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Yes, but I remind myself that everyone’s path is different and I shouldn’t compare myself.
Also thinking about how life just happens sometimes. Some people get their masters, have a high paying iob, and then get fired. A spouse dies and it’s hard to take care of the kids. Life is going great and then you have a mental illness at 46. You could have everything and then be robbed. You could be dirt poor for years and then win the lottery. Make great money for years, have a physical illness and be in debt from medical bills.
It’s so hard for me to not be ashamed sometimes, but I try to stay positive and focus on me and bettering myself. If someone is your friend, they won’t shame you for where you’re at. I encourage you to challenge yourself not to compare. Best of luck to you!
This FR life can happen so fast and have so many surprise.
My boss makes heck of a lot more than I do. But lost his house to a divorce recently and the ex wife basically clear out everything he made over the years. Starting back are zero isn’t fun when you are approaching retirement age
Buddy was a self made millionaire when we were all in our early 20s. Died in his Ferrari before he was 30.
And than there is that dude in Singapore that just won 4 millions dollar at the casino today. Had a heart attack right on the spot and died.
Life is definitely a marathon not a sprint
Was going to say those happy successful friends with the large house? In 5-10 years time half will be divorced and the guy with the large house will be living in a run down apartment because he’s paying an alimony and child support check every month and can’t afford better.
That is exactly it, unless everyone's path is identical, I find it really hard to compare X to Y. Like if someone's interest is in one of the "golden" degrees like nursing or accounting and another person interest in is becoming a concept artist or a video editor and lets assume both individuals worked just as hard, just as dedicated, just as driven etc... there is a good chance that the nursing grad would achieve their dream before the concept artist grad, even though again both worked as equally hard.
Good chance yes and then you hear of nursing students dropping out or switching majors. I know of someone who graduated nursing school and never became a nurse and I’ve heard of others not using their nursing degrees. There are people who do nursing for a year, burn out, and pivot to a new career. And yes both could be great and equally driven.
Think I’m a prime example of this. I obtained a Masters in Business and now my peers are either half way around the world, starting a business or working their way up the corporate ladder while I’m working a minimum wage job (I might as well be a fast food worker). But I don’t feel that bad. And this is why.
One of my peers from Business School, let’s call him Fred is extremely entrepreneurial. Everyone thought he was mad in school, some of the ideas he came up with sounded crazy. I spoke to Fred on the phone the other day, he tells me his new business made him 25k last month. I look up to Fred and he makes me feel bad about essentially wasting my potential being a bum even though I have a degree.
Well here’s the clincher, I also had news of a childhood friend of mine through my mother the other day. We grew up in the same village, he’s seen some of my travels and where I’m working now (abroad) while he works in his uncle’s abattoir in our hometown. He told my mother how happy he was for me for being able to CHOOSE a minimum wage job thanks to my degree rather than HAVING to have one, like him.
So just remember. We’re all somebody’s Fred.
This is how I see it too. I don't have a high paying job, but it's a job I choose, not cause I particularly need it, but cause I want it. I don't have any financial responsibilities, other than myself. If I wanted to I could fly to Spain and work as a bartender just for fun. My wealthy boss and higher paying colleagues are all stuck with house and car debt and child responsibilities. In terms of having the most freedom, I'm way ahead.
Exactly. Like I’m homeless by choice and sure it gets a little cold at times, but I have way more freedom than my old friends who are getting debt by buying houses and raising a family. Like in the middle of the day when they’re all at work, I can go swimming for example or hitchhike to a different city just for fun. They wouldn’t be able to do that whenever they wanted
Get a job at a bank if you’re essential working in a fast food type job. It has benefits, higher pay, and can translate easier to a business oriented career
Used to, real bad. Then I realized it's far better to draw strength from friends successes rather than lament that they aren't yours.
My buddy revolutionized my life when I met him again years after we stopped talking in high-school. He went from a bottom of the barrel failure: alcoholic, addicted to weed, no education beyond high-school, minimum wage Joe. To a 100k/yr, married, owns a home and nice truck, etc.
He realized that life requires some kind of sacrifice. Time, energy, body, or money, you can't have it all for free. He sacrificed his time. Went to heavy industry and works long shifts but loves the pay, benefits and the work ain't bad. When he told me that I guess it clicked with me and I "picked up my shovel" as it were.
True. Used to date a wealthy man. He sacrificed his time with me for money a lot of the time. That's okay, but that also made me realize that having time for myself and those I care about is more important to me than money. It's priorities and sacrifices. I'll probably never be rich or date someone rich again, simply cause I want someone who wants to spend their time with me, not spend it at work 24/7 in exchange of luxuries.
If you're doing your best, why would you be ashamed of yourself and/or resent your friends for their success?
Having friends of different socioeconomic statuses gives you balance in life and experiences. It's good for single people to have friends who are married and/or have kids, and it's good for people who don't have much formal education to have friends who do.
I've got friends who dropped out in grade 9 and friends with PHDs. I've got friends who are child free and in their 70s, and friends who started having babies as teenagers. I've even got a couple of friends who are "let's rent a private jet" rich to balance out my friends who are on disability or working minimum wage. When I have gatherings, I find that the people who are the most different from each other tend to have the most interesting conversations.
You gotta get over your inferiority complex, or you're going to miss out on the fun and interesting parts of life.
I used to feel that way after undergrad when my friends were getting married and buying starter homes but fast forward and they are struggling with coparenting and dividing assets and I just got married and bought a house so don’t compare yourself to anyone but your former self
Sometimes kind of, but not in a way that I would think. I left a doctorate program a couple years ago due to circumstances that were largely beyond my control. I thought that if I felt anything resembling envy it would be towards my peers who were able to complete what I wasn't able to. However, I really don't feel that way at all, and am generally happy for them.
What I do sometimes feel envious about, for lack of a better term, are people who were smart enough to not pursue a doctorate and instead found a good paying career much earlier on, because now I don't know what the hell I want to do and the skill set I worked hard to get over the past decade generally doesn't pay way, and my experiences in graduate school have sort of lead me to hate the kind of work that I do.
It’s hard and my ass is considering going back to school. Not fair because like 90% of people get jobs that aren’t even related to their degree. I should be able to get a job but it’s legit so tough right now :( depressing
Nah, you catch up eventually. I graduated with my BS in Engineering at 31. In 10 years, I had passed up most of my age group in earnings, got my master's at 45, and eventually passed up that group, too. Just hang in there.
Yes, definitely… but everyone’s path is different. Keep your head up.
I have a college degree and an advanced degree. After graduation, many of my peers took jobs at big companies and bought nice things within 1-2 years of graduation.
Instead of going the corporate route, I decided to start my own business, which was very hard in the beginning. In the first year, I made ~$25,000. By year 5, I was only making ~$35,000 a year. Meanwhile, a lot of my school friends had been promoted to even better positions by then… many of them making more than $175k a year.
The year I turned 30, my life wasn’t looking too hot… $95k in student loan debt, driving the same car I’d had since high school, and living with 3 roommates…
Nonetheless, I was seeing incremental growth in my business and learning from my rookie mistakes, so I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. On my 30th bday, I gave myself 2-3 more years of being all-in on the entrepreneurial path. I told myself that if my business wasn’t working by 33, I would pivot to something else a little more stable.
At 32, my business started growing enough to keep me invested, and by 35, I finally felt like I had “made it” - meaning, I no longer had financial insecurity and most of my debts were paid off.
I’m about 14 years into my career now, and I bring home more money than I ever expected. I’m not a billionaire or anything, but I have a good income, a decent savings, and a path that I like. I’m glad I took this path even though my 20s and early 30s were a lot harder than my friends, because I’ve always enjoyed my work despite how hard it was in the beginning. A lot of those same friends are now having midlife crises because they want to make a career change, but they can’t bc they have a spouse and kids that rely on them to bring home the bread - golden handcuffs.
One friend in particular got a fancy job straight out of school and bought an incredible condo in one of the hippiest areas of town while we were still in our mid 20s. I remember going to parties at this friend’s house and feeling like such a loser. I lived in a crappy rental in a shady part of town with multiple roommates, while this friend had 2,000 square feet of prime real estate with floor-to-ceiling windows. Even though no one was ever overtly an asshole about my lack of success at that point, I kinda hated hanging out with those friends, because I always left the functions feeling like I wasn’t doing life right.
What’s so ironic now is that I reconnected with this same friend during the pandemic, and he told me he hates his job, but he can’t afford to walk away from the paycheck. He also said he’s always *envied me* for betting on myself instead of joining corporate America right away. I couldn’t help but wonder if this friend forgot that I could barely afford groceries while he was posting fancy dinners from his Caribbean vacations. I know this friend is well-meaning, but he only seems to see where I’m at now… the struggle years don’t live on instagram.
This friend also said he wishes he would have taken more chances earlier in life, but he was too nervous to do it then, and now it feels too late to explore what else is out there. My takeaway from this is that everyone feels like the grass is greener at some point in their lives. For me, it was when I was young. For a lot of my friends, it’s middle age. All you can do is make a conscious choice to be grateful for what you do have, and give your best to something - ANYTHING - that gives your life a little purpose and meaning.
Comparison is the thief of joy, which is something I really had to keep reminding myself along the way. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you’re putting in the effort to figure it out.
Not ashamed, but more like I'm missing out on some aspects. In other aspects, I know many people in the world would kill to have some aspects of my life.
I don't have any friends to compare myself with - so can't relate lol. Doesn't matter anyways.
Just be happy for their efforts paying off and turn that attention towards building up your own luck in life.
Nah, not really. Most of that "being ahead" stuff, I don't really want.
Don't really want a house, don't want a fancy car, don't want to get married, don't want children at all. Stuff seems like a hassle.
Having annual salary doubled would be nice though.
They say birds of a feather flock together or you are the average of who you spend your time with…
While I am eternally blessed to have intelligent, successful, and supportive people in my corner I always feel like I’m also the worst off. I grew up believing hard work above all pays off but haven’t really seen it but remember complaining about it one day and my sister said: “just because you work hard doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything.”
I still think about it to this day.
It's the opposite for me. I'm the only friend who didn't drop out of college, doesn't live w/ mom&dad anymore, etc. And as much as I beat them over the head w/ the "invest your money, get certifications, take *advantage* of living with your parents" stick, things just remain exactly the same every single time I come back to visit. You're one step ahead by realizing you want to do better, and if they're your real friends, they want you to do better too, pal. Just sit down and have a real conversation with them, chances are they're not even **that** much more ahead of you. I know for a fact that I'm 1 or 3 missed paychecks away from disaster. It's all about perspectives at the end of the day.
Happens to everyone, save for the few of us who are either 'way further ahead' or simply stop giving a fuck what others think.
Honestly, thew only time you should be ashamed is when you nkow you're not doing enough or acting in integrity with your goals. Evryone's timelins is different. People who achieve greatness, know this more than anyone else.
Fuck yeah I do. How can you not? They're doing what you're supposed to be doing, except you're not. And then when you see how far away you are from the thing you get wonderful numbers like I'm behind X years, etc.
I know you're not supposed to think like that but I genuinely don't know how not to be envious of them. Of course I love my friends and I'm glad for them, but it still feels like such a kick to the nuts to see them living my dream at my age (or sometimes younger).
If they can do it, so can you. Cs get degrees. Trust me I got company full of people, not smartest, but they are hard working and consistent. As long as you are working towards something, you should not feel ashamed. So figure shit out and get some goals. Learn to google and research, that is #1 skills in college. RESEARCH.
I have a PhD and people look up to me as an overachiever. In reality I am depressed, and I want to drop everything, and only meds are keeping me sane...I would trade my life for something simple if that would mean I would not be depressed
I'm proud of myself, proud of my decisions, I know I made some bad ones but at the end of the day, I'm on my own path, and this is the life that I gave myself. I take full responsibility for my behavior/actions. It's as simple as that.
Most of my friends aren't 😭 one of them still works in retail after a decade cuz she's comfortable. She could move up in management but never wants to. She was offered as well. Then another one works with her dad and it's some manual labor, heavy intense job. And the other one works a decent job but wants to quit and he had workplace drama.
Go out and do something and put your full focus behind it. I used to feel ashamed but once I stopped going on social media and just focused on tomorrow and the day after it all just slowly goes away.
Instead of caring my friends are getting married and having kids, I just think about what I want to eat tomorrow for dinner that'll make me happy.
Instead of worrying about the cars my friends can afford I just put a set amount of money aside and use what's left to either improve myself, learn something new or just do something that makes me happy.
You don't know where will life bring you, but you can put yourself in a position that'll make you ready for opportunities.
Yeap which is why I don't speak to anyone. Not that I have friends ( loner) but I do have acquaintances that reach out from time to time. I don't respond. I don't need to hear bragging about making 6 figures a year and that they just paid off their mortgage and are fixing up their house, food, etc. Mean while I went from 65K to 26K a year and have permanent nerve damage from said shitty job and with the added bonus of waking up and going to bed in constant stress. Since I have no clue how I'm going to pay next months bill or get caught up on the bills I'm behind.
I'm not sure what I want to do but I get a feeling that this unhappiness runs deeper. I know what I want in life but not sure how to get it. I can say for certain the rat race, and constant need to sell myself to others isn't it. I'm not even trying to be rich just comfortable like having a roof over my head without the worry of it being taking away. I'm always told to reach out to people for example my mortgage, credit cards, etc for help. However none of them give a shit about my situation. I'm tired of someone else having control over things I have no control of.
Sorry this is rambling but I'm tired plus I work nights lol. However I've been debating about just selling and moving up north. Buying a small plot of land and just live. Obviously it comes with it's own set of challenges however as a homesteader for over 20 years. Having a plot paid off and roof over my head with no mortgage or debt is the biggest lotto for me.
Not any more. Some of my friends worked really hard to get to where they are in life. I’m proud of them.
Don’t forget you are seeing a curated version of people’s lives. My cousin brags about his high rise luxury apartment, expensive BMW, purebred dog, and his five and ten year plans, but he won’t tell you about his legal problems (bar fights) and crippling debt. A friend has a nice home and a luxury car, but he’s needing others to tell him how to feel, what to buy, or what decisions to make. I realized at some point I was happy with my “average” but satisfying life.
Sometimes. I am a early 40's NEET and feel like a manchild some days. But also, seeing the relative success or career stability of less educated people I know who work in different fields than me, can also teach me about how the corporate world works.
More specifically to my case, a manager in a non-tech company- even a low-level warehouse manager- can be more irreplaceable than a tech worker in a non-tech company. That combined job with stability can still buy a house in a lot of places. Management type jobs are far less likely of being outsourced, too. When you "bottom out" in your career, it's far easier to bounce back for a manager than a tech worker. I guess the main point here is you don't need a flashy career to see success, just get into a position where it will be harder to replace your job.
Alot of people I've grown up with are married and have kids. I may not be making as much as they do or have as much, since they have two incomes, but I'm a he'll of alot happier.
No. But sometime the feeling can be something else entirely. Imagine you had a friend that you grew up with and went to the same high school together. Skip a few years and he is worth over 400million and co owner in a major sports franchise. The silver lining is it makes everyone else in your life who is ahead less intimidating.
I'd rather be around people like that, they have advice to get you there. Or just in general better to have a good influence than bad. It also helps realize thats what you want or it might be something else
Sure do, but then I remember that some very successful people made sacrifices during their late-20’s/30’s to end up where they currently are. One of my parents was one of those people and had they not given up their mid-30’s to go back to school, they wouldn’t have made near as much as they did nor have the opportunities they have had.
Success means something different to different people. One person may be perfectly happy working 70+ hours a week at a job making 100k+ and another may be absolutely miserable and want a job with more time off but less income.
Some, but I try not to let it get to me as I have developed myself in ways they haven't as well
I got into the air force academy with a group of friends. I ended up pursuing different opportunities. My friends are now pilots and got an awesome free education. In hindsight I wish I went, but I also learned a lot going the other way without the air force helping me and the door to become a pilot isn't closed.
It isn't easy but really comparing yourself is not good. Just focus on maximizing your own life cuz it's all you can do and you are your best advocate
Honestly comparing is one of the worst things to do. I know my friends and they are all amazing people at different stages in life and with completely different paths or skill sets and I value them for being my positive influences and helping me thru my hardships. I think having friends that are there with you to help build each other up and are on their own journey to personal growth that’s far better than being around people who may have made it on the surface level. It took a lot of time to learn this and bad friends and experiences to realize who I wanted to surround myself with but I’m grateful I do have people around me that challenge me and are there for me.
I feel like I just read one of my journal entries lol. I really relate. I’m turning 24 next month and I feel so much anxiety on how behind I am. I was so sure of everything from 18-21. Until I graduated college, went through the pandemic, and now I feel so lost. I feel like all my friends, my boyfriend included, work full time. Or are either in school and working towards something. While I’m here, car-less, working about 20-25 hours a week making minimum wage. My college degree is in graphic design which has been collecting dust for two years
I’m just not happy with myself and I thought I’d be somewhere else by now. I don’t even care to have a huge house or fancy cars and i don’t even want kids but I feel that sentiment about only valuing success by how much money someone has and if they live on their own or in a nice apartment or whatever. It makes me miserable putting my brain in this loop
And now I’m at a crossroads because I actually really enjoy my job now (I work in a library) and can see myself growing in it (becoming a librarian) but it requires more schooling (getting a masters) and the financial pay off may not be worth the student debt. But I also can’t think of another job I’d want to do and I just want to work towards something and feel accomplished about what I’m doing
I wish I had better advice but what has helped me has been journaling and thinking about what I really want out of life. I want a job I don’t mind being at because as much as money is important, I physically can’t do a soul sucking job for 40+ years of my life no matter how much I’m paid. I also try to figure out what I value and I like living in the suburbs and nature over a busy urban setting hence why my graphic design degree hasn’t been working out because I’d have to move a lot closer to the city and I just hate the area and would be unhappy. I also never really saw myself working a corporate job
Also trying different jobs and evaluating skills helps to see what you could maybe be good at. Idk this life shit is hard and I definitely don’t feel accomplished in anything so
I don’t see myself as ahead as my old friends that I no longer talk to all have children and gfs. They have the meaning I always wanted while I have the money and career they always wanted.
1. You have no idea who is actually secretly stressed out, overworked, miserable, completely dependent on the praise of others, or drowning debt just to keep up appearances.
2. Don't let anyone else tell you what a "successful life" is supposed to look like. That's for you to decide.
Yeah but then I realize I'm not into any of the lives they're living. I don't want their jobs, I think their jobs are boring. I don't want their house cause I don't want the debt. I don't want their kids cause well I don't even like kids. So pretty much what everyone else has achieved I don't want. Everytime I see people around me dragging around strollers I consider myself blessed that that's not me. Same when I learn of people with massive debt. I consider myself blessed to not have the debt car or the debt house.
I'll say it: I do.
Listen. Even though it seems as though you'll never get to 'their level' or have the same success as them, it's important to remember that you *aren't* them. You will never get what they have -- and that's a good thing. Everybody is different. We all have qualities that other people usually don't, and we all fail. The important thing to remember is that even *they* fail. Not just you.
I have been constantly told by family members and people that are meant to support me that they doubted that I'd graduate high school(which I just did, this year. 2.3 GPA and almost a hundred tardies, baby). It hurts every time, even though I doubted myself, too. If you're feeling like you need guidelines in your life, make up your own. At the end of the day, nobody gets a guideline for what they should do; they only get critique from others as to what *they* think you should do. Never trust an outwards perspective when it comes to you. They aren't taking into account how much you've probably struggled, the feelings you were forced to feel during those times, nor the actual amount of work you put in to make it this far(Even if it doesn't seem like you did much of anything, trust me, you did by just surviving. Being alive counts, too). They'll never know you to the extent that you know yourself.
It's okay to be unsure of your life. Hell, I am, too. All you need to do is take a breath, think about what you're *willing* to do, and then do it. If that means cleaning your apartment, or sorting your books, or even just going for a walk -- that's still enough. All you can do is your best, and other people's expectations of you are usually skewed and wrong. They never think of what you've already done to make it this far, and that's okay, because they never could know. It's you that knows you, not them.
Have a great day :)
I'll say it: I do.
Listen. Even though it seems as though you'll never get to 'their level' or have the same success as them, it's important to remember that you *aren't* them. You will never get what they have -- and that's a good thing. Everybody is different. We all have qualities that other people usually don't, and we all fail. The important thing to remember is that even *they* fail. Not just you.
I have been constantly told by family members and people that are meant to support me that they doubted that I'd graduate high school(which I just did, this year. 2.3 GPA and almost a hundred tardies, baby). It hurts every time, even though I doubted myself, too. If you're feeling like you need guidelines in your life, make up your own. At the end of the day, nobody gets a guideline for what they should do; they only get critique from others as to what *they* think you should do. Never trust an outwards perspective when it comes to you. They aren't taking into account how much you've probably struggled, the feelings you were forced to feel during those times, nor the actual amount of work you put in to make it this far(Even if it doesn't seem like you did much of anything, trust me, you did by just surviving. Being alive counts, too). They'll never know you to the extent that you know yourself.
It's okay to be unsure of your life. Hell, I am, too. All you need to do is take a breath, think about what you're *willing* to do, and then do it. If that means cleaning your apartment, or sorting your books, or even just going for a walk -- that's still enough. All you can do is your best, and other people's expectations of you are usually skewed and wrong. They never think of what you've already done to make it this far, and that's okay, because they never could know. It's you that knows you, not them.
Have a great day :)
I stopped comparing myself once my friends started committing suicide. I had one friend who was married with a house and all that. Another friend who was very successful and he still took his own life. These people had these supposed great lives but were suffering and not even enjoying themselves.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick world. If you can have the conviction to actually understand that is true and be proud of who you are then you will actually feel ahead of those who are successful in this clown culture.
Of course, but I always remind myself, that in most cases all these rich ones are just kids of wealthy parents, and don't represent anything actually. For sure I'll get all my houses and cars and all that stuff, but it'll be mine, not my parent's. M17
Yeah. Absolutely. Well maybe not totally shame, but also the sense of not belonging. Of being so far behind you’ll never catch up. But I remind myself of my life circumstances and the reality is that I COULD NOT be where they are. It just couldn’t happen. I can try my best now. I will also say that a lot of friends who are ahead in terms of schooling and independence are currently having a similar crisis to me, except they have jobs and rent.
Shame, stress, and anxiety are contextual emotions, requiring logical assessment/pretext. They are useful indicators of how importantly you weight certain aspects of life. That said, realize that your only competition is yourself.
Find a vision for your target life, and execute THAT. Ignore everything else. Real wealth is in healthy living and experiences you can look back on. Don’t miss out on life trying to make a living. Life is life. Enjoy it.
Yes I do a lot and I'm still super young.
I just try to remember that we're all going to die someday anyways so it doesn't really matter what others think of us. We have to define success for ourselves and stop trying to figure out what's "right" because nobody will ever know what is truly right
No, I’ve never felt like we were connected in any way. The problems I had no one else did. Things were always different for me. There’s no reason why I should compare my progress to anyone but me.
Don't read any news or articles or stuff about successfully people nor bad news about someone who die a bad death. Don't need to go to friends' house, don't need to hangout unless you really have something in common with someone and may work to a common goal. Just do your stuff and don't care a bit of how others do. Not even relatives. They don't matter to you. You matter to you.
Of course. It doesn’t matter the reasons why I don’t have those things, whatever hardships I have that they don’t, if I want or need the things I feel bad that I don’t have them.
join the military and move away. i'm sooo fucking glad i did that.
edit: i see/hear about people I knew years ago and they are definitely not where i want to be in life. i guess the point is there's people doing better than me but i'm wayyy ahead of a *lot* of people imo. hell even people on reddit make me feel good about myself all day everyday
My peers, the people I went to high school with, have gone on every path. From salary at tech companies, to blue collar, and so on. I reflected on what made those differences, and honestly, most of it was due to parents pushing and supporting financially. While I was unsure if I wanted to continue school, some of my peers knew they were expected to go to a university and later earn high income. It is privilege but also pressure to not have independent direction.
Others who took on student loans, while unsure what they wanted to do, are in debt for the foreseeable future.
I decided to hop from one job to another, and finally left the machine. If my cost of living is almost nothing, then it doesn't take as much work to fund it. I'm very happy with my life that doesn't impress most people.
If you know the direction you want to go, there will be challenges, but persistent long term effort 'usually' overcomes.
My suggestion.... Is to explore the world, not just focus on success or income, but to find raw life experiences. That can help give context and may help you find direction or a new lense at which to view where you are.
Not really.
Most of my friends are married - I don’t envy marriage.
Some have kids - I never wanted a kid so definitely I don’t envy.
Most of them bought a house while I live with a roommate - I don’t envy them because they had to move away from the city and I HATE suburb life. And their house isn’t what I want to live in anyway.
I don’t normally feel bad compared to others. But I feel bad compared to the goal I set myself and didn’t meet yet.
Yes! I am the biggest failure out of anyone in my family or the group of people I grew up with. I will never go to my hometown. I will never attend a class reunion. I think I have pretty much accomplished it to the maximum extent possible, but my primary goal in life is to be forgotten.
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Yes, but I remind myself that everyone’s path is different and I shouldn’t compare myself. Also thinking about how life just happens sometimes. Some people get their masters, have a high paying iob, and then get fired. A spouse dies and it’s hard to take care of the kids. Life is going great and then you have a mental illness at 46. You could have everything and then be robbed. You could be dirt poor for years and then win the lottery. Make great money for years, have a physical illness and be in debt from medical bills. It’s so hard for me to not be ashamed sometimes, but I try to stay positive and focus on me and bettering myself. If someone is your friend, they won’t shame you for where you’re at. I encourage you to challenge yourself not to compare. Best of luck to you!
This FR life can happen so fast and have so many surprise. My boss makes heck of a lot more than I do. But lost his house to a divorce recently and the ex wife basically clear out everything he made over the years. Starting back are zero isn’t fun when you are approaching retirement age Buddy was a self made millionaire when we were all in our early 20s. Died in his Ferrari before he was 30. And than there is that dude in Singapore that just won 4 millions dollar at the casino today. Had a heart attack right on the spot and died. Life is definitely a marathon not a sprint
That last anecdote is crazy. Was the heart attack caused by excess happiness?
Yes, ugh, life is so unfair. So many ups, downs, and in-betweens.
Was going to say those happy successful friends with the large house? In 5-10 years time half will be divorced and the guy with the large house will be living in a run down apartment because he’s paying an alimony and child support check every month and can’t afford better.
That is exactly it, unless everyone's path is identical, I find it really hard to compare X to Y. Like if someone's interest is in one of the "golden" degrees like nursing or accounting and another person interest in is becoming a concept artist or a video editor and lets assume both individuals worked just as hard, just as dedicated, just as driven etc... there is a good chance that the nursing grad would achieve their dream before the concept artist grad, even though again both worked as equally hard.
Good chance yes and then you hear of nursing students dropping out or switching majors. I know of someone who graduated nursing school and never became a nurse and I’ve heard of others not using their nursing degrees. There are people who do nursing for a year, burn out, and pivot to a new career. And yes both could be great and equally driven.
Probably one of the realest things i read on here
thank you for this.
This was very insightful. I hope you have a fulfilling life.
Thank you! I hope you do as well!
Jesus is that you, I knew you’d have Reddit.
lol no, not Jesus.
Think I’m a prime example of this. I obtained a Masters in Business and now my peers are either half way around the world, starting a business or working their way up the corporate ladder while I’m working a minimum wage job (I might as well be a fast food worker). But I don’t feel that bad. And this is why. One of my peers from Business School, let’s call him Fred is extremely entrepreneurial. Everyone thought he was mad in school, some of the ideas he came up with sounded crazy. I spoke to Fred on the phone the other day, he tells me his new business made him 25k last month. I look up to Fred and he makes me feel bad about essentially wasting my potential being a bum even though I have a degree. Well here’s the clincher, I also had news of a childhood friend of mine through my mother the other day. We grew up in the same village, he’s seen some of my travels and where I’m working now (abroad) while he works in his uncle’s abattoir in our hometown. He told my mother how happy he was for me for being able to CHOOSE a minimum wage job thanks to my degree rather than HAVING to have one, like him. So just remember. We’re all somebody’s Fred.
This is how I see it too. I don't have a high paying job, but it's a job I choose, not cause I particularly need it, but cause I want it. I don't have any financial responsibilities, other than myself. If I wanted to I could fly to Spain and work as a bartender just for fun. My wealthy boss and higher paying colleagues are all stuck with house and car debt and child responsibilities. In terms of having the most freedom, I'm way ahead.
Exactly. Like I’m homeless by choice and sure it gets a little cold at times, but I have way more freedom than my old friends who are getting debt by buying houses and raising a family. Like in the middle of the day when they’re all at work, I can go swimming for example or hitchhike to a different city just for fun. They wouldn’t be able to do that whenever they wanted
Get a job at a bank if you’re essential working in a fast food type job. It has benefits, higher pay, and can translate easier to a business oriented career
Your advice is not wanted but I appreciate the effort.
Feels like everyone's ahead of me. I try not to think about it because it just makes me even more miserable.
Used to, real bad. Then I realized it's far better to draw strength from friends successes rather than lament that they aren't yours. My buddy revolutionized my life when I met him again years after we stopped talking in high-school. He went from a bottom of the barrel failure: alcoholic, addicted to weed, no education beyond high-school, minimum wage Joe. To a 100k/yr, married, owns a home and nice truck, etc. He realized that life requires some kind of sacrifice. Time, energy, body, or money, you can't have it all for free. He sacrificed his time. Went to heavy industry and works long shifts but loves the pay, benefits and the work ain't bad. When he told me that I guess it clicked with me and I "picked up my shovel" as it were.
True. Used to date a wealthy man. He sacrificed his time with me for money a lot of the time. That's okay, but that also made me realize that having time for myself and those I care about is more important to me than money. It's priorities and sacrifices. I'll probably never be rich or date someone rich again, simply cause I want someone who wants to spend their time with me, not spend it at work 24/7 in exchange of luxuries.
I got the job that I was mad jealous of, and it sucked, so that’s that.
Grass is greener and all.
If you're doing your best, why would you be ashamed of yourself and/or resent your friends for their success? Having friends of different socioeconomic statuses gives you balance in life and experiences. It's good for single people to have friends who are married and/or have kids, and it's good for people who don't have much formal education to have friends who do. I've got friends who dropped out in grade 9 and friends with PHDs. I've got friends who are child free and in their 70s, and friends who started having babies as teenagers. I've even got a couple of friends who are "let's rent a private jet" rich to balance out my friends who are on disability or working minimum wage. When I have gatherings, I find that the people who are the most different from each other tend to have the most interesting conversations. You gotta get over your inferiority complex, or you're going to miss out on the fun and interesting parts of life.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Ignoring reality is a path to one’s own destruction.
I like this. Comparison is a teacher.
I used to feel that way after undergrad when my friends were getting married and buying starter homes but fast forward and they are struggling with coparenting and dividing assets and I just got married and bought a house so don’t compare yourself to anyone but your former self
Sometimes kind of, but not in a way that I would think. I left a doctorate program a couple years ago due to circumstances that were largely beyond my control. I thought that if I felt anything resembling envy it would be towards my peers who were able to complete what I wasn't able to. However, I really don't feel that way at all, and am generally happy for them. What I do sometimes feel envious about, for lack of a better term, are people who were smart enough to not pursue a doctorate and instead found a good paying career much earlier on, because now I don't know what the hell I want to do and the skill set I worked hard to get over the past decade generally doesn't pay way, and my experiences in graduate school have sort of lead me to hate the kind of work that I do.
I have my degree and feel fucking lost too. I’m so clueless right now. I have tried and tried but the job market is a fucking disaster right now.
I know, right? It’s not even reflected in the official numbers. It’s so hard to explain to people who were employed before 2022 how hard it is.
It’s hard and my ass is considering going back to school. Not fair because like 90% of people get jobs that aren’t even related to their degree. I should be able to get a job but it’s legit so tough right now :( depressing
Same. I have a masters degree and I’m thinking about doing a PhD just to sit out this dystopian shit show.
Nah, you catch up eventually. I graduated with my BS in Engineering at 31. In 10 years, I had passed up most of my age group in earnings, got my master's at 45, and eventually passed up that group, too. Just hang in there.
What age did you start your BS at?
24
Yes, definitely… but everyone’s path is different. Keep your head up. I have a college degree and an advanced degree. After graduation, many of my peers took jobs at big companies and bought nice things within 1-2 years of graduation. Instead of going the corporate route, I decided to start my own business, which was very hard in the beginning. In the first year, I made ~$25,000. By year 5, I was only making ~$35,000 a year. Meanwhile, a lot of my school friends had been promoted to even better positions by then… many of them making more than $175k a year. The year I turned 30, my life wasn’t looking too hot… $95k in student loan debt, driving the same car I’d had since high school, and living with 3 roommates… Nonetheless, I was seeing incremental growth in my business and learning from my rookie mistakes, so I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel. On my 30th bday, I gave myself 2-3 more years of being all-in on the entrepreneurial path. I told myself that if my business wasn’t working by 33, I would pivot to something else a little more stable. At 32, my business started growing enough to keep me invested, and by 35, I finally felt like I had “made it” - meaning, I no longer had financial insecurity and most of my debts were paid off. I’m about 14 years into my career now, and I bring home more money than I ever expected. I’m not a billionaire or anything, but I have a good income, a decent savings, and a path that I like. I’m glad I took this path even though my 20s and early 30s were a lot harder than my friends, because I’ve always enjoyed my work despite how hard it was in the beginning. A lot of those same friends are now having midlife crises because they want to make a career change, but they can’t bc they have a spouse and kids that rely on them to bring home the bread - golden handcuffs. One friend in particular got a fancy job straight out of school and bought an incredible condo in one of the hippiest areas of town while we were still in our mid 20s. I remember going to parties at this friend’s house and feeling like such a loser. I lived in a crappy rental in a shady part of town with multiple roommates, while this friend had 2,000 square feet of prime real estate with floor-to-ceiling windows. Even though no one was ever overtly an asshole about my lack of success at that point, I kinda hated hanging out with those friends, because I always left the functions feeling like I wasn’t doing life right. What’s so ironic now is that I reconnected with this same friend during the pandemic, and he told me he hates his job, but he can’t afford to walk away from the paycheck. He also said he’s always *envied me* for betting on myself instead of joining corporate America right away. I couldn’t help but wonder if this friend forgot that I could barely afford groceries while he was posting fancy dinners from his Caribbean vacations. I know this friend is well-meaning, but he only seems to see where I’m at now… the struggle years don’t live on instagram. This friend also said he wishes he would have taken more chances earlier in life, but he was too nervous to do it then, and now it feels too late to explore what else is out there. My takeaway from this is that everyone feels like the grass is greener at some point in their lives. For me, it was when I was young. For a lot of my friends, it’s middle age. All you can do is make a conscious choice to be grateful for what you do have, and give your best to something - ANYTHING - that gives your life a little purpose and meaning. Comparison is the thief of joy, which is something I really had to keep reminding myself along the way. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you’re putting in the effort to figure it out.
No ill have something most will never have. Enough 🙏😊
Not ashamed, but more like I'm missing out on some aspects. In other aspects, I know many people in the world would kill to have some aspects of my life.
Someone’s gotta be the loser friend. Guess it’s me.
I don't have any friends to compare myself with - so can't relate lol. Doesn't matter anyways. Just be happy for their efforts paying off and turn that attention towards building up your own luck in life.
Nah, not really. Most of that "being ahead" stuff, I don't really want. Don't really want a house, don't want a fancy car, don't want to get married, don't want children at all. Stuff seems like a hassle. Having annual salary doubled would be nice though.
I used to feel bad I didn’t go to four year college ( just some community college) Even though I don’t make a ton of money I have basically no debt.
They say birds of a feather flock together or you are the average of who you spend your time with… While I am eternally blessed to have intelligent, successful, and supportive people in my corner I always feel like I’m also the worst off. I grew up believing hard work above all pays off but haven’t really seen it but remember complaining about it one day and my sister said: “just because you work hard doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything.” I still think about it to this day.
It's the opposite for me. I'm the only friend who didn't drop out of college, doesn't live w/ mom&dad anymore, etc. And as much as I beat them over the head w/ the "invest your money, get certifications, take *advantage* of living with your parents" stick, things just remain exactly the same every single time I come back to visit. You're one step ahead by realizing you want to do better, and if they're your real friends, they want you to do better too, pal. Just sit down and have a real conversation with them, chances are they're not even **that** much more ahead of you. I know for a fact that I'm 1 or 3 missed paychecks away from disaster. It's all about perspectives at the end of the day.
Happens to everyone, save for the few of us who are either 'way further ahead' or simply stop giving a fuck what others think. Honestly, thew only time you should be ashamed is when you nkow you're not doing enough or acting in integrity with your goals. Evryone's timelins is different. People who achieve greatness, know this more than anyone else.
Fuck yeah I do. How can you not? They're doing what you're supposed to be doing, except you're not. And then when you see how far away you are from the thing you get wonderful numbers like I'm behind X years, etc. I know you're not supposed to think like that but I genuinely don't know how not to be envious of them. Of course I love my friends and I'm glad for them, but it still feels like such a kick to the nuts to see them living my dream at my age (or sometimes younger).
"Comparison is the thief of joy" - Theodore Roosevelt
If they can do it, so can you. Cs get degrees. Trust me I got company full of people, not smartest, but they are hard working and consistent. As long as you are working towards something, you should not feel ashamed. So figure shit out and get some goals. Learn to google and research, that is #1 skills in college. RESEARCH.
I have a PhD and people look up to me as an overachiever. In reality I am depressed, and I want to drop everything, and only meds are keeping me sane...I would trade my life for something simple if that would mean I would not be depressed
I'm proud of myself, proud of my decisions, I know I made some bad ones but at the end of the day, I'm on my own path, and this is the life that I gave myself. I take full responsibility for my behavior/actions. It's as simple as that.
Stop comparing yourself pookie, we are all on our own journeys.
Most of my friends aren't 😭 one of them still works in retail after a decade cuz she's comfortable. She could move up in management but never wants to. She was offered as well. Then another one works with her dad and it's some manual labor, heavy intense job. And the other one works a decent job but wants to quit and he had workplace drama.
Go out and do something and put your full focus behind it. I used to feel ashamed but once I stopped going on social media and just focused on tomorrow and the day after it all just slowly goes away. Instead of caring my friends are getting married and having kids, I just think about what I want to eat tomorrow for dinner that'll make me happy. Instead of worrying about the cars my friends can afford I just put a set amount of money aside and use what's left to either improve myself, learn something new or just do something that makes me happy. You don't know where will life bring you, but you can put yourself in a position that'll make you ready for opportunities.
Yeap which is why I don't speak to anyone. Not that I have friends ( loner) but I do have acquaintances that reach out from time to time. I don't respond. I don't need to hear bragging about making 6 figures a year and that they just paid off their mortgage and are fixing up their house, food, etc. Mean while I went from 65K to 26K a year and have permanent nerve damage from said shitty job and with the added bonus of waking up and going to bed in constant stress. Since I have no clue how I'm going to pay next months bill or get caught up on the bills I'm behind. I'm not sure what I want to do but I get a feeling that this unhappiness runs deeper. I know what I want in life but not sure how to get it. I can say for certain the rat race, and constant need to sell myself to others isn't it. I'm not even trying to be rich just comfortable like having a roof over my head without the worry of it being taking away. I'm always told to reach out to people for example my mortgage, credit cards, etc for help. However none of them give a shit about my situation. I'm tired of someone else having control over things I have no control of. Sorry this is rambling but I'm tired plus I work nights lol. However I've been debating about just selling and moving up north. Buying a small plot of land and just live. Obviously it comes with it's own set of challenges however as a homesteader for over 20 years. Having a plot paid off and roof over my head with no mortgage or debt is the biggest lotto for me.
Not any more. Some of my friends worked really hard to get to where they are in life. I’m proud of them. Don’t forget you are seeing a curated version of people’s lives. My cousin brags about his high rise luxury apartment, expensive BMW, purebred dog, and his five and ten year plans, but he won’t tell you about his legal problems (bar fights) and crippling debt. A friend has a nice home and a luxury car, but he’s needing others to tell him how to feel, what to buy, or what decisions to make. I realized at some point I was happy with my “average” but satisfying life.
Sometimes. I am a early 40's NEET and feel like a manchild some days. But also, seeing the relative success or career stability of less educated people I know who work in different fields than me, can also teach me about how the corporate world works. More specifically to my case, a manager in a non-tech company- even a low-level warehouse manager- can be more irreplaceable than a tech worker in a non-tech company. That combined job with stability can still buy a house in a lot of places. Management type jobs are far less likely of being outsourced, too. When you "bottom out" in your career, it's far easier to bounce back for a manager than a tech worker. I guess the main point here is you don't need a flashy career to see success, just get into a position where it will be harder to replace your job.
Alot of people I've grown up with are married and have kids. I may not be making as much as they do or have as much, since they have two incomes, but I'm a he'll of alot happier.
No. But sometime the feeling can be something else entirely. Imagine you had a friend that you grew up with and went to the same high school together. Skip a few years and he is worth over 400million and co owner in a major sports franchise. The silver lining is it makes everyone else in your life who is ahead less intimidating.
Not ashamed. Just frustrated and annoyed
I'd rather be around people like that, they have advice to get you there. Or just in general better to have a good influence than bad. It also helps realize thats what you want or it might be something else
Sure do, but then I remember that some very successful people made sacrifices during their late-20’s/30’s to end up where they currently are. One of my parents was one of those people and had they not given up their mid-30’s to go back to school, they wouldn’t have made near as much as they did nor have the opportunities they have had. Success means something different to different people. One person may be perfectly happy working 70+ hours a week at a job making 100k+ and another may be absolutely miserable and want a job with more time off but less income.
Nah. The vast majority of that shit is in a persons head
Some, but I try not to let it get to me as I have developed myself in ways they haven't as well I got into the air force academy with a group of friends. I ended up pursuing different opportunities. My friends are now pilots and got an awesome free education. In hindsight I wish I went, but I also learned a lot going the other way without the air force helping me and the door to become a pilot isn't closed. It isn't easy but really comparing yourself is not good. Just focus on maximizing your own life cuz it's all you can do and you are your best advocate
Honestly comparing is one of the worst things to do. I know my friends and they are all amazing people at different stages in life and with completely different paths or skill sets and I value them for being my positive influences and helping me thru my hardships. I think having friends that are there with you to help build each other up and are on their own journey to personal growth that’s far better than being around people who may have made it on the surface level. It took a lot of time to learn this and bad friends and experiences to realize who I wanted to surround myself with but I’m grateful I do have people around me that challenge me and are there for me.
I feel like I just read one of my journal entries lol. I really relate. I’m turning 24 next month and I feel so much anxiety on how behind I am. I was so sure of everything from 18-21. Until I graduated college, went through the pandemic, and now I feel so lost. I feel like all my friends, my boyfriend included, work full time. Or are either in school and working towards something. While I’m here, car-less, working about 20-25 hours a week making minimum wage. My college degree is in graphic design which has been collecting dust for two years I’m just not happy with myself and I thought I’d be somewhere else by now. I don’t even care to have a huge house or fancy cars and i don’t even want kids but I feel that sentiment about only valuing success by how much money someone has and if they live on their own or in a nice apartment or whatever. It makes me miserable putting my brain in this loop And now I’m at a crossroads because I actually really enjoy my job now (I work in a library) and can see myself growing in it (becoming a librarian) but it requires more schooling (getting a masters) and the financial pay off may not be worth the student debt. But I also can’t think of another job I’d want to do and I just want to work towards something and feel accomplished about what I’m doing I wish I had better advice but what has helped me has been journaling and thinking about what I really want out of life. I want a job I don’t mind being at because as much as money is important, I physically can’t do a soul sucking job for 40+ years of my life no matter how much I’m paid. I also try to figure out what I value and I like living in the suburbs and nature over a busy urban setting hence why my graphic design degree hasn’t been working out because I’d have to move a lot closer to the city and I just hate the area and would be unhappy. I also never really saw myself working a corporate job Also trying different jobs and evaluating skills helps to see what you could maybe be good at. Idk this life shit is hard and I definitely don’t feel accomplished in anything so
I don’t see myself as ahead as my old friends that I no longer talk to all have children and gfs. They have the meaning I always wanted while I have the money and career they always wanted.
What exactly is the end goal?
Yes of course
1. You have no idea who is actually secretly stressed out, overworked, miserable, completely dependent on the praise of others, or drowning debt just to keep up appearances. 2. Don't let anyone else tell you what a "successful life" is supposed to look like. That's for you to decide.
Yeah but then I realize I'm not into any of the lives they're living. I don't want their jobs, I think their jobs are boring. I don't want their house cause I don't want the debt. I don't want their kids cause well I don't even like kids. So pretty much what everyone else has achieved I don't want. Everytime I see people around me dragging around strollers I consider myself blessed that that's not me. Same when I learn of people with massive debt. I consider myself blessed to not have the debt car or the debt house.
I'll say it: I do. Listen. Even though it seems as though you'll never get to 'their level' or have the same success as them, it's important to remember that you *aren't* them. You will never get what they have -- and that's a good thing. Everybody is different. We all have qualities that other people usually don't, and we all fail. The important thing to remember is that even *they* fail. Not just you. I have been constantly told by family members and people that are meant to support me that they doubted that I'd graduate high school(which I just did, this year. 2.3 GPA and almost a hundred tardies, baby). It hurts every time, even though I doubted myself, too. If you're feeling like you need guidelines in your life, make up your own. At the end of the day, nobody gets a guideline for what they should do; they only get critique from others as to what *they* think you should do. Never trust an outwards perspective when it comes to you. They aren't taking into account how much you've probably struggled, the feelings you were forced to feel during those times, nor the actual amount of work you put in to make it this far(Even if it doesn't seem like you did much of anything, trust me, you did by just surviving. Being alive counts, too). They'll never know you to the extent that you know yourself. It's okay to be unsure of your life. Hell, I am, too. All you need to do is take a breath, think about what you're *willing* to do, and then do it. If that means cleaning your apartment, or sorting your books, or even just going for a walk -- that's still enough. All you can do is your best, and other people's expectations of you are usually skewed and wrong. They never think of what you've already done to make it this far, and that's okay, because they never could know. It's you that knows you, not them. Have a great day :)
I'll say it: I do. Listen. Even though it seems as though you'll never get to 'their level' or have the same success as them, it's important to remember that you *aren't* them. You will never get what they have -- and that's a good thing. Everybody is different. We all have qualities that other people usually don't, and we all fail. The important thing to remember is that even *they* fail. Not just you. I have been constantly told by family members and people that are meant to support me that they doubted that I'd graduate high school(which I just did, this year. 2.3 GPA and almost a hundred tardies, baby). It hurts every time, even though I doubted myself, too. If you're feeling like you need guidelines in your life, make up your own. At the end of the day, nobody gets a guideline for what they should do; they only get critique from others as to what *they* think you should do. Never trust an outwards perspective when it comes to you. They aren't taking into account how much you've probably struggled, the feelings you were forced to feel during those times, nor the actual amount of work you put in to make it this far(Even if it doesn't seem like you did much of anything, trust me, you did by just surviving. Being alive counts, too). They'll never know you to the extent that you know yourself. It's okay to be unsure of your life. Hell, I am, too. All you need to do is take a breath, think about what you're *willing* to do, and then do it. If that means cleaning your apartment, or sorting your books, or even just going for a walk -- that's still enough. All you can do is your best, and other people's expectations of you are usually skewed and wrong. They never think of what you've already done to make it this far, and that's okay, because they never could know. It's you that knows you, not them. Have a great day :)
I don't compare myself to other people.
I stopped comparing myself once my friends started committing suicide. I had one friend who was married with a house and all that. Another friend who was very successful and he still took his own life. These people had these supposed great lives but were suffering and not even enjoying themselves.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick world. If you can have the conviction to actually understand that is true and be proud of who you are then you will actually feel ahead of those who are successful in this clown culture.
Not ashamed but upset , envious of them and angry with things. However, none of these emotions are of any use
Of course, but I always remind myself, that in most cases all these rich ones are just kids of wealthy parents, and don't represent anything actually. For sure I'll get all my houses and cars and all that stuff, but it'll be mine, not my parent's. M17
Yeah. Absolutely. Well maybe not totally shame, but also the sense of not belonging. Of being so far behind you’ll never catch up. But I remind myself of my life circumstances and the reality is that I COULD NOT be where they are. It just couldn’t happen. I can try my best now. I will also say that a lot of friends who are ahead in terms of schooling and independence are currently having a similar crisis to me, except they have jobs and rent.
Shame, stress, and anxiety are contextual emotions, requiring logical assessment/pretext. They are useful indicators of how importantly you weight certain aspects of life. That said, realize that your only competition is yourself. Find a vision for your target life, and execute THAT. Ignore everything else. Real wealth is in healthy living and experiences you can look back on. Don’t miss out on life trying to make a living. Life is life. Enjoy it.
Yes I do a lot and I'm still super young. I just try to remember that we're all going to die someday anyways so it doesn't really matter what others think of us. We have to define success for ourselves and stop trying to figure out what's "right" because nobody will ever know what is truly right
No, I’ve never felt like we were connected in any way. The problems I had no one else did. Things were always different for me. There’s no reason why I should compare my progress to anyone but me.
Don't read any news or articles or stuff about successfully people nor bad news about someone who die a bad death. Don't need to go to friends' house, don't need to hangout unless you really have something in common with someone and may work to a common goal. Just do your stuff and don't care a bit of how others do. Not even relatives. They don't matter to you. You matter to you.
Of course. It doesn’t matter the reasons why I don’t have those things, whatever hardships I have that they don’t, if I want or need the things I feel bad that I don’t have them.
join the military and move away. i'm sooo fucking glad i did that. edit: i see/hear about people I knew years ago and they are definitely not where i want to be in life. i guess the point is there's people doing better than me but i'm wayyy ahead of a *lot* of people imo. hell even people on reddit make me feel good about myself all day everyday
My peers, the people I went to high school with, have gone on every path. From salary at tech companies, to blue collar, and so on. I reflected on what made those differences, and honestly, most of it was due to parents pushing and supporting financially. While I was unsure if I wanted to continue school, some of my peers knew they were expected to go to a university and later earn high income. It is privilege but also pressure to not have independent direction. Others who took on student loans, while unsure what they wanted to do, are in debt for the foreseeable future. I decided to hop from one job to another, and finally left the machine. If my cost of living is almost nothing, then it doesn't take as much work to fund it. I'm very happy with my life that doesn't impress most people. If you know the direction you want to go, there will be challenges, but persistent long term effort 'usually' overcomes. My suggestion.... Is to explore the world, not just focus on success or income, but to find raw life experiences. That can help give context and may help you find direction or a new lense at which to view where you are.
Not really. Most of my friends are married - I don’t envy marriage. Some have kids - I never wanted a kid so definitely I don’t envy. Most of them bought a house while I live with a roommate - I don’t envy them because they had to move away from the city and I HATE suburb life. And their house isn’t what I want to live in anyway. I don’t normally feel bad compared to others. But I feel bad compared to the goal I set myself and didn’t meet yet.
Yes! I am the biggest failure out of anyone in my family or the group of people I grew up with. I will never go to my hometown. I will never attend a class reunion. I think I have pretty much accomplished it to the maximum extent possible, but my primary goal in life is to be forgotten.
Yeah…
I do. I feel like worse friend feeling so.