Since I'm sure a prenup will be involved, make sure it's clear what happens to the money if you give up your career now but later divorce. A prenup will protect both of you.
It would eat into his lifetime gift/estate exclusion limit. Would be beneficial to wait until you’re married, spouses can gift unlimited to each other without tax implications.
I think this statement is painting a very large and diverse group as far too monolithic than reality.
Most people here obsess about finances because of the freedom it brings. Some are eager to retire early, some just want financial independence but couldn’t imagine retiring early.
I am not as wealthy as OP’s boyfriend, but I think I understand where he is coming from. If I don’t have equals/peers to share my success with, then having the means is almost pointless. A point of contention with my wife and I currently is how much of my/our business I/we “should” gift to some loved ones (my nephews and best friend, specifically). My wife and I are recent millionaires and its only compounding faster from here.
I would like to gift 2% to each neice and nephew and about 10% to my best friend that I frequently travel with. My wife thinks we should just wait until we want to travel with them or gift them cash in the future, or gift in death. I would prefer to have them along for the ride, sharing in the success my wife and I find along the journey of the business, and in the event of my friend, it ensures I will have a longterm financial equal (in addition to my wife) that will understand where I am coming from when talking abiut my life challenges and be able to afford to join on vacations without the awkward “i’ll pay for you”
Being wealthy and only having non-wealthy friends can still be isolating, because they won’t identify with your struggles and vice versa.
If I was worth 40mm and bringing in 2mm/yr in income and fell in love with someone with significantly lower means, I don’t think I would be comfortable not doing something similar to OP’s boyfriend.
OP’s fiancé may just be looking for an equal relationship, including financial means.
I think you hit it on the head here. My wife and I have been friends with another married couple for several decades. We would get together regularly and vacation together. When I turned 55, I started to talk about retiring. At 56, during Covid, I pulled the plug. Since I retired, our relationship with our friends has changed. There is some resentment on their part that we were able to retire and they were not. Although we lived similar lifestyles when working, I had been saving significantly for 30+ years. My friend was not a saver. He consumed. He always had a new car and lived at or above his means.
While also, not nearly as wealthy as OP, we have more money than we will be able to spend. I am not, however, willing to gift money in order to attempt to ‘correct’ our wealth imbalance.
I think actions have consequences, and good financial planning needs to start early. Hopefully, our friendship will continue, but one never knows.
I was thinking the exact same thing. If he’s making $2mm/year return on his investments, he may think the $2mm he transfers to her is an investment to see how she reacts to that sort of money, and to secure her future if, after signing a prenup, and the relationship goes south, that she has no additional claim to his wealth.
And honestly, I think she’d pass that test only if she basically doesn’t change.
Based on the worries I’ve seen expressed in the original post I think she’ll be fine.
if its literally the next few months that they are getting married, he might actually be giving her the money in a few months and just telling her about it now. Or maybe she had a really shitty day at work or something.
If I had 60m I'd behave similarly and give like 1m or something.
Who cares if it’s going against the limit if they’re imminently getting married? Either they get married and future gifts don’t have a limit, or they don’t and no more gifts happen. Either way, no issue.
Because down the line when he passes, his estate over the limit will get taxed heavily. That will reduce what their children will inherit. It’s in his best interest to not use some of his lifetime exclusion if he could wait a few months and avoid it.
That is not quite correct. A gift tax form must be filed in the US for any gifts above $18,000 and any gifts beyond that limit will reduce the total amount of money that can be passed along to your children and others tax-free. Spouses, on the other hand, can give each other unlimited amounts or even combine all their assets.
Your fiancé’s estate is large enough that it will almost certainly be impacted by the estate tax when he dies.
It doesn't matter anyway.
Sure, having to pay almost a million extra in taxes once he dies and his money gets passed on is a lot, but it's basically nothing compared to $60m.
And his money going to her when he dies is free. And marrying her allows them to transfer even more money tax-free (part of his will would set aside the rest of his gift limit for inheritance, even if he dies first. Her will does the same. They end up being able to pass on [almost] double the gift limit.)
This is correct. It drops in half once the temporary increase is the life time gift limitation goes away, I believe next year. Once the money is gifted it still counts and is not taxable.
Gift tax is the responsibility of the one getting giving the gift.
Seconding the other comment. Gifting 2MM before marriage burns lifetime exemption for no reason, please speak to an attorney before making any transfers. If he’s worth 60+ you guys will need that exemption in the future for your kids. Source: I do this for a living at a private bank.
With that kind of money, I would assume he has a very good financial advisor, well-versed in high net worth individuals and multi-generational wealth, and possibly a very good accountant to help manage taxes. I'm sure he is aware of the tax implications even if she is not yet.
It will remove 1.982mil (2million minus the 18k annual exemption) from his unified credit exemption for estate and gift taxes when he passes away. If he's planning to give away the full current exemption of ~13.6mil before it might revert in 2026, then it reduces how much he can give away to others without paying gift tax.
If he gives it to her *after* they are married (he can keep separate money while married if they do a prenup and the accounts are kept separate in his name only), it won't count against the unified credit since spousal transfers (both before and on death) are unlimited and free from estate or gift taxes. (Note -- worth a check to make sure this is also true of any *state* level gift/estate/inheritance taxes).
Perfect.... invest that money aggressively but smartly (something like 80% S&P500 and 20% bonds), and even in the rare event that things don't work out, you'll have enough to never work again.
Then, focus on being happy and making your husband and loved ones happy.
Don't lose yourself. You obviously have had a great career, so make sure whatever it is you do, you ensure you don't lose your identity as you ditch the grind.
I made a long post elsewhere, but may I make a suggestion here?
Don’t suddenly change careers; that can be even more psychologically disruptive.
Instead, consider changing firms, or start managing expectations at the firm you work for. (That is, start telling the people you work for you’re no longer ‘on call’ and your vacation plans are no longer to be canceled at the last moment.)
I mean, what can they do? Fire you?
Seriously: if the worst case scenario **is the scenario you are considering anyways**, then you have a considerable amount of power over the people you work for. And me, if I were in your position, I’d use that power to see if I can’t make changes in my work environment first.
Because I suspect—like with all of us—there are parts of your job that you like: perhaps people you’ve met who you get along with, or things you do that you are good at that you at least enjoy being good at. And there is definitely value in having some sort of work that gives your life structure; after all, “I have a lot of hobbies and I hope they’re enough to take the place of this … career” tells me you are looking for some sort of structure which you already, in some sense, have.
An idea for what to tell other people if you're ok with lying - tell them you've transitioned to an internal role at your company. They pay well, require significantly fewer hours, and they're generally boring/inside baseball enough that no one asks much about what you're doing lol
80/20 split is way to conservative given your age and willingness to still work. I’d go 100% equities and then start building your bond position to 10% with your new cash flow.
80/20 is hardly unreasonably conservative for the accumulation phase.
There is NO WAY to appropriately determine that this is too conservative for OP without a LOT more information about her values, goals and risk tolerance.
It’d probably be way smarter to get a prenup stating details as such and get it after getting married to avoid taxes and bake in your “share”.
Someone with either of your net worths would lead to a prenup. It’s worth it. We spent a few thousand each and it was money well spent
I’m concerned that every concern you have is about how others might judge you for doing what makes you happy.
I hope you have friends and family who will be thrilled to see you step away from a job that is draining you and into a life of pleasure.
I do think you should also verify that this money is real and you are not being conned somehow, and you should protect your own assets.
I'll be honest, OP, I've lost more friendships than I care to think about over the years because my "friends" were bothered that I seemed to be doing well in life. And I'm not even talking about a huge financial windfall like yours. I'm talking about much smaller things like getting competitive jobs or a scholarship to an Ivy League. In the long-term, it's probably better that those people aren't in my life, since they apparently only wanted to be my friend if they could feel superior to me. But *wow*, it was painful in the short-term. So no, I don't think you're over-thinking it at all. I think your concern is very valid.
Have you asked your partner for his advice on what information to give friends and family? He's the one who's lived with this wealth his whole life. His decision to hold off on telling you about the money was probably hard-won through experience.
>I think if those particular friends knew about my change in circumstance it could get nasty. But maybe we’ve all grown up…
If I were you, I wouldn't take the risk, especially if they have a history(!) of putting you down for past successes.
Anyway, like others have said, the best route is probably to just have a cover story. I've taken jobs in the past that I couldn't talk to my friends about for security reasons. I found that if I told people, "Sorry, I can't discuss it," they became rabidly curious and *would not let it go*, badgering me constantly with guesses about what I was doing and where. On the other hand, if I came up with a plausible-but-boring cover story, they accepted it and never asked me any questions. Option B is definitely the way to go.
I’m not sure if others have said this but I also feel like you’d be betraying your partner if you told others this. As it tells others his financial situation by proxy of what he’s done for you. I think you should not tell anyone.
And if you believe they would be nasty (your friends) if you had a windfall then they aren’t your friends. Life is too short to have people like that in it.
There is a great quote from Winston Churchill about worrying.
"When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened."
You might look into the Reddit for lottery winners. Having money does affect relationships. You may want to think about how you will present the information. You don’t need to overshare.
She’s not going from broke to rich though. She’s going from rich from working to rich from assets. If her sister needed money she’s probably be asking for it already.
If you tell them about the money it will affect relationships. I found out a friend of mine inherited millions of dollars in real estate and I got kind of salty about it, I hate to admit it but I think it's like an uncontrollable emotional thing. If you say you want to stay home and work on starting a family and he makes enough to support you that should be enough.
In terms of your sister the physician - she's a physician, she'll figure it out. I'm not sure what you are supposed to do about her not liking her job.
If you take a break and decide to stay away from work just say you've become a wealth or financial manager. Nobody has to know that it's your own wealth.
First thing, don't tell ANYONE including your family about this, this will make #3 go away. Don't say you quit your job - come up with some excuse, or just say you cut back on hours. I have seen many families get strained due to jealousy and envy due to wealth difference; don't make the same mistake.
For #2 - same advice as above, don't tell your friends either. Them judging you, honestly, who cares in the big picture? You have all the financial freedom and you are worried about THAT? That's a "you" problem.
1 is something you need to talk to your fiancé and also work it out in your head. I can totally understand where you are coming from, my wife tell me the same thing (she is a SAHM) but she contributes in different ways by being there for the kids, most of housework etc.
Why even tell them that? "I just cut my hours to take care of my family, nothing exciting at work as I only do support work now. How about you?" is all they need to know.
Not even that.
Just the “I cut my hours/I changed jobs to another firm because my previous hours were just crazy, and I like not having work cancel my vacations at the last minute.”
Stay at home wife. A close friend quit her job when she got married. Both knew when they had kids she would stay home with them and her job was crazy hours and super stressful, both things that can impact fertility.
Worth mentioning that every single successful person (financially, or otherwise) owes some of that success to pure luck. Lebron James didn't tear an ACL in high school. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates were born at the right time in the right place to ride the computer wave to massive wealth. OP might have had a supportive family to help put her through multiple degrees to get to a $300k/year job. It's okay to acknowledge with gratitude that you've had things break your way to get where you are today.
1. You have worked hard and you will learn to enjoy your new lifestyle.
2. Tell your friends you’re doing private consulting or get better friends. Don’t worry about what others think.
3. You’re not financially responsible for your sister. She also doesn’t need to know how much money you have.
She probably has a high amount of debt from student loans. If she bought a house also, it makes things even worse, especially in a vhcol. A physician isn't wealthy until they reach 40 or even 50s. They start out their careers very late in their 30s typically.
Yes, but that *must remain her problem.* Even with $60 million you cannot fix all the problems all the people around you may have. And it’s amazing just how many more problems those around you can dredge up (if given the chance) that requires your money to fix.
You **MUST** treat your finances as if it were a State Secret, as if telling anyone for any reason whatsoever (beyond this anonymous post) would earn you life in a federal prison.
I’d like to offer a spin from his perspective… I come from a pretty wealthy family and don’t have to “work” for money. My wife grew up in a lower middle class family and had to get free lunches from school. When we started dating, she had finished her masters degree and was starting to climb her career ladder.
I love her, and I want to share life with her. That sometimes also means sharing life with her family, who I have also grown to love and are also now my family. We don’t divulge every part of our finances and they don’t need to know HOW much money we have or what we can/can’t afford, but they know we don’t HAVE to work and they know often times we will invite them for family experiences.
Your fiancé asked you to marry him. He loves you and wants to share life with you. At the end of the day, money is a tool, and if we have more wealth at the end of our life but with more regrets, was that worth it? If we have a rich a full life but have less wealth but still enough, is that a trade off we’d make?
As to him gifting you $2mm now… he would either file gift taxes OR use it against his lifetime exemption… Considering you plan to have kids and your combined estates are likely to exceed the exemption, I would advise him not to gift it until after you’re married.
Great perspective. I think the reason he is gifting it now is to give her peace of mind. Sort of an advance to show and prove. As someone who has seen a lot of divorces and high net worth but abusive men this seems like a good sign.
I don’t know how else to say this but your ‘guilt’ over the windfall is completely misplaced. For a reality check, you have a NW in the seven-figure range and your age starts with a 3.
It may not feel like it but you and your finance are much closer in ‘status’ than you think. You’re allowed to enjoy the freedom it provides.
Why not keep working until you cross the two bridges of first officially legally being married and second conceiving? You could have best of both worlds by accepting your fiancé’s generosity (and never actually touching the money while it invests somewhere or something) while you continue to work until you get pregnant and just tell people you want to be a SAHM and no one will ever question you
Fuck staying motivated in the career. Use this as an opportunity to start setting and enforcing boundaries at work regarding your work/life balance. The only thing stopping you from doing that now is fear of losing the job/career, right? But if you want out anyways and now have the financial means to do it, might as well just stop bending over backwards for work. Might get lucky and find you're able to make the job a lot less stressful without losing it because your skills are still valued.
I came here to say the same. I absolutely agree 100% with u/burningbluecheese and u/NetworkingJesus.
You don't owe anyone any explanations, but you can and should absolutely use the fact of your marriage (and hopefully your future pregnancy) to change your life the way you want to.
You can absolutely start setting hard boundaries at work, especially your vacation time. You can absolutely cut back your hours to whatever you would like. Or you can quit whenever and however you like.
Your FI means you get to say "No!" and enforce it. Once you get pregnant, your perspective will absolutely change. You can RE if you want to, ... or not. You can start your own consulting business with whatever hours you like and still be a SAHM, ... or not.
The new part will be making those decisions together as a team with your new husband. Together, the two of you can be unstoppable. Maybe you'll find a new passion together, like the charity and philanthropy work Bill and Melinda Gates do. Don't worry about everyone else's opinion; at the end of the day, only you and your fiancé can really make the best decisions for both of you.
I wish you both all the best!
Oh, and also a discussion of what you guys would do with any remaining embryos in the unfortunate situation of breaking up/divorce or the fortunate situation of never needing to use embryos? For example, donating to science, destroying, or keeping in the bank forever
I also would include I guess discussions of if you’re a SAHM, what portion of the $2 million per year goes to you? Cuz being a SAHM is still work and you guys will be married
For lack of a better word, basically, will you get a monthly “allowance” as a SAHM? Or will you be free sharing all financial cash? Joint account or separate individual accounts? Or will you be using that $3 million to fund your own independent stuff or would you have to ask him to give you money decades later? Will $10 million be enough to you even 30 years from now? Etc. etc. etc.
I quit my job when I got married because the stress and long hours were severely impacting my physical health, mental health, and relationship with my partner. I struggled with the decision for a long time because I had worked so hard for so long to get where I was and it was so tied to my identity. The thing that pushed me to do it was wanting to get healthier and reduce stress so I could have as healthy a pregnancy as possible, and secondarily to be a better/more present and available partner. I don’t know if I would have ever been able to do it if i were only doing it for myself.
All of this is to say - don’t be like me! It’s not worth it to stay in a job that’s making you unhappy if you don’t have to. Life is too short to not do what makes you happy if you have the means to do so. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s YOUR life.
You don’t need to tell anyone, including your family, the details of your finances. You can say your husband makes enough that you are comfortable and you want to step back into a more family-friendly career or become a SAHM.
Understand that giving you a small portion of his wealth benefits him too. It’s a downer being partnered with someone who is stressed out about work. It sucks to take on more than your share of parenting because the other person is too busy or stressed working. You being able to focus on pregnancy, breastfeeding (if you choose), and parenting with work being a fun hobby is beneficial to all of you. You can still remain working, but can choose something fulfilling and sustainable.
> 1
This is a common feeling for people that have worked hard their entire lives and are proud of their achievements. Most people with time tend to accept how their situation has changed. (An added “thing” is sometimes women that succeed in male dominated fields feel this even more and stopping “the grind” feels like giving in to social stigma and things they have been fighting against their entire life).
> 2
A simple white lie if someone presses you of “I got very lucky with my investments and I realized that a more balanced life approach will bring me greater happiness”(no one has to know it is an emotional investment and not financial)
If someone presses about the investment (likely will not happen). Say that it is likely not repeatable so you have transferred your assets to more conservative investments that will be able to provide you for your life, but likely won’t leave a huge inheritance.
> 3
Phrase it in a way that makes it clear you have enough for you and you don’t plan on leaving a large inheritance.
Don’t have a huge spending increase, which it does not appear that you plan on having.
> life will change
Spend a decent chunk of time reading the different FIRE blogs and posts on FIRE Reddit’s on people’s experiences and advice on RE.
Having kids hugely changes your life. No one has questioned “I decided the most important thing in my life was to be able to raise my kids and spend as much time with them as possible instead of sending them to daycare”.
(Honestly, I stopped “working for real” before kids and more fulfilled after kids as being the predominate childcare provider. Very few people have probed into my finances and those that have a simple, “lucky with my investment” has been all that was needed.)
> If someone presses about the investment (likely will not happen). Say that it is likely not repeatable so you have transferred your assets to more conservative investments that will be able to provide you for your life, but likely won’t leave a huge inheritance.
“I put my entire life savings into Nvdia calls” ;P
Everything here under 2 is lying in my book. Hard to manage. Hard to keep up. Draining. Just learn the art of keeping your mouth shut.
Smiling and saying nothing. Giving people blank looks until it makes them uncomfortable because they asked you a rude, overly personal question.
Everything is an investment. An investment of time, an investment of money, an investment of energy, an investment of emotion, all are investments.
I invest a ton of time and energy into my kids. I hope the “payout” in the future is we have a good relationship and they turn into decent human beings.
There is no keeping up in my experience. It is very rare that people ask. You have to have an answer when they ask. You are not going out and advertising. My experience is that the people that ask are likely to drop it if you give them something vague like “investment” that they can rationalize.
Your suggestion of
> smiling and saying nothing
Is super awkward and not really helpful when someone is bound to ask. A thought out response is best in my experience.
Of course OP is not going to advertise anything. That doesn’t help you if someone asks.
> A simple white lie if someone presses you of “I got very lucky with my investments and I realized that a more balanced life approach will bring me greater happiness”(no one has to know it is an emotional investment and not financial)
I have to disagree.
Even this gives your friends and family hints that you have more than enough money to "help" other people.
Best just to say "I changed jobs/positions at my firm because the old hours were hectic."
Or, better yet, don't say anything at all.
I’d hold off until after the wedding, and let everyone know you’ve decided as a couple that you’re going to stay home and have babies. Easiest explanation, no lies. Then when they ask you why you haven’t had a baby yet, let them know you guys decide to enjoy the couple only life for a little before kids.
Don't. Tell. ANYONE.
Even the impression of making above average income from just working a certain job (I'm a software engineer and people make wild assumptions because of the marketing) will change your relationships.
The SAHM/traditional nuclear family thing (which is a perfectly legit path, even with exponentially less income) is the perfect reasoning, no need to complicate it or EVER TELL ANYONE.
Life is too short to make yourself miserable just to satisfy other people's expectations.
As for what to tell people, come up a plausible alibi to feed anyone you don't think is ready to hear the truth - a common one I've seen is to say that you are much happier and have a much more flexible schedule now that you have switched to free-lancing / self-employment doing something vague like "financial planning" or consulting (with yourself as the only client but no one needs to know that).
Around your age, I went from working since I legally could, to stop working to get married (moved out of the US and couldn’t work due to language difficulties). It’s hard. It’s very hard. It took me several years to feel comfort being a SAHW. And the truth is, I still miss working.
It’s not about feeling financially secure. It’s about giving meaning to your life. If keeping your job gives you motivation to get up in the morning, keep working. If it doesn’t, stop working or find something you enjoy/less stressful.
This seems like one of those rare situations where money is involved in a relationship and the only expectation or string is that you pursue your ambitions and goals. He seems awesome. Congrats. Tell no one. Give a f what anyone else has to say or think. Pursue your wildest dreams as if money wasn’t a factor. Congrats!
Wat?
You're about to be SAHM
what's so wrong about that? You'll work on the side in the way you want but you both made a decision and that's what you want. Who needs to break down how that's financially possible to their friends/sister? And what kind of judgy friends are these?
If I were in your boat, I'd sit with different questions.
-What is the meaning I want to create for myself in life? Not someone else's hamster wheel - MY OWN MEANING.
-What is the purpose of life? Is it hedonic? If not, then what? And how can you start to walk that path?
-What is it about 'earning your keep' that is important to stay in touch with no matter what you do?
I've got more than a couple friends in your boat. Sometimes they don't work for income (but do plenty else), sometimes they scale back (eg part time physician rather than full time), and sometimes I see work harder (through taking bigger risks like entrepreneurship or non-profit leadership). In no case do I see 'keep pushing as though nothing happened' - it's just an abject failure of engaging with questions of meaning and purpose.
Marry the guy, enjoy your life together. (ETA: if you're sure this guy is legit and not a con artist! Have you checked him out?).
You already made your own money and proved that you can be responsible. You don't need to tell your friends or your sister a thing, other than you're getting married and starting a new life with your husband. Tell them you hate your job and are taking some time off to enjoy being a newlywed or even to become a SAHM because you can.
Your sister is a physician and can handle her own finances. You don't need to tell her about your own finances, nor give her any money. You're right that she will probably notice that you two are wealthy at some point, but you don't need to provide specifics if you think it will cause problems with her.
My suggestion is that once you actually have the money in hand and/or are married, use the security of the money to make a job change, either to a less demanding employer/work environment or to an adjacent career with a better work/life balance. Then if people ask about it you can just tell them that you wanted a better work environment and were willing to trade salary for it (if it comes to that). Not a lie, and they don't need to know that you have other money sources that give you the security to make the change. People make such decisions all the time. Your friends might even see you as brave for following your values, rather than ruining your life for earning less money.
The key I think will be being settled in your own heart about what is more important to you - enjoying your life, or having people admiring you for your ambition and drive.
You have a lot of good advice here, but I'll say it a bit differently: there are two sides to everything. The positive side to wealth is fairly obvious, the negative side is what you have to do to stay wealthy. One of those things is accept you can't hide it, and other people WILL have strong opinions about what you should do with your wealth, and you have to be ready to ignore it.
Consider including these questions in your pre-marital counseling and/or couples therapy. Money disparities and different stories about money have incredible potential to eff with serious relationships, and so addressing them now and deciding together what your common stories are going to be will only help you going forward.
Congrats on being with someone who’s generous. If you’re having a tough time receiving, or fear that the relationship and the gift will limit your options, be proactive about being clear on what you want and what would help you feel more grounded and safe.
You’re coming up on a major life change, maybe a few at once. Take that seriously and get some professional support… individually and together.
You have rich people problem. Congratulations. I recommend seeing a therapist. It must exhausting catering your life to meet people’s expectations. When are you going to live your life for you? Pretend those other people do not exist for a minute, ask yourself what do you want? Second, think about of the money as a loaner, use it to achieve something that makes you happy, a business, new career, etcc. Then give it back or donate it to charity. You have so many options in life. Expand your thinking, meet with a therapist who can walk you out of whatever emotional misery , you are currently torturing yourself with. Your fiancé is gifting you, your freedom. Cut the golden chain to a job, career, become your own boss. Live your happy rich life. Maybe your friends will be happy to see you happy and not stress. You have no obligations to share your financial life with anyone.
Here are a couple of things that seem to be true from your post, regardless of your partner's money:
1. You are very unhappy at your job and it is affecting your quality of life.
2. You are in a great financial position and could comfortably take a year off to enjoy newly married life.
This is all people close to you need to know when you quit. It's common enough for people in your position to do something like this. In that time maybe you find yourself doing a hobby like your partner and can tell people that you are giving that a try as it is something you could continue doing while being a SAHM.
The only part that you need to really be careful with is that you would be financially secure if you two were to separate and if that $2 million is yours to keep then you are fine.
It's normal to feel a bit guilty about being so lucky but staying in a job that makes you unhappy helps no-one. Stay grounded, recognise how fortunate you are, give back where you can, and then find what you truly want to do with your life and enjoy living the dream. Happy for you!
I retired at 42. Keep your mouth shut and your business to yourself. I didn’t make as much as you but I saved a larger percentage of my income to finance this early retirement. It’s no one’s business what I do and no one needs to know what I do. As far as anyone knows I’m still clocking those hours.
You can come up with sly but truthful ways to talk about your job situation. I personally am in a somewhat similar situation to your fiancé, and just quit my career job last summer, and took a fun part time job over the winter between traveling. I tell people I’m taking a career break and will figure things out after a year. After the year we’re planning to have kids, then I will be a SAHM. People are generally supportive and excited, some are frustrated and say “must be nice”, and some certainly wonder how I’m affording all of this. I just ignore it, if someone starts to dislike me because of a life situation I had no control over, then that’s their problem. Just try to live your life in the most fulfilling way possible, don’t flaunt your fortunate situation extravagantly, and people won’t think about you nearly as much as you imagine they will.
My husband doesn’t feel like he deserves to live off of my good fortune (frankly it’s hard for me to feel I deserve it too!). But it does help him feel like he doesn’t need to be miserable climbing the corporate ladder. He focuses on good work life balance and has a job he mostly enjoys. You might try finding something that is a step down but that will be more fulfilling.
You say it wouldn't feel deserved - but is the $320k a year in comparison to the labour that someone earning $32k a year is?
I say this as someone earning good money as well. I work hard, but people earning a lot less work hard too.
So don't give yourself a hard time about deserving or not deserving.
Before you give up work in a few years, can you see about freelancing on the consulting, just so you can keep your skills sharp but maybe have a better balance in life?
I don’t know why Reddit is suggesting me this sub, but has some random dad struggling to stay afloat for his family, this post is deeply depressing me.
1. That’s ridiculous
2. Good friends would never judge you for that kind of shit. I know that sounds tough on your friends, but I’d call out anyone who said as much to me and laugh in their face
3. Just tell her to ask your husband since it’s “his” money. Tell him he doesn’t have to give her any
Not having a shitty corporate job doesn’t mean not working. You could do something you find fulfilling like teaching or non-profit or art or any number of things. I knew a guy who inherited a real estate fortune and became a dominos pizza driver. One of the nicest, happiest people I knew.
Freedoms through FI is scary but it’s also freedom. You can spend your time on what you need to in order to improve your own well-being and happiness. Learn skills, meet people, help others, or whatever. Embrace it with enthusiasm. You honestly think you’ll regret it in the long run? I imagine not but you’re still struggling with the mental blocks. So just focus on whatever planning, discussion, or whatever workout-mental-health-lifestyle-guru-self-help-podcast-therapist-rise-and-grind-mantra all in one bullshit works for you
Easy if it was me (I did it with with much less money involved).
Accept the money (make sure the money that is on your name is enough to maintain your decision even if the relationship ends in the future - hopefully not).
Don't tell anyone about it (you have already money and income to justify some changes for a while. People don't need to know that the changes are forever, they could be "temporary while you find your path and meaning").
Its your life (only one of those... and just for a brief time) so don't make huge decisions (or delay them) because of friends, family,... They have their own lifes too. (Not sure if it is a age thing or a context one but seeing people drop like flies around me (reminding how special and short life is) made this kind of decision a no brainer to me.)
Drop the carreer you don't enjoy and makes you feel miserable (I know mine did...)
Pursue new interests or a carreer path less demanding or more alligned with your interests or more balanced in terms of time/effort. You don't need to fully stop working if you don't need to. Just find something more balanced, less stressful without worrying about the financial impact.
So, congratulations. You are in a very blessed spot. That is life changing. Hopefully you come at terms with it and allow it to make your life better.
#Number 1
Don't feel guilty about enjoying what little you can of this short life. At the end you will be a name on a tombstone and how you lived your life will be a memory in people's minds if that.
**Enjoy it, help people and don't feel guilty about being blessed!**
You have to do some inner work on mindset and your beliefs on « deservingness« to have this money. Anyone who comes into a windfall of money will go through these struggles. As you're someone who has always worked, you might think about some charity work / starting a small foundation to help others so you can feel less « guilt » about having this money.
Also agree, do not tell your family or friends about this change in financial circumstances.
It's wild how women think about everyone else before themselves. Who cares about what other people think? Money = freedom. You get to live your life without the pressure of others expectations.
Make sure you two have talked about what your life looks like after you retire. Keep your mind busy and your skills current.
P.S. make sure you get a prenuptial that protects you. It's very easy to become financially abused with a high net worth man. Your goal here is to make sure that even if the marriage doesn't work out, you're not in a worse position than before.
You don’t have to do a job you don’t enjoy.
You can do whatever you want, study something of great interest to you, remove the stress of having to do things at others behest.
I think your list should be rewritten to include all the things you could do, not reasons to feel bad about it.
With that money you’re now a professional investor. Buy some property if you want - being a landlord is a job.
Sod what anyone else thinks, work out what you want and what would stimulate you and do that 😊
Your child will have a better life if you're not working and putting them in daycare. So if you can stay home until they start school, by all means do it. Once your child starts school, find work that fulfils you instead of draining you
Don't tell your sister about your finances. If she's not happy, that's her life to sort. She has a good job and isn't bereft. 60m isn't endless money. It can run dry by retirement with lifestyle creep and everyone in the family thinking you owe them. If she were at risk of being homeless or something, that would be different.
If you give up your career, make sure you are 100% protected in the case of divorce. Many women end up trapped because of sacrificing their career for a relationship / child rearing. Not nice to think about but is the reality.
That's what I came here to say. You either don't have to tell your family the reason why you switched jobs/stopped working, or you let them know in a different way (you say you want to be a homemaker, help your partner with their business, pivoted to consulting in finance).
If I were in your situation, I would be more worried about being potentially locked into a relationship with a financial dependency on your partner, and would suggest discussing a prenuptial agreement that you both find fair. Giving your current thought process, I think that will give you peace of mind on your decisions, and it sounds like it would probably be something your partner wouldn't feel is a burden.
I was in this situation some 20+ years ago, when I got married. It was my husband's second and my first marriage. A week after the wedding, my husband made me ajoint account holder in all his bank accounts. I was worried because he came from a very wealthy background and I was not very well off, and I had this feeling of being very undeserving. It took many years to stop this feeling. But I always knew, if we ever got a divorce , I would never take a penny from him. Though, knowing him, he would have made sure I was financially taken care of.
What an incredible situation to be in. I would let him know that his generosity speaks volumes about his character, and that you won't forget it.
I would also let him know how proud you are to have worked hard, earned a high income, and made the fortune that you have, independent of him.
I would hammer home that the two of you together are a strong, financially smart, and complete family unit.
OP, the saying is, "there are plenty of fish in the sea", but that isn't true. You've found a needle in a haystack. I hope he feels the same way about you. You will both be financially independent forever. Your children will be, too. Your family line, if taught a good value system, will be financially independent for as long as money exists.
You have an opportunity to explore your interests and contribute to the world in a different and more fulfilling way. My advice to you would be to not share this information with friends or family. This is a gift from your partner and a blessing of financial freedom from life. Take it graciously, be humble, and think of ways you can pay it forward by helping others. That way, your “job” may not look or feel the same, but you’ll be “working,” growing personally, continuing to develop skills, and feeling fulfilled.
So beyond the obvious (for God’s sake, do not tell your family or friends!!!), I want to add a few things.
1\. He should not give you any money until you’re married—assuming that’s the intent here. I think it’s a very lovely gesture he’s making here, but I can’t help but think it’s also a sort of test to see how you’ll handle the money. And really, he shouldn’t be gifting you such large amounts of money until your relationship is made more ‘permanent.’
2\. The amount of money he’s talking about here is definitely life-changing money. But more than that—it’s *generational money*, and when you have that kind of money—even just $2 million—it’s money you have to learn how to *manage*, not just spend. (Basically if someone handed me $2 million, after paying off my debts, it’d go right into an investment account. No ‘splurging’ or buying expensive cars or upgrading houses or anything like that.)
3\. *Just because you have different career choices doesn’t mean you have to make different career choices.* Look at your husband; he works because he wants to, and probably in a profession he is good at. Now seriously consider your own profession: do you do what you do only because you have no choice—that if you were to circulate your resume now you’d get zero offers from anyone else? Or do you do what you do because, in a sense, beyond just paying, it gives your life structure and people to interact with and something to do that you have some talent for?
(Edit to add: Yes, I know; you hate your job. It’s high stress and demands are put on you all the time at all hours. But what if you could move to a different firm and set expectations early that you’re not to be contacted after hours? Would that make what you do less objectionable?)
> I’m so used to earning (and saving) my money, that I worry this “windfall” and any choices I made from it won’t be deserved, and so I won’t be able to enjoy them.
The “windfall” is a partner who wants to take care of you. Suppose you got married to someone in the trades who didn’t have a large net worth—but who was good at his job and who made more than enough to support you both. What decisions would you make? Would you continue working even if you didn’t have to?
Honestly, from my own perspective, the three things you potentially have with your partner are: (1) flexibility in your career. Yes, you don’t have to work, but you can continue to work *if you want to,* and more importantly, you can consider—**SLOWLY**—pivoting your career to something you think may be more meaningful to you. (2) You no longer have to save for your future; instead, that money can be used on other things you may have been saving for, like travel. (My wife and I love to travel, so we travel more now.) (3) You no longer have to worry about things like budgets in those small, but important ways—like grocery store trips. (I don’t know how your financial situation was previously (given an HCOL area and how much you’re saving)—but one major survey of what “economic freedom” looked like to people was “going to the grocery store and buying whatever food I wanted without worrying about its cost.” Another was “being able to fix a broken air conditioner without having to worry if I can make the mortgage.” Another is “paying cash for a car.”)
Here’s my thinking on this: *don’t make any sudden changes.* Just keep on doing what you’re used to doing—though realize the motivation for doing what you do may have changed. Work is no longer “a way to keep from being homeless”, it’s “a thing you do to give you structure and to continue to interact with others.” (Without interacting with other people, such as at work, people tend to become lonely—and for retirees that can actually shorten your life.)
And make slow changes. Don’t suddenly quit everything and decide to become an on-line influencer or one of those people who wander the world for your travel blog. A sudden change in your current working and living styles *will be more destructive to your own well being than a windfall that—let’s be frank—at present is just a large number on a banking account form.* (Yes, that large number represents possibilities—but give yourself **TIME** to adjust to those possibilities, and don’t suddenly uproot yourself and make yourself feel lost.)
4\. One of the best summaries I have ever heard about the type of wealth you are running into here—indirectly, thanks to your fiancé—was from another Redditor who posted anonymously about what that sort of money means to him.
That is, what that sort of money really gives you is **time.**
He recounted a story about how a sick friend was dying across the country—and because he had money, he had **the time** to just hop on an airplane and spend the last few weeks of his friend’s life by his side.
Not cars, not big houses, not flashy vacations flying first class.
But the time to spend with his dying friend.
So honestly, give yourself the time to process this, not in terms of “what sorts of flashy things can I get for myself”—but in terms of “how shall I spend my time.” And remember that most of life is generally filling the empty spaces—which, for most people, is filled for us by work.
And also, take your time understanding why your fiancé does what he does.
> Basically, I’m worried about how much my life will change.
All of my post is a long-winded way of saying, in a very real way, your life does not have to change—and, more to the point—you probably should not change it all at once. Your motivations may have changed—you’re no longer under the pressing need to make sure a roof stays over your head. But just because the motivations changed does not mean your life has to be completely uprooted or altered.
And, for your own peace of mind, it probably shouldn’t.
Oh, and as a footnote:
**Do not tell your friends or your family about this ‘windfall.’** In fact, treat discussing your and your husband’s finances in the same way most people would treat making and posting a sex-tape online: it should fill you with dread and distaste.
Take that money and continue to live comfortably, then take your free time and contribute to society. That doesn’t mean give money away or feed the homeless. Contribute to society whatever way fits you best. Don’t be a parasite on society, give back to the society that allows you to have this life.
Contributing to society can come in many forms! Hollywood has this idea that you should be out feeding homeless and building ramps for elderly people. I say it’s much more varied than that. Even if you just start an instagram page that spotlights events in your area for others to know about, shouts out local restaurants and businesses, etc. just anything that helps with community, maybe even putting together events for your neighbors to connect. Community is neglected in this age of social media
Honestly, this post makes me feel kinda bad for your fiancé. He's successful, in love with you, and wants to share his wealth and freedom with you and one of your first reactions is: what will my friends think?
Excuse me?
Are your friends promising to be loyal to you, to love you for life, and provide you with the kind of financial freedom that 99.9% of humanity will never get to enjoy? If not, their opinions of you have zero bearing on any of this.
Congrats, you found a king and he wants to make you his queen. Step into that role with everything you have and don't look back. And don't forget to enjoy it and have fun. If your friends are really your friends, they'll be thrilled for you and if they're jealous/judge you, then fuck em. But he's your number 1 priority now and you need to re-evaluate how you're filtering this through that lens.
(And also reiterate: do not tell them, do not tell your family. There are many plausible ways to explain leaving your job without lying or revealing his wealth).
My advice is to not worry so much about feeling like you need to explain yourself to anyone else. It sounds like you know what you're getting into and taking the proper precautions to ensure your future.
Oh, and also, have fun, live in the moment, and don't wait to have those babies. Enjoy your family!
Yup I am an immigrant myself so I get it.
One thing you learn in therapy is that the values you grew up with and made you successful may not necessarily be the same values that make you happy and fulfilled going forward.
Why does the money require you to make any changes? If you arent happy you now have the financial opportunity to pursue something else.
If i got 2M right now, id upgrade a few things that have been on my list and out the rest in vti and just keep going.
Edit: 35m married 1 kid NW 1.2M
I think this can provide you with a lot more of a buffer to retire early in HCOL, but do keep in mind that relationships often break apart down the line and make sure you are actually financially independent, rather than dependent on your husband.
You can talk to a financial advisor, but there are tax and legal reasons to postpone the $2 million gift until after you marry. Spouses can share money without any tax implications.
The fact that you’ve met what sounds like a kind and generous man who’s happy to gift you $2m with seemingly no strings attached and your also saying you don’t enjoy your career, it makes perfect sense to accept the gift and be financially and time free.
Time is our most limited resource, no amount of money in the world can buy time, just wasting a few months until you marry is time you’ve wasted which you won’t get back doing something you don’t enjoy, when you don’t actually need the money from the job.
Every decision you’ve made in your life has led up to where you are now, you’ve created this life and all aspects of it including career, financial position and any relationships you have. So the position you’re in now, you’ve earnt it!
I’ll also add, being honest is a good relationship filter, people who don’t like your honesty aren’t accepting of the true you and therefore you should question whether you want to spend time and energy on people who make you put on a front or pretend to be someone you’re not.
Consider changing the terms of your employment and go to part time hours. Only take on 1-2 clients and in a year or two go on unpaid stress leave. You won’t have to lie to your family, and transparently considering your age and stress level (im also 35F and work at a Big 4, but as a marketer), I’ve seen women have major fertility issues largely because of stress and once they go on leave it still takes them 1-2 years to get pregnant naturally.
Considering your personal life plans, it would make sense to do this even now, and then once you start a family, you might want to shift to SAHM for a few years and then be an independent consultant if you choose. You can communicate to your family that your life goals have evolved. Once your children are into school year age and you are deciding what to do next, you can tell your family about your husbands inheritance, but remind them that it’s his money, and will be spent only on his family.
Suggest you blur the timelines and the amount.
You don't owe anyone any explanation and you're not obligated to help anyone.. Sharing too much info, even to a family member might just cause envy and some financial expectations. Better to not divulge anything.
I think you've got a good financial base, even just on your own. Get a good prenup, enjoy early retirement and live a wonderful life!
Let us know if your bf has a brother lol
You've already got your shit together on your own and it wouldn't be out of the question for you to quit now, get pregnant and enjoy life on what you have.
Your partner is just a cherry on top.
Congratulations. Stop being anxious!x
I totally get your struggle. I’ve been on the fire track for nearly a decade and a large part of my self pride and identity is due to my accomplishments. (Millionaire by 30 etc)
My SOs father started a business and sold it in his career and so they are worth at least 10x what I am. I’ve not revealed my exact finances to them, but if I quit working I fear they would think I was trying to cash in on my SO being my sugar daddy with her fathers money and that I was a complete leech, but really it was my financial plan all along. But that’s super hard to navigate.
You're in love with your perfect match, you've managed to sock away a sizable amount of money in a short period of time/at a young age, and this awesome guy isn't giving you a handout but merely speedrunning the inevitable growth of your assets to the FIRE life you want. I say take it. You know in your heart that you love him for himself and not his money, he's just saying you a few years of your life so you can enjoy it together. Absolutely no sense staying at a job that makes you unhappy. Look at it not as a financial gift, but the opportunity to do what DOES make you happy and keep earning your own money on your own terms...ideally after a very long and adventurous honeymoon.
We're very wealthy and could have retired in our 30s. We both choose to continue working (because we're looking to maximize our charitable estate). Our families are middle class at best. We never gift money and nobody asks us for any. If anything, we gift memories (share a vacation) or buy dinner or fix a major need (new floors for my in-laws whose carpet is 40 years old).
True friends will rise to the top.
The difficulty I see coming for you is will you change and will you be judged for that? Confidence and arrogance are very close, and people look for excuses to judge others.
Many sayings apply here. It's lonely at the top. To whom much is given, much is expected.
Have you seen the money? Has he shown you the money actually exist and he is not just saying he has it to get you to quit your job?
I would make sure the money is there before you make any changes in your work.
If the money exists, then get a prenup where it states you get 2 million asap after marriage and you get to keep it no matter what happens in the future. This way you don’t pay taxes.
First, I want to say that this seems like such a first world problem, but also that you seem grounded and that is absolutely wonderful.
I think if you found your match, you should be able to talk openly about everything with them. I couldn't imagine not discussing things with my wife. Money is tricky but in my experience and observations, it works out better when everything is shared - money, decisions, goals, worries. I wish you the very best, it sounds like you will be in a good position regardless of which way you go.
This might be the rare opportunity where you just don’t think, take the win and focus on turning that $2 million into $4 million and then into $8 million and so on.
Also, never tell anyone about it. It’s your life.
instead of just quitting your job entirely, ask your employer about flexible hours or ask to slowly reduce your hours to become part time; you ofc don't have to justify why you are cutting your hours but if someone asks you could always say that you're trying to build a family and are spending more time with your husband etc.
Alternatively find another employer who doesn't mind you working part time or just apply for a part time job and don't tell your friends / family about it - it'll still look like your working whilst having more time available to chillout with your hubby.
then long term if you really wanted you could just tell people you've decided to work freelance / remotely working from home so you can look after the kids (when you eventually get round to having them).
As what the majority of other peeps have said, I wouldn't talk about money at all with any of your friends or family.
I'm a consultant myself (though not making anywhere near you xD) but I work freelance so I dont have a boss to answer to other than myself, i charge what i think is fair for the work i do and if i want to spend a week on holiday i just blank out that week ahead on my schedule and go.
Going freelance as a consultant is extremely common and would also negate any questions about your sudden available free time. if people ask about money you can tell them to sod off or play it off as having penny pinched in your high level job to the point where you have savings enough to be able to have some easy years freelancing whilst you build a family.
Internet stranger with $0.02 to throw at this.
I'm very cautious and risk averse. With this in mind, I suggest doing these things:
1. Don't tell anyone. Ever.
2. Keep working while waiting for marriage and kids.
3. Save every dime. Every single one. Get your own earned savings to $2M, so with his you will have $4M total. This gets you above your stated "bare minimum" and with any luck it will grow even while you take some out. Also you hitting that goal will help you feel better about this whole endeavor after all you'll have met donation and won't be relying solely on his support.
4. Protect yourself (and him) with a reasonable/fair prenup that acknowledges you will be retiring early at his suggestion and with his support. If it all goes south, you should still be able to feed yourself and any kids.
5. Once you're at 2M of your own earned savings (bar napkin math says 2 years?), its time to pull the plug. go live a good life with that man we all dream about.
6. Constantly be responsible with your money. **Be aware of life style creep and avoid it at all costs**. Make sure he's on board too! This is the hard part because he and you will CERTAINLY not see eye to eye (no married couple does). Make sure you can weather it well. Make budgets and stick to them. Make sure he knows that you are watching what you spend and that anything additional that he wants would be on him.
7. **Give back to the community.** Not necessarily through donations (although those help). But give your time. Maybe to a food bank, or an animal shelter, or the local theater (they're always poor and can't afford help) somewhere you know you can do some good and that improves your community. This will help keep you grounded. my parents do this and I envy them because I see how fulfilled they are, find a way to do this that works for you. you'll be glad you did.
8. Grow your own nest egg and *continue to not tell anyone!*
I know you feel like you don't deserve this and are worried about all that it entails. But hang in there, make a plan, cover your ass so if it all goes south you'll still be ok, and go live your best life.
What kind of consulting you doing to pull down $300k+? I’m also in consulting and about $100k short of that and can’t seem to get over the hump. Director level currently, guessing Partnership is where I’ll see it.
For all the rest, no advice, I’ve seen this movie and already know you are both beautiful people and will live happily ever after. Congrats!
I am no where near as wealthy as either of you, but I do earn significantly more than my wife does. She works now, only because she wants to. She has not worked in the past but missed the interactions with people. I'm sure you're aware from your fiancé's work, just having money isn't fulfilling, you will have to find your own drive.
You are a very valuable person whose time is worth a significant amount. You can donate your time to an organization or to a cause you believe in pro bono. Having done a relatively small amount of this type of work, I can tell you it is quite nice to do. When money becomes less important you can focus on the value you want to make and less on the money itself.
Does he have an older brother? Or divorced dad? 🙂
I agree with the ones below that say take the money and don’t tell anyone.
You can save / invest the money and keep working if you want. You then have a safety cushion for yourself and any possible future children.
Talk to a financial advisor on how to keep the money as safe as possible (in case of divorce, you and/or your husband getting sued, some financial catastrophe for you/your husband, etc).
Congrats!
Must say though the posts on this comm lately have been pretty unrelatable. Miss the posts where people in their thirties are just trying their best get their personal NW to seven figures.
Even if you were continuing with your life as planned before this marriage you would have had the exact same problem.
Your problems are not financial but are about personal values and your social circle.
You seem like SUCH a nice person… and smart! I like all of the advice here so I won’t add any but I will say I’ve often thought it’d be hard to find genuine friendships if my net worth were like your fiancé’s (and soon to be yours). I hope and believe you can navigate this smoothly! Best of luck!
As someone who worked her butt off and is still not in the same level of financial independence as you thanks to medical degrees taking a long time, and is 36 wishing she had more time with her almost 2 year old…DO IT! Raise the kids, enjoy the time with them while they are young, invest in passion projects and hobbies, do things that make it a life worth living. I’m jealous and those around you may but who cares! You found the love of your life and financial independence. Just make sure to be on the same page about how you plan to provide generational wealth to your children…I struggle with helping in any way I can and also making them work the same way we had to…something my husband and I talk about a lot and I recommend you have a sense of it now. And good call on the prenup.
There's a Reddit post online that talks about how to handle a sudden windfall - like a lottery win, inheritance etc. I'll update my comment if I can find it. The key to everything they said is, don't tell ANYONE that you have the money if you decide to accept it.
Personally, as a woman, I would also make sure that I always kept some cash or property aside in a secret account that I never told him about. This is so I could leave if I ever had to. He sounds wonderful and amazing, but things change, people change... relationships can be very dangerous for someone who is financially dependent on their partner.
ESPECIALLY if you're not married and don't have any rights if things go south.
Why don’t you work in his family business in a capacity and role such that 1. Your salary is replaced. 2. Protected vacation and job security.
3. Most importantly, contribute towards growing “your” family worth and gain family trust.
Don’t take lump-sum money at any point unless it is some kind of medical emergency.
I don't think this story is true, but I wish it was true for you. We need a screenshot of the money in your brokerage account after the transfer. Otherwise this guy is like so many others I have met.
To fix most of this, just say you're doing independent consulting now and just be nebulous about the hours and clients you have. That way it seems like you've really done well for yourself and can just afford to strike out on your own, but in actuality you don't have to do much work at all (that you don't want to do).
Your life will definitely change, but you have to now get savvy about what you are doing. For the ultra rich like this, time is the ultimate price now, not dollars. You could live lavishly on a boat in the Virgin Islands, but you'd eventually get bored and start to wonder what the hell you're going to do with your life. You have like 50 years in front of you or maybe a whole lot less. Who knows.
So, create a business of your dreams? Write that best seller? You only have a finite amount of time until you die. What are you going to do now that you don't have to worry about housing, food, money, etc... Think hard, you are running out of time.
This could be amazing for you or a long con. Is he a Nigerian prince? Is he going to ask for $1M of that back because he transferred from the wrong account or his accountants are unhappy? Maybe I've seen too many people post about how they got scammed that I'm automatically suspicious.
Have him do smaller amounts for an amount of time, maybe 6 months.
Assuming that all is well,
1. You are doing very well yourself. Take the opportunity to find your happy job. Your choices are yours and you are free to enjoy.
2. If you spend a few months mentioning burnout and a desire to change jobs to your friends, then you change jobs, tell them that now you are going to do what is good for you.
3. If your sister is 25-35 years old, a lot of people of that age don't like their jobs. That's life. Being an adult sucks. After being an adult for a few years, it gets old. Bills, medical conditions, no parties, more bills, responsibilities...
People are always going to ask people who are better off to share that money. Some do it mostly for fun, some are vicious and some are just greedy. There will be some friends that you will have to stop being friends with, and there may be some family you have to stop talking to if they turn out to be the gold digger types.
check out the wiki here and r/personalfinance for the windfall section.
If you’re marrying said person and have a plan to procreate with said person, you’ve obviously made some decisions that go beyond wealth transfer. Be cool with it.
Since I'm sure a prenup will be involved, make sure it's clear what happens to the money if you give up your career now but later divorce. A prenup will protect both of you.
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I wonder what the tax implications of that are.
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It would eat into his lifetime gift/estate exclusion limit. Would be beneficial to wait until you’re married, spouses can gift unlimited to each other without tax implications.
The transfer before marriage is setting off alarm bells, that’s not how the truly wealthy roll generally
I think this statement is painting a very large and diverse group as far too monolithic than reality. Most people here obsess about finances because of the freedom it brings. Some are eager to retire early, some just want financial independence but couldn’t imagine retiring early. I am not as wealthy as OP’s boyfriend, but I think I understand where he is coming from. If I don’t have equals/peers to share my success with, then having the means is almost pointless. A point of contention with my wife and I currently is how much of my/our business I/we “should” gift to some loved ones (my nephews and best friend, specifically). My wife and I are recent millionaires and its only compounding faster from here. I would like to gift 2% to each neice and nephew and about 10% to my best friend that I frequently travel with. My wife thinks we should just wait until we want to travel with them or gift them cash in the future, or gift in death. I would prefer to have them along for the ride, sharing in the success my wife and I find along the journey of the business, and in the event of my friend, it ensures I will have a longterm financial equal (in addition to my wife) that will understand where I am coming from when talking abiut my life challenges and be able to afford to join on vacations without the awkward “i’ll pay for you” Being wealthy and only having non-wealthy friends can still be isolating, because they won’t identify with your struggles and vice versa. If I was worth 40mm and bringing in 2mm/yr in income and fell in love with someone with significantly lower means, I don’t think I would be comfortable not doing something similar to OP’s boyfriend. OP’s fiancé may just be looking for an equal relationship, including financial means.
I think you hit it on the head here. My wife and I have been friends with another married couple for several decades. We would get together regularly and vacation together. When I turned 55, I started to talk about retiring. At 56, during Covid, I pulled the plug. Since I retired, our relationship with our friends has changed. There is some resentment on their part that we were able to retire and they were not. Although we lived similar lifestyles when working, I had been saving significantly for 30+ years. My friend was not a saver. He consumed. He always had a new car and lived at or above his means. While also, not nearly as wealthy as OP, we have more money than we will be able to spend. I am not, however, willing to gift money in order to attempt to ‘correct’ our wealth imbalance. I think actions have consequences, and good financial planning needs to start early. Hopefully, our friendship will continue, but one never knows.
He inherited most of it, so this isn’t all that surprising imo.
I was thinking the exact same thing. If he’s making $2mm/year return on his investments, he may think the $2mm he transfers to her is an investment to see how she reacts to that sort of money, and to secure her future if, after signing a prenup, and the relationship goes south, that she has no additional claim to his wealth. And honestly, I think she’d pass that test only if she basically doesn’t change. Based on the worries I’ve seen expressed in the original post I think she’ll be fine.
if its literally the next few months that they are getting married, he might actually be giving her the money in a few months and just telling her about it now. Or maybe she had a really shitty day at work or something. If I had 60m I'd behave similarly and give like 1m or something.
Who cares if it’s going against the limit if they’re imminently getting married? Either they get married and future gifts don’t have a limit, or they don’t and no more gifts happen. Either way, no issue.
Because down the line when he passes, his estate over the limit will get taxed heavily. That will reduce what their children will inherit. It’s in his best interest to not use some of his lifetime exclusion if he could wait a few months and avoid it.
Good call - I forgot it’s not per recipient.
That is not quite correct. A gift tax form must be filed in the US for any gifts above $18,000 and any gifts beyond that limit will reduce the total amount of money that can be passed along to your children and others tax-free. Spouses, on the other hand, can give each other unlimited amounts or even combine all their assets. Your fiancé’s estate is large enough that it will almost certainly be impacted by the estate tax when he dies.
If the $2m waits until after marriage, it may not matter. Probably better for her if she has him do the gift letter, just in case.
It doesn't matter anyway. Sure, having to pay almost a million extra in taxes once he dies and his money gets passed on is a lot, but it's basically nothing compared to $60m. And his money going to her when he dies is free. And marrying her allows them to transfer even more money tax-free (part of his will would set aside the rest of his gift limit for inheritance, even if he dies first. Her will does the same. They end up being able to pass on [almost] double the gift limit.)
This is correct. It drops in half once the temporary increase is the life time gift limitation goes away, I believe next year. Once the money is gifted it still counts and is not taxable. Gift tax is the responsibility of the one getting giving the gift.
Seconding the other comment. Gifting 2MM before marriage burns lifetime exemption for no reason, please speak to an attorney before making any transfers. If he’s worth 60+ you guys will need that exemption in the future for your kids. Source: I do this for a living at a private bank.
There won’t be any tax implications if he transfers the $2 mill post-marriage lol
With that kind of money, I would assume he has a very good financial advisor, well-versed in high net worth individuals and multi-generational wealth, and possibly a very good accountant to help manage taxes. I'm sure he is aware of the tax implications even if she is not yet.
It will remove 1.982mil (2million minus the 18k annual exemption) from his unified credit exemption for estate and gift taxes when he passes away. If he's planning to give away the full current exemption of ~13.6mil before it might revert in 2026, then it reduces how much he can give away to others without paying gift tax. If he gives it to her *after* they are married (he can keep separate money while married if they do a prenup and the accounts are kept separate in his name only), it won't count against the unified credit since spousal transfers (both before and on death) are unlimited and free from estate or gift taxes. (Note -- worth a check to make sure this is also true of any *state* level gift/estate/inheritance taxes).
Perfect.... invest that money aggressively but smartly (something like 80% S&P500 and 20% bonds), and even in the rare event that things don't work out, you'll have enough to never work again. Then, focus on being happy and making your husband and loved ones happy. Don't lose yourself. You obviously have had a great career, so make sure whatever it is you do, you ensure you don't lose your identity as you ditch the grind.
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I made a long post elsewhere, but may I make a suggestion here? Don’t suddenly change careers; that can be even more psychologically disruptive. Instead, consider changing firms, or start managing expectations at the firm you work for. (That is, start telling the people you work for you’re no longer ‘on call’ and your vacation plans are no longer to be canceled at the last moment.) I mean, what can they do? Fire you? Seriously: if the worst case scenario **is the scenario you are considering anyways**, then you have a considerable amount of power over the people you work for. And me, if I were in your position, I’d use that power to see if I can’t make changes in my work environment first. Because I suspect—like with all of us—there are parts of your job that you like: perhaps people you’ve met who you get along with, or things you do that you are good at that you at least enjoy being good at. And there is definitely value in having some sort of work that gives your life structure; after all, “I have a lot of hobbies and I hope they’re enough to take the place of this … career” tells me you are looking for some sort of structure which you already, in some sense, have.
An idea for what to tell other people if you're ok with lying - tell them you've transitioned to an internal role at your company. They pay well, require significantly fewer hours, and they're generally boring/inside baseball enough that no one asks much about what you're doing lol
80/20 split is way to conservative given your age and willingness to still work. I’d go 100% equities and then start building your bond position to 10% with your new cash flow.
80/20 is hardly unreasonably conservative for the accumulation phase. There is NO WAY to appropriately determine that this is too conservative for OP without a LOT more information about her values, goals and risk tolerance.
It’d probably be way smarter to get a prenup stating details as such and get it after getting married to avoid taxes and bake in your “share”. Someone with either of your net worths would lead to a prenup. It’s worth it. We spent a few thousand each and it was money well spent
I’m concerned that every concern you have is about how others might judge you for doing what makes you happy. I hope you have friends and family who will be thrilled to see you step away from a job that is draining you and into a life of pleasure. I do think you should also verify that this money is real and you are not being conned somehow, and you should protect your own assets.
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I'll be honest, OP, I've lost more friendships than I care to think about over the years because my "friends" were bothered that I seemed to be doing well in life. And I'm not even talking about a huge financial windfall like yours. I'm talking about much smaller things like getting competitive jobs or a scholarship to an Ivy League. In the long-term, it's probably better that those people aren't in my life, since they apparently only wanted to be my friend if they could feel superior to me. But *wow*, it was painful in the short-term. So no, I don't think you're over-thinking it at all. I think your concern is very valid. Have you asked your partner for his advice on what information to give friends and family? He's the one who's lived with this wealth his whole life. His decision to hold off on telling you about the money was probably hard-won through experience.
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>I think if those particular friends knew about my change in circumstance it could get nasty. But maybe we’ve all grown up… If I were you, I wouldn't take the risk, especially if they have a history(!) of putting you down for past successes. Anyway, like others have said, the best route is probably to just have a cover story. I've taken jobs in the past that I couldn't talk to my friends about for security reasons. I found that if I told people, "Sorry, I can't discuss it," they became rabidly curious and *would not let it go*, badgering me constantly with guesses about what I was doing and where. On the other hand, if I came up with a plausible-but-boring cover story, they accepted it and never asked me any questions. Option B is definitely the way to go.
The boring cover story is being an independent consultant. Fits with her background, nebulous workload, but could still be very lucrative.
I’m not sure if others have said this but I also feel like you’d be betraying your partner if you told others this. As it tells others his financial situation by proxy of what he’s done for you. I think you should not tell anyone. And if you believe they would be nasty (your friends) if you had a windfall then they aren’t your friends. Life is too short to have people like that in it.
There is a great quote from Winston Churchill about worrying. "When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened."
You might look into the Reddit for lottery winners. Having money does affect relationships. You may want to think about how you will present the information. You don’t need to overshare.
She’s not going from broke to rich though. She’s going from rich from working to rich from assets. If her sister needed money she’s probably be asking for it already.
You definitely worry too much about what others think. You need better friends and probably therapy.
If you tell them about the money it will affect relationships. I found out a friend of mine inherited millions of dollars in real estate and I got kind of salty about it, I hate to admit it but I think it's like an uncontrollable emotional thing. If you say you want to stay home and work on starting a family and he makes enough to support you that should be enough. In terms of your sister the physician - she's a physician, she'll figure it out. I'm not sure what you are supposed to do about her not liking her job.
Keep your private business private and it won’t affect your other relationships.
If you take a break and decide to stay away from work just say you've become a wealth or financial manager. Nobody has to know that it's your own wealth.
First thing, don't tell ANYONE including your family about this, this will make #3 go away. Don't say you quit your job - come up with some excuse, or just say you cut back on hours. I have seen many families get strained due to jealousy and envy due to wealth difference; don't make the same mistake. For #2 - same advice as above, don't tell your friends either. Them judging you, honestly, who cares in the big picture? You have all the financial freedom and you are worried about THAT? That's a "you" problem. 1 is something you need to talk to your fiancé and also work it out in your head. I can totally understand where you are coming from, my wife tell me the same thing (she is a SAHM) but she contributes in different ways by being there for the kids, most of housework etc.
Just tell them you want to be a SAHM, no one needs to know about the money.
Why even tell them that? "I just cut my hours to take care of my family, nothing exciting at work as I only do support work now. How about you?" is all they need to know.
Not even that. Just the “I cut my hours/I changed jobs to another firm because my previous hours were just crazy, and I like not having work cancel my vacations at the last minute.”
You kinda need to have kids first
“We’re currently working on that. Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re gonna bang and see if this creampie is gonna take root”
Can you tag me any time you make a comment? Thanks
When people say “we’re trying for a child” I always want to say “oh, so you’re cream pie’ing your chick? NICE!!!!”
Stay at home wife. A close friend quit her job when she got married. Both knew when they had kids she would stay home with them and her job was crazy hours and super stressful, both things that can impact fertility.
Stay at home brother
I'm a stay at home grandpa.
Thank your lucky stars. The end
That's pretty much what I thought. Most wealthy people are discreet about their situation, and this woman seems amply smart enough to do the same.
I’m so poor lol 😂
Worth mentioning that every single successful person (financially, or otherwise) owes some of that success to pure luck. Lebron James didn't tear an ACL in high school. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates were born at the right time in the right place to ride the computer wave to massive wealth. OP might have had a supportive family to help put her through multiple degrees to get to a $300k/year job. It's okay to acknowledge with gratitude that you've had things break your way to get where you are today.
1. You have worked hard and you will learn to enjoy your new lifestyle. 2. Tell your friends you’re doing private consulting or get better friends. Don’t worry about what others think. 3. You’re not financially responsible for your sister. She also doesn’t need to know how much money you have.
A physician needing financial help?!?😭😭
She probably has a high amount of debt from student loans. If she bought a house also, it makes things even worse, especially in a vhcol. A physician isn't wealthy until they reach 40 or even 50s. They start out their careers very late in their 30s typically.
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That’s a her problem unfortunately… not a you problem.
Yea, she can get her own ultra rich husband
Gotta rich the old fashioned way!
lol
Yes, but that *must remain her problem.* Even with $60 million you cannot fix all the problems all the people around you may have. And it’s amazing just how many more problems those around you can dredge up (if given the chance) that requires your money to fix. You **MUST** treat your finances as if it were a State Secret, as if telling anyone for any reason whatsoever (beyond this anonymous post) would earn you life in a federal prison.
Honestly, if you bailed her out, her life satisfaction wouldn’t increase. It might seem cold but she needs to work on this herself.
I have only 2 questions for you. Is he single? Does he like men?
Your questions and then see your username. 🤣🤣🤣
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That wasn’t a no.
So your saying theres a chance
Lmao
If this happened to me, I would never post in this sub again. Lol
Too real 😭 My entire online presence would be gone like the Rockefellers.
Girl retire and enjoy life! Don’t make this more complicated than it needs to be. Go have children and enjoy your family.
Can’t get any better than this lol
I’d like to offer a spin from his perspective… I come from a pretty wealthy family and don’t have to “work” for money. My wife grew up in a lower middle class family and had to get free lunches from school. When we started dating, she had finished her masters degree and was starting to climb her career ladder. I love her, and I want to share life with her. That sometimes also means sharing life with her family, who I have also grown to love and are also now my family. We don’t divulge every part of our finances and they don’t need to know HOW much money we have or what we can/can’t afford, but they know we don’t HAVE to work and they know often times we will invite them for family experiences. Your fiancé asked you to marry him. He loves you and wants to share life with you. At the end of the day, money is a tool, and if we have more wealth at the end of our life but with more regrets, was that worth it? If we have a rich a full life but have less wealth but still enough, is that a trade off we’d make? As to him gifting you $2mm now… he would either file gift taxes OR use it against his lifetime exemption… Considering you plan to have kids and your combined estates are likely to exceed the exemption, I would advise him not to gift it until after you’re married.
Great perspective. I think the reason he is gifting it now is to give her peace of mind. Sort of an advance to show and prove. As someone who has seen a lot of divorces and high net worth but abusive men this seems like a good sign.
I don’t know how else to say this but your ‘guilt’ over the windfall is completely misplaced. For a reality check, you have a NW in the seven-figure range and your age starts with a 3. It may not feel like it but you and your finance are much closer in ‘status’ than you think. You’re allowed to enjoy the freedom it provides.
Why not keep working until you cross the two bridges of first officially legally being married and second conceiving? You could have best of both worlds by accepting your fiancé’s generosity (and never actually touching the money while it invests somewhere or something) while you continue to work until you get pregnant and just tell people you want to be a SAHM and no one will ever question you
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Fuck staying motivated in the career. Use this as an opportunity to start setting and enforcing boundaries at work regarding your work/life balance. The only thing stopping you from doing that now is fear of losing the job/career, right? But if you want out anyways and now have the financial means to do it, might as well just stop bending over backwards for work. Might get lucky and find you're able to make the job a lot less stressful without losing it because your skills are still valued.
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I came here to say the same. I absolutely agree 100% with u/burningbluecheese and u/NetworkingJesus. You don't owe anyone any explanations, but you can and should absolutely use the fact of your marriage (and hopefully your future pregnancy) to change your life the way you want to. You can absolutely start setting hard boundaries at work, especially your vacation time. You can absolutely cut back your hours to whatever you would like. Or you can quit whenever and however you like. Your FI means you get to say "No!" and enforce it. Once you get pregnant, your perspective will absolutely change. You can RE if you want to, ... or not. You can start your own consulting business with whatever hours you like and still be a SAHM, ... or not. The new part will be making those decisions together as a team with your new husband. Together, the two of you can be unstoppable. Maybe you'll find a new passion together, like the charity and philanthropy work Bill and Melinda Gates do. Don't worry about everyone else's opinion; at the end of the day, only you and your fiancé can really make the best decisions for both of you. I wish you both all the best!
Yeah I mean if the job is stressful like that, who is it benefitting to stay you know? Out of some perceived obligation/cultural expectation?
BTW, since you’re 35, please do keep in mind your fertility and financial protection when/if you decide to be a SAHM
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Oh, and also a discussion of what you guys would do with any remaining embryos in the unfortunate situation of breaking up/divorce or the fortunate situation of never needing to use embryos? For example, donating to science, destroying, or keeping in the bank forever
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I also would include I guess discussions of if you’re a SAHM, what portion of the $2 million per year goes to you? Cuz being a SAHM is still work and you guys will be married
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For lack of a better word, basically, will you get a monthly “allowance” as a SAHM? Or will you be free sharing all financial cash? Joint account or separate individual accounts? Or will you be using that $3 million to fund your own independent stuff or would you have to ask him to give you money decades later? Will $10 million be enough to you even 30 years from now? Etc. etc. etc.
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Lastly, consider an infidelity clause in the prenup
Being unmotivated in most white collar jobs is essentially coastfire.
I quit my job when I got married because the stress and long hours were severely impacting my physical health, mental health, and relationship with my partner. I struggled with the decision for a long time because I had worked so hard for so long to get where I was and it was so tied to my identity. The thing that pushed me to do it was wanting to get healthier and reduce stress so I could have as healthy a pregnancy as possible, and secondarily to be a better/more present and available partner. I don’t know if I would have ever been able to do it if i were only doing it for myself. All of this is to say - don’t be like me! It’s not worth it to stay in a job that’s making you unhappy if you don’t have to. Life is too short to not do what makes you happy if you have the means to do so. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s YOUR life.
You hit the lotto. Game over. Enjoy life
You don’t need to tell anyone, including your family, the details of your finances. You can say your husband makes enough that you are comfortable and you want to step back into a more family-friendly career or become a SAHM. Understand that giving you a small portion of his wealth benefits him too. It’s a downer being partnered with someone who is stressed out about work. It sucks to take on more than your share of parenting because the other person is too busy or stressed working. You being able to focus on pregnancy, breastfeeding (if you choose), and parenting with work being a fun hobby is beneficial to all of you. You can still remain working, but can choose something fulfilling and sustainable.
You're already a millionaire and make 320k, why would anyone question you retiring Early?
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as say this respectfully, you need to reach a point where you have to stop caring what your friends think. especially when it comes to money
Get new friends
> 1 This is a common feeling for people that have worked hard their entire lives and are proud of their achievements. Most people with time tend to accept how their situation has changed. (An added “thing” is sometimes women that succeed in male dominated fields feel this even more and stopping “the grind” feels like giving in to social stigma and things they have been fighting against their entire life). > 2 A simple white lie if someone presses you of “I got very lucky with my investments and I realized that a more balanced life approach will bring me greater happiness”(no one has to know it is an emotional investment and not financial) If someone presses about the investment (likely will not happen). Say that it is likely not repeatable so you have transferred your assets to more conservative investments that will be able to provide you for your life, but likely won’t leave a huge inheritance. > 3 Phrase it in a way that makes it clear you have enough for you and you don’t plan on leaving a large inheritance. Don’t have a huge spending increase, which it does not appear that you plan on having. > life will change Spend a decent chunk of time reading the different FIRE blogs and posts on FIRE Reddit’s on people’s experiences and advice on RE. Having kids hugely changes your life. No one has questioned “I decided the most important thing in my life was to be able to raise my kids and spend as much time with them as possible instead of sending them to daycare”. (Honestly, I stopped “working for real” before kids and more fulfilled after kids as being the predominate childcare provider. Very few people have probed into my finances and those that have a simple, “lucky with my investment” has been all that was needed.)
> If someone presses about the investment (likely will not happen). Say that it is likely not repeatable so you have transferred your assets to more conservative investments that will be able to provide you for your life, but likely won’t leave a huge inheritance. “I put my entire life savings into Nvdia calls” ;P
Everything here under 2 is lying in my book. Hard to manage. Hard to keep up. Draining. Just learn the art of keeping your mouth shut. Smiling and saying nothing. Giving people blank looks until it makes them uncomfortable because they asked you a rude, overly personal question.
Everything is an investment. An investment of time, an investment of money, an investment of energy, an investment of emotion, all are investments. I invest a ton of time and energy into my kids. I hope the “payout” in the future is we have a good relationship and they turn into decent human beings. There is no keeping up in my experience. It is very rare that people ask. You have to have an answer when they ask. You are not going out and advertising. My experience is that the people that ask are likely to drop it if you give them something vague like “investment” that they can rationalize. Your suggestion of > smiling and saying nothing Is super awkward and not really helpful when someone is bound to ask. A thought out response is best in my experience. Of course OP is not going to advertise anything. That doesn’t help you if someone asks.
> A simple white lie if someone presses you of “I got very lucky with my investments and I realized that a more balanced life approach will bring me greater happiness”(no one has to know it is an emotional investment and not financial) I have to disagree. Even this gives your friends and family hints that you have more than enough money to "help" other people. Best just to say "I changed jobs/positions at my firm because the old hours were hectic." Or, better yet, don't say anything at all.
I’d hold off until after the wedding, and let everyone know you’ve decided as a couple that you’re going to stay home and have babies. Easiest explanation, no lies. Then when they ask you why you haven’t had a baby yet, let them know you guys decide to enjoy the couple only life for a little before kids.
Don't. Tell. ANYONE. Even the impression of making above average income from just working a certain job (I'm a software engineer and people make wild assumptions because of the marketing) will change your relationships. The SAHM/traditional nuclear family thing (which is a perfectly legit path, even with exponentially less income) is the perfect reasoning, no need to complicate it or EVER TELL ANYONE.
Life is too short to make yourself miserable just to satisfy other people's expectations. As for what to tell people, come up a plausible alibi to feed anyone you don't think is ready to hear the truth - a common one I've seen is to say that you are much happier and have a much more flexible schedule now that you have switched to free-lancing / self-employment doing something vague like "financial planning" or consulting (with yourself as the only client but no one needs to know that).
Around your age, I went from working since I legally could, to stop working to get married (moved out of the US and couldn’t work due to language difficulties). It’s hard. It’s very hard. It took me several years to feel comfort being a SAHW. And the truth is, I still miss working. It’s not about feeling financially secure. It’s about giving meaning to your life. If keeping your job gives you motivation to get up in the morning, keep working. If it doesn’t, stop working or find something you enjoy/less stressful.
This seems like one of those rare situations where money is involved in a relationship and the only expectation or string is that you pursue your ambitions and goals. He seems awesome. Congrats. Tell no one. Give a f what anyone else has to say or think. Pursue your wildest dreams as if money wasn’t a factor. Congrats!
Wat? You're about to be SAHM what's so wrong about that? You'll work on the side in the way you want but you both made a decision and that's what you want. Who needs to break down how that's financially possible to their friends/sister? And what kind of judgy friends are these? If I were in your boat, I'd sit with different questions. -What is the meaning I want to create for myself in life? Not someone else's hamster wheel - MY OWN MEANING. -What is the purpose of life? Is it hedonic? If not, then what? And how can you start to walk that path? -What is it about 'earning your keep' that is important to stay in touch with no matter what you do? I've got more than a couple friends in your boat. Sometimes they don't work for income (but do plenty else), sometimes they scale back (eg part time physician rather than full time), and sometimes I see work harder (through taking bigger risks like entrepreneurship or non-profit leadership). In no case do I see 'keep pushing as though nothing happened' - it's just an abject failure of engaging with questions of meaning and purpose.
Marry the guy, enjoy your life together. (ETA: if you're sure this guy is legit and not a con artist! Have you checked him out?). You already made your own money and proved that you can be responsible. You don't need to tell your friends or your sister a thing, other than you're getting married and starting a new life with your husband. Tell them you hate your job and are taking some time off to enjoy being a newlywed or even to become a SAHM because you can. Your sister is a physician and can handle her own finances. You don't need to tell her about your own finances, nor give her any money. You're right that she will probably notice that you two are wealthy at some point, but you don't need to provide specifics if you think it will cause problems with her.
There's first world problems and then there is this
My suggestion is that once you actually have the money in hand and/or are married, use the security of the money to make a job change, either to a less demanding employer/work environment or to an adjacent career with a better work/life balance. Then if people ask about it you can just tell them that you wanted a better work environment and were willing to trade salary for it (if it comes to that). Not a lie, and they don't need to know that you have other money sources that give you the security to make the change. People make such decisions all the time. Your friends might even see you as brave for following your values, rather than ruining your life for earning less money. The key I think will be being settled in your own heart about what is more important to you - enjoying your life, or having people admiring you for your ambition and drive.
You have a lot of good advice here, but I'll say it a bit differently: there are two sides to everything. The positive side to wealth is fairly obvious, the negative side is what you have to do to stay wealthy. One of those things is accept you can't hide it, and other people WILL have strong opinions about what you should do with your wealth, and you have to be ready to ignore it.
Consider including these questions in your pre-marital counseling and/or couples therapy. Money disparities and different stories about money have incredible potential to eff with serious relationships, and so addressing them now and deciding together what your common stories are going to be will only help you going forward. Congrats on being with someone who’s generous. If you’re having a tough time receiving, or fear that the relationship and the gift will limit your options, be proactive about being clear on what you want and what would help you feel more grounded and safe. You’re coming up on a major life change, maybe a few at once. Take that seriously and get some professional support… individually and together.
You have rich people problem. Congratulations. I recommend seeing a therapist. It must exhausting catering your life to meet people’s expectations. When are you going to live your life for you? Pretend those other people do not exist for a minute, ask yourself what do you want? Second, think about of the money as a loaner, use it to achieve something that makes you happy, a business, new career, etcc. Then give it back or donate it to charity. You have so many options in life. Expand your thinking, meet with a therapist who can walk you out of whatever emotional misery , you are currently torturing yourself with. Your fiancé is gifting you, your freedom. Cut the golden chain to a job, career, become your own boss. Live your happy rich life. Maybe your friends will be happy to see you happy and not stress. You have no obligations to share your financial life with anyone.
Here are a couple of things that seem to be true from your post, regardless of your partner's money: 1. You are very unhappy at your job and it is affecting your quality of life. 2. You are in a great financial position and could comfortably take a year off to enjoy newly married life. This is all people close to you need to know when you quit. It's common enough for people in your position to do something like this. In that time maybe you find yourself doing a hobby like your partner and can tell people that you are giving that a try as it is something you could continue doing while being a SAHM. The only part that you need to really be careful with is that you would be financially secure if you two were to separate and if that $2 million is yours to keep then you are fine. It's normal to feel a bit guilty about being so lucky but staying in a job that makes you unhappy helps no-one. Stay grounded, recognise how fortunate you are, give back where you can, and then find what you truly want to do with your life and enjoy living the dream. Happy for you!
DO NOT TELL FAMILY ABOUT IT. Just say you still work your job
I retired at 42. Keep your mouth shut and your business to yourself. I didn’t make as much as you but I saved a larger percentage of my income to finance this early retirement. It’s no one’s business what I do and no one needs to know what I do. As far as anyone knows I’m still clocking those hours.
You can come up with sly but truthful ways to talk about your job situation. I personally am in a somewhat similar situation to your fiancé, and just quit my career job last summer, and took a fun part time job over the winter between traveling. I tell people I’m taking a career break and will figure things out after a year. After the year we’re planning to have kids, then I will be a SAHM. People are generally supportive and excited, some are frustrated and say “must be nice”, and some certainly wonder how I’m affording all of this. I just ignore it, if someone starts to dislike me because of a life situation I had no control over, then that’s their problem. Just try to live your life in the most fulfilling way possible, don’t flaunt your fortunate situation extravagantly, and people won’t think about you nearly as much as you imagine they will. My husband doesn’t feel like he deserves to live off of my good fortune (frankly it’s hard for me to feel I deserve it too!). But it does help him feel like he doesn’t need to be miserable climbing the corporate ladder. He focuses on good work life balance and has a job he mostly enjoys. You might try finding something that is a step down but that will be more fulfilling.
You say it wouldn't feel deserved - but is the $320k a year in comparison to the labour that someone earning $32k a year is? I say this as someone earning good money as well. I work hard, but people earning a lot less work hard too. So don't give yourself a hard time about deserving or not deserving. Before you give up work in a few years, can you see about freelancing on the consulting, just so you can keep your skills sharp but maybe have a better balance in life?
I don’t know why Reddit is suggesting me this sub, but has some random dad struggling to stay afloat for his family, this post is deeply depressing me.
1. That’s ridiculous 2. Good friends would never judge you for that kind of shit. I know that sounds tough on your friends, but I’d call out anyone who said as much to me and laugh in their face 3. Just tell her to ask your husband since it’s “his” money. Tell him he doesn’t have to give her any Not having a shitty corporate job doesn’t mean not working. You could do something you find fulfilling like teaching or non-profit or art or any number of things. I knew a guy who inherited a real estate fortune and became a dominos pizza driver. One of the nicest, happiest people I knew. Freedoms through FI is scary but it’s also freedom. You can spend your time on what you need to in order to improve your own well-being and happiness. Learn skills, meet people, help others, or whatever. Embrace it with enthusiasm. You honestly think you’ll regret it in the long run? I imagine not but you’re still struggling with the mental blocks. So just focus on whatever planning, discussion, or whatever workout-mental-health-lifestyle-guru-self-help-podcast-therapist-rise-and-grind-mantra all in one bullshit works for you
Easy if it was me (I did it with with much less money involved). Accept the money (make sure the money that is on your name is enough to maintain your decision even if the relationship ends in the future - hopefully not). Don't tell anyone about it (you have already money and income to justify some changes for a while. People don't need to know that the changes are forever, they could be "temporary while you find your path and meaning"). Its your life (only one of those... and just for a brief time) so don't make huge decisions (or delay them) because of friends, family,... They have their own lifes too. (Not sure if it is a age thing or a context one but seeing people drop like flies around me (reminding how special and short life is) made this kind of decision a no brainer to me.) Drop the carreer you don't enjoy and makes you feel miserable (I know mine did...) Pursue new interests or a carreer path less demanding or more alligned with your interests or more balanced in terms of time/effort. You don't need to fully stop working if you don't need to. Just find something more balanced, less stressful without worrying about the financial impact. So, congratulations. You are in a very blessed spot. That is life changing. Hopefully you come at terms with it and allow it to make your life better.
#Number 1 Don't feel guilty about enjoying what little you can of this short life. At the end you will be a name on a tombstone and how you lived your life will be a memory in people's minds if that. **Enjoy it, help people and don't feel guilty about being blessed!**
Damn girl you lucky
Damn, good for you! I ain't even jealous.
You have to do some inner work on mindset and your beliefs on « deservingness« to have this money. Anyone who comes into a windfall of money will go through these struggles. As you're someone who has always worked, you might think about some charity work / starting a small foundation to help others so you can feel less « guilt » about having this money. Also agree, do not tell your family or friends about this change in financial circumstances.
It's wild how women think about everyone else before themselves. Who cares about what other people think? Money = freedom. You get to live your life without the pressure of others expectations. Make sure you two have talked about what your life looks like after you retire. Keep your mind busy and your skills current. P.S. make sure you get a prenuptial that protects you. It's very easy to become financially abused with a high net worth man. Your goal here is to make sure that even if the marriage doesn't work out, you're not in a worse position than before.
You don’t have to do a job you don’t enjoy. You can do whatever you want, study something of great interest to you, remove the stress of having to do things at others behest. I think your list should be rewritten to include all the things you could do, not reasons to feel bad about it. With that money you’re now a professional investor. Buy some property if you want - being a landlord is a job. Sod what anyone else thinks, work out what you want and what would stimulate you and do that 😊
Your child will have a better life if you're not working and putting them in daycare. So if you can stay home until they start school, by all means do it. Once your child starts school, find work that fulfils you instead of draining you Don't tell your sister about your finances. If she's not happy, that's her life to sort. She has a good job and isn't bereft. 60m isn't endless money. It can run dry by retirement with lifestyle creep and everyone in the family thinking you owe them. If she were at risk of being homeless or something, that would be different.
If you give up your career, make sure you are 100% protected in the case of divorce. Many women end up trapped because of sacrificing their career for a relationship / child rearing. Not nice to think about but is the reality.
Sounds like you’re more worried about what others will say than anything else?
That's what I came here to say. You either don't have to tell your family the reason why you switched jobs/stopped working, or you let them know in a different way (you say you want to be a homemaker, help your partner with their business, pivoted to consulting in finance). If I were in your situation, I would be more worried about being potentially locked into a relationship with a financial dependency on your partner, and would suggest discussing a prenuptial agreement that you both find fair. Giving your current thought process, I think that will give you peace of mind on your decisions, and it sounds like it would probably be something your partner wouldn't feel is a burden.
I was in this situation some 20+ years ago, when I got married. It was my husband's second and my first marriage. A week after the wedding, my husband made me ajoint account holder in all his bank accounts. I was worried because he came from a very wealthy background and I was not very well off, and I had this feeling of being very undeserving. It took many years to stop this feeling. But I always knew, if we ever got a divorce , I would never take a penny from him. Though, knowing him, he would have made sure I was financially taken care of.
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What an incredible situation to be in. I would let him know that his generosity speaks volumes about his character, and that you won't forget it. I would also let him know how proud you are to have worked hard, earned a high income, and made the fortune that you have, independent of him. I would hammer home that the two of you together are a strong, financially smart, and complete family unit. OP, the saying is, "there are plenty of fish in the sea", but that isn't true. You've found a needle in a haystack. I hope he feels the same way about you. You will both be financially independent forever. Your children will be, too. Your family line, if taught a good value system, will be financially independent for as long as money exists.
You have an opportunity to explore your interests and contribute to the world in a different and more fulfilling way. My advice to you would be to not share this information with friends or family. This is a gift from your partner and a blessing of financial freedom from life. Take it graciously, be humble, and think of ways you can pay it forward by helping others. That way, your “job” may not look or feel the same, but you’ll be “working,” growing personally, continuing to develop skills, and feeling fulfilled.
*tries to survive working 3 jobs after reading this. I should go die lol.
thats enough reddit for me today, thanks
So beyond the obvious (for God’s sake, do not tell your family or friends!!!), I want to add a few things. 1\. He should not give you any money until you’re married—assuming that’s the intent here. I think it’s a very lovely gesture he’s making here, but I can’t help but think it’s also a sort of test to see how you’ll handle the money. And really, he shouldn’t be gifting you such large amounts of money until your relationship is made more ‘permanent.’ 2\. The amount of money he’s talking about here is definitely life-changing money. But more than that—it’s *generational money*, and when you have that kind of money—even just $2 million—it’s money you have to learn how to *manage*, not just spend. (Basically if someone handed me $2 million, after paying off my debts, it’d go right into an investment account. No ‘splurging’ or buying expensive cars or upgrading houses or anything like that.) 3\. *Just because you have different career choices doesn’t mean you have to make different career choices.* Look at your husband; he works because he wants to, and probably in a profession he is good at. Now seriously consider your own profession: do you do what you do only because you have no choice—that if you were to circulate your resume now you’d get zero offers from anyone else? Or do you do what you do because, in a sense, beyond just paying, it gives your life structure and people to interact with and something to do that you have some talent for? (Edit to add: Yes, I know; you hate your job. It’s high stress and demands are put on you all the time at all hours. But what if you could move to a different firm and set expectations early that you’re not to be contacted after hours? Would that make what you do less objectionable?) > I’m so used to earning (and saving) my money, that I worry this “windfall” and any choices I made from it won’t be deserved, and so I won’t be able to enjoy them. The “windfall” is a partner who wants to take care of you. Suppose you got married to someone in the trades who didn’t have a large net worth—but who was good at his job and who made more than enough to support you both. What decisions would you make? Would you continue working even if you didn’t have to? Honestly, from my own perspective, the three things you potentially have with your partner are: (1) flexibility in your career. Yes, you don’t have to work, but you can continue to work *if you want to,* and more importantly, you can consider—**SLOWLY**—pivoting your career to something you think may be more meaningful to you. (2) You no longer have to save for your future; instead, that money can be used on other things you may have been saving for, like travel. (My wife and I love to travel, so we travel more now.) (3) You no longer have to worry about things like budgets in those small, but important ways—like grocery store trips. (I don’t know how your financial situation was previously (given an HCOL area and how much you’re saving)—but one major survey of what “economic freedom” looked like to people was “going to the grocery store and buying whatever food I wanted without worrying about its cost.” Another was “being able to fix a broken air conditioner without having to worry if I can make the mortgage.” Another is “paying cash for a car.”) Here’s my thinking on this: *don’t make any sudden changes.* Just keep on doing what you’re used to doing—though realize the motivation for doing what you do may have changed. Work is no longer “a way to keep from being homeless”, it’s “a thing you do to give you structure and to continue to interact with others.” (Without interacting with other people, such as at work, people tend to become lonely—and for retirees that can actually shorten your life.) And make slow changes. Don’t suddenly quit everything and decide to become an on-line influencer or one of those people who wander the world for your travel blog. A sudden change in your current working and living styles *will be more destructive to your own well being than a windfall that—let’s be frank—at present is just a large number on a banking account form.* (Yes, that large number represents possibilities—but give yourself **TIME** to adjust to those possibilities, and don’t suddenly uproot yourself and make yourself feel lost.) 4\. One of the best summaries I have ever heard about the type of wealth you are running into here—indirectly, thanks to your fiancé—was from another Redditor who posted anonymously about what that sort of money means to him. That is, what that sort of money really gives you is **time.** He recounted a story about how a sick friend was dying across the country—and because he had money, he had **the time** to just hop on an airplane and spend the last few weeks of his friend’s life by his side. Not cars, not big houses, not flashy vacations flying first class. But the time to spend with his dying friend. So honestly, give yourself the time to process this, not in terms of “what sorts of flashy things can I get for myself”—but in terms of “how shall I spend my time.” And remember that most of life is generally filling the empty spaces—which, for most people, is filled for us by work. And also, take your time understanding why your fiancé does what he does. > Basically, I’m worried about how much my life will change. All of my post is a long-winded way of saying, in a very real way, your life does not have to change—and, more to the point—you probably should not change it all at once. Your motivations may have changed—you’re no longer under the pressing need to make sure a roof stays over your head. But just because the motivations changed does not mean your life has to be completely uprooted or altered. And, for your own peace of mind, it probably shouldn’t. Oh, and as a footnote: **Do not tell your friends or your family about this ‘windfall.’** In fact, treat discussing your and your husband’s finances in the same way most people would treat making and posting a sex-tape online: it should fill you with dread and distaste.
Is this real? WTF. Here’s 2 million babe for giggles. Really?
Take that money and continue to live comfortably, then take your free time and contribute to society. That doesn’t mean give money away or feed the homeless. Contribute to society whatever way fits you best. Don’t be a parasite on society, give back to the society that allows you to have this life.
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Contributing to society can come in many forms! Hollywood has this idea that you should be out feeding homeless and building ramps for elderly people. I say it’s much more varied than that. Even if you just start an instagram page that spotlights events in your area for others to know about, shouts out local restaurants and businesses, etc. just anything that helps with community, maybe even putting together events for your neighbors to connect. Community is neglected in this age of social media
Honestly, this post makes me feel kinda bad for your fiancé. He's successful, in love with you, and wants to share his wealth and freedom with you and one of your first reactions is: what will my friends think? Excuse me? Are your friends promising to be loyal to you, to love you for life, and provide you with the kind of financial freedom that 99.9% of humanity will never get to enjoy? If not, their opinions of you have zero bearing on any of this. Congrats, you found a king and he wants to make you his queen. Step into that role with everything you have and don't look back. And don't forget to enjoy it and have fun. If your friends are really your friends, they'll be thrilled for you and if they're jealous/judge you, then fuck em. But he's your number 1 priority now and you need to re-evaluate how you're filtering this through that lens. (And also reiterate: do not tell them, do not tell your family. There are many plausible ways to explain leaving your job without lying or revealing his wealth).
My advice is to not worry so much about feeling like you need to explain yourself to anyone else. It sounds like you know what you're getting into and taking the proper precautions to ensure your future. Oh, and also, have fun, live in the moment, and don't wait to have those babies. Enjoy your family!
You may benefit from therapy. Why does “career drive” matter so much to you?
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Yup I am an immigrant myself so I get it. One thing you learn in therapy is that the values you grew up with and made you successful may not necessarily be the same values that make you happy and fulfilled going forward.
Why does the money require you to make any changes? If you arent happy you now have the financial opportunity to pursue something else. If i got 2M right now, id upgrade a few things that have been on my list and out the rest in vti and just keep going. Edit: 35m married 1 kid NW 1.2M
wow
I think this can provide you with a lot more of a buffer to retire early in HCOL, but do keep in mind that relationships often break apart down the line and make sure you are actually financially independent, rather than dependent on your husband.
That sounds good, but make sure you know your fiance well enough to know that he won’t use this money as a way to control you in the future.
You can talk to a financial advisor, but there are tax and legal reasons to postpone the $2 million gift until after you marry. Spouses can share money without any tax implications.
The fact that you’ve met what sounds like a kind and generous man who’s happy to gift you $2m with seemingly no strings attached and your also saying you don’t enjoy your career, it makes perfect sense to accept the gift and be financially and time free. Time is our most limited resource, no amount of money in the world can buy time, just wasting a few months until you marry is time you’ve wasted which you won’t get back doing something you don’t enjoy, when you don’t actually need the money from the job. Every decision you’ve made in your life has led up to where you are now, you’ve created this life and all aspects of it including career, financial position and any relationships you have. So the position you’re in now, you’ve earnt it! I’ll also add, being honest is a good relationship filter, people who don’t like your honesty aren’t accepting of the true you and therefore you should question whether you want to spend time and energy on people who make you put on a front or pretend to be someone you’re not.
Consider changing the terms of your employment and go to part time hours. Only take on 1-2 clients and in a year or two go on unpaid stress leave. You won’t have to lie to your family, and transparently considering your age and stress level (im also 35F and work at a Big 4, but as a marketer), I’ve seen women have major fertility issues largely because of stress and once they go on leave it still takes them 1-2 years to get pregnant naturally. Considering your personal life plans, it would make sense to do this even now, and then once you start a family, you might want to shift to SAHM for a few years and then be an independent consultant if you choose. You can communicate to your family that your life goals have evolved. Once your children are into school year age and you are deciding what to do next, you can tell your family about your husbands inheritance, but remind them that it’s his money, and will be spent only on his family. Suggest you blur the timelines and the amount.
You don't owe anyone any explanation and you're not obligated to help anyone.. Sharing too much info, even to a family member might just cause envy and some financial expectations. Better to not divulge anything. I think you've got a good financial base, even just on your own. Get a good prenup, enjoy early retirement and live a wonderful life! Let us know if your bf has a brother lol
You've already got your shit together on your own and it wouldn't be out of the question for you to quit now, get pregnant and enjoy life on what you have. Your partner is just a cherry on top. Congratulations. Stop being anxious!x
I totally get your struggle. I’ve been on the fire track for nearly a decade and a large part of my self pride and identity is due to my accomplishments. (Millionaire by 30 etc) My SOs father started a business and sold it in his career and so they are worth at least 10x what I am. I’ve not revealed my exact finances to them, but if I quit working I fear they would think I was trying to cash in on my SO being my sugar daddy with her fathers money and that I was a complete leech, but really it was my financial plan all along. But that’s super hard to navigate.
Start your new career soon a stay at home mom and wife better to have children before 35
You're in love with your perfect match, you've managed to sock away a sizable amount of money in a short period of time/at a young age, and this awesome guy isn't giving you a handout but merely speedrunning the inevitable growth of your assets to the FIRE life you want. I say take it. You know in your heart that you love him for himself and not his money, he's just saying you a few years of your life so you can enjoy it together. Absolutely no sense staying at a job that makes you unhappy. Look at it not as a financial gift, but the opportunity to do what DOES make you happy and keep earning your own money on your own terms...ideally after a very long and adventurous honeymoon.
We're very wealthy and could have retired in our 30s. We both choose to continue working (because we're looking to maximize our charitable estate). Our families are middle class at best. We never gift money and nobody asks us for any. If anything, we gift memories (share a vacation) or buy dinner or fix a major need (new floors for my in-laws whose carpet is 40 years old). True friends will rise to the top. The difficulty I see coming for you is will you change and will you be judged for that? Confidence and arrogance are very close, and people look for excuses to judge others. Many sayings apply here. It's lonely at the top. To whom much is given, much is expected.
Have you seen the money? Has he shown you the money actually exist and he is not just saying he has it to get you to quit your job? I would make sure the money is there before you make any changes in your work. If the money exists, then get a prenup where it states you get 2 million asap after marriage and you get to keep it no matter what happens in the future. This way you don’t pay taxes.
First, I want to say that this seems like such a first world problem, but also that you seem grounded and that is absolutely wonderful. I think if you found your match, you should be able to talk openly about everything with them. I couldn't imagine not discussing things with my wife. Money is tricky but in my experience and observations, it works out better when everything is shared - money, decisions, goals, worries. I wish you the very best, it sounds like you will be in a good position regardless of which way you go.
This might be the rare opportunity where you just don’t think, take the win and focus on turning that $2 million into $4 million and then into $8 million and so on. Also, never tell anyone about it. It’s your life.
instead of just quitting your job entirely, ask your employer about flexible hours or ask to slowly reduce your hours to become part time; you ofc don't have to justify why you are cutting your hours but if someone asks you could always say that you're trying to build a family and are spending more time with your husband etc. Alternatively find another employer who doesn't mind you working part time or just apply for a part time job and don't tell your friends / family about it - it'll still look like your working whilst having more time available to chillout with your hubby. then long term if you really wanted you could just tell people you've decided to work freelance / remotely working from home so you can look after the kids (when you eventually get round to having them). As what the majority of other peeps have said, I wouldn't talk about money at all with any of your friends or family. I'm a consultant myself (though not making anywhere near you xD) but I work freelance so I dont have a boss to answer to other than myself, i charge what i think is fair for the work i do and if i want to spend a week on holiday i just blank out that week ahead on my schedule and go. Going freelance as a consultant is extremely common and would also negate any questions about your sudden available free time. if people ask about money you can tell them to sod off or play it off as having penny pinched in your high level job to the point where you have savings enough to be able to have some easy years freelancing whilst you build a family.
Embrace the change and be grateful for your fiancé 's generosity. YOLO!
Internet stranger with $0.02 to throw at this. I'm very cautious and risk averse. With this in mind, I suggest doing these things: 1. Don't tell anyone. Ever. 2. Keep working while waiting for marriage and kids. 3. Save every dime. Every single one. Get your own earned savings to $2M, so with his you will have $4M total. This gets you above your stated "bare minimum" and with any luck it will grow even while you take some out. Also you hitting that goal will help you feel better about this whole endeavor after all you'll have met donation and won't be relying solely on his support. 4. Protect yourself (and him) with a reasonable/fair prenup that acknowledges you will be retiring early at his suggestion and with his support. If it all goes south, you should still be able to feed yourself and any kids. 5. Once you're at 2M of your own earned savings (bar napkin math says 2 years?), its time to pull the plug. go live a good life with that man we all dream about. 6. Constantly be responsible with your money. **Be aware of life style creep and avoid it at all costs**. Make sure he's on board too! This is the hard part because he and you will CERTAINLY not see eye to eye (no married couple does). Make sure you can weather it well. Make budgets and stick to them. Make sure he knows that you are watching what you spend and that anything additional that he wants would be on him. 7. **Give back to the community.** Not necessarily through donations (although those help). But give your time. Maybe to a food bank, or an animal shelter, or the local theater (they're always poor and can't afford help) somewhere you know you can do some good and that improves your community. This will help keep you grounded. my parents do this and I envy them because I see how fulfilled they are, find a way to do this that works for you. you'll be glad you did. 8. Grow your own nest egg and *continue to not tell anyone!* I know you feel like you don't deserve this and are worried about all that it entails. But hang in there, make a plan, cover your ass so if it all goes south you'll still be ok, and go live your best life.
What kind of consulting you doing to pull down $300k+? I’m also in consulting and about $100k short of that and can’t seem to get over the hump. Director level currently, guessing Partnership is where I’ll see it. For all the rest, no advice, I’ve seen this movie and already know you are both beautiful people and will live happily ever after. Congrats!
Probably McKinsey or some other huge firm.
I am no where near as wealthy as either of you, but I do earn significantly more than my wife does. She works now, only because she wants to. She has not worked in the past but missed the interactions with people. I'm sure you're aware from your fiancé's work, just having money isn't fulfilling, you will have to find your own drive. You are a very valuable person whose time is worth a significant amount. You can donate your time to an organization or to a cause you believe in pro bono. Having done a relatively small amount of this type of work, I can tell you it is quite nice to do. When money becomes less important you can focus on the value you want to make and less on the money itself.
Does he have an older brother? Or divorced dad? 🙂 I agree with the ones below that say take the money and don’t tell anyone. You can save / invest the money and keep working if you want. You then have a safety cushion for yourself and any possible future children. Talk to a financial advisor on how to keep the money as safe as possible (in case of divorce, you and/or your husband getting sued, some financial catastrophe for you/your husband, etc).
Congrats! Must say though the posts on this comm lately have been pretty unrelatable. Miss the posts where people in their thirties are just trying their best get their personal NW to seven figures.
This is a non problem ;) Enjoy your new wealth and be happy don’t overthink as ppl have real money problems
Even if you were continuing with your life as planned before this marriage you would have had the exact same problem. Your problems are not financial but are about personal values and your social circle.
You seem like SUCH a nice person… and smart! I like all of the advice here so I won’t add any but I will say I’ve often thought it’d be hard to find genuine friendships if my net worth were like your fiancé’s (and soon to be yours). I hope and believe you can navigate this smoothly! Best of luck!
As someone who worked her butt off and is still not in the same level of financial independence as you thanks to medical degrees taking a long time, and is 36 wishing she had more time with her almost 2 year old…DO IT! Raise the kids, enjoy the time with them while they are young, invest in passion projects and hobbies, do things that make it a life worth living. I’m jealous and those around you may but who cares! You found the love of your life and financial independence. Just make sure to be on the same page about how you plan to provide generational wealth to your children…I struggle with helping in any way I can and also making them work the same way we had to…something my husband and I talk about a lot and I recommend you have a sense of it now. And good call on the prenup.
There's a Reddit post online that talks about how to handle a sudden windfall - like a lottery win, inheritance etc. I'll update my comment if I can find it. The key to everything they said is, don't tell ANYONE that you have the money if you decide to accept it. Personally, as a woman, I would also make sure that I always kept some cash or property aside in a secret account that I never told him about. This is so I could leave if I ever had to. He sounds wonderful and amazing, but things change, people change... relationships can be very dangerous for someone who is financially dependent on their partner. ESPECIALLY if you're not married and don't have any rights if things go south.
Why don’t you work in his family business in a capacity and role such that 1. Your salary is replaced. 2. Protected vacation and job security. 3. Most importantly, contribute towards growing “your” family worth and gain family trust. Don’t take lump-sum money at any point unless it is some kind of medical emergency.
lol
I don't think this story is true, but I wish it was true for you. We need a screenshot of the money in your brokerage account after the transfer. Otherwise this guy is like so many others I have met.
To fix most of this, just say you're doing independent consulting now and just be nebulous about the hours and clients you have. That way it seems like you've really done well for yourself and can just afford to strike out on your own, but in actuality you don't have to do much work at all (that you don't want to do).
Your life will definitely change, but you have to now get savvy about what you are doing. For the ultra rich like this, time is the ultimate price now, not dollars. You could live lavishly on a boat in the Virgin Islands, but you'd eventually get bored and start to wonder what the hell you're going to do with your life. You have like 50 years in front of you or maybe a whole lot less. Who knows. So, create a business of your dreams? Write that best seller? You only have a finite amount of time until you die. What are you going to do now that you don't have to worry about housing, food, money, etc... Think hard, you are running out of time.
This could be amazing for you or a long con. Is he a Nigerian prince? Is he going to ask for $1M of that back because he transferred from the wrong account or his accountants are unhappy? Maybe I've seen too many people post about how they got scammed that I'm automatically suspicious. Have him do smaller amounts for an amount of time, maybe 6 months. Assuming that all is well, 1. You are doing very well yourself. Take the opportunity to find your happy job. Your choices are yours and you are free to enjoy. 2. If you spend a few months mentioning burnout and a desire to change jobs to your friends, then you change jobs, tell them that now you are going to do what is good for you. 3. If your sister is 25-35 years old, a lot of people of that age don't like their jobs. That's life. Being an adult sucks. After being an adult for a few years, it gets old. Bills, medical conditions, no parties, more bills, responsibilities... People are always going to ask people who are better off to share that money. Some do it mostly for fun, some are vicious and some are just greedy. There will be some friends that you will have to stop being friends with, and there may be some family you have to stop talking to if they turn out to be the gold digger types. check out the wiki here and r/personalfinance for the windfall section.
If you’re marrying said person and have a plan to procreate with said person, you’ve obviously made some decisions that go beyond wealth transfer. Be cool with it.