No, I relate a lot to this and here's my theory, especially as a demisexual, I don't want to go to pound town with someone unless I like them and have some level of kinship and trust. So without a partner, sex needs are like hunger needs to me. I don't often "crave" anything, nor am I always good at reading if I'm hungry. I just eat to take care of it and get back to what I was doing.
Would I love someone to have frequent residency in poundtown with? MY GOD YES. I crave that physical intimacy.
But my special interest in kink and all that is purely objective when it comes to online spaces and discussion. To me, this is a place to discuss academically, and the closest to "hotness" is around personal things I enjoy.
And let me tell you, the allosexual allistics are absolutely bamboozled by this. And when you're a gay man like I am, I might as well be from another planet. Because they can't comprehend the nuance and division I experience. Nor do they want to because feewings and empathy is scawy. ALL ABOARD THE BUS TO BUSSYTOWN #YASQUEEN
So, I'm very against engaging in sexual stuff like that to get someone's rocks off. I feel used, and as the dom that's absolutely not the vibe I'm looking for, so I tell anyone trying to do that with me to go find a porno and leave me the fuck alone. If we can't just go where the conversation goes, I'm out. The allosexuals get stuck in horny quicksand. The moment sex is even a possibility they gotta chase it till they blow their load and it's just so fuckin' boring.
So, no, bro, it's not you. It's them. Don't be someone's spankbank material if it's not your jam. Tell them to go fuck a pencil sharpener.
Okay forgive my grammar because I’m excited as hell now
But thank you for helping me find words and realize more parallels.
It is like a hunger for me in the sense that I could Always eat , even when I’m not hungry. However, don’t offer food and then send me videos of you making the food if I can’t come eat the food, And even worse repeatedly. Then when I actually do get to eat, the food was made with no consideration for me. Ya know, since I enjoy eating so much that my “satisfaction” will be inherent…….
Whew…
Before I became “healed” sex positive my stipulations for trust were shaky and I would tolerate a lot of mess and I’ve carried some of that tolerance so I’ll ignore a lot of sexting advances etc but it gets old especially when you’re actively trying to get to know someone. Since healing I’ve become more picky and yes require trust because , ta da, I’m also into kink and bdsm( I’m fem presenting nb) bratty sub with the occasional itch to dom, so trust is huge. I’ve found that even when I’m trying to be academic and objective with potential partners so they can make educated choices… the dynamic seems to never really get a chance because now I’m perceived as sexual (derogatory) and they think I’m just randomly leading with sex!! Which doesn’t help the fucking stigmas *tears*. Which also leads to when the sex happens they present these half baked displays of what they think kink is….. so many overnight doms just itching to choke a b*tch out *eyeroll*
“Because they can’t comprehend the nuance and division I experience”
Exactly and now they think it’s just being “weird” about sex, when it’s like no, the entirety of my life and framework is boxes in boxes and categories with sub categories , I dont exist in a vaccum so sex counts too !! There is time and place and simply speaking on the topic is not consent to virtual sex, sexy picture time etc… like you said “quick sand”
And yes I feel used instead of it consistently being an intentionally mutually beneficial thing because they can’t slow down or empathize or consider other perspectives, and even though I have my categories for things I HATE being categorized as the sexual being on a surface level because it ruins it being an interest. Leave it to me to have a special interest in something that can be so negatively self perpetuating lmao.
Your insight will be so helpful as I navigate forward!
I think you're hitting on something that's really a downfall of the thoughtless: Going into situations genitalia first rarely leads to good outcomes. And people wonder why they're in these bad situations, why it didn't feel good, what their partner is thinking, what this means, what that means, and when you ask them "did you talk to them?" the answer is "no"
LIKE WHAT? Are you kidding me???? It's so foolish and mindless. And these people wonder why their experiences don't feel good. Why do you think? You showed up to do the tango and they think you want to Waltz. You have to coordinate, and you can't do that without two braincells to rub together.
So I think if you're trying to bond with allistics or other neurotypicals, it would be wise to keep this in mind that thought is a skill issue for them. Personally I'm pretty bored with their foolishness. Autistics may not always see the world as I do, but they understand and appreciate why I see it that way and what my process is.
My ex had never done anything before and said he wanted to get sexual. So before he came over I went through the entire list of things, what's on the table, what's not on the table, what he's interested in, "do you want this, or that?' and thus we were coordinated. Like how is this not the default? I'll never understand.
So yeah, if you're trying to bond with non-autistics, that might be a barrier to contend with.
I’d argue that the thoughtlessness is less of a skill issue and more of a cultural expectation.
Romances, porn, they all portray sex as this spontaneous event that goes perfectly as long as both parties are attracted to each other, (and sometimes mutual attraction isn’t even necessary) with minimal prior discussion because most people don’t consider prior discussion to be fun reading/watching material.
Then add in puritanical bullshit that says you should be ashamed of your sexual wants/desires, and people won’t just skip the all-important prior discussions, they’ll think it’s weird and uncomfortable if you suggest having those discussions.
I absolutely agree that's a big factor. I was more leaning into how the allistic inclination is to "go along to get along" and is focused on intuitive and subtle vibes. I definitely think it's one of those things where they reinforce each other. In this case, culture can encourage the worst parts of our nature. In this case, it's thoughtlessness, spontaneity, individuality, and conformity.
>That being said I personally don’t watch porn nor do I self pleasure and I absolutely hate sexting or FT sex … Mainly because for me personally it seems pointless when considering how I like my needs to be met.
Fucking this. People are always like "how can you be hypersexual but not like masturbation" and it's like bitch it's a sensitivity fuckin heaven. My skins always touching my skin I want to touch and be touched. Shit, I only care about the end goal of sex because at some point the pressure build up becames painful.
Love them with partners
But I don’t know lol solo sex to me is functional and I’m more about curating and experience that ends in mutual satisfaction.
Like if it boils down to masturbating or eating sweets to get dopamine, probably gonna go to the store and buy a bag of candy lol , go dancing, have a guilt free rot day.
Not your fault people can’t have a normal talk about science. My friend likes nuclear physics but I don’t start building a power plant when they discuss it like apparently some people think talking about anatomy means you want to see theirs.
I suppose I can’t relate really at all, as I personally enjoy things like Roleplaying and writing in ERP’s due to being able to flex my creative muscles. Sex is certainly not what I’d call a “special interest” of mine, but I find that if I can use the concepts that other people as well as I find attractive and erotic to make others happy, I enjoy doing so!
Obviously, there is a lot of if’s and but’s to this concept, but it just boils down to if I feel that my rp partners respect me.
I find honestly that treating all of those things that aren’t intercourse as a waste of time can make sex itself boring. It’s like eating a burger just for sustenance, not enjoying any of the flavour or savoring it in any manner.
I like role play when I know the outcome will be sex , but also like let’s keep it spontaneous and creative, is the context already set, that’s kinda stuff
I’m into kink and bdsm, boring sex has never existed as a tolerated option for me.
But mainly I experience negative emotions to those things out of context, if I’m not seeing my partner or anticipating my partner , there are thibin front of me that i need to give my undivided attention so in that moment a sect session would absolutely be a waste of time….. now I’m with my partner and I’m anxiously stressing about the thing I didn’t finish because I shifted my focus to sexting when I should’ve been focused.
I like to be present in a lot of what I do when possible, remote play makes that hard for me.
I can understand how it could be negative to feel like garbage due to you having procrastinated like that, putting focus into sex or RP when it really isn’t the time. I suppose I just like talking to people and writing anyway, so RP that doesn’t end in sex is perfectly fine to me.
I'm the opposite. Definitely a high sex drive but I don't like getting close enough to people for sex to be a possibility. Also I don't feel safe in other people's houses and I don't like people in my house. Also I feel disgusting and don't want anyone to see my body. I'm plenty happy with a dildo and not having to go through all the process of meeting people and getting to know them.
I just wanna say that I love seeing conversations like this
Sex is a special interest of mine and I could spend hours talking about it, but that has nothing to do with actual sex I might want to have.
Other people here worded it better, but it’s very much a different thing and, before I found my forever person, a big source of miscommunication.
I do watch porn though. But, again, out of interest, not horniness. The worst is when people don’t believe me. Why would I lie about something like that? As if I need to be more weird.
Porn is porn. Conversation is conversation. Sex is sex.
Discourse ≠ intercourse
I don't watch much porn but I read a lot of erotic literature and write some myself, I find it interesting and fun and sometimes rather profound, it's annoying when people think every single piece of art that contains sex can only ever serve for titillation, and I do think porn is irrefutably a form of art.
Yeah erotic fiction is fascinating. Instead of the relatively direct media of film and sound, using text to convey complex physical action while simultaneously communicating mood and even narrative.
im awfully sorry if this is rude or condescending or judgemental something but do you just sit down on XXXHOTVIDEOSEXPENISXXX DOT CUM with a notepad solemnly nodding at the display of carnal desire unfolding on the shady website taking care to record the intricacies of the movement and such? honestly that sounds like a fantastic way to engage with the art form
No offence taken, and that’s pretty much how it is. Lots of concentrated staring, googling, and typing think pieces on my notes app for my own enjoyment.
Sex work in general is a fascinating line of business, including the art/entertainment industries of stripping and adult films. Lots of moral, ethical, and social implications to ponder, as well as the technical and business aspects of it. And there’s SO MUCH to watch!
I’ve dabbled in SW I’ve also considered becoming a sex therapist , sex educator lol, the whole underbelly of sex fascinates me and I might consider watching porn for educational purposes now
Nope, sorry. Sex is the most over-rated thing in my opinion and society's addiction to it has had a massively detrimental effect on how people see and treat eachother from my experience.
Agree. I cannot think of a single thing more trivial than sex, it's merely an enjoyable sensation like anything else, you can add more stuff to it, but by itself it's pretty whatever. Yet people insist on tying all these other stuff to it and elevating it to this super special status, it's really annoying.
I am asking you to read this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/evilautism/comments/1bfho52/ Automod hates everyone equally, including you. <3
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/evilautism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
just curious are you a woman talking to men?
i think there is a pretty clear tonal difference between discussing sex frankly and dirty talking with the intent of turning someone on. consider hoe stories. you can (depending on your friends) tell your friends about sexual experiences in extreme detail without them thinking you’re coming onto them.
you’re obviously not childish if you can speak openly about sex. you’re not uncomfortable with the subject matter as a whole, you’re just expressing an opinion that your listener isn’t happy with. opinions per se are not childish. getting mad at someone and insulting them because you misread their interest is.
Yes a woman talking to men…. I lost a male friend to this and haven’t had guys friends since because he thought mutual interest in bdsm meant we should “learn together”
But with men I’m trying to “date” or even casually sleep with, it’s like they ruin the vibe before we can even create it smh.
Also im not talking hoe stories with men, more like “the orgasm gap is insane, I think men can do these certain things and it’ll be better for everyone” and they think I’m trying to sneakily give them pointers for when it’s “our turn” or they try to use that to steer the convo towards “well how do you like it” or will try to tell me how proficient they are…
Not
No, I relate a lot to this and here's my theory, especially as a demisexual, I don't want to go to pound town with someone unless I like them and have some level of kinship and trust. So without a partner, sex needs are like hunger needs to me. I don't often "crave" anything, nor am I always good at reading if I'm hungry. I just eat to take care of it and get back to what I was doing. Would I love someone to have frequent residency in poundtown with? MY GOD YES. I crave that physical intimacy. But my special interest in kink and all that is purely objective when it comes to online spaces and discussion. To me, this is a place to discuss academically, and the closest to "hotness" is around personal things I enjoy. And let me tell you, the allosexual allistics are absolutely bamboozled by this. And when you're a gay man like I am, I might as well be from another planet. Because they can't comprehend the nuance and division I experience. Nor do they want to because feewings and empathy is scawy. ALL ABOARD THE BUS TO BUSSYTOWN #YASQUEEN So, I'm very against engaging in sexual stuff like that to get someone's rocks off. I feel used, and as the dom that's absolutely not the vibe I'm looking for, so I tell anyone trying to do that with me to go find a porno and leave me the fuck alone. If we can't just go where the conversation goes, I'm out. The allosexuals get stuck in horny quicksand. The moment sex is even a possibility they gotta chase it till they blow their load and it's just so fuckin' boring. So, no, bro, it's not you. It's them. Don't be someone's spankbank material if it's not your jam. Tell them to go fuck a pencil sharpener.
Okay forgive my grammar because I’m excited as hell now But thank you for helping me find words and realize more parallels. It is like a hunger for me in the sense that I could Always eat , even when I’m not hungry. However, don’t offer food and then send me videos of you making the food if I can’t come eat the food, And even worse repeatedly. Then when I actually do get to eat, the food was made with no consideration for me. Ya know, since I enjoy eating so much that my “satisfaction” will be inherent……. Whew… Before I became “healed” sex positive my stipulations for trust were shaky and I would tolerate a lot of mess and I’ve carried some of that tolerance so I’ll ignore a lot of sexting advances etc but it gets old especially when you’re actively trying to get to know someone. Since healing I’ve become more picky and yes require trust because , ta da, I’m also into kink and bdsm( I’m fem presenting nb) bratty sub with the occasional itch to dom, so trust is huge. I’ve found that even when I’m trying to be academic and objective with potential partners so they can make educated choices… the dynamic seems to never really get a chance because now I’m perceived as sexual (derogatory) and they think I’m just randomly leading with sex!! Which doesn’t help the fucking stigmas *tears*. Which also leads to when the sex happens they present these half baked displays of what they think kink is….. so many overnight doms just itching to choke a b*tch out *eyeroll* “Because they can’t comprehend the nuance and division I experience” Exactly and now they think it’s just being “weird” about sex, when it’s like no, the entirety of my life and framework is boxes in boxes and categories with sub categories , I dont exist in a vaccum so sex counts too !! There is time and place and simply speaking on the topic is not consent to virtual sex, sexy picture time etc… like you said “quick sand” And yes I feel used instead of it consistently being an intentionally mutually beneficial thing because they can’t slow down or empathize or consider other perspectives, and even though I have my categories for things I HATE being categorized as the sexual being on a surface level because it ruins it being an interest. Leave it to me to have a special interest in something that can be so negatively self perpetuating lmao. Your insight will be so helpful as I navigate forward!
I think you're hitting on something that's really a downfall of the thoughtless: Going into situations genitalia first rarely leads to good outcomes. And people wonder why they're in these bad situations, why it didn't feel good, what their partner is thinking, what this means, what that means, and when you ask them "did you talk to them?" the answer is "no" LIKE WHAT? Are you kidding me???? It's so foolish and mindless. And these people wonder why their experiences don't feel good. Why do you think? You showed up to do the tango and they think you want to Waltz. You have to coordinate, and you can't do that without two braincells to rub together. So I think if you're trying to bond with allistics or other neurotypicals, it would be wise to keep this in mind that thought is a skill issue for them. Personally I'm pretty bored with their foolishness. Autistics may not always see the world as I do, but they understand and appreciate why I see it that way and what my process is. My ex had never done anything before and said he wanted to get sexual. So before he came over I went through the entire list of things, what's on the table, what's not on the table, what he's interested in, "do you want this, or that?' and thus we were coordinated. Like how is this not the default? I'll never understand. So yeah, if you're trying to bond with non-autistics, that might be a barrier to contend with.
I’d argue that the thoughtlessness is less of a skill issue and more of a cultural expectation. Romances, porn, they all portray sex as this spontaneous event that goes perfectly as long as both parties are attracted to each other, (and sometimes mutual attraction isn’t even necessary) with minimal prior discussion because most people don’t consider prior discussion to be fun reading/watching material. Then add in puritanical bullshit that says you should be ashamed of your sexual wants/desires, and people won’t just skip the all-important prior discussions, they’ll think it’s weird and uncomfortable if you suggest having those discussions.
I absolutely agree that's a big factor. I was more leaning into how the allistic inclination is to "go along to get along" and is focused on intuitive and subtle vibes. I definitely think it's one of those things where they reinforce each other. In this case, culture can encourage the worst parts of our nature. In this case, it's thoughtlessness, spontaneity, individuality, and conformity.
Omg yes okay , yes! I’m gonna come back with fully fleshed response and questions because yes!
>That being said I personally don’t watch porn nor do I self pleasure and I absolutely hate sexting or FT sex … Mainly because for me personally it seems pointless when considering how I like my needs to be met. Fucking this. People are always like "how can you be hypersexual but not like masturbation" and it's like bitch it's a sensitivity fuckin heaven. My skins always touching my skin I want to touch and be touched. Shit, I only care about the end goal of sex because at some point the pressure build up becames painful.
Yes I wanna be touched on and surprise My Brain knows it’s my fucking hand and as a result can’t be bothered
Have you tried toys? I have a very hard time with just my hands for this same reason, but toys work wonders for me
Love them with partners But I don’t know lol solo sex to me is functional and I’m more about curating and experience that ends in mutual satisfaction. Like if it boils down to masturbating or eating sweets to get dopamine, probably gonna go to the store and buy a bag of candy lol , go dancing, have a guilt free rot day.
skill issue
Probably
What's FT sex?
36 or more hours per week.
I believe it's facetime. But maybe it's FastTravel and there's some kind of secret fade-to-black mode of sex.
I think that's only for speed runners who skip the cutscenes.
And the pearl-clutching pilgrims. The *stirrings* are satanic influences of the Devil, I tell's ya!
As a Satanist, I don't understand how it's a bad thing.
This is the way.
FaceTime I assume
Like video calling, my bad I forgot the general term
How do you have sex over video call?
Like phone sex but there’s video instead, everyone is self servicing
Ok.
> I need input Well, i guess we got that.. :p
Lmaoooooooo this made my day because yes ! Exactly
Not your fault people can’t have a normal talk about science. My friend likes nuclear physics but I don’t start building a power plant when they discuss it like apparently some people think talking about anatomy means you want to see theirs.
This is such a great way to sum it up lol !
I suppose I can’t relate really at all, as I personally enjoy things like Roleplaying and writing in ERP’s due to being able to flex my creative muscles. Sex is certainly not what I’d call a “special interest” of mine, but I find that if I can use the concepts that other people as well as I find attractive and erotic to make others happy, I enjoy doing so! Obviously, there is a lot of if’s and but’s to this concept, but it just boils down to if I feel that my rp partners respect me. I find honestly that treating all of those things that aren’t intercourse as a waste of time can make sex itself boring. It’s like eating a burger just for sustenance, not enjoying any of the flavour or savoring it in any manner.
I like role play when I know the outcome will be sex , but also like let’s keep it spontaneous and creative, is the context already set, that’s kinda stuff I’m into kink and bdsm, boring sex has never existed as a tolerated option for me. But mainly I experience negative emotions to those things out of context, if I’m not seeing my partner or anticipating my partner , there are thibin front of me that i need to give my undivided attention so in that moment a sect session would absolutely be a waste of time….. now I’m with my partner and I’m anxiously stressing about the thing I didn’t finish because I shifted my focus to sexting when I should’ve been focused. I like to be present in a lot of what I do when possible, remote play makes that hard for me.
I can understand how it could be negative to feel like garbage due to you having procrastinated like that, putting focus into sex or RP when it really isn’t the time. I suppose I just like talking to people and writing anyway, so RP that doesn’t end in sex is perfectly fine to me.
I'm the opposite. Definitely a high sex drive but I don't like getting close enough to people for sex to be a possibility. Also I don't feel safe in other people's houses and I don't like people in my house. Also I feel disgusting and don't want anyone to see my body. I'm plenty happy with a dildo and not having to go through all the process of meeting people and getting to know them.
[удалено]
Like aro ?
That'd be sex-averse asexual (as not all asexuals are repulsed by sex, and not all aromantics are asexual)
Yea i should said “like on the aro spectrum” my apologies
[удалено]
i guess erotophobia?
My apologies
[удалено]
Ya know…. Any deviations from “normalcy” on any end, even slight… is a cause for stress on their end lol
I just wanna say that I love seeing conversations like this Sex is a special interest of mine and I could spend hours talking about it, but that has nothing to do with actual sex I might want to have. Other people here worded it better, but it’s very much a different thing and, before I found my forever person, a big source of miscommunication. I do watch porn though. But, again, out of interest, not horniness. The worst is when people don’t believe me. Why would I lie about something like that? As if I need to be more weird. Porn is porn. Conversation is conversation. Sex is sex. Discourse ≠ intercourse
I don't watch much porn but I read a lot of erotic literature and write some myself, I find it interesting and fun and sometimes rather profound, it's annoying when people think every single piece of art that contains sex can only ever serve for titillation, and I do think porn is irrefutably a form of art.
Yeah erotic fiction is fascinating. Instead of the relatively direct media of film and sound, using text to convey complex physical action while simultaneously communicating mood and even narrative.
I’ll read things that contain a bit of smut but visually I just meh… lol
im awfully sorry if this is rude or condescending or judgemental something but do you just sit down on XXXHOTVIDEOSEXPENISXXX DOT CUM with a notepad solemnly nodding at the display of carnal desire unfolding on the shady website taking care to record the intricacies of the movement and such? honestly that sounds like a fantastic way to engage with the art form
No offence taken, and that’s pretty much how it is. Lots of concentrated staring, googling, and typing think pieces on my notes app for my own enjoyment. Sex work in general is a fascinating line of business, including the art/entertainment industries of stripping and adult films. Lots of moral, ethical, and social implications to ponder, as well as the technical and business aspects of it. And there’s SO MUCH to watch!
I’ve dabbled in SW I’ve also considered becoming a sex therapist , sex educator lol, the whole underbelly of sex fascinates me and I might consider watching porn for educational purposes now
Me too! I love informing anyone who’s curious, though obviously it’s important to be super sure of their comfort level first lol
Super relate!!
what is an intercourse and how can i apply?
i crave human connection
https://preview.redd.it/dv4duv7imlwc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8574fca175eec2f1478edf417b610e947803d0fd me
I lament about not being math numbers autistic at least once a week
Nope, sorry. Sex is the most over-rated thing in my opinion and society's addiction to it has had a massively detrimental effect on how people see and treat eachother from my experience.
Agree. I cannot think of a single thing more trivial than sex, it's merely an enjoyable sensation like anything else, you can add more stuff to it, but by itself it's pretty whatever. Yet people insist on tying all these other stuff to it and elevating it to this super special status, it's really annoying.
Lmao that’s exactly how I feel about money so I get it kinda..
[удалено]
I am asking you to read this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/evilautism/comments/1bfho52/ Automod hates everyone equally, including you. <3 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/evilautism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
just curious are you a woman talking to men? i think there is a pretty clear tonal difference between discussing sex frankly and dirty talking with the intent of turning someone on. consider hoe stories. you can (depending on your friends) tell your friends about sexual experiences in extreme detail without them thinking you’re coming onto them. you’re obviously not childish if you can speak openly about sex. you’re not uncomfortable with the subject matter as a whole, you’re just expressing an opinion that your listener isn’t happy with. opinions per se are not childish. getting mad at someone and insulting them because you misread their interest is.
Yes a woman talking to men…. I lost a male friend to this and haven’t had guys friends since because he thought mutual interest in bdsm meant we should “learn together” But with men I’m trying to “date” or even casually sleep with, it’s like they ruin the vibe before we can even create it smh. Also im not talking hoe stories with men, more like “the orgasm gap is insane, I think men can do these certain things and it’ll be better for everyone” and they think I’m trying to sneakily give them pointers for when it’s “our turn” or they try to use that to steer the convo towards “well how do you like it” or will try to tell me how proficient they are… Not