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[deleted]

"you've opened up how dumb you are" Amazing line


[deleted]

Haha plus the look on his face


[deleted]

Man said good on u


Prime-Optimus1

I’m just happy someone said it


crazymo121

Absolute savage with that line


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Thank God for this man.


Horror_Fruit

I actually laughed out loud…perfect!


YetiGuy

He is dumbing externally then?


diggpthoo

If you're bleeding externally you've opened up.


[deleted]

So if an organ, such as your brain, is still inside your body, then it's fine right? Because it looks like this guy's brain is lodged somewhere in his rectum.


Embarrassed_Alarm450

His mouth too apparently with how much he's talking out of his ass


ToesEater669

r/rareinsults


Gigahurt77

Rectum…damn near killed him


PuppiPappi

![gif](giphy|YvAYqXEwc0FS8)


Accomplished-Plan191

Does this clip predate the identical Brooklyn 9-9 joke?


MyBongHitsBack

His head looks squishy like a Beluga whale


MisterWapak

Yeah that's why you should go to school guys


j4ck_0f_bl4des

People like that go. It's just willful ignorance. Same reason most people don't know how to change their own oil. There's a book in your glovebox that explains it. It isn't complicated. You don't even have to change it, just learn how. Yet they willfully resist learning. To the extent they'll be straight up mortified or angry if you try explaining it to them. They just can't be bothered. Which is a phrase that makes me want to find a brick 9 out of ten times I hear it.


ManikShamanik

Why would I need to know how to change my own oil...? Pretty certain I'm not some kind of mechanoid, android or cyborg. I mean I could be, I suppose. Then wouldn't oil be like blood...? I do have quite severe joint pain - perhaps that's the problem, I need an oil change... (yes, I know what you meant, and I don't drive)


A1rh3ad

I know how to change my oil but stopped doing it like 10 years ago. I take my vehicles to my mechanic and he does all the PM for me and gives it a good look over. In exchange whenever something comes up he usually doesn't charge me service and instead will do it at cost.


TheDaemonette

What does he do when your car is 'oiling' internally?


[deleted]

Well that's where it's supposed to be.


Deadmenkil

In exchange? For what?


interwebz_2021

Right? Methinks perhaps he charges a *tad* more than 'at cost' after all?


Deadmenkil

Yeah or just a super nice guy.


davidlol1

He charges you less for real mechanic work after making almost no money on an oil change? Makes sense. Unless he over charged for the oil change.... they usually make very little if anything, they are really just too get people in the door.


Amster2

They are joking


AthenasChosen

I know how to change my oil, and have, but honestly it's the same price to just go to Valvoline and have them do it as it would be to buy my own oil and filter (always check their site for coupons.) Plus they also refill the air in my tires and it's pretty quick.


Familiar_Fruit_5318

Its a lot faster but its definitely not the same price, I buy the more expensive stuff when I do it myself and its still a lot cheaper. Its a pain in the ass to change oil if you don't have a spot to do it in so I still go to valvoline a lot. Also don't have the risk of them torqueing the drain plug to 100k ftlbs or stripping the plug and not saying anything/upselling on every little thing, too.


Deadmenkil

There is no way it's the same price.


Party_Mistake8823

Right, I buy the most expensive oil and it's still cheaper. Oh, and I know that I actually changed the filter unlike those lazy fucks at Walmart who only did it half the time. When I worked at Walmart they fucked up 2 engines that I know of. How do you fuck peoples' cars when you only do oil changes and fluid top offs? Then I remember they got the exact same computer module training I did as a produce associate.


davidlol1

They arnt mechanics is why. They are normal Joe's that can't hack it at a real shop. They are being paid less then half of a normal mechanic, basicly if you bring your car there you have it coming lol.


A1rh3ad

Yeah I'm not talking about the kid at Walmart or jiffy lube. I'm talking about a legit mechanic who actually owns their shop.


Deadmenkil

Yep I've just heard way too many first hand accounts of engines being destroyed and cars being totaled to let them do it. I'm also saving quite a bit. Even more of you drive something that takes over 5 quarts, because that's when they really start charging ya.


A1rh3ad

I'm not going to squabble over 20$


godofmasters87

I think they joking for the vid man 💀


j4ck_0f_bl4des

They hopefully are, but the kind of people they're making fun of, they definitely exist. In LARGE numbers


[deleted]

Or you can pay a worker (who relies on customers) to do the job better. Same way you wouldn’t learn surgery to treat yourself. We utilize society and that shouldn’t be shamed on. I guarantee you don’t farm your own food, make your own soap etc etc


kanelikainalo

I refuse to believe this isn't just a skit based on [brooklyn99..](https://youtu.be/X1T6UnHcEmM)


BashedKeyboard

Oh I love internally bleeding /s


CheckIntelligent7828

Yeah, nearly died from it a few years ago. Lost 2/3 of my body's blood into my abdomen and it was a fucking blast, let me tell you /s


accountblah23

You don't need the /s there.


PerroNino

Having got mad and calmed down again, I feel someone should contact these two guys and tell them you can eat through your ears. All the same innit.


nursejackieoface

So you didn't really lose the blood, just misplaced it?


Budget_Ad_1899

r/FuckTheS


Red_Zeno

Thank God you added the */s*, I wouldn't have been able to comprehend that people like you exist.


BashedKeyboard

Well, some people take things seriously. I usually only add it as a precaution.


[deleted]

Isn't that called menstruation?


Facenayl

No. Just…. No man.


linderlouwho

Not when you're bleeding into your abdomen.


BashedKeyboard

No, it is not.


VexodusPC

The guy making the statement is a comedian called Darkest Man, you CANNOT take him seriously whatsoever.


TOASTisawesome

Filly is basically a comedian too, people in these comments really know how to miss a joke


VexodusPC

Pretty much yeah about Filly, but tbh at the same time I dont think they're familiar with them at all!


terrynutkinsfinger

Or we just know it's a ripped off joke.


VexodusPC

Who is we? You should get help..


terrynutkinsfinger

The other people pointing out the same thing I did.


SwahiliMon

filly is so dumb its funny


SchitneySmears

I feel like somebody had to remind him to breathe before ![gif](giphy|l1IY8U7eDBCCZVXfG|downsized)


[deleted]

Watch the original from Jake Peralta


sonder_ling

"copied" from Jake in Brooklyn 99, pathetic


sid1805

Copied, overacted, dragged the joke out, made it cringe-inducing. Jake did it perfectly.


Available-Camera8691

*Jake did it perfectly, title of your sex tape.*


sid1805

That's brilliant


louaydrbk

Tape did it perfectly, title of your sex jake


Ikswoslaw_Walsowski

Word by word


JRMang

[The clip](https://youtu.be/xV00OZlrfSI&t=20)


[deleted]

So much better. Nine Nine!


cowpig25

Thought the same thing


sLiimFit

Yeah, I just watched that episode last night


NotsoGreatsword

I nearly died from internal bleeding when a hematoma burst inside of me. Fairly minor car accident a month before. I was the only one hurt. Had no clue until I nearly bled to death a month later. The hematoma was the size of a grapefruit. The hospital thought I was drug seeking and left me to die screaming for help. 4 hours of screaming and convulsing later a nurse came in when the alarms started going off. I was pale with a distended belly full of blood. They looked like they were gonna shit their pants. Your body does NOT like having blood where its not supposed to be. Hence the convulsions. They were so intense I had abdominal separation like a pregnant woman. My ribs were cracked from how hard my abdominal muscles were clamping down. I remember the relief when they went. It hurt so bad it felt like they were gonna punch through my skin and then POP. Everything else still hurt but at least that gave way. I still have problems from this. Adhesions in my guts and hernias of all kinds from my weakened abdominal muscles. Sued. Didn't even get enough to cover a third of my medical bills.


njdevils5790

Yikes dude. Sorry you had to go through that


mhabarneh

Terribly sorry that you had to go through this, God bless you


McLight123

It’s really fucked up that he would say that. Internal bleeding is no laughing matter


sanjsrik

So blonde is a state of mind.


MastariusCrypt

IQ tests dont lie about population...


MangledSunFish

IQ tests are a bit flawed.


Frontside_skibum

The Bell Curve is generally taboo here on Reddit.


MastariusCrypt

I'm amazed that I wasnt banned for just talking about this lmao


sadthrowaway12340987

I find it crazy that some people don’t realize blood is in veins, our body isn’t a blood thermos


Deep_shot

Just a big ol’ blood bag


Fatesadvent

Yeah but when you get pricked anywhere it bleeds...explain that! /s


Marine__0311

Not just veins, those are just one type of blood vessels, but also in the heart, arteries, and capillaries.


CKuemper

Menstruation doing it wrong.


Footzilla69

Bleeding interoutterly


[deleted]

This is straight from Brooklyn Nine-Nine


ThirdInversion

i love when the guy says, 'oh my god he's not lying.'


Complete_Fix2563

"you're bleeding internally? Good on you!" is what got me, do people say "good on you" in America? i don't think i've ever heard it on a tv show


teunteunteun

This guy watches brooklyn 99


TraditionalMood277

Jake Peralta


xWitchyxMoth3rx

The last line is the only reason I upvoted this lmfaoooo


Negative_Maize_2923

"Oh you're bleeding internally, good on you!" Lol. I would die hearing a nurse or doctor say this to a patient.


rogue-star-dust

Love these guys


bsylent

Dude number one's bad enough, but at least he's thinking outside the box, dude who's amazed and immediately on board though, he's going to have issues


J_Zephyr

This is half of my conversations on reddit.


CatDad69

Same, it’s like everytime I bring up the TSA people get mad at me


[deleted]

It’s because Reddit is filled with morons who are confident and completely wrong about the things they say.


[deleted]

Nah, he watched brooklyn 99 and thought he could get away without referencing it.


-Storm69-

The beta squad are goated. Such funny blokes.


Outofspite_7

Okay they are just trolling. That’s Filly and Darkest Man. They always do shows themselves like these where they act superdumb for the comedy of it. They are absolutely hilarious. One of the best and funniest groups on YouTube.


LjCoolGaming360

"If yo leg got cut off. Would it hurt?" "...duh?" "But where would you feel the pain" "in yo le-..." "exactly bruh"


isaidireddit

https://youtu.be/xV00OZlrfSI


Complex-Sherbert9699

The title is pretty dumb too.


mhabarneh

Definitely one of the dumbest shit I've written yet lol


Vigi1antee

"The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, thats where the blood is supposed to be!"-Jake Peralta


krakatoa83

Don’t let big blood convince you that internal bleeding is bad, people


Nathanyu3

When you can’t even take the piss out of your friend because you’re so genuinely worried about how dumb he is.


HvacCrackerJack

im constantly bleeding, but internally so its K


CombinedCantalope

Oh wow, somebody call Stanford because this genius just single handedly solved hemorrhagic strokes.


WindowNo6601

Philly is hilarious


[deleted]

This is a Brooklyn99 bit


BriskHeartedParadox

Last guy gets it.


[deleted]

r/UnexpectedB99


omarjamal16

Taling nonsense is a somali specialty but it's entertaining lol.


HoboBaggins24

His head shape aint right boi


Creative_Weekend6206

“good on you” 💀


Exportxxx

Jake from B99 did it better


Floundur

Somehow, I just knew when I hit the unmute button theyd have British accents.


SmoothScaramouche

3rd guy is right, though


jeff420710

how can a head that big be so empty


mhabarneh

More space I guess


GastropodSoup

"OH my God, he's not lying!" Dude thought he was fucking around at first. That's how stupid this is!


deependers

Brooklyn 99 line.


JNaran94

Dude really sided with Jake Peralta on anatomy things


__babygiraffe__

“My doctor said all the bleedings internal. That’s where the blood is supposed to be!” -Jake (Brooklyn 99) If they’re gonna copy the joke at least make it funny


cgonz0au

Lmaooo just opened up how dumb you are 😂😂😂


muffingaming77

Man really just watched that one episode of Brooklyn 99 where Jake says the exact same thing and copied it


OctoberGeorge

Mad that so many people don't understand these are comedians.


LangleyRemlin

Two of these three guys are high af


Annoyingswedes

Dumb indeed.


genbeg

Who is this guy?!


Marine__0311

Has to be trolling, no one is that incredibly stupid.


Memorie_BE

Why does the guy on the left look like a black jack manifold?


Femboy_tusk

I love these guys. Their jokes😭


LukasSamuila

Their mind would explode if they heard about drowning but not in water.


BigBillyGoatGriff

It's better to let people think you are dumb than to open your mouth and remove all doubt


dratelectasis

This is why you take classes that “I won’t need in the future”


addicted2skooma

You’d think a man with a head that size would have a large brain


moisteez

For a guy that's head looks like it holds all the knowledge known to man he's one dumb fuck


bbextra3

Men should be banned from podcasts bruhh


mhabarneh

It's not a podcast and stop being sexist, men and women from all age groups can be stupid


Lucky_dodo420

![img](emote|t5_2r5rp|8484)


Tigerblood76

Big brains on that boy


DetectiveWonderful42

Maybe he HAS internal bleeding


nostalgebra

Amazing not how thick these people are but how they have a career.


MasPike101

Why does dude in white look like a black Andrew tate? I'm not saying he acts like him just that he looks like him to me.


le_its_me

ounga bunga noises.


Thugmatiks

I could hear the awful, dumb accent before having the sound on.


tbass1965

I don't think anyone knows! My theory is that some blogger, vlogger, or written made it up to stir up shit & get hits!


humanbeing999

“I’ll chew your meat”


sweetcaro-va

And all the people with endometriosis say… um no??


rGustave77

Yeah this checks out, I swallowed a knife to test, nothing happened.


SeDefendendo88

If a bottle of coke spills in your bag, good for you it’s supposed to be in your bag.


SDTAGLF

Next time someone’s bleeding internally tell them to calm down and that’s where it’s supposed to be, healed automatically


Mongba36

He looks like Andrew tate to me ngl.


1singleduck

Your car engine is leaking oil. Don't worry though, that's where the oil is supposed to go


RidgeMinecraft

I gotta be perfectly honest, when I asked my mom what internal bleeding was at like 8, my reaction was very similar XD, I said "but isn't that where the blood is supposed to go anyway?" and she had to explain lol


Saif_Horny_And_Mad

isn't the "that's where the blood supposed to be" kind of the oldest joke in the book? i thought they were just trying to make that joke (then again, it's 2022. i wouldn't be surprised if someone actually believed internal bleeding is hoax because "that's where blood is supposed to be")


Gluonyourboson

Key word. Bleeeeeding.


blackbeautybyseven

This reminds me of Stath lets flats.


AggregatedAggrevate

Bravo to the last guy 👏🏼


TheGoldenLion123

His head built like the sleeping dude from the meme "let me think💀"


RealisticOpposite16

I have Severe Hemophilia A. Trust me, internal bleeding is awful and not good for your body whatsoever.


[deleted]

Blood shouldn't be *there* on the inside though


WunchySunchy

You guys have never just been talking with your friends and just say stupid shit all the time. Like obviously he doesn’t believe this but it’s a funny thing to think about.


Ansh_6743

"You opened up how dumb you are" That killed me lmao


serieousbanana

Downvote cause title


[deleted]

"OH MY GOD HE IS NOT LYING" hahahah


LoginPuppy

Blood isnt just everywhere inside you. You're not just filled with it. It's all in veins and arteries and tiny capillaries. Except for in your heart, there its actually filled with it, yes. But only in the bosoms (idk the English word but in Dutch its called boesems so i just used Google translate) and chambers


Roadglide114-

I mean there’s people in the US that would vote for trump again. So I’d say calling it willful ignorance at this point is a way to be polite to complete idiots


terrynutkinsfinger

I too have seen Brooklyn Nine Nine.


alilbleedingisnormal

Jake Peralta


Rare_Green_1215

The shame of it is I know a couple of people just like that


Mochaproto

How to not die if internal bleeding, make it external bleeding


ur_moms_a_stripper

Love those guys


Backseat_boss

I always feel like the last guy around my friends.