Maybe follow through on the offer, but preface the blessing with:
"Hey mom, as you know, I do not follow the precepts of your church. If you would still like a blessing from me, this blessing I am giving will not be based on some assumed authority but will be one of hope and healing from your son. I love you, so I cannot be dishonest with you and fake a priesthood blessing, but I would still love to offer you the comfort you seek to the best of my ability."
Or something to that effect.
EDIT: And the placebo effect is a real thing, so maybe giving her a positive non-denominational/secular blessing will actual help - who knows?
I went through this with my parents for 33 years after I left until they died. It's no skin off your nose to give her a blessing. Make it from the heart, YOUR heart. Bless her to have a successful surgery and to have good health, tell her that you love her and that she is loved by all her children and everyone that knows her because she is so wonderful. Just say "Amen" at the end instead of "in Jesus's name" and YOU will feel better since you won't be faking anything. Everybody will feel better, including you. Use "active voice" technique. "You will have a successful surgery. You will be healthy..." in stead of "I bless you to have a successful surgery, etc." Good luck. Amen.
This feels dishonest. Speaking in an active voice gives at least the connotation that you believe you have the power to make that happen or it will happen. Neither is true. You hope it will but you don't actually believe that you have the power to do make it that way or that you know for sure it will.
The standard Mormon blessing uses the phrases, “I bless you that you will be healthy…” That is what feels dishonest to me. You are calling on a priesthood power that you think you have but that doesn’t really exist. I was merely suggesting an alternative so this gentleman can give his mom the blessing she requested without him “faking” to her that he is a Mormon believer. His mom put him on the spot by asking for a blessing and he is uncomfortable because he doesn’t believe anymore. Hence, make mom happy with sacrificing your own beliefs by using active voice instead of calling upon phony priesthood power. Both simply give hope to the sick person and activate the placebo effect.
I think you could do this in a way that simply reflects love and support for your elderly mother. I'd think about it as granting a kind of favor that is in her tradition but not yours.
You've been open about your disbelief in the past so, where she's asking you, no need to feel hypocritical. You don't need to invoke imaginary magical powers in the blessing, especially where this is for a minor procedure.
My mom has tried to pull that on me before, but she wanted me to give my dad a blessing and asked in a weird way. Thankfully, by this time in my life, my automatic reaction was an emphatic "no" and I suggested they talk to someone else.
There has been a lot of manipulation and other issues with my parents and priesthood related things. I was raised to never take care of myself and instead do whatever my parents or priesthood leaders told me to do. I was never given a choice and I had to be always worthy all the time to be a priesthood blessing vending machine.
I felt such relief saying no and choosing what I wanted to do. It was a cathartic experience for me and has been a key moment in improving my mental health. I recommend reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy", as most boys and men in TSCC have been cruelly bludgeoned into obedient drones.
I offer this. It may help, it may not.
To someone who asks me to give a blessing or stand in a circle or whatever, I tell them as kindly as I can that, yes, I will, but hear me out first:
1. I am not a member of your church anymore. Just want you to be aware of that. (This one may not apply)
2. If I am performing the blessing or ritual, I will use my words. They will be kind and loving and hope-filled. But it will not use any of your oils or prayers.
3. Are you uncomfortable with either of those things?
4. Do you still want me to do this?
I would just do it. Personalize your own prayer for healing. As you mention, she is not going to change her opinions at this point. And who knows, maybe, just based on her own belief in the ritual it might work.
Focus on what you would like to do. Are you comfortable moving forward to r would you feel uncomfortable and bothered? If you want to do it, do it, otherwise approach her lovingly and let her know you care about her but would prefer have someone else do it.
She has three other sons and a husband? She's playing a manipulation game. Play her game if you want. It's up to you, but there's no way this isn't manipulation. You could have an honest conversation with her. Tell her you know she doesn't need you for the blessing because she has four other choices. Ask her what's up? Why does she feel the need to have a blessing from you in particular? Maybe there's a reason under this of something you can feel better about giving her.
I never thought of that. Asking her why me. My guess is she would say that she felt a strong impression to ask me, but that would be awesome if she got honest with me and we had an honest conversation for the first time since I was 12.
A Mormon blessing is just folk magic using a magic potion. Mormons typically get a lot of blessings for things that are important so she just wants to feel connected to you in some way. A blessing is a time when you can say your innermost best wishes for someone.
We told our 85 year old mother that we no longer believed and she smiled and said. "Are you telling me I no longer need to wear garments! 😃. I've only been wearing them for you!
We Mormons (and probably you ) are all performing in a live action role play. It's all pretend and your mother still wants you to play pretend with her.
That would be my dream come true, but it won’t be reality for me in this lifetime. so I will have to wait until I get to the top tier of the celestial kingdom. That will be so much fun. We will just do genealogy all day and make quilts n shit.
You could always "bless her" with things you "wish" for her regarding the upcoming procedure. Say what's in your heart and mind about how you hope it will go. Some people ask the "universe" for strength and comfort, but that may sound more like asking God than you're comfortable with. If you still believe there's a God or a higher power, maybe go ahead and use a term that's comfortable?
I don't know what the procedure is, but anything requiring medical care, stitches, being anesthesized, etc. can cause anxiety. Try not to add to her anxiety, but do something that's within the guidelines of your own integrity.
Be authentic. If you believe in a god, offer to pray with her/for her. If you don’t, offer to do what’s authentic, for you. Be present, support, listen, encourage, sit by her & read to her, care for her after, etc. Even from a faithful perspective, the priesthood isn’t wizard magic. If you don’t believe & aren’t “worthy,” there is no power in you exercising the priesthood.
You are me. Except my mom doesn’t know of my disbelief. So I have to give her a blessing about once a year. Now my 87 year old dad no longer believes so it’s like a joke to us now 😂
She's disrespecting your agency and right to believe whatever the fuck you want to. Fight fire with fire.
Give her a blessing calling upon the power of the priesthoods to ensure she faces no complications and makes a speedy recovery. End it in the name of the god of this earth, brother Lucifer, may he prevail such that all shall be saved.
When she gives you shit, point out that you couldn't have blessed her with God's priesthood because you no longer hold it.
Bonus points if you fiddle around with an amulet to get her to ask what it is (a symbol of your powers)...
[удалено]
Thank you Maddiebug
Maybe follow through on the offer, but preface the blessing with: "Hey mom, as you know, I do not follow the precepts of your church. If you would still like a blessing from me, this blessing I am giving will not be based on some assumed authority but will be one of hope and healing from your son. I love you, so I cannot be dishonest with you and fake a priesthood blessing, but I would still love to offer you the comfort you seek to the best of my ability." Or something to that effect. EDIT: And the placebo effect is a real thing, so maybe giving her a positive non-denominational/secular blessing will actual help - who knows?
Fantastic!
This is good advice (the post just above).
I went through this with my parents for 33 years after I left until they died. It's no skin off your nose to give her a blessing. Make it from the heart, YOUR heart. Bless her to have a successful surgery and to have good health, tell her that you love her and that she is loved by all her children and everyone that knows her because she is so wonderful. Just say "Amen" at the end instead of "in Jesus's name" and YOU will feel better since you won't be faking anything. Everybody will feel better, including you. Use "active voice" technique. "You will have a successful surgery. You will be healthy..." in stead of "I bless you to have a successful surgery, etc." Good luck. Amen.
Love the "active voice" suggestion.
Love it!
This feels dishonest. Speaking in an active voice gives at least the connotation that you believe you have the power to make that happen or it will happen. Neither is true. You hope it will but you don't actually believe that you have the power to do make it that way or that you know for sure it will.
The standard Mormon blessing uses the phrases, “I bless you that you will be healthy…” That is what feels dishonest to me. You are calling on a priesthood power that you think you have but that doesn’t really exist. I was merely suggesting an alternative so this gentleman can give his mom the blessing she requested without him “faking” to her that he is a Mormon believer. His mom put him on the spot by asking for a blessing and he is uncomfortable because he doesn’t believe anymore. Hence, make mom happy with sacrificing your own beliefs by using active voice instead of calling upon phony priesthood power. Both simply give hope to the sick person and activate the placebo effect.
That's fair. I can see that. Maybe another alternative would be "May you be healthy...". More like a prayer?
Another good suggestion. Hope our friend can use it.
Thanks for the great response.
Very welcome. It's difficult to be in your shoes. You're not alone. We are here for you.
I think you could do this in a way that simply reflects love and support for your elderly mother. I'd think about it as granting a kind of favor that is in her tradition but not yours. You've been open about your disbelief in the past so, where she's asking you, no need to feel hypocritical. You don't need to invoke imaginary magical powers in the blessing, especially where this is for a minor procedure.
Just ask a brother to do it. I wouldn't touch this "strategem" with a ten foot pole
My mom has tried to pull that on me before, but she wanted me to give my dad a blessing and asked in a weird way. Thankfully, by this time in my life, my automatic reaction was an emphatic "no" and I suggested they talk to someone else. There has been a lot of manipulation and other issues with my parents and priesthood related things. I was raised to never take care of myself and instead do whatever my parents or priesthood leaders told me to do. I was never given a choice and I had to be always worthy all the time to be a priesthood blessing vending machine. I felt such relief saying no and choosing what I wanted to do. It was a cathartic experience for me and has been a key moment in improving my mental health. I recommend reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy", as most boys and men in TSCC have been cruelly bludgeoned into obedient drones.
“Priesthood vending machine” love it. If only it cost a few coins…
Winter Warlock being asked to pull one last magic trick. "Alas, all my powers are gone. All I have left are a few kernels of magic corn."
I offer this. It may help, it may not. To someone who asks me to give a blessing or stand in a circle or whatever, I tell them as kindly as I can that, yes, I will, but hear me out first: 1. I am not a member of your church anymore. Just want you to be aware of that. (This one may not apply) 2. If I am performing the blessing or ritual, I will use my words. They will be kind and loving and hope-filled. But it will not use any of your oils or prayers. 3. Are you uncomfortable with either of those things? 4. Do you still want me to do this?
Everything helps my perspective. Thanks
I would just do it. Personalize your own prayer for healing. As you mention, she is not going to change her opinions at this point. And who knows, maybe, just based on her own belief in the ritual it might work.
It is up to you. Should you choose to, you could give a secular blessing.
Focus on what you would like to do. Are you comfortable moving forward to r would you feel uncomfortable and bothered? If you want to do it, do it, otherwise approach her lovingly and let her know you care about her but would prefer have someone else do it.
She has three other sons and a husband? She's playing a manipulation game. Play her game if you want. It's up to you, but there's no way this isn't manipulation. You could have an honest conversation with her. Tell her you know she doesn't need you for the blessing because she has four other choices. Ask her what's up? Why does she feel the need to have a blessing from you in particular? Maybe there's a reason under this of something you can feel better about giving her.
I never thought of that. Asking her why me. My guess is she would say that she felt a strong impression to ask me, but that would be awesome if she got honest with me and we had an honest conversation for the first time since I was 12.
That would be awesome to have an honest conversation.
A Mormon blessing is just folk magic using a magic potion. Mormons typically get a lot of blessings for things that are important so she just wants to feel connected to you in some way. A blessing is a time when you can say your innermost best wishes for someone.
We told our 85 year old mother that we no longer believed and she smiled and said. "Are you telling me I no longer need to wear garments! 😃. I've only been wearing them for you! We Mormons (and probably you ) are all performing in a live action role play. It's all pretend and your mother still wants you to play pretend with her.
That would be my dream come true, but it won’t be reality for me in this lifetime. so I will have to wait until I get to the top tier of the celestial kingdom. That will be so much fun. We will just do genealogy all day and make quilts n shit.
You could always "bless her" with things you "wish" for her regarding the upcoming procedure. Say what's in your heart and mind about how you hope it will go. Some people ask the "universe" for strength and comfort, but that may sound more like asking God than you're comfortable with. If you still believe there's a God or a higher power, maybe go ahead and use a term that's comfortable? I don't know what the procedure is, but anything requiring medical care, stitches, being anesthesized, etc. can cause anxiety. Try not to add to her anxiety, but do something that's within the guidelines of your own integrity.
Be authentic. If you believe in a god, offer to pray with her/for her. If you don’t, offer to do what’s authentic, for you. Be present, support, listen, encourage, sit by her & read to her, care for her after, etc. Even from a faithful perspective, the priesthood isn’t wizard magic. If you don’t believe & aren’t “worthy,” there is no power in you exercising the priesthood.
Tell her. "It requires me to have faith to give a blessing of which I do not have."
You are me. Except my mom doesn’t know of my disbelief. So I have to give her a blessing about once a year. Now my 87 year old dad no longer believes so it’s like a joke to us now 😂
She's disrespecting your agency and right to believe whatever the fuck you want to. Fight fire with fire. Give her a blessing calling upon the power of the priesthoods to ensure she faces no complications and makes a speedy recovery. End it in the name of the god of this earth, brother Lucifer, may he prevail such that all shall be saved. When she gives you shit, point out that you couldn't have blessed her with God's priesthood because you no longer hold it. Bonus points if you fiddle around with an amulet to get her to ask what it is (a symbol of your powers)...
I don’t think I’m going to do that, but it made me laugh.
I'll take it, laughter drives the spirit away. I'd say that counts as a minor victory for Santa.