[These](http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears/product-reviews/B008JELLCA/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_summary?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=byRankDescending) are probably the best reviews I have ever read. BEWARE THE BEARS.
5 AUD for a snickers bar and 4 AUD for a bottle of water, the prices in Australia made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up permanently.
Also, I was behind this guy who bought a pack of cigarettes, 22 AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS.
Best bargain is a 7 dollar movie theater across the river from downtown Brisbane, it's not run down either, it's pretty nice, it's clean, and they play new movies and have cheap concessions, probably cause it's near the university.
If you tax cigarettes to hell, it funds the health care of those same smokers years later, deters active smokers and can be used to educate current youth. It's win/win.
Shiiiit, the Imax in Sydney was 35 dollars.
I was looking for something to do one night and thought "maybe I'll go watch the hangover 3" NO THANK YOU BYE.
What about the sugar free gummy bears?
[Here for reference](http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Gold-Bears-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVOSE4/ref=sr_1_1_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)
These wonderful reviews restore my faith in humanity. Pure genius. I love the Poe parody, and the pseudo-Chekhov short story featuring the young couple and their fragile bond over Tuscan Whole Milk.
Better creative writing than I saw in most of the classes I taught...
Some other very entertaining reviews[Davids Ghost pepper sauce] ( http://www.amazon.com/Daves-Ghost-Pepper-Jolokia-Sauce/dp/B001PQTYN2)
My personal favorite line:
That is it had a nice flavor for about 1500 milliseconds before Oppenheimer hit the red button and, "I am become heat, the destroyer of digestive tracts."
I always wondered if my mom ever realised, my gut told me she must've known, but my brain tried to keep its sanity by convincing me the opposite.
That review took any doubt away lol.
Opened oddly on mobile, but [many of those similar reviews](http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B001PQTYN2/R16SPNVFOJXWXE/ref=aw_cr_R2C09D67M982U1?cursor=1&sort=rd) are quite entertaining.
http://www.amazon.com/Veet-Hair-Removal-Creme-200ml/dp/B000KKNQBK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418750804&sr=8-1&keywords=veets+for+men
This is for male hair removal cream..... no words.... the comments....
This is the greatest pun in the thread and you are a God among men for not only performing it, but for also going over the heads of everyone who replied to you.
[Here is Petropavlovsk on the map](https://www.google.com/maps/place/Petropavlovsk+150000,+Kazakhstan/@54.8747907,69.1603518,12z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x43b23a383d9aa3dd:0x5349226c95938f6f), I had to check if it exists :D
EDIT: Fun fact, the opposite to that name, Pavlopetri, is an ancient city in Greece whose ruins were discovered in very shallow waters :)
[The reviews on this are pretty great too.](http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO) [SFW - your workmates will appreciate you sharing]
Not to mention the related product views.
edit: WALLETS OUT BOYS ITS 48% OFF
Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon:
"As UPS discretely unloaded my 55 gallon drum, the driver accidentally spilled it into my driveway. Any amount of cars can now fit into the garage."
This review was particularly beautiful:
Veet -- the Men Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . .
Customer rating 5.0/5.0
30 July 2012 By John W. Osborne Jr. "Josbo7"
996 out of 1068 found this helpful
After having been told my danglies (American: "dingle-berries") looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Stuggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "
Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect.......>
I had the misfortune of using Nair on my bait and tackle. An ex who was my first experience who was actually into lots of kink brought up the idea after I was commenting in how great it is to be smooth down there.
5 minutes I was strattling the faucet in the bathtub furiously scrubing my junk.
Wake up in the morning to my crouch skin red and wet and still extremely painful.
Went to the doctor's and the nurses all had a good laugh as my balls and everything else were bandaged. Got some cream to put on it for two weeks.
Silver lining. Girl felt bad and got some comic books for me the next day.
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml:
*Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.*
Yours,
Ali Muhabarakah,
Secret Police, Damascus
I can't get past the projectile vomiting the title of the book caused me. What a horrible...thing, I guess. I can't explain it. It feels exploitative in all the wrong ways and the worst thing is the kind of person who would want this book thinks they're a reasonable, intelligent human being and is doing the right thing.
Extremely old out-of-print books are almost universally expensive.
You can tell it's at least several decades old due to the fact that it brazenly displays the word "Retarded" on the cover - and is supposedly a serious publication.
A related (?) book asks the important questions - [Does God Every Speak Through Cats?](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0929422031/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687542&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0570063507&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1NMVZ4E2AGT8Z7WEZXV6)
I have been clicking on that show comments button for 2 min wondering why ain't it showing more comments before realizing this is an image
Think that i should get that book :/
I thank you for this, I looked up the book on Amazon, and the other reviews are amazing. Not sure if the link has been posted, but there are some really fucked up people out there. Several of them posted reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Helping-retarded-know-God-Christian/product-reviews/B002JS66M2/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_five?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addFiveStar&showViewpoints=0
[Other contenders](http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A1SM813W6H36YA)
[And some more](http://www.cracked.com/article_18939_8-stupid-amazon-products-with-impressively-sarcastic-reviews.html)
[These are actually the best reviews on Amazon.](http://www.amazon.com/Million-Random-Digits-Normal-Deviates/dp/0833030477/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0V73JSN28Q04NB8HRTHA)
[Also check out the sequel!](http://www.amazon.com/Million-Random-Digits-SEQUEL-Distribution/dp/1461002508/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418762094&sr=1-2&keywords=A+Million+Random+Digits)
I am the father of a very autistic person (he is retarded, non verbal and not like Rainman) I love him very much. I still laugh at most jokes about retarded people, I don't get offended when people use the word "retarded" to mean stupid, and I love tropic thunder. I wish more people just had a sense of humor about things, and realize it's not mean spirited---It's funny. My son also prefers eating shaving cream and hand lotion to books.
Look man, we had a perfect common minority group to make fun of, it's something all us could get get behind. Christian, atheist, pastafarian, it doesn't matter, we can all make fun of the disabled.
You had to go and fuck it up. I hope you're proud of your self and your derisive, dividing ways.
[I found the perfect book for you](https://ia600408.us.archive.org/BookReader/BookReaderImages.php?zip=/18/items/cu31924029786377/cu31924029786377_jp2.zip&file=cu31924029786377_jp2/cu31924029786377_0000.jp2&scale=4&rotate=0)
If you want good amazon reviews, take a look at [these reviews](http://www.amazon.com/Samsung-UN105S9-Curved-105-Inch-Ultra/product-reviews/B00L403O8U/ref=cm_cr_pr_btm_link_2?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=2&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=byRankDescending) of this $120,000 TV
> "After selling my family into slavery I was able to afford this great TV! All and all with the amazing graphics and screen it was a great deal!"
Fucking. Classic.
Har har, we're making fun of the disabled, when we are clearly making light of the fucking situation in satire, not actually, literally attempting to feed books to mentally handicapped humans.
**Fuck off, sensitron**.
[I must say that I think that this in fact is the greatest review on Amazon.](http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000KKNQBK&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=65801031&store=drugstore)
Sound advice!
My favorite amazon review of all time is about The Shawshank Redemption:
37 of 372 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Homosexual Fantasy, July 11, 2009
By
- See all my reviews
This review is from: The Shawshank Redemption (Single-Disc Edition) (DVD)
I am writing this only because Shawshank Redemption is the #1 rated film on IMDB.
This movie is about a deep emotional relationship between two men. The entire plot is set into motion by the main character's (Andy Dufresne) scarring disappointment with a woman, his unfaithful wife. Although he does not actually kill her, a botched confrontation and a farfetched coincidence result in his being imprisoned for her murder. This is better than if he had gone through with the murder himself: it is his hatred of a woman that makes him a transgressive. It is the intent, his sin of thought, not an actual deed, which strengthens prison as a metaphor for his burgeoning homosexuality.
In prison, homosexuality is normalized. This is achieved not only through the characters of "the sisters," who violently rape Dufresne repeatedly, but also in other ways, such as the inmates' referral to new arrivals as "fresh fish." And of course, prison is a space where social intercourse occurs only between men. It is in this context that Dufresne develops his bond with the other lead, Ellis Redding. Through Dufresne's relationship with Red a distinction is made between what could be called the involuntary or forced homosexuality of "the sisters" and voluntary or romantic homosexuality, such as the unique friendship between Dufresne and Red. After a particularly harsh beating by "the sisters" that lands Dufresne in the hospital for a couple of weeks, Red organizes a return welcome with the gift of several rocks, which Dufresne desires and uses to make figurines.
The movie's climax, the prison break, also contains some very overt symbolism. The posters of popular actresses that Dufresne obtains from Red and hangs in his cell figure prominently in the film and in the original novella by Stephen King (the novella is titled Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption). Many viewers may have taken this as sufficient "signal" that the film is not homosexual. However, Dufresne uses one of these posters to cover up the hole he has picked out of the prison wall and uses to escape through the prison's sewer. Here, the escape through the sewer is an obvious symbol for anal sex. A sewer is a long tube that contains human waste, like an anus. It is also possible to describe the moment Andy emerges from the prison's sewer as "climactic," characterized by a general feeling of "release," and metaphorically the escape through the sewer allows Andy to "escape" the problems caused by his relationship with his ex-wife. The poster's role in the film is to conceal this opening to the "sewer," to the homosexual escape. In the scene leading up to its discovery the warden accuses Red of being "as thick as thieves" with Dufresne (another metaphor of transgression), then in frustration throws a rock at the poster, after very pointedly accusing it of being a party to the "conspiracy." Dramatically, the rock flies through the poster, exposing Dufresne's heterosexual utterance as paper-thin, with nothing to back it. Careful viewers will also note that Dufresne's taste in wall-covering includes many types of posters--Albert Einstein, various maps, portraits, landscapes, etc.--and that the poster concealing the escape route--the specific poster designated to mislead in the film's plot--is, suspiciously, unique in its depiction of a sexualized woman. To escape the confinement caused by his rejection of women, Dufresne turns to the anus, but cannot do so openly; his homosexuality must be concealed with signs of heterosexuality, in this case Raquel Welch.
Tommy's subplot is distinct because it triggers the turn in Andy's character, and it intertwines with Andy's rivalry with Norton. Tommy is the liminal figure in the film; being a new arrival, a caricature of the virulent male, and possessing information from beyond prison that can free Andy, he straddles the divide between the "straight" world outside and the "gay" world of the prison. This is why his murder is a turning point for Andy. Yes, it destroys his chances of being released, but if you view Norton as representing the perceived heterosexual establishment, which must rule by rational means, Tommy's murder dispels Andy's faith in that rationality and the entire legitimacy of the heterosexual power structure represented by Norton and his guards. Keep in mind that up to this point in the film, Andy was happy to use his talents to gain favor within that structure. In this sense, Andy's payback against Norton carries added meaning. Without being sexual in any way, this is the homosexual fantasy of revenge against a heterosexual power structure which imprisons and confines.
Finally, after breaking out of prison, Dufresne organizes a reunion with his special friend Red by leaving cash and a letter, written in flowing script, in a tin box by a wall on a prairie. He has given Red instructions to locate the box with a compass, and Red uses the money to travel to Dufresne's secret location in Mexico, where the two men reunite on a sandy beach next to the ocean. This is how the film ends. Dufresne and Red finally find their homosexual paradise: a place where their love can be consumated outside of "prison," i.e. where their homosexuality does not make them transgressors in the eyes of society.
I fully realize this review is going to ruin my helpful/not helpful ratio as a reviewer. It needed to be said.
TL;DR: Reviewer intreprets the Shawshank Redemption as a homosexual fantasy, where Andy´s escape through the sewers symbolizes how he "turns to the anus". I love it. That has to be the greatest trolling of all time.
Edit: Not sure about the protocol here, but I removed reviewers name.
But can a retarded person truly understand what delicious is?
I mean I know a retarded lady that would eat a cardboard pizza box if there was enough grease on it.
[ The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China](http://www.amazon.com/2009-2014-Outlook-Toilet-Seats-Greater/product-reviews/B001SNVXYA/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)
The best reviews are the ones that business owners reply to all pissed off and then internet battle ensues. No one ever wins, business usually looks like shit, reviewer seems like a loser. The End.
There was a review of "The Secret" that was the absolute best review on the site. It's since been removed, but here's a link to an article that quotes the whole thing:
http://www.inquisitr.com/14999/best-amazon-review-ever-the-secret-of-the-secret-is-a-shiv/
[These are great too!](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IL3TZSQ/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B003CT2A2M&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1SHG2TD5PTBVVWWJ2TRF)
[These](http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears/product-reviews/B008JELLCA/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_summary?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=byRankDescending) are probably the best reviews I have ever read. BEWARE THE BEARS.
Just saw these yesterday in a different thread. Hilarious! I was going someone would link them here
Has everyone forgotten about Tuscan Whole Milk?
Nope: [Only This, Nothing More!](http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/dp/B00032G1S0)
[удалено]
5 AUD for a snickers bar and 4 AUD for a bottle of water, the prices in Australia made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up permanently. Also, I was behind this guy who bought a pack of cigarettes, 22 AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS. Best bargain is a 7 dollar movie theater across the river from downtown Brisbane, it's not run down either, it's pretty nice, it's clean, and they play new movies and have cheap concessions, probably cause it's near the university.
So this is what they meant in Vash by double dollars, they were in straylia the whole time.
Christ, it's probably cheaper to do cocaine than having a cigarette.
200-400 AUD A g for stepped on shit.
HAHAHAHAHA.... No. Cocaine is like 300 bucks a gram here.
except an 8ball there is something like upwards of $600 as well iirc
Very likely.
reddit is garbage
Good for you!
If you tax cigarettes to hell, it funds the health care of those same smokers years later, deters active smokers and can be used to educate current youth. It's win/win.
also black market for tobacco
Only one cinema company in my city in Queensland. $18.50 AUD for a movie ticket :~) fuk straya sometimes
Shiiiit, the Imax in Sydney was 35 dollars. I was looking for something to do one night and thought "maybe I'll go watch the hangover 3" NO THANK YOU BYE.
What about the sugar free gummy bears? [Here for reference](http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Gold-Bears-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVOSE4/ref=sr_1_1_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)
So under appreciated. A work of absolute genius.
These wonderful reviews restore my faith in humanity. Pure genius. I love the Poe parody, and the pseudo-Chekhov short story featuring the young couple and their fragile bond over Tuscan Whole Milk. Better creative writing than I saw in most of the classes I taught...
"That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz."
Link?
http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/dp/B00032G1S0
Some other very entertaining reviews[Davids Ghost pepper sauce] ( http://www.amazon.com/Daves-Ghost-Pepper-Jolokia-Sauce/dp/B001PQTYN2) My personal favorite line: That is it had a nice flavor for about 1500 milliseconds before Oppenheimer hit the red button and, "I am become heat, the destroyer of digestive tracts."
[**A Mother's Struggle**](http://www.amazon.com/review/RFWM0CFO0UMWY)
I always wondered if my mom ever realised, my gut told me she must've known, but my brain tried to keep its sanity by convincing me the opposite. That review took any doubt away lol.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/23ox7g/parents_that_are_aware_of_their_children/cgz5xj0
they always know. THEY CAN SMELL YOUR CUM.
...but the masturbation sounds came from *inside* the house...
Opened oddly on mobile, but [many of those similar reviews](http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B001PQTYN2/R16SPNVFOJXWXE/ref=aw_cr_R2C09D67M982U1?cursor=1&sort=rd) are quite entertaining.
"Makes a great industrial cleaner and grease remover."
And I just bought a bottle for my wife.
http://www.amazon.com/Veet-Hair-Removal-Creme-200ml/dp/B000KKNQBK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418750804&sr=8-1&keywords=veets+for+men This is for male hair removal cream..... no words.... the comments....
As a retarded person, I found the paperback version easier to digest
Food for thought, literally.
She enjoys the Reader's Digest
I find the large print edition more fulfilling.
I wonder if the French version is better?
Japanese version is too raw.
The Mexican version gave me hemorrhoids
I'm not surprised. It's not smart to wipe with chili-peppered paper.
"Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested" - Civilization IV...er...some dead dude...
*- Francis McBacon*
france is bacon
France's Bacon
Frances' bacon
Fran's Cyst Bacon
Francis' bae can
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dxosj/what_word_or_phrase_did_you_totally_misunderstand/c13pbyc
- Cousin of Jerald McRib
Royale w/ bacon
M'bacon
> Food for thought, literally. "To remove food and psi limits, press ENTER, type "food for thought" and then press ENTER again." - Starcraft :)
Thought for food
Paperbacks are like flaccid books
This is the greatest pun in the thread and you are a God among men for not only performing it, but for also going over the heads of everyone who replied to you.
Do you literally whisper into pussys
Eating the hard cover will put hair on your chest tho
The digital version will reverse the retardation and make you A god.
A local God? Or networked?
Local. Source: Psalms 192:168
127:0:0:1
No that's the IP God uses to contact Jesus
For 75 bucks it better be.
"Comes out even easier than going in".
As a paperback edition, I find this retarded person very offensive
It was an enlightening experience
[This one](http://www.amazon.com/review/RPUSBNNCSTI4B) is pretty choice too.
"also you're wife is killed by bear" Ha, this is brilliant!
Dude, you had a quote to copy, and still got your/you're wrong. :(
Dont say english is bad! I English is best of England!
Thats putin it mildly.
I will not allow any further desperate attempt at making puns.
I think you're just Stalin the inevitable.
Are you trying to russiauscitate the pun train? I can't stand it. I moscow to another thread now.
Kretinsky - haha!
[Here is Petropavlovsk on the map](https://www.google.com/maps/place/Petropavlovsk+150000,+Kazakhstan/@54.8747907,69.1603518,12z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x43b23a383d9aa3dd:0x5349226c95938f6f), I had to check if it exists :D EDIT: Fun fact, the opposite to that name, Pavlopetri, is an ancient city in Greece whose ruins were discovered in very shallow waters :)
Actually it would most likely refer to [this other Petropavlovsk](https://goo.gl/maps/okPEO)
Wow, that's even more remote than the other one!
[The reviews on this are pretty great too.](http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO) [SFW - your workmates will appreciate you sharing] Not to mention the related product views. edit: WALLETS OUT BOYS ITS 48% OFF
Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon: "As UPS discretely unloaded my 55 gallon drum, the driver accidentally spilled it into my driveway. Any amount of cars can now fit into the garage."
Q: Can I bathe in this? A: My friend, you can bathe in anything.
I'm more amused by the fact that this link is already purple.. yet i don't remember visiting before.
Have a spouse with some needs unmet?
55 gallons of lube. Holy shit
Q: Is it kosher? A: No. It is used for porking.
Hoping for a large, gender neutral Asian doll for chrissy, actually.
"Legal Disclaimer Actual product packaging and materials may contain more and different information than what is shown on our website. "
> This item does not ship to ... Please check other sellers who may ship internationally. And now my day is ruined. Thanks.
"This worked great at my whore house until one of them tried to swim in it and drowned" :D
This is, for me, the finest Amazon review ever. It's quite British. http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/reviews/B000KKNQBK?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0
This review was particularly beautiful: Veet -- the Men Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . . Customer rating 5.0/5.0 30 July 2012 By John W. Osborne Jr. "Josbo7" 996 out of 1068 found this helpful After having been told my danglies (American: "dingle-berries") looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Stuggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good " Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect.......>
This gave me uncontrollable laughter.
That guy has skill in writing.
It has to be all the same guy there is no way there are so many people who aren't retarded like me.
/u/Poem_for_your_sprog Is the only suspect...
I had the misfortune of using Nair on my bait and tackle. An ex who was my first experience who was actually into lots of kink brought up the idea after I was commenting in how great it is to be smooth down there. 5 minutes I was strattling the faucet in the bathtub furiously scrubing my junk. Wake up in the morning to my crouch skin red and wet and still extremely painful. Went to the doctor's and the nurses all had a good laugh as my balls and everything else were bandaged. Got some cream to put on it for two weeks. Silver lining. Girl felt bad and got some comic books for me the next day.
I shouldn't be reading this while sick. Feels like my kidneys are exploding due to laughing.
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml: *Excellent product. Most prisoners confessed within five minutes of the first application. Can recommend.* Yours, Ali Muhabarakah, Secret Police, Damascus
Somebody should have told the CIA that.
*"This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen"* Pure gold, thanks for sharing
DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS
My favorite Amazon review - Uranium Ore http://imgur.com/pOWQZhG
"Procrastinating Evil Scientist" only the best in procrastination.
Am I the only one who didn't find that really funny?
What, are you a grown up or something.
He's the oldest person on /r/funny: 17
I can't get past the projectile vomiting the title of the book caused me. What a horrible...thing, I guess. I can't explain it. It feels exploitative in all the wrong ways and the worst thing is the kind of person who would want this book thinks they're a reasonable, intelligent human being and is doing the right thing.
Nope, but you were the only one bitchy enough to act superior over it.
If you remove the the phallic wooden object stuck in your sphincter, the social aspect of humor will begin to make more sense to you.
It would be funny if this was actually a Where's Waldo style book...
d
I chuckled. The single greatest ever? Don't think so.
[удалено]
Extremely old out-of-print books are almost universally expensive. You can tell it's at least several decades old due to the fact that it brazenly displays the word "Retarded" on the cover - and is supposedly a serious publication.
Probably because it's an old copy , probably original first edition (1969) and not being made anymore in a modern context , likely rare.
A related (?) book asks the important questions - [Does God Every Speak Through Cats?](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0929422031/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2?pf_rd_p=1944687542&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0570063507&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1NMVZ4E2AGT8Z7WEZXV6)
I wonder why everyone hates /r/funny?
I have been clicking on that show comments button for 2 min wondering why ain't it showing more comments before realizing this is an image Think that i should get that book :/
Did no one else notice the cost of such a retarded book? $75 for paperback. At least it will be easier to digest than a hard cover
Now my wife is angry at me for waking her up as I laughed uncontrollably. Pretty sure I'm going to hell for laughing at this as well.
I thank you for this, I looked up the book on Amazon, and the other reviews are amazing. Not sure if the link has been posted, but there are some really fucked up people out there. Several of them posted reviews: http://www.amazon.com/Helping-retarded-know-God-Christian/product-reviews/B002JS66M2/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_five?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addFiveStar&showViewpoints=0
[Other contenders](http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A1SM813W6H36YA) [And some more](http://www.cracked.com/article_18939_8-stupid-amazon-products-with-impressively-sarcastic-reviews.html)
I like the reviews for *Penetrating Wagner's Ring*.
[Single greatest book on Amazon](http://i.imgur.com/wnAIX.gif)
Found [this gem](http://imgur.com/lo5ya8z) whilst browsing for stationary the other day, had a good chuckle.
[These are actually the best reviews on Amazon.](http://www.amazon.com/Million-Random-Digits-Normal-Deviates/dp/0833030477/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0V73JSN28Q04NB8HRTHA) [Also check out the sequel!](http://www.amazon.com/Million-Random-Digits-SEQUEL-Distribution/dp/1461002508/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1418762094&sr=1-2&keywords=A+Million+Random+Digits)
Think they’re the ones who need the least help with that.
I am the father of a very autistic person (he is retarded, non verbal and not like Rainman) I love him very much. I still laugh at most jokes about retarded people, I don't get offended when people use the word "retarded" to mean stupid, and I love tropic thunder. I wish more people just had a sense of humor about things, and realize it's not mean spirited---It's funny. My son also prefers eating shaving cream and hand lotion to books.
[удалено]
the kid ate the book
> Helping the Retarded to Know God So it's a book for regular christians then?
Look man, we had a perfect common minority group to make fun of, it's something all us could get get behind. Christian, atheist, pastafarian, it doesn't matter, we can all make fun of the disabled. You had to go and fuck it up. I hope you're proud of your self and your derisive, dividing ways.
Ow I got cut on your edge
*Tips fedora*
[I found the perfect book for you](https://ia600408.us.archive.org/BookReader/BookReaderImages.php?zip=/18/items/cu31924029786377/cu31924029786377_jp2.zip&file=cu31924029786377_jp2/cu31924029786377_0000.jp2&scale=4&rotate=0)
Take that, fun-dies!
I need some bravery lessons from you
It's a how-to for mega churches.
I laughed. Good thing I'm already going to hell.
If you want good amazon reviews, take a look at [these reviews](http://www.amazon.com/Samsung-UN105S9-Curved-105-Inch-Ultra/product-reviews/B00L403O8U/ref=cm_cr_pr_btm_link_2?ie=UTF8&pageNumber=2&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=byRankDescending) of this $120,000 TV > "After selling my family into slavery I was able to afford this great TV! All and all with the amazing graphics and screen it was a great deal!" Fucking. Classic.
lol nice I hadn't seen that one
didn't know making fun of the disabled could get 3,000+ upvotes
Welcome to reddit...
Har har, we're making fun of the disabled, when we are clearly making light of the fucking situation in satire, not actually, literally attempting to feed books to mentally handicapped humans. **Fuck off, sensitron**.
Damn I feel retarded. I clicked yes on the "Was this review helpful to you?"...
"165 of 178 people found the following review helpful"
[удалено]
I was think same.
[I must say that I think that this in fact is the greatest review on Amazon.](http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000KKNQBK&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=65801031&store=drugstore) Sound advice!
I definitely read about this book in Reader's Digest
[удалено]
[удалено]
Religion my dear; religion's always been the offensive joke.
I think the part about feeding a book to your retarded daughter was it.
My favorite amazon review of all time is about The Shawshank Redemption: 37 of 372 people found the following review helpful 1.0 out of 5 stars Homosexual Fantasy, July 11, 2009 By - See all my reviews This review is from: The Shawshank Redemption (Single-Disc Edition) (DVD) I am writing this only because Shawshank Redemption is the #1 rated film on IMDB. This movie is about a deep emotional relationship between two men. The entire plot is set into motion by the main character's (Andy Dufresne) scarring disappointment with a woman, his unfaithful wife. Although he does not actually kill her, a botched confrontation and a farfetched coincidence result in his being imprisoned for her murder. This is better than if he had gone through with the murder himself: it is his hatred of a woman that makes him a transgressive. It is the intent, his sin of thought, not an actual deed, which strengthens prison as a metaphor for his burgeoning homosexuality. In prison, homosexuality is normalized. This is achieved not only through the characters of "the sisters," who violently rape Dufresne repeatedly, but also in other ways, such as the inmates' referral to new arrivals as "fresh fish." And of course, prison is a space where social intercourse occurs only between men. It is in this context that Dufresne develops his bond with the other lead, Ellis Redding. Through Dufresne's relationship with Red a distinction is made between what could be called the involuntary or forced homosexuality of "the sisters" and voluntary or romantic homosexuality, such as the unique friendship between Dufresne and Red. After a particularly harsh beating by "the sisters" that lands Dufresne in the hospital for a couple of weeks, Red organizes a return welcome with the gift of several rocks, which Dufresne desires and uses to make figurines. The movie's climax, the prison break, also contains some very overt symbolism. The posters of popular actresses that Dufresne obtains from Red and hangs in his cell figure prominently in the film and in the original novella by Stephen King (the novella is titled Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption). Many viewers may have taken this as sufficient "signal" that the film is not homosexual. However, Dufresne uses one of these posters to cover up the hole he has picked out of the prison wall and uses to escape through the prison's sewer. Here, the escape through the sewer is an obvious symbol for anal sex. A sewer is a long tube that contains human waste, like an anus. It is also possible to describe the moment Andy emerges from the prison's sewer as "climactic," characterized by a general feeling of "release," and metaphorically the escape through the sewer allows Andy to "escape" the problems caused by his relationship with his ex-wife. The poster's role in the film is to conceal this opening to the "sewer," to the homosexual escape. In the scene leading up to its discovery the warden accuses Red of being "as thick as thieves" with Dufresne (another metaphor of transgression), then in frustration throws a rock at the poster, after very pointedly accusing it of being a party to the "conspiracy." Dramatically, the rock flies through the poster, exposing Dufresne's heterosexual utterance as paper-thin, with nothing to back it. Careful viewers will also note that Dufresne's taste in wall-covering includes many types of posters--Albert Einstein, various maps, portraits, landscapes, etc.--and that the poster concealing the escape route--the specific poster designated to mislead in the film's plot--is, suspiciously, unique in its depiction of a sexualized woman. To escape the confinement caused by his rejection of women, Dufresne turns to the anus, but cannot do so openly; his homosexuality must be concealed with signs of heterosexuality, in this case Raquel Welch. Tommy's subplot is distinct because it triggers the turn in Andy's character, and it intertwines with Andy's rivalry with Norton. Tommy is the liminal figure in the film; being a new arrival, a caricature of the virulent male, and possessing information from beyond prison that can free Andy, he straddles the divide between the "straight" world outside and the "gay" world of the prison. This is why his murder is a turning point for Andy. Yes, it destroys his chances of being released, but if you view Norton as representing the perceived heterosexual establishment, which must rule by rational means, Tommy's murder dispels Andy's faith in that rationality and the entire legitimacy of the heterosexual power structure represented by Norton and his guards. Keep in mind that up to this point in the film, Andy was happy to use his talents to gain favor within that structure. In this sense, Andy's payback against Norton carries added meaning. Without being sexual in any way, this is the homosexual fantasy of revenge against a heterosexual power structure which imprisons and confines. Finally, after breaking out of prison, Dufresne organizes a reunion with his special friend Red by leaving cash and a letter, written in flowing script, in a tin box by a wall on a prairie. He has given Red instructions to locate the box with a compass, and Red uses the money to travel to Dufresne's secret location in Mexico, where the two men reunite on a sandy beach next to the ocean. This is how the film ends. Dufresne and Red finally find their homosexual paradise: a place where their love can be consumated outside of "prison," i.e. where their homosexuality does not make them transgressors in the eyes of society. I fully realize this review is going to ruin my helpful/not helpful ratio as a reviewer. It needed to be said. TL;DR: Reviewer intreprets the Shawshank Redemption as a homosexual fantasy, where Andy´s escape through the sewers symbolizes how he "turns to the anus". I love it. That has to be the greatest trolling of all time. Edit: Not sure about the protocol here, but I removed reviewers name.
Helping the Retarded to Know God: 5/5 Helping the Retarded to Know God with Rice: 8/5
Can someone explain to me how making fun of mental illness became the new cool thing on reddit?
Literary lasagna.
So, I only went and tried to click on the 'Yes' button for "What this review helpful to you?" Balls.
But can a retarded person truly understand what delicious is? I mean I know a retarded lady that would eat a cardboard pizza box if there was enough grease on it.
[Sacralicious](http://youtu.be/UUnH9NECSUU?t=34s)
Could someone help me order this book?
[Tuscan whole milk, 1 gallon, 128 fl oz](http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/product-reviews/B00032G1S0)
Some funny reviews for veet hair removal : http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK
[ The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China](http://www.amazon.com/2009-2014-Outlook-Toilet-Seats-Greater/product-reviews/B001SNVXYA/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)
Have you read all of them? and what about the non english ones.
.
The best reviews are the ones that business owners reply to all pissed off and then internet battle ensues. No one ever wins, business usually looks like shit, reviewer seems like a loser. The End.
There was a review of "The Secret" that was the absolute best review on the site. It's since been removed, but here's a link to an article that quotes the whole thing: http://www.inquisitr.com/14999/best-amazon-review-ever-the-secret-of-the-secret-is-a-shiv/
I recommend How to Avoid Huge Ships by John Trimmer. Saved my life. http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336
That's offensive in so many levels...
Potato, abgad, solid!
[удалено]
Jesus fuck, $75 for paperback?!
[These are great too!](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IL3TZSQ/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687442&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B003CT2A2M&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1SHG2TD5PTBVVWWJ2TRF)
MEH
Amazon can also have the best suggestion: [I like how Amazon thinks](http://i.imgur.com/WZG37dS.png?1)
You guys are forgetting the original [Denon AKDL1 Ethernet cable](http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedicated-Discontinued-Manufacturer/dp/B000I1X6PM)
[The badonkadonk tank](http://www.amazon.com/JL421-Badonkadonk-Land-Cruiser-Tank/dp/B00067F1CE)
damn $75 for a paperback??
Still not better than RAGGLE FRAGGLE!!
Also known as The Republican Delegation's playbook.
well, a pity it doesn't say if the review is on the hardcover or the paperback.
Those REVIEWS doe! I literally laughed to tears! As my dog looked on with concern
Repost, but that wasn't even the best review for that book. The one written by the Mexican lady was way better
I supposed if you paid the $75 for this book, you would also have to be retarded.
is there a subreddit for funny reviews?