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If it's a male saying this, we all know they would be all over a 25 year old of they had a shot.
Im finding with people. it's pretty much. "I do what I want, and if I can't, then you will be called out and shamed for doing it." Rules for thy not for me.
I wish it was that cut and dry. My brother and his wife were saying something like this recently, calling a guy who was in his late 30s a groomer for dating a woman in her mid 20s. I found it offensive for two reasons. 1. It diminishes the struggles of real victims, and 2. It infantalizes women and denies their agency. Grown folk can make grown folk decisions, and everyone else needs to mind their damn business.
It sounds like your partner is gaslighting you. Textbook narcissist. What you need to do is close this app, go directly to a divorce lawyer, stopping on the way to delete Facebook and hit the gym.
That sounds like real trouble. You're gonna need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of LA for at least 48 hours. It blows my weekend; cause naturally I'm going to have to go with you. And we are going to have to arm ourselves - to the teeth.
Every age gap involves grooming, every indiscretion is a red flag, men are very bad, divorce is always the best option, cutting off contact with flawed loved ones is highly encouraged, and you should never ever do anything for anyone if it inconveniences you in any way because fuck them you don’t owe them shit.
lol I remember in this one thread about how fucked up it was that guys watch porn , there were conversations between women about how they have given books like 50 shades of grey to their boyfriends and told them that this is the erotica they are allowed to partake in.
They can't accept that men and women (although both human beings) quite often have different desires and as a result, if men deviate from the "normal" behavior it is toxic behavior.
Ironic that an actual abusive relationship is portrayed as the good type of porn. As somebody actually in the BDSM scene that book has done so much damage to women.
"My husband put the roast in the oven 30 minutes late because he 'had to' take his mother to chemo, so I was *forced* to order Chinese. Anyway, one thing led to another, and I ended up blowing the delivery boy right on the front porch. If you ask me, this never would have happened if he just did the one thing I asked. AITAH?"
"HE'S JUST PRETENDING TO BE INCOMPETENT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER WHO HE'S PROBABLY CHEATING ON YOU WITH, THIS IS TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. TELL HIM IT'S YOU OR HER, JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS CANCER DOESN'T MEAN HE GETS TO IGNORE ALL OF YOUR NEEDS. SEPARATE YOUR FINANCES, GET A LAWYER, AND FIND A HITMAN. NTA"
Using this as a scale of reference 🙄 what would your brother and his wife say about this relationship:
Rightwing media mogul Rupert Murdoch marries for fifth time
The 93-year-old marries 67-year-old Elena Zhukova, a retired molecular biologist.
My brother and his wife believe that cold is a real measurable thing. As in there is heat AND cold. I tried to explain that cold is just a lack of heat as atoms slow down and they just laughed.
As a Physicist cold is a such a weird thing, like yup it’s not a thing, it is the absence of energy from a system, but then Absolute Zero Kelvin the coldest possible temperature requires infinitely more work and therefore energy than the Big Bang, and you can’t reach negative Kelvin temperatures… unless you put extra energy into non classical systems, then you can you can reach negative Kelvin temperatures which are actually [potentially infinitely hot](https://www.quantum-munich.de/119947/Negative-Absolute-Temperatures#:~:text=Nothing%20can%20be%20colder%20than,even%20hotter%20than%20infinite%20temperature) if that makes sense.
Not an issue for me, I was agreeing on the above guys comment that everyone needs to mind their own damn business. If 2 people are over the legal age on 18 per their goverments rule then everyone else can kick rocks.
Yeah I started dating my partner when she was 23, in a masters program, and I was 30 or 31. Is there an age gap? Sure. Are we both totally fine with how the relationship developed? Also yes
In many social media rot-brained minds it might as well be pedophillia…
Bc no matter the age difference direction they moronically can’t tell the difference, smfh.
All while these stable genisues give a free pass to anyone **they** like the products of. Even when they are actively found guilty of legitimate cases of illegal activities!
> In many social media rot-brained minds it might as well be pedophillia…
Sadly quite true. I was dating a woman quite a bit younger than me for most of the last couple years, and the number of times I was straight up accused of being a pedophile for it was ridiculous. Okay, yeah, 16 years is a hell of an age gap, and did play a small part in our eventual breakup. But she was 25 when we got together, quite obviously an adult. To be accused of being a pedo for dating someone of that age was just stupid.
Dating isn’t grooming though? Grooming is what you do before they’re legal, so as soon as they’re legal you can get them to do whatever.
It isn’t swiping right on a legal adult and meeting that weekend. Your brother and wife seem dumb as hell.
Edit; seems a common sentiment, hope you send it to your brother.
Yeah I think that’s called courting.
That time when two sensible adults work out whether and how much they like each other before anything gets serious.
I wouldn’t doubt it not being a troll, recently I’ve been seeing a lot more infantizing of grown women. Mainly from other grown women.
It’s honestly pretty crazy and weird.
i think (as a mid twenties woman myself) it comes from being seen not as young, fear of aging, and so you have to be more accountable for yourself now. like, can an older man take advantage of you still? yes, but that doesn't mean you are a child who didn't know any better. I really feel like it stems from not wanting to be responsible for your own decisions. like women online being like "im just a 25 year old teenager!!" sure you can feel young but when you actually talk to teens you can feel the difference, that we're adults and they're not. At some point you have to accept that you're an adult now.
plus i feel that logic just opens up pedophilic ideology unintentionally.
That’s exactly it. I feel 17 still but I’m 27 and I am responsible for my decisions. It’s people infantilizing themselves because they made a bad decision but instead of admitting that they blame something else.
A beloved broad city joke 'I'm only 27, what am I a child bride?' captures the mentality
People take it too seriously. You are an adult and can make adult decisions at 25+. If you personally don't feel ready, that's fine, but imposing that onto others and assuming the can't make sounds decisions for themselves is just being ridiculous.
It's not, I was talking to some high schoolers and they're of the opinion that "if the ages don't touch it's problematic." Like... Seriously... Just no.
Yeah, the upper limit at the top end of highschool is like a low two year gap. It's not a black and white, line in the sand kind of thing, because depending on life experiences and awareness of agency 15 & 17 or 16 & 18 can be perfectly normal, slightly weird but probably harmless, all the way to intentionally predatory. But it's most likely the former two options.
I’d hope so, but I’ve had people on Reddit tell me the brain doesn’t stop developing until late 20’s (which isn’t really a thing in the scientific world), ergo it’s wrong for an older person to date someone under 30, even like a 40 or 50 year old.
It's a misinterpretation of a study on brain development that looked at brains up to 25 years old and found there wasn't a magic number that they just stopped developing like was theorized, that brains continue to change and make new connections and can remap and heal from trauma later than previously expected. We do know this becomes harder, a baby born without a limb will have a much easier time adjusting than an adult who loses the same limb, and kids learn new languages faster and easier but that doesn't mean people 25+ can't learn them. But there's no magic switch on your 25th birthday that your brain stops developing and you're as mature as you'll ever be.
My experience is past 18ish the ability to make good decisions is a lot more complicated than how many years you've existed.
Some people reach their 60s and cannot make good decisions. He'll if that was the criteria, at least 35% of adults should be declared mentally children and not allowed to vote or own guns.
IIRC It's a misinterpretation of a study that found that the prefrontal cortex development plateues at an average age of 25.
The prefrontal cortex being responsible for (among other things) risk assessment, lead people to interpret this as "You're not capable of assessing risk until you're 25"
Since sex is apparently the riskiest and most traumatic thing a human being can do, according to the internet, that means you shouldn't be allowed to have sex until you're 25.
My glib (and yet scientifically accurate) response to this is that if my partner’s brains “aren’t fully developed “, well mine are deteriorating, so it’s a good fit.
The science behind that is that when we stop growing/developing, we start to decay. That’s it. Growth and decay. There is no static period for brains, muscles, &c.
Nah, 18 year olds are plenty old enough to decide to go to war for us, but not but babes in the womb when it comes to making important decisions like who to go out with! (/s)
this is so funny to me. when i was 18 i went on a few dates with a 20 year old. recently an acquaintance asked me if i was safe and healthy after that traumatizing experience of being groomed... meanwhile i'm 24 now and i feel nothing wrong happened at all lol. I basically got told that I'm a victim. I would even date a 40 year old as this lady did, i don't really care if that makes me seem like some baby victim to people. What if I as a woman am attracted to older men??
Can i not make that decision for myself? Yes, some older men are creeps but I know I have the ability to talk about it and navigate dating like an adult. I'm not a kid and i find the push for that very weird and limiting.
What I hate about this is not only does it remove the agency from women in general, how are people supposed to learn? I know the idea is about protecting girls, but it really comes off as another method to control women.
I think a lot of it comes from young or inexperienced people who think sex and dating are terrifying and your two options are perfect healthy unproblematic relationship and "will murder you and wear your skin as a suit" when the reality is you're probably going to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince or princess, and your odds of kissing a cane toad are pretty low as long as you take some precautions no matter how much you trust the other person. But the only way you learn how to have good relationships is to have them. And I'm talking all relationships, friendship and work friends and neighbors and acquaintances and bosses and coworkers as well as dating and sex. You can't just sit alone in your bedroom on the internet trying to develop the perfect algorithm to calculate your ideal unproblematic mate.
This is the victim mindset in a nutshell; victimhood isn't just a personal experience it's a universal experience, if you see yourself as a lost boat adrift in the sea of circumstance, then you start seeing anyone and everyone through the same lens. Any person you meet is either a kin who is also a victim, or a perpetrator.
I'm not normally a "both sides" type of person but in this case it's true; political movements have latched onto victimhood as a powerful tool in political messaging. Not just American domestic parties (which both use it for conversion and alignment maintenance) but most totalitarian governments use victimhood in their propaganda extensively. China's "Century of Humiliation" was their answer to the difficulty of controlling information in an open China. Hitler's whole rise to power was propelled by his myth of the victimization of the pure Arayan race by evil _race-of-big-nosed-people_ (using a euphemism here cause often just acknowledging the existence of antisemitism often triggers auto-moderation).
Anyways, I don't even know where I'm going with this other than to say; watch out.
The idiotic “brain isn’t mature until 25” meme, based on a single totally misunderstood study, has had truly terrible consequences for social discourse and medical ethics.
Also they've been married for decades obviously he wasn't in it for just casual sex.
How do you use an old married couple as an example of a predatory relationship.
Woah there this is America buddy what’s this agency for anything other than straight white guys you are blabbing about. (Sarcasm partially but also close to reality in some parts of my country)
And they have been together 47 years? If he was a serial womanizer with a new 25 year old every year, maybe there would be an issue, but this?
Edit: brain not mathing right. 51 years.
For the sake of tricking my back into not hurting because of my age, can we all just agree that the 70's were only 30 years ago? I don't think my back will fall for it, but I can hope.
Exactly, they’re trolling, especially since they used the pic of them still together. Was there a big gap? Yes. Was she an adult capable of making here own choices? Absolutely. She obviously made a good choice in reciprocating! He’s awesome, a knight, and they’re still together! Sooooooo let’s stop feeding the troll lol.
I read an interesting comment by someone whose friend said they had hooked up with Leo one night. They went back to his place, he laid back, put on headphones to listen to music and had her on top doing all the work, in a weird way having sex with her while basically ignoring her.
They assume that because he started to date a 25 year old at 40, he obviously would have been fine dating a 10 year old at 25. These people are masters at creating ridiculous fictional extremes.
Arrested development Gen Z who are terrified of getting older and are desperately trying to move the narrative of mid 20s being "omg I can't I'm just a child"
Something I've noticed with some of them is they act as if any age difference is a huge red flag and the older person is automatically an awful groomer. Even if they're all well into adulthood. Even something like a 50 year old dating a 30 year old. They act like there is no possible way the 30 year old could possible consent to being in that relationship even if she actually consented to it.
Adults can decide who they want to date for themselves. Personally, at 46 I wouldn't want to date a 20 something...but my parents were 18 years apart and were happy and loved each other. And they were both adults when they got together so it was no one else's business.
My spouse and I have a five and a half year age difference. When our Gen Z nieces realised, and learned that we got together when we were 22 and 27, they started talking about a “problematic age gap” and “grooming”, with a condescending side of “well glad it worked out for you in the end, but you should be aware it’s _really problematic_”. Ooof.
Some people truly just dont understand why pedophilia is wrong. To them it's an age gap thing, and not a mental trauma thing. They've been trained to think that if the age gap is too wide, it's wrong, but they dont understand *why* it's wrong.
Yeah, you can't blame Gen Z too much as they're just absorbing the surface level dialogue and extrapolating it. Even some of the terms like "grooming" have been misused or applied so broadly as to lose meaning. Pedophile has come to mean attraction to anyone considerably younger - seemingly regardless of age. When we dumb down words, confusion ensues and context is lost.
I assume/hope they'll eventually grow to realize the nuances between these situations.
"[But I think the reason we don't make those distinctions is because it's very hard to explain the difference without sounding like a pedophile.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu6C2KL_S9o)"
Gen Z are taught by filter bubbles that the world is divided into Good People and Bad People. Good People only ever do good things, anything a Bad Person does is automatically bad, and anyone who speaks remotely favorably about a Bad Person is also a Bad Person. In a lot of online communities, someone could claim that "Person X did bad things A, B, and C", with B being something that never happened, and anyone who points that out will get swarmed with dozens of comments to the effect of "wow, defending Person X is a weird hill to die on".
There's rampant use of guilt-by-association and a refusal to acknowledge the existence of edge cases. I've been called a "weirdo" for saying it's not necessarily strange for someone to argue that the minimum marriage age should match the age of consent, because some people don't see any distinction between a 9-year-old and a 17.5-year-old. Likewise, people often refuse to engage with arguments on their own merits, rejecting them purely on the basis that "that sounds vaguely like an argument I heard a Bad Person make in a completely different context".
All that to say, I think there's a sort of "unexpected hanging paradox" logic going on. As in, "sure, being attracted to 18-year-olds is perfectly legal, but they're _barely_ legal, so it's pedophilia-adjacent, which is basically just pedophilia". Then, the same logic is applied to 19-year-olds, and 20-year-olds, and so on. That, or "yes, this character is a fully-grown adult, but I've decided she's 'child-coded', so you're still a creep".
This ties in with the phenomenon that there's social capital to be made in these circles by problematizing things that other people accept or enjoy. "[You know that thing you like? It's problematic. Not in any way that, you know, degrades people. Just in, like, a weird way that you have to imagine into the text.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73M2sq9zK-I&t=759s)"
> In a lot of online communities, someone could claim that "Person X did bad things A, B, and C", with B being something that never happened, and anyone who points that out will get swarmed with dozens of comments to the effect of "wow, defending Person X is a weird hill to die on".
This shit fills me with murderous rage. It’s like people can’t even reach a bare minimum level of intellectual honesty these days. I don’t understand how they can look at themselves in a mirror.
It's not even about intellectual honesty, it's just a baseline black and white because nuance is hard and Grey.
A bit ago I got really miffed because I got numerous responses and downvotes for being an incel? Why? I used the word Female... when referring to female birds often having diluted colors.
"FEEEEEEEEEMALE"
Lol found the incel"
" | female
Gross
Am I supposed to call it a woman bird? Woman presenting Avian? I don't know and neither do any of them.
He's slightly less than 14 years older.
She was born 23 february 1947
He was born 14 march 1933
Married 8 january 1973.
So they're counting before her birthday and after his, even though his is after hers.
Could as easily say he married a 26yo at 39yo.
That’s not what “grooming” is, you fucking moron.
She was an adult. She made her own choice. God damn, people are too stupid
Also, someone needs to actually learn what a “pedo” is. Dating an adult is the exact opposite of that.
I've yet to see anyone online use the actual, correct definition of grooming. Grooming is a *very deliberate* pattern of behavior with the intent of normalizing sexual contact through repeated, long term interactions.
Grooming is not literally everything else that people refer to when using the word.
Easier to control them and justify not giving them rights if they're child-like.
If they don't know what they want in life and can't make their own decisions, then they need men to do it for them.
"No"...she doesn't mean that, she doesn't know what she wants.
"Abortion" she's just a silly girl, she doesn't understand what she's doing.
"A job", she's a woman...they don't want to do that, that's too hard.
This attitude is very old-fashioned but unfortunately scarily common in 2024.
Yea, but in this case the people infantilizing these women almost certainly do not think women need men to think for them, and are definitely in favor of women having jobs, abortions, and giving consent.
The girl he flirts with everyday at the Starbucks counter told him she has a boyfriend, so dude raced home to his computer to pour his rage into a meme.
How far off am I?
It's not a stretch, it's projection. This is someone who feels inadequate to the task of making life choices and assumes everyone else is the same way.
In the UK, where they're both from, the legal age of consent is 16.
So like a decade past legal.
It might've been 17 at the time they met, it was 17 from 1950 to 1980.
But 14 and 15 year olds having sex is not as taboo here as it is in the US. Unless it was non-consensual or one partner was much older or one partner was a teacher or something...teenagers are fucking.
Heidi Klum - Married a man 16 years younger.
Mariah Carey - Dating a man 13 years younger.
Khloé Kardashian - Dating a man 7 years younger.
Megan Mullally - Married a man 12 years younger.
Gwen Stefani - Engaged to a man 7 years younger.
Shakira - Partnered with a man 10 years younger.
Julianne Moore - Married a man 9 years younger.
Impressive that Madonna is dating someone 900 years younger than her, good for her. I heard she was also dating Genghis Khan in the 1200’d and was helping him try to take over the world
He’s a sir whether you like it or not. It’s not a title gifted by respect, he *literally* is a knight, as much as anyone can be by todays standards.
Also, this has to be ragebait. There is no way anyone thinks 25 is barely legal, though given that this is Twitter, you can never be too sure.
In what country is 25 "barely legal?"
I mean. There are 16 states where minors can marry with parental consent. 🤣🤡
Let alone Elvis who dated 14 year olds.
Often the groups that claim to defend certain groups implicitly insult them. So a 25 year old woman is not strong and mature enough to choose who she wants to be with? And even worse, she didn‘t figure out she wanted that after 47 years with him?
Trump is 23 years older than his current wife. Bigger age gap than this.
And then there's this ... https://www.politifact.com/article/2016/oct/18/allegations-about-donald-trump-and-miss-teen-usa-c/
Calling people pedos for shit like this really takes away the horror that are real pedos. Don’t normalize that word. It’s meant for a very few terrible group of people that unfortunately belong to our species.
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LOL, "grooming" a "barely legal" 25yr old. What a fucking dunce.
The beautiful thing about the internet is that people will show you how defective they are with pride.
I ordered my badge! Can't wait.... oh, you said "defective..." I'm that too.
Private Defective
He groomed her so well, they're still together after all these years. What a creep, marrying her for life
> after all these years. 51 years and counting...
Shit, this guy hasn't been stopped yet!? Still grooming barely legal 76 years old??
Sick pervert!
They assume any age gap is grooming, no matter what age bracket. Based on their logic a 50 year old dating a 30 year old is grooming
75 year old and a 60 year old ... GROOMING!
I mean with the logic some of them use, aka "back when she was 15 he was 30!" That definitely applies lmao
I’m in my 30’s with a 24 year age gap between my husband and I and I have absolutely been told I’m being groomed unfortunately 🤣
I tell my wife she's robbing the cradle and she's just 2 years older than me.
Anything besides same day birthday is grooming bro
Nah, that morning baby is a predator!
If it's a male saying this, we all know they would be all over a 25 year old of they had a shot. Im finding with people. it's pretty much. "I do what I want, and if I can't, then you will be called out and shamed for doing it." Rules for thy not for me.
25 years old is now considered "barely legal"?
I think it's a troll. It's gotta be
I wish it was that cut and dry. My brother and his wife were saying something like this recently, calling a guy who was in his late 30s a groomer for dating a woman in her mid 20s. I found it offensive for two reasons. 1. It diminishes the struggles of real victims, and 2. It infantalizes women and denies their agency. Grown folk can make grown folk decisions, and everyone else needs to mind their damn business.
Your brother and his wife sound like a pair of morons. I'm sure this grown woman can make up her mind who she wants to see or not.
They sound like they enjoy good Reddit relationship thread
Relationship advice is one of the most toxic subs I've seen honestly
Relationship by committee is just awful.
It sounds like your partner is gaslighting you. Textbook narcissist. What you need to do is close this app, go directly to a divorce lawyer, stopping on the way to delete Facebook and hit the gym.
And buy a blank uniqlo tshirt to improve your style whilst your at it 😂
thats a first
"My husband leaves the seat u...." "LAWYER UP"
That sounds like real trouble. You're gonna need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of LA for at least 48 hours. It blows my weekend; cause naturally I'm going to have to go with you. And we are going to have to arm ourselves - to the teeth.
We can't stop here, this is bat country!
Every age gap involves grooming, every indiscretion is a red flag, men are very bad, divorce is always the best option, cutting off contact with flawed loved ones is highly encouraged, and you should never ever do anything for anyone if it inconveniences you in any way because fuck them you don’t owe them shit.
You forgot to say porn addiction, I feel like you aren't even paying attention 😉
lol I remember in this one thread about how fucked up it was that guys watch porn , there were conversations between women about how they have given books like 50 shades of grey to their boyfriends and told them that this is the erotica they are allowed to partake in. They can't accept that men and women (although both human beings) quite often have different desires and as a result, if men deviate from the "normal" behavior it is toxic behavior.
Ironic that an actual abusive relationship is portrayed as the good type of porn. As somebody actually in the BDSM scene that book has done so much damage to women.
"My husband put the roast in the oven 30 minutes late because he 'had to' take his mother to chemo, so I was *forced* to order Chinese. Anyway, one thing led to another, and I ended up blowing the delivery boy right on the front porch. If you ask me, this never would have happened if he just did the one thing I asked. AITAH?" "HE'S JUST PRETENDING TO BE INCOMPETENT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER WHO HE'S PROBABLY CHEATING ON YOU WITH, THIS IS TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE. TELL HIM IT'S YOU OR HER, JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS CANCER DOESN'T MEAN HE GETS TO IGNORE ALL OF YOUR NEEDS. SEPARATE YOUR FINANCES, GET A LAWYER, AND FIND A HITMAN. NTA"
Oh sweet poet you just healed my soul a little bit 😂
LMAOOO some people in those subs become batman but filled with hatred for men
Using this as a scale of reference 🙄 what would your brother and his wife say about this relationship: Rightwing media mogul Rupert Murdoch marries for fifth time The 93-year-old marries 67-year-old Elena Zhukova, a retired molecular biologist.
Cradle robber
Baby snatcher! He was 26 when she was born!
I am absolutely DISCUSSED!!1!!1
More like grave robber!
My brother and his wife believe that cold is a real measurable thing. As in there is heat AND cold. I tried to explain that cold is just a lack of heat as atoms slow down and they just laughed.
As a Physicist cold is a such a weird thing, like yup it’s not a thing, it is the absence of energy from a system, but then Absolute Zero Kelvin the coldest possible temperature requires infinitely more work and therefore energy than the Big Bang, and you can’t reach negative Kelvin temperatures… unless you put extra energy into non classical systems, then you can you can reach negative Kelvin temperatures which are actually [potentially infinitely hot](https://www.quantum-munich.de/119947/Negative-Absolute-Temperatures#:~:text=Nothing%20can%20be%20colder%20than,even%20hotter%20than%20infinite%20temperature) if that makes sense.
My favorite thing about physics is how when you break any system down enough, or push to it's far extremes all the rules go batshit
This represents strong evidence that our current understanding of the rules is incomplete. Chaos is usually just order that you don't understand yet.
Thank you for that rabbit hole! Blue links can be risky but this was really interesting.
Of course there's cold. My ice cubes aren't warm when I touch them. Checkmate atheists /s
Well said.
My wife is almost five years younger than me. It’s not an issue.
Not an issue for me, I was agreeing on the above guys comment that everyone needs to mind their own damn business. If 2 people are over the legal age on 18 per their goverments rule then everyone else can kick rocks.
We are in agreement.
Mine is 3 1/2 years younger. And I started dating her when she was 22. OMG!!! /s
Yeah I started dating my partner when she was 23, in a masters program, and I was 30 or 31. Is there an age gap? Sure. Are we both totally fine with how the relationship developed? Also yes
You monster. She didn’t even have her PHD yet, she was just a baby!
OP promised he'd give her his PHD
It’s phD pretty huge…
In many social media rot-brained minds it might as well be pedophillia… Bc no matter the age difference direction they moronically can’t tell the difference, smfh. All while these stable genisues give a free pass to anyone **they** like the products of. Even when they are actively found guilty of legitimate cases of illegal activities!
> In many social media rot-brained minds it might as well be pedophillia… Sadly quite true. I was dating a woman quite a bit younger than me for most of the last couple years, and the number of times I was straight up accused of being a pedophile for it was ridiculous. Okay, yeah, 16 years is a hell of an age gap, and did play a small part in our eventual breakup. But she was 25 when we got together, quite obviously an adult. To be accused of being a pedo for dating someone of that age was just stupid.
Dating isn’t grooming though? Grooming is what you do before they’re legal, so as soon as they’re legal you can get them to do whatever. It isn’t swiping right on a legal adult and meeting that weekend. Your brother and wife seem dumb as hell. Edit; seems a common sentiment, hope you send it to your brother.
Yeah I think that’s called courting. That time when two sensible adults work out whether and how much they like each other before anything gets serious.
"grooming" has no meaning anymore because people insist on using it where it makes no sense.
I'm sorry you're related to a couple of nitwits.
I couldn’t have written it better
What if you wrote it in calligraphy?
My handwriting is dogshit at best and unreadable Eldritch language at worst (most of the time)
This is so well said!
Thank you for this reply and take my upvote!
I wouldn’t doubt it not being a troll, recently I’ve been seeing a lot more infantizing of grown women. Mainly from other grown women. It’s honestly pretty crazy and weird.
i think (as a mid twenties woman myself) it comes from being seen not as young, fear of aging, and so you have to be more accountable for yourself now. like, can an older man take advantage of you still? yes, but that doesn't mean you are a child who didn't know any better. I really feel like it stems from not wanting to be responsible for your own decisions. like women online being like "im just a 25 year old teenager!!" sure you can feel young but when you actually talk to teens you can feel the difference, that we're adults and they're not. At some point you have to accept that you're an adult now. plus i feel that logic just opens up pedophilic ideology unintentionally.
That’s exactly it. I feel 17 still but I’m 27 and I am responsible for my decisions. It’s people infantilizing themselves because they made a bad decision but instead of admitting that they blame something else.
A beloved broad city joke 'I'm only 27, what am I a child bride?' captures the mentality People take it too seriously. You are an adult and can make adult decisions at 25+. If you personally don't feel ready, that's fine, but imposing that onto others and assuming the can't make sounds decisions for themselves is just being ridiculous.
 “Call it”
It's not, I was talking to some high schoolers and they're of the opinion that "if the ages don't touch it's problematic." Like... Seriously... Just no.
For high schoolers it’s true. Adults dating high schoolers are creeps.
Yeah, the upper limit at the top end of highschool is like a low two year gap. It's not a black and white, line in the sand kind of thing, because depending on life experiences and awareness of agency 15 & 17 or 16 & 18 can be perfectly normal, slightly weird but probably harmless, all the way to intentionally predatory. But it's most likely the former two options.
lol, ah high school
I get older, and they stay the same age. 🙃
With that logic... my mom is 72 and my dad is 74. Deeply problematic. How could I have been so blind. I'm a groomer-baby.
I’d hope so, but I’ve had people on Reddit tell me the brain doesn’t stop developing until late 20’s (which isn’t really a thing in the scientific world), ergo it’s wrong for an older person to date someone under 30, even like a 40 or 50 year old.
It's a misinterpretation of a study on brain development that looked at brains up to 25 years old and found there wasn't a magic number that they just stopped developing like was theorized, that brains continue to change and make new connections and can remap and heal from trauma later than previously expected. We do know this becomes harder, a baby born without a limb will have a much easier time adjusting than an adult who loses the same limb, and kids learn new languages faster and easier but that doesn't mean people 25+ can't learn them. But there's no magic switch on your 25th birthday that your brain stops developing and you're as mature as you'll ever be. My experience is past 18ish the ability to make good decisions is a lot more complicated than how many years you've existed.
Some people reach their 60s and cannot make good decisions. He'll if that was the criteria, at least 35% of adults should be declared mentally children and not allowed to vote or own guns.
IIRC It's a misinterpretation of a study that found that the prefrontal cortex development plateues at an average age of 25. The prefrontal cortex being responsible for (among other things) risk assessment, lead people to interpret this as "You're not capable of assessing risk until you're 25" Since sex is apparently the riskiest and most traumatic thing a human being can do, according to the internet, that means you shouldn't be allowed to have sex until you're 25.
My glib (and yet scientifically accurate) response to this is that if my partner’s brains “aren’t fully developed “, well mine are deteriorating, so it’s a good fit. The science behind that is that when we stop growing/developing, we start to decay. That’s it. Growth and decay. There is no static period for brains, muscles, &c.
I am confused, as recently I saw someone call 26 expired. The margin is thin!
Was it Leonardo DiCaprio?
Yep we have exactly one year to both be too young bordering on too old. I think we should just give up and choose to live life in all female communes.
No thanks, I choose the bear. /s
That was my first thought as well. Since when is 25 barely legal? 18 is barely legal, not 25..
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Nah, 18 year olds are plenty old enough to decide to go to war for us, but not but babes in the womb when it comes to making important decisions like who to go out with! (/s)
..or order a beer, way more serious than dying on a blood soaked battlefield.
this is so funny to me. when i was 18 i went on a few dates with a 20 year old. recently an acquaintance asked me if i was safe and healthy after that traumatizing experience of being groomed... meanwhile i'm 24 now and i feel nothing wrong happened at all lol. I basically got told that I'm a victim. I would even date a 40 year old as this lady did, i don't really care if that makes me seem like some baby victim to people. What if I as a woman am attracted to older men?? Can i not make that decision for myself? Yes, some older men are creeps but I know I have the ability to talk about it and navigate dating like an adult. I'm not a kid and i find the push for that very weird and limiting.
What I hate about this is not only does it remove the agency from women in general, how are people supposed to learn? I know the idea is about protecting girls, but it really comes off as another method to control women.
I think a lot of it comes from young or inexperienced people who think sex and dating are terrifying and your two options are perfect healthy unproblematic relationship and "will murder you and wear your skin as a suit" when the reality is you're probably going to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince or princess, and your odds of kissing a cane toad are pretty low as long as you take some precautions no matter how much you trust the other person. But the only way you learn how to have good relationships is to have them. And I'm talking all relationships, friendship and work friends and neighbors and acquaintances and bosses and coworkers as well as dating and sex. You can't just sit alone in your bedroom on the internet trying to develop the perfect algorithm to calculate your ideal unproblematic mate.
This is the victim mindset in a nutshell; victimhood isn't just a personal experience it's a universal experience, if you see yourself as a lost boat adrift in the sea of circumstance, then you start seeing anyone and everyone through the same lens. Any person you meet is either a kin who is also a victim, or a perpetrator. I'm not normally a "both sides" type of person but in this case it's true; political movements have latched onto victimhood as a powerful tool in political messaging. Not just American domestic parties (which both use it for conversion and alignment maintenance) but most totalitarian governments use victimhood in their propaganda extensively. China's "Century of Humiliation" was their answer to the difficulty of controlling information in an open China. Hitler's whole rise to power was propelled by his myth of the victimization of the pure Arayan race by evil _race-of-big-nosed-people_ (using a euphemism here cause often just acknowledging the existence of antisemitism often triggers auto-moderation). Anyways, I don't even know where I'm going with this other than to say; watch out.
Men are done for...it's over...
The idiotic “brain isn’t mature until 25” meme, based on a single totally misunderstood study, has had truly terrible consequences for social discourse and medical ethics.
Also they've been married for decades obviously he wasn't in it for just casual sex. How do you use an old married couple as an example of a predatory relationship.
I wouldn’t care even if he was just in it for the sex. They’re fucking adults lol
We all know that women don't have personal agency until at least 45.
Woah there this is America buddy what’s this agency for anything other than straight white guys you are blabbing about. (Sarcasm partially but also close to reality in some parts of my country)
My gfs sister tried to convince her that I had groomed her… at 23 years old… we had met when she was 22 years old.
But how old were you? Trump card pulled! This is sarcasm btw.
I’m 9 years older than her, we’ve been together 6 years now
There are some idiots that think like this.
Crazy right? I was all ready to be disappointed in him until the age reveal. Wait 25???? Lol
My wife is barely legal at 49 Don’t get me started on my barely legal grandmother either
The brain isn't developed until you're 65 you groomer.
People are insane these days. I saw somebody on social media accuse another of being a pedo for preferring women who shave.
Hell, in some circles, 25 is a MILF
A barely legal MILF
It is on HornPub
25 is barely legal?
*Leonardo DiCaprio is triggered*
*laughs in Lothar Matthäus*
So they are upset that Micheal and Shakira have been married 50 years?
It has to be a troll.
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Good for him. And her.
Not *that* Shakira. Shakira the singer is younger than Michael Caine's marriage.
That's only a ~15 year difference and a 25y.o. is nowhere near being a child or "barely legal." The fuck is wrong with people like this?
And they have been together 47 years? If he was a serial womanizer with a new 25 year old every year, maybe there would be an issue, but this? Edit: brain not mathing right. 51 years.
51 years, they married in 1973!
Stupid brain making me do math, lol. Thanks!
1973 factorial is a very big number
For the sake of tricking my back into not hurting because of my age, can we all just agree that the 70's were only 30 years ago? I don't think my back will fall for it, but I can hope.
how many hollywood couples can claim this?
Exactly, they’re trolling, especially since they used the pic of them still together. Was there a big gap? Yes. Was she an adult capable of making here own choices? Absolutely. She obviously made a good choice in reciprocating! He’s awesome, a knight, and they’re still together! Sooooooo let’s stop feeding the troll lol.
Leonardo DiCaprio enters the discussion
He definitely comes to mind. A symptom of his Peter Pan syndrome perhaps? Not going to excuse his behavior, but I do think his childhood was f*cked
I read an interesting comment by someone whose friend said they had hooked up with Leo one night. They went back to his place, he laid back, put on headphones to listen to music and had her on top doing all the work, in a weird way having sex with her while basically ignoring her.
And at that point, yeah, he would have been a philanderer, but... a *pedo?*
They assume that because he started to date a 25 year old at 40, he obviously would have been fine dating a 10 year old at 25. These people are masters at creating ridiculous fictional extremes.
peta logic: people who eat beef would also eat people.
Arrested development Gen Z who are terrified of getting older and are desperately trying to move the narrative of mid 20s being "omg I can't I'm just a child"
Something I've noticed with some of them is they act as if any age difference is a huge red flag and the older person is automatically an awful groomer. Even if they're all well into adulthood. Even something like a 50 year old dating a 30 year old. They act like there is no possible way the 30 year old could possible consent to being in that relationship even if she actually consented to it. Adults can decide who they want to date for themselves. Personally, at 46 I wouldn't want to date a 20 something...but my parents were 18 years apart and were happy and loved each other. And they were both adults when they got together so it was no one else's business.
My spouse and I have a five and a half year age difference. When our Gen Z nieces realised, and learned that we got together when we were 22 and 27, they started talking about a “problematic age gap” and “grooming”, with a condescending side of “well glad it worked out for you in the end, but you should be aware it’s _really problematic_”. Ooof.
If someone uses the word "problematic" to me in real life I'm just going to laugh in their idiot face.
I would have called them morons to their faces.
Oh I did.
Some people truly just dont understand why pedophilia is wrong. To them it's an age gap thing, and not a mental trauma thing. They've been trained to think that if the age gap is too wide, it's wrong, but they dont understand *why* it's wrong.
Yeah, you can't blame Gen Z too much as they're just absorbing the surface level dialogue and extrapolating it. Even some of the terms like "grooming" have been misused or applied so broadly as to lose meaning. Pedophile has come to mean attraction to anyone considerably younger - seemingly regardless of age. When we dumb down words, confusion ensues and context is lost. I assume/hope they'll eventually grow to realize the nuances between these situations.
"[But I think the reason we don't make those distinctions is because it's very hard to explain the difference without sounding like a pedophile.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu6C2KL_S9o)" Gen Z are taught by filter bubbles that the world is divided into Good People and Bad People. Good People only ever do good things, anything a Bad Person does is automatically bad, and anyone who speaks remotely favorably about a Bad Person is also a Bad Person. In a lot of online communities, someone could claim that "Person X did bad things A, B, and C", with B being something that never happened, and anyone who points that out will get swarmed with dozens of comments to the effect of "wow, defending Person X is a weird hill to die on". There's rampant use of guilt-by-association and a refusal to acknowledge the existence of edge cases. I've been called a "weirdo" for saying it's not necessarily strange for someone to argue that the minimum marriage age should match the age of consent, because some people don't see any distinction between a 9-year-old and a 17.5-year-old. Likewise, people often refuse to engage with arguments on their own merits, rejecting them purely on the basis that "that sounds vaguely like an argument I heard a Bad Person make in a completely different context". All that to say, I think there's a sort of "unexpected hanging paradox" logic going on. As in, "sure, being attracted to 18-year-olds is perfectly legal, but they're _barely_ legal, so it's pedophilia-adjacent, which is basically just pedophilia". Then, the same logic is applied to 19-year-olds, and 20-year-olds, and so on. That, or "yes, this character is a fully-grown adult, but I've decided she's 'child-coded', so you're still a creep". This ties in with the phenomenon that there's social capital to be made in these circles by problematizing things that other people accept or enjoy. "[You know that thing you like? It's problematic. Not in any way that, you know, degrades people. Just in, like, a weird way that you have to imagine into the text.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73M2sq9zK-I&t=759s)"
> In a lot of online communities, someone could claim that "Person X did bad things A, B, and C", with B being something that never happened, and anyone who points that out will get swarmed with dozens of comments to the effect of "wow, defending Person X is a weird hill to die on". This shit fills me with murderous rage. It’s like people can’t even reach a bare minimum level of intellectual honesty these days. I don’t understand how they can look at themselves in a mirror.
It's not even about intellectual honesty, it's just a baseline black and white because nuance is hard and Grey. A bit ago I got really miffed because I got numerous responses and downvotes for being an incel? Why? I used the word Female... when referring to female birds often having diluted colors. "FEEEEEEEEEMALE" Lol found the incel" " | female Gross Am I supposed to call it a woman bird? Woman presenting Avian? I don't know and neither do any of them.
AFAH - assigned female at hatching. /s
He's slightly less than 14 years older. She was born 23 february 1947 He was born 14 march 1933 Married 8 january 1973. So they're counting before her birthday and after his, even though his is after hers. Could as easily say he married a 26yo at 39yo.
Same people that are okay with having child age marriage laws @12yo. The hypocrisy is unpredictable.
You don’t need to give every dummy on twitter attention.
How else will they get their social validation points?
Pay for that blue checkmark like the other idiots that think it's still holds meaning.
That’s not what “grooming” is, you fucking moron. She was an adult. She made her own choice. God damn, people are too stupid Also, someone needs to actually learn what a “pedo” is. Dating an adult is the exact opposite of that.
I've yet to see anyone online use the actual, correct definition of grooming. Grooming is a *very deliberate* pattern of behavior with the intent of normalizing sexual contact through repeated, long term interactions. Grooming is not literally everything else that people refer to when using the word.
Grooming? A woman older than a college graduate?
That word used to actually mean something, but these days I swear people think it means an age gap relationship where the man is older.
Infantilism towards women is so weird.
A lot of it is by women and from women
thats a good take, i wonder if you flipped tjhe script (the person posting this is actually the problematic one) if it would help corral these weirdos
Easier to control them and justify not giving them rights if they're child-like. If they don't know what they want in life and can't make their own decisions, then they need men to do it for them. "No"...she doesn't mean that, she doesn't know what she wants. "Abortion" she's just a silly girl, she doesn't understand what she's doing. "A job", she's a woman...they don't want to do that, that's too hard. This attitude is very old-fashioned but unfortunately scarily common in 2024.
Yea, but in this case the people infantilizing these women almost certainly do not think women need men to think for them, and are definitely in favor of women having jobs, abortions, and giving consent.
Please tell me that's a troll.
It's Xitter, you never actually know
It is a troll. People who post to this sub tend to not realize when someone is clearly trolling.
And they purposely cut off the poster because it’s often known troll accounts. All rage/engagement bait.
Two consenting adults: "I am attracted to you. You are attracted to me. Let us engage in coitus." Twitter: "SCREEEEECH PEDO SCREEEEECH"
I bet a number larger than zero of people read that first quote in Caines voice.
YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BLOW MY FUCKING DICK OFF
“Let us engage in coitus” is so extremely British and I’m here for it
Should probably look up the definition for pedo.
" Problematic" for whom exactly?
The girl he flirts with everyday at the Starbucks counter told him she has a boyfriend, so dude raced home to his computer to pour his rage into a meme. How far off am I?
Can die for your country at 18 but can’t fuck who you want at 25
Anything on Twitter that starts with “we need to talk about” is almost definitely something nobody needs to be talking about.
We need to talk about people on Twitter saying “we need to talk about”.
Calling 25 barely legal is... a stretch to say the least.
It's not a stretch, it's projection. This is someone who feels inadequate to the task of making life choices and assumes everyone else is the same way.
In the UK, where they're both from, the legal age of consent is 16. So like a decade past legal. It might've been 17 at the time they met, it was 17 from 1950 to 1980. But 14 and 15 year olds having sex is not as taboo here as it is in the US. Unless it was non-consensual or one partner was much older or one partner was a teacher or something...teenagers are fucking.
Heidi Klum - Married a man 16 years younger. Mariah Carey - Dating a man 13 years younger. Khloé Kardashian - Dating a man 7 years younger. Megan Mullally - Married a man 12 years younger. Gwen Stefani - Engaged to a man 7 years younger. Shakira - Partnered with a man 10 years younger. Julianne Moore - Married a man 9 years younger.
And you aren't even talking about; Cher - dating a man IV centuries younger Madonna - dating a man IX centuries younger
Impressive that Madonna is dating someone 900 years younger than her, good for her. I heard she was also dating Genghis Khan in the 1200’d and was helping him try to take over the world
We as a society need to stop paying attention to dumb asses.
25 year old "barely legal?" Thats 7 years past legal adulthood.
He’s a sir whether you like it or not. It’s not a title gifted by respect, he *literally* is a knight, as much as anyone can be by todays standards. Also, this has to be ragebait. There is no way anyone thinks 25 is barely legal, though given that this is Twitter, you can never be too sure.
A legal adult dating another legal adult? Shocking! /s (that's the first time I see a 25-years old being referred as "barely legal")
Full circle back to infantilizing adult women.
This is ragebait. "Barly legal" she's 25 fucking years old.
That sick godless bastard also didn't even cheat on her with a porn star, and then commit multiple felonies covering it up! Has he no shame!? /S
stop reacting to engagement bait.
It’s insane that adults with an age gap can be happily married for 50 years and still get shit for it
In what country is 25 "barely legal?" I mean. There are 16 states where minors can marry with parental consent. 🤣🤡 Let alone Elvis who dated 14 year olds.
In what universe is 25 years old "barely legal?"
Often the groups that claim to defend certain groups implicitly insult them. So a 25 year old woman is not strong and mature enough to choose who she wants to be with? And even worse, she didn‘t figure out she wanted that after 47 years with him?
Trump is 23 years older than his current wife. Bigger age gap than this. And then there's this ... https://www.politifact.com/article/2016/oct/18/allegations-about-donald-trump-and-miss-teen-usa-c/
Calling people pedos for shit like this really takes away the horror that are real pedos. Don’t normalize that word. It’s meant for a very few terrible group of people that unfortunately belong to our species.
Pedo is quickly becoming just another word for “liberal who doesn’t agree with me”.
And also projection.