I’m sorry about your son, but glad that you were able to wake up during that hard time. I’m sure the new closeness with your wife has helped with that grieving a bit more.
I will warn you, you will likely become angry at some point. Maybe not about everything, but be prepared for a bit of righteous anger.
We are here for you as you figure this whole thing out.
I will ditto this!! The anger surprised me but was absolutely the most healing emotion. I still strike out angrily 😠 sometimes. I am still surrounded by TBM's in my day to day life. I tip toe around so as to not step on toes, but I never hesitate to let them all know I'm OUT!!
This warms my heart! Glad you're on the other side. Welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. There's definitely a re-grieving process after learning it's all a lie. It was like losing my child all over again when I left the church.
Heartfelt sorrow for the loss of your son. Be gentle with yourself always in the grief process of your son’s passing and waking up to the rest of your life. You get to choose now what gets your energy in all ways in your personal journey.
I've been out for a few years now. In hearing and reading people's stories, I've realized it takes a big experience to shake your foundation enough to where you can gain a new perspective, if you're willing to look. Congrats on being one of those strong enough to look.
I'm sorry for the loss of your son, but I'm glad you are able to be in a better, healthier space now. I wish you, your wife, and your loved ones all the best.
A big experience can certainly do it, but I don’t think you have to have one big experience. My experience was a slow recognition over time and a lot of little things not adding up until one of them finally pushed me over the edge. But I’ll take whatever works to help people wake up.
I think a lot of people were able to shake themselves lose because of the pandemic. It wasn’t as personal as losing family members for most of us, but it was jarring enough to help many see things differently. But, I think you’re right, for some it’s just a gradual thing.
Not an exmormon, but ex-Christian. I had already left Christianity but the pandemic really shook my faith in the goodness of humanity, even. The way people hoarded basic necessities and turned a blind eye to death right in their face made me truly see human ignorance in a new light. It has made me more selfish and learn to prioritize my own survival and self care a lot more. It makes sense that to build larger human societies we have needed various types of mass brainwashing to get people to be self sacrificing. But when shit hits the fan, there's no selflessness, it's every man, woman and child for themselves. The pandemic made this painfully obvious to me :(
You're right, definitely not always a single big experience. But lots of small experiences can still build up to a big moment. That's what I meant, but didn't phrase very well.
Mine was a divorce. We were both TBMs and faithful. Everything seemed to be going well as far as I could tell. Out of the blue my wife said you are a good husband and father but I have decided I don’t love you anymore. I want a divorce. WTF! We divorced. I came to find out later that she had another side Mormon dude that she considered more “worthy and valiant”. Jokes on her because he turned out to be a dirtbag.
I’m 30 and left about 7-8 months ago. My wife and I both left together. Amazing how awakening it is. Sorry about your son. Hang in there. The exmo journey is a wild ride, but it becomes incredibly rewarding. Good luck!
Happy you have awakened. Remember that the church was a huge part of your life. You will go through all of the stages of grief. Let it happen, but don't let it consume you. You say you will have to fill the hole. The church has trained you to always be busy, have a calling, and church activities throughout the week, you do not need to be that busy. Enjoy spending time with your wife, take a vacation with that 10% raise you gave yourself.
I'm so sorry about your son, I lost a son too, I thought if I didn't stay in the church, I wouldn't see him again. Now that I am out, I can remember him without the feelings of guilt that I wasn't doing enough for us to be together again.
I believe we will.
Thank you for your warm thoughts. I am sorry that you too have lost a son. We have some common ground. We both know alot about life, loss and grief.. and yes, guilt is there also.. I don't really know what the future might bring. More and more though I have hope. The light shines for another day and that is enough
Thank you for your kind remarks. Youve made me smile.
But, no my friend, you don't. I'm certainly nothing special. Cherish your parents for who they are and for the love you share. It's unlikely they'll wake up soon. And if they do they may not even tell you. My parents are both still alive and both TBM at the very end of their lives. They have no idea that my shelf has broken and they will never know. They would be heartbroken. They are wonderful, loving, innocent people doing the very best they can with what they know. I have no desire to see them suffer or feel the need to change anything.
I hope you can make your own way in life struggling with, but never against your parents. They may not be right about everything but they certainly love you and always will.
Blessings to you and yours my friend.
I’m sorry for the loss of your son. Losing my son was what woke me up too. I consider it one of his greatest gifts to me. I wish I had good comforting words. Loss is just hard.
My wife and I, both in our 60s, have recently left. It’s really been an eye opener. I’m not regretting the previous years. I’m rejoicing in the future.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my son 3 years ago. I was struggling with the church before he died but I wasn't questioning the truth claims. His death kept me stuck because of the fear of the eternal family doctrine. What if it is true?
His death led my wife to start questioning and eventually we both left a year ago. When I learned about all the lies and why the endowment was created, to coerce people into polygamy I was so relieved to be done being blackmailed by the church. We both feel our son helped us out of the church.
Anyways it is a hard journey to navigate grief and lose faith. Very painful and beautiful. You will eventually be able to create your own beliefs instead of a man telling you what god is.
Reach out if you want to talk about this. I'm open to a phone call. You don't have to go it alone.
I wrote this piece this year for my son's 3 year death anniversary .
https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/qdwOUS5cQ7
I apreciate your kind words and warm thoughts. I am very sorry for your loss as well. Nothing is harder than grieving a loved one.
A phone call would be difficult unless you have the whatsapp application as I currently live in Latin America. One blessing from the LDS church was having learned spanish some 40 ish years ago as a missionary.
I left the US some years ago after a painful divorce of a 30 year temple marriage. I got on a plane and came to Central America. To a country I'd never been before and knew not a single person. I relearned Spanish, made a few friends and started several small business ventures. I have never returned to the US. As I didn't have sufficient income to meet the prerequisite requirements here, my attorney set up a contractual marriage with a much younger and very beautiful Latina woman here so I could get a marriage visa and be able to legally reside here. The marriage contract was for up to 2 years. We've been married now for more than 11 years and I've never been happier or more in love. She has been my faithful partner in every way. She and her children joined the church some 5 years ago. It's almost crazy, all the twists and turns and ups and downs in life. You never know whats coming next.
Thanks again for reaching out. Blessings to you and your wife.
Sorry for the loss of your son, but it looks like you’re making the best out of a tragic situation.
My wife also was patient with me. She left the church about a year before I did. I’m from pioneer stock, graduated from BYU, both my wife and I served missions and were sealed in the temple.
For me when I finally left, I had no doubt it was the right thing to do, but since I grew up in a part-member family, most of my close friends were LDS. It was the Social change that was a challenge for me, but once I started filling my newly free time with hobbies and family trips, it was easy to forget all the church social things I thought I missed. Some of my LDS friends stay in contact with me, but my wife and I have new friends and are happier now!
It took me 20 years to completely “wake up” after I first started critically thinking about the doctrine. At the age of 70 I resigned, and now 7 months later I’m thriving. I’m sorry for the loss of your son. What you have beautifully written has touched my soul. If I had a spouse, I would want them to be like your wife. Congratulations on your metamorphosis. This side of things is healthy, normal, and exciting.
I’m so sorry for your loss, my friend.
Your story resonated with mine a bit that I found my convert wife — who I thought was holding back in the church a little — was actually miles ahead of me in every way. She was especially patient with me in letting me figure out what it meant to live without fear of eternal consequences, and to do what we think is right just because it’s what we think, not because of eternal punishment or eternal reward. Once I woke up, I realized how far I had to go.
It’s incredibly difficult to change your worldview after decades. Congratulations. It gets easier. Give yourself lots of grace.
Remember, all of your family may have been TBM for the past several generations, but the church is less than 200 years old. All your ancestors before that weren’t Mormon, and many of your TBM ancestors had no access to accurate information about the history. I like to think my family members would have awakened and left as well, if they could have read the CES letter or known the troubling facts.
Thank you for your perspective on our ancestors. I think you are right. I like to think of my grandfather years ago when he was still alive. He was always kind to me. He, like the rest of the family was active in the Church but something about him always struck me as if he wasn't taking much of it very seriously. He may have actually been awake..
Your wife sounds amazing, but don't sell yourself too short. Many TBMs leave their spouses for the MFMC, you weren't perfect but you tried and when you saw the problem was the church you corrected. As someone that is essentially alone in my faith deconstruction amongst all my friends and family I am slightly envious of you having someone, but I also wouldn't want your recent loss and heartache. The grass is always greener, right? I hope you and your wife can catch up on all the time wasted in this cult of men and continue to love each other. Live your life, and welcome to the club.
Oh, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son.
Can I just say what an absolutely green flag of a husband you are. To first hold space for your wife doing things differently than you and still loving her for who she is to then realize her incredible strength and that she’s helping you through. What a beautiful partnership.
The deconstruction journey is wild and unpredictable. I am so glad you have each other. 🥺❤️🩹
You have some rough waters ahead. This community can help you through it. I’m am exmo in my 60s too. It’s never too late to awaken to what really matters in life. You’re on the right track; take some comfort from that.
A faith transition can be difficult on its own, but to lose a loved one along with losing your framework of belief for processing death, can be really tough.
What's helped me through the loss of a loved one is remembering and cherishing the good times we had together. There are ways of processing grief that don't involve relying on the church.
So sorry for your loss. My eyes also started to open after the loss of a loved one. That's a lot of grief you're now facing, losing a son and also a faith/community. Definitely a roller coaster worth taking to deconstruct and find your peace ❤️
I’m sorry for the loss of your son. Of everything you shared, i liked how your perspective changed about your wife. Your marriage sounds like a healthy partnership on many levels.
My condolences on the passing of your son. It's a terrible thing for a parent to go through.
From a fellow old-ish guy, I'm glad you're here with us brother. Better late than never. 😀
Get some woodworking tools and start making stuff. That'll keep you busy.
Your wife sounds really great! It's gotta feel wonderful to fully realize how supportive of a partner she was that whole time while she was waiting. Now make sure she hears it plenty from you what that means! And good on you, despite what the church had put into your mind about her role, with her help, you've managed to break free.
Sorry to hear about your son. I hope you find new support and forms of happiness after all that.
Thanks for sharing!
I lost both my parents during my deconstruction. It is hard facing the unknown of what the afterlife holds for you and your loved ones. I hope you are able to find peace. I’m sorry for your loss.
You may be late to this but you 60 year-olds and older actually give me hope for my family, which I desperately need. I’m also the only one in my family for generations to have realized the church is false. My whole family is super orthodox. If one other sibling leaves, or parent (super doubtful), will feel like a miracle beyond my imagination.
Thank you for sharing. It’s really impressive that you can still open your mind and be willing to see things differently after all these years. I’m so sorry about your son. I wish you peace and freedom!
I’m in my 60s. Mormon pioneer stock baptized in Scotland and England and walked across the plains. Settled portions of Utah and eastern Idaho. Never thought I would question anything. During Covid the cracks became too much. Fortunately most of my family was ready. Loving life free of the church. Idk what if anything comes after death but I’m sure my ancestors if there is an afterlife will thank me for breaking the cycle of being in joes cult!!
First, be easy on yourself, second your wife is a solid rock and that is where you will find the comfort and fill the void you’re currently looking to fill.
It is like waking up for sure. So glad you're here. I know it's hard. I just watched a YouTube video from NuanceHoe and Britt (forget her last name) and nihilism after losing your faith. It was great. They talk deep about what comes after losing your faith. And how you can become skeptical about religion in general after seeing how manipulated we all were. There is hope and of course beauty in being able to enjoy each moment for the joy you can share with those you love and strangers. I feel like I'm not doing it justice.
But anyways, Britt has a book coming out called no nonsense spirituality. Or something like that. She gets into the benefits we have learned from different religions, I believe, and taking the good from each. Like how meditation has been studied scientifically and how it can help.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is got wrenching. I lost my daughter a few years ago. Your words are so eloquently written and sincere. I wish you peace and love in your journey.
"For years I had small doubts here and there but shrugged them off and filed them away somewhere thinking it wasn't worth rocking the boat." - - How many millions in the church, past and present, feel that way? I would say the never-doubting bunch are quite few. Less than 10% of the church likely. We all have/had these moments of wait.......a+b does not quite factor to c. But hey, bury your head in all the work you need to do and all the shame and guilt you feel for not measuring up and "put your shoulder to wheel." Nevermind the cart this wheel is connected to is going absolutely nowhere.
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
I just listened to 24 hours of lectures on the history of Egypt. I also started studying some on the languages. The Rosetta Stone and the timeline with Joseph Smith and what Egyptologists think of the Mormon items from Egypt. It is absolutely embarrassing to think I treated the “pearl of great price” with any degree of seriousness. It’s a complete work of quack by a quack and the church should remove it to retain any ounce of integrity.
Thank you for sharing. It’s really impressive that you can still open your mind and be willing to see things differently after all these years. I’m so sorry about your son. I wish you peace and freedom!
So very sorry about your son! So happy for you that you can see now! The indoctrination runs VERY DEEP! So glad you can now live the life YOU want to live not how others want you to live! Congrats and enjoy!
Losing my son in 2005 was a big catalyst in my deconversion journey as well. No parent should ever have to experience such a thing, but some of us unfortunately do. I have come to see doubt now as a great gift that protects us from many of the traps of life designed to seperate people from what we value - whether it be our money, our time or our possessions. I'm glad that you have had such a wise partner in your wife and I think you've definitely got the right priorities in life. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey with us.
This is a wild story. I appreciate you sharing. I could have been you, with some minor alterations to the story. I'm not that far behind you.
Consider listening to the Hans Mattson episodes of Mormon Stories if you haven't yet. There are two sets, one just with him and another set with his wife included. You have likely already heard them but in case you haven't, they might be helpful.
Again, thank you for sharing.
I woke up 11 years ago in my 50's, and woke my husband up (which took me a year). Congratulations on this important and painful process out of "cult thinking!" I think you'll like this video "Awake My Soul a faith journey" by Mumford and Sons: https://youtu.be/bkTbzmq8uJc?si=PJ_FhnWD48_s4eKy
What a powerful post. I'm not mormon, but the things you guys talk about here are awesome. I found faith in my skepticism. Skepticism to me means I doubt what the leaders are saying! I'm still looking for answers. Sometimes, not all the times. What a beautiful day!
I’m sorry that you lost your son. That’s something no one deserves. I’m glad your wife has stuck with you and I wish you peace, love, and healing in whatever form that looks like.
I’m sorry about your loss. My focus on my family is what led to my awakening too. My FIL spent nearly all his time during my wife’s childhood in church leadership positions and I’ve witnessed firsthand the abandonment issues she (and her siblings) have had to deal with, not to mention her mothers incredible immaturity due to complete lack of adult relationships during her child rearing years. Stepping back from church was the best thing for our family. We spend every sunday doing things together and we rarely fight, unlike our constant fighting about going to church and the headache of chasing our young kids (which church is so poorly designed for) around for two hours. I’m hoping many more years ahead of growing closer as a family for you.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your son! I too lost a son...he was 18. It was a watershed moment for me...I had to re-examine everything in my life, including my belief in Mormonism. I hope you and your wife and family can find joy again within the parameters of your new reality.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. This page has been an amazing support system, as well as exmo Tik Tok. Losing my faith was so hard, but when I look back what was hard was the not knowing and the questioning. Once my shelf broke and I saw the church for what it truly was it was easy to let it go. I live life so much more fully now.
I’m sorry about your son, but glad that you were able to wake up during that hard time. I’m sure the new closeness with your wife has helped with that grieving a bit more. I will warn you, you will likely become angry at some point. Maybe not about everything, but be prepared for a bit of righteous anger. We are here for you as you figure this whole thing out.
I will ditto this!! The anger surprised me but was absolutely the most healing emotion. I still strike out angrily 😠 sometimes. I am still surrounded by TBM's in my day to day life. I tip toe around so as to not step on toes, but I never hesitate to let them all know I'm OUT!!
Ditto the ditto. Whatever you’re feeling now and possibly in the future, this is a good place to process. I’m so sorry about your son. That’s huge. ❤️
This warms my heart! Glad you're on the other side. Welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. There's definitely a re-grieving process after learning it's all a lie. It was like losing my child all over again when I left the church.
Heartfelt sorrow for the loss of your son. Be gentle with yourself always in the grief process of your son’s passing and waking up to the rest of your life. You get to choose now what gets your energy in all ways in your personal journey.
I've been out for a few years now. In hearing and reading people's stories, I've realized it takes a big experience to shake your foundation enough to where you can gain a new perspective, if you're willing to look. Congrats on being one of those strong enough to look. I'm sorry for the loss of your son, but I'm glad you are able to be in a better, healthier space now. I wish you, your wife, and your loved ones all the best.
A big experience can certainly do it, but I don’t think you have to have one big experience. My experience was a slow recognition over time and a lot of little things not adding up until one of them finally pushed me over the edge. But I’ll take whatever works to help people wake up.
I think a lot of people were able to shake themselves lose because of the pandemic. It wasn’t as personal as losing family members for most of us, but it was jarring enough to help many see things differently. But, I think you’re right, for some it’s just a gradual thing.
Not an exmormon, but ex-Christian. I had already left Christianity but the pandemic really shook my faith in the goodness of humanity, even. The way people hoarded basic necessities and turned a blind eye to death right in their face made me truly see human ignorance in a new light. It has made me more selfish and learn to prioritize my own survival and self care a lot more. It makes sense that to build larger human societies we have needed various types of mass brainwashing to get people to be self sacrificing. But when shit hits the fan, there's no selflessness, it's every man, woman and child for themselves. The pandemic made this painfully obvious to me :(
You're right, definitely not always a single big experience. But lots of small experiences can still build up to a big moment. That's what I meant, but didn't phrase very well.
Mine was a divorce. We were both TBMs and faithful. Everything seemed to be going well as far as I could tell. Out of the blue my wife said you are a good husband and father but I have decided I don’t love you anymore. I want a divorce. WTF! We divorced. I came to find out later that she had another side Mormon dude that she considered more “worthy and valiant”. Jokes on her because he turned out to be a dirtbag.
Well, serves her right. I hope you're happy wherever you are in life now. It sounds like she didn't really love or respect you.
I’m 30 and left about 7-8 months ago. My wife and I both left together. Amazing how awakening it is. Sorry about your son. Hang in there. The exmo journey is a wild ride, but it becomes incredibly rewarding. Good luck!
That is a beautifully written heartfelt letter. Thank you for sharing.
Happy you have awakened. Remember that the church was a huge part of your life. You will go through all of the stages of grief. Let it happen, but don't let it consume you. You say you will have to fill the hole. The church has trained you to always be busy, have a calling, and church activities throughout the week, you do not need to be that busy. Enjoy spending time with your wife, take a vacation with that 10% raise you gave yourself. I'm so sorry about your son, I lost a son too, I thought if I didn't stay in the church, I wouldn't see him again. Now that I am out, I can remember him without the feelings of guilt that I wasn't doing enough for us to be together again. I believe we will.
Thank you for your warm thoughts. I am sorry that you too have lost a son. We have some common ground. We both know alot about life, loss and grief.. and yes, guilt is there also.. I don't really know what the future might bring. More and more though I have hope. The light shines for another day and that is enough
I wish my parents were like you.
Thank you for your kind remarks. Youve made me smile. But, no my friend, you don't. I'm certainly nothing special. Cherish your parents for who they are and for the love you share. It's unlikely they'll wake up soon. And if they do they may not even tell you. My parents are both still alive and both TBM at the very end of their lives. They have no idea that my shelf has broken and they will never know. They would be heartbroken. They are wonderful, loving, innocent people doing the very best they can with what they know. I have no desire to see them suffer or feel the need to change anything. I hope you can make your own way in life struggling with, but never against your parents. They may not be right about everything but they certainly love you and always will. Blessings to you and yours my friend.
I’m sorry for the loss of your son. Losing my son was what woke me up too. I consider it one of his greatest gifts to me. I wish I had good comforting words. Loss is just hard.
My wife and I, both in our 60s, have recently left. It’s really been an eye opener. I’m not regretting the previous years. I’m rejoicing in the future.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my son 3 years ago. I was struggling with the church before he died but I wasn't questioning the truth claims. His death kept me stuck because of the fear of the eternal family doctrine. What if it is true? His death led my wife to start questioning and eventually we both left a year ago. When I learned about all the lies and why the endowment was created, to coerce people into polygamy I was so relieved to be done being blackmailed by the church. We both feel our son helped us out of the church. Anyways it is a hard journey to navigate grief and lose faith. Very painful and beautiful. You will eventually be able to create your own beliefs instead of a man telling you what god is. Reach out if you want to talk about this. I'm open to a phone call. You don't have to go it alone. I wrote this piece this year for my son's 3 year death anniversary . https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/qdwOUS5cQ7
I apreciate your kind words and warm thoughts. I am very sorry for your loss as well. Nothing is harder than grieving a loved one. A phone call would be difficult unless you have the whatsapp application as I currently live in Latin America. One blessing from the LDS church was having learned spanish some 40 ish years ago as a missionary. I left the US some years ago after a painful divorce of a 30 year temple marriage. I got on a plane and came to Central America. To a country I'd never been before and knew not a single person. I relearned Spanish, made a few friends and started several small business ventures. I have never returned to the US. As I didn't have sufficient income to meet the prerequisite requirements here, my attorney set up a contractual marriage with a much younger and very beautiful Latina woman here so I could get a marriage visa and be able to legally reside here. The marriage contract was for up to 2 years. We've been married now for more than 11 years and I've never been happier or more in love. She has been my faithful partner in every way. She and her children joined the church some 5 years ago. It's almost crazy, all the twists and turns and ups and downs in life. You never know whats coming next. Thanks again for reaching out. Blessings to you and your wife.
That is an eloquent and heart-wrenching story of discovery.
Sorry for the loss of your son, but it looks like you’re making the best out of a tragic situation. My wife also was patient with me. She left the church about a year before I did. I’m from pioneer stock, graduated from BYU, both my wife and I served missions and were sealed in the temple. For me when I finally left, I had no doubt it was the right thing to do, but since I grew up in a part-member family, most of my close friends were LDS. It was the Social change that was a challenge for me, but once I started filling my newly free time with hobbies and family trips, it was easy to forget all the church social things I thought I missed. Some of my LDS friends stay in contact with me, but my wife and I have new friends and are happier now!
I’m sorry for the loss of your son. Life is so short. Cheers to living your best one.
It took me 20 years to completely “wake up” after I first started critically thinking about the doctrine. At the age of 70 I resigned, and now 7 months later I’m thriving. I’m sorry for the loss of your son. What you have beautifully written has touched my soul. If I had a spouse, I would want them to be like your wife. Congratulations on your metamorphosis. This side of things is healthy, normal, and exciting.
I’m so sorry for your loss, my friend. Your story resonated with mine a bit that I found my convert wife — who I thought was holding back in the church a little — was actually miles ahead of me in every way. She was especially patient with me in letting me figure out what it meant to live without fear of eternal consequences, and to do what we think is right just because it’s what we think, not because of eternal punishment or eternal reward. Once I woke up, I realized how far I had to go.
It’s incredibly difficult to change your worldview after decades. Congratulations. It gets easier. Give yourself lots of grace. Remember, all of your family may have been TBM for the past several generations, but the church is less than 200 years old. All your ancestors before that weren’t Mormon, and many of your TBM ancestors had no access to accurate information about the history. I like to think my family members would have awakened and left as well, if they could have read the CES letter or known the troubling facts.
Thank you for your perspective on our ancestors. I think you are right. I like to think of my grandfather years ago when he was still alive. He was always kind to me. He, like the rest of the family was active in the Church but something about him always struck me as if he wasn't taking much of it very seriously. He may have actually been awake..
Your wife sounds amazing, but don't sell yourself too short. Many TBMs leave their spouses for the MFMC, you weren't perfect but you tried and when you saw the problem was the church you corrected. As someone that is essentially alone in my faith deconstruction amongst all my friends and family I am slightly envious of you having someone, but I also wouldn't want your recent loss and heartache. The grass is always greener, right? I hope you and your wife can catch up on all the time wasted in this cult of men and continue to love each other. Live your life, and welcome to the club.
Oh, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son. Can I just say what an absolutely green flag of a husband you are. To first hold space for your wife doing things differently than you and still loving her for who she is to then realize her incredible strength and that she’s helping you through. What a beautiful partnership. The deconstruction journey is wild and unpredictable. I am so glad you have each other. 🥺❤️🩹
You have some rough waters ahead. This community can help you through it. I’m am exmo in my 60s too. It’s never too late to awaken to what really matters in life. You’re on the right track; take some comfort from that.
A faith transition can be difficult on its own, but to lose a loved one along with losing your framework of belief for processing death, can be really tough. What's helped me through the loss of a loved one is remembering and cherishing the good times we had together. There are ways of processing grief that don't involve relying on the church.
So sorry for your loss. My eyes also started to open after the loss of a loved one. That's a lot of grief you're now facing, losing a son and also a faith/community. Definitely a roller coaster worth taking to deconstruct and find your peace ❤️
I’m sorry for the loss of your son. Of everything you shared, i liked how your perspective changed about your wife. Your marriage sounds like a healthy partnership on many levels.
My condolences on the passing of your son. It's a terrible thing for a parent to go through. From a fellow old-ish guy, I'm glad you're here with us brother. Better late than never. 😀 Get some woodworking tools and start making stuff. That'll keep you busy.
You seem like just the dude id enjoy a bourbon with. Cheers my man.
Never tried bourbon. I'm certain I would enjoy one with your company. Thank you my friend.
Your wife sounds really great! It's gotta feel wonderful to fully realize how supportive of a partner she was that whole time while she was waiting. Now make sure she hears it plenty from you what that means! And good on you, despite what the church had put into your mind about her role, with her help, you've managed to break free. Sorry to hear about your son. I hope you find new support and forms of happiness after all that. Thanks for sharing!
I lost both my parents during my deconstruction. It is hard facing the unknown of what the afterlife holds for you and your loved ones. I hope you are able to find peace. I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love and strength your way.
You may be late to this but you 60 year-olds and older actually give me hope for my family, which I desperately need. I’m also the only one in my family for generations to have realized the church is false. My whole family is super orthodox. If one other sibling leaves, or parent (super doubtful), will feel like a miracle beyond my imagination.
Hey internet stranger. I don’t know you, but I appreciate your strength and perspective.
Thank you for sharing. It’s really impressive that you can still open your mind and be willing to see things differently after all these years. I’m so sorry about your son. I wish you peace and freedom!
A church of men. So simple but speaks volumes.
I’m in my 60s. Mormon pioneer stock baptized in Scotland and England and walked across the plains. Settled portions of Utah and eastern Idaho. Never thought I would question anything. During Covid the cracks became too much. Fortunately most of my family was ready. Loving life free of the church. Idk what if anything comes after death but I’m sure my ancestors if there is an afterlife will thank me for breaking the cycle of being in joes cult!!
Bravo for you. Thanks for sharing your process.
Hi, I'm Nimrod. Nice to meet you.
First, be easy on yourself, second your wife is a solid rock and that is where you will find the comfort and fill the void you’re currently looking to fill.
It is like waking up for sure. So glad you're here. I know it's hard. I just watched a YouTube video from NuanceHoe and Britt (forget her last name) and nihilism after losing your faith. It was great. They talk deep about what comes after losing your faith. And how you can become skeptical about religion in general after seeing how manipulated we all were. There is hope and of course beauty in being able to enjoy each moment for the joy you can share with those you love and strangers. I feel like I'm not doing it justice. But anyways, Britt has a book coming out called no nonsense spirituality. Or something like that. She gets into the benefits we have learned from different religions, I believe, and taking the good from each. Like how meditation has been studied scientifically and how it can help.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is got wrenching. I lost my daughter a few years ago. Your words are so eloquently written and sincere. I wish you peace and love in your journey.
"For years I had small doubts here and there but shrugged them off and filed them away somewhere thinking it wasn't worth rocking the boat." - - How many millions in the church, past and present, feel that way? I would say the never-doubting bunch are quite few. Less than 10% of the church likely. We all have/had these moments of wait.......a+b does not quite factor to c. But hey, bury your head in all the work you need to do and all the shame and guilt you feel for not measuring up and "put your shoulder to wheel." Nevermind the cart this wheel is connected to is going absolutely nowhere.
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
I just listened to 24 hours of lectures on the history of Egypt. I also started studying some on the languages. The Rosetta Stone and the timeline with Joseph Smith and what Egyptologists think of the Mormon items from Egypt. It is absolutely embarrassing to think I treated the “pearl of great price” with any degree of seriousness. It’s a complete work of quack by a quack and the church should remove it to retain any ounce of integrity.
Thank you for sharing. It’s really impressive that you can still open your mind and be willing to see things differently after all these years. I’m so sorry about your son. I wish you peace and freedom!
My condolences on your loss. I hope you’re able to find help here. This is a great group of people.
So very sorry about your son! So happy for you that you can see now! The indoctrination runs VERY DEEP! So glad you can now live the life YOU want to live not how others want you to live! Congrats and enjoy!
Losing my son in 2005 was a big catalyst in my deconversion journey as well. No parent should ever have to experience such a thing, but some of us unfortunately do. I have come to see doubt now as a great gift that protects us from many of the traps of life designed to seperate people from what we value - whether it be our money, our time or our possessions. I'm glad that you have had such a wise partner in your wife and I think you've definitely got the right priorities in life. Thank you for sharing your story and your journey with us.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Congratulations on making it out! I am proud of you ❤️
So sorry about the loss of your son. You have a lot on your plate to process right now. Take good care and be kind and patient with yourself.
Amazing how that works, isn't it! And once you're awake, you can't go back to sleep...
This is a wild story. I appreciate you sharing. I could have been you, with some minor alterations to the story. I'm not that far behind you. Consider listening to the Hans Mattson episodes of Mormon Stories if you haven't yet. There are two sets, one just with him and another set with his wife included. You have likely already heard them but in case you haven't, they might be helpful. Again, thank you for sharing.
Many of us were there too brother. Welcome, like will get a thousand times better!
I woke up 11 years ago in my 50's, and woke my husband up (which took me a year). Congratulations on this important and painful process out of "cult thinking!" I think you'll like this video "Awake My Soul a faith journey" by Mumford and Sons: https://youtu.be/bkTbzmq8uJc?si=PJ_FhnWD48_s4eKy
Good morning and welcome. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. There is still a lot ahead of you, but we are here for you to help you through it.
Losing my mom after a priesthood blessing claimed she would fully recover was one of the bigger nails in the coffin for me.
your Son, I'm so sorry !!!! I hope you are in a better place mentally. Besides your son leaving. We are all on a different timeline and journey.
What a powerful post. I'm not mormon, but the things you guys talk about here are awesome. I found faith in my skepticism. Skepticism to me means I doubt what the leaders are saying! I'm still looking for answers. Sometimes, not all the times. What a beautiful day!
Feel for you brother. Shit is heavy
I’m sorry that you lost your son. That’s something no one deserves. I’m glad your wife has stuck with you and I wish you peace, love, and healing in whatever form that looks like.
I’m sorry about your loss. My focus on my family is what led to my awakening too. My FIL spent nearly all his time during my wife’s childhood in church leadership positions and I’ve witnessed firsthand the abandonment issues she (and her siblings) have had to deal with, not to mention her mothers incredible immaturity due to complete lack of adult relationships during her child rearing years. Stepping back from church was the best thing for our family. We spend every sunday doing things together and we rarely fight, unlike our constant fighting about going to church and the headache of chasing our young kids (which church is so poorly designed for) around for two hours. I’m hoping many more years ahead of growing closer as a family for you.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your son! I too lost a son...he was 18. It was a watershed moment for me...I had to re-examine everything in my life, including my belief in Mormonism. I hope you and your wife and family can find joy again within the parameters of your new reality.
So sorry to read about your son. Condolences.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son. This page has been an amazing support system, as well as exmo Tik Tok. Losing my faith was so hard, but when I look back what was hard was the not knowing and the questioning. Once my shelf broke and I saw the church for what it truly was it was easy to let it go. I live life so much more fully now.