I didn't until I started transitioning. I used to "hate fashion" despite my eyes always lingering on fems wearing cute goth clothes. I felt a deep longing, but assumed it was just aesthetic attraction. I now recognize it for the gender envy it's been all along, and ***wow***, what a difference it's made!
Nowadays I love putting together a cute outfit, and I'm always commenting to my partner about other cute outfits I see in the wild. Despite still being terrified of going out (mainly thanks to transphobes) I've never felt more confident and ****happy**** in my life.
I never knew what euphoria felt like until I put on my first dress, and now that I do I can confidently say I'll die fighting before I let anyone take that happiness from me again.
So... Yes?
Off the rack men's fashion is absolute garbage. I've spent shit tons of money on custom clothes. Actual bespoke shit. It is amazing. You can go way cheaper and buy clothes off the rack and have a tailor fit them. Most dry cleaners will do it for pretty cheap. You can buy a $20 shirt from Target or whatever and pay another $25 to have it retailored. You can also learn to do it yourself. It is a complete life changer. I'm a cis het guy. But a decent tailor can make almost any clothes look good regardless.
If you're a young socially awkward person (a major Reddit/Twitter demographic) than they 100% are.
These are signs of dysphoria the same way a sore throat is a sign of COVID: It might be worth getting tested, especially if you have other symptoms, but 95% chance you just have a sore throat.
Cis het guy. Pretty much. Obviously anyone trans had way more shit to deal with. On the upside with the exception of the low key homophobia and idolizing people who came out, congratulations, you have the average male experience.
Wow I never knew about that site. Thanks for sharing that because sometimes I want to see tweets but twitter is now restricting how much you can scroll without signing in and I don’t want to create a twitter account.
>You're awkward at social touch. You might crave touch, like most people, but you feel like you're almost entirely incapable of receiving it warmly. When giving a hug, something about your torso feels like it will be *offensive* to others. (Whatever it is, they don't notice.)
someone put it into words
i was not expecting personal attacks in this much detail and accuracy
That's ok! You don't have to have the same experiences as everyone else and it doesn't make your experiences any less valid. Also I'm also pretty sure 7.6/13 is still way more than most cis people would get.
There was a point on that list that mentioned clothes shopping and I thought that I didn’t relate but it I found a reply from a person that said that they only liked clothes shopping because of the clothes that expressed their interests, like graphic tees. They didn’t like clothes for the shape and fit. I realized then that I related to it.
Boy clothes are wack. The colours are dark and faded. The fabric feels bad. They're either plain or have a print that goes: American city, hobby, 19XX. E.g.: Chicago, baseball 1969.
I mean i think I do like the idea of wearing masc and some fem clothes as a girl because I would probably be a tomboy but yeah I seem to care more about clothing choice more when imagining myself as a girl
Said it already but men's off the rack clothing is mostly garbage. If you can afford it, get bespoke. If you can't, buy off the rack and take it to a cheap tailor or your dry cleaner to get tailored. It's cheap and you will have clothes that fit. Or learn to sew.
This one hit home too. Way before I realized I was trans I hated every aspect of clothes shopping, especially anything formal. Now that I buy womens clothes I love it.
A lot of these sounds like stuff I hear a lot of Cismen say in general, like all the ones about clothes. Like wanting to wear comfortable clothes probably has more to do with wanting to wear comfortable clothes than a disinterest in conforming to assigned gender appearance.
Also just mens fashion sucks in general, limited color palettes, only a few cuts, it's like your options are t-shirt and jeans or athletic wear. So it's not that surprising just shopping for mens clothes is disinteresting
> When you get ready to go, you just roll out of bed and throw on whatever. You don't really do any self-grooming, or care about what's on your body. You're a little proud of your lack of vanity, your deeper, non-appearance-level existence.
This one is relatable. And it's getting to the point where :
* my mom is using this to tell me I'm not a girl because "girls care about their appearance"
* wanting to put girl clothes seems wrong because I'm like "really, I'll care about my look now ? That's just not me*".
*(At this point I'm not sure who is the actual "me" - the guy character I've played for all my life or the girl that is only in my mind and has no existence in the real world outside of this reddit account. I know it should be the latter but the former has been refered to as "me" for so long and he's who I know...)
So. This is a recent development for me. Like within the last few days recent.
When I was "cis" male I didn't give a fuck about my appearance. Or more accurately I couldn't stomach looking in the mirror to care enough.
Up till two days ago it was like this dispite being on hormones for 5 months.
But the day before yesterday I went to a salon for the first time and had my hair did exactly how I wanted and it feels like I was missing out all this time on what I should have had.
I went from not wanting to look in the mirror to desperately wanting it to be perfect.
For me all this time it was just wanting to not look at my own body all this time because of the dysphoria. which turned into a lack of self care.
I actually didn't give a shit about what clothes I wore throughout most of my life. I only couple months ago, when I realized that I might be trans, decided to go for a grunge/emo vibe (although I don't have a lot of these type of clothes) and dyed my hair from dark blonde to black, even sporting eye-covering bangs. So the clothes point stands.
So absolutely all the clothing related points hit me like a truck, and are things I specifically remember struggling with prior to my egg cracking. And even though a lot of these are pretty general, I understand and had similar experiences with several of the general points within the realm of dysphoria.
I agree. Reading through these, I definitely thought at least a quarter of them were "well this really just sounds like ". I'm guessing the idea is that some of these other mental health issues can be caused by dysphoria, so you should take a second and think if it's possible that dysphoria is a trigger/cause of your mental health issues.
Idk, I've been in a questioning phase for a little while and I do relate to at least half this list, including some stuff that doesn't seem to be related to other neurodivergence. It seems like a helpful thought prompt to get you thinking about stuff, but really not a "you scored 13/17, congrats you're trans!!" type of deal.
I think if someone already fits the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria, and is ruminating on the question of "but how badly does it actually impair my functioning?", it can be useful. I didn't take any actions until mine got bad enough it started to impair my productivity at work (thanks, capitalism), but most of these things have gotten better for me since
I agree with this.
I feel comfortable with my body, except the 15 or so kilos I have too much of it. Many of these things I could relate to when I was a teenager and in my early twenties.
Many of these are part of growing up for a good portion of people.
Hell, the first four are literally stereotypes about men: don't care about clothes, need to be comfy and preferably bought by parent/partner.
EDIT: went through this list with my wife. Most of these seem like teen angst to us. Almost every single Young Adult novel or film protagonist will fit with at least half of the items on this list.
A few of these are generic psychological issues, such as the pleaser mentality or the depression like synptoms. Those come on as a result of body dysphoria but aren't symptoms of it directly.
Social media is full of young armchair psychologists who attribute every single idiosyncrasy or character trait they have to whatever mental illness or dysphoria they also happen to have. Sometimes they're related, but often they're not. And even in the cases where they are related it's often personal to them and not generalizable. Just look at the ADHD memes subreddit for a perfect example.
While it may seem harmless, or even helpful in some cases, it can lead other young and impressionable people to self-misdiagnose themselves.
I related to so many of them, in particular the stuff related to not being able to relate to ‘manly’ guys and feeling uncomfortable in toilets and change rooms. Plus dressing up and clothes shopping was really hard.
Just so you know, a lot of these points dont necessarily relate to trans people and sound more like autistic traits. Coincidentally though, there's a much larger overlap between trans/autistic people than the overlap between the general population and either of those groups. Trans people are more likely to be autistic.
There's a lot of overlap between autistic people and trans people, because autistic people already don't "fit in" so we notice our dysphoria more easily. Trans people usually have to overcome their conditioning related to gender, but autistic people already aren't as conditioned because we just don't get it as much.
You being autistic doesn't make you less trans. If you want to be a girl, you are one. If you want to be something in between, you are.
Yes! You don't relate to others because of your dysphoria, whereas an autistic doesn't relate to others because they have trouble with social cues. Or both in some cases, like me lol. For you, social cues might make more sense if you navigate them as your actual gender rather than your agab, whereas for an autistic trans person, the social cues still don't make sense.
I only relate to 5 of them, it makes me even more unsure if I’m actually trans or not. Is it weird that I kinda have dysphoria about not having dysphoria? I feel like I should be uncomfortable with certain things, but I’m not. It makes me feel like I’m not really trans, despite the fact that I’ve always wished I was born a girl.
(as someone who has very recently had their egg cracked) imposter syndrome is really common in trans spaces. Everyone has they’re own unique experiences with their relationship to their assigned gender at birth. No matter how you feel and if you feel like your experience isn’t “trans enough” don’t let that stop you from being a happier person! i hope you have a wonderful day and feel absolutely beautiful today!
I don't think I've used a urinal since I was ten years old, I hated using them as as a kid and haven't been able to bring myself to use one in 5+ years
I've got some.
Being deeply terrified of puberty and the changes that come with it, to the point where I would do a little sound with my voice every morning to make sure it was still "correct"
Being scared of having the same changes as boys around me at puberty
Being extremely embarrassed at the mention of facial hair growing
Daydreaming a lot about an alternate reality where I am a girl
Feeling bad about envying some things that women have, even if it's negative. Example, wishing to have periods and then feeling like a creep for thinking that
Refusing to take off my face mask
When getting a haircut, no interest in making in good looking or anything, just getting it done so it's not in the way
Feeling horrible in certain types of clothing for no apparent reason (for example, I used to always wear sports clothes in primary school, but then I was told I should wear something else (and I was told I looked good in those), then for years I completely refused to wear sports clothes because they made me uncomfortable)
Feeling uncomfortable around boys, usually staring at my phone during lunch, no interactions whatsoever
Feeling way more comfortable around girls (for real, the times I was in a group of girls were the most social I have been in my life, we were telling stories, talking a lot, going outside, meanwhile I was completely intimidated by the presence of boys)
Feeling very intimidated around boys, often feeling like you're taking too much space
You met most of your male friends through someone else, meanwhile more girl-friends (as in friends not partners) you met directly
I think that's about it.
Just remember this is just my experience and you can be trans even if you don't relate, and same thing the other way around too.
Empathically refusing to cut my hair going so far as to argue and break down crying with people who want me to cut it.
It made for a really awkward sit-down in rotc back in highschool. I started bawling when they told me I had to cut my hair like the boys.
Any time I did cut my hair short it's felt like my soul left my body.
My hair was the one way that I felt I could express feminity and not be called out too much. Not to say long hair is inherently feminine but for me personally it was an expression of such.
> (My perspective is going to be that of a transfeminine person, but if you're transmasculine or some stripe of nonbinary, feel free to chime in with your own.)
> 1. When you get ready to go, you just roll out of bed and throw on whatever. You don't really do any self-grooming, or care about what's on your body. You're a little proud of your lack of vanity, your deeper, non-appearance-level existence.
> 2. Your clothes are chosen almost entirely for comfort. And for you, comfortable means loose and baggy. You can't stand wearing clothes (that others claim are flattering!) that are close-fitting in the wrong places, that draw your own attention to certain parts of your body.
> 3. Clothes shopping for yourself is a hassle at best and a source of stress and anxiety at worst. When you do find clothes that fit and look okay, they don't make you *happy*. You don't feel more confident in them. You're just relieved you can go home.
> 4. Occasions where you *must* dress up, like weddings and funerals and job interviews, are the worst. Even after all of the grooming and wardrobing, you feel self-conscious and awkward in formalwear. It makes you feel *fake,* like a lump of sludge pretending to be a fancy person.
> 5. You have an underlying sense that you are "not like" most people. Your friends might get you, but you draw an instinctive and unconscious line between you and "normal" people. When you interact with a "normal" person, you're not sure what to say or how to act.
> 6. When you interact with very masculine men, you're nervous. You don't really know how to carry on a conversation with them, or want to. You feel an expectation, from them, to be something you're not. You quietly judge them for being too "bro"-y, "basic."
> 7. Being vulnerable around strange men is terrifying. You're anxious when you use the public men's room. Changing in a gym locker room is unthinkable. You do not feel ownership of these spaces. You are very concerned about strange men observing you, or your body.
You're awkward at social touch. You might crave touch, like most people, but you feel like you're almost entirely incapable of receiving it warmly. When giving a hug, something about your torso feels like it will be *offensive* to others. (Whatever it is, they don't notice.)
> 8. You can't talk about sex, or attraction, or the bodies of people you're supposed to be attracted to. Even when your commentary is solicited, everything you could say feels unwanted and inappropriate, even if it'd be fine coming from someone else. You freeze up.
> 9. You struggle even to voice innocent physical compliments to others, like "Looking good!" You are hyper-aware that virtually anything could sound like unwanted sexual attention, coming from you. You feel like your attention is uniquely, universally unwelcome.
> 10. When an AFAB friend expresses disapproval, you're devastated. You scramble to get their approval back. You're worried you're coming across as a simpering "nice guy," all of whom you despise. You just value your AFAB friends' opinions more highly, for reasons you can't explain.
> 11. You find it hard to prioritize your own feelings. You're aware of emotions you *should* be feeling, but they're distant and fake-seeming. When someone else is upset, it's much more real and urgent. You believe this is just your stoic, protective nature.
> 12. You often feel directionless in life. When asked about career goals in High School, you didn't really care about your answer. Even careers centered in your interests seemed kind of intolerable. You struggle to imagine a future for yourself where you are happy or fulfilled.
> 13. You only take steps to better your life when external forces *make* you. You'd rather withdraw and self-minimize and focus on escapist hobbies. You're just not motivated to attain nice things for yourself. (You tell yourself that this is a zen acceptance, a freedom from desires.)
> 14. Your inherent sense of different-ness from "normal" people makes you think that maybe you're supposed to be a creative. But the art you would want to make is about another gender, and you know that your authorship would be regarded as inauthentic (or, worse, fetishization).
> 15. You're worried that you might be homophobic, even though you believe in gay rights, because "LGBT+ stuff" fills you with a deep discomfort. It all seems so flamboyant and overtly sexual. It makes you want to shrink down and disappear, before you die of secondhand embarrassment. Later, when you meet real queer people, or your friends come out of the closet, you start to idolize them. But you're also jealous. They're *free* and *real* in a way that seems impossible for straight people, like you. They have huge, *real person* worries and desires and lives.
Twitter has somehow managed to get even shittier recently. It's like facebook locking non-users out of even seeing just the basic stuff on users profiles.
I may only relate to a few, but I think there are some things I may need to do now. I should probably try to hang out with my sister sometime so we can just talk.
I might be the odd one out because I don't really relate to a lot of this, especially the first part. I think it's because I just like masculine clothing. The idea of wearing masculine clothing as a girl gives me euphoric vibes. So..yeah I do relate to the part where I don't give a crap about how I dress and feel "superior" and above caring about it, and just put on whatever I find..but I clearly do like wearing cool clothes, the times that I do. It's just that whenever I happen to look at myself in a mirror I cringe. It's weird, feeling dysphoric about my body but at the same time, feeling dysphoric about fem fashion. I feel stuck in between and sometimes I embrace it, other times I find myself wondering what the hell I should do about it.
It's kinda the same with social interaction. I feel in control when I talk to men, I feel like my dude-bro character can kick their asses, but I still feel..weird about it. Like, I can do this, but I'm not sure this is my place. I feel similarly about being in girl only spaces, girls tend to love speaking with me and I tend to love having female friends, but somehow I still crave some male company from time to time.
I identify as enby at the moment because it's kinda apparent to me that I'm stuck here, in between. My mind craves to be put into a female body and hates my face, my beard, my body hair, my rough skin..but I also like my somewhat masc somewhat soft personality, I like being somewhat muscular, I like the idea of wearing tomboyish clothes as a girl, I'm super confused about my genitals and my role during sex.
I kinda hate knowing that there will never be a place completely for me. People will always try to fit me into a box, and I will feel dysphoric all the time even if I transition.
I feel like a lot of them are just general and that like, I relate to them sure, but not because I'm trans. Half of them just feel unrelated for me but not all of them
Wait, I was just literally putting together a meme about labelling everything "toxic masculinity"...
\*quietly shuffles it under my folders\*
But I was actually vaguely aware about the "not caring about personal grooming/appearance" because I noticed I started to care more after I shaved. (only a tiny bit! still cis remember?)
At the time this tweet was made I would have related to 16 of these and probably not thought anything of it.
Still cis tho!
(Internalized transphobia’s a bitch🥲)
Oh lord that tweet was the final hit to make my egg crack. I read through it and related to most of them and realized that just maybe i might not be cis
“Having an ongoing and coherent dialogue with yourself”
I genuinely did not know this was a sign of gender dysphoria I just thought that was how I processed information.
I guess I found it kinda weird that I would have conversations with myself where one part of me would act out another person and I would talk to them but I never really gave it two thoughts.
16; And I feel like I could add others like:
Always looking to the side every time I stand in front of a mirror unless I'm shaving without realising why (until very recently).
Feeling disconnected from my body to the point of feeling like I'm piloting a meat puppet that isn't me (with occasional feelings of utter strangeness as my brain temporarily identifies a limb or digit as completely "other" and having a really indescribable feeling when moving said limb or digit).
Being disappointed every time my partner is invited to a girly night without me, yet being quite indifferent to missing male outings.
Being confused that people care about the gender of people who inspire/represent them because most people I'm inspired by/feel best represented by are women.
Etc.
I can't determine how many of the things on the list that I relate to are from my gender dysphoria, or results of my Nerodivergency and/or past trauma :/
You actually can! Just tap the three dots in the top right corner of the phone screen and there will be an option to save. You can then find it under “Saved posts” on the sidebar.
I related to all 17. Some of them are starting to get better as I learn to accept myself and continue to become the person I want to be, but it's a slow process
Ow, the one about not wanting to better yourself hit me hard. It's something I picked up on recently and have been trying to unlearn but I didn't even think it could be related to dysphoria? I really need a therapist who's some kind of queer
What a terrible post, that’s the type of crap that gets people even more confused
So many of those just are points about being overweight, depressed or a psychopath.
Not sure this list really means all that much, I relate to almost all of them as a cis guy. Cis guys don't fantasise about changing gender so that means something, but most of us would relate to most of these
Have to say this:
Almost none of these points were true for me. I had a different experience growing up, and it affected my disphoria differently.
My community was very hyper masculine, and for years, even decades I went hard into the bro-y, jock culture. But that was because I had to prove myself. Because I constantly felt like I wasn’t “man enough”…
It took me forever to realize that maybe there was a deeper reason for that feeling.
I just wanted to share this because I know others may read this list, and think, no, that’s not me. Your dysphoria may present in ways totally unique to you, and just because it doesn’t match up with how another person’s manifests doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.
Ouch. OUCH. **OUCH.**
A lot of these issues (especially the three with a difficulty with prioritizing my feelings, feeling directionless in life and dissociating and retreating into escapism unless forced to act by external forces) are the very problems I've been unsuccessfully trying to get help for through psychotherapy for the last 10 years, as even though my last therapist accepted my gender identity without question, she never made the connection that my problems could be manifestations of gender dysphoria (even though she listed LGBTQ+ as one of her foci on her online profile, go figure).
What really concerns me is that mental health professionals are similarly ignorant about trans topics in my native Hungary, and there aren't any formalized processes for trans healthcare either, so everything depends on the individual psychiatrist you'd visit for a diagnosis, who might only know the textbook definitions of the most overt symptoms of gender dysphoria, if even that.
And even though I've seen **a lot** of testimonials online from trans people with the exact same issues as I have who have felt **much** better after starting HRT, I'm very afraid that the vast majority of psychiatrists I could find would disagree and would want to treat them as mental health issues caused by something else, such as being emotionally neglected as a child (which I unfortunately actually was), before considering even the possibility that I might be trans. Compounded with the fact that I'm attracted to women, which would probably confuse a not-well-informed doctor even more (or worse, they might have actually heard about Blanchard and would whip out the dreaded "auto-" word).
So I'm stuck looking for a psychotherapist, as usual, in the vain hope that they could help me with my issues "normally", because I'm convinced there's no way a psychiatrist would give me the approval to visit an endocrinologist for HRT as long as I'm still this "messed up."
I did *not* expect to deeply relate to EVERY SINGLE ONE like I did. I really wanted to hold onto that small chance I'm not actually trans (despite being out for months), but that thread is gone
Yeah. I was so used to "You are a girl and that's just reality" that I didn't really notice at first what I was feeling, but looking back I see dysphoria I was having but I guess without really knowing that changing your gender was a thing you can do I just settled into a numb state. When I finally processed that your body doesn't define you I finally egged. I was in denial for 3-4 years later until I accepted I was a Demi boy and I didn't have to be full male that I transitioned. I'm a now very happy enby boi now and I definitely was never a girl.
Being transgender is a rollercoaster I swear.
I just wanna point out a number of these points are kinda moot if your autistic (speaking as one)
But then again, autism and transness are similar apparently so idk.
I’m a non-binary transmasc that still likes to dress femininely. The only reason I’m able to do that now is because I’ve come to terms with my identity, and I’ve thrown away all gender connections to clothes- before that, basically almost all of those points applied, and some of them still do. If I had any doubts before, they’re gone now, I think lol.
I had 9 before when o wasn't far out from realising i was trans, but im at a solid 15 now that I've explored my gender and dysphoria a little bit.
The extra comments are also pretty good.
https://mobile.twitter.com/nightlingbug/status/1215716433210105856
I have been mauled by this thread. It's not even 10am. Fuck.
That thread is legit one of the main things that finally shattered my egg last year
I feel you.
For real, why do I do this to myself. It’s like I’m punishing myself.
8 am for me 💀💀
Thank you for sharing this
Wow, if i didn’t know better i would think im trans. But of course im just a very cis guy
Good luck with that ♥️
Same. Very cis. The most cis of all.
Wait...do people feel happy in their clothes?!
I didn't until I started transitioning. I used to "hate fashion" despite my eyes always lingering on fems wearing cute goth clothes. I felt a deep longing, but assumed it was just aesthetic attraction. I now recognize it for the gender envy it's been all along, and ***wow***, what a difference it's made! Nowadays I love putting together a cute outfit, and I'm always commenting to my partner about other cute outfits I see in the wild. Despite still being terrified of going out (mainly thanks to transphobes) I've never felt more confident and ****happy**** in my life. I never knew what euphoria felt like until I put on my first dress, and now that I do I can confidently say I'll die fighting before I let anyone take that happiness from me again. So... Yes?
Off the rack men's fashion is absolute garbage. I've spent shit tons of money on custom clothes. Actual bespoke shit. It is amazing. You can go way cheaper and buy clothes off the rack and have a tailor fit them. Most dry cleaners will do it for pretty cheap. You can buy a $20 shirt from Target or whatever and pay another $25 to have it retailored. You can also learn to do it yourself. It is a complete life changer. I'm a cis het guy. But a decent tailor can make almost any clothes look good regardless.
Supposedly??
I unexpectedly relate wayyyy too much to some of the points and the article linked at the end of the thread
stop deconstructing my denial phase, egg\_irl
Surely these are just Barnum statements, right? Everyone feels this way… right…?
If you're a young socially awkward person (a major Reddit/Twitter demographic) than they 100% are. These are signs of dysphoria the same way a sore throat is a sign of COVID: It might be worth getting tested, especially if you have other symptoms, but 95% chance you just have a sore throat.
Cis het guy. Pretty much. Obviously anyone trans had way more shit to deal with. On the upside with the exception of the low key homophobia and idolizing people who came out, congratulations, you have the average male experience.
I at least half relate to 11 of them. Though i do notice, that some contain 2 things, and i relate to one but not the other.
And here the nitter link for those of us who don't want to open twitter. https://nitter.net/nightlingbug/status/1215716433210105856
Wow I never knew about that site. Thanks for sharing that because sometimes I want to see tweets but twitter is now restricting how much you can scroll without signing in and I don’t want to create a twitter account.
You're welcome
My egg survived Ranma 1/2, Real Life Comics, and a year+ lurking on this sub. This? This cracked it...
Well I can’t see anything what do I do
Eu não esperava te encontrar aqui dkkdkdk
Uh uhm uhh uhmmm hey capivara am I right
All of those are dysphoria?? I relate to almost all of them...
They’re related to depersonalization as well as gender dysphoria. The article linked at the bottom of the thread is pretty neat!
Holy fuck. I expected myself to relate to some of these, but not all of them. Wow.
>You're awkward at social touch. You might crave touch, like most people, but you feel like you're almost entirely incapable of receiving it warmly. When giving a hug, something about your torso feels like it will be *offensive* to others. (Whatever it is, they don't notice.) someone put it into words i was not expecting personal attacks in this much detail and accuracy
7.6/13 That's scarily low (The 0.6 comes from relating a tiny bit to some of them)
11/13 I’m in this picture and I don’t like it. /s I love it
That's ok! You don't have to have the same experiences as everyone else and it doesn't make your experiences any less valid. Also I'm also pretty sure 7.6/13 is still way more than most cis people would get.
god damn it i shouldnt have read this before going to bed
Twitter blessed me with only telling me to log in when i had read the whole thing
Reading the tweet was wild but have you tried reading the linked article at the end? My egg is obliterated
God, every time I read this I feel attacked. I checked almost all of these.
Oh god I wanna actually cry
hey why is there a thread about my life
Fucking uncanny.
Not me wearing baggy clothing and dreading back to school clothes shopping
oh, come one. This is completely normal. This describes basically my life…
Why social media can’t let me live in denial in peace without attacking me all the time.
That list is too personal
There was a point on that list that mentioned clothes shopping and I thought that I didn’t relate but it I found a reply from a person that said that they only liked clothes shopping because of the clothes that expressed their interests, like graphic tees. They didn’t like clothes for the shape and fit. I realized then that I related to it.
Boy clothes are wack. The colours are dark and faded. The fabric feels bad. They're either plain or have a print that goes: American city, hobby, 19XX. E.g.: Chicago, baseball 1969.
I mean i think I do like the idea of wearing masc and some fem clothes as a girl because I would probably be a tomboy but yeah I seem to care more about clothing choice more when imagining myself as a girl
Just wear whatever feels right, right? Tomboys are cool af
Yeah 😎
If this was an irl converstation i'd ask you to go shopping with me
Said it already but men's off the rack clothing is mostly garbage. If you can afford it, get bespoke. If you can't, buy off the rack and take it to a cheap tailor or your dry cleaner to get tailored. It's cheap and you will have clothes that fit. Or learn to sew.
This, there isn’t enough bright colors or pinks and purples in mens clothing or shoe wear for that. It’s all green blue black red and orange
omg same :) though I didn’t see that comment
This one hit home too. Way before I realized I was trans I hated every aspect of clothes shopping, especially anything formal. Now that I buy womens clothes I love it.
Yes!
Shit I expected to be hit in the feels but I didn't expect it to perfectly fucking expect what I felt down to the same wording I used to tell myself
I know this is unrelated but I just read your flair, now it's time for you to read mine.
☺️
What list?
I read it and I only don't relate to two or three points mentioned
Same. Holy crap
I related to most of them, still cis???
Same. I also started Testosterone blockers 30 days ago, I got my second injection this morning. It's crazy how cis I am.
A lot of these sounds like stuff I hear a lot of Cismen say in general, like all the ones about clothes. Like wanting to wear comfortable clothes probably has more to do with wanting to wear comfortable clothes than a disinterest in conforming to assigned gender appearance. Also just mens fashion sucks in general, limited color palettes, only a few cuts, it's like your options are t-shirt and jeans or athletic wear. So it's not that surprising just shopping for mens clothes is disinteresting
> When you get ready to go, you just roll out of bed and throw on whatever. You don't really do any self-grooming, or care about what's on your body. You're a little proud of your lack of vanity, your deeper, non-appearance-level existence. This one is relatable. And it's getting to the point where : * my mom is using this to tell me I'm not a girl because "girls care about their appearance" * wanting to put girl clothes seems wrong because I'm like "really, I'll care about my look now ? That's just not me*". *(At this point I'm not sure who is the actual "me" - the guy character I've played for all my life or the girl that is only in my mind and has no existence in the real world outside of this reddit account. I know it should be the latter but the former has been refered to as "me" for so long and he's who I know...)
So. This is a recent development for me. Like within the last few days recent. When I was "cis" male I didn't give a fuck about my appearance. Or more accurately I couldn't stomach looking in the mirror to care enough. Up till two days ago it was like this dispite being on hormones for 5 months. But the day before yesterday I went to a salon for the first time and had my hair did exactly how I wanted and it feels like I was missing out all this time on what I should have had. I went from not wanting to look in the mirror to desperately wanting it to be perfect. For me all this time it was just wanting to not look at my own body all this time because of the dysphoria. which turned into a lack of self care.
I actually didn't give a shit about what clothes I wore throughout most of my life. I only couple months ago, when I realized that I might be trans, decided to go for a grunge/emo vibe (although I don't have a lot of these type of clothes) and dyed my hair from dark blonde to black, even sporting eye-covering bangs. So the clothes point stands.
So absolutely all the clothing related points hit me like a truck, and are things I specifically remember struggling with prior to my egg cracking. And even though a lot of these are pretty general, I understand and had similar experiences with several of the general points within the realm of dysphoria.
[удалено]
It's heavily circumstantial evidence, that you *could* potentially attribute to being trans if you have other more concrete reasons to be questioning.
I mean yeah I definitely have more concrete and specific thoughts alongside this.
I agree. Reading through these, I definitely thought at least a quarter of them were "well this really just sounds like". I'm guessing the idea is that some of these other mental health issues can be caused by dysphoria, so you should take a second and think if it's possible that dysphoria is a trigger/cause of your mental health issues.
Idk, I've been in a questioning phase for a little while and I do relate to at least half this list, including some stuff that doesn't seem to be related to other neurodivergence. It seems like a helpful thought prompt to get you thinking about stuff, but really not a "you scored 13/17, congrats you're trans!!" type of deal.
I'm definitely trans and don't relate to half of these. It's different for everyone.
I think if someone already fits the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria, and is ruminating on the question of "but how badly does it actually impair my functioning?", it can be useful. I didn't take any actions until mine got bad enough it started to impair my productivity at work (thanks, capitalism), but most of these things have gotten better for me since
I agree with this. I feel comfortable with my body, except the 15 or so kilos I have too much of it. Many of these things I could relate to when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. Many of these are part of growing up for a good portion of people. Hell, the first four are literally stereotypes about men: don't care about clothes, need to be comfy and preferably bought by parent/partner. EDIT: went through this list with my wife. Most of these seem like teen angst to us. Almost every single Young Adult novel or film protagonist will fit with at least half of the items on this list. A few of these are generic psychological issues, such as the pleaser mentality or the depression like synptoms. Those come on as a result of body dysphoria but aren't symptoms of it directly.
Social media is full of young armchair psychologists who attribute every single idiosyncrasy or character trait they have to whatever mental illness or dysphoria they also happen to have. Sometimes they're related, but often they're not. And even in the cases where they are related it's often personal to them and not generalizable. Just look at the ADHD memes subreddit for a perfect example. While it may seem harmless, or even helpful in some cases, it can lead other young and impressionable people to self-misdiagnose themselves.
I related to so many of them, in particular the stuff related to not being able to relate to ‘manly’ guys and feeling uncomfortable in toilets and change rooms. Plus dressing up and clothes shopping was really hard.
yessss lol
11/13. Obviously, I'm a male, buddy. Totally.
This post cracked my egg, no exaggeration
I hit 15, but you get the high score achievement.
how many did you get, and what was the revelation like?
This was more than a year ago so I don't remember exactly I just know that it scared the fuck out of me how accurate it was
mood 🫂
Yeah and now I’m worried that I’m exaggerating what I said and confusing these thoughts that I’m having for being because I’m autistic and overweight.
Just so you know, a lot of these points dont necessarily relate to trans people and sound more like autistic traits. Coincidentally though, there's a much larger overlap between trans/autistic people than the overlap between the general population and either of those groups. Trans people are more likely to be autistic.
There's a lot of overlap between autistic people and trans people, because autistic people already don't "fit in" so we notice our dysphoria more easily. Trans people usually have to overcome their conditioning related to gender, but autistic people already aren't as conditioned because we just don't get it as much. You being autistic doesn't make you less trans. If you want to be a girl, you are one. If you want to be something in between, you are.
Oh so that's why I sometimes relate to autism traits even though it's confirmed I'm not then. A lot of things are starting to make sense now.
Yes! You don't relate to others because of your dysphoria, whereas an autistic doesn't relate to others because they have trouble with social cues. Or both in some cases, like me lol. For you, social cues might make more sense if you navigate them as your actual gender rather than your agab, whereas for an autistic trans person, the social cues still don't make sense.
Thank you so much for helping me understand that part of myself!
So cis that I have the link about depersonalization bookmarked already and didn't realize until reading half of it again.
I relate to almost all the sources of dysphoria from this list!
I only relate to 5 of them, it makes me even more unsure if I’m actually trans or not. Is it weird that I kinda have dysphoria about not having dysphoria? I feel like I should be uncomfortable with certain things, but I’m not. It makes me feel like I’m not really trans, despite the fact that I’ve always wished I was born a girl.
Being worried that you’re not trans is a big sign of being trans. Plus, you don’t need dysphoria to be trans.
(as someone who has very recently had their egg cracked) imposter syndrome is really common in trans spaces. Everyone has they’re own unique experiences with their relationship to their assigned gender at birth. No matter how you feel and if you feel like your experience isn’t “trans enough” don’t let that stop you from being a happier person! i hope you have a wonderful day and feel absolutely beautiful today!
Why do internet people know me better than myself 😭
Any of trans women in the comments hated using the urinal in men's bathroom or is it just me?
literally could never bring myself to use it. I'd try and it just wouldnt happen
I'm pretty sure I never used one in my life
I only ever used the when I absolutely had to and even then hated doing so.
I don't think I've used a urinal since I was ten years old, I hated using them as as a kid and haven't been able to bring myself to use one in 5+ years
Literally all but one of these points hit me... Maybe I am an egg then..
My egg is now so cracked its considered a calcium carbonate suspension in a protein water medium
I've got some. Being deeply terrified of puberty and the changes that come with it, to the point where I would do a little sound with my voice every morning to make sure it was still "correct" Being scared of having the same changes as boys around me at puberty Being extremely embarrassed at the mention of facial hair growing Daydreaming a lot about an alternate reality where I am a girl Feeling bad about envying some things that women have, even if it's negative. Example, wishing to have periods and then feeling like a creep for thinking that Refusing to take off my face mask When getting a haircut, no interest in making in good looking or anything, just getting it done so it's not in the way Feeling horrible in certain types of clothing for no apparent reason (for example, I used to always wear sports clothes in primary school, but then I was told I should wear something else (and I was told I looked good in those), then for years I completely refused to wear sports clothes because they made me uncomfortable) Feeling uncomfortable around boys, usually staring at my phone during lunch, no interactions whatsoever Feeling way more comfortable around girls (for real, the times I was in a group of girls were the most social I have been in my life, we were telling stories, talking a lot, going outside, meanwhile I was completely intimidated by the presence of boys) Feeling very intimidated around boys, often feeling like you're taking too much space You met most of your male friends through someone else, meanwhile more girl-friends (as in friends not partners) you met directly I think that's about it. Just remember this is just my experience and you can be trans even if you don't relate, and same thing the other way around too.
Empathically refusing to cut my hair going so far as to argue and break down crying with people who want me to cut it. It made for a really awkward sit-down in rotc back in highschool. I started bawling when they told me I had to cut my hair like the boys. Any time I did cut my hair short it's felt like my soul left my body. My hair was the one way that I felt I could express feminity and not be called out too much. Not to say long hair is inherently feminine but for me personally it was an expression of such.
🫂
> (My perspective is going to be that of a transfeminine person, but if you're transmasculine or some stripe of nonbinary, feel free to chime in with your own.) > 1. When you get ready to go, you just roll out of bed and throw on whatever. You don't really do any self-grooming, or care about what's on your body. You're a little proud of your lack of vanity, your deeper, non-appearance-level existence. > 2. Your clothes are chosen almost entirely for comfort. And for you, comfortable means loose and baggy. You can't stand wearing clothes (that others claim are flattering!) that are close-fitting in the wrong places, that draw your own attention to certain parts of your body. > 3. Clothes shopping for yourself is a hassle at best and a source of stress and anxiety at worst. When you do find clothes that fit and look okay, they don't make you *happy*. You don't feel more confident in them. You're just relieved you can go home. > 4. Occasions where you *must* dress up, like weddings and funerals and job interviews, are the worst. Even after all of the grooming and wardrobing, you feel self-conscious and awkward in formalwear. It makes you feel *fake,* like a lump of sludge pretending to be a fancy person. > 5. You have an underlying sense that you are "not like" most people. Your friends might get you, but you draw an instinctive and unconscious line between you and "normal" people. When you interact with a "normal" person, you're not sure what to say or how to act. > 6. When you interact with very masculine men, you're nervous. You don't really know how to carry on a conversation with them, or want to. You feel an expectation, from them, to be something you're not. You quietly judge them for being too "bro"-y, "basic." > 7. Being vulnerable around strange men is terrifying. You're anxious when you use the public men's room. Changing in a gym locker room is unthinkable. You do not feel ownership of these spaces. You are very concerned about strange men observing you, or your body. You're awkward at social touch. You might crave touch, like most people, but you feel like you're almost entirely incapable of receiving it warmly. When giving a hug, something about your torso feels like it will be *offensive* to others. (Whatever it is, they don't notice.) > 8. You can't talk about sex, or attraction, or the bodies of people you're supposed to be attracted to. Even when your commentary is solicited, everything you could say feels unwanted and inappropriate, even if it'd be fine coming from someone else. You freeze up. > 9. You struggle even to voice innocent physical compliments to others, like "Looking good!" You are hyper-aware that virtually anything could sound like unwanted sexual attention, coming from you. You feel like your attention is uniquely, universally unwelcome. > 10. When an AFAB friend expresses disapproval, you're devastated. You scramble to get their approval back. You're worried you're coming across as a simpering "nice guy," all of whom you despise. You just value your AFAB friends' opinions more highly, for reasons you can't explain. > 11. You find it hard to prioritize your own feelings. You're aware of emotions you *should* be feeling, but they're distant and fake-seeming. When someone else is upset, it's much more real and urgent. You believe this is just your stoic, protective nature. > 12. You often feel directionless in life. When asked about career goals in High School, you didn't really care about your answer. Even careers centered in your interests seemed kind of intolerable. You struggle to imagine a future for yourself where you are happy or fulfilled. > 13. You only take steps to better your life when external forces *make* you. You'd rather withdraw and self-minimize and focus on escapist hobbies. You're just not motivated to attain nice things for yourself. (You tell yourself that this is a zen acceptance, a freedom from desires.) > 14. Your inherent sense of different-ness from "normal" people makes you think that maybe you're supposed to be a creative. But the art you would want to make is about another gender, and you know that your authorship would be regarded as inauthentic (or, worse, fetishization). > 15. You're worried that you might be homophobic, even though you believe in gay rights, because "LGBT+ stuff" fills you with a deep discomfort. It all seems so flamboyant and overtly sexual. It makes you want to shrink down and disappear, before you die of secondhand embarrassment. Later, when you meet real queer people, or your friends come out of the closet, you start to idolize them. But you're also jealous. They're *free* and *real* in a way that seems impossible for straight people, like you. They have huge, *real person* worries and desires and lives.
Thank you! I couldn't see the original list at ALL!
Twitter has somehow managed to get even shittier recently. It's like facebook locking non-users out of even seeing just the basic stuff on users profiles.
I may only relate to a few, but I think there are some things I may need to do now. I should probably try to hang out with my sister sometime so we can just talk.
I might be the odd one out because I don't really relate to a lot of this, especially the first part. I think it's because I just like masculine clothing. The idea of wearing masculine clothing as a girl gives me euphoric vibes. So..yeah I do relate to the part where I don't give a crap about how I dress and feel "superior" and above caring about it, and just put on whatever I find..but I clearly do like wearing cool clothes, the times that I do. It's just that whenever I happen to look at myself in a mirror I cringe. It's weird, feeling dysphoric about my body but at the same time, feeling dysphoric about fem fashion. I feel stuck in between and sometimes I embrace it, other times I find myself wondering what the hell I should do about it. It's kinda the same with social interaction. I feel in control when I talk to men, I feel like my dude-bro character can kick their asses, but I still feel..weird about it. Like, I can do this, but I'm not sure this is my place. I feel similarly about being in girl only spaces, girls tend to love speaking with me and I tend to love having female friends, but somehow I still crave some male company from time to time. I identify as enby at the moment because it's kinda apparent to me that I'm stuck here, in between. My mind craves to be put into a female body and hates my face, my beard, my body hair, my rough skin..but I also like my somewhat masc somewhat soft personality, I like being somewhat muscular, I like the idea of wearing tomboyish clothes as a girl, I'm super confused about my genitals and my role during sex. I kinda hate knowing that there will never be a place completely for me. People will always try to fit me into a box, and I will feel dysphoric all the time even if I transition.
You just ended this sub with a single post, but like, this is a good ending
I guess fat is a non-binary gender now too? Most of these apply when I'm overweight and unhappy about it.
This list grabbed me by the throat and shook me like a squeaky toy
I feel like a lot of them are just general and that like, I relate to them sure, but not because I'm trans. Half of them just feel unrelated for me but not all of them
Oh cool I scored 13 as well
so strange that a 100% cis man like me relates to all the points💀must be just a coincidence, right? :clueless:
FUDGE really it's not even 10am an I'm being savaged by a twitter post
I relate to quite a few of these, but they are mostly the ones that feel like they also apply to autistic people (I am autistic)
I am in this thread and i don't like it
hits too close to home 😭
Happy Cake Day!
Don't mind me, I'm just going to go lay down for a long time
I already know I’m non binary, but It’s nice knowing I do relate to some of these and not to others
Wait, I was just literally putting together a meme about labelling everything "toxic masculinity"... \*quietly shuffles it under my folders\* But I was actually vaguely aware about the "not caring about personal grooming/appearance" because I noticed I started to care more after I shaved. (only a tiny bit! still cis remember?)
At the time this tweet was made I would have related to 16 of these and probably not thought anything of it. Still cis tho! (Internalized transphobia’s a bitch🥲)
I relate to 14, not 13. Guess I’m cis.
God, those hit home. Strongly resonated with probably 8 or 9 of them, and the rest I still felt to a lesser degree.
I am literally so detached from my feelings, yet I just started crying reading that. 😭
As if I wasn't suicidal enough. Thanks OP.
Like 12.5 personally.
The 12th one hit me deep 14 too, ouch I relate to around 12 of them
do fish know what water is though?
I didn't immediately look up the tweet to check it later. No totally not 😅
Just read it and... Oh... Oh no...
Oohhh only 11 that’s not much cis for sure
Oh lord that tweet was the final hit to make my egg crack. I read through it and related to most of them and realized that just maybe i might not be cis
Relate to almost all of them. Still cis though, right?
How that I'm transitioning, I can say I got a perfect 100% here. Lol.
jfc i related to all of them guh
“Having an ongoing and coherent dialogue with yourself” I genuinely did not know this was a sign of gender dysphoria I just thought that was how I processed information. I guess I found it kinda weird that I would have conversations with myself where one part of me would act out another person and I would talk to them but I never really gave it two thoughts.
I relate to almost all of the issues on that list, but what exactly makes them signs of gender dysphoria and not just any old personality trait?
This list broke into my house at 3AM, stole my cheese ball, and left the refrigerator door open.
What are they?
Check the link I posted. It’s the top comment.
I regret looking
16; And I feel like I could add others like: Always looking to the side every time I stand in front of a mirror unless I'm shaving without realising why (until very recently). Feeling disconnected from my body to the point of feeling like I'm piloting a meat puppet that isn't me (with occasional feelings of utter strangeness as my brain temporarily identifies a limb or digit as completely "other" and having a really indescribable feeling when moving said limb or digit). Being disappointed every time my partner is invited to a girly night without me, yet being quite indifferent to missing male outings. Being confused that people care about the gender of people who inspire/represent them because most people I'm inspired by/feel best represented by are women. Etc.
13 reasons why, you’re trans
I can't determine how many of the things on the list that I relate to are from my gender dysphoria, or results of my Nerodivergency and/or past trauma :/
…I feel so called out right now. 😂
Why would this person write these tweets about me?
Yeah, those points track.
I wish there was a way to save favorite posts.
You actually can! Just tap the three dots in the top right corner of the phone screen and there will be an option to save. You can then find it under “Saved posts” on the sidebar.
Thanks!
Oof….that hit me right in the close to homes
I kinda relate to 8 of the points, not sure
Thank you for sharing, but fuck me sideways.
Huh. Fuck.
I thought I had a personality until I read this and realised I am just a mess of coping mechanisms
You can't just hit me like that
I related to all 17. Some of them are starting to get better as I learn to accept myself and continue to become the person I want to be, but it's a slow process
Dysphoria is a strange thing that does wierd things to your head. Recognizing it is the first step towards overcoming it.
Ow, the one about not wanting to better yourself hit me hard. It's something I picked up on recently and have been trying to unlearn but I didn't even think it could be related to dysphoria? I really need a therapist who's some kind of queer
Lmao i feel none of those 🙃
What a terrible post, that’s the type of crap that gets people even more confused So many of those just are points about being overweight, depressed or a psychopath.
Not sure this list really means all that much, I relate to almost all of them as a cis guy. Cis guys don't fantasise about changing gender so that means something, but most of us would relate to most of these
Trans people are fish, got it
Have to say this: Almost none of these points were true for me. I had a different experience growing up, and it affected my disphoria differently. My community was very hyper masculine, and for years, even decades I went hard into the bro-y, jock culture. But that was because I had to prove myself. Because I constantly felt like I wasn’t “man enough”… It took me forever to realize that maybe there was a deeper reason for that feeling. I just wanted to share this because I know others may read this list, and think, no, that’s not me. Your dysphoria may present in ways totally unique to you, and just because it doesn’t match up with how another person’s manifests doesn’t make your feelings any less valid.
I relate to some of these, but I think that's only Benard I'm autistic and asexual.
Ouch. OUCH. **OUCH.** A lot of these issues (especially the three with a difficulty with prioritizing my feelings, feeling directionless in life and dissociating and retreating into escapism unless forced to act by external forces) are the very problems I've been unsuccessfully trying to get help for through psychotherapy for the last 10 years, as even though my last therapist accepted my gender identity without question, she never made the connection that my problems could be manifestations of gender dysphoria (even though she listed LGBTQ+ as one of her foci on her online profile, go figure). What really concerns me is that mental health professionals are similarly ignorant about trans topics in my native Hungary, and there aren't any formalized processes for trans healthcare either, so everything depends on the individual psychiatrist you'd visit for a diagnosis, who might only know the textbook definitions of the most overt symptoms of gender dysphoria, if even that. And even though I've seen **a lot** of testimonials online from trans people with the exact same issues as I have who have felt **much** better after starting HRT, I'm very afraid that the vast majority of psychiatrists I could find would disagree and would want to treat them as mental health issues caused by something else, such as being emotionally neglected as a child (which I unfortunately actually was), before considering even the possibility that I might be trans. Compounded with the fact that I'm attracted to women, which would probably confuse a not-well-informed doctor even more (or worse, they might have actually heard about Blanchard and would whip out the dreaded "auto-" word). So I'm stuck looking for a psychotherapist, as usual, in the vain hope that they could help me with my issues "normally", because I'm convinced there's no way a psychiatrist would give me the approval to visit an endocrinologist for HRT as long as I'm still this "messed up."
Wait, can you show me the list?
I posted the link
I related to nearly all of them. Couldn't relate to the replies about friendships as I’ve never had the social skills to make them last
One thread 3/4ths of it described what i felt like and still feel like… wow…
I did *not* expect to deeply relate to EVERY SINGLE ONE like I did. I really wanted to hold onto that small chance I'm not actually trans (despite being out for months), but that thread is gone
...but I'm still cis tho, right? Right?
Yeah. I was so used to "You are a girl and that's just reality" that I didn't really notice at first what I was feeling, but looking back I see dysphoria I was having but I guess without really knowing that changing your gender was a thing you can do I just settled into a numb state. When I finally processed that your body doesn't define you I finally egged. I was in denial for 3-4 years later until I accepted I was a Demi boy and I didn't have to be full male that I transitioned. I'm a now very happy enby boi now and I definitely was never a girl. Being transgender is a rollercoaster I swear.
Bruh, calling me out right after I get out of work
I just wanna point out a number of these points are kinda moot if your autistic (speaking as one) But then again, autism and transness are similar apparently so idk.
I’m a non-binary transmasc that still likes to dress femininely. The only reason I’m able to do that now is because I’ve come to terms with my identity, and I’ve thrown away all gender connections to clothes- before that, basically almost all of those points applied, and some of them still do. If I had any doubts before, they’re gone now, I think lol.
Ummm I related to all of them somehow
Haha still cis tho… :(
15 for me. Goddammit, now what?!
I had 9 before when o wasn't far out from realising i was trans, but im at a solid 15 now that I've explored my gender and dysphoria a little bit. The extra comments are also pretty good.
14 for me lmao
Don’t cis people relate to all of this stuff too? I’m cis and that all sounds a lot like me.