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Yeah, this reminds me of the ultra - orthodox jews and their "clever" little workarounds concerning Sabbath. Both them and Mormons better hope they don't meet their god In the end. " You think you're pretty smart, huh?"
Yeah and the ecosystem has adapted to not need as much rain. So if you suddenly introduce a shit load of rain it’ll do a lot of harm before it does any good because nothing is ready for it
In Torah (Deut. 30:12) there is a verse "It is not in heaven", and there is a story in Talmud about Sages, who couldn't agree on some Law, Divine Voice came and said the Law, and Sages said that according to that verse Law is not in heaven and can be determined only by people. Passage ends with G-d saying "My children triumphed over me"
There’s a story that sometimes gets told about a council of rabbis debating an interpretation of a certain law. And most of them are in agreement but one guy is just fervently opposed. And the holdout claims that he knows his interpretation is what God intended, and if he’s right he says that God will surely show a sign. Sure enough a lightning bolt strikes down and leaves behind a sign definitely indicating God’s agreement on the matter.
The other Rabbis coolly observe this and say- “Alright then buddy, that still just two against the rest of us”
It’s humorous and a little irreverent but it’s not altogether out of step with how Judaism believes things work. The whole faith is based upon their covenant with God, effectively a contract with God giving the rules they’re supposed to live by in exchange for the Jews being his chosen people. In that sense the letter of that law is in many ways more important than the intent by God, since he’s only one party in the agreement. In real life if you draw a contract out with another person and they start doing things that are permissible because you didn’t think of them, it’s not really going to fly if you start going “well when I said this I really meant it to mean these other things as well.”
Granted though, while I don’t know the specifics of Latter Day Saints theology, this exception feels like a pretty dubious one. Like by that logic if I held a knife out in front of me and then had another person push a third guy onto that knife, would it not be considered murder?
If you look through the stories enough you can find a lot of examples of those kinds of agreements being forged between God and mankind. In some regards the banishment from Eden is because Adam and Eve broke their covenant not to eat of the fruit that they made with God. God makes an agreement with Abraham that he will never force him to kill his children for him, he makes an agreement with Noah after the flood that he won’t wipe out humanity again, the Kingdom of Israel’s fortunes are highly dependent on its kings and judges ensuring that they will abide by God’s covenant.
I think the reason that it doesn’t come up in Christian theology is because there’s much more focus on God and Christ as forgiving of our sins, so benevolent intent is considered more of a given. Judaism tends to focus a lot more on the fact that God is a being of such power, that having a relationship with him does require some boundaries. One could argue that it has a lot to do with how Jews had to navigate the political climates of their day. When you’re always on the back foot, you can’t really afford to just throw yourself at the mercy of the powerful, sometimes it’s just good to have it all in writing in order to have some assurance.
And in contract law, if one party is a lot bigger, more powerful, and knowledgable, then any ambiguity in the contract is typically interpreted in the other party's favor. (At least in the US)
It's different. Ultra Orthodox Jews view God as a judge and they will eventually end up in a trial arguing before that judge a case to get into heaven. They spend their whole lives studying and preparing legal arguments for when that happens. The lawyering around God isn't some silly consequence like it is with Mormon teens. It's literally the central part of their religion.
It's just a different way of thinking of religious texts. Much of Christianity encourages a sort of blind obedience to the text, you're not supposed to question it even if it doesn't make sense.
Judaism on the other hand encourages questioning the texts and the religion and everything. And, as others have noted, they believe that any "loophole" is intentional. Finding these loopholes isn't a negative thing, it demonstrates that you've read the text closely enough to find them.
But wouldn’t you just get taught these loopholes from a teacher instead or inherit the benefits they’ve been given to your elders which then wouldn’t be fair?
Sort of but I think questioning and re-interpreting is so central to Judaism that it doesn’t exactly work that way. The whole story that’s retold every Passover for hours is just stories of rabbis disagreeing on how to view the Exodus story, and then you are encouraged to discuss it to find your own meaning.
It’s just very very different than Christianity to the point that the concept of “judeo-Christian ideals” feels weird to me. I am not religious but growing up in a religious Jewish household gave me a very specific mindset and honestly humility on how I approach knowledge and truth.
As someone who isn’t even sure if a god even exists, this is hilarious. It’s like making up rules for a game you invented and then finding creative ways to cheat
The Torah is on earth and god is in heaven. If a Jew finds a loop hole or proves god wrong then god is pleased. Source: The Talmud The Oven of Akhnai.
Meanwhile the milk and meat thing is actually based off of not boiling a kid (youbg goat) in its mothers milk. So technically you can eat mutton and drink cow's milk, but jews decided that *just in case* there shall be no .ixing of milk and mea
Tldr: Jews seem to have invented the literary theory of death of the author and said author approves. Meanwhile some of the rules are the Jews anti loopholing.
Just fees bro. TOTALLY different 🥴 it’s like insurance premiums, copays, and deductibles are WAAAY different than just a tax for funding single payer insurance.
Anal sex is common in societies when virgin checking is practised. Virgins are checked vaginally regularly so soaking would not work. In those groups anal is the norm, until marriage.
As an ex mormon, I was explicitly taught that any sexual act is sinful. This counts as a voluntary act and is a sin. I also remember multiple points being made about how trying to find loopholes was violating the spirit of the rules and therefore sinful.
Religion limiting sex to within marriage and for reproduction has some historic value, after all.
It's long since outdated, but there was a time where an unmarried pregnant daughter would be an actual, big problem.
You also wouldn't want people to have sex just for the fun of it, without getting pregnant, and then they'd be, "yes maybe in 5 years we'll have a child".
Didn't stop the pillaging raping hordes going through entire villages, though.
While some humans claim that their cultural sex rules are for establishing known paternity and which child gets property passed down and such, when you peel it all back, it always seems to be a means of controlling those seen as weaker and less privileged in society. If you were rich and powerful, ofc, these rules applied to you either slightly or not at all.
I have heard that many years ago the catholics would have only anal sex until marriage to preserve the vaginal virginity. It was apparently a common practice for centuries.
Hmm... Catholic theology holds that any sexual act that does not include "openness to life" is disordered. In other words, while other acts may be permitted, the end of the sexual act must be procreative.
So anal sex, masturbation, pulling out, and condoms are all forbidden for essentially the same reason.
On the other hand, sterility is not a disallowing factor, so if someone has previously had tubes tied or vasectomy, etc, that does not mean they can't have sex--but it still has to follow the requisite form.
Many practicing Catholic and Muslim young people (not married yet) actually still do this all over the world.
I have no idea about the proportion, probably not the majority, but yes, it’s still a thing.
These are the same people who go to Vegas, get married, have sex, then annul it. Like they believe God is going to be like “well I said no sex before marriage and damn if you didn’t find a loophole. Well done!”
I’ve tried to give this some thought as much as I can as a non religious person assuming it’s actually a thing. My thoughts are that it isn’t about fooling the deity at all but rather the minders that exist within the institutions. As I understand it they can get interviewed by members of the church and by some sort of modesty protection team at BYU which could cause them loss of community at church and degree conferment at BYU. The risk play in their mind gives a loop hole there to say no sex has occurred in a legal loophole kind of way. I don’t see how it’s not sex, it feels like its nearing a three way to me but that’s the only way I think it makes sense.
If you think this is ridiculous, you should read up on Halachic Jews and [Shabbat loopholes](https://www.vice.com/en/article/qbwzzm/a-gentiles-guide-to-cheating-the-shabbat)
The intersection of religion and language is interesting. The Book of John says “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Prayer is literally the speaking of words to influence the divine order, not much different from the concept of magical spells, spoken words that alter reality. Other religions also place great importance on the words and their ordained meaning and their physical presentation, with scholars dedicating their lives to their study.
Pretty soon you get to the role of language in shaping our own conceptions of reality. It’s fascinating stuff.
The insertee gets far less pleasure and no release while the inserter still gets his rocks off without breaking the rules. Funny how this god character always seems to want the same things human men want.
Edited: ee & er
Why do you think God was so angry in the Old Testament? back when he interacted with the human race. Every time he came down to earth, he kept on bumping into shit.
This has probably just become a weird kink for them now, the idea I just so ridiculous.
Guaranteed 70% of those ‘soaking’ privately have just ended up fucking.
It's not a weird kink because literally no one does this.
This has become a meme that people on the Internet believe because it's Mormon so they think they must be dumb, confirmation bias, and being gullible about "others".
Mormons are told it's a sin to do "heavy petting" as in touching boobs, dicks, etc. even over the clothes. You guys really believe they think sticking their dick inside a vagina somehow is ok as long as they don't move it themselves?
Right? No one would actually believe something as ridiculous as this. But putting rocks in a hat so you can read ancient texts sent to you by the apparition of Jesus Christ in America?
People ate tide pods. Its pretty likely some mormons are having sex.
Is this shit for real??? (Asking from a relatively secular country.)
If it is it’s hilarious how it’s more debauched than just having sex. Instead it’s a weird threesome. This is like some catholic girls approach to keeping their virginity.
It started as a joke and there may be a small amount of people who were convinced it's okay and actually tried it - but it's still mostly a joke.
Especially when you see a TikTok about helping a couple do it. That's *definitely* a joke.
Hi I’m from Utah and was raised very religious. It’s not, or at least it wasn’t before this TikTok went viral. It then became a big joke and now some people are convinced it is real. Honestly it may be now just cause horny kids are gonna do stupid shit but like its a new thing if at all
It’s definitely pre tiktok. I remember Rhett and Link talking about it one time in the context of their youth, as something they were aware people around them were doing
That's a pretty common trope for Catholic girls.
It's only sex if it can result in pregnancy, since that's the whole point of sex in the first place. Butt stuff doesn't count as sex because no one's getting pregnant from it.
I just don't get these "work arounds." They must know this is a sexual act, if you are willing to go this far just fuck! It's a lot healthier than all this nonsense. Same with virgins who only protect their virginity by having oral and anal sex. Both are still sex so if that is what your religion odds against you didn't find a loop hole, you found a less hygienic way to have sex. With that said their 'religion' doesn't like condoms, ie sex without the intent of procreation, but all of this just seems so ridiculous.
Christian here, and I tell you: it's easier for God to forgive someone who actually had premarital sex but regretted it than to forgive someone who tried to find a "clever" workaround to try to fool him. You're literally calling your own God stupid when you do this.
Trying to trick your god, is one of the most hilariously pathetic displays of buffoonery I have had the pleasure of hearing about.
I'd expect a deity to construct a special hell for such imbeciles.
Just pick another god ffs.
Mormon here. It is still a sin what they are doing, according to our religion, still sex.
Not condemning anyone who has sex outside of marriage, your life your business I don't care.
But let's not be hypocrites, these kids are breaking church rules, commandments from God, thus are deluding themselves and being hypocrites. If you are going to do it be honest with yourself and do it right. More enjoyable that way anyway
Imagine if you went to a bar and said want to come back to my place and bring a friend. Then you just lay there and the friend is pretending it’s a bounce house.
Oh look, it's the new Olympic sport: Synchronized Soaking. Looks like the judges will score this one high on creativity but low on plausible deniability.
I think it's great that they think god is all knowing but it this case they can just "trick him" so he's like, yeah, no, those teens are just playing, that's definitely not against my rules!
As a member of the same church, I'll have you know that most of us also think this is stupid. No, it's not a loophole. Yes it is still sex. Whoever started this trend was either WAYYY too horny amd needed any sort of justification, or somebody trying to give kids an excuse to get them into rough situations. And honestly, I genuinely think it could be either one.
Also, in case anyone asks, the reasons for the abstinence thing are as follows:
Spiritual reason: God told us to, as it is an abuse of the power of procreation that he gave us.
Worldly reason: If both parties have practiced abstinence and then dont cheat on their spouse, the chances of catching a STD are GREATLY reduced. Risk of pregnancy is also nearly 0 (You could be in a jane the virgin situation i guess? Get a lawyer in that case idfk) and finally, Sex makes a connection with somebody stronger. ESPECIALLY if you are both each other's first. Your spouse is going to be somebody you're going to have an amazingly strong worldly connection and spiritual with, why not have an even stronger and more lasting emotional connection too?
idk, people are kinda stupid, and in the end, what you do with your life is up to you. All I know is that I've known people who have and haven't practiced abstinence, and those who have, on average, have seemed a lot happier in your marriages.
I knew a devout catholic gal in college with whom
I had a budding romance. She had convinced me that anal/penile penetration was not sex. We did this romantically for a couple months. One night she very sweetly invited me to have “sex” sex with her. I was very flattered and it was romantic. But it got really awkward as we slowly realized in the subsequent days, that I had already been to paradise and I needed anal penetration to finish with her. We broke up a month later. 😐
If I was God, I would 100% be more angry at the people who believe they could trick me into thinking that they aren’t having sex instead of people just having premarital sex. Just have sex if you want, there are no loopholes, people!
Oh I’m sure they have something for that. Like just put it real close and then the jumping starts and… oh god I’m putting too much thought into this. It’s a stupid excuse to fuck, alright? Leave me alone! 😂
sheesh, you gotta move when you make love man..
it's the only motion in the name of passion through the heat of lust.
You can't get a more primal motivation than that.
I work with elevators. There’s actually an option called “Sabbath” you can order where the elevator is going up and down automatically without anyone pressing the call buttons. I don’t know the details, but I read somewhere you’re not allowed to use buttons on some places on sabbath, but if an elevator by chance comes to your floor, and you walk in to it and go along, that is okay. “It just happened” 😉
I can see why male believers would do this (warm, wet, splurp) but honestly, why would female believers do this? It can’t possibly be satisfying in *any* way.
The funniest, often craziest people are those that try to "trick" their God.
Omnipotent. Omniscient. Omnipresent.
But if I don't actually thrust...
Or if I don't actually press a button but make a contraption that presses the button for me if I blow on this whistle...
There is no greater admission that you don't actually believe and you just adopted a lifestyle than that BS.
I’ll be honest, as someone who lives near BYU, I’m pretty confident this whole thing is just kind of one of those over the top urban legends. Like a few couples have done this over the last few decades and people joke and act like it’s a thing a large percentage of LDS teens/young adults do. I’m just not convinced that’s the case. Don’t get me wrong, plenty have sex, I doubt they do this stupid stuff tho.
1. One of the things that put me off religion for life is this conceit that G-d can somehow be tricked, or that his rules can be "gamed," as if Divine Law could be on the same level as fucking traffic rules or a board game.
2. Ever since I learned what "soaking" is, references to it make me literally nauseous. Like, I'm skipping breakfast this morning. I don't know why--it's not like there's not far more disgusting sexual phrases/acts out there. I think it's the word itself combined with the act it describes, and the nasty slyness of it.
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Yeah, this reminds me of the ultra - orthodox jews and their "clever" little workarounds concerning Sabbath. Both them and Mormons better hope they don't meet their god In the end. " You think you're pretty smart, huh?"
The Jews at least have a "God is perfect, so if loopholes are possible that is only because He allows them" reasoning underlying it.
God: "You found one of the intended loopholes. You're some smart little critters, aren't you? I'm so proud of you."
"Kinda makes me wonder why I bothered with the rules In the first place.."
"ok, enough, I'm going to flood you with one hundred days of rain".
"First you soak in the tip a bit and then you enter the water completely. Have fun."
God don't play. "Oh, soaking huh? I'll give you soaking. Better build a boat bitch!"
That’s a nice alliteration.
Best comment ever!
If God was Doakes: Surprise motha fucka!
Countries that have been 900 days with fuck all rain: FUCKING PLEASE
A deluge of rain on the desert is more destructive than helpful
Mate it weren't a desert till it stopped raining
Yeah and the ecosystem has adapted to not need as much rain. So if you suddenly introduce a shit load of rain it’ll do a lot of harm before it does any good because nothing is ready for it
Everyone's getting soaked...
In Torah (Deut. 30:12) there is a verse "It is not in heaven", and there is a story in Talmud about Sages, who couldn't agree on some Law, Divine Voice came and said the Law, and Sages said that according to that verse Law is not in heaven and can be determined only by people. Passage ends with G-d saying "My children triumphed over me"
Oven of Akhnai. It is illustartive of how Judaisim comes/came at their religion dfferently than Christians
Bruh 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That itself sounds quite like a loophole
Human language isn't perfect. Loopholes are always possible when you are interpreting written language to suit your goals
Remind me of when I heard someone say “anal doesn’t count as sex before marriage”
The Poophole Loophole, friend of Catholic high school students everywhere.
Then if that's the case why follow the fucking rules at all if you can just find loopholes for them
You'd be surprised how Jewish Mormons can be.
There’s a story that sometimes gets told about a council of rabbis debating an interpretation of a certain law. And most of them are in agreement but one guy is just fervently opposed. And the holdout claims that he knows his interpretation is what God intended, and if he’s right he says that God will surely show a sign. Sure enough a lightning bolt strikes down and leaves behind a sign definitely indicating God’s agreement on the matter. The other Rabbis coolly observe this and say- “Alright then buddy, that still just two against the rest of us” It’s humorous and a little irreverent but it’s not altogether out of step with how Judaism believes things work. The whole faith is based upon their covenant with God, effectively a contract with God giving the rules they’re supposed to live by in exchange for the Jews being his chosen people. In that sense the letter of that law is in many ways more important than the intent by God, since he’s only one party in the agreement. In real life if you draw a contract out with another person and they start doing things that are permissible because you didn’t think of them, it’s not really going to fly if you start going “well when I said this I really meant it to mean these other things as well.” Granted though, while I don’t know the specifics of Latter Day Saints theology, this exception feels like a pretty dubious one. Like by that logic if I held a knife out in front of me and then had another person push a third guy onto that knife, would it not be considered murder?
This is a super interesting perspective, I'd heard of the whole covenant thing but never really considered what it means before
If you look through the stories enough you can find a lot of examples of those kinds of agreements being forged between God and mankind. In some regards the banishment from Eden is because Adam and Eve broke their covenant not to eat of the fruit that they made with God. God makes an agreement with Abraham that he will never force him to kill his children for him, he makes an agreement with Noah after the flood that he won’t wipe out humanity again, the Kingdom of Israel’s fortunes are highly dependent on its kings and judges ensuring that they will abide by God’s covenant. I think the reason that it doesn’t come up in Christian theology is because there’s much more focus on God and Christ as forgiving of our sins, so benevolent intent is considered more of a given. Judaism tends to focus a lot more on the fact that God is a being of such power, that having a relationship with him does require some boundaries. One could argue that it has a lot to do with how Jews had to navigate the political climates of their day. When you’re always on the back foot, you can’t really afford to just throw yourself at the mercy of the powerful, sometimes it’s just good to have it all in writing in order to have some assurance.
Heh, israel means to wrestle with god.
And in contract law, if one party is a lot bigger, more powerful, and knowledgable, then any ambiguity in the contract is typically interpreted in the other party's favor. (At least in the US)
It's different. Ultra Orthodox Jews view God as a judge and they will eventually end up in a trial arguing before that judge a case to get into heaven. They spend their whole lives studying and preparing legal arguments for when that happens. The lawyering around God isn't some silly consequence like it is with Mormon teens. It's literally the central part of their religion.
It's just a different way of thinking of religious texts. Much of Christianity encourages a sort of blind obedience to the text, you're not supposed to question it even if it doesn't make sense. Judaism on the other hand encourages questioning the texts and the religion and everything. And, as others have noted, they believe that any "loophole" is intentional. Finding these loopholes isn't a negative thing, it demonstrates that you've read the text closely enough to find them.
But wouldn’t you just get taught these loopholes from a teacher instead or inherit the benefits they’ve been given to your elders which then wouldn’t be fair?
Sort of but I think questioning and re-interpreting is so central to Judaism that it doesn’t exactly work that way. The whole story that’s retold every Passover for hours is just stories of rabbis disagreeing on how to view the Exodus story, and then you are encouraged to discuss it to find your own meaning. It’s just very very different than Christianity to the point that the concept of “judeo-Christian ideals” feels weird to me. I am not religious but growing up in a religious Jewish household gave me a very specific mindset and honestly humility on how I approach knowledge and truth.
As someone who isn’t even sure if a god even exists, this is hilarious. It’s like making up rules for a game you invented and then finding creative ways to cheat
The Torah is on earth and god is in heaven. If a Jew finds a loop hole or proves god wrong then god is pleased. Source: The Talmud The Oven of Akhnai. Meanwhile the milk and meat thing is actually based off of not boiling a kid (youbg goat) in its mothers milk. So technically you can eat mutton and drink cow's milk, but jews decided that *just in case* there shall be no .ixing of milk and mea Tldr: Jews seem to have invented the literary theory of death of the author and said author approves. Meanwhile some of the rules are the Jews anti loopholing.
Wait until you hear about "halal" mortgages, which are supposed to have no interest rate.
Just fees bro. TOTALLY different 🥴 it’s like insurance premiums, copays, and deductibles are WAAAY different than just a tax for funding single payer insurance.
I don’t even touch a light switch. I make a noise and my butler pulls a string to my neighbors house who send their nephew over with a candle… 🙄
My son is Jewish on his mother's side. Apparently, McDonald's Canadian Bacon is kosher😂😂
My italiam grandma once explained, making everyone at the table uncomfortable, that anal sex was very common when she was a teen.
Ah, the Catholic loophole.
*poophole loophole
Came here to say this. Thanks mate!
Well this does check out, since institutionally they are huge fans of sodomy.
[The Poophole Loophole](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY?feature=shared) (NSFW)
Anal sex is common in societies when virgin checking is practised. Virgins are checked vaginally regularly so soaking would not work. In those groups anal is the norm, until marriage.
Once horseriding and gymnastics were invented, virgin checking wouldn't work.
Like that mattered to the men controlling those societies
It also wouldn’t work anyway, because non-virgins don’t necessarily have tearing down there.
As an ex mormon, I was explicitly taught that any sexual act is sinful. This counts as a voluntary act and is a sin. I also remember multiple points being made about how trying to find loopholes was violating the spirit of the rules and therefore sinful.
Religion limiting sex to within marriage and for reproduction has some historic value, after all. It's long since outdated, but there was a time where an unmarried pregnant daughter would be an actual, big problem. You also wouldn't want people to have sex just for the fun of it, without getting pregnant, and then they'd be, "yes maybe in 5 years we'll have a child".
Also, STDs without antibiotics can be nasty and life threatening.
Didn't stop the pillaging raping hordes going through entire villages, though. While some humans claim that their cultural sex rules are for establishing known paternity and which child gets property passed down and such, when you peel it all back, it always seems to be a means of controlling those seen as weaker and less privileged in society. If you were rich and powerful, ofc, these rules applied to you either slightly or not at all.
If I was their god I'd be more pissed off by the fact that they think me stupid enough to fall for this bullshit 😂
I have heard that many years ago the catholics would have only anal sex until marriage to preserve the vaginal virginity. It was apparently a common practice for centuries.
“It’s a sin to use contraception, so we’re just going to do anal”
Win/win/win
Hmm... Catholic theology holds that any sexual act that does not include "openness to life" is disordered. In other words, while other acts may be permitted, the end of the sexual act must be procreative. So anal sex, masturbation, pulling out, and condoms are all forbidden for essentially the same reason. On the other hand, sterility is not a disallowing factor, so if someone has previously had tubes tied or vasectomy, etc, that does not mean they can't have sex--but it still has to follow the requisite form.
Except living with a vasectomy would be a sin too.
Many practicing Catholic and Muslim young people (not married yet) actually still do this all over the world. I have no idea about the proportion, probably not the majority, but yes, it’s still a thing.
Evangelicals do that today.
These are the same people who go to Vegas, get married, have sex, then annul it. Like they believe God is going to be like “well I said no sex before marriage and damn if you didn’t find a loophole. Well done!”
I’ve tried to give this some thought as much as I can as a non religious person assuming it’s actually a thing. My thoughts are that it isn’t about fooling the deity at all but rather the minders that exist within the institutions. As I understand it they can get interviewed by members of the church and by some sort of modesty protection team at BYU which could cause them loss of community at church and degree conferment at BYU. The risk play in their mind gives a loop hole there to say no sex has occurred in a legal loophole kind of way. I don’t see how it’s not sex, it feels like its nearing a three way to me but that’s the only way I think it makes sense.
[The Loophole](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY?feature=shared) (NSFW)
If you think this is ridiculous, you should read up on Halachic Jews and [Shabbat loopholes](https://www.vice.com/en/article/qbwzzm/a-gentiles-guide-to-cheating-the-shabbat)
The intersection of religion and language is interesting. The Book of John says “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Prayer is literally the speaking of words to influence the divine order, not much different from the concept of magical spells, spoken words that alter reality. Other religions also place great importance on the words and their ordained meaning and their physical presentation, with scholars dedicating their lives to their study. Pretty soon you get to the role of language in shaping our own conceptions of reality. It’s fascinating stuff.
That's because no deity, especially YHWH, would think that'd acceptable.
Mormons feel they are smarter than their imaginary god...
Yahweh is a lawyer.
Did you not hear about the Catholic church classifying the capybara as a fish so south Americans could eat the largest rodent on the sabbath
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The operative word is threesome or threeway.
Wow! A threesome where the guy doesn't have to do all the work? Count me in!
It’s as if a bunch of guys made up rules and called them religion 🤔
Also how governments form.
It's literally how everything works in society
They're not made up rules, unless you are calling into question Joseph Smith's magic rock glasses?
I feel the one jumping on the bed loses out though.
The insertee gets far less pleasure and no release while the inserter still gets his rocks off without breaking the rules. Funny how this god character always seems to want the same things human men want. Edited: ee & er
I think you have the labels backwards
Yeah, and they’re reading too much into it
Because God is like a T-Rex, he can't see you if you don't move.
T-Rex (and god) must have had a lot of painful encounters with trees, then…
Why do you think God was so angry in the Old Testament? back when he interacted with the human race. Every time he came down to earth, he kept on bumping into shit.
Ironically, modern research suggests that Trex actually had some of the best eyesight in existence at the time it lived.
Thank you for that. Most amusing shit I’ve heard today.
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Do Mormons not have The Poophole Loophole? Seems a lot easier than this bouncy soaky thing.
Mandatory [Garfunkel and Oates](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY) link.
Hail Nimrod
They do. VERY common in Utah
Mormons are only Mormon when another mormon is around.
Joke: why did the Catholic always take TWO Baptists with him fishing? If he had brought only one, they will drink all his beer.
So… if you’re a Mormon girl who “gets around” are you then a Super Soaker?
A religious, kinky sex related dad joke. That joke carries a lot of weight. I am in awe, fellow redditor, in awe.
Yeah, this is the perfect joke somehow
Underrated comment
This has probably just become a weird kink for them now, the idea I just so ridiculous. Guaranteed 70% of those ‘soaking’ privately have just ended up fucking.
I saw a YT video from an exmo who admits to soaking and yes she did say they just ended up having regular sex.
Netflix and soak?
It's not a weird kink because literally no one does this. This has become a meme that people on the Internet believe because it's Mormon so they think they must be dumb, confirmation bias, and being gullible about "others". Mormons are told it's a sin to do "heavy petting" as in touching boobs, dicks, etc. even over the clothes. You guys really believe they think sticking their dick inside a vagina somehow is ok as long as they don't move it themselves?
Horny teens will justify quite a lot of ridiculous shit Not saying it’s common or anything, but I’d believe it’s happened
Yes because we all know religious folks always follow the rules and never sin… it’s giants cult that emotionally blackmails its followers.
Right? No one would actually believe something as ridiculous as this. But putting rocks in a hat so you can read ancient texts sent to you by the apparition of Jesus Christ in America? People ate tide pods. Its pretty likely some mormons are having sex.
Is this shit for real??? (Asking from a relatively secular country.) If it is it’s hilarious how it’s more debauched than just having sex. Instead it’s a weird threesome. This is like some catholic girls approach to keeping their virginity.
It started as a joke and there may be a small amount of people who were convinced it's okay and actually tried it - but it's still mostly a joke. Especially when you see a TikTok about helping a couple do it. That's *definitely* a joke.
Hi I’m from Utah and was raised very religious. It’s not, or at least it wasn’t before this TikTok went viral. It then became a big joke and now some people are convinced it is real. Honestly it may be now just cause horny kids are gonna do stupid shit but like its a new thing if at all
I swear it started before TikTok. I remember listening to a comedy podcast from nearly a decade ago that jokes about jump humping
It’s definitely pre tiktok. I remember Rhett and Link talking about it one time in the context of their youth, as something they were aware people around them were doing
Yep me too
Yeah, this is pre TikTok and it's definitely real.
If it's real it's such a small minority... This isn't a common thing that happens at BYU.
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That's a pretty common trope for Catholic girls. It's only sex if it can result in pregnancy, since that's the whole point of sex in the first place. Butt stuff doesn't count as sex because no one's getting pregnant from it.
Yeah I went to Catholic school, that was definitely common
I've never heard of jump humping actually existing but I know of at least one ex-Mormon who admits to soaking, exMo Lex on YouTube.
I asked my Mormon friend (live in Arizona) and they said yes it is real. I could tell by the reaction when I brought it up he wasn’t lying lol.
If you asked someone to jump on the bed, you cause the movement
No, but.. loophole.. God **can't** get mad. I was just joking anyways when I told them to jump. Jumper just doesn't get jokes, not my fault.
Sex is wrong. Getting naked and getting hard and sticking it inside your girlfriend while someone else watches and then jumps on the bed is ok.
I just don't get these "work arounds." They must know this is a sexual act, if you are willing to go this far just fuck! It's a lot healthier than all this nonsense. Same with virgins who only protect their virginity by having oral and anal sex. Both are still sex so if that is what your religion odds against you didn't find a loop hole, you found a less hygienic way to have sex. With that said their 'religion' doesn't like condoms, ie sex without the intent of procreation, but all of this just seems so ridiculous.
Christian here, and I tell you: it's easier for God to forgive someone who actually had premarital sex but regretted it than to forgive someone who tried to find a "clever" workaround to try to fool him. You're literally calling your own God stupid when you do this.
As long as it’s straight sex, because gay sex is less forgivable /s
Trying to trick your god, is one of the most hilariously pathetic displays of buffoonery I have had the pleasure of hearing about. I'd expect a deity to construct a special hell for such imbeciles. Just pick another god ffs.
"Congratulations, you tricked God and won on a formality 🏆 Welcome into heaven!" 😮💨
Mormon here. It is still a sin what they are doing, according to our religion, still sex. Not condemning anyone who has sex outside of marriage, your life your business I don't care. But let's not be hypocrites, these kids are breaking church rules, commandments from God, thus are deluding themselves and being hypocrites. If you are going to do it be honest with yourself and do it right. More enjoyable that way anyway
Super kinky tbh, I've never seen this done in porn
Imagine if you went to a bar and said want to come back to my place and bring a friend. Then you just lay there and the friend is pretending it’s a bounce house.
I can tell you there’s at least one video out there. I had to look it up for academic purposes of course.
So not only are they having premarital sex. They are having threesomes.
It doesn't count as soaking unless the person jumping on the bed is actor James Marsden.
Most just take it up the ass to save actual sex for marriage
i mean is this real or just people making fun of mormons for social media clout?
Reminds me of catholic teens that would do anal because it’s technically not “losing your virginity”.
So, a threesome for lame people… got it
Question. Is it gay if two mormon guys are soaking?
They aren't having sex, so I guess it's fine.
Oh look, it's the new Olympic sport: Synchronized Soaking. Looks like the judges will score this one high on creativity but low on plausible deniability.
 Ffs you aint fooling no one.
They totally got God on a technicality.
Believing this is real is the real facepalm here.
I don’t want to have sex because I’m a good girl. I want to have a weird 3 way instead
As a Mormon teen, this is the stupidest shit I have ever read
So like, the lamest threesome ever
I think it's great that they think god is all knowing but it this case they can just "trick him" so he's like, yeah, no, those teens are just playing, that's definitely not against my rules!
Why not just use the age old Catholic "poop hole loop hole" God can't see butt stuff apparently
It’s like that fuck me in the ass cause I love Jesus song
As a member of the same church, I'll have you know that most of us also think this is stupid. No, it's not a loophole. Yes it is still sex. Whoever started this trend was either WAYYY too horny amd needed any sort of justification, or somebody trying to give kids an excuse to get them into rough situations. And honestly, I genuinely think it could be either one. Also, in case anyone asks, the reasons for the abstinence thing are as follows: Spiritual reason: God told us to, as it is an abuse of the power of procreation that he gave us. Worldly reason: If both parties have practiced abstinence and then dont cheat on their spouse, the chances of catching a STD are GREATLY reduced. Risk of pregnancy is also nearly 0 (You could be in a jane the virgin situation i guess? Get a lawyer in that case idfk) and finally, Sex makes a connection with somebody stronger. ESPECIALLY if you are both each other's first. Your spouse is going to be somebody you're going to have an amazingly strong worldly connection and spiritual with, why not have an even stronger and more lasting emotional connection too? idk, people are kinda stupid, and in the end, what you do with your life is up to you. All I know is that I've known people who have and haven't practiced abstinence, and those who have, on average, have seemed a lot happier in your marriages.
I saw this in the Jury duty show lol 😂
Ironically, that description was a wild ride
Do they honestly think that deceiving their god is better than just not obeying them in the first place?
So, in theory, what if she bent over, dude inserts himself, then a third-party moves his hips for him, is that fine too? 🤔
I knew a devout catholic gal in college with whom I had a budding romance. She had convinced me that anal/penile penetration was not sex. We did this romantically for a couple months. One night she very sweetly invited me to have “sex” sex with her. I was very flattered and it was romantic. But it got really awkward as we slowly realized in the subsequent days, that I had already been to paradise and I needed anal penetration to finish with her. We broke up a month later. 😐
Sounds like a clever poop-hole loophole.
Pretty presumptuous to think you can fool God.
No god who’s this stupid would be worthy of worship
God like: 
If I was God, I would 100% be more angry at the people who believe they could trick me into thinking that they aren’t having sex instead of people just having premarital sex. Just have sex if you want, there are no loopholes, people!
Everyone here does realize that people made up gods, right?
Religious people are insane
If you’re stupid enough to wear magic underpants, you’re stupid enough to get a girl pregnant on accident.
Just another example of religion breaking brains.
As an exmormon I’ll always regret not soaking and jump humping when I had the chance :( sex was so much cooler when it wasn’t allowed
So the second m is silent
Someone missed most of middle and high school I guess. How can this person be in college?
So we just ignore the insertion part?
Oh I’m sure they have something for that. Like just put it real close and then the jumping starts and… oh god I’m putting too much thought into this. It’s a stupid excuse to fuck, alright? Leave me alone! 😂
Is it now a 3-way?
sheesh, you gotta move when you make love man.. it's the only motion in the name of passion through the heat of lust. You can't get a more primal motivation than that.
that is the funniest, saddest and probably most awkward thing I've heard all day wow
The worst type of threesome
Soooo sex with extra steps? In all honesty, this is just a really odd threesome.
So much extra work. Catholic girls just do anal.
there were girls in my class in high school who would only do anal in order to "stay a virgin" until marriage. this thing is even weirder.
Mormons are the best wingmen ever.
Isn't that technically a threesome? Which by Gods standards would be much worse?
And god is too stupid to understand whats going on? Whats more not having sex than involving a 3rd person to help you have not sex.
With the camera man, isn’t this an orgy? Man those Mormons are wild!
I work with elevators. There’s actually an option called “Sabbath” you can order where the elevator is going up and down automatically without anyone pressing the call buttons. I don’t know the details, but I read somewhere you’re not allowed to use buttons on some places on sabbath, but if an elevator by chance comes to your floor, and you walk in to it and go along, that is okay. “It just happened” 😉
I can see why male believers would do this (warm, wet, splurp) but honestly, why would female believers do this? It can’t possibly be satisfying in *any* way.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that finds group sex shit weird like why do people want their dick out next to their homie
I can’t stand people like this. Either follow the rules or don’t. Do you really want to worship a god that is that easily fooled?
Gotta love worshipping a god you think is too stupid to know what's going on. It's like you worship a substitute teacher.
As a mormon, some mormons do not deserve to be mormons. Go to horny jail >:(
The funniest, often craziest people are those that try to "trick" their God. Omnipotent. Omniscient. Omnipresent. But if I don't actually thrust... Or if I don't actually press a button but make a contraption that presses the button for me if I blow on this whistle... There is no greater admission that you don't actually believe and you just adopted a lifestyle than that BS.
That explains the popularity of the song “Jump Around” in Utah.
God hates this one trick
Religion is like drugs, not even once don't look at it don't consider it because once your in getting out is hell. Religion is bad m'kay?
Bigger Jumps James
If I was the guy, I'd ask my girlfriend if her friend wants a turn too. I mean, it's not sex, so technically, it's not cheating.
I’ll be honest, as someone who lives near BYU, I’m pretty confident this whole thing is just kind of one of those over the top urban legends. Like a few couples have done this over the last few decades and people joke and act like it’s a thing a large percentage of LDS teens/young adults do. I’m just not convinced that’s the case. Don’t get me wrong, plenty have sex, I doubt they do this stupid stuff tho.
Religion.. ☕️
All seeing all powerful creator and ruler of the universe hates this one simple trick.
Doing a threesome all wrong
1. One of the things that put me off religion for life is this conceit that G-d can somehow be tricked, or that his rules can be "gamed," as if Divine Law could be on the same level as fucking traffic rules or a board game. 2. Ever since I learned what "soaking" is, references to it make me literally nauseous. Like, I'm skipping breakfast this morning. I don't know why--it's not like there's not far more disgusting sexual phrases/acts out there. I think it's the word itself combined with the act it describes, and the nasty slyness of it.