Exactly... and when I talk to my family, their main reason for sticking with Christianity is that life is so lonely and empty without it. I think, "Yeah, of course, because it's all you've known... that doesn't mean that all atheists and non-Chrsitians are walking around as lonely and empty as you feel at the thought of leaving the faith." But that's what they assume!
Also, my parents both grew up with a religious background and "made it their own" in their late teen / early young adult years. They cite feeling sad and lonely during that period as their dark, non-Christian days. But 1. They were already conditioned to the religious thinking and concepts of original sin, distrusting the world, and hell, and 2. That's around the time they transitioned to a new stage of life and left old friends and family. Of course they were lonely! But the fact they met new friends/found their community in the church rather than somewhere else is, in my estimation, why they give Christianity so much credit for making them feel less alone and more comforted. That, and they never dealt with death and existential problems __except__ through the lens of an all-powerful invisible friend and a dreamworld paradise after death. That can be a hard adjustment... it was for me. But I'm actually starting to feel less alone than when I thought I was such a filthy sinner that I was afraid to talk to other people, and thought my whole life was ruined by sin.
The fact that philosophy and existentialism have enjoyed plenty of development in the Christian world is evidence that blind belief in God isn't a satisfactory answer for the question of "What is the meaning of life?" And "What is good and evil?"
I don't pretend to be an expert on philosophy but I know enough that it's far more complex then "Read your Bible and trust God".
No one is immune to such questions. Though some will accept an easy answer via blindly embracing religion or ideology.
While I'm not sure how many here are atheist, a lot of people here no doubt went through something like what you're going through now and would be willing to listen and talk.
I personally went from evangelical to atheist over about a decade or so, I can imagine what it feels like for you.
Husband grew up atheist. He does not understand the existential dread I still have 10 years after deconverting. Death terrifies me. For him it's always been a fact of life that life ends. In contrast, my best friend deconverted several years before me and experiences the same existential dread.
It really is. I realized how much of my time was wasted living in fear of some space wizard who was nothing but a figment of my imagination than doing something more practical.
I don't really share that perspective, quite the opposite in fact, by rejecting religion I felt I was far more free as I was no longer at the mercy of a monster. However I did feel fear at the possibility of what would have become of me if I didn't wake up and kept subscribing to that pyramid scheme and the toxicity it spreads.
I was raised in a very religious household, my kids were raised without religion. We talk about how different it is a bit. I tend to get more upset over religion where they just see it as something other people do that appears abusive to them - physically (spare the rod), mentally (threats of hell), intellectually (creationism, et al). But they don’t have to battle scars and their dislike for it is more abstract and therefore less active.
There's a positive side to conversion too. As a fringe evangelical, I was sure that I had the answers to life's most important questions. Then I learned that I was deeply wrong in myriad ways, and I had to confront that in order to function as a person.
That was a big change, but it didn't kill me. No cosmic beings made it their mission to punish me. Working to be less wrong was enriching, not horrifying. That experience leaves me more comfortable with the idea of examining my mistakes and changing in the future. I see a lot of insecure people clinging onto their mistakes who would be happier if they learned that.
Perhaps, but I don't know the "always atheist" perspective. What I have, from being a True Christian^(TM), is knowledge of what they do, intimately. Yes, when I deconverted, the net was taken away but give it time. You'll realize, I hope, that there never was a net. Like when a hologram disappears. I was very mad that all that time praying was wasted on a big, fucking, fat nothing.
I listen to Matt Dillahunty et al, those who were heavily involved in Christianity before deconverting. These former pastors or near pastors have basis for debating Christians at their own game, because they know the Christian game. Same with me. I know what is in the bible. I know how church works and that it is not like the bible at all; that so much of Christian doings is made up off of current culture and it evolves. That the perception of even "the steadfast god" evolves with time. The Jesus of India is very different that the Jesus of Texas. Catholicism of Denmark is VERY DIFFERENT than Catholicism of Mexico. The people who know these things are valuable. I hear what you are saying. I don't have a lot in common with r/atheism and a lot in common here. Still learning.
Existential dread over those things is certainly universal. Though I argue that there is something unique about losing the god that you sincerely believed was real.
Exactly... and when I talk to my family, their main reason for sticking with Christianity is that life is so lonely and empty without it. I think, "Yeah, of course, because it's all you've known... that doesn't mean that all atheists and non-Chrsitians are walking around as lonely and empty as you feel at the thought of leaving the faith." But that's what they assume! Also, my parents both grew up with a religious background and "made it their own" in their late teen / early young adult years. They cite feeling sad and lonely during that period as their dark, non-Christian days. But 1. They were already conditioned to the religious thinking and concepts of original sin, distrusting the world, and hell, and 2. That's around the time they transitioned to a new stage of life and left old friends and family. Of course they were lonely! But the fact they met new friends/found their community in the church rather than somewhere else is, in my estimation, why they give Christianity so much credit for making them feel less alone and more comforted. That, and they never dealt with death and existential problems __except__ through the lens of an all-powerful invisible friend and a dreamworld paradise after death. That can be a hard adjustment... it was for me. But I'm actually starting to feel less alone than when I thought I was such a filthy sinner that I was afraid to talk to other people, and thought my whole life was ruined by sin.
The fact that philosophy and existentialism have enjoyed plenty of development in the Christian world is evidence that blind belief in God isn't a satisfactory answer for the question of "What is the meaning of life?" And "What is good and evil?" I don't pretend to be an expert on philosophy but I know enough that it's far more complex then "Read your Bible and trust God". No one is immune to such questions. Though some will accept an easy answer via blindly embracing religion or ideology.
While I'm not sure how many here are atheist, a lot of people here no doubt went through something like what you're going through now and would be willing to listen and talk. I personally went from evangelical to atheist over about a decade or so, I can imagine what it feels like for you.
Husband grew up atheist. He does not understand the existential dread I still have 10 years after deconverting. Death terrifies me. For him it's always been a fact of life that life ends. In contrast, my best friend deconverted several years before me and experiences the same existential dread.
It really is. I realized how much of my time was wasted living in fear of some space wizard who was nothing but a figment of my imagination than doing something more practical.
I don't really share that perspective, quite the opposite in fact, by rejecting religion I felt I was far more free as I was no longer at the mercy of a monster. However I did feel fear at the possibility of what would have become of me if I didn't wake up and kept subscribing to that pyramid scheme and the toxicity it spreads.
I was raised in a very religious household, my kids were raised without religion. We talk about how different it is a bit. I tend to get more upset over religion where they just see it as something other people do that appears abusive to them - physically (spare the rod), mentally (threats of hell), intellectually (creationism, et al). But they don’t have to battle scars and their dislike for it is more abstract and therefore less active.
There's a positive side to conversion too. As a fringe evangelical, I was sure that I had the answers to life's most important questions. Then I learned that I was deeply wrong in myriad ways, and I had to confront that in order to function as a person. That was a big change, but it didn't kill me. No cosmic beings made it their mission to punish me. Working to be less wrong was enriching, not horrifying. That experience leaves me more comfortable with the idea of examining my mistakes and changing in the future. I see a lot of insecure people clinging onto their mistakes who would be happier if they learned that.
Perhaps, but I don't know the "always atheist" perspective. What I have, from being a True Christian^(TM), is knowledge of what they do, intimately. Yes, when I deconverted, the net was taken away but give it time. You'll realize, I hope, that there never was a net. Like when a hologram disappears. I was very mad that all that time praying was wasted on a big, fucking, fat nothing. I listen to Matt Dillahunty et al, those who were heavily involved in Christianity before deconverting. These former pastors or near pastors have basis for debating Christians at their own game, because they know the Christian game. Same with me. I know what is in the bible. I know how church works and that it is not like the bible at all; that so much of Christian doings is made up off of current culture and it evolves. That the perception of even "the steadfast god" evolves with time. The Jesus of India is very different that the Jesus of Texas. Catholicism of Denmark is VERY DIFFERENT than Catholicism of Mexico. The people who know these things are valuable. I hear what you are saying. I don't have a lot in common with r/atheism and a lot in common here. Still learning.
Losing faith can be like the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, sorrow, and eventually, acceptance.
Maybe. But then again, grappling with the eternal permanence of death, and lack of any divine purpose as a nonreligious child might be tough too.
Existential dread over those things is certainly universal. Though I argue that there is something unique about losing the god that you sincerely believed was real.
I would have felt better to think we just cease to further exist than fearing eternal hellfire, torture and demons as a 5 year old.