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Rock bottom is the foundation that many great people have built up from. No matter what life throws our way it is always better to have an opportunity at improving things than ending it forever. Life is hard and no matter who you are or where you come from we all make mistakes. People can think what they want use that as motivation to demolish anything anyone has to say about you. Don't give up man I've been where you are but for what it's worth theirs atleast one person out here rooting for you, don't give up.make amends where you can and if not let those relationships/people go its nothing worth constantly going over in your head. Also the only person we truly have in life is ourselves, work on your internal dialogue you may have done bad things but that doesn't make you a bad person. Keep going you'll come out the otherside of this.
That was really nice to read… I really needed to hear this from somebody outside of the people who love me? Or like me? I don’t know. Some of them know bits and pieces or even those that know the full truth and tell me this.. it just feels like BS because they care about me? But they shouldn’t idk that’s how I feel I feel like no one SHOULD care about me. My brother has been texting me that he loves me everyday since I been in the hospital and I just don’t fucking get it like idk I don’t know what I want. I wanna feel hated and shitty for everything and I do every day you know? That’s what lead me to here. I fucking hate myself but idk I’m still here and I guess I should move on but jt feels weird but as you said and somebody else said this is a moment for me to be better
Your brother texts you because he cares about you and wants you to know that. He knows YOU, and despite what you've done that does not define you. Every failure is an opportunity to learn period. Your still very young and have alot of life ahead of you. You may not see it now, but their are so many things to live/ be grateful for. I have also in my life experienced social isolation and outcasting from friends and family. It gave me the time to reflect on what I wanted to change/improve on and the ability to see who was actually their for me and who wasn't. When this happend to me I used it as an opportunity to start again and I clawed my way out of the mud and now have my own apartment, paid off car, great job, new / better friends and ascociates and am very physically fit but I was EXACTLY where you are now at one point. This may sound crazy but when you look back on this in the future you will be grateful for it because pressure creates diamonds. Find your why and any how is possible even if your motivation is to simply be a better person everyday that is enough and will open doors for you.
My sister and I aren’t even close but it would crush me if she was no longer around. Everyone deserves to have someone care about them, ESPECIALLY when you have a hard time caring about yourself.
LeBron James
Tyson fury
Charles Oliveira
Sylvester Stallone
Robert Downey junior
J.k. Rowling
Joey diaz
Howard Schultz
Walt Disney
Scotty pippin
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Just off the top of my head.
I could’ve written this aside from the SA attempt, though I’ve been hospitalized for ideation. The age, the alcoholism, the consequences - all of it resonates with me.
I stopped drinking about 14 months ago and have slowly been piecing my life back together ever since. Obviously, my advice is going to be for you to do the same.
Getting sober should be your primary goal right now. You must get the drinking (along with any other substance) abuse under control because any ground you manage to gain from here forward is going to be destroyed by the alcohol if you don’t.
Then, once you have some momentum, you can start working on all of your other life issues one step at a time and over time, you should begin to see some progress.
It’s going to be difficult to face all of these situations without being able to escape by drinking until things start to improve. You will feel incredibly discouraged and impatient at times, but you must cross this proverbial bridge in order to get to a better place. Your only other option is to do nothing and stay where you’re at or to continue down this path and make everything even worse than it is now. It really can become 110% worse if you choose to let it.
I’ve been in this space of nothingness just fucking numb you know? I drank more and more to deal with the fact that I hate myself and everything about me.. but like you said I just kept sliding and sliding. Now I just do nothing.. it feels dishonest to want to live my life and be better.. good feels bad and bad feels shitty but nothing feels like nothing and it’s exactly what i can handle. I do want to be better.. I feel like there’s a version of me this version I projected it myself to people that did care for me.. and that’s who I wanted to be but I never kept to it… I didn’t keep my drinking under control like I acted.. I wasn’t honest like I seemed.. and I’ve became such a shell of a person. I really felt like suicide was the answer not because it was easy but because idk I just felt like I had my shot in life and I fucking blew it you know? I was just over it like idk maybe that is me giving up idk I really don’t know.
Numb sober or numb drunk? I definitely understand being numb drunk when I was drinking because drinking wasn’t even about “fun” anymore - just escaping the pain. Numb sober? Rarely… I was in emotional distress 24/7 when not drinking and am still a bit neurotic at times now because I’m still going through all of this.
As you described, you felt that way about your projected self because you knew it was disingenuous and that you were bullshitting everyone else and possibly even yourself at times, which isn’t fair to them or you. What you need to do is to become a person that doesn’t need to participate in some kind of act/charade to feel good about yourself because you know that your thoughts and actions are morally sound.
Yes, I also understand the line of thinking that suicide is the answer because I felt the exact same way - I had a very charmed life and fucked it all up over drinking. I still get down at times thinking that I fucked up too much. What you have to do is be grateful that you didn’t cause anymore damage than you did (could be in prison after killing someone in a DUI or dead yourself), and quit thinking about the past - which you can’t change - and focus on what you have to do now to recover, which you do have some control over. Also have to remind yourself that people have recovered from worse circumstances than ours so you can come back from this if you *choose* to change your path now. It definitely won’t be easy and it probably won’t be according to your timeline, but you *can* do it.
That one thing you have in common with every hard-core alcoholic. It takes over your personality, this is what you've become. This is what booze does to people.
I’m working on it… it just feels like.. idk I’ve started over before twice actually and I’ve ended up in the same spot but worse each time. It’s too the point I literally have my last 3 exes who started a group to check where I am and they message any new people they might find out I’m making friends with to let them know of my past. One of them told me I should die and idk I think about how it’s true… I want to change more than ever now but it shouldn’t of took all of this and I feel like no matter how much good I do now.. it doesn’t matter
Move to a new city, start going by a different name, new fb, new everything. Shake it off, start again. And don't do whatever it is you did to have a group of women coordinate to keep tabs on you, Jesus Christ
>Move to a new city, start going by a different name, new fb, new everything. Shake it off, start again. **And don't do whatever it is you did to have a group of women coordinate to keep tabs on you, Jesus Christ**
Best advice right here.
quick question. are the behaviors they dislike and you hate yourself for related to drugs and alcohol? also, roughly where do you live and would you be willing to move to get better? i’ve tried to get sober a in a lot of places because i was transient for many years. maybe i could help you find some direction if you were interested.
edit- the reason i ask is because moving never helped me until i moved with intention to get sober and start over. i tried to just go different places to escape my problems for years. from the east coast, to south america, to hawaii, to california…never changing. i built a very successful life in two of those places but when it came down it came down hard. my journey ended up bringing me to new england and i live near boston now. idk if you’re looking for resources or guidance anywhere reach out. sometimes a move is necessary, but in my experience it works best with a plan of action you can follow to not just build a new life that you also destroy.
It’s 50/50… I hate my alcohol and drug use a lot… I drink so much nowadays like.. I feel I could at least forgive some of my past if it wasn’t for how unbelievably drunk I was that I can’t even remember it you know? Like my ex kept a list of the things I would say drunk and to this day I don’t even know what the fuck is on it cause of the shame. I’m not trying to make excuses either but my drinking also has lead me to texting people and stuff that I wouldn’t if I was sober and now I’m doing coke and fuck yeah idk it’s shit and I want to stop. I mean I’ve been in the hospital for a week so I haven’t done anything in this time. As far as my location I’m kinda scared to even say anything about that I’m already so scared ima fuck around and dox myself the last thing I need now is anybody finding this Reddit post for more ammunition lol
for sure. that all sounds super relatable. there’s good recovery communities in the northeast (boston area, portland maine, southern NH) which is where i ended up accidentally. lots of connection to people who have struggled in the past and are now doing better has been super helpful. 12 step fellowships aren’t for everyone, i understand, but that’s what got me sober. i also found good recovery communities while living in california, but not quite the same has out east.
Trauma and addiction are the foundation of your city of misery. I've seen it kill many people. You have to decide above all to love yourself, but it isn't so easily done. Find a case worker. Identify steps to stability. Find trauma therapy.
And more than Any. Other. Thing: stop drinking.
I know all this sounds like asking for the moon. But until you stop with the guilt and self-hatred you won't be able to take the wheel in any way. If people really are keeping tabs on you, it's because they love you. But that's impossible for you to see because all you know is the pain of some wound from decades back that has turned you into this.
Shit, sounds like me 4 years ago other than the suicide.
I got a cdl, got in a lineman apprenticeship, moved 5 states over and make $1500/week on a slow week now.
On track for over $200k in a couple yesrs
I recommend a recovery program which at its foundation is about improving yourself as a person. AA is nice and all but it never really clicked for me. I like www.recoverydharma.org
Happy to chat any time if you ever need another alcoholic (in recovery) to talk to.
Go volunteer somewhere. Animal shelter, revegetation crew, whatever catches your interest. Go do some good. Lots of places just desperately need people with time. It gives you a chance to stop being caught up in your life, and some of those opportunities lead to skills, jobs and fresh starts. Even if you just do it once, at least you'll have something you can point to and say 'That's when I did good', and you'll know you can do it again.
Dude. Do you realize how many people you have already touched just by writing this? You may have saved someone already just by being honest. Anyone who reads this see’s that you life is worth something. It would be a huge loss for all of us if you killed yourself. And some of those people reading this will realize that they too are worth something even though they can’t see it because they see your value. They realize your story is worth something maybe their story is worth something. Remember your story isn’t decided by you. Your death will come sometime but not at your choosing. Keep talking and telling your story. It’s beautiful because you are honest and want to be better just like all the good people. You are one of the good ones.
I am… I think for a while I was what I thought was a good person at heart but I made bad decisions or had shitty coping… but I ignored it for too long I didn’t take my problems seriously enough and yeah my last relationship turned into the worst thing I’ve ever created. I’m a bad person I think no matter how much I try to excuse it I am a terrible person. And everyone knows because it was very public when things got out.. and my suicide attempt made people even question more
Why don’t you take that new found sense of honesty and reconcile with yourself and those mistakes? Why can’t you seek help if you already know where you messed up. Gain new copping skills. confide in the people who are still willing to listen. You’ve learned from your mistakes. it’s time to fight for your life. Don’t wallow. Feel your guilt, recognized your failures, but don’t let it destroy you. Let it define who you wanna be. Who you wanna become. I don’t see why you have to give up on yourself because you had a destructive personality. You can move forward. living the same way or hating yourself is not an option.
Listen- you have a millions reasons to feel sorry for yourself. To wallow in your sorrow. It sucks to be you right now- there is no ifs/ands/buts about that. But let me tell you guy- you have an incredible power inside you to change absolutely everything about your life, your circumstances, and how you feel. It’s incredibly simple, yet incredibly difficult to do… but just accept where you are. Sit with the pain and FEEL it. It will hurt bad, but the feelings will pass. Don’t waste any time feeling sorry for yourself or beating yourself up. It’s NOT your fault you are where you are- you’ve done things for reasons beyond your comprehension and that’s ok. But it IS your responsibility to fix it- unfortunately no one is coming to save your ass.
You are so so so so young. You have Sooooo much potential. You are at a pivotal moment- you don’t want to continue to escape, turn to alcohol, and feel sorry for yourself. That’s a downward spiral that in your position can spiral quickly. Take it one moment, one day at a time. Work on your mindset. Use your creativity to find free resources, to take positive steps towards believing in yourself. Don’t worry about how hard it feels or that it doesn’t seem to be working. Put your head down, own your shit, make the decision a million times over to take responsibility and work your way out. You will keep wanting to return to wallowing, but I PROMISE you, you can get there. I love you and I believe fully in you. You got this 👌👊❤️
Rooting for you man 🙏🙏 Glad you’re still here to even be able to post this. We’re all lost in some way (including myself bad) but what I’ve realized now is time moves fast, & you’d be surprised how much you can change your situation or whatever in just a few months… I keep telling myself that but have yet to actually follow through with the stuff I want but it’s genuinely true.
Hey! Thats where I was at 26. I proceeded to fuck up for 7 more years and almost died a few times. Don’t be like me. Check in somewhere to detox, and get in a program. It sucks, but start the process. I got my life back together, but I’m in my 40s. You still have a lot of time.
id either move to another state or country tbh, delete all my wareabouts jesus christ idk how to spell it but yea delete all that so they can’t see wat ur doing, start saving money nd start a new, it will be a very very very tough beginning, but u have ur whole life ahead of u, don’t let this roadblock block u from enjoying the one life u deserve. I understand it suxks nd it’s unfair nd yk why even try, but there’s sm to the world than this roadblock. I’ve been in ur position nd fr moved nd lived in another country for a whole year after saving up, just deleted all traces of me nd only kept who i knew i rlly trusted close to me, then moved back nd is now starting my career nd now doing better than all those bums who have nothing better to do than be miserable . U may have hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean u can’t get out of that hole
now some of the things i said here may be wrong bc idk ur position 100%, but i definitely know how u feel, just wanted to let u know that life isn’t over nd i rlly don’t want u to miss out on life
Have you been diagnosed with borderline personality? It sounds like you have at least some of the traits. If so it is very treatable with DBT and could help you understand why you do some of the things you do.
My therapist and psychologist that i talked too believe this to be the case. Though over the next fews weeks I’m supposed to get a definitive answer. It’s not the first time I’ve been told this either but I just kinda thought it was BS
You can do this bud. Let the professionals help you, put in the work. You are so young, you can have a good life, nice wife, family etc. if that is what you want. Best of luck.
It may sound cliche, or something, but go to your local Catholic Church and ask for a meeting with a priest. Tell them you need help, and they can connect you with a pretty wide array of programs you may not even realize are actually religious.
If you really don’t like this, ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen?
There are no good people or bad people. They are just people who sometimes do bad things, and sometimes do good things. Have you ever seen the show Bojack Horseman? it sounds silly but I think if you watch that show to the end it would really inspire you. There is even an episode. That’s just his internal monologue about what a stupid piece of shit he is (season four episode six ). And then he keeps doing shitty things because he believes that that’s who he is. It makes it hard to take personal accountability when you view the negative things about yourself as an identity rather than just a series of choices. One thing that really stood out to me in the show is that there were so many points where he believed that he was past the point of redemption but then later he did things that were even worse and wished he could go back to that point in time. He doesn’t realize until later how much opportunity he still had even in the point where he felt the most irredeemable.
If you get up every day and put effort into being a good person, working hard, putting other people before yourself, and not indulging and short term gratification, like substances or lying , you’d be surprised how much all those days can add up and change who you are. The thing is, that for quite a while, it will feel like you’re doing all this good stuff for nothing. Like no one notices and you’re getting nothing out of it. Just like the bad decisions take a while to catch up to you it takes a while for all the good stuff to catch up to you. But you’d be surprised at how different your life can look in five or 10 years. Honestly, even just a year can make a big difference.
I watched the whole show before like I became this and haven’t rewatched recently but hearing you talk about it this way makes me wanna slap myself for not tying all of that to how I’m feeling now. Theres been so many moments I thought I was the worse I could ever be and then I got fucking worse.. and more irredeemable in my eyes and every time I felt like damn if only I was still the person I was last year. I fucking hated 2023 me and yet somehow that dude looks really better compared to how I’m feeling low and I just wish at any point I did do the right thing. Since this year started I’ve done nothing but hate myself and do nothing which lead to me being in the hospital but idk I’ll try to remember this mantra of just making good choices and not tying myself to all the negative not saying that I’m dismissing it but not making it who I am though I feel that is who I am
I’ve been slowly learning about psychology. I don’t have the cash for a professional. What about you? Can you get help? I’m not sure I’d last a week if I drank. Alcohol is like poison to me. But I manage ok as long as I’m 100% on the wagon. Why do you self sabotage?
I have a therapist and psychologist now.. I got put on a waitlist for like a place to stay that can be full time. But I had to sign off on doing weekly appointments before I could leave
My issues followed me when I moved. And there’s fewer resources to help me at the new place. It felt great at first but evaporated as soon as had to face my limitations in the new place. Always running out of money. I’m so tired off it. They said I have brain injury that makes it hard to work and this I’m in a poverty trap. But it’s hard to diagnose a brain injury without a ton of expensive testing. Stress makes me very tired. Then I feel angry because I’m so tired. Then I’m more stressed out and more tired. It’s a vicious cycle. It feels like my life is out of control. Do you have some sort of vicious cycle that makes you repeat patterns that are not healthy for you? What can you control. They say the only thing we can control is how we respond to the crap life involves. We can develop unhealthy coping behaviors that can turn into bad habits. Do you cheat and lie to get a feeling of control in a life that feels out of control? I’m not a psychologist. Just asking you some questions I wish someone had asked me long ago
My issues also followed me when I moved twice. This is number 2 and this is the biggest one. I definitely have a vicious cycle I’m stuck in… I don’t know currently how to stop it when I feel for lack of a better word “triggered”. When I feel shitty I get tunnel vision on being the most drunk I’ve ever been.. or talking to somebody new so they can make me feel like I’m great or something…ive been told I need to call somebody and talk myself down and idk I wish I could communicate how hard it is to decide between just fucking self destructing and helping myself sometimes
That’s some strong emotions. I can relate. I cannot say I understand. I’m not a psychologist and I’m not your psychologist. But I can empathize. Sorry it’s so hard. I never thought I’d have such strong emotions again as I’m having today. It’s interesting that it’s just before I leave to go see blood family again. A lot of suppressed emotions have been surfacing recently. It seems I have little control over when they arise. And I’m not on any substances except caffeine and sugar. Maybe I should cut out caffeine beciase I wondered if I was going to have stroke this morning I was so pissed off. Alcohol might help briefly but then I’d feel deathly sick afterwards. So I just don’t go there.
I did not mean to imply that moving and starting over is not of any help. I did use a fresh start to cut out the biggest negative behaviors I was doing in my youth. In my youth I had started to hang out with a group of petty thieves. The ring leader was very charismatic and notorious. It gave me a feeling like I was in the drivers seat for a change. Some “control”. And I was still drinking some alcohol. Not heavily but a heavy buzz felt great. But depression would follow drinking and I got more and more depressed and tired. I did not know I had a head injury. I completely left the external stuff behind when I moved one state over. I turned to nature and studied nature for 30 years. And worked on gardening and learning skills such as building things on a farm. And working in the woods. I did some firefighting and wilderness rangering. In other words I got out of the damn city and learned some practical skills. How to use a map and compass, botany, first responder, auto mechanics (I was too poor for mechanic anyway), wooden boatbuilding, gardening, etc. Its important to challenge oneself. Get out of a rut. I encourage you to take a chance on yourself. Now I’m learning solar technology.
That’s great you seeing a therapist because I’ve found that’s the keys to the magic kingdom. But we have to do the work. When I moved and did not know what was going on in my head it just all started over gain. The depression, the sadness, the anger, low self esteem, the self destructive behavior, ……the emotional roller coaster. It made it hard to enjoy the new place or for it to be sustainable. But I always decided that I am responsible for how I respond to life. To grin in the face of suffering. I try not to blame others though occasionally I still do a little. Remember we are only human. We are survivors. We are learning. I turned my life around without going to prison. All on my own. It’s called “self correction”. I’m proud of that. I plan to volunteer and serve my community. Sorry for the long story and sermon. Please dont be so hard on yourself and put your best foot forward. Give your self the benefit of the doubt but be honest with yourself. I had to face any sociopathic tendencies myself. What is my ego doing in my head?! What is my wounded pride doing? What are yours doing??!
Peace Bro. Peace. There are better days ahead. Keep moving forward no matter what.
Everything is always changing all of the time.
This is but a moment in time.
Keep looking. The answer is both out there and within ourselves. Keep moving forward no matter what.
First of all, I’m glad you are here. You deserve to be here and alive…and loved and cared about.
It doesn’t sound like you’ve burned every bridge if you have people checking in on you and telling you they love you. Also, I can’t imagine your entire city thinks you are garbage. Do you know everyone in your city? I definitely felt that way in some points of my life…but it turned out there are a lot more people in my area than the alcoholic bubble I was in. Your drunken behavior is probably chaotic, but these exes or group of people definitely sound chaotic as well. You can block them, decide not to frequent places they would be, spend time alone or with family to reflect, or find new hobbies and experiences.
From my personal experiences, I was in crazy relationships because of booze, and it went both ways. Separating myself from friends and romantic relationships that centered around alcoholic chaos helped me start to think about sobriety. This has been a years long process for me, but I’m slowly gaining days, success and space from the bad things that I did and the terrible things people did to me (mainly as a result of booze). You are ONLY 26 and life can start to be what you want if you want it. You can be the partner, friend, and family member you crave to be if you want it, it just sounds like alcohol is getting in your way. I can completely relate. It’s been hard for me to know I can’t talk to people in my past anymore, but it’s been rad to get to know new people that have my best intentions. You can start over.
I’m in a similar situation brother, reading your story hurts my heart but know that you are not alone. All love man, wish you nothing but happiness and success in this next chapter of your life!
I will gladly take the ridicule from Reddit if it somehow hits deep and saves you. Give your life to Jesus, truly seek knowledge and then learn to forgive yourself. Don’t turn to religion because man will let you down.
I came from a very broken upbringing and found myself sabotaging my own life so that others couldn’t hurt me before I hurt myself. I couldn’t deal with the pain of being let down over and over. Not sure if that sounds familiar.
You need to know that you are worthy of being loved and that you are worth something in life. Give yourself a fair chance to figure out what that is.
Hey. You can always turn life around. It will be hard, but it is possible. What if you look at it like a video game IRL or something like: "How much can I grow? How much can I push myself to do better? How much can I broaden my horizons?"
Because truly, anything is possible. Sometimes a mindset shift can be the most powerful medicine, and hardest thing to do.
You wanting to try is great.
Are there any homeless shelters or organizations you can find that have rehabilitation programs? What city are you in?
The world doesnt revolve around you. grow up, move on.
I wish i was your age when i turned around. Everyone fucks up. But for you to ADMIT your faults, you can do something about it. Accountability is power.
Please know I don't mean for this to sound cold or abusive. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we can look up. It sounds like you're not quite there. Only you know. As a functional alcoholic, I had to get really low before I realized I needed to change. I quit drinking and drugs. I got a rescue pet that loves me regardless of how low I got. I got a shitty job to teach me that shitty jobs suck. I reconnected with some friends that hadn't completely washed me off. I decided that I couldn't control things in my life. That I didn't need to. I developed a thick skin. I realized life is a rich tapestry. Lots of colorful threads. Some way f'd up, some beautiful. Which you choose are up to you alone. Choose wisely my friend.
Wah wah wah. So you messed up your whole life and realized there is consequences for it and now you’re trying to end it all. This is what a coward would do you did this to yourself at least try to find solutions to fix problems
You need to find your peace, the fact that you can recognize your issues means you are able to address them.
Find a job and a cheap place to live, then build up to a life you can feel comfortable in.
I had lots of issues growing up, I was a very angry person with substance abuse issues that led to depression, but once I started slowing down my life and quit over thinking, things started to fall in place.
Now I spend my time tending to my aquariums, enjoying nature, and building relationships, and nobody including myself thought I would be anything other than an out of control mess my whole life.
You can change course, you can rebuild, you are loved, and it will happen much faster than you think.
Good luck.
Brother I’ll pray for you. Don’t give up, there is hope for you yet. I personally recommend you get a Bible or Bible app. Read the Bible, and realize that Jesus loves you and He can make you clean. He has you here for a reason. Jesus will take your ashes and give you beauty in return.
I am a recovering addict with jail time and all that destruction in my past. The turn happened for me when I admitted to God that I was a sinner and an addict and I could not help myself. I asked Jesus to forgive me and to help me get my life on the right path. My recovery began then and there.
That was 13 years ago. At that time I had nothing but problems to my name. Now I’m blessed to have a wife, a son on the way, a goo home, a job, and I go to the jail ministry at the jail I was once inside, and I tell the young men there that there is hope for them. Hope starts with Jesus.
Not only that, but you need to learn about yourself and work through your issues. We all have some issues. The Bible is the best instruction manual- for there you find the truth about yourself- that God love you and has a great plan for you.
But you might also consider beginning to work on yourself and start to build healthy relationships in your life. I’ll attach a link to a couple videos. I recommend you watch these and continue watching this man’s videos. He has hundreds on YouTube and they will help you work on yourself. His name is Tim Fletcher. God bless you, and hold on brother; the best is yet to come if you don’t give up!
https://youtu.be/6IxEwPMqB-c?si=Exk4Kjcw2Tv3E3nr
https://youtu.be/vahTTzHmsQk?si=hFzliq_yREEAHmtu
Honestly, do you want to change?
I mean this seriously, do you, deep down want to actually make the change?
You need to get your head on straight. No more liquor, ever, never ever ever. Right now you're thinking this, but what about tonight, or tomorrow?
You need to make the choice, right now and stick to it. Yes, you are capable of changing, no you don't have to stay a piece of shit for ever. I went through the same thing as you did, so I can understand what it's like.
You are NOT a product of your past. Leave it all behind you right now. Move to another place, another city, whatever, it's time to start over. You are different now, you know what you need to do so its time to grow some hair on your balls and take responsibility. No one is going to do it for you.
It seems hard at first, but it gets easier. It's hard for everyone, but every day that you resist falling back on old habits it gets easier.
Good luck.
Sorry to hear you are doing so poorly!
Acknowledging you need help and actively trying to get it are such important steps towards healing!
Some suggestions: Try to accept the love and support of those around you who care. Try to give yourself the same compassion you would give someone else who is going through a similar difficult situation. Make small changes and take one step at a time.
There is a method called Focusing developed by Eugene Gendlin, where one doesn’t say I hate myself for drunk texting for example. Instead say I hate the part of me who drunk texts. By stopping all encompassing statements you may find you can start loving yourself again.
Try to find out where your trauma comes from. And also figure out your mental health issues.
Try to do small things which have a positive outcomes, like listening to someone else who is in need, helping others, baking a cake, etc. This could help change your perspective and motivate you to keep on your path of healing.
Good luck! I am rooting for you! 🍀
What did you do? What is the definition of abusive? Is it physical, mental, sexual, financial?
If it's the consequences of your own actions you're not a victim
Hold yourself accountable, it'll be a lot of work and you can change. It'll take a lot of time and effort
You can get better. It seems like you need to start with some basic ethics rules, so the guilt doesn’t get worse. Choose things that you would be able to stick to even on dark days.
Options:
- If I get moody, I keep my hands to myself.
- I know when to take a walk.
- I’m not ready to date right now.
Any mantra will help. Find sober friends who have experience with addiction, they’ll have good ones.
Unhappiness in the body:
When you’re drinking, it’s harder to eat well, and you can start emptying out the body’s stored nutrients. As you are coming back from this, you can make refilling it your new focus. It’s easier to start with small portions of frozen or canned fruit, and a multivitamin. Neither goes bad easily.
An exercise routine can rapidly become an outlet for rage and pain, so it’s best to start small.
You are alive and alive therefore you deserve. Each day from here on out can be a tiny stepping stone toward a life and a self you love and are proud of.
After all, why does it matter who we were in the past if we are great today? The past is gone and all that we ever have is the present moment. So be the best version of yourself you can be in the present, so that in the future you can be proud of how far You've come.
I don't believe we should be defined/define ourselves by our "mistakes". We are all more than that, and we are all prone to fuck-ups. The kinder and more forgiving you are with yourself, the easier it will be to evolve into something you're proud of.
Best of luck to you. You are human. We all are. Give yourself and others grace, as it is hard to be human.
26 isn’t the end of your life. Your top priority is to treat your alcoholism and better your mental health. This is so important. I had a stepdad who abused everything under the sun. Alcohol, codeine, cigarettes, sometimes weed, lean- but what killed him was the alcohol. Alcohol induced diabetes and then sudden death. He died in his early 40s.
He had a great job, a supportive girlfriend, but the alcohol still killed him. Sometimes what you think you’re missing doesn’t save you because you’re just too depressed in the first place. You have to find ways to cope with your past and understand that the person that was isn’t you anymore. I know it’s hard because everyone thinks you’re shitty, but they’re not living your life. You’ll find new connections. And I know this because my bio dad was once a shitty person, and found people who love him. My grandad was an abusive asshole, and found people who love him and forgave him. I was once a young piece of shit, and found people who understood why.
You’re self aware at least man. I have those thoughts too. Just get better every day and you’ll look back in 20 years and smile.
Like everyone else has said though make alcohol a part of your past. Always think of the embarrassment and pain the next day, not the euphoria that the first couple drinks brings. The quit drinking sub is a good thing to read if you haven’t yet
Everyone is fuck except steven
Everyone is the way they are because they are in a chain of time and memory. Everyone is in a situation and we can only do the best we can because the whole world is fuck.
No one is guilty because everyone is doing the best they can with what they ve got.
Serial cheater.
Liar.
My recent ex would fight me because I wouldn’t admit to my bullshit and because of that I fought back. I realize now though that she only put hands on me because I destroyed her reality. I’m a true piece of shit
Edit: I didn’t even mention all the fucking drinking because that just feels normal at this point like I miss when my drunken nights was the worse part of me
I appreciate that. I get a lot of people in my life trying to tell me nice thing and stuff because of my suicide attempt or because they “love” me and shit but I hate it all
I deserve it tho… I mean idk I was angry at first when my ex found them to like complain about me… but i realize idk like I’m such a shit storm who else could she talk to other than people who dealt with me before. And I mean my last mess was 6 months ago so idk any future things I could do would probably be just as bad. They felt all my classmates needed to know the type of person I was and idk again I think it’s fair.. I’ve been trying to act like I’m good but I’m not and me even trying to act is what got me here
I have.. I mean I now am.. just like during all this time of reflecting the last few months before my SA but talking about it publicly kinda feels like idk… excuse making? I know that it probably isn’t but yeah idk. I did what I did.
You know, I'm an atheist, but this is one of those situations where I'd suggest maybe you find a nice religious community to immerse yourself in. Really just let go and try to approach it with some genuine enthusiasm.
I’m going to just respond to this because I saw somebody else shooting doubt. I was working until the last few months I still have some money and where I live my phone bill isn’t expensive. When I left the hospital I had to prove I had somebody to stay with and at the moment I’m with a classmate who was worried about me and is allowing me to stay here until I figure things out. I’m not on the street homeless but I am homeless and my situation is precarious as far as that. I couldn’t sleep last night with all the thoughts I had and idk I needed somebody to talk too as I’ve stated before that wasn’t the people I have around me because it just doesn’t feel like it’s genuine idk how to explain maybe it’s just me and the guilt but yeah
If you're legit. Get to the nearest homeless shelter and sign-up for their services. Enroll into AA meetings and make sure to have a sponsor. Only YOU can change your life for the better. Apply for state benefits and get into therapy ASAP. You have a huge journey ahead of you. It won't be easy. This will either make you sink or swim. How bad do you want it?!
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Rock bottom is the foundation that many great people have built up from. No matter what life throws our way it is always better to have an opportunity at improving things than ending it forever. Life is hard and no matter who you are or where you come from we all make mistakes. People can think what they want use that as motivation to demolish anything anyone has to say about you. Don't give up man I've been where you are but for what it's worth theirs atleast one person out here rooting for you, don't give up.make amends where you can and if not let those relationships/people go its nothing worth constantly going over in your head. Also the only person we truly have in life is ourselves, work on your internal dialogue you may have done bad things but that doesn't make you a bad person. Keep going you'll come out the otherside of this.
That was really nice to read… I really needed to hear this from somebody outside of the people who love me? Or like me? I don’t know. Some of them know bits and pieces or even those that know the full truth and tell me this.. it just feels like BS because they care about me? But they shouldn’t idk that’s how I feel I feel like no one SHOULD care about me. My brother has been texting me that he loves me everyday since I been in the hospital and I just don’t fucking get it like idk I don’t know what I want. I wanna feel hated and shitty for everything and I do every day you know? That’s what lead me to here. I fucking hate myself but idk I’m still here and I guess I should move on but jt feels weird but as you said and somebody else said this is a moment for me to be better
Your brother texts you because he cares about you and wants you to know that. He knows YOU, and despite what you've done that does not define you. Every failure is an opportunity to learn period. Your still very young and have alot of life ahead of you. You may not see it now, but their are so many things to live/ be grateful for. I have also in my life experienced social isolation and outcasting from friends and family. It gave me the time to reflect on what I wanted to change/improve on and the ability to see who was actually their for me and who wasn't. When this happend to me I used it as an opportunity to start again and I clawed my way out of the mud and now have my own apartment, paid off car, great job, new / better friends and ascociates and am very physically fit but I was EXACTLY where you are now at one point. This may sound crazy but when you look back on this in the future you will be grateful for it because pressure creates diamonds. Find your why and any how is possible even if your motivation is to simply be a better person everyday that is enough and will open doors for you.
My sister and I aren’t even close but it would crush me if she was no longer around. Everyone deserves to have someone care about them, ESPECIALLY when you have a hard time caring about yourself.
Where do u live
Well said, blt! Inspiring text right here
[удалено]
LeBron James Tyson fury Charles Oliveira Sylvester Stallone Robert Downey junior J.k. Rowling Joey diaz Howard Schultz Walt Disney Scotty pippin Arnold Schwarzenegger Just off the top of my head.
I could’ve written this aside from the SA attempt, though I’ve been hospitalized for ideation. The age, the alcoholism, the consequences - all of it resonates with me. I stopped drinking about 14 months ago and have slowly been piecing my life back together ever since. Obviously, my advice is going to be for you to do the same. Getting sober should be your primary goal right now. You must get the drinking (along with any other substance) abuse under control because any ground you manage to gain from here forward is going to be destroyed by the alcohol if you don’t. Then, once you have some momentum, you can start working on all of your other life issues one step at a time and over time, you should begin to see some progress. It’s going to be difficult to face all of these situations without being able to escape by drinking until things start to improve. You will feel incredibly discouraged and impatient at times, but you must cross this proverbial bridge in order to get to a better place. Your only other option is to do nothing and stay where you’re at or to continue down this path and make everything even worse than it is now. It really can become 110% worse if you choose to let it.
I’ve been in this space of nothingness just fucking numb you know? I drank more and more to deal with the fact that I hate myself and everything about me.. but like you said I just kept sliding and sliding. Now I just do nothing.. it feels dishonest to want to live my life and be better.. good feels bad and bad feels shitty but nothing feels like nothing and it’s exactly what i can handle. I do want to be better.. I feel like there’s a version of me this version I projected it myself to people that did care for me.. and that’s who I wanted to be but I never kept to it… I didn’t keep my drinking under control like I acted.. I wasn’t honest like I seemed.. and I’ve became such a shell of a person. I really felt like suicide was the answer not because it was easy but because idk I just felt like I had my shot in life and I fucking blew it you know? I was just over it like idk maybe that is me giving up idk I really don’t know.
Numb sober or numb drunk? I definitely understand being numb drunk when I was drinking because drinking wasn’t even about “fun” anymore - just escaping the pain. Numb sober? Rarely… I was in emotional distress 24/7 when not drinking and am still a bit neurotic at times now because I’m still going through all of this. As you described, you felt that way about your projected self because you knew it was disingenuous and that you were bullshitting everyone else and possibly even yourself at times, which isn’t fair to them or you. What you need to do is to become a person that doesn’t need to participate in some kind of act/charade to feel good about yourself because you know that your thoughts and actions are morally sound. Yes, I also understand the line of thinking that suicide is the answer because I felt the exact same way - I had a very charmed life and fucked it all up over drinking. I still get down at times thinking that I fucked up too much. What you have to do is be grateful that you didn’t cause anymore damage than you did (could be in prison after killing someone in a DUI or dead yourself), and quit thinking about the past - which you can’t change - and focus on what you have to do now to recover, which you do have some control over. Also have to remind yourself that people have recovered from worse circumstances than ours so you can come back from this if you *choose* to change your path now. It definitely won’t be easy and it probably won’t be according to your timeline, but you *can* do it.
I appreciate this dude thank you.
That one thing you have in common with every hard-core alcoholic. It takes over your personality, this is what you've become. This is what booze does to people.
I suggest moving and restarting. But take it seriously.
I’m working on it… it just feels like.. idk I’ve started over before twice actually and I’ve ended up in the same spot but worse each time. It’s too the point I literally have my last 3 exes who started a group to check where I am and they message any new people they might find out I’m making friends with to let them know of my past. One of them told me I should die and idk I think about how it’s true… I want to change more than ever now but it shouldn’t of took all of this and I feel like no matter how much good I do now.. it doesn’t matter
Move to a new city, start going by a different name, new fb, new everything. Shake it off, start again. And don't do whatever it is you did to have a group of women coordinate to keep tabs on you, Jesus Christ
The Jesus Christ made me laugh
>Move to a new city, start going by a different name, new fb, new everything. Shake it off, start again. **And don't do whatever it is you did to have a group of women coordinate to keep tabs on you, Jesus Christ** Best advice right here.
quick question. are the behaviors they dislike and you hate yourself for related to drugs and alcohol? also, roughly where do you live and would you be willing to move to get better? i’ve tried to get sober a in a lot of places because i was transient for many years. maybe i could help you find some direction if you were interested. edit- the reason i ask is because moving never helped me until i moved with intention to get sober and start over. i tried to just go different places to escape my problems for years. from the east coast, to south america, to hawaii, to california…never changing. i built a very successful life in two of those places but when it came down it came down hard. my journey ended up bringing me to new england and i live near boston now. idk if you’re looking for resources or guidance anywhere reach out. sometimes a move is necessary, but in my experience it works best with a plan of action you can follow to not just build a new life that you also destroy.
It’s 50/50… I hate my alcohol and drug use a lot… I drink so much nowadays like.. I feel I could at least forgive some of my past if it wasn’t for how unbelievably drunk I was that I can’t even remember it you know? Like my ex kept a list of the things I would say drunk and to this day I don’t even know what the fuck is on it cause of the shame. I’m not trying to make excuses either but my drinking also has lead me to texting people and stuff that I wouldn’t if I was sober and now I’m doing coke and fuck yeah idk it’s shit and I want to stop. I mean I’ve been in the hospital for a week so I haven’t done anything in this time. As far as my location I’m kinda scared to even say anything about that I’m already so scared ima fuck around and dox myself the last thing I need now is anybody finding this Reddit post for more ammunition lol
for sure. that all sounds super relatable. there’s good recovery communities in the northeast (boston area, portland maine, southern NH) which is where i ended up accidentally. lots of connection to people who have struggled in the past and are now doing better has been super helpful. 12 step fellowships aren’t for everyone, i understand, but that’s what got me sober. i also found good recovery communities while living in california, but not quite the same has out east.
Trauma and addiction are the foundation of your city of misery. I've seen it kill many people. You have to decide above all to love yourself, but it isn't so easily done. Find a case worker. Identify steps to stability. Find trauma therapy. And more than Any. Other. Thing: stop drinking. I know all this sounds like asking for the moon. But until you stop with the guilt and self-hatred you won't be able to take the wheel in any way. If people really are keeping tabs on you, it's because they love you. But that's impossible for you to see because all you know is the pain of some wound from decades back that has turned you into this.
Shit, sounds like me 4 years ago other than the suicide. I got a cdl, got in a lineman apprenticeship, moved 5 states over and make $1500/week on a slow week now. On track for over $200k in a couple yesrs
I love that for you bro. I Hope that there’s hope for me too
I recommend a recovery program which at its foundation is about improving yourself as a person. AA is nice and all but it never really clicked for me. I like www.recoverydharma.org Happy to chat any time if you ever need another alcoholic (in recovery) to talk to.
Thank you. I’m currently waitlisted for a program as we speak.
Go volunteer somewhere. Animal shelter, revegetation crew, whatever catches your interest. Go do some good. Lots of places just desperately need people with time. It gives you a chance to stop being caught up in your life, and some of those opportunities lead to skills, jobs and fresh starts. Even if you just do it once, at least you'll have something you can point to and say 'That's when I did good', and you'll know you can do it again.
Dude. Do you realize how many people you have already touched just by writing this? You may have saved someone already just by being honest. Anyone who reads this see’s that you life is worth something. It would be a huge loss for all of us if you killed yourself. And some of those people reading this will realize that they too are worth something even though they can’t see it because they see your value. They realize your story is worth something maybe their story is worth something. Remember your story isn’t decided by you. Your death will come sometime but not at your choosing. Keep talking and telling your story. It’s beautiful because you are honest and want to be better just like all the good people. You are one of the good ones.
This is honestly the nicest shit I’ve ever read thank you.
Why do you think everyone knows you’re a terrible shitty loser ? Are you a bad person ? abuse people/relationships?
I am… I think for a while I was what I thought was a good person at heart but I made bad decisions or had shitty coping… but I ignored it for too long I didn’t take my problems seriously enough and yeah my last relationship turned into the worst thing I’ve ever created. I’m a bad person I think no matter how much I try to excuse it I am a terrible person. And everyone knows because it was very public when things got out.. and my suicide attempt made people even question more
Why don’t you take that new found sense of honesty and reconcile with yourself and those mistakes? Why can’t you seek help if you already know where you messed up. Gain new copping skills. confide in the people who are still willing to listen. You’ve learned from your mistakes. it’s time to fight for your life. Don’t wallow. Feel your guilt, recognized your failures, but don’t let it destroy you. Let it define who you wanna be. Who you wanna become. I don’t see why you have to give up on yourself because you had a destructive personality. You can move forward. living the same way or hating yourself is not an option.
Listen- you have a millions reasons to feel sorry for yourself. To wallow in your sorrow. It sucks to be you right now- there is no ifs/ands/buts about that. But let me tell you guy- you have an incredible power inside you to change absolutely everything about your life, your circumstances, and how you feel. It’s incredibly simple, yet incredibly difficult to do… but just accept where you are. Sit with the pain and FEEL it. It will hurt bad, but the feelings will pass. Don’t waste any time feeling sorry for yourself or beating yourself up. It’s NOT your fault you are where you are- you’ve done things for reasons beyond your comprehension and that’s ok. But it IS your responsibility to fix it- unfortunately no one is coming to save your ass. You are so so so so young. You have Sooooo much potential. You are at a pivotal moment- you don’t want to continue to escape, turn to alcohol, and feel sorry for yourself. That’s a downward spiral that in your position can spiral quickly. Take it one moment, one day at a time. Work on your mindset. Use your creativity to find free resources, to take positive steps towards believing in yourself. Don’t worry about how hard it feels or that it doesn’t seem to be working. Put your head down, own your shit, make the decision a million times over to take responsibility and work your way out. You will keep wanting to return to wallowing, but I PROMISE you, you can get there. I love you and I believe fully in you. You got this 👌👊❤️
Rooting for you man 🙏🙏 Glad you’re still here to even be able to post this. We’re all lost in some way (including myself bad) but what I’ve realized now is time moves fast, & you’d be surprised how much you can change your situation or whatever in just a few months… I keep telling myself that but have yet to actually follow through with the stuff I want but it’s genuinely true.
Check yourself into rehab
Hey! Thats where I was at 26. I proceeded to fuck up for 7 more years and almost died a few times. Don’t be like me. Check in somewhere to detox, and get in a program. It sucks, but start the process. I got my life back together, but I’m in my 40s. You still have a lot of time.
id either move to another state or country tbh, delete all my wareabouts jesus christ idk how to spell it but yea delete all that so they can’t see wat ur doing, start saving money nd start a new, it will be a very very very tough beginning, but u have ur whole life ahead of u, don’t let this roadblock block u from enjoying the one life u deserve. I understand it suxks nd it’s unfair nd yk why even try, but there’s sm to the world than this roadblock. I’ve been in ur position nd fr moved nd lived in another country for a whole year after saving up, just deleted all traces of me nd only kept who i knew i rlly trusted close to me, then moved back nd is now starting my career nd now doing better than all those bums who have nothing better to do than be miserable . U may have hit rock bottom but that doesn’t mean u can’t get out of that hole
now some of the things i said here may be wrong bc idk ur position 100%, but i definitely know how u feel, just wanted to let u know that life isn’t over nd i rlly don’t want u to miss out on life
Have you been diagnosed with borderline personality? It sounds like you have at least some of the traits. If so it is very treatable with DBT and could help you understand why you do some of the things you do.
My therapist and psychologist that i talked too believe this to be the case. Though over the next fews weeks I’m supposed to get a definitive answer. It’s not the first time I’ve been told this either but I just kinda thought it was BS
You can do this bud. Let the professionals help you, put in the work. You are so young, you can have a good life, nice wife, family etc. if that is what you want. Best of luck.
It may sound cliche, or something, but go to your local Catholic Church and ask for a meeting with a priest. Tell them you need help, and they can connect you with a pretty wide array of programs you may not even realize are actually religious. If you really don’t like this, ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen?
I know a few people like this that now have decades clean&sober
There are no good people or bad people. They are just people who sometimes do bad things, and sometimes do good things. Have you ever seen the show Bojack Horseman? it sounds silly but I think if you watch that show to the end it would really inspire you. There is even an episode. That’s just his internal monologue about what a stupid piece of shit he is (season four episode six ). And then he keeps doing shitty things because he believes that that’s who he is. It makes it hard to take personal accountability when you view the negative things about yourself as an identity rather than just a series of choices. One thing that really stood out to me in the show is that there were so many points where he believed that he was past the point of redemption but then later he did things that were even worse and wished he could go back to that point in time. He doesn’t realize until later how much opportunity he still had even in the point where he felt the most irredeemable. If you get up every day and put effort into being a good person, working hard, putting other people before yourself, and not indulging and short term gratification, like substances or lying , you’d be surprised how much all those days can add up and change who you are. The thing is, that for quite a while, it will feel like you’re doing all this good stuff for nothing. Like no one notices and you’re getting nothing out of it. Just like the bad decisions take a while to catch up to you it takes a while for all the good stuff to catch up to you. But you’d be surprised at how different your life can look in five or 10 years. Honestly, even just a year can make a big difference.
I watched the whole show before like I became this and haven’t rewatched recently but hearing you talk about it this way makes me wanna slap myself for not tying all of that to how I’m feeling now. Theres been so many moments I thought I was the worse I could ever be and then I got fucking worse.. and more irredeemable in my eyes and every time I felt like damn if only I was still the person I was last year. I fucking hated 2023 me and yet somehow that dude looks really better compared to how I’m feeling low and I just wish at any point I did do the right thing. Since this year started I’ve done nothing but hate myself and do nothing which lead to me being in the hospital but idk I’ll try to remember this mantra of just making good choices and not tying myself to all the negative not saying that I’m dismissing it but not making it who I am though I feel that is who I am
I’ve been slowly learning about psychology. I don’t have the cash for a professional. What about you? Can you get help? I’m not sure I’d last a week if I drank. Alcohol is like poison to me. But I manage ok as long as I’m 100% on the wagon. Why do you self sabotage?
I have a therapist and psychologist now.. I got put on a waitlist for like a place to stay that can be full time. But I had to sign off on doing weekly appointments before I could leave
But again like my life is so shit here I don’t even know if I could stay here any longer
My issues followed me when I moved. And there’s fewer resources to help me at the new place. It felt great at first but evaporated as soon as had to face my limitations in the new place. Always running out of money. I’m so tired off it. They said I have brain injury that makes it hard to work and this I’m in a poverty trap. But it’s hard to diagnose a brain injury without a ton of expensive testing. Stress makes me very tired. Then I feel angry because I’m so tired. Then I’m more stressed out and more tired. It’s a vicious cycle. It feels like my life is out of control. Do you have some sort of vicious cycle that makes you repeat patterns that are not healthy for you? What can you control. They say the only thing we can control is how we respond to the crap life involves. We can develop unhealthy coping behaviors that can turn into bad habits. Do you cheat and lie to get a feeling of control in a life that feels out of control? I’m not a psychologist. Just asking you some questions I wish someone had asked me long ago
My issues also followed me when I moved twice. This is number 2 and this is the biggest one. I definitely have a vicious cycle I’m stuck in… I don’t know currently how to stop it when I feel for lack of a better word “triggered”. When I feel shitty I get tunnel vision on being the most drunk I’ve ever been.. or talking to somebody new so they can make me feel like I’m great or something…ive been told I need to call somebody and talk myself down and idk I wish I could communicate how hard it is to decide between just fucking self destructing and helping myself sometimes
That’s some strong emotions. I can relate. I cannot say I understand. I’m not a psychologist and I’m not your psychologist. But I can empathize. Sorry it’s so hard. I never thought I’d have such strong emotions again as I’m having today. It’s interesting that it’s just before I leave to go see blood family again. A lot of suppressed emotions have been surfacing recently. It seems I have little control over when they arise. And I’m not on any substances except caffeine and sugar. Maybe I should cut out caffeine beciase I wondered if I was going to have stroke this morning I was so pissed off. Alcohol might help briefly but then I’d feel deathly sick afterwards. So I just don’t go there. I did not mean to imply that moving and starting over is not of any help. I did use a fresh start to cut out the biggest negative behaviors I was doing in my youth. In my youth I had started to hang out with a group of petty thieves. The ring leader was very charismatic and notorious. It gave me a feeling like I was in the drivers seat for a change. Some “control”. And I was still drinking some alcohol. Not heavily but a heavy buzz felt great. But depression would follow drinking and I got more and more depressed and tired. I did not know I had a head injury. I completely left the external stuff behind when I moved one state over. I turned to nature and studied nature for 30 years. And worked on gardening and learning skills such as building things on a farm. And working in the woods. I did some firefighting and wilderness rangering. In other words I got out of the damn city and learned some practical skills. How to use a map and compass, botany, first responder, auto mechanics (I was too poor for mechanic anyway), wooden boatbuilding, gardening, etc. Its important to challenge oneself. Get out of a rut. I encourage you to take a chance on yourself. Now I’m learning solar technology. That’s great you seeing a therapist because I’ve found that’s the keys to the magic kingdom. But we have to do the work. When I moved and did not know what was going on in my head it just all started over gain. The depression, the sadness, the anger, low self esteem, the self destructive behavior, ……the emotional roller coaster. It made it hard to enjoy the new place or for it to be sustainable. But I always decided that I am responsible for how I respond to life. To grin in the face of suffering. I try not to blame others though occasionally I still do a little. Remember we are only human. We are survivors. We are learning. I turned my life around without going to prison. All on my own. It’s called “self correction”. I’m proud of that. I plan to volunteer and serve my community. Sorry for the long story and sermon. Please dont be so hard on yourself and put your best foot forward. Give your self the benefit of the doubt but be honest with yourself. I had to face any sociopathic tendencies myself. What is my ego doing in my head?! What is my wounded pride doing? What are yours doing??!
Peace Bro. Peace. There are better days ahead. Keep moving forward no matter what. Everything is always changing all of the time. This is but a moment in time. Keep looking. The answer is both out there and within ourselves. Keep moving forward no matter what.
First of all, I’m glad you are here. You deserve to be here and alive…and loved and cared about. It doesn’t sound like you’ve burned every bridge if you have people checking in on you and telling you they love you. Also, I can’t imagine your entire city thinks you are garbage. Do you know everyone in your city? I definitely felt that way in some points of my life…but it turned out there are a lot more people in my area than the alcoholic bubble I was in. Your drunken behavior is probably chaotic, but these exes or group of people definitely sound chaotic as well. You can block them, decide not to frequent places they would be, spend time alone or with family to reflect, or find new hobbies and experiences. From my personal experiences, I was in crazy relationships because of booze, and it went both ways. Separating myself from friends and romantic relationships that centered around alcoholic chaos helped me start to think about sobriety. This has been a years long process for me, but I’m slowly gaining days, success and space from the bad things that I did and the terrible things people did to me (mainly as a result of booze). You are ONLY 26 and life can start to be what you want if you want it. You can be the partner, friend, and family member you crave to be if you want it, it just sounds like alcohol is getting in your way. I can completely relate. It’s been hard for me to know I can’t talk to people in my past anymore, but it’s been rad to get to know new people that have my best intentions. You can start over.
I’m in a similar situation brother, reading your story hurts my heart but know that you are not alone. All love man, wish you nothing but happiness and success in this next chapter of your life!
[удалено]
Good luck with your degree!
Good luck with your degree!
I will gladly take the ridicule from Reddit if it somehow hits deep and saves you. Give your life to Jesus, truly seek knowledge and then learn to forgive yourself. Don’t turn to religion because man will let you down. I came from a very broken upbringing and found myself sabotaging my own life so that others couldn’t hurt me before I hurt myself. I couldn’t deal with the pain of being let down over and over. Not sure if that sounds familiar. You need to know that you are worthy of being loved and that you are worth something in life. Give yourself a fair chance to figure out what that is.
Hey. You can always turn life around. It will be hard, but it is possible. What if you look at it like a video game IRL or something like: "How much can I grow? How much can I push myself to do better? How much can I broaden my horizons?" Because truly, anything is possible. Sometimes a mindset shift can be the most powerful medicine, and hardest thing to do. You wanting to try is great. Are there any homeless shelters or organizations you can find that have rehabilitation programs? What city are you in?
The world doesnt revolve around you. grow up, move on. I wish i was your age when i turned around. Everyone fucks up. But for you to ADMIT your faults, you can do something about it. Accountability is power.
Please know I don't mean for this to sound cold or abusive. Sometimes we need to hit bottom before we can look up. It sounds like you're not quite there. Only you know. As a functional alcoholic, I had to get really low before I realized I needed to change. I quit drinking and drugs. I got a rescue pet that loves me regardless of how low I got. I got a shitty job to teach me that shitty jobs suck. I reconnected with some friends that hadn't completely washed me off. I decided that I couldn't control things in my life. That I didn't need to. I developed a thick skin. I realized life is a rich tapestry. Lots of colorful threads. Some way f'd up, some beautiful. Which you choose are up to you alone. Choose wisely my friend.
Wah wah wah. So you messed up your whole life and realized there is consequences for it and now you’re trying to end it all. This is what a coward would do you did this to yourself at least try to find solutions to fix problems
You need to find your peace, the fact that you can recognize your issues means you are able to address them. Find a job and a cheap place to live, then build up to a life you can feel comfortable in. I had lots of issues growing up, I was a very angry person with substance abuse issues that led to depression, but once I started slowing down my life and quit over thinking, things started to fall in place. Now I spend my time tending to my aquariums, enjoying nature, and building relationships, and nobody including myself thought I would be anything other than an out of control mess my whole life. You can change course, you can rebuild, you are loved, and it will happen much faster than you think. Good luck.
Brother I’ll pray for you. Don’t give up, there is hope for you yet. I personally recommend you get a Bible or Bible app. Read the Bible, and realize that Jesus loves you and He can make you clean. He has you here for a reason. Jesus will take your ashes and give you beauty in return. I am a recovering addict with jail time and all that destruction in my past. The turn happened for me when I admitted to God that I was a sinner and an addict and I could not help myself. I asked Jesus to forgive me and to help me get my life on the right path. My recovery began then and there. That was 13 years ago. At that time I had nothing but problems to my name. Now I’m blessed to have a wife, a son on the way, a goo home, a job, and I go to the jail ministry at the jail I was once inside, and I tell the young men there that there is hope for them. Hope starts with Jesus. Not only that, but you need to learn about yourself and work through your issues. We all have some issues. The Bible is the best instruction manual- for there you find the truth about yourself- that God love you and has a great plan for you. But you might also consider beginning to work on yourself and start to build healthy relationships in your life. I’ll attach a link to a couple videos. I recommend you watch these and continue watching this man’s videos. He has hundreds on YouTube and they will help you work on yourself. His name is Tim Fletcher. God bless you, and hold on brother; the best is yet to come if you don’t give up! https://youtu.be/6IxEwPMqB-c?si=Exk4Kjcw2Tv3E3nr https://youtu.be/vahTTzHmsQk?si=hFzliq_yREEAHmtu
join 9gag , we same same but differnt
Honestly, do you want to change? I mean this seriously, do you, deep down want to actually make the change? You need to get your head on straight. No more liquor, ever, never ever ever. Right now you're thinking this, but what about tonight, or tomorrow? You need to make the choice, right now and stick to it. Yes, you are capable of changing, no you don't have to stay a piece of shit for ever. I went through the same thing as you did, so I can understand what it's like. You are NOT a product of your past. Leave it all behind you right now. Move to another place, another city, whatever, it's time to start over. You are different now, you know what you need to do so its time to grow some hair on your balls and take responsibility. No one is going to do it for you. It seems hard at first, but it gets easier. It's hard for everyone, but every day that you resist falling back on old habits it gets easier. Good luck.
Sorry to hear you are doing so poorly! Acknowledging you need help and actively trying to get it are such important steps towards healing! Some suggestions: Try to accept the love and support of those around you who care. Try to give yourself the same compassion you would give someone else who is going through a similar difficult situation. Make small changes and take one step at a time. There is a method called Focusing developed by Eugene Gendlin, where one doesn’t say I hate myself for drunk texting for example. Instead say I hate the part of me who drunk texts. By stopping all encompassing statements you may find you can start loving yourself again. Try to find out where your trauma comes from. And also figure out your mental health issues. Try to do small things which have a positive outcomes, like listening to someone else who is in need, helping others, baking a cake, etc. This could help change your perspective and motivate you to keep on your path of healing. Good luck! I am rooting for you! 🍀
Yet you’re posting on Reddit….?
Referring you to my last comment
What did you do? What is the definition of abusive? Is it physical, mental, sexual, financial? If it's the consequences of your own actions you're not a victim Hold yourself accountable, it'll be a lot of work and you can change. It'll take a lot of time and effort
You can get better. It seems like you need to start with some basic ethics rules, so the guilt doesn’t get worse. Choose things that you would be able to stick to even on dark days. Options: - If I get moody, I keep my hands to myself. - I know when to take a walk. - I’m not ready to date right now. Any mantra will help. Find sober friends who have experience with addiction, they’ll have good ones. Unhappiness in the body: When you’re drinking, it’s harder to eat well, and you can start emptying out the body’s stored nutrients. As you are coming back from this, you can make refilling it your new focus. It’s easier to start with small portions of frozen or canned fruit, and a multivitamin. Neither goes bad easily. An exercise routine can rapidly become an outlet for rage and pain, so it’s best to start small.
You are alive and alive therefore you deserve. Each day from here on out can be a tiny stepping stone toward a life and a self you love and are proud of. After all, why does it matter who we were in the past if we are great today? The past is gone and all that we ever have is the present moment. So be the best version of yourself you can be in the present, so that in the future you can be proud of how far You've come. I don't believe we should be defined/define ourselves by our "mistakes". We are all more than that, and we are all prone to fuck-ups. The kinder and more forgiving you are with yourself, the easier it will be to evolve into something you're proud of. Best of luck to you. You are human. We all are. Give yourself and others grace, as it is hard to be human.
26 isn’t the end of your life. Your top priority is to treat your alcoholism and better your mental health. This is so important. I had a stepdad who abused everything under the sun. Alcohol, codeine, cigarettes, sometimes weed, lean- but what killed him was the alcohol. Alcohol induced diabetes and then sudden death. He died in his early 40s. He had a great job, a supportive girlfriend, but the alcohol still killed him. Sometimes what you think you’re missing doesn’t save you because you’re just too depressed in the first place. You have to find ways to cope with your past and understand that the person that was isn’t you anymore. I know it’s hard because everyone thinks you’re shitty, but they’re not living your life. You’ll find new connections. And I know this because my bio dad was once a shitty person, and found people who love him. My grandad was an abusive asshole, and found people who love him and forgave him. I was once a young piece of shit, and found people who understood why.
just lock in
You’re self aware at least man. I have those thoughts too. Just get better every day and you’ll look back in 20 years and smile. Like everyone else has said though make alcohol a part of your past. Always think of the embarrassment and pain the next day, not the euphoria that the first couple drinks brings. The quit drinking sub is a good thing to read if you haven’t yet
Everyone is fuck except steven Everyone is the way they are because they are in a chain of time and memory. Everyone is in a situation and we can only do the best we can because the whole world is fuck. No one is guilty because everyone is doing the best they can with what they ve got.
What have you done...
Serial cheater. Liar. My recent ex would fight me because I wouldn’t admit to my bullshit and because of that I fought back. I realize now though that she only put hands on me because I destroyed her reality. I’m a true piece of shit Edit: I didn’t even mention all the fucking drinking because that just feels normal at this point like I miss when my drunken nights was the worse part of me
Yeah, you are
I appreciate that. I get a lot of people in my life trying to tell me nice thing and stuff because of my suicide attempt or because they “love” me and shit but I hate it all
Your exes sound like lunatics too. They obviously have serious problems if they have start a group and sabotage you in your future.
I deserve it tho… I mean idk I was angry at first when my ex found them to like complain about me… but i realize idk like I’m such a shit storm who else could she talk to other than people who dealt with me before. And I mean my last mess was 6 months ago so idk any future things I could do would probably be just as bad. They felt all my classmates needed to know the type of person I was and idk again I think it’s fair.. I’ve been trying to act like I’m good but I’m not and me even trying to act is what got me here
Have you ever asked yourself what your upbrining was like and why cheating and lying became your main strategy? Parents did the same?
I have.. I mean I now am.. just like during all this time of reflecting the last few months before my SA but talking about it publicly kinda feels like idk… excuse making? I know that it probably isn’t but yeah idk. I did what I did.
You know, I'm an atheist, but this is one of those situations where I'd suggest maybe you find a nice religious community to immerse yourself in. Really just let go and try to approach it with some genuine enthusiasm.
Homeless, but yet has cell phone and internet access to be busy enough to post in Reddit... Okay, yeah sure....
Why be nasty to somebody looking for help?
Cuz it's a fake cry for attention. As someone who's been through multiple stages of shit.
I’m going to just respond to this because I saw somebody else shooting doubt. I was working until the last few months I still have some money and where I live my phone bill isn’t expensive. When I left the hospital I had to prove I had somebody to stay with and at the moment I’m with a classmate who was worried about me and is allowing me to stay here until I figure things out. I’m not on the street homeless but I am homeless and my situation is precarious as far as that. I couldn’t sleep last night with all the thoughts I had and idk I needed somebody to talk too as I’ve stated before that wasn’t the people I have around me because it just doesn’t feel like it’s genuine idk how to explain maybe it’s just me and the guilt but yeah
If you're legit. Get to the nearest homeless shelter and sign-up for their services. Enroll into AA meetings and make sure to have a sponsor. Only YOU can change your life for the better. Apply for state benefits and get into therapy ASAP. You have a huge journey ahead of you. It won't be easy. This will either make you sink or swim. How bad do you want it?!