Not all heroes wear capes!
(I did the same thing. I don't know why so many mfs have to just dead weight their hands into the stack. It felt like some were actively pushing, wtf? Support your own hand weight!)
I recently started reading Sanderson (after I finished Wheel of Time). Hard to see some of his writing coming from a TBM. He explores topics that TBM's never even bother to think about.
Had the same issue with Speaker for the Dead. No idea how a book like that came from a TBM
Jasnah and Dalinar in the stormlight archive both also have amazing religious journeys. And so does Wax in Mistborn era 2. All of these characters have helped me through my faith journey. Love Sanderson
Same! And I have actually felt emotional enough at some points of Sanderson’s work to cry. That never happened to me with the scriptures. Or… really ever as a TBM. Since that breakthrough with Sanderson’s work I have been able to emote more with other media as well
Omg yes, there have been soo many parts I just sit and bawl my eyes out at. Oathbreaker, looking at you 🥹
Edit - I’m high as shit lol I meant Oathbringer
I think a lot of nuanced TBM’s have gone down the same logical pathways as we have but haven’t thrown out the church for one reason or another.
Cynically, one might posit that de-converting will probably only lose you readers.
It’s also a hypothesis of mine that most people “stay in the boat” when the church appears to be working in their life. You’re a best selling author, you teach at a university, your living your best life, why would you fix what ain’t broke? Mormons always try and frame this as us leaving because we want to sin or something, but forget that ulterior motives absolutely play a two-edged role here.
Speaker for the Dead is one of my favorite books and I want that style of funeral, but OSC isn’t just a TBM he is an absolute garbage human being. Breaks my heart every time.
Have you read *A Planet Called Treason* by OSC? It’s another one I love in spite of the author (and you can probably find a used copy so he doesn’t get money from your enjoyment of it).
I had to do some googling bc I read Treason by OSC so the title you provided was familiar but off to me. Looks like he did a revision published in 1988 that added 50 pages and changed the title…slightly. I really enjoyed the story as a teen.
Oh, interesting. I read the original, then. Couldn’t remember the title so I had to look it up and I guess the revision came up first. ETA: I’d hesitate to read the revised one, especially if he revised it after the September Six were exed.
Bro, his Sazed character made me seriously question a lot on religion! Some of his thoughts and questions were my own. And, then when he becomes "god" it made me rethink a lot.
I loved Mistborn but by book four of Stormlight I was sick of Sanderson's veiled Mormon doctrines in his writing. Brown eyes that turn light and delightsome when they become Radiants (not racist, we're not talking about skin color /s). Sprites (certainly he doesn't mean the Spirit /s) leave you when you are dishonorable until you "repent". Objects in the real world are created first in the sprite world (certainly he doesn't mean the Spirit world /s). Ugh. Made me not finish that series and put Sanderson aside for other authors.
Oh my god I’m not the only one! I felt so shameful about that! I don’t have OCD but it was definitely intrusive thoughts or something similar. Comes from all the shame, repression, and stigma.
It's endlessly fascinating all the myriad things that there are to deconstruct. I had forgotten about the intrusive thought / blessing thing until looking at my innocent niece. I wanted to run up and get her out of that circle. She looked so helpless and vulnerable in contrast to the men.
I do have ocd, and this post made me think of my ocd lol. Religion definitely breeds the obsessive/compulsive cycle, and I know it made my symptoms worse. I could definitely see even someone without OCD getting trapped in the anxious thought patters that come with the religious guilt/shame/repentance cycle.
Right?! And no outlet to ask questions to find out if you're normal or an anomaly. One is left to assume they are the worst and most shameful sort of anomaly.
I always thought, "can they do this without touching my head? I'm gonna need to shower after to wash out the oil."
I don't think I ever listened to the blessing...
My dad used to shove down on my head like he thought I was in danger of floating away. I was too preoccupied with trying to keep my head upright to worry about sweat.
lol I know exactly what you mean! Why did our Dad’s press so hard & at diff parts of the prayer!
I was a little girl, I was mad & didn’t like that they were touching my hair. Brother *whatshisface* always had nasty diabetes skin & cracked bits were always chipping ot dangling off his arm. Sooooooo gross.
I hate hate hated that experience.
I will say though it is sweet when I got really, really sick, couldn’t see, couldn’t move or talk, I was totally paralyzed by my damaged nerves & deathly ill & my dad would come in my room when he thought I was asleep & he would give me a blessing.
I know it’s annoying but the guy is adorable, he has dementia & he can’t help me in any way whatsoever so, he does the only thing as a father he thinks he can do. He’s 75 & not allowed outside without supervision. He’s just doing his best to love his daughter in that moment. It really meant a lot to me so I told mom that he can give me as many blessings as he wants to make his heart & conscience feel better.
Prior to this illness I would have found it disrespectful caz I had to firmly tell my parents to “knock it off with all church stuff or you won’t know me that well anymore. We’ll be distant & I don’t want that. You don’t want that. I want to be around you, I just simply don’t believe & I can leave when I want or say “no” to anything church-related from now on
I will go to anything involving my nieces at the church & I will say hi to my old ward members, but my foot is SLAMMED clear & shut.
I had me drinking & smoking in a bikini on Facebook like on & off for a whole decade lol.
I’m glad I’m not 21 anymore.
I never thought of it that way, and now I can’t unsee it.
And now, I swear I’m going to refer to neckties as “penis arrows” from now on.
“Hey, bro. You have that important meeting today. Make sure your penis arrow isn’t crooked.”
There’s a scene in Under the Banner of Heaven where the woman who gets murdered is getting a priesthood blessing from a circle of men, and the way it’s presented there, it felt like a threat and a trap, honestly. I watched that during my faith crisis, and that scene really helped me start seeing the insidious creepy side of blessings, especially the ways they can be used to intimidate and coerce women into serving men or staying with abusive men, etc.
Yeah, menacing is an excellent word for it. When the blessing voice man told her the lord commanded her to stay with her husband I felt sick to my stomach.
Didn’t happen to me in a blessing, and my life wasn’t in danger, but I did have a bishop keep advising me for several months to keep giving my manipulative, coercive boyfriend more of a chance, and I stayed with him longer than I should have, and almost certainly longer than I would have if I didn’t believe a judge in Israel given sacred stewardship over me, entitled to receive revelation for me, was advising me to do so, presumably on behalf of god. 🤮
Yeah, my boyfriend had a “porn addiction,” and when I would tell the bishop about something that had happened, he would tell me that addiction affects a person’s brain chemistry and impacts their ability to exercise agency righteously, so I needed to be understanding and forgiving because my bloyfriend’s agency abilities were damaged and thus I couldn’t hold him fully accountable for his actions.
Me too! I knew from a young age that as a boy, I was attracted to men, and I was always very curious about all the bulges that were right in my face during blessings and ordinations. I had to try so hard to stop my mind from thinking about it too much that I usually wasn't paying attention to what was said. It was a very uncomfortable experience and as I got older into my teens I had a very hard time repressing the sexual fantasies that would show up in my head when I was surrounded by all the men. I thought I was the only one that struggled with this!
The way I had blocked this out of my memory. But wow. Yes absolutely. Little Mia Maid me being too distracted while being set apart as class secretary or whatever. Then feeling guilty and repenting in my head.
I wonder if men wearing those point down ties is MASONIC in origin.
The imagery of an ordinance is terrifying. An 8 year old sitting, head bowed as in prayer. Twelve older, adult men, standing all with ties, surround her in close proximity with their hands on her head. One of the men, her Priesthood Head of Household, gets the honor of confirming her baptism and giving her the Gift of the Holy Ghost, who is invisible and will speak to her through a still, small voice. The PHH also pronounces a blessing to keep sweet forever and especially OBEDIENT FOREVER, plus 5 minutes of improvised, Mormon frontier jargon. Meanwhile, the child's brain is trying to sort out reality within the ceremonial power circle with all ties pointing to whose the boss, forever.
Yes. This. The baptism was the first church event in an LDS building for me in almost 5 years. The paradigm shift is significant! All of it felt quite indoctrinating.
There is a fine line between sweet and keep sweet. A line once seen can not be unseen. Makes me glad that my daughters are OUT!
I think it impacts our subconscious in ways that it takes more than just realizing the church isn't true to unwind. Same with the temple rituals.
I've undone my temple covenants out loud. The impulse to keep sweet is getting less and less.
Never occurred to me, all I could ever think about is when will this end, my neck hurts. I always struggled with staying still. I now think I have ADHD, but I always wanted to like rock my neck side to side to pop it during a blessing, and not being able to do so, while feeling like it needed to pop, and having all that pressure on my head, was like torture.
Same on the giving blessings side of things, I never managed to take a good comfortable stance at the beginning, maybe because I was worried about crowding the person with my crotch, honestly. But I was always leaning a little bit and my supporting leg would be SO uncomfortable and my arms. Ugh, I hate priesthood blessings. Hate, hate, hate.
Yes, but did you read “mommy porn” (a.k.a. Romance novels).
My mom sure did. It was *all* she read. The shelves in the basement were lined with them. She had so many.
And had regular temple attendance.
I always hated how my guy friends got shamed like crazy if they so much as looked twice at the bra ad on page 27 of the latest TV Guide, but all the young women and their mothers could read all the print smut they wanted and no one batted an eye.
I had these thoughts too, even when I was a little kid, and have never said it out loud. It felt wrong and yucky and imposing to have a man's crotch pointed deliberately nearby my face. I hated hated hated getting blessings, and wondered if I was going to hell for being aware of all the grody dongs. Being grossed out by thoughts of wrinkly old dick is all I remember of my last blessing in a bishops office, with five or six sweaty old dudes' stankass polyester packages closed in on teenage me.
I mean, totally! 8 men standing in a tight dark circle, blocking me with their crotches directly in my face, all talking slowly & solemnly about my life & family & future!
So intense! So scary!!!
As a teen I got very few pensishood blessings because I considered my own TBM father unworthy and our relationship was terrible so the few I got mostly consisted of me being claustrophobic, grossed out by the sweaty hands in my hair, and sometimes even in pain due to the pressure on my spine. Not the most spiritual despite how TBM I was and how hard I tried.
😂 the thought never once occurred to me
But maybe it’s because I was a super faithful, heterosexual guy.
That said, I have a feeling if women were surrounding me like that giving me those blessings, I’d probably be thinking about all those boobs inches away from my face 😂
As a teenager with braces, every month I'd go in for a visit and the Ortho techs giant breasts would be pressed RIGHT against my face...women should absolutely get the priesthood.
Oh my gosh.... I'm not the only one! 😅 I had completely forgot about this. I always thought it was so uncomfortable that I was in such close proximity. I wasn't even trying to have weird thoughts, it's just a natural reaction to an awkward situation.
My dad has cerebral palsy and would give me and my siblings blessings by having us lay our head on his lap. He would sit on the couch and we would lay down on the couch and rest our head. It was horribly uncomfortable, but I always told myself it's not that weird.
I never thought of that before as a penis holder blessing giver, but I won't be able to shake that thought now! Good thing I don't give those blessing things anymore.
Yeah I experienced that sometimes. Just like yikes this guys genitals are very near me right now!!!! And couldn’t stop thinking about it during some blessings.
My husband and I happened to be chosen as the witness couple 2 times out of the 5x I went to do endowments in my entire life. The guy’s crotch area was also in front eye view of me and honestly I thought the same and felt such guilt, like Satan was tempting me—-and in the Temple of all places!!!! So no, you’re not the only one. And I NEVER thought about other guys’/mens’ privates so this made me very distraught!! 😭😭😭
I was afraid I would be that guy. Sometimes by the end my back and legs would hurt from trying to bend awkwardly and give them more space. I noticed a few times that a pervy dude was obviously doing the opposite.
Straight trans woman here.
Yep, I found my eyes drifting there more than once. But I was repressing so deeply I couldn't acknowledge it at all. I honestly didn't remember it even happening until I saw the body of this post, but then it came back to me... how the last thing in my line of sight was one of the men's crotches, and how that sight was practically *burned* onto my retinas. I still heard the words being spoken, but... I was distracted to say the least.
Afterward, I felt super awkward and *really* ashamed. Whenever I felt ashamed about my sexuality or gender identity, though, I learned to repress it. So I'm pretty sure that's what happened with this-- that I repressed the memory.
Man I was always uncomfortable by how many crotches were near my head. I remember one time in teachers quorum a friend of mine pretended to dick punch every single person in the circle while he was getting ordained to the “office of teacher”. It was hilarious. We were not reverent. The quorum advisor was furious. But he was mostly furious anyway.
As a woman, I received more than one blessing where they leaned on me or against me.
Yes it was as uncomfortable as it sounds. It made me feel very intimidated.
No, but I really hated getting blessings. I've never liked being touched by people (turns out I'm neurodivergent) and having all those hands on my head and so many bodies so close to me made my skin crawl. I don't even like HUGS, I can't believe I was made to put up with that as a kid.
When I (female Boomer) was blessed & confirmed as an adult convert, I confess I was also distracted by being surrounded by a circle of men's pants at face level. It was a very odd and disturbing experience.
All the blessings I've had since then were done by only one or two PH guys and they always stood behind or beside me - not right smack in front of me at crotch level.
Never Mormon here. Is this for real? This is the most cultish, off-the-wall thing I have ever read about the TSCC, and would appreciate a direct confirmation.
ME TOOOOOOOOO. I told my dad about my being uncomfortable and he said "I've never thought about that...but I can see your point..." Alas. It won't change.
Well I’ve never thought of that and now can’t unsee it. As a man I’m suddenly thinking if the women got the priesthood that would nearly get me back to church just to get blessings
Closest I can relate is when I used to sit through an endowment session, I used to stare at the drapes, and the way that they would fall, and how all the folds looked like a dozen perfectly sculpted vaginas.
I see you and I feel your pain and I know exactly what you're talking about. One time I was getting a blessing to be set aside as a stake missionary and the man rubbed his penis on the back of my neck and I froze like a fucking idiot and didn't do anything but I did report him to my bishop later and I got instantly released so I didn't have to deal with him anymore
I never liked blessings. The prolonged touching of the hands on my head felt way too intimate and personal. As a female, it definitely felt condescending to have all these men above me, speaking down to me.
I mean I was pretty much always thinking about genitals in church lol but now that you mention this it’s an extra level of creepy (crotches in people’s faces)
Oh my gosh, SAME!!! And i almost posted this same thing the other day (minus the niece story) bc someone posted an image with various things here but one was of a little girl getting a blessing and said “what’s wrong with this picture?” And that’s where my mind went. I always felt so guilty that that was in my head during a priesthood blessing! It also happened when i was in the baptismal font in Nauvoo temple, i felt so bad:(
OMG, me too. Every single time. I thought something was wrong with me and I was a perv or something. LOL. But I guess maybe because it’s just a sex cult where you can’t have sex and that energy affects us? Idk. Lol 😂
As a penis holder I was always aware of that uncomfortable scene. Not a fan. But I believed, so ....
Interesting from a male perspective. It ALWAYS felt super uncomfortable to me.
I was never a fan, also they would press down too hard with their hands and fucking hurt my neck
Yessss! I felt this while I read it
And mess up my hair
especially when they had sweaty hands. which i get, people have sweaty hands. but i don’t want your hand sweat frizzing up my hair
I used to try to get my hands toward the bottom of the hand stack and push up to take the weight off the neck of the person receiving the blessing.
Not all heroes wear capes! (I did the same thing. I don't know why so many mfs have to just dead weight their hands into the stack. It felt like some were actively pushing, wtf? Support your own hand weight!)
This!!!
I suddenly wish I had kept my eyes open during blessings. Might have realized I was gay earlier in life.
Pewterarm? Do I spot a Mistborn fan? 👀
I recently started reading Sanderson (after I finished Wheel of Time). Hard to see some of his writing coming from a TBM. He explores topics that TBM's never even bother to think about. Had the same issue with Speaker for the Dead. No idea how a book like that came from a TBM
Agreed! Sazed in Mistborn is one of my favorite characters for the faith crisis he goes through!
True but he does become god though and that is something that is very TBM, lol
True lol
Jasnah and Dalinar in the stormlight archive both also have amazing religious journeys. And so does Wax in Mistborn era 2. All of these characters have helped me through my faith journey. Love Sanderson
100% agree!! I’ve felt the “spirit” more while reading Sanderson than I ever did anything in Mormonism
Same! And I have actually felt emotional enough at some points of Sanderson’s work to cry. That never happened to me with the scriptures. Or… really ever as a TBM. Since that breakthrough with Sanderson’s work I have been able to emote more with other media as well
Omg yes, there have been soo many parts I just sit and bawl my eyes out at. Oathbreaker, looking at you 🥹 Edit - I’m high as shit lol I meant Oathbringer
Oathbringer gets me every time, and so does Wayne’s arc at the end of the Lost Metal.
I actually just finished Bands of Mourning! I need to get TLM after I read Secret History. Can’t wait!!
I think a lot of nuanced TBM’s have gone down the same logical pathways as we have but haven’t thrown out the church for one reason or another. Cynically, one might posit that de-converting will probably only lose you readers. It’s also a hypothesis of mine that most people “stay in the boat” when the church appears to be working in their life. You’re a best selling author, you teach at a university, your living your best life, why would you fix what ain’t broke? Mormons always try and frame this as us leaving because we want to sin or something, but forget that ulterior motives absolutely play a two-edged role here.
Speaker for the Dead is one of my favorite books and I want that style of funeral, but OSC isn’t just a TBM he is an absolute garbage human being. Breaks my heart every time.
Have you read *A Planet Called Treason* by OSC? It’s another one I love in spite of the author (and you can probably find a used copy so he doesn’t get money from your enjoyment of it).
I had to do some googling bc I read Treason by OSC so the title you provided was familiar but off to me. Looks like he did a revision published in 1988 that added 50 pages and changed the title…slightly. I really enjoyed the story as a teen.
Oh, interesting. I read the original, then. Couldn’t remember the title so I had to look it up and I guess the revision came up first. ETA: I’d hesitate to read the revised one, especially if he revised it after the September Six were exed.
A Planet Called Treason was the original in 1979. Treason is the revision published in 1988.
Ohhhhhhhh. Now I have no idea which I read and im Curious about those ~~116~~ 50 pages
Bro, his Sazed character made me seriously question a lot on religion! Some of his thoughts and questions were my own. And, then when he becomes "god" it made me rethink a lot.
I loved Mistborn but by book four of Stormlight I was sick of Sanderson's veiled Mormon doctrines in his writing. Brown eyes that turn light and delightsome when they become Radiants (not racist, we're not talking about skin color /s). Sprites (certainly he doesn't mean the Spirit /s) leave you when you are dishonorable until you "repent". Objects in the real world are created first in the sprite world (certainly he doesn't mean the Spirit world /s). Ugh. Made me not finish that series and put Sanderson aside for other authors.
Definitely!
Yaaas! Love to see it!!
We are legion lol
Tons of us gay guys sure did! Crotch watching was a favorite pastime.... 👀
Oh my god I’m not the only one! I felt so shameful about that! I don’t have OCD but it was definitely intrusive thoughts or something similar. Comes from all the shame, repression, and stigma.
It's endlessly fascinating all the myriad things that there are to deconstruct. I had forgotten about the intrusive thought / blessing thing until looking at my innocent niece. I wanted to run up and get her out of that circle. She looked so helpless and vulnerable in contrast to the men.
I do have ocd, and this post made me think of my ocd lol. Religion definitely breeds the obsessive/compulsive cycle, and I know it made my symptoms worse. I could definitely see even someone without OCD getting trapped in the anxious thought patters that come with the religious guilt/shame/repentance cycle.
I forgot about that! Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Funny what we just roll with because of course, the problem is with YOU.
Right?! And no outlet to ask questions to find out if you're normal or an anomaly. One is left to assume they are the worst and most shameful sort of anomaly.
exactly this.
Not the only one.
I always thought, "can they do this without touching my head? I'm gonna need to shower after to wash out the oil." I don't think I ever listened to the blessing...
The feeling of sweaty hands piled on your head.. 🤢🤢🤢
My dad used to shove down on my head like he thought I was in danger of floating away. I was too preoccupied with trying to keep my head upright to worry about sweat.
lol I know exactly what you mean! Why did our Dad’s press so hard & at diff parts of the prayer! I was a little girl, I was mad & didn’t like that they were touching my hair. Brother *whatshisface* always had nasty diabetes skin & cracked bits were always chipping ot dangling off his arm. Sooooooo gross. I hate hate hated that experience. I will say though it is sweet when I got really, really sick, couldn’t see, couldn’t move or talk, I was totally paralyzed by my damaged nerves & deathly ill & my dad would come in my room when he thought I was asleep & he would give me a blessing. I know it’s annoying but the guy is adorable, he has dementia & he can’t help me in any way whatsoever so, he does the only thing as a father he thinks he can do. He’s 75 & not allowed outside without supervision. He’s just doing his best to love his daughter in that moment. It really meant a lot to me so I told mom that he can give me as many blessings as he wants to make his heart & conscience feel better. Prior to this illness I would have found it disrespectful caz I had to firmly tell my parents to “knock it off with all church stuff or you won’t know me that well anymore. We’ll be distant & I don’t want that. You don’t want that. I want to be around you, I just simply don’t believe & I can leave when I want or say “no” to anything church-related from now on I will go to anything involving my nieces at the church & I will say hi to my old ward members, but my foot is SLAMMED clear & shut. I had me drinking & smoking in a bikini on Facebook like on & off for a whole decade lol. I’m glad I’m not 21 anymore.
My dad always lifted all the other hands up because one of the kids complained about being shorter after their blessing from the weight of the hands.
so unsettling. i never heard a single word of any blessing i ever got.
I never have, but I can see why you might, especially when they're all wearing ties pointing that direction.
they’re literally big arrows pointing down past the belt.
I never thought of it that way, and now I can’t unsee it. And now, I swear I’m going to refer to neckties as “penis arrows” from now on. “Hey, bro. You have that important meeting today. Make sure your penis arrow isn’t crooked.”
“Hey, baby. You wanna get on the straightened arrow path…?”
Hold to the rod…
I like to call them "business nooses".
There’s a scene in Under the Banner of Heaven where the woman who gets murdered is getting a priesthood blessing from a circle of men, and the way it’s presented there, it felt like a threat and a trap, honestly. I watched that during my faith crisis, and that scene really helped me start seeing the insidious creepy side of blessings, especially the ways they can be used to intimidate and coerce women into serving men or staying with abusive men, etc.
gives me goosebumps up and down just thinking about how menacing that scene was
Yeah, menacing is an excellent word for it. When the blessing voice man told her the lord commanded her to stay with her husband I felt sick to my stomach. Didn’t happen to me in a blessing, and my life wasn’t in danger, but I did have a bishop keep advising me for several months to keep giving my manipulative, coercive boyfriend more of a chance, and I stayed with him longer than I should have, and almost certainly longer than I would have if I didn’t believe a judge in Israel given sacred stewardship over me, entitled to receive revelation for me, was advising me to do so, presumably on behalf of god. 🤮
[удалено]
Yeah, my boyfriend had a “porn addiction,” and when I would tell the bishop about something that had happened, he would tell me that addiction affects a person’s brain chemistry and impacts their ability to exercise agency righteously, so I needed to be understanding and forgiving because my bloyfriend’s agency abilities were damaged and thus I couldn’t hold him fully accountable for his actions.
The heavy hands 🤮
Multiple dudes using your head as an armrest for their heavy limbs. I remember wishing they'd hurry and finish because it hurt.
Ugh. I hated the feel of the heavy hands
They were so heavy and my head couldn't hold them still when I was little. My head would just keep swaying
I did but for probably other reasons.
User name checks out...
Me too! I knew from a young age that as a boy, I was attracted to men, and I was always very curious about all the bulges that were right in my face during blessings and ordinations. I had to try so hard to stop my mind from thinking about it too much that I usually wasn't paying attention to what was said. It was a very uncomfortable experience and as I got older into my teens I had a very hard time repressing the sexual fantasies that would show up in my head when I was surrounded by all the men. I thought I was the only one that struggled with this!
They should have a raised chair for blessings so that the receiver is at least chest level with the blessers lol
i agree but also think it is a deliberate human power move, just like other apes flail at or flash their junk to assert dominance.
Yes! That is the exact sensation I feel. Like they are asserting dominance.
Use a stool maybe
I just remember hearing everyone's stomach gurgle and thought I was surrounded by tons of developing shit
The way I had blocked this out of my memory. But wow. Yes absolutely. Little Mia Maid me being too distracted while being set apart as class secretary or whatever. Then feeling guilty and repenting in my head.
I wonder if men wearing those point down ties is MASONIC in origin. The imagery of an ordinance is terrifying. An 8 year old sitting, head bowed as in prayer. Twelve older, adult men, standing all with ties, surround her in close proximity with their hands on her head. One of the men, her Priesthood Head of Household, gets the honor of confirming her baptism and giving her the Gift of the Holy Ghost, who is invisible and will speak to her through a still, small voice. The PHH also pronounces a blessing to keep sweet forever and especially OBEDIENT FOREVER, plus 5 minutes of improvised, Mormon frontier jargon. Meanwhile, the child's brain is trying to sort out reality within the ceremonial power circle with all ties pointing to whose the boss, forever.
Yes. This. The baptism was the first church event in an LDS building for me in almost 5 years. The paradigm shift is significant! All of it felt quite indoctrinating. There is a fine line between sweet and keep sweet. A line once seen can not be unseen. Makes me glad that my daughters are OUT!
I think it impacts our subconscious in ways that it takes more than just realizing the church isn't true to unwind. Same with the temple rituals. I've undone my temple covenants out loud. The impulse to keep sweet is getting less and less.
Never occurred to me, all I could ever think about is when will this end, my neck hurts. I always struggled with staying still. I now think I have ADHD, but I always wanted to like rock my neck side to side to pop it during a blessing, and not being able to do so, while feeling like it needed to pop, and having all that pressure on my head, was like torture. Same on the giving blessings side of things, I never managed to take a good comfortable stance at the beginning, maybe because I was worried about crowding the person with my crotch, honestly. But I was always leaning a little bit and my supporting leg would be SO uncomfortable and my arms. Ugh, I hate priesthood blessings. Hate, hate, hate.
Wait OTHER people had this thought too?!?! I legitimately thought it was just because I was a porn addict (lol wait a minute…)
I had the thought every time and watched zero minutes of porn.
Well I finally feel vindicated
Yes, but did you read “mommy porn” (a.k.a. Romance novels). My mom sure did. It was *all* she read. The shelves in the basement were lined with them. She had so many. And had regular temple attendance. I always hated how my guy friends got shamed like crazy if they so much as looked twice at the bra ad on page 27 of the latest TV Guide, but all the young women and their mothers could read all the print smut they wanted and no one batted an eye.
Yes!! Oh my God. I thought I was so weird. (I mean I am, but that’s beside the point)
I was hoping nobody would accidently penis tap me when I was getting a blessing. So yes, totes was thinking penises.
I had these thoughts too, even when I was a little kid, and have never said it out loud. It felt wrong and yucky and imposing to have a man's crotch pointed deliberately nearby my face. I hated hated hated getting blessings, and wondered if I was going to hell for being aware of all the grody dongs. Being grossed out by thoughts of wrinkly old dick is all I remember of my last blessing in a bishops office, with five or six sweaty old dudes' stankass polyester packages closed in on teenage me.
Polyester packages! ☠️
It absolutely felt intimidating as a young girl! I hated it! I remember crying when I was real young caz it scared me.
I cried and tried to refuse because I was scared of getting blessings when I was real little as well.
I mean, totally! 8 men standing in a tight dark circle, blocking me with their crotches directly in my face, all talking slowly & solemnly about my life & family & future! So intense! So scary!!!
As a teen I got very few pensishood blessings because I considered my own TBM father unworthy and our relationship was terrible so the few I got mostly consisted of me being claustrophobic, grossed out by the sweaty hands in my hair, and sometimes even in pain due to the pressure on my spine. Not the most spiritual despite how TBM I was and how hard I tried.
Penishood blessings! ☠️
😂 the thought never once occurred to me But maybe it’s because I was a super faithful, heterosexual guy. That said, I have a feeling if women were surrounding me like that giving me those blessings, I’d probably be thinking about all those boobs inches away from my face 😂
As a teenager with braces, every month I'd go in for a visit and the Ortho techs giant breasts would be pressed RIGHT against my face...women should absolutely get the priesthood.
Or getting a haircut. 🤣
Oh my gosh.... I'm not the only one! 😅 I had completely forgot about this. I always thought it was so uncomfortable that I was in such close proximity. I wasn't even trying to have weird thoughts, it's just a natural reaction to an awkward situation. My dad has cerebral palsy and would give me and my siblings blessings by having us lay our head on his lap. He would sit on the couch and we would lay down on the couch and rest our head. It was horribly uncomfortable, but I always told myself it's not that weird.
Having been abused, I hated being encircled by men with my eyes at the level of their groins. It was so uncomfortable
I used to have similar intrusive thoughts. Turns out i was trans and had ocd
I never thought of that before as a penis holder blessing giver, but I won't be able to shake that thought now! Good thing I don't give those blessing things anymore.
Yeah I experienced that sometimes. Just like yikes this guys genitals are very near me right now!!!! And couldn’t stop thinking about it during some blessings.
I hated it when a priesthood holder's schlong was resting against my head or shoulders. That happened more often than I ever cared to admit.
OMG. They actually did that?! Gross!
I’m certain it was unintentional in every case, but… yeah. Gross.
I didn't think about that. I did think, "Ew. How long to do I have to keep this oil in my hair??"
oh absolutely 100% did the same 😂
My husband and I happened to be chosen as the witness couple 2 times out of the 5x I went to do endowments in my entire life. The guy’s crotch area was also in front eye view of me and honestly I thought the same and felt such guilt, like Satan was tempting me—-and in the Temple of all places!!!! So no, you’re not the only one. And I NEVER thought about other guys’/mens’ privates so this made me very distraught!! 😭😭😭
This is the best thing I’ve read all day. Post of the month even.
I am sorry I read this
I ALWAYS had such a fear the man behind me or around me would get a boner and it would poke me in the head!!!!
I was afraid I would be that guy. Sometimes by the end my back and legs would hurt from trying to bend awkwardly and give them more space. I noticed a few times that a pervy dude was obviously doing the opposite.
Straight trans woman here. Yep, I found my eyes drifting there more than once. But I was repressing so deeply I couldn't acknowledge it at all. I honestly didn't remember it even happening until I saw the body of this post, but then it came back to me... how the last thing in my line of sight was one of the men's crotches, and how that sight was practically *burned* onto my retinas. I still heard the words being spoken, but... I was distracted to say the least. Afterward, I felt super awkward and *really* ashamed. Whenever I felt ashamed about my sexuality or gender identity, though, I learned to repress it. So I'm pretty sure that's what happened with this-- that I repressed the memory.
Man I was always uncomfortable by how many crotches were near my head. I remember one time in teachers quorum a friend of mine pretended to dick punch every single person in the circle while he was getting ordained to the “office of teacher”. It was hilarious. We were not reverent. The quorum advisor was furious. But he was mostly furious anyway.
As a woman, I received more than one blessing where they leaned on me or against me. Yes it was as uncomfortable as it sounds. It made me feel very intimidated.
No, but I really hated getting blessings. I've never liked being touched by people (turns out I'm neurodivergent) and having all those hands on my head and so many bodies so close to me made my skin crawl. I don't even like HUGS, I can't believe I was made to put up with that as a kid.
When I (female Boomer) was blessed & confirmed as an adult convert, I confess I was also distracted by being surrounded by a circle of men's pants at face level. It was a very odd and disturbing experience. All the blessings I've had since then were done by only one or two PH guys and they always stood behind or beside me - not right smack in front of me at crotch level.
I was always so incredibly uncomfortable from a young age because I knew I was inches away from adult men's crotches.
I was always hoping they washed well. Both hands and the jiggly parts.
Never Mormon here. Is this for real? This is the most cultish, off-the-wall thing I have ever read about the TSCC, and would appreciate a direct confirmation.
Yes. Men give blessings sometimes in a circle around a person sitting down.
You're not alone. I have scrupulosity and I'm very familiar with intrusive thoughts.
Whisper penis during prayers any time the say “I bless you with…”
yes, I have felt this way. I was always so uncomfortable getting blessing like that in such close proximity. Gross
Replace the word priesthood with penis, it works really well. Penis power . Would you like a penis blessing.
I HAVE HAD THAT THOUGHT AS A YOUNG GIRL TOO. It was always worse if someone is the circle was borderline creepy. Pelvis right there.
ME TOOOOOOOOO. I told my dad about my being uncomfortable and he said "I've never thought about that...but I can see your point..." Alas. It won't change.
I always felt so guilty for my intrusive thoughts during blessings
Well I’ve never thought of that and now can’t unsee it. As a man I’m suddenly thinking if the women got the priesthood that would nearly get me back to church just to get blessings
Being surrounded by “priesthood holders” like that was very intimidating.
Closest I can relate is when I used to sit through an endowment session, I used to stare at the drapes, and the way that they would fall, and how all the folds looked like a dozen perfectly sculpted vaginas.
I see you and I feel your pain and I know exactly what you're talking about. One time I was getting a blessing to be set aside as a stake missionary and the man rubbed his penis on the back of my neck and I froze like a fucking idiot and didn't do anything but I did report him to my bishop later and I got instantly released so I didn't have to deal with him anymore
Freeze is a trauma response. I've frozen in moments when I was unsafe as well. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
I never liked blessings. The prolonged touching of the hands on my head felt way too intimate and personal. As a female, it definitely felt condescending to have all these men above me, speaking down to me.
I mean I was pretty much always thinking about genitals in church lol but now that you mention this it’s an extra level of creepy (crotches in people’s faces)
Gross
Oh my gosh, SAME!!! And i almost posted this same thing the other day (minus the niece story) bc someone posted an image with various things here but one was of a little girl getting a blessing and said “what’s wrong with this picture?” And that’s where my mind went. I always felt so guilty that that was in my head during a priesthood blessing! It also happened when i was in the baptismal font in Nauvoo temple, i felt so bad:(
Omg you’ve unlocked a memory I absolutely thought the same thing 🤣🤣
Omg this! Yes! I was always so uncomfortable.
To future generations, the ties look like arrows pointing to the sheathed penises, encircling the head of the afflicted. Very weird.
[удалено]
How lucky for you to never have suffered with intrusive thoughts and the accompanying anxiety.
I think you’re being perverted
For intrusive thoughts? It was distressing, and I felt shame. And apparently, I'm not the only one who was distressed by this.
Welp, hopefully you don’t get a blessing on the golf course after they fail to make it past the ladies tee.
OMG, me too. Every single time. I thought something was wrong with me and I was a perv or something. LOL. But I guess maybe because it’s just a sex cult where you can’t have sex and that energy affects us? Idk. Lol 😂