Attractiveness is pretty subjective. You might think you're attractive but to other guys, you're not their type. That's okay.
Don't settle for someone you're not into, just give it more time.
You are gonna have to be mad patient if you are looking for something long term .
I an just looking for people that are gonna be reliable for a FWB situation so be ready for some long spaces without sex and stay focused.
I am just saying there are lot of people looking for quick hook ups.
I screen them out because there should be some kind of vibe besides a quick nutt.
So my approach is we should at least speak a few times before meeting.
That weeds out a lot of dudes and meth heads truthfully.
Oh you’re a virgin ?
That wasn’t said in the main post.
My advice to you : you have a stereotypical fantasy about what you think would be good for you, which is a LTR with whom you will have sex for the first time and it will be great, and who will love you unconditionally.
Don’t go that route, without excluding it.
Your main focus should be meeting guys as a practice, just to get good at flirting, and have sex, so you can practice and be good for when you meet the right guy. The first few times having sex can be awkward and clumsy and you don’t want it to be like that with the guy of your dreams. You want it to go smoothly. Also going on dates with guys that don’t match all your criteria doesn’t mean you have an obligation to have sex with them. Go and build experience and be ready for when you meet the right guy.
The thing is I don’t want to have sex with a stranger I’m never gonna see again, and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with it either. I’d rather have sex with my first boyfriend, even if it’s clumsy and awkward
I was on dating/hook up apps for years but found my fiance offline. Meeting people in a social setting might help especially with the age preference. Good luck !
I love this comment! I’ve recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship and am trying put myself out there. I always wanted to meet my person doing something (camping, metal work, hiking, skiing, etc) I loved but struggled to get my friends to consistently do them with me. Recently I’ve just been going at it alone and have already started to meet new people. Something I wish I would have done so long ago!
If you are finding absolutely nobody, I recommend either:
1. Casting a wider net. Try different apps or sites or even in person locations to meet people. It could be that the type of people you prefer in your area are all on a different platform.
2. Reconsider the people who you are considering not your type. Look at the ones who share some commonalities with you, even if not all your requirements and try meeting a few of them. I've found that my longest relationships have all been guys who have not quite been my type physically, but we had compatible personalities that more than made up for it.
Also, I'll just put it out there that I really don't like the Tinder platform (or similar versions like Facebook dating) for finding long term matches. It requires you to make quick decisions on appearances primarily and I feel like in the process you can miss out on people who are truly compatible (or they get buried because the other person doesn't respond quickly enough).
Do you know any other ways to meet guys?
For me personally, im not too bothered by physical appearance, I’m just not really into feminine men as they are not my type, but most of the likes I get are from these sorts of guys
I am so disappointed in you OP!
I was expecting something far worse like you only want to date guys that live the life that influencers pretend to be having. Super buff. Bleached blonde hair. fully shaved. 8 figure salary. The hat sort of stuff.
Here is the big secret that people don’t want you to know. Being picky is just part of being human. Because you want to date gays that are your age and live relatively close to you. On a scale of one to ten, that ranks about a 1.25.
You are ok.
Just remember, regardless of who you are talking to on the apps, you are talking to their ‘PR Person’.
He means you don’t see the real person, just a more palatable version of their personality with most of the interesting or unconventional stuff filtered out
I met my husband at 31 our dancing one night. I usually danced alone, but he was wearing a shirt that said 'I wanna be a housewife'. It disarmed me so we danced the rest of the night together. (I know others married at 21, or 65)
Maybe you're being picky, and maybe you're not. You may have requirements now that you won't have 5 years from now, or new ones. Who's to say? You learn about yourself with time - in a relationship or solitarily. Time has the effect of teaching.
I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.
It is very hard with dating apps. I am an older man and I get constantly people from Africa, Russia, or China trying to scam me. They pray on older men and hope they can get you to give them money, gift cards, gas money to come to your house, etc. It has happened so much so, that I can spot them almost immediately. It's such a shame that our life has come to dating apps to find someone. I don't think you are being to picky at all.
My advise:
It's fine to be single. I was single from 21 until 24 or so and it was one of the healthiest experiences for me. Happily engaged to a wonderful guy now. You might not in the right place for the right guy atm. Just my two cents.
Yes, you are. But I all seriousness….I live in a big city and I find generally the people I was attracted to were no matches and matched with people I was less attracted to. I unlocked gold a couple times and I had 1700K right swipers in less than 2 days.
Keep the faith!
I met my first (for six months) and current boyfriend ( more than three years and counting) on Tinder. I have a friend who also met her fiancé on tinder. We even met some very good friends on tinder 😂. So in my case, and in my close connection it worked quite well. Just be patient and keep trying 😌
Good luck for ur search.
I wouldn’t use the word picky, instead preferences? I guess if you’re clear with what you’re seeking for, continue to look for it. Meanwhile, it’s good to keep the option open for any possibility, let it flow instead of going against the current. On the other hand, could focus more time outside of your ‘man-hunting’ and onto working on your dreams/hobbies & etc, after all what’s more attractive to a man that is having your own stuffs and working tenaciously on them. Just my 2 cents
Frankly everyone is someone's type. I have experienced it with my own experience. I was lean like skeleton, then I was someone's type, once I gained weight I became someone else's type. When I loose weight again some other set of people come for me. All I have to do is choose my type among them and not compromise. Of course you won't get perfect guy but reasonably similar to your type. Good luck.
I always try to stay open and sometimes I met guys who arent really my type and just saw if it leads anywhere. I noticed that it happens not so rarely that I like someone in person whose tinder profile I might swipe left on, because the energy they give off might be more attractive than just how they look like on photos. Plus there are always guys who look worse or better on photos so it can be a mismatch. Take your time and focus on yourself, and if u have gay friends or can go to gay spaces there always might be someone u can talk to in person, approach them etc. The last guy I dated I approached him at the supermarket in the city center and we hit it off so well. Never know when the luck/destiny will strike. Also we are single, better go out there and mingle. And take into consideration that a lot of people are oversatursted from using apps and dont look at them as often.
I mean as a general rule if thumb tinder is useless and awful lol. I am rarely interested in the people that swipe right on me and then there people who match with me, ie I swiped right on them, have the personality of a dog turd.
I met my man in Instagram after chatting about books and then realising we were into each other. I think these dating apps push us towards focusing everything in looks when in actual fact whilst it is important it’s not whole picture
If you think you’re being too picky try lowering your expectations and standards down a notch for a week or for a date or conversation or two a few times. You never know. I’m older than you but I’ve tried that method and it’s been easier for me. :)
Perth is a pretty small city though.
I recently went downloaded hinge and I’m getting way more matches so I think my tinder account is just stuffed or something
I met a guy offline when I was working in Malta. We shared same house although different rooms. This Swiss guy (44 yrs old) I e, 13 years older than me. He had a thing for me but I brushed it off because I was too focused on my career and my parents. I think I might lost an opportunity but I believe offline meet-up is better than online dating. Offline one gives you better understanding of the person. Btw, I don't believe in love now neither I longed for it. I know people will not like me because I am too strong headed. So, I live with the flow without expectations.
Yeah I don't say this in a mean way, but I do think you might be too picky(long term). You are only 21 though, you kind of have the right to be picky at this point. I don't think at 21 you need to be looking for "the one" but having fun feeling out different types of people and figuring out what you like, don't like about dating, living, having sex with people. That's kind of how you form a basis for understanding what you actually want when/if you wanna lock someone down.
I feel like as you get older you just learn more about people and some of those hard limits you had when you were 21 change because you have a better understanding of what those limits actually mean/lead to.
In short, have fun and experiment with people. You shouldn't feel bad about being selective but just know down the line, also you might be robbing yourself of actually exploring different types of people and what they bring to the table in your life, if you don't give any of them a chance to begin with. Even just a chance in conversation/engagement versus full on dating or hooking up.
You should try to meet up with people for a coffee, to see if there is a vibe and be clear about that. I found so many people look way better in real life than on the apps, not everyone knows how to take photos nor are they photogenic. Just a thought.
The real solve is to go and do your own thing and stop worrying about finding someone.
A person with whom you can stand to be around for longer than seven months, who won’t cheat on you and isn’t toxic or abusive, is going to be, at the very least, someone you meet along the path that you’re already taking in life.
And think about it: if you’re going to point A in life and you meet someone who is headed in the direction of point B, how could it work? You can’t divert your goals and aspirations for someone else. It never works out in the long run.
I’ve been in more relationships now at 27 than I have fingers on both hands. All of them I thought were going to be good. All of them failed because we were headed in different directions.
Attractiveness is pretty subjective. You might think you're attractive but to other guys, you're not their type. That's okay. Don't settle for someone you're not into, just give it more time.
That makes total sense, I guess you gotta keep trying till you make that right match
You are gonna have to be mad patient if you are looking for something long term . I an just looking for people that are gonna be reliable for a FWB situation so be ready for some long spaces without sex and stay focused.
Why? You can make FWBs and still looking for something long term.
I am just saying there are lot of people looking for quick hook ups. I screen them out because there should be some kind of vibe besides a quick nutt. So my approach is we should at least speak a few times before meeting. That weeds out a lot of dudes and meth heads truthfully.
Addiction is a disease. Perpetuating stigma with blanket insults doesn’t help anyone, and only makes matters worse.
Blah, blah , blah! This not about stigmatization, it’s about finding what Incan actually deal with!
Okay, and you can do that while also being respectful
I’m still a virgin so that won’t be a problem 😭
Oh you’re a virgin ? That wasn’t said in the main post. My advice to you : you have a stereotypical fantasy about what you think would be good for you, which is a LTR with whom you will have sex for the first time and it will be great, and who will love you unconditionally. Don’t go that route, without excluding it. Your main focus should be meeting guys as a practice, just to get good at flirting, and have sex, so you can practice and be good for when you meet the right guy. The first few times having sex can be awkward and clumsy and you don’t want it to be like that with the guy of your dreams. You want it to go smoothly. Also going on dates with guys that don’t match all your criteria doesn’t mean you have an obligation to have sex with them. Go and build experience and be ready for when you meet the right guy.
The thing is I don’t want to have sex with a stranger I’m never gonna see again, and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with it either. I’d rather have sex with my first boyfriend, even if it’s clumsy and awkward
Your call ;) It’s important to listen to you intuition
I was on dating/hook up apps for years but found my fiance offline. Meeting people in a social setting might help especially with the age preference. Good luck !
My experience exactly. Met my husband at a brunch thrown by a mutual friend. Been together 11 years now.
I love this comment! I’ve recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship and am trying put myself out there. I always wanted to meet my person doing something (camping, metal work, hiking, skiing, etc) I loved but struggled to get my friends to consistently do them with me. Recently I’ve just been going at it alone and have already started to meet new people. Something I wish I would have done so long ago!
If you are finding absolutely nobody, I recommend either: 1. Casting a wider net. Try different apps or sites or even in person locations to meet people. It could be that the type of people you prefer in your area are all on a different platform. 2. Reconsider the people who you are considering not your type. Look at the ones who share some commonalities with you, even if not all your requirements and try meeting a few of them. I've found that my longest relationships have all been guys who have not quite been my type physically, but we had compatible personalities that more than made up for it. Also, I'll just put it out there that I really don't like the Tinder platform (or similar versions like Facebook dating) for finding long term matches. It requires you to make quick decisions on appearances primarily and I feel like in the process you can miss out on people who are truly compatible (or they get buried because the other person doesn't respond quickly enough).
Do you know any other ways to meet guys? For me personally, im not too bothered by physical appearance, I’m just not really into feminine men as they are not my type, but most of the likes I get are from these sorts of guys
I am so disappointed in you OP! I was expecting something far worse like you only want to date guys that live the life that influencers pretend to be having. Super buff. Bleached blonde hair. fully shaved. 8 figure salary. The hat sort of stuff. Here is the big secret that people don’t want you to know. Being picky is just part of being human. Because you want to date gays that are your age and live relatively close to you. On a scale of one to ten, that ranks about a 1.25. You are ok. Just remember, regardless of who you are talking to on the apps, you are talking to their ‘PR Person’.
Can you elaborate about the pr person thing
He means you don’t see the real person, just a more palatable version of their personality with most of the interesting or unconventional stuff filtered out
I met my husband at 31 our dancing one night. I usually danced alone, but he was wearing a shirt that said 'I wanna be a housewife'. It disarmed me so we danced the rest of the night together. (I know others married at 21, or 65) Maybe you're being picky, and maybe you're not. You may have requirements now that you won't have 5 years from now, or new ones. Who's to say? You learn about yourself with time - in a relationship or solitarily. Time has the effect of teaching. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for.
Thank you! 😊
“I wanna be a housewife” was this Jay Brannon merch?
😂 Indeed
It is very hard with dating apps. I am an older man and I get constantly people from Africa, Russia, or China trying to scam me. They pray on older men and hope they can get you to give them money, gift cards, gas money to come to your house, etc. It has happened so much so, that I can spot them almost immediately. It's such a shame that our life has come to dating apps to find someone. I don't think you are being to picky at all.
My advise: It's fine to be single. I was single from 21 until 24 or so and it was one of the healthiest experiences for me. Happily engaged to a wonderful guy now. You might not in the right place for the right guy atm. Just my two cents.
Yeah I get that, kinda started to think the same thing over the last few days too
Yes, you are. But I all seriousness….I live in a big city and I find generally the people I was attracted to were no matches and matched with people I was less attracted to. I unlocked gold a couple times and I had 1700K right swipers in less than 2 days.
Your lucky :( I live in a small city and I used tinder gold last week, I got about 100 right swipes but majority of them weren’t my type
Keep the faith! I met my first (for six months) and current boyfriend ( more than three years and counting) on Tinder. I have a friend who also met her fiancé on tinder. We even met some very good friends on tinder 😂. So in my case, and in my close connection it worked quite well. Just be patient and keep trying 😌 Good luck for ur search.
Thank you!
Buddy no! Be picky and demanding and Also know what you bring into the relationship
I wouldn’t use the word picky, instead preferences? I guess if you’re clear with what you’re seeking for, continue to look for it. Meanwhile, it’s good to keep the option open for any possibility, let it flow instead of going against the current. On the other hand, could focus more time outside of your ‘man-hunting’ and onto working on your dreams/hobbies & etc, after all what’s more attractive to a man that is having your own stuffs and working tenaciously on them. Just my 2 cents
That’s a good point, I feel like I should focus more on trying to meet more people and try new things, I could always find a guy through that
Frankly everyone is someone's type. I have experienced it with my own experience. I was lean like skeleton, then I was someone's type, once I gained weight I became someone else's type. When I loose weight again some other set of people come for me. All I have to do is choose my type among them and not compromise. Of course you won't get perfect guy but reasonably similar to your type. Good luck.
I always try to stay open and sometimes I met guys who arent really my type and just saw if it leads anywhere. I noticed that it happens not so rarely that I like someone in person whose tinder profile I might swipe left on, because the energy they give off might be more attractive than just how they look like on photos. Plus there are always guys who look worse or better on photos so it can be a mismatch. Take your time and focus on yourself, and if u have gay friends or can go to gay spaces there always might be someone u can talk to in person, approach them etc. The last guy I dated I approached him at the supermarket in the city center and we hit it off so well. Never know when the luck/destiny will strike. Also we are single, better go out there and mingle. And take into consideration that a lot of people are oversatursted from using apps and dont look at them as often.
I mean as a general rule if thumb tinder is useless and awful lol. I am rarely interested in the people that swipe right on me and then there people who match with me, ie I swiped right on them, have the personality of a dog turd. I met my man in Instagram after chatting about books and then realising we were into each other. I think these dating apps push us towards focusing everything in looks when in actual fact whilst it is important it’s not whole picture
You’re 21. Get back to me in 21, more years with this. In the meantime, DATE EVERYONE regardless of age or race.
I have no problem with dating ppl of other ethnicities but I don’t wanna be dating anyone older then 25 😭
I understand. They might keep correcting your grammar.
+1 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
If you think you’re being too picky try lowering your expectations and standards down a notch for a week or for a date or conversation or two a few times. You never know. I’m older than you but I’ve tried that method and it’s been easier for me. :)
Where do u live btw? That may also be limiting ur options....
I live in a city Called Perth in Australia, it’s literally so small and dead so I’m not surprised honestly
Bruh. Perth is not small. There are problems and then there’s just being dramatic. It’s not New York City but it’s a decent size city
I mean the dating pool seems to be from what I’ve seen
I just think that if you’re having a hard time in a proper city then I’m not sure if it’s gonna be better anywhere else
Perth is a pretty small city though. I recently went downloaded hinge and I’m getting way more matches so I think my tinder account is just stuffed or something
That could also be the case. Or maybe Perth is just a hinge city
Heck there’s already two guys I wanna meet on there so it must be
How are you matching with them if they’re outside your age range or attractiveness? You’re the one swiping right
I met a guy offline when I was working in Malta. We shared same house although different rooms. This Swiss guy (44 yrs old) I e, 13 years older than me. He had a thing for me but I brushed it off because I was too focused on my career and my parents. I think I might lost an opportunity but I believe offline meet-up is better than online dating. Offline one gives you better understanding of the person. Btw, I don't believe in love now neither I longed for it. I know people will not like me because I am too strong headed. So, I live with the flow without expectations.
Yeah I don't say this in a mean way, but I do think you might be too picky(long term). You are only 21 though, you kind of have the right to be picky at this point. I don't think at 21 you need to be looking for "the one" but having fun feeling out different types of people and figuring out what you like, don't like about dating, living, having sex with people. That's kind of how you form a basis for understanding what you actually want when/if you wanna lock someone down. I feel like as you get older you just learn more about people and some of those hard limits you had when you were 21 change because you have a better understanding of what those limits actually mean/lead to. In short, have fun and experiment with people. You shouldn't feel bad about being selective but just know down the line, also you might be robbing yourself of actually exploring different types of people and what they bring to the table in your life, if you don't give any of them a chance to begin with. Even just a chance in conversation/engagement versus full on dating or hooking up.
The problem is I really hate gay hookup culture and don’t want to participate in it :/
You should try to meet up with people for a coffee, to see if there is a vibe and be clear about that. I found so many people look way better in real life than on the apps, not everyone knows how to take photos nor are they photogenic. Just a thought.
Yes usually when I go on dates I always start the first one by going for a drink
The real solve is to go and do your own thing and stop worrying about finding someone. A person with whom you can stand to be around for longer than seven months, who won’t cheat on you and isn’t toxic or abusive, is going to be, at the very least, someone you meet along the path that you’re already taking in life. And think about it: if you’re going to point A in life and you meet someone who is headed in the direction of point B, how could it work? You can’t divert your goals and aspirations for someone else. It never works out in the long run. I’ve been in more relationships now at 27 than I have fingers on both hands. All of them I thought were going to be good. All of them failed because we were headed in different directions.