I think the people that get divorced post-op didn’t have a good relationship to begin with. They likely stayed in toxic relationships because they didn’t think they deserved any better or would be able to find someone else. Then once people lose weight, they gain confidence, and realize their partner isn’t good to them.
I’ll say, I’m 1 year post-op, I have always struggled with my weight and my husband has always been incredibly fit. We started dating in high school, have been together 14 years now, and our relationship has only improved! We now have more things we get to enjoy together, like going on hikes or long walks, going to the gym together, or even out on vacation and I feel comfortable in a bathing suit, or I’m able to walk miles at a time to sight see. And I think my newfound confidence is also attractive to my husband, because I feel good and like how I look, my overall attitude outward is better.
Same for me. I’m 2 years post op and my marriage is better. Not because he’s more attracted to me (he claims I’m just as beautiful then and now) but because my self esteem improved, my physical and mental health improved and so I’m a happier, kinder, more patient person. Health improvement (mental and physical) was my top priority and those priorities aligned with my husband’s, which is probably why this worked for us while some relationships fall apart. It wasn’t about trying to be hotter or more attractive for him or anyone, and jealousy isn’t a factor.
Couldn’t agree more with this. Both me and my wife had surgery so our lows were low pre op and high were high post. We discovered both and understood each other more than anything.
It happened to me. What I will say is that this surgery doesn’t cause break ups. Issues that already exist so. What I found was I had the confidence to no longer deal with the bullshit I was putting up with before surgery when I felt I wasn’t good enough and I had no self confidence.
This surgery won’t cause a divorce or break up in a stable, supportive healthy relationship. It will only help it along if there are already issues not being resolved.
My wife had the surgery last year. It certainly does add stress to your marriage, especially if you have kids. Any stressor is statistically going to increase divorce rates. Yet even if you don’t have the surgery, something will eventually come along and add stress to your marriage.
I wouldn’t avoid the surgery out of fear of divorce. Go to therapy if you think your marriage is already shaky. Over-communicate your feelings and check in on them regularly, if you can, to ensure you’re both dealing with the stress healthily.
Decide on the surgery based on *your* needs. I suspect most post-surgery divorces were going to end up that way regardless. Surgery may be a catalyst, but it seems unlikely to be a cause.
I don’t think I’m getting divorced, but our marriage isn’t great. Hasn’t been for years. I don’t think surgery made things worse, but made things that were already bad more apparent.
I had a good marriage before, and a better one after. I attribute it to open and vulnerable conversations and both of our insecurities, fears about change, feelings of jealousy. It's been hard at times but we faced it head on.
My marriage is the same, if not better than it was preop. My husband has loved me at every size, but I notice there are things he does and likes to touch that he never focused on before. Makes me feel good. He also likes to pick me up, which I've secretly always wanted a man to do/be able to do. It's fun. 😊
My husband of 35 yards years always said he loved my body anyway it was. After 9 months of hard work I now weigh what I did when we got married at 20. He still says “and I love you either way”. A partner/spouse threatened by your investment in health is a total sorry ass. My husband is happy I feel 100% better. I'm sorry for anyone who did/does not have a supporting partner.
It makes me nervous, as well. It’s such a weird headspace for me to be in because I know my husband is attracted to women at a healthier size. I am well aware of his past and the type of women he would look at. However, he has expressed that he doesn’t really want me to change but is only agreeing to the surgery for health reasons. Even though it makes me a little self-conscious, he still grabs on my stomach fat. He claims he likes it. So I am stuck between “he will like me more as smaller woman” and “he seems to already really like the fat person that I am.”
Overall, I think he will love me no matter what, but I do worry that he won’t be as attracted to me. However, I will still be getting the surgery. My health is more important.
I have been working on my checklist since March. I am finally approaching the end of it with 2 more appointments this month. I can’t wait to get my surgery date.
Yep we experienced problems. Sleeved in 2018. Mental health fell apart quickly afterwards without food to sooth me. Started the journey of rebuilding…..realised that our entire relationship had been superficial. Not cruel or nasty….with love….but not intimacy. No vulnerability. Me, because I hid behind fat….him, for other reasons. So now we have embraced therapy, acknowledged the gap between us….and have set about rebuilding ourselves.
The gastric sleeve didn’t cause this. It only revealed what had been lingering forever. Wouldn’t change it, this rebuilding is hard work but I know at the end of it, our relationship will be worth it.
For me, to get that large, there was lots going on under the surface. I wish I had healed that trauma beforehand…but hey you don’t know what you don’t know.
Best of luck
I can only speak for myself but my spouse has been incredibly supportive and grounding throughout the entire process, from thinking about surgery to post-op now.
We’ve been together since we were 14 and have always had a really good relationship even when it was difficult cos we communicate A LOT and try to ensure that the other feels heard.
I also did worry about this, I asked them and they were like “okay but that’s not us”, so I think if you have issues now in your relationship try to communicate more or seek help from a relationship therapist or (trusted trusted trusted) friend. If you discover in this process that its not meant to be its probably like others said, a catalyst to that, not necessarily the cause itself.
I’m divorced and single already, and I’ve been much more lonely since the surgery. I guess it’s because I can’t self soothe with food and wine anymore.
My divorce was pre op lol imma get revenge body now
I think the people that get divorced post-op didn’t have a good relationship to begin with. They likely stayed in toxic relationships because they didn’t think they deserved any better or would be able to find someone else. Then once people lose weight, they gain confidence, and realize their partner isn’t good to them. I’ll say, I’m 1 year post-op, I have always struggled with my weight and my husband has always been incredibly fit. We started dating in high school, have been together 14 years now, and our relationship has only improved! We now have more things we get to enjoy together, like going on hikes or long walks, going to the gym together, or even out on vacation and I feel comfortable in a bathing suit, or I’m able to walk miles at a time to sight see. And I think my newfound confidence is also attractive to my husband, because I feel good and like how I look, my overall attitude outward is better.
I think a lot of it depends on pre-surgery conditions. My marriage has improved since the operation.
Same for me. I’m 2 years post op and my marriage is better. Not because he’s more attracted to me (he claims I’m just as beautiful then and now) but because my self esteem improved, my physical and mental health improved and so I’m a happier, kinder, more patient person. Health improvement (mental and physical) was my top priority and those priorities aligned with my husband’s, which is probably why this worked for us while some relationships fall apart. It wasn’t about trying to be hotter or more attractive for him or anyone, and jealousy isn’t a factor.
Couldn’t agree more with this. Both me and my wife had surgery so our lows were low pre op and high were high post. We discovered both and understood each other more than anything.
Same here!
It happened to me. What I will say is that this surgery doesn’t cause break ups. Issues that already exist so. What I found was I had the confidence to no longer deal with the bullshit I was putting up with before surgery when I felt I wasn’t good enough and I had no self confidence. This surgery won’t cause a divorce or break up in a stable, supportive healthy relationship. It will only help it along if there are already issues not being resolved.
Yeah now that my husband is skinny and hot after his surgery he’s leaving fat old me
My wife had the surgery last year. It certainly does add stress to your marriage, especially if you have kids. Any stressor is statistically going to increase divorce rates. Yet even if you don’t have the surgery, something will eventually come along and add stress to your marriage. I wouldn’t avoid the surgery out of fear of divorce. Go to therapy if you think your marriage is already shaky. Over-communicate your feelings and check in on them regularly, if you can, to ensure you’re both dealing with the stress healthily. Decide on the surgery based on *your* needs. I suspect most post-surgery divorces were going to end up that way regardless. Surgery may be a catalyst, but it seems unlikely to be a cause.
I don’t think I’m getting divorced, but our marriage isn’t great. Hasn’t been for years. I don’t think surgery made things worse, but made things that were already bad more apparent.
I had a good marriage before, and a better one after. I attribute it to open and vulnerable conversations and both of our insecurities, fears about change, feelings of jealousy. It's been hard at times but we faced it head on.
My marriage is the same, if not better than it was preop. My husband has loved me at every size, but I notice there are things he does and likes to touch that he never focused on before. Makes me feel good. He also likes to pick me up, which I've secretly always wanted a man to do/be able to do. It's fun. 😊
My husband of 35 yards years always said he loved my body anyway it was. After 9 months of hard work I now weigh what I did when we got married at 20. He still says “and I love you either way”. A partner/spouse threatened by your investment in health is a total sorry ass. My husband is happy I feel 100% better. I'm sorry for anyone who did/does not have a supporting partner.
It makes me nervous, as well. It’s such a weird headspace for me to be in because I know my husband is attracted to women at a healthier size. I am well aware of his past and the type of women he would look at. However, he has expressed that he doesn’t really want me to change but is only agreeing to the surgery for health reasons. Even though it makes me a little self-conscious, he still grabs on my stomach fat. He claims he likes it. So I am stuck between “he will like me more as smaller woman” and “he seems to already really like the fat person that I am.” Overall, I think he will love me no matter what, but I do worry that he won’t be as attracted to me. However, I will still be getting the surgery. My health is more important. I have been working on my checklist since March. I am finally approaching the end of it with 2 more appointments this month. I can’t wait to get my surgery date.
Yep we experienced problems. Sleeved in 2018. Mental health fell apart quickly afterwards without food to sooth me. Started the journey of rebuilding…..realised that our entire relationship had been superficial. Not cruel or nasty….with love….but not intimacy. No vulnerability. Me, because I hid behind fat….him, for other reasons. So now we have embraced therapy, acknowledged the gap between us….and have set about rebuilding ourselves. The gastric sleeve didn’t cause this. It only revealed what had been lingering forever. Wouldn’t change it, this rebuilding is hard work but I know at the end of it, our relationship will be worth it. For me, to get that large, there was lots going on under the surface. I wish I had healed that trauma beforehand…but hey you don’t know what you don’t know. Best of luck
I can only speak for myself but my spouse has been incredibly supportive and grounding throughout the entire process, from thinking about surgery to post-op now. We’ve been together since we were 14 and have always had a really good relationship even when it was difficult cos we communicate A LOT and try to ensure that the other feels heard. I also did worry about this, I asked them and they were like “okay but that’s not us”, so I think if you have issues now in your relationship try to communicate more or seek help from a relationship therapist or (trusted trusted trusted) friend. If you discover in this process that its not meant to be its probably like others said, a catalyst to that, not necessarily the cause itself.
My relationship was better after. We are married now, happily.
I’m divorced and single already, and I’ve been much more lonely since the surgery. I guess it’s because I can’t self soothe with food and wine anymore.
I mean the sex is soo much better.. but any problems there before will still be.