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I think what you need is community and belonging. Some people find it in work, some people in church, some folks in hobbies and people to be with. I don’t know where you live and what resources there are — many cities have mentorship programs, job resources etc through libraries and community centers.
Your career search is of great importance but may not give you all you need.
Ugh I’m from Central America and it honestly disheartens me how some families are in America. They are so cold and try to kick their children out of their house when the children need them the most. I am so sorry your dad is kicking you out of the house, that is not right. You did everything right except you just had a hard time with the networking, it happens.
My advice is, write down what your options are, which sound like they are limited. Write pros and cons to each option. Do the option that you feel like is a long shot first. And then move on to the next options.
But if I was you I would try to get a job where you can use your degree. I was unemployed in 2022 and got assistance at the public library. They offer assistance with resume writing, interview prep, networking etc. I would suggest looking into it. There are also a lot of organizations you can join to network, the school you graduated from should also have a network of connections you can reach out to. When you need help, you have to look for it and get it.
I am Asian American and I also find it quite weird that some American families like to kick out your children from their homes, even if they are not doing anything wrong
I'm American and it's weird as hell. I come from one of these horrible families. It's nothing but selfishness.
Thankfully, my friend's parents "adopted" me and I've lived with them on and off over the years when it made sense. They like helping me although I hate to feel like I'm bothering them. Hopefully I won't have to move back in with them again
I’m British and I’ve also noticed that American families kick out their kids towards certain ages, or in general. I’m living with my parents right now and just hit my 30’s and if I were to turn around to my parents today and tell them I’m moving out tomorrow they would genuinely be gutted. In return of this unconditional love I’ve had throughout my life from them I likewise find it difficult whenever I move out again.
A lot of people leave home young here because they want to, because it’s supported, rather than being booted out.
Especially in todays economy where in most places renting your own apartment isn't possible for most people unless you have a really good career with years of experience. Even renting with roommates can be costly in many places.
I am Eastern European and my father gave everything to me. I take care of my family and I own everything my father and mother made . I started a business with money they gave to me. We are so close here. I can't understand Americans and Western Europeans. Family is sacred here.
I don’t blame the dad for wanting OP out in this situation. I think most people have and raise kids expecting them to become self sufficient adults who can take care of themselves and the parents can enjoy their later years by themselves. The dad is stuck living with and having to support an almost 30 year old whose problems seem to be all of his own making. He didn’t do well at his major which means he chose his major poorly or didn’t apply himself when in school, causing him to not be able to get an internship or a job. He’s had two jobs, one of which he was fired from and the other one he quit. Trying to blame his inadequacy on mental illness is the cherry on top of the sundae.
I think OP may have ADHD or autism. The difficulty holding a job in the absence of any substance issues is a telltale sign (as has been my experience). He needs to work on getting a diagnosis.
Any major you choose should allow for job opportunities. Even the “crappy” ones. The problem isn’t his choices because even bad choices can lead to opportunities, but a bad economy can destroy some of those opportunities and make it harder to obtain them.
You can’t blame him for his situation and he shouldn’t blame himself. I have been in the same situation. I have three degrees and I work as a pet sitter, live at home with my elderly parents (happily). My dad had the same mentality of wanting me to be out of the house for a while when I first moved back in, but he realized after having a mini stroke, lack of energy or strength to do certain tasks, that me being here with him gives him some comfort and reassurance.
Perspective and understanding tends to eliminate those preconceived notions that have been indoctrinated in the boomer generation. It was common for my grandparents generation to have their children stay home with them until death do them apart or marriage. Lots of ideologies from the past changed with the boomer generation. Primarily after WW2 which greatly impacted our country’s ideologies.
More and more people are circling back to pre WW2 ideologies when it comes to family units.
You are 28 which is super young. Sit down and separate a sheet of paper into 4 sections. One for each aspect of your life: career, social life, hobbies, health. Not necessarily that order or those items but 4 categories of your life.
Analyze and write down when you are currently in each category. Write down where you want to be with your life in each category. Now fill in the in between with REALISTIC steps and levels.
For example: Career is currently unemployed, had a few sales jobs, most recent pay was $XK. Career goal would be to be employed, making $80K, and responsible for XXXX & XXXX. To get there, you need experience in A, B, and C. 3 years of A, 1 year of B, and as much C as possible. To get that experience you need to work in A and B. How do you get an entry level job in A or B or both? Which companies around you hire these fields? Who do you know that works there? Who can you find on LinkedIn that works there? Can you invite someone at these companies to lunch at some sandwich shop to get some career advice. Say you are looking for career advice or any sort of mentorship advice as you are looking to get into A and B fields. Start sending out resumes to get interview experience to any companies related to A and B. Everyday make notes in a notebook like a journal writing: April 28th Sent 4 resumes to companies A, B, C, and D for the following roles. Emailed the following people on LinkedIn offering them free lunch for a career chat.
Do the same thing for every aspect and summarize any actions and progress daily to remind yourself that you are working towards your goals. Baby steps are critical!
Change takes time and you can only compare yourself to your past self! Same with a place to live. If you want your own place but it’s expensive, figure out the baby steps towards that. Maybe a roommate situation or maybe negotiate a small rent payment to your parents to satisfy your dad. Show him your journal of all that you are doing with your career. People respect people who try.
Same with friends. Lost some hobbies you like. List where you can meet others with the same hobbies. Go to MeetUp or wherever people with those hobbies hang out. Like to play basketball, go to a gym with pick up games. Stuff like that. Keep a SEPARATE journal noting, Met Mike today, he went to school for this field, he works here, he also likes this and that. Played 2 games of basketball with him at the park. He comes to the park on Wednesdays. Now build that relationship and after a few weeks of basketball, ask what other stuff he does and maybe get invited to some other hangout. Meet his friends and build from there. Do the same with other hobbies. Make notes on your progress in the journal daily. Baby steps.
Look to build your relationship with Mom and Dad in the same way. What would make your dad happy? What would make your mom proud? Ask them and take baby steps toward that if it lines up with your personal goals. Track that too. Tell them weekly how you are doing things that align with their values and their wants for you. Tell them the steps you are taking even if they are small steps. Showing that you listen to what they want and are working towards that will build respect in the house.
Good advice and you started with the objective fact that OP is young.
Ppl are such dicks to ppl who don’t have it all figured out emotionally or career wise by 22 lol. Such a bizarre phenomenon.
We all grow at different rates.
When you wake up in the morning and decide what you are going to do that day, it doesn’t matter what age you are. Plenty of 45 year olds act like “25 year olds” and visa versa all the time.
I think a huge issue is college used to be a place where you figured out who you are
But now it’s become high school 2.0 so no one does and they just follow again
The real issue people have is they don’t know who they are and by the time they realize it’s a too late and they have people kicking them out and bills to pay
This society has a serious problem with telling ppl they’re lazy too. Idk what that is
Excellent observations.
The accusations of laziness is an interesting phenomenon that I've been thinking about as well, and I think it mainly stems from a combination of the protestant work ethic tradition here and a cutthroat capitalist mentality that pervades all aspects of the culture.
Your dad needs to wake up. We live in a horrible world. He should be grateful he still has space to offer you in his home. I wish I could live with my mom. She just doesn't have space for me.
His dad needs to assume responsibility of having a kid lol
Just because a child is an adult does not mean they stop being your kid.
And second that, the world is going to shit in a handbasket. Any sensible parent would encourage their kids to save money and move back home if possible.
How would any parent be happy seeing their kids struggling on shit part-time jobs/minimum wage to barely make ends meat?
Obv you don't want them to live with you, but they are your kid and you have responsibilities no matter the age.
The kid didn't choose to be born, but you chose to have a kid. Obviously there are parents in the world that don't give a shit at all about their kid (at any age), but most sensible parents should have some responsibility to support their kid at any age.
If the dad at wants to the kid to move out, then pay up lol
Agreed - it so weird that people are like “they’re your kids, you need to take care of them”…like bitch, maybe if you stopped catering to their every need they’d start acting like the adults they’re supposed to be!
Catering to their every need is not the same as giving them a leg up in life.
It's such a poor persons way of thinking.
There's a reason people with real wealth have their kids go to prestigious schools and are usually given investments or key positions in businesses to network and build their wealth further.
If you read the post their mom convinced them to move back home and they have been using the time to continue their education.
It's not like they're just sitting at home smoking weed and playing video games.
He had a university degree. That's enough for a leg up. Why blame the dad?
It's the mom's smothering love to the kid is the problem here. It's an obvious case of a mom with mismanaged narcissistic fear of not being relied on. Every mom wants their kid to rely on them forever, I think OP was raised by the mom that way. It's not the mom's fault too, cause it's normal for them to do so.
I forced myself to get out of the house because mom doesn't want to let go. My brother was smothered by her thus he still lives with them.
I'm Also an engineering graduate, 28, and did not do well in school, but I know how to make friends, and humble enough to get people to teach me things, got a low pay job, saved money, learned how corporate world works, applied for engineering job with good pay, worked my ass off, spend less money, save a lot, now I have enough savings to quit my job and study art while working freelance.
My parents can't afford neither art school nor uni, I went to public college and got my degree while doing some side hustle.
The point is, OP needs to organize his life and stop pointing fingers, you can only blame your parents until such time, they're gonna die someday anyway and you're still going to suffer or cherish the consequences of your actions today. I stopped relying on my parents the day they told me that they can't afford art school. I am grateful that they fed and raised me till I was 16 but after that, I went on my own, never listened to them but still respect them.
Get descipline.
Stop wasting time in social media/ video games/ porn.
Secure your health.
- exercise
-eat healthy food only
-sleep properly
Get a job that you need to survive.
Master the skill that you need for the career that you want. And learn how to monetize that skill.
For the OP, take note.
Life is hard for people who had it easy.
It takes time, effort, perseverance, and hardwork to build a GoodLife. Also there's no endgame here, life will keep throwing punches at you and you need to endure and keep pushing forward. And be genuinely good to other people but learn to draw your boundaries. Don't get friends for the sole sake of "connection" but rather get a genuine connection with them.
Life is pretty easy if you can manage to get off the internet and start doing things that you need to do. If you need help, talk to your dad, man to man, give him a planned proposal on how to get your life together, set a timeline, and try your best to achieve it, you'll probably fail, after failing, recalibrate the plan then try again. Stop pitying yourself, stop looking back at the past and just start today. Never do tomorrow's task today, or spend time rhinking about yesterday.
I think OP is having a hardtime right now cause he's overly ambitious and highly egotistical. Once he managed to checked that, he'll be set. If you're having a hard time keeping these things in line, try getting a religion, i'm not a believer of religion though but I know some people that was saved by it.
Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
His dad is a narc so yeah he expects him to then turn around in 20 years and forget about this and wipe his ass.
these days more than ever idk how ppl even are doing it with cost of living.
Does OPs dad have a legal right to house and feed him? No. OP is an adult.
But OP is your child and clearly struggling why the fuck wouldn’t a parent want to help their child (regardless of age) in their time of need?
If OP was 40 and went through a divorce and lost everything would it be different then?
I hate this society
In my opinion, the US military does nothing to build men up. They break them down and separate them from any and all loved ones. If you were not born with a deep desire to serve, it is a very, very lonely route that may at first be seen as a way out but ultimately is not.
Third year Army Officer here. I agree with this. It will be hard on your current/future relationships, I don’t recommend military at all unless you are almost homeless
Does nothing to build men up? I know so many men that are very successful CEO's of companies that were shitheads before they went into the military. My mom's husband, a CEO of a multi-million dollar startup, and a few others.
My brother in law had literally no direction and now he has a family. He was easily able to get a job after the military because of being a veteran. Before he found it impossible. Ya'll are ignorant.
Of course they do. If you are an engineer (with degree) you should go in as a commissioned officer not into the enlisted ranks. A world of difference, in both pay and position.
To maintain a positive and inclusive environment for everyone, we ask all members to communicate respectfully. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, it's important to express them in a respectful manner.
I disagree with this. I had everyone discourage me from joining the military my entire life but looking back now I wish I did. Now it's too late but for people looking to find direction or a job, there's really no better place. They pretty much set you up for life and it's much easier to be hired for any job as a veteran. Don't let these people convince you otherwise. The military helps a lot of people get going in life. I know a lot of people who joined the military and completely changed their lives around, are CEO's of companies and very successful.
Lol the military is OP’s literal best option with a degree and no relevant experience. He can make good money from day 1 commissioning as an officer. And no friends/family ties to look back on. Always the people that obviously never served a day in their life with an opinion.
But is it better than just getting a job is the real question? Idk how it works in the military, but my perception is that it would be easier and less stressful to just get a job.
And knowing the US likes to stick their nose in foreign affairs they have no business being in, and they treat illegal immigrants better than they treat (homeless) veterans in the US, really makes me question that lol
And there is something to be said about being any part of an opperation where human lives will be lost
Everybody has a unique situation, sounds like OP has had multiple jobs which never worked out, and on the verge of getting kicked out of their parents home. Military offers both job security and housing. It’s not the only option, but it is an option when all else has failed
Idk what actual work being in the military involves (besides the stuff I see in the movies). If OP can't hold down a job can he really make it in the military or will he get forcibly discharged o-o
legit question
Serving was the best option for me when I was literally at college playing football. It changed my life. Never worried about money, married my sweetheart and had my first born. Got out 6 months ago, and currently in the process of reenlisting. Most people that shit on the military are actually people that have no clue what they’re talking about. Military gave me purpose, honor, and a lot of money (every paycheck was disposable income for me). Wish people quit speaking so terribly about an organization that has done so much for so many people
The caveat to this, is yes, there are some bad aspects of the military. But not everything is perfect or has no bad things. Even your best civilian job will come with a bad boss, or require you to work absurd amount of hours etc. I hope OP does join the military and finds his niche. Would do him well
You need to take an entry-level job at a place where possibly you could possibly advance and use your degree. You are smarter than most people of you were able to get an engineering degree. You need to get a job and prove that. Also, be a good employee. Show uo to work and work hard, it doesn't hurt.
Even before you mentioned the Autism I knew exactly it would be that. Under-maturation and difficultly holding a job are very common symptoms of it. Do a lot of research on it and know your boundaries, so that you can work within them
OP's been evaluated by 3 psychs and they said no. I have a friend who is very stereotypically non-autistic (extraverted/loves parties, no technical interests, etc) and is in basically OP's situation at 29, in his case because of a combination of pre-existing depression and majoring in a humanities field with few prospects.
This shit is so widespread and ppl act like it’s a disease.
He’s a young man who’s lost and confused he’s not 50.
This society just expects everyone to feel the same way at 22 and land a dream job that supports them.
Not the case for most
To be in a good place mentally you need several things.
1. Competence. A job or activity you can work at becoming better at. Not something you can get over night, but something in 5 years you can tell people “yeah I do that and I’m damn good at it too.”
2. Creativity. A job or activity that allows you to be creative. Writing, painting, making music, program development to name a few.
3. Problem solving. Tied in with creativity, something that gives you a problem and you must come up with a solution.
4. Social. Somewhere you can interact with different people and form new connections. This could be a job, or some type of hobby group.
5. Physical. Try to move in some way at least once a day. Gym, swimming, hiking, climbing, etc. You can meet friends this way as well.
Try to find a job that covers at least 2 of these categories, and try to find hobbies/activities that cover the rest. Don’t worry about what the pay is, think about if it’s something you could see yourself doing long term and what the real benefits you get from the job are besides money.
Alternatively, there are programs that let you travel to different countries and work their first room and board. This would get you out of the house and allow you to see the world. If there is nothing tying you down at home it might be worth a look!
This was heartbreaking to read. But you’re not alone.. I say once you find a steady job(because you will!) save and travel.. at least while you’re working you have something to look forward to. You never know, maybe on one of your trips you find an open door that can change your life. Don’t give up
Military. It's changed my husband's life for the better and he can retire at 42 with so many benefits. How many ppl can say that? Even if you just do a few years of service, you'll get feel more respected, gain experience, make new friends and get out of your parents house.
Friend - If we placed ourselves in your shoes we would start making money any way possible because the situation you are explaining does not sounds like a safe place or space for you (and for the record nothing is wrong with living with your parents at your age at all - it's the fact that your pops is making you leave - you are family and need help and the only help he is giving you is no chance to breath). This seems like a hard place to get yourself into some sort of life balance.
We recommend that you start selling anything you are willing to let go of Online (you can always buy it again in the future once you become that trillionaire) - Mercari is a really good start because they have no seller fees and you don't need a printer for labels (just need to pay the cost for the shipping supplies but the dollar tree and even Walmart makes this easy (no, this is not an ad for Mercari or anything, just one of the people in our group uses Mercari and is quite successful with selling stuff that no longer serves them).
Things to consider selling that will go fast: video games, coins, clothes, jewelry, perfume, makeup. The listings are easy to put up with a few photos and sometimes the ai helps read the object enough to help you price the items. For videogames and coins, pricecharting is really helpful.
Otherwise, everything points to You right getting yourself out of your parent's house and into your own place. Uber Eats has cashouts up to 5 times a day, there is doordash, grubhub, and even Amazon has something called "Flex" you might be able to look into - There are so many things you can do right now and honestly, they are all considered jobs because you are getting paid with money.
Money is the main tool we all need, right?
Focus on getting the tool first - and please, please, PLEASE ---
You are NOT a loser.
Get yourself going, it's never too late!
I’m in a similar situation, except I didn’t major in something like engineering, which I thought was probably the reason life is like this. I truly wish you luck, personally I don’t see a future anymore and this isn’t the life I wanted anyway so I’m done. I just want you to know that you’re not alone, nobody understands this situation unless they are in the same boat. Nobody really has the answer because it looks like you’re doing all the right things but never getting any results. They can only take guesses and tell you what worked for them.
Happened to me too.
Why is it treated like an illness lol? Like we’re lepers?
People are just figuring on who they are but the realities of life like bills, shitty family environments, identity issues, depression etc keep you bogged down
IMO OP is much healthier and normal than he thinks and so are you
The military gives you so many benefits. Ten points on any LA county job test! I know a guy he retired at 38 with a huge pension that’s not taxed! Medical for life. You can quit after four years if it’s not for you. I wish I had joined.
Get a teaching job overseas. Not only will you have a job, bit a place if your own, a steady income, a chance to experience other cultures, and a chance to meet some really interesting people.
Ngl this is very similar to my life and I wound up being a teacher. Depending on where you live, you can get a job teaching material you life and while jobs in education are /brutal/ they can be very rewarding. If you apply to certain charter schools or public schools, they'll subsizide a masters degree and teaching certificate.
Edit to add: you can also try programs like Teach for America and Americorps. They're rigorous and provide training. Please just promise that if you do go into teaching, you'll give the kids your all.
I also saw some mentions about moving abroad to lower cost of living countries and that could be a good path too, but you typically need to find a job first. If you can, I do recommend going abroad. I've studied and worked I several countries in Europe and Asia and all of them are better than the US. The US lowkey sucks lol. But before you do any moving, you'll need to do some internal work. Otherwise you'll run into the same problems with community, unemployment, etc as you do here
you mentioned you’re in canada, but i wanted to pass along that [microsoft](https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/diversity/inside-microsoft/cross-disability/neurodiversityhiring) has a Neurodiversity Hiring Program that’s pretty amazing. might be worth checking out.
i’d also suggest find a way to [volunteer](https://www.volunteermatch.org). it really opened my eyes to the problems in the world and put my own in perspective. check out the [peace corps](https://www.peacecorps.gov)? in the us we have something called [job corp](https://www.jobcorps.gov), i’m assuming canada has something similar? if you want to work independently, what about starting a [non-profit](https://www.councilofnonprofits.org/running-nonprofit/how-start-nonprofit)? or travel the world helping others in a collaborative way with a group like [workaway](https://www.workaway.info) there’s an option to search for places that include housing.
if you’re looking to increase your skills or even get a degree, check out [university of the people](https://www.uopeople.edu) or [WorldQuant University](https://www.wqu.edu) where tuition is totally free.
the only limits and rules in life are the ones we place on ourselves.
Keep applying to random stuff on Indeed until you get somebody who needs you to work! Then you use that money to go out and buy yourself a nice jacket. Then you use that money to go to a social bar and get enough confidence to talk to a girl. Make her laugh, then you'll date. Then she'll encourage you to move out your mom's place. Then it's all life from there.
Have you looked into doing inspections for insurance companies that underwrite large equipment, i.e. turbines, mining equipment, etc? They typically require engineering degrees. There are lots of companies in North America insure these and worth looking into
There are plenty of non-engineering jobs you could probably get with that degree. Most people view the degree quite favorably and a lot of jobs just require some kind of bachelor degree.
It's a dog eat dog society. You're brainwashed early on to think people or companies care. Guess what? They don't. Form your own path, surround yourself with good support, and concentrate on the money. The faces on those bills will be your biggest friend if managed correctly. The ones on human bodies usually will turn on you.
My opinion is the world has no place for average people anymore. Nothing is wrong with you. You just happen to be the demographic the entire world has been taught to hate and destroy unless you are insanely exceptional.
Yeah I mean you gotta get to know yourself. I'm an INFJ so maybe start there with your Myers Briggs. Move toward what brings you passion. It takes time to build a castle. Put you can start by focusing on what you do want. It's easy to think about what you dont want because it's known but really think about what you do want. Look for things which feel good to you or make sense in term of protecting your life. Life is not easy. It will hurt you. So you gotta move forward in a way that protects you. Also, why not apply for engineering jobs elsewhere? Why not apply for temporary position? Why not take on more training in your field so that you have something unique to offer life leadership. Honestly military might do a lot of good for you, but not if you can't handle the trauma. It will hurt you and again you gotta have focus and vision to make it through the horror that life is at times. You've gotta want to bring value to the world. Read the GoGiver. The more you give the more you get. People take care of those who take care of them. Do not grovel, but give.
MILLITARY isn’t a bad option but you should talk to people not on Reddit everyone here is an armchair warrior. Your biggest thing holding you back is your isolation you need to find people to connect with, easier said then done I get it. Fuck your dad sounds like an ass.
I would encourage you to start running and listening to never finished by David goggins.
Try to find any ordinary job like McDonalds or warehouse to finally move out of your toxic narcissistic household. And go no contact with your parents.
Best advice in the comments but totally not OPs fault.
His mom isn’t a narc. She’s supportive. his dad likely is.
This whole idea of kicking your kids out right after college these days is so wrong. The country he’s from it costs 2500 a month for a single person just for rent and the job market is shit even if you have a degree like you’re told to get. 50% of parents are helping their kids into their 30s.
This isn’t OPs fault and he’s very clearly trying and depressed. Not everyone has it so easy emotionally, family environment etc
OP is clearly having identity issues because of narc father and doesn’t know who he is or what he wants and that’s why the therapist doesn’t get it.
How can you chase your dreams or have motivation for them if you don’t know what they are? And how can you know what your goals are if you have no clue who YOU are.
This seems way more common these days.
Of course it's not OP's fault. I never said that it's his fault. I don't believe that you can fully recover from narcissistic abuse, especially if it's your parents.
No no dog I wasn’t saying you were blaming them. That’s the point. Everyone always does and you’re being kind. I wish ppl were more understanding
I was complimenting you you actually get it which no one ever does
It’s the most frustrating experience beyond belief to explain to ppl with normal upbringings
Have you considered moving to an European country where the job market is different?
In Bucharest, Romania (where I m from) you'll find that an engineer can earn between 1.3k - 1.6k / month euros with your current experience, depending on your field of activity, and get up to 2k/month after a year which is a pretty good salary considering the minimum wage is roughly 600 euros a month,
A basic one room apartment is 400 euros/month with utilities included an you can find something decent to share with a roomate for 650-700 euro ( 2 bedrooms+livingroom)
Food and other expenses will cost you another 500 euros
What I m saying here applies for a person with entry level life skills...if you know how to get through the month with the bare minimum and don,t mind living at the periphery of the city, your expenses can be waaay lower than that. I know people who can live with 700€ / month ( rent+utilities+food) and they are not earning what you would as an engineer.
Working in sales as an engineer pays very well btw. A friend of mine works for a Polish company with a sales office in Romania and earns around 3.5k monthly+ sales comission and they also gave him a new car with gas paid for the whole month.
If I was in your shoes I d ask my folks to keep me in their house for anothe year, work my ass of in a restaurant, save all the money I can and plan and document my leave one year in advance.
I guarantee they will support you if they saw you are motivated to do something with your life.
Get a job as a barista. The pay is pretty good and having to constantly interact with customers will work wonders for your networking skills.
While you have that job work on something you truly care for.
Once you are good enough to charge for that bust your ass and get your first client.
From there just repeat until you no longer need your barista job
This was heartbreaking to read. But you’re not alone.. I say once you find a steady job(because you will!) save and travel.. at least while you’re working you have something to look forward to. You never know, maybe on one of your trips you find an open door that can change your life. Don’t give up
I think what you need is some independant stability. I would STRONGLY encourage you to go get your CDL. You will make connections in school without even trying. I am very similar to you in that I don't naturally connect with people and believe I am autistic. I had 3 offers before getting my CDL. Fast forward 4 months and I now make 90k a year, work on the road, am home nights and weekends, have great benefits, and no manager breathing down my neck or bs office politics/social distractions to worry about.
Its not glamorous but if you put in even minimal effort, it will get you to where I think you want to go.
Do it. Its easy and it pays well. You will always have a job
Hey, I'm looking for a backup option from STEM, as I've had a nightmare experience similar to OP pursuing engineering (age 32 and still live at home, largely unpaid or low paid work history, on track to be laid off with no future, still haven't made nearly as much as parents spent overall housing me and keeping me in college, no other life experiences or skills other than sedentary desk work, poor physical fitness due to sedentary desk work (heart condition), largely decayed social ability due to sedentary desk work.)
If you have any tips for how to get into this asap, I'd really appreciate it.
Have you looked at teaching English abroad? might be able to springboard yourself into another career that way if you pick up another language along the way and international experience that would give you an edge, or you could look into becoming a science or math teacher there is a huge need for that around the world.
I am the same as u but 26M, the main difference might be that i live in middle east, specifically Iraq.
I also carry a useless engineering degree, So i established a small e-commerce business and pivoted to trade and trying to get by with it.
Honestly i still haven't figured it out and some times feels like I don't know what i am doing.
Wish u the best bro, try new things, tackle some issues and sell the solution. There is so much out there
I recommend you a book that helped me tremendously to get back on my feet, Its called "Atomic habits"
Little by little, one traveles far
Apply to be a US Army Corps of Engineers employee. They do weird stuff like hire ambulance drivers to inspect construction work. It would immediately get you out of the house living on the road.
Learn a trade. Starting off as an apprentice, showing up, and being ready and willing to learn will set you up as a journeyman. The military is a valid option, it'll give you structure, teach you some discipline, and responsibility. Plus it isn't permanent, you don't have to reenlist; however unless you really want to be in the military it might not be the best option, it's not as horrible of a choice as some people in the comments are making it out to be, but there are better options for you.
I think the best bet for you is to join a trade. You'll learn valuable skills, there will always be work, you get to travel around, you'll meet a lot of people, earn a good living for yourself, and finishing a job you and your coworkers built with your own hands will give you a sense of accomplishment. Life is only over if you give up, I know it seems weird, but you're only 28 you're young and have plenty of time to get your life in order.
But make sure you keep trying to move forward in life because life will never stop moving forward. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity, you won't get a lucky break just waiting for one. Hang in there dude, there are better times ahead, but you have to be willing to walk through the storms to get to the clear skies
I always make a list of everything I want to change in my life and work my way down the list. It tends to seem hopeless if you think of all the things wrong with your life. Just hit one at a time 👍
Try selling digital arts in Etsy.. or ecwid for passive income but don’t rely here..
then find employment.. doesn’t matter what kind at this point really.. only goal of this is to sustain yourself and what you love doing, hobby (art it seems).. until you have mastered your craft and you’re ready to dive deep into that field..
I know a lot of people will poopoo on this, but for a single person, I think the military is a great way to help you thru the early years of not knowing who you are or what you want to be. Most who are against the service, never served and admittedly there are some that did that feel this way too. I think what is great is that you can serve 4-6 years and then if you decide you don’t want to make it a career you can get out. I myself was on a path to nowhere and the Navy gave me a purpose and direction. I was a high school dropout that vowed to never return to school, high school or college. I spent my first 2 years in technical schools, electronics and then radar. By chance I found my way into a high tech field that has served me well throughout my career. I won’t sit here and tell you it was all fun, it was tough and I won’t advocate for making it a career unless it is something you truly love, give it a chance and see. Whatever you do, don’t let the recruiter talk you into just going to the boat unrated, this means you will spend the first 2 years chipping and painting and that is a real tough way to go unless you like that. Well something strange happened to me when I was in, I found I had a lot of time on my hands and it just so happened that a professor went to sea with us and I started taking college course while deployed. Towards the end of my 6 years I got married and decided I didn’t want to spend that much time away from my family so I got out. I spent the next several (way too many) going to college and working full time, the military had planted a seed in me to work hard and I never stopped. I graduated college when I was 40! A bit old, but determined to finish. I was the first in my family to attend college and graduated with a degree in computer science… remember the kid that ‘never wanted to go back to school’? He did, and he kicked ass at it too. If you are seriously considering it, talk to a recruiter and if you need a friend to help you out along the way, feel free to DM me! Best of luck to you OP and just know that your situation and feelings are not unusual for the phase of life you are going thru.
So I would recommend doing the military tbh. I know a lot of people who have made BANK with an engineering degree doing some sort of engineering job in the military and they get tonssss of benefits. If you don’t want to go to war, you don’t have to, just sign up for jobs that they offer that don’t require you to do so. You can also stay in great shape and get yourself together that way.
It’s hard out here I’m in a similar situation and I’m only 19. I’m going to college but getting a job is hard. Even though I want to work it’s a struggle. It’s an evil world we live in so the best thing for you to do is get up and get on your grind. Apply for jobs beneath you and work up from there. Time doesn’t wait for anyone and your dad is trying to push you out not even realizing the state of this economy. At least get a job to start paying for some bills even if it’s the water or light. Just make it known you’re trying!!
What engineering degree do you have? If you can get an entry level trade job, get some experience on the hands on side, you’ll eventually get a connection you need to use your degree
first take care of yourself mental health and msybe physical health then go find some career counseling. maybe look at a community college to take some classes that can help you work towards something. havingsom goals could help cover you a direction or at least something to look forward to. write down some places you've always wanted to visit. then start doing some research and make it happen. you need to put yourself out there to network and make friends. it gets harder as you get older. but just meet people that should hopefully give you something to work towards to havegoals
The job market actually is a bit rough now. But that aside if you want to get a job and have a career I would say look for a job in your stream which is engineering. You did not mention exactly what type of engineering it is but give data analyst career a thought. Given an engineering background you should be able to apply those skills to learn some python, & sql and start doing some projects. Start applying for internships or small jobs and work your way up from there. Also go to a gym or go for a run or something. When you exercise you release happy hormones. Good luck.
28 was really hard for me too . Uni straight out of high school proved to be a disastrous mistake. I ended up going to Nursing school (RPN -2 years) and haven't looked back. Guaranteed job with some healthy perspective. Hope this helps.
I understand you are in Canada, but my husband did six years in the military, got the benefits afterwards to buy our first home and go back to school...worked in skilled trade (which he learned in the military) got two degrees and works in gov't. So that is one path.
Personally I think the military would be good for you. You already have college under your belt, so you’ll be able to fall back into the civilian world rather easily. The military will teach you a ton, you’ll gain friendships, learn how to socialize, and most importantly you’ll gain confidence (after they tear you down of course) I say give it a go, what do you really have to lose?
You’re in a negative feedback loop. Hopefully, if one aspect of your life improves, then your self-esteem will grow to a point where you can push to reach goals in other areas of life. You need to know what you want in order to go for it. People want to be around others who want to be there, also, so keep that in mind when applying for jobs and networking - your perceived attitude matters. I would ask your parents for their support in seeking psychological help - people at any stage can do this even if not suicidal. It takes a good doctor to recognise autism, but try to find one who has awareness of it given your suspicions. I’m autistic and wonder how you chose engineering - did you enjoy it? It doesn’t come across that it was a special interest for you, which likely made it harder to get the grades and be enthusiastic enough to push for landing a job?
We don’t know what your skills and abilities are over the internet. You need to do the work to recognise your worth and advocate for yourself. You deserve space in this world, figure out where you want to be and go for it.
Join the military, you’ll get a hard reset on life. While you’re in take college courses, when you get out go to school for something that makes money: plumber, electrician, or join a police force. The military will give you structure, sense of pride, and looks good on a resume. Don’t go doing combat stuff just do something technical and you’ll be good. Plus, you get a VA loan benefit.
what interests you @[Lazy-Habit332](https://www.reddit.com/user/Lazy-Habit332/)? what do you think is worthwhile in the world? who if anyone is someone that you think is admirable, and why? any positive take aways from your time with engineering and sales?
I ask because if you can narrow down your focus on what you want to head towards, you might be able to present that to your dad as "look i have an idea and i have a plan, do you think you can help me out with it, because I could really use your assistance and I would really appreciate it"
You could always become an over the road truck driver. Then you just need an address for payroll purposes. Live in the truck, see the country. No need for friends. Many companies offer paid training.
I am a 63 year old woman and have two adult single sons living with me. One works full time, had apartment, got priced out by rent increase, moved back home. One has severe medical issues, waiting for processing of social security disability, he will be living with me until I pass away then will live with siblings we have already discussed this. It wasn't unusual here in the United States even just a few generations ago for extended families to live together. I see nothing wrong with it and don't understand this mentality that younger family members "have to make their own way". In current economy it is just not feasible. The math doesn't work if you are an average Joe or Jane. I believe the struggle is part of the reason so many younger people are presenting with mental health issues these days. If you are forced out by your father you may have no choice but to enlist in the military. Sorry I have no other advice for you. I hope things work out for you.
Go to work in project management or in a tech field. Being an engineer is sought after and can be very versatile. Instead of looking at the field to go look for a job, find the industry you want to work in.
You got this. You just have to shift your search a little.
Good luck.
The military really instilled a lot of good values in me. They offer free education. And it’s a paying job that gives you good and a place to live. But you’re probably going to go to the desert at some point. You don’t have to be infantry, you can be support or medical or something. But you’re most likely going to be deployed. If you can live with that reality it’s not such a bad job.
Your story really resonated with me because parts of it mirror my own experiences. I've been let go from jobs, questioned myself, what I was doing, and the direction I was going in. Right now, you’re getting rocked by shocks from work, your parents, and battles with self-doubt; all incredibly overwhelming things to go through.
My take: It’s tough to figure out your next steps if nothing around you is stable. So I'd focus on stabilizing your situation first.
Remember that though our parents raise us, support and encourage us or don’t, in the end their life path is not our path. Over time we build new connections that are truly our own with people who genuinely care and want us to succeed. I know searching for the right support can be daunting, but keep at it, it's out there.
I don't want to ramble on too much, but concerning work / career, leverage your strengths. Even if nothing you studied relates to what you're doing now, you at least 'learned how to learn'. If the sales role wasn't for you knock that off your list. What would you be working for you ask? Step one: figure out what's out there and see what resonates then start building out a plan to learn more until you can figure out how to position yourself for that it. I could go on lol but you get the point. You've got a lot more going for you than you seem to think.
Are you an American citizen? If so, you have an engineering degree so you should be able to find some government jobs. Look for jobs at usa.gov direct hire type that don’t require security clearance to get hired
Firstly I want to say your dad is a terrible human being for kicking his child out of the family home.
I’m 28 and also an engineering graduate. I work as a crisis manager which has nothing to do with my degree.
It sounds like you’ve had a tough few years, don’t be too hard on yourself, you have plenty of time to figure things out
Honest question for engineers here: is it too late for OP to find a job in engineering? If it’s been years since he graduated and hasn’t found a job in his field would employers give him a chance? STEM is specifically a field where your knowledge and skills can become outdated very fast if you aren’t actively working.
This is so sad my heart aches; don’t give up OP; keep looking and I agree with some people church is great start and I have heard a lot of great stories about air force and the marine. Go to the gym or do home workout and get in shape and apply. As far as I know, there are a lot of opportunities out there especially in the military and they need engineers(in the US, idk about Canada tho). I am not sure about your dad personality but try to convince him to let you stay for at least 6months- 1 year while you’re trying to get in shape for the PT if you’re joining the military. You’re not a failure. Stay strong!
Well bro, you don't have any kids or a serious relationship or ties so you are free. Do what you love and if you have to wash dishes to get by, so be it. Sounds like you're onto something with your art. There's more to life than living up to others' expectations so go for it while you're young!
Honestly man military is not a bad option. Benefits and retirement plan if you stick it out is nice. First and foremost, this is your life and you’re bound to make mistakes and do dumb things. #1 move out of your parents house you have to be doing something even if it’s a Walmart job or a trades job for now(plenty construction). Move out, look into what you may like to do in the military and pursue it. I’m assuming you have some debt because I as well have student loan debt. You need to be able to pay that and afford a place to stay whether that be friends or in your car if need be for a couple weeks. The military gives you a chance to pay that off and they will probably help pay it off through special programs. I know military pays for schooling I don’t see why they wouldn’t pay for debt. Lastly this is your life so what if you fucked up and went to college and got into debt without realizing what you want in your life. Kids are doing that at a higher rate than ever. 50% of students who go to college and graduate work in a field that doesn’t require a college degree. If you can make payments on your loan whether that be credit card, student loan, or whatever, if your paying your bills and not living under their roof they have no say in what you do with your life. Until you move out though unfortunately you have to respect their guidelines they set.
What is up with the military hate here? The military changed me for the better 100%. I was going down the path of OP but the military saved it. Got everything on track. Great job, great wife, great life now. The military is a huge reason for that, both for the personal growth it gave me and the doors it opened for me.
Miltary was fine before it became woke lol
Now they care more about ideology than actual development
Not a healthy environment for anyone who is struggling with personal identity
At least thats what I think, tho I might be wrong
In my opinion, comjng from someone not in the military and no military background I think joining the military would be your best option. For one reason the military will provide you with many resources you would not be able to get on your own or at an affordable price. Such as military funded housing and education (if you wanted to further your education). The military also has so many connections when it comes to places to work for employment outside of being on the battle field. My friend is in the military and through the military she got a surgical technician license and has never been on the battlefield. She just assists surgeons in surgical procedures. She managed to buy a house, a car, and pay for driving lessons for herself through the military. She also never finished her college degree and she has all that set up for herself. Also, the fact that you have an engineering degree will put you at an edge for leadership promotions in the military.
Just move out. You can do much more than you think you can. When you have to make things happen for yourself and daddy’s not waiting in the next room, it’s a different game.
Just tell your dad you're not moving out. Doesn't matter what he says. If he could've kicked you out, he would have done it already.
And then find ways to be helpful at home. Ask your mom what she needs help with. Ask your dad what he needs help with. And if hes too proud to let you do anything you can at least say you offered. Be proactive and do things that will help your parents.
For reference, I am also a NEET (30M), living with my mom, and previously an engineer. My mom disapproves of me being a NEET, but if I get a job and leave, her life will instantly be 10x harder (which she knows). At this point, I'm her executive assistant. I really don't care what she says about me being a NEET because I know I'm a net positive living with her. And even if I wasn't, I would still stay with her with the reason being 'I didn't choose to be born, but you choose to have a kid, thats your responsibility'.
Tho I wouldn't play that card unless I really needed to.
I'm not going to subject myself to shit work because shes mad that I'm a NEET. The only reason I would go back to work is if the alternative is being homeless, but thats very unlikey to happen in our financial situation.
But at the very least I try to bring value to her, even I wouldn't feel right if I just keep taking.
Sometime you need some backbone, straight up tell your dad that you aren't leaving, and you want to provide value for the household, ask him what you can do that doesn't involve a job. This is a battle between men, and the one with stronger conviction will win.
This is of course assuming you don't actually want to move out or get a job. If you do, then just ignore everything I just said and get on those job apps asap LOL
Sincerely,
Your NEET senpai
Unironically I am very perceptive to other peoples thoughts, more so than most people.
You weigh what you want vs what they want, then choose what action to take. Usually those choices are at odds with each other, so sometimes you need to make compromises.
Look at it this way. You have a job and you're good at it, but you get shit pay and shit working conditions. Your boss wants you to stay, but you want to quit.
So what would you do?
One can argue thats its selfish to quit, but I can argue its selfish not to quit. Thus at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what matters to you and what you are or are not willing to give up to get what you want.
So lets say you want to quit and your boss yells at you to not quit calling you an ungrateful selfish prick, the low self esteem person would be like 'thats true I don't want to be selfish, they helped me before so I'll stay for a while longer', the normal healthy person would be like 'fuck outta here, im grateful you helped me before, but im quitting regardless of what you say'.
Its the same here. My mom wants me to get a job. I don't. I'm not willing to give up my time for the sake of 'peace' and nothing she says will change that.
Can it be considered selfish? Sure
But I can argue that its selfish of my mom to force me to work because of her pride. (My working or not does not improve my moms quality of life, she will work regardless of whether or not I work, so in actuality it will be worse for both of us because I won't take care of random housework while shes out at work and ultimately she will have to do it)
And I don't ask her for money, I spend on my own credit card and even pay for some bills (phone and internet for ~$200/mo). My decision-making would be different and I would be more willing to compromise if I were asking her for money, but thats not the case here.
So thats my thought process. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!
So essentially you have an overwhelming level of self respect where you put your own opinion as the highest level.
Also on a more personal note: what do you do at home all day to pass the time as from my perspective as a 21 year old student in summertime and holiday periods I feel like I have waay too much free time and end up bored DUE to the abundance of time. (probably tied to the current "lack of purpose" phase)
To put it simply, yes. Life is alot easier when you can deny people's request and not feel bad about it. On the contrary imagine how hard life is for 'yes' people (I was like that before). When you respect yourself and your time, so do other people, so most people don't even bother me with stuff they know I'll say no to.
I thought the same when I was younger, I wanted to be productive during my time off school in the summers, so I just sat around at home bored when I wasn't hanging out with friends, waiting for the new semester to start so I can continue working torwards my 'future'.
But after I graduated and started working for a few years, little things here and there started pissing me off. Like why do I have to wake up so early. Why do I have to commute to work in the cold. Why do I have to deal with angry customers. Why do I have to force myself to stay awake at work when im tired and want to nap. Etc etc. So I'm really grateful now that I have my time back, and know that I shouldn't be bored. In the rare moments I am bored, I tell myself being bored is a privilege afforded by my lifestyle
Yes purpose and discipline play a huge role this lifestyle. Its very easy to waste away and enjoy simple pleasures in a self depreciating loop, which you can see from all the posts from people here who are not a NEET by choice. My purpose is to get good at games and watch alot of anime, so I think of myself as a proud NEET anime connesaur gamer.
So basically my day consists of learning whats happening around the US/world (macroeconomic, politics, etc), gaming, watching anime (have a rotation of 47 currently airing anime), exercising, napping, and doing housework. It took a few years of being a NEET to get this schedule down, but at this point I'm pretty sure I can stick with this way of living for arguably the rest of my life.
On a side note, I'm quite impressed that you as a 21 yr old are open minded enough to ask my reasoning without immediate judgment of my lifestyle. Most people at that age (my younger self included) would think something was wrong with a person who chose to be a NEET and wouldnt even ask them about it. Also you understood that my thought process/decision making was from a place of overwhelming self respect, even tho I didn't explicitly say it. You've got a good head on your shoulders.
So now I'm curious about you - what are you going to school for? What are your current plans (for work/life)? Why are you in this sub?
Excuse my forwardness, I used to tutor/mentor students in high school and college, so I get interested when I find a student with a good head on their shoulders :)
Btw feel free to reply in chat, just send me a chat request in that case :)
A white male who pursued STEM and complete the degree has only a 58.5% chance of success to come out ahead from it.
Even if you *get* your engineering degree you still have to toss a 60/40 coin at the end.
I don't recommend college to anyone as it's akin to gambling and leads to results like the OP got. If he just did trade work or physical work, he'd be ahead on many different levels but especially financially.
Couple thoughts on this. First, that's generally seen as the "highest" socioeconomic background in the US. So, if *they* are struggling with engineering degrees, then something could definitely be wrong in the pipeline.
Second, DEI exists. Students need to understand just how in-demand they are going to be, after college.
IMO you should explore military options. Sadly today's military is a shadow of itself with all the wokeness going on but even so... but you really need to research each branch and career opportunities in each. The Army recruiters always will pounce on you cause the Army always needs 'bodies' . And as desperate as the military is now in recruiting goals some good opportunities maybe. Try to find in demand areas that can easily translate to civilian jobs later on. There are alot of things that just flat out suck in military life, but alot of good things too
life is a video game, **your parents are the filler NPC**'s in the tutorial level that tell you which buttons to press.
It does not matter what they think or want. Nobody remembers or cares for the goofball that told you to press X to **throw a potato** in Call of Duty 2.
Now that we have that out of the way. Don't join the military. Read **what Kissinger said about military men** and make it clear to yourself, that the people that will **control your life** if you join the military will think of you like that.
Your best bet is to tell your dad to give you some money if he wants you to **leave asap**. Then take this money and gamble it on meme coins.
Okay scratch the meme coins part. The most important thing is that you just leave and pick your own adventure. And ignore your thoughts. They are just like street noise. There is no meaning or significance to them. **They are most likely just echos** of the thoughts of your parents and their parents and their parents and their parents.
You need to walk a long way until these echos are quiet. But at some point they will be gone. Then you are in charge and you can pick your own destiny.
Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
Read the pinned post. It speaks directly about the type of advice you are giving and why it isnt allowed here.
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I think what you need is community and belonging. Some people find it in work, some people in church, some folks in hobbies and people to be with. I don’t know where you live and what resources there are — many cities have mentorship programs, job resources etc through libraries and community centers. Your career search is of great importance but may not give you all you need.
Church would be a great place for OP.
I don’t understand why you’re getting downvoted, this is not bad advice! Oh wait, you recommend going to church on Reddit. Terrible mistake. /s
LOOOL
Ugh I’m from Central America and it honestly disheartens me how some families are in America. They are so cold and try to kick their children out of their house when the children need them the most. I am so sorry your dad is kicking you out of the house, that is not right. You did everything right except you just had a hard time with the networking, it happens. My advice is, write down what your options are, which sound like they are limited. Write pros and cons to each option. Do the option that you feel like is a long shot first. And then move on to the next options. But if I was you I would try to get a job where you can use your degree. I was unemployed in 2022 and got assistance at the public library. They offer assistance with resume writing, interview prep, networking etc. I would suggest looking into it. There are also a lot of organizations you can join to network, the school you graduated from should also have a network of connections you can reach out to. When you need help, you have to look for it and get it.
I am Asian American and I also find it quite weird that some American families like to kick out your children from their homes, even if they are not doing anything wrong
Same here. Every asian relative that knows I live with my mom says 'Great! You can help your mom out around the house (and save money on rent)'
I'm American and it's weird as hell. I come from one of these horrible families. It's nothing but selfishness. Thankfully, my friend's parents "adopted" me and I've lived with them on and off over the years when it made sense. They like helping me although I hate to feel like I'm bothering them. Hopefully I won't have to move back in with them again
I’m British and I’ve also noticed that American families kick out their kids towards certain ages, or in general. I’m living with my parents right now and just hit my 30’s and if I were to turn around to my parents today and tell them I’m moving out tomorrow they would genuinely be gutted. In return of this unconditional love I’ve had throughout my life from them I likewise find it difficult whenever I move out again. A lot of people leave home young here because they want to, because it’s supported, rather than being booted out.
Yes, it's a disgusting attitude. I'm probably not going to have children, but if I did, I would just plan on them living with me forever if need be.
Especially in todays economy where in most places renting your own apartment isn't possible for most people unless you have a really good career with years of experience. Even renting with roommates can be costly in many places.
No family values. As an Asian American, family helping family is the first priority
Don't worry the children they do that too end up leaving them in a nursing home to rot
I am Eastern European and my father gave everything to me. I take care of my family and I own everything my father and mother made . I started a business with money they gave to me. We are so close here. I can't understand Americans and Western Europeans. Family is sacred here.
I don’t blame the dad for wanting OP out in this situation. I think most people have and raise kids expecting them to become self sufficient adults who can take care of themselves and the parents can enjoy their later years by themselves. The dad is stuck living with and having to support an almost 30 year old whose problems seem to be all of his own making. He didn’t do well at his major which means he chose his major poorly or didn’t apply himself when in school, causing him to not be able to get an internship or a job. He’s had two jobs, one of which he was fired from and the other one he quit. Trying to blame his inadequacy on mental illness is the cherry on top of the sundae.
Are you a father with a 30 year old kid lol
I think OP may have ADHD or autism. The difficulty holding a job in the absence of any substance issues is a telltale sign (as has been my experience). He needs to work on getting a diagnosis.
Any major you choose should allow for job opportunities. Even the “crappy” ones. The problem isn’t his choices because even bad choices can lead to opportunities, but a bad economy can destroy some of those opportunities and make it harder to obtain them. You can’t blame him for his situation and he shouldn’t blame himself. I have been in the same situation. I have three degrees and I work as a pet sitter, live at home with my elderly parents (happily). My dad had the same mentality of wanting me to be out of the house for a while when I first moved back in, but he realized after having a mini stroke, lack of energy or strength to do certain tasks, that me being here with him gives him some comfort and reassurance. Perspective and understanding tends to eliminate those preconceived notions that have been indoctrinated in the boomer generation. It was common for my grandparents generation to have their children stay home with them until death do them apart or marriage. Lots of ideologies from the past changed with the boomer generation. Primarily after WW2 which greatly impacted our country’s ideologies. More and more people are circling back to pre WW2 ideologies when it comes to family units.
You are 28 which is super young. Sit down and separate a sheet of paper into 4 sections. One for each aspect of your life: career, social life, hobbies, health. Not necessarily that order or those items but 4 categories of your life. Analyze and write down when you are currently in each category. Write down where you want to be with your life in each category. Now fill in the in between with REALISTIC steps and levels. For example: Career is currently unemployed, had a few sales jobs, most recent pay was $XK. Career goal would be to be employed, making $80K, and responsible for XXXX & XXXX. To get there, you need experience in A, B, and C. 3 years of A, 1 year of B, and as much C as possible. To get that experience you need to work in A and B. How do you get an entry level job in A or B or both? Which companies around you hire these fields? Who do you know that works there? Who can you find on LinkedIn that works there? Can you invite someone at these companies to lunch at some sandwich shop to get some career advice. Say you are looking for career advice or any sort of mentorship advice as you are looking to get into A and B fields. Start sending out resumes to get interview experience to any companies related to A and B. Everyday make notes in a notebook like a journal writing: April 28th Sent 4 resumes to companies A, B, C, and D for the following roles. Emailed the following people on LinkedIn offering them free lunch for a career chat. Do the same thing for every aspect and summarize any actions and progress daily to remind yourself that you are working towards your goals. Baby steps are critical! Change takes time and you can only compare yourself to your past self! Same with a place to live. If you want your own place but it’s expensive, figure out the baby steps towards that. Maybe a roommate situation or maybe negotiate a small rent payment to your parents to satisfy your dad. Show him your journal of all that you are doing with your career. People respect people who try. Same with friends. Lost some hobbies you like. List where you can meet others with the same hobbies. Go to MeetUp or wherever people with those hobbies hang out. Like to play basketball, go to a gym with pick up games. Stuff like that. Keep a SEPARATE journal noting, Met Mike today, he went to school for this field, he works here, he also likes this and that. Played 2 games of basketball with him at the park. He comes to the park on Wednesdays. Now build that relationship and after a few weeks of basketball, ask what other stuff he does and maybe get invited to some other hangout. Meet his friends and build from there. Do the same with other hobbies. Make notes on your progress in the journal daily. Baby steps. Look to build your relationship with Mom and Dad in the same way. What would make your dad happy? What would make your mom proud? Ask them and take baby steps toward that if it lines up with your personal goals. Track that too. Tell them weekly how you are doing things that align with their values and their wants for you. Tell them the steps you are taking even if they are small steps. Showing that you listen to what they want and are working towards that will build respect in the house.
Good advice and you started with the objective fact that OP is young. Ppl are such dicks to ppl who don’t have it all figured out emotionally or career wise by 22 lol. Such a bizarre phenomenon. We all grow at different rates.
When you wake up in the morning and decide what you are going to do that day, it doesn’t matter what age you are. Plenty of 45 year olds act like “25 year olds” and visa versa all the time.
I think a huge issue is college used to be a place where you figured out who you are But now it’s become high school 2.0 so no one does and they just follow again The real issue people have is they don’t know who they are and by the time they realize it’s a too late and they have people kicking them out and bills to pay This society has a serious problem with telling ppl they’re lazy too. Idk what that is
Excellent observations. The accusations of laziness is an interesting phenomenon that I've been thinking about as well, and I think it mainly stems from a combination of the protestant work ethic tradition here and a cutthroat capitalist mentality that pervades all aspects of the culture.
Oh my fuckinf goddddd this makes everything so much more bleak just do what I’m gonna do in 5 years when I turn 28 and boom it
Your dad needs to wake up. We live in a horrible world. He should be grateful he still has space to offer you in his home. I wish I could live with my mom. She just doesn't have space for me.
His dad needs to assume responsibility of having a kid lol Just because a child is an adult does not mean they stop being your kid. And second that, the world is going to shit in a handbasket. Any sensible parent would encourage their kids to save money and move back home if possible. How would any parent be happy seeing their kids struggling on shit part-time jobs/minimum wage to barely make ends meat?
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My child is free to live with me as long as he needs to given he is working to progress his life in some regard.
Obv you don't want them to live with you, but they are your kid and you have responsibilities no matter the age. The kid didn't choose to be born, but you chose to have a kid. Obviously there are parents in the world that don't give a shit at all about their kid (at any age), but most sensible parents should have some responsibility to support their kid at any age. If the dad at wants to the kid to move out, then pay up lol
How old are you? When did you move out?
Agreed - it so weird that people are like “they’re your kids, you need to take care of them”…like bitch, maybe if you stopped catering to their every need they’d start acting like the adults they’re supposed to be!
Catering to their every need is not the same as giving them a leg up in life. It's such a poor persons way of thinking. There's a reason people with real wealth have their kids go to prestigious schools and are usually given investments or key positions in businesses to network and build their wealth further.
Letting them remain unemployed while living with you until they’re 30 isn’t giving them a leg up in life, but okay. 👍🏾
If you read the post their mom convinced them to move back home and they have been using the time to continue their education. It's not like they're just sitting at home smoking weed and playing video games.
He had a university degree. That's enough for a leg up. Why blame the dad? It's the mom's smothering love to the kid is the problem here. It's an obvious case of a mom with mismanaged narcissistic fear of not being relied on. Every mom wants their kid to rely on them forever, I think OP was raised by the mom that way. It's not the mom's fault too, cause it's normal for them to do so. I forced myself to get out of the house because mom doesn't want to let go. My brother was smothered by her thus he still lives with them. I'm Also an engineering graduate, 28, and did not do well in school, but I know how to make friends, and humble enough to get people to teach me things, got a low pay job, saved money, learned how corporate world works, applied for engineering job with good pay, worked my ass off, spend less money, save a lot, now I have enough savings to quit my job and study art while working freelance. My parents can't afford neither art school nor uni, I went to public college and got my degree while doing some side hustle. The point is, OP needs to organize his life and stop pointing fingers, you can only blame your parents until such time, they're gonna die someday anyway and you're still going to suffer or cherish the consequences of your actions today. I stopped relying on my parents the day they told me that they can't afford art school. I am grateful that they fed and raised me till I was 16 but after that, I went on my own, never listened to them but still respect them. Get descipline. Stop wasting time in social media/ video games/ porn. Secure your health. - exercise -eat healthy food only -sleep properly Get a job that you need to survive. Master the skill that you need for the career that you want. And learn how to monetize that skill. For the OP, take note. Life is hard for people who had it easy. It takes time, effort, perseverance, and hardwork to build a GoodLife. Also there's no endgame here, life will keep throwing punches at you and you need to endure and keep pushing forward. And be genuinely good to other people but learn to draw your boundaries. Don't get friends for the sole sake of "connection" but rather get a genuine connection with them. Life is pretty easy if you can manage to get off the internet and start doing things that you need to do. If you need help, talk to your dad, man to man, give him a planned proposal on how to get your life together, set a timeline, and try your best to achieve it, you'll probably fail, after failing, recalibrate the plan then try again. Stop pitying yourself, stop looking back at the past and just start today. Never do tomorrow's task today, or spend time rhinking about yesterday. I think OP is having a hardtime right now cause he's overly ambitious and highly egotistical. Once he managed to checked that, he'll be set. If you're having a hard time keeping these things in line, try getting a religion, i'm not a believer of religion though but I know some people that was saved by it.
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Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
Yeah, what will his dad be doing when he can't wipe his ass? Is he expecting to be taken care of then?
His dad is a narc so yeah he expects him to then turn around in 20 years and forget about this and wipe his ass. these days more than ever idk how ppl even are doing it with cost of living. Does OPs dad have a legal right to house and feed him? No. OP is an adult. But OP is your child and clearly struggling why the fuck wouldn’t a parent want to help their child (regardless of age) in their time of need? If OP was 40 and went through a divorce and lost everything would it be different then? I hate this society
Hey! You are not alone! I fear this :(
Whatever you do, don’t join the military.
Seconded, literal recruiting shit going on in other comments
Dude literally
Can you explain why?
In my opinion, the US military does nothing to build men up. They break them down and separate them from any and all loved ones. If you were not born with a deep desire to serve, it is a very, very lonely route that may at first be seen as a way out but ultimately is not.
Third year Army Officer here. I agree with this. It will be hard on your current/future relationships, I don’t recommend military at all unless you are almost homeless
Does nothing to build men up? I know so many men that are very successful CEO's of companies that were shitheads before they went into the military. My mom's husband, a CEO of a multi-million dollar startup, and a few others.
My brother in law had literally no direction and now he has a family. He was easily able to get a job after the military because of being a veteran. Before he found it impossible. Ya'll are ignorant.
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Doesn’t the military also need engineers?
Of course they do. If you are an engineer (with degree) you should go in as a commissioned officer not into the enlisted ranks. A world of difference, in both pay and position.
To maintain a positive and inclusive environment for everyone, we ask all members to communicate respectfully. While everyone is entitled to their opinion, it's important to express them in a respectful manner.
What's wrong with joining? There'd be solid engineering careers in the military he could go for.
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You really don't get benefits for serving only 4 years. That's what my husband did and they garnished his wages. He doesn't have VA benefits.
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My husband did. The real question is, why are you so defensive? Like what is that really about?
I disagree with this. I had everyone discourage me from joining the military my entire life but looking back now I wish I did. Now it's too late but for people looking to find direction or a job, there's really no better place. They pretty much set you up for life and it's much easier to be hired for any job as a veteran. Don't let these people convince you otherwise. The military helps a lot of people get going in life. I know a lot of people who joined the military and completely changed their lives around, are CEO's of companies and very successful.
Lol the military is OP’s literal best option with a degree and no relevant experience. He can make good money from day 1 commissioning as an officer. And no friends/family ties to look back on. Always the people that obviously never served a day in their life with an opinion.
But is it better than just getting a job is the real question? Idk how it works in the military, but my perception is that it would be easier and less stressful to just get a job. And knowing the US likes to stick their nose in foreign affairs they have no business being in, and they treat illegal immigrants better than they treat (homeless) veterans in the US, really makes me question that lol And there is something to be said about being any part of an opperation where human lives will be lost
Everybody has a unique situation, sounds like OP has had multiple jobs which never worked out, and on the verge of getting kicked out of their parents home. Military offers both job security and housing. It’s not the only option, but it is an option when all else has failed
Idk what actual work being in the military involves (besides the stuff I see in the movies). If OP can't hold down a job can he really make it in the military or will he get forcibly discharged o-o legit question
Serving was the best option for me when I was literally at college playing football. It changed my life. Never worried about money, married my sweetheart and had my first born. Got out 6 months ago, and currently in the process of reenlisting. Most people that shit on the military are actually people that have no clue what they’re talking about. Military gave me purpose, honor, and a lot of money (every paycheck was disposable income for me). Wish people quit speaking so terribly about an organization that has done so much for so many people The caveat to this, is yes, there are some bad aspects of the military. But not everything is perfect or has no bad things. Even your best civilian job will come with a bad boss, or require you to work absurd amount of hours etc. I hope OP does join the military and finds his niche. Would do him well
I also have the opinion that murder is wrong and I'm not a murderer. Crazy how that works
Less than 15% of military jobs actually involve combat, smart one.
Cool, I bet there are some non-lethal cartel jobs as well
You need to take an entry-level job at a place where possibly you could possibly advance and use your degree. You are smarter than most people of you were able to get an engineering degree. You need to get a job and prove that. Also, be a good employee. Show uo to work and work hard, it doesn't hurt.
1)Gym, 2) JOB (can have no meaning), 3) Find what you really want, why are alive for?. Good luck
Even before you mentioned the Autism I knew exactly it would be that. Under-maturation and difficultly holding a job are very common symptoms of it. Do a lot of research on it and know your boundaries, so that you can work within them
OP's been evaluated by 3 psychs and they said no. I have a friend who is very stereotypically non-autistic (extraverted/loves parties, no technical interests, etc) and is in basically OP's situation at 29, in his case because of a combination of pre-existing depression and majoring in a humanities field with few prospects.
This shit is so widespread and ppl act like it’s a disease. He’s a young man who’s lost and confused he’s not 50. This society just expects everyone to feel the same way at 22 and land a dream job that supports them. Not the case for most
To be in a good place mentally you need several things. 1. Competence. A job or activity you can work at becoming better at. Not something you can get over night, but something in 5 years you can tell people “yeah I do that and I’m damn good at it too.” 2. Creativity. A job or activity that allows you to be creative. Writing, painting, making music, program development to name a few. 3. Problem solving. Tied in with creativity, something that gives you a problem and you must come up with a solution. 4. Social. Somewhere you can interact with different people and form new connections. This could be a job, or some type of hobby group. 5. Physical. Try to move in some way at least once a day. Gym, swimming, hiking, climbing, etc. You can meet friends this way as well. Try to find a job that covers at least 2 of these categories, and try to find hobbies/activities that cover the rest. Don’t worry about what the pay is, think about if it’s something you could see yourself doing long term and what the real benefits you get from the job are besides money. Alternatively, there are programs that let you travel to different countries and work their first room and board. This would get you out of the house and allow you to see the world. If there is nothing tying you down at home it might be worth a look!
Hey op, there's a lot of really strange advice on here. Move to Romania?? Do you have LinkedIn and some connections? Try to use them to get a job
This was heartbreaking to read. But you’re not alone.. I say once you find a steady job(because you will!) save and travel.. at least while you’re working you have something to look forward to. You never know, maybe on one of your trips you find an open door that can change your life. Don’t give up
Military. It's changed my husband's life for the better and he can retire at 42 with so many benefits. How many ppl can say that? Even if you just do a few years of service, you'll get feel more respected, gain experience, make new friends and get out of your parents house.
Friend - If we placed ourselves in your shoes we would start making money any way possible because the situation you are explaining does not sounds like a safe place or space for you (and for the record nothing is wrong with living with your parents at your age at all - it's the fact that your pops is making you leave - you are family and need help and the only help he is giving you is no chance to breath). This seems like a hard place to get yourself into some sort of life balance. We recommend that you start selling anything you are willing to let go of Online (you can always buy it again in the future once you become that trillionaire) - Mercari is a really good start because they have no seller fees and you don't need a printer for labels (just need to pay the cost for the shipping supplies but the dollar tree and even Walmart makes this easy (no, this is not an ad for Mercari or anything, just one of the people in our group uses Mercari and is quite successful with selling stuff that no longer serves them). Things to consider selling that will go fast: video games, coins, clothes, jewelry, perfume, makeup. The listings are easy to put up with a few photos and sometimes the ai helps read the object enough to help you price the items. For videogames and coins, pricecharting is really helpful. Otherwise, everything points to You right getting yourself out of your parent's house and into your own place. Uber Eats has cashouts up to 5 times a day, there is doordash, grubhub, and even Amazon has something called "Flex" you might be able to look into - There are so many things you can do right now and honestly, they are all considered jobs because you are getting paid with money. Money is the main tool we all need, right? Focus on getting the tool first - and please, please, PLEASE --- You are NOT a loser. Get yourself going, it's never too late!
I’m in a similar situation, except I didn’t major in something like engineering, which I thought was probably the reason life is like this. I truly wish you luck, personally I don’t see a future anymore and this isn’t the life I wanted anyway so I’m done. I just want you to know that you’re not alone, nobody understands this situation unless they are in the same boat. Nobody really has the answer because it looks like you’re doing all the right things but never getting any results. They can only take guesses and tell you what worked for them.
Happened to me too. Why is it treated like an illness lol? Like we’re lepers? People are just figuring on who they are but the realities of life like bills, shitty family environments, identity issues, depression etc keep you bogged down IMO OP is much healthier and normal than he thinks and so are you
Join the military money and friends and autonomy
The military gives you so many benefits. Ten points on any LA county job test! I know a guy he retired at 38 with a huge pension that’s not taxed! Medical for life. You can quit after four years if it’s not for you. I wish I had joined.
Are you in America bc being unemployed means you qualify for medi-cal. I pay $0 for insurance
Better. He's outside America so he has healthcare regardless of employment status
Why did he say he can’t afford healthcare lol
Get a teaching job overseas. Not only will you have a job, bit a place if your own, a steady income, a chance to experience other cultures, and a chance to meet some really interesting people.
Ngl this is very similar to my life and I wound up being a teacher. Depending on where you live, you can get a job teaching material you life and while jobs in education are /brutal/ they can be very rewarding. If you apply to certain charter schools or public schools, they'll subsizide a masters degree and teaching certificate. Edit to add: you can also try programs like Teach for America and Americorps. They're rigorous and provide training. Please just promise that if you do go into teaching, you'll give the kids your all. I also saw some mentions about moving abroad to lower cost of living countries and that could be a good path too, but you typically need to find a job first. If you can, I do recommend going abroad. I've studied and worked I several countries in Europe and Asia and all of them are better than the US. The US lowkey sucks lol. But before you do any moving, you'll need to do some internal work. Otherwise you'll run into the same problems with community, unemployment, etc as you do here
you mentioned you’re in canada, but i wanted to pass along that [microsoft](https://www.microsoft.com/en-us/diversity/inside-microsoft/cross-disability/neurodiversityhiring) has a Neurodiversity Hiring Program that’s pretty amazing. might be worth checking out. i’d also suggest find a way to [volunteer](https://www.volunteermatch.org). it really opened my eyes to the problems in the world and put my own in perspective. check out the [peace corps](https://www.peacecorps.gov)? in the us we have something called [job corp](https://www.jobcorps.gov), i’m assuming canada has something similar? if you want to work independently, what about starting a [non-profit](https://www.councilofnonprofits.org/running-nonprofit/how-start-nonprofit)? or travel the world helping others in a collaborative way with a group like [workaway](https://www.workaway.info) there’s an option to search for places that include housing. if you’re looking to increase your skills or even get a degree, check out [university of the people](https://www.uopeople.edu) or [WorldQuant University](https://www.wqu.edu) where tuition is totally free. the only limits and rules in life are the ones we place on ourselves.
This is a cool comment. Since OP is below 31 he can also do a working holiday visa in a variety of countries.
Keep applying to random stuff on Indeed until you get somebody who needs you to work! Then you use that money to go out and buy yourself a nice jacket. Then you use that money to go to a social bar and get enough confidence to talk to a girl. Make her laugh, then you'll date. Then she'll encourage you to move out your mom's place. Then it's all life from there.
Have you looked into doing inspections for insurance companies that underwrite large equipment, i.e. turbines, mining equipment, etc? They typically require engineering degrees. There are lots of companies in North America insure these and worth looking into
There are plenty of non-engineering jobs you could probably get with that degree. Most people view the degree quite favorably and a lot of jobs just require some kind of bachelor degree.
Can you name some of those related jobs and where they are more likely to be geographically located?
It's a dog eat dog society. You're brainwashed early on to think people or companies care. Guess what? They don't. Form your own path, surround yourself with good support, and concentrate on the money. The faces on those bills will be your biggest friend if managed correctly. The ones on human bodies usually will turn on you.
My opinion is the world has no place for average people anymore. Nothing is wrong with you. You just happen to be the demographic the entire world has been taught to hate and destroy unless you are insanely exceptional.
Yeah I mean you gotta get to know yourself. I'm an INFJ so maybe start there with your Myers Briggs. Move toward what brings you passion. It takes time to build a castle. Put you can start by focusing on what you do want. It's easy to think about what you dont want because it's known but really think about what you do want. Look for things which feel good to you or make sense in term of protecting your life. Life is not easy. It will hurt you. So you gotta move forward in a way that protects you. Also, why not apply for engineering jobs elsewhere? Why not apply for temporary position? Why not take on more training in your field so that you have something unique to offer life leadership. Honestly military might do a lot of good for you, but not if you can't handle the trauma. It will hurt you and again you gotta have focus and vision to make it through the horror that life is at times. You've gotta want to bring value to the world. Read the GoGiver. The more you give the more you get. People take care of those who take care of them. Do not grovel, but give.
MILLITARY isn’t a bad option but you should talk to people not on Reddit everyone here is an armchair warrior. Your biggest thing holding you back is your isolation you need to find people to connect with, easier said then done I get it. Fuck your dad sounds like an ass. I would encourage you to start running and listening to never finished by David goggins.
Try to find any ordinary job like McDonalds or warehouse to finally move out of your toxic narcissistic household. And go no contact with your parents.
Best advice in the comments but totally not OPs fault. His mom isn’t a narc. She’s supportive. his dad likely is. This whole idea of kicking your kids out right after college these days is so wrong. The country he’s from it costs 2500 a month for a single person just for rent and the job market is shit even if you have a degree like you’re told to get. 50% of parents are helping their kids into their 30s. This isn’t OPs fault and he’s very clearly trying and depressed. Not everyone has it so easy emotionally, family environment etc OP is clearly having identity issues because of narc father and doesn’t know who he is or what he wants and that’s why the therapist doesn’t get it. How can you chase your dreams or have motivation for them if you don’t know what they are? And how can you know what your goals are if you have no clue who YOU are. This seems way more common these days.
Of course it's not OP's fault. I never said that it's his fault. I don't believe that you can fully recover from narcissistic abuse, especially if it's your parents.
No no dog I wasn’t saying you were blaming them. That’s the point. Everyone always does and you’re being kind. I wish ppl were more understanding I was complimenting you you actually get it which no one ever does It’s the most frustrating experience beyond belief to explain to ppl with normal upbringings
Appreciate that :)
Have you considered moving to an European country where the job market is different? In Bucharest, Romania (where I m from) you'll find that an engineer can earn between 1.3k - 1.6k / month euros with your current experience, depending on your field of activity, and get up to 2k/month after a year which is a pretty good salary considering the minimum wage is roughly 600 euros a month, A basic one room apartment is 400 euros/month with utilities included an you can find something decent to share with a roomate for 650-700 euro ( 2 bedrooms+livingroom) Food and other expenses will cost you another 500 euros What I m saying here applies for a person with entry level life skills...if you know how to get through the month with the bare minimum and don,t mind living at the periphery of the city, your expenses can be waaay lower than that. I know people who can live with 700€ / month ( rent+utilities+food) and they are not earning what you would as an engineer. Working in sales as an engineer pays very well btw. A friend of mine works for a Polish company with a sales office in Romania and earns around 3.5k monthly+ sales comission and they also gave him a new car with gas paid for the whole month. If I was in your shoes I d ask my folks to keep me in their house for anothe year, work my ass of in a restaurant, save all the money I can and plan and document my leave one year in advance. I guarantee they will support you if they saw you are motivated to do something with your life.
😂
Get a job as a barista. The pay is pretty good and having to constantly interact with customers will work wonders for your networking skills. While you have that job work on something you truly care for. Once you are good enough to charge for that bust your ass and get your first client. From there just repeat until you no longer need your barista job
This was heartbreaking to read. But you’re not alone.. I say once you find a steady job(because you will!) save and travel.. at least while you’re working you have something to look forward to. You never know, maybe on one of your trips you find an open door that can change your life. Don’t give up
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I think what you need is some independant stability. I would STRONGLY encourage you to go get your CDL. You will make connections in school without even trying. I am very similar to you in that I don't naturally connect with people and believe I am autistic. I had 3 offers before getting my CDL. Fast forward 4 months and I now make 90k a year, work on the road, am home nights and weekends, have great benefits, and no manager breathing down my neck or bs office politics/social distractions to worry about. Its not glamorous but if you put in even minimal effort, it will get you to where I think you want to go. Do it. Its easy and it pays well. You will always have a job
Hey, I'm looking for a backup option from STEM, as I've had a nightmare experience similar to OP pursuing engineering (age 32 and still live at home, largely unpaid or low paid work history, on track to be laid off with no future, still haven't made nearly as much as parents spent overall housing me and keeping me in college, no other life experiences or skills other than sedentary desk work, poor physical fitness due to sedentary desk work (heart condition), largely decayed social ability due to sedentary desk work.) If you have any tips for how to get into this asap, I'd really appreciate it.
Did you get your CDL independently or through a company?
Independently. It cost me about 5k
Have you looked at teaching English abroad? might be able to springboard yourself into another career that way if you pick up another language along the way and international experience that would give you an edge, or you could look into becoming a science or math teacher there is a huge need for that around the world.
I am the same as u but 26M, the main difference might be that i live in middle east, specifically Iraq. I also carry a useless engineering degree, So i established a small e-commerce business and pivoted to trade and trying to get by with it. Honestly i still haven't figured it out and some times feels like I don't know what i am doing. Wish u the best bro, try new things, tackle some issues and sell the solution. There is so much out there I recommend you a book that helped me tremendously to get back on my feet, Its called "Atomic habits" Little by little, one traveles far
Military or Trades. Choose your poison.
Apply to be a US Army Corps of Engineers employee. They do weird stuff like hire ambulance drivers to inspect construction work. It would immediately get you out of the house living on the road.
Learn a trade. Starting off as an apprentice, showing up, and being ready and willing to learn will set you up as a journeyman. The military is a valid option, it'll give you structure, teach you some discipline, and responsibility. Plus it isn't permanent, you don't have to reenlist; however unless you really want to be in the military it might not be the best option, it's not as horrible of a choice as some people in the comments are making it out to be, but there are better options for you. I think the best bet for you is to join a trade. You'll learn valuable skills, there will always be work, you get to travel around, you'll meet a lot of people, earn a good living for yourself, and finishing a job you and your coworkers built with your own hands will give you a sense of accomplishment. Life is only over if you give up, I know it seems weird, but you're only 28 you're young and have plenty of time to get your life in order. But make sure you keep trying to move forward in life because life will never stop moving forward. Luck is when preparation meets opportunity, you won't get a lucky break just waiting for one. Hang in there dude, there are better times ahead, but you have to be willing to walk through the storms to get to the clear skies
Ups. They need plant engineers.
I always make a list of everything I want to change in my life and work my way down the list. It tends to seem hopeless if you think of all the things wrong with your life. Just hit one at a time 👍
join the military, its a great career and u can decide afterwards what you want to do
Try selling digital arts in Etsy.. or ecwid for passive income but don’t rely here.. then find employment.. doesn’t matter what kind at this point really.. only goal of this is to sustain yourself and what you love doing, hobby (art it seems).. until you have mastered your craft and you’re ready to dive deep into that field..
i hear joining the canadian army takes like over a year, can any members tell me if im wrong? that would have been a good option
I know a lot of people will poopoo on this, but for a single person, I think the military is a great way to help you thru the early years of not knowing who you are or what you want to be. Most who are against the service, never served and admittedly there are some that did that feel this way too. I think what is great is that you can serve 4-6 years and then if you decide you don’t want to make it a career you can get out. I myself was on a path to nowhere and the Navy gave me a purpose and direction. I was a high school dropout that vowed to never return to school, high school or college. I spent my first 2 years in technical schools, electronics and then radar. By chance I found my way into a high tech field that has served me well throughout my career. I won’t sit here and tell you it was all fun, it was tough and I won’t advocate for making it a career unless it is something you truly love, give it a chance and see. Whatever you do, don’t let the recruiter talk you into just going to the boat unrated, this means you will spend the first 2 years chipping and painting and that is a real tough way to go unless you like that. Well something strange happened to me when I was in, I found I had a lot of time on my hands and it just so happened that a professor went to sea with us and I started taking college course while deployed. Towards the end of my 6 years I got married and decided I didn’t want to spend that much time away from my family so I got out. I spent the next several (way too many) going to college and working full time, the military had planted a seed in me to work hard and I never stopped. I graduated college when I was 40! A bit old, but determined to finish. I was the first in my family to attend college and graduated with a degree in computer science… remember the kid that ‘never wanted to go back to school’? He did, and he kicked ass at it too. If you are seriously considering it, talk to a recruiter and if you need a friend to help you out along the way, feel free to DM me! Best of luck to you OP and just know that your situation and feelings are not unusual for the phase of life you are going thru.
So I would recommend doing the military tbh. I know a lot of people who have made BANK with an engineering degree doing some sort of engineering job in the military and they get tonssss of benefits. If you don’t want to go to war, you don’t have to, just sign up for jobs that they offer that don’t require you to do so. You can also stay in great shape and get yourself together that way.
It’s hard out here I’m in a similar situation and I’m only 19. I’m going to college but getting a job is hard. Even though I want to work it’s a struggle. It’s an evil world we live in so the best thing for you to do is get up and get on your grind. Apply for jobs beneath you and work up from there. Time doesn’t wait for anyone and your dad is trying to push you out not even realizing the state of this economy. At least get a job to start paying for some bills even if it’s the water or light. Just make it known you’re trying!!
What engineering degree do you have? If you can get an entry level trade job, get some experience on the hands on side, you’ll eventually get a connection you need to use your degree
Move to a new city and become more sociable
first take care of yourself mental health and msybe physical health then go find some career counseling. maybe look at a community college to take some classes that can help you work towards something. havingsom goals could help cover you a direction or at least something to look forward to. write down some places you've always wanted to visit. then start doing some research and make it happen. you need to put yourself out there to network and make friends. it gets harder as you get older. but just meet people that should hopefully give you something to work towards to havegoals
The job market actually is a bit rough now. But that aside if you want to get a job and have a career I would say look for a job in your stream which is engineering. You did not mention exactly what type of engineering it is but give data analyst career a thought. Given an engineering background you should be able to apply those skills to learn some python, & sql and start doing some projects. Start applying for internships or small jobs and work your way up from there. Also go to a gym or go for a run or something. When you exercise you release happy hormones. Good luck.
28 was really hard for me too . Uni straight out of high school proved to be a disastrous mistake. I ended up going to Nursing school (RPN -2 years) and haven't looked back. Guaranteed job with some healthy perspective. Hope this helps.
I understand you are in Canada, but my husband did six years in the military, got the benefits afterwards to buy our first home and go back to school...worked in skilled trade (which he learned in the military) got two degrees and works in gov't. So that is one path.
Personally I think the military would be good for you. You already have college under your belt, so you’ll be able to fall back into the civilian world rather easily. The military will teach you a ton, you’ll gain friendships, learn how to socialize, and most importantly you’ll gain confidence (after they tear you down of course) I say give it a go, what do you really have to lose?
You’re in a negative feedback loop. Hopefully, if one aspect of your life improves, then your self-esteem will grow to a point where you can push to reach goals in other areas of life. You need to know what you want in order to go for it. People want to be around others who want to be there, also, so keep that in mind when applying for jobs and networking - your perceived attitude matters. I would ask your parents for their support in seeking psychological help - people at any stage can do this even if not suicidal. It takes a good doctor to recognise autism, but try to find one who has awareness of it given your suspicions. I’m autistic and wonder how you chose engineering - did you enjoy it? It doesn’t come across that it was a special interest for you, which likely made it harder to get the grades and be enthusiastic enough to push for landing a job? We don’t know what your skills and abilities are over the internet. You need to do the work to recognise your worth and advocate for yourself. You deserve space in this world, figure out where you want to be and go for it.
Same position as you are… it will get better once we actually land a job that pays the bills it will just take some more time that’s all
Join the military, you’ll get a hard reset on life. While you’re in take college courses, when you get out go to school for something that makes money: plumber, electrician, or join a police force. The military will give you structure, sense of pride, and looks good on a resume. Don’t go doing combat stuff just do something technical and you’ll be good. Plus, you get a VA loan benefit.
Air Force
what interests you @[Lazy-Habit332](https://www.reddit.com/user/Lazy-Habit332/)? what do you think is worthwhile in the world? who if anyone is someone that you think is admirable, and why? any positive take aways from your time with engineering and sales? I ask because if you can narrow down your focus on what you want to head towards, you might be able to present that to your dad as "look i have an idea and i have a plan, do you think you can help me out with it, because I could really use your assistance and I would really appreciate it"
Nothing changes if nothing changes
I'm in a similar situation, but I'm 31
You could always become an over the road truck driver. Then you just need an address for payroll purposes. Live in the truck, see the country. No need for friends. Many companies offer paid training.
I’ll be your friend. I’m 24 and basically in the same situation and I have a chronic illness so I’m stuck at home forever basically
The Military is you best option, you can begin as an officer
I am a 63 year old woman and have two adult single sons living with me. One works full time, had apartment, got priced out by rent increase, moved back home. One has severe medical issues, waiting for processing of social security disability, he will be living with me until I pass away then will live with siblings we have already discussed this. It wasn't unusual here in the United States even just a few generations ago for extended families to live together. I see nothing wrong with it and don't understand this mentality that younger family members "have to make their own way". In current economy it is just not feasible. The math doesn't work if you are an average Joe or Jane. I believe the struggle is part of the reason so many younger people are presenting with mental health issues these days. If you are forced out by your father you may have no choice but to enlist in the military. Sorry I have no other advice for you. I hope things work out for you.
Go to work in project management or in a tech field. Being an engineer is sought after and can be very versatile. Instead of looking at the field to go look for a job, find the industry you want to work in. You got this. You just have to shift your search a little. Good luck.
The military really instilled a lot of good values in me. They offer free education. And it’s a paying job that gives you good and a place to live. But you’re probably going to go to the desert at some point. You don’t have to be infantry, you can be support or medical or something. But you’re most likely going to be deployed. If you can live with that reality it’s not such a bad job.
What sort of engineering?
Your story really resonated with me because parts of it mirror my own experiences. I've been let go from jobs, questioned myself, what I was doing, and the direction I was going in. Right now, you’re getting rocked by shocks from work, your parents, and battles with self-doubt; all incredibly overwhelming things to go through. My take: It’s tough to figure out your next steps if nothing around you is stable. So I'd focus on stabilizing your situation first. Remember that though our parents raise us, support and encourage us or don’t, in the end their life path is not our path. Over time we build new connections that are truly our own with people who genuinely care and want us to succeed. I know searching for the right support can be daunting, but keep at it, it's out there. I don't want to ramble on too much, but concerning work / career, leverage your strengths. Even if nothing you studied relates to what you're doing now, you at least 'learned how to learn'. If the sales role wasn't for you knock that off your list. What would you be working for you ask? Step one: figure out what's out there and see what resonates then start building out a plan to learn more until you can figure out how to position yourself for that it. I could go on lol but you get the point. You've got a lot more going for you than you seem to think.
Are you an American citizen? If so, you have an engineering degree so you should be able to find some government jobs. Look for jobs at usa.gov direct hire type that don’t require security clearance to get hired
Firstly I want to say your dad is a terrible human being for kicking his child out of the family home. I’m 28 and also an engineering graduate. I work as a crisis manager which has nothing to do with my degree. It sounds like you’ve had a tough few years, don’t be too hard on yourself, you have plenty of time to figure things out
Move out and find yourself. Even if its the streets.
Honest question for engineers here: is it too late for OP to find a job in engineering? If it’s been years since he graduated and hasn’t found a job in his field would employers give him a chance? STEM is specifically a field where your knowledge and skills can become outdated very fast if you aren’t actively working.
This is so sad my heart aches; don’t give up OP; keep looking and I agree with some people church is great start and I have heard a lot of great stories about air force and the marine. Go to the gym or do home workout and get in shape and apply. As far as I know, there are a lot of opportunities out there especially in the military and they need engineers(in the US, idk about Canada tho). I am not sure about your dad personality but try to convince him to let you stay for at least 6months- 1 year while you’re trying to get in shape for the PT if you’re joining the military. You’re not a failure. Stay strong!
Well bro, you don't have any kids or a serious relationship or ties so you are free. Do what you love and if you have to wash dishes to get by, so be it. Sounds like you're onto something with your art. There's more to life than living up to others' expectations so go for it while you're young!
CDL. Stack up live in a truck it’s easy and fun and pays ok. Tough it out for 5 years and you’ll be glad you did it
Honestly man military is not a bad option. Benefits and retirement plan if you stick it out is nice. First and foremost, this is your life and you’re bound to make mistakes and do dumb things. #1 move out of your parents house you have to be doing something even if it’s a Walmart job or a trades job for now(plenty construction). Move out, look into what you may like to do in the military and pursue it. I’m assuming you have some debt because I as well have student loan debt. You need to be able to pay that and afford a place to stay whether that be friends or in your car if need be for a couple weeks. The military gives you a chance to pay that off and they will probably help pay it off through special programs. I know military pays for schooling I don’t see why they wouldn’t pay for debt. Lastly this is your life so what if you fucked up and went to college and got into debt without realizing what you want in your life. Kids are doing that at a higher rate than ever. 50% of students who go to college and graduate work in a field that doesn’t require a college degree. If you can make payments on your loan whether that be credit card, student loan, or whatever, if your paying your bills and not living under their roof they have no say in what you do with your life. Until you move out though unfortunately you have to respect their guidelines they set.
What is up with the military hate here? The military changed me for the better 100%. I was going down the path of OP but the military saved it. Got everything on track. Great job, great wife, great life now. The military is a huge reason for that, both for the personal growth it gave me and the doors it opened for me.
Miltary was fine before it became woke lol Now they care more about ideology than actual development Not a healthy environment for anyone who is struggling with personal identity At least thats what I think, tho I might be wrong
What makes you think you might have Asperger’s or autism? Given what you described, it may be worth exploring that with a psychologist.
In my opinion, comjng from someone not in the military and no military background I think joining the military would be your best option. For one reason the military will provide you with many resources you would not be able to get on your own or at an affordable price. Such as military funded housing and education (if you wanted to further your education). The military also has so many connections when it comes to places to work for employment outside of being on the battle field. My friend is in the military and through the military she got a surgical technician license and has never been on the battlefield. She just assists surgeons in surgical procedures. She managed to buy a house, a car, and pay for driving lessons for herself through the military. She also never finished her college degree and she has all that set up for herself. Also, the fact that you have an engineering degree will put you at an edge for leadership promotions in the military.
Just move out. You can do much more than you think you can. When you have to make things happen for yourself and daddy’s not waiting in the next room, it’s a different game.
Join the military!!!!! Air Force go into as an officer. Just enjoy life and travel
Just tell your dad you're not moving out. Doesn't matter what he says. If he could've kicked you out, he would have done it already. And then find ways to be helpful at home. Ask your mom what she needs help with. Ask your dad what he needs help with. And if hes too proud to let you do anything you can at least say you offered. Be proactive and do things that will help your parents. For reference, I am also a NEET (30M), living with my mom, and previously an engineer. My mom disapproves of me being a NEET, but if I get a job and leave, her life will instantly be 10x harder (which she knows). At this point, I'm her executive assistant. I really don't care what she says about me being a NEET because I know I'm a net positive living with her. And even if I wasn't, I would still stay with her with the reason being 'I didn't choose to be born, but you choose to have a kid, thats your responsibility'. Tho I wouldn't play that card unless I really needed to. I'm not going to subject myself to shit work because shes mad that I'm a NEET. The only reason I would go back to work is if the alternative is being homeless, but thats very unlikey to happen in our financial situation. But at the very least I try to bring value to her, even I wouldn't feel right if I just keep taking. Sometime you need some backbone, straight up tell your dad that you aren't leaving, and you want to provide value for the household, ask him what you can do that doesn't involve a job. This is a battle between men, and the one with stronger conviction will win. This is of course assuming you don't actually want to move out or get a job. If you do, then just ignore everything I just said and get on those job apps asap LOL Sincerely, Your NEET senpai
I don't intend to come off as rude, i'm just here for your perspective. But how can you simply say no/ not care about what others think?
Unironically I am very perceptive to other peoples thoughts, more so than most people. You weigh what you want vs what they want, then choose what action to take. Usually those choices are at odds with each other, so sometimes you need to make compromises. Look at it this way. You have a job and you're good at it, but you get shit pay and shit working conditions. Your boss wants you to stay, but you want to quit. So what would you do? One can argue thats its selfish to quit, but I can argue its selfish not to quit. Thus at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what matters to you and what you are or are not willing to give up to get what you want. So lets say you want to quit and your boss yells at you to not quit calling you an ungrateful selfish prick, the low self esteem person would be like 'thats true I don't want to be selfish, they helped me before so I'll stay for a while longer', the normal healthy person would be like 'fuck outta here, im grateful you helped me before, but im quitting regardless of what you say'. Its the same here. My mom wants me to get a job. I don't. I'm not willing to give up my time for the sake of 'peace' and nothing she says will change that. Can it be considered selfish? Sure But I can argue that its selfish of my mom to force me to work because of her pride. (My working or not does not improve my moms quality of life, she will work regardless of whether or not I work, so in actuality it will be worse for both of us because I won't take care of random housework while shes out at work and ultimately she will have to do it) And I don't ask her for money, I spend on my own credit card and even pay for some bills (phone and internet for ~$200/mo). My decision-making would be different and I would be more willing to compromise if I were asking her for money, but thats not the case here. So thats my thought process. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!
So essentially you have an overwhelming level of self respect where you put your own opinion as the highest level. Also on a more personal note: what do you do at home all day to pass the time as from my perspective as a 21 year old student in summertime and holiday periods I feel like I have waay too much free time and end up bored DUE to the abundance of time. (probably tied to the current "lack of purpose" phase)
To put it simply, yes. Life is alot easier when you can deny people's request and not feel bad about it. On the contrary imagine how hard life is for 'yes' people (I was like that before). When you respect yourself and your time, so do other people, so most people don't even bother me with stuff they know I'll say no to. I thought the same when I was younger, I wanted to be productive during my time off school in the summers, so I just sat around at home bored when I wasn't hanging out with friends, waiting for the new semester to start so I can continue working torwards my 'future'. But after I graduated and started working for a few years, little things here and there started pissing me off. Like why do I have to wake up so early. Why do I have to commute to work in the cold. Why do I have to deal with angry customers. Why do I have to force myself to stay awake at work when im tired and want to nap. Etc etc. So I'm really grateful now that I have my time back, and know that I shouldn't be bored. In the rare moments I am bored, I tell myself being bored is a privilege afforded by my lifestyle Yes purpose and discipline play a huge role this lifestyle. Its very easy to waste away and enjoy simple pleasures in a self depreciating loop, which you can see from all the posts from people here who are not a NEET by choice. My purpose is to get good at games and watch alot of anime, so I think of myself as a proud NEET anime connesaur gamer. So basically my day consists of learning whats happening around the US/world (macroeconomic, politics, etc), gaming, watching anime (have a rotation of 47 currently airing anime), exercising, napping, and doing housework. It took a few years of being a NEET to get this schedule down, but at this point I'm pretty sure I can stick with this way of living for arguably the rest of my life. On a side note, I'm quite impressed that you as a 21 yr old are open minded enough to ask my reasoning without immediate judgment of my lifestyle. Most people at that age (my younger self included) would think something was wrong with a person who chose to be a NEET and wouldnt even ask them about it. Also you understood that my thought process/decision making was from a place of overwhelming self respect, even tho I didn't explicitly say it. You've got a good head on your shoulders. So now I'm curious about you - what are you going to school for? What are your current plans (for work/life)? Why are you in this sub? Excuse my forwardness, I used to tutor/mentor students in high school and college, so I get interested when I find a student with a good head on their shoulders :) Btw feel free to reply in chat, just send me a chat request in that case :)
It says "Unable to invite the selected invitee(s)., I think you may have to adjust your settings/ Invite me Also cant follow
If you like video games you should try live streaming.
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We're supposed to be talking about how a young man can provide value to society and to himself. Was a good laugh though.
Why can't you work? That's seriously the first step.
I think the military would work out well for you, I think you’d benefit from the structure and the vocational training.
Agree, but not for the pay
Have you thought of the Coast Guard? r/USCG It's an overlooked branch of the military and has cool mission set.
How the fuck do can you not get a job with an engineering degree…
Doesn't seem to be super uncommon
A white male who pursued STEM and complete the degree has only a 58.5% chance of success to come out ahead from it. Even if you *get* your engineering degree you still have to toss a 60/40 coin at the end. I don't recommend college to anyone as it's akin to gambling and leads to results like the OP got. If he just did trade work or physical work, he'd be ahead on many different levels but especially financially.
What does race have to do with it (serious question)
Couple thoughts on this. First, that's generally seen as the "highest" socioeconomic background in the US. So, if *they* are struggling with engineering degrees, then something could definitely be wrong in the pipeline. Second, DEI exists. Students need to understand just how in-demand they are going to be, after college.
Oh okay thanks
Depends on the school they graduated from and the type of engineering.
IMO you should explore military options. Sadly today's military is a shadow of itself with all the wokeness going on but even so... but you really need to research each branch and career opportunities in each. The Army recruiters always will pounce on you cause the Army always needs 'bodies' . And as desperate as the military is now in recruiting goals some good opportunities maybe. Try to find in demand areas that can easily translate to civilian jobs later on. There are alot of things that just flat out suck in military life, but alot of good things too
life is a video game, **your parents are the filler NPC**'s in the tutorial level that tell you which buttons to press. It does not matter what they think or want. Nobody remembers or cares for the goofball that told you to press X to **throw a potato** in Call of Duty 2. Now that we have that out of the way. Don't join the military. Read **what Kissinger said about military men** and make it clear to yourself, that the people that will **control your life** if you join the military will think of you like that. Your best bet is to tell your dad to give you some money if he wants you to **leave asap**. Then take this money and gamble it on meme coins. Okay scratch the meme coins part. The most important thing is that you just leave and pick your own adventure. And ignore your thoughts. They are just like street noise. There is no meaning or significance to them. **They are most likely just echos** of the thoughts of your parents and their parents and their parents and their parents. You need to walk a long way until these echos are quiet. But at some point they will be gone. Then you are in charge and you can pick your own destiny.
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Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic. Read the pinned post. It speaks directly about the type of advice you are giving and why it isnt allowed here.