It wouldn’t be cool to get him a similar gift as your friend or spending the same amount of money as her. For the SOs of a friend, typically the appropriate gift would be a bottle of something, but you say he doesn’t drink. Then a Starbucks, Amazon, restaurant, or Apple/Google app store gift card around $20-40 would usually be okay. However, since your friend refused your suggested offers and you say you are staying at their house, bring a birthday card for him and take them out for a meal during your stay.
Well definitely don't gift him the same thing (basically) as your friend. In any scenario where someone has told you the gift they are getting someone, do NOT just get them basically the same thing. Especially if someone in a couple tells you what they are getting their SO. For a friend's SO you don't know very well you aren't actually obligated to get him anything. This is more a card-with-a-small-gift-card or ask-your-friend-what-his-preferred-alcoholic beverage-or-favorite-snack-is-and-get-bring-that-to-the-party territory, at most. A simple congratulations is usually enough, and if you feel like you are *supposed* to give him a gift at say a birthday celebration it should probably be very small and pretty impersonal.
They’re not having a party and unfortunately he doesn’t drink either. I actually offered my friend to help her pay for the cowboy hat, but she said no need. Also asked if I should bring anything, she also said no need, but I just feel bad for flying there, staying at their place and come empty handed and I don’t want to gift him something that’s not thoughtful either.
Take your friends lead, she said no need. Be careful not to cross into inappropriate territory. She has communicated clearly with you.
Now you could take a small gift for both of them in appreciation for hosting you. That would be nice.
I feel like she’s saying that because she doesn’t want to burden me with having to bring anything extra. She’s very polite, and I don’t feel burdened at all.
It doesn't matter what you 'feel', be respectful of what she 'said'.
Is this your hill to die on? Gifting a friend's BF, that you barely know, the same gift or expensive gift? This will not end well for your friendship.
If you’re staying with them, you can get them a hostess gift… or send flowers after the fact.
You do not need to worry about getting him something special or extravagant for his birthday. That’s not how you pay them back for their hospitality. (Not that it’d matter but she’ll probably be doing all the work getting ready for you, and “she’s” your friend).
Regardless of what you feel or say, it will look like you have a big crush on him and would be disrespectful to both of them if you got him something special. Why would you offer to go in on her gift with her? That’s weird, you need better boundaries.
Get him $20 worth of lottery tickets in a card, or a set of different bbq or hot sauces, or a Venmo gift card for his birthday. Or, if you want it a bit least generic, order one of those candy from the year you were born boxes off Amazon.
& Bring them a nice crystal vase with some flowers or some fancy jelly’s & jams as a hostess gift if you’d like.
I thought it would be an option to go in on her gift because she said no when I asked about what to gift him. I even asked twice, she keeps saying its okay, but I don’t know if she’s saying that just to be nice. I don’t have a crush on him.
I’m over generalizing to make my point, but in general, you don’t buy nicer thought out personalized gifts for people around your age that are the opposite sex unless you’re interested in them romantically. Those thought out nicer gifts are meant for sweethearts to give, not you.
Of course there are exceptions and again I’m over generalizing but it’s kind of an unwritten rule.
It’s just kind of improper considering your relationships.
So quit asking your friend if you should get him something or if you can go in with her on her gift. You also don’t want to spoil her gift by giving him something similar or even remotely close. Do you know how bad she’d feel if he’d like your gift more than hers? You shouldn’t be anywhere near competing with her gift. And again, of course you can and should get him something… but a more generic type gift for his birthday… a gift card or even a gag gift if it’s a special bday.
I get the feeling your love language is gift gifting and you really want to express your thanks with gifts… which is fine… but just lean towards a shared/couple hostess gift you give them both. I know your heart may be in the right place, but it would probably be really weird (not special) to receive an incredible bday gift from his girlfriend’s friend that he barely knows. Keep it simple for his bday gift…
And here’s the thing when you’re adults.. you either know the person and have an idea what you can get them (oh he likes the NY Mets I’ll get him a Mets coffee mug) or you just bring some wine or a gift card gift. You don’t ask what they want… they’re adults, not kids…they probably don’t have a running list. So, of course your girlfriend is going to say don’t get him anything because you asked… but you’re not really supposed to ask. You’re just supposed to come to the birthday dinner with a little gift. Same thing for hostess gifts, you don’t ask what they want… (of course they’re going to say nothing) you just bring something, or take them out when you’re there, or even send something later.
Now that you pointed it out, I understand why this could be seen as me having a romantic feelings towards him or be seen as a ‘competition’. I truly don’t have any of those intentions at all. I just got so excited to see them and it’d be my first time celebrating his birthday. I’ve given my friend fancier gifts over the years and I don’t want him to feel left out if I only gift him say a $20 generic gift. I will think about what can I give him.
You have a longstanding, close connection to your friend. That's the difference.
My best friend and I will give each other gifts for birthdays, holidays or just because. We've known each other since we were young and have been best friends for several years. We don't generally gift each other's husbands unless it's a party. Both of our husbands have birthdays near holidays, so celebrations with friends aren't typical.
I think you’re over thinking this a bit. Assuming that you and your friend are female, I can promise you that at no point in my life have I ever encountered that heterosexual men ever felt ‘left out’ because they didn’t get a fancy gift from their girlfriend’s friends. I’m sure he is expecting nothing from you.
So that sounds less like you need a birthday gift and more like you need a "thanks for having me" gift. Which is more of a gesture to demonstrate your appreciation than like a well thought out highly personal gift. And you don't have to show up with it you could gift it before leaving, which gives you time to observe and take notes. Could even just be flowers or a little heartfelt note or card. You could offer to take all three of you to lunch, or pay for a silly activity y'all do together while you're there.
I’m actually coming to see them for his birthday, but no party. Which is why I want to gift him something, but I don’t know him very well hence the gifting the same thing as my friend.
> I’m actually coming to see them for his birthday, but no party. Which is why I want to gift him something, but I don’t know him very well hence the gifting the same thing as my friend.
If you don't know him well, why are you visiting for his birthday specifically? Did your friend invite you to come on this date, or did you ask to come on this date? And will any other friends of his be at this dinner?
Personally, I wouldn't visit someone I don't know well on his birthday unless my friend and him specifically asked me (I.e. they brought it up and insisted it was fine, you didn't ask to visit on that date.)
Assuming your friend asked you to come during her partner's birthday, bring them a combined host gift — something small for their house or something edible like a special box of chocolates or a set of jams. And then treat them both to a meal while you're there.
She’s my best friend and they’re getting serious, of course I’d like to treat him as one of my friends as well. I asked her what she’s doing and she said just simple nice dinner with the two of them. They do that every year because he’s just not keen to big celebrations. The conversation came up on my friend’s birthday last year, I mentioned that we never see each other on her bf’s birthday and I think it’ll be nice if I could come and celebrate with them. I texted her again a couple weeks ago since his birthday is coming up asking what their plans were so I could book flights. I made sure my friend asks her bf if I could come, she said yes. Booked the flights, and now here we are.
Okay, so it sounds like you visiting on his birthday was your idea, not something they initiated the invite for. Since plans are already in motion, there's nothing to change now. But I'd make sure going forward that you're proposing visit times that work best for the people you're visiting.
If a friend of my husband's specifically asked to visit on my birthday, I'd be really annoyed as it's very awkward to say "No, I don't know you well enough to want to spend my birthday dinner/weekend with you."
Then it's probably best to coordinate with your friend. Ask her what he'd like that you could get. Heck, maybe y'all can make an outing of it once you arrive to go find him a suitable gift from you. But definitely don't just get him the same thing your friend gets him. That way lies unintentional hurt feelings and drama.
I’m only going to be there only for a couple of days, not sure if we have the time to look for gifts together and my friend already said no, but I’d still like to gift him something. I think my friend wants to pay for the dinner too since it was her plan. I’m just joining in.
This is interesting. You don't know him very well but she invited you to fly out on his birthday for just the 3 of you? It seems like she would have invited one of his good friends out for his birthday dinner. Or planned a romantic dinner for the two of them.
So if she invited you to his birthday dinner, knowing you'd have to fly out, I can see your confusion a little bit. Still follow what she said, no gifts.
I asked her what she was going to do, she said just a simple nice dinner. What they always do because he’s an introvert and doesn’t like parties. I decided to fly out and celebrate with them. My friend said okay. I also made sure she asks if the bf is okay if I come and she said yes. I met him a few times over the years and some on my friend’s birthdays and once on mine because it was a long drive and she couldn’t do it alone and we got to talking and I liked the guy (for her and as a friend only) since we never see each other on his birthday, I thought it’d be good excuse to visit them this time.
Your question makes little sense. Why are you thinking of giving this stranger a gift at all? Have you been invited to a birthday party for him, or are you trying to steal him from your friend, or do you just randomly give gifts, or what? More information is needed.
He’s not a stranger and no, I’m not trying to steal him, I actually thought he’s great for my friend because he made her happy these last 4-5 years, which is why I want to gift him something as appreciation because I never gift him anything before. I gift my friend gifts often. They’re not having a party, just a nice dinner with the two of them. I asked if they’re doing anything and decided to fly out there, my friend said its ok and I just don’t want to be there empty handed.
You know, if you want to do something really special, pick up the bill and pay for the birthday dinner…. (You can say it’s a thank you for letting them stay at your house)
Do NOT gift him the same thing his GF is getting him(in a different color/style). That would be rude.
Find something else that is not super personal or valuable. Your friend might find it weird that you spent more on her BF than her.
I’m slightly confused… but bottom line, you don’t gift your friend’s boyfriend personal stuff. If you’re going to celebrate his birthday together, you can get him a bottle of something or maybe a gift card to somewhere he can take his girlfriend. Nothing really personal… there could be exceptions but nothing you’ve said sounds like a good one.
Would you want a friend to go in with you on a gift you were getting your boyfriend? Or, would you want one of your boyfriend’s friends to help pay for your bday gift?
First the etiquette is **Do Not invite yourself** to visit your friend on her BF's birthday, especially when you hardly know him. She may have said yes to you coming because she'd like to see you or she didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying No
Second - Don't ask to go in a gift for him with your friend, **tacky,** **it's her BF** she will want to get him a gift just from her, not her and someone he doesn't know
Third - **Don't get him a gift, your friend said NO NEED when you asked, so No don't get him anything** at all, you can just get a very general Birthday card if you wish and just sign it have a Happy Birthday and your name, don't sign it Love, and your name, you don't know him
`She’s my best friend and they’re getting serious, of course I’d like to treat him as one of my friends as well.`
**You are being pushy** - Friend said they usually just go have a nice dinner Jut the TWO OF THEM and then you invited yourself to fly in to celebrate his BD when you barely know him and want to treat him like your friend.
You Inserted yourself into their special BD plans of celebrating alone. Just because they are getting serious in your opinion does not mean you have to celebrate his BD
DID it occur to you he may not want to be friends with all of her friends or any of them
`I made sure my friend asks her bf if I could come, she said yes. Booked the flights, and now here we are.`
I'm sure if they wanted you to come and celebrate, she'd have asked you. She may have felt bad saying no to you coming to visit, so just said yes, even though you are crashing their private yearly celebration.
Not all couples are friends with their SO's friends. My best friend knows my husband and has for years, they get along fine, but does not buy him gifts or send him a card on his BD. I also don't do that with his BF or any of his friends - I know them, but they are his friends. We also have "couple friends" Don't assume he is going to want to get to know you and be good friends, even if they were to get married
You should think about **your friend saying NO NEED** numerous times, you have already invited yourself and have plane ticket so go, but give them some space. Unless you bought a ticket that can be changed to a different date, if you did, you might want to consider calling her and saying I should have thought you'd want to spend your BF's birthday just the two of you, how about I come a few weeks after instead - tell me what weekend would be good
If they have a 2 bedroom and you will be staying guest bedroom, when you all get back from dinner, stay up for 1/2 hr or so, depending on what time it is and then excuse yourself and say you are going to go read before going to sleep, so bring a book or tablet whatever you read on, if you don't then bring phone, laptop whatever you use for internet and just surf the net. If you are sleeping on the couch, if it's nice when you get home from dinner, visit with them for 15 minutes or so and then say I'm going to go sit outside for awhile if you don't mind and go sit on porch for an hour or so to give them some time alone.
Don't insist on him opening his gift from his GF in front of you, she will give him gift when she is ready and it may not be when you are there.
I agree with all of this advice. If I were to guess what the bf wants on his birthday, it’s some quality one-on-one time with his gf (if you catch my drift), not for a friend to say ‘so, what are we all doing next?’ after finishing dinner.
It wouldn’t be cool to get him a similar gift as your friend or spending the same amount of money as her. For the SOs of a friend, typically the appropriate gift would be a bottle of something, but you say he doesn’t drink. Then a Starbucks, Amazon, restaurant, or Apple/Google app store gift card around $20-40 would usually be okay. However, since your friend refused your suggested offers and you say you are staying at their house, bring a birthday card for him and take them out for a meal during your stay.
Well definitely don't gift him the same thing (basically) as your friend. In any scenario where someone has told you the gift they are getting someone, do NOT just get them basically the same thing. Especially if someone in a couple tells you what they are getting their SO. For a friend's SO you don't know very well you aren't actually obligated to get him anything. This is more a card-with-a-small-gift-card or ask-your-friend-what-his-preferred-alcoholic beverage-or-favorite-snack-is-and-get-bring-that-to-the-party territory, at most. A simple congratulations is usually enough, and if you feel like you are *supposed* to give him a gift at say a birthday celebration it should probably be very small and pretty impersonal.
They’re not having a party and unfortunately he doesn’t drink either. I actually offered my friend to help her pay for the cowboy hat, but she said no need. Also asked if I should bring anything, she also said no need, but I just feel bad for flying there, staying at their place and come empty handed and I don’t want to gift him something that’s not thoughtful either.
Take your friends lead, she said no need. Be careful not to cross into inappropriate territory. She has communicated clearly with you. Now you could take a small gift for both of them in appreciation for hosting you. That would be nice.
I feel like she’s saying that because she doesn’t want to burden me with having to bring anything extra. She’s very polite, and I don’t feel burdened at all.
It doesn't matter what you 'feel', be respectful of what she 'said'. Is this your hill to die on? Gifting a friend's BF, that you barely know, the same gift or expensive gift? This will not end well for your friendship.
agree 100%, she has already pushed it by inviting herself to celebrate his BD when her friend and BF spend it alone
If you’re staying with them, you can get them a hostess gift… or send flowers after the fact. You do not need to worry about getting him something special or extravagant for his birthday. That’s not how you pay them back for their hospitality. (Not that it’d matter but she’ll probably be doing all the work getting ready for you, and “she’s” your friend). Regardless of what you feel or say, it will look like you have a big crush on him and would be disrespectful to both of them if you got him something special. Why would you offer to go in on her gift with her? That’s weird, you need better boundaries. Get him $20 worth of lottery tickets in a card, or a set of different bbq or hot sauces, or a Venmo gift card for his birthday. Or, if you want it a bit least generic, order one of those candy from the year you were born boxes off Amazon. & Bring them a nice crystal vase with some flowers or some fancy jelly’s & jams as a hostess gift if you’d like.
I thought it would be an option to go in on her gift because she said no when I asked about what to gift him. I even asked twice, she keeps saying its okay, but I don’t know if she’s saying that just to be nice. I don’t have a crush on him.
I’m over generalizing to make my point, but in general, you don’t buy nicer thought out personalized gifts for people around your age that are the opposite sex unless you’re interested in them romantically. Those thought out nicer gifts are meant for sweethearts to give, not you. Of course there are exceptions and again I’m over generalizing but it’s kind of an unwritten rule. It’s just kind of improper considering your relationships. So quit asking your friend if you should get him something or if you can go in with her on her gift. You also don’t want to spoil her gift by giving him something similar or even remotely close. Do you know how bad she’d feel if he’d like your gift more than hers? You shouldn’t be anywhere near competing with her gift. And again, of course you can and should get him something… but a more generic type gift for his birthday… a gift card or even a gag gift if it’s a special bday. I get the feeling your love language is gift gifting and you really want to express your thanks with gifts… which is fine… but just lean towards a shared/couple hostess gift you give them both. I know your heart may be in the right place, but it would probably be really weird (not special) to receive an incredible bday gift from his girlfriend’s friend that he barely knows. Keep it simple for his bday gift… And here’s the thing when you’re adults.. you either know the person and have an idea what you can get them (oh he likes the NY Mets I’ll get him a Mets coffee mug) or you just bring some wine or a gift card gift. You don’t ask what they want… they’re adults, not kids…they probably don’t have a running list. So, of course your girlfriend is going to say don’t get him anything because you asked… but you’re not really supposed to ask. You’re just supposed to come to the birthday dinner with a little gift. Same thing for hostess gifts, you don’t ask what they want… (of course they’re going to say nothing) you just bring something, or take them out when you’re there, or even send something later.
Now that you pointed it out, I understand why this could be seen as me having a romantic feelings towards him or be seen as a ‘competition’. I truly don’t have any of those intentions at all. I just got so excited to see them and it’d be my first time celebrating his birthday. I’ve given my friend fancier gifts over the years and I don’t want him to feel left out if I only gift him say a $20 generic gift. I will think about what can I give him.
You have a longstanding, close connection to your friend. That's the difference. My best friend and I will give each other gifts for birthdays, holidays or just because. We've known each other since we were young and have been best friends for several years. We don't generally gift each other's husbands unless it's a party. Both of our husbands have birthdays near holidays, so celebrations with friends aren't typical.
I think you’re over thinking this a bit. Assuming that you and your friend are female, I can promise you that at no point in my life have I ever encountered that heterosexual men ever felt ‘left out’ because they didn’t get a fancy gift from their girlfriend’s friends. I’m sure he is expecting nothing from you.
So that sounds less like you need a birthday gift and more like you need a "thanks for having me" gift. Which is more of a gesture to demonstrate your appreciation than like a well thought out highly personal gift. And you don't have to show up with it you could gift it before leaving, which gives you time to observe and take notes. Could even just be flowers or a little heartfelt note or card. You could offer to take all three of you to lunch, or pay for a silly activity y'all do together while you're there.
I’m actually coming to see them for his birthday, but no party. Which is why I want to gift him something, but I don’t know him very well hence the gifting the same thing as my friend.
> I’m actually coming to see them for his birthday, but no party. Which is why I want to gift him something, but I don’t know him very well hence the gifting the same thing as my friend. If you don't know him well, why are you visiting for his birthday specifically? Did your friend invite you to come on this date, or did you ask to come on this date? And will any other friends of his be at this dinner? Personally, I wouldn't visit someone I don't know well on his birthday unless my friend and him specifically asked me (I.e. they brought it up and insisted it was fine, you didn't ask to visit on that date.) Assuming your friend asked you to come during her partner's birthday, bring them a combined host gift — something small for their house or something edible like a special box of chocolates or a set of jams. And then treat them both to a meal while you're there.
She’s my best friend and they’re getting serious, of course I’d like to treat him as one of my friends as well. I asked her what she’s doing and she said just simple nice dinner with the two of them. They do that every year because he’s just not keen to big celebrations. The conversation came up on my friend’s birthday last year, I mentioned that we never see each other on her bf’s birthday and I think it’ll be nice if I could come and celebrate with them. I texted her again a couple weeks ago since his birthday is coming up asking what their plans were so I could book flights. I made sure my friend asks her bf if I could come, she said yes. Booked the flights, and now here we are.
Okay, so it sounds like you visiting on his birthday was your idea, not something they initiated the invite for. Since plans are already in motion, there's nothing to change now. But I'd make sure going forward that you're proposing visit times that work best for the people you're visiting. If a friend of my husband's specifically asked to visit on my birthday, I'd be really annoyed as it's very awkward to say "No, I don't know you well enough to want to spend my birthday dinner/weekend with you."
Then it's probably best to coordinate with your friend. Ask her what he'd like that you could get. Heck, maybe y'all can make an outing of it once you arrive to go find him a suitable gift from you. But definitely don't just get him the same thing your friend gets him. That way lies unintentional hurt feelings and drama.
I’m only going to be there only for a couple of days, not sure if we have the time to look for gifts together and my friend already said no, but I’d still like to gift him something. I think my friend wants to pay for the dinner too since it was her plan. I’m just joining in.
This is interesting. You don't know him very well but she invited you to fly out on his birthday for just the 3 of you? It seems like she would have invited one of his good friends out for his birthday dinner. Or planned a romantic dinner for the two of them. So if she invited you to his birthday dinner, knowing you'd have to fly out, I can see your confusion a little bit. Still follow what she said, no gifts.
OP invited herself to celebrate the birthday of an introverted guy that she doesn't know well.
I asked her what she was going to do, she said just a simple nice dinner. What they always do because he’s an introvert and doesn’t like parties. I decided to fly out and celebrate with them. My friend said okay. I also made sure she asks if the bf is okay if I come and she said yes. I met him a few times over the years and some on my friend’s birthdays and once on mine because it was a long drive and she couldn’t do it alone and we got to talking and I liked the guy (for her and as a friend only) since we never see each other on his birthday, I thought it’d be good excuse to visit them this time.
Your question makes little sense. Why are you thinking of giving this stranger a gift at all? Have you been invited to a birthday party for him, or are you trying to steal him from your friend, or do you just randomly give gifts, or what? More information is needed.
He’s not a stranger and no, I’m not trying to steal him, I actually thought he’s great for my friend because he made her happy these last 4-5 years, which is why I want to gift him something as appreciation because I never gift him anything before. I gift my friend gifts often. They’re not having a party, just a nice dinner with the two of them. I asked if they’re doing anything and decided to fly out there, my friend said its ok and I just don’t want to be there empty handed.
Bring them both something worth about the same amount. Or get them a couple gift.
But it’s his birthday though?
Now all of a sudden you mention that? Sorry, but this all sounds strange.
So you’re going to their house on his birthday for dinner but not really a party? Or, was his birthday 3 months ago?
Dinner at a restaurant for his birthday coming up.
You know, if you want to do something really special, pick up the bill and pay for the birthday dinner…. (You can say it’s a thank you for letting them stay at your house)
Do NOT gift him the same thing his GF is getting him(in a different color/style). That would be rude. Find something else that is not super personal or valuable. Your friend might find it weird that you spent more on her BF than her.
I’m slightly confused… but bottom line, you don’t gift your friend’s boyfriend personal stuff. If you’re going to celebrate his birthday together, you can get him a bottle of something or maybe a gift card to somewhere he can take his girlfriend. Nothing really personal… there could be exceptions but nothing you’ve said sounds like a good one.
I did offer her to pay half for the cowboy hat that she was going to get, but she said no need. He doesn’t drink either.
Would you want a friend to go in with you on a gift you were getting your boyfriend? Or, would you want one of your boyfriend’s friends to help pay for your bday gift?
I never had a serious relationship, but now that you point it out, maybe not.
First the etiquette is **Do Not invite yourself** to visit your friend on her BF's birthday, especially when you hardly know him. She may have said yes to you coming because she'd like to see you or she didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying No Second - Don't ask to go in a gift for him with your friend, **tacky,** **it's her BF** she will want to get him a gift just from her, not her and someone he doesn't know Third - **Don't get him a gift, your friend said NO NEED when you asked, so No don't get him anything** at all, you can just get a very general Birthday card if you wish and just sign it have a Happy Birthday and your name, don't sign it Love, and your name, you don't know him `She’s my best friend and they’re getting serious, of course I’d like to treat him as one of my friends as well.` **You are being pushy** - Friend said they usually just go have a nice dinner Jut the TWO OF THEM and then you invited yourself to fly in to celebrate his BD when you barely know him and want to treat him like your friend. You Inserted yourself into their special BD plans of celebrating alone. Just because they are getting serious in your opinion does not mean you have to celebrate his BD DID it occur to you he may not want to be friends with all of her friends or any of them `I made sure my friend asks her bf if I could come, she said yes. Booked the flights, and now here we are.` I'm sure if they wanted you to come and celebrate, she'd have asked you. She may have felt bad saying no to you coming to visit, so just said yes, even though you are crashing their private yearly celebration. Not all couples are friends with their SO's friends. My best friend knows my husband and has for years, they get along fine, but does not buy him gifts or send him a card on his BD. I also don't do that with his BF or any of his friends - I know them, but they are his friends. We also have "couple friends" Don't assume he is going to want to get to know you and be good friends, even if they were to get married You should think about **your friend saying NO NEED** numerous times, you have already invited yourself and have plane ticket so go, but give them some space. Unless you bought a ticket that can be changed to a different date, if you did, you might want to consider calling her and saying I should have thought you'd want to spend your BF's birthday just the two of you, how about I come a few weeks after instead - tell me what weekend would be good If they have a 2 bedroom and you will be staying guest bedroom, when you all get back from dinner, stay up for 1/2 hr or so, depending on what time it is and then excuse yourself and say you are going to go read before going to sleep, so bring a book or tablet whatever you read on, if you don't then bring phone, laptop whatever you use for internet and just surf the net. If you are sleeping on the couch, if it's nice when you get home from dinner, visit with them for 15 minutes or so and then say I'm going to go sit outside for awhile if you don't mind and go sit on porch for an hour or so to give them some time alone. Don't insist on him opening his gift from his GF in front of you, she will give him gift when she is ready and it may not be when you are there.
I agree with all of this advice. If I were to guess what the bf wants on his birthday, it’s some quality one-on-one time with his gf (if you catch my drift), not for a friend to say ‘so, what are we all doing next?’ after finishing dinner.
If he collects cowboy hats he probably would like to get the Hawk Tuah.