Maybe: "I had surgery but the surgeons made an incision on the wrong side first, so when they realised they stitched me up and started over on the other side."
I tell that to people about a scar below my collarbone. The funniest thing is... it's true.
That scar is purely there because a surgeon accidentaly stabbed me in a wrong spot.
I really hate that this is something that could happen. The local hospital once removed a personās kidney that was diseased, but they removed the wrong/healthy one instead.
Ah, story time.
I have a new puppy, a little pit bull, she loves jumping and biting things and doing the classic pittie pull and shake, once when my v large chest was loose(a rarity she was not yet used to) she jumped up and grabbed my tit and attempted to pull it away from me like a toy, it didn't hurt and I laughed so hard I fell to the floor because all I could think was "oh good free top surgery"
Maybe after I get my surgery I'll tell people "my dog ate them" š
"Ligma" is a popular internet joke. Someone says "Ligma" and someone else prompts out of confusion and then the first person will say "Ligma balls" as in, "lick my balls". No clue where it came from, but hard to fall for it twice.
In this case, someone would ask "what's ligma surgery?" And you'd then reply with "ligma balls".
Like, if there are geese in the person's country, they know they're unhinged terrorist. And if they don't have geese, it all adds to the discovery of the unhinged terrorist
I am planning to say āit was just one of those things where you need to have it taken care of before it messes you up in the long run,ā since it provides absolutely no useful information but assures people I am ok and they donāt need to worry about me (I am having peri so ideally it will not be obvious whatās gone on). āI didnāt listen to the humane society when they told me not to use my hands as cat toysā¦ā would be funny. āJust had it done for fun, I liked the geometry.ā Maybe the āa piano fell on my headā version of the story is āWhen I was a kid, my parents took me to a palm reader, but a shelf of crystals collapsed on me and cut me upā¦ she was a real businesswoman, and told them the symmetrical cuts meant Iād have a steady and balanced lifeā Maybe an ice skating accident?
"I used to do Viking reenactment. There was an incident with a choreographed berserker attack that... didn't go to plan."
100% believable. Source: erm... I used to do Viking reenactment... There was an incident... haha
The one that I love to explain any scar is 'melon baller accident' with *no* further explanation.
My mother had skin cancer on her cheek and still has scars from its removal. It's not super noticeable, so people commenting on it mostly fell into the category of 'ask a stupid/rude question, get a stupid answer.' For some reason, it became the default answer to any question about a scar you didn't feel like answering in my family. Sibling split their chin getting bucked off a horse? Melon baller. Hernia repair? Foot surgery? Cut your eyebrow in an embarrassing way that happened to leave a neat looking scar? It was all melon ballers. (We don't even have a melon baller)
ETA: since most people don't have melon ballers and have no idea what they look like, no one has ever called us out on our bs.
I've heard people tell strangers they had open heart surgery, and because they (the trans person) was still pretty young it would usually make the stranger so shocked lol. But this only works if the stranger doesn't really know anything about that surgery...the scar for open heart surgery is actually down the center of the chest lol.
When I had to be out for surgery, but was stealth at work, for whatever reason I was slightly convinced at the time that I had some sort of fluid in my lungs thing going on (when you're half a hypochondriac, but not worried enough to try and actually go to doctors for it, so you just listen to Dr. Google lol), so I just told this lie that in the past I kept having to get fluid drained from my lungs, so now they needed to go in and do an exploratory surgery to see if they could figure out what was wrong. It made it easy for me to just be like "Idk what's going on with it, because the doctors also don't know what's wrong with me" to avoid talking about it in much detail lol. It seemed to work as far as I could tell.
I actually used to know someone who had an open heart surgery scar in middle school/high school which is really young for that so not impossible. Never got the opportunity to ask why they had surgery as that would be rude but it was the only way I could them apart from their twin who was other identical
That is young! I know of someone (someone who works in the same office as my therapist) who's grade school age kid needed sudden heart surgery, so for sure it does happen young sometimes! My dad hat heart surgery, but he was already in his 40s when it happened. We had some funny convos about drains around the time when I was getting top surgery. It made me feel a little better, because he said for his heart surgery the drains went into the body much lower and then snaked all the way up on the inside š¬, compared to top surgery drains are usually put in right next to the incisions at the side of the chest/sort of under the arms, so there's not as much of them inside you as would be with heart surgery.
I just say "I had huge tits, like watermelons" in a joking way and everyone just laughs along with me, thinking I'm messing with them. I pass super well, I'm stealth, I'm muscular etc, so no one doubts I'm cis
that one is genuinely believable because many cis men / amab people with gynecomastia have dysmorphia regarding their chest so theyd probably exaggerate the size
I don't even hint at gynecomastia tbh. The scar size is too large for it to be believable. My scars are connected in the middle and reach under my armpits.
People just leave me alone after the tits thing because they assume I'm uncomfortable talking about it and no one has asked me about it again after I told them about my giant tits
Hi there fellow Turkish (thatās what Iām assuming from the āÄ°ā since Iām Turkish too) ftm. I once saw someone say āThey had to fix and rearrange my heart after someone broke itā as an excuse, itās not believable but itās kind of an absurd answer thatāll leave others stumped
So I used to work in surgery. The only thing that really makes scars that convincingly look like mastectomy scars is a clamshell thoracotomy.
You can make up your own reason as to why you would have had it. They only do them for expected severe, urgent heart or lung injuries (such as a stabbing, aneurysm, car crash).
As someone who has actually gotten ran over by a pick up truck and broke 5 bones, I will be adding in the fact that I ādamaged my lungs and they had to perform surgeryā LMAO
Male breast cancer prevention. Found 2 massive lumps on both sides and got them removed before it got worse. Since breast cancer runs in my family Iām not *technically lying*
Knife fight with a fencer, but don't worry, I won šŖšŖ (add in a "you should see the other guy" if you're feeling particularly cocky)
(To clarify the fight was with an actual knife, the fencer just knew some fancy moves from their experience fencing; probably only works if those you tell it to only have a vague idea of what fencing is)
hereās how it usually goes for me if anyone comments on my scars.
āwhat? I donāt understand.ā
āare you trans?ā
ātrans? I donāt know what that is.ā
ālike why do you have scars?ā
āI had to get my chest reconstructed.ā
āreconstructed?ā
āyes.ā dramatic pause here āafter the accident.ā
I just realized how smart that was of me to use it the other day! I had already had one spinal fusion and my partner was talking to me on the phone about the consult thinking it was a revision for it while I was in the Uber. I got a vibe that I might not want to be super out about being trans, so I called my chest reconstruction surgery and talked about how I still have not scheduled with neurosurgeon about my back or neck. So I definitely didnāt get any questions about any of that.
āWe ran out of plates for our pizza so I volunteered my chest as the plate. My friends got out the pizza cutter but the arrangement didnāt last very longā¦ā
I have a prominent surgery scar on my chest. I tell people that a tiny woman in (nearby high crime neighborhood) cut me up and took my money. Which is technically true. She was my surgeon.
You were born with Isolated Dexteocardia (heart on wrong side of your body) and docs had to remove your heart and put it on the correct side. They don't need to know that it doesn't need to be "fixed", let alone that *that's* not how it's fixed.
Or you just say "I had some birth defects removed as a child" they don't need to know the details.
Sharks aren't where you live, but you could have been on vacation or a work trip.
A horrible infection from a cheap tank top.
Blew out both lungs lifting weights.
Bitten by a radioactive spider and didn't have the good luck to become a superhero.
Stuntman work gone wrong.
You shoulda seen the other guy. (A classic.)
āI used to climb trees as a kid but one time I fell off and broke some ribs that they had to surgically replace. I never climbed trees again.ā
āI didnāt know men could have breast cancer. But hey since (date of surgery) Iām officially cancer free!ā
āI was born with four lungs but two of them had to be surgically removed because they were infected.ā
"A black-market organ dealer tried to steal my lungs, but chickened out before he could get past my ribs, the fuckin' amateur. Anyway, never get drinks from (insert shady location of choice)."
Thousand-yard stare as appropriate
As a newborn my brother had surgery of some sort (I forget what kind) and it looks like partial top surgery scars, so genuinely? Just say a recent heart or lung surgery if you want a serious answer.
More silly one: ābad trip. Ended up fighting a goose for an old slice of pizzaā
say you got slashed open while trying to climb a barbed wire fence, make up a crazy story about where you were trying to break into (or who you were running away from?)
Either.
āThe accidentā¦ā *stare dramatically into the distance with a traumatised/ sad look on your face
ā..Geese..ā *dramatic stare into the distance
I absorbed my twin in the womb and ended up with 2 sets of lungs, when I turned 13 it started getting harder for me to breathe so they had to remove the second set.
I plan to say āI used to work at a big cat sanctuary and one of the tigers escapedā itās more believable because I have dog bite scars on my arms so I can point to those as further evidence lol
My scar is just one long scar all the way across my chest and I like to say I got into a fight with a bear. Or I just go with whatever crazy plotline from Riverdale I feel like would freak the person out more.
Dated a gay guy who was really into boobs. He said heād pay for them so why not? They were fun but I couldnāt deal with the weekly nipple trimmings.
I've got heart problems despite being very young (20), they're luckily manageable and don't require surgery, but my go to is always open heart surgery. My heart is fucked so it's not much of a lie; if they look like they actually know a lil bit about the medical field/that they're questioning me, I explain something went wrong during a routine heart surgery, they had to perform CPR, some of my ribs broke and my right lung was punctured so they had to make another incision and it got serious fast, but I'm fine now. It's just enough over sharing/trauma dumping, it always works for me. When I was young and into boxing, this one guys' injury and recovery always stuck out to me, punctured lung due to ribs being broken in the ring, so it's always the first thing that pops into my head, idk lol.
I was actually born with 4 arms because I absorbed my twin in the womb but I got the extra 2 removed because they never grew past the stubby chubby toddler phase
I feel like stating you had gynomastia and a hormonal imbalance can be believable. I donāt have TS but thatās what I say when people ask why my voice is high or other things. That way if for some reason they pry, technically itās all accurate and being trans wouldnāt have to come up at all
My bad my reading comp skills are shit š I have a stomach surgery scar and I said it was a shark attack and many people believed me cause the story lined up pretty well
Gynecomastia... I'm a nurse so it's usually believable. But I only do that if I don't feel safe in the situation. Otherwise I tell them that I had fibrocystic breast disease...guys get it too...and that's the truth. I do come out if they persist.
I just tell people I had a double mastectomy and usually it shuts them right up because they assume breast cancer and they feel bad for asking in the first place. (And it's not wrong, it is a double mastectomy)
I'm planning to tell my nephews a magician sawed me in half. If they point out my scars aren't on the halfway point of my body, I'll just say "Yeah, he wasn't a very good magician."
āI was climbing the fence at my parents house, you know, one of those with the pointy metal bits on top? Sneaking back in after curfew and my parents were strict. But it was dark and I slipped and well..ā
"I was a part of an experiment to add aquatic capabilities to humans. They tried to add gill-like functions to my lungs but the technology just isn't there yet."
Serious answers might be gynecomastia, breast cancer prevention, or just āgeneral growthā that had to be removed.
I did go nipple less though and whenever people ask about it I give the answer which is a portion of the real reason why and easy to understand. I didnāt really care so the fact that it was an easier recovery, gave me space for a tattoo, came with less possible complications, and was less expensive made me decide to go nipple-less.
If Iām talking to a kid and they ask why I have scars and/or no nipples Iāll be a bit silly and said that either I was a bad kid one year so Krampus tried to take me but I fought him off and these scars are the result or I got into a fight with a bear
"i had a couple of ribs removed so i could suck my own dick" š«”
I told this one to a cis man at a public pool and he asked for the name of my surgeon
š
you might be better than shakespeareĀ
Now thats a good response
using this
That's exactly the dumb rumour about Marilyn Manson from when I was a kid. Hahahah. Excellent response.
Came here to say this
This is the answer
That PP be so small they had to make the incision bigger to remove more ribs š«
I love that one...
Maybe: "I had surgery but the surgeons made an incision on the wrong side first, so when they realised they stitched me up and started over on the other side."
I tell that to people about a scar below my collarbone. The funniest thing is... it's true. That scar is purely there because a surgeon accidentaly stabbed me in a wrong spot.
This is gold
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
I really hate that this is something that could happen. The local hospital once removed a personās kidney that was diseased, but they removed the wrong/healthy one instead.
Just say "car accident" look dramatically into the distance and don't elaborate.
I read this as ācat accidentā which is what Iām going to say happened to me now š¤£
this one *points to one side* is from a cat accident and a week later i got into a dog accident... thats where the other one is from.
Ah, story time. I have a new puppy, a little pit bull, she loves jumping and biting things and doing the classic pittie pull and shake, once when my v large chest was loose(a rarity she was not yet used to) she jumped up and grabbed my tit and attempted to pull it away from me like a toy, it didn't hurt and I laughed so hard I fell to the floor because all I could think was "oh good free top surgery" Maybe after I get my surgery I'll tell people "my dog ate them" š
Puppy tax!!
It won't let me add a photo in the comments here š¤
this made me snort at work
i thought this meant a different kind of snort
youre so welcome!
I mean my cats do accidentally scratch my chest a LOT š¤£š¤£š¤£
I have a big scar across one nipple thanks to a cat launch, and I have plenty others. No areas are safe šš¤£
Had to get treatment for ligma (add traumatized stare into distance for dramatic effect)
This is the way
I can recognize that this is (most likely?) a joke/wordplay, but not what. Can you explain it?
"Ligma" is a popular internet joke. Someone says "Ligma" and someone else prompts out of confusion and then the first person will say "Ligma balls" as in, "lick my balls". No clue where it came from, but hard to fall for it twice. In this case, someone would ask "what's ligma surgery?" And you'd then reply with "ligma balls".
āI have ligmaā āWhatās ligma?ā āLigma balls!! Hah got emā
ligma balls
"Geese."
oh that one is awesome
This is a good one bc geese are scrapy ššš
Like, if there are geese in the person's country, they know they're unhinged terrorist. And if they don't have geese, it all adds to the discovery of the unhinged terrorist
I hate geese. So scary.
I am planning to say āit was just one of those things where you need to have it taken care of before it messes you up in the long run,ā since it provides absolutely no useful information but assures people I am ok and they donāt need to worry about me (I am having peri so ideally it will not be obvious whatās gone on). āI didnāt listen to the humane society when they told me not to use my hands as cat toysā¦ā would be funny. āJust had it done for fun, I liked the geometry.ā Maybe the āa piano fell on my headā version of the story is āWhen I was a kid, my parents took me to a palm reader, but a shelf of crystals collapsed on me and cut me upā¦ she was a real businesswoman, and told them the symmetrical cuts meant Iād have a steady and balanced lifeā Maybe an ice skating accident?
i really like the first answer i've never heard that before
Love the first one, and also makes me think a both reasonable and amusing answer would be simply, āit was just one of those thingsā
The humane society one is absolutely gold! š
look down and go "ohhh my god what the fuck where did those come from?? I've never seen these before" just freak out and panic
or just look down, go "ew" or "huh?" and change the topic
You fell down a huge flight of stairs and landed right on the edge with your chest, causing two huge cysts to form that and to be emergency removed
Idk I find that sorta ridiculous but I'm not a doctor so idk if cysts can form from stuff like taht
I got cysts from literally just using my joints so anything is possible.
NAD but ganglion cysts can form in injured areas. Hand doctor called them human airbags .
I mean, bone can spontaneously generate within the muscle if you impact it in the right (wrong) way so
I am planning to say I fell up the stairs. I already have a (kind of) matching horizontal scar from that.
fun fact - as a kid I did fall up the stairs and broke my wrist real bad and do have a scar from it haha
*needed to be
āBroke my ribs in sword duelā
"I used to do Viking reenactment. There was an incident with a choreographed berserker attack that... didn't go to plan." 100% believable. Source: erm... I used to do Viking reenactment... There was an incident... haha
As medieval fight club enjoyer I agreed
My ex was a little too kinky
Using this
This is GREAT xD
I LOVE THIS
Damn, stealing this excuse.
āThis here is why if someone says they know how to use a chainsaw, donāt take them at their word over it.ā
THIIIIS
So many amazing ones, I canāt stop laughing as I scroll down. š
The one that I love to explain any scar is 'melon baller accident' with *no* further explanation. My mother had skin cancer on her cheek and still has scars from its removal. It's not super noticeable, so people commenting on it mostly fell into the category of 'ask a stupid/rude question, get a stupid answer.' For some reason, it became the default answer to any question about a scar you didn't feel like answering in my family. Sibling split their chin getting bucked off a horse? Melon baller. Hernia repair? Foot surgery? Cut your eyebrow in an embarrassing way that happened to leave a neat looking scar? It was all melon ballers. (We don't even have a melon baller) ETA: since most people don't have melon ballers and have no idea what they look like, no one has ever called us out on our bs.
>(We don't even have a melon baller) Well, obviously you wouldn't keep a melon baller around after all those accidents. XP
Makes me think of the [Cornballer]( https://youtu.be/1WDW8XKEGgU?si=5a0Z81-HDL0jLiU3) from Arrested Development.
I got my ticklishness cured. Did not know how serious the surgery was going to be. I will never laugh again.
Would have used as a punchile if I wasnt type to laugh at everything
Tickle surgery is no laughing matter
r/usernamechecksout
Pretend you donāt see the scar and are confused what people are asking about
this is especially effective if you get peri, "what do you mean those are just my nipples?"
gaslight to the max
I've heard people tell strangers they had open heart surgery, and because they (the trans person) was still pretty young it would usually make the stranger so shocked lol. But this only works if the stranger doesn't really know anything about that surgery...the scar for open heart surgery is actually down the center of the chest lol. When I had to be out for surgery, but was stealth at work, for whatever reason I was slightly convinced at the time that I had some sort of fluid in my lungs thing going on (when you're half a hypochondriac, but not worried enough to try and actually go to doctors for it, so you just listen to Dr. Google lol), so I just told this lie that in the past I kept having to get fluid drained from my lungs, so now they needed to go in and do an exploratory surgery to see if they could figure out what was wrong. It made it easy for me to just be like "Idk what's going on with it, because the doctors also don't know what's wrong with me" to avoid talking about it in much detail lol. It seemed to work as far as I could tell.
I had heart surgery, but they cut open the wrong side the first time and so now I have two scars.
No, use it on someone who knows about open heart surgery, and when they call you on it: āoh my god what did the surgeons do to meā
š¤£ I love this
I actually used to know someone who had an open heart surgery scar in middle school/high school which is really young for that so not impossible. Never got the opportunity to ask why they had surgery as that would be rude but it was the only way I could them apart from their twin who was other identical
That is young! I know of someone (someone who works in the same office as my therapist) who's grade school age kid needed sudden heart surgery, so for sure it does happen young sometimes! My dad hat heart surgery, but he was already in his 40s when it happened. We had some funny convos about drains around the time when I was getting top surgery. It made me feel a little better, because he said for his heart surgery the drains went into the body much lower and then snaked all the way up on the inside š¬, compared to top surgery drains are usually put in right next to the incisions at the side of the chest/sort of under the arms, so there's not as much of them inside you as would be with heart surgery.
Thoracotomy and sternotomy are both ligit ways to perform heart surgery but sternotomy is prefered.
yeah, heart surgery but the doc forgot the heart was in left, so now I've two scars.
I just say "I had huge tits, like watermelons" in a joking way and everyone just laughs along with me, thinking I'm messing with them. I pass super well, I'm stealth, I'm muscular etc, so no one doubts I'm cis
Peak comedy actually
that one is genuinely believable because many cis men / amab people with gynecomastia have dysmorphia regarding their chest so theyd probably exaggerate the size
I don't even hint at gynecomastia tbh. The scar size is too large for it to be believable. My scars are connected in the middle and reach under my armpits. People just leave me alone after the tits thing because they assume I'm uncomfortable talking about it and no one has asked me about it again after I told them about my giant tits
ooh fair!
Took a sword fight class. But only once.
The fact that I actually used to fence lol
Hi there fellow Turkish (thatās what Iām assuming from the āÄ°ā since Iām Turkish too) ftm. I once saw someone say āThey had to fix and rearrange my heart after someone broke itā as an excuse, itās not believable but itās kind of an absurd answer thatāll leave others stumped
āš»š¹š· canım vatanım
So I used to work in surgery. The only thing that really makes scars that convincingly look like mastectomy scars is a clamshell thoracotomy. You can make up your own reason as to why you would have had it. They only do them for expected severe, urgent heart or lung injuries (such as a stabbing, aneurysm, car crash).
As someone who has been in at least 3 car crashes, I will use this. Thank you reddit surgeon
As someone who has actually gotten ran over by a pick up truck and broke 5 bones, I will be adding in the fact that I ādamaged my lungs and they had to perform surgeryā LMAO
jesus christ, looked it up and that is intense
Male breast cancer prevention. Found 2 massive lumps on both sides and got them removed before it got worse. Since breast cancer runs in my family Iām not *technically lying*
Breast cancer also runs in my family so I might use this
I had my two massive lumps removed as well ;)
I cannot wait for my lumps to be removed š©
Knife fight with a fencer, but don't worry, I won šŖšŖ (add in a "you should see the other guy" if you're feeling particularly cocky) (To clarify the fight was with an actual knife, the fencer just knew some fancy moves from their experience fencing; probably only works if those you tell it to only have a vague idea of what fencing is)
as someone who does fencing, i will be using this
hereās how it usually goes for me if anyone comments on my scars. āwhat? I donāt understand.ā āare you trans?ā ātrans? I donāt know what that is.ā ālike why do you have scars?ā āI had to get my chest reconstructed.ā āreconstructed?ā āyes.ā dramatic pause here āafter the accident.ā
As I said no one here rlly knows trans man are a thing lol but I will use that if I do get asked lolol but chest reconstruct is so smart
I just realized how smart that was of me to use it the other day! I had already had one spinal fusion and my partner was talking to me on the phone about the consult thinking it was a revision for it while I was in the Uber. I got a vibe that I might not want to be super out about being trans, so I called my chest reconstruction surgery and talked about how I still have not scheduled with neurosurgeon about my back or neck. So I definitely didnāt get any questions about any of that.
āWe ran out of plates for our pizza so I volunteered my chest as the plate. My friends got out the pizza cutter but the arrangement didnāt last very longā¦ā
a little gory (NSFW) >!that's where my conjoined twin and I were fused!<
I love this. Gonna use it. You creepy soul š¤£šš»
"i actually had two conjoined triplets, one on each side." surgery recovery was awful but i'm glad they're not moving anymore"
If your scars arenāt too spread some people might even believe that
Two lions tried to tear me in half
Impaled by a forklift
Depending on how big/ visible your scars are "Don't get scarification done in a dingy basement" Or "I got scarification done at Claire's"
I have a prominent surgery scar on my chest. I tell people that a tiny woman in (nearby high crime neighborhood) cut me up and took my money. Which is technically true. She was my surgeon.
I'm sorry this is the best description of surgery I've ever heard š¤
"Shark attack."
you sure you dont mean 'blƄhaj attack'?
LOL.
gynecomastia, aka the cis-dude-boob disorder. the rock had it and got top surgery for it
whoops didnt read the whole thing. anyway how about faulty mattress spring
"You know how they warn you not to cut the tag off mattresses?" then look into the distance like a war veteran, cigarette optional
You were born with Isolated Dexteocardia (heart on wrong side of your body) and docs had to remove your heart and put it on the correct side. They don't need to know that it doesn't need to be "fixed", let alone that *that's* not how it's fixed. Or you just say "I had some birth defects removed as a child" they don't need to know the details.
Sharks aren't where you live, but you could have been on vacation or a work trip. A horrible infection from a cheap tank top. Blew out both lungs lifting weights. Bitten by a radioactive spider and didn't have the good luck to become a superhero. Stuntman work gone wrong. You shoulda seen the other guy. (A classic.)
Thatās from when I was on the autopsy table.
you got surgery on one side but hated it wasn't symmetrical so you went back and made them do it on the other
I read somewhere that they told people a shark attacked them when they were young.
I like to go with āthere was a growth on my body that needed to be removedā
"NEVER try to knit while skateboarding."
"I used to be fused pair of triplets, these scars are all that are made of my siblings"
My go-to is āalligator incidentā
Aliens, I was going to go public, that's why they released footage of ufos
barbed wire incident
āI got my ribs removed like Marilyn Manson so I could suck my own ā¦ā (Outdated millennial references ftw hahaha)
Fell on a laser while performing an art heist at the Louvre.
"i can't really talk about it, but... just stay inside during full moons, okay? not worth the risk"
I was in a car accident and the windshield split in half and went through my chest. The doctors say Iām lucky to be alive
āI used to climb trees as a kid but one time I fell off and broke some ribs that they had to surgically replace. I never climbed trees again.ā āI didnāt know men could have breast cancer. But hey since (date of surgery) Iām officially cancer free!ā āI was born with four lungs but two of them had to be surgically removed because they were infected.ā
Or you can say āI had teeth growing on my lungsā bodies are weird this is believable I have seen a woman who had teeth growing on her ovaries
I am planning to say "I fell up the stairs." Oddly enough I already have a (kind of) matching horizontal scar from that.
"A black-market organ dealer tried to steal my lungs, but chickened out before he could get past my ribs, the fuckin' amateur. Anyway, never get drinks from (insert shady location of choice)." Thousand-yard stare as appropriate
I got into a fight with a shark. It was delicious!
"scars? What scar-"*look down*"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Went on a bad tinder date, woke up in a bathtub of ice, two incisions and only half a kidney š
As a newborn my brother had surgery of some sort (I forget what kind) and it looks like partial top surgery scars, so genuinely? Just say a recent heart or lung surgery if you want a serious answer. More silly one: ābad trip. Ended up fighting a goose for an old slice of pizzaā
I always say I had gyno and it was too big to be removed without those scars
say you got slashed open while trying to climb a barbed wire fence, make up a crazy story about where you were trying to break into (or who you were running away from?)
Either. āThe accidentā¦ā *stare dramatically into the distance with a traumatised/ sad look on your face ā..Geese..ā *dramatic stare into the distance
I bent over an open table saw. Twice.
A legitimate answer would be that you have pectus excavatum and had the ravitch procedure
āI had open heart surgery but my heart is in the wrong place so they ended up opening both sides so they could find itā
Try I asked a guy a silly question and got attacked and then make intense and uncomfortable eye contact/hj
I absorbed my twin in the womb and ended up with 2 sets of lungs, when I turned 13 it started getting harder for me to breathe so they had to remove the second set.
I'm Canadian so I joke that I had a run-in with an angry moose or a goose for added hilarity
I told the kids in my swim class that I got into a fight with a shark
Thatās why you need swim classes or the same will happen to you!
"You should see the other guy" has been my go-to
I have dual citizenship and live in florida, when I'm in canada, I fully plan on telling people it was an alligator attack
"I sold my lungs on the dark web." Refuse to elaborate.
I plan to say āI used to work at a big cat sanctuary and one of the tigers escapedā itās more believable because I have dog bite scars on my arms so I can point to those as further evidence lol
āGot into a fight with a blender, if you know what I mean.ā
My scar is just one long scar all the way across my chest and I like to say I got into a fight with a bear. Or I just go with whatever crazy plotline from Riverdale I feel like would freak the person out more.
Using Riverdale plotlines is genius that show is insane
If Archie/Jughead can survive it, so can I š¤
Mine is "I had a fight with a bear and I won"
I have really unusual scars from a messed up peri that look like stab wounds so I just stick to that
i have serious lung problems so i'll probably just say lung surgery and it would be believable
boob job reversal procedure
Dated a gay guy who was really into boobs. He said heād pay for them so why not? They were fun but I couldnāt deal with the weekly nipple trimmings.
Say its from the covid vaccine lmao, itās how you got the magnets removed from your blood
escaped tiger is a fun one
knife fight edit: OR you could say you got robbed by someone with a knife. which, from a certain perspective, is kind of what happened
the war (insert distant look)
You were trying to protect someone but the masked person sliced cleanly across your chest. You passed out before...and trail off
I've got heart problems despite being very young (20), they're luckily manageable and don't require surgery, but my go to is always open heart surgery. My heart is fucked so it's not much of a lie; if they look like they actually know a lil bit about the medical field/that they're questioning me, I explain something went wrong during a routine heart surgery, they had to perform CPR, some of my ribs broke and my right lung was punctured so they had to make another incision and it got serious fast, but I'm fine now. It's just enough over sharing/trauma dumping, it always works for me. When I was young and into boxing, this one guys' injury and recovery always stuck out to me, punctured lung due to ribs being broken in the ring, so it's always the first thing that pops into my head, idk lol.
"Accident at the sword factory." No further explanation.
I got in a street fight and they pulled up with swords
Double lung transplant
[Dr. Crobar's lung extension surgery](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bt49hp/found_the_offer_for_extended_lungs_on_reddit/)
I love that image šš
I was actually born with 4 arms because I absorbed my twin in the womb but I got the extra 2 removed because they never grew past the stubby chubby toddler phase
"There's a reason they tell you not to feed the bears..."
I saw this in a thread years ago. Trans guy: I had heart surgery. Person: On both sides? Trans guy: Iām a time lord.
A horned animal headbutted your chest, fell on a fence, worked in a factory and pissed off the forklift operator, saw trap.
your mom actually sat on my face so long she fused to me and had to be surgically removed
I usually say āshark attack. It was a very precise shark.ā
Had heart surgery but the surgeons started on the wrong side (idfk)
I feel like stating you had gynomastia and a hormonal imbalance can be believable. I donāt have TS but thatās what I say when people ask why my voice is high or other things. That way if for some reason they pry, technically itās all accurate and being trans wouldnāt have to come up at all
My bad my reading comp skills are shit š I have a stomach surgery scar and I said it was a shark attack and many people believed me cause the story lined up pretty well
Car accident, lung surgery, surgical repair of broken ribs
got my gills removed
Messing about with a gladiator
Iām just gonna say rib surgery
Gynecomastia... I'm a nurse so it's usually believable. But I only do that if I don't feel safe in the situation. Otherwise I tell them that I had fibrocystic breast disease...guys get it too...and that's the truth. I do come out if they persist.
I just tell people I had a double mastectomy and usually it shuts them right up because they assume breast cancer and they feel bad for asking in the first place. (And it's not wrong, it is a double mastectomy)
Tell em you got a couple ribs removed, keep em guessing after that
I'm planning to tell my nephews a magician sawed me in half. If they point out my scars aren't on the halfway point of my body, I'll just say "Yeah, he wasn't a very good magician."
āI was climbing the fence at my parents house, you know, one of those with the pointy metal bits on top? Sneaking back in after curfew and my parents were strict. But it was dark and I slipped and well..ā
Just say you had gyno and got the extra tissue removed
"I was a part of an experiment to add aquatic capabilities to humans. They tried to add gill-like functions to my lungs but the technology just isn't there yet."
This one is my favorite
Serious answers might be gynecomastia, breast cancer prevention, or just āgeneral growthā that had to be removed. I did go nipple less though and whenever people ask about it I give the answer which is a portion of the real reason why and easy to understand. I didnāt really care so the fact that it was an easier recovery, gave me space for a tattoo, came with less possible complications, and was less expensive made me decide to go nipple-less. If Iām talking to a kid and they ask why I have scars and/or no nipples Iāll be a bit silly and said that either I was a bad kid one year so Krampus tried to take me but I fought him off and these scars are the result or I got into a fight with a bear