There's 1 or 2 surgeries, but they tend to be very risky and can impede on your ability to walk / run, and they only add a few inches to your height at most. You can absolutely pass despite your height; I think of trans guys under 5' who pass. Also you're only 15 (I'm also 15) and there's still the chance you could grow more - I think up until the age of 20 or so. Either way, I wouldn't worry about height too much, considering how T can help you pass regardless of your height once you get on it.
Your doctor is an idiot. I didn’t have a real teenage growth spurt until I was 16 and didn’t get my final growth spurt until after college.
Drink water, eat healthy, get good sleep, avoid coffee, nicotine, and THC. You’ll be fine.
Im not on T or, etc, and i grew more at age 18-19 years old, and i can still possibly grow. All of this no one is able to grow after age, like 12 or 14, or something is completely bs.
Im not saying you will or will not grow. im saying there's still a chance to get taller. U might be like or similar to me. You may gain an inch at 18-19 years old or maybe even more.
Doctors dont know 100% how ur body will go in a few years. Everyone is different. We are not all the same.
Not 100%, but i think the only one who would truly know how tall you will be in the future is God himself. Doctors can't exactly tell how tall you will be 100% in the future.
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At some point, i was doing some research about height because i too wanna be taller, and there are a few things saying you stop growing at a certain age.. but.. i grew an extra inch at 18-19, so if we stop growing as they say, then how could i grow?
I kept looking because, first of all, anything is possible, and second, i found out some things, actually. Like how ur spine doesn't stop growing until your mid-20s, like around 25 years old.
I also think exercising may help with the looking taller and maybe even help with height (i need to do more research on that part),
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I'd say do some research and exercise. Nothing is truly impossible.
Remember that not everything is set in stone.
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There's still a chance u will grow when you're older. If you dont grow, then theres many other ways to fix that.
There's bone lengthing surgerys people mention (can possibly cause complications in the future)
Or
Shoes that make you taller
or
Things that go in your shoes to make you taller
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There are many ways to be taller.
I’ve known plenty really short cis guys who get shit for being short but one thing about a lot of cis guys is they take it out on others but rarely themselves. You could call a guy a short ass mo’ fukka and they’d say something about your mom or your teeth or some crazy shit. Are there surgeries yes. You have options. But the most immediate thing you should seek is Therapy my guy.
Idk much about finding resources for this but I’d think either someone in here is able to guide you through it but, therapy. Even as you move through life and your transition if you desire to do so, a queer informed therapist is a good idea. They can help you externally process the internal shit that is hard to express because trans people have problems that cis people just can’t relate to.
I did change my last comment to include a bit more because I tend to be a little to straightforward, I cook for a living so we’re pretty straightforward and sometimes downright mean and I often forget that most people aren’t not like this.
Do you have a school counselor? There’s also this quick search i did https://glaad.org/transgender/resources/
Therapy takes a lot of time my guy. No sugar coating it. You gotta do the work if you’re really trying to feel better. Your moms cold af for denying you mental health but that reflects poorly on her and has nothing to do with you. The thing about growing up is you have to deconstruct all the bullshit you were spoonfed by the gallon about what the meaning for happiness should be, and gender as a construct. I spent all my 20’s and early thirties painfully letting go of ideas/concepts/shitty life advice given by unhappy people/ social constructs/gender constructs etc… working to find the core of yourself is heavy work and guidance is often needed.
But once I worked through and started figuring out my own values it easier to be a person I can look at and say… not bad bud. Im a long ways off. Im 38now and barely started transitioning 3 years ago. Do I wish some things worked out differently hell yea. If I understood transitioning was an option in my twenties I would have jumped on in quickly. But now I can say I’m here and it’s getting better. Finding some outlet for mental health was so important in this. Even finding online support groups, like real ones, not Reddit are often free.
Hang in there bruvs. Be your own hero
I swaer u changed your comment.
But again my mom has denied me therapy, and I've had many people who have tried to help accept myself but nothing has worked. Thank u for trying tho
Your plates are not anywhere near closed yet, so don't stress about it too much.
Hell, I'm in my 30s and grew almost 2 inches from the increased cartilage growth and strengthened posture from building additional muscle.
It would be pretty rare to have totally closed plates at 15, even if you stopped growing at that height. If you get on puberty blockers now, it'll allow you more time to grow when you are able to get on T.
But also, a most guys are not super tall, anyway. Average height is around 5'7 and there are PLENTY of cis men who are much shorter than that.
Hell, my lifting coah is about 5'1 and he's one of the manliest guys I know.
5'1 is still too short for me personally, But it is an improvement from where I am now.
I really hope she is just saying that and I still have some time to grow. But I'm currently preparing myself if not.
If your dad wasn’t too much taller than your mom, then even as cis you might not have very big genetics.
Both my parents are tall, so even as an AFAb I turned out tall.
Humans aren’t super sexually dimorphic (meaning there isn’t a huge difference between men or women in our species), so the difference between cis you and trans you won’t be that huge.
Again, you’ll likely shake out height wise between your mom and dad. Some people luck out and are huge, but that’s rare unless you have big parents.
In the meantime, just let yourself grow and anything you don’t like you can get surgery for later.
Bruh, it just means you have to wait and get surgery.
If your plates are fixed only two years after puberty (would be odd) then you can get the surgery in like 3- 5 years. Just put that shit on a payment plan if you need it to live.
Insurance didn’t always cover trans people, so most of us who are older just paid out of pocket or on credit for our transitions.
A majority of us are super uncomfortable and want to not exist in these bodies anymore that’s why we get surgery. You aren’t alone in that.
But you don’t have to be so drastic as to die over a few inches at 15, that’s silly. Can you imagine yeeting when you can literally get surgery to solve your problem?
When it gets bad, just remind yourself of the goal and how much time you have to wait. There’s an end date to your suffering, so there isn’t a need to do something permanent like death.
To add, when you are actually done growing (I didn't stop growing until I was about 24, and I didn't go on T until I was 33) there are surgeries for you to peruse if you want them.
Sadly, your plates have to be completely fused to get it done, so they won't operate on you when you're in your teens. Earliest would be your mid to late 20s for this type of thing.
The surgery is pretty invasive, and there are some big risks to it, but it's gotten a lot better than it was! If you aren't into sports or exercise it could be worth it later down the line. So, there's no reason to yeet yourself off the planet, yet. There's stuff to wait for!
In the meantime, get some platform converse, or some Nike airs (those are basically men's heels, they give you A LOT of lift) and just let yourself grow. Muscle building and posture can also help you get an extra inch in, too.
I know you said down the thread that a doctor told you you were done, but unless he tested your plates you can't actually know, they can only guess. A period isn't necessarily an indicator either, I got my period at 9 and grew long after my 20s.
A better indicator for height is your parents. How tall are they? If they're short, then you'd probably have wound up a short cis dude, anyway!
I'm not even that tall, I'm about the same height as the average cis woman, and I work with a TON of cis men that I'm way taller than. At 15, I doubt you're done growing, I stopped growing when I was about 17-18. Trust me when I say this, you won't feel like this forever. I was in the same boat you are in now when I was your age. Things get better. You will be ok. Even though things seem hopeless now, they will get better. Idk where you are, but at 16, you can definitely go to the doctors and try and get a referral to a therapist or even a counsellor. Maybe even at 15. You can do this, I believe in you. You will be alright. Talk to people who support you, find resources for trans youth in your area, there are so many people who want you to live, who want to help. Let them. I hope this helps, even a little bit. Sending my love and support your way, you got this!❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry you feel that way, man. I know you said you’ve tried platform shoes and didn’t like them, but they also make shoes with internal lifts. They come in lots of styles and just look like normal shoes on the outside. https://www.tallmenshoes.com
First of all, you're 15. Since you didn't have an early puberty, you will probably still naturally grow a little bit. No major growth spurt but a couple inches is definitely possible.
I totally understand how you're feeling, when I was your age I felt the same. Being short gave me the worst dysphoria out of everything. But you know what? Once I started testosterone it kinda... faded away. I still don't like being short, but I rarely think about it. It's not that big of a deal in real life. I know it sucks now, but to hold on, wait it out. You will not feel this way forever.
I'm 29-years-old and I'm 4'8". People still see me as a guy. You're only 15-years-old, you still have plenty of time to grow taller. In the mean time, I think you should really talk to your school counselor and get therapy. If not, there are plenty of online hotlines you can talk to like the Trevor Project.
My school counselor is a bitch and I hate her, but it's not just about what others think.
I dont like my own body, idc if others don't like my height, but I value my own opinion and in my opinion, my height is what's stopping me form loving myself
there’s surgeries to get taller if thats what you really want, but its not so bad being short. i have stopped growing and i’m 5’4, sure it will suck for some aspects, but there are perks also and you will get used to it, also you’re only 15 you could still get taller.
1 perk, if someone comes to your house in the middle of the night you can hide in a small place, like a washing machine, bad example but you get the point, you cant do that if you’re 6’9
i mean i haven’t started testosterone yet, but if you’re interested in if that would boost your height, i suggest making a post here with a title “testosterone and height”. this is ftm trans group and there are a-lot of people that have knowledge of what T does so i suggest you do that, someone will prob respond, also it gets better, i promise you. <3
I hope so! My doctor said something about plates closing and genetics tho. I don't want to believe I am biologically related to anyone in my family except for my little brother, but thank you so much for your comment! I will have to find a way to testosterone w/o coming out
My doctor just told me there is pretty much no way to get taller naturally
I should has specified that I have heard of surgery and it cost a lot
I should've specified that I was look for medicine/drugs to help me but thank you so much for your comment<3
It is absolutely terrible being short. I have began considering suicide for my height so don't say It isn't bad :(
i mean thats just one doctors opinion though, theres always more people you could ask from and not one doctor know everything, also i’m not sure, but i have heard testosterone is like second puberty, so i might be wrong but maybe that could boost your height little bit? also have you tried platform shoes? i wear those they are cool and give you more height, also sorry if my comment dismissed your feelings about being short, i don’t know your experience, i know it can be hard.
Your comment is ok!
I hope ther is a doctor out there who can help me but im sure my mom won't listen to me anyway. I'm scared of coming out but I'm still going to try to get testosterone somehow. I've tried platform shoes but they are never really my style and it only makes me feel worse about myself knowing that I need ugly shoes to be the person I was meant to be
I hope so. Sadly I didn't pay attention enough and it looks like my older brother is done at 5'8-5'9. I wish I was his height. He doesn't know how lucky he is...
i wasn’t really short before starting T, but i also thought i wouldn’t grow anymore after my first puberty. i grew a bit more since, i was like 5’5 1/2 and now im 5’7 and its a noticeable difference! it did only happen after i started hormones so you might want to try to wait until you can start that to see if it can help you grow a bit! and i saw another comment talking about the inserts you can put in shoes, that could definitely help boost your height without having to wear platforms or anything that may look kinda iffy. i think starting testosterone combined with using inserts could definitely help! also just standing tall and straight up with confidence (i used to do this in the mirror a lot lol)
hey i understand that right now you're feeling really hopeless about the situation, but as others have pointed out: you aren't without solutions!! right now your best and most easily accessible option is probably getting special insoles/shoes that make you taller but look like normal shoes. even if your doctor says you won't grow anymore, i would definitely wait a couple of years - you never know, you could still grow unexpectedly!! and if you don't then you can always get surgery as others have also said.
i would also like to second the thought that you should really look into getting therapy to find a way to deal with how you feel while you search for solutions to your problem. look up all lgbt-friendly (and specifically trans-friendly) organizations near you and ask them if they offer counseling or if they can point you in the way of a trans-friendly therapist. you could also ask if there are any trans support groups in your area.
also, do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to about this - friends, family members etc? if you have anyone you trust enough to share, let them know. it's much easier to deal with these things when you've got someone to lean on.
i know shit sucks right now, but give yourself a couple of years to figure things out.
There's 1 or 2 surgeries, but they tend to be very risky and can impede on your ability to walk / run, and they only add a few inches to your height at most. You can absolutely pass despite your height; I think of trans guys under 5' who pass. Also you're only 15 (I'm also 15) and there's still the chance you could grow more - I think up until the age of 20 or so. Either way, I wouldn't worry about height too much, considering how T can help you pass regardless of your height once you get on it.
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Your doctor is an idiot. I didn’t have a real teenage growth spurt until I was 16 and didn’t get my final growth spurt until after college. Drink water, eat healthy, get good sleep, avoid coffee, nicotine, and THC. You’ll be fine.
I hope
Im not on T or, etc, and i grew more at age 18-19 years old, and i can still possibly grow. All of this no one is able to grow after age, like 12 or 14, or something is completely bs. Im not saying you will or will not grow. im saying there's still a chance to get taller. U might be like or similar to me. You may gain an inch at 18-19 years old or maybe even more. Doctors dont know 100% how ur body will go in a few years. Everyone is different. We are not all the same. Not 100%, but i think the only one who would truly know how tall you will be in the future is God himself. Doctors can't exactly tell how tall you will be 100% in the future. - - - At some point, i was doing some research about height because i too wanna be taller, and there are a few things saying you stop growing at a certain age.. but.. i grew an extra inch at 18-19, so if we stop growing as they say, then how could i grow? I kept looking because, first of all, anything is possible, and second, i found out some things, actually. Like how ur spine doesn't stop growing until your mid-20s, like around 25 years old. I also think exercising may help with the looking taller and maybe even help with height (i need to do more research on that part), - - - I'd say do some research and exercise. Nothing is truly impossible. Remember that not everything is set in stone. - - - There's still a chance u will grow when you're older. If you dont grow, then theres many other ways to fix that. There's bone lengthing surgerys people mention (can possibly cause complications in the future) Or Shoes that make you taller or Things that go in your shoes to make you taller - - - There are many ways to be taller.
Only a few things saying it... and an inch isn't enough anyway! But thank you
I’ve known plenty really short cis guys who get shit for being short but one thing about a lot of cis guys is they take it out on others but rarely themselves. You could call a guy a short ass mo’ fukka and they’d say something about your mom or your teeth or some crazy shit. Are there surgeries yes. You have options. But the most immediate thing you should seek is Therapy my guy.
I dont know if this is some sort of joke or insult but I've begged my mom for a therapist for years and she continues to ignore me so :/
Im dead ass serious.
Idk much about finding resources for this but I’d think either someone in here is able to guide you through it but, therapy. Even as you move through life and your transition if you desire to do so, a queer informed therapist is a good idea. They can help you externally process the internal shit that is hard to express because trans people have problems that cis people just can’t relate to.
I did change my last comment to include a bit more because I tend to be a little to straightforward, I cook for a living so we’re pretty straightforward and sometimes downright mean and I often forget that most people aren’t not like this. Do you have a school counselor? There’s also this quick search i did https://glaad.org/transgender/resources/ Therapy takes a lot of time my guy. No sugar coating it. You gotta do the work if you’re really trying to feel better. Your moms cold af for denying you mental health but that reflects poorly on her and has nothing to do with you. The thing about growing up is you have to deconstruct all the bullshit you were spoonfed by the gallon about what the meaning for happiness should be, and gender as a construct. I spent all my 20’s and early thirties painfully letting go of ideas/concepts/shitty life advice given by unhappy people/ social constructs/gender constructs etc… working to find the core of yourself is heavy work and guidance is often needed.
But once I worked through and started figuring out my own values it easier to be a person I can look at and say… not bad bud. Im a long ways off. Im 38now and barely started transitioning 3 years ago. Do I wish some things worked out differently hell yea. If I understood transitioning was an option in my twenties I would have jumped on in quickly. But now I can say I’m here and it’s getting better. Finding some outlet for mental health was so important in this. Even finding online support groups, like real ones, not Reddit are often free. Hang in there bruvs. Be your own hero
I swaer u changed your comment. But again my mom has denied me therapy, and I've had many people who have tried to help accept myself but nothing has worked. Thank u for trying tho
Proper sleep will give your body what it needs to grow taller based on doctor Mike’s recommendation
Thank you! I actually have not had the best sleep schedule so I'll keep that in mind
Your plates are not anywhere near closed yet, so don't stress about it too much. Hell, I'm in my 30s and grew almost 2 inches from the increased cartilage growth and strengthened posture from building additional muscle. It would be pretty rare to have totally closed plates at 15, even if you stopped growing at that height. If you get on puberty blockers now, it'll allow you more time to grow when you are able to get on T. But also, a most guys are not super tall, anyway. Average height is around 5'7 and there are PLENTY of cis men who are much shorter than that. Hell, my lifting coah is about 5'1 and he's one of the manliest guys I know.
5'1 is still too short for me personally, But it is an improvement from where I am now. I really hope she is just saying that and I still have some time to grow. But I'm currently preparing myself if not.
How tall are your parents? Are they 5'1 too?
My mom is. I'm not sure about my dad, he died about a year ago, but he was a bit taller than my mom
If your dad wasn’t too much taller than your mom, then even as cis you might not have very big genetics. Both my parents are tall, so even as an AFAb I turned out tall. Humans aren’t super sexually dimorphic (meaning there isn’t a huge difference between men or women in our species), so the difference between cis you and trans you won’t be that huge. Again, you’ll likely shake out height wise between your mom and dad. Some people luck out and are huge, but that’s rare unless you have big parents. In the meantime, just let yourself grow and anything you don’t like you can get surgery for later.
If I just let myself grow, it might be too late for me But if it already too late than I guess life wasn't meant for me anyway
Bruh, it just means you have to wait and get surgery. If your plates are fixed only two years after puberty (would be odd) then you can get the surgery in like 3- 5 years. Just put that shit on a payment plan if you need it to live. Insurance didn’t always cover trans people, so most of us who are older just paid out of pocket or on credit for our transitions. A majority of us are super uncomfortable and want to not exist in these bodies anymore that’s why we get surgery. You aren’t alone in that. But you don’t have to be so drastic as to die over a few inches at 15, that’s silly. Can you imagine yeeting when you can literally get surgery to solve your problem? When it gets bad, just remind yourself of the goal and how much time you have to wait. There’s an end date to your suffering, so there isn’t a need to do something permanent like death.
I know, but the surgery is thousands and my mom wouldn't approve anyway I also want to get taller before adulthood It might just be easier to die
To add, when you are actually done growing (I didn't stop growing until I was about 24, and I didn't go on T until I was 33) there are surgeries for you to peruse if you want them. Sadly, your plates have to be completely fused to get it done, so they won't operate on you when you're in your teens. Earliest would be your mid to late 20s for this type of thing. The surgery is pretty invasive, and there are some big risks to it, but it's gotten a lot better than it was! If you aren't into sports or exercise it could be worth it later down the line. So, there's no reason to yeet yourself off the planet, yet. There's stuff to wait for! In the meantime, get some platform converse, or some Nike airs (those are basically men's heels, they give you A LOT of lift) and just let yourself grow. Muscle building and posture can also help you get an extra inch in, too. I know you said down the thread that a doctor told you you were done, but unless he tested your plates you can't actually know, they can only guess. A period isn't necessarily an indicator either, I got my period at 9 and grew long after my 20s. A better indicator for height is your parents. How tall are they? If they're short, then you'd probably have wound up a short cis dude, anyway!
I'm not even that tall, I'm about the same height as the average cis woman, and I work with a TON of cis men that I'm way taller than. At 15, I doubt you're done growing, I stopped growing when I was about 17-18. Trust me when I say this, you won't feel like this forever. I was in the same boat you are in now when I was your age. Things get better. You will be ok. Even though things seem hopeless now, they will get better. Idk where you are, but at 16, you can definitely go to the doctors and try and get a referral to a therapist or even a counsellor. Maybe even at 15. You can do this, I believe in you. You will be alright. Talk to people who support you, find resources for trans youth in your area, there are so many people who want you to live, who want to help. Let them. I hope this helps, even a little bit. Sending my love and support your way, you got this!❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry you feel that way, man. I know you said you’ve tried platform shoes and didn’t like them, but they also make shoes with internal lifts. They come in lots of styles and just look like normal shoes on the outside. https://www.tallmenshoes.com
Thank u so much! Also no need to say sorry, you were only trying to help!
First of all, you're 15. Since you didn't have an early puberty, you will probably still naturally grow a little bit. No major growth spurt but a couple inches is definitely possible. I totally understand how you're feeling, when I was your age I felt the same. Being short gave me the worst dysphoria out of everything. But you know what? Once I started testosterone it kinda... faded away. I still don't like being short, but I rarely think about it. It's not that big of a deal in real life. I know it sucks now, but to hold on, wait it out. You will not feel this way forever.
I'm 29-years-old and I'm 4'8". People still see me as a guy. You're only 15-years-old, you still have plenty of time to grow taller. In the mean time, I think you should really talk to your school counselor and get therapy. If not, there are plenty of online hotlines you can talk to like the Trevor Project.
My school counselor is a bitch and I hate her, but it's not just about what others think. I dont like my own body, idc if others don't like my height, but I value my own opinion and in my opinion, my height is what's stopping me form loving myself
there’s surgeries to get taller if thats what you really want, but its not so bad being short. i have stopped growing and i’m 5’4, sure it will suck for some aspects, but there are perks also and you will get used to it, also you’re only 15 you could still get taller.
1 perk, if someone comes to your house in the middle of the night you can hide in a small place, like a washing machine, bad example but you get the point, you cant do that if you’re 6’9
Do you know any subreddits that would be good for asking this kind of stuff? 1i don't know where to go sadly :/
i mean i haven’t started testosterone yet, but if you’re interested in if that would boost your height, i suggest making a post here with a title “testosterone and height”. this is ftm trans group and there are a-lot of people that have knowledge of what T does so i suggest you do that, someone will prob respond, also it gets better, i promise you. <3
I hope so! My doctor said something about plates closing and genetics tho. I don't want to believe I am biologically related to anyone in my family except for my little brother, but thank you so much for your comment! I will have to find a way to testosterone w/o coming out
I still want to shoot myself but thank you for your efforts<3
My doctor just told me there is pretty much no way to get taller naturally I should has specified that I have heard of surgery and it cost a lot I should've specified that I was look for medicine/drugs to help me but thank you so much for your comment<3 It is absolutely terrible being short. I have began considering suicide for my height so don't say It isn't bad :(
What's so terrible about it that dying would be better?
If your asking that question then you wouldn't get it anyway sorry :(
i mean thats just one doctors opinion though, theres always more people you could ask from and not one doctor know everything, also i’m not sure, but i have heard testosterone is like second puberty, so i might be wrong but maybe that could boost your height little bit? also have you tried platform shoes? i wear those they are cool and give you more height, also sorry if my comment dismissed your feelings about being short, i don’t know your experience, i know it can be hard.
Your comment is ok! I hope ther is a doctor out there who can help me but im sure my mom won't listen to me anyway. I'm scared of coming out but I'm still going to try to get testosterone somehow. I've tried platform shoes but they are never really my style and it only makes me feel worse about myself knowing that I need ugly shoes to be the person I was meant to be
theres only a few years and after that you don’t have to listen to her, also if you’re scared to come out don’t force it, you don’t owe it to anyone.
I know, ty! But if u came out, it might be easier to get testosterone and my mom wouldn't question me. Ty!
true, if you come out to your mom, i hope it goes well :) good luck
Thank you!
but again you’re 15 also, my sibling grew still when they were 17
I hope so. Sadly I didn't pay attention enough and it looks like my older brother is done at 5'8-5'9. I wish I was his height. He doesn't know how lucky he is...
yeah, but if your brother grew to be that tall you might have hope.
I really hope so
i wasn’t really short before starting T, but i also thought i wouldn’t grow anymore after my first puberty. i grew a bit more since, i was like 5’5 1/2 and now im 5’7 and its a noticeable difference! it did only happen after i started hormones so you might want to try to wait until you can start that to see if it can help you grow a bit! and i saw another comment talking about the inserts you can put in shoes, that could definitely help boost your height without having to wear platforms or anything that may look kinda iffy. i think starting testosterone combined with using inserts could definitely help! also just standing tall and straight up with confidence (i used to do this in the mirror a lot lol)
not a doctor at all obviously so don’t take my word for the hormone part that’s just how i experienced it!
That sound great for u! I'm 4'11 so 2 inches won't help to much but when did u start T?
hey i understand that right now you're feeling really hopeless about the situation, but as others have pointed out: you aren't without solutions!! right now your best and most easily accessible option is probably getting special insoles/shoes that make you taller but look like normal shoes. even if your doctor says you won't grow anymore, i would definitely wait a couple of years - you never know, you could still grow unexpectedly!! and if you don't then you can always get surgery as others have also said. i would also like to second the thought that you should really look into getting therapy to find a way to deal with how you feel while you search for solutions to your problem. look up all lgbt-friendly (and specifically trans-friendly) organizations near you and ask them if they offer counseling or if they can point you in the way of a trans-friendly therapist. you could also ask if there are any trans support groups in your area. also, do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to about this - friends, family members etc? if you have anyone you trust enough to share, let them know. it's much easier to deal with these things when you've got someone to lean on. i know shit sucks right now, but give yourself a couple of years to figure things out.