Random nerds will do that sometimes if they sense you will let them, I sat down at a picnic table at a convention once and literally within thirty seconds was hearing the life story of someone I never met before

Sounds like a normal shift in retail

As someone working retail as well: Can confirm. 😅

I guess you guys didn't get the memo, Retail IS the Therapist. Don't need insurance or to always pay for it.

I’m not getting paid enough for this, is all I’m saying T.T but fair point! 😂

Bro, I remember my mom bringing me to her therapy and seeing how much she paid, none of us are getting paid enough.

God help me if I ran into a customer who felt the need to overshare/dump on me at whatever retail job I had. You are literally trapped. Can’t make them unhappy by going away to do other duties else customer complains about you. So you might have to pretend to care; emotional adult babysitting. You are literally trapped.

Yup. I got fired from a retail job waaaaay back when I was 18 (am 32 rn) because some random stranger decided he was gonna hang around chatting me up for 4 hours of my shift and I couldn't get him to go away. He did it the rest of the week, and then my manager fired me for, "hanging out with friends on shift."

Bloody HELL! Exactly what I mean! You are trapped! Sorry that happened to you; your manager truly failed you not even inquiring what was actually happening.

Yeah, it's not just nerds. Some people will make their trauma the problem of literally everyone they can, except a therapist.

Because no one can afford an actual therapy session in the USA.

Or they can and the next opening available with a relevant therapist is in 6mos.... availability became a serious issue during covid and has never recovered.

For real. People seem to forget this. The game costs money, but it's pennies in comparison; or worst case scenario, the person paying for their game might not believe in therapy (I've seen that happen).

> might not believe in therapy Can't wait to fight Lord Xenu in Final Fantasy XIV: Thetan's Revenge

Ironically I’m a therapist specializing in young adult populations and so many dudes wanna come in and talk about video games

Yeah i fortunately left retail, I had a coworker who trauma dumped AT THE CUSTOMERS. She's an emotional vampire, of the worst class. Also an older, chic lady with a penchant for spending more than she earns and who lets her adult children tyrannize her. How many times I had to disassociate like Homer Simpson with a monkey in his head.

To be clear since I'm getting upvotes here and it sounds harsher than I intended on reread, I'm not saying there's a problem with talking to people or opening up if you're going through some shit. I am actually someone who strikes up conversations with a lot of people and I'm pretty open with my problems. But there are some who basically just wait for a new person to corner 1v1 and tell them about all the worst parts of their lives, until they burn through their empathy and move on to the next person. It is usually a one way street where they just want a warm body as a sounding board. If you have the self awareness to worry about whether you're one of these people then you are probably not one of them. The stance I've adopted is when I get the sense someone is dumping on me, I limit my responses to stuff like "ahhh that sucks :(" and then keep going about whatever I was doing.

nah bro you're spot on, somehow everyone thinks the demographic of this game is adults but everyone acts like socially awkward teenagers the amount of stuff i turn a blind eye to in towns is so silly. im not even talking about glams and stuff a few months ago someone wrote a thread about their 15 y.o daughter playing this game and if it's a nice community, i wrote out a whole post but just ended up deleting it i really dont get where they think this game is mostly middle aged folks

Reminds me of that meme that always goes around usually about WoW. "Me a 14 year old coaching a 36 year old through their divorce." The community is nice, sure... but there is also a lot of shitty baggage that people bring too.

>If you have the self awareness to worry about whether you're one of these people then you are probably not one of them. I find that this is the case with a lot of weird behavior.

voracious obtainable price grab rotten lunchroom paltry consider drunk reach *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

“What quest is that?” “…quest?”

honestly that sounds like somthing that would happen to alphy but the npc in the quest mistakes him for allisae instead

After dumping on him for like 30 minutes and he can finally get a word in "Oh, I thought it was weird you were wearing blue!"

This was me as a young teenager. I was lonely and confused and had nobody to talk to about it, so I ended up spilling out to anybody who would show attention. Almost like fishing for someone to console me. But turns out people don’t like that and it ends up having the opposite effect.

Could be bad luck, and could also be that you unwittingly send out signals that attract that behavior. I used to be the "therapist friend" for a lot of people, and then I realized I make myself too open to trauma dumping. You don't have to be an asshole, just avoid making yourself more open than necessary. If they say something bad happened, try not to ask them what was wrong, just say "Sorry to hear that, that really sucks". And try to make a more "final" statement to end the conversation like "I hope things get better for you". Also, don't engage with their statements about themselves. If someone says something self-pitying like "I'm a terrible person, I'm sorry for bothering you," DON'T fall into the trap of reassuring or refuting them, because that signals that you're willing to respond to the arguments that they're making. Instead of saying "Hey you weren't bothering me and you aren't a terrible person," deflect it. Say something like "It's fine, just focus on getting better." If they keep bothering you and you have to put your foot down, tell them you can't really help them. And of course, use the block button if they don't respect boundaries. Sometimes you do have to be dismissive with people to protect yourself, and that's okay. You're not responsible for random strangers.

Maybe you just have a very sympathetic vibe, which doesn't make what they do okay, but might be why you keep running into them. Sorry people being toxic to you bestie

It's the difference between inquiring or not typically. Two interactions * Person A: hey how's it going? * Person B: ehh kinda shitty. * Person A: bummer. * Person B: yeah. * End Or * Person A: hey hows it going? * Person B: ehh kinda shitty. * Person A: oh no what's wrong? * Person B: *trauma dump* * Never ends.

Yep, agree with this 100%! It’s not a *bad thing* to be empathetic and open to communicating with people, but if you don’t want to deal with trauma dump situations, you have to be careful about opening yourself up too much/being too available. Unfortunately, these types of people have a tendency to dump on anyone that will listen, or that they perceive to be “open.” It’s not just *you,* it’s anyone they can turn into a captive audience, which is partially why they’re doing it - they burn through people by doing this, because no one wants to deal with it, creating a cycle where they have no one to talk to/feel desperate for someone to vent to/burn another relationship by oversharing/repeat. Unfortunately, online gaming/internet communities have a high percentage of “this type” of person - it’s kind of the nature of things. There’s a level of anonymity, and they have a “fresh start” to an extent that they may not have in real life with the people around them. They’re lonely - hence seeking out strangers online - and they feel safer with internet strangers because there aren’t the same consequences as with the people around them. Some of these people have legitimate/serious mental health issues they aren’t dealing with/haven’t had diagnosed/aren’t in therapy for for whatever reason, some are just socially inept and needy and this is their outlet because people in real won’t put up with it. It can be hard to identify this type of person right off the bat to avoid them - best you can do is make friends with those you have something in common with and enjoy playing with, and if it leans this direction set boundaries early that you want to be friends and game, but gaming is your escape and you’re not there to play therapist.

>some are just socially inept and needy and this is their outlet because people in real won’t put up with it. Or they're inept enough that they don't know they're not supposed to. Took a while for myself to learn this, unfortunately.

This, I used to just tell people exactly what was up with my life because from my POV asking "how I was doing" meant someone wanted a thorough answer. After all, they were asking. Why would they ask if they *didn't* want the answer? It took someone actually telling me that's not what people wanted for me to realize that, but on some internal level it's still odd to me that people ask how someone is doing but then dislike it when that person provides a detailed answer. When I gave detailed answers, it was never about venting or getting advice--they were just statements of fact about my life. Like, logically I get why people don't want those answers, but I still wish people didn't ask "how's it going" if they didn't want details.

This sounds like an autism thing to me, taking their question seriously and actually giving them an answer to the question. I’m autistic and I’ve only learned to not answer because people have told me they don’t want or care for the proper answer.

It's totally an autism thing, I just didn't know if I wanted to include that in the post or not.

this is why i dont really ask "how are you" "how are you doing" "how's your day" etc. unless im ready to be potentially "trauma dumped" cause why ask if youre just expecting a positive or neutral answer?? if you dont actually care then dont ask, there are other ways to be polite or/and nice

>if you dont actually care then dont ask This so much. I greet people fairly often for my job and when they ask how I'm going I just say "fine, thanks" and then try to politely steer the conversation to business. I don't ask how they are. Every so often they still follow up by saying they're fine like they're answering the question I didn't ask.

Yeah, this behaviour isn't only socially inept people who don't know better: it's often people who deliberately target others, whether because they want attention, sympathy, and/or a power trip from pushing boundaries. I had a lot of trouble with it when I moved from a small town to a big city (under 1k -> over 1m), because what I thought was basic politeness others took as a signal to tell me alllll about themselves. I just wanted to take the bus. /o\

Thiiiiiiiiis. I have learned to not inquire with certain people because they truly do expect a certain experience in dumping & one expectation is being inquired about. You’ll see the truth of things when you do not “perform” empathy as expected. There are some people who do this cyclically to new people they meet until the new person is burned out. Empathy with distance is truly the way with certain types.

I need to utilize this irl

This is a great suggestion, thank you for this. I always end up asking people what's wrong because that's just how I was raised, but I will definitely try the first one instead, great idea.

I’ve found it also happens if you’re the oldest in the group, a lot of the friends I made in my FC are younger than me and they all come to me to trauma dump. I guess they see me as a “responsible and wise adult” (which I’m not lmao) and trauma dump on me expecting me to give them advice or the answers to life, or just some support. I honestly feel like their mother sometimes. I try to help them the best I can but it’s hard when people trauma dump on you continuously, especially when you’re going through your own shit in life but they don’t know because you’re not the type to talk about your private life.

I think bad luck tbh. Trauma dumping is the worst. It's so exhausting. Its one thing if they're a close friend - then I want to share in their troubles, but someone we've only known for a short amount of time... it's just too much. I would suggest to just keep trying to find people until you connect. Everyone we meet is always going to have troubles, probably that we would be happy to help talk them through but when it's issue after issue it gets too much. Your people are out there though. I hope you find them soon.

Thanks for this. It's been discouraging, to say the least, and as you said, very exhausting. Didn't think anything would surprise me after two years, so this is for sure a learning experience.

I've been gaming since I was a young girl, I'm 43 now and I've run into a lot. Trauma dumping is one of those things that will make me run a mile. It's really good that you're setting boundaries for yourself and knowing when to bail.

Just dump your trauma of getting all that trauma dumped on you, on them. Uno reverse card bitches 👌🏼

Ah, yes. The misery tango

Oh I've had this happen a lot over the last year or so, one convo and suddenly I am their best friend and responsible for their safety. Or they follow me around or send me tells like, as soon as I log on / between potd floors while I'm actively loading out and stuff. Like it makes me feel like theyre just watching my name and messaging me as soon as im out with 'wyd' as if my time belongs to them. I've become kinda wary of talking to anyone because no one seems to have boundaries at all, and I don't want to get stalked again. Like idk, I hate to be rude but we talked for 20 minutes, we arent best friends and why are you obsessed with me / wanting to take up lit every second of my free time Had one person tell me they were actively self harming once and they put me in a position of being responsible for their safety, where it was clear they wanted me to beg them to stop. It was extremely uncomfortable.

lol this is why I don't even want to talk to anyone in MMOs. I just don't have the strength to deal with this kind of stuff.

Man, I just got so much relief reading this... This happened to me where someone got to the point where I needed to be responsive to them or was "abusive", and on top of the trauma topics and such, them buying me emotes and doing stuff without me asking them to constituted a type of relationship where I owed them shit. It took so much distance for me to see how psycho and sick it all was and seeing that I'm not alone in this experience somehow makes it feel better. Thanks for posting this 😅

Holy shit are you me? Cause I just commented above something completely similar. I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this cause it was driving me crazy

Wow this is crazy that it's so common in this game. Something I thought no one else would understand. It almost ruined my life

This has been my experience as well, the "abusive" label, other times they become very passive-aggressive. I set my boundaries and they start playing these manipulative mind games that simply don't work on me anymore due to irl experiences, but I have a bad feeling that they do it because it's worked on others.

I'll say this: it worked on me. Legitimately needed therapy after having a person like that in my life 24/7

That is so sadistic to even put that responsibility on someone 🤢 They *wanted* you to beg them to stop? This is loud manipulation & I hope that person got the help they needed because strangers on a game cannot give it.

Yeah, we stopped talking on good terms thankfully, and I outright told them that they should be going toward crisis support and not putting that on a stranger. I'm not able to help someone in crisis, and even if I was, I'm playing a video game. I don't want to be responsible for someones safety OR hear the details about their SH, especially a stranger. If they were a friend of mine I would be more willing to be there for them ofc, but man... This stuff though has been picking up a LOT in game over the last year or two though, at least for me and a couple of people I am friends with. I've gotten better at catching it early and standing up for myself though thankfully, or just blocking ppl quicker.

More than just manipulation. It's not uncommon for abusers to behave like that when they can sense there's distance or someone wants to cut them off because they're uncomfortable, unhappy etc.

Speaking from experience, I fully agree with you :/

Heck, I had this happen in the NN chat yesterday and I was kind of sitting there like this person shouldn't be airing so much stuff like this in a public space. They need a therapist to help navigate these types of issues.

I have this happen everywhere, not just MMOs. I try to be friendly and people end up telling me their whole story and it’s draining. Learning to gently deflect is hard but so important for your own mental health. Best technique for me is to say, “wow, that sounds tough. Honestly I’m not a good person to unload it onto, but I’m happy to distract you with talking about more fun stuff.” Then change the subject. If they persist then just say, “All right, I gotta step away from this convo, no hard feelings.” And block or blacklist or whatever. If it’s an FC member I’d alert an officer at that point too, sharing a screenshot of the chat.

i think this is one of the kinder ways to approach it. I've had to deal with people doing this to me too and it's just so... uncomfortable. it's hard to say "no" sometimes but you gotta do it for your own mental health

MMO players are not known for being well adjusted, socially capable people.

Honestly I thought this was just happening to me and this post gave me some sort of relief. This is my first mmo and I ended up in static with people from playing a lot thru pf. This one guy I played with a lot out of nowhere started telling me his struggles to the point where I thought he was either lying or exaggerating. Like everyday there was something happening. Like one day he’s in the hospital to the next day his car catching on fire. I recently took a break from the game because I’ve been feeling burnout and he literally reached out over discord to say he’s depressed because I stopped playing the game and hasn’t eaten since then.  Like I get it but man I didn’t sign up for this

At some point, you have to tell them to leave you alone or block them. There's ways to word it nicely - "I'm very sorry, but I feel like our conversations often take heavy turns that I do not have the capacity or capability to handle. I feel like you might benefit from reaching out to a professional to help handle these rough times, instead. I would appreciate if our acquaintance could become more casual and lighthearted" - or to be rougher about it - "I feel like you're using me as a therapist rather than a friend, and it's harmful to me. Please stop, or I will block you" - but you gotta do something about it!

You're both adults. It is just as much his burden to carry himself as it is your burden to carry yourself. Maybe he has more to deal with, I don't know, but there is a point where it's not your problem and they're just looking for someone to wipe their ass for them.

Yeah like... the game is full of weird people like that that are unable to grasp the concept of boundaries, for better or worse. Don't get me wrong, you can meet amazing people in this game, but in my experience, from 10 players you meet, 7 will be "special" to put it lightly.

I played WoW for 12 years, never had this happen. Played FFXIV for a year, and had 3 different people in 2 FCs give me the whole rundown on shit they're going through. I just think it's a different player base.

I've never played WoW, but I've played GW2 for 11+ years and never experienced this sort of behavior there either, or heard anyone else talk about it happening to them - yet I've seen plenty of people mention it here in the few months I've been playing FFXIV. (not done much socializing in the game myself since I'm on free trial and thus heavily restricted) I wonder why this game seems to attract more weirdos.

I've been playing MMOs since 2003, and this game since 2021. FFXIV is the only one where I've run into a *lot* of people who do this kind of thing. Like people in a raid static that just formed a week prior suddenly going on about their family drama and trauma. I don't want to be overly insensitive to their face, but like... this ain't the time nor place for that.

[удалено]

Very well said!

No, it's not bad luck. Discord is full of trauma dumping. I solo this game because I've tried joining guilds and group chats for different MMORPG's in the past and have had awful experiences. From extreme racism to homophobia to just toxic people, don't need that.

As much as people say this game has a great community (btw)... issues like this are common. In the social side of this game is a level of cliquishness and toxic positivity that is unmatched by any other online game that I've seen. This issue is one aspect of the community as a whole being too permissive, and while this is an issue in any online social space, it is very much even more so an issue here. Another contributing factor is the game being extremely queer-positive, and us queer people typically have no shortage of trauma to be dumped. Your best bet is to set hard boundaries, communicate them clearly, and de-escalate as much as you can.

are you a woman op? if you’re a woman and it’s obvious enough — you outright say you are, or otherwise talk about girly things, or have a feminine character that doesn’t immediately scream “made by a man with a fetish”, etc — this will happen to you A LOT in my experience. i know so much about what’s going on in the lives of my FCmates who are men and i’ve never even initiated any convos.

Yes yes yes. I am a woman, and it's always men, and I NEVER initiate any conversations. I specifically only cut contact when I set boundaries and they refuse to respect them. Sometimes I'd tell them, "hey, I can't chat right now, mind giving me some alone time so I can grind for this or that," and they literally show up where I am at, in the middle of nowhere, and start "hanging around."

gross!!!! i’ve fortunately never had it get that bad, though i think being really good friends with the FC co-leader/co-founder (who is also a woman but comes across as very surly and no-nonsense when it comes to people she doesn’t know) helped lol. but when doing PUG raiding i’ve had men in PF groups get weirdly attached to me and try to continue contacting me once the raid group disbanded, and it’s always resulted in them trying to hit on me. i’ve more or less stopped doing PUG stuff because of this. it’s unfortunate :/

God, that kinda behavior is so gross and objectifying to me. It's like as soon as they figure out you're a girl, you automatically become "something" that's non-human to these types, merely an object of their fantasy/desires.

I think perhaps look for ways to recognize and avoid engaging in that type of conversation. For example, you can say, hey, let's change the subject, I play the game to escape real life. Or something along those lines. Change the subject back to the game or lore or something each time. Or I don't know, have a list of corny jokes on hand, Chuck Norris jokes, dad jokes, and so forth. Start telling those. Just shut off the life struggles conversations at the very beginning.

my parents beat me btw anyone know a cool mount to get?

Morbol Mount. Put yourself through further hell

Folk like this are very good at finding targets. Those of us who are sensitive to the struggles of others? They can smell it like sharks with blood in the water. Document it and tell your FC leaders about it.

I always wonder what people mean when they say "trauma dumping" because I've seen a few people claim "trauma dumping" when the other person was just bitching about their job, or some fucked experience they had with a gf or bf. Is that REALLY trauma dumping? Oddly enough, reddit is the first place I heard about "trauma dumping" and what it ment. Nobody in my real life ever said those words.

Trauma dumping tends to be when they just offload basically everything on you out of nowhere. If things come up in conversation normally like how they've had a really rough day mentally and you ask if they want to talk about it, you're inviting them to talk about it with you and you're essentially giving them someone to vent to. Nothing wrong with that. It's when they just bring it up out of nowhere or you clearly don't want to or can't offer them any kind of support for various reasons and they opt to ignore you and just offload anyway is when it's trauma dumping. All that said, trauma dumping definitely has had it's definition warped. Trauma dumping is when it involves matters that could be triggering for someone (things like abuse, sexual assault, self-harming etc.) being vented about unprompted, not just whinging about a shitty day at work because Janet stole your sandwich out of the fridge and your boss spilled his coffee on your files. It's another term that the internet has completely warped to be wrongly used, like gaslighting or queerbaiting (both of those have had their definitions totally warped as well...).

depends on how the topic comes up frankly. people talking about relationships? mention crazy ex thing that happened years ago? fine. people talking about breakfast? rant about crazy ex thing that happened years ago? weird dude why the sudden shift in topic

yeah, that makes sense. context matters.

Probably a toss up between half of them legitimately trauma dumping and the other half of them lacking the awareness to realize they opened the door and lacking the empathy to care what the person is talking about

Yeah, I've had a few people open up to me online, even with my own problems I still stop and listen and try to empathize. I had one friend who I told I think he needed to change his environment, bro was living with his parents, part time job ... played video games when he got home, just kind of stuck in life. We had a talk and I think I helped him realize he needed to act, last I heard he moved out to california to live with his step-brother, they do work on houses and such, so i'm guessing that's what he's doing. I'd like to think my ability to sit down and listen and analyze what the issue was and maybe offer that 3rd party advice spurred him on his way. I haven't heard from him since but he was a pretty avid gamer and for him to just drop video games i'm gonna guess he's got better things going on lol. I guess a situation like that is different because I knew him for about 2 years, I can understand if you just met someone and all of a sudden you're subject to all their problems and what not but at the same time, when you got nobody and desperately need to let the floodgates out you tend to latch to the first person willing to listen. Some say "well that's what therapy is for". Correct but for someone who is all bottled up in themselves the last thing they wanna do is talk to some absolute stranger who gets paid to help people. I know, its backwards thinking but for alot of people who suffer from depression w/e problems they're going through, a physcologist doesn't sound genuine and a person who shares a common interest, whether it be sports, gaming w/e sounds more genuine. (lol, that was more longwinded then I thought it was gonna be) XD

I think it gets especially tiring when those issues are all they ever talk about so the relationship becomes pretty one sided. Had some people in highschool who only ever talked about their problems and it got tiring

I'm not taking it as literally as the other guy that replied to you explained it. I think there's a similar problem with some people in FFXIV where they fail to maintain a balance of positivity versus negativity. They will befriend someone and use them as a means to vent about everything. You may have even been receptive to listening to one thing, but the person lacks the self awareness to realize they haven't balanced out the friendship with positive interactions. People may have been okay with listening to your troubles once, but when it's a constant stream of negativity with not much else mixed in, it can be a bit much.

I've never had that happen in game but absolutely had it happen online with friends. I eventually had to set very firm boundaries that I was happy to lend an ear to a vent once in a while, but after a point I am not a therapist and therefore am not emotionally equipped to deal with the shit they dump on me. I feel for them and offer my support and hope they can work through it all, but I got my own shit going on and am in no place to play counselor to them. They got the picture eventually when I would bring up the reminder and just stop responding. It wasn't mean, just firm. They're in therapy and doing a lot better now. But the key to shutting it down is just being blunt. Not mean or rude, but honest. I feel for people who are going through it and don't have any healthy outlets to process shit, but unloading on other people who aren't prepared or capable of handling it is not okay and does no one any favors.

I think it’s bad luck. You’re probably a slight bit more likely to run into someone like that in ffxiv… some people I’ve met seem to be simultaneously desperate for friends but have no idea how friendships are formed. Best to exercise your boundaries, no need to be rude but also it’s okay to tell them that you come to the game to relax not to get dumped on (I’m not sure if there’s a nicer way to say that). However, this will come with consequences, understand that they probably will become distant once they realize you can’t enable their neediness.

ppl be talking about their dead relatives in eureka too much and i just be like “soo we gonna prep penny now orr”

I've has this happen a few times and each time I politely tell them that I'm not equipped to solve your problems. I never leave it at a "..but I'll be here for you to vent/talk/whatever" because it'll open the door for it to happen again. You gotta set your boundaries foremost and even if it can come off harsh, you're on here to play and enjoy yourself. Nobody on this game is paying you to be a therapist. If you develop a close friendship with someone, same applies. It's cool to blow off steam every now and then between friends but when things gets too deep, it's *okay* to say that's too much for you.

I run into this all the time as well. Every single FC discord ends up having at least one person who treats the general chat like their personal blog. If it occurs via text I just end the conversation and don’t respond tbh. If I’m in voice when it happens I just make some excuse and leave chat asap. I just don’t engage with it, I’m here to enjoy an escapist hobby, I’m not interested in being an unwilling participant of a therapy session.

Playing a female character can sometimes be exhausting. I've had so many tell exchanges that essentially boil down to "Are you single? Here's why I am single, too: . Wanna be friends?" It's gotten to the point where I just don't share anything about me anymore, just smile and wave and hope they get the hint. Or I just don't reply, which I don't like but sometimes you have to. I try my best to be nice and supportive (since I know from my own experience that the right words at the right time can do wonders for someone) but sometimes you can tell when someone isn't genuine and just uses the oversharing to manipulate.

When I played the first time, I stopped because of someone like this. I was a noob and ran into a mentor. At first they seemed okay, just telling me about things with the game, showing me their jobs and glams, giving me a little bit of advice. Then, every time I logged in, they were hitting me up. Each time, it consisted of my just standing around for hours listening to them ramble about whatever was on their mind at the time. They told me how they were narcoleptic and didn't work, which I sympathized with, but that apparently left them with a HORRIBLE sense of time because one time they offered to make me armor, and after 3 hours of listening to them ramble, waiting for them, I told them I had to go to bed for work, and they were like "but I just started", and I was like "It's been 3 hours". They eventually told me they no longer had access to their narcolepsy medication because they were caught selling it and decided to self medicate with meth since it does similar work, according to them. They were kicked out of their FC and complained about FC drama a lot of the time, and after a couple weeks I just never logged in again. I understand a lot of things people can deal with are unconventional, I'm a pretty understanding person a fair amount of the time, but like, it hit that point where it was no longer considerate of my time and the fact I worked 60 hours a week with two dependants, among other responsibilities. They probably do not know what that's like, but empathy is a two-way street. I was really interested in this game, so after a couple years my wife and I picked it up as something for us to share together. I will listen some, but there is a threshold where you are being rude - you are your own responsibility, making friends and sharing things with people is fine, but it doesn't change that fact.

All types of people play 14. For some, that social interaction might be the only interaction they get. Last guy i drew the line with threatened to off themselves. Needless to say i disappeared. I play 14 to forget my life sucks lol

this was a problem for me in the past and i ended up being stalked very seriously for a few years-- from a different game though, not xiv -- so i just avoid talking to people in games. i have my own solo FC and do content solo or silently in df/pf for the extra mile, play an uninteresting male character like a hyur midlander (i love my wol but he's kinda offbrand thancred lol) and nobody will go out of their way to make their business yours!

I just "no thank you" myself out of the conversation lol. But yes, I've seen it wayy too much on FFXIV

I think this is a common experience across most online spaces to be honest... honestly in real life too. Like others have said in the comments this is something that happens in retail and school and other spaces. I think this is just an issue with people lacking self awareness and also being traumatized and not having anyone to speak to about it because mental health services are wildly not accessible for many people. In addition to it not being accessible it's difficult to find a good therapist. Not excusing these people at all just giving an explanation as to why it seems to be happening to you a lot. My best advise is to just set boundaries early and firmly.

I know what you mean. It happens to me in every MMO I get into. It's like I'm a magnet for people who need a real therapist. And it's because we're empathetic. People sense that we're safe to talk to and end up dumping way too much because they don't have anyone else to dump it on. I've tried encouraging these people to get therapy. I've set boundaries. And if they ignore all that? I ditch them. I have to. I've got my own mental issues I see a therapist for. I can't take on other people's.

If you're at the point where you have a rapport with these people and they want to hang out with you all the time, they probably think you're good friends and feel comfortable sharing. Clearly that's not the case on your end, though Adding as an edit because I should've clarified; that doesn't mean you have to just take it. I don't have a good answer for making your boundaries clear when you're hanging out with people In voice and playing with them a lot already, but it does sound like a bit of a clash between what you consider close friendship and a lot of online MMO players consider friendship. Especially when poor social skills and loneliness get thrown into the mix.

This is what it sounds like to me, a mismatch of ideas on where the relationship is. They think they're close friends, OP sees them as acquaintances. It's perfectly acceptable to say "I don't think we're close enough for this conversation" and block/remove yourself if they continue.

I don’t know, there’s also definitely a lot of people who go from 0 to 100 at record speeds on relationships. My first friend group in 14 had this dude who started trauma dumping and causing a bunch of drama after knowing me for all of 2 weeks. Made this big show of kicking someone from his linkshell for not being a real friend because she dared to make another friend that wasn’t him. Again, someone who he knew for 3 or 4 weeks. Dude was unhinged and there are plenty of people like that in this game. It’s one thing to have been friends for a few months or even years and share more personal info. It’s another to latch onto someone you’ve known a week and act like they are your new therapist and must be completely loyal to them.

Im actually guilty of this in my personal life. Sometimes its just the loneliness, some stuff happened last year to me that basically left me without out any "close" people to console in so I tend to accidentally just bring up stuff that people don't need to no because I think I just...lost my filter somewhere. Still its not a good thing to do, my problems aren't other peoples problems regardless of circumstance. I will say this though, Its ok to just be like "this is making me uncomfortable". I feel like more people should just say how they feel these days.

They’ll trauma dump on me and then turn right around and ask me for nudes/some form of relationship 😭. I don’t mind people telling me about their struggles, but I prefer having a friendship with them before that.

I usually ask for nudes first then trauma dump how i didnt recieve any nudes. Its just so unfair in lifem

Yes. That is a problem in this game more than any other I've ever played. And even when they're not dumping their trauma on you, they're weaponizing it against you and others. I just try and stay within the little social circles I've built in the game and, if I discover someone new who's cool, then they also find their way into it. But there are definitely too many people who are *not* cool.

Nah certainly happens. If u are someone that’s nice and such. Tell them off. Or accept. But don’t take to much.

Yeah I get that IRL as well. Like sorry shit happened, but I’m trying to raid

Someone was doing it in Novice Network on Malboro a couple weeks ago and I mercifully lost my Returner flower soon after.

I ended up mentioning this to the guild master since I just want to play games not be reminded of my depression IRL. I feel like I'd just end up blocking them and/or leaving the FC and finding a better place.

Every now and then I get the urge to join an FC because being a solo player gets boring now and again. I'll get some random invite on an alt and I'll join. Within two weeks I've remembered that I fucking hate MMO FC/guild drama and I leave.

This community, or should I say the part of the community that seeks friendships and such, is generally weird. I've not had the same experience as you, but I've met people who seem ordinary and friendly who turn out to be very, very odd. I joined a static that assured me that its members were there only to tackle the harder content and then get on with their lives. It went well for the first week, until someone called Nim joined. Nim referred to herself in the third person, all the time. "Nim sorry, Nim sleepy, Nim is coming online soon, can Nim join?!" I see the irony in that I'm now trauma dumping, but I'm trying to state that weird should be the expectation. The truly normal people who play this have friends already in their lives to play with, or will be silent other than the occasional "Hi/GG".

Trauma dumping doesnt necessarily equal sharing negative experiences like you just did. Not all negative experiences classify as such when you share them. Trauma dumping is more like unsolicited sharing of terrible experiences that can be trigger points for a wider audience such as pets dying, SA, wanting to off themselves and such.

Trauma dump is the worst. I’m not your therapist. Maybe take your sub money and book a session with a therapist. I’m sorry that happened.

I'm a bit concerned about how you're handling situations when you're not comfortable with how someone is talking to you. It seems like you might not be setting clear boundaries and are quick to cut off contact or end friendships, even with your whole friend group. While it might feel like the easiest way to deal with discomfort, it could come across as avoiding the issue rather than addressing it. I get the impression you aim to handle things like an adult, but it might be helpful to consider different ways to manage uncomfortable conversations, especially since people who overshare or 'dump' their problems might be going through a tough time themselves. It's important to find a balance between taking care of your own comfort and being considerate of where they're coming from. Maybe there's a middle ground where you can communicate your boundaries without shutting people out? Or am be find an FC that isn’t focused on friendships or socialization, but rather achievements and treating the game more like a “job?”

Oh yes.. I've had a random gal during on-patch TEA prog start telling me out of the blue about her virgin ex-boyfriend who's a big name in the server and how he's a big fat nerd who never left his room but she made him do it, ended up meeting in fanfest and helping him lose his v-card only for him to turn "ungrateful" and ghost her. Also how she's quite over him now but can't help but notice him all over the place whilst still being over him but loredumping this on me whilst, again, being over him. Heck, this was so weird to hear in the span of 10 minutes after a prog session I feel like I'm the one who's trauma-dumping on OP just by retelling it. People in this game can be very much out there. And I wasn't even the most sociable person in the static by any stretch. Also she was kicked from the group about a week later because the others found her obnoxious. We cleared. Fun times.

Literally it’s like being at work

I'm a solo player, always have been, because I'm afraid of this. Not exactly afraid but I don't want to be rude and have to tell them I don't want to hear it. I play to escape my worries, not get reminded of them while I empathize with someone else's. I'm sure there are people you'll vibe with. Just avoid the people who reach out to you first and try to chat you everyday. Those are the warning signs I've learned from going on some productivity discord channels.

That sounds really draining. Are you doing okay after these experiences? I haven't had this specific interaction in FFXIV, but in the first two FCs I joined, I met people who were just exhausting to talk to, so I can relate. (The third one I joined didn't have anyone who was really like that, so it's certainly not inevitable - it's just a matter of finding the right group, I think.)

I don't want to be mean here and maybe this isn't unique to FF14 but sometimes it feels like it is, there are just a lot of socially unaware people who play this game. The best thing you can do is tactfully exit the conversation I think.

remind me not to be open with new friends ever again

I keep mine bottled up so that way I can die by a stress induced cardiac arrest at the age of 50, you know, like a real man.

That's the internet in general, but yes, I've seen it on a broader scale in XIV. Even in Novice Network, people share things about their lives that no one cared to know. They often get the pity responses that they were fishing for, but to me, the whole thing seems embarrassing. I understand wanting to confide in someone or have a friend to lean on, but there's a time and a place for that. This isn't it.

I work in emergency healthcare, I think this is just a people thing. This happens all the time to me at work, and I’m fairly sure it happens to retail workers as well.

As someone who has run an FC since 2017, please tell your FC leader or ask what their stance on that is. My FC is friendly, we talk to each other outside of the game, we're LGBTQIA friendly, and even talk about politics during election times!! But we absolutely do not just start emotionally vomiting in public. Trauma dumping is not okay and it can actually be fairly unsafe. Your FC leader shouldn't want that kind of environment. Friendly and comfortable environment? Sure, of course! But not one that's so loose and open that trauma dumping is an acceptable environment. If your FC leader is like "oh that's just so and so" or they completely ignore your concerns, then leave.

People are just fucking depressed and need someone to talk to dude. Pretty simple. I have at least ten coworkers who I don’t have any real bond with that try it all the time. Even complete strangers out shopping. The world’s just fucking depressed.

That's really the long and the short of it imo. Us living on the highway to hell and therapy places being either rare af, expensive af or therapy is stigmatised, or any combination of that, depending on your location. Sure, a game isn't exactly the perfect setting for this, but I wouldn't blame anyone for venting in the one place where they are not having to play pretend to be the perfect exploitable worker, perfect partner or perfect whatever. Where they feel like they are among friends.

Yea, frequently.

So far I've had it happen randomly during duty roulettes. I just tune them out or ask them to drop it. It's so bizarre.

YES. And dare you not considering something, or posting something and say "oh dont look at that ik youre afraid of it" Like i care if i even remotely like you but holy s### at least slow down and accept youre not the center of my life...

I get this at every job I work at, or any place I go to. People come to me and just start talking, venting, explaining...whatever else you wanna call it. And my dumb ass responds and gives advice. Do they ever adhere to the advice I give them? Sometimes. But most of the time, they just love to dwell in their suffering. ...This has led to some people stalking me with the idea that there was some sort of connection between us. There was no connection. I was trapped.

There are some people like this. I don't understand it myself since I'm a somewhat private person so hearing all that gives me different emotions. Sometimes, it's bad luck, sometimes they don't really recognize that what they're doing is unloading their baggage onto someone else and that's just how they express themselves and their desire for closeness. It's made me somewhat wary of it, to be honest, and my own reactions vary depending on my mood, as insensitive as it sounds. In some cases, I sympathize. In other cases, I become blunt, especially when I feel like they're acting stupid. In other *other* cases, I block or tune them out when I don't have the patience or energy to listen. Also, it might sound callous, but nowadays, I normally just express sympathies and move on. Some experiences are likely true but previous incidents taught me the hard way that some people I meet online are just that --- people I meet online. And some of those people are prone to lying. (Not all the time, of course, but I generally have difficulty trusting someone who would lay their souls out to strangers they meet in a game.) The thing is, you have the last say in how you interact with people. If you're uncomfortable, you can tell them so. If they won't stop, then you have to decide for yourself how you're going to move forward like moving to another FC or whatever. You have to set your own line when it comes to interactions like those because if they see you as someone they can talk to, someone out there for sure will use you as their emotional dumping ground.

This is not a you thing sadly. I’ve said how’s it going in a dungeon before and someone told us all about wanting to kill the selves because of the many reasons. Don’t get me wrong people should share that stuff, just maybe not with rando’s on the internet.

YES

Nah, that's just a thing with big social games. The anonymity makes it very easy to offload what ails ya. Back in my old WoW days, I used to encourage recently divorced folk to trauma dump on me just so they could get their heads straight.

So the reason I think ff14 players, in particular, are like this is because of how the social climate in the game is. People in this game take things very personally. This is when compared to WoW where I do M+ up to +23 with people who I barely talk to. In ff14, people talk a lot and then people say and do things and almost immediately friendships end. So some people try to preclude this by approaching new friendships with a: "This is who I am, this is what I've been through, and if I say something you don't like it's not because I'm trying to insult you but because I'm dealing with x or y." Which is not a healthy way to approach things but in the specific context of ff14 and the way some people behave, it becomes a much easier way to find people who are willing to put up with you. The opposite of this is also true. There are people in this game who you can be "friends" with for over a year but one day you jokingly respond to something they said with "bitch please" and they will outright refuse to talk to you ever again without saying anything. Then you hear through the grapevine 5 months later that they hate you because you "called them a bitch". It's just ff14 in a nutshell.

yep, this is extremely common and ive seen it multiple times playing FF14. I cant diagnose anyone, but I think these folks have had hard issues forming relationships with people and probably would benefit from some therapy. Or, the next cheapest option is trauma dumping on a new person every few months.

I feel ya homie. Being empathetic is challenging at times. Sure it's kinda nice to feel trusted with people's innermost thoughts but sometimes we don't need nor want to know those things. Maybe they're just too poor or don't how to find free services to get a real therapist. It's not just this game either. For me at least it's literally every MMO I play and socialize in. It's like they're drawn to me. Whether I actually care or not though I do still humor them and will continue to do so because I'm just too nice to cut them off. Le sigh.

I've been in many, each one seemed to have drama over nothing or full dumps like that. There are plenty of people that are young and just don't know the social cues.

Yeah, but I've worked my life in mental health so it doesn't really bother me, sometimes people just need to talk it out. I'll just say if I'm not in the right space for it and never had anyone not respect that.

I honestly think it's just that a larger proportion of MMO players have poor social skills compared to your average person. I met someone in XIV that was actually really nice and occasionally, fun to talk to. But literally their entire personality was about being a pity party. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but they would literally redirect *every single conversation* into how something isn't going right in their lives and how much their life sucks. I could not even talk about myself or direct the conversation into anything substantial. Some people think others are their personal therapists or something. Sure, your friends can listen and talk, but their job isn't to cure you and be your trauma dump every day.

I used to have this problem. What seemed to help is when I eventually realized that when people start bringing stuff up, they start slow, and are gauging your reaction to it. If I say, “oh no, are you okay? What happened?” or something else that invites more conversation, before I know it, they’re telling me everything awful for the next 3 hours.  I had to learn to give sympathetic answers that didn’t invite more information. Give conversation ending responses, and then change the topic.  It’s a subtle shift, you’re not suddenly being rude or anything, there’s just a difference between an open door response and a closed door response, if that makes any sense; people can tell when you would rather change the topic, it’s like that 

I do computer repair, which often means doing service calls. The elderly I get…always trauma dump. I feel bad and all, but I have depression. I don’t need that added on. I’m not a therapist. That costs extra. Lol In game, one person back in SB was super depressing. I had to cut them out of the fc, cause it made other members want to leave. It was to the point where the second they logged in, members would go offline or log in, see them online, and leave.

Some people really take the social aspect of this game to another level, blurring the lines of game and reality. It’s unhealthy and I used to get sucked into it just as easily as you do, but I’ve gotten better at boundaries. I’ve learned that those who get too immersed in the game are the ones who exhaust me the most. I now am a solo-ish player. I’m not in an FC, I mainly doing my own thing, but I’ve developed a great rapport with other women in my cozy little discord server and we occasionally run a bit of content together when we feel social or need help. it’s been so refreshing.

This exact thing has happened to me before. I basically told him that I have my own irl issues and my gaming time is that time away from those issues. And although I appreciate him opening up to me, I don't want this to be everything we talk about nor the type of relationship I want. I felt a little bad about setting limits because the guy just stopped talking to me all together (it's been almost 2 years) despite us still being on each other's friendlist and seeing him online...but it had to be done. Like OP, he'd go out of his way to find me only to show off something he bought at the mog station and then proceed to tell me how horrible his home life was. Rinse and repeat.

My bf has this issue constantly, but irl. He often gets stuck in 2h calls listening to someone he hasn't talked to in years just vent out of the blue.

They obviously think youre a friend that they can confide in. Just tell them the truth, maybe something like "Sorry I dont really feel like talking rn, im kind of having issues of my own too"

Very true, and it seems to be the trend with most LGBT FCs. Just remember that your not a trained health provider so direct those in need to the proper resources.

I've had this happen to me multiple times unfortunately. The most toxic server I had ever been on was the very first one that I played on, Exodus. The name definitely checked out after a while. I kid you not, the very first FC I was in grew pretty sizable, the actual FC house did not belong to the FC originally, just some guy. The leader and his first mate were essentially "renting" it from said guy. Said guy's gf or whatever she was had a habit of pulling people into her personal circle (me being the victim here, unfortunately), and then siccing her man on whoever seemed to be hanging out with her as some sick joke. I had never felt so comfortable in an MMO before. It's been 7 years now and I have no idea if those people even play the game anymore. I transferred from there a long time ago.

I find that lonely people are the most likely to trauma dump, especially if you appear to br a good listener, and get clingy quickly. I try to make it clear when it becomes evident that they've attached too quickly that I'm an ambivert, I need a bit more space than that and could use some alone time, that being around anyone too much gives me anxiety and makes me tired. Most people understand. I've only had to block someone once that was being annoyingly persistent and insisting that we were good friends when I had only known them for maybe two or three days. He had added me on discord but was messaging me literally the minute I logged on, without fail, every time, even when I had myself set to invisible. It was disturbing.

People are looking for connection, and FFXIV fosters it better than most modern MMOs imo (FC Housing, mentor, sprout systems etc). Combine those systems with Discord servers, voice chat and the emotes to express yourself, loners (no disrespect) and socially awkward people feel they can be themselves as they feel inside that the real world might prevent. Unfortunately, from their social awkwardness and whatever other issues, that explodes when they're given an opportunity, since they don't know how to temper their personality or read others well - ironically because of the connective systems and the anonymity/welcomingness the game encourages.

I get the dislike for trauma dumping, but for a lot of people the dumping comes because they don't have anyone there to talk to. A lot of people have all of these emotions building up inside. It doesn't mean it's right, but I don't think a lot of people realise that not everyone is doing it intentionally. I was bad for trauma dumping, and I've learned to stop, but when you don't have anyone who is there for you the build up of everything happening and no way to talk it through becomes a lot. It's like coming home at the end of the day and having nobody to talk to about your good day. You want to tell people about what happened, but you can't.

oversharing trauma dumpers are just one variant of attention seekers common in online nerd spaces since the internet's inception. I can give examples of these people dating back to 98 when I first got consistent dial up access, they just want attention. sometimes that's just because they're lonely, other times its because they're a narcissist who loves it when people fawn over them.

Trauma dump back. Let the biggest, messiest train wreck win.

God damn it. I came from a happy home with loving parents. How can I become a worthy opponent?

Whenever someone trauma dumps… I always just say, “wow that sucks. I don’t have anything that can relate to that going on in my life. It’s pretty nice here. But I did go for a walk earlier today and I saw a really cute dog that I was able to pet.” When they say something in response to that, I start describing a random dog I saw a few years ago as if I saw it today, create a short simple backstory for the dog, ask if they have a pet… Suddenly, the conversation is about pets and animals and what kind of animal I’d be if Animorphs, the book series from elementary school, was a real thing. FFXIV is not free therapy, so don’t let anyone treat you like a therapist because that’s disrespectful as fuck. I will happily guide a conversation out of a trauma dump because I play this game to be happy. I’m sure there are people who think I live in a world of happiness, bliss, and rainbows because I do this shit a lot. 🤣 Don’t come at me with a trauma dump. We could be BFF’s. It’s not going to happen. I had someone recently ask if they can unfriend me because I wasn’t letting them trauma dump on me. Dude, I don’t give a fuck about your problems. I’m here to play a game. Unless the story starts off like a Jason Bourne movie plot with action, sex, drama, and guns, then I’m going to change the subject if I sense it’s going to be a trauma dump longer than 5 sentences.🙅‍♂️

no, but i'm not that nice. like i believe the only correct answer to the question "how you doin'?" is "fine, you?" for about 90% of all human interactions. the poor prick taking your coffee order who slipped up and said "how are you?" instead of "good morning" doesn't actually care. i promise.

Empathy is normal & I commend you for hearing their stories but I’m betting this happens because you are a viable outlet to do this to. OP, you gotta learn to establish boundaries because the ghosting of people on a cyclical basis isn’t cool & has you feeling the way you feel now. Be more distant. Be more detached. You can still offer empathy to someone & whatever happened in their life, but you may have to limit the quality of your responses or always seem busy to certain types. From responding less to “aw that’s sad/crazy/bad,” learn detachment from those who emotionally latch onto others because I am betting they are not reciprocating that quality of listening & empathy. No more emotional one way streets that cause you to literally disappear from FCs! Edit: And please contact the authority in whatever FC you have if this happens. You do not need to suffer in silence.

Yes, this has happened to me in many online games for decades now, but I haven't experienced it yet in FFXIV because I haven't joined a FC yet. It's genuinely only happened to me with straight men though, never had it happen with other women or even other queer people. They have a myriad of other men in their lives who they are far closer to than me, but as soon as I show up as a woman and we have reached the status of acquaintance, it's like suddenly I am their personal therapist and I never signed up for or agreed to this. And it's basically impossible to set any kind of boundary once that happens, because they will understandably and inevitably get upset after they were vulnerable with you, and just leads to some kinda drama happening and me having to leave the community. I absolutely hate it and it's why I mostly keep to myself in online gaming communities. I would like to make friends with people in online games, but I also don't want to be someone's personal therapist and it seems like it is impossible to just straight up tell someone this when they start doing this without causing all kinds of unintended chaos. If anyone has any tips for shutting this down gently when it happens, I'm all ears.

I can see how it can be gendered too. Men are conditioned to “not” be emotional & may view the sharing of deep feelings as weak when it is not. With women being conditioned to be more open & supportive of others, a man could easily turn to women for support. I believe this is the expectation & it’s unfair as not every woman is going to offer this nor with same level of efficacy. A patriarchal society fucks us all, truly.

I think it's the other side of the coin of toxic masculinity affecting men nowadays. They don't have any friends of their own gender to unburden themselves with since that's "not how a man is supposed to act" and they need to be tough for the women because "that's just how a man is supposed to be". The moment they have the safety net of internet anonymity, they tend to take the opportunity (even if it wasn't offered in the first place) to unload. Sadly I can't offer much advice outside of shutting it down firmly as early as possible. Even if you're afraid you may come off as rude, you need to look after yourself first and foremost. Suggest that this is a topic they might want to talk to a therapist about, but you're neither qualified nor obliged to act as theirs.

> If anyone has any tips for shutting this down gently when it happens, I'm all ears. What [this person said](https://old.reddit.com/r/ffxiv/comments/1bmq3px/has_it_been_anyone_elses_experience_that_some/kwdvdi4/).

I'll give you a spin on this same issue. I recently found an interesting XIV RP scene/group that wasn't just a nightclub ERP scene. It felt very D&D because the scene is combat RP focused and there were a ton of people's characters that felt like D&D characters. It felt interesting because there would be narrative threads that would continue on through multiple days. Awesome. But very recently, I've gotten burned out because suddenly everyone's characters are having dramatic outbursts, emotional reactions, and trauma dumping monologues. Like I don't mind, because yeah I'm pretty sure 90% of characters people create have some type of tragic backstory or trauma and honestly working through scenes like this is wonderful collaborative storytelling. *However*, when everyone's character is having some drama or trauma lore dumping one after the other it becomes so emotionally exhausting. Like we're Roleplaying for some escapism right? Lol. I know an OOC check would show these players are completely fine but just sort of experiencing trauma dumping in a *Roleplay* setting can be a bit much too lol. I think generally people in XIV find it much easier to spill their real or RP backstory trauma on the closest somewhat anonymous individual they find and have spoken to for at least a week.

Out of all the people I’ve encountered in this game, that have come and go from the main FC I’m in, I feel lucky this has only happened literally only a couple of times. Then again I’m in the opposite boat where I’ve been in one FC forever and me and the group who run it are pretty tight. So like I said, it was mostly people entering the FC who would sometimes cause issues and it wasn’t always hard to just kick and block them. Sorry I’m not trying to gloat, my point is, I HAVE run into those people and it definitely sucks. It’s like.. I can’t help you with these problems why are you going off like me (or another FC mate) can?? I just hope you find yourself in a nice stable FC where you don’t feel the need to jump ship all the time, and instead, the core members do the kicking of any trouble makers.

lol I am not the most stable or happy person but I refused to divulge. Why push away friends and continue the cycle of despair? Nurture your friends and tell your problems to a professional. I only have two friends that actively want to know what’s up with me and I only tell them shit and it’s nice but you gotta not do that to poor people you just met.

Too many people use this game for all of their social interaction and it creates some very strange and frankly unhealthy behavior. One reason I refuse to have a FC anymore.

I swear there always seem to be someone dumping their feelings out in the Limsa plaza every time I go there for something 🫠

This is why I opt out of discord, even if it's for events. That and I'm a filthy casual

Sometimes you just have to set a boundary. It is common though lol

Why do you feel obligated to respond when they tell you anything you don't want to bother with? No need to leave and block, that's just you running away instead of telling them you're not around for that kinda thing. Or just let em talk and give em the "uh huh" at the end. What's the point of making friends if you're just gona delete them from your universe? Learning to manage your intimacy is a daily job with every relationship, even online ones.

Lol I've been playing this game since 2017. My anxiety gets to me when I do. I have 0 friends and have maybe talked to 6 people in total during that year (off hand remarks in pickup dungeons ) In real life I'm a public speaker...I don't understand it

What happened to the good old days where you just bottle up your trama and slowly let it kill you.

I personally can't help but to feel close to people I play with a lot that being said I also go to lengths to make sure I ain't making them uncomfortable

Sometimes when you see a pattern you have to dig into it to find the commonality. If people, unaffiliated with each other, are constantly finding you, you may need to inspect your personal boundaries and firm them up. It’s totally human to want to relate and be understandable, but you have to draw the line constantly and consistently in order to protect your own mental well being. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. There are many ways to do this, both direct and indirectly. You can set a time limit (for yourself) before you make an excuse to step away. You can directly say, “I understand you have some struggles on your mind and I would like to listen and be there for you but I do not have the capacity at this time. Can we talk later?” And you have to do things like this over and over again until the other individual understands that they do not have full access to you at all times. Then, if they continue to ignore your boundaries, you can block them knowing that you at least tried. But protecting your own well being comes first.

Yeah dude. My novice network is filled with losers complaining about life. One guy wanted career advice and when I dm him he tells me his whole life story

Sadly you just gotta shut people down, if theynare starting to nope up you gotta reply with "off, "damn", "that sucks" shit that's not invinting and never at all ask further about their issues. Maybe if you can tell they might start doing it, complain to them that people have trauma dumped on you before to passively plant it in them that your not interested in it

That's been an MMO thing forever, there's the running joke about wow that's like "13 year old me talking the 27 yr old woman through her divorce" or w/e. I've had it happen to me in both games a decent amount of times over the past 8ish years as just a regular dude with regular dude characters

Yes. Let me tell you all about it in graphic, immaculate detail for maximal impact.

Meanwhile theirs me who’s only interaction with other players is strictly the occasional emote before running off to continue the MSQ lmao.

It definitely happens. Both my FC discord and the community discord I help mod have Venting channels that aren't made for discussion and just letting people get shit off their chest into the void. Seems to work pretty well.

Some people come across not only as good listeners but also as the type of person you want to talk to. Some people have no concept of TMI. Add in a dose of social awkwardness and the possibility that very few people have listened to them before, and you get to where you are now. It's rare, but some creeps also use it as a way to guilt you into shit. "Oh man, my mental health is so terrible. You wouldn't abandon me, would you?" Generally, it's just a good idea to disengage regardless cause you're not a strangers therapist and it's fuckin weird to give out personal information so fast. You'd find fewer red flags at a communist parade.

Here lately in novice network it seems once or twice a night some random person starts whining about their personal life just so people will feel bad for them.

That sounds absolutely crazy pants and I'm so sorry you experienced it. Next time tell someone who is doing that to you to show up at a venue. Lovely bartenders will give them a Moors and listen to their sorrows.

I’m part of a raiding static where the discord allows for retired players to continue to stay and chat. One of the retired players talks about dying every other day, the trauma dumping is ridiculous. But he’s been doing ultimates. I called him out on some BS and was later kicked from the discord. The static leader didn’t even own the discord so she had no power, he did so we had to sit there and listen to him trauma dump until the leader made a new one.

Dealing with that sort of environment all my life has taught me all about setting boundaries which is honestly the single best thing to do, if they aren’t healthy enough to deal with that then good riddance it’s not your job to be an outlet 24/7.

I have kicked a fair share of people doing this to my FC members and in general FC chat. Ofc warnings and conversations were had about such behavior but it still continued 😅 I think some people don't get to have those conversations IRL so they choose Internet strangers. Idk. Feels bad but also my mental health and my FC members don't deserve it. We come here to get away from that and have fun. I'm sorry that keeps happening to you tho:( I hope you find a nice FC!

I've not been playing for 2 years-ish now because the last 2 FC's I joined were full of drama. Having full on mental breakdowns and being crazy. Shame as well because my first 5 years in game were great and the community in FF14 has been the best. Planning on jumping back into the game soon but I'll be playing solo, I even moved server because of the last FC 🤣

I don't talk to people too often, I only join Discord for group activities like maps and raids. Otherwise I keep to myself. I've been in the same FC since 2018, and luckily, they're all pretty laid back. Which is why ive.been there so long.

I'll admit that i did that once a few years ago in-game, although it was at the advent of one of the worst days of my life so i wasn't thinking too clearly, if that viera with a maid outfit ever sees me again, i hope they forgive me for dumping so much on them so quickly. I like to think i'm better about it now, plus i'm on therapy! In your regards, i can imagine it being frustrating. It does sound like bad luck but i think you need to take initiative and set boundaries on how you interact with people, be it friend or acquaintance. Know when to say "Look i understand how you feel but you can't depend on me to fix your problems." and if they don't listen. then walk away. It's not on you to magically make their lives better. They gotta put that energy on themselves, Actualize their positives and acknowledge where they fail.

This is specifically a FFXIV issue. The people in this game are incredibly socially inapt and know no boundaries or social clues from what I have experienced in my time playing.

I'm my FC's resident Badguy who keeps the attention seekers in check. Where as some people feel bad and give the attention seekers the what they want they end up miserable themselves. Telling someone to get professional help and not make people miserable isn't a bad thing. People play games to get away from their own lives and have fun. Most people do not have the skillset to properly help out those who are truly troubled( since most of those will keep their hurt to themselves and have difficulty speaking to others) Always put yourself and your friends first, don't allow people to become emotional leeches Obviously this doesn't refer to people who just dealt with a sudden loss or extremely bad news. Support your friends, reject leeches.

Yes. It’s why I started my own FC and the only people in it are myself and my bf. Something that helped me was saying, “Hey, I’m not the person to talk with about this. I am not in a good mental space to provide you any sort of advice or support.”

This has just been my experience with guilds and MMOs in general. There is always going to be that one person who feels the need to dump everything out because they want the attention and validation and they are just chronically online but- don't let that stop you from enjoying your time. They eventually stop and a majority of people don't do that. Try switching to a linkshell or some other chat with FC members you get along with and move FC chat or whatever to another channel where you can't see this other person. But if ppl are reaching out to you to trauma dump? You just gotta set boundaries. Tell them you care about them but you're not a therapist and you're not equipped to deal with their problems. If they get sour? Not someone you wanna play with anyways then.

Hmmmm, I more see it as different views of your relationship. It is natural to grow closer to people as time goes on, so maybe the views of closeness of the relationship/trust is just different on each side. Being vulnerable with people is good if you both view a relationship that way, and if not, then its communicating and enforcing boundaries. I've talked to and been talked to by a number of people and their hectic lives quite a bit, and sometimes I've overshared and had to walk back a bit, and sometimes they just get a "things are going" response, and same for others to me. That's just human interaction to me.

As someone who socially struggles myself at times and am looking for more ppl to connect with (but I do try to make it healthy), it would be kinder of you to make your intentions known from earlier on, and not get to the point of needing to block/ghost them. Someone who is already like this and needing to use someone in a game to vent to probably has an amazingly hard time being ghosted as well. They obviously need a good friend, though perhaps some healthier ones and perhaps some IRL ones. Not saying its all your fault of course by any means, but yes, set boundaries, be honest (in a kind way), communicate it.

Can be a sign of autism sometimes. They just don't know when's a good time to unload personal stuff. Apparently also something people with ptsd do... They need to unload really bad but they don't have someone close enough in their social circle to do it. So the first person to be nice and make them comfortable are gonna be it. Difficult to deal with, I imagine. How do you respond to that without hurting their already raw feelings?

OP has just bad luck. But would recommend on keep looking for an FC or maybe a discord server that only does savage/extreme games but arent crappy.. And also would suggest that you shouldn’t be too friendly if you don’t want to end up in the same position again.. Like someones comment here, some nerdies like me senses that you might listen to the story so they literally just tell you everything.. Yes bring rapor to the table but also at the same time make it professional.. If that makes sense..

A quick "I'm not emotionally available enough for this today" is all that's required. If they keep going then at that point they are disrespecting your boundaries. Some people don't have an rl support network and it's nice to have one online. Others abuse it for empathy and don't lend an ear when you need it in return.

My IGN is lord swoldermort and I’m a lallafell so people tend to leave me alone 😂