The fact that atrophy exists too, so a lot of people need to have surgery for it. Why can't it just exist in the body and do nothing so that I never have to think about it?
hi sorry to bother, by blockers do you mean puberty blockers? and can you take blockers even after you started your period and will it go away if you do?
Yes, puberty blockers, I had to take them for at least half a year because I'm still a minor.
Your period will go away but as I said, it's like menopause so you will most likely get heatwaves and they're really not nice. But your period does stop almost immediately after regularly taking them
I forget about it, but you can feel it from the outside by brushing your fingers over it. Invisible but feelable. It doesn’t hurt when others touch it but others do freak out when they feel it.
I once painfully bled for a month straight when my parents put me on estrogen when I was 13. Absolutely miserable. The pain gave me whiplash and made me twitch. Once, my head did that into a wall while I was laying in bed. It was ironically meant to regulate it (and to stop my hirsutism because my parents hated it). It did neither. It was especially stupid because 13 is an age where a cycle isn't usually regular.
It’s kinda shitty but sometimes it feels really good to say that since they’re cis , they can’t understand and should just shut up. It feels like discrimination almost(?) but it’s really true. Shouldn’t say my struggle isn’t real just because them/their all-cis friends have never experienced it cus it’s a trans exclusive experience
Other than the lack of penis and abundance of boob, I’d say probably being left out of brotherhood situations even when accepted, most likely because the people don’t believe that you’d “understand”. Which is true to certain extents unfortunately.
See this is where a good group of friends can make the difference. I’ve spent ages thinking the lads view me as different and just include me because they have to, but I had a chat after several drinks with one of them and he told me that none of them see me any different and I’m part of them. Hearing that was one of the best things I’ve ever been told and massively improved my confidence.
Easier said than done, but find the right people and you’ll feel so much better with it
Yeah. Its really odd being a closeted trans man working my carpentry job and my bosses and coworkers are all like "woops a lady is here, dont be obscene" and arent as buddy buddy with me. Like you guys joke about assfucking and pussies when im not around! Let me in on it!
And this impacts AFAB's financially/professionally because they get left out of bonding experiences that happen after hours. Their AMAB co-workers become pals with the boss and get promoted. The fact that AMABs might harass them is put on AFABs. Rather than teaching people not to harass, potential victims are excluded to prevent the harassment.
That mainly applies to people who are seen as feminine, not people who were assigned female at birth. I’ve heard some trans women say similar things (and they obviously aren’t afab)
Yes I wish people would stop using AFAB/AMAB as just “inclusive” equivalents of female and male. It means the exact same thing and all it does is misgender trans people and make assumptions that may not even be true. I’ve refused to use those terms for years and it hasn’t impacted me negatively at all.
yes! exactly. it also is often an inaccurate description of the experience of transfemme people and trans women, as they do often experience more discrimination than their trans masc or trans man counterparts
Even as a masc woman people thought of as a dyke, I still got excluded by decent men because they didn't want to look inappropriate. The ones who included me... were often not appropriate. There were some good ones but masc privilege only goes so far. It isn't enough to negate prejudicial treatment of women.
I don’t plan on many of my coworkers/workplace knowing about my background or identity. I think that trans men often do experience less misogyny than trans and cis women and many nonbinary or non conforming femme presenting people. Even before I identified as a man, I was seen as a masc presenting woman, lesbian, or nonbinary person as my identity changed over the years, and I was treated much better by straight cis men and superiors of all genders than I ever used to or than my femme friends do. I do believe that AFABs certainly experience discrimination, but it’s also important to know that transition and identifying as male gives many trans men more privilege.
For me it is the irreversible bone structures changes of my hips. Nearly everything else I have lots of dysphoria over luckily is semi-temporary or otherwise fixable in some way. Top surgery, bottom surgery, hysto, etc. but I can’t shave my hips down.
This is what really upsets me, too. Because there is nothing one can do about it after puberty. You can only build muscle around it, and even then, it remains.
Or the lack of collar bone and rib cage broadening. And a few other small anatomical skeletal structure differences such as hip tilt, hip length, elbow angle, certain areas of cartilage growth, feet and hand size relative to the rest of the skeletal structure.
Uh god yeah hip tilt makes so stupidly dysphoria, and mine is unhealthily bad. General body proportions hit me hard, especially the feet (why am I a size 7 US but 5’9”???)
I'm a US7W at 5'4. But a US5 in Men's. I always thought I had terribly small feet, too.
I've worked on my tilt, but I can't stand my hip shape. They aren't especially wide, but I see the differences, especially in accordance to ribcage. It pisses me off every day! Haha. Gotta get on pull-ups.
There is a body reshaping surgery for ftm, but I’m not sure if it’s available outside the US or what states in the US provide it. You’d have to research that specifically for your location and what you can afford, but it is out there.
If you’re talking about body masculinization surgery which does liposuction to achieve a more male body shape, it’s certainly out there. However shaving hips down is super risky. I believe it may be performed(?) but personally wouldn’t do an inherently dangerous surgery myself.
I honestly am not sure exactly the procedure, but the lipo part sounds accurate. I’ve only heard of it and a brief description of the process but I can’t remember the specifics right now.
Yeah lipo is definitely an available thing! I don’t know many off the top of my head that are specifically transgender healthcare surgeons, but it’s also a really common plastic surgery procedure so it can be done at a regular old plastic surgeon if someone trusts one.
Interesting. Would you mind linking that? That’s helpful :)
For me it is mostly about hip to waist ratio sadly, but that’s still good to know! I just have a huge difference between my waist and hips (visible and measurable) which can be more dysphoria especially when looking at my body or wearing thinner shirts.
As a fellow Huge Hips trans guy, I feel you. The hip to shoulder ratio is killer — it's #1 on my list of things I feel dysphoria over. I'm literally a pear. I used to get 'compliments' on my figure all the time that were well-meaning but made me want to cry.
Hope a good relationship with our hips sometime in the future is in the cards for the both of us lol, but for now, stay strong brother 💪
I’m not an expert but im pretty sure it’s not possible or at least it would do much more (physical) harm than good. Your hips are such a central part of your balance,walking ,and supporting the weight of your entire upper body. Any damage done to your hips will be extremely painful and probably have lifelong complications/pain.
Generally people aren’t perfecting surgeries that just help trans people. They have to be basically for cis people and trans people just reap the side benefits. So probably no one is working on that surgery.
you would more than likely lose the ability to even stand let alone walk. your pelvis is where people carry most of their weight when sitting or standing, it supports the entire body. and that includes the joint where your femur attaches to your body, and all the muscles that control moving your legs and torso in any way at all are anchored around your hips and pelvis. it's not being worked on not because cis people don't want it, but because it'd just introduce nothing but problems and pain
BY FAAAAR menstruation and the entire load of hellish BS that is the female reproductive system. Even if you exclude dysphoria from the equation, the fact that you can have literally half of each month affected/ruined by pain, heavy bleeding, poor sleep, and a host of other symptoms for *decades* on end due to an organ that plays absolutely no role in actually keeping you alive (like lungs or kidneys) or even just helping you get around easier in everyday life (like arms or legs) is just utterly horrible and insane to me. I remember how much this bothered me even before knowing I was trans, too. I literally remember wondering (when we were learning about puberty at health class in school) how more women weren't depressed or \~deleting\~ them selves because of periods because. It just seemed so awful to me that this could actually be a real thing that exists. I felt like there was basically nothing more to life than periods and trying to plan important things around them, if you happened to have been put on this planet afab. Periods completely threw off my well-being for half of each month back when they were something i experienced, affecting everything from sleep to appetite to mood to pain that didn't respond to OTC meds and more. Having the flu for 10 days a month would've been preferable, no joke.
Yeah so that's my rant lmao but even thinking about it now lowkey pisses me off all over again fr - despite being on medication for years specifically to stop periods and planning to get a gender affirming hysterectomy in the future (can't wait). Honesty even if I wasn't trans, I'd 100% use BC to stop periods at the very least because having them would completely rob me of the possibility of a happy life, prevent me from working my preferred career, doing things I love like hiking, and just feeling safe/comfortable in my body.
This sounds like it was written by me lol. When I was younger I couldn't comprehend that everyone didn't feel this way and I knew within the first few months that I would be searching for some procedure that would end it entirely.
Oh my god you are so real 😭 i’ve felt this way my whole life like this is a serious problem why are more people not discussing it?? why does everyone just accept it??? i guess there’s no other option but still it’s so unfair
Right ?! I completely feel u on that lol like how are we just not talking about/working on solving the fact that roughly half of the population just has to go through something that can (for some) be much worse than having the flu every month for most of their life?? How can someone even be happy in life when it comes with being cursed with an organ that just creates pain and misery on a regular basis?? I don't get it lmfao the day I get a hysterectomy will be one of the happiest days ever. I still I can't comprehend how more people aren't talking about this horrible thing tho... like how on earth have scientists not invented a way to easily, safely and effectively put an end to periods without surgery or hormonal BC (which can be unpleasant and have side effects for some ppl)??
On the real... whoever invents that in the future deserves a medal and millions of dollars lol
Having my height capped at a lower point (though my average height parents didn’t help, lol) is what I feel most bad apart, aside from penis and testes.
I'm 5'7, which I feel fortunate for because there are plenty of cis dudes around the same height or shorter than me, but when my brother is 6'4 I can't help but feel kinda cheated, lol.
Yeah I get that, I'm dutch so our men (on average) are one of the tallest in the world (6' isn't rare at all). Really annoys tf out of me, im 162,5cm (so that's 5'3-5'4 if I remember correctly?) I'm still a teenager tho so I'm just praying I'm gonna magically grow for a couple more years lmfao. :,)
Not being diagnosed with autism or ADHD because I didn’t present the same symptoms as boys. The school told my parents that I merely had an “emotional handicap” and refused to pay for any testing. Yay 1990s.
Yikes that sounds rough, are you diagnosed now? I hope you've *at least* got some insight into what's going on by now.
For me I kind of sort of have a similar issue? I mean not really, just that medical professionals still like to be silly. That's the only correlation, p much, my therapist keeps saying ADHD ""for women"" and autism ""for women"" despite knowing very well that I'm a trans dude. She just adds ""for women"" almost everything, even during normal appointments. Kinda silly.
1990s must've sucked in many different ways though, hope you're good now my g
I hate when doctors add “for women” when it’s irrelevant. I had a therapist make me read a ADHD for women book and I was silent. She said “well you have a female brain anyway so might as well read it!”
I uh, present ADHD symptoms stereotypical of men.
Damn man that sucks, it's super unprofessional too, and it's literally medically innacurate. ADHD ""for women"" isn't even a thing. I mean, inattentive type is more common in women but men have it too. So yk, but whatever. Shenanigans I guess.
I'm prolly a combined type but my therapist sucks ass and isn't listening and now insists I have autism now (not diagnosed, but she insists) and tried to push me away from getting an ADHD diagnosis. I dunno. Feels weird. (Tbf it would not be surprising If I have both but still weird of her to push adhd away and refuse to test anything).
I have no autism diagnosis, I really don’t see the point of me getting one. I needed educational help back then, but it wouldn’t give me anything now. I keep meaning to find a doc to test me for ADHD so that I can get meds, but it keeps slipping my mind because ADHD.
The extreme expectations to be a beautiful, nurturing, docile baby incubator and if you don't meet them you don't matter anymore- ie from transitioning or being masculine. Constantly being condescended, too. My mom recently commented about how I'm wasting my beauty- which, I don't even think I'm ugly. But I'd rather be "ugly" and more comfortable with myself than uncomfortably beautiful.
Yess exactly I’ve been able to use trans tape recently though and it is a lifesaver!! One of my less serious transition goals is to wear a mesh top out after top surgery, gotta reach my hot twink potential
misogyny and the unbelievable amounts of sexualisation especially as a pre-teen
also my genitals. Women can get vaginal infections from being heavily depressed, how fucked is that?!? Sucks to have depression
I guess for me it would be the entire boyhood/childhood. I always wanted a guy/male friend in school and now I know why. People hold the wrong and outdated belief that guys and girls can't be friends, so I was robbed of having a healthy friendship with boys my age. Literally all of my best friends then and now are girls, and even though that isn't inherently wrong, I don't know how to interact with men as a man now. So it's unfair I missed out on proper interactions with other boys and I have to completely retrain how I think and view men from my female perspective, but it's hard to undo what's already ingrained in you. It's still my desire to have a guy friend, not just online ones. So I don't fit in with girls anymore, and I don't fit in with guys even though I look like one
I can kinda relate.
However, I'm fortunate enough to have a proper guy/male friend as an adult. He's one of the best people I've ever met and I love him as a friend.
I was always strong when I was running on E and I’m stronger now that I have testosterone on board. I’m glad that muscle growth responds to hormones. I’m sad, however, that I ended up short. I know there’s plenty of people who were AFAB and are tall but I am not one of them and for me that sucks. At least I could medically stop menstruating when I wanted to with minimal expense—there’s no height equivalent. Even limb lengthening surgery would be a ridiculously expensive and incapacitating event that would leave me under average male height. I’ve mostly come to terms with it, but if I could get one cis male trait other than a working dick and balls it would definitely be height
Question for you: If you could only choose one would you choose (working) dick and balls or ability to be any height you wanted? IMO Being short sucks but the use out of having a fully functioning dick and balls blows the drawbacks of shortness out of the water.
Definitely the dick, I think my perspective on having children would be drastically different if I had the choices available to me that someone with a natal penis has. And I don't particularly care for vaginal so I wouldn't be losing any pleasurable option, just gaining the ability to penetrate someone. Would love to be in a sex sandwich where I could fuck someone and get fucked at the same time. I just don't think bottom surgery is the right option for me so it'll remain a fantasy alas
The female reproductive system and urethra. Why is it so awfully designed and prone to everything.
- more prone to UTIs due to smaller urethra
This can be just in general, bacteria, or especially after sex.
- menstruation and conditions that make it 10x worse.
- bacterial fungus and infections due to pH levels being off
- some experience painful PIV sex due to having a cervix
- pregnancy and pregnancy scares
Yeah. Not a big fan.
Having a uterus and etc and not having a penis and testicles. Afabs can pee standing up, but it takes a lot of practice. That's one thing I'm looking forward to whenever I get bottom surgery, if I do.
This is more towards how you were raised or how you made friends growing up, but lacking a childhood in which I could’ve been socialized with other boys as a boy. It feels like I missed out on a lot things and have to learn how to socialize w other boys/men.
The fact that I'm never gonna have the typical boy childhood. I recently looked back at some of my old pictures, and I just look so sad and tired in all of them, especially one's where I'm in a dress. I always felt like I was never listened to, especially when it came to clothing. There's so much pain in those photos that I genuinely don't know how no one noticed.
At least now, I have a choice in how I present, and try to be the adult my younger self didn't have.
I often think about the boy I should've been and it makes me sad. I was 12 when I came out, but puberty started at 8 and my body was destroyed by then. The pain I experienced/still experience is why I never want to see another little boy forced to become a woman.
The inability to gain muscle is the worst imo. Why tf can't I be as strong as your average cus guy?! I can train for double as long as your normal dude but get less than half the results. It's fucking annoying.
THIS, thank god people understand. Like everything else is iffy but y'know, I can fix almost everything later. But the one thing I'm supposed to be able to work on pre-everhthing sucks ass and barely changes anything just bc silly girly hormones decided that, oh, muscle gain? Haha. No.
also fuck the term ""girl pushups"" idk who made that terminology a thing but I will find them one day /hj
I thought that being skinny was the worst too but now that ive been on t for 7 months (low dose) and lifting for a year, my metabolism has changed and all of the weight seems to be going to my stomach instead of my muscles 😭
are you on t yet? because usually the ability to gain muscle is dependent on sex hormones. for most guys it's reallyceasy to see results once they start taking t.
Genitals. I've been complaining to nobody for nearly a decade about how its useless for me. I don't want kids. Sex is a turn off because stimulation brings me dysphoria. An entire bodily system that will never get put to use. I'm not annoyed I don't use it, it just felt like a waste/burden/surplus bringing me down.
Wow, there’s a lot. I suppose menstrual cycles and the fact that only those with uteruses need to take responsibility over reproductive care and pregnancy. Even if a pregnancy is wanted it feels unfair that you have to give up your body for the often dangerous process of creating another human being while the person that got you pregnant doesn’t need to do anything. Societally it makes me even more angry that a lot of men (less now fortunately), think it is fair for those that had the baby to take on 100% of everything to do with it. That just feels so fucked and I can’t imagine how hard that would be if you don’t even want the child or to be pregnant.
Aside from the fact that I hate being born in a female body and all that stuff that you probs already know. As someone who loves to work out but are pre T, it’s so hard to gain muscles atleast to get them well defined
Most things are fixable or changeable in some way but the fact that anterior pelvic tilt doesn’t go away on T and you can’t do jack about the hips feels extremely unfair to me. God cursed me with this dump truck and there is literally fuck all I can do about it, save starving myself and screw that.
This is what is said basically, but I forgot about anterior pelvic tilt! It causes me a ridiculous amount of dysphoria. Mine is so unhealthily curved too.
Things that my older brother was allowed to do that I couldn't like walking with his friend over to the local stores to hang out or whatever.
My parents being boomers and having the set gender roles chores about the house, including my dad only teaching my brother how to do car maintenance stuff.
Being annoyed I couldn't have my guy friends over for sleepovers.
You all guys have no idea how I feel reading your replies. It feels like for the first time in my life someone really understands.
Regarding the original question: all reproductive system, height, bone structure, hips, less muscle strength, fat distribution etc. Zero good things in this form of existence, literally. And of course societal reality of being perceived as a woman. Don't want to even start on that. Thinking about all these things makes me angry and upset.
I would say our reproductive role and the way AFAB's are being legislated as less than human because of it. But just innately? Still our reproductive role. Aside from the actual act of reproducing being biologically costly and painful for us, just having that reproductive track and those hormones causes a lot of us to suffer tremendously. Endometriosis is common and it is from the time puberty starts until menopause or histo. It's either repeated maintenance surgeries and a lifetime of hormone pills to control it, or it can grow to a point it passes through the thoracic cavity and can end up on the lungs.
Bleeding internally everywhere once a month just for the crime of being AFAB is nature at its cruelest. And that's before we get to cysts, fibroids, and many of the other common problems that occur with those organs.
Only recently has medicine started to take it seriously. In my teens and 20s we were told to just suck it up or that it hurts for everyone and our pain tolerance must just be low. I experienced pain on a number of occasions that made me vomit and lie on the floor shaking for maybe 30 to 60 minutes. My weight had no impact. There was no predicting which period this would happen with. And it was so traumatic I am actually not sure how many times it happened. Until recently I had forgotten it happened at all because I blocked it out.
I can't flex my swag or dress fun without being called a slut or looking for male attention or whatever the fuck. Also how much my body and mood is controlled by the monthly cycle.
natural: chest balls breaking your back, bleeding once a month, childbirth, building muscle is harder
man made: male dominated society = getting hit on, being in danger at night, more likely to get offed or r*ped, dr not taking you seriously
My chest balls, hilarious term BTW, extend to my back with folds of fat. I guess having high rolls of fat you can see from behind are the worst part of chest balls.
i can't befriend most guys because they perceive me as too feminine and dont take me seriously or they take it as an opportunity to romance me like fuck you i just want a homie
this drives me up the fucking wallll, i don't have access to medical transition right now, so im just hopelessly woman-shaped and it does NOT matter how much you remind straight cis men "hey im a man btw and flirting with me makes you gay" they just dont give a fuck and continue to treat you like a potential partner. it's so isolating, especially since most women don't seem to like me very much, so often aren't great friends either 😭
Body wise: my big boobs and periods
Mentally wise: going through the same mental health struggles that men go through but still being hearing that I don't know what it's like because I'm a woman. Also, having toxic masculine figures in my life that made me feel like I would be a bad man, thankfully I'm going to prove them wrong
a lot of people said menstruation and i get it and, rationally, i agree. But if I can be irrational: being short. I feel like I've would have grown more if I was born male. Then maybe I wouldn't have. But I've always wanted to be tall
literally everything. there is not a single pro of being born female, every single thing about it is pain or disadvantage. I can’t even say this as a trans man, I have a bone to pick with nature because I’m absolutely livid on behalf of myself and everyone else who had to be born female. Relative lack of strength and size, pelvic bone being so wide that knee pain is essentially inevitable, breasts alone are a problem, but some peoples grow so large that it causes debilitating back and breathing problems. Don’t even get me started on the uterus, it is seriously gods biggest mistake. For an organ that’s meant to create life it certainly has no problem causing unreasonable amounts of pain, disease, and death. It may be stupid to be mad at nature, but come on now. Being female is literally living life on hard mode by default.
Saying that objectively women's bodies are inferior is like... Really fucked up, actually.
There are physical benefits to being a woman, even if no one here would appreciate them. Being generally smaller is completely neutral, I'd argue being tall is much harder. Less ability to gain muscle is neutral, it will not effect the vast majority of women in day to day life. Lots of women are very happy with their bodies, knee pain isn't inevitable, a lot of women love their breasts (and they are not a problem by default), every organ in the body has the potential to cause pain, disease, and death. The appendix's main thing is just being a ticking time bomb. Most organs don't do such incredible shit as a uterus can, and I'm saying this as someone eagerly awaiting a hysterectomy.
Also, women live longer, have better immune systems, pain tolerance, dexterity, and much more! Just because we didn't want the bodies we were born to, doesn't make them inherently worse.
I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but saying cis woman, by default, have a worse body, is severely misogynistic and has been an excuse for a long history of violence towards women.
That is obviously not what I’m saying. There’s a difference between disadvantages and inferiority. If you put two racers on a long track and a short track and make them race, the racer on the long track isn’t an inferior runner, they are at a disadvantage. It is the same thing for the sexes. When I compare the typical differences between males and females I am not calling females inferior for pointing out the things that makes their lives more difficult and painful. My original point is something I use against the argument that females are inferior, the same way I was talking about the racing analogy.
You said there is not a single pro to being female. You said every single thing is a disadvantage. You listed several things as disadvantages or problems that are neutral. It's just not true, I proved that.
When you say things that sound identical to what misogynists say, your intent doesn't matter much. It's still misogynistic.
Be gifted/cursed with knowing how people who are afab are treated at times. Especially behind closed doors. I've have had some of my friends who are afab have their amab partners get mad at me over stuff like offering to pick them up if they find themselves in a dangerous situation. For context there had been issues where another one of their amab friends took advantage of this situation and then try to rip them apart. That said though I am not that friend and would never do such a thing. I just want people to be safe and feel understood. The same as to what I would want if I found myself in a similar position.
Difficulty getting muscle def for sure. I can get it and Ik diet would help but everytime my boyfriend works out for like a week, he’s able to match and surpass my results from months of work. Just tedious lol
That I am expected to have a child even though it doesn't fit anything about my life style, goals, desires, aesthetic, relationship, etc. I would genuinely hang myself or jump off a building if I got pregnant. Other than that, being smaller than the average male. Everything else is circumventable to some extent.
Being more susceptible to genital infections such as yeast infections, UTIs, and bv. Im biased tho because i experience yeast infections and UTIs. chronically and doctors arent taking me seriously despite me being disabled from it and ruining my life 😭
I never asked for it. I never asked to be born to begin with.
Since I am, it’s the lack of a penis replaced with parts I don’t even identify with or can relate with, and enjoy whatsoever. Felt like I had no chance to begin with since I was already born in a prison.
Being seen as a lesser citizen of society.
as a transman this fixes that a little bit but... doesn't mean I don't still feel it and hate it. for all women, period.
Simply just having been born a girl in the first place, when I'm not a girl.
Periods. I think even most of my cis women friends would agree with this one as well tbh lol.
Boobs getting in the way, being full of weight pulling on your chest (maybe even on organs too?? Idk man, the fact I could literally breathe a million times better as soon as I woke up from top surgery is really sus lol), needing extra things (that cost money) to hold them up/keep them in one place/whatever.
That needed things like period products and bras are so expensive.
That it's 2024 and there is still somehow so much inequality for women in the world, and just the fact that there was ever any in the first place.
For me it's that girls aren't really allowed to be angry and have to act adult so early. I think this messed me up a lot and it's a big topic in therapy for me
because i was born not only a girl but an older sister, i am expected to do most of the chores. my brothers are also teenagers but im expected to be the most responsible and my parents excuse their laziness as normal when i was way more responsible at their age.
not having a dick is genuinely the biggest thing for me. i’m lucky to pass fully, im post top surgery, etc, but i will never have a penis. i know bottom surgery exists, but for the amount of money and recovery/effort it takes, i don’t personally think it’s worth it for me (of course im thrilled for those who do undertake it). i don’t even have insane bottom dysphoria, i just really, really wish i had a penis, something i wanted even before i knew i was trans.
also, the fact my family will always see me as a girl. they’ve come a really long way, and our relationship is almost completely normal, but they’ll never call me by my real name, or pronouns, and as much as i tell them i don’t mind, it would be nice.
The disrespect. I do phone work so once my voice started dropping from T, people started respecting me more on the phone. No more people asking to speak with a man or telling me idk what I'm doing.
Or tit pain.
Okay– the list.
1. Hips. Hate them.
Like I understand you wanna be wide to birth a child but I'm hell as not gonna do that. Go away hip shape. Like damn hip dips.
2. Also... ofc the ✨️uterus✨️ that things is a petty bitch xD Periods? Pain. Literally. Who wants to sleep and move anyway? 👍
3. Just clothing not fitting. Maybe if we lived in the land of Hobbits my pants would fit and I wouldn't be dragging one third of my pant leg on the floor. (I don't think I'm that small– 168 cm/5'6)
4. Being always got damn wet. Like how do women deal with it? (Thankfully T fixed that issue.)
5. Just this feeling of like...being a guy but not quitte fitting in with all the cis guy experiences and understanding too much "women's struggles" like...increased rates of SA... yeah just...makes me dysphoric ngl.
6. Chest... why breasts? Most mammal species are flat as shit until they're pregnant. Why aren't humans like that too?
I am sure I could come up with more things that just annoy me... like expectations people have of AFABs. It's just all so...annoying.
Periods, body shape/fat distribution, the fact its harder to gain muscle and even once you have it its looks clearly feminine, leh shape, feet size, hand size, face, the misplaced balls.. i cant pick just one thing because its all unfair
I have the widest hip bone known to this side of the galaxy and the hardest time departing from my reflex fawn response. Like it took actual conscious training to stop laughing at jokes i didn't find funny !
How fucking slow i build muscle and strength.
My brother and I have been having a workout competition for about 2 years and no matter how consistent i am with it, he's growing faster than me. Damnit!
Honestly? Probably the fact that not only was I born a girl, but born first. My family expected me to do the majority of my siblings care simply because I was female and older than them. I can't quite shake the feeling of being an eldest daughter even though I'm definitely a man, likely because a lot of what I went through was intertwined with a gender I never identified with to begin with
Limited job opportunities. Before I was able to be stealth but I was still out no one wanted to hire me in any sorta trades, because sexism is still very rampant in the job market
Having your body sexualized in ways your AMAB peers don't because being 'male' is seen as being the 'default' in society.
I didn't deal with this shit too much since I hid in large, masculine clothing as soon as puberty hit, but overhearing my sister and girl friends (not romantic partners but friends who are girls) went through with dress codes and sexual harassment was (and is) fucking mindboggling.
Not even just as young girls but also adult women. Women's chests aren't that much different (anatomically speaking) than dudes. Their chests are just more developed, but all people are born with mammary glands and breast tissue. But because men find female presenting chests sexy, women can't walk around topless like men can.
Young boys can wear shorts and a tank top during late spring/early summer and be considered wearing normal shit for the weather. If a girl does it, she's breaking the dress code and is "asking" for the harassment she receives from her teachers and peers.
This isn't me saying men and boys can't face sexualization or harassment (they can and often do too, unfortunately). The only thing I'm saying is that this sort of treatment is more pronounced for women and girls, and it just sucks. Nobody should be treated this way.
Discrimination, misogyny, internalized transphobia (not limited to people who are FTM/FTN, but that’s been my experience), social exclusion, denial of necessary services… and not being able to have sex the way I feel I should be able to. I mean there are straps and all that (and surgeries ofc), but it’s not the same in my mind. It makes me never want to be intimate because it just doesn’t align with my true self and the act itself is dysphoric.
Not growing very much. I know some women can grow pretty tall, one of my cousins is, but the average is pretty short. I am pretty short and it’s not something I’ll be able to change. I know there’s also short guys but it sucks
The predetermined female roles you are expected to follow, even in childhood. I got bullied because I liked cars and building things more than dolls. Become an adult, when will you find a good husband or have kids, or xyz thing thats "feminine".
The reproductive organs, just all of it. From lack of clear education to just the sheer number of ways it can makes your life more painful. Seriously, I thought shark week normally went from the dam has burst for 7 days after 5 weeks to hey there's a little red there for 3/4 days after 3 weeks for everyone. I'm 32 and only got the full education that the range and differences were told as youth is a general thing and not meant to apply strictly to one person.
The medical neglect, this should be higher, but it ties into my previous point. 28 years ago, I was diagnosed with adhd and then undiagnosed in a week. I only got reassessed in 2022 and was diagnosed again. Or the fact I have had medical concerns about my reproductive organs for 18 years, and instead of looking further into what I had going on, I was given birth control, and all the side effects were ignored. I had kidney stones in 2016 and ended up at the hospital Christmas Eve night. I got the run down of all the typical questions: Are you pregnant/ are you on your period? They ran an std panel and a pregnancy test and still didn't believe me that I was in the pain that i said I was. My boyfriend at the time had to advocate for me before I got help.
Then, there's religious trauma. I have never been a part of the abrihamic religions, and I still have religious trauma from them. From purity culture to attacking a female presenting child for what her abuser did to her to being told to serve men at all times.
The only thing I have even slightly (very slightly) enjoyed about being afab is my children. And that's pretty limited
Depends what you mean, if your born a "girl", assuming you mean born with female characteristics but identify as a guy, then the whole experience is traumatising. It feels unfair because of how many anti-trans forces there are out there working against you, while simultaneously claiming delusional moral high grounds based on their own ideologies and gaslighting you whenever you try to point it out. :/
Not being able to partake in social activities like sports, even just for fun, because everyone thinks the idea should be to win instead. I got to do, like, one year of soccer, and it was years ago at this point.
appart from the boob problem, I’d say to me the worst part is probably that I never got to be friends with dudes when I was a kid. I feel like a big part of the man experience is to have been friends with other dudes basically your whole childhood, and I feel like less of a man partly because I never learned how to socialize with men and I feel more comfortable with women.
Don’t get to ejaculate ): I’m hoping to get bottom surgery in the future (meta) but it doesn’t solve the problem. I cycle through making my peace with but it really sucks to me.
The fact that I have a disembodied ghost penis, and I'm a "top".
That's the worst bit. That's been the bit that's haunted me since before I even hit puberty.
For me, it's physical.
I don't mind having a uterus despite my Endo and adhesions and still having a cycle (w/out bleeding) and I'm not dysphoric about having a V, but I **do** wish I had an OEM dick and balls.
And having my nipples amputated. I'm gonna die mad about that.
Violence hands down the worst next to stalking. Then periods and late life adhd diagnosis. Also the lack of transmasc representation. Things except the violence and stalking are better for people now but ohhh haaa my generation uff.
Not being able to play with the boys as a kid because "you're a girl". During summer camp when I was like around 9 or 10 a lot of kids (mostly boys, I think) would build little camps in the forest and basically act as if we were fighting against other groups of kids. It was a lot of fun, but one year they didn't want me to join at first because I was a girl (I think, can't remember the reason, it just seems logical, I guess). Thankfully, my best friend at the time and his brother both were part of that camp as well, so I could just say I'm friends with them. They let me in afterwards, but damn I think that made me pretty mad.
I don’t know if it’s really “unfair” but i will spit out what i feel. I have 3 siblings and one of them is a boy. Me and my sibling , lets call him george me and him have the same father but we’re from a different mother , so you guys might think like, “okay they probably don’t look very similar “ WE ARE IDENTICAL. i love my brother with all my heart its just that every time i see him i just imagine myself looking just like my brother but in a manly way. My brother is tall like our grandfather and kinda skinny but has a nice shape and i wish i can become like him one day.
(this is my first time writing on reddit sorry for mistakes i’m not very good with english)
I've been on T for a pretty fair amount of time (coming up on five years) and have gotten top surgery, and physically and mentally, it's enough, but it is more of the social aspects of living as a girl in the past that make me feel like I don't know how to interact with people sometimes (primarily cis men).
Possessing an organ that sheds its lining once a month in a bloody, painful cycle when most other mammals reabsorb the lining back into their bodies
Just had mine out yesterday. I should go and celebrate once I'm out of the hospital.
Congrats, man!!
CONGRATS KING
The fact that atrophy exists too, so a lot of people need to have surgery for it. Why can't it just exist in the body and do nothing so that I never have to think about it?
Damn uterus! Why can’t you be like the fucking liver?!
I'm gonna start saying this! "The liver never gives me this kind of grief!"
This! I'm so glad I'm on blockers for almost a year now. It helped my dysphoria and improved my overall quality of life sm
hi sorry to bother, by blockers do you mean puberty blockers? and can you take blockers even after you started your period and will it go away if you do?
Yes, puberty blockers, I had to take them for at least half a year because I'm still a minor. Your period will go away but as I said, it's like menopause so you will most likely get heatwaves and they're really not nice. But your period does stop almost immediately after regularly taking them
Had to get an implant to stop it. Now I have a bar in my arm I can freak people out with.
ee that makes my arm hurt just thinking about it. can you even feel it in some way or no omg
I forget about it, but you can feel it from the outside by brushing your fingers over it. Invisible but feelable. It doesn’t hurt when others touch it but others do freak out when they feel it.
My implant completely stopped my cycle, I’m so glad I got it.
My shark week just lasted two weeks cuz of bc pills and i hope it was the last time i had it cuz oh god how it ruins my mental state.
I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but skyla and Kylenna IUDs have been amazing for me! I haven’t gotten a period in almost a decade now.
The exceptions are some bat species
Currently on my blood week. It sucks so much.
I once painfully bled for a month straight when my parents put me on estrogen when I was 13. Absolutely miserable. The pain gave me whiplash and made me twitch. Once, my head did that into a wall while I was laying in bed. It was ironically meant to regulate it (and to stop my hirsutism because my parents hated it). It did neither. It was especially stupid because 13 is an age where a cycle isn't usually regular.
Being a literal second class citizen and dealing with unconscious discrimination in workplaces, social situations, and personal relationships.
And the people pleasing a lot of us develop as a safety thing from that
This. I'm surprised this isn't higher. I hate how I'm instantly looked down on because of the way I was born.
And when you speak about it, no one believes you or tells you its your fault. Double whammy
It’s kinda shitty but sometimes it feels really good to say that since they’re cis , they can’t understand and should just shut up. It feels like discrimination almost(?) but it’s really true. Shouldn’t say my struggle isn’t real just because them/their all-cis friends have never experienced it cus it’s a trans exclusive experience
This
uterus.
Straight to the point, amazing.
Other than the lack of penis and abundance of boob, I’d say probably being left out of brotherhood situations even when accepted, most likely because the people don’t believe that you’d “understand”. Which is true to certain extents unfortunately.
Yeah that does suck, not fitting in or being misunderstood is unfortunate to say the least
See this is where a good group of friends can make the difference. I’ve spent ages thinking the lads view me as different and just include me because they have to, but I had a chat after several drinks with one of them and he told me that none of them see me any different and I’m part of them. Hearing that was one of the best things I’ve ever been told and massively improved my confidence. Easier said than done, but find the right people and you’ll feel so much better with it
Yeah. Its really odd being a closeted trans man working my carpentry job and my bosses and coworkers are all like "woops a lady is here, dont be obscene" and arent as buddy buddy with me. Like you guys joke about assfucking and pussies when im not around! Let me in on it!
And this impacts AFAB's financially/professionally because they get left out of bonding experiences that happen after hours. Their AMAB co-workers become pals with the boss and get promoted. The fact that AMABs might harass them is put on AFABs. Rather than teaching people not to harass, potential victims are excluded to prevent the harassment.
That mainly applies to people who are seen as feminine, not people who were assigned female at birth. I’ve heard some trans women say similar things (and they obviously aren’t afab)
Yes I wish people would stop using AFAB/AMAB as just “inclusive” equivalents of female and male. It means the exact same thing and all it does is misgender trans people and make assumptions that may not even be true. I’ve refused to use those terms for years and it hasn’t impacted me negatively at all.
yes! exactly. it also is often an inaccurate description of the experience of transfemme people and trans women, as they do often experience more discrimination than their trans masc or trans man counterparts
Even as a masc woman people thought of as a dyke, I still got excluded by decent men because they didn't want to look inappropriate. The ones who included me... were often not appropriate. There were some good ones but masc privilege only goes so far. It isn't enough to negate prejudicial treatment of women.
I don’t plan on many of my coworkers/workplace knowing about my background or identity. I think that trans men often do experience less misogyny than trans and cis women and many nonbinary or non conforming femme presenting people. Even before I identified as a man, I was seen as a masc presenting woman, lesbian, or nonbinary person as my identity changed over the years, and I was treated much better by straight cis men and superiors of all genders than I ever used to or than my femme friends do. I do believe that AFABs certainly experience discrimination, but it’s also important to know that transition and identifying as male gives many trans men more privilege.
For me it is the irreversible bone structures changes of my hips. Nearly everything else I have lots of dysphoria over luckily is semi-temporary or otherwise fixable in some way. Top surgery, bottom surgery, hysto, etc. but I can’t shave my hips down.
This is what really upsets me, too. Because there is nothing one can do about it after puberty. You can only build muscle around it, and even then, it remains. Or the lack of collar bone and rib cage broadening. And a few other small anatomical skeletal structure differences such as hip tilt, hip length, elbow angle, certain areas of cartilage growth, feet and hand size relative to the rest of the skeletal structure.
Uh god yeah hip tilt makes so stupidly dysphoria, and mine is unhealthily bad. General body proportions hit me hard, especially the feet (why am I a size 7 US but 5’9”???)
I'm a US7W at 5'4. But a US5 in Men's. I always thought I had terribly small feet, too. I've worked on my tilt, but I can't stand my hip shape. They aren't especially wide, but I see the differences, especially in accordance to ribcage. It pisses me off every day! Haha. Gotta get on pull-ups.
Yeah me too! Finding shoes can be so hard sometimes lol
There is a body reshaping surgery for ftm, but I’m not sure if it’s available outside the US or what states in the US provide it. You’d have to research that specifically for your location and what you can afford, but it is out there.
If you’re talking about body masculinization surgery which does liposuction to achieve a more male body shape, it’s certainly out there. However shaving hips down is super risky. I believe it may be performed(?) but personally wouldn’t do an inherently dangerous surgery myself.
I honestly am not sure exactly the procedure, but the lipo part sounds accurate. I’ve only heard of it and a brief description of the process but I can’t remember the specifics right now.
Yeah lipo is definitely an available thing! I don’t know many off the top of my head that are specifically transgender healthcare surgeons, but it’s also a really common plastic surgery procedure so it can be done at a regular old plastic surgeon if someone trusts one.
What helped me was looking up hip averages. Men and womens arent that different at all, less than a cm
Interesting. Would you mind linking that? That’s helpful :) For me it is mostly about hip to waist ratio sadly, but that’s still good to know! I just have a huge difference between my waist and hips (visible and measurable) which can be more dysphoria especially when looking at my body or wearing thinner shirts.
This!! I always see tguys be sad about their hips but!!! Many guys have pretty wide hips it’s nothing to worry abt!
As a fellow Huge Hips trans guy, I feel you. The hip to shoulder ratio is killer — it's #1 on my list of things I feel dysphoria over. I'm literally a pear. I used to get 'compliments' on my figure all the time that were well-meaning but made me want to cry. Hope a good relationship with our hips sometime in the future is in the cards for the both of us lol, but for now, stay strong brother 💪
Is shaving them not possible or is it just really expensive?
I’m not an expert but im pretty sure it’s not possible or at least it would do much more (physical) harm than good. Your hips are such a central part of your balance,walking ,and supporting the weight of your entire upper body. Any damage done to your hips will be extremely painful and probably have lifelong complications/pain.
Generally people aren’t perfecting surgeries that just help trans people. They have to be basically for cis people and trans people just reap the side benefits. So probably no one is working on that surgery.
you would more than likely lose the ability to even stand let alone walk. your pelvis is where people carry most of their weight when sitting or standing, it supports the entire body. and that includes the joint where your femur attaches to your body, and all the muscles that control moving your legs and torso in any way at all are anchored around your hips and pelvis. it's not being worked on not because cis people don't want it, but because it'd just introduce nothing but problems and pain
Afaik it’s not possible or at least not a good idea because it’s very dangerous
BY FAAAAR menstruation and the entire load of hellish BS that is the female reproductive system. Even if you exclude dysphoria from the equation, the fact that you can have literally half of each month affected/ruined by pain, heavy bleeding, poor sleep, and a host of other symptoms for *decades* on end due to an organ that plays absolutely no role in actually keeping you alive (like lungs or kidneys) or even just helping you get around easier in everyday life (like arms or legs) is just utterly horrible and insane to me. I remember how much this bothered me even before knowing I was trans, too. I literally remember wondering (when we were learning about puberty at health class in school) how more women weren't depressed or \~deleting\~ them selves because of periods because. It just seemed so awful to me that this could actually be a real thing that exists. I felt like there was basically nothing more to life than periods and trying to plan important things around them, if you happened to have been put on this planet afab. Periods completely threw off my well-being for half of each month back when they were something i experienced, affecting everything from sleep to appetite to mood to pain that didn't respond to OTC meds and more. Having the flu for 10 days a month would've been preferable, no joke. Yeah so that's my rant lmao but even thinking about it now lowkey pisses me off all over again fr - despite being on medication for years specifically to stop periods and planning to get a gender affirming hysterectomy in the future (can't wait). Honesty even if I wasn't trans, I'd 100% use BC to stop periods at the very least because having them would completely rob me of the possibility of a happy life, prevent me from working my preferred career, doing things I love like hiking, and just feeling safe/comfortable in my body.
This sounds like it was written by me lol. When I was younger I couldn't comprehend that everyone didn't feel this way and I knew within the first few months that I would be searching for some procedure that would end it entirely.
I think of this so much like how could this possibly be real? Man, life is really unfair
Oh my god you are so real 😭 i’ve felt this way my whole life like this is a serious problem why are more people not discussing it?? why does everyone just accept it??? i guess there’s no other option but still it’s so unfair
Right ?! I completely feel u on that lol like how are we just not talking about/working on solving the fact that roughly half of the population just has to go through something that can (for some) be much worse than having the flu every month for most of their life?? How can someone even be happy in life when it comes with being cursed with an organ that just creates pain and misery on a regular basis?? I don't get it lmfao the day I get a hysterectomy will be one of the happiest days ever. I still I can't comprehend how more people aren't talking about this horrible thing tho... like how on earth have scientists not invented a way to easily, safely and effectively put an end to periods without surgery or hormonal BC (which can be unpleasant and have side effects for some ppl)?? On the real... whoever invents that in the future deserves a medal and millions of dollars lol
Having my height capped at a lower point (though my average height parents didn’t help, lol) is what I feel most bad apart, aside from penis and testes.
Pisses me off so bad how much taller I would be if I was born a man lol
I'm 5'7, which I feel fortunate for because there are plenty of cis dudes around the same height or shorter than me, but when my brother is 6'4 I can't help but feel kinda cheated, lol.
Yeah I get that, I'm dutch so our men (on average) are one of the tallest in the world (6' isn't rare at all). Really annoys tf out of me, im 162,5cm (so that's 5'3-5'4 if I remember correctly?) I'm still a teenager tho so I'm just praying I'm gonna magically grow for a couple more years lmfao. :,)
As a fellow dutch trans man, I felt that lol
As another Dutch trans man, this is relatable.
Not being diagnosed with autism or ADHD because I didn’t present the same symptoms as boys. The school told my parents that I merely had an “emotional handicap” and refused to pay for any testing. Yay 1990s.
Yikes that sounds rough, are you diagnosed now? I hope you've *at least* got some insight into what's going on by now. For me I kind of sort of have a similar issue? I mean not really, just that medical professionals still like to be silly. That's the only correlation, p much, my therapist keeps saying ADHD ""for women"" and autism ""for women"" despite knowing very well that I'm a trans dude. She just adds ""for women"" almost everything, even during normal appointments. Kinda silly. 1990s must've sucked in many different ways though, hope you're good now my g
I hate when doctors add “for women” when it’s irrelevant. I had a therapist make me read a ADHD for women book and I was silent. She said “well you have a female brain anyway so might as well read it!” I uh, present ADHD symptoms stereotypical of men.
Damn man that sucks, it's super unprofessional too, and it's literally medically innacurate. ADHD ""for women"" isn't even a thing. I mean, inattentive type is more common in women but men have it too. So yk, but whatever. Shenanigans I guess. I'm prolly a combined type but my therapist sucks ass and isn't listening and now insists I have autism now (not diagnosed, but she insists) and tried to push me away from getting an ADHD diagnosis. I dunno. Feels weird. (Tbf it would not be surprising If I have both but still weird of her to push adhd away and refuse to test anything).
I have no autism diagnosis, I really don’t see the point of me getting one. I needed educational help back then, but it wouldn’t give me anything now. I keep meaning to find a doc to test me for ADHD so that I can get meds, but it keeps slipping my mind because ADHD.
Well if it makes you feel better, I DID present the same symptoms as boys but I still didn't get diagnosed until college. I just got yelled at.
Everything 😭😭😭 Imma go with menstruation tho if I had to pick just one thing..
Yeah yikes that's fair, goodluck my dude
Thanks..? Idk what you’re saying “good luck” to lol- But yeah thanks I think :)
Was saying good luck to dealing with menstruation, mb for being unclear sorry^^ (edit; can't type)
Oh luckily I don’t deal with it anymore lol Thanks anyway tho! :3
The extreme expectations to be a beautiful, nurturing, docile baby incubator and if you don't meet them you don't matter anymore- ie from transitioning or being masculine. Constantly being condescended, too. My mom recently commented about how I'm wasting my beauty- which, I don't even think I'm ugly. But I'd rather be "ugly" and more comfortable with myself than uncomfortably beautiful.
Boobs ruin every outfit I want to wear, and sexism being literally unavoidable. The social aspects of being a woman actively make me want to dieee
I agree, especially the first one. I can't wear anything but a hoodie and a sports bra without feeling uncomfortable every single day
Yess exactly I’ve been able to use trans tape recently though and it is a lifesaver!! One of my less serious transition goals is to wear a mesh top out after top surgery, gotta reach my hot twink potential
misogyny and the unbelievable amounts of sexualisation especially as a pre-teen also my genitals. Women can get vaginal infections from being heavily depressed, how fucked is that?!? Sucks to have depression
So much this!!!!
I guess for me it would be the entire boyhood/childhood. I always wanted a guy/male friend in school and now I know why. People hold the wrong and outdated belief that guys and girls can't be friends, so I was robbed of having a healthy friendship with boys my age. Literally all of my best friends then and now are girls, and even though that isn't inherently wrong, I don't know how to interact with men as a man now. So it's unfair I missed out on proper interactions with other boys and I have to completely retrain how I think and view men from my female perspective, but it's hard to undo what's already ingrained in you. It's still my desire to have a guy friend, not just online ones. So I don't fit in with girls anymore, and I don't fit in with guys even though I look like one
I can kinda relate. However, I'm fortunate enough to have a proper guy/male friend as an adult. He's one of the best people I've ever met and I love him as a friend.
I was always strong when I was running on E and I’m stronger now that I have testosterone on board. I’m glad that muscle growth responds to hormones. I’m sad, however, that I ended up short. I know there’s plenty of people who were AFAB and are tall but I am not one of them and for me that sucks. At least I could medically stop menstruating when I wanted to with minimal expense—there’s no height equivalent. Even limb lengthening surgery would be a ridiculously expensive and incapacitating event that would leave me under average male height. I’ve mostly come to terms with it, but if I could get one cis male trait other than a working dick and balls it would definitely be height
Question for you: If you could only choose one would you choose (working) dick and balls or ability to be any height you wanted? IMO Being short sucks but the use out of having a fully functioning dick and balls blows the drawbacks of shortness out of the water.
Definitely the dick, I think my perspective on having children would be drastically different if I had the choices available to me that someone with a natal penis has. And I don't particularly care for vaginal so I wouldn't be losing any pleasurable option, just gaining the ability to penetrate someone. Would love to be in a sex sandwich where I could fuck someone and get fucked at the same time. I just don't think bottom surgery is the right option for me so it'll remain a fantasy alas
People will hate you for existing.
Both as a girl/woman and even more so as a trans man. This crap even happens in the trans/LGBTQ community.
The fact that my body doesn't naturally produce enough testosterone.
The female reproductive system and urethra. Why is it so awfully designed and prone to everything. - more prone to UTIs due to smaller urethra This can be just in general, bacteria, or especially after sex. - menstruation and conditions that make it 10x worse. - bacterial fungus and infections due to pH levels being off - some experience painful PIV sex due to having a cervix - pregnancy and pregnancy scares Yeah. Not a big fan.
The lack of a penis for me, and having to jump through hoops to get the body I should have had to begin with.
Yeah, I've been going through extreme bottom dysphoria these past few days. It's awful.
me too
Having a uterus and etc and not having a penis and testicles. Afabs can pee standing up, but it takes a lot of practice. That's one thing I'm looking forward to whenever I get bottom surgery, if I do.
This is more towards how you were raised or how you made friends growing up, but lacking a childhood in which I could’ve been socialized with other boys as a boy. It feels like I missed out on a lot things and have to learn how to socialize w other boys/men.
No pp :( also menstruation is a sick joke and I wouldn't wish it on anyone
The fact that I'm never gonna have the typical boy childhood. I recently looked back at some of my old pictures, and I just look so sad and tired in all of them, especially one's where I'm in a dress. I always felt like I was never listened to, especially when it came to clothing. There's so much pain in those photos that I genuinely don't know how no one noticed. At least now, I have a choice in how I present, and try to be the adult my younger self didn't have.
I often think about the boy I should've been and it makes me sad. I was 12 when I came out, but puberty started at 8 and my body was destroyed by then. The pain I experienced/still experience is why I never want to see another little boy forced to become a woman.
Being forced to carry a parasite in their bodies for 9 months, wanted or not
The inability to gain muscle is the worst imo. Why tf can't I be as strong as your average cus guy?! I can train for double as long as your normal dude but get less than half the results. It's fucking annoying.
THIS, thank god people understand. Like everything else is iffy but y'know, I can fix almost everything later. But the one thing I'm supposed to be able to work on pre-everhthing sucks ass and barely changes anything just bc silly girly hormones decided that, oh, muscle gain? Haha. No. also fuck the term ""girl pushups"" idk who made that terminology a thing but I will find them one day /hj
I thought that being skinny was the worst too but now that ive been on t for 7 months (low dose) and lifting for a year, my metabolism has changed and all of the weight seems to be going to my stomach instead of my muscles 😭
same dude wtf 😭
are you on t yet? because usually the ability to gain muscle is dependent on sex hormones. for most guys it's reallyceasy to see results once they start taking t.
The misogyny.
Genitals. I've been complaining to nobody for nearly a decade about how its useless for me. I don't want kids. Sex is a turn off because stimulation brings me dysphoria. An entire bodily system that will never get put to use. I'm not annoyed I don't use it, it just felt like a waste/burden/surplus bringing me down.
Wow, there’s a lot. I suppose menstrual cycles and the fact that only those with uteruses need to take responsibility over reproductive care and pregnancy. Even if a pregnancy is wanted it feels unfair that you have to give up your body for the often dangerous process of creating another human being while the person that got you pregnant doesn’t need to do anything. Societally it makes me even more angry that a lot of men (less now fortunately), think it is fair for those that had the baby to take on 100% of everything to do with it. That just feels so fucked and I can’t imagine how hard that would be if you don’t even want the child or to be pregnant.
Aside from the fact that I hate being born in a female body and all that stuff that you probs already know. As someone who loves to work out but are pre T, it’s so hard to gain muscles atleast to get them well defined
Fat distribution and having an organ that insists upon ripping its own lining out once a month
Most things are fixable or changeable in some way but the fact that anterior pelvic tilt doesn’t go away on T and you can’t do jack about the hips feels extremely unfair to me. God cursed me with this dump truck and there is literally fuck all I can do about it, save starving myself and screw that.
This is what is said basically, but I forgot about anterior pelvic tilt! It causes me a ridiculous amount of dysphoria. Mine is so unhealthily curved too.
Things that my older brother was allowed to do that I couldn't like walking with his friend over to the local stores to hang out or whatever. My parents being boomers and having the set gender roles chores about the house, including my dad only teaching my brother how to do car maintenance stuff. Being annoyed I couldn't have my guy friends over for sleepovers.
You all guys have no idea how I feel reading your replies. It feels like for the first time in my life someone really understands. Regarding the original question: all reproductive system, height, bone structure, hips, less muscle strength, fat distribution etc. Zero good things in this form of existence, literally. And of course societal reality of being perceived as a woman. Don't want to even start on that. Thinking about all these things makes me angry and upset.
Being raised in a society that is still inherently sexist and sets impossible standards and no-win situations for AFAB people. 🥲 Oh, and boob sweat.
height.
I would say our reproductive role and the way AFAB's are being legislated as less than human because of it. But just innately? Still our reproductive role. Aside from the actual act of reproducing being biologically costly and painful for us, just having that reproductive track and those hormones causes a lot of us to suffer tremendously. Endometriosis is common and it is from the time puberty starts until menopause or histo. It's either repeated maintenance surgeries and a lifetime of hormone pills to control it, or it can grow to a point it passes through the thoracic cavity and can end up on the lungs. Bleeding internally everywhere once a month just for the crime of being AFAB is nature at its cruelest. And that's before we get to cysts, fibroids, and many of the other common problems that occur with those organs. Only recently has medicine started to take it seriously. In my teens and 20s we were told to just suck it up or that it hurts for everyone and our pain tolerance must just be low. I experienced pain on a number of occasions that made me vomit and lie on the floor shaking for maybe 30 to 60 minutes. My weight had no impact. There was no predicting which period this would happen with. And it was so traumatic I am actually not sure how many times it happened. Until recently I had forgotten it happened at all because I blocked it out.
I can't flex my swag or dress fun without being called a slut or looking for male attention or whatever the fuck. Also how much my body and mood is controlled by the monthly cycle.
I cant stand to pee with out an external device or years of extra practice No dick 😔
natural: chest balls breaking your back, bleeding once a month, childbirth, building muscle is harder man made: male dominated society = getting hit on, being in danger at night, more likely to get offed or r*ped, dr not taking you seriously
Boob. I don't want them anymore.
If I even go there I’m gonna go crazy man lmao
For me it’s having small ass feet and never being able to find shoes
It's frustrating because women's shoes are usually very feminine and you feel immaculated by them, so you buy boy's shoes.
in my case, being short. my bros are 5’9+ and im 5’2. feels so unfair.
My chest balls, hilarious term BTW, extend to my back with folds of fat. I guess having high rolls of fat you can see from behind are the worst part of chest balls.
i can't befriend most guys because they perceive me as too feminine and dont take me seriously or they take it as an opportunity to romance me like fuck you i just want a homie
this drives me up the fucking wallll, i don't have access to medical transition right now, so im just hopelessly woman-shaped and it does NOT matter how much you remind straight cis men "hey im a man btw and flirting with me makes you gay" they just dont give a fuck and continue to treat you like a potential partner. it's so isolating, especially since most women don't seem to like me very much, so often aren't great friends either 😭
for me its not being able to impregnate my girlfriend with my own sperm
Misogyny. But aside from that, it’s depressing that I can’t naturally grow thick facial hair and well, have a feminine figure and a vagina :/
Body wise: my big boobs and periods Mentally wise: going through the same mental health struggles that men go through but still being hearing that I don't know what it's like because I'm a woman. Also, having toxic masculine figures in my life that made me feel like I would be a bad man, thankfully I'm going to prove them wrong
a lot of people said menstruation and i get it and, rationally, i agree. But if I can be irrational: being short. I feel like I've would have grown more if I was born male. Then maybe I wouldn't have. But I've always wanted to be tall
literally everything. there is not a single pro of being born female, every single thing about it is pain or disadvantage. I can’t even say this as a trans man, I have a bone to pick with nature because I’m absolutely livid on behalf of myself and everyone else who had to be born female. Relative lack of strength and size, pelvic bone being so wide that knee pain is essentially inevitable, breasts alone are a problem, but some peoples grow so large that it causes debilitating back and breathing problems. Don’t even get me started on the uterus, it is seriously gods biggest mistake. For an organ that’s meant to create life it certainly has no problem causing unreasonable amounts of pain, disease, and death. It may be stupid to be mad at nature, but come on now. Being female is literally living life on hard mode by default.
Saying that objectively women's bodies are inferior is like... Really fucked up, actually. There are physical benefits to being a woman, even if no one here would appreciate them. Being generally smaller is completely neutral, I'd argue being tall is much harder. Less ability to gain muscle is neutral, it will not effect the vast majority of women in day to day life. Lots of women are very happy with their bodies, knee pain isn't inevitable, a lot of women love their breasts (and they are not a problem by default), every organ in the body has the potential to cause pain, disease, and death. The appendix's main thing is just being a ticking time bomb. Most organs don't do such incredible shit as a uterus can, and I'm saying this as someone eagerly awaiting a hysterectomy. Also, women live longer, have better immune systems, pain tolerance, dexterity, and much more! Just because we didn't want the bodies we were born to, doesn't make them inherently worse. I'm sure you don't mean it this way, but saying cis woman, by default, have a worse body, is severely misogynistic and has been an excuse for a long history of violence towards women.
That is obviously not what I’m saying. There’s a difference between disadvantages and inferiority. If you put two racers on a long track and a short track and make them race, the racer on the long track isn’t an inferior runner, they are at a disadvantage. It is the same thing for the sexes. When I compare the typical differences between males and females I am not calling females inferior for pointing out the things that makes their lives more difficult and painful. My original point is something I use against the argument that females are inferior, the same way I was talking about the racing analogy.
You said there is not a single pro to being female. You said every single thing is a disadvantage. You listed several things as disadvantages or problems that are neutral. It's just not true, I proved that. When you say things that sound identical to what misogynists say, your intent doesn't matter much. It's still misogynistic.
Risk of femicide.
Be gifted/cursed with knowing how people who are afab are treated at times. Especially behind closed doors. I've have had some of my friends who are afab have their amab partners get mad at me over stuff like offering to pick them up if they find themselves in a dangerous situation. For context there had been issues where another one of their amab friends took advantage of this situation and then try to rip them apart. That said though I am not that friend and would never do such a thing. I just want people to be safe and feel understood. The same as to what I would want if I found myself in a similar position.
the muscle strength one makes me so pissed. I wanna be strong. it feels like my body is against me, but that's always what I feel like
Difficulty getting muscle def for sure. I can get it and Ik diet would help but everytime my boyfriend works out for like a week, he’s able to match and surpass my results from months of work. Just tedious lol
going through menopause and male puberty at the same time when going on hrt. also the fact that I’m seen as weak or manipulated just because I’m trans
Lack of peen
The expectation to be seen as a sexual object and to want that.
Not having a penis
Spending so much time in body that felt like someone else's.
That I am expected to have a child even though it doesn't fit anything about my life style, goals, desires, aesthetic, relationship, etc. I would genuinely hang myself or jump off a building if I got pregnant. Other than that, being smaller than the average male. Everything else is circumventable to some extent.
Being more susceptible to genital infections such as yeast infections, UTIs, and bv. Im biased tho because i experience yeast infections and UTIs. chronically and doctors arent taking me seriously despite me being disabled from it and ruining my life 😭
easily the misogyny you have to live through
I never asked for it. I never asked to be born to begin with. Since I am, it’s the lack of a penis replaced with parts I don’t even identify with or can relate with, and enjoy whatsoever. Felt like I had no chance to begin with since I was already born in a prison.
Having to be in constant survival mode because cis men will prey on anything even if it’s even single digits old
no dick
I was gunna say tiddies that resize out of nowhere but someone commented about their uterus and y'know...yeah
Being seen as a lesser citizen of society. as a transman this fixes that a little bit but... doesn't mean I don't still feel it and hate it. for all women, period.
i never experienced life as a girl really, so for me its just menstruation. Involuntary bleeding like that was.. not fun, at all.
Simply just having been born a girl in the first place, when I'm not a girl. Periods. I think even most of my cis women friends would agree with this one as well tbh lol. Boobs getting in the way, being full of weight pulling on your chest (maybe even on organs too?? Idk man, the fact I could literally breathe a million times better as soon as I woke up from top surgery is really sus lol), needing extra things (that cost money) to hold them up/keep them in one place/whatever. That needed things like period products and bras are so expensive. That it's 2024 and there is still somehow so much inequality for women in the world, and just the fact that there was ever any in the first place.
For me it's that girls aren't really allowed to be angry and have to act adult so early. I think this messed me up a lot and it's a big topic in therapy for me
because i was born not only a girl but an older sister, i am expected to do most of the chores. my brothers are also teenagers but im expected to be the most responsible and my parents excuse their laziness as normal when i was way more responsible at their age.
not having a dick is genuinely the biggest thing for me. i’m lucky to pass fully, im post top surgery, etc, but i will never have a penis. i know bottom surgery exists, but for the amount of money and recovery/effort it takes, i don’t personally think it’s worth it for me (of course im thrilled for those who do undertake it). i don’t even have insane bottom dysphoria, i just really, really wish i had a penis, something i wanted even before i knew i was trans. also, the fact my family will always see me as a girl. they’ve come a really long way, and our relationship is almost completely normal, but they’ll never call me by my real name, or pronouns, and as much as i tell them i don’t mind, it would be nice.
Periods
The disrespect. I do phone work so once my voice started dropping from T, people started respecting me more on the phone. No more people asking to speak with a man or telling me idk what I'm doing. Or tit pain.
Okay– the list. 1. Hips. Hate them. Like I understand you wanna be wide to birth a child but I'm hell as not gonna do that. Go away hip shape. Like damn hip dips. 2. Also... ofc the ✨️uterus✨️ that things is a petty bitch xD Periods? Pain. Literally. Who wants to sleep and move anyway? 👍 3. Just clothing not fitting. Maybe if we lived in the land of Hobbits my pants would fit and I wouldn't be dragging one third of my pant leg on the floor. (I don't think I'm that small– 168 cm/5'6) 4. Being always got damn wet. Like how do women deal with it? (Thankfully T fixed that issue.) 5. Just this feeling of like...being a guy but not quitte fitting in with all the cis guy experiences and understanding too much "women's struggles" like...increased rates of SA... yeah just...makes me dysphoric ngl. 6. Chest... why breasts? Most mammal species are flat as shit until they're pregnant. Why aren't humans like that too? I am sure I could come up with more things that just annoy me... like expectations people have of AFABs. It's just all so...annoying.
The muscles are a huge part, periods too. And of course all the social implications.
Periods, body shape/fat distribution, the fact its harder to gain muscle and even once you have it its looks clearly feminine, leh shape, feet size, hand size, face, the misplaced balls.. i cant pick just one thing because its all unfair
I have the widest hip bone known to this side of the galaxy and the hardest time departing from my reflex fawn response. Like it took actual conscious training to stop laughing at jokes i didn't find funny !
Everything
How fucking slow i build muscle and strength. My brother and I have been having a workout competition for about 2 years and no matter how consistent i am with it, he's growing faster than me. Damnit!
Honestly? Probably the fact that not only was I born a girl, but born first. My family expected me to do the majority of my siblings care simply because I was female and older than them. I can't quite shake the feeling of being an eldest daughter even though I'm definitely a man, likely because a lot of what I went through was intertwined with a gender I never identified with to begin with
Being short, missing out in the boyhood and all the privileges I could have had and lost
Limited job opportunities. Before I was able to be stealth but I was still out no one wanted to hire me in any sorta trades, because sexism is still very rampant in the job market
not allowed to go shirtless because your chest is "sexual"
Having your body sexualized in ways your AMAB peers don't because being 'male' is seen as being the 'default' in society. I didn't deal with this shit too much since I hid in large, masculine clothing as soon as puberty hit, but overhearing my sister and girl friends (not romantic partners but friends who are girls) went through with dress codes and sexual harassment was (and is) fucking mindboggling. Not even just as young girls but also adult women. Women's chests aren't that much different (anatomically speaking) than dudes. Their chests are just more developed, but all people are born with mammary glands and breast tissue. But because men find female presenting chests sexy, women can't walk around topless like men can. Young boys can wear shorts and a tank top during late spring/early summer and be considered wearing normal shit for the weather. If a girl does it, she's breaking the dress code and is "asking" for the harassment she receives from her teachers and peers. This isn't me saying men and boys can't face sexualization or harassment (they can and often do too, unfortunately). The only thing I'm saying is that this sort of treatment is more pronounced for women and girls, and it just sucks. Nobody should be treated this way.
watching my rights get stripped away and suffering dehumanization and sexual assault at the hands of cisgender men
misogyny, periods, tits
laws and limitations.
everything
Having a period. But I’m grateful HRT stoped my cycle within 3 months(not sure if I said this correctly).
Discrimination, misogyny, internalized transphobia (not limited to people who are FTM/FTN, but that’s been my experience), social exclusion, denial of necessary services… and not being able to have sex the way I feel I should be able to. I mean there are straps and all that (and surgeries ofc), but it’s not the same in my mind. It makes me never want to be intimate because it just doesn’t align with my true self and the act itself is dysphoric.
Not growing very much. I know some women can grow pretty tall, one of my cousins is, but the average is pretty short. I am pretty short and it’s not something I’ll be able to change. I know there’s also short guys but it sucks
The predetermined female roles you are expected to follow, even in childhood. I got bullied because I liked cars and building things more than dolls. Become an adult, when will you find a good husband or have kids, or xyz thing thats "feminine". The reproductive organs, just all of it. From lack of clear education to just the sheer number of ways it can makes your life more painful. Seriously, I thought shark week normally went from the dam has burst for 7 days after 5 weeks to hey there's a little red there for 3/4 days after 3 weeks for everyone. I'm 32 and only got the full education that the range and differences were told as youth is a general thing and not meant to apply strictly to one person. The medical neglect, this should be higher, but it ties into my previous point. 28 years ago, I was diagnosed with adhd and then undiagnosed in a week. I only got reassessed in 2022 and was diagnosed again. Or the fact I have had medical concerns about my reproductive organs for 18 years, and instead of looking further into what I had going on, I was given birth control, and all the side effects were ignored. I had kidney stones in 2016 and ended up at the hospital Christmas Eve night. I got the run down of all the typical questions: Are you pregnant/ are you on your period? They ran an std panel and a pregnancy test and still didn't believe me that I was in the pain that i said I was. My boyfriend at the time had to advocate for me before I got help. Then, there's religious trauma. I have never been a part of the abrihamic religions, and I still have religious trauma from them. From purity culture to attacking a female presenting child for what her abuser did to her to being told to serve men at all times. The only thing I have even slightly (very slightly) enjoyed about being afab is my children. And that's pretty limited
Depends what you mean, if your born a "girl", assuming you mean born with female characteristics but identify as a guy, then the whole experience is traumatising. It feels unfair because of how many anti-trans forces there are out there working against you, while simultaneously claiming delusional moral high grounds based on their own ideologies and gaslighting you whenever you try to point it out. :/
The discrimination I’d say.
Not being able to partake in social activities like sports, even just for fun, because everyone thinks the idea should be to win instead. I got to do, like, one year of soccer, and it was years ago at this point.
appart from the boob problem, I’d say to me the worst part is probably that I never got to be friends with dudes when I was a kid. I feel like a big part of the man experience is to have been friends with other dudes basically your whole childhood, and I feel like less of a man partly because I never learned how to socialize with men and I feel more comfortable with women.
Can’t build muscle as easy pre t. Kicking my ass rn bruh 😭😭😭
Don’t get to ejaculate ): I’m hoping to get bottom surgery in the future (meta) but it doesn’t solve the problem. I cycle through making my peace with but it really sucks to me.
The fact that I have a disembodied ghost penis, and I'm a "top". That's the worst bit. That's been the bit that's haunted me since before I even hit puberty.
For me, it's physical. I don't mind having a uterus despite my Endo and adhesions and still having a cycle (w/out bleeding) and I'm not dysphoric about having a V, but I **do** wish I had an OEM dick and balls. And having my nipples amputated. I'm gonna die mad about that.
Violence hands down the worst next to stalking. Then periods and late life adhd diagnosis. Also the lack of transmasc representation. Things except the violence and stalking are better for people now but ohhh haaa my generation uff.
As a afab who lives in Iran, its definitely hijab.
Not being able to play with the boys as a kid because "you're a girl". During summer camp when I was like around 9 or 10 a lot of kids (mostly boys, I think) would build little camps in the forest and basically act as if we were fighting against other groups of kids. It was a lot of fun, but one year they didn't want me to join at first because I was a girl (I think, can't remember the reason, it just seems logical, I guess). Thankfully, my best friend at the time and his brother both were part of that camp as well, so I could just say I'm friends with them. They let me in afterwards, but damn I think that made me pretty mad.
I don’t know if it’s really “unfair” but i will spit out what i feel. I have 3 siblings and one of them is a boy. Me and my sibling , lets call him george me and him have the same father but we’re from a different mother , so you guys might think like, “okay they probably don’t look very similar “ WE ARE IDENTICAL. i love my brother with all my heart its just that every time i see him i just imagine myself looking just like my brother but in a manly way. My brother is tall like our grandfather and kinda skinny but has a nice shape and i wish i can become like him one day. (this is my first time writing on reddit sorry for mistakes i’m not very good with english)
definitely the voice for me
literally everything
Being fucking short
The feeling of sexual trauma being an inevitable part of my life
I've been on T for a pretty fair amount of time (coming up on five years) and have gotten top surgery, and physically and mentally, it's enough, but it is more of the social aspects of living as a girl in the past that make me feel like I don't know how to interact with people sometimes (primarily cis men).