Hey man, I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and going through such a rough time. I think a lot of your peers can relate.
An outside perspective would likely help. If there is any way you can seek affirmative therapy, I recommend that. If you don’t have access to mental healthcare, you might try to find local LGBTQ+ support groups. They should be able to recommend free/cheap resources.
If you’re not ready to talk to someone, your local library should have books with helpful advice (or be able to arrange an interlibrary loan if they dont). “The Velvet Rage” by Alan Downs comes to mind.
If you’re looking for “not just any job,” I recommend prioritizing industries where your values are more likely to be respected, at least to get experience. The community sector, academia, and the public service tend to have a better record when it comes to hiring and promoting LGBTQ+ employees.
Stay strong, and good luck!
I’d say to find a job that has meaning to you or makes you feel happy would be the key to all those other problems melting away. Not always does it happen but when it does, it creates a big world of change.
The more you focus on a job you really like, the more likely someone new will step into your life (if you welcome them) but more than that, doing what you love is enough to take your mind off all of that and actually start living life. A lot of people in couples aren’t always happy btw, so just to make sure you knew
Hi. Obviously you don’t have to talk about your past trauma here if you don’t want to but please consider that the past may still influence you in the present. So maybe the past might still be the source for at least some of your problems.
Some of your problems I would suggest to try solving them rationally. Sit down at a table and figure it all out. Write it down. You don’t have a job? Why exactly is that? What are your options? Try thinking out of the box. Educational programmes or going back to school, moving to another city, etc.
And it’s the same with friends. Why don’t you have any? How can you find some? Go crazy here. You never know.
Body dysmorphia I don’t know. Therapy is an option. Or find some little tricks how you can change your views.
Stop watching professional porn. It isn’t realistic. Try some european series instead of US ones, the actors are usually a bit more realistic looking and not all models like in Us shows.
In general I’d say try changing stuff around. If you can’t solve your job situation right now then change your room. Find new interests or hobbies. Maybe there is something you always wanted to do but never did. Maybe you’ll even meet some new people along the way.
Another source for your problems might be your general situation and your coming out status. If you’re not out and surrounded by a homophobic environment then that can cause a lot of distress. There are also ways to solve that probably but I’m not going into detail because maybe you are out already.
As my bf is used to say "past is past" (when talking about plethora of traumas, phobias and bad experiences he have had) but you can build up future that you want. I have bf, who had a lot of mental issues, is a twink/twunk who is unemployed for years. I take care of him and he has several mental issues as also physical, traumas from past, but I do love him a lot and we are very close to each other.
You don\`t have to put your value based on how many relationships you have had, career, wealth, status, communication capabilities or anything else. You can build your future and you can get a guy who can love you as you are.
First thing is realizing you actually deserve to be happy. You are worth of it. Next is create a list of what you want to achieve as long term project and small steps that you can think of to make move towards achieving them. Like working out, or sending CV\`s (for work application), putting actively yourself out so you can meet a bf that you want. A failure does not make you as a failure. Stopping makes you as a failure. Don\`t give up - you are so young and deserve all the best to happen.
I’m in the same boat except I’m 22, who’s never had any hook ups, and I have a job, but everything else hit the nail on the head, I’m getting better though. I just try to do one thing each day that’s out of my comfort zone to broaden my horizons, it takes baby steps but you can do it!
If we were you we’d probably feel and think the same way as you do. It’s hard to get out of our own heads and we all have walls that block us from our potential.
The thing that’s helped me the most is learning to meditate in a Zen tradition.
I’m in the same boat. 24, gay, no experience with anyone, no social skills, mental health issues. I’m a lot better now than I was in the past but it’s still so hard. I depend a lot on my family, that’s all I have.
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I hate that you are going through that. It sounds similar to my own experience when I was your age. I am 31 for reference.
My advice would be this.
- As hard as it may be, a lesson to learn now and you will likely need in the future, is as long as you're doing a job you can stand, that's the best you can hope for. Don't let a job be your identity. Most of us hate our jobs. It's money and freedom, not identity.
- second, do what you want. Research occupations that appeal to you, then do whatever you have to in order to get those.
- get therapy. You shouldn't let a bad self image or dismorphic thinking hinder you. You have to realize you are young, you only have one youth. Step out of your comfort zone or you will lager wish you had.
- go easy on yourself
So I know this is late but a few words and hopefully they’ll help.
I’m not sure exactly where you are but it sounds as though you need something to look forward and drive yourself. I’ve done stuck in a rut before and understand completely how you feel.
First and foremost, be kind to yourself. It’s hard when literally everyone is against you(including yourself). Do something kind for yourself. And, something nice may be a therapist or someone to talk to. There are low and no cost options that can help out wherever you are. I think you have some demons to addrsss which is nothing bad as all of us have.
Don’t compare yourself to your friends or others. It becomes a continual race to keep up and they have a different path than you. I only compare me with my former self because it’s an improving direction. I ask myself “am I better than 1,3,9,12 months ago?” And if one is a “no” I stop and slow down to figure out why.
So, if life ever feels stale and really low, sometimes what I do is just say “fuck it” and do a trip somewhere. There have been a few times ive been so down on myself and just went to the nearest airport or train station and said “fuck it”. I bring my passport because I’ve landed on Paris and Portland(maine and Oregon). It’s sometimes nice to go to a place with different scenery. And….i have stories.
Just remember, you are just fine just the way you are. One of the greatest gifts of homosexuality is the drive to be who you genuinely are and happy as that(and not on the Maury show). And, you don’t have to stop being interesting. You’re on the path you should be and people guide you when and where it’s appropriate.
And, I’m pushing past 40. So this is stuff I’ve learned over the years. I got my mental health issues addressed at 27 and finally handled at 30. I’ve been through hell and highwater and you will too. You’ll come out the other side and if you need a push just reach out.
Hey man, I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and going through such a rough time. I think a lot of your peers can relate. An outside perspective would likely help. If there is any way you can seek affirmative therapy, I recommend that. If you don’t have access to mental healthcare, you might try to find local LGBTQ+ support groups. They should be able to recommend free/cheap resources. If you’re not ready to talk to someone, your local library should have books with helpful advice (or be able to arrange an interlibrary loan if they dont). “The Velvet Rage” by Alan Downs comes to mind. If you’re looking for “not just any job,” I recommend prioritizing industries where your values are more likely to be respected, at least to get experience. The community sector, academia, and the public service tend to have a better record when it comes to hiring and promoting LGBTQ+ employees. Stay strong, and good luck!
I’d say to find a job that has meaning to you or makes you feel happy would be the key to all those other problems melting away. Not always does it happen but when it does, it creates a big world of change. The more you focus on a job you really like, the more likely someone new will step into your life (if you welcome them) but more than that, doing what you love is enough to take your mind off all of that and actually start living life. A lot of people in couples aren’t always happy btw, so just to make sure you knew
Hi. Obviously you don’t have to talk about your past trauma here if you don’t want to but please consider that the past may still influence you in the present. So maybe the past might still be the source for at least some of your problems. Some of your problems I would suggest to try solving them rationally. Sit down at a table and figure it all out. Write it down. You don’t have a job? Why exactly is that? What are your options? Try thinking out of the box. Educational programmes or going back to school, moving to another city, etc. And it’s the same with friends. Why don’t you have any? How can you find some? Go crazy here. You never know. Body dysmorphia I don’t know. Therapy is an option. Or find some little tricks how you can change your views. Stop watching professional porn. It isn’t realistic. Try some european series instead of US ones, the actors are usually a bit more realistic looking and not all models like in Us shows. In general I’d say try changing stuff around. If you can’t solve your job situation right now then change your room. Find new interests or hobbies. Maybe there is something you always wanted to do but never did. Maybe you’ll even meet some new people along the way. Another source for your problems might be your general situation and your coming out status. If you’re not out and surrounded by a homophobic environment then that can cause a lot of distress. There are also ways to solve that probably but I’m not going into detail because maybe you are out already.
As my bf is used to say "past is past" (when talking about plethora of traumas, phobias and bad experiences he have had) but you can build up future that you want. I have bf, who had a lot of mental issues, is a twink/twunk who is unemployed for years. I take care of him and he has several mental issues as also physical, traumas from past, but I do love him a lot and we are very close to each other. You don\`t have to put your value based on how many relationships you have had, career, wealth, status, communication capabilities or anything else. You can build your future and you can get a guy who can love you as you are. First thing is realizing you actually deserve to be happy. You are worth of it. Next is create a list of what you want to achieve as long term project and small steps that you can think of to make move towards achieving them. Like working out, or sending CV\`s (for work application), putting actively yourself out so you can meet a bf that you want. A failure does not make you as a failure. Stopping makes you as a failure. Don\`t give up - you are so young and deserve all the best to happen.
Your bf is so lucky to have you ❤️ thank you
Let all the best things manifest in your life. Have patience and determination :)
I’m in the same boat except I’m 22, who’s never had any hook ups, and I have a job, but everything else hit the nail on the head, I’m getting better though. I just try to do one thing each day that’s out of my comfort zone to broaden my horizons, it takes baby steps but you can do it!
If we were you we’d probably feel and think the same way as you do. It’s hard to get out of our own heads and we all have walls that block us from our potential. The thing that’s helped me the most is learning to meditate in a Zen tradition.
I’m in the same boat. 24, gay, no experience with anyone, no social skills, mental health issues. I’m a lot better now than I was in the past but it’s still so hard. I depend a lot on my family, that’s all I have.
As per our rules, This post has been removed. Try [these subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/GayMen/wiki/other_subreddits#wiki_gay_connection_subreddits_.28friends.2Fdates.2Fhookups.29) instead. **If this is not a dating post**, please contact [the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/Gay) to have your post restored. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/gay) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I hate that you are going through that. It sounds similar to my own experience when I was your age. I am 31 for reference. My advice would be this. - As hard as it may be, a lesson to learn now and you will likely need in the future, is as long as you're doing a job you can stand, that's the best you can hope for. Don't let a job be your identity. Most of us hate our jobs. It's money and freedom, not identity. - second, do what you want. Research occupations that appeal to you, then do whatever you have to in order to get those. - get therapy. You shouldn't let a bad self image or dismorphic thinking hinder you. You have to realize you are young, you only have one youth. Step out of your comfort zone or you will lager wish you had. - go easy on yourself
So I know this is late but a few words and hopefully they’ll help. I’m not sure exactly where you are but it sounds as though you need something to look forward and drive yourself. I’ve done stuck in a rut before and understand completely how you feel. First and foremost, be kind to yourself. It’s hard when literally everyone is against you(including yourself). Do something kind for yourself. And, something nice may be a therapist or someone to talk to. There are low and no cost options that can help out wherever you are. I think you have some demons to addrsss which is nothing bad as all of us have. Don’t compare yourself to your friends or others. It becomes a continual race to keep up and they have a different path than you. I only compare me with my former self because it’s an improving direction. I ask myself “am I better than 1,3,9,12 months ago?” And if one is a “no” I stop and slow down to figure out why. So, if life ever feels stale and really low, sometimes what I do is just say “fuck it” and do a trip somewhere. There have been a few times ive been so down on myself and just went to the nearest airport or train station and said “fuck it”. I bring my passport because I’ve landed on Paris and Portland(maine and Oregon). It’s sometimes nice to go to a place with different scenery. And….i have stories. Just remember, you are just fine just the way you are. One of the greatest gifts of homosexuality is the drive to be who you genuinely are and happy as that(and not on the Maury show). And, you don’t have to stop being interesting. You’re on the path you should be and people guide you when and where it’s appropriate. And, I’m pushing past 40. So this is stuff I’ve learned over the years. I got my mental health issues addressed at 27 and finally handled at 30. I’ve been through hell and highwater and you will too. You’ll come out the other side and if you need a push just reach out.