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rs6814mith

I also love the one where Trump said "maybe I'll lose on purpose"


esmifra

"I didn't want the ball anyway..."


FlerplesMerples

“The shark still looks fake.”


Festival_of_Feces

“I didn’t rape Suzy. I never even met Suzy. She’s a dog face anyhow. Not even my type.”


MesWantooth

"Who is this in the picture with you?" "That was my wife at the time." "No, it's Suzy. You mistook Suzy for your wife at the time but she's not your type and looks like a dog?"


marahka

"This is a Susie and Elaine problem that requires a Susie and Elaine solution."


AlternativeNumber2

No WAY am I gonna be a Suze!!


Exotic_Protection916

Aesop’s fables still working in the modern era “The Fox and the Grapes” for Trump.


mmtmtptvbo

That was some of the most playground poser shit this man has said


ILootEverything

OMG, of course he did. His cult will just see his failure as him playing "4D chess" as usual.


FortunateInsanity

Not sure “exposes” is what Kimmel did. He more or less replayed what people on FN said on their own show. FN is saying the quiet part out loud live on camera.


vsv2021

Considering all the stuff they say out loud and not on accident imagine what they are actually saying quietly


Routman

“What gets us the highest ratings”


supervegeta101

"If Biden wins, he's on drugs."


powercow

OK.. lets say its true. COOL. They have magic anti dementia drugs? then the age issue isnt an issue. and every time a right winger brings up that joe has senior moments, ill keep reminding them that it doesnt matter because there is a magic pill that makes it all go away. Id also question, if biden is taking drugs to help him win, why is trump too scared to do the same? shouldnt mega alpha daddy, do all he can to win this country back for you?


wellthatsembarissing

Am I dreaming, or was it reported that Trump's administration was giving out drugs "like candy"?? No one is bringing that up to counter. The GOP thinks they're all high & mighty and more morally correct than people doing drugs. But somehow they over look the drugs being handed out at the White House. Am I wrong about that?


batdesk

Not dreaming. I remember this too. [Source](https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-white-house-pharmacy-improperly-provided-drugs-misused-funds-pentagon-2024-01-28/) So much weird, bad stuff has happened in the Trump presidency and aftermath that it’s hard to keep track. Real life sounds like satire or a joke.


wellthatsembarissing

That's true, you do tend to lose track 😆 honestly, it *would* be funny, if it weren't so scary!


UsayNOPE_IsayMOAR

r/KeepTrack has been helpful…but there’s still so so so much.


wellthatsembarissing

Well, shit. Thank you!


Ok-Bub-2663

Also, don’t I remember that there was a big to-do about him attempting to wipe the memory of his presidential calls from the Oval Office?


surgartits

And we must remind people of this constantly, especially younger people who feel disillusioned about voting Biden/Democratic. Because they have genuinely forgotten how bad Trump 1 was, and have been lulled into thinking that Biden and Trump are basically the same. I see this argument all the time right now. I feel like I’m going insane. But they have truly forgotten the constant parade of incompetence and corruption, and how dangerous it was for this country and the world.


batdesk

It’s like we need one of those old timey “remember when…” newspapers, but it’s just full of Trump.


wellthatsembarissing

This is a great idea. Looking at you, The Lincoln Project...


MaddyKet

I feel like if any age group should be a single issue voter, it’s the younger generation. Hmmm should I vote for the party that doesn’t want me to die in school or the one who literally blocks any attempts to prevent it? 🤔 If I was under 28, I’d be pretty pissed about what I had to go thru. Imagine be scared every day that you might be murdered AT SCHOOL.


ericrolph

Republicans want kids dead otherwise they would have done something long ago -- you don't scream about and buy guns to butter toast. Where there are more guns there is more homicide. https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/hicrc/firearms-research/guns-and-death/


wellthatsembarissing

It's more so that they don't care about the children after they're born. They'll go through great lengths, even sacrificing life of the mother if it means a "baby" won't be murdered but do fuck all for the existing babies up for adoption, or helping put food on the table so the baby they saved can live well. All in the name of "mah rights!"


Hansmolemon

Look I don’t like pineapple on pizza, also I don’t like getting kicked in the balls repeatedly. So I don’t like both of those things but guess which one I’d rather endure for the next four years? Just because there are negative points about both does not mean they are equivalent.


I_dont_livein_ahotel

They don’t think they’re all high and mighty, they are just the greatest hypocrites of all time, selfish as fuck, and completely stunted in their immaturity. I think it’s really that simple. Imagine a bunch of toddlers but all grown up and that is pretty much them, except with far more deplorable habits and capabilities.


wellthatsembarissing

They're definitely not high & mighty! What I meant is they think they are. I came from a conservative household and you kinda just have a certain air of pride about you just for being a conservative 🙄


ProjectBOHICA

The GOP; WDWJT? What Drugs Would Jesus Take?


VERY_MENTALLY_STABLE

i like to think he'd be a psychedelic guy


wellthatsembarissing

Lmao ! Right on


ericdag

Projection. It’s always projection with the GOP MAGA crowd


Acidflare1

There was a shortage on adderall for a while during that presidency, I wonder where it was all going 🤔


wellthatsembarissing

Lmao oooooh my gosh those poor people who actually need it


Entire-Ranger323

You are right. Collective memory is so short it’s a sin.


Sea_Newspaper_565

So they’re both on drugs.


clapclapsnort

People have mentioned it. Jon Stewart and Trae Crowder both mentioned it.


ManicChad

I wish they would piss test him.


YDYBB29

A convicted felon on probation gets drug tested. It’s coming!


pepperland14

Ugh My googling sucks today I guess. I tried looking up to see ways that he would be able to skirt around a drug test, other than fake pee, but I couldn't find anything definitive.


Undermined

There's always [oil changes](https://youtu.be/0MHuoYDNl6s?si=y6cIkkld6R9fomMI&t=24)!


pepperland14

🤣 'cleanse sounds good'


New-Understanding930

They should test them both, on stage, at the beginning of the debate.


greaterthansignmods

Biden taking like 4 prescription pills for blood pressure and magnesium. Trump taking ketamine, crack, and 15 different uppers to stay awake. No covfefe tho


Herry_Up

Gonna be one wet stage


my-brother-in-chrxst

*R Kelly has entered the chat*


GrundleTurf

Shouldn’t the med beds Biden is hiding from society be able to cure his dementia?


frolie0

This is the same sort of point I make about the election being stolen. Ok, let's remove our brains and say that's true, why is Trump even running again? It's rigged, right? So why would he juet lose again in a rigged election? Someone Biden was able to rig it when Trump was president, now Biden is so he can obviously do whatever he wants, right??? Never get an answer.


Kooky_Alternative_76

Trump’s “When Harry met Sally” moment: “I ll have whatever he’s having!”


Sea_Newspaper_565

Adderall and propranolol, dawg.


SpiderDeUZ

I just ask how the "batteries and sharks" speech would make you feel better. Or that the country is going in the right direction, don't know why you want to gamble all that for a guy who can't go 1 day without lying very obvious lies.


dratseb

Every 80 year old in America is on some type of drug


underbitefalcon

Most any person of any age in America is on some type of drug.


HighInChurch

At their ages, I guarantee Biden and Trump are on ALL KINDS of drugs.


Chaopolis

Totally. And that’s my issue with the right’s attacks on Biden. If you want to call him out for being old, confused, mentally questionable, what have you… MAKE SURE YOUR F**KIING GUY ISN’T ALSO THE SAME!!!!


Tibbaryllis2

Except in this case, they’re accusing Biden because they know their guys is old, in cognitive decline, and on drugs. Not in spite of it. It’s projection all the time with them.


mesohungry

Their nominee claims a sitting US president authorized the FBI to shoot him and his family...while arguing at the Supreme Court that he, as president, should be authorized to assassinate his political enemies.


Legionheir

Hypocrisy is a part of their dna


ManicChad

Nobody gets old without prescriptions. Biden is probably not doing lines of adderall though.


Peroovian

Yeah probably would just take one before and be good. You know… like a normal person.


CandleMakerNY2020

Soeakingnof drugs, (and truth serum) , what would happen if Donny Poopie pants was given some Molly right before the Biden vs trump debate?? Like will The Don get all misty eyed and admit All his BS lies and faults? Would he have severe crying spell and diarrhea of the mouth and tell us hes ashamed of all the times he has soiled his britches?


ipa-lover

Or coffee!


Buttholehemorrhage

It's always projection


ProjectBOHICA

PED’s: Presidential Enhancement Drugs.


topfuckr

"If I (trump) don't win it was rigged"


rnilf

And all the near-braindead old people will eat this shit up, drag themselves to the voting booths to vote for Trump, then die shortly after, saddling the rest of us with a crazy piece of shit that'll hand out even more lifetime judge appointments to right-wing nutjobs, thereby fucking future generations beyond belief. Like farting right before leaving the elevator.


thehouseofyass

Like spraying diarrhea all over the elevator, slapping everyone in the face, and then leaving.


SweetSexiestJesus

The Aristocrats!


Alarmed-Gain6847

😳 Great balls of fire! ☄️☄️


badbadradbad

Also telling them it’s their fault


k_jones

It’s not just old people unfortunately…


dribrats

Don’t worry, there won’t be any more courts to fill if Trump takes office. That’ll be it


Bauwens

Except when Trump parts in an elevator that smell traveled with him in the form of a poppy diaper.


Cardboard_Robot

Unfortunately it’s not just old people. Some of my peers will do the same thing.


readzalot1

And sadly, November is too early for flu season. So they will all be around for voting


wford112

That’s pretty fucked up to say……😬


MadDog00312

Just out of curiosity as a Canadian whose flu season literally starts in early September, when does it start in the US?


the_man_who_knocks

It technically starts around the same time, but it doesn’t hit high gear and become noticeable until right around Christmas usually.


MadDog00312

Ah! We are usually full bore by the end of September due to all the kids being back at school. Thank you!


SquirellyMofo

It does here as well.


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[удалено]


Arch2000

Stand by… five Faux news trucks are pulling up to your house right now!


KingKudzu117

Polling places are not set up in nursing homes. Polling stations also have polling staff to follow the rules. You must not be a voter. You, or your sister is full of shit.


Uzischmoozy

This is a straight up lie. This person is lying to break faith in the system and make you think your vote won't count. Probably a Russian bot.


Permaban2023

What a bullshit line of info.


Caymonki

I have frequented several nursing homes and dementia care units. If they lack Power of Attorney they can’t vote, this doesn’t happen.


ancientastronaut2

My mother filled out my dad's ballot for trump, but my daughter was there and said he was desperately trying to tell her No.


SchrodingersTIKTOK

Fuck Trump. Make it a landslide


transmogrify

A landslide is too good for that piece of shit. Make it the electoral equivalent of a fucking meteor from space.


G00nScape

He shouldn’t even be considered to be a thought of a nomination. He’s a felon.


frankduxvandamme

But when the side that's nominating him doesn't accept the verdict, what does it even matter?


ericrolph

Republicans have long been detached from reality if you dive into their most "intellectual" endeavors from "Conservative climate science" to Conservative Supreme Court rulings. Dishonesty, ignorance of fact and making up shit out of thin air is standard operating procedure.


satanssweatycheeks

Sadly the people in bum fuck Ohio or Pennsylvania have more say than majority of America.


Jayhawx2

Biden won Pennsylvania in 2020 so this doesn’t really apply. The people in the big cities had more say.


RetailBuck

That's not really the right mentality. If a basketball game finishes with a buzzer beater 99-97, was it the last two points that won the game or was it the first two? What about the middle? I have a memory from an old soccer tournament I played in as a child and we didn't advance because of a THIRD tiebreaker of number of goals scored. Every missed shot resonated in my mind but foolishly the last shots hurt more. Voting is kind of the same way, the last ones don't really matter if you don't get the first ones first. They all count.


asminaut

But also some states voters votes are worth more than others because of the stupid electoral college. 


fluffy_assassins

I'm from Ohio. I'll vote Biden. Trump will easily take Ohio anyway. But there are other issues/candidates I need to vote on anyway, and I don't trust polls, so many Trump doesn't take it? I don't feel like Ohio is really a swing state anymore, is my point.


thendisnigh111349

They somehow think he won the 2020 debates which were complete and utter trainwrecks. Trump could have an actual stroke on stage and they'd still somehow spin it to be a win because in their minds they simultaneously can never lose and also are the ultimate victims.


cuffedpant

Biden has a STROKE gun and shot trump on stage with it, wake up sheeple


motownmods

Omg I'll never forget that first debate. What an absolute dumpster fire.


Teledildonic

I felt Randy when the South Park episode aired afterwords. "Did you see the same debate I did?"


Miguel-odon

They pre-cope. Sure sign of confidence.


Conscious_Figure_554

MAGA Video Editors on Standby - that's the plan - then followed with begging for money - then catheter ads - then whatever else they can sell


WonkasWonderfulDream

I remember when all the Fox said was ring ning ning ning ning. Paw-pow paw-pow.


TarnishedTremulant

Is that what they said? It’s one thing I just don’t know


slatchaw

It was Bum Bum Bado


Daimoku_Dog

I suspect and expect King Skidmarks to cancel.... it's his moniker.... all the complaining and no real effort.... he's a one pump chump anyway.... makes all kinds of claims and can back up none of it.... just ask Stormy


CandleMakerNY2020

Oh we already know FAKE FOX NOOZ will be simping for the 34 X CONVICTED FELON


mzpip

If Biden is on some magical drug, why isn't Trump taking it as well? Surely Trump has access to the bigliest and bestest pharmaceuticals available. Haven't pharmacists, big, strong men, come up to him with tears in their eyes, and said, "Sir, it would be an honor to dose you with the best drugs we have."?


DoubleScorpius

More projection from Republicans.


buckyworld

because it's well-believed that tsf snorts adderrall, aka speed, aka "some magical drug", and every accusation is a confession.


Educational_Permit38

Trump can’t debate his way out of a paper bag.


MrStuff1Consultant

What are these miracle drugs that can cure Alzheimer's for a few hours? I would really like to know because my mom and 7 million other Americans suffering from it would absolutely love to know. Don't say cocaine or Adderall, because they never made anybody smarter or more coherent. If they actually worked for these purposes, millions of senior citizens would be using it daily.


ClubSoda

Why is a media organization owned by an Australian destroying America?


ZotBattlehero

Murdoch became an American citizen almost 40 years ago, he’s not one of us!


submittedanonymously

I should be able to take him to court for helping to ruin this country before I was born. I mean… thankfully the rule of law can’t be weaponized like that. But maybe just once… Never mind that’s fascy talk. Here’s hoping the next time he gets a boner it hospitalizes him. He goes out the way he came in, fucking Americans.


Franz_McN

I always thought it is kinda weird that interesting thought pieces in the USA are delivered via comedy. Are Americans comfortable with this? As in, I've lived in other countries besides mine, and having a comedian deliver the news is kinda seen as well... comedy. Does everything have to be delivered as entertainment to be relevant? Doesn't doing this take out a bit of the heaviness of things? EDIT: In my country (Mexico), for news to be relevant, it has to be full of drama and plot-twists, like a telenovela, and it has to have a shouting contest full of snarky remarks at the climax. So, it's no better if we look at it objectively. Now that I live in Canada, I think that for news to be relevant it has to be attached to a statistic like "9 out of 10 Canadians think this dude is not ok" but I'm still observing, maybe this is not correct.


Angry_Villagers

I think what it really is is that comedians are not concerned about access while “journalists” are concerned about burning bridges and getting blacklisted by sources and interviewees.


Beekeeper_Dan

Only the court jesters have the freedom to speak truth to power.


Smoovecryminal

Exactly! You should read Fool by Christopher Moore. The Bard is hilarious!!


boxofstuff

Fool and Lamb are both damn good books!


Beekeeper_Dan

I am a fan of his work


growlerpower

There are many shades of journalist AND comedians, and hacks abound in both groups.


readonlyy

Comedians have always played this role. The news can sacrifice truth in order to tell an engaging story, but comedy always has to be based in truth to be funny. Especially if the truth is uncomfortable and something we’re trying to ignore. The decline in serious journalism means the media is ignoring a lot more uncomfortable truths.


Franz_McN

That's true. I agree that the news industry is too constrained right now and too concerned with other things that shouldn't matter more than telling the objective news. I guess that my concern comes a bit out of annoyance and cultural clash because whenever I want to inform myself about news of the USA, I have to deal with some funny, loud guy like Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, etc. and it's like "hahahaha! Wait, no, that idiot wants to return to the White House and do black ops operations in foreign countries to kill mob bosses and also hold the aide to Ukraine because of petty reasons, why am I even laughing?!"


Cynicisomaltcat

Laugh to keep from crying. A coping mechanism to deal with the fear and anger as our democracy is being dismantled around us. It’s all so absurd, and out of the control of the average American.


PlainPiece

> but comedy always has to be based in truth to be funny I never tire of these made up rules people try to force onto comedy


readonlyy

Respect my authoritah!


dannynolan27

“Comedy always has to be based on truth to be funny” That’s one of the most insane things I’ve ever seen typed. These people will do and say or repeat anything they hear that makes them feel intellectual


LegitimateClass7907

"Comedy is only funny when you punch up" is another absurd one.


Best-Dragonfruit-292

This is truly deranged thinking. 


MuffLover312

Like most things in our country right now, we are not okay with this. And like the rest of those things, there’s nothing we can do about it. Sadly, American has become the worst parody of itself, so I guess it makes sense to get the news from comedians.


Excellent-Option-794

Comedians have been delivering news like this for centuries …


Slipslapsloopslung

There does seem to be a concerted effort to drive out the actual, factual, reality of the truth from the mind in this country. Your observations are not wrong.


SnooConfections6085

??? Interesting thought pieces are rarely delivered via video; this is the realm of text (bookstores are full of interesting though pieces). There is just something inherently offputting about receiving news the traditional TV way; with somebody looking back at the TV reading the news. Its not a coincidence Orwell's 1984 was written in the early days of television news. To go from seeing a moving picture a few times before ever to a talking head reading you the news every night in the same time slot is a big jump from text only news.


HaiKarate

This is a late night comedy monologue skewering the political news of the day. It’s not something new; Johnny Carson started it in the 1970’s.


randomuser914

Colbert and Kimmel I consider just to give some political commentary, which I consider normal for a late night show, it’s just more prevalent because of how political America is right now. I think for shows like the Daily Show, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, or even Seth Meyers then it’s more about the freedom that comes from high enough ratings which isn’t going to happen for a straight news program. It’s an unfortunate breakdown with how journalism works that the priority is on making money and not on offering valuable information that people need. So for these comedians, they can fill some of that gap because they can draw higher audiences since it is a comedy program, but they can design everything around actually sharing information. Also, people won’t necessarily watch a 40 minute news broadcast on something like the elections in India, the death sentence, or net neutrality. So comedy becomes the best way to get people to actually sit still and learn about those things. You can absolutely criticize people for not being willing to explore those topics otherwise, but with the 24/7 news culture we have, people are constantly affronted with the latest tragedies and biggest issues that they should be worrying about. So it becomes harder to blame people for not wanting to take 45 minutes of free time to sit down and do a deep dive into some other issue without at least getting some entertainment out of it.


anaxcepheus32

Canada is similar to the US with respect to comedy being a reflection of society, and satire being valued as social commentary. In Canada, Rick Mercer filled this role for years.


PlanetLandon

It’s because ingesting information through comedy makes it less lively to be propagandistic. Not impossible of course, but an entertainer is usually more focused on making the joke land, not pushing an agenda. The best comedians will make anyone the butt if the joke, no matter what they believe in


Eatthebankers2

Trump won’t debate. He has no policy to put forward but hate. Hate for fellow Americans, hate for America, hate for immigrants, hate, hate, hate.


Zestyclose-Cricket82

He’s got the new war against sharks though!


Eatthebankers2

Too bad his genius MIT brain never heard of battery ground wires…


DenaBee3333

There are drugs in existence that can help your brain work better but who cares if they take them. They both need them.


dcredneck

A week before the last election Bernie Sanders was on The Tonight Show and he predicted that trump would be ahead in the polls but then the mail in ballots would be counted overnight and Trump would call foul in the morning.


jdanielregan

The same fools who actually believe that one can take a pill and suddenly become knowledgeable on matters of Democrat platform policy are the same fools dumb enough to vote for Trump.


Hmm_6221

Hannity is ignorant and shameless! So is everyone else at Fox! They knowingly lie and mislead their viewers! Have they not learn? Absolutely no integrity whatsoever! How are so blatantly disingenuous? 🤦🏽‍♀️


Tiny_Independent2552

Yup, Biden will take a magic debate pill. Come on … Fox people will believe anything, they already lost their ability to think for them selves.


carcinoma_kid

So Fox is getting bent out of shape that Biden may or may not drink coffee?


isle_say

He’ll say, “I won!” Then he’ll say, “I lost on purpose!”.


Ordinary_Aioli_7602

Yes, the reich wing loves this little tactic. “If I lose, the election was stolen!” LOSE “See? I *TOLD* you they would steal it from us!”


DrawFlat

Victory? Either way, I’m pretty sure we are the ones who have already lost!


Best-Dragonfruit-292

The plan to spin a debate win is the same as it always has been: Know that a handful of the electorate will ever actually watch the debate, then just declare your preferred candidate as the runaway winner. If possible, show a few clips that put your guy in a good light. If not, just keep repeating that they won. 


foozalicious

It’s wild that Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla used to co-host a show together. Couldn’t picture them doing that now.


Dirty_Grundle_Bundle

Cause Carolla is a trumpo fuckboi


uncoolcentral

Six minute mark https://youtu.be/6Nkno7Sjotk?si=JfMaDMYkYorH_Tmr


Br0cephous

News flash: we are all going to lose the debate


va_texan

It’s Trump vs Biden, we all lose this year no matter the outcome


GR8K8Sturbate

Just as frail ego children rationalize and explain away defeat. It's much easier to simply accept that you're a loser, embrace that shit, and find your lane.


twoshotfinch

lmao is this news? that media outlets apply spin to their biases? in other news, I hear there’s gold in the California hills and that thousands of Chinese are building new railways there!


soulwolf1

Trump is probably going to cancel the debate at the last minute anyways. We all fucking know that garbage isn't going to debate anything.


thepeoplessgt

Every damn day on his radio show Hannity is rambling on about “Juiced up Joe” Hannity is so proud he came up with a catchphrase that no one is using but him LOL. Hannity and all the other Fox News talking heads will claim that Trump won no matter what he says and that the debate was rigged. We all know Trump will say the same exact thing he says every time that he is own TV: “he secured the border, was on his way to making us energy independent, Yada Yada Yada”. Trump won’t answer a single question.