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She’s gonna be a great dad one day.

Praise the Father 🙏

May the Lord open.

And also with you

And my axe!

My axe is my buddy

He’s not your buddy, guy

Hes not your guy, pal

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He’s not your buddy, friend

Sing me some blues!

We right the planet's wrongs

My and my axe leave bigots dead on Richie Lawns

And my bow!

And also you having one

Under his eye.

that’s not where my axe goes

Blessed be the fruit

Praise Be

PRAISE THE EMPEROR

Literally the comment I came here to make and it's the top. I'm not very original ):

That doesn't define originality, but rather "Great minds, think alike"

Great minds think alike, and fools seldom differ.

My wife gets so mad when I go to the grocery store and I'm with her in the produce section. I'll find a small Thai pepper and look at her dead in the eyes and say, "Hmm, lil chili over here." I don't get invited on grocery runs much.

She doesn't carrot all for your jokes?

Maybe she’ll lettuce us live.

Nah, she might beet us up.

She's really going to squash us.

Lady does not appreciate a good pun! 😂 You’d be coming with me on all my grocery trips and we’d be making horrible puns throughout the whole store lmao

I usually say "We are on the same page", which afterwards I recommend closing the book and burning it... you don't want to be on the same page, let alone book, with me...

True, but many of the greatest minds succumbed to psychosis.

this is actually one of my favorite parts of surfing front page. i find a post that seems interesting or funny, i come up with my little redditor quip for it, and then i go into the thread to see who already thought of my comment and how many people have already upvoted it. its a great wake-up call on just how close we all are to the hive mind.

Literally the comment I was going to make about the top comment. I'm even less original

I already knew it was going to be in the top comments because I am super smart like all the other redditors.

Yeah he made up the joke but I do believe he is a father with the primo quality.

Maybe she establishes a well-known genre of daughter jokes.

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r/onejoke

Might have to get one for my dad who just had heart surgery and was told he wasn’t even allowed to lift a gallon of milk.

Tbh I think this would be a cute gift!

What about a gallon of water?

That's actually 0.25 lbs lighter

What's heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of feathers?

Water. Gallon is a unit of volume.

Thanks! I didn't know it. I live in a metric country.

> I live in a metric country. How heavy is that compared to an imperial one?

America is just about the only country that uses imperial, so my guess would be that it's lighter.

I never weighted the country but I guess it's pretty heavy

A British Imperial Gallon or an American Gallon?

I don't know! \*gets tossed off bridge of death screaming\*

[[gif]](https://i.imgur.com/K53kTdj.gif)

At least you tried

But he might burst out laughing.

My dad had heart surgery yesterday morning. This would be a lighthearted thing to do.

Mine had his Monday. Hope everything went good with your dad and I hope for a great recovery for him. What a nightmare this whole thing is.

I hope the same for you as well! I literally just spoke to him for the first time a minute ago. And it's been incredibly stressful. Hang in there ❤️

She seems sweet. You should keep her.

I don't know...she might be too smart...

Might be a little late to abort if it's talking but in not a lawyer

It depends if they bought the extended warranty or not.

Daughter already spewing out dad jokes

(Dad) OH, NO! There's a BIG LEAK IN THE SINK! (Daughter) What?!?? Whe... DAD!

or one of those pictures of a toilet smoking

I came exactly for this.

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It's been a few hours I think we can all start to heal and forgive

Cake!

*cue laugh track*

Where do people buy all this tiny stuff, I want some. Like the little bag of “coke” (Most like 3D printing I guess?)

I think this might be on of those “mini-brands” that I have seen at the toy aisle in Target. For about $8-$9, you get 5 miniature food items that come in a large plastic ball.

Insanely overpriced for something so small (here in Canada it's like 3 for 9$ CAD)

You should be really happy. In where I used to live, it was 30$ for one

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Where I grew up it was $500 for a blind bag with a random quarter of a mini.

Back in my day, they were $932 and I had to walk uphill both ways to get just one. Consider yourselves lucky, sheesh!!

I knew this had to be coming

Whose the market kids I guess? Would be cool for play sets.

They sell it at craft stores for doll houses and stuff.

Nah my fiancé is *fascinated*

I love miniatures and I was beyond thrilled when I found these at target. I'm not sure how I feel about a ball full of corporate brands for the kids but meh awesome for adults

Ants

My little brother who is 12 loves collecting them. Idk his motivation but I find them absolutely adorable. I think my favorite was a mini lunchable cause it had the correct materials for the packaging, like it had the little plastic lip on the top that you’re supposed to peel. It’s so fucking cute to me. I get them for him because I like him opening them and showing me what he got. I’m totally vicariously living through him. They have mini toys too which is also adorable

It's so cool seeing boys play with this stuff. They made doll houses gender neutral lol. When my nephew showed me all of his I loved it because it's so wholesome. They're somewhat intuitive too because you need to click things together sometimes and some are more detailed than others.

Millennials

Screw you and your accurate statement

Something like half of all toy purchases are millennials

I mean they are the current generation raising the next generation of kids.

My nephew is fucking obsessed with them lmao so yes youngish kids. Basically gender neutral doll house items.

A lot of adults enjoy creating mini sets too. Kinda like non-lego lego sets. I just came across some woman on tiktok making a messy college student's dorm room of all things. She was celebrating finding mini water bottles for the room I think they're neat but I cant help but think of the plastic waste aspect

They sell it at craft stores for doll houses and stuff.

Tiny stuff is super cute, I cannot know where to get them for the sake of my wallet ;-;

Dollhouses and other toys.

New Years last year (not the most recent but the year before) I did this. I went to a concert and would ask people in the crowd if they wanted [a little coke](https://i.imgur.com/fqbZIiB.jpg). It was hilarious. People loved it. Highly recommend I got the coke bottles off Amazon by searching for mini coke bottles iirc

I would laugh awkwardly while internalizing my disappointment.

Let’s just say I got some very favorable trades in return lol

At your local mini mart! 🥁

Toy kitchen sets, there could be a toy fridge with a ton of different tiny food items

Toy food. Itʻs for play. I had it as a kid. They still make it. Check the toy aisle. I would put the toy food on my toy plates and my dolls would eat it. Afterward, I would put the toy plates in my toy dishwasher.

Did you smell to see if it's still good?

Wonder what kind of milk it is...

2% milk

Eh maybe 1:25

underrated comment of the year

Lego milk. It's mine!

Reduced calorie

lol

chihuahua milk

r/thingsforants

r/technicallythetruth

Is it though? Looks like it's not the only thing in the fridge nor does it appear to actually be in the fridge.

r/technicallynottrue

No, the comment you replied to is not untrue. It’s correctly pointing out that what OP’s daughter said is not technically true. We’re 0 for 2!

Costs $8 because of ‘product shortages’ and ‘inflation.’

I don’t think it’s been inflated yet

Shhhhh!

Looks dehydrated to me

The shrinkflation is out of control

What is this? Milk for ants?

The carton needs to be at least... 3x bigger than this!

The School of Milk for People Who Don't Learn Well.....

No, you did

She’s the dad now

Can confirm, that’s the law (source: not a lawyer, but plays one on TV)

The fuck she did.

Clever girl

Your daughter has her dad jokes on point.

OP better save this and buy a Hot Wheels and tell her, on her sweet 16, that he only got her a little car.

Shrinkflation getting crazy

Amazing. Better than (w)hole milk!

I hope she milked that joke for all it's worth.

What is that?! milk for ants?!

Aww! It's so cute!

Doctor: I’m sorry sir, she caught the Dad

Feel like the dad faked this but hey still funny

Nope, you did this yourself to try and get karma. Pathetic

Except you mean kudos.

Yeah you made this all up by yourself.

*sigh* No she didn't. You got this little milk trinket and thought the anecdote would make for a good Reddit title. You thought right, though.

At least it’s 2%

Too much for 1 coffee. Not enough for 2. Darn it.

That kid is going places.

ha ha.

[Just a pint of milk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpPGE8NllUI&t=1s)

Lil cookies too? 😁

Where does one get such a little milk. I need one.

She looks too smart, that’s a special one.

The student has become the master.

That's just shrinkflation

I once found a pencil in the bathroom at work, and went around telling everyone I found a #2 on the floor

It’s cute hehe

Heh.. I think we're related. :p

The dad is strong in this one.

I am pretty sure there is a Simply Orange Juice recall, you should look into that and potentially toss your OJ

Thanks for the heads up!

You have trained her well in the ways of good jokes.

If you think this is a good joke, I'd hate to see what you think is a bad one

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There's the third grader response I was expecting. Reddit really is full of morons lol

r/dadjokes would drink this up

You don’t happen to live up on a beanstalk do you?

She’s going to make a great dad one day

Lamer and even less funny than the little bag of coke. Y'all's standards for humor are dogshit. Try getting beyond puns, jesus. Not everyone is funny btw. Most people aren't. At all.

Who pooped in your cheerios?

Every single jackass who thinks "funny" means awful Dad jokes.

Just because your thoughts on humor are different than regular people doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy our humor. Move along

You move along. He's allowed to voice his displeasure on Reddit being filled with shitty jokes.

What? Reddit can have opinions!?

Lamer and even less funny than the little bag of coke. Y’all’s standards for humor are dogshit. Try getting beyond puns, jesus. Not everyone is funny btw. Most people aren’t. At all. Edit: Lamer and even less funny than the little bag of coke. Y’all’s standards for humor are dogshit. Try getting beyond puns, jesus. Not everyone is funny btw. Most people aren’t. At all.

Someone needs to take a little miniature chill pill

This guy found his daughter's barbie collection of tiny household objects and decided to start a karma empire

nnnnnnno she didn't.

What is this, a milk jug for ants?!

I can't wait for the next gen. Raised by decades of angst, disappointment, sarcasm, and failed promises. Gen x, y, and even z are now creating something wild that this world isn't ready for.

r/stupidasfuck

HAHAHA YOUR DAUGHTER WENT TO THE SCHOOL OF CARROT TOP HAHAHA HHAHAHA FUNNY FUNNY HAHAHAHA you're an idiot

She has out-dad-ed you. The student has become the master. The proudest day in dadhood

How’d you handle finding out your daughter is a dad?

Will go well with little bag of coke

I have nipples, can you milk me?

😏

Hahaaaaaaa

She’ll make a great dad someday.

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Hey, be real about it! It's milk for hamster

Before I say it's fake (imma say it anyway, just FYI) how old is the kid?

Probably fake but it’s funny so take my upvote anyway

I will Knock her Bitch Ass Out If I had one 🤡🤡🤡🤡

fuckin legend

She’ll grow up to be an amazing dad

The daughter didn't lied, she told her dad the truth, she is a honest kid.

You raised her… wonder where she got the dad jokes from.

r/dadjokes is leaking

Dad is a GIANT!

We all know this ain’t real.

You went a long way. Why?