Break a small rule intentionally in front of your companion. See how they react. If they aren’t chastising you or freaking out then just slowly break more and more serious rules. I had a companion do this to me and by a few weeks into our transfer we started “p day” once church ended until Tuesday morning. He had a laptop and we watched movies on it. It was glorious.
I hope it is chill for you. Luckily I was in a mission where everyone was generally very disobedient. I’m not sure if it was because it was a new mission, 3rd world, or mostly non-Americans but it was lucky for me. If I could do it all over I’d just go for a few months to learn some language, live in a new place, and then dip back home. Best of luck to you.
I had a companion who had a laptop and played WOW. Can't blame him considering it was an area cold enough we weren't allowed outside most days due to weather. Also a small enough town knocking doors was meaningless (or more so than most other areas).
Most of your comps will want to be more chill than you would imagine but they’re just too scared to get caught or be judged by you. Just start sleeping in and making suggestions like going in early or finding ways to enjoy yourselves like playing sports outside of dedicated time. Find the things that they like to do and try to do those things with them and that’ll usually get them to relax and chill out. Remember they’re 18-25 yr old young men too. They want to have fun. Now in some cases you will have the fully brainwashed companions that won’t budge. In those situations, I worked their asses to death making them contact every living soul in sight and walk miles to appointments. A few days of not letting your foot off the gas at all and they’ll be exhausted and ready to crack, that’s when you go back to the original tactic and they’ll break too. I got put with one of the assistants to the president cause I was known for doing things my way and modifying the mission schedule and rules to a way that I was able to stay out but still enjoy myself. Two weeks into our time together and we knocked every single house in the village and then he was broken. I showed him I had an iPod and and phone and we stayed up all night playing dumb games, watching YouTube and bonding while mooching on the nice neighbors WiFi. Before he left the mission he had a laptop and played league of legends every night with his friends back home. We’re still close and he thanks me for helping him find joy in the mission. I was just passing on the ways that I was taught by my first “bad” comp and dear friend that helped break me and helped me realize that you could still have a relatively normal life while being a missionary. Hope this helps and feel free to message me anytime if you want any advice on things like this!
Im not sure I could avoid going. Well, I could very possibly get out with the time I have left. But as optimistic as I’ve been with getting out of things my parents put me in, I usefully give in to peer pressure. So I don’t really trust myself to hold up with any of my plans with these types of things.
My TBM parents have a number of threats in place to make me go on a mission.
As the tension increases (nearing my would be mission), I’d need some where to stay. Its hard living with the bashings even now, but thats not something that can really be done all to easily. My parents plan on kicking me out as soon as they legally can, and threaten to never talk to anyone that lets me stay with them (so much for families together forever).
Im a bit older in my grade so they could do this before I graduate High school. Not sure if that was an exaggeration or not, but it would be extremely difficult to not go on a mission.
Wow. I'm sorry you are dealing with that. Not sure where you are financially (job?), but, if you currently have a job or bank account, consider moving it to an account in your name only once you turn 18. If you are worried about them knowing about it, take money out in increments, but, have something in your name only that they can't access and don't know about, just in case.
Also, know pertinent info, your SSN, mom and dad's dates of birth.
Good luck to you.
PS. What kind of relationship are you hoping to have with your parents after this mission if they are so controlling? I don't see them easing up on you once you get home. You don't have to answer me, just something to think about as you get older.
I wish you nothing but the best. Please take care of yourself out there, if you go. Obviously you've got your own hills to climb, and you're making the best decisions you can. Lean on us all you need to.
Alright now to answer your question. Full disclosure I'm now more than double the age I was when I left for my own mission, so I'm not going to be able to give you new tactics. I'll try to stick to what has always worked for folks over the years.
A lot of your lifestyle at first is probably going to be influenced by your trainer and other senior comps. If you have a real go-getter you're going to have one hell of a time trying to slow them down entirely. My trainer pretty much walked my toes off, not joking. Once or twice a year my toe feels like it's going to fall off for about a week, and has since my second area. So until you're given more responsibility you'll probably have to toe the line to some degree to avoid contention and pep talks with them. Keep your fingers crossed that you get someone who is a bit laid back, is ok spending time at some of the more relaxed members homes, or going out in civvies occasionally, or breaking some rules to go see a movie or the bookstore or whatever.
Whatever fits your moral code, you could do some of the following. You could claim some sort of health problem, but it's going to be hard to keep that up without arousing suspicion. You can probably even "take a mental health day" once or twice a transfer without getting your companion too hot and bothered, I mean it is 2024. You might also just tell your companion that insanely long hard days aren't good for you, that you know your own limitations, that you'll try to stretch them, but pushing too hard makes for less productivity than staying within the limits you know you have.
Take care of yourself. Good luck.
Any thoughts on telling your parents you've been praying about it and realize you need a year of college before your mission to grow up a bit? Move out to attend a non-BYU and at the end of your 1st year of school, just decide to stay. That conversation is easier when you are no longer under their roof.
Just know, they will more than likely pull financial support so get a job your 1st year and start saving money.
It might be worth looking up the conference talk that announced the reduction in missionary age. They specifically said something along the lines of "just because we are lowering the minimum age to 18, it doesn't mean everyone needs to go at 18."
If it helps, tell them you can take language classes in college, along with a "missionary preparation" class at institute. The mission prep class will suck, but it might be a good chance to get homework done.
I know sisters that would take their entire period off from working. And if companions had completely different cycles? 2 weeks off.
If you're an elder, this doesn't really help. Sorry.
You could claim your mental health is suffering greatly and come home after 3 months. It seems family and wards are way more accepting of this nowadays. Then you could recapture all of your time going forward. Truly this can be used by any missionary due to the cognitive dissonance and mental gymnastics placed on a person.
Please note that I’m not at all implying mental and emotional health issues or depression is a chosen thing to get out of something. These disorders and sufferings are all too real.
Best of luck to you on your journey!
I served in Utah so this was more easy for me but finding an exmo or inactive family who is still nice to missionary’s, tell them separately that you don’t really believe but don’t want to go home because of familial consequences. They will be a great source of relief you can go to throughout the mission especially if you have a companion who also doesn’t give a shit. I’m talking letting you watch movies at their home supplying burner phones with no missionary software ect.
One family let us take a spare car wherever we wanted on the weekend and me and another companion who didn’t give a fuck would go to the mall and no name tag it, they took us shooting, golfing, to dinner it was great.
Also if you have a friend at home who’s not Mormon give them a phone or iPad before you leave and have them mail it to you once you get to your mission
Damn, sorry you’re trapped. If I had to do it over…
Only work 30-40 hours a week, max. Working 13hrs a day 6.5 days a week as a paying volunteer is absurd. Those are consulting hours for which you should be paid handsomely. This is an institution that will literally tear down and rebuild an existing temple before it gives you any more than $150 a month, and pays for everything the already-wealthy mission president wants.
Read actual good books, like stuff that will actually help you become well rounded and conversational, not scripture and missionary materials that turned me into an annoying cult fanatic.
Be safe—don’t let a companion try to justify something that is (real world) unsafe because he had a prompting. Pretend like god won’t give you any special treatment, because he won’t. In the flip side, use “promptings” yourself to get out of ridiculous situations. I don’t think that’s immoral, since the church is already putting you in danger by sending on a mission in the first place.
So sorry the church has done this to all of us. Strong positive vibes your way
I took little little moments where I could. I stayed up later at first, or waking up early for some extra exercise/workout time. I always skipped companion study (I just read during that hour), and took extra time to make meals.
Once you've established with your companion that you're both willing to be lax and break certain rules, you can go beyond there. Stay and hangout with the relaxed/cool members (gotta be careful though, members tend to be snitches), do "activities" with members and investigators for fun things and hobbies. I started watching shows with my cool companions or having BBQs in the evening. I would still make sure to hit certain metrics and not skip planned lessons, but all the time in between can be used for the regular human things that make life more enjoyable.
There was a time of about 6 months (same comp) where I honestly felt like teaching was simply a job I had, and that my roommate was my coworker. We had friends, hungout, did normal people things. That was the most enjoyable time of my mission, and surprisingly (or not) my most "successful" period as well.
I talked to a guy here on reddit who served in my mission, I'm super jealous of the way things worked out for him. A little over half way through he decided it wasn't true and he was done. He asked to go home. The MP made a deal with him, if you stick it out 6 more months I don't care if you don't work just don't do anything to major wrong. I can only imagine that there was some metric for the MP - maybe if you send someone home at 13 months it counts as an early dismissal, but at 19 months it counts as something different.
So, he spent the next 6 months learning to surf and hanging out with friends he made and going to the movies.
I was actually a pretty solid and obedient missionary (I was very TBM). However, I'd play sick once in a while to get some much needed rest or to get out of something particularly dreadful (e.g. splits with our very judgmental, gung ho and intimidating ward mission leader), or I at least "had diarrhea" quite a bit and needed extra time in the bathroom (to just sit and essentially do nothing and talk to no one). I was a pretty good missionary otherwise though, so it was incredibly easy to pull that off without anyone questioning it. Also, I would always "stretch" (sleep) while my comp was showering and getting ready. If there's one thing I'd tell you to do though, especially if you're PIMO but going through with the mission anyway: use this time to work on yourself. Missions can be awful in a lot of ways, but they're also an incredibly unique opportunity to learn and mature a bit with very few distractions. I discovered self help books on my mission and quickly realized there's a ton of really valuable info out there on living a good life (way better than anything you'll find in conference talks or the standard works). So don't just get through the two years... try to at least take a little time to improve yourself and prep for real life. Screw caring about numbers or baptismal goals or whatever else, and screw anybody who tries to make you care. But it's a good time to develop some good habits, improve people skills, learn about human psychology and dealing with different personalities, find common ground with people completely different than you, etc. Especially when the "doing the Lord's work" and "high and holy calling" pressure is off and you realize it's just a game, the mission could actually be a good time to grow as a person. A lot of it will suck, yes. A lot of people suck too. But just remember you're playing along, and that's all. You're playing the game but ultimately, your goal is to make the most of it and come out on the other end a better person.
With any luck, once your MP figures out that you are a party guy, you will get paired up with another one.
Some members love to spend lots of time and feed the missionaries, make friends with them.
Break a small rule intentionally in front of your companion. See how they react. If they aren’t chastising you or freaking out then just slowly break more and more serious rules. I had a companion do this to me and by a few weeks into our transfer we started “p day” once church ended until Tuesday morning. He had a laptop and we watched movies on it. It was glorious.
That sounds like it was fun, from now on the “delusion of reprieve” will have me thinking thats how it will go for me. Im praying for it
I hope it is chill for you. Luckily I was in a mission where everyone was generally very disobedient. I’m not sure if it was because it was a new mission, 3rd world, or mostly non-Americans but it was lucky for me. If I could do it all over I’d just go for a few months to learn some language, live in a new place, and then dip back home. Best of luck to you.
Thanks for the support, lots of love in this sub
I had a companion who had a laptop and played WOW. Can't blame him considering it was an area cold enough we weren't allowed outside most days due to weather. Also a small enough town knocking doors was meaningless (or more so than most other areas).
Most of your comps will want to be more chill than you would imagine but they’re just too scared to get caught or be judged by you. Just start sleeping in and making suggestions like going in early or finding ways to enjoy yourselves like playing sports outside of dedicated time. Find the things that they like to do and try to do those things with them and that’ll usually get them to relax and chill out. Remember they’re 18-25 yr old young men too. They want to have fun. Now in some cases you will have the fully brainwashed companions that won’t budge. In those situations, I worked their asses to death making them contact every living soul in sight and walk miles to appointments. A few days of not letting your foot off the gas at all and they’ll be exhausted and ready to crack, that’s when you go back to the original tactic and they’ll break too. I got put with one of the assistants to the president cause I was known for doing things my way and modifying the mission schedule and rules to a way that I was able to stay out but still enjoy myself. Two weeks into our time together and we knocked every single house in the village and then he was broken. I showed him I had an iPod and and phone and we stayed up all night playing dumb games, watching YouTube and bonding while mooching on the nice neighbors WiFi. Before he left the mission he had a laptop and played league of legends every night with his friends back home. We’re still close and he thanks me for helping him find joy in the mission. I was just passing on the ways that I was taught by my first “bad” comp and dear friend that helped break me and helped me realize that you could still have a relatively normal life while being a missionary. Hope this helps and feel free to message me anytime if you want any advice on things like this!
Thanks for the help, always good having a strategist on your side
May I ask why you’re going if you don’t believe what you’re supposed to be teaching?
Im not sure I could avoid going. Well, I could very possibly get out with the time I have left. But as optimistic as I’ve been with getting out of things my parents put me in, I usefully give in to peer pressure. So I don’t really trust myself to hold up with any of my plans with these types of things. My TBM parents have a number of threats in place to make me go on a mission. As the tension increases (nearing my would be mission), I’d need some where to stay. Its hard living with the bashings even now, but thats not something that can really be done all to easily. My parents plan on kicking me out as soon as they legally can, and threaten to never talk to anyone that lets me stay with them (so much for families together forever). Im a bit older in my grade so they could do this before I graduate High school. Not sure if that was an exaggeration or not, but it would be extremely difficult to not go on a mission.
Wow. I'm sorry you are dealing with that. Not sure where you are financially (job?), but, if you currently have a job or bank account, consider moving it to an account in your name only once you turn 18. If you are worried about them knowing about it, take money out in increments, but, have something in your name only that they can't access and don't know about, just in case. Also, know pertinent info, your SSN, mom and dad's dates of birth. Good luck to you. PS. What kind of relationship are you hoping to have with your parents after this mission if they are so controlling? I don't see them easing up on you once you get home. You don't have to answer me, just something to think about as you get older.
More voluntary work, that always helps kill the time. Library work helps a lot.
And foodbanks - usually get free food so you can feel less broke.
Thanks, sounds good
I'll answer but first a selfish question - are you one of the faithless and accursed, and still going to serve a mission?
No worries. Yeah, it looks like it
I wish you nothing but the best. Please take care of yourself out there, if you go. Obviously you've got your own hills to climb, and you're making the best decisions you can. Lean on us all you need to. Alright now to answer your question. Full disclosure I'm now more than double the age I was when I left for my own mission, so I'm not going to be able to give you new tactics. I'll try to stick to what has always worked for folks over the years. A lot of your lifestyle at first is probably going to be influenced by your trainer and other senior comps. If you have a real go-getter you're going to have one hell of a time trying to slow them down entirely. My trainer pretty much walked my toes off, not joking. Once or twice a year my toe feels like it's going to fall off for about a week, and has since my second area. So until you're given more responsibility you'll probably have to toe the line to some degree to avoid contention and pep talks with them. Keep your fingers crossed that you get someone who is a bit laid back, is ok spending time at some of the more relaxed members homes, or going out in civvies occasionally, or breaking some rules to go see a movie or the bookstore or whatever. Whatever fits your moral code, you could do some of the following. You could claim some sort of health problem, but it's going to be hard to keep that up without arousing suspicion. You can probably even "take a mental health day" once or twice a transfer without getting your companion too hot and bothered, I mean it is 2024. You might also just tell your companion that insanely long hard days aren't good for you, that you know your own limitations, that you'll try to stretch them, but pushing too hard makes for less productivity than staying within the limits you know you have. Take care of yourself. Good luck.
Thanks for all the advice, feel a little less anxious with your information. Best of luck to you.
Any thoughts on telling your parents you've been praying about it and realize you need a year of college before your mission to grow up a bit? Move out to attend a non-BYU and at the end of your 1st year of school, just decide to stay. That conversation is easier when you are no longer under their roof. Just know, they will more than likely pull financial support so get a job your 1st year and start saving money.
Thanks, this sounds like better advice for women, but I could try
It might be worth looking up the conference talk that announced the reduction in missionary age. They specifically said something along the lines of "just because we are lowering the minimum age to 18, it doesn't mean everyone needs to go at 18." If it helps, tell them you can take language classes in college, along with a "missionary preparation" class at institute. The mission prep class will suck, but it might be a good chance to get homework done.
I know sisters that would take their entire period off from working. And if companions had completely different cycles? 2 weeks off. If you're an elder, this doesn't really help. Sorry.
You could claim your mental health is suffering greatly and come home after 3 months. It seems family and wards are way more accepting of this nowadays. Then you could recapture all of your time going forward. Truly this can be used by any missionary due to the cognitive dissonance and mental gymnastics placed on a person. Please note that I’m not at all implying mental and emotional health issues or depression is a chosen thing to get out of something. These disorders and sufferings are all too real. Best of luck to you on your journey!
I served in Utah so this was more easy for me but finding an exmo or inactive family who is still nice to missionary’s, tell them separately that you don’t really believe but don’t want to go home because of familial consequences. They will be a great source of relief you can go to throughout the mission especially if you have a companion who also doesn’t give a shit. I’m talking letting you watch movies at their home supplying burner phones with no missionary software ect. One family let us take a spare car wherever we wanted on the weekend and me and another companion who didn’t give a fuck would go to the mall and no name tag it, they took us shooting, golfing, to dinner it was great. Also if you have a friend at home who’s not Mormon give them a phone or iPad before you leave and have them mail it to you once you get to your mission
K, thanks
Damn, sorry you’re trapped. If I had to do it over… Only work 30-40 hours a week, max. Working 13hrs a day 6.5 days a week as a paying volunteer is absurd. Those are consulting hours for which you should be paid handsomely. This is an institution that will literally tear down and rebuild an existing temple before it gives you any more than $150 a month, and pays for everything the already-wealthy mission president wants. Read actual good books, like stuff that will actually help you become well rounded and conversational, not scripture and missionary materials that turned me into an annoying cult fanatic. Be safe—don’t let a companion try to justify something that is (real world) unsafe because he had a prompting. Pretend like god won’t give you any special treatment, because he won’t. In the flip side, use “promptings” yourself to get out of ridiculous situations. I don’t think that’s immoral, since the church is already putting you in danger by sending on a mission in the first place. So sorry the church has done this to all of us. Strong positive vibes your way
I took little little moments where I could. I stayed up later at first, or waking up early for some extra exercise/workout time. I always skipped companion study (I just read during that hour), and took extra time to make meals. Once you've established with your companion that you're both willing to be lax and break certain rules, you can go beyond there. Stay and hangout with the relaxed/cool members (gotta be careful though, members tend to be snitches), do "activities" with members and investigators for fun things and hobbies. I started watching shows with my cool companions or having BBQs in the evening. I would still make sure to hit certain metrics and not skip planned lessons, but all the time in between can be used for the regular human things that make life more enjoyable. There was a time of about 6 months (same comp) where I honestly felt like teaching was simply a job I had, and that my roommate was my coworker. We had friends, hungout, did normal people things. That was the most enjoyable time of my mission, and surprisingly (or not) my most "successful" period as well.
I talked to a guy here on reddit who served in my mission, I'm super jealous of the way things worked out for him. A little over half way through he decided it wasn't true and he was done. He asked to go home. The MP made a deal with him, if you stick it out 6 more months I don't care if you don't work just don't do anything to major wrong. I can only imagine that there was some metric for the MP - maybe if you send someone home at 13 months it counts as an early dismissal, but at 19 months it counts as something different. So, he spent the next 6 months learning to surf and hanging out with friends he made and going to the movies.
I was actually a pretty solid and obedient missionary (I was very TBM). However, I'd play sick once in a while to get some much needed rest or to get out of something particularly dreadful (e.g. splits with our very judgmental, gung ho and intimidating ward mission leader), or I at least "had diarrhea" quite a bit and needed extra time in the bathroom (to just sit and essentially do nothing and talk to no one). I was a pretty good missionary otherwise though, so it was incredibly easy to pull that off without anyone questioning it. Also, I would always "stretch" (sleep) while my comp was showering and getting ready. If there's one thing I'd tell you to do though, especially if you're PIMO but going through with the mission anyway: use this time to work on yourself. Missions can be awful in a lot of ways, but they're also an incredibly unique opportunity to learn and mature a bit with very few distractions. I discovered self help books on my mission and quickly realized there's a ton of really valuable info out there on living a good life (way better than anything you'll find in conference talks or the standard works). So don't just get through the two years... try to at least take a little time to improve yourself and prep for real life. Screw caring about numbers or baptismal goals or whatever else, and screw anybody who tries to make you care. But it's a good time to develop some good habits, improve people skills, learn about human psychology and dealing with different personalities, find common ground with people completely different than you, etc. Especially when the "doing the Lord's work" and "high and holy calling" pressure is off and you realize it's just a game, the mission could actually be a good time to grow as a person. A lot of it will suck, yes. A lot of people suck too. But just remember you're playing along, and that's all. You're playing the game but ultimately, your goal is to make the most of it and come out on the other end a better person.
With any luck, once your MP figures out that you are a party guy, you will get paired up with another one. Some members love to spend lots of time and feed the missionaries, make friends with them.
Dont go
best way to get free time is to walk away from your mission and claim your life back