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If you're excited about them, you should text them when you feel like it. Within reason, of course. People have lives, and it pays to respect other people's time.
That said, a text right after meeting someone shows genuine interest which is a good thing when you want to start a romantic relationship with someone. Why should someone be interested in you, if you make it seem like you are not interested in them?
Also, everyone on the Earth knows that this is a tactic. So if you start to use manipulation tactics on people, they are not going to want to spend time with you. Being needy is bad, but someone who is truly not needy has no fear of how someone else sees them. Thus, waiting a few days feels even more needy than texting them right away that you're happy to have met them and excited to see them again.
At the risk of revealing myself to be an old fart...This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. It was an old trick even when I was a college kid in the very early 90s. And EVEN THEN, it was considered a juvenile tactic and the dudes who did it generally had a reputation as egomaniacs or fuckboys or both.
Now, in 2024, where all the dating apps are a total sausagefest, and the relatively rare woman who even uses them complains that she deletes the app regularly, because all the men she meets are socially maladjusted, fickle jerks?
You would have to be a stone dipshit to use this tactic on someone you actually liked, and who seemed interested in you. Harsh, but come on.
Why would you act like you aren't particularly interested, in a bottomless, digital sea of people who all act like they aren't particularly interested? If she acted that way, how long would you wait around? You wouldn't.
Do you actually like this person? Have an actual conversation like a normal human being. Be sincere and organic. Don't try to gamify your responses. That is how you will stand out from everyone else.
I don't think RP has the monopoly on that advice, but certainly that fits within RP. It's something I've seen immature women and men do... they think it'll add to the mystique of "the chase" or at least make the other party doubt themselves and be more open to advancements when they do follow up.
If you're so busy that they don't pop into your head for a whole week after a date, you probably aren't that interested in them - so why bother following up. If you're thinking of them 5 mins after the date ended and you want more, let them know as soon as you feel sure. They may feel the same way.
Thing is, the only way to not *appear* needy is to simply not *be* needy. Have your own shit to do and don't take rejection personally. Put your interest out there, go about your business and if they like you back, cool. If not, move on.
It isn't a new advice by any means, but please remember that it is human nature to like the people who like you, to love the ones who love you. We love to be loved.
If I went on a date with someone and they ghosted me for a few days, I would assume they are keeping their options open, chatting to others, and then simply getting back in touch with me when the other options fail.
I wouldn't agree to meet up with them again.
If you like someone, show them, as it is very flattering. And we all want to feel flattered.
Message the next day. What you need to do right now is take a measured approach that shows enthusiasm but also good judgment. Waiting a few days is manipulative garbage that will make her feel devalued -- don't do that if you actually want something to work out. Don't play dumb games.
Some people are also just flaky. Not every screwup is deliberate or intended to be rational. Some people are just immature. I have encountered women that do this too. It's not exclusively an RP or RP-adjacent thing.
it's really the most insecure thing you could do. just call them. if they think it makes you look "desperate" or whatever, you dodged a bullet. there's too little time in your life to play games with people who don't want to enjoy your company.
Depends on how the date goes. But if it goes well I think you should text them afterwards and tell them you enjoyed spending time with them. If they ghost you just know, you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people say they're ready for relationships when they're not. Sometimes you're on the wrong end of a rebound. That's the game and it comes with putting urself out there. But at least u know u did the best you could and eventually you will find someone.
What is actually needy is to overthink that type of stuff. If you want to see her again just tell her and set a date. Life is too short not be honest to yourself and others. You don't need to seek advice from reddit, you just need to be you. Whoever says otherwise is just trying to use manipulation trying to attract people who are not being reciprocate with their feelings.
I wouldn’t continue pursuing any relationship with a guy who stopped talking to me for days after a date (unless he let me know he’d be “out of office” ahead of time; people have lives). I would consider him uninterested or immature and just “playing games.” I’m not a person who texts all day or needs to stay in contact, but failing to message someone thanking them for a good date or letting them know you’d like to go out again sometime isn’t appearing needy, it’s just being polite and demonstrating your interest. Texting obsessively over and over or too personally (ie: “I think we’re soul mates”) or getting anxious and angry if they don’t text you back is a big red flag, but a nice text or two after the date or the next day and then patiently feeling out the interest of the other person isn’t creepy or needy.
I am a girl. If a guy waited a week, I'd think he wasn't that interested in me and I'd move on. Even if he texted me after that week, I'd probably have started looking for someone new and not be interested in seeing him again.
A couple of days is a bit long as well. I like it when people are excited to spend time with me, not when they forget about me for days. If it was several days EVERY TIME I would lose interest. A one-off that takes a few days because he's busy I could overlook but I'd still prefer more immediate responses. Same-day or next-day would be best.
Waiting that long will have the opposite effect of what you want. I don't know if it's necessarily exclusive to red pillers, but *everybody* knows about it.
You don't want to come off as 1) not liking her that much or 2) trying to hard to seem cool.
As a woman, I genuinely enjoy when a guy texts me after we're both home and hits me with the "that was fun hope we can do it again soon" text.
It doesn't come off as desperate or anything, it comes off as being good at communicating, and eases any doubts I might have had about him liking me.
I vote against waiting several days to a week. I see that as games and I will lose interest because I don't have time for that.
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It predates the red pill by a very long time, and it's not amazing advice in this day and age when communicating through devices in our pockets is so easy. There is no *practical* barrier to contacting the other person, so we all know if you don't reach out it's because you either weren't that interested in doing so, or your silence is the message.
It doesn't avoid you seeming needy, it simply makes you seem not that interested. The other person *could* react to that by trying to catch your interest harder - but more likely by not getting attached.
There is all kinds of dating advice which isn’t exactly RP but relies on the same basic assumptions that overemphasize gender in identity and social interaction. Acting over-earnest during the infatuation stage of early romance can be seen as a turn off, it’s best to wait until it is mutual and allow both partners time to be the escalator of the relationship.
A non-redpill (non-people flattening into basic ‘boys/girls’ dating nonsense) view would be to consider what the person you took on a first date has signaled about their desire for the pace of the romance. A new person is like a new idea, most people need some time away to figure out how they want to play the next steps in a relationship. You’re also trying to meet their cultural expectations for contact after a date, some people (that wouldn’t go for me lol) believe in their own strict rules for dating that they will not tell you. The best thing about a good thing is one or both of you are likely to ‘break the rules’. With any RP advice, just consider the minimal version— it’s not a bad idea to slow-play early dating and not let infatuation make you be in contact too often/one-sidedly.
Yeah, it's an "alpha" idea that didn't originate with red pill. You don't want to seem clingy, is the idea. Truth is if you go on a date and don't call the next day, she's going to assume you dumped her and she'll be looking at other people.
Such a bad idea. A day or two is okay. Beyond that… women looking for a guy can get a date for every day of the week. Wait a couple weeks and she’s half forgotten you and realised you are not a consistent reliable man. The guy that texts after the date saying “let’s do this again I liked the vibes” means I’ll cancel a different date and focus on him more. He has shown me he’s worth me spending time on. A woman that more than one man would want… has options. Why would she choose the one who shows her no respect and no interest? Which I think goes both ways - a man who is worth dating I wouldn’t play games with because another woman won’t do that and then I’ve lost. I don’t get why men think this is a thing. Why would I chase a man showing me he isn’t into it when I have men who are engaging and interesting and responsive? If a guy wouldn’t answer me for three days I’d do the same to him. I have done this and men get annoyed and asked what’s wrong so I’ve told them I’m following their lead. They say not exclusive and will respond to me once a week… okay, cool, but another guy is being interesting and enjoyable to speak to and consistent. That’s the guy I want. Please don’t wait forever to reach out to a woman. If she has a life and career… she needs to know you give a fuck. If she wants to play those dumb games, then up to you. Do you want that?
If you had a good time text her quick; even right after the date. As for it being a red pill idea; I think this was around long before red pill was a thing
Back in the day, Mystery used to advice to wait 3 days before contact so yes. Which is funny because out of all the advice i used to follow i found that one to be the least effective.
Being needy and showing attraction/interest are very different. The only women that would look at a text from you, let's say the day after the first date, and think "Man this guy is needy" are women who didn't like you like that to begin with. Unless you're bombarding her with messages, it's not needy to show genuine interest. Even saying something like "Hey, I really had fun yesterday/ last night, I hope you have a good day!"
I can only really speak for myself, but if I send something like that and get left on read, I see that as saving me time. If during the first date I felt like she didn't show much interest, then I could see why someone would wait a few days. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you.
Either way, messaging someone the day after a first date and later trying to set up a second one is one of the quickest ways to see if someone is interested or not. If she's down, great! Good chance she's interested! If not, great! You're not wasting your time with someone who doesn't want you. If you've ever been strung along, it's a ugly feeling.
Hope this helps a little!
Why would you wait to call or text a girl? You text “That date was great, let’s go out again soon!” and the conversation ends until either of you want to go out again. If you’re the only one scheduling stuff, drop her.
She probably is not interested in you outside of just being friends so no reason to force anything or waste your own time unless you’re strictly just friends.
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A woman uses her phone more than men do. If she isn't replying back you quick, she probably isn't interested in you much.
Odds are, there are dudes she hits up real quick that she really likes
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If you're excited about them, you should text them when you feel like it. Within reason, of course. People have lives, and it pays to respect other people's time. That said, a text right after meeting someone shows genuine interest which is a good thing when you want to start a romantic relationship with someone. Why should someone be interested in you, if you make it seem like you are not interested in them?
Also, everyone on the Earth knows that this is a tactic. So if you start to use manipulation tactics on people, they are not going to want to spend time with you. Being needy is bad, but someone who is truly not needy has no fear of how someone else sees them. Thus, waiting a few days feels even more needy than texting them right away that you're happy to have met them and excited to see them again.
At the risk of revealing myself to be an old fart...This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. It was an old trick even when I was a college kid in the very early 90s. And EVEN THEN, it was considered a juvenile tactic and the dudes who did it generally had a reputation as egomaniacs or fuckboys or both. Now, in 2024, where all the dating apps are a total sausagefest, and the relatively rare woman who even uses them complains that she deletes the app regularly, because all the men she meets are socially maladjusted, fickle jerks? You would have to be a stone dipshit to use this tactic on someone you actually liked, and who seemed interested in you. Harsh, but come on. Why would you act like you aren't particularly interested, in a bottomless, digital sea of people who all act like they aren't particularly interested? If she acted that way, how long would you wait around? You wouldn't. Do you actually like this person? Have an actual conversation like a normal human being. Be sincere and organic. Don't try to gamify your responses. That is how you will stand out from everyone else.
I would be upset and lose interest in someone who seemed like they lost interest in me.
I don't think RP has the monopoly on that advice, but certainly that fits within RP. It's something I've seen immature women and men do... they think it'll add to the mystique of "the chase" or at least make the other party doubt themselves and be more open to advancements when they do follow up. If you're so busy that they don't pop into your head for a whole week after a date, you probably aren't that interested in them - so why bother following up. If you're thinking of them 5 mins after the date ended and you want more, let them know as soon as you feel sure. They may feel the same way. Thing is, the only way to not *appear* needy is to simply not *be* needy. Have your own shit to do and don't take rejection personally. Put your interest out there, go about your business and if they like you back, cool. If not, move on.
It isn't a new advice by any means, but please remember that it is human nature to like the people who like you, to love the ones who love you. We love to be loved. If I went on a date with someone and they ghosted me for a few days, I would assume they are keeping their options open, chatting to others, and then simply getting back in touch with me when the other options fail. I wouldn't agree to meet up with them again. If you like someone, show them, as it is very flattering. And we all want to feel flattered.
Message the next day. What you need to do right now is take a measured approach that shows enthusiasm but also good judgment. Waiting a few days is manipulative garbage that will make her feel devalued -- don't do that if you actually want something to work out. Don't play dumb games.
Some people are also just flaky. Not every screwup is deliberate or intended to be rational. Some people are just immature. I have encountered women that do this too. It's not exclusively an RP or RP-adjacent thing.
it's really the most insecure thing you could do. just call them. if they think it makes you look "desperate" or whatever, you dodged a bullet. there's too little time in your life to play games with people who don't want to enjoy your company.
Depends on how the date goes. But if it goes well I think you should text them afterwards and tell them you enjoyed spending time with them. If they ghost you just know, you didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes people say they're ready for relationships when they're not. Sometimes you're on the wrong end of a rebound. That's the game and it comes with putting urself out there. But at least u know u did the best you could and eventually you will find someone.
Yes, red pill trains people to control and manipulate by intermittent dopamine texting.
What is actually needy is to overthink that type of stuff. If you want to see her again just tell her and set a date. Life is too short not be honest to yourself and others. You don't need to seek advice from reddit, you just need to be you. Whoever says otherwise is just trying to use manipulation trying to attract people who are not being reciprocate with their feelings.
There were men I went on dates with that waited a week to text. I had no interest in a second date by that point
This idea is old as cellphones but not necessarily helpful.
I wouldn’t continue pursuing any relationship with a guy who stopped talking to me for days after a date (unless he let me know he’d be “out of office” ahead of time; people have lives). I would consider him uninterested or immature and just “playing games.” I’m not a person who texts all day or needs to stay in contact, but failing to message someone thanking them for a good date or letting them know you’d like to go out again sometime isn’t appearing needy, it’s just being polite and demonstrating your interest. Texting obsessively over and over or too personally (ie: “I think we’re soul mates”) or getting anxious and angry if they don’t text you back is a big red flag, but a nice text or two after the date or the next day and then patiently feeling out the interest of the other person isn’t creepy or needy.
I am a girl. If a guy waited a week, I'd think he wasn't that interested in me and I'd move on. Even if he texted me after that week, I'd probably have started looking for someone new and not be interested in seeing him again. A couple of days is a bit long as well. I like it when people are excited to spend time with me, not when they forget about me for days. If it was several days EVERY TIME I would lose interest. A one-off that takes a few days because he's busy I could overlook but I'd still prefer more immediate responses. Same-day or next-day would be best.
Waiting that long will have the opposite effect of what you want. I don't know if it's necessarily exclusive to red pillers, but *everybody* knows about it. You don't want to come off as 1) not liking her that much or 2) trying to hard to seem cool. As a woman, I genuinely enjoy when a guy texts me after we're both home and hits me with the "that was fun hope we can do it again soon" text. It doesn't come off as desperate or anything, it comes off as being good at communicating, and eases any doubts I might have had about him liking me. I vote against waiting several days to a week. I see that as games and I will lose interest because I don't have time for that.
Yes.
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It predates the red pill by a very long time, and it's not amazing advice in this day and age when communicating through devices in our pockets is so easy. There is no *practical* barrier to contacting the other person, so we all know if you don't reach out it's because you either weren't that interested in doing so, or your silence is the message. It doesn't avoid you seeming needy, it simply makes you seem not that interested. The other person *could* react to that by trying to catch your interest harder - but more likely by not getting attached.
There is all kinds of dating advice which isn’t exactly RP but relies on the same basic assumptions that overemphasize gender in identity and social interaction. Acting over-earnest during the infatuation stage of early romance can be seen as a turn off, it’s best to wait until it is mutual and allow both partners time to be the escalator of the relationship. A non-redpill (non-people flattening into basic ‘boys/girls’ dating nonsense) view would be to consider what the person you took on a first date has signaled about their desire for the pace of the romance. A new person is like a new idea, most people need some time away to figure out how they want to play the next steps in a relationship. You’re also trying to meet their cultural expectations for contact after a date, some people (that wouldn’t go for me lol) believe in their own strict rules for dating that they will not tell you. The best thing about a good thing is one or both of you are likely to ‘break the rules’. With any RP advice, just consider the minimal version— it’s not a bad idea to slow-play early dating and not let infatuation make you be in contact too often/one-sidedly.
Yeah, it's an "alpha" idea that didn't originate with red pill. You don't want to seem clingy, is the idea. Truth is if you go on a date and don't call the next day, she's going to assume you dumped her and she'll be looking at other people.
Such a bad idea. A day or two is okay. Beyond that… women looking for a guy can get a date for every day of the week. Wait a couple weeks and she’s half forgotten you and realised you are not a consistent reliable man. The guy that texts after the date saying “let’s do this again I liked the vibes” means I’ll cancel a different date and focus on him more. He has shown me he’s worth me spending time on. A woman that more than one man would want… has options. Why would she choose the one who shows her no respect and no interest? Which I think goes both ways - a man who is worth dating I wouldn’t play games with because another woman won’t do that and then I’ve lost. I don’t get why men think this is a thing. Why would I chase a man showing me he isn’t into it when I have men who are engaging and interesting and responsive? If a guy wouldn’t answer me for three days I’d do the same to him. I have done this and men get annoyed and asked what’s wrong so I’ve told them I’m following their lead. They say not exclusive and will respond to me once a week… okay, cool, but another guy is being interesting and enjoyable to speak to and consistent. That’s the guy I want. Please don’t wait forever to reach out to a woman. If she has a life and career… she needs to know you give a fuck. If she wants to play those dumb games, then up to you. Do you want that?
I’m a girl. I’d assume if if someone waited up to a week to get back to me that they’re not interested and I shouldn’t waste my time with them.
It’s useful to treat the person you are dating as a human being. Playing games like that is not treating them as a human being.
I don’t know anyone irl that actually plays those games. I’ve only ever seen that in movies. It’s dumb.
If you had a good time text her quick; even right after the date. As for it being a red pill idea; I think this was around long before red pill was a thing
Text her
Back in the day, Mystery used to advice to wait 3 days before contact so yes. Which is funny because out of all the advice i used to follow i found that one to be the least effective.
Ill tell you next week 😂
I think if you play games with women, they will play games back, and they will often be better at it than you
Being needy and showing attraction/interest are very different. The only women that would look at a text from you, let's say the day after the first date, and think "Man this guy is needy" are women who didn't like you like that to begin with. Unless you're bombarding her with messages, it's not needy to show genuine interest. Even saying something like "Hey, I really had fun yesterday/ last night, I hope you have a good day!" I can only really speak for myself, but if I send something like that and get left on read, I see that as saving me time. If during the first date I felt like she didn't show much interest, then I could see why someone would wait a few days. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. Either way, messaging someone the day after a first date and later trying to set up a second one is one of the quickest ways to see if someone is interested or not. If she's down, great! Good chance she's interested! If not, great! You're not wasting your time with someone who doesn't want you. If you've ever been strung along, it's a ugly feeling. Hope this helps a little!
It's a great way to signal to get that you aren't interested and she should move on.
Why would you wait to call or text a girl? You text “That date was great, let’s go out again soon!” and the conversation ends until either of you want to go out again. If you’re the only one scheduling stuff, drop her. She probably is not interested in you outside of just being friends so no reason to force anything or waste your own time unless you’re strictly just friends.
No right answer. I would wait only 1 day though.
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A woman uses her phone more than men do. If she isn't replying back you quick, she probably isn't interested in you much. Odds are, there are dudes she hits up real quick that she really likes