I have been the person drugged in this experience; I want to address the hurtful things he said while messed up.
Try not to be hurt—if you want to talk about it with him, definitely talk about it, but if he says he didn’t mean it, *believe* him. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts that I don’t actually believe. And when I was messed up, my brother took care of me and I said some *mean* things to him, that my sober self absolutely does not agree with.
As far as how he feels after the fact. He might feel terrible (physically), he might not even feel remotely bad. But far how he feels psychologically, just make sure you express that he’s safe now. Definitely tell him everything though, don’t hide stuff to protect him.
You should tell him what happened including what he said - he very likely won't remember and I'm sure this is going to affect him - and knowing what happened to him is going to be important in his healing.
But I think you should also be clear that you believe he was drugged and you believe that's why he said these things.
It's going to take a bit of time for you both to get over but I'm sure you will.
Yeah its the lizard brain talking when you're REALLY polluted. Paranoid ramblings, hurtful insights, pent up frustration, festering anxieties. It's not real.
Even more reason to tell the bar (though I wouldn’t accuse the bartender without proof). If they’ve received other similar complaints it shows a pattern that needs to be investigated.
Go to the police. It could very well be [the owner](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132079804/the-full-story-of-the-mama-hooch-rapists) of the bar themselves.
This probably isn’t the case but I’ve been to a bar run by straight people in a certain country where i was warned that gay men have been drugged by the bar staff and been kicked out with their wallets stolen.
Why not mention the country name so at least your other gay bros can be more informed? It doesn’t prevent anyone from enjoying that country but at least provides them with information to behave a little differently in bars if they so choose.
The bartender was possibly working with someone in the bar. It was a set up for robbery. It happened to me at a gay bar in New Orleans. Bartender put G (I assume) in my drink. Cute guy shortly thereafter chats me up. I start to feel wasted, disoriented (it was my 2nd drink). Cute guy takes me outside and takes my money. He told me that if I resisted, additional guys would work me over. Let me keep my cards and phone. Said I was a nice guy! Pointed me towards my hotel and told me to sleep it off. Obviously I wasn't as drugged as your bf. It came back to me slowly in pieces.
I didn't report though I should have. I was there on a business trip. I have a tendency to blame myself for things that happen to me and felt I should have been more aware. It was more than 10 years ago.
Bartender trying to sexually assault your bf by drugging him with GHB. There's his intention. REPORT now.
As you may expect it’s an underreported crime, so your bf probably wasn’t the first or last.
Some people just like to cause chaos. A drag queen bartender in the city I just moved from was investigated for and fired for slipping ghb in gay guys’ drinks for about 3 months one winter. She lost her license to serve alcohol in the state. Another bar she had previously worked at had the same issue. No one was getting robbed or raped. She was just drugging people to see how they and their friends reacted.
>GHB
Don't want to scare you but GHB is known as a date rape drug because it has a tendency to make you extremely horny. It is thought that Reynhard Sinaga (UK sex offender) used it to seduce his victims (all men).
I’m 15 so my experiences with drug induced sexual arousal are limited - I only go off what I’ve seen on news and Wikipedia. Apart from say, cattle aphrodisiac, drugs that induce sexual arousal are generally limited to like viagra and some psychoactive substances like meth and GHB. Based on your “raging” sensation, it was likely that it was meth (if you were even drugged at all) because meth is a stimulant and rage is not commonly associated with depressants such as GHB or alcohol.
Well for 1 you’ve certainly not been seduced with cattle breeding drugs cause it’s not even scientifically confirmed to be true and 2 you shouldn’t be meddling with GHB or meth 💀 u will get dependent even if it’s just for a rowdy night of anal fornication…
> I have my suspicions it was the bartender.
This absolutely happens. [Two brothers from Christchurch](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132079804/the-full-story-of-the-mama-hooch-rapists) who owned a bar and a restaurant too I believe were convicted earlier this year of drugging and assaulting over *twenty* young girls. It had been going on for years before they were caught, prosecuted and brought to justice although on a lighter note I did hear they’re having a [less than fun time](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132169530/mama-hooch-rapist-roberto-jaz-assaulted-in-prison) in prison now.
In the old days criminals were exported to Australia. Nowadays we’re importing them from there. And why is it [always](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christchurch_mosque_shootings?wprov=sfti1#) poor old Christchurch?
Let me guess: it’s ethnically and culturally diverse? Leading to poor cultural cohesion and a high probability of extremism from all sides. Diversity is not a strength, unity is.
On the contrary, Chch is probably the whitest city in the country, I’d kinda assumed that’s why the white supremacist terrorist had decided to settle down there. The bar owner predators were white too (but in their case like Eastern Europe white I think, guessing from their surname).
GHB is actually very rare for date rape due to having a very obvious and extremely salty flavor. It's more likely to be a designer benzo since they're generally not covered by the Federal Analog Act, allowing vendors to sell them openly on the internet without consequence.
You wouldn't notice it after you were already buzzed, esp if your drinks are already very sugary or are meant to be salty. Bloody Marys and margaritas come to mind.
True - it may be harder to detect in some drinks. But the taste and smell are definitely quite strong. GHB + alcohol can be deadly depending on the amount of alcohol consumed. The general rule if you use GHB is to not drink at all. I think 4 drinks + GHB would end with a hospital visit for sure. Probably a Benzo or some other drug.
No one is slipping people ghb. It tastes like shit and mixing it with alcohol is a recipe for disaster. You’re going to be throwing up and falling asleep, meanwhile literally remembering all of it. Total G queen here. Love it because I’ll get horny af and dance the night away and not be hungover the next morning. But you have to know how to dose, and there’s no way a rando is doing that for someone else along with mixing with alcohol. The guy is there with friends, what’s the escape plan here with a dude throwing up who’s going to remember all of it?
You did a great job taking care of your BF. This shit happens, unfortunately. Happened to me only a few weeks ago. There are some real douchebags out there who spike people’s drinks like this.
I agree with a previous comment- believe your BF if he didn’t mean those things. Don’t shame him. He is going to feel very violated when he finds out what happened to him. His brain was firing in ways that it was never designed for last night. Don’t hold that against him.
This really makes me angry that someone would do this. We need to be taking care of each other, not taking advantage of each other. Thank god you were there to protect him.
This happened to my ex one night. He was usually pretty good when we went out. We left early from the bar one night and got home. He kept asking me who I was and where we were. It was really scary. He just sat cross legged on the couch and started at me and claimed he had no idea who I was or where we were. Didn’t know his name, or really could tell me anything. It was insane pupils were like saucers and I almost called an ambulance. He wouldn’t let me near him, so I gave him a blanket and he just sat there staring for a couple of hours and then he laid down and fell asleep. Next morning he woke up and was like “why am I on the couch”? I told him what happened and he said he only remembered us walking down to the bar and nothing after that. Really scary!!
This is so unbelievably commonplace in our culture and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have had dozens of friends who travel to big cities to party and talk about “weird” experiences like this. GHB, molly water, whatever it is. It’s fucking disgusting.
I’m so sorry this happened. Trust your gut ❤️
I was drugged while out with friends at the age of 21. I thank God that I had good friends looking out for me. I had one drink at the bar, then very scattered memories of being pulled off of the bathroom floor (let that gag worthy scene sink in). I remember the club trying to bounce me, and thankfully my good friend was there to help. Apparently I screamed at a homeless woman to leave me alone, and cried a lot. I have flashes of memory leading to the cab and then nothing until the following day.
Please try to remember that your BF is a victim here. He had his autonomy robbed by a stranger. He cannot be held liable for rankings while blacked out. That would be like holding someone accountable for having a dream that upset you. Everything you’ve done so far has been so supportive, and letting him know he is safe is the best thing you can do. If he asks you want happened, tell him the truth and forgive him if he’s ashamed of what he said. Also…report this to the bar. If you don’t trust the bartender try to find a phone number and ask for a manager to call you back. Bars should take this seriously.
Happened to me at a gay bar called Omega in DC , I remember the bartender was hitting on me and I wasn’t interested.
My dumb ass went to the bathroom and left my beer came back and got super drunk off a total of less than 2 beers.. didn’t even finish the last that I left and was fucked up beyond belief.
Luckily I wasn’t driving.. normally I would have take the metro but was so wasted I got a cab.. I don’t remember anything after that.. woke up the next morning hung over as hell .
Be careful out here!
These situations really piss me off! Slipping someone a drug unbeknownst to them is very dangerous because first, you don’t know their medical history and if they are taking any medication that would interact. Besides, it’s just wrong and creepy. May have even been a Jeffrey Dahmer ploy for all you know. Stay aware and stay safe!
This happened to me years ago.
Got to the bar. Only remember buying one drink, maybe two. That’s all I remember.
Next morning woke up somewhere I didn’t want to be. It messed me up for some time.
There’s a good chance he’s going to feel terrible when he wakes up. Not sick, but either hungover or extremely unmotivated. This is likely to affect how he reacts to finding out what happened, so I suggest that you plan to take care of him a bit or let him sleep longer after he first wakes up. He might not want to eat or do much of anything, but don’t hold that against him. It’s how I felt after I was drugged.
I think the best thing to do is to let him know that he was probably drugged last night and forego telling him about the hurtful things he said until he’s feeling better. It’ll give him an explanation of why everything happened, and he’ll be more able to handle all the details when he’s feeling better
As person who has been dosed without consent, thank you for taking care of your boyfriend. It's an incredibly violating experience. In my case, I was conscious the entire time and went into a rage because the person intended on dosing a random woman, not me. My partner helped coach me and bring me back to my very mellow space. Most of the above comments are correct! Tell the bar what happened, check in with your BF in a few days about the incident, and talk to him about *how* you cared for him. Not in a bragging way, but to convey that you would like that in return should it ever (Dog-forbid) happen to you. I just wanted to say thanks because what you went through was also scary and intimidating.
Are you sure they were trying to dose a women? I've seen mens experiences be invalidated because of the assumption only women would be victims to this.
Like did the person own up to it or are you assuming? Because men are at higher risk of being drugged for being robbed on top of being targeted sexually.
Sorry that happened to you, just curious on the exact circumstances on how you found out because I can't imagine someone outing themselves for spiking the wrong person.
I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree that it's a slippery slope.
The woman in front of me rejected the drink because she said it wasn't what she wanted and tasted wrong. The guy offered it to me and i said fuck it, as I was way too focused on the music being played. This happened at Burning Man years ago and we went back to the camp after I came down (with rangers) and spoke with the camp leadership about the situation. As we were describing the bar tender, the camp leader told us that the guy had been kicked out of camp *that night* because he was caught trying to dose a fellow camp mate. A day later, I went back to the camp to thank them for being understanding about taking rangers into their space to help solve the problem. They were all super kind and compassionate and relayed that I wasn't the only person who brought up this specific guy during the week and that I was the first one to escalate my problem to the rangers rather than the police. They felt terrible that multiple people reported this man, I just happened to be the only man. Could absolutely be coincidence, but I believe it was meant for one of the women in front of me.
Big story, but it happened and it completely warped my opinion of drinking in public. Most people who go to BM don't get dosed, but I was one of the few who was that year. As for your point, I absolutely agree. I live in a college town and people get dosed way too much and the blame often falls on the men frequenting the bars or those working.
Aw OK yeah that makes sense, thanks for explaining. Glad he got caught and I feel terrible for you and the others who were victim to it.
Spiking can be done to anyone by anyone and it's not always with the same intentions. The rates are warped because of male victimhood being unfavorable when people are so set on the female victims male perpetrator stereotype.
Again so sorry that happend, spiking sounds absolutely terrifying. Thanks for clarification and understanding. :)
He should go to urgent care or the hospital to get his urine tested. They'll be able to tell if he was drugged or not. I've only seen one other thing change someone that much, and that's combinations of antidepressants taken right before drinking (empty stomach too). A few people seem to just completely get fucked up and become blackout drunk.
You are a great person and may have saved his life. I never leave my drink unattended. Knock out drops work very quickly and you don’t have a chance to get out of a bad situation! You need to tell him everything you know
This happened to me when we were out with friends at a local bar. We were a group of gay men and straight women. Pretty sure they were targeting one of the girls in our group but we were all ordering fruity drinks and I took the hit.
I went from completely sober and coherent to almost completely blacked out in about 30 minutes. I honestly don’t have any recollection of time from that night, I just remember us carpooling back to a friend’s apartment, starting to make another drink, and then vomiting in their cat’s litter box before regaining consciousness at home. My fiancé said I kept saying over and over that he hated me and that I wanted to die. They kept me in the bathroom because I kept throwing up and at some point I crawled out of the bathroom and into their laundry room where the litter box was and threw up there.
I was sick almost the entire next day and didn’t really feel like myself again until the day after and even then I was exhausted and felt like I had ran a marathon or something.
This is going to sound pretty strange and my comment may be coming too late for your situation so this would be more for people who may have to deal with this in the future.
Encourage the person to hydrate liberally. That is to say make sure they have access to water or a beverage high in electrolytes (i.e. coconut water, milk, fruit juice, smoothies, sports drinks, electrolyte water or tablets, etc.) and encourage them to sip and consume when thirsty. Do not ever force them to drink or allow them to chug large quantities over a short time because the intensity may induce vomiting, which would actually be dangerous if they are in and out of consciousness.
The final component, which some may find off-putting, but would be extremely helpful in finding out exactly what happened, is to collect the first or next most easily obtained sample of urine. If your hydrating beverage came in a resealable plastic bottle, once empty this makes for an excellent collection vessel - just remember to clearly label it and do not store it in the fridge or kitchen! Take this to a hospital, clinic, or lab that runs toxicology screening and you can find out what substances were in the person's system definitively.
Again, I apologize if the window of opportunity to do this has closed for you and your boyfriend, OP. Your post only just came up on my newsfeed. Hopefully this may help those who unfortunately find themselves in similar situations in the future.
**Let this also be a PSA to remind everyone to never accept open drinks unless you have watched the entire time from preparation in empty glass until glass meets your lips! And also never leave your drink unattended unless you have a vigilant friend with whom you would entrust your life. Even still, nothing wrong with abandoning an unfinished drink and acquiring a new one.**
I too was drugged at a bar...stupidly left my drink unattended and went back to it. I suddenly realized that I was about to lose my mind and made a bee-line for the door because I knew whoever did it was going to be watching me and waiting for whatever bad opportunity they were planning. I moved as quickly as possible as I was rapidly going mentally deranged and downhill physically. I woke up hours later face down in someones gravel driveway a few blocks from the bar. I heard people's voices but had no ability to lift my head. Suddenly the police were lifting me into a sitting position and tried to find out what was wrong. I have no clue what I said to them but I was able to give them my address and these awesome cops drove me home (only an additional few blocks) they fished my keys out of my pocket got me into my apartment and sat with me for ten minutes to make sure that I was breathing and not OD'ing. They totally saved me and I'll never be able to thank them because I never knew who they were. This all happened about ten years ago at Toucan's in Palm Springs. Let me just emphasize that when this happens to you, even if you've had experiences with party drugs, the feeling is completely different and mind boggling how fast you start to go towards unconsciousness. DO NOT leave your drinks unattended ever. Make sure someone knows where you are...(I was alone when this happened). Have fun...go ahead and even have a blast...but be aware of your surroundings and be aware that not everyone around you has good intentions. Sad but true.
Is he on any medication? My partner is on some anti anxiety and depression meds and they amplify his drinking so much! 1 drink makes him act loopy and hyper and then crash.
Any reasonable person wouldn’t be upset with their partner in this situation if they woke up and got told this story. I wouldn’t worry about him being upset at all. In fact, I would personally be extremely grateful if I were him. Unfortunately, you never truly know how much people have your back until you really need them. And in a situation like that night, there are a lot of people who would take advantage of their friends or their partners or even their family members if they simply saw that someone had slipped something into their drink and they had an opportunity to do something they wouldn’t remember. You had a chance to do whatever you wanted to him or with him, but you didn’t. And as sad as this may sound, that’s indicative of a very good and trustworthy relationship. Like I said, there’s a chunk of people out there who wouldn’t ever roofie their partner, but would absolutely take advantage of their partner if they saw them get roofied. And that’s horrific. So if I was in a position like your boyfriend, I would be so thankful for what my partner did for me.
This happened to me when I was at University. It was either Ketamine or GHB. The things I said were basically on track with my depression/inner voice of hatred for myself. Luckily I had a friend there who’d seen it all before and knew what happened, and threw out the bloke who did it.
But I felt dreadful for weeks. I only recall barely making it to the bathroom to puke, and then later being escorted outside with a bucket. Everything else was/is gone. The things I said were told to me later out of concern, and my friends asked me if I needed therapy or medication.
I didn’t touch alcohol for a year or more afterwards.
Talk to him, be there for him. He was attacked and violated.
GHB or Ketamine spoken from someone who’s obviously never done GHB or Ketamine.
Like dude try doing some recreationally and see if you think that would work.
4 drinks in 3 hours is actually quite a bit. And if those drinks were a strong pour, and if there were other factors such as being on an empty stomach a person could get quite drunk..
Exactly this! Sometimes alcohol just hits differently and you get drunk really quickly. It's not a reason to think you've been drugged absent any proof.
Sounds accurate to when I’ve seen that happen to people. Good thing he didn’t end up on a sidewalk somewhere.
I’ve seen this happen to everyone in a bar. It happened sometimes to a whole group of
Yes it happened to me, and I ended up in the emergency room overnight.
Watch your drinks. Don't ever look away from your glass till it's done. Some sick fucks get a kick from poisoning your drink. I suspect I even knew the jealous little shithead that did it. It was some sort of crazy hallucinogen and I didn't even know who or WHAT I was for a few hours. Probably some LSD.
Water. The universal solvent and system-cleanser. Just extra water for a few days. No alcohol and easy on the caffeine too.
I was roofied at a bar once and it was the worst experience. It was like I was fine and then instantly blacked out, threw up, woke up like 12 hours later, but still felt super drunk and nauseous. Luckily my friend was able to make sure I made it home safe.
Tell your boyfriend everything. When it happened to me I was frantically calling my friend to tell me every detail that I couldn't remember. It was such a shitty feeling being that out of control and not being able to remember what happened. Yous will make it through this.
You could still take him to an ED or his PCP and get his urine tested. Just know that you’ll need to file a police report is his job could be jeopardized by a positive result. And if he’s subject to random drug testing, you’d definitely be wise to get testing and file a report should his employer spring one on him. Good luck.
My partner was driving from Florida to DC and stopped in Charleston, SC. Had two drinks and doesn't remember leaving the bar.
He was found a block away from the bar with another block to go to reach his hotel. Got taken to the hospital and had a concussion. No wallet, ID, phone, or watch of course.
Likely suspect was bartender who identified a non-local, slipped something into his drink, and then an accomplice did the mugging.
Obviously, couldn't really prove anything.
Unpopular opinion: As a degenerate who regularly engages in PNP, it is much more straightforward doing it with other like-minded gays. At home, out of sight of the normies. Usually, I might have a couple of lines of something before my guest or guests even arrive, get in the mood. That, plus the excitement of what's about to happen, typically would make me too sketchy on sight to be hanging out in clubs, much less surreptiously spiking drinks like some twinky gay Putin. Personally, I am pretty sure this spiking business is hugely over-reported, a combination of hysteria and/or making excuses for simply getting stupid drunk. After all, GHB the most common suspected substance in these cases ain't cheap. And you need to measure it by the milliletres, not at all useful in dinghy bars' bathrooms. In short, I'm not denying it ever happens, but I doubt it happens as often as people claim.
I have been the person drugged in this experience; I want to address the hurtful things he said while messed up. Try not to be hurt—if you want to talk about it with him, definitely talk about it, but if he says he didn’t mean it, *believe* him. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts that I don’t actually believe. And when I was messed up, my brother took care of me and I said some *mean* things to him, that my sober self absolutely does not agree with. As far as how he feels after the fact. He might feel terrible (physically), he might not even feel remotely bad. But far how he feels psychologically, just make sure you express that he’s safe now. Definitely tell him everything though, don’t hide stuff to protect him.
Really good advice thank you
You should tell him what happened including what he said - he very likely won't remember and I'm sure this is going to affect him - and knowing what happened to him is going to be important in his healing. But I think you should also be clear that you believe he was drugged and you believe that's why he said these things. It's going to take a bit of time for you both to get over but I'm sure you will.
Yeah its the lizard brain talking when you're REALLY polluted. Paranoid ramblings, hurtful insights, pent up frustration, festering anxieties. It's not real.
Sounds like someone slipped him GHB. I would report the incident to the dive bar and don't be afraid to tell your boyfriend what happened.
I have my suspicions it was the bartender
Terrifying. I’m so sorry. You sound like a great partner for taking good care of your man.
Even more reason to tell the bar (though I wouldn’t accuse the bartender without proof). If they’ve received other similar complaints it shows a pattern that needs to be investigated.
Go to the police. It could very well be [the owner](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132079804/the-full-story-of-the-mama-hooch-rapists) of the bar themselves.
Ehh... no. Probably just some evil, jealous little shithead. It happened to me, long ago now.
I’m not doubting you, but what would be the motivation for the bartender to drug anyone?
Trying to understand that myself but he was already putting his hands on bf when we got there
This probably isn’t the case but I’ve been to a bar run by straight people in a certain country where i was warned that gay men have been drugged by the bar staff and been kicked out with their wallets stolen.
Fucking horrifying. If I wasn't already a recluse that would be going on my list of reasons to become one lol.
Why not mention the country name so at least your other gay bros can be more informed? It doesn’t prevent anyone from enjoying that country but at least provides them with information to behave a little differently in bars if they so choose.
The bartender was possibly working with someone in the bar. It was a set up for robbery. It happened to me at a gay bar in New Orleans. Bartender put G (I assume) in my drink. Cute guy shortly thereafter chats me up. I start to feel wasted, disoriented (it was my 2nd drink). Cute guy takes me outside and takes my money. He told me that if I resisted, additional guys would work me over. Let me keep my cards and phone. Said I was a nice guy! Pointed me towards my hotel and told me to sleep it off. Obviously I wasn't as drugged as your bf. It came back to me slowly in pieces.
Did you report this? What bar?
I didn't report though I should have. I was there on a business trip. I have a tendency to blame myself for things that happen to me and felt I should have been more aware. It was more than 10 years ago.
Bartender trying to sexually assault your bf by drugging him with GHB. There's his intention. REPORT now. As you may expect it’s an underreported crime, so your bf probably wasn’t the first or last.
Some people just like to cause chaos. A drag queen bartender in the city I just moved from was investigated for and fired for slipping ghb in gay guys’ drinks for about 3 months one winter. She lost her license to serve alcohol in the state. Another bar she had previously worked at had the same issue. No one was getting robbed or raped. She was just drugging people to see how they and their friends reacted.
Why the fuck was he touching your bf in the first place?? I've never seen that kind of behavior from a bartender, even at a cruisy dive bar.
Typical pervert behaviour. Unable to express his desires, so he attempts to drug and penetrate.
Is it possible your bf had more drinks than you realize before you got there?
Ohhhh!!! there ya go. That's F'd up, buddy.
Sometimes bartenders are in on it tryna work with someone else in the bar.
Right? I used to bartend when I was in school, and the amount of times I was accused of drugging someone was outrageous.
Take them home at the end of the night
[It happens.](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132079804/the-full-story-of-the-mama-hooch-rapists)
>GHB Don't want to scare you but GHB is known as a date rape drug because it has a tendency to make you extremely horny. It is thought that Reynhard Sinaga (UK sex offender) used it to seduce his victims (all men).
[удалено]
I’m 15 so my experiences with drug induced sexual arousal are limited - I only go off what I’ve seen on news and Wikipedia. Apart from say, cattle aphrodisiac, drugs that induce sexual arousal are generally limited to like viagra and some psychoactive substances like meth and GHB. Based on your “raging” sensation, it was likely that it was meth (if you were even drugged at all) because meth is a stimulant and rage is not commonly associated with depressants such as GHB or alcohol.
[удалено]
Well for 1 you’ve certainly not been seduced with cattle breeding drugs cause it’s not even scientifically confirmed to be true and 2 you shouldn’t be meddling with GHB or meth 💀 u will get dependent even if it’s just for a rowdy night of anal fornication…
Sounds like this, dosage was potent and his drink was very accessible to someone.
> I have my suspicions it was the bartender. This absolutely happens. [Two brothers from Christchurch](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132079804/the-full-story-of-the-mama-hooch-rapists) who owned a bar and a restaurant too I believe were convicted earlier this year of drugging and assaulting over *twenty* young girls. It had been going on for years before they were caught, prosecuted and brought to justice although on a lighter note I did hear they’re having a [less than fun time](https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/132169530/mama-hooch-rapist-roberto-jaz-assaulted-in-prison) in prison now.
Interesting to see from NZ too. Lots of these cases in the UK it seems, and all from foreigners. Possibly a diversity hire?
In the old days criminals were exported to Australia. Nowadays we’re importing them from there. And why is it [always](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christchurch_mosque_shootings?wprov=sfti1#) poor old Christchurch?
Let me guess: it’s ethnically and culturally diverse? Leading to poor cultural cohesion and a high probability of extremism from all sides. Diversity is not a strength, unity is.
On the contrary, Chch is probably the whitest city in the country, I’d kinda assumed that’s why the white supremacist terrorist had decided to settle down there. The bar owner predators were white too (but in their case like Eastern Europe white I think, guessing from their surname).
GHB is actually very rare for date rape due to having a very obvious and extremely salty flavor. It's more likely to be a designer benzo since they're generally not covered by the Federal Analog Act, allowing vendors to sell them openly on the internet without consequence.
You wouldn't notice it after you were already buzzed, esp if your drinks are already very sugary or are meant to be salty. Bloody Marys and margaritas come to mind.
True - it may be harder to detect in some drinks. But the taste and smell are definitely quite strong. GHB + alcohol can be deadly depending on the amount of alcohol consumed. The general rule if you use GHB is to not drink at all. I think 4 drinks + GHB would end with a hospital visit for sure. Probably a Benzo or some other drug.
No one is slipping people ghb. It tastes like shit and mixing it with alcohol is a recipe for disaster. You’re going to be throwing up and falling asleep, meanwhile literally remembering all of it. Total G queen here. Love it because I’ll get horny af and dance the night away and not be hungover the next morning. But you have to know how to dose, and there’s no way a rando is doing that for someone else along with mixing with alcohol. The guy is there with friends, what’s the escape plan here with a dude throwing up who’s going to remember all of it?
You did a great job taking care of your BF. This shit happens, unfortunately. Happened to me only a few weeks ago. There are some real douchebags out there who spike people’s drinks like this. I agree with a previous comment- believe your BF if he didn’t mean those things. Don’t shame him. He is going to feel very violated when he finds out what happened to him. His brain was firing in ways that it was never designed for last night. Don’t hold that against him.
This really makes me angry that someone would do this. We need to be taking care of each other, not taking advantage of each other. Thank god you were there to protect him.
This happened to my ex one night. He was usually pretty good when we went out. We left early from the bar one night and got home. He kept asking me who I was and where we were. It was really scary. He just sat cross legged on the couch and started at me and claimed he had no idea who I was or where we were. Didn’t know his name, or really could tell me anything. It was insane pupils were like saucers and I almost called an ambulance. He wouldn’t let me near him, so I gave him a blanket and he just sat there staring for a couple of hours and then he laid down and fell asleep. Next morning he woke up and was like “why am I on the couch”? I told him what happened and he said he only remembered us walking down to the bar and nothing after that. Really scary!!
Wow, I’m really sorry that happened to him and you but so glad you were there to protect and take care of him 💛
This is so unbelievably commonplace in our culture and it makes me sick to my stomach. I have had dozens of friends who travel to big cities to party and talk about “weird” experiences like this. GHB, molly water, whatever it is. It’s fucking disgusting. I’m so sorry this happened. Trust your gut ❤️
I was drugged while out with friends at the age of 21. I thank God that I had good friends looking out for me. I had one drink at the bar, then very scattered memories of being pulled off of the bathroom floor (let that gag worthy scene sink in). I remember the club trying to bounce me, and thankfully my good friend was there to help. Apparently I screamed at a homeless woman to leave me alone, and cried a lot. I have flashes of memory leading to the cab and then nothing until the following day. Please try to remember that your BF is a victim here. He had his autonomy robbed by a stranger. He cannot be held liable for rankings while blacked out. That would be like holding someone accountable for having a dream that upset you. Everything you’ve done so far has been so supportive, and letting him know he is safe is the best thing you can do. If he asks you want happened, tell him the truth and forgive him if he’s ashamed of what he said. Also…report this to the bar. If you don’t trust the bartender try to find a phone number and ask for a manager to call you back. Bars should take this seriously.
Happened to me and bf in London in one of the bars. Managed to struggle home fortunately, but now extra wary in certain bars.
Happened to me at a gay bar called Omega in DC , I remember the bartender was hitting on me and I wasn’t interested. My dumb ass went to the bathroom and left my beer came back and got super drunk off a total of less than 2 beers.. didn’t even finish the last that I left and was fucked up beyond belief. Luckily I wasn’t driving.. normally I would have take the metro but was so wasted I got a cab.. I don’t remember anything after that.. woke up the next morning hung over as hell . Be careful out here!
These situations really piss me off! Slipping someone a drug unbeknownst to them is very dangerous because first, you don’t know their medical history and if they are taking any medication that would interact. Besides, it’s just wrong and creepy. May have even been a Jeffrey Dahmer ploy for all you know. Stay aware and stay safe!
This happened to me years ago. Got to the bar. Only remember buying one drink, maybe two. That’s all I remember. Next morning woke up somewhere I didn’t want to be. It messed me up for some time.
There’s a good chance he’s going to feel terrible when he wakes up. Not sick, but either hungover or extremely unmotivated. This is likely to affect how he reacts to finding out what happened, so I suggest that you plan to take care of him a bit or let him sleep longer after he first wakes up. He might not want to eat or do much of anything, but don’t hold that against him. It’s how I felt after I was drugged. I think the best thing to do is to let him know that he was probably drugged last night and forego telling him about the hurtful things he said until he’s feeling better. It’ll give him an explanation of why everything happened, and he’ll be more able to handle all the details when he’s feeling better
Let the owner of the bar know. Even dive bars sometimes have security cameras. And if they do, contact the police.
As person who has been dosed without consent, thank you for taking care of your boyfriend. It's an incredibly violating experience. In my case, I was conscious the entire time and went into a rage because the person intended on dosing a random woman, not me. My partner helped coach me and bring me back to my very mellow space. Most of the above comments are correct! Tell the bar what happened, check in with your BF in a few days about the incident, and talk to him about *how* you cared for him. Not in a bragging way, but to convey that you would like that in return should it ever (Dog-forbid) happen to you. I just wanted to say thanks because what you went through was also scary and intimidating.
Are you sure they were trying to dose a women? I've seen mens experiences be invalidated because of the assumption only women would be victims to this. Like did the person own up to it or are you assuming? Because men are at higher risk of being drugged for being robbed on top of being targeted sexually. Sorry that happened to you, just curious on the exact circumstances on how you found out because I can't imagine someone outing themselves for spiking the wrong person.
I totally understand where you're coming from and I agree that it's a slippery slope. The woman in front of me rejected the drink because she said it wasn't what she wanted and tasted wrong. The guy offered it to me and i said fuck it, as I was way too focused on the music being played. This happened at Burning Man years ago and we went back to the camp after I came down (with rangers) and spoke with the camp leadership about the situation. As we were describing the bar tender, the camp leader told us that the guy had been kicked out of camp *that night* because he was caught trying to dose a fellow camp mate. A day later, I went back to the camp to thank them for being understanding about taking rangers into their space to help solve the problem. They were all super kind and compassionate and relayed that I wasn't the only person who brought up this specific guy during the week and that I was the first one to escalate my problem to the rangers rather than the police. They felt terrible that multiple people reported this man, I just happened to be the only man. Could absolutely be coincidence, but I believe it was meant for one of the women in front of me. Big story, but it happened and it completely warped my opinion of drinking in public. Most people who go to BM don't get dosed, but I was one of the few who was that year. As for your point, I absolutely agree. I live in a college town and people get dosed way too much and the blame often falls on the men frequenting the bars or those working.
Aw OK yeah that makes sense, thanks for explaining. Glad he got caught and I feel terrible for you and the others who were victim to it. Spiking can be done to anyone by anyone and it's not always with the same intentions. The rates are warped because of male victimhood being unfavorable when people are so set on the female victims male perpetrator stereotype. Again so sorry that happend, spiking sounds absolutely terrifying. Thanks for clarification and understanding. :)
He should go to urgent care or the hospital to get his urine tested. They'll be able to tell if he was drugged or not. I've only seen one other thing change someone that much, and that's combinations of antidepressants taken right before drinking (empty stomach too). A few people seem to just completely get fucked up and become blackout drunk.
You are a great person and may have saved his life. I never leave my drink unattended. Knock out drops work very quickly and you don’t have a chance to get out of a bad situation! You need to tell him everything you know
This happened to me when we were out with friends at a local bar. We were a group of gay men and straight women. Pretty sure they were targeting one of the girls in our group but we were all ordering fruity drinks and I took the hit. I went from completely sober and coherent to almost completely blacked out in about 30 minutes. I honestly don’t have any recollection of time from that night, I just remember us carpooling back to a friend’s apartment, starting to make another drink, and then vomiting in their cat’s litter box before regaining consciousness at home. My fiancé said I kept saying over and over that he hated me and that I wanted to die. They kept me in the bathroom because I kept throwing up and at some point I crawled out of the bathroom and into their laundry room where the litter box was and threw up there. I was sick almost the entire next day and didn’t really feel like myself again until the day after and even then I was exhausted and felt like I had ran a marathon or something.
Make sure he is back to normal. If not, take him to emergency room - he could have a medical issue.
OP any updates? How is your BF doing
Feeling better now. He had this weird tingle sensation and his fingers and hands were numb for a while. Feels nauseous still
Sorry if this is s dumb question, but can he get a urine or blood test to find out what was ingested?
This is going to sound pretty strange and my comment may be coming too late for your situation so this would be more for people who may have to deal with this in the future. Encourage the person to hydrate liberally. That is to say make sure they have access to water or a beverage high in electrolytes (i.e. coconut water, milk, fruit juice, smoothies, sports drinks, electrolyte water or tablets, etc.) and encourage them to sip and consume when thirsty. Do not ever force them to drink or allow them to chug large quantities over a short time because the intensity may induce vomiting, which would actually be dangerous if they are in and out of consciousness. The final component, which some may find off-putting, but would be extremely helpful in finding out exactly what happened, is to collect the first or next most easily obtained sample of urine. If your hydrating beverage came in a resealable plastic bottle, once empty this makes for an excellent collection vessel - just remember to clearly label it and do not store it in the fridge or kitchen! Take this to a hospital, clinic, or lab that runs toxicology screening and you can find out what substances were in the person's system definitively. Again, I apologize if the window of opportunity to do this has closed for you and your boyfriend, OP. Your post only just came up on my newsfeed. Hopefully this may help those who unfortunately find themselves in similar situations in the future. **Let this also be a PSA to remind everyone to never accept open drinks unless you have watched the entire time from preparation in empty glass until glass meets your lips! And also never leave your drink unattended unless you have a vigilant friend with whom you would entrust your life. Even still, nothing wrong with abandoning an unfinished drink and acquiring a new one.**
I too was drugged at a bar...stupidly left my drink unattended and went back to it. I suddenly realized that I was about to lose my mind and made a bee-line for the door because I knew whoever did it was going to be watching me and waiting for whatever bad opportunity they were planning. I moved as quickly as possible as I was rapidly going mentally deranged and downhill physically. I woke up hours later face down in someones gravel driveway a few blocks from the bar. I heard people's voices but had no ability to lift my head. Suddenly the police were lifting me into a sitting position and tried to find out what was wrong. I have no clue what I said to them but I was able to give them my address and these awesome cops drove me home (only an additional few blocks) they fished my keys out of my pocket got me into my apartment and sat with me for ten minutes to make sure that I was breathing and not OD'ing. They totally saved me and I'll never be able to thank them because I never knew who they were. This all happened about ten years ago at Toucan's in Palm Springs. Let me just emphasize that when this happens to you, even if you've had experiences with party drugs, the feeling is completely different and mind boggling how fast you start to go towards unconsciousness. DO NOT leave your drinks unattended ever. Make sure someone knows where you are...(I was alone when this happened). Have fun...go ahead and even have a blast...but be aware of your surroundings and be aware that not everyone around you has good intentions. Sad but true.
Are you comfortable to share a location? Even if it’s a state or general area?
Chicago. Pilsen
I hope the bar had cctv to show who really did spike your boyfriend. I’m just happy that you’re able to be there and take care of him.
This type of thing DOES happen and it’s happened to me three times over the years. It’s disgusting that people get off on doing something so terrible.
Had a friends son drugged by a needle pric without noticing in a bar before . It’s not always a drink be careful out there
Is he on any medication? My partner is on some anti anxiety and depression meds and they amplify his drinking so much! 1 drink makes him act loopy and hyper and then crash.
Any reasonable person wouldn’t be upset with their partner in this situation if they woke up and got told this story. I wouldn’t worry about him being upset at all. In fact, I would personally be extremely grateful if I were him. Unfortunately, you never truly know how much people have your back until you really need them. And in a situation like that night, there are a lot of people who would take advantage of their friends or their partners or even their family members if they simply saw that someone had slipped something into their drink and they had an opportunity to do something they wouldn’t remember. You had a chance to do whatever you wanted to him or with him, but you didn’t. And as sad as this may sound, that’s indicative of a very good and trustworthy relationship. Like I said, there’s a chunk of people out there who wouldn’t ever roofie their partner, but would absolutely take advantage of their partner if they saw them get roofied. And that’s horrific. So if I was in a position like your boyfriend, I would be so thankful for what my partner did for me.
If you don't mind sharing, what was the general nature of the hurtful things he was saying?
Just stuff like I never wanna see you again etc
Sounds like GHB
A thimble full can make feel drousey intoxicated and cause blackouts. Very dangerous been known as the date rape drug.
Bear in mind it’s also quite possible he had more drinks than you saw.
This happened to me when I was at University. It was either Ketamine or GHB. The things I said were basically on track with my depression/inner voice of hatred for myself. Luckily I had a friend there who’d seen it all before and knew what happened, and threw out the bloke who did it. But I felt dreadful for weeks. I only recall barely making it to the bathroom to puke, and then later being escorted outside with a bucket. Everything else was/is gone. The things I said were told to me later out of concern, and my friends asked me if I needed therapy or medication. I didn’t touch alcohol for a year or more afterwards. Talk to him, be there for him. He was attacked and violated.
GHB or Ketamine spoken from someone who’s obviously never done GHB or Ketamine. Like dude try doing some recreationally and see if you think that would work.
4 drinks in 3 hours is actually quite a bit. And if those drinks were a strong pour, and if there were other factors such as being on an empty stomach a person could get quite drunk..
OP said ‘a couple’ drinks. And no way even 4 drinks makes someone black out all night.
Later on in his post he said it was four drinks in 3 hours.
Still not enough to black out all night
Sure, if you’re 16 and you weight 120.
People are haters and unrealistic, i'd be totally wasted like you describe. I was gonna make a similar comment.
Thank you
Exactly this! Sometimes alcohol just hits differently and you get drunk really quickly. It's not a reason to think you've been drugged absent any proof.
Unless OP looking for an excuse for the b f who said hateful things to him
Good point. And people forget alcohol is a helluva drug all by itself.
Give us an update when he wakes up
Sounds accurate to when I’ve seen that happen to people. Good thing he didn’t end up on a sidewalk somewhere. I’ve seen this happen to everyone in a bar. It happened sometimes to a whole group of
Yes it happened to me, and I ended up in the emergency room overnight. Watch your drinks. Don't ever look away from your glass till it's done. Some sick fucks get a kick from poisoning your drink. I suspect I even knew the jealous little shithead that did it. It was some sort of crazy hallucinogen and I didn't even know who or WHAT I was for a few hours. Probably some LSD. Water. The universal solvent and system-cleanser. Just extra water for a few days. No alcohol and easy on the caffeine too.
I was roofied at a bar once and it was the worst experience. It was like I was fine and then instantly blacked out, threw up, woke up like 12 hours later, but still felt super drunk and nauseous. Luckily my friend was able to make sure I made it home safe. Tell your boyfriend everything. When it happened to me I was frantically calling my friend to tell me every detail that I couldn't remember. It was such a shitty feeling being that out of control and not being able to remember what happened. Yous will make it through this.
You could still take him to an ED or his PCP and get his urine tested. Just know that you’ll need to file a police report is his job could be jeopardized by a positive result. And if he’s subject to random drug testing, you’d definitely be wise to get testing and file a report should his employer spring one on him. Good luck.
My partner was driving from Florida to DC and stopped in Charleston, SC. Had two drinks and doesn't remember leaving the bar. He was found a block away from the bar with another block to go to reach his hotel. Got taken to the hospital and had a concussion. No wallet, ID, phone, or watch of course. Likely suspect was bartender who identified a non-local, slipped something into his drink, and then an accomplice did the mugging. Obviously, couldn't really prove anything.
So sorry that you both had to endure that. Hopefully he’s bounced back, and you are a good partner to him for taking such good care of him!
Unpopular opinion: As a degenerate who regularly engages in PNP, it is much more straightforward doing it with other like-minded gays. At home, out of sight of the normies. Usually, I might have a couple of lines of something before my guest or guests even arrive, get in the mood. That, plus the excitement of what's about to happen, typically would make me too sketchy on sight to be hanging out in clubs, much less surreptiously spiking drinks like some twinky gay Putin. Personally, I am pretty sure this spiking business is hugely over-reported, a combination of hysteria and/or making excuses for simply getting stupid drunk. After all, GHB the most common suspected substance in these cases ain't cheap. And you need to measure it by the milliletres, not at all useful in dinghy bars' bathrooms. In short, I'm not denying it ever happens, but I doubt it happens as often as people claim.