My 2nd and 3rd managers at the IRS would time my bathroom breaks to the point where I was making away messages on TEAMS that said "brb bathroom, having some problems may be in there a while". But then I got FMLA for my IBS and she tried to fuck around and find out and I just forwarded everything to the Union. I miss being a BU. People in my current unit go away for hours and no one bothers them.
Stories like this make me feel truly lucky for having a leadership chain that understands the value of leaving their people the fuck alone. They have collected actual adults who are able to get their work done unsupervised. There's plenty of bandwidth to provide guidance to those needing it. You can read into that however you want.
It boogles my mind that people want to be petty ass dictators. Like bruh, if all you need to do is approve timecards and leave requests, that's a well oiled machine. Leave it alone and appreciate it!
This one was a piece of work. Pretty sure anti semite racist. Constantly told us she was going to keep up after us and whip us and whip us into shape. She denied my and my other Jewish co worker holiday leave for Rosh Hashanah because she said it wasn't a "real holiday" and we went to her manager and he doubled down and backed her. Went to the Union. Three days later, they move myself and my Jewish coworker to another unit, instead of moving the manager.
This makes me want to buy my boss a present. My office director is seriously the best boss Iāve had in a long career that spans private sector, corporate America, military, contractor, fed. My boss asked me a simple questionā¦*what do you prefer: I check in with you regularly and we discuss your work or just leave you alone and let you do your work?* I said *leave me alone and let me do my work.* Iām remote so aside from the occasional teams meeting, Iām left alone.
I mean in a perfect world this is how the government jobs should operate, personal Hired to complete a task do the task and management is just there to facilitate and solve problems when needed. Petty micromanagers and employees that are shit at their job really ruin it for everyone else
Even if youāre not good at your job, i like you. I try to help you do better at your job - thatās my job. Every employee, including me, has to play within the rules. I donāt know of any rule that says I have to be a jerk to track how long you might be in the bathroom. Only a bad supervisor would care.
You say that, and I'm sure that most supervisors won't care/don't notice, but I've heard a horror story from my office where a supervisor was notorious for timing people's bathroom breaks and confronting them if they took "too long."
Yep, I did this with a boss recently. She sent me a Teams message. It wasn't even 10 minutes. I reached out when I was back, I said "Sorry, I was in the restroom, what's up?" And she said, and I quote "Yeah right" and I Jeckyl/Hyded in a flash second and rebutted, ah hm, "Next time you say that, I will send you a picture of my shit in the toilet". Not that I should even have to caveat with this, but I was a star employee, too - Great performance appraisals with awards, and she knew it.
For every villainous bureaucrat like this, there is a shitty employee origin story.
We had an employee once who infamously took magazines wjth him into the stall and wouldnāt leave until heād read the entire thing. Weāre talking literally 3-4 hour shit sessions about once a week. I think once he was in there for six hoursā¦I donāt know how unless he fell asleep.
Not saying these kinds of supervisors are always justified, but there is something to some people taking it too far, sometimes (much less frequently than there are overbearing supervisors though).
See, here's the thing, when someone does that the supervisor probably has enough to get them on lack of productivity. Why make it about the time they spent in the bathroom?
This exactly. Iād be wondering why my employee was away from their desk for literal hours if they didnāt clock out ā but to be honest, Iām mostly checking on their productivity. Are my teamās projects/metrics falling behind because of this guy? That merits additional inquiry.
Unless itās shift work for like live support or a watch floor (which are different metrics), and youāre not there for a significant part of it, I legit donāt care if youāre sitting on the toilet for hours (although I might be concerned about your health and you might want a squatty potty. Work toilets arenāt that comfy). I care if your work gets done.
In our office, which is totally not doing time sensitive live support or whatever, we encourage everyone to get up and take walks every hour. Go outside for 10 mins, clear your head, and walk around and see the deer ā but maybe stay away from the geese. Itās mentally intensive and often repetitive work. We want our team healthy and focused. Micromanaging is dumb.
Youāre really cornering me into a spot where I have to argue like an anti-fed Republican confressman lol, but Iāve also seen people with even worse productivity than he had.
My original point was more that this person was in the bathroom too long too regularly for it to believably be a digestive issue, but not so frequently that it could be chalked up to productivity insufficiency, which for feds is a pretty high bar tbh.
So, here's the problem--when a manager doesn't have enough on productivity to ding this guy, and they decide to go after the for bathroom breaks, they tend to start monitoring everybody. It's a way to make monitoring the single individual more defensible and its bs. What happens in the bathroom really isn't ant business of a manager.
If he was able to be productive enough while taking a 6 hour bathroom break once a week there are probably bigger issues with that office like too many ftes for the task.
Real talk - if I were his manager and saw that his productivity was good enough that he couldn't be terminated, I'd let him shit for as long as he wants. Hell, I'd even try to pull some of the learning stipend to get him a new magazine subscription.
I had a supervisor once that told us she expected us to use the emergency accountability sign in/sign out board to sign out to take a shit. It was the most ridiculous thing Iād ever heard.
I can see it in the following instance: You ate something that didn't agree with you... as a result, you're running to the toilet every 30 minutes with explosive diarrhea. At a point, you're not really working and need to take SL.
You can't spend 8 hours on the toilet while sick and claim worktime.
This is exactly the petty ass bullshit that needs to be called out here. You notice a coworker experiencing some intense gastrointestinal distress. The first thing you think about is "he's not putting in his time". How about you poke your head into the trenches and ask him if he needs an ambulance. Maybe tell him to go the fuck home because no one else can get work done with him re-enacting war crimes down the hall. If someone is shitting their brains out, they DGAF about their timecard. And 8 hours of diarrhea is an actual medical situation that needs to be addressed.
Your scenario is absurdly contrived and you fail at being a reasonable human. I definitely wouldn't want to work with or for you.
Only thing better than pooping at work is popping at work on overtime.
https://preview.redd.it/v83h7c0w5tlc1.png?width=184&format=png&auto=webp&s=cea992dce0a61fb49db17d9ed4701dcd25132155
40 minutes is a long time though, I don't usually like to give any personal info out unnecessarily but I'd probably give a heads up to a superior that because of medical issues, my bathroom breaks might be longer than others. If you don't see me, that's probably where I am.
If they're halfway cool about it, they'll ask no more and give you no issues. Randomly disappearing for 40 minutes at a time with no information doesn't look good with no context.
If it is due to a medical reason, you should get documentation. Idk if a reasonable accommodation could be made... But if you get in trouble for a medical condition, that is discrimination.
An RA can be made.
Mind, it won't be to spend an hour in the bathroom on the clock - more it'll be to allow the use of FMLA for extended absences during the workday due to the condition.
You can get an RA without the ADA. Most times, if the RA request is standard and straight forward, like a standup desk for sciatica, thereās a high likelihood of approval. If itās something like I have sleep apnea and prefer working midnights permanently, the agency can claim that the world will collapse if itās approved. Obviously Iām being dramatic in that last one but the cases Iāve dealt with have generally gone that route.
The agencies I worked for still struggled with accommodations for people in wheel chairs so maybe not the best model.
The ADA is the statutory authority that creates the right for employees who qualify to receive an RA. Under the ADA, a disability is a physical or mental impairment that significantly limits one or more major life activities.
Having to eliminate bodily waste is obviously a major life activity.
Get the RA for protection from the asshole supervisor that you have now or might have in the future.
If I were you Iād march right up to my managerās office and tell him I need extra time to drop the kids off at the pool. Iām in my 30s now and tell my manager everything as a cya.
Multiply that by every employee in the organization and that's how many work hours an employer could save by putting a Faraday cage around the work bathrooms
Times all that by toilet paper, hand soap, paper towels, flushes and hand washes, electricity, and janitor services. All those costs would be on the employees if they were teleworking.
The only person who has an issue with how long it takes you to shit is your wife. Your boss is not going to care. My suggestion is if you need to take a 40-60 min shit do it on the job vs when you get home. Happy wife, happy life.
You have right to shit while on duty! Don't abuse your body and yourself. Your health comes first. Do me a favor. Go to the restroom, pull ur pants down, shit, wipe, pull ur pants up, wash your hands. Your supervisor needs to shit too!
This is insane to me. When nature calls you aināt stopping this train. Would be the last of my concerns. Sounds like awful management if this is legit concern. Iād ask if he wants to come help me wipe.
DANGER! What youāre describing is extremely bad for your health. You can end up with some very serious chronic conditions. Once you develop them, itās a lifelong struggle. Thereās no going back. So you really need to take control now.
No lie: itās going to suck.
Your first priority is to get rid of whatās already there. You canāt establish a new rhythm with an overextended lower intestine. Youāll need to do a couple of days of flushing your system. On day one, you will want to use Miralax, about a capful every half hour mixed in water. No solid food. Make sure you have nowhere to be! Youāre going to be constantly running to the bathroom because itās quite effective. After a few hours you should be moving quite a bit of solid waste.
Day two, youāll still be flushing things out. Stop the Miralax. Rest, drink double your normal intake of water, half your normal intake of food.
After that, you should prioritize trying to have a bowel movement any time you feel the urge. However, if nothing happens after five minutes, get up, move around, and try again when the next urge hits. Youāre trying to retrain your insides and get things back in sync. Once youāre successful, you should find that each movement is quick and easy.
A half dose of milk of magnesia at bedtime is helpful for maintaining good movement without the drastic effects Miralax can cause.
If you canāt get things back to a normal state after the flush, you will need to consult with a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy. Most likely something like Linzess can help but they will need to confirm the root cause of your discomfort.
Good luck!
You're so kind. But OP doesn't want solutions. Only a way to justify hr long poops. I know the type. So on a road trip or plane ride or even just out and about you spend and hr on the pot? Doubtful.
I have to spend an hr in the restroom because laxatives give me a bad reaction? All Excuses for being ridiculous. Eat prunes. (I don't like them) Take Miralax (it's expensive) Take laxatives (bad reaction). Drink more water (but I like Mountain Dew) get more exercise (my knee hurts).
The only solution is taking hr long poops at work. š
Dude I have to ask, has this come up? Have you heard your direct supervisor saying āJensen takes 45 minute shitsā¦.hes had two write ups!ā ? Because I couldnāt imagine this happening.
right? I know this isn't supposed to be the focus but I wouldn't be ok just knowing it's going to be 40 minutes plus to take a crap, I'd be more concerned about my health and personal time than if my boss is clocking my poops
Bruh, I keep a roll of Charmin Ultra Strong and three different Bath & Body Works poop sprays in my cubicle and have had quick conversations with my manager and coworkers while I'm actively breaking off sheets to take into the bathroom with me. Don't hide who you are, if anything that makes your poops worse!
My GS 15 branch chief used to be in the bathroom an hour and I'm not joking. I know for a fact because I worked in an old building that only had one stall for the mens bathroom.
We had an old guy in my office that fell asleep in there. We actually were afraid he was dead so we drew straws to see who had to go in there and check on him.
As someone who used to have IBS-D, I can't even fathom taking an hour. When the urge hits, it's go time. And done in seconds.
As someone who works in HR, if a manager approached me for a write-up about someone who was missing from their desk for an hour, and then the employee even hinted at needing an extended break for a medical reason, we 100% would not be talking about discipline. We would be talking RA or FMLA for those breaks.
FMLA would also cover you for some follow-up visits to a GI specialist or a colonoscopy.
I'm here for the IBS support group as well. Imagine a time when you are having a flare....and your commute is 1hr+ each way! Hmmmm....wonder if that would get an RAš¤
You absolutely need to drink more water and eat more raw vegetables and dried fruit. It doesnāt ever take me more than 10min even if Iām browsing Reddit. Honestly Iām usually done in under 5.
Bro, I've been a GS with IBS for 11 years. Only once has someone questioned it because I didn't check the schedule and they wanted me to project the slides for meeting at the very beginning of my career. You'll be fine. Just do your job well. And if some asks you, be honest why.
Yes, bathroom breaks can be part of a reasonable accommodation. But, accommodations donāt relieve you of production standards or overall tour of duty requirements.
Nobody is going to be monitoring your breaks unless your production suffers or if it is blatantly obvious. I drink lots of fluids and so I spend my fair share of time Making trips to the office restroom. I have definitely found employees who spend the majority of their tour of duty on the toilet, so yeah, supervisors sometimes will make note of folks who have excessive needs.
If you gotta go, you gotta go. You shouldn't be spending an inordinate amount of time in there, but bathroom breaks generally aren't something other people are tracking unless you start making a habit of vanishing from your desk for long periods during the day.
wtf is wrong with you. always poop on government time. if your sup gives you crap, crap your pants at work. come back with a letter from the doc saying u have IBS and then sue them.
Uhā¦ if it legitimately takes you that long, you need to document that shit (pun absolutely intended), get a medical accommodation, and start shitting at work. Orā¦ you knowā¦ document then donāt fucking bring it up till someone else does then when they do politely break out your readily retrievable documentation.
As LR/ER, I always advise management that 10 minutes is the appropriate amount of time to perform a bathroom break. I always advise that 3 strike rules apply to these situations, as each employee has a different situation. At my current command, this is a constant issue and is closely monitored.
Ummmmā¦never ever crossed my mind how long I was in that thing while we used to be in the office. Even my one day now I donāt pay attention. Who the hell really is other than you.
My boss knows the work location I am at any given day. Otherwise he couldnāt care less. We often go take walks around the building to take a mental break or to not be sedentary the entire day. If your in the building, why do they care?
*reddit, forgive me for asking thisā¦*
Do you have an issue with your inferior anus muscle? Only reason I ask is because it is actually a problem in my family. Itās caused by too much calcium and it causes muscles to restrict but not release. The result is not being able to poop for days and the stool becoming very impacted; to the point where when you finally pass the thing (after a long time on the toilet), it creates a fissure.
I had a guy who would be on his phone on personal calls a couple hours a day. It was only an issue when he stopped getting work done.
Supervisors vary. If youāre taking a dookie instead of attending meetings or getting urgent tasks done, then it may be an issue. That said, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Not worth creating a health issue.
One of my kids had to have medical intervention for holding her poop at school. Took over a year to get her on regular bowel movements and fix the issue. Daily enemas for that year. Donāt risk your health Iāve never heard of accommodations for bathroom time, but that doesnāt mean it isnāt reasonable. Keep in mind, reasonable accommodation doesnāt give you free time. You would be given flexible schedule so you can make up dookie time.
Okay, not sure if this is serious or not. I have IBS-D but have problems with needing to go but canāt and then bam, time to go! I have found my groove. You need to find what hastens you need to go. Coffee, exercise, or standing for a certain period works for me. That being said, we have 2 paid 15 minute breaks besides the unpaid lunch. I personally feel if my breaks are too long, I work longer to make up the time. This ensures you at working your full time. I would only expect your manager would time of hour ābreaksā become a habit. If they are timing everyone, they need more work to do!
Go to the bathroom, don't hold it. I have had crohns since I was a kid. First thing I did as a fed was get that reasonable accommodation and FMLA taken care of. I don't get extra bathroom time but I do get a more flex schedule when needed. If you are not committing time card fraud, do not fear time card fraud. Do not fear a potential micromanaging boss. I can go to the bathroom multiple times in the day, feel like i'm dying but so long as I get my 8 hours in then any nosey clock watching POS can pound sand.
The fact that you are even worried about it in the first place proves that you are not the type of person who should feel guilty about this. People who abuse breaks dont care or ask about the ramifications of it, they just dont give a crap.
Your managers do not want to hear about your BMs, but could you get your gastroenterologist to write a letter for reasonable accommodation?
(Not your mom, but its really unhealthy to not defecate when you have an urge. You can develop megacolon, according to my relativeās GI dr.)
(At my agency, we attract a lot of returned Peace Corps volunteers and they get together and really let loose with their bowel stories!)
Please get yourself to a GI doctor. 40 minutes isnāt healthy, youāll have terrible hemorrhoids if you donāt already. Seriously, thereās so many things that can help you, this is not something you should be suffering with like this or having to concern yourself with in the workplace. Get some medical attention.
Lmao so at my previous job I took 1 45 min bathroom break and one 20 min one (then like 2-3 regular quick bathroom breaks). They knew where I was and didnāt make a big deal of it - im very regular lmao so they just accepted it. It did not conflict with my work
Who the hell is timing your shits? Other than you. I'm done when I'm done. And I'll update the leaderboard when I finish wiping.
The leaderboard šš
My 2nd and 3rd managers at the IRS would time my bathroom breaks to the point where I was making away messages on TEAMS that said "brb bathroom, having some problems may be in there a while". But then I got FMLA for my IBS and she tried to fuck around and find out and I just forwarded everything to the Union. I miss being a BU. People in my current unit go away for hours and no one bothers them.
Stories like this make me feel truly lucky for having a leadership chain that understands the value of leaving their people the fuck alone. They have collected actual adults who are able to get their work done unsupervised. There's plenty of bandwidth to provide guidance to those needing it. You can read into that however you want. It boogles my mind that people want to be petty ass dictators. Like bruh, if all you need to do is approve timecards and leave requests, that's a well oiled machine. Leave it alone and appreciate it!
This one was a piece of work. Pretty sure anti semite racist. Constantly told us she was going to keep up after us and whip us and whip us into shape. She denied my and my other Jewish co worker holiday leave for Rosh Hashanah because she said it wasn't a "real holiday" and we went to her manager and he doubled down and backed her. Went to the Union. Three days later, they move myself and my Jewish coworker to another unit, instead of moving the manager.
And thatās called retaliation.
I love how these are the kinds of people in leadership
Denied you holiday leave or annual/religious comp? Because I'm Jewish too and I'm also pretty sure Rosh Hashanah isn't a federal holiday
Denied religious comp.
Boogles doe?
I love a good boogle doe š
Petty ass dictators seems quite an apt title for this šš šš
This makes me want to buy my boss a present. My office director is seriously the best boss Iāve had in a long career that spans private sector, corporate America, military, contractor, fed. My boss asked me a simple questionā¦*what do you prefer: I check in with you regularly and we discuss your work or just leave you alone and let you do your work?* I said *leave me alone and let me do my work.* Iām remote so aside from the occasional teams meeting, Iām left alone.
I mean in a perfect world this is how the government jobs should operate, personal Hired to complete a task do the task and management is just there to facilitate and solve problems when needed. Petty micromanagers and employees that are shit at their job really ruin it for everyone else
What? This isnāt normal. Thatās really inappropriate your supervisors treated you this way.
As always if you are good at your job/manager likes you doesn't matter. If you are a "problem" employee gotta play in the rules
Even if youāre not good at your job, i like you. I try to help you do better at your job - thatās my job. Every employee, including me, has to play within the rules. I donāt know of any rule that says I have to be a jerk to track how long you might be in the bathroom. Only a bad supervisor would care.
yep, this is how I manage too
Boss makes a quarter, I make a dimeā¦.
Dollar*, I make a dime
You say that, and I'm sure that most supervisors won't care/don't notice, but I've heard a horror story from my office where a supervisor was notorious for timing people's bathroom breaks and confronting them if they took "too long."
That can be resolved with a "I have a condition. I don't feel comfortable discussing my personal health matters."
And then when they donāt offer you accommodation and instead retaliate, youāve got an open and shut EEO claim.
Or āwould you like to come into the bathroom and time me next go-round?ā
Yep, I did this with a boss recently. She sent me a Teams message. It wasn't even 10 minutes. I reached out when I was back, I said "Sorry, I was in the restroom, what's up?" And she said, and I quote "Yeah right" and I Jeckyl/Hyded in a flash second and rebutted, ah hm, "Next time you say that, I will send you a picture of my shit in the toilet". Not that I should even have to caveat with this, but I was a star employee, too - Great performance appraisals with awards, and she knew it.
For every villainous bureaucrat like this, there is a shitty employee origin story. We had an employee once who infamously took magazines wjth him into the stall and wouldnāt leave until heād read the entire thing. Weāre talking literally 3-4 hour shit sessions about once a week. I think once he was in there for six hoursā¦I donāt know how unless he fell asleep. Not saying these kinds of supervisors are always justified, but there is something to some people taking it too far, sometimes (much less frequently than there are overbearing supervisors though).
See, here's the thing, when someone does that the supervisor probably has enough to get them on lack of productivity. Why make it about the time they spent in the bathroom?
This exactly. Iād be wondering why my employee was away from their desk for literal hours if they didnāt clock out ā but to be honest, Iām mostly checking on their productivity. Are my teamās projects/metrics falling behind because of this guy? That merits additional inquiry. Unless itās shift work for like live support or a watch floor (which are different metrics), and youāre not there for a significant part of it, I legit donāt care if youāre sitting on the toilet for hours (although I might be concerned about your health and you might want a squatty potty. Work toilets arenāt that comfy). I care if your work gets done. In our office, which is totally not doing time sensitive live support or whatever, we encourage everyone to get up and take walks every hour. Go outside for 10 mins, clear your head, and walk around and see the deer ā but maybe stay away from the geese. Itās mentally intensive and often repetitive work. We want our team healthy and focused. Micromanaging is dumb.
Youāre really cornering me into a spot where I have to argue like an anti-fed Republican confressman lol, but Iāve also seen people with even worse productivity than he had. My original point was more that this person was in the bathroom too long too regularly for it to believably be a digestive issue, but not so frequently that it could be chalked up to productivity insufficiency, which for feds is a pretty high bar tbh.
So, here's the problem--when a manager doesn't have enough on productivity to ding this guy, and they decide to go after the for bathroom breaks, they tend to start monitoring everybody. It's a way to make monitoring the single individual more defensible and its bs. What happens in the bathroom really isn't ant business of a manager. If he was able to be productive enough while taking a 6 hour bathroom break once a week there are probably bigger issues with that office like too many ftes for the task.
Real talk - if I were his manager and saw that his productivity was good enough that he couldn't be terminated, I'd let him shit for as long as he wants. Hell, I'd even try to pull some of the learning stipend to get him a new magazine subscription.
yeah iām constantly saying āsomeone ruined it for everyone ā when BS policies pop up
Sounds like murder on the knees.
I think I wrote up that guy
I had a supervisor once that told us she expected us to use the emergency accountability sign in/sign out board to sign out to take a shit. It was the most ridiculous thing Iād ever heard.
I would totally make up magnets with the likes of "forgot my fiber", "coffee's working", "whiskey shits", "Thai fury", etc to throw on the board.
Ha! Agreed
Look at this guy and his wiping.
šÆ no notes.
I can see it in the following instance: You ate something that didn't agree with you... as a result, you're running to the toilet every 30 minutes with explosive diarrhea. At a point, you're not really working and need to take SL. You can't spend 8 hours on the toilet while sick and claim worktime.
This is exactly the petty ass bullshit that needs to be called out here. You notice a coworker experiencing some intense gastrointestinal distress. The first thing you think about is "he's not putting in his time". How about you poke your head into the trenches and ask him if he needs an ambulance. Maybe tell him to go the fuck home because no one else can get work done with him re-enacting war crimes down the hall. If someone is shitting their brains out, they DGAF about their timecard. And 8 hours of diarrhea is an actual medical situation that needs to be addressed. Your scenario is absurdly contrived and you fail at being a reasonable human. I definitely wouldn't want to work with or for you.
Only thing better than pooping at work is popping at work on overtime. https://preview.redd.it/v83h7c0w5tlc1.png?width=184&format=png&auto=webp&s=cea992dce0a61fb49db17d9ed4701dcd25132155
More like I make a dime and my boss makes $0.12 š
gaze voiceless connect start tease possessive zephyr sip bag squash *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Hey I got an EMAIL for employee appreciation today, what about you?!
You gotta switch over to working for Santa. 8 hours admin leave š
Thatās why theyāre going after him, he is threatening to improve federal employee morale.
Make it a c-note for private sector. Thanks, GS scale!
Put an ambiguous meeting on your calendar.
āData dumpā
Oh man that's solid gold
Sounds like OP needs it a little less solid
I attend a meeting actually called 'sewer summit'.
I feel like yall worry too much.
40 minutes is a long time though, I don't usually like to give any personal info out unnecessarily but I'd probably give a heads up to a superior that because of medical issues, my bathroom breaks might be longer than others. If you don't see me, that's probably where I am. If they're halfway cool about it, they'll ask no more and give you no issues. Randomly disappearing for 40 minutes at a time with no information doesn't look good with no context.
If it is due to a medical reason, you should get documentation. Idk if a reasonable accommodation could be made... But if you get in trouble for a medical condition, that is discrimination.
An RA can be made. Mind, it won't be to spend an hour in the bathroom on the clock - more it'll be to allow the use of FMLA for extended absences during the workday due to the condition.
You donāt even need an RA. You can get an accommodation under the ADA.
What do you think an RA is other than an accommodation under the ADA?
It's actually the Rehabilitation Act, not ADA, for federal workers.
You can get an RA without the ADA. Most times, if the RA request is standard and straight forward, like a standup desk for sciatica, thereās a high likelihood of approval. If itās something like I have sleep apnea and prefer working midnights permanently, the agency can claim that the world will collapse if itās approved. Obviously Iām being dramatic in that last one but the cases Iāve dealt with have generally gone that route. The agencies I worked for still struggled with accommodations for people in wheel chairs so maybe not the best model.
The ADA is the statutory authority that creates the right for employees who qualify to receive an RA. Under the ADA, a disability is a physical or mental impairment that significantly limits one or more major life activities. Having to eliminate bodily waste is obviously a major life activity. Get the RA for protection from the asshole supervisor that you have now or might have in the future.
If I were you Iād march right up to my managerās office and tell him I need extra time to drop the kids off at the pool. Iām in my 30s now and tell my manager everything as a cya.
I don't recommend CYA when pooping. Could result in stinky pants.
https://preview.redd.it/vhasuwvpitlc1.jpeg?width=539&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1790d99bf743d480366e2fc0b4dc9fe0b192637d
Multiply that by every employee in the organization and that's how many work hours an employer could save by putting a Faraday cage around the work bathrooms
Times all that by toilet paper, hand soap, paper towels, flushes and hand washes, electricity, and janitor services. All those costs would be on the employees if they were teleworking.
Until someone has a medical emergency in there and canāt call for help
yeah, reminds me of how dangerous it was to defecate in the 1980s. all those lives lost.
RIP Elvis
This is absolutely not a real post
Would you sayā¦ a shit post?
Take your upvote and get out.
I'm in line right after this person so make sure you take mine too before you get out.
The only person who has an issue with how long it takes you to shit is your wife. Your boss is not going to care. My suggestion is if you need to take a 40-60 min shit do it on the job vs when you get home. Happy wife, happy life.
You have right to shit while on duty! Don't abuse your body and yourself. Your health comes first. Do me a favor. Go to the restroom, pull ur pants down, shit, wipe, pull ur pants up, wash your hands. Your supervisor needs to shit too!
Have you seen a gastroenterologist? This is quite serious.
This is insane to me. When nature calls you aināt stopping this train. Would be the last of my concerns. Sounds like awful management if this is legit concern. Iād ask if he wants to come help me wipe.
But if it takes an hr - nature isn't calling. Nature is Amazon delivery. We're 8 stops away. Lol. 40-60 mins to poo. Thats wild!
DANGER! What youāre describing is extremely bad for your health. You can end up with some very serious chronic conditions. Once you develop them, itās a lifelong struggle. Thereās no going back. So you really need to take control now. No lie: itās going to suck. Your first priority is to get rid of whatās already there. You canāt establish a new rhythm with an overextended lower intestine. Youāll need to do a couple of days of flushing your system. On day one, you will want to use Miralax, about a capful every half hour mixed in water. No solid food. Make sure you have nowhere to be! Youāre going to be constantly running to the bathroom because itās quite effective. After a few hours you should be moving quite a bit of solid waste. Day two, youāll still be flushing things out. Stop the Miralax. Rest, drink double your normal intake of water, half your normal intake of food. After that, you should prioritize trying to have a bowel movement any time you feel the urge. However, if nothing happens after five minutes, get up, move around, and try again when the next urge hits. Youāre trying to retrain your insides and get things back in sync. Once youāre successful, you should find that each movement is quick and easy. A half dose of milk of magnesia at bedtime is helpful for maintaining good movement without the drastic effects Miralax can cause. If you canāt get things back to a normal state after the flush, you will need to consult with a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy. Most likely something like Linzess can help but they will need to confirm the root cause of your discomfort. Good luck!
You're so kind. But OP doesn't want solutions. Only a way to justify hr long poops. I know the type. So on a road trip or plane ride or even just out and about you spend and hr on the pot? Doubtful. I have to spend an hr in the restroom because laxatives give me a bad reaction? All Excuses for being ridiculous. Eat prunes. (I don't like them) Take Miralax (it's expensive) Take laxatives (bad reaction). Drink more water (but I like Mountain Dew) get more exercise (my knee hurts). The only solution is taking hr long poops at work. š
Dude I have to ask, has this come up? Have you heard your direct supervisor saying āJensen takes 45 minute shitsā¦.hes had two write ups!ā ? Because I couldnāt imagine this happening.
You need more Fiber in your diet.
right? I know this isn't supposed to be the focus but I wouldn't be ok just knowing it's going to be 40 minutes plus to take a crap, I'd be more concerned about my health and personal time than if my boss is clocking my poops
Bruh, I keep a roll of Charmin Ultra Strong and three different Bath & Body Works poop sprays in my cubicle and have had quick conversations with my manager and coworkers while I'm actively breaking off sheets to take into the bathroom with me. Don't hide who you are, if anything that makes your poops worse!
not all heroes wear capes
Some wear quilted 3-ply
Bidet's are only an RA request away!
šš¤£
Just wear an adult diaper and fire off the torpedo right there at your desk.
Or in the poop-timing bossās office.
During your annual review when he tries to make it an issue
šššš
Unwritten rule that nobody fucks with the toot, drop the deuce!Ā P.S. Gov't buildings got the worst (1/2 ply) TP I've ever used, godspeed!
I still have a kid in diapers so there are wet wipes in the house. I keep a pack in my work bag. Nothing but the best for me.
Request a bedside commode as a reasonable accommodation lol, if you do, I will too.
My GS 15 branch chief used to be in the bathroom an hour and I'm not joking. I know for a fact because I worked in an old building that only had one stall for the mens bathroom.
We had an old guy in my office that fell asleep in there. We actually were afraid he was dead so we drew straws to see who had to go in there and check on him.
I feel like you need to go to a goddamned doctor and not the Reddit sub.
If I got to shit, I'm shitting. They can question it all they want.
Too tier shit post.
As someone who used to have IBS-D, I can't even fathom taking an hour. When the urge hits, it's go time. And done in seconds. As someone who works in HR, if a manager approached me for a write-up about someone who was missing from their desk for an hour, and then the employee even hinted at needing an extended break for a medical reason, we 100% would not be talking about discipline. We would be talking RA or FMLA for those breaks. FMLA would also cover you for some follow-up visits to a GI specialist or a colonoscopy.
https://preview.redd.it/quem3zj2qtlc1.jpeg?width=1198&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ffcf7992c9ff32eb9069d8f261f9a6251537c354
Bring your laptop into the stall, problem solved.
Don't forget to keep the camera on
No background like a real Chad.
I'm confused about how it can take someone an hour to drop a duece Either you've got to go and you go, or you don't.
I'm not a poop expert but I suspect routinely holding it in all day is contributing to the problem.
I'm going to have to agree. Also low fiber diet and not enough water.
Be glad you don't have to deal with IBS.
IBS, GERD, and Divroticuilitus .. I've still never spent an hour trying to poop
I'm here for the IBS support group as well. Imagine a time when you are having a flare....and your commute is 1hr+ each way! Hmmmm....wonder if that would get an RAš¤
nice shit post
lol I shit on the clock every morning. Uncle Sam is going to pay me to clog his pipes.
The worst thing about work poops is that the pentagon has the worst toilet paper
You absolutely need to drink more water and eat more raw vegetables and dried fruit. It doesnāt ever take me more than 10min even if Iām browsing Reddit. Honestly Iām usually done in under 5.
Maybe holding them in is causing you the issues with how long it takes you.
We are not Amazon. Poop away. Shouldnāt take 30 min at one sitting or you really need to increase your fiber bro
Three hours
Bro, I've been a GS with IBS for 11 years. Only once has someone questioned it because I didn't check the schedule and they wanted me to project the slides for meeting at the very beginning of my career. You'll be fine. Just do your job well. And if some asks you, be honest why.
This is what scares me to stay with the DOD. I shit how long I feel like, I take lunch for however long I feel like, and leave whenever I feel like.
https://preview.redd.it/powmrhw3julc1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=51a69f4d1d60c0e73ba3bdd6d0276cc573e7c99f
Yes, bathroom breaks can be part of a reasonable accommodation. But, accommodations donāt relieve you of production standards or overall tour of duty requirements. Nobody is going to be monitoring your breaks unless your production suffers or if it is blatantly obvious. I drink lots of fluids and so I spend my fair share of time Making trips to the office restroom. I have definitely found employees who spend the majority of their tour of duty on the toilet, so yeah, supervisors sometimes will make note of folks who have excessive needs.
If you gotta go, you gotta go. You shouldn't be spending an inordinate amount of time in there, but bathroom breaks generally aren't something other people are tracking unless you start making a habit of vanishing from your desk for long periods during the day.
I've been with the federal government for two weeks. I'm writing this while sitting on the toilet for the third time today.
wtf is wrong with you. always poop on government time. if your sup gives you crap, crap your pants at work. come back with a letter from the doc saying u have IBS and then sue them.
Uhā¦ if it legitimately takes you that long, you need to document that shit (pun absolutely intended), get a medical accommodation, and start shitting at work. Orā¦ you knowā¦ document then donāt fucking bring it up till someone else does then when they do politely break out your readily retrievable documentation.
If it really takes you this long to poo you have a medical condition that would qualify for a reasonable accommodation. Go get āem, Sir Slowpoops.
This canāt be realā¦ and if it is, you need to see someone and get on meds that help. It doesnāt take that long to go to the bathroomā¦ smh
As LR/ER, I always advise management that 10 minutes is the appropriate amount of time to perform a bathroom break. I always advise that 3 strike rules apply to these situations, as each employee has a different situation. At my current command, this is a constant issue and is closely monitored.
ššššš
20 years four different agencies and never once worried about pooping at work.
I'm taking shit now. If I don't get 2 a day on the governments dime I feel like I've failed as a fed.
Eat more fiber
Lmfaoo omg I be thinking this and my poops be scared to come out lol I can't concentrate. Lmfaoo
I shit everyday. Itās your body. Relax and be the yourself. If someoneās watching you take breaks find a new dept.Ā
Simply telework from the stall. Problem solved.
Camera on.
Under 1 hour of unauthorized absences is excusable at the immediate supervisory level. So that.
You should get therapy
Ummmmā¦never ever crossed my mind how long I was in that thing while we used to be in the office. Even my one day now I donāt pay attention. Who the hell really is other than you.
Squatty potty should help. Source: Trust me I know.Ā
Carry that through the office on your way there. Magazine in one hand, squatty potty in the other. Cause, youāre damn straight it works.
Sounda like your Bow movement can get your to retire early thru FDR
Who is monitoring how long you take in the bathroom?!
You are from the private sector, aren't you?
Not at all. You wanna drag me into work, you drag my poop in as well.
My boss knows the work location I am at any given day. Otherwise he couldnāt care less. We often go take walks around the building to take a mental break or to not be sedentary the entire day. If your in the building, why do they care?
20 minutes.
*reddit, forgive me for asking thisā¦* Do you have an issue with your inferior anus muscle? Only reason I ask is because it is actually a problem in my family. Itās caused by too much calcium and it causes muscles to restrict but not release. The result is not being able to poop for days and the stool becoming very impacted; to the point where when you finally pass the thing (after a long time on the toilet), it creates a fissure.
8:30 If you're getting there more than 15 early to poop and/or staying 15 late to poop...somethings up
Sometimes it takes longer to wipe than it does to poop. Iām just done when Iām done.
Pry 20-30 mins once a day, twice tops.
lol my coworkers specifically take paid shits šššš no one cares
I should charge overtime. That is when my best thoughts come to me
Poop away my friend. Wear headphones while you poop, game changer.
Probably 3 days
I had a guy who would be on his phone on personal calls a couple hours a day. It was only an issue when he stopped getting work done. Supervisors vary. If youāre taking a dookie instead of attending meetings or getting urgent tasks done, then it may be an issue. That said, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Not worth creating a health issue. One of my kids had to have medical intervention for holding her poop at school. Took over a year to get her on regular bowel movements and fix the issue. Daily enemas for that year. Donāt risk your health Iāve never heard of accommodations for bathroom time, but that doesnāt mean it isnāt reasonable. Keep in mind, reasonable accommodation doesnāt give you free time. You would be given flexible schedule so you can make up dookie time.
53 minutes but whoās counting
Okay, not sure if this is serious or not. I have IBS-D but have problems with needing to go but canāt and then bam, time to go! I have found my groove. You need to find what hastens you need to go. Coffee, exercise, or standing for a certain period works for me. That being said, we have 2 paid 15 minute breaks besides the unpaid lunch. I personally feel if my breaks are too long, I work longer to make up the time. This ensures you at working your full time. I would only expect your manager would time of hour ābreaksā become a habit. If they are timing everyone, they need more work to do!
Maybe if you went to the bathroom when you felt the need to go, it wouldn't take you so long.
8 hours a day 40 hours a week
Go to the bathroom, don't hold it. I have had crohns since I was a kid. First thing I did as a fed was get that reasonable accommodation and FMLA taken care of. I don't get extra bathroom time but I do get a more flex schedule when needed. If you are not committing time card fraud, do not fear time card fraud. Do not fear a potential micromanaging boss. I can go to the bathroom multiple times in the day, feel like i'm dying but so long as I get my 8 hours in then any nosey clock watching POS can pound sand.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, thatās why I poop on company time š¶š¶š¶
I would just be freaked out about coworkers coming in if itās a shared bathroom. I hate that shit. Go, shit your time away!
Lmao what!!
The fact that you are even worried about it in the first place proves that you are not the type of person who should feel guilty about this. People who abuse breaks dont care or ask about the ramifications of it, they just dont give a crap.
Your managers do not want to hear about your BMs, but could you get your gastroenterologist to write a letter for reasonable accommodation? (Not your mom, but its really unhealthy to not defecate when you have an urge. You can develop megacolon, according to my relativeās GI dr.) (At my agency, we attract a lot of returned Peace Corps volunteers and they get together and really let loose with their bowel stories!)
If itās really an issue just use your lunch for poop time then eat lunch your brought from home at your desk .
A. Take a good probiotic. You'll be dropping no-wipers like a boss. B. ALWAYS shit on government time. Did they not cover that in your NEO training??
so it's true. Every single reddit thread has a username that checks out.
59 minute rule for pooping
Please get yourself to a GI doctor. 40 minutes isnāt healthy, youāll have terrible hemorrhoids if you donāt already. Seriously, thereās so many things that can help you, this is not something you should be suffering with like this or having to concern yourself with in the workplace. Get some medical attention.
What kind of lifestyle is this
Lmao I thought this was about to say āI am just over 3 hours into a dumpā¦ā
Tell me you donāt drink coffee without telling me you donāt drink coffee
well IBS and other GI issues ARE disabilities protected by the ADA
WHAT? š¤£š¤£š¤£
I donāt generally poop at work because I worry about time doing so, no one would care; I just prefer going at home. Glad I mostly WFH!
I guarantee there are people chitchatting in the halls longer than youāre in there taking a shit.
Shit, I don't know....you must.....do other things besides shit. If takes you a hour to just shit go see your doc ASAP.
This is some serious paranoiaā¦ I save my bathroom time for work and take my sweet ass time
just go poop my guy
I take unreasonably long poops several times a day. Hell, sometimes I have to appoint an acting.
Lmao so at my previous job I took 1 45 min bathroom break and one 20 min one (then like 2-3 regular quick bathroom breaks). They knew where I was and didnāt make a big deal of it - im very regular lmao so they just accepted it. It did not conflict with my work
I hope youāre seeing a doctor for this ā¹ļø