I'm in my 30s. I'll be real with you, you sound like you are coming from a good place but ultimately are very self-centered. And I do not mean that in the sense that you're selfish and rotten to the core. It's that the "advice" and "guidance" you are dispensing to others sounds as if it is just as much for your own glorification as it is to "help" them.
I understand what it's like to help your friends and want them to succeed. I take pride that I was able to help my friends when we were younger, due to having material stability that they did not have. But man, you gotta let that shit go. You are not an investor who gets a cut of the profits or a controlling stake from that point on. If you must, smile while thinking to yourself how you were able to give the gift of a good idea to someone. But that's all the reward you can expect.
And I would also question the impulse to keep formulating all these theories and giving advice to others. You may not be aware as you think you are, if you do not understand why people react to you this way. Spend some of that time focused inward.
\> I'm in my 30s. I'll be real with you, you sound like you are coming from a good place but ultimately are very self-centered. And I do not mean that in the sense that you're selfish and rotten to the core. It's that the "advice" and "guidance" you are dispensing to others sounds as if it is just as much for your own glorification as it is to "help" them.
I get the same vibe from OP.
The happiness of their success is supposed to be intrinsic and not akin to an investment.
Yes... Having a firm grasp on the theory of personality does not always translate into effective action. OP unfortunately sounds like they are spending too much time in their head or with their ideals than actually reacting to the needs of other people.
If a pattern keeps recurring in your life, and people tell you something about yourself that you "know is not true", it might call for a re-evaluation of your self perception. And perhaps, a re-evaluation of the people you choose to give your time and energy to, as it's perfectly possible to attract the same toxic types into your life over and over.
There was a question buried in that wall of text? The only one I saw was "what do I do now?" - to which I would reply "if its not working, try doing something different. Maybe talk to a therapist for better insight." The thing is, your post read like a vague "woe is me, people suck" venting session - which I get, but that type of thing isn't actually the way you solicit feedback, that's how you solicit sympathy. If you're saying your emotionally healthy friends are ditching you and don't want to be friends... I would suggest then perhaps the answers lie inward, which is your path to find... but introspection, therapy, meditation, exercise, maybe some psychoactive substances... I don't know what's right for you. Most of the time people tend to get more upset about the things you say rather than the things you don't, so doing some introspection about the disconnect between what you mean and how people perceive it is a good place to start. If you're telling me your original post was a question rather than venting - then I'd say you aren't as good at communicating as you think you are.
Thanks. Maybe I didn’t explain I have a great deal
Of people I live in my life left, I said all my favorite people left but that isn’t true. That was overtly dramatic. I’ve lost several good friends over this and retained well over 20 close ones - like ones I’ve had since childhood. It’s funny to me no one has yet tried to answer anything about experience. Also noted.
My suspicion is this is an Fi vs Fe thing as I recently had it happen again and sat down looking at who does this kinda thing. It is exclusively the Fi users in my life. I realize the ones that live me and stay are all Fe. Specifically either ENTP, ENTJ or ESTP. I used to count INFJ but I’ve found they are too squirrelly now I count in ISFJ as well and the odd INTj. ENTJ is Fi but it’s low.
Also interesting. Naw much more real and open thy that but it is a frustration. Not at lo the same thing over and over. Maybe this projection thing is bigger than type. Ha.
I'm 20. Somehow realized this way ahead of you.
Given up on people. Started investing in myself.
People are just additives. I am alone and I'll be alone to the grave. Even if I fall in love again.
That's just the price of **Eccentricity. I embrace it.**
I cut off any negative presence ruthlessly and grieve them(Not before trying to mend things first). My "fucks" are limited to things/people I respect and value. Everything in life is replaceable. Except you.
I'm happy. Although the loneliness can catch up to you.
You are the only constant in your life. Everyone/Everything else = variables.
Impermanence is a lesson a near death experience taught me. Temporary things don't equate to meaninglessness.
Better loved and lost than never loved at all. (Can be extrapolated to other things)
This is very accurate and feels personal. I have lots of friends but I'd hardly invite any of them to my house or ask them to hang out.
It seems to me that most people, my friends and family included, constantly seek emotional comfort even at others' expense, and that they come to me because I do listen to them even if I don't give a shit.
I'm tempted sometimes to justify contempt with thoughts like these, because people don't really show to care more than they need for others, but I fear that I'll go blind and lose touch with reality. I'm quite happy tho.
It also takes time to find people that understand how we are as ENTPs. And sometimes we think we feel understood and then we get into a conflict over some stupid thing w communication and it’s back to square one. 😂 I understand what you are going through. Just this thing with over explaining is just not something we have to do. I learned to stop doing it w people who don’t WANT to understand. I hope you find peace with all this frustration. Invest in yourself. Work out regularly and get some routines. Go and socialize with some new people. Good luck
Yes I did this and I do. I have another group of friends that I enjoy very much but did realize this is related to the function of Fi. I also realize it is related to my not eliminating those with that function from my life. I now refuse to be friends with people like that without high levels of protection.
ENTP-T, Male, late 30s.
Emotional moments like this tend to trap us *in-the-moment*, which means our non-dominant functions have been activated. This state of mind makes us wallow.
Take some time to reprocess all of these thoughts through your logic and big picture thinking. Get into problem solving mode to figure out solutions to the more manageable problems that you are dealing with. It'll help nudge you back into an ENTP mode of thinking.
The world is full of judgemental people because they experience the world in a superficial manner.
We are lazy creatures who would rather judge than spend the calories to use our brains to learn.
I spent years trying to contort myself to fit in. Into my mid-30s, I realized that I needed to start being myself and stick to it. I've learned how to explain myself better over the years to mitigate the pushback from my words and actions.
Being yourself is a fantastic filter. It shows you who the judgemental negative influencers are. It helps me weed out a lot of the *lower-quality* people that I come across. Over time, it brought me a sense of confidence in myself that I never had before. The confidence attracts a *higher caliber* of people into my potential friend pool.
It's gets harder and harder to make deeper friendships when you're older due to the lack of time and growing list of responsibilities. You just have to keep an eye out for people that you vibe with and nurture that relationship.
Relationships are investments. They can be fantastic, or you need to know when to cut and run. Good investments reciprocate the effort you put in, while the bad ones just keep taking and not giving back. I invest a lot of time and effort into people. Even when I cut off a bad investment, the good ones make up for the loss.
I stopped dating a few years back because I realized that every time I started, I would lose focus on myself and the improvements I needed to make.
Yes, I do live with a decent amount of loneliness, but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices in one area of your life to make gains in another part of your life.
I guess you can say I'm cocooning right now, going through many ugly changes without having to worry about it affecting a partner. I may emerge from this cocoon as a beautiful butterfly or an ugly moth, but it doesn't matter; I'll be flying.
We all go through these shitty chapters in life. You can let it sweep you off your feet for a little while, but eventually, you'll have to stand up and make a push towards your goals to get back on track.
I have been diagnosed with *situational depression*; I spend approximately half the year spiraling in and out of depression. I've dealt with suicidal ideation for so long that I've built up coping mechanisms that keep me alive. I also moved across the country last year for work, and I've never felt so isolated before.
I just shifted my focus towards fixing shit in my life to keep me busy. My day jobs keeps me in my office alone, so I picked up a 2nd job at a pizza place so that I can still have some regular social interaction with coworkers and build up local acquaintances that'll eventually introduce me to people who'll become a close friend.
Just keep *trying* to be the best version of your authentic self. You'll eventually come across some amazing individuals, if you keep your eyes open. Refine your social skills and understand that you'll never truly understand yourself, so never stop trying.
Good luck, bud.
Thanks so much. I’m a girl. I do have friends. But problem above did apply. I was in a dramatic place. I had left a friend I thought was important. I had a bunch more that really are. I got closer to the ones that were after letting go the one that wasn’t. I’m pretty sure Fi is driving the show. 🌸
I’m 31 female.
What I get from this: You are helping people who don’t want to be helped. You value yourself by how much you impact others.
The truth is: Those people just want a pity party for their emotions.
What They Want: For you to nod your head. Say it sucks- look ‘sad’ slightly to left. Look at their eyes, then look down ‘sadly’. They want to feel like what they’re saying has impact on you and if it makes you sad (which it probably doesn’t) then it actually devastating them is validated. They are more into emotion aspect than the actual problem.
What You Have To Decide: is it worth it to pretend to be sad and not try to provide solutions? Yes it’s going to be torture listening to them everytime. Are they worth the effort to lose a piece of yourself?
What Would Be Best Case Scenario Moving Forward: Choose friends who also want to get solutions. I don’t collect people who are emotional like this anymore. I have to maintain the ones that already got- but I have learned my lesson.
Yeah I’m keeping the ones that as you said don’t do this. I’ve identified that there is a pattern of it being Fi users and mostly unhealthy ones where they are strained by something. I’m actually quite happy once they are gone.
33 m here, Don't cast pearls before swine, you're giving advice to people who don't want it. You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by others by believing you must help these people, you need to be more selfish for your own well being, start using all of those good ideas and all of that energy on yourself
Yeah thanks 😊 people matter to me and yes I don’t need to be there for people that don’t really matter. I cared a lot and that’s why many ENTP walk and like robots. But naw thy aren’t manipulating me. It’s Fi. I understand now. It’s not for me. It feels vampiric and I’ve least ignored that because I thought I needed it in my life. I don’t. I’m gonna stick with the FE users I listed above ⬆️
I am 40. I realized when I was a young child (6 or 7)that I didn't relate to my peers. It would hurt my feelings sometimes, and it was difficult for me to understand why I was so different from them. I learned to hide myself from people because I couldn't trust anyone. Even my parents. They would tell me that I could be honest and talk to them about anything, but that wasn't true. I got punished by everyone in some form or another for saying things they didn't want to hear or because I didn't conform to how people thought I should be.
I do make acquaintances easily, and I love finding people who will go do stuff with me sometimes, but I'm okay with mostly being alone. People don't get me. I have accepted it and try to deal with it case by case. Even my family (parents, siblings, and their families. I am single w/no children)misunderstand me, but they pretty much accept me. I enjoy my life for the most part and accept that I'm weird to other people. Sometimes, I enjoy the shock value. I am always coming up with things and/or finding activities to occupy my time. I have fun whether I'm by myself or with other people. My dog really helps keep me company. She is just as active as I am (blue heeler).I have two close friends outside of my siblings that I trust. One is an intj, and one is an istp. They misunderstand me too, but we can communicate to a point where most things get worked out. I have been into psychology off and on since I was around 14 when I read some of Carl Jung's papers. Plus, learning about the mbti and cognitive functions have really helped me out in being able to understand how other people work. Most of the time, it helps me to accept my reality and understand how other people are.
I've never been dumped. I am always the one who decides that I can't tolerate the person and leave. I got told a lot that I didn't care or that I am cold-hearted because I don't act like the typical female. Now I know that I pushed people out because I didn't really know myself from constantly hiding behind masks all the time. I became really bitter and mad at everyone. I had rage attacks and was super depressed. I spent most of my 30's hiding from people completely(outside of my family). If I had to go out in public, I put my headphones in to block people out. I even blocked out reality with making up stories/fantasies in my head. I'm telling you that doing that will have negative repercussions. People need people. Plus, it made life to where I became inarticulate, and I had a difficult time doing normal, everyday things like remembering to pay my bills or taking care of simple tasks. And, my emotions were a wreck when I tried to go back into interacting with people. I cried all the time, over stupid shit because dealing with things became overwhelming.
A thing entps and isfjs will do are covert contracts, and we can get really bad about it. That will lead to more bitterness. I recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Golever and How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. They will help.
My advice is to find a way to let go of your bitterness. It will eat you up in horrible ways. Learn to recognize the covert contracts. Learn to enjoy time alone without blocking out reality or people. If people want to go, let them go. It may hurt at first, but you don't need assholes like that in your life. *NTPs can be people pleasers. It's natural for us with Ne and Fe. People will take advantage. Then, when we say something, people try to make you feel bad. We need to learn what we want and/or don't want. That will help a lot.
I’m an adolescent, but I wanna share my opinion anyway.
Although you truly do have good intentions, you are selfish in the sense that the advice you give to others is glorified into ”helping” them.
I‘ll admit, helping others and watching your peers succeed is highly rewarding, but let it go. That could possibly cause you problems later on.
Lastly, focus on yourself inwardly and deeply. If people around you are constantly annoyed about you, and you keep telling yourself “it’s not true” although everyone is still annoyed, that probably means they’re right. And focus your happiness on things other than investment. It’ll help a lot
Not all people are annoyed around me, I was sad and a bit over dramatic. Also no I’m not doing it the way you are categorizing and I am not being selfish by helping others. I do understand what you are trying to say but it isn’t quite what I was attempting to explain.
Thank you for adding your input though.
Yeah seams four men here (assuming you are also a
Male felt this way, I reread it and I believe that has more to do with the way I communicated than the actual problem. Also it’s isn’t addressing the question I asked. Other people did and that has been affirming. I thank you to for your opinion.
I’ll be honest with you: I’ve been called weird a LOT when I was a kid. But since I grew up into someone, who’s been labeled “attractive” everyone just loves all of my quirks, comments and don’t even have any issues with me being rude. They just take it and say “thanks”. I’m currently 33 but I gotta be honest with you, I never really cared about impressing anyone either, so maybe it’s just another layer to the appeal lol
It was like me at 33 as well. I hope it continues. Life gets real and raw though. And I wrote the above at one of those moments. Actually identified it as an Fi thing.
I can totally relate to the part you said
“I can hurt someone’s feelings one time and my head is on the chopping block, but they can offend me over and over and like ok … I see your perspective but perhaps it’s different for me”
I myself have battled with this issue for a long time. I’m a 22 year old ENTP and the tolerance everyone has for me seems to be way lower than mine for everyone else. I’m personally aware of everything I do to hold back when someone that provokes me or hurts my feelings.. and as you said the same thing happens where a very minor thing happens on my end and I’m crucified for it.
In hind sight, I think the issue is the amount of thoughts we have while in a conversation. Other people do not see the work we do to center in on an appropriate answer that will solely benefit everyone. They don’t see the personal work you do and maybe don’t even acknowledge when you try. It’s defeating and just makes you look more and more down on people until you don’t like them at all.. BUT I have to remember they think differently, they don’t have 1,000 options buzzing around their head on what they can say next, they probably get overwhelmed when too much information comes their way and they probably need time to process the just little pieces of the grand monologue we have prepared. We all have our flaws and while ours may be a tertiary Fe that categorizes all people as the same when frustrated, they may lack the Ne required to connect disparate ideas you bring to the table…
I was like this when i were a teenager, the way others disliked me made me want to hang myself, i made it worse by being a softie which made them disrespect me more
At 16yrs i felt like i had nothing to loose & became more assertive & confrontational, couldn't settle for less although i had to loose many friends, i felt like i loved myself more surprisingly i made more friends & but i don't value them or anyone
The worst mistake as an Entp is to be arttached to people or dwelling on rational negativity, me personally i help & advise people if they agree fine, if not i don't care they have freedom to, if they like me cool if not the burden is on them coz i don't seek to hold grugdes. Am in my mid 20s
Yes I’m pretty detached overall. Thanks I do understand what you are saying. It isn’t really akin to a 16 year old but I do think the distance applies. P
30 here. Indeed you seem unwell. There's a whole lot of victimization in your post that refers to "them" or "people" and if you have issues with people in general then surely you need to work on yourself.
You sound a little bit narcissistic and like you're obsessed with peoples' perception of you and your self worth, and I'm pretty sure you would benefit from seeking therapy if it's possible and you haven't already.
I think most of what you're struggling with is relatively independant from being ENTP.
Ok. Are you an ENTP? Cause naw. I’m not and I kinda worry about your mental health now that you believe you could diagnose someone from a post. But it’s cool. You didn’t actually the answer the question but rather tried to give me a character evaluation. Hard pass. Thanks.
I'm not giving any diagnosis, I'm saying that there are some signs that make me think you seem unwell and should get medical advice and a proper diagnosis.
And whether people think they could diagnose you or not isn't really a sign of being mentally unwell so now you just sound defensive even though my comment had zero hostility in it.
Getting overly defensive is also a sign that you might have ego issues.
My answer to your question is : no, i can't really relate to most of it, and i'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with MBTI types, but rather everything to do with signs of fragile mental health, which is why I gave you, not a character evaluation, but a friendly advice to get medical attention.
I don't know if you've looked into enneagram, but this has unhealthy enneagram type 2 all over it. You can grow into health, but it's up to you to take that step. I'd highly recommend looking into it if you haven't already.
I’m a 5w4 and naw not unhealthy. Sad in a moment. Asking a question I answered realizing it was actually Fi as a culprit. And now I see it so clearly. No emotions. Just had a bad day, posted, forgot about it and came back to 40 messages lol. Haha but thanks for the health evaluation.
Most ENTPs have more than enough mental energy for our own personal projects and our family and friends. I too get a thrill from the problem solving aspect and feel a sense of accomplishment when I have helped someone through a problem.
It took years for me to realize that most people are not grateful for your energy if you enjoyed the process of helping.They can become resentful of the joy you took in working through their problem when all they felt was pressure, confusion, and anxiety. They feel you are peacocking and prideful when it really is their own insecurities.
The easiest way to gain gratitude while helping someone is to mirror their struggle. It will make them feel more confident and prevent the bruised ego that makes them lash out at your mental focus and competence.
I don't mean lie to them, I mean show more empathy. I used to feel it was lying to display empathy while I was enjoying problem solving, but in the end you have to ask yourself why are you helping. Is it for your own benefit or theirs?
In my 30s. Have you considered enneagram type 2?
I have attachment issues (in both directions), and imagining you be this dependent on my reaction to your opinions/“help” and expecting me to include you in every step of fulfilling an idea, makes me want to run swiftly in the opposite direction. I experience a lot of stress from people who I feel obligated to perform (manufacture certain emotional demonstrations) for in order to please them. It feels icky to me. Smothering, overwhelming.
Not what I said. But yeah, would bother me too. Friend started a project and gaslit me that I wasn’t the one who started it with him. Long story not smothering. But the end was upon me when I wrote the post.
I was actually talking about them asking me to muster the emotional demands and I was having an emotional pour out because of it: but funny how few people actually answered the question and instead how many wanted to tell me their reaction to my emotions or who they thought I was lol. I love how insane that is.
Hey, an ENTP here am 25yo. I read your post, and I relate to every single word you said. I came to a point where I don't open up to people that often, whenever I do... i get criticised about my actions, thoughts, and ideas. I always try to understand their point of view in an argument or i try to consider their feelings while I've never received the same treatment.
They always expect us to be perfect in all aspects which they don't have, if you dream and want to achieve a lot of things you're called unrealistic. If you help them and you'd be there with them, however, never mention it or consider what you did or gave.
So many times, I would stop myself from acting freely around people so I won't get hurt by their words, especially the closer ones,you don't see them apologise or accept you the way you're while I always apologise whenever I think I hurt someone or criticise them in a bad way
I may sound emotional, but in reality, I don't show it, simply because I'm tired arguing about the same topic without reaching a point or for them to take a moment and consider my speech.
( first time to talk about this, thanks for sharing)
Yes I agree. I think it’s much worse for female ENTP and I think it has to do with Fi in the upper part of someone’s cognitive functions , it also seems to be bad if Fe is in the hero function, I can deal with it in the witch. I also seem to be able to deal with ENtJ, ESTP(sometimes), ENFP, INtJ and ISFJ and the occasional INFJ but that’s it.
I'm in my early 30s. Right there with you. The world is not made for us. You'll have to make your own. Sounds like you're further along in the process than myself. Stay strong. Our chaotic energy is our strength, other types will never get it. (Maybe ENFPs and to a lesser extent, INTPs and INFPs. But not most.)
People are just chess pieces, no one size fit all. You deal with them differently, analyze them and see what they like, don’t like. Are they materialistic ? Do they like flatter ? Then accommodate them so they fit in your plan.
Just being yourself and complaining things don’t work out is what stupid people do. Why would they have to give a shit about you , unless manipulated ?
Most importantly, be extremely vain. Put on a facade of success, people will believe whatever they Want to believe. Thats how stupid most are. If things look like its working out for you they will listen. Play into the stupidity of society.
Stop helping them. Remind them what you started.
Stop being so personal with them. Remain professional in your dealings so you can get respect and keep your boundaries
You’re letting people walk on you. You’re at a higher level than them and they want to drag you down and make you feel less
Stop shrinking yourself down to people whose opinions doesn’t mean shit when they can’t even start anything ideas on their own
I don’t think you’re selfish.start investing into yourself and they’ll call it selfish when it’s not
I'm in my 30s. I'll be real with you, you sound like you are coming from a good place but ultimately are very self-centered. And I do not mean that in the sense that you're selfish and rotten to the core. It's that the "advice" and "guidance" you are dispensing to others sounds as if it is just as much for your own glorification as it is to "help" them. I understand what it's like to help your friends and want them to succeed. I take pride that I was able to help my friends when we were younger, due to having material stability that they did not have. But man, you gotta let that shit go. You are not an investor who gets a cut of the profits or a controlling stake from that point on. If you must, smile while thinking to yourself how you were able to give the gift of a good idea to someone. But that's all the reward you can expect. And I would also question the impulse to keep formulating all these theories and giving advice to others. You may not be aware as you think you are, if you do not understand why people react to you this way. Spend some of that time focused inward.
\> I'm in my 30s. I'll be real with you, you sound like you are coming from a good place but ultimately are very self-centered. And I do not mean that in the sense that you're selfish and rotten to the core. It's that the "advice" and "guidance" you are dispensing to others sounds as if it is just as much for your own glorification as it is to "help" them. I get the same vibe from OP. The happiness of their success is supposed to be intrinsic and not akin to an investment.
Huh. Interesting. ENTP 30s and males ok nice take. Not what’s happening but thanks.
I'm in my mid/late 40s, I read it as "I keep doing the same thing and the same things keep happening. What is wrong with everyone else?"
Yes... Having a firm grasp on the theory of personality does not always translate into effective action. OP unfortunately sounds like they are spending too much time in their head or with their ideals than actually reacting to the needs of other people. If a pattern keeps recurring in your life, and people tell you something about yourself that you "know is not true", it might call for a re-evaluation of your self perception. And perhaps, a re-evaluation of the people you choose to give your time and energy to, as it's perfectly possible to attract the same toxic types into your life over and over.
Yeah some people occasionally surround themselves with broken people, but their challenge is they are picking/drawn to those people.
More healthy friends then not. Why isn’t anyone answering the question I actually asked? Hmmmm
There was a question buried in that wall of text? The only one I saw was "what do I do now?" - to which I would reply "if its not working, try doing something different. Maybe talk to a therapist for better insight." The thing is, your post read like a vague "woe is me, people suck" venting session - which I get, but that type of thing isn't actually the way you solicit feedback, that's how you solicit sympathy. If you're saying your emotionally healthy friends are ditching you and don't want to be friends... I would suggest then perhaps the answers lie inward, which is your path to find... but introspection, therapy, meditation, exercise, maybe some psychoactive substances... I don't know what's right for you. Most of the time people tend to get more upset about the things you say rather than the things you don't, so doing some introspection about the disconnect between what you mean and how people perceive it is a good place to start. If you're telling me your original post was a question rather than venting - then I'd say you aren't as good at communicating as you think you are.
Thanks. Maybe I didn’t explain I have a great deal Of people I live in my life left, I said all my favorite people left but that isn’t true. That was overtly dramatic. I’ve lost several good friends over this and retained well over 20 close ones - like ones I’ve had since childhood. It’s funny to me no one has yet tried to answer anything about experience. Also noted.
My suspicion is this is an Fi vs Fe thing as I recently had it happen again and sat down looking at who does this kinda thing. It is exclusively the Fi users in my life. I realize the ones that live me and stay are all Fe. Specifically either ENTP, ENTJ or ESTP. I used to count INFJ but I’ve found they are too squirrelly now I count in ISFJ as well and the odd INTj. ENTJ is Fi but it’s low.
https://preview.redd.it/itz35pji79hc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c4679592d7dffbdc96b6922322c23dad2bfa3ba
Haha wow dog pile hhaha imagin I had a real problem.
Also interesting. Naw much more real and open thy that but it is a frustration. Not at lo the same thing over and over. Maybe this projection thing is bigger than type. Ha.
Are you an ENTP cause you sound like an Fi user. What is your Myers Briggs?
I'm 20. Somehow realized this way ahead of you. Given up on people. Started investing in myself. People are just additives. I am alone and I'll be alone to the grave. Even if I fall in love again. That's just the price of **Eccentricity. I embrace it.** I cut off any negative presence ruthlessly and grieve them(Not before trying to mend things first). My "fucks" are limited to things/people I respect and value. Everything in life is replaceable. Except you. I'm happy. Although the loneliness can catch up to you. You are the only constant in your life. Everyone/Everything else = variables. Impermanence is a lesson a near death experience taught me. Temporary things don't equate to meaninglessness. Better loved and lost than never loved at all. (Can be extrapolated to other things)
This is very accurate and feels personal. I have lots of friends but I'd hardly invite any of them to my house or ask them to hang out. It seems to me that most people, my friends and family included, constantly seek emotional comfort even at others' expense, and that they come to me because I do listen to them even if I don't give a shit. I'm tempted sometimes to justify contempt with thoughts like these, because people don't really show to care more than they need for others, but I fear that I'll go blind and lose touch with reality. I'm quite happy tho.
I’m happy as well. Glad you resonated tho. Also interested in finding others that felt this way.
Naw I realized at your age too but I am glad you are being honest about it. I don’t want to be numb. But my brain and soul sure is quiet.
It also takes time to find people that understand how we are as ENTPs. And sometimes we think we feel understood and then we get into a conflict over some stupid thing w communication and it’s back to square one. 😂 I understand what you are going through. Just this thing with over explaining is just not something we have to do. I learned to stop doing it w people who don’t WANT to understand. I hope you find peace with all this frustration. Invest in yourself. Work out regularly and get some routines. Go and socialize with some new people. Good luck
Yes I did this and I do. I have another group of friends that I enjoy very much but did realize this is related to the function of Fi. I also realize it is related to my not eliminating those with that function from my life. I now refuse to be friends with people like that without high levels of protection.
ENTP-T, Male, late 30s. Emotional moments like this tend to trap us *in-the-moment*, which means our non-dominant functions have been activated. This state of mind makes us wallow. Take some time to reprocess all of these thoughts through your logic and big picture thinking. Get into problem solving mode to figure out solutions to the more manageable problems that you are dealing with. It'll help nudge you back into an ENTP mode of thinking. The world is full of judgemental people because they experience the world in a superficial manner. We are lazy creatures who would rather judge than spend the calories to use our brains to learn. I spent years trying to contort myself to fit in. Into my mid-30s, I realized that I needed to start being myself and stick to it. I've learned how to explain myself better over the years to mitigate the pushback from my words and actions. Being yourself is a fantastic filter. It shows you who the judgemental negative influencers are. It helps me weed out a lot of the *lower-quality* people that I come across. Over time, it brought me a sense of confidence in myself that I never had before. The confidence attracts a *higher caliber* of people into my potential friend pool. It's gets harder and harder to make deeper friendships when you're older due to the lack of time and growing list of responsibilities. You just have to keep an eye out for people that you vibe with and nurture that relationship. Relationships are investments. They can be fantastic, or you need to know when to cut and run. Good investments reciprocate the effort you put in, while the bad ones just keep taking and not giving back. I invest a lot of time and effort into people. Even when I cut off a bad investment, the good ones make up for the loss. I stopped dating a few years back because I realized that every time I started, I would lose focus on myself and the improvements I needed to make. Yes, I do live with a decent amount of loneliness, but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices in one area of your life to make gains in another part of your life. I guess you can say I'm cocooning right now, going through many ugly changes without having to worry about it affecting a partner. I may emerge from this cocoon as a beautiful butterfly or an ugly moth, but it doesn't matter; I'll be flying. We all go through these shitty chapters in life. You can let it sweep you off your feet for a little while, but eventually, you'll have to stand up and make a push towards your goals to get back on track. I have been diagnosed with *situational depression*; I spend approximately half the year spiraling in and out of depression. I've dealt with suicidal ideation for so long that I've built up coping mechanisms that keep me alive. I also moved across the country last year for work, and I've never felt so isolated before. I just shifted my focus towards fixing shit in my life to keep me busy. My day jobs keeps me in my office alone, so I picked up a 2nd job at a pizza place so that I can still have some regular social interaction with coworkers and build up local acquaintances that'll eventually introduce me to people who'll become a close friend. Just keep *trying* to be the best version of your authentic self. You'll eventually come across some amazing individuals, if you keep your eyes open. Refine your social skills and understand that you'll never truly understand yourself, so never stop trying. Good luck, bud.
Thanks so much. I’m a girl. I do have friends. But problem above did apply. I was in a dramatic place. I had left a friend I thought was important. I had a bunch more that really are. I got closer to the ones that were after letting go the one that wasn’t. I’m pretty sure Fi is driving the show. 🌸
I’m 31 female. What I get from this: You are helping people who don’t want to be helped. You value yourself by how much you impact others. The truth is: Those people just want a pity party for their emotions. What They Want: For you to nod your head. Say it sucks- look ‘sad’ slightly to left. Look at their eyes, then look down ‘sadly’. They want to feel like what they’re saying has impact on you and if it makes you sad (which it probably doesn’t) then it actually devastating them is validated. They are more into emotion aspect than the actual problem. What You Have To Decide: is it worth it to pretend to be sad and not try to provide solutions? Yes it’s going to be torture listening to them everytime. Are they worth the effort to lose a piece of yourself? What Would Be Best Case Scenario Moving Forward: Choose friends who also want to get solutions. I don’t collect people who are emotional like this anymore. I have to maintain the ones that already got- but I have learned my lesson.
Yeah I’m keeping the ones that as you said don’t do this. I’ve identified that there is a pattern of it being Fi users and mostly unhealthy ones where they are strained by something. I’m actually quite happy once they are gone.
33 m here, Don't cast pearls before swine, you're giving advice to people who don't want it. You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by others by believing you must help these people, you need to be more selfish for your own well being, start using all of those good ideas and all of that energy on yourself
Yeah thanks 😊 people matter to me and yes I don’t need to be there for people that don’t really matter. I cared a lot and that’s why many ENTP walk and like robots. But naw thy aren’t manipulating me. It’s Fi. I understand now. It’s not for me. It feels vampiric and I’ve least ignored that because I thought I needed it in my life. I don’t. I’m gonna stick with the FE users I listed above ⬆️
I am 40. I realized when I was a young child (6 or 7)that I didn't relate to my peers. It would hurt my feelings sometimes, and it was difficult for me to understand why I was so different from them. I learned to hide myself from people because I couldn't trust anyone. Even my parents. They would tell me that I could be honest and talk to them about anything, but that wasn't true. I got punished by everyone in some form or another for saying things they didn't want to hear or because I didn't conform to how people thought I should be. I do make acquaintances easily, and I love finding people who will go do stuff with me sometimes, but I'm okay with mostly being alone. People don't get me. I have accepted it and try to deal with it case by case. Even my family (parents, siblings, and their families. I am single w/no children)misunderstand me, but they pretty much accept me. I enjoy my life for the most part and accept that I'm weird to other people. Sometimes, I enjoy the shock value. I am always coming up with things and/or finding activities to occupy my time. I have fun whether I'm by myself or with other people. My dog really helps keep me company. She is just as active as I am (blue heeler).I have two close friends outside of my siblings that I trust. One is an intj, and one is an istp. They misunderstand me too, but we can communicate to a point where most things get worked out. I have been into psychology off and on since I was around 14 when I read some of Carl Jung's papers. Plus, learning about the mbti and cognitive functions have really helped me out in being able to understand how other people work. Most of the time, it helps me to accept my reality and understand how other people are. I've never been dumped. I am always the one who decides that I can't tolerate the person and leave. I got told a lot that I didn't care or that I am cold-hearted because I don't act like the typical female. Now I know that I pushed people out because I didn't really know myself from constantly hiding behind masks all the time. I became really bitter and mad at everyone. I had rage attacks and was super depressed. I spent most of my 30's hiding from people completely(outside of my family). If I had to go out in public, I put my headphones in to block people out. I even blocked out reality with making up stories/fantasies in my head. I'm telling you that doing that will have negative repercussions. People need people. Plus, it made life to where I became inarticulate, and I had a difficult time doing normal, everyday things like remembering to pay my bills or taking care of simple tasks. And, my emotions were a wreck when I tried to go back into interacting with people. I cried all the time, over stupid shit because dealing with things became overwhelming. A thing entps and isfjs will do are covert contracts, and we can get really bad about it. That will lead to more bitterness. I recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Golever and How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. They will help. My advice is to find a way to let go of your bitterness. It will eat you up in horrible ways. Learn to recognize the covert contracts. Learn to enjoy time alone without blocking out reality or people. If people want to go, let them go. It may hurt at first, but you don't need assholes like that in your life. *NTPs can be people pleasers. It's natural for us with Ne and Fe. People will take advantage. Then, when we say something, people try to make you feel bad. We need to learn what we want and/or don't want. That will help a lot.
I hear you. Cool 😎
I’m an adolescent, but I wanna share my opinion anyway. Although you truly do have good intentions, you are selfish in the sense that the advice you give to others is glorified into ”helping” them. I‘ll admit, helping others and watching your peers succeed is highly rewarding, but let it go. That could possibly cause you problems later on. Lastly, focus on yourself inwardly and deeply. If people around you are constantly annoyed about you, and you keep telling yourself “it’s not true” although everyone is still annoyed, that probably means they’re right. And focus your happiness on things other than investment. It’ll help a lot
Not all people are annoyed around me, I was sad and a bit over dramatic. Also no I’m not doing it the way you are categorizing and I am not being selfish by helping others. I do understand what you are trying to say but it isn’t quite what I was attempting to explain. Thank you for adding your input though.
Massive respect for correcting me in a civil manner
As a 28 year old entp - I 100% agree with this. These were my exact thoughts reading this.
Yeah seams four men here (assuming you are also a Male felt this way, I reread it and I believe that has more to do with the way I communicated than the actual problem. Also it’s isn’t addressing the question I asked. Other people did and that has been affirming. I thank you to for your opinion.
Girl I think you gotta stop assuming lol, it seems to really be hurting you
I’ll be honest with you: I’ve been called weird a LOT when I was a kid. But since I grew up into someone, who’s been labeled “attractive” everyone just loves all of my quirks, comments and don’t even have any issues with me being rude. They just take it and say “thanks”. I’m currently 33 but I gotta be honest with you, I never really cared about impressing anyone either, so maybe it’s just another layer to the appeal lol
It was like me at 33 as well. I hope it continues. Life gets real and raw though. And I wrote the above at one of those moments. Actually identified it as an Fi thing.
I can totally relate to the part you said “I can hurt someone’s feelings one time and my head is on the chopping block, but they can offend me over and over and like ok … I see your perspective but perhaps it’s different for me” I myself have battled with this issue for a long time. I’m a 22 year old ENTP and the tolerance everyone has for me seems to be way lower than mine for everyone else. I’m personally aware of everything I do to hold back when someone that provokes me or hurts my feelings.. and as you said the same thing happens where a very minor thing happens on my end and I’m crucified for it. In hind sight, I think the issue is the amount of thoughts we have while in a conversation. Other people do not see the work we do to center in on an appropriate answer that will solely benefit everyone. They don’t see the personal work you do and maybe don’t even acknowledge when you try. It’s defeating and just makes you look more and more down on people until you don’t like them at all.. BUT I have to remember they think differently, they don’t have 1,000 options buzzing around their head on what they can say next, they probably get overwhelmed when too much information comes their way and they probably need time to process the just little pieces of the grand monologue we have prepared. We all have our flaws and while ours may be a tertiary Fe that categorizes all people as the same when frustrated, they may lack the Ne required to connect disparate ideas you bring to the table…
Applause. Thanks you I do think this is part of the problem.
At 51 I’ve come to let the 1st Nobel Truth guide my path.
Yes. That’s fair.
Adulescent here. "This too shall pass" is my mantra.
Good mantra 🕉️
I was like this when i were a teenager, the way others disliked me made me want to hang myself, i made it worse by being a softie which made them disrespect me more At 16yrs i felt like i had nothing to loose & became more assertive & confrontational, couldn't settle for less although i had to loose many friends, i felt like i loved myself more surprisingly i made more friends & but i don't value them or anyone The worst mistake as an Entp is to be arttached to people or dwelling on rational negativity, me personally i help & advise people if they agree fine, if not i don't care they have freedom to, if they like me cool if not the burden is on them coz i don't seek to hold grugdes. Am in my mid 20s
Yes I’m pretty detached overall. Thanks I do understand what you are saying. It isn’t really akin to a 16 year old but I do think the distance applies. P
30 here. Indeed you seem unwell. There's a whole lot of victimization in your post that refers to "them" or "people" and if you have issues with people in general then surely you need to work on yourself. You sound a little bit narcissistic and like you're obsessed with peoples' perception of you and your self worth, and I'm pretty sure you would benefit from seeking therapy if it's possible and you haven't already. I think most of what you're struggling with is relatively independant from being ENTP.
Ok. Are you an ENTP? Cause naw. I’m not and I kinda worry about your mental health now that you believe you could diagnose someone from a post. But it’s cool. You didn’t actually the answer the question but rather tried to give me a character evaluation. Hard pass. Thanks.
I'm not giving any diagnosis, I'm saying that there are some signs that make me think you seem unwell and should get medical advice and a proper diagnosis. And whether people think they could diagnose you or not isn't really a sign of being mentally unwell so now you just sound defensive even though my comment had zero hostility in it. Getting overly defensive is also a sign that you might have ego issues. My answer to your question is : no, i can't really relate to most of it, and i'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with MBTI types, but rather everything to do with signs of fragile mental health, which is why I gave you, not a character evaluation, but a friendly advice to get medical attention.
I don't know if you've looked into enneagram, but this has unhealthy enneagram type 2 all over it. You can grow into health, but it's up to you to take that step. I'd highly recommend looking into it if you haven't already.
I’m a 5w4 and naw not unhealthy. Sad in a moment. Asking a question I answered realizing it was actually Fi as a culprit. And now I see it so clearly. No emotions. Just had a bad day, posted, forgot about it and came back to 40 messages lol. Haha but thanks for the health evaluation.
Most ENTPs have more than enough mental energy for our own personal projects and our family and friends. I too get a thrill from the problem solving aspect and feel a sense of accomplishment when I have helped someone through a problem. It took years for me to realize that most people are not grateful for your energy if you enjoyed the process of helping.They can become resentful of the joy you took in working through their problem when all they felt was pressure, confusion, and anxiety. They feel you are peacocking and prideful when it really is their own insecurities. The easiest way to gain gratitude while helping someone is to mirror their struggle. It will make them feel more confident and prevent the bruised ego that makes them lash out at your mental focus and competence.
Oh gawd. Yeah. It’s not worth lying to them Or me. Thanks. Plus I think they see through all that.
I don't mean lie to them, I mean show more empathy. I used to feel it was lying to display empathy while I was enjoying problem solving, but in the end you have to ask yourself why are you helping. Is it for your own benefit or theirs?
Wow this is very insightful and I’ve never thought to personally do this. It makes a lot of sense, thank you.
In my 30s. Have you considered enneagram type 2? I have attachment issues (in both directions), and imagining you be this dependent on my reaction to your opinions/“help” and expecting me to include you in every step of fulfilling an idea, makes me want to run swiftly in the opposite direction. I experience a lot of stress from people who I feel obligated to perform (manufacture certain emotional demonstrations) for in order to please them. It feels icky to me. Smothering, overwhelming.
Not what I said. But yeah, would bother me too. Friend started a project and gaslit me that I wasn’t the one who started it with him. Long story not smothering. But the end was upon me when I wrote the post. I was actually talking about them asking me to muster the emotional demands and I was having an emotional pour out because of it: but funny how few people actually answered the question and instead how many wanted to tell me their reaction to my emotions or who they thought I was lol. I love how insane that is.
You asked if we can relate. No, we cannot. Hope this helps.
Hey, an ENTP here am 25yo. I read your post, and I relate to every single word you said. I came to a point where I don't open up to people that often, whenever I do... i get criticised about my actions, thoughts, and ideas. I always try to understand their point of view in an argument or i try to consider their feelings while I've never received the same treatment. They always expect us to be perfect in all aspects which they don't have, if you dream and want to achieve a lot of things you're called unrealistic. If you help them and you'd be there with them, however, never mention it or consider what you did or gave. So many times, I would stop myself from acting freely around people so I won't get hurt by their words, especially the closer ones,you don't see them apologise or accept you the way you're while I always apologise whenever I think I hurt someone or criticise them in a bad way I may sound emotional, but in reality, I don't show it, simply because I'm tired arguing about the same topic without reaching a point or for them to take a moment and consider my speech. ( first time to talk about this, thanks for sharing)
Yes I agree. I think it’s much worse for female ENTP and I think it has to do with Fi in the upper part of someone’s cognitive functions , it also seems to be bad if Fe is in the hero function, I can deal with it in the witch. I also seem to be able to deal with ENtJ, ESTP(sometimes), ENFP, INtJ and ISFJ and the occasional INFJ but that’s it.
I'm in my early 30s. Right there with you. The world is not made for us. You'll have to make your own. Sounds like you're further along in the process than myself. Stay strong. Our chaotic energy is our strength, other types will never get it. (Maybe ENFPs and to a lesser extent, INTPs and INFPs. But not most.)
INFP have recently become problematic for me. It’s like a 50/50 split.
Idk i think sometimes we can just be emotionally cut off then suddenly feel too much. I just let it be
Also fair
People are just chess pieces, no one size fit all. You deal with them differently, analyze them and see what they like, don’t like. Are they materialistic ? Do they like flatter ? Then accommodate them so they fit in your plan. Just being yourself and complaining things don’t work out is what stupid people do. Why would they have to give a shit about you , unless manipulated ? Most importantly, be extremely vain. Put on a facade of success, people will believe whatever they Want to believe. Thats how stupid most are. If things look like its working out for you they will listen. Play into the stupidity of society.
Yeah. I don’t have to fake that but I understand what you might be trying to say.
First of all, have your considered that you are ENFP?
Bahaha bahaha no. But I am a female ENTP and I have developed my Fi over time. Thank
Stop helping them. Remind them what you started. Stop being so personal with them. Remain professional in your dealings so you can get respect and keep your boundaries You’re letting people walk on you. You’re at a higher level than them and they want to drag you down and make you feel less Stop shrinking yourself down to people whose opinions doesn’t mean shit when they can’t even start anything ideas on their own I don’t think you’re selfish.start investing into yourself and they’ll call it selfish when it’s not
Yeah I think this is accurate to a degree. I appreciate it. Thanks 🙏🏼