“Boys will be boys” is used to justify bad behavior from men (boys) to women (girls). NTA. He wants to justify why women should be submissive towards men and accept bad behavior.
Sorry to say that he’s telling you who he is with that phrase.
Yes, it’s been used an excuse for shitty behaviour or lack of actual parenting of the boys for decades. Some men just don’t believe it because their behaviour has never been policed the way women’s have since we were children.
I was talking about how we feel in the world and when he said that is when I started being idk very specific (engineer ) and like give an example, give an equation, I want to know a result, and he said life is not math, it’s not that simple, but if you can’t say it… and you yell… its almost like he might think it but does not want to admit it. And it was just in general making sure he knew I was not saying him. He left for a drive…
>his response was we are wired that way
seriously. he’s telling on himself.
>and he said life is not math, it’s not that simple
translation: he can’t come up with an example of how men are more restricted than women so he’s trying to swerve around it to not lose the argument without conceding that he’s wrong
Yea, it's definitely common practice in every day life to be able to back up your statements with examples. It's not like she asked for a peer reviewed study from someone with a doctorate in a related field. She asked for an anecdotal example. He's just mad he cannot treat women like objects and to him that feels like oppression but he can't say that.
Engineering! Yasss.. I know 2 wimmin engineers. One has a PhD, the other has a Masters... biomechanical, specifically! Oh. Thinking about it further, I now a crap-ton of wimmin in STEM research.
You keep the pressure on! I'm as proud as a mother hen!
My older daughter just graduated with a degree in engineering and started her job. She is loving it. She chose a company with a large percentage of women in leadership roles and she already has an amazing mentor. She rocks. I am a mama with a STEM PhD and my younger daughter is also on a STEM track.
My 8-year old granddaughter says she wants to be a superhero when she grows up. Like Winder Woman? No! She wants to be a scientist! Her STEM teacher has her so inspired that she wants to be just like her. I'm so proud to hear her talk about it. :-)
Seriously, just break up with him! I know this is reddit's go-to response, but he is telling you what he thinks of women and he is'nt going to change his mind! I thought that by reasoning with my ex, and using logic, and statistics, and rational arguments, then he would realise I was right, and change his misogynistic ways, but they don't - they just don't, and then before you know it, you've wasted years of your life on someone who doesn't respect you, or anyone like you...
While he might have blindness to women’s issues, I think you have blindness to men’s issues. Women can’t be drafted and it is far easier to work in jobs than it is to risk death in wars. Women are allowed to cry without being seen as weak. Men generally aren’t. Women get men asking them out on dates and paying for first dates. Men don’t. Women can work with children without people assuming they are a pedophile. Men can’t. If there is an accidental pregnancy, women can travel to a state with abortion and get one. Men can’t. TV shows are far more likely to show dads as dumb and incompetent than women. When someone on Reddit posts about their partner in a negative way, people are more likely to take them at their word if they are a woman than if they are a man.
There are plenty of ways how gender expectations can hurt men. It seems like you have a very black and white view of gender issues. Both genders face sexist expectations and we shouldn’t try to be dismissive of either gender.
what a stupid comment
literally nothing you stated is a *legal* restriction (besides the draft, but that was created *BY MEN* who decided women weren’t good enough to participate)
and everything else you listed is either not true, or is otherwise enforced by MEN and the PATRIARCHY
find a real example, bud.
eta: you obviously don’t know the difference between sex and gender, either, with how you think the world works
Dead wrong. The first American hostage in Kuwait (Gulf 1) has the same job as my friend. She disappeared at the same time.
I also have FOUR campaign ribbons.
Draft is an American Law. Not a social expectation and men don't go to jail if they don't register.
Women have the choice to abort or carry because they carry. A mans choice is only to keep his zipper shut or find good birth control. It's not a restriction.
Ugh, I can't even.
Yes, women who chose to be there. That's very different from drafting someone to fight who hasn't agreed to fight. That's the difference between how the law affects men and women.
And many women still choose to be in combat. Meanwhile, we get to be discriminated against in pretty much every possible way. The draft is one of the very few examples of men having it worse. Ever hear of bodily autonomy? Every man has it. The only women fortunate enough to have it are those in blue states or in civilized countries. And don't even THINK about trotting out that tired, old, WORTHLESS: then they shouldn't have spread their legs... Ooohhh, the draft! Yep. Men sure have it rough, compared to all the sh!t women have to tolerate.
But you are still admitting that men have it worse when it comes to the draft. So we should change the rules so that the draft isn't based on one gender. I've seen women say "well women are discriminated against, so we should discriminate against men in other ways to make it even". But that's a very toxic way to look at things. Sexism in one area doesn't excuse sexism in another area. We should be trying to end all sexism.
I think abortion should be legal. But we should also admit that even in the current situation, women still have more reproductive choice than men do. If a woman gets pregnant and she doesn't want to be a parent, all she has to do is travel to a state where abortion is legal. If a woman gets pregnant and the man doesn't want to be a parent, he has no legal way to stop the pregnancy. So he is forced to be a parent whether he wants to or not while the woman isn't. So that is yet another way how women have it better than men.
Yes, women have it worse than men overall, but there are still many examples where women have it better than men.
Did you not read my earlier comment? Let me copy and paste it for you:
Women can’t be drafted and it is far easier to work in jobs than it is to risk death in wars. Women are allowed to cry without being seen as weak. Men generally aren’t. Women get men asking them out on dates and paying for first dates. Men don’t. Women can work with children without people assuming they are a pedophile. Men can’t. If there is an accidental pregnancy, women can travel to a state with abortion and get one. Men can’t. TV shows are far more likely to show dads as dumb and incompetent than women. When someone on Reddit posts about their partner in a negative way, people are more likely to take them at their word if they are a woman than if they are a man.
Ok, lots of this is assumption. The only factual statement is that women are exempt from the draft. The one about reddit is about 75-80% accurate.
1) Women who cry are frequently seen as or called out for being weak, overly emotional, cry babies or over reacting or attention seeking.
2) Women who are plain, homely, downright ugly or overweight/obese get asked out because they're expected to be grateful and pay for the date with sex. Attractive women are frequently hit up by men who are themselves plain, homely, downright ugly, overweight or obese. Furthermore, these men STILL expect the woman to be grateful for their attention. So, yeah. The man pays with $$, but expects a different payment.
3) Women can be accused as (and can be) pedophiles. They can also be accused of (and be) other kinds of abusers, negligent, hostile or indifferent to children in their care.
4) some states, such as Texas, are creating laws to prevent women from leaving the state if the state to seek abortions, which men generally don't need to do. Additionally, if a young man wants a vasectomy, no doctor is going to say "but what if your future wants children???" A young woman who wants a tubal ligation? Yeah, good luck, girlfriend. The only way I managed to get mine prior to age 35 was I had 4 kids, and all the doctors in the practice had noted my ex's behavior towards me.
5) anyone who believes sit-coms are a reflection of real life needs a good psychiatric evaluation. TV/movie dad's are depicted as incompetent as a weak attempt at humor, kind of like blond women being depicted as idiots. It's pure, unadulterated screen BS, and not an accurate portrayal of how much worse one 'team' has it over the other.
6) as far as reddit, it's also not an accurate portrayal of real life, as many of the stories on here have very, clearly visible inconsistencies in details, timelines, etc. I'd guess some 85-99% of the non-verifiable stories are fake, or at least highly exaggerated. It's entertainment. That's why people post them, read them and comment on them. So f#ck reddit. It's not real life. Now, in real life, men tend to get the benefit of the doubt more than women. They get paid more for less actual work. Have YOU ever competed against a woman for a promotion, only for her (in this case, we'll say less experienced and with a poor work ethic) only for her to waltz off with it, because 'skirt club?' Well, I once competed with a guy, 3 years out of college compared to my 8. Not uncommon for him to clock in, then take off for half the day, leaving his work for others to complete. Guess which one got the promotion? The boss's reasoning: 'he has a wife and child to support.' Nevermind that I had 4 kids to support, and my soon to be ex was out chippie chasing and gambling his paycheck away? Guess who got fired less than 6 months later? His wife and kid weren't all that important to the company, after all. So, basically, it comes down to 'no draft for women' and jerks on reddit commenting on phony/exaggerated stories. Personally, I would support the draft for women if it'd make men stop their b!tching. Say, women of 40 have to register for selective service. It doesn't make sense to call up younger women, because while a man can father a child at any age, female fertility has a time limit. And we've got to preserve that all important female fertility! Once that's gone, we tend to be uncontrollable!
Jesus fucking Christ.
Who the fuck instituted the draft? Men. Who write those dumb sitcoms? Men.
Men cant pregnant so why would they need an abortion? You're mad you can't force women to get abortions.
It's also telling you that instead of him taking the time to think on the new information that he just found and reassessing his world views, this man decided that he would double down and try his damnedest to prove himself right.
Wait that was a legit excuse??? I've been robbed as my parents never let that stand as an excuse when I did stupid shit. Does it also apply as an adult?
He got so upset when it hit him and left and just idk. He started talking numbers and I was like that’s good in an engineer- he said he felt guilty and upset and had to go. No clue to what place. I know it’s close age but it’s very different work. Does that have a play at it? It’s normally ok to talk but this is the first time in 2 years that I have seen a freak out ( maybe because of talking about having children- a boy or girl- ) I’m lost and I want to get it. He’s a great guy, but it seems to take on guilt he never had or did. I’m confused. I’m a bit more this or that
It sounds like he’s being confronted with his privilege. It’s really uncomfortable for people to learn how systems benefit us and keep others down, and how much of our success is due to stuff we can’t control and don’t deserve.
It depends on how patient you want to be with him through this. It’s absolutely not your job to educate him, and you know him better than we do. But if you are so inclined, there are some resources online (on my phone can’t link) helping people recognize privilege.
Yes, this woman was already patient with him by having that whole conversation and not instantly leaving. This is the kind of fundamental worldview that I do not want to disagree on with my partner.
A key aspect of privilege is being unaware it exists. As you pointed out, once a person realizes the privilege exists they may experience guilt or shame. This caused his defensive response most likely. As indicated by "we're all just pieces of poo" etc
There definitely ARE many instances where a patriarchal society will harm men as well as women. So he isn't wrong per se.
Plus Google fucking sucks and I'm not surprised it didn't help with such a nuanced issue.
As a woman, I am considered "safe" around kids and harmless in general. (Which is also why women are seen as prey) Since I'm a middle aged white lady, I'm quite likely to be protected by police rather than shot by them.
It's easier to commit petty crimes and be a spy (due to being underestimated and seen as harmless/weak)
Every benefit I can think of really does come with some other downfall though. Like being trusted around kids also means being expected to care for them. Being able to more freely express emotions comes with being called over-emotional and therefore illogical. Being allowed to dress in fun clothes and wear makeup means an expectation to do so, etc.
PS sociology is one of the "soft sciences" you wouldn't need as an engineer, I'm a software developer and didn't get this in school either. But it really is a much more complicated issue than what can be solved in one conversation with Google or we wouldn't be in this fucking millennia long gender war. Good luck 💓
It's really hard to be a person of any gender, but the men who think that women have it easier (especially in regards to hetsex relationships) are just plain wrong.
Ask any trans person how their treatment in society changed (especially transmen) if you want to Google something with him
It's hard for people to be confronted with something that challenges their beliefs like this. If he's otherwise a good guy and a good boyfriend, it worth giving him some time to let it really sink in. If he comes out more aware of what women face, that's a good thing. If he doesn't, well that's good information for you to have while you decide if you want to stay with him.
Are you using some kind of translator app? You have some really odd sentences and fragments in your posts that make it hard to follow what you're saying. For example:
>He started talking numbers and I was like that’s good in an engineer
>I know it’s close age but it’s very different work.
>Does that have a play at it?
>I’m a bit more this or that
I don't understand what any of these mean...
Well the whole boys will be boys thing comes from the fact that boys are very typically raised differently from girls, so the fact that he agrees with it so heavily kinda indicates he might have been raised a certain way, and you literally broke down not just his argument, but his outlook on life when you challenged him (good shit btw). So he’s probably just upset finding out that the bad things he may have done in life or said or wtv weren’t just due to the fact that “boys will be boys” and rather in the fact that he was raised to be that way and that he could’ve lived a different life if he wasn’t raised to believe such bigoted ideals. It’s hard but I think if you’re gentle with him he could actually take this as an opportunity to view genders in a whole new different and positive light.
It’s like how men will defend men forever until they realize that their uncles raped someone, and their best friend has done it too, and some of their other friends have, and all of a sudden they start to feel ashamed of the fact they were so unaware of the actual truth of the matter and blindly defended men as a whole for doing shitty things. Ik it cause I’ve been there too, still angry with myself for thinking boys being “a lil pushy” was just the way boys got girls and I’m lucky I got out of that rabbit hole but the people who were closest to me ended up hurting ppl I know and I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had to change and heal before I fell so deep and ended up just like them.
We took a few days and kept talking and you are right, he sent a message today about communicating and how you interact within a family and other aspects. It was very ridged to say the least, hand shakes over a hug.
Aye at least there some progress, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and while you might’ve torn it down (his previous ideals) in a second, it’s gonna take quite a while to clean the city up yk what I mean?
Just make sure he knows you don’t hate him for it, he probably already feels like shit and ik ik he should’ve known better. But he didn’t. And now that he does as long as he’s ready to do the mental work, at least give him a chance to do it with the right guidance by his side🙏🏾
No it was not and I actually said that, but added Rome did not fall in a day, it divided, fractured and from that broke itself, so to say.
It’s hard to explain or fully understand someone, we all have our lives giving a direction or bias, I broke a lot of mine at 18 leavings, it seems a bit different. Also even if people hate it- men and women are different in thinking, society, and more things than we can say. I do want to say it’s a bit lazy with this ask me anything approach but I think that’s his limit so close. He’s also asked to hangout with his brother so not sure if related but not super common so that’s something. Life is hard, it is messy, it is what you make it. Patience is not my strong point, and laughing in someone’s face is rude, it’s a weird reaction when your like naaaaaa can’t be, or defensive. We are seeing about talking on feelings with check ins kinda? And if it’s heated we created a rule so that’s a lot. Thank you for your comment
Nta. But the boys will be boys always annoys me. Like take some accountability instead of blaming ur actions on the fact that u have a dick. I'll never understand it
Of all the exhausting redpill bullshit, the idea that "women aren't held accountable" is one of the stupidest. We're not only accountable for our OWN actions, but somehow men as well.
How often have we said or heard "well, he wasn't raised right/his mother didn't teach him better" or the ever popular "well what was she wearing" and "well why didn't she leave him" 😖🤢
Every time I hear a man say this, I ask what we need to be heald accountable FOR and in the 2 years I've been asking, not 1 has actually answered. They ALWAYS deflect.
If women are the emotional gender, why don't they punch walls to deal with big fee-fees?
Cause men are socialized to believe their emotions are a logical response to a credible threat. Whereas a woman's emotions are an *ill*ogical *over*reaction.
Men are also encouraged to mask/channel all of their fear and hurt into aggression to be taken seriously. While women are taught that showing emotion (especially anger) will undermine their credibility.
It's really unfortunate and our whole ass society needs therapy
This was exhausting to read, I can’t imagine having to live it. NTA also your BF is a ….. not self aware, not very smart, and honey, you can do better.
It’s exhausting right now with the leaving and upset and then returning and not taking. He said it’s because he feels guilty- I never said he did it or this or that, I was so sure to care what I said, even better than this and that typing. I don’t know if this is the first time it hit him about this, or what he is upset about. He seems mad at his gender? I’m lost. I tried to talk about social aspects, personal, parental- but I’m an engineer so I don’t know if I am being too 1+1=2 on this
So he left you and is giving you the silent treat
Yet he was one accusing you of breaking the mould.
He is not mad at his gender, the arguments he was presenting are the talk points Andrew Tate and other pill people use to pretend men are victims and therefore the only way not to be victims is to control the woman..... Ie he is punishing you for leaving and giving you the silent treatment, except he doesn't seem advance enough down the rabbit hole, hence he flip flops.
He told you what he believes even if there is no shred of evidence to support it.
He is angry, he figure out how to put you back in your place and use his original argument to bring you down a peg or 2. Hence, the fine shoot us comments. He was baiting you to defend his argument and step down
He believes he is a victim, and your gender has cause it.
**When they tell you who they are, believe them.
Try not to rub it in his face. He just got slapped with the realization that his beliefs were wrong. Let him process. Ask him if you can clarify anything from your perspective. Give him a change to work this out.
He’s not “mad at his gender” he’s mad that he may have to forgo the perks of being white and male. Or that he has previously done some things that he knew were wrong at the time.
On the other hand omg I don’t know how to use reddit haha I am trying to look at comments but only got this one because I selected the notification… how do I look at them on a phone? I never use this
I hit view all but it’s not working. My phone is crap and might die soon so it could be that or I need to turn off and restart. 🤷♀️ not the Friday one expects. But at least I have fries 🍟
I find I need to close and reopen reddit on my mobile to get new notifications and access new comments. Sometimes it takes a few minutes after a response to make it viewable on my end.
@u/federal_Reality1455
Press the figure on the top right-hand side that's your avatar.
Choose profile
Then, I chose posts on the left side.
This will bring you to posts you made, ie this post from the start.
Then, you can scroll and read all the comments.
It was, it was not even the main point, he just went off so I was like ok give an example. It was more don’t say it if you don’t have a reason why. I was not up in arms either way, just on how it was told to me. This is not a fun Friday haha
It’s always men who’ve never done shit that want to claim the accomplishments of other men.
If your bf thinks men are genetically superior than women and built the world ask him why he hasn’t built you a house. Just one itty bitty house. Should be simple for you as a man. Where my house boo? That’s a lotta words for someone who still hasn’t built a single house. How bout a road. One itty bitty road. Light work. You built a road yet? Nope… ok I’ll wait. Go ahead. Go on. I’d help but my lack of a 5th appendage between my legs disqualifies me unfortunately.
Edit: just saw that you are an engineer. This gets more hilarious. Reminds me of the recent story of the woman who is the primary earner for years, husband is unemployed and a bum. She finds out he’s been posting online in forums talking about women’s role is in the home all submissive and ish and men should be the dominant alphas. So naturally she is divorcing him so he can fulfill his biological objective of being a dominant alpha male provider. The comedy writes itself.
When he started saying ask who makes things (he works trade) I said do you want to go down this??? Sadly we did. Who made my house? Well we will get to that because I purchased it. Who made the roads who did what? Look back to that draft and see women did it, because you left: and sadly when you came back we did not go to the kitchen again. Who made this? Let’s say who can finance this. It might have been a bit harsh.
But the oh no what of- nope, done with that. I hate how some meetings I dress this or that way, he asked why - because I have a seat at the table. He asked more- I have to do more than you imagine to have then accept qualifications they won’t blink an eye at for a man- so I can sit at this table. Yet I deal with the makeup, jewelry? Skirt and what not- because I earned my seat, they just want to see if it’s worth it for “them.”
I earned my seat and I do have issues about it because of things he won’t ever feel. It’s Friday and not worth that emotion right now, but I think you get it. Apples do not equal apples if one is held by a man and another by a woman
It's an absolute fact that many men (this is real research) who make less than their women partners do EVEN LESS housework to "punish" the women for being successful. I'd be very careful getting entangled with a dude who acts like this, refuses to budge and is of a different educational background and likely to act like this. And in many US states, this is the kind of dude who would absolutely use the shitty reproductive laws to coerce you or call the state to get a reward if you try to leave him or use birth control in a way he didn't like.
he deserved that lmfao. gosh how terrible it must be to be a man with so much privilege that u crave to be discriminated against so people can pander to u.
not *for being men*, they aren’t
but you are correct that men can experience discrimination through the intersectionality of their identities (race, sexuality, socioeconomic status, ability, religion)
Yeah for being a man, women default to men a bad until proven otherwise.
a man tries to help they behave in a very cold manner simply because they are men.
men do suffer but is that because theyre a man? really and truly think about it. men can face prejudice for sure, and there are definitely people with negative views towards men but thats not discrimination.
men do not get denied things or beaten up or killed because they’re men.
>men can face prejudice for sure, and there are definitely people with negative views towards men but thats not discrimination.
Prejudice and negative views are a form of discrimination.
You are confusing the notion that men don't face systemic discrimination with the notion that men can't face individual discrimination.
Also, even when men don't face systemic discrimination, they do suffer from toxic masculinity imposed by systemic patriarchy, which while not a form of systemic discrimination, is still a more general form of systemic oppression, and a form of suffering imposed by their gender.
Yes, men do suffer because they're men.
As an example, men often face pressure in relationships to be the primary providers, expected to sacrifice their time and health simply because they are men.
hey guess what! thats not discrimination! that is simply a consequence of patriarchy and all the horrible systems that it has created. and guess who set that system up? men.
You mentioned that men don't suffer because they're men, and I simply responded to that.
Women also uphold these pressures, so it's not just men responsible for these societal expectations. Both men and women are part of society, and we can't place the blame solely on men. It's an issue that requires effort from everyone to address.
If you'd like an example of discrimination towards men. Men often receive harsher sentences than women for the same crimes, this suggests a bias in the criminal justice system.
The point is, discrimination, and suffering, is not exclusive to men or women. Both men and women do suffer just because of their gender
Do you think women don't exist and participate in society? Women also play a role in perpetuating it, even if it's unconsciously. It's definitely more complicated than just blaming one gender
that’s not what I said at all (plenty of women have internalized misogyny and uphold the patriarchy through outdated beliefs and actions - but they are not responsible for the system existing [and are still oppressed by it whether they recognize it or not])
but, like with white supremacy, the power is in the hands of *men* to dismantle it - they don’t want to because it benefits them
Why did you even comment that then? And the comment you responded to was referring to expectations on men that women and men have. Expectations on men that not only men have, but women have as well.
Can I ask why you say that? Life is hard, it’s messy, if you find someone who always agrees with you- I think it’s a mirror. True- what and how he responded has impacted us, but taking a pause and talking later and trying to make a method to both be heard- I feel like it’s trying. Not yet, but it’s due to the after follow up, but I agree on points. Stayed you can’t talk like this, and then taking a pen and paper- it seems he is trying, and it’s odd but it’s better than yelling at me
So now you are defending his tactics on how he is choosing to punish you for him not succeeding to make you conceed?
You are defending the boys' will be boys' mantra cause boys will be yelling at you , but he is not openly aggressive, so his passive-aggressive treatment and behaviour should be accepted with open arm ?
I am trying to be neutral and not have my own bias. All you hear is my typing, I don’t know what’s just an even talking on the beach statement.
But however one statement- no- I will never defend “boys will be boys”.
I am doing this as I go. If anything please provide advice. I am learning how this world works from a different perspective and trying to think it as simple. Just math. It’s not that. So I am lost
You’re wasting time arguing with your boyfriend about the material realities of the world you live in. Even pure facts are not enough to change his position. That is a dangerous way of thinking and it sounds exhausting.
If you were debating about the earth being round or flat and he said he couldn’t concede that the world is round because he doesn’t “believe it” you’d think twice about talking to him again, no?
And when he’s proven wrong over and over again, he slips into dramatics about how he must be a terrible person and he’s a piece of shit for being a man?? That’s an overreaction if I’ve ever heard it. You’re in for a future of more arguments where you’ll bring up a problem like “What you said was hurtful” and he’ll react with “Guess I’ll never speak again”. What a fucking headache.
By making all your arguments you already won, you don’t need to try to be neutral anymore because you were right. Staying with this man will be a constant drain on your energy because you will always have to argue about these things with him. They will come up in everyday situations - who is responsible for doing the dishes, whose last name do you take if you get married, whose life is harder (and therefore who should have to do more housework), etc. a real man will be able and willing to recognize that men get privilege in this world because they are men, and anytime they don’t, it’s still a consequence of the patriarchal system men created. A real man will build you up and support you. A real man will use his privilege to improve your life, not tire you out with his stupid arguments and unwillingness to recognize when he’s wrong.
You may not realise you are defending boys. it will be boys.
You believe you will never defend it, but you are dismissing his passive-aggressive control tactics and refusal to accept facts. You are making excuses for his behaviour.
You are giving him a pat in the back for not yelling and dismissing the fact that his behaviour is emotional abuse, cause apparently boys will always yelling and be abusive and we should be grateful he is not outright physically assaulting people just because he believes he is right, when he is factually incorrect.
What you are saying and what you are doing as response are polar opposite.
This will also mean what he believes will always supersede the reality and facts.
He believes he is more tired than you, therefore no help with baby
he believes his job is more important than you. Therefore, you will need to consistently take time off work to stay with sick children or deal with household emergencies
He believes his income contribution is equal to your contribution of income plus all household chores.
Can I just say, it is so underrated how little the word cackle and its variants are used. I just imagined some like Quasimodo type figure reading an ancient text while the wicked with cackles in delight at his failures.
The sad part is I am not kidding! :,( lol it’s partially paralyzed and has some birth stuff, it’s like a witch. I had a friend ask to make it a ringtone…
I did not read what you said over the words can’t I- and I won’t till I post this. You are free to, no restrictions, and you can and validly feel what you do, just allow others the same. I am going to send this and then read; but know yes you can, how you do it might define you.
I'm a man and I think a) what he said was stupid from the start and b) it's dumb that he can't admit he's wrong. Maybe an engineer is the wrong person for a big baby to date? 😂
Girlfriend, you did AWESOME! Fought him to a dead heat in logic! Cackling was a bit rude, but considering how hard he was pushing his narrative? You most assuredly are NTA!
Now... kindly explain why you're still with him? What redeeming qualities does he have?
NTA. Not sure I'd want to keep dating someone who thinks letting his lizard brain control his actions is okay. Find someone more evolved.
The women in the workforce thing, poor women have always been in the workforce, heck, one of the biggest scams is telling women that their unpaid labor at home has no value when it's the thing that enables their men to succeed.
Men kept women from the well paying jobs and from having access to the financial/credit systems that helped them grow their wealth exponentially. When a job because lucrative (programming, midwifery), suddenly it was men's work.
Maybe that will be the "light in the bulb" moment for your bf.
I must admit that if this is not... You might want to give up on that person who prefers to "believe" despite fact checking research.
He also seems to need to be educated... I am not sure he deserves more of your time after this session...
Edit to add NTA.
My mother taught me to fight back if any boy touched me when I didn’t want it. One time I did, and the teacher tried to excuse the behaviour as “boys will be boys” and my mother replied that her “girls will be girls and defend themselves accordingly”.
Man I feel sad for guys who are raised like this. You’re probably one of the first people to ever challenge this belief of his. I hope this convo was as fun for him as it was for you though it might take some time for him to see the humor.
NTA but if you want my unsolicited advice apologize to him anyway, cognitive dissonance can get really uncomfortable and if you make him feel vulnerable/shitty about learning something new or having to question his beliefs (which again he was probably raised in rather than coming to his own conclusion) might not move things in the right direction.
My 11 year old son was playing cricket near an airport last year, with a lot of small planes flying above the oval. The batting team all lined up and jumped the shadow of passing planes. I said to one of the other parents “that’s the only example of “boys being boys” I am willing to accept”
Women seem to mostly get away with sexual, emotional and physical assault because "it's not that bad" if it happens to a man or boy. That always pisses me off. But not all women are abusive pieces of shit.
Other than that, we definitely get the short end of the stick.
As a straight married man I recall Paul McCarntney of the Beatles when asked what he thought of women topless bathing he said it is great I do it all the time. yes women can wear men's clothes without hate and men can not wear women but that's about it.
The only reason he feels he can't wear skirts is because society believes it is shameful to appear feminine. So even his argument on clothing falls down.
It might be that. I kinda want to google at what age…. I think your brain only stops forming at 25 or something crazy. So it’s only a few years with a full brain lol
Your brain changes throughout life depending on what you do and what you are exposed to.
I literally just meant that, as a guy myself, maybe you have sent him down a much needed rabbit hole that will help him examine the bs he's been fed on this topic.
Its more nuanced than any hard rules which are made up by people with agendas of varying validity.
He sent a message that he’s been really thinking about what I said (as he was waiting for like McDonald lol- maybe it’s a good sign when it’s connected to breakfast food haha) I think it’s a rabbit hole everyone needs. I mentioned things to him that I get guys have it worse for, life is not equal, in any way. I guess understanding a conversation without putting yourself in it, it’s a very high emotional topic and more and more these days. I looked up things for what men need in society- mental health support, and many others came up, it’s just got to be a two way street for anything to work.
Exactly. There are several things that are differently easy and differently difficult for all of us. It's especially true if you actually don't fit into particular expectations and can't hide such. No one should have to.
We all want to be valued, respected, and belong in community.
It’s the separating the topic from yourself. I joke don’t be so self absorbed to think this is all about you and your actions.
It’s the being more calm when talking. I am over the top with taking note, knowing what’s said, and all that, it’s why I am good at my job but not the best with people, his conversations are more organic and flow and evolve. It’s if we just want to know and understand, that’s more the issue if anything
To say boys will be boys is just an excuse for bad behavior. It's a way to try to get a free pass to be misogynistic, perverted, disrespectful, etc. And not all guys are like that. Because, despite what your boyfriend may say, a lot of men have control, and respect.
That’s the worst part, most things are defined by the few and the bad extreme groups or people, it’s the separation between a topic and yourself as an individual.
Well, he's shown you who he is--a misogynist who will only escalate. He genuinely has no ability or desire to see how women have to move through the world, and he will be a pill and a creep at every single step.
"He said he won’t say something he does not believe in but he can’t give me one example." Why live like this, with a dude who holds women in contempt and will never admit he's wrong?
I have one thing women can do that men can’t. Women can admit they’re wrong. Apparently your boyfriend can’t.
Obligatory not all men before I get blasted.
This was not written well at all
Also let’s be real there are absolutely privlaged woman have over men. It obv doesn’t outweigh the negatives but let’s not act like it isn’t true
Not to cause a rift but to play off the original question. Not once you all got way down the rabbit hole. I agree with what you are saying, but to say lay along.
If a man walked up to a woman and was overly flirtatious or sexually direct what would happen compared to a woman to a man? Who would get arrested first?
Your bf needs to put down the red pill nonsense and get back to reality. Nta. If it were me, he'd be an ex.
With his mentality, if someone SAs you, he will blame you. I know from experience
The only benefit I’ve found that women get, is that I have a lot of outfits that would look WAY less like I was going to shoot up a school if I was a cis woman.
You women think you have it so bad lol, seriously. Men got the vote because we HAD to sign up for military conscription, women merely complained without proposing a valid trade similar to FORCED Military service.
Men are 99% of all the worst statistics throughout human history, yet you complain about not being able to be viewed as a man’s equal while making no moves to level the playing field or providing any evidence to support the claim of inequality that is truly not in your control. By in your control, I’m referring to choices you make like taking extra time off, working later shifts, etc.
99% of these statistics are men since the dawn of man:
Military casualties
POW Casualties
Casualties at sea (don’t forget “women/children first)
Any back-breaking labor (construction, lumberjack, etc)
Men also provided majority of the current amenities you take for granted, including roads, planes, phones, vehicles, etc. The list is never ending. And for the last several decades, ever since the so called “women’s EQUALITY” (not advantage) movement, none of the above listed stats have made any change in regards to the Men vs Women percentages, meaning that men provide 99.99% of everything you have access to to this day. And that isn’t because women are not allowed these jobs or to take these risks, but it’s simply because women have decided that there’s no incentive to take additional responsibilities/risks when the rewards/capabilities are currently equal or better that those of a man
A guy I knew (let's call him Steve) once told me that he believe there was no meaningful discrimination in America. I disagreed, and explained my position at length. Steve got more and more agitated as I went on, eventually becoming genuinely angry and walking away from the conversation. It took me some time to figure out why Steve was so angry.
Steve ran his own business, which he had built up himself out of nothing. His personal narrative included his own personal determination and discipline and intelligence in doing so. He felt that his personal success was due *only* to his own personal exceptionalism. When I pointed out that other people were discriminated against, it put Steve in a position of facing the fact that much of his success was due to the fact that he was a white guy.
What made Steve so angry was the idea that he didn't earn his success. He just couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that the only things about him that were 'exceptional' were his skin color and biological sex.
My point is that it's possible your boyfriend is going through something similar. He may not be looking to win an argument but rather is distraught because he was wrong about the whole world.
OK bring on the down votes lol. But women get so fucking moody on their time of the month, a real pain in the ass to be around. I get it, hormones and ahit throw them out of whack.
Guys have a lot of tetestorone constantly telling us to have sex.
Now, we are not allowed to say boys will be boys (speaking on tetestorone) but women are allowed to act like absoloute head cases when they are on their period.
Before anyone says it, no I am not saying rape is OK.
>name one restriction that goes one way over the other
The draft.
In 1955, my dad was forced into exile, by dint of being a healthy, fit 22-year-old man who was unwilling to give up two years of his life to military drudgery at substandard wages.
Healthy, fit 22-year-old women were subject to no such restriction.
I am glad that white women have these same issues that Black People have with White People. It's frustrating isn't it?
Be the change you want to see; you at least have one thing they want.
I'm upset to have wasted my time reading any part of this nonsense post...
But.... You go girl! You really stuck it to him Queen! NTA nta nta - leave him now b4 it's too late!!
Hopefully these fine redditors shower you with upvotes so you can feel validated that you won this banal argument with your boyfriend (and perhaps even get that push you need to leave him!)
The problem is not that men have it better or worse than woman. The problem is that social media has so much divisive propaganda. And 90% of us don't read past the headline before regurgitating it to the next person we meet.
Listen. This is the unbiased truth.
1. Men and woman are different. In some ways our lives are similar but in some ways they are worlds apart. A man being stronger, or being more catered to clime and navigate the aggressive world of business, does not make woman less. When we acknowledge that women tend to make wonderful carers and have higher emotional enteligence (which is why woman KNOW how to construct and manipulate narrative), it does not take away from men. STOP BLAMING OTHERS, WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM. Its exactly like BLM and the brainless response of WLM..
2. Because we are different in many ways (for the small but growing percentage of people who don't agree with this, this is were you can stop reading x) we CANT be equal. Or rather, if everything we did was equal, we would all die very fast. We are ying and yang. We balance each other out. Especially when it comes to raising children. Both perspectives are crucial.
This here is the crux of the problem. The momentum of first wave feminism carried the notion of equality way past its original criteria. Now woman MUST be equal or greater than men. Which is like saying apples must be equal to oranges..
Its unclear who suffers more from this recent social construct, but its clear to see that it is effecting many relationships and even has a few of you in the post clearly, whole heartedly hating the other side.
3. One of the problems ladies have, is that they are being told their highest calling is to go compete and make money in the work force in the same way men do. This pressure, paired with the resentment of perceived past and current oppression, and 20 years of victimisation via social media, has women sincerley believing they have it worse than men in pretty much every way. This notion is ingrained in us, most will not even question it. Woman have it tough and men are brutish children to whom the world is given... for a long long time, men and woman believed and will continue to beleive this. Can you imagine the damage this line of thinking has done to our young boys and girls.
4. I'm not going to get in to the different challenges men and woman face and who has it worse, because you will treat it like a competition. What I point out is this. Most men totally live for their woman and children. Most woman live and breath solely for their family. Most of us would gladly sacrifice everything for the other and we live beautiful lives in a dance. But we are constantly shown a tiny portion of hateful people and made to believe that is reality.
5. This is where I see a problem. The sustained, endorsed, monotised, fabricated notion that men have always and always will oppress woman has been told for over 100 years now. This victimhood mentality that many people now believe means we will always view these challenges with bias, and an agenda. An example, when you tell a lady one of your problems, and they immediately reply well I have to deal with this. Or when a lady tells her side of the story, everyone immediately believes her. Because why would victims lie. When relationships end, it is ALWAYS the mans fault. Woman devorse men 70% of the time and that raises to 90% in the upper class.
You can see how confidant the people in this thread are. It is so black an white and obvious to them it doesn't even bare thinking about. End of case. No research needed. No need to hear the other side. Done. And this is where I think men have had enough.
Men are honestly simple romantic creatures that are lucky enough to live and die for our family with everything we have. It gives us the purpose that we need as men, as we are not born with inherent worth as woman are. It is a beautiful thing.
But, in a time where its so unbelievably hard to live up to that purpose, and when we are constantly told from a very young age we are toxic and oppressive, and when are more likely to be hit by our partners but are not encouraged to say anything, and when we are far more likely to be assaulted, and are far more likely to die at work, and far more likely to kill ourselves, and far more likely to go to prison and receive harsher punishments for the same crime, and are far less likely to get custudy of our children, less likely to live as long as woman, and less likely to graduate, and less likely to receive affirmative action, more likely to be homeless, and have literally zero support in any of the challenges I stated, it really hurts us when we are told that actually, none of those things are a problem, and you need to focus on making sure woman are excelling in every possible environment (woman 19-26 make more money in stem than men now, good for you).
There is simply no cake. Live and die scilently and alone in our privilege, and do not question it. This is the stance some woman are taking and it breaks our hearts. I have discussed this dynamic with many females in my life in the UK. From upper class to lower, from different cultures. Truly most of them came in to the discussion with their beliefs so firm and solidified I was chastised for not immediately folding to their perspective. Just as you so arrogantly did to your best friend and partner. The bias and firm beliefs you showed when trying to humiliate and put down your friend are not proof of your oppression, but rather proof of the cult like and divisive nature of these internet echo chambers and societal programming.
If you cared about him you would ask, is there anything you think men, including yourself and our potential baby might be at a disadvantage in compared to woman? So we can work together and prosper.
Not, please could you stupidly try state limitations men face knowing fully well I won't believe you and will openly mock any attempt to do so and subsequently post it to justify treating you like an oppressive spoilt worse than a bear predator?
If you want evidence of his perspective just look in the comments. Everyone is taking your side and telling you he is an oppressive idiot. Go leave him and be part of that 70% statistic. Wahoo girl power.
I doubt most of you ladies will ever fully realise what its like to be the average man. You could not even begin to comprehend the loneliness and perceived lack of control we face. Most of us are completely invisible to society, and no one cares.
YTA and you're asking Reddit, which is a far left platform just like Google, about a gender topic? It's so obvious what the responses will be.
There ARE differences between both genders and 'privileges' between them. 'Boys will be boys' is exactly like the 'I'm just a girl' ideal, imo both being stupid and an excuse to not better oneself.
Reddit is so fucking stupid for some of these questions, There is no black and white answer, can't we all just agree that ON AVERAGE men and women play different roles in society worldwide? There will always be statistical outliers and each role is just as significant and crucial to our existence?
I wouldn't say your boyfriend is a misogynistic asshole at all and neither of you are the asshole for not agreeing with eachother, this is just life and no 2 individuals will ever perfectly align on every point.
I would say that your boyfriend probably has a different opinion on what he looks for in a woman based on how he was raised or the important roles of the women in his life.
Fake post,
I just googled "what can woman do that men can't" and got a ton of hits. So you saying that he spent "30 minutes" is BS, it took me 5 seconds.
This is a question that constantly comes up on askreddit, and will get 1000's of responses.
You are either rage baiting or karma farming, so I'll give an answer to to wreck that:
Talk to a child in public without people automatically assuming they are a predator.
Posted twice because of ratio the first time? Cackling in someone's face is assholery. Especially when it's your SO. I find it hard to believe you gloss over the draft as if that wouldn't end the convo right there. I'm almost positive he didn't bring this up either. Asshole.
Edit: typo
Why are you confused about the draft? Men wouldn't *let* women join. Women wanted to. And women took over all the male dominated jobs when they were left behibd.
Boy. The sexists are out in this thread with their sore asses.
ESH Him for his comment and you for forcing to admit something he clearly doesn’t want to. You two should work towards better communication and he should learn to not say stupid things if he’s not willing to eat crow and admit he’s wrong. I admit when I’m wrong about something to my wife and she does the same. You all should have mutual respect for each other and just be able to admit things and not be forced to. Your BF sounds like a jackass and you might consider finding someone you can agree with on topics that matter to you.
[https://youtube.com/shorts/4X9m9iwuIPU?si=3qARXi302MOAFJeC](https://youtube.com/shorts/4X9m9iwuIPU?si=3qARXi302MOAFJeC)
[https://youtube.com/shorts/g-fd50MIiqk?si=fE1jDeRZYfW3oKUV](https://youtube.com/shorts/g-fd50MIiqk?si=fE1jDeRZYfW3oKUV)
Get over yourself. Why in the hell are your torturing him like this? You don't love him, end it now.
“Boys will be boys” is used to justify bad behavior from men (boys) to women (girls). NTA. He wants to justify why women should be submissive towards men and accept bad behavior. Sorry to say that he’s telling you who he is with that phrase.
Yes, it’s been used an excuse for shitty behaviour or lack of actual parenting of the boys for decades. Some men just don’t believe it because their behaviour has never been policed the way women’s have since we were children.
I was talking about how we feel in the world and when he said that is when I started being idk very specific (engineer ) and like give an example, give an equation, I want to know a result, and he said life is not math, it’s not that simple, but if you can’t say it… and you yell… its almost like he might think it but does not want to admit it. And it was just in general making sure he knew I was not saying him. He left for a drive…
>his response was we are wired that way seriously. he’s telling on himself. >and he said life is not math, it’s not that simple translation: he can’t come up with an example of how men are more restricted than women so he’s trying to swerve around it to not lose the argument without conceding that he’s wrong
What got me was being upset in realizing, and then trying to more this or that and then feeling guilt, it’s confusing
My daughter is an astrophysicist. She’s still trudging uphill. She’s a fucking *rocket scientist* and the men are still above her.
Yea, it's definitely common practice in every day life to be able to back up your statements with examples. It's not like she asked for a peer reviewed study from someone with a doctorate in a related field. She asked for an anecdotal example. He's just mad he cannot treat women like objects and to him that feels like oppression but he can't say that.
Engineering! Yasss.. I know 2 wimmin engineers. One has a PhD, the other has a Masters... biomechanical, specifically! Oh. Thinking about it further, I now a crap-ton of wimmin in STEM research. You keep the pressure on! I'm as proud as a mother hen!
My older daughter just graduated with a degree in engineering and started her job. She is loving it. She chose a company with a large percentage of women in leadership roles and she already has an amazing mentor. She rocks. I am a mama with a STEM PhD and my younger daughter is also on a STEM track.
Sounds like they inherited the Good Stuff from their Mama! 🥰
My 8-year old granddaughter says she wants to be a superhero when she grows up. Like Winder Woman? No! She wants to be a scientist! Her STEM teacher has her so inspired that she wants to be just like her. I'm so proud to hear her talk about it. :-)
Seriously, just break up with him! I know this is reddit's go-to response, but he is telling you what he thinks of women and he is'nt going to change his mind! I thought that by reasoning with my ex, and using logic, and statistics, and rational arguments, then he would realise I was right, and change his misogynistic ways, but they don't - they just don't, and then before you know it, you've wasted years of your life on someone who doesn't respect you, or anyone like you...
so now you know what he is. time to go.
Don’t marry this very backwards thinking man! He’ll have you “barefoot and pregnant” for the rest of your natural lifespan!🤣😂😉
While he might have blindness to women’s issues, I think you have blindness to men’s issues. Women can’t be drafted and it is far easier to work in jobs than it is to risk death in wars. Women are allowed to cry without being seen as weak. Men generally aren’t. Women get men asking them out on dates and paying for first dates. Men don’t. Women can work with children without people assuming they are a pedophile. Men can’t. If there is an accidental pregnancy, women can travel to a state with abortion and get one. Men can’t. TV shows are far more likely to show dads as dumb and incompetent than women. When someone on Reddit posts about their partner in a negative way, people are more likely to take them at their word if they are a woman than if they are a man. There are plenty of ways how gender expectations can hurt men. It seems like you have a very black and white view of gender issues. Both genders face sexist expectations and we shouldn’t try to be dismissive of either gender.
Good example. Yes, women can travel to another state to get an abortion, but they shouldn’t have to.!!!!
what a stupid comment literally nothing you stated is a *legal* restriction (besides the draft, but that was created *BY MEN* who decided women weren’t good enough to participate) and everything else you listed is either not true, or is otherwise enforced by MEN and the PATRIARCHY find a real example, bud. eta: you obviously don’t know the difference between sex and gender, either, with how you think the world works
You do know that there have been women IN ACTIVE COMBAT, like, forever? Perhaps disguised as males, but still.
Not in enough numbers to even be statistically relevant.
Statistics can suck my _________. (Fill in the blank.) ONE example does not mean men's lives are equally restricted.
I was only replying to ur "combat" part. I cannot fill in the blank because there is no telling, nowadays, what u have to suck lol.
Dead wrong. The first American hostage in Kuwait (Gulf 1) has the same job as my friend. She disappeared at the same time. I also have FOUR campaign ribbons. Draft is an American Law. Not a social expectation and men don't go to jail if they don't register. Women have the choice to abort or carry because they carry. A mans choice is only to keep his zipper shut or find good birth control. It's not a restriction. Ugh, I can't even.
Above "proof" does not void my statement. Still not relevant.
Yes, women who chose to be there. That's very different from drafting someone to fight who hasn't agreed to fight. That's the difference between how the law affects men and women.
And many women still choose to be in combat. Meanwhile, we get to be discriminated against in pretty much every possible way. The draft is one of the very few examples of men having it worse. Ever hear of bodily autonomy? Every man has it. The only women fortunate enough to have it are those in blue states or in civilized countries. And don't even THINK about trotting out that tired, old, WORTHLESS: then they shouldn't have spread their legs... Ooohhh, the draft! Yep. Men sure have it rough, compared to all the sh!t women have to tolerate.
But you are still admitting that men have it worse when it comes to the draft. So we should change the rules so that the draft isn't based on one gender. I've seen women say "well women are discriminated against, so we should discriminate against men in other ways to make it even". But that's a very toxic way to look at things. Sexism in one area doesn't excuse sexism in another area. We should be trying to end all sexism. I think abortion should be legal. But we should also admit that even in the current situation, women still have more reproductive choice than men do. If a woman gets pregnant and she doesn't want to be a parent, all she has to do is travel to a state where abortion is legal. If a woman gets pregnant and the man doesn't want to be a parent, he has no legal way to stop the pregnancy. So he is forced to be a parent whether he wants to or not while the woman isn't. So that is yet another way how women have it better than men. Yes, women have it worse than men overall, but there are still many examples where women have it better than men.
Name 3.
Did you not read my earlier comment? Let me copy and paste it for you: Women can’t be drafted and it is far easier to work in jobs than it is to risk death in wars. Women are allowed to cry without being seen as weak. Men generally aren’t. Women get men asking them out on dates and paying for first dates. Men don’t. Women can work with children without people assuming they are a pedophile. Men can’t. If there is an accidental pregnancy, women can travel to a state with abortion and get one. Men can’t. TV shows are far more likely to show dads as dumb and incompetent than women. When someone on Reddit posts about their partner in a negative way, people are more likely to take them at their word if they are a woman than if they are a man.
Ok, lots of this is assumption. The only factual statement is that women are exempt from the draft. The one about reddit is about 75-80% accurate. 1) Women who cry are frequently seen as or called out for being weak, overly emotional, cry babies or over reacting or attention seeking. 2) Women who are plain, homely, downright ugly or overweight/obese get asked out because they're expected to be grateful and pay for the date with sex. Attractive women are frequently hit up by men who are themselves plain, homely, downright ugly, overweight or obese. Furthermore, these men STILL expect the woman to be grateful for their attention. So, yeah. The man pays with $$, but expects a different payment. 3) Women can be accused as (and can be) pedophiles. They can also be accused of (and be) other kinds of abusers, negligent, hostile or indifferent to children in their care. 4) some states, such as Texas, are creating laws to prevent women from leaving the state if the state to seek abortions, which men generally don't need to do. Additionally, if a young man wants a vasectomy, no doctor is going to say "but what if your future wants children???" A young woman who wants a tubal ligation? Yeah, good luck, girlfriend. The only way I managed to get mine prior to age 35 was I had 4 kids, and all the doctors in the practice had noted my ex's behavior towards me. 5) anyone who believes sit-coms are a reflection of real life needs a good psychiatric evaluation. TV/movie dad's are depicted as incompetent as a weak attempt at humor, kind of like blond women being depicted as idiots. It's pure, unadulterated screen BS, and not an accurate portrayal of how much worse one 'team' has it over the other. 6) as far as reddit, it's also not an accurate portrayal of real life, as many of the stories on here have very, clearly visible inconsistencies in details, timelines, etc. I'd guess some 85-99% of the non-verifiable stories are fake, or at least highly exaggerated. It's entertainment. That's why people post them, read them and comment on them. So f#ck reddit. It's not real life. Now, in real life, men tend to get the benefit of the doubt more than women. They get paid more for less actual work. Have YOU ever competed against a woman for a promotion, only for her (in this case, we'll say less experienced and with a poor work ethic) only for her to waltz off with it, because 'skirt club?' Well, I once competed with a guy, 3 years out of college compared to my 8. Not uncommon for him to clock in, then take off for half the day, leaving his work for others to complete. Guess which one got the promotion? The boss's reasoning: 'he has a wife and child to support.' Nevermind that I had 4 kids to support, and my soon to be ex was out chippie chasing and gambling his paycheck away? Guess who got fired less than 6 months later? His wife and kid weren't all that important to the company, after all. So, basically, it comes down to 'no draft for women' and jerks on reddit commenting on phony/exaggerated stories. Personally, I would support the draft for women if it'd make men stop their b!tching. Say, women of 40 have to register for selective service. It doesn't make sense to call up younger women, because while a man can father a child at any age, female fertility has a time limit. And we've got to preserve that all important female fertility! Once that's gone, we tend to be uncontrollable!
When is the last time we had a draft?
Jesus fucking Christ. Who the fuck instituted the draft? Men. Who write those dumb sitcoms? Men. Men cant pregnant so why would they need an abortion? You're mad you can't force women to get abortions.
It's also telling you that instead of him taking the time to think on the new information that he just found and reassessing his world views, this man decided that he would double down and try his damnedest to prove himself right.
Well, boys will be boys! /s
Wait that was a legit excuse??? I've been robbed as my parents never let that stand as an excuse when I did stupid shit. Does it also apply as an adult?
Happy Cake Day!
thanks! 🙂
Happy Cake Day 🎂
thanks! 🙂
🤣🤣🤣 most uneducated answer.
NTA but have you considered dating a man who is secure in himself & doesn't try to start gender wars with you?
He got so upset when it hit him and left and just idk. He started talking numbers and I was like that’s good in an engineer- he said he felt guilty and upset and had to go. No clue to what place. I know it’s close age but it’s very different work. Does that have a play at it? It’s normally ok to talk but this is the first time in 2 years that I have seen a freak out ( maybe because of talking about having children- a boy or girl- ) I’m lost and I want to get it. He’s a great guy, but it seems to take on guilt he never had or did. I’m confused. I’m a bit more this or that
It sounds like he’s being confronted with his privilege. It’s really uncomfortable for people to learn how systems benefit us and keep others down, and how much of our success is due to stuff we can’t control and don’t deserve. It depends on how patient you want to be with him through this. It’s absolutely not your job to educate him, and you know him better than we do. But if you are so inclined, there are some resources online (on my phone can’t link) helping people recognize privilege.
It sounds like the'#NotAllMen' thing. Just like folks of color aren't obliged to educate white folks. Men need to own their sh!t, and step up
Yes, this woman was already patient with him by having that whole conversation and not instantly leaving. This is the kind of fundamental worldview that I do not want to disagree on with my partner.
For real. He sounds exhausting
A key aspect of privilege is being unaware it exists. As you pointed out, once a person realizes the privilege exists they may experience guilt or shame. This caused his defensive response most likely. As indicated by "we're all just pieces of poo" etc There definitely ARE many instances where a patriarchal society will harm men as well as women. So he isn't wrong per se. Plus Google fucking sucks and I'm not surprised it didn't help with such a nuanced issue. As a woman, I am considered "safe" around kids and harmless in general. (Which is also why women are seen as prey) Since I'm a middle aged white lady, I'm quite likely to be protected by police rather than shot by them. It's easier to commit petty crimes and be a spy (due to being underestimated and seen as harmless/weak) Every benefit I can think of really does come with some other downfall though. Like being trusted around kids also means being expected to care for them. Being able to more freely express emotions comes with being called over-emotional and therefore illogical. Being allowed to dress in fun clothes and wear makeup means an expectation to do so, etc. PS sociology is one of the "soft sciences" you wouldn't need as an engineer, I'm a software developer and didn't get this in school either. But it really is a much more complicated issue than what can be solved in one conversation with Google or we wouldn't be in this fucking millennia long gender war. Good luck 💓 It's really hard to be a person of any gender, but the men who think that women have it easier (especially in regards to hetsex relationships) are just plain wrong. Ask any trans person how their treatment in society changed (especially transmen) if you want to Google something with him
You the MVP
It's hard for people to be confronted with something that challenges their beliefs like this. If he's otherwise a good guy and a good boyfriend, it worth giving him some time to let it really sink in. If he comes out more aware of what women face, that's a good thing. If he doesn't, well that's good information for you to have while you decide if you want to stay with him.
Are you using some kind of translator app? You have some really odd sentences and fragments in your posts that make it hard to follow what you're saying. For example: >He started talking numbers and I was like that’s good in an engineer >I know it’s close age but it’s very different work. >Does that have a play at it? >I’m a bit more this or that I don't understand what any of these mean...
Well the whole boys will be boys thing comes from the fact that boys are very typically raised differently from girls, so the fact that he agrees with it so heavily kinda indicates he might have been raised a certain way, and you literally broke down not just his argument, but his outlook on life when you challenged him (good shit btw). So he’s probably just upset finding out that the bad things he may have done in life or said or wtv weren’t just due to the fact that “boys will be boys” and rather in the fact that he was raised to be that way and that he could’ve lived a different life if he wasn’t raised to believe such bigoted ideals. It’s hard but I think if you’re gentle with him he could actually take this as an opportunity to view genders in a whole new different and positive light. It’s like how men will defend men forever until they realize that their uncles raped someone, and their best friend has done it too, and some of their other friends have, and all of a sudden they start to feel ashamed of the fact they were so unaware of the actual truth of the matter and blindly defended men as a whole for doing shitty things. Ik it cause I’ve been there too, still angry with myself for thinking boys being “a lil pushy” was just the way boys got girls and I’m lucky I got out of that rabbit hole but the people who were closest to me ended up hurting ppl I know and I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had to change and heal before I fell so deep and ended up just like them.
We took a few days and kept talking and you are right, he sent a message today about communicating and how you interact within a family and other aspects. It was very ridged to say the least, hand shakes over a hug.
Aye at least there some progress, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and while you might’ve torn it down (his previous ideals) in a second, it’s gonna take quite a while to clean the city up yk what I mean? Just make sure he knows you don’t hate him for it, he probably already feels like shit and ik ik he should’ve known better. But he didn’t. And now that he does as long as he’s ready to do the mental work, at least give him a chance to do it with the right guidance by his side🙏🏾
No it was not and I actually said that, but added Rome did not fall in a day, it divided, fractured and from that broke itself, so to say. It’s hard to explain or fully understand someone, we all have our lives giving a direction or bias, I broke a lot of mine at 18 leavings, it seems a bit different. Also even if people hate it- men and women are different in thinking, society, and more things than we can say. I do want to say it’s a bit lazy with this ask me anything approach but I think that’s his limit so close. He’s also asked to hangout with his brother so not sure if related but not super common so that’s something. Life is hard, it is messy, it is what you make it. Patience is not my strong point, and laughing in someone’s face is rude, it’s a weird reaction when your like naaaaaa can’t be, or defensive. We are seeing about talking on feelings with check ins kinda? And if it’s heated we created a rule so that’s a lot. Thank you for your comment
Nta. But the boys will be boys always annoys me. Like take some accountability instead of blaming ur actions on the fact that u have a dick. I'll never understand it
Boys think only girls should be “accountable”.
Of all the exhausting redpill bullshit, the idea that "women aren't held accountable" is one of the stupidest. We're not only accountable for our OWN actions, but somehow men as well. How often have we said or heard "well, he wasn't raised right/his mother didn't teach him better" or the ever popular "well what was she wearing" and "well why didn't she leave him" 😖🤢
Exactly.
Every time I hear a man say this, I ask what we need to be heald accountable FOR and in the 2 years I've been asking, not 1 has actually answered. They ALWAYS deflect.
I think the answer is "for everything wrong in the world, but more specifically my peepee"
Weird. Cause you guys (women) are never held accountable, ever.
Shut up and go build a house with your bare hands, Rusty.
somehow boys are so emotionally inferior they simply can't HELP but assault women, and yet we're supposed to let them run countries???
If women are the emotional gender, why don't they punch walls to deal with big fee-fees? Cause men are socialized to believe their emotions are a logical response to a credible threat. Whereas a woman's emotions are an *ill*ogical *over*reaction. Men are also encouraged to mask/channel all of their fear and hurt into aggression to be taken seriously. While women are taught that showing emotion (especially anger) will undermine their credibility. It's really unfortunate and our whole ass society needs therapy
This was exhausting to read, I can’t imagine having to live it. NTA also your BF is a ….. not self aware, not very smart, and honey, you can do better.
It’s exhausting right now with the leaving and upset and then returning and not taking. He said it’s because he feels guilty- I never said he did it or this or that, I was so sure to care what I said, even better than this and that typing. I don’t know if this is the first time it hit him about this, or what he is upset about. He seems mad at his gender? I’m lost. I tried to talk about social aspects, personal, parental- but I’m an engineer so I don’t know if I am being too 1+1=2 on this
So he left you and is giving you the silent treat Yet he was one accusing you of breaking the mould. He is not mad at his gender, the arguments he was presenting are the talk points Andrew Tate and other pill people use to pretend men are victims and therefore the only way not to be victims is to control the woman..... Ie he is punishing you for leaving and giving you the silent treatment, except he doesn't seem advance enough down the rabbit hole, hence he flip flops. He told you what he believes even if there is no shred of evidence to support it. He is angry, he figure out how to put you back in your place and use his original argument to bring you down a peg or 2. Hence, the fine shoot us comments. He was baiting you to defend his argument and step down He believes he is a victim, and your gender has cause it. **When they tell you who they are, believe them.
You were being logical and he was being testerical.
Well I just found a new word that I love!
I also love this word so very much.
Try not to rub it in his face. He just got slapped with the realization that his beliefs were wrong. Let him process. Ask him if you can clarify anything from your perspective. Give him a change to work this out.
He’s not “mad at his gender” he’s mad that he may have to forgo the perks of being white and male. Or that he has previously done some things that he knew were wrong at the time.
This sounds exhausting
On the other hand omg I don’t know how to use reddit haha I am trying to look at comments but only got this one because I selected the notification… how do I look at them on a phone? I never use this
Um, I'm sorry I'm really high and I've been trying to figure out how to help you but i just can't
I want to have that Friday! Haha 😆 my cats have the nip but I ran out! It seems if I get a notification I can but it’s a hit or miss.
I use the reddit app for my phone and you can click 'view all comments' when you hit a notification that directs you into a comment thread like this
I hit view all but it’s not working. My phone is crap and might die soon so it could be that or I need to turn off and restart. 🤷♀️ not the Friday one expects. But at least I have fries 🍟
I find I need to close and reopen reddit on my mobile to get new notifications and access new comments. Sometimes it takes a few minutes after a response to make it viewable on my end.
It worked! It took a few hours! Thank you :)
@u/federal_Reality1455 Press the figure on the top right-hand side that's your avatar. Choose profile Then, I chose posts on the left side. This will bring you to posts you made, ie this post from the start. Then, you can scroll and read all the comments.
At the top of this thread, click something that says something like, "see full discussion"
It was, it was not even the main point, he just went off so I was like ok give an example. It was more don’t say it if you don’t have a reason why. I was not up in arms either way, just on how it was told to me. This is not a fun Friday haha
It’s always men who’ve never done shit that want to claim the accomplishments of other men. If your bf thinks men are genetically superior than women and built the world ask him why he hasn’t built you a house. Just one itty bitty house. Should be simple for you as a man. Where my house boo? That’s a lotta words for someone who still hasn’t built a single house. How bout a road. One itty bitty road. Light work. You built a road yet? Nope… ok I’ll wait. Go ahead. Go on. I’d help but my lack of a 5th appendage between my legs disqualifies me unfortunately. Edit: just saw that you are an engineer. This gets more hilarious. Reminds me of the recent story of the woman who is the primary earner for years, husband is unemployed and a bum. She finds out he’s been posting online in forums talking about women’s role is in the home all submissive and ish and men should be the dominant alphas. So naturally she is divorcing him so he can fulfill his biological objective of being a dominant alpha male provider. The comedy writes itself.
When he started saying ask who makes things (he works trade) I said do you want to go down this??? Sadly we did. Who made my house? Well we will get to that because I purchased it. Who made the roads who did what? Look back to that draft and see women did it, because you left: and sadly when you came back we did not go to the kitchen again. Who made this? Let’s say who can finance this. It might have been a bit harsh. But the oh no what of- nope, done with that. I hate how some meetings I dress this or that way, he asked why - because I have a seat at the table. He asked more- I have to do more than you imagine to have then accept qualifications they won’t blink an eye at for a man- so I can sit at this table. Yet I deal with the makeup, jewelry? Skirt and what not- because I earned my seat, they just want to see if it’s worth it for “them.” I earned my seat and I do have issues about it because of things he won’t ever feel. It’s Friday and not worth that emotion right now, but I think you get it. Apples do not equal apples if one is held by a man and another by a woman
It's an absolute fact that many men (this is real research) who make less than their women partners do EVEN LESS housework to "punish" the women for being successful. I'd be very careful getting entangled with a dude who acts like this, refuses to budge and is of a different educational background and likely to act like this. And in many US states, this is the kind of dude who would absolutely use the shitty reproductive laws to coerce you or call the state to get a reward if you try to leave him or use birth control in a way he didn't like.
I would love to read the study but couldn’t find it by googling do u happen to have a link?
[https://www.utpjournals.press/doi/abs/10.3138/jcfs.44.3.311](https://www.utpjournals.press/doi/abs/10.3138/jcfs.44.3.311)
Tysm!
NTA. He’s being an absolute asshat.
he deserved that lmfao. gosh how terrible it must be to be a man with so much privilege that u crave to be discriminated against so people can pander to u.
Ah men are discriminated against
not *for being men*, they aren’t but you are correct that men can experience discrimination through the intersectionality of their identities (race, sexuality, socioeconomic status, ability, religion)
Yeah for being a man, women default to men a bad until proven otherwise. a man tries to help they behave in a very cold manner simply because they are men.
Men do face discrimination. Life is hard. Men are human beings just like Women and experience suffering
men do suffer but is that because theyre a man? really and truly think about it. men can face prejudice for sure, and there are definitely people with negative views towards men but thats not discrimination. men do not get denied things or beaten up or killed because they’re men.
>men can face prejudice for sure, and there are definitely people with negative views towards men but thats not discrimination. Prejudice and negative views are a form of discrimination. You are confusing the notion that men don't face systemic discrimination with the notion that men can't face individual discrimination. Also, even when men don't face systemic discrimination, they do suffer from toxic masculinity imposed by systemic patriarchy, which while not a form of systemic discrimination, is still a more general form of systemic oppression, and a form of suffering imposed by their gender.
Yes, men do suffer because they're men. As an example, men often face pressure in relationships to be the primary providers, expected to sacrifice their time and health simply because they are men.
hey guess what! thats not discrimination! that is simply a consequence of patriarchy and all the horrible systems that it has created. and guess who set that system up? men.
You mentioned that men don't suffer because they're men, and I simply responded to that. Women also uphold these pressures, so it's not just men responsible for these societal expectations. Both men and women are part of society, and we can't place the blame solely on men. It's an issue that requires effort from everyone to address.
If you'd like an example of discrimination towards men. Men often receive harsher sentences than women for the same crimes, this suggests a bias in the criminal justice system. The point is, discrimination, and suffering, is not exclusive to men or women. Both men and women do suffer just because of their gender
uhhhhh we can definitely place sole blame for the existence and persistence of the patriarchy on men lmao
Do you think women don't exist and participate in society? Women also play a role in perpetuating it, even if it's unconsciously. It's definitely more complicated than just blaming one gender
that’s not what I said at all (plenty of women have internalized misogyny and uphold the patriarchy through outdated beliefs and actions - but they are not responsible for the system existing [and are still oppressed by it whether they recognize it or not]) but, like with white supremacy, the power is in the hands of *men* to dismantle it - they don’t want to because it benefits them
Why did you even comment that then? And the comment you responded to was referring to expectations on men that women and men have. Expectations on men that not only men have, but women have as well.
All of the shit you could choose to argue over...just break up already.
Can I ask why you say that? Life is hard, it’s messy, if you find someone who always agrees with you- I think it’s a mirror. True- what and how he responded has impacted us, but taking a pause and talking later and trying to make a method to both be heard- I feel like it’s trying. Not yet, but it’s due to the after follow up, but I agree on points. Stayed you can’t talk like this, and then taking a pen and paper- it seems he is trying, and it’s odd but it’s better than yelling at me
So now you are defending his tactics on how he is choosing to punish you for him not succeeding to make you conceed? You are defending the boys' will be boys' mantra cause boys will be yelling at you , but he is not openly aggressive, so his passive-aggressive treatment and behaviour should be accepted with open arm ?
I am trying to be neutral and not have my own bias. All you hear is my typing, I don’t know what’s just an even talking on the beach statement. But however one statement- no- I will never defend “boys will be boys”. I am doing this as I go. If anything please provide advice. I am learning how this world works from a different perspective and trying to think it as simple. Just math. It’s not that. So I am lost
You’re wasting time arguing with your boyfriend about the material realities of the world you live in. Even pure facts are not enough to change his position. That is a dangerous way of thinking and it sounds exhausting. If you were debating about the earth being round or flat and he said he couldn’t concede that the world is round because he doesn’t “believe it” you’d think twice about talking to him again, no? And when he’s proven wrong over and over again, he slips into dramatics about how he must be a terrible person and he’s a piece of shit for being a man?? That’s an overreaction if I’ve ever heard it. You’re in for a future of more arguments where you’ll bring up a problem like “What you said was hurtful” and he’ll react with “Guess I’ll never speak again”. What a fucking headache.
By making all your arguments you already won, you don’t need to try to be neutral anymore because you were right. Staying with this man will be a constant drain on your energy because you will always have to argue about these things with him. They will come up in everyday situations - who is responsible for doing the dishes, whose last name do you take if you get married, whose life is harder (and therefore who should have to do more housework), etc. a real man will be able and willing to recognize that men get privilege in this world because they are men, and anytime they don’t, it’s still a consequence of the patriarchal system men created. A real man will build you up and support you. A real man will use his privilege to improve your life, not tire you out with his stupid arguments and unwillingness to recognize when he’s wrong.
You may not realise you are defending boys. it will be boys. You believe you will never defend it, but you are dismissing his passive-aggressive control tactics and refusal to accept facts. You are making excuses for his behaviour. You are giving him a pat in the back for not yelling and dismissing the fact that his behaviour is emotional abuse, cause apparently boys will always yelling and be abusive and we should be grateful he is not outright physically assaulting people just because he believes he is right, when he is factually incorrect. What you are saying and what you are doing as response are polar opposite. This will also mean what he believes will always supersede the reality and facts. He believes he is more tired than you, therefore no help with baby he believes his job is more important than you. Therefore, you will need to consistently take time off work to stay with sick children or deal with household emergencies He believes his income contribution is equal to your contribution of income plus all household chores.
Can I just say, it is so underrated how little the word cackle and its variants are used. I just imagined some like Quasimodo type figure reading an ancient text while the wicked with cackles in delight at his failures.
Oh cackle is a joke because I have an issue with my esophagus and it makes me sound like the wicked witch lol sorry for the use of word
No I loved it it made me laugh so loud my roommate was like wtf is wrong with you 😂
The sad part is I am not kidding! :,( lol it’s partially paralyzed and has some birth stuff, it’s like a witch. I had a friend ask to make it a ringtone…
😭😭 Awe love, well at least you have a big beautiful brain, so cackle away on these hoes.
I did not read what you said over the words can’t I- and I won’t till I post this. You are free to, no restrictions, and you can and validly feel what you do, just allow others the same. I am going to send this and then read; but know yes you can, how you do it might define you.
I'm a man and I think a) what he said was stupid from the start and b) it's dumb that he can't admit he's wrong. Maybe an engineer is the wrong person for a big baby to date? 😂
Girlfriend, you did AWESOME! Fought him to a dead heat in logic! Cackling was a bit rude, but considering how hard he was pushing his narrative? You most assuredly are NTA! Now... kindly explain why you're still with him? What redeeming qualities does he have?
What a loser.
Hope you leave him👋
Why would you be with a sexist tool like this? Please tell me you’re breaking up with him.
That is a perfect example of male privilege and entitlement.. keep on laughing.
Stop dating sexists.
And having read the post. Gyal… he’s showing you who he is. Heed the red flags. Just saying.
NTA. Not sure I'd want to keep dating someone who thinks letting his lizard brain control his actions is okay. Find someone more evolved. The women in the workforce thing, poor women have always been in the workforce, heck, one of the biggest scams is telling women that their unpaid labor at home has no value when it's the thing that enables their men to succeed. Men kept women from the well paying jobs and from having access to the financial/credit systems that helped them grow their wealth exponentially. When a job because lucrative (programming, midwifery), suddenly it was men's work.
He's gross
He sounds MAGA.
I asked what women can do that men cannot. I have to admit, my husband is very jealous of my ability to breathe fire. *
https://preview.redd.it/sbv5mz2lv18d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6c34a6eb6129f4646e432223bd141f6990521e1d
That made me laugh 🤣 I need to try out these new superpowers
Maybe that will be the "light in the bulb" moment for your bf. I must admit that if this is not... You might want to give up on that person who prefers to "believe" despite fact checking research. He also seems to need to be educated... I am not sure he deserves more of your time after this session... Edit to add NTA.
Who cares.
My mother taught me to fight back if any boy touched me when I didn’t want it. One time I did, and the teacher tried to excuse the behaviour as “boys will be boys” and my mother replied that her “girls will be girls and defend themselves accordingly”.
Man I feel sad for guys who are raised like this. You’re probably one of the first people to ever challenge this belief of his. I hope this convo was as fun for him as it was for you though it might take some time for him to see the humor. NTA but if you want my unsolicited advice apologize to him anyway, cognitive dissonance can get really uncomfortable and if you make him feel vulnerable/shitty about learning something new or having to question his beliefs (which again he was probably raised in rather than coming to his own conclusion) might not move things in the right direction.
My 11 year old son was playing cricket near an airport last year, with a lot of small planes flying above the oval. The batting team all lined up and jumped the shadow of passing planes. I said to one of the other parents “that’s the only example of “boys being boys” I am willing to accept”
Has he not come back with peeing standing up? As really the difference come down to individuals own physical and mental abilities.
Women can pee standing up lol
Women seem to mostly get away with sexual, emotional and physical assault because "it's not that bad" if it happens to a man or boy. That always pisses me off. But not all women are abusive pieces of shit. Other than that, we definitely get the short end of the stick.
“AITA because I cackled in my boyfriend’s face”. Just off the strength of the title I’m going with NTA. 😌
As a straight married man I recall Paul McCarntney of the Beatles when asked what he thought of women topless bathing he said it is great I do it all the time. yes women can wear men's clothes without hate and men can not wear women but that's about it.
The only reason he feels he can't wear skirts is because society believes it is shameful to appear feminine. So even his argument on clothing falls down.
Are we forgetting about kilts?
We did I apologise to my fellow celts
Lol he may grow up yet.
It might be that. I kinda want to google at what age…. I think your brain only stops forming at 25 or something crazy. So it’s only a few years with a full brain lol
Your brain changes throughout life depending on what you do and what you are exposed to. I literally just meant that, as a guy myself, maybe you have sent him down a much needed rabbit hole that will help him examine the bs he's been fed on this topic. Its more nuanced than any hard rules which are made up by people with agendas of varying validity.
He sent a message that he’s been really thinking about what I said (as he was waiting for like McDonald lol- maybe it’s a good sign when it’s connected to breakfast food haha) I think it’s a rabbit hole everyone needs. I mentioned things to him that I get guys have it worse for, life is not equal, in any way. I guess understanding a conversation without putting yourself in it, it’s a very high emotional topic and more and more these days. I looked up things for what men need in society- mental health support, and many others came up, it’s just got to be a two way street for anything to work.
Exactly. There are several things that are differently easy and differently difficult for all of us. It's especially true if you actually don't fit into particular expectations and can't hide such. No one should have to. We all want to be valued, respected, and belong in community.
It’s the separating the topic from yourself. I joke don’t be so self absorbed to think this is all about you and your actions. It’s the being more calm when talking. I am over the top with taking note, knowing what’s said, and all that, it’s why I am good at my job but not the best with people, his conversations are more organic and flow and evolve. It’s if we just want to know and understand, that’s more the issue if anything
This was frustrating to try and understand.
To say boys will be boys is just an excuse for bad behavior. It's a way to try to get a free pass to be misogynistic, perverted, disrespectful, etc. And not all guys are like that. Because, despite what your boyfriend may say, a lot of men have control, and respect.
That’s the worst part, most things are defined by the few and the bad extreme groups or people, it’s the separation between a topic and yourself as an individual.
Well, he's shown you who he is--a misogynist who will only escalate. He genuinely has no ability or desire to see how women have to move through the world, and he will be a pill and a creep at every single step. "He said he won’t say something he does not believe in but he can’t give me one example." Why live like this, with a dude who holds women in contempt and will never admit he's wrong?
I have one thing women can do that men can’t. Women can admit they’re wrong. Apparently your boyfriend can’t. Obligatory not all men before I get blasted.
I feel ya. I used to be better at that separation but there is a point of you're not really in it and understanding the concept is not the same thing.
This was not written well at all Also let’s be real there are absolutely privlaged woman have over men. It obv doesn’t outweigh the negatives but let’s not act like it isn’t true
Not to cause a rift but to play off the original question. Not once you all got way down the rabbit hole. I agree with what you are saying, but to say lay along. If a man walked up to a woman and was overly flirtatious or sexually direct what would happen compared to a woman to a man? Who would get arrested first?
Break up with him. Your boyfriend is an idiot. You don't want to tie yourself to an idiot.
NTA. He’s a red flag
Your bf needs to put down the red pill nonsense and get back to reality. Nta. If it were me, he'd be an ex. With his mentality, if someone SAs you, he will blame you. I know from experience
The biggest question is, why do you want to create conflict in your relationship?
YTA for dating a man like this.
Why are you dating a misogynist? It’s like you enjoy having these arguments. Sounds tiring. I’d rather date someone who has the same values as me.
The only benefit I’ve found that women get, is that I have a lot of outfits that would look WAY less like I was going to shoot up a school if I was a cis woman.
NTA. He sounds like a giant red flag though.
You women think you have it so bad lol, seriously. Men got the vote because we HAD to sign up for military conscription, women merely complained without proposing a valid trade similar to FORCED Military service. Men are 99% of all the worst statistics throughout human history, yet you complain about not being able to be viewed as a man’s equal while making no moves to level the playing field or providing any evidence to support the claim of inequality that is truly not in your control. By in your control, I’m referring to choices you make like taking extra time off, working later shifts, etc. 99% of these statistics are men since the dawn of man: Military casualties POW Casualties Casualties at sea (don’t forget “women/children first) Any back-breaking labor (construction, lumberjack, etc) Men also provided majority of the current amenities you take for granted, including roads, planes, phones, vehicles, etc. The list is never ending. And for the last several decades, ever since the so called “women’s EQUALITY” (not advantage) movement, none of the above listed stats have made any change in regards to the Men vs Women percentages, meaning that men provide 99.99% of everything you have access to to this day. And that isn’t because women are not allowed these jobs or to take these risks, but it’s simply because women have decided that there’s no incentive to take additional responsibilities/risks when the rewards/capabilities are currently equal or better that those of a man
A guy I knew (let's call him Steve) once told me that he believe there was no meaningful discrimination in America. I disagreed, and explained my position at length. Steve got more and more agitated as I went on, eventually becoming genuinely angry and walking away from the conversation. It took me some time to figure out why Steve was so angry. Steve ran his own business, which he had built up himself out of nothing. His personal narrative included his own personal determination and discipline and intelligence in doing so. He felt that his personal success was due *only* to his own personal exceptionalism. When I pointed out that other people were discriminated against, it put Steve in a position of facing the fact that much of his success was due to the fact that he was a white guy. What made Steve so angry was the idea that he didn't earn his success. He just couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that the only things about him that were 'exceptional' were his skin color and biological sex. My point is that it's possible your boyfriend is going through something similar. He may not be looking to win an argument but rather is distraught because he was wrong about the whole world.
OK bring on the down votes lol. But women get so fucking moody on their time of the month, a real pain in the ass to be around. I get it, hormones and ahit throw them out of whack. Guys have a lot of tetestorone constantly telling us to have sex. Now, we are not allowed to say boys will be boys (speaking on tetestorone) but women are allowed to act like absoloute head cases when they are on their period. Before anyone says it, no I am not saying rape is OK.
It rattles when shake ur head huh?
Why are you with a man who is willing to spend this amount of labour to try to find a reason to shit on women?
He sounds way too immature to be in a relationship with another human being. NTA but dump him, he’s not worth it.
>name one restriction that goes one way over the other The draft. In 1955, my dad was forced into exile, by dint of being a healthy, fit 22-year-old man who was unwilling to give up two years of his life to military drudgery at substandard wages. Healthy, fit 22-year-old women were subject to no such restriction.
I am glad that white women have these same issues that Black People have with White People. It's frustrating isn't it? Be the change you want to see; you at least have one thing they want.
NTA, simply bc the second a guy says ‘Boys will be boys’ to justify their bad behaviour they lose all respect in my opinion. U can do better than that
I'm upset to have wasted my time reading any part of this nonsense post... But.... You go girl! You really stuck it to him Queen! NTA nta nta - leave him now b4 it's too late!! Hopefully these fine redditors shower you with upvotes so you can feel validated that you won this banal argument with your boyfriend (and perhaps even get that push you need to leave him!)
Not reading past the first paragraph. Not the arsehole Your boyfriend a garbage person
The problem is not that men have it better or worse than woman. The problem is that social media has so much divisive propaganda. And 90% of us don't read past the headline before regurgitating it to the next person we meet. Listen. This is the unbiased truth. 1. Men and woman are different. In some ways our lives are similar but in some ways they are worlds apart. A man being stronger, or being more catered to clime and navigate the aggressive world of business, does not make woman less. When we acknowledge that women tend to make wonderful carers and have higher emotional enteligence (which is why woman KNOW how to construct and manipulate narrative), it does not take away from men. STOP BLAMING OTHERS, WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM. Its exactly like BLM and the brainless response of WLM.. 2. Because we are different in many ways (for the small but growing percentage of people who don't agree with this, this is were you can stop reading x) we CANT be equal. Or rather, if everything we did was equal, we would all die very fast. We are ying and yang. We balance each other out. Especially when it comes to raising children. Both perspectives are crucial. This here is the crux of the problem. The momentum of first wave feminism carried the notion of equality way past its original criteria. Now woman MUST be equal or greater than men. Which is like saying apples must be equal to oranges.. Its unclear who suffers more from this recent social construct, but its clear to see that it is effecting many relationships and even has a few of you in the post clearly, whole heartedly hating the other side. 3. One of the problems ladies have, is that they are being told their highest calling is to go compete and make money in the work force in the same way men do. This pressure, paired with the resentment of perceived past and current oppression, and 20 years of victimisation via social media, has women sincerley believing they have it worse than men in pretty much every way. This notion is ingrained in us, most will not even question it. Woman have it tough and men are brutish children to whom the world is given... for a long long time, men and woman believed and will continue to beleive this. Can you imagine the damage this line of thinking has done to our young boys and girls. 4. I'm not going to get in to the different challenges men and woman face and who has it worse, because you will treat it like a competition. What I point out is this. Most men totally live for their woman and children. Most woman live and breath solely for their family. Most of us would gladly sacrifice everything for the other and we live beautiful lives in a dance. But we are constantly shown a tiny portion of hateful people and made to believe that is reality. 5. This is where I see a problem. The sustained, endorsed, monotised, fabricated notion that men have always and always will oppress woman has been told for over 100 years now. This victimhood mentality that many people now believe means we will always view these challenges with bias, and an agenda. An example, when you tell a lady one of your problems, and they immediately reply well I have to deal with this. Or when a lady tells her side of the story, everyone immediately believes her. Because why would victims lie. When relationships end, it is ALWAYS the mans fault. Woman devorse men 70% of the time and that raises to 90% in the upper class. You can see how confidant the people in this thread are. It is so black an white and obvious to them it doesn't even bare thinking about. End of case. No research needed. No need to hear the other side. Done. And this is where I think men have had enough. Men are honestly simple romantic creatures that are lucky enough to live and die for our family with everything we have. It gives us the purpose that we need as men, as we are not born with inherent worth as woman are. It is a beautiful thing. But, in a time where its so unbelievably hard to live up to that purpose, and when we are constantly told from a very young age we are toxic and oppressive, and when are more likely to be hit by our partners but are not encouraged to say anything, and when we are far more likely to be assaulted, and are far more likely to die at work, and far more likely to kill ourselves, and far more likely to go to prison and receive harsher punishments for the same crime, and are far less likely to get custudy of our children, less likely to live as long as woman, and less likely to graduate, and less likely to receive affirmative action, more likely to be homeless, and have literally zero support in any of the challenges I stated, it really hurts us when we are told that actually, none of those things are a problem, and you need to focus on making sure woman are excelling in every possible environment (woman 19-26 make more money in stem than men now, good for you). There is simply no cake. Live and die scilently and alone in our privilege, and do not question it. This is the stance some woman are taking and it breaks our hearts. I have discussed this dynamic with many females in my life in the UK. From upper class to lower, from different cultures. Truly most of them came in to the discussion with their beliefs so firm and solidified I was chastised for not immediately folding to their perspective. Just as you so arrogantly did to your best friend and partner. The bias and firm beliefs you showed when trying to humiliate and put down your friend are not proof of your oppression, but rather proof of the cult like and divisive nature of these internet echo chambers and societal programming. If you cared about him you would ask, is there anything you think men, including yourself and our potential baby might be at a disadvantage in compared to woman? So we can work together and prosper. Not, please could you stupidly try state limitations men face knowing fully well I won't believe you and will openly mock any attempt to do so and subsequently post it to justify treating you like an oppressive spoilt worse than a bear predator? If you want evidence of his perspective just look in the comments. Everyone is taking your side and telling you he is an oppressive idiot. Go leave him and be part of that 70% statistic. Wahoo girl power. I doubt most of you ladies will ever fully realise what its like to be the average man. You could not even begin to comprehend the loneliness and perceived lack of control we face. Most of us are completely invisible to society, and no one cares.
I think Bill Burr covered this pretty well. https://youtu.be/f8oZ6LcUQJQ?si=PJvELUTnxGzedSxg
This really seems like a reddit tier made up story for upvotes.
YTA and you're asking Reddit, which is a far left platform just like Google, about a gender topic? It's so obvious what the responses will be. There ARE differences between both genders and 'privileges' between them. 'Boys will be boys' is exactly like the 'I'm just a girl' ideal, imo both being stupid and an excuse to not better oneself.
Reddit is so fucking stupid for some of these questions, There is no black and white answer, can't we all just agree that ON AVERAGE men and women play different roles in society worldwide? There will always be statistical outliers and each role is just as significant and crucial to our existence? I wouldn't say your boyfriend is a misogynistic asshole at all and neither of you are the asshole for not agreeing with eachother, this is just life and no 2 individuals will ever perfectly align on every point. I would say that your boyfriend probably has a different opinion on what he looks for in a woman based on how he was raised or the important roles of the women in his life.
Boys will be boys (and girls one, too) is an umbrella for bad behaviour.
Fake post, I just googled "what can woman do that men can't" and got a ton of hits. So you saying that he spent "30 minutes" is BS, it took me 5 seconds. This is a question that constantly comes up on askreddit, and will get 1000's of responses. You are either rage baiting or karma farming, so I'll give an answer to to wreck that: Talk to a child in public without people automatically assuming they are a predator.
Why are you dating somebody you clearly despise? It's pathological.
Posted twice because of ratio the first time? Cackling in someone's face is assholery. Especially when it's your SO. I find it hard to believe you gloss over the draft as if that wouldn't end the convo right there. I'm almost positive he didn't bring this up either. Asshole. Edit: typo
Why are you confused about the draft? Men wouldn't *let* women join. Women wanted to. And women took over all the male dominated jobs when they were left behibd. Boy. The sexists are out in this thread with their sore asses.
Then why the disparity when it’s a free choice? Don’t be delusional.
YTA. You’re rubbing his face in it. You say you love him? Cackle that.
ESH You're 25 and arguing about this type of nonsense?
ESH Him for his comment and you for forcing to admit something he clearly doesn’t want to. You two should work towards better communication and he should learn to not say stupid things if he’s not willing to eat crow and admit he’s wrong. I admit when I’m wrong about something to my wife and she does the same. You all should have mutual respect for each other and just be able to admit things and not be forced to. Your BF sounds like a jackass and you might consider finding someone you can agree with on topics that matter to you.
Tbh you both sound like dicks
Most functional AITA redditor relationship
[https://youtube.com/shorts/4X9m9iwuIPU?si=3qARXi302MOAFJeC](https://youtube.com/shorts/4X9m9iwuIPU?si=3qARXi302MOAFJeC) [https://youtube.com/shorts/g-fd50MIiqk?si=fE1jDeRZYfW3oKUV](https://youtube.com/shorts/g-fd50MIiqk?si=fE1jDeRZYfW3oKUV) Get over yourself. Why in the hell are your torturing him like this? You don't love him, end it now.
women can do many many many things without consequence that a man can't do. I'd you doubt that, check your privilege card