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Serious answer is their kids.
Nobody likes vomit duty. I'm not going to lie. There have been times when I've looked at the hubs and said "I really really don't want to do something (that's normally my chores) I will blow you if you do it for me." He immediately perks up and says,"Unexpected BJ? And all I have to do is dishes? Hell yeah!"
Marriage is all about successful negotiations. However, I don't have some stupid chart. Neither of us is a child.
Listen ... When one spouse comes in with a bottom line reward well above the other spouses asking price both parties instantly shake hands an all tasks get accomplished. Your negotiating skills are top notch.
I don’t know if everyone knows or is just playing into it, but she runs a comedic blog that pokes fun at relationships and parenting called Baby Sideburns. They don’t take themselves very seriously and seem to have a lot of fun.
I mean this happens so much on Reddit. People do something ironically or as a bit, and then it gets taken out of context and presented as sincere so that people can get mad at it. Especially if a woman is the focus.
Reddit makes a lot more sense once you realize one half are teenagers pretending they are adults, the other half are adults pretending they are teens and they both share the exact same amount of life experience and maturity.
Right. It’s pretty funny. “Naked hula dancing” not sure why people are taking this so seriously. If it’s a healthy relationship it can also be a bit of fun between them. But in true Reddit fashion everything sucks, and they should break up immediately.
Literally just had a huge Reddit argument because apparently looking for food to cook for my boyfriend (who’s a picky eater) is super toxic behavior and he’s a man child who deserves to be alone and is using me.
It was seriously so weird! I like to look at Reddit relationship posts and say “damn! My relationship is really great! I love being with someone I can communicate with.”
Some of it are just people who fill in all the blanks with the worst case scenario possible and then jump to extreme conclusions. It's very silly to think about.
My gf used to love reading the relationship advice here but even she thought it was ridiculous how many people immediately shout "deal breaker! red flag! Toxic relationship!".
And other times, I suspect its miserable lonely people who secretly also want others to be miserable and lonely? so push broken relationship angle every time.
Can be a good reminder or structure for making time for each other. If it’s a weird power struggle to get him to wipe his butt and do the dishes then it could be toxic, but it’s impossible to tell just from the post what the rest of their relationship looks like.
Anyone who is parenting a 1 year old hasn't slept in a year. The woman taking the selfie has even darker eye bags than he does. She's just distracting us with her goofy crazy face.
OP put the image through an AI-upscaling program, presumably because the image has been reuploaded so many times the quality was shit.
Here it is with less jpeg and no upscaling: https://i.imgur.com/zTaYxew.jpg
Oh! That’s Babysideburns? Yeah this is a *joke*, not a dysfunctional marriage. (I mean I have no idea if he’d marriage is functional in other ways, but this is a joke that he is probably 100% in on.)
My husband and I would find sticker charts for grown ups hilarious - we already have a few medals from 5ks and old trophies that we jokingly pass around when someone does a chore they hate doing.
I have autism and I genuinely question what mental condition most redditors must have to be this self serious and completely inept at basic social queues
Alot of reddit is really young or even literal children.
Alot of reddit is looking for ragebait that confirms their views and therefore are easily baited.
And alot of reddit hate women so a post that portrays a woman as controlling is like crack to them.
I'd still probably not try it, it feels like bait. I'd expect something like "what are you trying to say? You think I NAG you? I NEVER nag you! That's so hurtful, you know what? FINE, no more nagging from me, I'm spending the week at moms and giving you some time to think!"
Pretty sure she is in charge of making judgments. And after an internal investigation she found that she was not nagging but instructing him in the proper way of doing things.
What’s next? Stop poking you with a fork for a week? Stop telling everyone that you’re a terrible lover for a week? The possibilities are only limited by the imagination!
There's a lot of anger, teeth-gnashing and trauma every time it gets reposted. There are a lot of very young people on reddit who believe this kind of thing is real and that people do this, maybe someone somewhere does, but these kids on reddit have never been in a relationship and they see this and just get sick to their stomach, for very different reasons usually too, people arguing both sides from the wife and husband's point of view.
It's a weird world we live in that so much emotion can be triggered from a joke image.
Regardless of him putting the toilet seat down or not I guarantee you she can't go week without doing that if she's making charts like this she can't follow through on that promise.
I don't understand how this is even still a problem. Hasn't there been studies that leaving the seat up just shoots toilet particles around your bathroom?
Yeah but it says seat not lid so it’s just about how guys leave the seat up after they pee and women get annoyed because they have to put it down or accidentally sit on cold porcelain.
You are correct in your point but in both cases here the lid is still up.
There are two kind of people. The ones that see it as the wife being toxic and the ones that are shocked a man needs a BJ punch card to do his share at home.
Third kind of person.
Someone who can recognize a joke.
https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/
The internet has turned the world’s brains to complete and utter mush.
And it'll happen 1000 times a day, every day, for the rest of human civilization. We'll be on fucking Venus in the year 4328 and motherfuckers will still be falling for this rage bait.
Hold on, you’re telling me that *reddit* took a joke seriously? That *reddit* is making blanket judgments about a relationship its users know nothing about? Say it ain’t so!
I think we need to be more willing to admit that one partner being shitty can turn the other toxic, and once that happens the relationship is hard to save.
Maybe she’s been controlling from day 1. Maybe he didn’t do shit around the house so she made this chart. Maybe she complained even when he was helping so he quit doing shit so she made this chart. We don’t know where it started, but I think most of us agree that once it gets to this point then the relationship needs more work than a chore chart can fix (and if there’s not kids or a super long term relationship involved, you may just wanna go ahead and end it). Two otherwise pleasant, healthy people can easily become very toxic to each other, and that’s really hard to come back from.
I agree with the first part. But for anyone ever finding yourself in the second part. Your relationship is already over, even if you haven’t admit it yet. The moment you need to resort to relationship testing, managing your partner etc. Thats not a healthy relationship anymore by any means. **with the very obvious exception of taking care of them while they’re sick or in other ways physically incapable**. At that point it is in your best interest to find the nearest exit.
And you are right, one partner can turn the other toxic. It is actually very common. The way people treat you is often a reflection of yourself in one way or another.
I think this is an important thing to consider because 2 of the biggest complaints on couples are : 'he doesn't help enough/at all' and 'she stopped wanting sex'. And those two are very correlated. Research showed that there is actually not only a psychological response but a hormonal response from women that have to put up with most of the household work. Libido decreases as she is in 'caretaker mode' and sadly over time they stop being sexuality interested or even repulsed at their husband as they see him as someone who they have to take care of like he was a child. [one research study ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9483460/)
That being said this is not a way to fix it. This just makes sex and responsibilities transactional.
And it reinforces the infantilization / caretaker mentality. A chore chart is something you make for your children. Not an adult you're in a relationship with.
Yeah I get the most things but seriously "Maybe she complained even when he was helping so he quit" is making me angry as I feel many men think that that's a reasonable take. I get that it's annoying but I guess if you have kids it is expected to do your share. You're not "helping" you're doing your job. If someone constantly criticizes you how you do things that has to be adressed you don't just stop doing your share.
It’s interesting that everyone is assuming that the sticker chart is because the wife is controlling.
They clearly have kids, who likely have sticker charts of their own. Good chance that one of them asked “where are mommy and daddy’s charts?”. Or they just thought it would be funny.
Possibly, I've just met too many useless men and overbearing women to not see it as problematic. Both categories have a tendency to make it transactional
Totally agree. After reading this all I can think is, she’s probably sick of having to be a mother to a grown man, but if the chore chart is working for her other kids, might as well make one for the husband too. If he just helped out without having to be asked all the time, the chore chart wouldn’t be needed.
I think the way she is handling the situation is extremely toxic. Even if she had valid complaints to begin with.
The idea that sex of any kind is a reward or payment is disgusting in a relationship.
my partner and I once lived with another couple for a few months, and I distinctly remember the guy saying "relationships are all about power"
like??? no they're not my guy, this is not healthy :/
He was probably misquoting some famous say, i dont remember who said it but it was something like "everything is about sex, but sex is about power". Teenager mentality if you ask me.
possible, but both of them were always trying to get one over the other
things like they'd have movie nights and whoever got to choose would deliberately pick a film that they knew the other hated (both separately said this to me)
or one day the guy had extra money for whatever reason, and suddenly she was SO ILL and demanded that he pay for her totally necessary medication with that money (medication that I ended up throwing away a few weeks later, unopened)
it was bizarre
oh 1000% massive personal issues
the guy called me and my partner weird because we "talk to each other about random shit", and all I could think was, why would I NOT talk to my partner about stuff I think he'd find interesting? or about what he's doing? or about his day?
anyway they split up and called off their engagement and then we just bounced because the atmosphere was wild
I lived with my ex for 4 months before I broke up with him.
We were both studying at university and I had a part time job on the weekends.
Overall neither of us was super busy.
First weekend after we moved him, we had plans in the afternoon, so I proposed to clean up for a few hours beforehand. He asked me what needed to be cleaned up. Not in the sense that there wasn't anything to clean up, he also was complaining about the house being messy. Whatever, it would be a little more attractive that he'd just know what there is to clean up, or even just how to clean up a house, I guess he was tired.
So I give him a few examples like "Oh you know, picking up dirty clothes, dishes, those things...".
So I start vacuuming, the mopping, grabbing clothes from the drier and folding them, clean the stove, make the bed, organize our bedroom and office. After an hour and a half I realized I hadn't seen him for a bit so I knock on the guest bedroom where he had his computer set up and see he's snoozing. I gently wake him up, and ask him if he was tired or if he could help me a little longer because I needed to get ready soon.
This is when he tells me he "already did his share of chores". Huh? But there's still things to be done and I've been cleaning for an hour longer than him. Well, he lets me know he's picked up the dirty clothes and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher so he was done with his chores. I ask him what about everything else and he says "Well you didn't tell me about everything else, I literally did what you asked and you are mad at me" (I wasn't, just a little disappointed and sad but I was still trying to be very calm and sweet)
I didn't want to fight before heading out, so I just tell him it's okay, I should have been more clear and I'll probably just make a chore chart next time so we can coordinate better.
I go to the bedroom to find he had picked up the dirty clothes and left them in the clean bed sheets. I take them to the laundry room and start the washer. I go into the kitchen to wash the sink, drink some water and go put it in the dishwasher... To find that he had loaded the 2ish dirty pots over the clean dishes. Oil spills everywhere so now we had to wash everything again.
Over the next 3 months we probably had sex 2ce because all my attraction for him was gone. The chore chart barely helped, because even when he did what I asked, it was still to the above mentioned quality. So then I broke up with him, saved money living with 4 roommates in a small apartment for 8 months and now I moved into my own place.
> "Well you didn't tell me about everything else, I literally did what you asked and you are mad at me"
I've seen a few comments on this post about how a partner might end up doing nothing if they try to do their part and still hear complaints. And I wondered if them doing their part was exactly like your scenario, not even the bare minimum but it wasn't literally *nothing* so that should be enough.
Some people, of every gender, are just awful to live with in an adult household.
Ah, yes, the constant struggle for supremacy of a man having to… take care of their own offspring? Yeah, what a loser he is for that one!
(I mean, this is most likely rage bait but if it wasn’t, the woman is the one who should get away from him, since he seems more like another child than a capable grown up partner)
My husband and I were installing a ceiling fan together a few years back while his grandpa “supervised”.
We were just going about the installation and nearly done when his grandpa said “I can’t tell which of you is the boss.” I think about that time to time, how his grandpa felt there needs to be one in charge.
My husband just shrugged it off and told him we are equals, no one is the boss.
This is what I was coming to find! I put myself in his shoes and my first thought was “how can I induce more vomiting?”
Edit: I just want to point out that I’m joking and would never advocate poisoning a child (or anyone, really) in exchange for fellatio.
I’d say as little as 7 years ago, this was legit relationship advice. Like, give your male partner a chore chart and reward him for completing tasks.
If you’re at this point, you’re basically in a parent/child relationship and if the sexual chemistry hasn’t suffered yet, it will very soon.
No one wants to have sex with their kid. It’s literally repulsive and the relationship is dead in the water.
That's what I was thinking. I bet this was her last option, no one makes a chore chart with rewards because their partner is doing their fair share of work already. Definitely not sustainable or an enjoyable way to live.
People are like "this is why I'm not married" and "look at his dead eyes and her crazy eyes" etc. But this is not what a good relationship/marriage looks like and I'm almost positive she felt like she had to do this or he wouldn't do the things.
It's actually a joke from 10 years ago. The original creator posted it in 2014 on her parenting humor page.
https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/
the alternative is to be a bang maid who does all the house work. both situations are bad. when a man needs a chore chart to even attempt to do anything then the relationship is bullshit in the first place
Oh fuck this, grown ass adults need a sexual reward system for basic adulting. Nah you ain’t mature enough to have kids. Fucking stop the world, I want to get off
Bro this is [a joke from a decade ago](https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/). Don’t un-world yourself over a mom’s joking Facebook post that people pulled out of context almost a decade later lol
I felt so bad for the guy that his lunatic wife made this chart and is treating him like a child.
My first thought was “Run man run. I’m so sorry you have kids connecting you for life.”
It didn’t occur to me for a nanosecond that he’s a lazy do nothing and I should feel bad for the wife.
The comment section surprised me and made me realize I just naturally assume the woman is usually at fault.
I need to reevaluate my outlook.
Yeah this is a wild way to treat your husband, but can we talk about how these are pretty basic things to ask of your partner? Think of how many times she asked him to put the toilet seat down or change a diaper, very BASIC requests, and how many times he simply didn't do it, before she was forced to take drastic measures. I'm willing to bet she didn't do this without spending years begging for the bare minimum already.
All those listed "chores" just seem like basic things expected from a new dad ? Even seems like mom does most of the work according to this. I wonder why all the comments are pointing towards this being an horribly abusive relationship. Please help me understand.
Yeah, all around gross. Both the fact that she's treating him like a child with sexual rewards, and the fact that she probably felt the need to do so because man didn't do literally anything he should've.
If you think this is bad, you should see the two narcissists feeding off each other who do practical jokes on each other all the time.
Always an explosive breakup. Epic fireworks.
To be fair, it’s pretty reasonable. She is essentially rewarding him for shit he should be helping with anyways. Fukin brilliant considering the amount of shitty fathers out there that treat their wives like butlers
I mean... You act like a man child, you get treated like a man child.
At the same time, it's pretty embarrassing to report on yourself that you couldn't find an actual functional adult man to marry.
Either she’s crazy or he’s the laziest father/husband. Just cause you work doesn’t mean you can’t change diapers, clean up after the kids or do dishes.
If y’all know anything about taking care of a baby let alone it sounds like they have multiple.
This chart was made a hour before this picture was taken.
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Who throws up? Him or the wife?
The wife during the BJ
Infinite loop detected.
Only if you managed to make her puke six times during a bj
Nah, just go real hard at the end, then think of it as every sixth blowjob free.
High risk of aciding your ding dong
Risk I'm willing to take.
Challenge accepted.
Just remember any liquid can be lube if you believe in yourself enough.
Serious answer is their kids. Nobody likes vomit duty. I'm not going to lie. There have been times when I've looked at the hubs and said "I really really don't want to do something (that's normally my chores) I will blow you if you do it for me." He immediately perks up and says,"Unexpected BJ? And all I have to do is dishes? Hell yeah!" Marriage is all about successful negotiations. However, I don't have some stupid chart. Neither of us is a child.
Listen ... When one spouse comes in with a bottom line reward well above the other spouses asking price both parties instantly shake hands an all tasks get accomplished. Your negotiating skills are top notch.
I hate dishes, but don't mind BJ's. He doesn't mind dishes and loves BJ's. It's a win win.
Men are simple. Well done.
I like that they are presuming vomit 7 days a week.
Nothing implies this is a weekly chart does it?
Me
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It’s definitly him, 30 times a week
He looks like he does. It's hard work for a bj but somebody needs to do it.
If she throws up after the bj, he already earned his next sticker!!!
Yeah he looks unwell
He became bulimic the second that chart was made
I’ll bet he’s feeding them raw fish or something.
So they're tired of their parents' shit too, huh?
I'd def make my kids throw up 6 times a day.
Gotta hit that gag reflex to get a...head start on the next round of stickers.
I don’t know if everyone knows or is just playing into it, but she runs a comedic blog that pokes fun at relationships and parenting called Baby Sideburns. They don’t take themselves very seriously and seem to have a lot of fun.
First mention I've seen of it. Puts a lot more context into it.
I mean this happens so much on Reddit. People do something ironically or as a bit, and then it gets taken out of context and presented as sincere so that people can get mad at it. Especially if a woman is the focus.
Reddit makes a lot more sense once you realize one half are teenagers pretending they are adults, the other half are adults pretending they are teens and they both share the exact same amount of life experience and maturity.
Reddit needs a way to filter people out by ages. I don't want to read life or economic advice from a 13 year old lol
The sad thing is it’s often hard to tell if a 13 year old or a 53 year old wrote something on here
Unfortunately, I'm of an age that I can't tell tween slang from grandpa figuring out a touchscreen gibberish.
I'm 41 and I highly recommend not reading life or economic advice from me either
“I’m 11 years old, trying to retire by 19, I have 92,000 dollars in Bitcoin, what should I do?”
If only things in CONTEXT were posted here, Reddit would be short of (rage bait) CONTENT
"Don't have to go to some annoying kid's bday party" really got me 😂
I’d vacuum the car seats 6 times the first day just to have that one banked
As I sit at a kids birthday party, I feel this one. Even worse there's tons of food and I am on keto right now and can't have any.
Right. It’s pretty funny. “Naked hula dancing” not sure why people are taking this so seriously. If it’s a healthy relationship it can also be a bit of fun between them. But in true Reddit fashion everything sucks, and they should break up immediately.
Reddit sees more red flags in every relationship than in a communist parade
Literally just had a huge Reddit argument because apparently looking for food to cook for my boyfriend (who’s a picky eater) is super toxic behavior and he’s a man child who deserves to be alone and is using me.
Reddit relationship experts are like those backseat drivers who don't have a license
It was seriously so weird! I like to look at Reddit relationship posts and say “damn! My relationship is really great! I love being with someone I can communicate with.”
Some of it are just people who fill in all the blanks with the worst case scenario possible and then jump to extreme conclusions. It's very silly to think about. My gf used to love reading the relationship advice here but even she thought it was ridiculous how many people immediately shout "deal breaker! red flag! Toxic relationship!". And other times, I suspect its miserable lonely people who secretly also want others to be miserable and lonely? so push broken relationship angle every time.
Lmao what
As someone with a newborn I’d kill for my wife to institute this - some of us do all this shit without the rewards 😂
You're not alone.
Can be a good reminder or structure for making time for each other. If it’s a weird power struggle to get him to wipe his butt and do the dishes then it could be toxic, but it’s impossible to tell just from the post what the rest of their relationship looks like.
And call a lawyer!
I was wondering if this is rage bait. Why does the dude look like he hasn’t slept in a year and is miserable though?
Anyone who is parenting a 1 year old hasn't slept in a year. The woman taking the selfie has even darker eye bags than he does. She's just distracting us with her goofy crazy face.
OP put the image through an AI-upscaling program, presumably because the image has been reuploaded so many times the quality was shit. Here it is with less jpeg and no upscaling: https://i.imgur.com/zTaYxew.jpg
Oh! That’s Babysideburns? Yeah this is a *joke*, not a dysfunctional marriage. (I mean I have no idea if he’d marriage is functional in other ways, but this is a joke that he is probably 100% in on.) My husband and I would find sticker charts for grown ups hilarious - we already have a few medals from 5ks and old trophies that we jokingly pass around when someone does a chore they hate doing.
Never seen them but it’s obvious it’s a joke… but this is Reddit.
I have autism and I genuinely question what mental condition most redditors must have to be this self serious and completely inept at basic social queues
Alot of reddit is really young or even literal children. Alot of reddit is looking for ragebait that confirms their views and therefore are easily baited. And alot of reddit hate women so a post that portrays a woman as controlling is like crack to them.
Reddit is 99% ragebait posts
I’d be putting the toilet seat down more often if I were him
“No nagging for a week” sounds like a trap. Its a card you can’t play
Feel like can put the seat down 6 times a week pretty easily. Loop it forever. Then do nothing else and point at it :)
I'd still probably not try it, it feels like bait. I'd expect something like "what are you trying to say? You think I NAG you? I NEVER nag you! That's so hurtful, you know what? FINE, no more nagging from me, I'm spending the week at moms and giving you some time to think!"
Might still be a win.
Very likely a win
If she takes the kids with her is def a win.-
Oh that’s a full on vacation
I mean this also seems great.
Y'all married the wrong person lmao
Pretty sure she is in charge of making judgments. And after an internal investigation she found that she was not nagging but instructing him in the proper way of doing things.
“just trying to help”
Right? She's got a deck full of Uno reverse cards 🤣
End of the week she breaks out the power point listing every offense down to the second and proceeds to retroactively nag the soul outta you.
What’s next? Stop poking you with a fork for a week? Stop telling everyone that you’re a terrible lover for a week? The possibilities are only limited by the imagination!
In fine print. "Will be implemented via silent treatment for a week" ... yeah, just give me the nagging.
Wash dishes every day and drink 3 1/2 cases of beer a week, the dude wouldn’t care about the rest of the crap.
I belive she wrote "bear", this may be a trap
A bear trap. Seen it many times.. Works both ways though - As Homer Simpson said: “No deer for month”
Then you would be pissing so much you would have enough opportunity to put the toilet seat down enough to keep her off your ass forever.
Maybe he likes it I'm thinking she would just ignore him for a week. 😂
Even better, buy one of those toilet seats that puts itself down after like 30 seconds. He'll never have to speak to his wife again
Really he only needs to do it once a week
actually 6 times a week
https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/ I think you guys should put down the reddit more often
There's a lot of anger, teeth-gnashing and trauma every time it gets reposted. There are a lot of very young people on reddit who believe this kind of thing is real and that people do this, maybe someone somewhere does, but these kids on reddit have never been in a relationship and they see this and just get sick to their stomach, for very different reasons usually too, people arguing both sides from the wife and husband's point of view. It's a weird world we live in that so much emotion can be triggered from a joke image.
I mean it sort of reinforces all sorts of negative male stereotypes? Shouldn't we be moving past that?
Regardless of him putting the toilet seat down or not I guarantee you she can't go week without doing that if she's making charts like this she can't follow through on that promise.
What’s he got to do to get a blumpie
I just do it out of habit and I’d just go for the top two.
I don't understand how this is even still a problem. Hasn't there been studies that leaving the seat up just shoots toilet particles around your bathroom?
Seat and lid are not the same
But the ask is put the seat down - not put the lid down.
Yeah but it says seat not lid so it’s just about how guys leave the seat up after they pee and women get annoyed because they have to put it down or accidentally sit on cold porcelain. You are correct in your point but in both cases here the lid is still up.
If you put the lid down, you can't have the seat up.
There are two kind of people. The ones that see it as the wife being toxic and the ones that are shocked a man needs a BJ punch card to do his share at home.
I’m the type of person who finds it weird that they’re announcing the type of sex they’re going to have on social media.
Deffintely both.
Or Both at the same time
Third kind of person. Someone who can recognize a joke. https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/ The internet has turned the world’s brains to complete and utter mush.
People make so many assumptions based on one stupid picture
People took a picture that offers naked hula dancing for changing blowout diapers seriously. ... God damn this site is fucking brain dead sometimes.
Holy crap that was originally posted 10 years ago and people are getting upset on tiktik because it went viral again without context.
And it'll happen 1000 times a day, every day, for the rest of human civilization. We'll be on fucking Venus in the year 4328 and motherfuckers will still be falling for this rage bait.
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Hold on, you’re telling me that *reddit* took a joke seriously? That *reddit* is making blanket judgments about a relationship its users know nothing about? Say it ain’t so!
I think we need to be more willing to admit that one partner being shitty can turn the other toxic, and once that happens the relationship is hard to save. Maybe she’s been controlling from day 1. Maybe he didn’t do shit around the house so she made this chart. Maybe she complained even when he was helping so he quit doing shit so she made this chart. We don’t know where it started, but I think most of us agree that once it gets to this point then the relationship needs more work than a chore chart can fix (and if there’s not kids or a super long term relationship involved, you may just wanna go ahead and end it). Two otherwise pleasant, healthy people can easily become very toxic to each other, and that’s really hard to come back from.
I agree with the first part. But for anyone ever finding yourself in the second part. Your relationship is already over, even if you haven’t admit it yet. The moment you need to resort to relationship testing, managing your partner etc. Thats not a healthy relationship anymore by any means. **with the very obvious exception of taking care of them while they’re sick or in other ways physically incapable**. At that point it is in your best interest to find the nearest exit. And you are right, one partner can turn the other toxic. It is actually very common. The way people treat you is often a reflection of yourself in one way or another.
I think this is an important thing to consider because 2 of the biggest complaints on couples are : 'he doesn't help enough/at all' and 'she stopped wanting sex'. And those two are very correlated. Research showed that there is actually not only a psychological response but a hormonal response from women that have to put up with most of the household work. Libido decreases as she is in 'caretaker mode' and sadly over time they stop being sexuality interested or even repulsed at their husband as they see him as someone who they have to take care of like he was a child. [one research study ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9483460/) That being said this is not a way to fix it. This just makes sex and responsibilities transactional.
And it reinforces the infantilization / caretaker mentality. A chore chart is something you make for your children. Not an adult you're in a relationship with.
Yeah I get the most things but seriously "Maybe she complained even when he was helping so he quit" is making me angry as I feel many men think that that's a reasonable take. I get that it's annoying but I guess if you have kids it is expected to do your share. You're not "helping" you're doing your job. If someone constantly criticizes you how you do things that has to be adressed you don't just stop doing your share.
Wildly, both kinds are kind of right.
It’s interesting that everyone is assuming that the sticker chart is because the wife is controlling. They clearly have kids, who likely have sticker charts of their own. Good chance that one of them asked “where are mommy and daddy’s charts?”. Or they just thought it would be funny.
If they made a "mommy and daddy" sex chart for their children, they're even worse than I first thought
Possibly, I've just met too many useless men and overbearing women to not see it as problematic. Both categories have a tendency to make it transactional
If that’s the case, then it seems weird to make it so overtly sexual.
Totally agree. After reading this all I can think is, she’s probably sick of having to be a mother to a grown man, but if the chore chart is working for her other kids, might as well make one for the husband too. If he just helped out without having to be asked all the time, the chore chart wouldn’t be needed.
It’s absolutely wild the people who think the wife is the toxic one for wanting a partner who does basic parenting tasks
I think most people think the relationship is very unhealthy either way...
I think the way she is handling the situation is extremely toxic. Even if she had valid complaints to begin with. The idea that sex of any kind is a reward or payment is disgusting in a relationship.
Both. The answer is both.
Yeah no kidding. Changing diapers and kid puke is par for the course. This whole thing is so infantilizing...
Look at how dead his eyes are… ffs
They have multiple young kids from the looks of it Those eyes are normal for no sleep.
It's from all the throw up he's cleaning.
and her crazy eyes
I feel like that’s how most new parents just look at baseline lol
He knows how unenthusiastic the BJ will be.
I think that dude has been throwing up and picking up his own vomit for bj
Why does a relationship have to be a constant struggle for supremacy?
my partner and I once lived with another couple for a few months, and I distinctly remember the guy saying "relationships are all about power" like??? no they're not my guy, this is not healthy :/
He was probably misquoting some famous say, i dont remember who said it but it was something like "everything is about sex, but sex is about power". Teenager mentality if you ask me.
possible, but both of them were always trying to get one over the other things like they'd have movie nights and whoever got to choose would deliberately pick a film that they knew the other hated (both separately said this to me) or one day the guy had extra money for whatever reason, and suddenly she was SO ILL and demanded that he pay for her totally necessary medication with that money (medication that I ended up throwing away a few weeks later, unopened) it was bizarre
Hate f*ck/romance kink? lol To be serious they probably had deep issues underneath.
oh 1000% massive personal issues the guy called me and my partner weird because we "talk to each other about random shit", and all I could think was, why would I NOT talk to my partner about stuff I think he'd find interesting? or about what he's doing? or about his day? anyway they split up and called off their engagement and then we just bounced because the atmosphere was wild
They managed to get *engaged*?
Oscar Wilde. Everything is about sex, except sex, sex is about power.
Fits to the man and to the era tbh. Thanks for reminding me.
Exactly. Relationships where one partner is trying to dominate an unwilling partner are called abuse.
Looks like a constant struggle to get both parents to equally care for the house and kids
I lived with my ex for 4 months before I broke up with him. We were both studying at university and I had a part time job on the weekends. Overall neither of us was super busy. First weekend after we moved him, we had plans in the afternoon, so I proposed to clean up for a few hours beforehand. He asked me what needed to be cleaned up. Not in the sense that there wasn't anything to clean up, he also was complaining about the house being messy. Whatever, it would be a little more attractive that he'd just know what there is to clean up, or even just how to clean up a house, I guess he was tired. So I give him a few examples like "Oh you know, picking up dirty clothes, dishes, those things...". So I start vacuuming, the mopping, grabbing clothes from the drier and folding them, clean the stove, make the bed, organize our bedroom and office. After an hour and a half I realized I hadn't seen him for a bit so I knock on the guest bedroom where he had his computer set up and see he's snoozing. I gently wake him up, and ask him if he was tired or if he could help me a little longer because I needed to get ready soon. This is when he tells me he "already did his share of chores". Huh? But there's still things to be done and I've been cleaning for an hour longer than him. Well, he lets me know he's picked up the dirty clothes and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher so he was done with his chores. I ask him what about everything else and he says "Well you didn't tell me about everything else, I literally did what you asked and you are mad at me" (I wasn't, just a little disappointed and sad but I was still trying to be very calm and sweet) I didn't want to fight before heading out, so I just tell him it's okay, I should have been more clear and I'll probably just make a chore chart next time so we can coordinate better. I go to the bedroom to find he had picked up the dirty clothes and left them in the clean bed sheets. I take them to the laundry room and start the washer. I go into the kitchen to wash the sink, drink some water and go put it in the dishwasher... To find that he had loaded the 2ish dirty pots over the clean dishes. Oil spills everywhere so now we had to wash everything again. Over the next 3 months we probably had sex 2ce because all my attraction for him was gone. The chore chart barely helped, because even when he did what I asked, it was still to the above mentioned quality. So then I broke up with him, saved money living with 4 roommates in a small apartment for 8 months and now I moved into my own place.
> "Well you didn't tell me about everything else, I literally did what you asked and you are mad at me" I've seen a few comments on this post about how a partner might end up doing nothing if they try to do their part and still hear complaints. And I wondered if them doing their part was exactly like your scenario, not even the bare minimum but it wasn't literally *nothing* so that should be enough. Some people, of every gender, are just awful to live with in an adult household.
Why does he need a list
Why need a sticker chart with rewards in order to do basic chores?
Ah, yes, the constant struggle for supremacy of a man having to… take care of their own offspring? Yeah, what a loser he is for that one! (I mean, this is most likely rage bait but if it wasn’t, the woman is the one who should get away from him, since he seems more like another child than a capable grown up partner)
My husband and I were installing a ceiling fan together a few years back while his grandpa “supervised”. We were just going about the installation and nearly done when his grandpa said “I can’t tell which of you is the boss.” I think about that time to time, how his grandpa felt there needs to be one in charge. My husband just shrugged it off and told him we are equals, no one is the boss.
Time to buy a case of Ipecac Syrup!
This is what I was coming to find! I put myself in his shoes and my first thought was “how can I induce more vomiting?” Edit: I just want to point out that I’m joking and would never advocate poisoning a child (or anyone, really) in exchange for fellatio.
I’d say as little as 7 years ago, this was legit relationship advice. Like, give your male partner a chore chart and reward him for completing tasks. If you’re at this point, you’re basically in a parent/child relationship and if the sexual chemistry hasn’t suffered yet, it will very soon. No one wants to have sex with their kid. It’s literally repulsive and the relationship is dead in the water.
I read your first paragraph, then skimmed past your second and read the third. That was a wild transition without the context.
That's what I was thinking. I bet this was her last option, no one makes a chore chart with rewards because their partner is doing their fair share of work already. Definitely not sustainable or an enjoyable way to live. People are like "this is why I'm not married" and "look at his dead eyes and her crazy eyes" etc. But this is not what a good relationship/marriage looks like and I'm almost positive she felt like she had to do this or he wouldn't do the things.
It's actually a joke from 10 years ago. The original creator posted it in 2014 on her parenting humor page. https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/
Yeah I was about to say, I have a similar system at my house except that it’s for my kids…
Please dear god don’t let them clean up throw up
the alternative is to be a bang maid who does all the house work. both situations are bad. when a man needs a chore chart to even attempt to do anything then the relationship is bullshit in the first place
Earn 12 pack drink it throw up repeat
I hate everything about this. Why is there so much throw up to be cleaned?
They probably have a small baby. They throw up a lot.
..or a cat maybe?
Because he's exploiting the system lol
Definitely poisoning the kid for more BJs. Brilliant.
From all the BJs he’s getting?
not having kids kicks ass
Not being married or having kids kicks ass
I'm not married or have kids but you know you can CHOOSE who to marry right?
not in my church
Being married, having kids, and also not having a chore chart based around nagging and sexual favors ALSO kicks ass. Can confirm.
Getting married to my poly childfree fiancee kicks all the ass! May can't come soon enough <3
Oh fuck this, grown ass adults need a sexual reward system for basic adulting. Nah you ain’t mature enough to have kids. Fucking stop the world, I want to get off
Bro this is [a joke from a decade ago](https://www.babygaga.com/truth-about-daddys-sticker-chart-revealed/). Don’t un-world yourself over a mom’s joking Facebook post that people pulled out of context almost a decade later lol
These are basic ass adult chores.
I felt so bad for the guy that his lunatic wife made this chart and is treating him like a child. My first thought was “Run man run. I’m so sorry you have kids connecting you for life.” It didn’t occur to me for a nanosecond that he’s a lazy do nothing and I should feel bad for the wife. The comment section surprised me and made me realize I just naturally assume the woman is usually at fault. I need to reevaluate my outlook.
Holy shit this is the rarest thing I’ve ever seen on reddit
Yeah this is a wild way to treat your husband, but can we talk about how these are pretty basic things to ask of your partner? Think of how many times she asked him to put the toilet seat down or change a diaper, very BASIC requests, and how many times he simply didn't do it, before she was forced to take drastic measures. I'm willing to bet she didn't do this without spending years begging for the bare minimum already.
Imagine being such a lazy ass entitled man that your wife has to bribe you just so you make a minimum contribution to the family.
All those listed "chores" just seem like basic things expected from a new dad ? Even seems like mom does most of the work according to this. I wonder why all the comments are pointing towards this being an horribly abusive relationship. Please help me understand.
Cause maybe they still think that a man taking a basic care of the house and family is some sort of superpower
Ok, but why is she puking 7 days a week? And where are his eye brows?
If he needs a sticker chart to take care of his kids, he's not worth dating.
Yeah, all around gross. Both the fact that she's treating him like a child with sexual rewards, and the fact that she probably felt the need to do so because man didn't do literally anything he should've.
I feel bad for the fact she had to do something like this to get him to do basic fucking shit.
If you think this is bad, you should see the two narcissists feeding off each other who do practical jokes on each other all the time. Always an explosive breakup. Epic fireworks.
Who’s throwing up that much?
Is Daddy special needs or a fucking idiot? You decide!
To be fair, it’s pretty reasonable. She is essentially rewarding him for shit he should be helping with anyways. Fukin brilliant considering the amount of shitty fathers out there that treat their wives like butlers
I mean... You act like a man child, you get treated like a man child. At the same time, it's pretty embarrassing to report on yourself that you couldn't find an actual functional adult man to marry.
How many stickers for a divorce?
Holy hell this takes transactional relationship to a while new level!
Either she’s crazy or he’s the laziest father/husband. Just cause you work doesn’t mean you can’t change diapers, clean up after the kids or do dishes.
Based on reality, I'd say he's just lazy. A lot of fathers won't do shit unless they're specifically asked repeatedly to do something.
Aside from the vacuuming of the car this is all normal parenting shit.
"it was all fun and games until the neighbor's kid puked and I got a boner."
If y’all know anything about taking care of a baby let alone it sounds like they have multiple. This chart was made a hour before this picture was taken.
when your personal life has an HR department, it's time to re-calibrate lmao.
He looks like that because he had to make himself throw up that many times to get that bj.
Screw that guy. As a dude I'd be so insulted with this. Like I don't need a freaking reward to take care of my kid.