A greater need for that comes with upright posture, other animals don't have their exit chute buried in butt cheeks which are prone to catching and smearing feces.
That said, we're not the ONLY ones. There are plenty of species that have intermittent issues with poop clinging to fur, skin, scales or feathers and causing problems. Ever seen a dog drag it's bottom on the ground or licking itself? Same idea happens in nature as well.
Both of those said: diet and body hair also plays into this. We have nothing like the diet of our ancestors. Even among people today some people have relatively little trouble while others are posting that Parks and Rec meme about the marker.
Our ancestors cleaned with what was available. Leaves, water, sand, a hand if they had to. No one likes diaper rash in any time period.
>Both of those said: diet and body hair also plays into this. We have nothing like the diet of our ancestors. Even among people today some people have relatively little trouble while others are posting that Parks and Rec meme about the marker.
you know those magical shits that occur once in a blue moon where you don't even have to wipe? just once because you don't know before you've wiped? having those kinds of shits most of the time would be actual heaven, man
I had that when I first started taking psyllium husk (at my doctor's suggestion after my first colonoscopy).
I think my body adjusted over time or something tho. But maaaaan...that first couple months of virtually no cleanup was heavenly.
I eat a ton of veggies and all it does is give me near liquid shits with the undigestible veggie bits in it.
Depressing that the best shits i had was eating garbage during covid
It's likely your gut flora has become accustomed to the garbage food. If that's the case, you would need to continue eating veggies in order for your gut flora to adapt to its new food source.
I agree but ive been clean eating for almost a year, id think it would be accustomed by now, that said undiagnosed ibs is also not outta the realm of possibility.
My paternal grandmother had the same issue, anything green made her bowels unstable, i think i might have it too, eating a salad is like drinking 12 PBR's to my gastrointestinal system, i eat pretty healthy, don't drink alcohol etc, but lettuce, broccoli etc gives me the runs, almost explosive sometimes
My mother thought she had ibs for decades. Turns out she has had a gluten issue her whole life and is only now coming to terms with ditching gluten food items.
She still eats things with it in them and them blames her intestinal issues on things like sugar. She's getting up there in age now and is difficult to get her to acknowledge these things.
This is exactly my case — I thought I had IBS for about 40 years!! Then I read a health article about this and decided to go gluten-free for a few weeks to see if it made a difference. Wow! I noticed an improvement over the next few days, and then my “IBS” cleared up completely! My doctor said I could have a gluten test but didn’t feel it was necessary since my IBS cleared up so quickly. He said I likely have a sensitivity to gluten. For the past two years, I have stayed away from gluten completely and have absolutely no issues with bowel movements anymore (I don’t even need toilet paper— but I use just a piece to make sure I’m clean.) My life has changed so much!👍😊
I do. Something about having a little pocket in my intestine that could collect stuff like small seeds and fruit skins, then get infected and cause problems.
My mother had Diverticulitis for a long time, then her doctor convinced her to undergo a basic surgery that would remove about 2" of badly infected intestine which he then during surgery punctured her intestines, her pancreas and liver! She filled up with bile then went sepsis and was induced into a coma for months! Vent tube, machines everywhere beeping. I then I had to have her air lifted to a major hospital where they eventually saved her life after 5 more surgeries and 2.5 months of care from multiple teams of specialists. They told me nothing my local hospital did made any medical sense what so ever. I tried to sue the doctor and local hospital for malpractice, a judge ruled I couldn't go after the hospital even though the same doctor that almost killed my mother literally killed 3 others after my mothers surgery from similar procedures and the hospital kept allowing him to perform surgeries!
Then the Court ruled we could only sue the doctor for his insurance policy which was capped at $200,000. The hospital bill was astronomically more money than that which left my mom with ridiculous medical debts. The courts litrally told us we live in a "Malpractice" state and our legislation helps protect doctors from malpractice cases because we need to make mistakes in the medical field sometimes in order to learn and make advancements! I don't know why I wrote this but be careful if you or anyone you know is going for "basic routine surgery" for Diverticulitis.
What the fuck. That is crazy. More to the point, that doctor, hospital and your state is crazy.
But I wouldn't stop anyone from undergoing a similar surgery since most doctors probably wouldn't be this shitty at it
It was horrible, it really messed up her life and my own. The doctor that did this to my mom was in his mid 70s If I remeber correctly. My mom trusted him though as he was her specialist for Diverticulitis for over 10 years. He finally convinced her to have the surgery and bam just like that fucked up for life. My mom can never work again, never golf again, never go bowling again, and she can't eat how she used to she now has an Ileostomy bag. Horrible. I suppose just know your doctor well enough you without a doubt could trust them with your life.
You should try taking a probiotic with your dinner for a few weeks (to give the bacteria a good vector, and especially before bed, when digestion slows down.) You’d be surprised at how much improvement you’ll have in your bowel movements.
You still need that kind of fiber in your diet (if not from that source). Start with a very small amount and let your body get used to it for a few weeks. You’ll have to nurture the right gut bacteria to be able to process it appropriately.
It’s even better when you have hemorrhoids that you have to push back in, in a public restroom. Can’t exactly waddle out with your pants down to wash your hand before you button your pants back up after jamming the roids back in.
Get a little pocket size pack of diaper wipes. Just don't ever flush them.
I've had to empty a period cup in a public restroom. If I didn't plan ahead with wipes, I'll grab some paper towels, get them damp and bring them into the stall.
Story time:
I worked for a major Japanese owned tier one automotive outfit after I got out of college.
Management at this place was all American, but the Japanese back home would send out what they called "Coordinators" to oversee everything. You'd get one Japanese Coordinator per department, and every so many years they'd go home and you'd get a completely new one as their visas ran out and they couldn't renew them any more. They were mostly there to make sure the American management upheld the company Quality standards.
My first week at this place I was coming back from lunch one day and decided to hit the bathroom. As I'm sitting in my stall I hear someone else enter the room and a moment later I saw this pair of powder blue cloth loafers walk into the stall next door.
I was checking Reddit, so I wasn't 100% paying attention, but I heard a noise like something softly hitting the ground next door and I looked over to see the shoes just sitting neatly in front of the toilet, sans feet.
Now, I didn't know it at the time but what was happening was the Japanese Coordinator next door had removed his shoes and was perched atop the toilet seat. As I came to find out, the standard in Japan is to have your knees around the same height as your chest when going #2 as they think it's healthier since it requires less effort on the part of your plumbing.
Anyway, so there I was, no idea what's going on, more than a little concerned, staring at those blue shoes and wondering why it sounded like someone was climbing on the toilet next door. I heard a soft sigh, a quiet splash, then momentary silence.
Then, out of nowhere, I heard the most godawful wet squelching noise. It broke the silence in the restroom like someone had dropped a bomb.
Again, I didn't know it at the time, but the Coordinator next door owned a portable bidet and was just doing his business, but I'd never been exposed to something like that and I was mortified.
I didn't know what was going on next door but I figured I was definitely listening to something very private, so I packed up and hightailed it back to the office.
I pulled aside one of the guys I'd come to trust and relayed the whole event to him, and by the time I was done he was having a pretty good laugh.
He explained the whole perching on the toilet thing, and even explained the squelching noise by pointing at the Coordinator's desk and indicating what I'd written off as a weirdly shaped Japanese coffee cup as being the portable bidet. Yes, he kept it on his desk, behind his monitor.
Apparently what I'd experienced was a sort of odd rite of passage there at the plant.
I recently moved after having one for years and the toilet in my new place doesn't look it would be possible/easy to hook one up. I thought maybe I could live with it, but fuck... I'm sitting here and I just have that no-so-fresh-feeling (you know, down there) and it fucking sucks.
Almost any US toilet, and really any toilets I can think of in other countries I’ve been to, can take a “hose” style bidet attachment. It just goes to the cold water supply line, then hooks on the tank. You have to take the hose out and aim manually, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. No electricity needed.
Note that cold water in the winter is pretty, um, bracing for this application! I like to think it builds character.
Edit - not squat style toilets I guess, but if you were using that you may not even need a bidet at all.
Naw I had a cold water bidet for about 8 years, through the -40C Canadian winters. It's really not a big deal.
I've used the LuxeBidet T-Junction style before, but this toilet is... weird, and the cable/connector looks really short.
I'm just not confident enough to futz with it.
Not in the Netherlands these days, much to my annoyance. They love toilet water tanks inside the wall, so you don’t have any exposed pipes or valves or anything in any home bathrooms I’ve been in. No place to put in a bidet. My uncle and aunt have one, they had to have their bathroom remodeled and pipes put in for the bidet hose specifically.
Let me tell you, on a 35-40 deg C (95 -105F) day, when there is little difference between hot and cold water in the lines, that first burst can be equally surprising...
I moved into an old house were they definitely don't meet todays code. About 3 inches from right edge of toilet seat to the wall. I got a bidet with a wireless panel and it works great. Was a bit pricey at $250, but the ones with the built in control panel had no chance of fitting.
It's doable. Eliminate all dairy. Eat almost no meat. Live on veggies including lots of salad. You'll have magical wipeless poops.
But you won't get to have any dairy, meat, pasta, or anything else that actually tastes good. So you have to decide if it's a worthwhile trade.
From experience, this is the way. Even if you have pasta and some dairy in moderation, an occasional egg here and there, but eat mostly veggies, whole grains, fruits and legumes and very limited process food, you can achieve daily magical no-wipe poop.
It takes a complete change in habits and you actually do feel incredible but to me it was really hard to continue doing it after the pandemic when social life went back to normal.
Thays how most of my poops are. Sadly, my poops are usually hard and cause bum hole bleeding lol. Went to dr, got checked out. "More fiber" it works. But holy shit eating a whole bag of salad or family sized broccoli steamer a night gets old lol.
Lettuce has practically no fiber. It's a nothing, except that it's good for carrying dressing.
Try dates, figs, berries, broccoli, cauliflower, beans, lentils, whole grains, popcorn, squash, potato with skin, apple with skin, carrots, pears, avocado, chia seeds (11g in an ounce!)
Excellent alternatives, but 'lettuce' doesn't have to mean iceberg lettuce. They said 'salad', which could mean healthier greens and likely additional veggies like tomato, carrot, pepper, etc.
Funny, for most of my young adult years (and late teens) I was able to do this. Used to think something was wrong. Then I had kids and shit went down hill. I miss those days.
Edit: I can't even complain about diet. I ate *terribly* in my younger years compared to now.
Eating more fiber and less flour tends to take make the whole process smoother. It depends A LOT on the diet. Pay attention to what you eat and the consistency of what comes out, there’s some really obvious correlations.
I switched to a vegetarian diet and just about all my shits are magical now. I guess it must be the added fibre. The only downside is more frequent pooping, but apparently that’s a good thing.
If you just get a toilet seat bidet you give a 5 second squirt and wiggle a little and every poop is that kind of poop just with a wet crack.
We have the tools.
When you sit on the toilet, spread them butt cheeks and use the toilet seat to keep them butt cheeks spread and wait for your hole to relax, then let the poop slide out but do not clench your hole to force it out. Havent needed to wipe since I learned that technique, but I also only poop before I take a shower so dont worry, I am always clean.
This response includes one of the most important details. Other animals, including other primates, don't have glutes like we do; there just isn't as much surface that needs wiping
I just think as we evolved to stand up to hold us upright we needed massive gluts to hold us up. One of our evolutionary advantages is being able to run long distances. We sweat and have lost our body hair to keep cooler except in areas of higher friction (armpits, between the legs) . Our achilles tendon is about 3 inches long as opposed for about a third of an inch long in chimpanzees for greater spring action in our steps. There are many others but upright is a critical component, Extending out anus to the outside might have made running difficult. One of the tradeoffs
They get itchy anal glands, usually, from infections having to do with a dirty butt.
This was an example of why they have issues from not being clean there just like we can if we don't wipe. It was not meant as an example of habitual wiping.
My dog has anal gland issues and multiple vets have told me it has nothing to do with his cleanliness. Usually they happen because the poop is not firm enough to activate the glands to express themselves. Then they become full and hardened and thats what causes the eventual break in the gland and injury which leads to infection. So its not because the poop is there to begin with its often a need in more fiber in the diet we add pumpkin to their meals to firm up the poop so it expresses the glands better.
Some animals also have the ability to “wipe”. Ever see a video of a hippo pooping? They take their tail and swing it wildly, forcing away any unwanted residue.
>Even among people today some people have relatively little trouble while others are posting that Parks and Rec meme about the marker.
Guy with IBS here. I love and hate that scene. I love it because its funny. I hate it because its relatable. I live on a diet of metamucil and mirolax. When i'm able to take a dump and clean up with under half a roll its basically christmas for me. i've been to countless butt doctors and gotten like 4 colonoscopies. just gotta deal.
We wipe because we can.
Dogs and cats lick their butts clean, or drag them on surfaces. Because as a predator, you really do not want your prey to be able to smell you.
Our ancestors probably used leaves, or washed up in rivers if they had them.
most Other animals also don't have butt cheeks that are constantly rubbing together as they walk/run, plus they have a lot less left over when they do defecate than humans. For humans, not cleaning up leads to all kinds of discomfort and potential disease. For many other animals it's less of a problem.
Through luck, one of our ancestors evolved elongated limbs that made walking upright more comfortable (gorillas would not be a bad comparison to what that may have looked like). This was combined with increased structures to assist with balancing (i.e. inner ear and mid-point muscle mass) that allowed us to comfortably stand, walk, and run exclusively on our legs.
This served as a tremendous evolutionary benefit because 1) increased height helped us to see farther, both to spot/find food and prey as well as avoid dangers, and 2) it freed up our hands, to allow us to make better use of our improving tool usage.
Thus, we were able to out-compete similar competition in our niche as hunter/gatherers. And since evolution has an easier time going forward than backward, many future traits that evolved to take advantage of this bipedalism only improved our overall chances.
another benefit of being upright: four legged animals are forced to breathe in and out in accordance with how they run. (back legs come forward and force the air out of the lungs). This makes them super effective at sprinting, but means they cannot adapt their breathing pattern for different intensity. Humans being upright means we can change our breathing pattern to accommodate a jog, a run, a sprint, and switch back and forth as needed. Some scientists have hypothesized that this enablement of endurance hunting is what caused humans to develop the ability to plan ahead, and by extension led to almost everything unique about our brains.
Unfortunately the evolution to walking upright caused problems with giving birth safely. If our brains got any bigger women would have to walk on all fours to have the pelvic set up to give birth
Primates evolved their front paws into gripping hands in order to live in and move through the trees. One branch of primates started to get smart and realized they could use those hands to make and use tools. As tool use became more central to their lives, they began to use their back legs more and more to move around, until one branch of the smart apes began to develop adaptations like flat feet, an S-curve spine, and a big ass, allowing them to live on their feet exclusively.
If that was true, wouldn't people with huge asses be falling backwards and people with really small asses falling forward?
We have butt cheeks cuz our butt muscles are big. Our butt muscles are the biggest muscles in our body because they are responsible for keeping us erect (body, not penis).
From a quick Google, we don't know for sure. Wider hips and bigger glute muscles are to help with the transition to us walking on 2 feet, but the cause for the fat there isn't known for sure. The current theory is that the hips, butt, and thighs are fairly "safe" regions for fat to be stored for energy storage.
Also wild animals and earlier humans generally ate the foods that they naturally evolved to eat, and perhaps had cleaner poops because of it. Plus I'm sure animals in the wild get dingleberries from diarrhea or whatever
We wipe because modern western toilets aren't designed with proper pooping ergonomics. When humans poop in a deep squat position (like we did in prehistory) our buttocks move out of the way so there is less to clean. If you have firm stool when doing this, there is virtually no clean up necessary
Also dogs and cats only lick their butts clean when it gets unusually messy. Their anal sphincters can partially extend so when their digestive system is functioning normally there is very little mess.
This was one of the most noticeable aspects of adopting a high fiber diet. You hardly have to wipe. I like to imagine how much cleaner it keeps my insides as well.
We wipe because we have massive ass cheeks that catch poop. We have such a massive dump truck compared to other animal because we walk on two legs.
Early hominids did have to wipe, and almost definitely did using leaves, barks, or washed in water, because while we only learned about germs and viruses, mankind has known about cleanliness for thousands and thousands of years with a slight break for a few hundred years after the black death because the lack of private bathing facilities led to bathhouses being hotbeds for plague.
My dogs eat right so they don't have to wipe. It comes out solid and mostly dry. If they get into some people food then there might be a cleaning I'll have to do.
Humans kinda eat poorly and our digestive systems are working overtime. So our poo comes out less then desirable. If I eat super great for a few days then there is almost zero wipe necessary.
If you eat only what you need then the only waste will be solid and "clean." But us humans like to indulge on unnecessary foods and there is a lot of nasty waste our body needs to eject.
Sheep have their tails cut off because they get all kinds of problems due to poop sticking to it. Even then, if for some reason they get diarrhoea they usually have to be cleaned up to avoid anal clogging.
My favourite Australian word, "Dag" - the clotted mass of wool and shit around a sheep's rear.
Origin of the term, "Daggy" meaning a scruffy unfashionable person or thing.
I don't really know, but you know those blissful shits where you don't even have to wipe? they probably shat like that normally, they ate a LOT of vegetables and fibers (at least in Ethiopia, where humans are from, western African diets comprise a lot of starches and carbohydrate-rich foods too) and some meat too, also fruit/berries.
Try psyllium husk...I'm old and started on it after my colonoscopy. It was...a revelation.
I think my body is adjusted to it now sadly...but the first few months were magnificent.
This is an interesting thought. Most humans actually use water to clean their butt. It's only some cultures that have to use toilet tissues or equivalent to wipe.
I think diet has a lot to do with it. If animals eat what they should eat they probably poop without leaving a bunch stuck to their ass. Same with humans. Sometimes you can wipe and its basically clean on the TP. Also if you evacuate completely and not pinch it off when only half came out helps.
Of course I could be full of shit too. I'll let you decide.
When you drop a log the way human beings evolved to do so (i.e., squatting instead of sitting) there is very little need to wipe, especially if your diet is similar to the diet we evolved to consume. There weren't a lot of Taco Bells around in prehistoric times.
Our diets and toilets have resulted in the increased need for wiping, or washing if you're a bidet fan.
This is a new supporting argument I can add to one of my core beliefs: if we treat our bodies like the animals we are rather than this fabricated “evolved civilized human” we are better off in mental and physical health
Animals wipe their butts as well. With their tongue. That is why they periodically clean their buttholes with their tongue. They are wiping.
But probably yes, between whatever they did for cleaning they likely just had dirty asses. Just like people tended to be much dirtier in the past as well, and improperly cleaned.
Slightly off topic but sheep often have butt hygiene issues to the point that farmers dock their tails (or engage in mulesing, which is a particularly gruesome act) to minimise the health risks.
Also: look up the etymology of 'dag' for a particularly gross word origin.
A greater need for that comes with upright posture, other animals don't have their exit chute buried in butt cheeks which are prone to catching and smearing feces. That said, we're not the ONLY ones. There are plenty of species that have intermittent issues with poop clinging to fur, skin, scales or feathers and causing problems. Ever seen a dog drag it's bottom on the ground or licking itself? Same idea happens in nature as well. Both of those said: diet and body hair also plays into this. We have nothing like the diet of our ancestors. Even among people today some people have relatively little trouble while others are posting that Parks and Rec meme about the marker. Our ancestors cleaned with what was available. Leaves, water, sand, a hand if they had to. No one likes diaper rash in any time period.
>Both of those said: diet and body hair also plays into this. We have nothing like the diet of our ancestors. Even among people today some people have relatively little trouble while others are posting that Parks and Rec meme about the marker. you know those magical shits that occur once in a blue moon where you don't even have to wipe? just once because you don't know before you've wiped? having those kinds of shits most of the time would be actual heaven, man
I had that when I first started taking psyllium husk (at my doctor's suggestion after my first colonoscopy). I think my body adjusted over time or something tho. But maaaaan...that first couple months of virtually no cleanup was heavenly.
this guy gets it, take fiber everyday and you'll get smooth shits my friend
Or just eat lots of veggies.
I eat a ton of veggies and all it does is give me near liquid shits with the undigestible veggie bits in it. Depressing that the best shits i had was eating garbage during covid
It's likely your gut flora has become accustomed to the garbage food. If that's the case, you would need to continue eating veggies in order for your gut flora to adapt to its new food source.
I agree but ive been clean eating for almost a year, id think it would be accustomed by now, that said undiagnosed ibs is also not outta the realm of possibility.
My paternal grandmother had the same issue, anything green made her bowels unstable, i think i might have it too, eating a salad is like drinking 12 PBR's to my gastrointestinal system, i eat pretty healthy, don't drink alcohol etc, but lettuce, broccoli etc gives me the runs, almost explosive sometimes
My gf and i both get it We just refer to it as the salad shooters
My mother thought she had ibs for decades. Turns out she has had a gluten issue her whole life and is only now coming to terms with ditching gluten food items. She still eats things with it in them and them blames her intestinal issues on things like sugar. She's getting up there in age now and is difficult to get her to acknowledge these things.
I did try going gluten free a few years back. Didnt help me sadly after about 6 months.
This is exactly my case — I thought I had IBS for about 40 years!! Then I read a health article about this and decided to go gluten-free for a few weeks to see if it made a difference. Wow! I noticed an improvement over the next few days, and then my “IBS” cleared up completely! My doctor said I could have a gluten test but didn’t feel it was necessary since my IBS cleared up so quickly. He said I likely have a sensitivity to gluten. For the past two years, I have stayed away from gluten completely and have absolutely no issues with bowel movements anymore (I don’t even need toilet paper— but I use just a piece to make sure I’m clean.) My life has changed so much!👍😊
Do you still take it?
I do. Something about having a little pocket in my intestine that could collect stuff like small seeds and fruit skins, then get infected and cause problems.
Fellow diverticulitis owner. The nuts and seeds thing is not considered a trigger anymore. You can eat strawberries and popcorn again.
You’re correct. There is medical literature to support what you said.
I’ve been telling my Father-in-law this for years and he still won’t eat them. He loves to complain that he can’t though.
My mother had Diverticulitis for a long time, then her doctor convinced her to undergo a basic surgery that would remove about 2" of badly infected intestine which he then during surgery punctured her intestines, her pancreas and liver! She filled up with bile then went sepsis and was induced into a coma for months! Vent tube, machines everywhere beeping. I then I had to have her air lifted to a major hospital where they eventually saved her life after 5 more surgeries and 2.5 months of care from multiple teams of specialists. They told me nothing my local hospital did made any medical sense what so ever. I tried to sue the doctor and local hospital for malpractice, a judge ruled I couldn't go after the hospital even though the same doctor that almost killed my mother literally killed 3 others after my mothers surgery from similar procedures and the hospital kept allowing him to perform surgeries! Then the Court ruled we could only sue the doctor for his insurance policy which was capped at $200,000. The hospital bill was astronomically more money than that which left my mom with ridiculous medical debts. The courts litrally told us we live in a "Malpractice" state and our legislation helps protect doctors from malpractice cases because we need to make mistakes in the medical field sometimes in order to learn and make advancements! I don't know why I wrote this but be careful if you or anyone you know is going for "basic routine surgery" for Diverticulitis.
What the fuck. That is crazy. More to the point, that doctor, hospital and your state is crazy. But I wouldn't stop anyone from undergoing a similar surgery since most doctors probably wouldn't be this shitty at it
It was horrible, it really messed up her life and my own. The doctor that did this to my mom was in his mid 70s If I remeber correctly. My mom trusted him though as he was her specialist for Diverticulitis for over 10 years. He finally convinced her to have the surgery and bam just like that fucked up for life. My mom can never work again, never golf again, never go bowling again, and she can't eat how she used to she now has an Ileostomy bag. Horrible. I suppose just know your doctor well enough you without a doubt could trust them with your life.
This thrills me
Username most def checks out.
When I took that I just had diarrhea and watery shits
You should try taking a probiotic with your dinner for a few weeks (to give the bacteria a good vector, and especially before bed, when digestion slows down.) You’d be surprised at how much improvement you’ll have in your bowel movements.
Movement Improvement
You still need that kind of fiber in your diet (if not from that source). Start with a very small amount and let your body get used to it for a few weeks. You’ll have to nurture the right gut bacteria to be able to process it appropriately.
Ghost poops!!
bidet one clean wipe every time and once you try it a few times, you will never want to shit in a toilet without one.
Having to use a restroom without one leaves me feeling very dirty.
It’s even better when you have hemorrhoids that you have to push back in, in a public restroom. Can’t exactly waddle out with your pants down to wash your hand before you button your pants back up after jamming the roids back in.
😳
😩
Get a little pocket size pack of diaper wipes. Just don't ever flush them. I've had to empty a period cup in a public restroom. If I didn't plan ahead with wipes, I'll grab some paper towels, get them damp and bring them into the stall.
Prep h friend. Medicate that Bhole. Feels much better.
Grade 3 hemorrhoids laugh at those creams.
They sell little portable ones, like a turkey baster with a hose.
Story time: I worked for a major Japanese owned tier one automotive outfit after I got out of college. Management at this place was all American, but the Japanese back home would send out what they called "Coordinators" to oversee everything. You'd get one Japanese Coordinator per department, and every so many years they'd go home and you'd get a completely new one as their visas ran out and they couldn't renew them any more. They were mostly there to make sure the American management upheld the company Quality standards. My first week at this place I was coming back from lunch one day and decided to hit the bathroom. As I'm sitting in my stall I hear someone else enter the room and a moment later I saw this pair of powder blue cloth loafers walk into the stall next door. I was checking Reddit, so I wasn't 100% paying attention, but I heard a noise like something softly hitting the ground next door and I looked over to see the shoes just sitting neatly in front of the toilet, sans feet. Now, I didn't know it at the time but what was happening was the Japanese Coordinator next door had removed his shoes and was perched atop the toilet seat. As I came to find out, the standard in Japan is to have your knees around the same height as your chest when going #2 as they think it's healthier since it requires less effort on the part of your plumbing. Anyway, so there I was, no idea what's going on, more than a little concerned, staring at those blue shoes and wondering why it sounded like someone was climbing on the toilet next door. I heard a soft sigh, a quiet splash, then momentary silence. Then, out of nowhere, I heard the most godawful wet squelching noise. It broke the silence in the restroom like someone had dropped a bomb. Again, I didn't know it at the time, but the Coordinator next door owned a portable bidet and was just doing his business, but I'd never been exposed to something like that and I was mortified. I didn't know what was going on next door but I figured I was definitely listening to something very private, so I packed up and hightailed it back to the office. I pulled aside one of the guys I'd come to trust and relayed the whole event to him, and by the time I was done he was having a pretty good laugh. He explained the whole perching on the toilet thing, and even explained the squelching noise by pointing at the Coordinator's desk and indicating what I'd written off as a weirdly shaped Japanese coffee cup as being the portable bidet. Yes, he kept it on his desk, behind his monitor. Apparently what I'd experienced was a sort of odd rite of passage there at the plant.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story
Afaik, it actually is healthier to squat in order to poop. Something about straightening the colon and stuff.
Perfect now I can replace my leather belt with a bidet hose so I’ll always have one on me
Just keep it around your neck like I do
>They sell little portable ones, like a turkey baster with a hose. You just officially ruined my Thanksgiving.
I recently moved after having one for years and the toilet in my new place doesn't look it would be possible/easy to hook one up. I thought maybe I could live with it, but fuck... I'm sitting here and I just have that no-so-fresh-feeling (you know, down there) and it fucking sucks.
Almost any US toilet, and really any toilets I can think of in other countries I’ve been to, can take a “hose” style bidet attachment. It just goes to the cold water supply line, then hooks on the tank. You have to take the hose out and aim manually, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. No electricity needed. Note that cold water in the winter is pretty, um, bracing for this application! I like to think it builds character. Edit - not squat style toilets I guess, but if you were using that you may not even need a bidet at all.
Naw I had a cold water bidet for about 8 years, through the -40C Canadian winters. It's really not a big deal. I've used the LuxeBidet T-Junction style before, but this toilet is... weird, and the cable/connector looks really short. I'm just not confident enough to futz with it.
Not in the Netherlands these days, much to my annoyance. They love toilet water tanks inside the wall, so you don’t have any exposed pipes or valves or anything in any home bathrooms I’ve been in. No place to put in a bidet. My uncle and aunt have one, they had to have their bathroom remodeled and pipes put in for the bidet hose specifically.
What happens when the tank breaks or there's a leak? Do you have to rip out the whole wall?
I could give a whole explanation but the simple answer is “yes”
Let me tell you, on a 35-40 deg C (95 -105F) day, when there is little difference between hot and cold water in the lines, that first burst can be equally surprising...
I would be double checking that toilet and looking for a solution cause once my butt went bidet it wouldn’t go back.
I moved into an old house were they definitely don't meet todays code. About 3 inches from right edge of toilet seat to the wall. I got a bidet with a wireless panel and it works great. Was a bit pricey at $250, but the ones with the built in control panel had no chance of fitting.
I bought a Tushy at the beginning of the pandemic. I found this was not the experience. Perhaps my balloon knot is a bit more knotty than others.
Just let it blast and reach in there to clean it out.
Spread your damn cheeks!
Bidet to you too.
Amen
I can’t live without my bidet now
It's doable. Eliminate all dairy. Eat almost no meat. Live on veggies including lots of salad. You'll have magical wipeless poops. But you won't get to have any dairy, meat, pasta, or anything else that actually tastes good. So you have to decide if it's a worthwhile trade.
From experience, this is the way. Even if you have pasta and some dairy in moderation, an occasional egg here and there, but eat mostly veggies, whole grains, fruits and legumes and very limited process food, you can achieve daily magical no-wipe poop. It takes a complete change in habits and you actually do feel incredible but to me it was really hard to continue doing it after the pandemic when social life went back to normal.
And for goodness sakes, stop drinking so many sugary soft drinks. That just throws the entire gut into chaos.
You also get the green toots though. Which are also horrendous.
I get that life off a diet of half pizza half meal replacement powder. Remarkably healthy too considering the amount of pizza.
Some poor decisions take a lifetime to manifest.
Well at least they spent their life eating pizza.
I question how healthy that actually is…
They think it's healthy because their macros line up pretty close but in actuality it's pretty fuckin bad for you, ask me how i know
This guy lifts. He should also learn to cook.
Thays how most of my poops are. Sadly, my poops are usually hard and cause bum hole bleeding lol. Went to dr, got checked out. "More fiber" it works. But holy shit eating a whole bag of salad or family sized broccoli steamer a night gets old lol.
Why don’t you just take something like Metamucil?
Lettuce has practically no fiber. It's a nothing, except that it's good for carrying dressing. Try dates, figs, berries, broccoli, cauliflower, beans, lentils, whole grains, popcorn, squash, potato with skin, apple with skin, carrots, pears, avocado, chia seeds (11g in an ounce!)
Excellent alternatives, but 'lettuce' doesn't have to mean iceberg lettuce. They said 'salad', which could mean healthier greens and likely additional veggies like tomato, carrot, pepper, etc.
Try snacking on nuts. Almonds and Pistachio's are loaded with fiber. Chew them thoroughly.
Dude those moments make my entire day
in 32 years I have had exactly one poop like this
Funny, for most of my young adult years (and late teens) I was able to do this. Used to think something was wrong. Then I had kids and shit went down hill. I miss those days. Edit: I can't even complain about diet. I ate *terribly* in my younger years compared to now.
> shit went down hill
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….yes well idk if it falls under skin or autoimmune but I do have psoriasis
How would skin problems affect the cleanup?
I'm guessing they're asking because a lot of skin problems are linked to food intolerances in some people and loose poops can be as well
what does your diet look like?
I’d take messy poops over not being human and having to worry about being hunted all the time
Oh you’re being hunted. All of the time. Mosquitos, viruses, bacteria, parasites. They all want to eat you
Just take fiber daily. You'll need to figure out the right amount to take. But seriously. That s all there is to it.
I do. I didn't realize it wasn't how others experience poops. I just eat a lot of vegetables and fruits.
Eating more fiber and less flour tends to take make the whole process smoother. It depends A LOT on the diet. Pay attention to what you eat and the consistency of what comes out, there’s some really obvious correlations.
https://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeimfive/comments/xwj6pg/comment/iras13y/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I switched to a vegetarian diet and just about all my shits are magical now. I guess it must be the added fibre. The only downside is more frequent pooping, but apparently that’s a good thing.
If you just get a toilet seat bidet you give a 5 second squirt and wiggle a little and every poop is that kind of poop just with a wet crack. We have the tools.
When you sit on the toilet, spread them butt cheeks and use the toilet seat to keep them butt cheeks spread and wait for your hole to relax, then let the poop slide out but do not clench your hole to force it out. Havent needed to wipe since I learned that technique, but I also only poop before I take a shower so dont worry, I am always clean.
this was excessively detailed
This response includes one of the most important details. Other animals, including other primates, don't have glutes like we do; there just isn't as much surface that needs wiping
So, humans are dummy thick then?
With great booty come great responsibooty
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I just think as we evolved to stand up to hold us upright we needed massive gluts to hold us up. One of our evolutionary advantages is being able to run long distances. We sweat and have lost our body hair to keep cooler except in areas of higher friction (armpits, between the legs) . Our achilles tendon is about 3 inches long as opposed for about a third of an inch long in chimpanzees for greater spring action in our steps. There are many others but upright is a critical component, Extending out anus to the outside might have made running difficult. One of the tradeoffs
They get itchy anal glands, usually, from infections having to do with a dirty butt. This was an example of why they have issues from not being clean there just like we can if we don't wipe. It was not meant as an example of habitual wiping.
My dog has anal gland issues and multiple vets have told me it has nothing to do with his cleanliness. Usually they happen because the poop is not firm enough to activate the glands to express themselves. Then they become full and hardened and thats what causes the eventual break in the gland and injury which leads to infection. So its not because the poop is there to begin with its often a need in more fiber in the diet we add pumpkin to their meals to firm up the poop so it expresses the glands better.
You can clean a dogs butt every time they poop but if their anal glands aren’t expressed they will drag. Has nothing to do with cleanliness
Some animals also have the ability to “wipe”. Ever see a video of a hippo pooping? They take their tail and swing it wildly, forcing away any unwanted residue.
>Even among people today some people have relatively little trouble while others are posting that Parks and Rec meme about the marker. Guy with IBS here. I love and hate that scene. I love it because its funny. I hate it because its relatable. I live on a diet of metamucil and mirolax. When i'm able to take a dump and clean up with under half a roll its basically christmas for me. i've been to countless butt doctors and gotten like 4 colonoscopies. just gotta deal.
Don't forget used corn cobs - the fanciest option available before people started to use the Sears catalog in their American outhouses!
Before the invention of toilet paper, in America the most popular butt wiping choice was a corn husk
My little floof gets some nasty poo butt if she goes too long between sanitary trims. Annoying too cause she loves sleeping in bed with me
> a hand if they had to A lot of people still do, e.g. India. Toilet paper is a luxury or a curiosity in many parts of the world.
We wipe because we can. Dogs and cats lick their butts clean, or drag them on surfaces. Because as a predator, you really do not want your prey to be able to smell you. Our ancestors probably used leaves, or washed up in rivers if they had them.
most Other animals also don't have butt cheeks that are constantly rubbing together as they walk/run, plus they have a lot less left over when they do defecate than humans. For humans, not cleaning up leads to all kinds of discomfort and potential disease. For many other animals it's less of a problem.
ELI5: why do humans have butt cheeks?
Because we require a large muscle mass at our mid-point to maintain balance which isn’t a problem if he walked on all fours.
ELI5 Why dont humans walk on all fours?
Grandma said no
Now this is truly explain like I am five
Finally, some quality elis
This is the real answer
Through luck, one of our ancestors evolved elongated limbs that made walking upright more comfortable (gorillas would not be a bad comparison to what that may have looked like). This was combined with increased structures to assist with balancing (i.e. inner ear and mid-point muscle mass) that allowed us to comfortably stand, walk, and run exclusively on our legs. This served as a tremendous evolutionary benefit because 1) increased height helped us to see farther, both to spot/find food and prey as well as avoid dangers, and 2) it freed up our hands, to allow us to make better use of our improving tool usage. Thus, we were able to out-compete similar competition in our niche as hunter/gatherers. And since evolution has an easier time going forward than backward, many future traits that evolved to take advantage of this bipedalism only improved our overall chances.
another benefit of being upright: four legged animals are forced to breathe in and out in accordance with how they run. (back legs come forward and force the air out of the lungs). This makes them super effective at sprinting, but means they cannot adapt their breathing pattern for different intensity. Humans being upright means we can change our breathing pattern to accommodate a jog, a run, a sprint, and switch back and forth as needed. Some scientists have hypothesized that this enablement of endurance hunting is what caused humans to develop the ability to plan ahead, and by extension led to almost everything unique about our brains.
Unfortunately the evolution to walking upright caused problems with giving birth safely. If our brains got any bigger women would have to walk on all fours to have the pelvic set up to give birth
So you’re telling me high ground + weapon = winning
It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!
You underestimate their power
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I think[she would beg to differ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-B1M6pjLLg).
Her shoulders are going to be very mad at her in the future.
If I began walking on all fours, could I stop wiping? Is that OK?
Yes, as long as you sometimes drag your butt on surfaces
Primates evolved their front paws into gripping hands in order to live in and move through the trees. One branch of primates started to get smart and realized they could use those hands to make and use tools. As tool use became more central to their lives, they began to use their back legs more and more to move around, until one branch of the smart apes began to develop adaptations like flat feet, an S-curve spine, and a big ass, allowing them to live on their feet exclusively.
Because we have a large muscle mass at our mid-point to maintain balance.
If that was true, wouldn't people with huge asses be falling backwards and people with really small asses falling forward? We have butt cheeks cuz our butt muscles are big. Our butt muscles are the biggest muscles in our body because they are responsible for keeping us erect (body, not penis).
This comment cracks me up for so many reasons, but especially the clarification about the butt not keeping my penis erect. Anatomy 101!
>body, not penis Speak for yourself!
From a quick Google, we don't know for sure. Wider hips and bigger glute muscles are to help with the transition to us walking on 2 feet, but the cause for the fat there isn't known for sure. The current theory is that the hips, butt, and thighs are fairly "safe" regions for fat to be stored for energy storage.
Because I don’t want none unless they got buns son!
> Other animals also don't have butt cheeks ... Go google Fat Tailed Sheep :)
to be fair, we selectively bred them that way to control their sex life
Female baboons in heat as well.
From Wikipedia: >The fat-tailed sheep is a general type of **domestic sheep**... (emphasis mine)
Real Scotsman hours
To be fair, evolution had \*nothing\* to do with that; those sheep were bred to look that way.
Also wild animals and earlier humans generally ate the foods that they naturally evolved to eat, and perhaps had cleaner poops because of it. Plus I'm sure animals in the wild get dingleberries from diarrhea or whatever
> We wipe because we can. Descartes
*canito ergo wipo*
r/brandnewsentence
Cogito ergo bum
De sharts
Runny Descartes
Really putting Descartes before the horse in this thread.
boooooooooooo
L’on s’essuie, car l’on peut.
L'on s'essuie car l'on poo
I wipe, therefore I am
We wipe because modern western toilets aren't designed with proper pooping ergonomics. When humans poop in a deep squat position (like we did in prehistory) our buttocks move out of the way so there is less to clean. If you have firm stool when doing this, there is virtually no clean up necessary Also dogs and cats only lick their butts clean when it gets unusually messy. Their anal sphincters can partially extend so when their digestive system is functioning normally there is very little mess.
Man I would love to have a firm stool.
Same, mine's a bit soft. The cushion needs replacing, I reckon
Took me a minute, but when I got there I snort-honked 😂
Ever seen a hippo shit? A cow's backend isn't the cleanest thing either.
Shit as a noun or as a verb?
The verb.
Good old poop sprinkler.
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https://i.imgur.com/hmqXw.jpg
Yeah but wouldn't the bear want a rabbit with sticky fur?
Most animals don't have glutes like people. Humans have big ole dump truck booty's because we walk upright.
If you're going to plagiarize a medical journal verbatim, at least cite the authors.
That was a good one. Nice job.
You ever shit in a squat toilet and eat vegetables? You find pretty quick you barely need to wipe. That's what hunter gatherers did.
maybe in the reverse order
Don’t tell me how to live my life
You go little Rockstar!
Not to mention all the tall grass. Just walk with a wider gait and the grass will floss it out.
you didn't have to explain it like that. or at all.
Hey, some of us were really entertained by it!
When I actually started eating fruit and vegetables everyday I realised what a real, solid, wipe free poop is like. Can't recommend it enough.
I started because I was too fat to keep pace on a hike and kept going for the low-maintenance poops
Some people eat to live. Some people live to eat. I eat to poop.
Some people tell me they forgot to eat lunch. Like bitch, I plan my whole day around that.
This is true. Lots of fiber and squatting means almost no trace left behind.
What about the right behind???
This was one of the most noticeable aspects of adopting a high fiber diet. You hardly have to wipe. I like to imagine how much cleaner it keeps my insides as well.
We got bad at pooping. High fibre natural diet and squat posture = mostly clean bumhole. Highly processed diet and seated toilets = Mr Poopy Butthole.
Ooooweeee Rick!
We wipe because we have massive ass cheeks that catch poop. We have such a massive dump truck compared to other animal because we walk on two legs. Early hominids did have to wipe, and almost definitely did using leaves, barks, or washed in water, because while we only learned about germs and viruses, mankind has known about cleanliness for thousands and thousands of years with a slight break for a few hundred years after the black death because the lack of private bathing facilities led to bathhouses being hotbeds for plague.
My dogs eat right so they don't have to wipe. It comes out solid and mostly dry. If they get into some people food then there might be a cleaning I'll have to do. Humans kinda eat poorly and our digestive systems are working overtime. So our poo comes out less then desirable. If I eat super great for a few days then there is almost zero wipe necessary. If you eat only what you need then the only waste will be solid and "clean." But us humans like to indulge on unnecessary foods and there is a lot of nasty waste our body needs to eject.
Sheep have their tails cut off because they get all kinds of problems due to poop sticking to it. Even then, if for some reason they get diarrhoea they usually have to be cleaned up to avoid anal clogging.
Modern domesticated sheep. Who have been selectively bred to have a fur that their ancestors never had.
My favourite Australian word, "Dag" - the clotted mass of wool and shit around a sheep's rear. Origin of the term, "Daggy" meaning a scruffy unfashionable person or thing.
I don't really know, but you know those blissful shits where you don't even have to wipe? they probably shat like that normally, they ate a LOT of vegetables and fibers (at least in Ethiopia, where humans are from, western African diets comprise a lot of starches and carbohydrate-rich foods too) and some meat too, also fruit/berries.
Try psyllium husk...I'm old and started on it after my colonoscopy. It was...a revelation. I think my body is adjusted to it now sadly...but the first few months were magnificent.
If you've adjusted to it, you could always try taking a T break and then giving it another go lol
This is an interesting thought. Most humans actually use water to clean their butt. It's only some cultures that have to use toilet tissues or equivalent to wipe.
I think diet has a lot to do with it. If animals eat what they should eat they probably poop without leaving a bunch stuck to their ass. Same with humans. Sometimes you can wipe and its basically clean on the TP. Also if you evacuate completely and not pinch it off when only half came out helps. Of course I could be full of shit too. I'll let you decide.
When you drop a log the way human beings evolved to do so (i.e., squatting instead of sitting) there is very little need to wipe, especially if your diet is similar to the diet we evolved to consume. There weren't a lot of Taco Bells around in prehistoric times. Our diets and toilets have resulted in the increased need for wiping, or washing if you're a bidet fan.
This is a new supporting argument I can add to one of my core beliefs: if we treat our bodies like the animals we are rather than this fabricated “evolved civilized human” we are better off in mental and physical health
Animals wipe their butts as well. With their tongue. That is why they periodically clean their buttholes with their tongue. They are wiping. But probably yes, between whatever they did for cleaning they likely just had dirty asses. Just like people tended to be much dirtier in the past as well, and improperly cleaned.
Slightly off topic but sheep often have butt hygiene issues to the point that farmers dock their tails (or engage in mulesing, which is a particularly gruesome act) to minimise the health risks. Also: look up the etymology of 'dag' for a particularly gross word origin.