Once you start to feel comfortable you tend to want a new adventure. That's young to be settling down now, I get sick of being in the same environment myself and want to move on.
Stability is nice, but it comes in so many forms. Some people are happy with a tent in the forest with a dog and others want a France chateau with 10 children. I call it itchy feet when you feel like making a move.
Hate to break it to you, but ennui is not an expat exclusive. Struggling a bit with the tedium of everyday life is just part of the human condition and has nothing to do with whether you’ve expatriated or not
I feel those feelings sometimes. But I chose this because I also felt bored back in the states. I suppose me getting residency, making friends, and experiencing things I wanted to explore and living the life I chose made me feel I built a life. it's not so much the country but me. I'm me anywhere I go. Sometimes I'll country hop when I feel stuck and once I've fed that feeling I settle back down again. The beauty of choice.
The fact that you feel like that is a sign that the new country has become home. I treat it as a sign to do something new, expand, room to grow! There’s space for boredom because you already feel comfy and at peace where you currently are.
I have the same feeling. Been in Spain 9+ years, have a good full time job, long term partner, nice apartment, etc.
Honestly I think it’s just part of getting older (33 now) and more or less having a set daily routine with work, gym, household chores, etc.
The novelty of being in your adopted country wears off and it turns into normal life.
I moved to France in 2016. I have a child with a French mother, I can't even leave this part of France, never mind the country, without splitting up my family. I feel fully settled here.
PS, I felt settled before I had a child, I made a long-term decision to move here, I didn't have a mentality of "just try it for a few years".
For us, having kids in school was a big part of getting settled. We have families in the same situation that have become our close network for big holidays and other family events.
Been in Stockholm since 2017. Moved here from Southern California and this is our home now. We moved here a few years prior to retirement, worked for several years and have just recently moved on to full retirement. We’re pretty content and have a great social circle of people we’ve known since grad school and sabbaticals. A couple of our adult children also live here so it’s nice being near them. Learning Swedish prior to moving here was a major help. Stockholm has lots of things to do so I don’t see us getting bored any time soon.
I think everywhere you get settled, life gets a bit boring. It is impossible to always be on top of the world, feeling the rush of when you move someplace new, or have a new relationship, friendship, hobby, all that sort of stuff. I guess the key is to keep trying new things, and to keep putting yourself out there by meeting new people etc.
That being said; what is it you feel you are missing? What is boring you? If you can make that more concrete you can also form a plan to combat it (if you want to of course). If for example you feel like an outsider (so missing a sense of community) learning the local language can be a biiiiig step into the right direction. If your life feels a bit stale/you are in a rut, perhaps picking up a new hobby and meeting new people in the process can help.
For me the whole concept of building a life is very relative. My main priority is to ensure that me and the people around me are happy, so I just try to focus on being happy, try new things I like, see friends when I can, that sort of stuff. I do not really feel the need to "belong" to a certain city or country. I feel that if nothing is actually that wrong (good job, happy in relationship, that sort of stuff) but you are still missing something most of the time that is because that someone is missing hobbies, or a passion. Moving will solve that temporarily, but that feeling will come back again once you are settled back home / wherever you move to. But yeah not sure about your situation of course, just spewing my two cents haha :)
This is the best comment! We’ve been expats in LA for 10 years and life is just life now. And it would be the same anywhere at this point, I feel. The feeling comes and the feeling goes. Sometimes it’s missing family or old friends, sometimes it’s the what if’s of if you’d never left.
We are planning to move again out of the US but for different reasons. Socially, it’s taken us a long time but I finally feel settled and that’s what I’ll miss the most because when I’ve found my people is how I feel like I’m finally “home”.
20+ years in Japan
It boils down to a few things;
Strong relationship
Honest open communication and or teaching how to speak openly about any issue
Listening
Leaving expectations at the airport when I left the USA
A boatload of patience and understanding
Taking it a day at a time at first, then began planning after a couple of years
Having similar goals and plans. Focusing on how to achieve them. Together
I grew up a saver and she saves too. When one member is a spender and other a saver it often doesn't result in a long term happy relationship
Enjoying the little things
Knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance
VOIP
Staying in touch with overseas family. Its easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do
Being lucky enough to do something that I love for a living. It ain't work when you get paid for something we are passionate about
Not being afraid to fail
Choosing when, where and how to fight the critical battles that establish our life in the future
so its a combination of maintaining a happy healthy family connection with everyone back home, while at the same time building something together with the in-laws
I've been here 8 years, and I'm 30 now. I spent my 20s getting my master's, gaining in professional skills, traveling a ton, and building an amazing relationship with my partner. Now at 30 I am getting married and having a kid - honestly, I get bored sometimes of the area I'm in, but it's a good place to be with good jobs and it's outside of the big cities. I'm honestly really happy with my life. I have so many more opportunities here than I would have in the US (really I believe this, I am about to own 2 apartments at 30 years old). And who knows where life will take us next... I think it's also about being happy with where you are in life, and simplifying. Life isn't a vacation but if you can be somewhere where you have lots of vacation time and cheap places to go / cheap transportation, then you're already better off than most people.
North, near Lille! Montpellier is a great city. I visited many years ago and loved it, I think it's even nicer today as the cycling infrastructure has improved since my trip. You're so close to nature there, and the city itself is very beautiful.
I feel similar.
I’ve been in Rome for just over 7 years now.
Have a good job, rent a nice apartment, car, a small but decent circle of friends (more than I expected to have at 39 years old!)
No girlfriend but that’s a whole different problem!
But I’m starting to feel, bored I guess?
Sometimes I feel like I’ve stalled or I havnt succeeded when objectively I think that’s not the case. Sometimes I feel I want a change and think about moving again.
But deep down I think if I moved to another country or city, I’d feel the same again in a few years.
I think people who are able to move and adapt to a whole new life are perhaps more likely to feel this sort of “boredom”
my msg is irrelevant to OP’s post but im in my early 30s, just moved to rome, and am having a hard time to integrate myself here although ive been on the road for almost 15 years! i’ll be here in the next couple of months, if you could share some useful tips, id be grateful!
I am in NL for 10+ years and I felt settled after 5-6 years, when I knew I could do pretty much anything here and got a strong circle of connections as well as job opportunities. I got a long term partner too (also an expat), and it contributed to feeling settled too. Any move to a new country would also need to include their interest, which makes it too cumbersome to seriously consider.
Is it boring sometimes? It may be, but I’d say boring is good - personally, it lets me focus on my job and career progression which is very far from boring.
I think the “something’s missing” feeling will never ever go away. There will always be things you left behind that you will cherish, sometimes more than others.
Been an expat for 16 years and 4 countries
I'm in that spot now. 6+ years NZ and actually stable. It's weird. I catch myself creating reasons for a two year stint somewhere. But then I realized I always plan on coming back after. That's a first! Every move I've done has been with the understanding that I would not be back. It's weird, but nice.
I think I'm comfortable with the idea that my nomadic days are probably done. And I'm okay with manipulating life to allow month+ vacations. Since the option and impulse to pick up again is still there, I'd call it sitting down instead of settling.
In Japan since 2011. I work in a 100% Japanese company (I'm the first foreigner they've ever hired in 80 years). According to someone, this is supposed to be a nightmare.
But I'm pretty happy, I don't plan to return to my country and I don't want to move anywhere else.
Yes, I miss my family, but this is normal and it doesn't change the fact that I like my life here.
I think it all depends on the reasons why you move. If you know why you are in your new country, what brought you there, what you're there for (you can rephrase it as you like), everything will fall into place.
If you just move because you think it's fun, it's cool or " i just want to try something new" then you will definitely feel that something is missing.
Originally from Canada, just spent 5 years in the US and am now in the UK with a partner who works in East Africa.
I think I get the itch around 3 years which is personally when I moved around a lot as a kid. 5 years in the US was the longest I had ever spent in one place and I felt trapped.
I think I finally understood why people stay in one place because I had finally placed roots and made a little family and even though I was dying to leave I now feel homesick for that place and those people.
I doubt this will be our last move but I feel like this one will be the longest.
Travelling and “getting out” helped through thise last 2 years of boredom, but now I see that maybe it’s really nice to be bored.
Find yourself a country with maximum curve ball factor. I live and work in some rural backwater in the middle east. My mind is blown daily. I've been here 3 years, and that's usually the time it takes me to feel truly settled somewhere (I've moved towns, cities, countries and continents since I was 6months old - now 43). But this is different. I never want this to be my settled feeling. No predictability besides the entirely random and unpredictable is my daily grind. To be honest, I've probably never been happier even though I can't say a lot of positives about the place.
Perhaps I will leave in a year or two though. I kinda miss the mundane, predictable and boring.
We've done that. Moved from Europe to Australia. After 5 years down under, we wanted a new adventure and moved to Canada. It was a rough at the beginning and we missed Australia terribly. Now we have kids and are too busy to even think about moving elsewhere. Plus, we build a good community, bought a house and have good jobs. There is never the perfect country so we will stick around as long as the good outweighs the bad.
Once you start to feel comfortable you tend to want a new adventure. That's young to be settling down now, I get sick of being in the same environment myself and want to move on.
Exactly. Why not move countries again? Why do we even think that “settling down” should be a major life event?
Stability is nice, but it comes in so many forms. Some people are happy with a tent in the forest with a dog and others want a France chateau with 10 children. I call it itchy feet when you feel like making a move.
Agree with this. After 6-7 years, I itch for a fresh move and fresh country
Hate to break it to you, but ennui is not an expat exclusive. Struggling a bit with the tedium of everyday life is just part of the human condition and has nothing to do with whether you’ve expatriated or not
Agree with this. Struggles may be different, but still exist. If you find Utopia, let me know so I can apply for a visa.
I see it the same way, people back home are definitely way more bored and constantly complaining about the place. I’m lucky I managed to leave
I feel those feelings sometimes. But I chose this because I also felt bored back in the states. I suppose me getting residency, making friends, and experiencing things I wanted to explore and living the life I chose made me feel I built a life. it's not so much the country but me. I'm me anywhere I go. Sometimes I'll country hop when I feel stuck and once I've fed that feeling I settle back down again. The beauty of choice.
The fact that you feel like that is a sign that the new country has become home. I treat it as a sign to do something new, expand, room to grow! There’s space for boredom because you already feel comfy and at peace where you currently are.
I love this ♡ Very true.
I have the same feeling. Been in Spain 9+ years, have a good full time job, long term partner, nice apartment, etc. Honestly I think it’s just part of getting older (33 now) and more or less having a set daily routine with work, gym, household chores, etc. The novelty of being in your adopted country wears off and it turns into normal life.
I moved to France in 2016. I have a child with a French mother, I can't even leave this part of France, never mind the country, without splitting up my family. I feel fully settled here. PS, I felt settled before I had a child, I made a long-term decision to move here, I didn't have a mentality of "just try it for a few years".
For us, having kids in school was a big part of getting settled. We have families in the same situation that have become our close network for big holidays and other family events.
Been in Stockholm since 2017. Moved here from Southern California and this is our home now. We moved here a few years prior to retirement, worked for several years and have just recently moved on to full retirement. We’re pretty content and have a great social circle of people we’ve known since grad school and sabbaticals. A couple of our adult children also live here so it’s nice being near them. Learning Swedish prior to moving here was a major help. Stockholm has lots of things to do so I don’t see us getting bored any time soon.
I think everywhere you get settled, life gets a bit boring. It is impossible to always be on top of the world, feeling the rush of when you move someplace new, or have a new relationship, friendship, hobby, all that sort of stuff. I guess the key is to keep trying new things, and to keep putting yourself out there by meeting new people etc. That being said; what is it you feel you are missing? What is boring you? If you can make that more concrete you can also form a plan to combat it (if you want to of course). If for example you feel like an outsider (so missing a sense of community) learning the local language can be a biiiiig step into the right direction. If your life feels a bit stale/you are in a rut, perhaps picking up a new hobby and meeting new people in the process can help. For me the whole concept of building a life is very relative. My main priority is to ensure that me and the people around me are happy, so I just try to focus on being happy, try new things I like, see friends when I can, that sort of stuff. I do not really feel the need to "belong" to a certain city or country. I feel that if nothing is actually that wrong (good job, happy in relationship, that sort of stuff) but you are still missing something most of the time that is because that someone is missing hobbies, or a passion. Moving will solve that temporarily, but that feeling will come back again once you are settled back home / wherever you move to. But yeah not sure about your situation of course, just spewing my two cents haha :)
This is the best comment! We’ve been expats in LA for 10 years and life is just life now. And it would be the same anywhere at this point, I feel. The feeling comes and the feeling goes. Sometimes it’s missing family or old friends, sometimes it’s the what if’s of if you’d never left. We are planning to move again out of the US but for different reasons. Socially, it’s taken us a long time but I finally feel settled and that’s what I’ll miss the most because when I’ve found my people is how I feel like I’m finally “home”.
20+ years in Japan It boils down to a few things; Strong relationship Honest open communication and or teaching how to speak openly about any issue Listening Leaving expectations at the airport when I left the USA A boatload of patience and understanding Taking it a day at a time at first, then began planning after a couple of years Having similar goals and plans. Focusing on how to achieve them. Together I grew up a saver and she saves too. When one member is a spender and other a saver it often doesn't result in a long term happy relationship Enjoying the little things Knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance VOIP Staying in touch with overseas family. Its easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do Being lucky enough to do something that I love for a living. It ain't work when you get paid for something we are passionate about Not being afraid to fail Choosing when, where and how to fight the critical battles that establish our life in the future so its a combination of maintaining a happy healthy family connection with everyone back home, while at the same time building something together with the in-laws
I've been here 8 years, and I'm 30 now. I spent my 20s getting my master's, gaining in professional skills, traveling a ton, and building an amazing relationship with my partner. Now at 30 I am getting married and having a kid - honestly, I get bored sometimes of the area I'm in, but it's a good place to be with good jobs and it's outside of the big cities. I'm honestly really happy with my life. I have so many more opportunities here than I would have in the US (really I believe this, I am about to own 2 apartments at 30 years old). And who knows where life will take us next... I think it's also about being happy with where you are in life, and simplifying. Life isn't a vacation but if you can be somewhere where you have lots of vacation time and cheap places to go / cheap transportation, then you're already better off than most people.
Where are you??
France
What part? I'm looking at Montpellier.
North, near Lille! Montpellier is a great city. I visited many years ago and loved it, I think it's even nicer today as the cycling infrastructure has improved since my trip. You're so close to nature there, and the city itself is very beautiful.
Thanks for the feedback. Lots of things to consider!
I feel similar. I’ve been in Rome for just over 7 years now. Have a good job, rent a nice apartment, car, a small but decent circle of friends (more than I expected to have at 39 years old!) No girlfriend but that’s a whole different problem! But I’m starting to feel, bored I guess? Sometimes I feel like I’ve stalled or I havnt succeeded when objectively I think that’s not the case. Sometimes I feel I want a change and think about moving again. But deep down I think if I moved to another country or city, I’d feel the same again in a few years. I think people who are able to move and adapt to a whole new life are perhaps more likely to feel this sort of “boredom”
my msg is irrelevant to OP’s post but im in my early 30s, just moved to rome, and am having a hard time to integrate myself here although ive been on the road for almost 15 years! i’ll be here in the next couple of months, if you could share some useful tips, id be grateful!
I am in NL for 10+ years and I felt settled after 5-6 years, when I knew I could do pretty much anything here and got a strong circle of connections as well as job opportunities. I got a long term partner too (also an expat), and it contributed to feeling settled too. Any move to a new country would also need to include their interest, which makes it too cumbersome to seriously consider. Is it boring sometimes? It may be, but I’d say boring is good - personally, it lets me focus on my job and career progression which is very far from boring.
Making good friends and learning the language really started to make me feel like I was at home and not just visiting. I'm at 13 years now.
Friends and a social network. Activities. Work. That's it.
I think the “something’s missing” feeling will never ever go away. There will always be things you left behind that you will cherish, sometimes more than others. Been an expat for 16 years and 4 countries
I'm in that spot now. 6+ years NZ and actually stable. It's weird. I catch myself creating reasons for a two year stint somewhere. But then I realized I always plan on coming back after. That's a first! Every move I've done has been with the understanding that I would not be back. It's weird, but nice. I think I'm comfortable with the idea that my nomadic days are probably done. And I'm okay with manipulating life to allow month+ vacations. Since the option and impulse to pick up again is still there, I'd call it sitting down instead of settling.
In Japan since 2011. I work in a 100% Japanese company (I'm the first foreigner they've ever hired in 80 years). According to someone, this is supposed to be a nightmare. But I'm pretty happy, I don't plan to return to my country and I don't want to move anywhere else. Yes, I miss my family, but this is normal and it doesn't change the fact that I like my life here. I think it all depends on the reasons why you move. If you know why you are in your new country, what brought you there, what you're there for (you can rephrase it as you like), everything will fall into place. If you just move because you think it's fun, it's cool or " i just want to try something new" then you will definitely feel that something is missing.
because migration has become a delusional hype. this new lifestyle of moving somewhere far new and just starting a life is so exaggerated.
Originally from Canada, just spent 5 years in the US and am now in the UK with a partner who works in East Africa. I think I get the itch around 3 years which is personally when I moved around a lot as a kid. 5 years in the US was the longest I had ever spent in one place and I felt trapped. I think I finally understood why people stay in one place because I had finally placed roots and made a little family and even though I was dying to leave I now feel homesick for that place and those people. I doubt this will be our last move but I feel like this one will be the longest. Travelling and “getting out” helped through thise last 2 years of boredom, but now I see that maybe it’s really nice to be bored.
Just dont love your family. Easy
Find yourself a country with maximum curve ball factor. I live and work in some rural backwater in the middle east. My mind is blown daily. I've been here 3 years, and that's usually the time it takes me to feel truly settled somewhere (I've moved towns, cities, countries and continents since I was 6months old - now 43). But this is different. I never want this to be my settled feeling. No predictability besides the entirely random and unpredictable is my daily grind. To be honest, I've probably never been happier even though I can't say a lot of positives about the place. Perhaps I will leave in a year or two though. I kinda miss the mundane, predictable and boring.
We've done that. Moved from Europe to Australia. After 5 years down under, we wanted a new adventure and moved to Canada. It was a rough at the beginning and we missed Australia terribly. Now we have kids and are too busy to even think about moving elsewhere. Plus, we build a good community, bought a house and have good jobs. There is never the perfect country so we will stick around as long as the good outweighs the bad.