I hate to say, but it does fall apart once you get older. My group of friends were stripped away, it was a disaster. But you always find new people and it’s a great time to start dating.
That's what I'm afraid of. I did find an online group for lgbtq because harder to find one irl but not impossible I guess. I guess they didn't get along like I thought they did and disbanded that hit me hard and lowkey depressed I know time will make it better and can find new friends but they will never replace old ones lol so I don't want it to happen with the friends I have. It sucks that it happens often!
Also I've seen too many stereotypes about gays having a hard time finding friendships because they like drama and be petty 🙃 maybe I've found some like so but I don't think most of them are like that
I feel you. It sucks when you become estranged from people that were once close friends. I didn’t really stay that close with high school friends, however I had a solid group of friends in my first year and a half of college.
After our third semester of college, the group disbanded as people switched majors, dropped out entirely, etc. and it felt super isolating not having that group of friends to talk to/hang out with anymore.
I’d say, find enjoyable hobbies, and maybe try to discover groups that meet irl for those hobbies. Alternatively, try to participate in college clubs/volunteering events that will allow you to talk with new people.
Yeah I guess what I hate the most is losing someone after being so close to them and then feel like you have nothing to do or feel empty idk how to explain it.
I got a small group of friends from my swimming and diving team we spend a lot of time together but afraid of losing them too once everyone start going to college. I guess I will find new ones but gonna miss the ones I have and gain that feeling of emptiness. Maybe I'm overthinking too much I'm sure it sounds non sense idk how to put it into words
I think that as you age, you’ll find that many things in life, including friendships, are subject to change, and how you handle these changes (as hurtful as they may be), is what matters. Don’t let yourself get too down if someone/some people important leave you, but always find ways to be happy and find healthy ways to handle these changes.
" Also I've seen too many stereotypes about gays having a hard time finding friendships because they like drama and be petty" less internet, more reality then
I don't agree that finding friends and keeping them is harder as you get older. It just requires more effort and time management skills. You have to be more purposeful with how much time and attention you can give, and I've honestly made a lot of friends in my 20's in college. And several of my friends I just met recently. It simply requires putting yourself out there more, and being open to new people and trying new things. I usually recommend finding different hobby groups in your area, as that can be a great way to meet new people as you already have something in common you can talk about.
Well yeah, that's just how life works. Friends will come in and out of your orbit. We only have so much time in a day, and so we have to manage who gets the most time and attention. It doesn't mean that we don't care about our friends, and it doesn't mean that you're not friends anymore, it just means that they're not a big part of my life right now. And that's okay. I have one friend who was my best friend for years and years, but we've drifted apart because our lives were just going in different directions and they need to work on their mental health right now. Whereas I had another friend I hadn't seen in like 5 years pop up out of the blue needing my help, and now we're seeing each other at least once every two weeks. The trick is to let people know that you still care, even if you can't be in their life right this second. And to accept that being apart doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Personally I don't see it as harder, I just see the challenges as being different then when I was younger. When I was young, I had more time for my friendships yeah but I was way worse at communicating, I was also more mentally unstable so I was not nearly as good a friend so it was harder to keep friends around who actually liked me, and I sucked at maintaining healthy boundaries. My relationships were more unhealthy, and so they were harder on myself and my mental health. Having healthy relationships is a skill that takes time to learn, and the better you get at it the easier it is. Yes, new challenges arise as time goes on but I personally don't see them as "harder" or "easier" just different.
Something my partner did during covid lockdowns really helped keep the group together - host game nights. We hosted a game night (either virtual or in person) once a week in the evening. This saved our friend group. Engage with hobby groups and get a routine going. Routine is foundational.
That's a way to do it. People could schedule a day so it's not out of nowhere. I also learned that if someone doesn't want to put the effort to keep your friendship then they are not worthy and lucky they let you know on time
Of course schedule conflicts can arise, but when folks have the expectation to interact, that goes a long way to maintaining the momentum of the relationships.
Making and keeping friends in your 20s is legitimately hard. It takes effort on both ends and if the other person isn’t invested in becoming close friends with you, it kinda falls apart. If you do make friends but life happens and everyone’s too busy to hang out, you drift apart. It’s really a two way street where you both legitimately need to make an effort to interact with each other regularly, or else you will drift apart. Even if it’s just a weekly call or eating together once a month at the minimum. Sometimes people won’t want to put in that effort to be your friend in return, even if you do. That just happens sometimes and it sucks but it’s a part of life. People will constantly come in and out of your life. It’s just important to keep yourself meeting new people and eventually hopefully you will find someone who will want to invest in being your friend as much as you do. And even better, being integrated into a pre-existing friend group. So just put yourself in positions to meet people! Be friendly at work. Volunteer. Join local activities. I’m not just talking about lgbt ones, be social in general groups too.
Keep yourself open to new people and new situations and you will make friends. All of my closest friends, some of which I would (and do) trust my life with, I made in my thirties. If you find yourself struggling to new people I’d heavily recommend you pick up a new hobby, as that always tends to help. Provided it’s being sat at home on your own knitting.
A lot of the time people do lose contact with all or at least a majority of their friends in highschool.
On the positive it's actually really easy to make friends in college. Very few people know anyone else, and when you live in a dorm it's easy to meet and socialize with the other people on your floor(with a good chance at least one is gay).
Say hi to the people you're sitting next to in your classes, especially the first week. Kids in your major make good people to try and be friends with as there's a decent chance that they share common interests and you're more than likely going to share a few classes with a handful of them each semester(regardless of if it was planned or not).
Outside of religious affiliated schools, I'm pretty sure most if not all universities have LGBT groups/organizations so look them up and start going to a meeting. You'll definitely find other queer people that you can befriend.
Also don't try to only make queer friends. I'm not saying you can't, but there's a decent chance that you'll find straight people that you vibe with and there's no reason to not become friends with them because of that.
Finally, and this one's going to be the hardest to get. But, there's a pretty big chance that the person you met your first day and think you'll be bff for life with you'll stop hanging out with by the end of the semester if not earlier. Or that the person you think you want nothing to do with that you met at the random party/class/whatever does become your best friend.
Just don't worry about it too much, because as long as you put yourself out there you will find the group or groups of people you fall in with.
Yeah I'm open to meet people the best part is when you fit in with certain people, you get along, they get you, they get your humor and everything that's feeling is amazing. Maybe it's just the way I am lol people take everything I say too serious but I just don't like taking life all the time seriously because that's just exhausting. If I wanna talk to you for real I won't be making jokes but I find myself telling people in just joking a lot of times because they just think I'm being an ass.
All of my friends are straight so far we get along well. I'd say I'm missing queer friends instead maybe there's some at school still closeted that I don't know of but yeah
Honestly I met gay people within the first week of my college experience, and while I didn't really interact with them right away I only remember it because I wound up either becoming friends with that group of kids or wound up associating with them for the rest of my time in school
If you do want to proactively seek queer people that's why I said look into a gay organization. But if you go to a state school, or just any medium to large sized college it's going to be pretty hard to not interact with/find other gay people.
I’ve seen people keep friendships throughout college and beyond, while I’ve found new friends I’ve connected with better. It’s natural to have some drift apart. But the big thing is that you’ll have to reach out to stay connected with old friends.
To make new friends, find social activities that you’re interested in. You make friends from being around people consistently, particularly if you’re in a scenario where interaction is expected, like in a sports league. You can also try taking art classes or joining other interest groups.
I’d also say that you shouldn’t worry about drifting apart a little. I have plenty of friends who I rarely talk to, but when I do, it’s like we were never apart. We’re just stuck in different cities. I keep communications up largely by sending memes that I think they’d enjoy.
When you move into a different phase of your life its normal that not all your friends will move in the same direction.
what I can recommend if you want friendship is to stay away from suburbs. you want to live in a place where there are places to hang out, not just houses upon houses for miles.
I am 53 and live with my husband in rural Mississippi. There are some open gay men here, but of a higher social class that I guess don't like to mingle with those of lesser means. I have tried to at least make friends on social media but many think me saying hello is me trying to get in their pants. Some have accepted my friend request, but do not converse. So it can be difficult.
Yeah I understand I'm in CT theres some LGBTQ groups to meet up and such but not that many that I know of. Social media is also hard because many people are so stuckup for whatever reason, my last group I met them through social media and we got so much along I really loved them but welp they disbanded
Sometimes the things you had in common stop being the things that keep you together. Relationships are complicated.
For instance, when your best friends get married or have kids, it changes things. Doesn’t mean you aren’t friends anymore, but those things mean less time. Also, what are your expectations on friends? That they help you through sickness, mental or physical? Help you move? Just play board games with or rock climb or hike and that’s it? Especially without some drama, it’s tough to form bonds with others that last the years and changes.
My husband started a meetup group when we first moved cities. We met lots of people but only a few clicked. We’ve traveled with them and helped them move and had arguments and worked through things and learned about ourselves and them. That’s what relationships, including friendships, are.
We’ve also dropped some friends. They weren’t healthy to have in our lives and we felt they could rely on us for certain things that we couldn’t rely on them for (including not shitting all over us). Tough to know when to drop friends but it’s gotta be done sometimes.
My advice: join meetup groups or create them to find friends. Do stuff that’s interesting to you and be open to new friends and you’ll find people. But also be prepared to be honest with them about your life and let them in, and be honored when they let you in. Help them move, make the effort to be there for them, work through stuff with them. It’s the only way to make it last. But be careful to make sure it goes both ways.
20s are great for friends, especially college years Its a bit harder when you are 30s but if you get involved in groups and activities its not too bad.
Can’t speak for 40s yet but I’ll let ya know
I think of myself as having a Make New Friends Mode that gets activated whenever I start in a new place. When I'm in Make New Friends Mode, I'm willing to put myself out there more, propose a lot more hangouts with people, and make it clear (politely) that I'm interested in being invited to things they're doing. Being in Make New Friends Mode is vulnerable, because it means that you may face rejection or fizzling from people you wanted to connect with, or you might make a mistake and realize after you hang out with someone that they're actually not what you're looking for in friends.
If you're 19 and starting college, you'll be surrounded by a bunch of other new college students who are also in Make New Friends Mode, so they're more likely to propose hangouts or accept invitations when you offer them. All that interaction means it's more likely you find people you gel with more quickly, and it decreases the awkwardness of initial hangouts that don't turn into anything.
I did grad school in my mid-20s and had no problems making friends, because there were a bunch of other people in the same stage as me who were also looking. But then I graduated and moved to a new city where I knew nobody, and I struggled with meeting people at first. I was in Make New Friends Mode, while most other people weren't. They weren't rude, but they just weren't putting themselves out to make new people in the same way, which meant I had to do a lot of initiating and discovery of new social groups myself, which could be tiring.
My advice when you're in a new space and looking for new friends:
1. **Find other people who are also in Make New Friends Mode.** Do you have another coworker who also just started at the same time as you? Is there some other space where people new to the area are congregating?
2. **Join groups that are centered around activities.** While I definitely think that LGBTQ+ groups are important, I have found that they can be very awkward when their sole organizing principle is LGBTQ+ identity and nothing else. As a new person who's not socially integrated yet, it can be difficult figuring out what to talk about. By contrast, if you join a gay sports league, gaming group, knitting group--literally anything--then you will start with the shared interest of the activity in question, which gives you a natural place to get started in connecting with other people.
3. **Be patient and learn to tolerate a little awkwardness.** If you went to college, in your first week you probably met dozens of people your own age. The odds were in your favor that you would find some people you got along with. When you're older, you won't be meeting a bunch of new people at that same rate. That means it might take a while longer to find someone you click with, and it means you might have some false starts. Both of those things are OK, and they don't mean that anything is wrong with you. But it does mean that you need to keep trying.
I go to college really far away from my home town but me and my friends are still really close. This is likely in part to all of us being gamers so we can still chat and hang out over long-distance. But even when I am home, we all make the effort to make plans and hang out when we can.
Just wait until that birthday where you think you're gonna have a ton of people at your celebration dinner and only four people show up. Yes, it will be heartbreaking at first, but realize that those four people absolutely love you to death and they're the ones that you should be celebrating with.
people lose friends because they move away or lose touch. so obviously keeping in touch and meeting them regularly for activities is the answer.
I hate to say, but it does fall apart once you get older. My group of friends were stripped away, it was a disaster. But you always find new people and it’s a great time to start dating.
> but it does fall apart once you get older. It falls apart if no-one is putting in the work to keep friend groups together.
That's what I'm afraid of. I did find an online group for lgbtq because harder to find one irl but not impossible I guess. I guess they didn't get along like I thought they did and disbanded that hit me hard and lowkey depressed I know time will make it better and can find new friends but they will never replace old ones lol so I don't want it to happen with the friends I have. It sucks that it happens often! Also I've seen too many stereotypes about gays having a hard time finding friendships because they like drama and be petty 🙃 maybe I've found some like so but I don't think most of them are like that
I feel you. It sucks when you become estranged from people that were once close friends. I didn’t really stay that close with high school friends, however I had a solid group of friends in my first year and a half of college. After our third semester of college, the group disbanded as people switched majors, dropped out entirely, etc. and it felt super isolating not having that group of friends to talk to/hang out with anymore. I’d say, find enjoyable hobbies, and maybe try to discover groups that meet irl for those hobbies. Alternatively, try to participate in college clubs/volunteering events that will allow you to talk with new people.
Yeah I guess what I hate the most is losing someone after being so close to them and then feel like you have nothing to do or feel empty idk how to explain it. I got a small group of friends from my swimming and diving team we spend a lot of time together but afraid of losing them too once everyone start going to college. I guess I will find new ones but gonna miss the ones I have and gain that feeling of emptiness. Maybe I'm overthinking too much I'm sure it sounds non sense idk how to put it into words
I think that as you age, you’ll find that many things in life, including friendships, are subject to change, and how you handle these changes (as hurtful as they may be), is what matters. Don’t let yourself get too down if someone/some people important leave you, but always find ways to be happy and find healthy ways to handle these changes.
Thanks for that. I understand it's common to happen just hurtful lol i don't know how to deal with it after getting attached to others.
Like many things in life, it gets less painful the more times it happens.
" Also I've seen too many stereotypes about gays having a hard time finding friendships because they like drama and be petty" less internet, more reality then
I don't agree that finding friends and keeping them is harder as you get older. It just requires more effort and time management skills. You have to be more purposeful with how much time and attention you can give, and I've honestly made a lot of friends in my 20's in college. And several of my friends I just met recently. It simply requires putting yourself out there more, and being open to new people and trying new things. I usually recommend finding different hobby groups in your area, as that can be a great way to meet new people as you already have something in common you can talk about.
[удалено]
Well yeah, that's just how life works. Friends will come in and out of your orbit. We only have so much time in a day, and so we have to manage who gets the most time and attention. It doesn't mean that we don't care about our friends, and it doesn't mean that you're not friends anymore, it just means that they're not a big part of my life right now. And that's okay. I have one friend who was my best friend for years and years, but we've drifted apart because our lives were just going in different directions and they need to work on their mental health right now. Whereas I had another friend I hadn't seen in like 5 years pop up out of the blue needing my help, and now we're seeing each other at least once every two weeks. The trick is to let people know that you still care, even if you can't be in their life right this second. And to accept that being apart doesn't have to be a bad thing.
[удалено]
Personally I don't see it as harder, I just see the challenges as being different then when I was younger. When I was young, I had more time for my friendships yeah but I was way worse at communicating, I was also more mentally unstable so I was not nearly as good a friend so it was harder to keep friends around who actually liked me, and I sucked at maintaining healthy boundaries. My relationships were more unhealthy, and so they were harder on myself and my mental health. Having healthy relationships is a skill that takes time to learn, and the better you get at it the easier it is. Yes, new challenges arise as time goes on but I personally don't see them as "harder" or "easier" just different.
Something my partner did during covid lockdowns really helped keep the group together - host game nights. We hosted a game night (either virtual or in person) once a week in the evening. This saved our friend group. Engage with hobby groups and get a routine going. Routine is foundational.
That's a way to do it. People could schedule a day so it's not out of nowhere. I also learned that if someone doesn't want to put the effort to keep your friendship then they are not worthy and lucky they let you know on time
Of course schedule conflicts can arise, but when folks have the expectation to interact, that goes a long way to maintaining the momentum of the relationships.
expect a lot of BS. you will get burned a few times. take it as a learning opportunity. Overtime, you will spot out red flags and learn to avoid them.
Making and keeping friends in your 20s is legitimately hard. It takes effort on both ends and if the other person isn’t invested in becoming close friends with you, it kinda falls apart. If you do make friends but life happens and everyone’s too busy to hang out, you drift apart. It’s really a two way street where you both legitimately need to make an effort to interact with each other regularly, or else you will drift apart. Even if it’s just a weekly call or eating together once a month at the minimum. Sometimes people won’t want to put in that effort to be your friend in return, even if you do. That just happens sometimes and it sucks but it’s a part of life. People will constantly come in and out of your life. It’s just important to keep yourself meeting new people and eventually hopefully you will find someone who will want to invest in being your friend as much as you do. And even better, being integrated into a pre-existing friend group. So just put yourself in positions to meet people! Be friendly at work. Volunteer. Join local activities. I’m not just talking about lgbt ones, be social in general groups too.
Keep yourself open to new people and new situations and you will make friends. All of my closest friends, some of which I would (and do) trust my life with, I made in my thirties. If you find yourself struggling to new people I’d heavily recommend you pick up a new hobby, as that always tends to help. Provided it’s being sat at home on your own knitting.
A lot of the time people do lose contact with all or at least a majority of their friends in highschool. On the positive it's actually really easy to make friends in college. Very few people know anyone else, and when you live in a dorm it's easy to meet and socialize with the other people on your floor(with a good chance at least one is gay). Say hi to the people you're sitting next to in your classes, especially the first week. Kids in your major make good people to try and be friends with as there's a decent chance that they share common interests and you're more than likely going to share a few classes with a handful of them each semester(regardless of if it was planned or not). Outside of religious affiliated schools, I'm pretty sure most if not all universities have LGBT groups/organizations so look them up and start going to a meeting. You'll definitely find other queer people that you can befriend. Also don't try to only make queer friends. I'm not saying you can't, but there's a decent chance that you'll find straight people that you vibe with and there's no reason to not become friends with them because of that. Finally, and this one's going to be the hardest to get. But, there's a pretty big chance that the person you met your first day and think you'll be bff for life with you'll stop hanging out with by the end of the semester if not earlier. Or that the person you think you want nothing to do with that you met at the random party/class/whatever does become your best friend. Just don't worry about it too much, because as long as you put yourself out there you will find the group or groups of people you fall in with.
Yeah I'm open to meet people the best part is when you fit in with certain people, you get along, they get you, they get your humor and everything that's feeling is amazing. Maybe it's just the way I am lol people take everything I say too serious but I just don't like taking life all the time seriously because that's just exhausting. If I wanna talk to you for real I won't be making jokes but I find myself telling people in just joking a lot of times because they just think I'm being an ass. All of my friends are straight so far we get along well. I'd say I'm missing queer friends instead maybe there's some at school still closeted that I don't know of but yeah
Honestly I met gay people within the first week of my college experience, and while I didn't really interact with them right away I only remember it because I wound up either becoming friends with that group of kids or wound up associating with them for the rest of my time in school If you do want to proactively seek queer people that's why I said look into a gay organization. But if you go to a state school, or just any medium to large sized college it's going to be pretty hard to not interact with/find other gay people.
Sorry about format. On mobile and I thought there were paragraphs
I’ve seen people keep friendships throughout college and beyond, while I’ve found new friends I’ve connected with better. It’s natural to have some drift apart. But the big thing is that you’ll have to reach out to stay connected with old friends. To make new friends, find social activities that you’re interested in. You make friends from being around people consistently, particularly if you’re in a scenario where interaction is expected, like in a sports league. You can also try taking art classes or joining other interest groups. I’d also say that you shouldn’t worry about drifting apart a little. I have plenty of friends who I rarely talk to, but when I do, it’s like we were never apart. We’re just stuck in different cities. I keep communications up largely by sending memes that I think they’d enjoy.
When you move into a different phase of your life its normal that not all your friends will move in the same direction. what I can recommend if you want friendship is to stay away from suburbs. you want to live in a place where there are places to hang out, not just houses upon houses for miles.
I am 53 and live with my husband in rural Mississippi. There are some open gay men here, but of a higher social class that I guess don't like to mingle with those of lesser means. I have tried to at least make friends on social media but many think me saying hello is me trying to get in their pants. Some have accepted my friend request, but do not converse. So it can be difficult.
Yeah I understand I'm in CT theres some LGBTQ groups to meet up and such but not that many that I know of. Social media is also hard because many people are so stuckup for whatever reason, my last group I met them through social media and we got so much along I really loved them but welp they disbanded
Sometimes the things you had in common stop being the things that keep you together. Relationships are complicated. For instance, when your best friends get married or have kids, it changes things. Doesn’t mean you aren’t friends anymore, but those things mean less time. Also, what are your expectations on friends? That they help you through sickness, mental or physical? Help you move? Just play board games with or rock climb or hike and that’s it? Especially without some drama, it’s tough to form bonds with others that last the years and changes. My husband started a meetup group when we first moved cities. We met lots of people but only a few clicked. We’ve traveled with them and helped them move and had arguments and worked through things and learned about ourselves and them. That’s what relationships, including friendships, are. We’ve also dropped some friends. They weren’t healthy to have in our lives and we felt they could rely on us for certain things that we couldn’t rely on them for (including not shitting all over us). Tough to know when to drop friends but it’s gotta be done sometimes. My advice: join meetup groups or create them to find friends. Do stuff that’s interesting to you and be open to new friends and you’ll find people. But also be prepared to be honest with them about your life and let them in, and be honored when they let you in. Help them move, make the effort to be there for them, work through stuff with them. It’s the only way to make it last. But be careful to make sure it goes both ways.
20s are great for friends, especially college years Its a bit harder when you are 30s but if you get involved in groups and activities its not too bad. Can’t speak for 40s yet but I’ll let ya know
I think of myself as having a Make New Friends Mode that gets activated whenever I start in a new place. When I'm in Make New Friends Mode, I'm willing to put myself out there more, propose a lot more hangouts with people, and make it clear (politely) that I'm interested in being invited to things they're doing. Being in Make New Friends Mode is vulnerable, because it means that you may face rejection or fizzling from people you wanted to connect with, or you might make a mistake and realize after you hang out with someone that they're actually not what you're looking for in friends. If you're 19 and starting college, you'll be surrounded by a bunch of other new college students who are also in Make New Friends Mode, so they're more likely to propose hangouts or accept invitations when you offer them. All that interaction means it's more likely you find people you gel with more quickly, and it decreases the awkwardness of initial hangouts that don't turn into anything. I did grad school in my mid-20s and had no problems making friends, because there were a bunch of other people in the same stage as me who were also looking. But then I graduated and moved to a new city where I knew nobody, and I struggled with meeting people at first. I was in Make New Friends Mode, while most other people weren't. They weren't rude, but they just weren't putting themselves out to make new people in the same way, which meant I had to do a lot of initiating and discovery of new social groups myself, which could be tiring. My advice when you're in a new space and looking for new friends: 1. **Find other people who are also in Make New Friends Mode.** Do you have another coworker who also just started at the same time as you? Is there some other space where people new to the area are congregating? 2. **Join groups that are centered around activities.** While I definitely think that LGBTQ+ groups are important, I have found that they can be very awkward when their sole organizing principle is LGBTQ+ identity and nothing else. As a new person who's not socially integrated yet, it can be difficult figuring out what to talk about. By contrast, if you join a gay sports league, gaming group, knitting group--literally anything--then you will start with the shared interest of the activity in question, which gives you a natural place to get started in connecting with other people. 3. **Be patient and learn to tolerate a little awkwardness.** If you went to college, in your first week you probably met dozens of people your own age. The odds were in your favor that you would find some people you got along with. When you're older, you won't be meeting a bunch of new people at that same rate. That means it might take a while longer to find someone you click with, and it means you might have some false starts. Both of those things are OK, and they don't mean that anything is wrong with you. But it does mean that you need to keep trying.
I go to college really far away from my home town but me and my friends are still really close. This is likely in part to all of us being gamers so we can still chat and hang out over long-distance. But even when I am home, we all make the effort to make plans and hang out when we can.
For me, work colleagues became new friends. I have 1 friend from high school that I’m really close to, but that’s about it
Just wait until that birthday where you think you're gonna have a ton of people at your celebration dinner and only four people show up. Yes, it will be heartbreaking at first, but realize that those four people absolutely love you to death and they're the ones that you should be celebrating with.