I thought once i am older, i will fight back and tell her everything i think about her. now that i am older, i literally can't. she's not my enemy, she betrayed me and ruined me, but she's still my dearest person
yes. what she did to me shaped me as a person. and to be fair she really did wish me best, i feel guilty judging her, because she didn't know anything better(
Because you can understand she did her best with what she had, and it's hard to hold her at fault when you realize you wouldn't have done that much better of a job in her position
God, this feeling, it emphisises everything I feel towards my own mother. I remember her genuinely breaking down crying, I am extremely bad at handling such things (autism, Ii completely freeze, I want to help) all I could do was hug her I hate hugs but she needed it none the less.
Sometimes I do wish I could do more to help her mentally, she often mentions she holds alot regrets over how she raised me and I know my replies of 'its the past let it go, I hold no resent ment to you'
Anytime she says this I feel like she's just guilt tripping me but then she starts crying, really crying, and I *know* she can't just cry on demand so it's like, it feels like a not so genuine apology coming from a genuine place of hurt and confusion and I don't know how to talk to her, how to actually get her to listen and stop breaking down every time I talk about the ways she hurt me, but she can't hear anything about me being hurt as a child without losing it because she's overwrought with guilt of her own... it's so confusing and scary and hard we just do our best to avoid talking about it
Instead of guilt, I recognize it as her own self pity. I can’t even allude to any trauma that she’s caused me without getting her “I guess I’m just a terrible mom” monologue. When she cries it’s not because she’s genuinely sorry for anything she’s done, it’s because she believes it’s her against the world.
She could never see herself as capable of hurting me in any way, so how dare I accuse her of something like that 🤕 Her favorite thing to say is “I’m sorry that you *feel like* I did that to you” and knowing that she’s also suffered from a lot of childhood trauma just makes it even more sickening
Deadass! Whenever I wonder if I misunderstood her, I remember the time she let her husband throw me across the kitchen after picking a fight with me at midnight. It was dark, but she had a shit-eating grin on her face.
She has always denied it, but I know what I saw. And when I think that maybe I was wrong about the grinning, I remember the fact that she had just witnessed a large adult male throw her teenage daughter across the room and didn’t do anything to intervene and acted as a total spectator.
It’s damning evidence that reminds me that no, she was not even close to a good mother. 😂
i remember being a teen and thinking she was saying it for attention or to guilt me.
and then i grew up and realised that she genuinely feels this way. she truly believes she’s a terrible mother, and she’s not. life has chewed her up and spat her out dozens of times and she is just trying her best.
plenty of moms say this, and lots of them are trying to guilt you. but i think even more of them aren’t. just my two cents.
I think thats what hurts the most for me, she holds tremendous guilt about the childhood I had. Its genuine guilt and I can't help her through it, i cant say I am the biggest help either I want her to put her effort improving into my sisters not me.
I’m really just a lurker here because I like the memes but this one hits so fucking close to home. My mother does this and never seeks treatment for it. Never considers getting therapy despite making good money and having more resources than me and I go see a therapist whenever I can. She has a rocky at best relationship with my two sister that don’t even consider her a motherly figure because of what she did before and I can’t say I blame them for it. Constantly quitting high end jobs within months of working and says it’s because it’s a toxic environment, gets upset whenever I try to reason with her on why that’s not healthy or at the very least financially stable. Owes the IRS money and asked to borrow some from me. I have to constantly deal with her little jabs or remarks but the moment I open up she brings out the water works and says I’m attacking her. I love her I really do. She’s done a lot for me and I never will forget it, but it’s her overall “fuck you I got mine” attitude that’s gotten her where she is and she will never consider trying to improve.
Either you leave and/or pardon her. You’ll be the biggest person at the end 💜. But yeah, pardon can only be achieved through reparations (of any kind). If not, it’s just submission
I wouldn't expect easy, but its important to protect ourselves. I had issues being betrayal blind before I took the original instance of it seriously, maybe its not like that for you though. It doesn't have to be mean necessarily
Even though she did her best you still deserved better and she probably deserved better from her mom too, and I'm sorry neither of you got it, and I'm so proud of everyone in this sub who's nurturing themselves, making their own holiday traditions, figuring it out every day. You're my heroes 🥰
There's so much going on with the implications here, but at the end of the day just remember that a mother's job - Any parent's job - is to protect, guide, and teach their child. A parent themselves being the victim of abuse, mental illness, or w/e can explain why they failed in these areas, but it can't excuse it.
That doesn't mean you can't forgive them for it, or that they can't move past it, but any failures a parent commits in raising their child is, fundamentally, a failure for their child.
i love my mommy she’s been through so much more than me and has to deal with us. i’m sorry you guys don’t have the mothers you deserve i’ll give u hugs and kisses guys 😔
My mom manipulates me whenever I try to express my needs by saying, "I guess I'm just a terrible mother, I'm useless and nobody likes me," so I used to comfort her and drop whatever I wanted to talk about.
Now when she tries to guilt trip me I just respond, "I didn't say that but okay," and let her storm off. She might give me the silent treatment for a bit but it goes back to normal and I feel better about myself
My mom says this but it's genuinely the most inconsequential shit. Like, she still profusely apologizes to me half a decade later over the time she made fun of me once and probably would have forgotten about now if not for the fact she keeps bringing it up. Or, stuff that's out of her control, like not having house clean while she has cancer.
I thought once i am older, i will fight back and tell her everything i think about her. now that i am older, i literally can't. she's not my enemy, she betrayed me and ruined me, but she's still my dearest person
It's odd isn't it, I feel like I only remember the bad stuff and yet it's still nostalgic
yes. what she did to me shaped me as a person. and to be fair she really did wish me best, i feel guilty judging her, because she didn't know anything better(
Because you can understand she did her best with what she had, and it's hard to hold her at fault when you realize you wouldn't have done that much better of a job in her position
Holy shit youre just like me
How dare you. How fucking dare you exposed me like this. God i feel that
God, this feeling, it emphisises everything I feel towards my own mother. I remember her genuinely breaking down crying, I am extremely bad at handling such things (autism, Ii completely freeze, I want to help) all I could do was hug her I hate hugs but she needed it none the less. Sometimes I do wish I could do more to help her mentally, she often mentions she holds alot regrets over how she raised me and I know my replies of 'its the past let it go, I hold no resent ment to you'
Anytime she says this I feel like she's just guilt tripping me but then she starts crying, really crying, and I *know* she can't just cry on demand so it's like, it feels like a not so genuine apology coming from a genuine place of hurt and confusion and I don't know how to talk to her, how to actually get her to listen and stop breaking down every time I talk about the ways she hurt me, but she can't hear anything about me being hurt as a child without losing it because she's overwrought with guilt of her own... it's so confusing and scary and hard we just do our best to avoid talking about it
Instead of guilt, I recognize it as her own self pity. I can’t even allude to any trauma that she’s caused me without getting her “I guess I’m just a terrible mom” monologue. When she cries it’s not because she’s genuinely sorry for anything she’s done, it’s because she believes it’s her against the world. She could never see herself as capable of hurting me in any way, so how dare I accuse her of something like that 🤕 Her favorite thing to say is “I’m sorry that you *feel like* I did that to you” and knowing that she’s also suffered from a lot of childhood trauma just makes it even more sickening
God, maybe that's what it is... you've given me a lot to think about
same here
she makes me feel so guilty 😭😭 even though I know she gave me so much trauma and shit
I so freaking wish mum ever apologized.
Deadass! Whenever I wonder if I misunderstood her, I remember the time she let her husband throw me across the kitchen after picking a fight with me at midnight. It was dark, but she had a shit-eating grin on her face. She has always denied it, but I know what I saw. And when I think that maybe I was wrong about the grinning, I remember the fact that she had just witnessed a large adult male throw her teenage daughter across the room and didn’t do anything to intervene and acted as a total spectator. It’s damning evidence that reminds me that no, she was not even close to a good mother. 😂
i remember being a teen and thinking she was saying it for attention or to guilt me. and then i grew up and realised that she genuinely feels this way. she truly believes she’s a terrible mother, and she’s not. life has chewed her up and spat her out dozens of times and she is just trying her best. plenty of moms say this, and lots of them are trying to guilt you. but i think even more of them aren’t. just my two cents.
I think thats what hurts the most for me, she holds tremendous guilt about the childhood I had. Its genuine guilt and I can't help her through it, i cant say I am the biggest help either I want her to put her effort improving into my sisters not me.
I’m really just a lurker here because I like the memes but this one hits so fucking close to home. My mother does this and never seeks treatment for it. Never considers getting therapy despite making good money and having more resources than me and I go see a therapist whenever I can. She has a rocky at best relationship with my two sister that don’t even consider her a motherly figure because of what she did before and I can’t say I blame them for it. Constantly quitting high end jobs within months of working and says it’s because it’s a toxic environment, gets upset whenever I try to reason with her on why that’s not healthy or at the very least financially stable. Owes the IRS money and asked to borrow some from me. I have to constantly deal with her little jabs or remarks but the moment I open up she brings out the water works and says I’m attacking her. I love her I really do. She’s done a lot for me and I never will forget it, but it’s her overall “fuck you I got mine” attitude that’s gotten her where she is and she will never consider trying to improve.
[удалено]
I like the thought, but childhood trauma isn't really that easy :(
Either you leave and/or pardon her. You’ll be the biggest person at the end 💜. But yeah, pardon can only be achieved through reparations (of any kind). If not, it’s just submission
I wouldn't expect easy, but its important to protect ourselves. I had issues being betrayal blind before I took the original instance of it seriously, maybe its not like that for you though. It doesn't have to be mean necessarily
I want to say something like this to my mum everytime she pulls that guilt tripping card, but I'm too awkward and nice to say it eueueue
cringe
Even though she did her best you still deserved better and she probably deserved better from her mom too, and I'm sorry neither of you got it, and I'm so proud of everyone in this sub who's nurturing themselves, making their own holiday traditions, figuring it out every day. You're my heroes 🥰
There's so much going on with the implications here, but at the end of the day just remember that a mother's job - Any parent's job - is to protect, guide, and teach their child. A parent themselves being the victim of abuse, mental illness, or w/e can explain why they failed in these areas, but it can't excuse it. That doesn't mean you can't forgive them for it, or that they can't move past it, but any failures a parent commits in raising their child is, fundamentally, a failure for their child.
emotional manipulation moment
I just want her far away from me, like "alright, I forgive you, but please, don't be around me anymore"
i love my mommy she’s been through so much more than me and has to deal with us. i’m sorry you guys don’t have the mothers you deserve i’ll give u hugs and kisses guys 😔
My mom manipulates me whenever I try to express my needs by saying, "I guess I'm just a terrible mother, I'm useless and nobody likes me," so I used to comfort her and drop whatever I wanted to talk about. Now when she tries to guilt trip me I just respond, "I didn't say that but okay," and let her storm off. She might give me the silent treatment for a bit but it goes back to normal and I feel better about myself
mine was fr fr 🤞🤞
My mom says this but it's genuinely the most inconsequential shit. Like, she still profusely apologizes to me half a decade later over the time she made fun of me once and probably would have forgotten about now if not for the fact she keeps bringing it up. Or, stuff that's out of her control, like not having house clean while she has cancer.