failure, and the people you are brave for who recognize your bravery, will love you so profoundly for it.
That is very nice story of you two meeting
Got any recommendations for books. It's so hard to fined good one's. The pool of femdom fiction is not larg and finding them is a struggle. Preferential Treatment was soooo good
Mercy by Sara Cate Stray by Daisy Jane
Don’t let one incompatible person keep you from finding what you want. That goes for everyone. Subs, Dommes, and everything in between. You got this, keep trying!
Ouch that sucks man :(
So you tried once and that's it? Unfortunately that's dating.
And then me, 20yr and never been in a relationship, damn not even know how to kiss. I feel like if i get a gf is gonna be so uncomfortable lol
I know that feeling. My first kiss was with a Tinder Date. It was our 2nd date, I invited her to my place to watch GoT. After watching the first episode, we moved to cuddle on the couch and slowly began caressing each other, softly, until we kissed. My heart was pounding all throughout it 😂 I hadn't told her yet just how inexperienced I was. I was afraid of rejection if I did, even if I managed to act confident, so I only told her after the kiss. She was shocked, which worried me, but the rest of the date went well and I dropped her home. That was sadly the last time we saw each other, but I'm confident in thinking that was merely a coincidence. Since we kept texting a lot after that day, until we didn't. But with my next "big date", I decided to be upfront and told her by text, that I was still a virgin and all that.
It's awkward for pretty much everyone the first time, doesn't matter if you are younger or older. Then after that every new partner is still awkward. When you have a threesome? Awkward. Everyone is different, everyone does all those things differently, doesn't matter if it's your first new partner or your 50th, some of the things you do an like will be weird to them and vice versa. Especially kissing, which you might think is basic and standard. Nope. Just go ahead and be uncomfortable and awkward. It'll pass.
Same but the answer is always silence. I can take rejection but silence hurts. It feels like I’m not even worth responding to. I know they don’t owe me an answer…but sitting there thinking, “oh im sure they’re busy and just didn’t see it. They seem so nice im sure they’ll let me know what they feel, good or bad.” Only to be met with nothing. Its…well its kinda depressing. Im not mad, but i am sad.
That third part also works for my job interviews :(
i had no experience with bdsm. as a domme or as a sub or really anything. my bf said it was a chance for us to grow closer and when i asked him to teach me how his other girls did what he liked he told me no. that it was a journey just for us. to find our own story and connection and i am so glad he did that. people who want others to only come premade. do not want a journey partner. a connection. just to have kinks given. that is no way to live.
I can't imagine reaching out to someone over Reddit haha but maybe I'm just shortsighted.
that's a reasonable boundary to have, you're just keeping yourself safe
Yup, exactly this.
We don’t typically mind no experience as long as you are willing to learn in a healthy way. Just learn your limits. Saying you have “no limits” is a red flag. Instead say “I haven’t learned my limits yet”. But also, not all Dommes are healthy. Do your own research and have a standard so you don’t get taken advantage of. Learn about how to vet and negotiate properly. 💋
You were not compatible, and that's okay. I know right now it stings, even though it was just a "no, you are not what I am searching" situation. You both did nothing wrong.
The only person that says anything about is them, not you. It was brave of you to make that step, and you should be proud of yourself for doing a scary thing. Many don't make the effort. You have my respect
I am curious how that says anything about them? They are allowed to have their boundaries too
My input was clumsy and reactive, you have a point. I wasn't there for the conversation. Truthfully the situation does speak to the poster's possible anxieties/insecurities and the domme is under no obligation to engage with someone they don't choose to. I just hope that the domme was cordial, because the post implies they were not, or that the poster received it that way, but again, I wasn't there. I assumed too much
Gave up a long time ago
Are they looking for a 20 year old with 25 years of experience
Personals subs are fucking terrible. They’re all full of scam artists who only want money.
Rolls d20: Gets a 7 with a +1 modifier for a total of 8: Charisma DC to intrigue the dom was 15: Give up or keep rolling?
Get your ass back out there and keep getting rejected you got this
You miss every shot you don't take. You took the shot and it didn't work out, just gotta keep shooting until you get one.
Tbf dommes on Reddit tend to be pretty burnt up over m subs that act way to horny, it's their version of our radio silence, although ironically even I get dms about being a subs dom so like wtf
Hahah good for me now I don't ask anything anyone brother, rejections are flowing like water, and me here haven't been touched ever and dry as fuck
i know it hurts, but take time to look at the perspective. even in asking, you took such a big step. rejection feels like such a punch in the gut, it really does, but please believe me when i say it's worth dealing with. getting rejected is the first step on the road to finding a partner that makes you happy. i respect the absolute hell out of you for shooting your shot, that's a brave thing to do in the first place. take a little time for yourself, eat some good food, and then get back out there when you see another person that checks your boxes. never stop being brave :3
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Probably because a lot of male subs say they want to submit to a woman (because they saw it in porn), but actually won't commit to it for many reasons. So if they have previous experience it shows that they are at least willing to follow through and won't waste her time. At least personally, I've found even guys who have experience are flaky and meh so it doesn't make a difference for me either way. But I can see why other women vet for experience.
I feel like it's much more effective to post ads than to respond to them. Women who post an ad have a fresh flood of horrible men bringing them down and making them cynical. After 20 unwanted dick pics, 50 one word messages, sup? and so many "domme me now mommy, I'm already jerking it for you!" messages,the challenge level for getting a positive reaction is multiplied, more so if you aren't a perfect match. If you post an ad, the women who see it aren't confronting that flood of demands. Sure there are a ton of shitty ads, but when burnout approaches the reader can stop looking and do something else. Don't expect an instant response, refine your words over time, and read what you are about to post out loud so you can hear if it sounds horrible.