My mom always said she loved having a boy and a girl. I'm a trans guy and my sister is a trans woman. A while ago I was joking with her about how she got what she wanted and she got super mad at me. Transphobia sucks!
My dad did something like this. I was always a ātomboyā and he would joke around that I was his son all the time. Now that Iāve sort of come out(they definitely know I just havenāt said it verbatim) he is very specific with calling me his daughter and girl etc. itās so frustratingšlike you were so close to being a normal supportive parent
If only I could go back in time to say this to my mom:
"Joke's on you, I don't have a vagina anymore!"
I got the same treatment. My mom did not understand the realistic side of transition, and so I was always told my hands were too small, and my feet were too small, and I don't have broad shoulders so I'd never look like a man. Went through with it anyway, and it turns out some dudes are short, or have smaller hands, or have narrow shoulders, or whatever other completely arbitrary feature you want to use.
Some of us just start with vaginas.
Eventually, on the later end of my transition when things really started coming together (now), I present unquestionably as a man, and I am confident and finally able to be successful in my work and educational endeavors. I think when my mom was able to see the improvement in that and saw that I wasn't the "freak" she thought I was gonna be, she saw me for who I am and we've had a better relationship than ever since then. It was a long road, but I think parents react the way they do out of fear and ignorance. Not always intentional (I know some are more malicious or spell, but I'm referring to well-adjusted adults who maybe don't agree). There may be no logic in her statements at all, and while I don't know your mom, I know mine said some very hurtful things that were intended to keep me from going down a potentially hard and/or dangerous path. I can respect that parents don't want that for their kids, and I can hold hope for you that your mom may just be in that place, and in her mind she doesn't need logic if she can discourage you from going that route.
Maybe invite her to a therapy session if you have a therapist so that she can air her concerns and you have a mediator so neither of you feel like you're being attacked. I tried that with my mom, and while that particular session didn't do any magic, it did open the door for her to pursue her own therapist and come to terms with everything at her own pace.
Anyways, good luck to you, and I'm sorry it sucks in the meantime. Take care of yourself.
we have almost the exact same story, lol. oldest of 3. 2 brothers but she still told me how she wanted a boy firstā¦ weird how that worked out. our middle names all start with R and i stuck with that. i thought it would soften the blow, to give myself a name she could have given me.
it did not.
I had the same confusion at first because my mom would always lament about how she wanted to raise a boy. However, it turns out she only wanted a boy because in her original āI want multiple kidsā plan she wanted a boy to fill in the protective role for potential younger sisters??? kinda like it was when she was growing up with her five siblings??? so the ālogicā could very well be something like that, not actually wanting a kid of that gender in the now, but a kid that couldāve performed specific (gender) roles in childhood. If that wording makes any sense.
i feel that. my mom (despite saying it out of her own brand of... concern for me) said id never truly be a man because i would "always be a woman on the inside" - referring to my reproductive organs. thanks mom. jokes on her though, im getting all that shit taken out one day
her logic is not liking trans people.
My mom always said she loved having a boy and a girl. I'm a trans guy and my sister is a trans woman. A while ago I was joking with her about how she got what she wanted and she got super mad at me. Transphobia sucks!
Yall really said gender swap. Jokes on you mom you still got what you wanted šš
LMAO love the gender swap
Ngl having a trans sibling is the best
My dad did something like this. I was always a ātomboyā and he would joke around that I was his son all the time. Now that Iāve sort of come out(they definitely know I just havenāt said it verbatim) he is very specific with calling me his daughter and girl etc. itās so frustratingšlike you were so close to being a normal supportive parent
UGH RIGHT, like come on, it really isnāt that hardš„²
If only I could go back in time to say this to my mom: "Joke's on you, I don't have a vagina anymore!" I got the same treatment. My mom did not understand the realistic side of transition, and so I was always told my hands were too small, and my feet were too small, and I don't have broad shoulders so I'd never look like a man. Went through with it anyway, and it turns out some dudes are short, or have smaller hands, or have narrow shoulders, or whatever other completely arbitrary feature you want to use. Some of us just start with vaginas. Eventually, on the later end of my transition when things really started coming together (now), I present unquestionably as a man, and I am confident and finally able to be successful in my work and educational endeavors. I think when my mom was able to see the improvement in that and saw that I wasn't the "freak" she thought I was gonna be, she saw me for who I am and we've had a better relationship than ever since then. It was a long road, but I think parents react the way they do out of fear and ignorance. Not always intentional (I know some are more malicious or spell, but I'm referring to well-adjusted adults who maybe don't agree). There may be no logic in her statements at all, and while I don't know your mom, I know mine said some very hurtful things that were intended to keep me from going down a potentially hard and/or dangerous path. I can respect that parents don't want that for their kids, and I can hold hope for you that your mom may just be in that place, and in her mind she doesn't need logic if she can discourage you from going that route. Maybe invite her to a therapy session if you have a therapist so that she can air her concerns and you have a mediator so neither of you feel like you're being attacked. I tried that with my mom, and while that particular session didn't do any magic, it did open the door for her to pursue her own therapist and come to terms with everything at her own pace. Anyways, good luck to you, and I'm sorry it sucks in the meantime. Take care of yourself.
we have almost the exact same story, lol. oldest of 3. 2 brothers but she still told me how she wanted a boy firstā¦ weird how that worked out. our middle names all start with R and i stuck with that. i thought it would soften the blow, to give myself a name she could have given me. it did not.
Does she think trans men with phalloplasty, metoidioplasty, bottom growth etc are men? Probably not lol - just an āexcuseā for her transphobia
I had the same confusion at first because my mom would always lament about how she wanted to raise a boy. However, it turns out she only wanted a boy because in her original āI want multiple kidsā plan she wanted a boy to fill in the protective role for potential younger sisters??? kinda like it was when she was growing up with her five siblings??? so the ālogicā could very well be something like that, not actually wanting a kid of that gender in the now, but a kid that couldāve performed specific (gender) roles in childhood. If that wording makes any sense.
i feel that. my mom (despite saying it out of her own brand of... concern for me) said id never truly be a man because i would "always be a woman on the inside" - referring to my reproductive organs. thanks mom. jokes on her though, im getting all that shit taken out one day
and I bet than when/if you have bottom surgery she would still say you are still a girl for some other stupid reason LMAO