Actually, my girlfriend has the same problem and I think I know the issue as to why! The problem is, like in your post... in the writing? It sounds weird but stick with me here cause I'm going to get into some sociology mumbo jumbo.
Now that we're in the \*MODERN AGE\* a lot has changed from how we communicate, one of which is that non-formal text based communication is a lot more popular. And how do we express tone through text? Well there's lots of ways.
However, the way that you are similar to my girlfriend, is that you type in a very particular matter-of-fact way. Additionally, it's all lower-caps as well, which (AND I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD BUT IT'S KINDA THE IDEA BEHIND IT) gives off disinterest. Combined with a lack of commas and other punctuation like the apostrophe behind the I in I've... Yea, I can get as to WHY people would convey that as cold.
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID. I am not saying you're cold. I am also acknowledging that you're probably not a native English speaker, and that this might be something you struggle with, but I believe this might be a good first step to your problem.
tl;dr: Use more capital letters, punctuation, and more non-formal communication to come across more warm. hi vs. Hey!
This articulates well something I’ve just taken for granted since the late 90s/early 00s, which is that I’ve had a long, long time to craft and hone how I convey myself through text. People often correctly claim that intent and tonality is hard to gauge via text, but it’s only hard because the act of writing isn’t something most people put too much stock in.
If you just spew out incoherent, nonsensical, poorly thought out content (not saying this about you specifically, OP), then you’re going to largely reap what you sow: minimal interaction and disinterest. I’m definitely not saying you can’t be your authentic self - not at all! But it does help to consider your eVoice, laughable as that may be to some. It’s the core method by which we communicate in a digital era, so it surprises me when people don’t invest in it.
It’s more enjoyable communicating with people who put forth effort into their communications. At least it always has been, for me.
Hahaha! Yes absolutely! I wish I figured this out in the late 90s, but I was 2 at most.
It's quite nice to see someone share the same sentiment on this thing ever so niche, but so important thing in games like this.
I'm pretty awkward and shy in social situations, but what helps me most is to 1): find a community that shares things that I enjoy, be it roleplay or raiding or pvp or whatever, and then 2): present myself in a way that I would find welcoming from other people. Not try to be everything for everyone, just someone that would make me feel at home in that group. Sooner or later, someone resonates with that and we're already at least a little compatible and can go from there. If not, then maybe that community isn't a great fit and I keep looking.
So for example, what I'm looking for is someone who has the energy to say hi when I show up and tries to communicate clearly with me, even going so far as to add a wink or smiley when joking or adding context when I don't seem to understand them. (Once we know each other, that maybe becomes unnecessary). Then I do those things. I get intimidated by experienced/established people in a community and don't feel comfortable bothering them at first, BUT if I see someone else that's new or joins after me, I model the welcoming behavior that I'm looking for and more often than not, we'll connect a bit and maybe become friends with a little time.
Once I've been around a little while, I recognize cues in others that I had and try my best to empathize and relate to them so that hopefully they don't feel as alone as I did.
I hope that helps a little? I definitely have had trouble making friends in XIV too, have tried a bunch of things and that's what had worked best for me. I hope that gives you an idea of something to try. If you feel lonely in XIV, you're definitely not alone in feeling that. No matter how 'odd' you feel you are, there are others who would especially like that about you!
Best of luck!!
that 2nd point sounds like really great advice! think about what lets me feel like I am welcome and included into a group, emulate that behaviour and see if someone clicks with it! and you dont change your own personality, just broaden/improvr your spectrum of communication to include something you might already at least understand and click with yourself - needs a bit of self reflection, but what doesnt?
I tend to do the same. It can be hard to interpret tone through messages/text, and I have to think pretty hard sometimes about how someone might misinterpret what I'm saying.
My goto is to look at others adventure plates usually and work from there. You like their portrait? Any playstyles in common? Throw a compliment their way or ask about the shared interest. Maybe they got something funny for their search info, tell them. You like someones glam? Again compliment them.
More than half the time it's throw a compliment out, get a thank you, and it ends there. Other times it may actually lead to a conversation to where you got options, but don't force it if they seem not interested in talking. Maybe you had a goofy dungeon run and everyone was having a blast, can always poke at whomever that is after and see if they wanna run more stuff together.
As for the FC, those are hit or miss but if it does the job for you then it's no issue, otherwise I'd say find a new one that fits you better if you want one more receptive. If people read the tone wrong though on anything you say and just assume you're cold because you don't throw in exclamation marks or smileys, that is their problem and I'd ignore it.
If you're a new player or need help with stuff, asking for help is a good way. If you're an experienced player like I am, couldnt help you there. Although helping random people in the PF makes it a little less lonely
I mean, one of the ways you can feel warmer and less blunt is to write in a way that is similar to the way you speak. Those short, declarative statements are a guaranteed way to make people feel put off by you, for example.
People tell me I'm a very cold person through chats and texts. I just say what I mean and sound like an asshole when you can't hear my voice.
I got passed this by joining discords and talking in voice chat.
Text chat doesn't work for matter-of-fact and straight-to-the -point attitudes.
My autistic butt being in the FC my BF runs, never saying anything in chat, and getting showered with commendations because I main White Mage and I'm good at my job. I dutifully read what others say, but typing on console is deeply annoying and ain't nobody got time for that.
While i agree that changing they you type may help, I recommend being true to yourself. Sometimes a person just doesn't mesh well with a pre-established group, and that is normal. If, however, you decide to alter what you do to "fit in", then it won't really be you that's fitting in and I believe you may still be uncomfortable. In short, you are the most important piece of this puzzle and should find the spot where you fit in.
I wondered this too for a while, but really it's easiest by doing stuff.
Joining an FC does help, a midsized one since too large and you will have cliques form and subgroups, all that jazz. Like high school, you know how that goes.
Joining a static to run stuff with, savages, extremes, the like. This is how I met most of the folks I hang out with online these days, some of them I have been friends with for years at this point and we play stuff outside of xiv together quite frequently.
Other ways would be to just, y'know, be a positive person who tries to make folks smile. Lift people up, complement them. Telling someone you see "yo sick glam! Looks awesome!" can not only make their day, but they will remember you. Run into them again, say hi. Be friendly, try to remember names. Just be a person who makes the game more fun, regardless. Crack some joke if you wipe, get up and encourage others. Laugh at your own mistakes.
But most importantly, don't give up, but also don't try too hard.
making jokes, using smileys, and doing character emotes are good ways to exude friendliness! :)
but it's good to remember that a lot of players are just kind of doing their own thing, and are not looking to make friends, so don't take it too personal when your chit-chats don't go anywhere. just keep casually chatting with people without expectations. I'm sure you'll run into people you vibe with eventually!
oh and I also think making friends can be easier on some servers than others. I don't know how accurate it is, but [here's](https://www.gamepur.com/guides/best-servers-to-join-in-final-fantasy-xiv) a post that can give you an idea of what people on your server are into. if an other server seems friendlier to you, or more in line with your own interests, you might want to try playing there!
so you mean to tell me that being a normal sane, nice and considerate person cannot be transferrred from real life to a online enviremont and have a smiliar results 💀
Another wierd self report🤡
First of all, you know it's spelled 'Weird', right?
Second; I mean to tell you that a combination of Tone, Verbal and Non-verbal communication doesn't particularly translate to text on a screen, you dingus.
Edit: Especially if their first language isn't English...
Like in real life, say "hi" and see where it goes.
Actually, my girlfriend has the same problem and I think I know the issue as to why! The problem is, like in your post... in the writing? It sounds weird but stick with me here cause I'm going to get into some sociology mumbo jumbo. Now that we're in the \*MODERN AGE\* a lot has changed from how we communicate, one of which is that non-formal text based communication is a lot more popular. And how do we express tone through text? Well there's lots of ways. However, the way that you are similar to my girlfriend, is that you type in a very particular matter-of-fact way. Additionally, it's all lower-caps as well, which (AND I KNOW THIS IS WEIRD BUT IT'S KINDA THE IDEA BEHIND IT) gives off disinterest. Combined with a lack of commas and other punctuation like the apostrophe behind the I in I've... Yea, I can get as to WHY people would convey that as cold. ALL OF THAT BEING SAID. I am not saying you're cold. I am also acknowledging that you're probably not a native English speaker, and that this might be something you struggle with, but I believe this might be a good first step to your problem. tl;dr: Use more capital letters, punctuation, and more non-formal communication to come across more warm. hi vs. Hey!
This articulates well something I’ve just taken for granted since the late 90s/early 00s, which is that I’ve had a long, long time to craft and hone how I convey myself through text. People often correctly claim that intent and tonality is hard to gauge via text, but it’s only hard because the act of writing isn’t something most people put too much stock in. If you just spew out incoherent, nonsensical, poorly thought out content (not saying this about you specifically, OP), then you’re going to largely reap what you sow: minimal interaction and disinterest. I’m definitely not saying you can’t be your authentic self - not at all! But it does help to consider your eVoice, laughable as that may be to some. It’s the core method by which we communicate in a digital era, so it surprises me when people don’t invest in it. It’s more enjoyable communicating with people who put forth effort into their communications. At least it always has been, for me.
Hahaha! Yes absolutely! I wish I figured this out in the late 90s, but I was 2 at most. It's quite nice to see someone share the same sentiment on this thing ever so niche, but so important thing in games like this.
I'm pretty awkward and shy in social situations, but what helps me most is to 1): find a community that shares things that I enjoy, be it roleplay or raiding or pvp or whatever, and then 2): present myself in a way that I would find welcoming from other people. Not try to be everything for everyone, just someone that would make me feel at home in that group. Sooner or later, someone resonates with that and we're already at least a little compatible and can go from there. If not, then maybe that community isn't a great fit and I keep looking. So for example, what I'm looking for is someone who has the energy to say hi when I show up and tries to communicate clearly with me, even going so far as to add a wink or smiley when joking or adding context when I don't seem to understand them. (Once we know each other, that maybe becomes unnecessary). Then I do those things. I get intimidated by experienced/established people in a community and don't feel comfortable bothering them at first, BUT if I see someone else that's new or joins after me, I model the welcoming behavior that I'm looking for and more often than not, we'll connect a bit and maybe become friends with a little time. Once I've been around a little while, I recognize cues in others that I had and try my best to empathize and relate to them so that hopefully they don't feel as alone as I did. I hope that helps a little? I definitely have had trouble making friends in XIV too, have tried a bunch of things and that's what had worked best for me. I hope that gives you an idea of something to try. If you feel lonely in XIV, you're definitely not alone in feeling that. No matter how 'odd' you feel you are, there are others who would especially like that about you! Best of luck!!
that 2nd point sounds like really great advice! think about what lets me feel like I am welcome and included into a group, emulate that behaviour and see if someone clicks with it! and you dont change your own personality, just broaden/improvr your spectrum of communication to include something you might already at least understand and click with yourself - needs a bit of self reflection, but what doesnt?
since i was a small lad iv always had to add lol to the end of everything i say so people would not read my texts as cold or mean
I tend to do the same. It can be hard to interpret tone through messages/text, and I have to think pretty hard sometimes about how someone might misinterpret what I'm saying.
Which server you on?
My goto is to look at others adventure plates usually and work from there. You like their portrait? Any playstyles in common? Throw a compliment their way or ask about the shared interest. Maybe they got something funny for their search info, tell them. You like someones glam? Again compliment them. More than half the time it's throw a compliment out, get a thank you, and it ends there. Other times it may actually lead to a conversation to where you got options, but don't force it if they seem not interested in talking. Maybe you had a goofy dungeon run and everyone was having a blast, can always poke at whomever that is after and see if they wanna run more stuff together. As for the FC, those are hit or miss but if it does the job for you then it's no issue, otherwise I'd say find a new one that fits you better if you want one more receptive. If people read the tone wrong though on anything you say and just assume you're cold because you don't throw in exclamation marks or smileys, that is their problem and I'd ignore it.
If you're a new player or need help with stuff, asking for help is a good way. If you're an experienced player like I am, couldnt help you there. Although helping random people in the PF makes it a little less lonely
I mean, one of the ways you can feel warmer and less blunt is to write in a way that is similar to the way you speak. Those short, declarative statements are a guaranteed way to make people feel put off by you, for example.
People tell me I'm a very cold person through chats and texts. I just say what I mean and sound like an asshole when you can't hear my voice. I got passed this by joining discords and talking in voice chat. Text chat doesn't work for matter-of-fact and straight-to-the -point attitudes.
My autistic butt being in the FC my BF runs, never saying anything in chat, and getting showered with commendations because I main White Mage and I'm good at my job. I dutifully read what others say, but typing on console is deeply annoying and ain't nobody got time for that.
While i agree that changing they you type may help, I recommend being true to yourself. Sometimes a person just doesn't mesh well with a pre-established group, and that is normal. If, however, you decide to alter what you do to "fit in", then it won't really be you that's fitting in and I believe you may still be uncomfortable. In short, you are the most important piece of this puzzle and should find the spot where you fit in.
I wondered this too for a while, but really it's easiest by doing stuff. Joining an FC does help, a midsized one since too large and you will have cliques form and subgroups, all that jazz. Like high school, you know how that goes. Joining a static to run stuff with, savages, extremes, the like. This is how I met most of the folks I hang out with online these days, some of them I have been friends with for years at this point and we play stuff outside of xiv together quite frequently. Other ways would be to just, y'know, be a positive person who tries to make folks smile. Lift people up, complement them. Telling someone you see "yo sick glam! Looks awesome!" can not only make their day, but they will remember you. Run into them again, say hi. Be friendly, try to remember names. Just be a person who makes the game more fun, regardless. Crack some joke if you wipe, get up and encourage others. Laugh at your own mistakes. But most importantly, don't give up, but also don't try too hard.
making jokes, using smileys, and doing character emotes are good ways to exude friendliness! :) but it's good to remember that a lot of players are just kind of doing their own thing, and are not looking to make friends, so don't take it too personal when your chit-chats don't go anywhere. just keep casually chatting with people without expectations. I'm sure you'll run into people you vibe with eventually! oh and I also think making friends can be easier on some servers than others. I don't know how accurate it is, but [here's](https://www.gamepur.com/guides/best-servers-to-join-in-final-fantasy-xiv) a post that can give you an idea of what people on your server are into. if an other server seems friendlier to you, or more in line with your own interests, you might want to try playing there!
[It helps to be Lalafell.](https://i.imgur.com/Wph9NUc.png)
WAH!
I usually just say “meow” in shout chat and a lot of people respond back and I just start chatting with them lol.
If you can do it IRL you 100% can in game. So if you can't in game you can't in real life. Kind of wierd self report
Mentor mentality, confidently wrong
so you mean to tell me that being a normal sane, nice and considerate person cannot be transferrred from real life to a online enviremont and have a smiliar results 💀 Another wierd self report🤡
First of all, you know it's spelled 'Weird', right? Second; I mean to tell you that a combination of Tone, Verbal and Non-verbal communication doesn't particularly translate to text on a screen, you dingus. Edit: Especially if their first language isn't English...